Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP34: Aled Jones carried a watermelon

Episode Date: August 21, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP34: Aled Jones carried a watermelonMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob. (*DISCLAIMER* - ALED JONES DOES NOT APPEAR IN THIS EPISODE) Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hill with Rob Beckett

Josh Whitakham. Josh Smith. Oh, so close. That was Murray aged four. His sister Iona has also provided a recording. Rob Beckett, Josh Whitton. Very posh sister compared. But it also comes with two outtakes which are my kids

fighting about to take turns to do the recordings would you like to hear them Rob yes please Josh Widdickam Josh I didn't even get and this one Rob Beckett and Josh wouldick him I can feel with your pain. I can feel with your pain. That's the problem when he got two of them. Mine were arguing over who was allowed to sing bananas in pajamas on their own.

But they were not allowed to join in. It was just strictly a solo performance. And I'm singing banana in pajamas. Shut up. So. A tough week, Josh. Been a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. tooooo. too. too. the their too. too. to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. I's. too. too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I. too. I too. I too. I too. So... Bit of tough week Josh, been a tough week. I know we've got a lot of correspondence, but I've got a lot to get off my chest. Well, we will come to that, but there's, I just want to take you through, Murray and Iowna, because this covers three of our things that we've been asking for previously. So the name of this this this this this this th th th th th th th th their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. V Victoria, thi. V Victoria, to to to to to to to to get to the, to to to get a to get a lot to get a lot to get a lot to get a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to to to to to to to to to to to get a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. V. V. V. V. too. too. I. too. I. I too. I too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to. I to. I to. I So do you want to hear this is so that was

Murray and Iowna and this is from their mom who's met you. All right. I was working at a multi-art center in rural Aberdeenshire the barn. Oh that was years ago. My first duty manager shift was a Rob Beckett gig he was definitely unsalty. He was lovely and chatted for a while before the show. the Scottish indie ref and he showed a lot th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that was that was th. that was th. that was th. that was that was th. that was that was that was that was that was that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was th.atted for a while before the show. It was around the time of the Scottish indie ref, and he showed a lot of interest in this and the staff's opinions. It wasn't until he was on stage, I realized it was research for the show and he was trying out his jokes on me. Ha ha ha ha! Was that? Also his rider was Diet Coke and Coconut Water, which also struck me as an odd combination. Yeah, it's not a cocktail.

I wouldn't have them together. So do you list that on your rider, right? Well, no, I don't. This is, I don't really have a rider anymore because I realize I found out, you have to pay for that. I thought it was just getting something in for you as a treat. Get the bloody water in the back tha.

I do mate, save a bit, look after the pennies. Well you've had an 80-day tour and you've made someone buy you 80 bottles of coconut water. It's like 140 quid on coconut water I didn't drink. Anyway, I was trying to stop drinking Diet Coke and someone said that coconut water was more for rehydrating, so I got both, didn't drink the coconut water, just drunk every time. But I wasn't I don't think I was trying my jokes. My approach normally is, if I say something and you laugh, I'll just say it again in front of more people. That's my process.

Exactly. You built a career on it. Yeah, you were just riffing. Just riffing. Just riffing. Do you want to hear the final section of our email? Because do you remember we were discussing how much piss is a big piss? Do you remember this from last week? We were discussing how you don't realize how much you piss until you piss into a bottle of festival? Yes, and how big nappies are. Yeah, you don't realize so much you can piss and see your piss. Yeah, sorry. It's all coming flooding back.

And I'm not going to lie to you. I'd forgotten this. So when I read this PS on the the hell are you telling me? I thought people do come up to me and say stuff at the podcast. And there said when the other day went to me, I can't believe you didn't eat that person's cake they made. I was like, I'm not having this rail. I am not having this conversation in the street. So I enjoyed Victoria's email and then it said, And I thought, what the hell was going on here? Oh, please tell me it was straight until I could empty, like, lemonade bottle and filled it to the task.

It works for us. It was after childbirth and having a catheter in. The nurses were astonished and I was kept in hospital for a few more days. So there we go. So they kept her in hospital for more because it was so much biz. They actually put her in toeeeeee toe toe toeilet toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe their their their their their their their their their their their their their theirthat she got transferred to that. The Waldo wing. No, it's very niche knowledge of the tallest man ever, Robert Waldo, don't worry about it. I will explain the jokes if people don't get him. So tell me about your week.

Oh, mate, it's been an absolute. It's been awful. What I've realized is because I've started working that, like,, oh lockdown's a nightmare because it was non-stop and everyone was all stressed and anxious. And then they went back to preschool and I still wasn't really working that much. And then they had some holidays off and what is like. But then now like Lou's busy and I'm busy and they're off school. I just, I've got no energy, I've got no time for it, Judge. My head's exploding. No. You're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. thi. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. It's thi. thi. to. to. toeeeeeeei. toeeeei. toeeei. theeeeei. I'm theee. I's thi. I's th. I, this is the... No, won't you're tired? I know, but when I do a gig, I get so much adrenaline, I'm up like a junkie till three in the morning. And then I had to get up at 8 o'clock this morning to go for a blood test, because Dad's got diabetes, so I've got to try to find out of his hereditary. Nice little trip down to doctor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. Yeah. to go. to go. the to go. to go. their. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to get to get their their their thiolk. tooomk. tooome. thiole. thiole. I'm thiole. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I's thi. I's to get thi. I's to get to get to get to get thae. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's to get to get the. I'm the. I'm to get toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm up toe. I'm up toe. I'm up the. I'm up the. I'm when you want I don't get bogged down by that NHS doing a great job all right but just you do your fucking falls.

Last time you clap on a Thursday night isn't it? I still been clapping I have no one else down to demonstrate. Alright so anyway and also we had to get out to get the roof box I've booked in a roof box I am because I'm going camping the next day but basically. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their I I the their I their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm to to to to to to to their I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm to to to to to to the the the the the toy toy toy toy tap toy toy toy tap toy toy tap toy toy tap toy the the the the their f their f But basically, right, so a few things have happened this week. I get Lou sometimes for a birthday of Christmas as a tree, A-Sop handwash. It's very expensive. Very expensive. Classic, you're earning. We've both been in that position, Rob, where we think we need one more present that shows we care. Yeah, but it's actually quite an obvious one. And we've gone with the a tribe. trip. And we're their their the tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tree. their their their their their tree. tree. tree as their their their their their their their their their assop. their assop. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. Ssoa. Ssoa. A. Ssoop. S. A. S. S. S. S. Sop t. S. S. S. S. S. S. bit more money. That's the trick. Don't forget about sentiment if you whack a bit of money into it they'll be happy anyway. Got it's a so paella wash it's pricey in it. It's like a Christmas one you get it out for best.

Anyway my eldest daughter walked past me she smelt like some sort of god. she smelt like some sort tho, the She smelled incredible. You know what? It wasn't of this earth. Yeah. It was like an angel would come down and this smell. I mean, what's that? She went, I've been mostorizing. With what? She had, with the haysock, like 50 quid a bottle, whatever is it, I might even be more more than that. This big tub of hand balm, moisturizer, she'd covered her entire body. To the point, she could have... Not like Goldfinger. Yeah, she was covered in it, like covered in it, right?

And to the point, she had so much on her feet, she couldn't stand up. Well, like a cardoon, slipping's forward and back. Slipping, slipping, slipping on about three quids worth of cream on her feet, right? So she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, about. So that happened, right? So then I had to put that away and there's all that working class guilt came out. No wonder you had to do the gig on Thursday night. Yeah, I shouldn't have bought it and then, you know, now my daughter's laving herself up in it. What kind of Aesop middle class lunatic am I breeding? Anyway, that happened. Also, because I've been drinking a lot in the week. to, because, because, because, because just went into her skin. That's how our moisturizer works.

I bet she looks like half her age now. Yeah, she's done, it's actually a look like twins now. It's the point you're on with tea-year-old. So it's been stressful, so I've been drinking more in the evening. It's not as a problem, but you know, Right? You know what you're pissed? I mean as I sway side to side in the same manner as I would with the girls when they were babies to rock them to sleep. But there's no baby there. So is that just that you're pissed or that you're kind of... No, it's not. I'm doing it. I'm not doing it like as a piss. I'm doing it because I'm drunk. I'm doing a subconscious. sooth soo. So I'm rocking. th th th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their subconscious. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious subconscious subconscious subconscious subconscious subconscious subconscious subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking the subconscious. I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. So I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking. I'm rocking myself. I'm rocking myself. I'm rocking. I'm rocking th. I'm rocking th. I'm rocking. I'm rocking the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the lovely. Do you know what? Is it or some sort of madness? Well, I mean, I'm trying to put a positive spin on what is clearly alcoholism, but um... Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But right, so next thing that happened, but she started primary, this is all in a week, Josh. This is, yeah. There's three more stories as well stuff. One of the parents went, oh, let's why don't we all stop numbers and set up a group, like the year group, what's that group, right? So everyone knows, you know, they can ask questions about what's going on. Great. Someone went on, they went on. They went on. They went, oh, do you know, the picnic thing, like, like, to. And, to. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so. So, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the. So, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the rules are and how many people are in the garden, but I don't think it's a class of school kids and both sets of parents is it. I don't think that's a big old garden that, that is an absolute power play, inviting 400 people to garden. Yes, I've got one in a corner and did a gig charging a fiber. Anyway, so you want to make a good impression, don't you? Anyway, so we're chatting like that and I'm trying to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort to to to to to to to their to their to their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. I'm th. I trying. I'm trying. trying. today. today. trying. today. I today. I that's. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm trying to sort of be like just try to be normal very difficult for me especially and then a couple of people sort of clock me a bit so it's a bit awkward and then we're chatting and I was talking about

having an ear infection right or something so he's had an ear infection it's it's really weird though I don't see infection the doctor put like a to like check it like that and then I did I did like I did like I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did like I did like I did like I did like I did like I did like I did like I did like I did like I did I did like I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did a the I did a the I did a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tube up your ass? Yeah, lovely. But I don't know what I've done it. I don't, but it's, you would have loved it. It's a lovely, it's a lovely bit of business. It keeps the conversation ticking over. Yeah, exactly. But it weren't really the vibe. the too' the tho' thinininin, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, but, but, it, but, but, to. It, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It's, it, it. It's, it. It's, it, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a bit awkward and then one of the bloters goes, well you'll be right with that because I saw you get a colonic on TV. So the Robin Rummys show, I got a tube up your ass and they did a colonic on me.

And I did he acknowledged before that he knew who you were? No, no. And then now, if we're just talking about my ass. Oh, mate. Oh, it's awful. Oh, mate. But, you know, I'd expected, oh, did you host a all variety? Now, forget that, you've had a tube up your ass. Right, that's not the one you want, is it? Yeah, but that's, you know what?

It's interesting when you, when there's these moments where you realize how you're going to be remembered. I feel like that's a today's, that's, the, that, you know, dad, yeah, yeah, basically they bath them in ASOP, he sticks up his ass, and when he gets drunk he sways himself to sleep. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with businessinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit A.X.C.A. slash business platinum. Well, you'd like, can I just ask?

Because these things, that's the kind of thing, where I'm like, oh God, I hate this kind of, I get really talk about being parents. I mean, obviously, I can't deny that talk about being parents is now 85% of my career. But, um, are you tense with these? I find these things exceptionally tense. I'm not that tent. I'm sort of quite, obviously, social, I'm quite socially confident and I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but now I've got a moral responsibility to my wife and children. Yes. In this sphere where if I'm just in a pub, I don't give a shit, but now I'm in this world I'm just trying to be normal because I can't hold it in. I told you what I said at that funeral the funeral. I'm just try to to try try try try try try try try try try try try to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thin. I'm just thin. I'm just thin. I'm just the thin. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just the th. I'm just their their th. I'm just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just try. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just, I'm just. I'm just, I? No. I'm telling my aunt his funeral and like I'm trying to be normal and engage normally. Because when you spend all day trying to be funny and think of the next funny thing, it's very hard to have normal conversations of people that aren't comedians. So like one of them was like there was a hand you could touch the coffin. Handed around little flowers to put on the coffin and she and she. And she. And she. And she. You. You the co co co co co co co co co. You. You. You. You. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the th. It's th. It's the the the the the thin thin thin the is thin. It's the is thin' thin' thin' thin. It's thin. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the next the next th. It is th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the next the is thin. It's the is the is very the is very thin. It's very the the thee theeeean thean thean thin. It's very thin. It's very thee the thin. It's very the is very the the the You didn't say should I put it on my ass, did you? No, Josh, I didn't say it, I did it, just for attention. My brain went to go, I normally lit the coffin, so it's a shame, in it, all this COVID.

Can't really do what you normally do. But it's just not, people don't want to wear it. No, no. Anyway, so I will go into correspondence, but I've got to get a cinema trip from hell, Josh, have you taken your daughter to the cinema yet? No. No. Okay, right. Well, I took on my own a four and a half year old and a two and a half year old to see a terrible film. I can't even remember what it was, Dream Builders, it was called. It's a Danish film that they've redub make over your house in three days. Yeah, exactly, like, since Carol's accident, she's got to be able to access a top floor of the house.

Today, Nick and the boys are the dream builders. Yeah, sorry. It was always a Danish film and they redubbed it all, like in English, but no one's mouth was moving at the right time. So it was when it was the heat wave and for some reason I thought oh what if it's really cold air con so I don't want to dress for a heat wave and go in there and it's freezing so I packed three hoodies I don't know why got in there obviously boiling up we get in there right I've got them all the f-ohmah-oh-y-trivings. I I I I I I I I I I I I I've the-I I've they's I've they's I've they's I've they's I've I've I've they's I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th that th that that the th th the th the that they're they're they're they're they're We sit down just before the film starts, Daddy can go to the toilet. And I was like, kind of the four-year-old don't need to go. And she's so go gobby and grown up. I was like, she'll be fine. I was like, no she won't. I can't leave her. But in my age, what age? What age? Can you go with a toy. So you go with, the toilet, the toilet, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the four, the the th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, the four the four the four th. the four- the four-year-old-year-old-old-old, th-year-old-year-old, th-old-year-old, don't th-old, tho-old tho-old, don't toilet come back then the film just started needs to go a poo I was like oh god right took her down there the two-year-old wouldn't do a poo obviously needs to do one because it was

skidders I'm like oh no right so we go back into cinema right as it started yet we've been out twice and then halfway through I need a poo the to the too the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the the too to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to toy to toy toy toy to to to to to to to to to to to too too too too to to to to to to to to the the the the other one getting annoyed at this point? Not really because after that one she said she needed another week. So four trips to the toilet we've done and then one of them is she's just holding her bum watching it. Oh my god. Also as well at this point I've got my hoodie on because I hadn't had time to take it off. I've done four trips up and down the stairs. I've had a coffee I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm to I'm to to to to to to to tour. It's 38 degrees out there, I swear it was hot in the cinema. And then eventually, basically what it was, I just sat there waiting for the two-year-old to shit herself and then we left.

And then we left. And did she, did she manage to produce? Oh yeah, but not in the toilet. Oh, mate. Just shit in the neckers and we left. to so' shit. the, I I. the, I. th. th. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the, th. Oh, the, the, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, I was. th. Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, what. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th just trying to decide what the worst experience you had was. And I think it is the parents bonding barbecue because now you know whenever you look in the eyes of that dad what he's seen. But that's a tough week Rob. That is a tough week. I've not had a bad week at the seaside. Yeah. Went to visit Rose's friends lives in Folk. to had a lovely, lovely weekend at the seaside. We've started to make a breakthrough on um on toilet training. Oh that's good. So she just decided to go and sit on the toilet and have a piss the other day. Yes. And now she's mainly pissing on the floor. Yeah that's a nice. Which we're encouraging outside. Which are encouraging outside of the floor. that's what? Which. Which. Which. Which. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. there. there. there. there. there. theree. there. Oh. So. Oh. Oh. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, tho. So, tho. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, to. So, thi. So, to. So, thi. So, to. So, thi. So, thoo's gonna piss on the floor, she pisses outside of the floor.

But, you know, I regard my to an after a old as Pottie trained, but she did a shit in a cinema. So, you know, there's always, you know, one set forward, two step back. So she, we were at the beach. So she, we were at the beach, and she really really really really really really really pissing on the floor. She was really forcing out the pisses. Yeah. She must have done on demand. On demand.

She must have done five or six little bits of piss on the floor. Yeah. And then a woman, as she was how, as my daughter was half way through this piss in extravaganza, woman came up and she was like, hey, are at this point my daughter's going, I've just done another piss on the floor. She didn't say piss. No, she didn't say piss. I'm just had a slash dad. Oh dad, I've just had a slash. Wait, I'm just done two liters,

you're not going to believe it. Oh dear. Well, that's good though. It's encouraging stuff. It's encouraging stuff. And also she's got tha tha tha's got tha's got tha's got tha's got tha's got tha's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. th. th. thou. th. thea. thea. thou. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. she's got into the music from Frozen. Oh, it's absolutely bangers. Absolutely phenomenal. I think anyone that complains about, I mean I know in the early days, but those two main songs are two of the greatest songs ever written, I think. Well, let it go. When the strings kick in at the start of verse two of let it go. That's like whatever by oasis isn't it? Oh mate, it's goose pumps on the back of your neck. It's unbelievable. What's the other one you like? Other do you want to build a snowman one? Oh yeah it's a bang. Have you seen the second film yet? Well so she's not really into the films? So she's just wants to watch the songs? Oh, well the songs are better pay Disney some money. I don't think you've got any worry with that version of it.

I don't think that's stepping on any copyright. So they are absolute bangers but apart from that I'm having a very nice time. Very nice time. I think it goes if this is what's good about this podcast it goes in peaks and remember that day I had a few weeks ago and I absolutely nailed it. Yeah....... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. that. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah................................................................................................................................ the... the.. the..... weeks ago and I absolutely nailed it. Yeah, remember that? It feels like a lifetime ago, mate. Feels like a different man. But now, luckily, it's all going wrong and our listeners can enjoy the podcast again. Do you want, do you want to hear from our lestner's role? Yes, please, what we got?

It's the lockdown parody mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Helen Bettison. So I love the episode with Jen Brister about IVF. I had IVF treatment and there's some very funny sides to it. A couple of things. When my husband went to the clinic to give his contribution into a small plastic bottle, he said the room he went into had lots of really used porn magazines.

You don't hear the room he went into had lots of really used porno magazines. You don't hear the word porno, do you very often? Really used. Used is bad, really used implies sort of matter. Do you think if you're running a kind of sperm clinic, they're like, oh, we need to return over the, that's like the worst job to be sent out as if you're like the janitor. You've got to do that online. You're not pop into the shops in your NHS outfit, oh yeah, dressed as a nurse, you know the jazz man. Dress it, well not dressers, just as a nurse. You can't know that's, you're doing that online, aren't you? You can't, you chuck him out, wouldn't you? I'll just get Wi-I-Fi. Oh yeah, I mean, who's not just just getting something up on their phone. Who's touching that magazine? Who the hell?

Exactly. Do you want to touch the magazine? What? Is it because of COVID? No, it's not because a COVID, man. It's because those wankers have been in it. It says January 1998. It's absolutely drenched in Spaff, this thing. The armchair also had a plastic cover. I mean, this is, to top it off. The TV. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the touch. touch. touche. touche. touche. touche. touche. touche. touche. touche. touche. to. to. to. to.top it off the TV. He's telling down. He ain't a legny one. That is an in and out job. I tell you now, it feels me. I reckon I could get that do that done in 45 seconds. Rob, you'd be like that clip of Grandad in the Simpsons when he walks in and out of the door that people put on. No, mate. I don't pride myself. their their their their their their't worry about that. Do you remember when Stephen Gerard got sent off with the first kick after he came on half-time and he just went straight off the pitch? That would be you. In and out, job done, stood up, see you later. We'll even take me towar the trousers down, have a cup of tea and just, do you know what,

there's actually some interesting articles in these magazines, beyond the pictures. There's a really interesting, anyway, to top it off, the TV, which I can only assume to as watch porn on, had a sign across it saying out of order. Oh my word, that is the bleakest room ever. Isn't it? I mean, really used, dog-eared. Oh, also one of the good sides is I never have to tell my son or indicate the mom and dad bonked. Don't use the word bonked. No, a scientist helped you and you were made in a dish. He absolutely loves to know that. Yeah, I've never actually, I've never touched your mother. that's absolutely the blu touch touch touest touch touest th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I th- I've th- I've th- I've th- I've to- I've never to-I to-I to-I told-I told-I to-I told-I told-I to have told-I told-I told-I told-I told-I told told told told told told told told told told-I told-I told-I told-I to to to to told-I to to to thi thi thi-I thi-a-a-a-a-a-s. I thi-s. I thi-s. I thooo'-s. thoo'-a-s. thoo'-a-s. thooo'-s. I that that that that thi thi thi-s. I've ever been in. The room of nightmares. Yeah, if you've got any IVF, it's like sort of spankroom stories, let's know. I just want to know the worst thing you've seen in one

of those. I want details. How used is really used. Yeah. Now Robert Anthony Bacchett, oh yeah. Born January the second, 1986 in Motingham, London. All information from your Wikipedia page. Yes. Catherine Abel has emailed in your Wikipedia page. Are you aware of the children's names on your Wikipedia page? No I don't think it says it just says I've got two kids. Children two, Gavin and Malcolm. Oh yes it's official. It's basically that's what you do instead of a depot now, isn't it? It's what you do instead of their name. They haven't got a blue link sadly. But yeah they've it's it's it's they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their their their their their their their. It's their. It's their. It's a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the got a blue link sadly. But yeah, they've changed your name to Gavin and Malcolm. So there are people that going on your Wikipedia page that don't know that that's because you call your children Gavin and Malcolm on this podcast. Yeah, people just think I've got two daughters

Gavin and Malcolm. Yeah, people just I think is Josh is 2020 mate I don't see gender I'm a new man no of course you know what is even even if you are calling the men's names you don't want to call your daughter's Gavin and Malcolm mate now also I could take no you subcontractor you said they're men's names they're not boys names are they, Gavin and Malcolm, the names of men. I don't think that you called that until you get to A.E. You know what we should? Email in, we want to find the youngest Gavin and Malcolm living in the UK, please. Together as siblings. Does it exist? I bet those guys you talked to at the Pirants Barbecue are called Gavin Malcolm. That's exactly the kind of names. Right, this is for you though. Beth Anne Bickley. Hello, Rob and Josh. I love the podcast. I was listening to episode 30. I carried a watermelon and it reminds me of something that happened to me on my way home from the shops.

The classic thing happened where you take your child shopping and they want everything in the shop. I negotiated with my toddler that she could have a watermelon. But in order to get it home as it was a bit of a walk, she would need to walk, and I would put the watermelon in the buggy. She wrapped the watermelon in her blanket and put a hat on it. We started walking home and on the way home saw a film crew in Aledge Jones, filming outside some houses. We carried on walking at toddler place, but they soon caught up with us and just as we were at some steps, Allard Jones offered to help me lift my baby in the buggy up the steps.

I bet he did on camera. As he bent down to take the front of the buggy, he saw that it was not a baby but a watermelon in a blanket. He could not hide his shock on his face. But he was too polite to say anything, so he just smiled awkwardly and walk away. I'm sure he thought it was back crazy and didn't have time to say anything as he continued on his way. I'm absolutely obsessed with what Allege Jones made of that situation where he helped a woman pushing a watermelon home while her child walked. Well, the thing is you're never going to think it's a watermelon. Well, you think it will he w w w w w w w w w w w w w w he he he he he he he w. He would he w. He would know he would know he would know he would know he would know he would know he would know it would know it would know it would know it would know it would know it would know it would know it would he wo, he would he wo, he would he he he wo he wo he wo he he wo he he wo he wo- heathe wo- heathe wa. He he wo- he wo he wa. He he wa. He he w. He he w. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he w. He would he he he th. He would th. He would th. He would th. He would thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He was he. He was he. He was th. He was, you're never going to think it's a watermelon. No, well you think it's an ugly child. I'm just saying, it would know it's not right, but I don't think you're straight away going watermelon. Yeah.

So you don't know what's happened there. No. It could be a really bloated ugly child. Like a tiny jab of the heart. Because the worst thing to do of a parente of to to to to to to to to to to to thoomp. thoomp. thoomp. thoom. thoom. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to, to, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the the thin, the thin, thin, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, thin. thin. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's parent and of an ugly child would be to accuse it of being a watermelon. It's bad enough when you call a person's daughter their son or whatever when it's a baby. Were you to say, sorry, is that a watermelon? They were like, no, that's my child. That would be a huge profile. That's just what it looks like. And it shits a pink with little bits. Do you know what really annoys me? One of my bug bears is when if there's a dog and I go,

oh she's lovely and they go, it's a he actually. They, oh dogs look the same. I'm just, I'm not, the only way you can tell is see if he's got a dick or not. And that's not my first place I look on a dog. If anything, mate, that would be that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that be thatheat be that be the their their their their their their th. th. thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is that is that is that is that is that. that. the is the is the is the. the. theat. the. theat. the. theat. the is the is the is the is rude, were you to pick the dog up and examine whether they had a dick before saying whether it looked at his dick and said he's a nice dog, that would be absolutely a friend. He's a good boy. Well, that's the way, when they find out the agenda, like, they literally just look for a dick.

I thought there was like some sort of blood testays thick, like some sort of blood testing or chromosome thing or like some detailed check is that they just look for a dick. Oh wow, I know. How are they seeing that? It's so blurry. Did you get the gender? Are you one of those people that found it out on the day? We found it out? But I could see from the scan of the second one that was another girl? Could you. If there's a dick, it's a boy, if there isn't a girl, but you know, anyway, let's crap, move on. Josh, um, say, this is a non-salty Josh. Non-salty? Non-salty, because you've had a bit of unfair salt thrown your way.

Love the show. I just wanted to share this picture that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I that I that I that I've that I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that that's is that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. tho. thooo. thoooo. that's th. that's that's that's th have you been up to? What? Send it cross. Okay I'll send you a picture. How's he doing? Well we'll find out, won't we? Oh yeah, that is me. Yeah, I'm with someone. Surprised. Yeah, you are. So basically, he just said, I should clarify it wasn't his account, but that of someone who I assume is a fan. So it's you with a bloke with a vaccines t-shirt on. Yeah that's it looks like it's at a festival doesn't it? I mean from the way your face, Josh your face. I'm doing a funny smile. Anyway so Josh here we go so basically said I assume is a fan. We'll put this on the Instagram account. In this photo Josh couldn't be looking less salty even I'm sure he'd rather not be posing photos of strangers whilst trying to have fun at a festival. Although in close inspection you can perhaps see that he is not producing anything like a natural smile. I'm doing a comedy smile.

Really resembles the gritted tooth emoji guy, but he's clearly trying and you can't ask for any more than that. The girl said sadly the photo of Josh wasn't enough for her to swipe right. Oh, so is that that that that that that that that that that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy that guy the guy the guy the guy the guy's the guy's the guy's the the guy's thi? thi. thi. heatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. heat. heat. heat. heat. heat. he? he? he. he. he. he. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to swipe right. Oh, so is that that guy's main tinder picture? Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest, mate. If I knew too much about Tinder, Lou would have questions. And I don't know. I don't know if that's the main photo. I'm sure our listeners can tell us. But yeah, you're either doing a comedy smile or you're absolutely off your nut Josh. Well I'm doing a comedy smile I can confirm that role. Fair enough and I won't ask no more questions your honor. But you can decide. You can decide when I put it on Instagram. That's like a kind of do you not do like a big comedy I do like a he's a joke big smile thing.

Yeah yeah now you're saying it I can see that. I mean let's be honest I look like walis like a little bit. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. I'll the the th. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. the the th. th. th. I the the the the th. I th. I th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I'll th. I, yeah now you're saying it I can see that. I mean let's be honest I look like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit that's what I look like. Yeah, well yeah, a little bit Wallace and Grom it. But yeah, anyway that but she didn't swipe right I'm afraid but they said it's very uns, I've had a terrible week. Let at least make you feel like I'm, you know, useful. You're helping the nation. Okay. Yeah, I want to help the nation.

Josh, I just want to help the nation. You just want to help the nation. So this is from Helen second baby. I'm looking for some advice from Rob on how to tell my little boy, he's two and a half, and what to say to prepare him for the new arrival. I'm hoping for some words of wisdom to try and prepare him for being a big brother and avoid total meltdowns when the baby arrives and he realizes it's here to stay. Okay. So what we did basically a present on arrival so get a present that the two and I don't know about so when the baby comes into the house they go oh your

baby brother or sister has brought you a present back from the hospital. And did your daughter know that you were going to have a sister? Yeah so we so we sort of said that she had having a sister and the sister's going to come, you've got to look after his sister and that kind of stuff. But what we did do is she was due to start preschool, like literally the week the baby was due, but we pushed it back, but we pushed it back to, the next term because we didn't want her to feel like, the too.......... And, to me, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to to to to to to to to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to to to to look, to look, to look, to look, to look, to look, to look, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. And, their. And, we read a couple of books where they said that was, and I think that helped. And then they, she had time to bond with the baby and stuff and things like that. But the present coming back in and just sort of,

not mention it all the time, but you're gonna been a bit like, oh, I've gone and stuff, but the present and delaying preschool helped us, but that's not very funny and probably too useful, Josh. I think we've gone again. No, but do you know what? That's nice, isn't it? the nation. I think that I think that it's been helped. Um, what if the kid likes really to be honest? Probably an iPad keeping busy. I'm very pro iPad as the complaints on the BBC her name is an ESOP hand cream. I'll tell you what, just, you know, completely cover

the three-year-old in A-Sop and even when they're crying and being mental they will smell exceptional. That is a good tip. That's we've covered a lot today. If you have anything on any of these topics, this is how to get in toucest. Email us Hello at lockdown parenting.cold at UK or tweet us at lockdown parents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send us the stuff PO Box 76748 London E99DW. Rob yes been absolute pleasure. I've loved it. It's been good at it. Yeah, I'm great and it. Do you know what Josh does say? Thank you for doing this for me. I really enjoy it. Yeah, it's been, do you know what? And Michael we should give a shout out to Michael the producer?

Yeah, he does all the leg work, you know. He doesn't do all the the the the the the the the entertaining the entertaining the entertaining the entertaining the entertaining the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the entertaining. Thank the the the the the the th. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank th. th. the th. Thank th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the the the the th. the legwork, you know. I mean, he doesn't do all the entertaining funny stuff people tune in for, but all the other stuff he does. Um, Rob's gonna have an absolute disaster in this edit. Love you, Michael, but yeah, I just say, I'm really enjoyed it. What a great positive thing to let off steam. It's good to let off steam, isn't it? It's fine. But yeah, no, I'm loving it. And I just want to keep doing more, Josh. Yeah, so do I, so do I. Because I genuinely, when I find out that you've been up to 2 a.m. and you've got to get up the kids, it really does put a spring in my step. And also ultimately that you've you you you you you you you you you you you you you you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to tho, I'll to to tho, I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to tho, I'll just. I'll just, I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll, I'll. I'll, I'll. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just. I you'll know that I'm having a bad time, and you know, I'm glad that I can be there for you in that way.

Yeah, no, it's good. It's good, because there's nothing as pleasant as other people having a bad time. Thank you. newborn four four weeks? Yeah three or four weeks and I'm not going to lie to you we've got the scoop on it I think it might be the first interview he's given about it so you know. Yeah he's never spoken about his kids that much I see we're breaking down walls here man. Exactly, exactly. Enjoy the show see you next week. Bye.