Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP36: Jump starting a tent

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP36: Jump starting a tentMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hell with...

guys where you come? And Rob Bickeke. And Ross Beckett. Hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hell with Roger Coo and Rob Bickeet. And Rod Bickett. There you go. That was a bit Roddy. A bit Rod Bickett. That was a bit Rod but it wasn't off of the border. So that is this is Archie's intro his birthday his birthday is on Friday so that is today. Oh happy birthday Archie doesn't say how old he is yeah Arlene is the mom hello I mean dad has a name that I can't pronounce oh come on E I L I D H I I I don't go again what is that I feel like you doing a conundrum yeah come in to me again E I I L I I, D, H. Oh yeah, I've got nothing on that.

It's like, that's like, I'd have to retire me scrubberland for that. That is mental. E, I, L, I, D, H. What's Google? Hang on. It's A L. I. But tho. A lai, anyway, happy birthday to Archie. Okay, it's a female name, Alai. Oh, well there we go, sorry, I do apologize. It's two women, they could have kids, we've had Jen Bristow on and Josh, you're fucking

red-faced gammon boss. Look, if I'm gonna say, mate. If you're saying, mate, I giving it the large one and last length. We know your true colours. Look we ruled the waves and we're going to sing about it so piss off. I listened to one of your podcasts over the day. Oh no, we've run. Please tell me starting from the start. Um, hello Rob.

How are you? Yeah, good, man. I'm tired though. I mean, I think I'm having the biggest coffee ever. I went camping, didn't I? Oh yeah, how's camping? Uh, one of the most horrific experiences of my life. That's camping. That's camping, guys! Well, do you know what? The problem is, the kids absolutely loved it.

Oh, no. Like, more the happiest they've ever been. And they, and once, to be fair, once the camp was all set up and stuff, I actually did enjoy it. Can you describe your tent to tent, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, the problem, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te., te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the the, the te, tent to me. Were you all in one big tent with compartments? Mate, I went to Cafflod like a lottery winner. In many ways you are. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I've got quad bikes in the back garden like Markey Carroll. Have you ever seen that show Romish Ranganathen and the Lotto Laut. It's a really weird show. Well Bush explores the world by this lunatic. It's a really weird show. What much explores the world by this lunatic, but it's so happy to be there, keeps getting

dressed up and laughed. No, because basically, because we counted to Spain and France trip because of quarantine, we were like, because camping was like 30 quid a night, like to pitch up. We were like, well, we would have spent this going to Spain. And you know when you keep saying it, we might as well get that because it's the same as you would have a big tent. Oh we got a big tank I've got a band you just inflate no poles that's a that's a bouncy castle Robb. I wonder why I was so wet in there the kids love it. Loo insisting you take your shoes off yeah no we said it all that once we had went a the they. th was they. th was th was th was th was th is they. th. th. We had th. We had th. We had th. th. that. to th. to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. We. t. We. We were. We were. We were. We were. We. We were. We were. I. We. We were. I. We. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, we said it all that. Once it was, we had terrible conditions.

It rained on arrival. So I was setting it up in the rain. I was setting up in the rain. And then trying to pump up this bed. But we went with some friends. So we went with Jess and Steve. Steve, absolute legend. He went, you're got electric pump. I went, I ain't got an electric. He went, I got a car battery Rob. He turned up in my tent, a car battery and then hooked up this pump.

I was just in awe. That's something else, isn't it? Well that's what happens when you go camping with people from Southeast London. They wouldn't bring a car battery. He's giving it. He's giving your tent a jump start. Yeah! Anyway we got it all set up and the kids loved it, they could roam free and it was lovely, we had a great time. Well you're on like a campsite then with like... Yeah it was a really small camps like there weren't much on it but it was nice and everyone was so there was a quiet one so to be asleep by half ten but the problem was the wind the tecklea the the wind was the wind was the wind was the wind was the the wind was the the the wind was the the the the the the the wind was. the the wind was. the wind was the the wind was the wind was the the the wind was the the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. thoes. the wind was thoombs. thoombs. to be. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the problem. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thememememememememememememem. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I was. I was. I was. theean. tean. tean. tean. tean. tean. tean. tean. teean. te. te. tean. tean. te. I did not sleep the first night because the wind was so bad. I had to keep going out and re-pegging it. I didn't sleep all night, Josh, right? And then the next night I slept for about two hours. What, because it was so loud it was keeping you up or because you were worried about the

wind? A bit of both probably, but it was properly and Lou, tod sitting by the fire and want to lose mates there. It was going, oh yeah, it's fun in it camping, everyone loves it, but you know, it's not a restful trip. Oh, Katie, I've been here for 48 hours, I've not been to sleep. That's like tall, that's like sleep deprivation. That's not restful, that's an unacceptable 48 hours. I liked the idea of camping. Do you know what? It was the worst conditions but I still enjoyed it. So I think that says what. Did you did you get the rain on the tent? That's the best bit isn't it? Being in the tent and then it's raining. Yeah. And it feels all snug. No. It is if you weren't in the rain before and when you go. Yeah, yeah, of course. But it was fun. It was fun. There are. there are fun fun fun fun. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. the the th. th. the th. th. the the th. the th. th. th. the the th. th. the the the the the th. the th. the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the te. te. tent. tent. tent. tent. tent. the tent. tent. the tent. tent. tent. tent. tent. tent. the tent. tent. t just, I was just so tired. Yeah, well that's what holidays do to you, mate. They exhaust you, and then you get to the relief of going back to work and having a bit of relax. I know, just want to go to the end of my garden and sit down and rant to you, Josh.

That's all I wanted. Would you go again? check for wind and I know a lot about wind now Josh because I spent eight hours of my sleep googling when it would stop. Were you making a funny face and you're right there? There's two types of wind reading on the BBC website. There's wind and then wind gusts so you get your average wind and then it shows you what it could whip up to. And then that's what can catch you out the wind so. I never ever checked the wind. I mean I think i th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. their th. th. th. their their their th. their th. their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. too. too. too. too. te. too. te. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. then that's what can catch you out the wind. So I think I've ever checked the wind. I mean, I think I made up for 34 years of not checking it in that night. Oh, do you know what? I remember it was really windy last week, wasn't it? Yes. I was the was the worst part was. I was like, it's so bad. It's so windy, right? Anyway, I had to move the car, got in the car, shut the door, couldn't hear a thing. Absolute silence. Might as all be in some sort of soundproof bonds.

What you need, mate, is a camper van. Have you considered that? Well, I think I've got to go at at least two more times times times times times times times times times times times times times times times times times times, times, thes, thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea the the the the to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their their, th. thi. thi. thi. thea. thea. thea' thauooo' toda' today, today, today's today, today's to thau. to thau ththau. tht's the thing. You buy a tent, you've spent a lot of money. I'm not gonna lie, we bought a pizza oven for our garden, Rob. Of course you did, you live in East London. Of course we did, we live in East London. The cost per pizza I'm operating on at the moment is absolutely disgusting. You can get Dr. Urker to come around and do one for you for the same to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the garden, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, to me, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-a, Robb.o, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, th. Rob, to come around and do one for you for the same but. Genuinely and there was a period during the World Cup where we had people watching the World Cup in our garden and the pizza oven was there not in use and everyone was ordering pizza and it was just the sheer disappro- you know when you've made a bad investment? Yeah, but I keep convincing myself that my daughter's going to be about six at some point and cooking pizza in the garden is going to absolutely be very exciting....... but I I I I I I I th. but I th. th. But I to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to be to be to be to be the to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the their the the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world we the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. toea' toea' toea'c.c. Wea'c. Wea'c-c-c-cut. Wea'cut. Wea' their their their their their's going to be about six at some point and cooking pizza in the garden is going to absolutely be.

Very exciting. But I would say, why don't you do like a little like gathering in your house and it's pizza but a pizza pie? But I tried that mate. I tried that post-COVID and it was the weather was too bad. So then we ended up just doing pizzas in the oven and you're like this is absurd we've got people around to do pizzas in the oven. What life am I leading here? Oh it's so depressing just that that when it's a bit raining so goes I don't do the barbecue just put it all in the oven. Yeah no I don't want to oven cook sausages I'd rather stand in the

rain. Do you know what you often get that with the veg if they're veggie they'll they don't don't they don't don't the the the they're the they're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I don't they. I don't the the the the they. I don't they. I don't the the the the the the the the they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I the the the the the the the the the the the they. I I the the the the they. I I the the the the the the the the they. I th. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thea. I'm thea' thea'ea'eatea'eatea'ea'eat. I'm thooe. I if the veggie, they'll go, oh, there's, I don't want to put it on the barbecue with the meat, so I'm just going to pop yours in the oven. So you're the guy that's inside with their halumi in the oven, what everyone else is outside enjoying the barbecue. Oh, you've just reminded me, I've not washed my dick stinks. No, I basically I cooked sausages and bacon on this barbecue thing and it was obviously too windy to clean. I had a fruit in the bag and I'll suck that out when I get home and I haven't. Oh, mate. The camping holiday comes back to bite you on the ass. Yeah, I'll sort out of you. How are you? How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm fine really. I keep ranting at you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm th. Oh, I'm th. Oh, I'm th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, I'm tha. Oh, I'm tha. Oh, I'm tha. Oh, I'm th. Oh, I like you. How are you? How are you? I'm good, yeah, I'm trying at you, Josh. No, it's good.

Am I okay? Am I right? Yeah, no, you're fine. I think you're having a better time. It's all going fine. Do you know when there's not much has happened really? Is your daughter in nursery still then? week. There's no term time mate. Ah that's why you're happy. We don't do term time time. I was like oh I know what's going on here like what I'm just having a breakdown

and Josh's cruising but your daughter doesn't do term time nursery she's just full-time nursery that's why you've got joy in your voice. Yeah exactly she's there at the moment it's her it's her main carer's final day it was quite quite sad and emotional oh god she's not dying is she? Tapping to break to a child at nursery in it she's where she's moving to Amsterdam so yeah that that that that does sound like what you'd say when something's dying yeah yeah she's just moving to Australia for a bit grandma's moving to Amsterdam this was I thought could be quite a good thing for our listeners to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to they. to they. their their their they. they. they. they. they. She they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to to to to to to to te. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I bit. Grandma's moving to answer that. This was what I thought could be quite a good thing for our listeners to check in with. So I've cut you off again Josh, this is quite bad.

No, you haven't at all. But I've realized I say things like a child and in our family. You know we have chip and burger for McDonald's. I say other things like eggies. Oh we say eggies yeah yeah but I don't but is only when I said it something what because I said to Lou in front of like adults when they weren't any kids here do you want some eggies and they're like egies what you're talking about so I just wondered if there's words that you said at work or in front of friends that has got you in trouble do the same thing. Do you the things I say eggies is one that that we that we that we that we that we that we that that that that that that is that that is th is that that th is th is th is one th is one th is one th is th is th is th is the th. I'm th. I'm they. Do they. Do you're th. Do you're th. Do you're th. Do you're th. Do you're they. Do they. Do their is. E. Do their is. E. Do you're. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do you're is. Do th. Do. E. E. Do. E. I's is one. I's is one. E. E. Egg is th. Egg is th. Eggies. Eggies. Eggies. Eggies. I's. I'm. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. Eggthink of other terminology that we'd use. Do you know what, Rob? I'll come back to you on that next week.

You come back to me and listeners, if you've got one, let us start. Come back to us next week. We've had so much good listener input that I think we should just try and get through as much as possible, Rob. You're up for that. Yes, let's do this this this this this this this this this this this this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I'll stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll tho. I'll thoo. I'll the. I'll thooooooooooooooooooooo. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the lockdown parenting mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Can you just say thank you? Thank you for, I, we literally, we do read all the stuff you send in, but it's so hard. We do, and there's so much good stuff. I keep putting everything off till middle of September and the kids back at school. I've also got to lose three stone as well as check on my emails. But once the kids are back at school, I'll be able to get more involved and make sure we get through them all. But thanks, we will read all emails but we can't read all of. the emails. They're great. Thank you. Rob. We've been offered some free stuff. I'm going to to get some free stuff. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to get to get to get the to get the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We. We'll. the the the th. the the. the the. the the. the. the. the the. the. the. th. th. to it sent to you Rob. Okay but do we have to do like hashtag spawn or something? No no no you know like our peers over on the

food podcast that popular food podcast that uh what the popular food podcast right with that couple of comedians on it? Oh those two those two oh the old mock the week reserve the old mock the week guys yeah we're too busy they get a mock the week they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they're they're they're the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Mock the Week guys, yeah. We're too busy they get a Mock the Week. That's that crew. They get lots of free food sends them. So I'd like to thank the person who's offering to send us. What I like is you know when you've got like parents that have come up with an idea and they've started a little company to make stuff for like other kids so I'm gonna get it some stuff sent over to you Rob. get some stuff sent over to you Rob. But if you guys have got anything you want to get to send to us, we do have a PO box number. It's PIO box, which is PIO box 76, 748, London E9DW. What are you after, what are you after? Is anything particularly... I just like the idea

of us like getting some free Rusks. Oh, that was Rusks. I want a pair of Lebutons in size six for a while I want. Oh, Jack. Wait a minute, you're a size six. No, actually she's a size seven, but she'd be annoyed of me for saying that because it's quite big. So I've done it now. I don't want to say the wrong size in case LeBotons listening. Christian, she's a seven UK and in denial about it, but send a seven, but just write six on the box. Cheers, Chris.

What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply, visit MX.C.A. Business platinum. Commission apply, visit MXRCA slash business plan. Josh, what do you do when your daughter goes into the nursery? I sort of forgot what happens. You just sit in your house doing nothing? No, I go to the cafe. So I go to the cafe. So I go to go to the cafe. Oh, go on. And it's um. What time? What time? Took me for it? So drop off at 830. So you're the drop off at 830. Yeah. So 30 30. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, the. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. So, the. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I the. So, I the. So, I the. the the the. the the the the the the the. the. So, I. So, I. So,then I walk around to the corner to the cafe and they're doing,

so they're still doing the, what's it called, eat out to help out? Yeah, yeah. So a cup of tea, toast butter preserves, it's like two quid for both things. Oh my God. It's just so good. And then do you know what I do? I think about doing work but I just look up trans up up trans trans trans up the up the the up trans the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th transfer thrans thranny thranny thranny thranny their thranny thi. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to their their their to their the. their the. their their their their their the to. their the toe. toe. toe. toe. told. told. to to to to to on my phone. God, this is like a dirty phone call. Yeah, messy to Plymouth. Oh God. I'm just like there's not enough articles about whether Lionel Messy is really serious about his move. I just really need to get to the bottom of this before I start some work. Anyway, I'm jealous, sorry, that's why I'm having a meltdown. Right, so let's do some correspondence.

Do you want want you want you want you want you this this this this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this. Do you want to hear this is an image I just stuck with me this is from Ros Duffy. A work colleague of mine had two small children and at the end of the day would use one of those massive brushes they use in supermarkets to sweep the aisles to push all of the kids toys to one side of the room. I'm not in that. Kids play all day. You know the ones that are too big kind of. It's like a two pronged thing isn't it? Oh, like the V that they take down the middle of the island of the supermarket. And then she just walk into the room with one of those.

She's obviously had to buy it especially. She's been at the supermarket, she's seen that. Where she's storing it? I don't know, like hanging it up? Maybe that's got a special hook? I have thought about, I've ordered, I'd send it back because it was broke, uh, boring part, the antidote alert, but a leaf blow up, maybe I could use that one, I get the new one and just blow. Oh yeah, just blow all the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the toys the th th. Oh th. Oh tho th. Oh, tho th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. I's th. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. It's. Oh, th. It's th. Oh, th. It's th. Oh, th. th. It's th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. Oh, th toys. Oh yeah just blow all the toys and thick or... It's so powerful Lou for a laugh just turned it on in front of my face for like three seconds. I did not breathe for that entire time. And then as you turn it down to please never do that ever again I could not breathe in any way. You've had a terrible week when it comes to gusts of wind. Robbysh-I I swear I's a nightmare. What a disaster. I swear like my children

are making toys. They just keep appearing. Stuff I don't, I could, there's probably 30% of their toys. I couldn't tell you where they came from or all built them. They've come from the front of magazines Rob. Yes, I forget about it. But the toys on the front of magazine so the absolute bane of my life. By the way, best purchase since we came to yours, we've bought the, I could say it, the Creola suitcase of pens. Ooh, and once putting the pens back in the suitcase becomes a game at the end of the drawing. We haven't lost one pen in two weeks. I tried to take a picture of the pen suitcase the other day for our Instagram account but they've only lost a fucking felt tip. Oh mate. It's ruined the aesthetic Josh. Heartbreak. Disaster that's I'll take a photo of ours I'll take a photo of our one which is still a hundred percent you know we've broken a couple of crayons but

I think that's collateral damage. That's part of the course it's a crayon isn't it got the respect the crayons but that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's any more emails? Yeah, cinema. You talked about going to the cinema? Oh yes, terrible time. Hi, Robin Josh. I do not have children, but I've worked with the ages of three months to six the last eight years, so I can half relate to the wakhi stories you both have. Rob, you spoke about the child the child would take us three to the cinema as a treat when we were young. But she told us that as soon as the film began, the toilets were closed and locked by staff.

This prompted us to force out a wee before the film started. And if we needed the toilet during the film, we were told we'd have to use the one at home, so naturally we held it in. Cut forward to me as a teenager on my first adult-free cinema trip, trying to get my friends to go to the toilet and then looking at me. Wow. Like I was spewing absolute nonsense. to their absolute nonsense. Oh, that is a humiliating situation, isn't it? To be fair, it does make sense so because like you would say, oh no, they shut it to stop people going to disrupt the film.

Yeah, do you know what I mean? So it's a bit of logic there you would think as a kid. Yeah, but it's those things that, it's like my wife, for her, when she was a baby and today when she was a baby and to to to the baby, she was a baby, she was a to to to to to to to to to to their to to their to to to their, to to to to stop, their, to stop, to stop, their, to stop, their, to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop it, to stop it's to stop it's to stop it's to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop, to stop, to stop to stop to stop to stop, to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop, to stop to stop, to stop to stop, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to stop. And their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, toe.a. toe. toe and toe and toe. tothe way to get rid of the dummies was to just say that the builders had taken them. And my wife believed this until into her mid-teens that the builders had stolen her dummies. She wasn't still annoyed by it, but then she like brought it up with her mum. And her mum was like, no, of course that was bullshit. I thought you're going to say with the builders. She's got an email and said, go out of my dumb's back, please. This may be a contentious thing to sound a parent in podcast, Josh, but I'm willing to raise my head above the parapet. Yeah. I can't sand it when you go something,

you see those kids are about, not all kids are different as well so there's maybe specific reasons why they need. You're about to lose a third of our audience here Rob. Play careful because, you know, think of our advertising numbers, Rob. I know, just trying to think of the revenue in my honesty. I'm just trying to balance it out. How are we all seeing your career, do you do, put the revenue first. Show what? I've got, I've got, I've got to, I'm not pro or against dummies, right? Yes. But, their. But, their. But, their. But, their. But, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their. their. their, their. their, their. their. their. their. th. to. to to to their. their. their. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I. I. their. their. I. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thrown. their. their. their. their. I'm just like surely you've got to when's a dummy I've got I'm not pro against dummies right if you need one if your baby needs one have one we're out our young eldest had butt dummies since she was six months and then it was two years old the second one but like when he gets about seven and they've got a dummy but you know what I don't get a. But you know what I don't think it looks very nice to do? to th you th you th you th you th you th I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th the th th thus. I the th. I th. I just th. the thi thi the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th. I th the the the the the the too. I too. I too. I don't too. I don't too. I don't too. I don't too. too too too the. I don't the th nice to do. I wouldn't want a dummy. I don't know what they're getting out of it. It looks disgusting. Yeah. You know, it looks like, you know when you get to the end of chewing gum, that kind of feeling. Yeah. But some people, though, if the kid's got some sort of behavior, I'm blaming the child. I'm not blaming the child. I think the child should go thi. I'm not the child should the child should the child should the child should the child should the child should the the the thath thath that that that's that. I that. I that. I that. I'm that. I'm blaming the child the the child the the the the thathe thi the child the child the child the child the child the child the child the child's the child's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that. I'm that. I thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thin. I thi. I thi. thi. thin. thi. thi. thi thi the. the. thee. theeea thea the. thi thee. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi think the child should go this is disgusting. The child should take ownership at eight of having a dummy. I mean I just had to say the child and you know should take the

ownership at one month and go what the fuck are you doing to me putting this weird rubber thing in my mouth. Get it out of my mouth. Get this shit out of my mouth. Those are like blankets. See the kids have got a blanket. Get the kids who've got a blanket the kids got a blanket their their their their their their their their their their their their their th got got got got got got got got got got got got got a blanket their their their their their their th got a blanket. their their th. their their their tho. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. the. the. the. the. the. thea tip. tip. tip. tip me laugh. You see a kid just squeezing onto it around an apple, red eye, screaming with the... Also, whenever I see a kid in a comfort blanket, they're always screaming. I think, how much comfort is that blanket bringing? On the topic of what age do you give stuff up? We were talking about booster seats. Yes. Okay, you were talking talk age your child will be when you abolish the car seat. Abolish is a big one. I'm not the House of Lords.

Sounds like a family meeting, guys, it's time to abolish the car seats. You joke, but I'm fairly sure I was in a booster seat until I was 13. At this age, I was finally freed from my booster seat obligation. However, I believe this was only because my 10-year-old brother was getting too big for his. And my parents wanted to spare me the embarrassment. Oh my lord. I am 4 foot 11. So she's short. Okay, so she's small for her age.

Yeah. On my first driving lesson, my instructor came to my daughter, took one look at me and asked if I had any cushions. Oh no, the booster seat never leaves her! No, I collected two cushions and went on to my lesson. Turned out they were for me to sit on. If only I still have my booster seat, the seat, I'd upgraded from sitting on two cushions to driving a car normally and can now sit in any seat of the car without a booster seat straight cushion. Oh good on you also that's weird. Let her let her try first mate and also she said oh it's for.

So at some point when that driving instruction first said I need two cushions she didn't know what it was was for which what did she thin that was going to be? That was going to be... Oh my god, it's to help over there. Reversing. Getting in the back, got two cushions. Off we go. What about a stuntion that I was try having a lesson that? Do you remember? I used to have a booster seat on what the week? Do you remember that? I did too? Did you? But it's only because? on that show. By Dara yeah of course. It's six seven but then Chris Addison used to do it he's about six yeah five six six six six six six six two six

three did Parsons have one no but he's surprising do you know what Andy Parsons is surprisingly tall and ripped. Exactly do you know what if I was listening to if I was listening to this podcast I go this is what I'm tuning in for this is what I'm tuning in th. th. th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to. I'm to. I'm. I'm. I'm thi. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the to. to. I'm. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. I'm. th. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. th. th. I'm. th. th. th. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. I. I'm tuning him for. Honestly I remember because on it he doesn't look because I think because everyone's so tall on it he always looked quite small and I sort of stand up I was like Parsons has got fucking pecks he's ripped. He's ripped and he's five for 11 this tele's doing in no favors. We should throw this out because not throw this out because you keep this in that's not a note to the producer we should should this this this this this this this to to this this to this to this to this th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should should th. th. th. th. the the the the the. It's t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's the's the's thea. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's t. He's tel. He's tel. He's tel. He's tel. He's tell. He's tell. He's tell. He's tell. He's tell. He's tel. He's tel.this out because, not throw this out, we should keep this in the, that's not a note to the producer, we should throw this bit out his shit.

No, Parsons deserves praise. No, we should throw this out to the nation because this is the second time we've done it. I'm gonna first ask you Rob, who's more ripped, did something we've discussed before. Oh look no offence to Parsons but it's it's Peters all day he's an animal for it he loves it but I want to throw this house to our listeners have you have to have to have seen them and they were more ripped than you expected. Parsons for me I was astonished I still think about it the first time he stood up now now thus doesn't thinne to the kne's their their their their their their their their their their their their their thus now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now says has has has has has has got to go go go go not to go go. He's got a kid? We should get him on it! Andy, you've got a kid. Now, yeah, alright, we heard enough about the kid. Let's talk about your abs. Well, I do, I do need to talk, I need

to talk to a parent that's ripped because I am getting fatter and fatter. You know, Christmas used to be a problem for me, at the end of Christmas you put on way. It's me in. It's a nightmare, but I think when they both go to primary school, that's your decision point. You either give in and just become a fat parent, or you go for it hardcore. There's two ways. I should tell you that I am on a diet. You are, there's nothing of you. Well, that's because I'm on a diet. What, you're shredded Josh. Well, I just, do you know why, this is, there was another parent at Kiddie Kicks and he looks great. And then his wife said that he was on the 5-2 and I was like, I'm gonna give it a go. You sure she won't tell you what the score was? Hey, lovely bit of business.

Oh, lovely bit of business. So it's 5-2, was that calorie deficit or something? So you do two days of today. I'm on one of my two days today. So so far lunch I had, I mean this was a bleak lunch Rob, cottage cheese and cabbage. Come on mate, it's got to be up here in that. You've got to, you've, Josh, why are the cabbage? You can't add both, have one or the other? Well, I needed some veg to kind of bulk it up without it adding to the calorie count. And then I just, I just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the without it adding to the calorie count and then I just I it was the only green veg we had in the fridge cabbage Josh come on right I don't know what puts in Tabasco on the cabbage it really gave it a kick human shit would help never want Tabasco

do you know what? What's the calorie count of human shit though? Depends what they add for dinner there. They're on the 5-2 as well. Right, sorry, let's do another read, but we got to the bottom of booster seats. Oh yeah, so, um, oh this you'll be delighted to know. You know when we throw something out and you forget that you've thrown it out. Can we have the music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. th. throw something out and you forget that you've thrown it out, can we have the music please to maybe like who do you think you are or something about kind of history, right? Because just listen to your last latest episode and heard the call to find the youngest Gavin and Malcolm living as siblings in the UK. Yes, please. Now, don't get too excited about their age when I tell you this email comes

from someone called Agnes. Agnes? Yeah. Before we start, Judge, can I say if there is currently no historical music playing, the producer has no respect for you. I'm just dropping that now. And then we'll find out when we hear back, but carry on. So Agnes? She sent a photo as well of them. Following on from my previous email I can help you start the search we have a Gavin and Malcolm who are 58 and 56 respectively. Oh well where's this? Where's this? Did she say that? I've attached a photo of them as children in which they appeared to be at school in wartime when in actual fact it was the 1970s. Sorry I've I missed, how does Agnes? How does? how does th? how does th? how does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? How does th? Did? the th? th? th? th? th? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the? the? the? the? the? the? th? th? the? th? th? th? th? th? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the the? the the? th. th. th. th. thi? to? to? to? to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th 1970s. Sorry, how did Agnes know these people? She doesn't say. So Agnes...

This could be absolute bullets. No, I don't think it is though, can it? I mean, it might be. I'm going to send you the email, the pick. So she must know them. Unless she's been into like the census or something. Yeah, that's Gavin. So we've got a picture of two children here called Gavin and Malcolm. She points out they also seem to be wearing girls shoes. And are they sat in the, are they sat in Gavin and Malcolm like Antoniq or do we not know? We don't know. We don't know. us how you know that they're Gavin and Malcolm and they're 58 and 56 respectively and whether we're

allowed to put this photo on our Instagram? Yes. What is our Instagram Rob? Our Instagram is a lockdown underscore parenting. We don't want to put this up if Agnes has just googled old photo of boys and then send it to us. Well yeah also it could be like a childhood photo of like Anders Breivik or something and I don't know that you know when Donald Trump retreated that tweet and it was Savil or whoever it was. We don't want that we don't want that on our conscience. So I get in touch but if anyone can beat 58 and 56 that's a combined age of a 114 yes then then do so with your Gavin and Malcolm yeah so are we doing it on a joint age as the youngest or

because it has to be doesn't it added together because if there's a massive 25 year age gap between them yeah exactly if you've got a Gavin and Malcolm who are 70 and 45 submit them Do you be honest if you've got any Gavin and Malcolm siblings will take them? If your name's Gavin, just say hello. I'll take that. I think we can match you out of Amalcom or something but um so they're the youngest so far we have 56 and 58 that's 114. Yes so they must still be a alliance so we could we need more info Agnes get in time. We need more info. Here is another email. Rob Davenport, dear Rob and Josh, slightly behind on episode 17 but I've noticed you're looking for regular bedtime routines we were yes. I'm a father of two daughters. During their showers I become redundant so I thought up a great way to pass the time

and a sure far way to tie them out before bed. As my eldest is in the shower, I asked my youngest if she wanted a game of football. With a small stuffed football, two bedrooms opposite each other, which are perfect as the door frames act as goals. After a little kick around, my eldest came out of the shower and wanted to have a go. Seeing this as this as a success, the following night at bedtime saw the inaugural Davenport Cup. That is Rob Davenport's surname. With a plastic trophy on the landing window still at the stake we had a three-way round-robin competition while each daughter was waiting to go into the shower. that tea. I was Corby-by my youngest was Arsenal, my eldest was Manchester City, and asked our upstairs Alexa Smart Speaker to play match of the day theme tune, to act as our timer for each half. Play commensance the tune started, half-time came about when the song ended. We then switched bedrooms and played the theme tune again for the second half.

We marked all the results on a mini whiteboard along with the final league table. And my youngest, also known as Arsenal, walked away with the Davenport Cup. You delighted with that, Rob? Oh yeah, it's good. We're good in cup competitions. We can't handle it in the league, but you know, get us in a knockout stage, we'll do it. That sounds great. It's great, isn't it? It is such a great idea. Door frames as goals was a big deal when I was a kid. Yes. We used to break, because I had loads of brothers in a little house, we'd break, we weren't allowed to play

football in the house or the garden, because the garden was so small and we used to kill all the mom's plants. It was brutal and to put decking in to get rid of all grass. Oh my word. Yeah there was always we used to play wallball where where where where where where where where where where where where where where the w. We the wa. We have the wa. We have the the the the the the the to to to play the the the the the the to play the the the the the the the the the to play the the th. We'll was. We'll was. We used to play to play th. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. We'll. I. We'll. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was play to play to play to play to play the the to play the the to play the the to play the the the the the? So you do wall ball where you have to just hit the side of a garage and then wherever it went you had to hit the hit the garage from it? Yeah, classic. Pat balls, Pat was the tennis ball on the side of the house. Do you ever play that? No. Did I grow up in a tennis ball against a wall at a dog.

And how many hoops and sticks did you have when you're running down the road? Yeah, well we used to play pat-ball beats in my school where you'd play this pat-ball and if you lost, you got beaten up by all the others. Oh wow. Did you play donkey's ass? Was that with your PEE teacher? That would be headers and volleys. Oh yeah. But at the end, whoever lost would have to bend over and everyone would pelt the ball at their ass. Yes, yes, yes we stood it. Saw ass that was called. That's called sore ass.

Oh great days, great days. Oh great days. A day's th. the day. the day. the day. the day. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Who to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Who to to to th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. Who tho, tho, who was tho, burst into tears because she didn't win. I let her know that we could play again tomorrow and she might win then. The next night arrived and the Davenport Cup was in full swing, this time with my eldest claiming victory in the trophy with a slight bit of Max switching from me. Only for my youngest to then refuse to hand over the trophy, then both fighting like cat and dog, myself walking into the bedroom where my wife was waiting to read bedtime stories, giving me the biggest glare as to what I'd started. The Davenport Cup has become extinct. Oh no, there's a shame. Such a shame. Problem with parenting is, when you try and do a good thing and make it fun, it all ends in tears and everyone hates you. That's what I've learned. Yep. That's thethe problem with life, Rob. It's good to learn that. Learn it early. Everything goes wrong and everyone will hate you at some point. Yeah. Just learn that. Exactly. Do you know what, Rob?

Yes, mate. I mean, we've got more, but my wife's sister said to me, you really need to make the Friday ones longer and I insisted that you need to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave the to leave the the to leave the audience the audience the the the the to leave the audience the the the the the to the to the the the the to the to to the to to to to the to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their.. their. their. their. their. their their their their tho. tho. their their their the thooooooooooooooooo. toe. toe. toe. that you need to leave the audience wanting more so we're going to stop there. We're gonna stop there. We'll be back on Tuesday. So you're going against your sister-in-laws. I'm saying don't give the people what they want. Yes. Don't let them be in charge of the show. Yeah, so we'll be back on Tuesday. Yeah. That's enough and it's free to stop winging. I want more. You're lucky you're getting this. Yeah. Is that our messaging? Is that a fair representation? Exactly. We've slugging our guts out here. Yeah. You're just sat in your car getting this to free going, wish it was longer. Fuck off. Don't listen to other podcasts and get into them. No, no, just sit in silence until Tuesday.

One will be back with Joe Brown. See you then. Bye.