Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP37: Jo Brand

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP37: Jo BrandJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is a legend of British comedy, Jo Brand. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. I'm going back to University for zero-dollar delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides not whatever you think university is for get Uber won for students with deals this good everyone wants to be a student joined for just 499 a month savings may vary eligibility

and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. And to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the tell you thr-and the hell. And we will be th th th thi thi thi thi the thi the thi the the the thi the the the the thi. the thi. the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. the the the the try try try the the the thell, thell, thell, thell, thell, thell, try. try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try tel tel tel tel tel tel tell, the the tell. tell. ttell, tttell, try try try try try try try t. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parent in hell with...

Trust Weddek, Rob Beckett. Very strong. Like a newsreader. Really strong. So that is Fler to give you an indication of just how many podcasts I've listened to during this period. My daughter Fler just came into the room, stood in front of the mirror and said, BBC Radio 5 live to herself. So I took the opportunity to put their skills to good use

and record your names in the podcast intro. She starts reception class in two weeks and is so excited. She's got the same energy as my daughter that the way she delivered that was so confident and precise. It's a classic sort of like needs to go to school, where they are absolute king and queens of their household. And they're like, I'm four and I can count to hundred. I know, actually, Dad, that's not you needed lemons from the shop, you forgot lemons, actually? And you like, shut up, you need to be knocked down a peg or two.

Not your daughter. Well, she will be in two weeks. April Reardon Davis's daughter, Flear. they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And she th. And she th. And she's th. th. th. th. th. And she's th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, the tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, I'm thi. And, I'm the. Well, she will be in two weeks. April Reardon Davis's daughter, Fleur. They're from Sandback, and she says, yes, the M6 services. Now, Rob, how are you? All right, not too bad. It's been okay.

Shall I tell you a couple of things? Oh, it sounds like you've had a worse time. I want to ask you about this. So recently, we discussed whether you take your clothes off in the shower with your children or in the bath. Yeah. And you're a kind of Victorian. No, well, I'm not. The problem is it's become, as soon mean probably I should not be sharing with an

erection but do you know what I mean a body's a body what can you do? Just to make it clear I'm not sharing for an erection with my children. Once Once again every time we get off to a start that really sets the wrong to the point to the pod so sorry it's going on. So if they didn't mention it, I would happily shower naked, but I'm getting the anyway. So what people have been saying? Am I going to prison? No, no, no, no, no, no, this isn't from people. This is just a similar conundrum and I want your view on it thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, if thi, if thi, if thi, if thi, if I thi, if I thi, if I thi, if I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if thi, if thin, if thin. If thin. If thi. If thin. If thi. If thiii. If thi. If thi. If lips. Yes I do do that. I do do that. And I think it's fine but occasionally and it freaks me out because she hasn't got the technique down. She's got her mouth open and it feels and you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa

this is not no. That's yeah and it's like oh like a wet one you're like oh that's disgusting. Yeah where do you stand on that I wanted to I want it to I want I didn't really thought about it because the eldest sort of just she's an age she'll shies away if I try and kiss her and I end up kissing a cheek or on the head or something but the youngest is very much a give us a kiss good-. I was not really thought about it but I think it's fine but there has got to be a cutoff. Well I've got a friend a comedian he still kisses his dad on the lips. Wow he must be 40 his dad must be 6570 how do you feel about that? No I'm not a fan of that. I kiss my dad on the cheek I'm gonna come kiss on the cheek. Yeah I think he's an intimate thing to do I don't I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've the the the the th I've the th I've th I've th th th th thi I've thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the thi no though though though the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thi thi thi thi thou thou thou to kiss to thou to to thou to th thou to th th to thou to th thou to th th thou to th th think he's on the lips quite an intimate thing to do I don't think I've kissed no on the lips for about three years you what maybe not three years but sometimes we'll go a

few weeks I just it's a minefield Rob I'd like I'd like you know if our listeners have got any views on it well I don't know if you're a fan of Sam Fares, Baby Diaries and ITVB, Josh, are you a fan of that show? I don't know what that is. It's not really your demographic is it? It was, I'm not going to lie, it was a show that went further and further away from me watching it, the more your sentence continued. Okay, well it's about Sam Fares and Bfairs, the sisters from Towie thauauauauau- thauau- th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th, is th, is th, is thi, is thi, is, is, is, is thi, is thi, is not really that's that's that's that's, is not really that's, is that's, is that's, is, is, is, is, is that's, is, is, is that's, is, is, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is th, is th, is the, is the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that's not really really that's not really that's not really that's that's that's, that had children around the same time and it was about them having about the mummy diaries it's called that's what it's called mummy diaries anyway to Sam Faire's his husband on it Paul is like 30 odd still kisses his mom on the lips and that was it all in the paper and it was a big thing of like is that okay is that normal thing and they were very like it's absolutely fine it's just what they do but each they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're very very very very very they're they're they're they're they're they're their their. they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th ttthe ttoday. today. tthea today. thea thea th thea' their their their their their their their. But each their own, but I think I'll probably start easing off the lips around like towards the age of about 10 potentially.

And will you do it by just moving slowly away from the lips? So you'll slowly move down the cheek over a number of years. And then once I get to ear, I'll come back to center of cheek. So there we go. We've got so much good correspondence. We should before we to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to talk to to talk to talk to to talk to to to to to to talk the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tape tip the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the lips the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tap tap tap tape tape. tape. tape. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip.e.e.e.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea. te. tea. t we go. We've got so much good correspondence. We should before we talk to Joe Brand. We should try and get through as much of it as possible Rob. Right, yeah. I've got some sautty stuff as well as well if you want. Or should I save salty for Friday? Does Friday feel salty? Should I do some, would you like to hear some stuff about IVF and wanking? Yeah, let's do that and then we could do some salty stuff later. I mean, it's a lot salt all across the pool. Okay, how like, this is from Simram. I had IVF, which my friends thought was hilarious.

Basically, my side was done at Kingston Hospital. Then, my husband had to take my eggs in a heavy incubator on the SWR from Norbiton to Clapham Junction, change them to the London Overground, then a light at Denmark Hill for King's College Hospital where he gave his sample. So he had to carry the eggs. The hospital recommended public transport due to the traffic on the A3. What a way to create a life! Could it be worse, it could be Kingston Jamaica. Flying that home.

Isn't that bizarre? That is mad. It's the thought of carrying like little eggs. Imagine like the, you know, like, when you're carrying something you really don't want to get stolen. That is the height of that, isn't it? That can't be standard practice. Imagine doing a commute holding your wife's IVF eggs, and then you got to have a wank in a cupboard. What a day! How'd you come down from that? You get home, how's your day? It's a long story. So we've got loads of these, so I can't read out them all, but there's ones with names like IV Spathroom Nightmare, stuff like that. What, what I was, do you reckon they wrote that in their work emails? I don't know.

I've been spathroom nightmare. This is from Nick Chadwick, who I presume isn't the former Plymouth Argyle striker. But if it is, welcome to the show, Nick. I just listened to the episode, so I thought I'd chip in my experience. Firstly, my nurse winked at me as she gave me the sample pot, which was a little bit off-putting, bearing mine was the most important wank of my life. Oh, I mean, it's a weird, it's obviously a weird wank. It's a weird wink, it's a weird-on isn't it? It's quite like Barbara Windsor might do that in Carrow Manking. Yeah, well if you're an older nurse, say you're in your 50s or 60s a little wink and it's like a younger guy, it's almost like I know what you're going to do but you've got

to do it, sort of like cuts attention. But if it's like a 14 year old's dream? You know what I mean? It's like one of those fake letters that used to get sent into Maxim magazine about people's sexual exploits. Yes, sex mad Mickey's inbox. You never guess, that's got to go get a sample for the IVF for the old girl. Before you know it, this big boom woman came in winking at me before I knew it I was having sex of her never happened just writing bollocks so would you like to throw from the other side of this this is from someone who

wants to stay anonymous okay I've just listened to episode 34 and the email from a listener who had to describe the rumor her husband had to use to deposit a sample I work in an IVF clinic as an embryologist and can confirm anything to do with the men's room is by far the worst part of the job. Bizarrely, on our office pinboard we have a username and passwords to order magazines, and a few times a year one of us pulls the shortest straw and has to a full clean out of the porn drawer. I mean, right, clearing it out is the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the the the the the the the the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most the most thoooooooesu. the men. tooes. tooes. tooes. to to to to a full clean out of the pawn drawer. I mean, right, clearing it out is a bad job. Aldrin it has got to be the most fun job, isn't it? Do you think?

Well, yeah. Imagine being in an office? Yeah. And just go, right. What we get in? You'll take you all choose one each. And then you would definitely get a really weird one in the the the. Yeah. Oh yeah. Just like, put it on the top and it'll be just like all feet. Just feet, just a left foot.

We've been, we've been, Daniel Day Lewis DVD. I always. Wanking in a wheelbarrow. Oh, we frequently find the DVD's missing. Oh, right. What kind of pond life is nicking pornography from the DVD's missing. Oh right what kind of pond life is nicking pornography from the NHS haven't they been through enough? Do you know what? It's a nice memento when your child grows up. Hopefully it's not memento that's a terrifying one. So it's IVF this is I'm ignorant this because I haven't done

IVF is it do you always have to pay for IVF or can you get it on the NHS? I think you can get it on the NHS in certain circumstances so a lot of people pay for it because time is of the essence. I wonder if that impacts the level of porn you get going private. Is it a more dedicated one-to-one service to pornography or is it? I imagine there's a lamination process in the private sector. So a lot of people have complained about the lack of ability to use their phones in these situations but in our emails but she said we can't let patients use the Wi-Fi because the content would be associated with us as a business.

So that's why none of you can't be using the Wi-Fi because people would be looking at all the sites you've visited. But I would say, get on your own 4G. Yes, it will hit your data package. But this is already the most expensive wonk of your life. What's another 15 quid bolt on gonna do? Exactly. Do I mean?

Get on the phone to EE. I need a to be a wank at a th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. tod. tod. to. toda. to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Why? Because I'm going to have a wank at a hospital. I need 4G. I would say you need to be clear that it's an IVF related thing because if you say I'm going to have a wank at a hospital, that sounds like one of the darkest things that have ever happened. And that's a promise are bigger wankers than others. So, if you're not a massive wanker, right, and even when you are, it takes a long time because some people, all people are different. Yeah. It must be a terrible place to, I want to know, any, what, we don't want to know if anyone works in one of these places. What's the longest, the longest, the longest, the longest, the longest, the longest, the longest, the longest, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, takes, thi, ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, is ta, ta, is ta, ta, ta, is ta, ta, ta, ta, thi, thi, ta ever took supper. What's the world record? You must have a scorechart on your wall. I wonder if anyone's ever fallen asleep afterwards. I think though sometimes, well

surely there's a score chart in the office about who was the longest to have a wank and then I forget people are professional and I'm not. And that's the kind of thing I used to do in an office. No, but there's that dark humor isn't their their their their their, but their, but there, but there, but there, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but th. th. thirty, thirty, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoombs, thoom's tho, thi, thi, thi, I's thi, I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's their, th. I's th. I's thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. I's thii. I's thi. I you know, when people work in like places where there's death and stuff, they make jokes about it. So I think, I think you've got to see the humorous side of your job in this situation. You've got to have like two chalys, haven't you? Like the top gear chart, you've got to have quickest and slow it. Yeah. I'm surely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like. And like. And like. And like. And like. And like. And like. And like. And like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, and like, the color, the color, the color, the color, the color, the color. Yeah, the color, the color. Yeah, the color. Yeah, the color. And, the color. And, the color. And, to. And, to. And, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the the the the the their their th. th. th. their th. their th. their their their their their their their the humorous. the humorous. the humorous. the humorous. to like Neapolitan ice cream. All the colors in the end. Rob, I think we should draw a line under the Wanking.

I mean, yeah, I've had this conversation with my wife and mother over the last 20 years. Sure. If people want to get in toub. Rob has asked for a certain inside knowledge from the IBI-F industry. If you have that, or if you have that that tha, tha, tha, tha, th, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. Rob, to, to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. to, to, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, too. tooome. too, to or if you have taken any eggs on a longer journey than the journey from Kingston to St Martins or wherever it was, this is how to get in toucest. Email us Hello at lockdown parenting.coad at UK or tweet us at lockdown parents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send the stuff, PO Box 76748, London E99DW.

What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions of Live. Visit Amex.C.A.S. toa slash business platinum. Cracking guests this week, Joe Brand. An icon of comedy, I'd say. British icon. Yeah, I'm loath to use the word national treasure because it get bandied around too much. Also lovely lady, very funny comedian, also you know how someone's lovely. When my agent, who has been in the industry for 25 years, Joe Brand asked doing some charity

gigs for Joe, and then he replied anything for Joe Brand. So that gives you an indication after 25 years in the industry of what Joe Brands like. But I'm sure he said anything for insert client name at many points for his talent roster yeah different stages any from Rob will do anything anything anything any work it's just the intonation but I imagine he meant it in a good way but Joe Brands an absolutely lovely lady and very funny anything for Rob is there anything for Rob that we've done anything anything anything anything anything you want anyway Joe, Joe Brand, absolute diamond. Here she is. Hello Joe Brand, how are you? Hello, I'm very good, thank you.

Before we start to record it there, Joe, you were saying that you're, well what is your set up at home first for the listeners with children? My set up at home is that I have two teenage daughters and one is 19 and one is 17. Oh right, okay, so it's quite intense. You had the A-level stuff? Well, yeah, one is first year at college and the other is sort of in between GCSEs and A-level. So she's in the first year of A-levels. So she's not been touched by the hand of Satan

at the end of me. She is all right this year. Yeah. Oh right, she's swore for the Gavin Williamson treatment on the A-Ti-Ti-Ti-Ti. You were just saying that you've just joined Instagram and your daughter's like quite quite big on TikTok. Is that right? Well she wasn't I don't think but but and fairly recently she's just I think she's just found the formula that really kind of you know pulls people in and I think the thing that she did that people have really loved is she shows a clip of someone falling off a roof in Tracy Beaker set to music.

So that's where we're all going wrong everyone. It's very niche but effective. But you say very niche there Rob, but I mean that's half a million people she's got all having a look there. That's quite impressive isn't it? Me with my 17 women over the age of 80 who don't really know what the th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing off thing off thing thing thing off thing off thing off th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th falling th th th th th th th th th th th th th got all having a look there that's quite impressive isn't it? Me with my 17 women over the age of 80 who don't really know what technology is all about. So you've just started on Instagram is that? About two or three months ago yeah. What's your Instagram name Joe? I didn't even know you was on there can I? It is I am not Joe Brand. You've got 52,000 followers Joe which is very good. Well thank you Josh is it?

Do you know what I think you're an influencer? Oh criky. Yeah it's a lot of pressure Joe. Big pants adverts for me then. Needs must in a pandemic I'll take an advert all day. Do you think your daughter's dropping the Joe brand kind of you know saying I'm the daughter of Joe Brand on Tick Tock Joe? Do you think your daughter's dropping the Joe brand kind of, you know, saying I'm the daughter of Joe on Tick Tock Joe? Do you think that's the last thing? She's keeping well away from that for fear of retribution. Can I ask that? So Joe, you, you've been in lockdown and your daughter still live with you at 17 and 19. Yes. Is that like living with adult? When we spoke to Jack D, he was enjoying

his children being that age because he could have a beer with them and he could actually chat to them. Do you find that? Yeah, absolutely. Because I mean, I get on really well with them. And I think the, you know, what happens with every generation is that you do the opposite of what your parents did. And my parents were very strict and I wasn't allowed to do anything and consequently I did everything at about the age of 11 and they threw me out at the age of 16 and we didn't speak you know to each other for absolutely ages for years and so I decided that I'd do it the other way around and will not exactly be you you know, ultra-liberal,

but just like not kind of be strict and not be forbidding and just talks them about things and let them make their own decisions about, oh, I don't know, stuff on the internet. Because I think the irony of sort of adults trying to ban children watching stuff on the internet when an adult can barely press a button is ridiculous. So, you know, unless I employed someone from MI6, I wasn't going to be getting anywhere

so I didn't bother. Allison Hammond had that problem. She bought a Wi-Fi blocker for her son to stop him playing on his Xbox and then he worked out how to do it and then just blocked all of her devices and allowed his. I don't think it's a fight you want is it with teenagers? It's not really you know and they are going to get around it and they are going to sort of do what they want so I think you just have to you just have to trust that you brought them up not to be you know international master criminals. So what kind of things do you have you struggled to be liberal with them with Joe? Do you

talk to them about all kinds of things and you you know are you very open with them? How is that? I think it kind of like I when I was a nurse I went out with this guy who's dad was a psychologist and he kind of did mainly sort of sex type psychology. You know, he looked a bit like that guy who was in the joy of sex book. Do you remember him? That guy with a beard that looked like, why would anyone ever have sex with you mate, bless you? And so this guy was really, really embarrassed about the fact that you know every bookshelf in their house was lined with books about sex and his parents were continuously harassing him to talk about sex and say what he'd done

and did he enjoy it? Can you imagine? So I've sort of laid off that and if they want to talk about it that's fine but I don't kind of pressurize them by being you know liberal mom and going oh let's all watch some porn together and see what we think of the curtain Yeah, that's quite liberal is it? It would be a bit yeah I said you was a bit of a tear away as a teenager, Joe. Is it, I heard this rude about you, Joan. I don't know if it's true and I've always wanted to ask, but did you used to do street

racing in cars? And then you'd pull up in like your car and then sort of think, oh she won't, she won't be good at this and you used to actually smash to they smash they smash they smash they smash then, true and I once had a race from Camden down to the river with Mark Lamar and it was really exciting and because when we were on the Holloway Road I think and I came up to a T Junction and he went past me backwards on the main road which was quite entertaining and I did I did actually beat him down to the river. He'll say that I didn't but I did. All right well that's that's where it's come from. Can I ask what point in you and Mark Lamar's career you were racing? I would say as long as there aren't any

police listening in. I won't pinpoint the actual day but I would imagine oh it was when oh God we were doing like the red rose in the the the the river the the the river the the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the river the the the the river the river the river the river he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the river. the river. the river. the river. the river. He the river. He the river. He'll the river. He'll th. He'll th. He'll th. He'll th. He'll the th. He'll the. He'll the the the. He'll the the the the the the the the't pinpoint the actual day, but I would imagine, oh it was when, oh God we were doing like the Red Rose and the T and C too, so I would imagine it was about five years in so I started in 1988 so it would have been 92, 93, something like that. And you beat him but he did have Field Jutipus and Sean Hughes in a car which is... Telling him what to do. Shouting over him as he's driving. Exactly. But I did actually go on after that,

and I did get my international rally driving license as well. So I did talk a few people out. There's no smoke about fire. No, I know. I know. Joe, I was going to say as well, like you say, you're a bit more relaxeda the tha tha tha tha thia thia to to to to thia thi to to to to to thi to to say as well, like because like you say, you're a bit more relaxed and liberal, but has there been moments when that's what you thought the kind of parents you were, but actually you went a bit farage out of nowhere. He's like, no, you can't do that.

Have you ever had the moments with your daughters when they've done something where you've sort of changed slightly, you're like, they're teenagers? Yeah because I think I have that idea that I'll be quite chilled parent and then like stuff just happens you can't do that and then before you know you know it you've backed yourself into a corner. I can't imagine you being a chilled to be a child Rob. No I can't either. I'm trying I've started ignoring them recently where they don't leave me the try and that's that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they're they're thi they thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they can't they can't they can't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're try try try try try try try try try to try try try try try to try try try they're they're they're they're they're they're they're leave me alone. Is that chilled or is that just bad parenting? I don't know. That's all right, but I think when they get to teenagers, the motto is lower your expectations. And so that then anything they do, which is sort of slightly outrageous, which I have to say in mine, you know, they've done all the normal stuff like going out

and going to parties and all that sort of thing, but they've th........ th. th. th.. their th. th. their their th. their their their their th. their their their their the. their the. the. the. tho tho tho the an their theateateateateateateate. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their moeananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan. tea. today. today, today, today, today,thing, but they've never done anything as bad as stuff that I did when I was a teenager, so that's the yardstick that I measure it by really. What were the worst things that you did as a teenage Joe? Oh well I mean I took every single drug under the sun a lot and... And... Oh, I... What did I do? Oh, no, I just used to do, I used to do like stupid risky things. I used to hitchhike a lot on my own, you know, stuff like that, which people would never do now.

I went out with this guy for a while who's a millionaire who, um, who like treated me really badly. So I broke into his house while he was on holiday through the dog flap, would you believe? I was quite thin thin thin thin thin the tho tho tho tho th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I was tho tho th and I was tho. And I was tho. I was tho. I was tho tho to tho to thi and I was a the. I was to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do thi. And I was thi. And I was thi. And I was a thi. And I to the. And I to to th. And I the. And I the. And I the. I the. I was a the. I was a the. I was a the. I was a the. I was a the. I was a thean. I was a thea. I was toea. I was toea. I was toea. I was toea. I was toea. I was a to to the dog flap, would you believe? I was quite thin then. I stole all his pants and I burnt them in his garden on a big bonfire. Stuff like that. You know, they're like a dramatic sort of statement really. Yeah, that is quite impressive. And it's sort of quite, do you think an attention-seeking thing that you then, once you start doing comedy, you got that from an audience? Do you reckon that was that was part of why you acted out like that? Well, yeah, I mean, my rather sad sort of attempt at therapy is that because my dad suffered from depression, I know this is like so A to B simplistic, but I always thought it was about me kind of trying to make him laugh really. But I'm sure a therapist was just laughed me out of the room if I did that theory.

Just go in, play the therapist, sit down and go, I've worked it out. I'll just tell you what the answer is before I start. This is what I think's wrong with me. Can I have me? And how was it when they were they they were they were younger they were younger they were younger when they were younger when they were younger when they were younger when they were younger when they were younger when they were younger when they were younger they were younger they were younger they were younger the they were younger then Joe as well, like balancing? She was like, you know, such a, so successful and so busy and touring and stuff like that. How was it as like a working mum, essentially? Well, I think two things. First of all, my husband was at home all the time, which was brilliant, you know, because

I couldn't have done it if he wasn't. Because I found it quite difficult kind of letting people in from outside. We never had a nanny or anything. Because I think, you know, when people sort of do know who you are, they are a bit weird with you. And you know, we had one health visitor who, so weirdly, she went and gossiped about me and our house and our kids and everything to someone at a party. I live in Dulwich right? The party was in Biggin Hill which is about 20 miles away from us and the person she gossiped to by pure chance was

my sister-in-law. So I know what the chances of that as Harry Hill would say. So you know she got found out and but it just sort of slightly put a chill through me that that's what people do. Or, you know, they'll come into your house and then burn all your pants. Those kind of people you can't trust them to him. Gosh, you're so right. But I never treated anyone like that guy treated me. Actually, I was then then then then then th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that's just just just that's just that's just just so that's just so that's just so that's just so that's so that's so that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just that that that that that that that that that that that that that I that that I that that I that that that that thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th guy treated me actually that's not quite true but I never treated them back badly but anyway I was always nice I was was I'd say Joe like as kind of someone who's observed your career for since kind of the mid 90s your persona has changed you know you were quite a kind of deadpan comic when you started out and now you're kind of you know you present the

the bake off extra slice Joe do you think that's kind of closer to your self as a parent? Oh God, yeah, definitely. I've certainly never do dead pan with the kids and I don't try not to do jokes either because that's all the worst thing you can do. But no, what I'm like now is far more what I'm like as a person really, I don't do th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I don't do th. I don't th. I don't thi thi thi. I don't thi. I don't thr-a. I don't thr-a. I thr-a. Do thr-a. Do thrown't thr-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'er. Doe, that's that's th. Doe, that, that, th. Doe, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. Doa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'er. I's-a'er. I's-a'er. I'm throo'er. I'm thro' what I'm like as a person really, I think probably, yeah. I don't do the man-hating thing with my husband that often either. It must be weird for the, when you are sort of more deadpan, like Romish for example, I've been with him and his kids and stuff and like just chilling out and like if he tells them in the same way as he would go, oh well done, because he's the way he delivers everything. Really? And even I've done in 10 years and I still can't work out of him. He's happy with what's going on. And so his kids look at him, they're telling them off and they're like, is this a bit, or he's just telling me off. I don't just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. hea. hea. hea. he's just just just just just just just the way hee. he's just he's just he's just the way the way the way the way the way the way he's just the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. th. the. hee. hee. hee. he he he he he te. he tel. He's just. He's just. He's just he he he he he he he he he into good behavior. He was a teacher as well wasn't he and I think teachers that sarcastic are always a bit frightening.

Yeah, well my wife is a teacher and some occasionally she will tell me off in a teacher voice. Oh lord. Humiliating. It's really an awful dynamic. In using old jobs have you ever used any of your psychiatric nurse training as a parent job? Well, yes, I think I probably have because the big thing about like psychiatric nursing really is because I worked in a very high kind of, you know, was a very high potential for sort of violence and people getting out of control because it was an emergency clinic. I think that the one thing that I, that I learned to do was to at all costs keep calm and pretend you don't care. That's actually quite good for comedy as well. Yeah. And if you look as if you don't care, people genuinely think you don't, you know, so whenever there were kind of tantrums when they were small, when they were much smaller,

when they're like two or th.... I never ever let it kind of sort of get out of control with me because I just think that made things ten times worse and I've seen parents do it really, lose it. I saw one today in a restaurant and they properly like the kid lost it. But then the mum started their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their properly like their properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like their properly like their their their properly like properly like properly like their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly like properly liked. their properly like properly like properly like properly liked. their. their started properly arguing with him and it just made it worse and worse and worse. I'm not going to lie to you though, it was a great watch. Yes, I bet it was. Yeah, when your kids are behaving and they're kicking off, it's absolute gold, isn't it?

It's a dream. It's the summer holidays as well. And, you know, the fear of potentially schools not starting again. It puts a lot of pressure on parents when they're working and stuff like that. And I imagine Joe how was it for you as well like I know a burn was at home a lot but like did you get home late and then get up in the morning to try and see the kids and stuff because like you know it's hard when you get home late touring? Oh yeah oh yes I did all the time I mean the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theythe time. I mean for you know for five years I probably got roughly three hours sleep a night. Yeah. And you just kind of get used to that in the end you know it was it was all right really it was fine. And also I actually really did sort of think about what work I did. I never did anything where I had to go away from home for very long.

And when I used to tour I used to, I can't believe I did this now, but I used to come home every night. I know. Wow, that is insane. The best bit of touring is not coming home, Joe. Why are you doing? I don't know. I just kind of thought, I can't, I can't do that. I never did more than one night anywhere and I think the furthest I went was Newcastle, that's quite a long way home. And actually one night when Eliza, my youngest was really, really young, I flew up to Edinburgh in the afternoon and then after the it was a TV thing, when that finished at half ten I got someone to drive me home and I got in half four in the morning and I can remember like the front door opening and burn just like handing her over to me because she was screaming her

head off and oh no poor thing he'd just been up all night with us so yeah anyway those are the days yeah I mean I'm about an argument with Lou about like similar sort of scenario like that when she just went to hand me the baby and then she was going but you get to sit in a car for two hours driving somewhere and I was like oh my God what is our life when that's a good point? That's the people in the relationship are jealous about the commute. But it's so true though. I mean you must do that as well you keep that sort of tally in your head right down to the last second of how long they've sort of you know done done their child duty and how long you've done and if it's half an hour more than they're like right. At the start we said to each other we will never

argue about who's the most tired okay because someone might be but it's not going to help it's only going to just never we're just going to be both tired like that and it once is in the shots and he was desperate to have a row with me she went I did this and I did this I went no we said we'll never make who's most tired of competition she went it's not a competition but if it was I'd fucking win and I'll tell you go for a coffee and I'll have the kid to to to to to to to the kid to to to to to to to the to to to the to to the the the to to the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th. I the th Are both pretty young aren't they? How old? Two and a half? Oh, wow. And I've got two and a half and four and a half. Oh, my lord. Yeah, well, yeah. Well, my sympathies. Because you had two girls two years apart, didn't you? Did they bond and play together?

Or they're quite separate? Because I think it goes one or two ways, kind of its siblings. Yeah, absolutely no, they bonded, thank the Lord and you know I would have had them closer together because like when I had at Mays I was 43 and I kind of thought, oh Christ, me poor, tired old woombs not going to manage another one at this thing. So I was th I th I th I th I they they they they they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were thi thrived I was thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho thoome. I was thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow. I was thoomorrow. I was thoomorrow. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, thi. Oh, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoomed toed toed toed today, toed today, thoomorrowed thoomorrowed thoomorrowed thoomorrowed thoomed and thoomed. at this time. So I was trying to do it like straight away and it wasn't as quick as I thought it would be because I always remember that singer Macy Gray. How many days are you saying a straight away Joe? How quickly you think you're going to go to quickly as I could I mean they are actually what are they 20 months apart which is like quite a long time I was really admired Macy gray had two children within their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was not thi thi. I was not to to to to th. I was not th. I was not that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was not. I was th. I was th. I was not. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was to to to th. I was to th. I was th. I was to to to th. I was to to to to to th. I was not. I was not. I was th. I was not. I was th. I was th. I was really admired Macy Gray had two children within the same calendar year and I always read it. Yeah I know, God Almighty. I always really admired that though.

That's a commitment, isn't it? It is. There's a comic, I know, who's got kids very close to each other. Not quite Macy Gray, but closer Macy Gray than you. I mean let's use Macy Gray as a benchmark. Let's use Macy Gray as a benchmark. People will send in other famous people that have had children. Excluding twins. We need to know, with like a top gearboard, who's above Macy's it goes,

it goes to the Sacey Gray, Joe Brand, who's number one. Let's not rule out Macy Gray as just a long labor of twins. Absolutely. I try and say goodbye. It's not for one, Macy. No, but I've got a friend and he's got kids nor almost he'd be between you and Macy Grayjow. And he was like, yeah, it was just an accident really, and I was thinking, mate, I didn't come close to that accident. We went close to having that accident, if I'm honest with you.

Wow. Tough choice of words there, John. Yeah, sorry. I didn't come close to that accident. I'm going to come close to that accident. So basically write in. I'm going to find myself right at the end, aren't I? And people going 20 months, that's pathetic.

And I won't accept that. But you've got to add my age in there, you know, that I was panicking. I think we need some sort of like equation that, you know, the time between the tua ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti time time time time time time time time time, time, time, tha. the the tha. tha. tha. thi, thi, to to to be to be to be thi, the time, to be to be to be to be to be to be, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the time, the the an the an the an thea, thea, thea. I. I thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thau. thau. thau. thae. thae. thae. thae. thae. thae. thae. thea. thea, thetime between the kids but also the age of the mother does impact on the turn around time. Absolutely. Also while while we're here, can I just say one thing that's always really impressed me, is like my mom lives in Ludlow in Shropshire and there's a family in Ludlow, she's a social worker in child protection. This is not a child protection issue, well it might be, because there was a family in Shropshire and they had, this couple had 22 children. And there's two football teams which means that you can actually kind of come, but apparently

they got a letter of congratulation from the Pope. So... I was very impressed all round with that really. 22. I know. Imagine the cost. I know that's not the thing to think about. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi. that's that's that's that's thiou thi. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. 22 th. 22 th. 22 thi. 22 thi. 22 thi. 22 thi. 22 thi. 22 thi. 22 thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th around with that really. 22. I know. Imagine the cost. I know that's not the thing to think about. But no, but imagine Easter. Imagine the Easter eggs.

It's a bit like a warehouse of the eggs. Rob, you're not focusing on the big, you're not focusing on Christmas. That's not really far what time did you have off work, Joe, before you went back gigging? Because as, you know, with stand-up comedy, you get rusty so quick and in this pandemic of just five months off, I just was so like stressed and worried about it. But you forget that, you know, all female comedians, if they're having kids, go through that and then they've got to try and, and if they've got to try and, thi, try, try, to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, thi, to, to, to, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, thi..h.h.h.h. And, to, to, to, to, to, to.h.h.h. I's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r.r. And, toe.r.r.r.r.a.r. And, toe.a.a.r.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. And, toe. And, toe. And about that of trying to like get rid of that rust and get back into the swing of it? Well interestingly, I think I was off for about five months and then I got offered a thing a thing called Fame Academy for comic relief, right? Well you don't turn down the big jobs do you, that's the thing. Well I tell you the really interesting thing about it was at the same tel. I tian Susanna right after it and if I hadn't got chucked out of Fame Academy on the

day that I did I wouldn't have been able to do Trinian Susanna and segueing into that just like opened so many doors for me and kind of you know got me back on the horse and it were like a kind of a kind of like, I really remember you big on that so you were just five th you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the th th th thi thi the thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the the the the. the the the the the the. the the the. the thea. the thea. thea. th of like I really remember you big on that so you were you were just five months into being a mother at that point I was and I was I remember doing Fame Academy and then taunit was driving up every day with Eliza who's the 17 year old to so that I could breastfeed like round the back at Fame Academy and then taking her home again it was all pretty I don't like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to th th th th th. th. th. th. the thi the thi. thi. thi. the. I the the the the the their. I'm their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. So. I's. I's. I's. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And the. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. the. And. And. And. the. And. And. the. And. the. And. And. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. the back at Fame Academy and then taking her home again it was all pretty I don't like to think about it really it was all stressful but yeah there we go but I imagine it gave you some when like Richard Park was criticizing your singing you think you can give a fucking shit mate I'm not two three a

a. I'm not three a minute I'm bloody I know I just want a bit of fucking work bar I know I just want a bit of fucking work, Barkey. Give me a chance. We're out the game for five months. I think the thing is, I mean, my sort of motto over the years really with having kids and that has been what pays the most for the shortest amount of time. And who was that? There was some critic that used to really slag me off and he basically said in one review, he said, oh, Joe Browns has done every piece of shit program going. And I'm not going to complain about that because he's absolutely right, you know, at a certain period of time. I did because I just wanted to maximize my earnings in the shortest

amount of time. So I could just get back home and lie face down on the bed and goes asleep for two days. Often when you talk to people that have got two kids, they're like very different characters, but are they similar characters? And are they, can you see, what can you see of yourself in them? Oh, they're totally different, which I really like, you know? I th...... their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. their, thi. their, thi. thi. thi. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to toe, to to toe, to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their, their, their. their, their. their, their. their. the. the. thea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. toe. toe. different, which I really like, you know. I think the youngest, Eliza's probably more like me, whereas Maisie is, I'm very envious of Maisie, the oldest, because she's kind of calm, and she's almost like a sort of little kind of, little kind of center of calm that wanders around and everyone goes, oh, it's mazy and calms down. Oh, I do the opposite of that to people. So, you know, you, you, you, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their down. Oh I do the opposite of that to people. So you know it's lovely having a daughter like that it's really nice. Well yeah like you say that you're a different sort of energy than you

which is you know a bit more I think people are a bit more I think people are quite intimidated by you. I hope so. I think well just because you're're such a, I'd say like an iconic figure of British comedy, like Joe, everyone knows who Joe Brand is and it's sort of, I'm starting to say it was when I first met Vic Reeves, like, oh my God, it's Vic Green's, it's sort of these real heroes of comedy when you first started to see it on TV, you know, as a kid and stuff. I really shit at taking compliments, but thank you very much th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. th. I th. I th. I th. th. I thi. I thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, thi, thi, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, th. And, th. And, I's, th. And, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the thi, the thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. to, to, to, to, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thi. thi. thi. thi at taking compliments but thank you very much anyway but what I would say is all acting the whole lot as it was when I was a nurse you know and I think if you act that you don't care and you just say what you want people kind of think oh blimey but actually I'm really not like that but I quite enjoy acting it sometimes when people are winding me up. How how was like parents evening and stuff like that?

Because I imagine if you're, you know, giving bad feedback on Joe Brand's kids, I'd be find that quite a scary prospect. How was that? Well, you know, again, it was just sort of, I tried to kind of be like a different person really with all that sort of thing. I mean, I think when you're a parent and you're kind of a recognizable person off the telly or whatever it is you can go one of two ways and you can either immerse yourself in the whole school community and then everyone gets to know you you know and my thing was always I'm going to be there so often that they'll be bored shitless with me after six months and yeah and no one will care you know whereas if the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi's thi's thi thi's thi. thi. thi. the th. the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin the the the the the thin. I's the the the the thin. the the thin the the the the the the often that they'll be bored shitless with me after six months and yeah and no one will care you know whereas if you're kind of woman of mystery and you turn up occasionally in a pink Rolls Royce looking like Lady

Penelope you know there it's gonna be like really really weird so I just got stuck in and with the girls at their secondary school I was a I was a governor there for five years and I used to do like a lot of public events and that and th and th and th and th and th and th and th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th th th thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're they're they're they're they're the girls at their secondary school I was a governor there for five years and I used to do like a lot of public events and that and help out at all the fairs and the Christmas stuff so you know they were fed up with me really. Whenever I hear someone saying they're the governor I just think they had a fight of everyone and beat everyone. I went in tooled up showed him to be the governor. I find it quite interesting to talk to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their up, showed him he was boss. I did. I find it quite interesting to talk to their kids, you know, the whole way through to the end of being a teenager. What were the kind of stages you found the easiest and the most difficult?

Well I think one of the most difficult things with your kids for me, because it's just painful really is their friendships? and you the sort of low-level bullying that goes on that I don't know why I'd either forgotten it or not experienced it but I mean because they're both girls I find I find kind of groups of girls at school they can be like so difficult to manage really because they're so unpredictable and they will do this thing of of just pushing someone out the group for absolutely no reason at all. They do it to everyone. It seems like they have a rotor for it. But there's nothing more painful, I don't think, though,

you know, than your kid being the one that it happens to and trying, you know, trying to sort of hold back because basically, you know, I'm the sort of person that wants to go around to someone's house and set fire to it, but obviously not really allowed. So, I'm trying to get through the dog flap again. Exactly, and burn all their pants. That's the main approach. I know that when you, even you talk about that then, I the the th, th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they.. they. the they. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. too. tooomorrow. toe that then I felt like a rage and fever go for my body that I would need to kill someone just and even it wasn't about

my daughter but that feeling of being powerless that that's happening to your daughter must be so horrible. Well it's so hard and I think some parents don't manage it you know and well my dad was a bit like that I mean thankfully I didn't get bullied at school but he did use to sort sort sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to sort the the the the the the the the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.e.e. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. toe. toe. I the. I bit like that. I mean, thankfully, I didn't get bullied at school, but he did used to sort of go off at the slight at the drop of a hat, and so I'm quite glad that we've never done that. I mean, although there was obviously good reason sometimes, I think, but, you know, you just have to hold back because it's more embarrassing for you to go and confront someone's parent than to actually just leave it, you know. Yeah, because it really is if they're doing that to him, you just want, you need to give them a wide berth and swer of them. You don't want them to be your friends if they're treating you like

that. I think sometimes we're going, you've got to go inthere for all the fallout that happens really. Oh God I'm dreading it. I'm absolutely dreading it. It's not easy sometimes, but you know, at least the one thing is that every parent is all in the same boat, unless you're the parent of the kid that's really horrible. Yeah. I'm sure that neither of you will be. No. I think that's worse. When my daughter was at nursery, and obviously there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's the. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not th. It's not theee. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's worse. When my daughter was at nursery and obviously there's lots of biting at nursery, yeah. So it was the end of the day and we were picking her up and they kind of came over to us with an incident form. Yeah. And I was like, oh God she's going to have bitten someone. And when they revealed she'd been bitten, I felt like I'd won the lottery. The relief. That she wasn't the biter was mine mine got bit excellent! Let's get him come on! Oh thank God! Yeah, she's been bitten. Yeah, thank God I'm breeding a victim rather than a bully. I know what you mean though, I mean it is it's better for them not to be the bully.

Yeah. In an idea world I don't want my daughter to be to be bitten. No, no, obviously. I'd I that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that mine that mine that mine that mine that mine that mine that mine that mine that thin. Mine, mine that that the! Mine mine mine the. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, thin. Mine, thin. Mine, thin. Mine. Mine. Mine, thin. Mine. Mine. Mine, th!!!! Mine! Mine! Mine, th! Mine! Mine, I th! Mine, I th th th th th th th th th th th not to be the bully. Yeah. In an ideal world, I don't want my daughter to be bitten. But I'd rather her be bitten than bite, especially with the genetic she's inherited, that could take an armor. Can't be a bite of ease. It's like, you know, it's that when someone from the army has a fight in the pub. It's a classified deadly weapon. He's like, he can't that in the pub. It's a classified deadly weapon. He's got training. And what did you find easiest that you were worried about Joe? Is there anything that you sort

of dreaded a little bit and it actually was not as painful as you imagined? Well I suppose that I dreaded the changeover from primary school to secondary school because that is like such a shock to the system because you know you have so much more control with primary school and you're kind of outside the gate you sort of until they get a little bit older you're walking in with the most days and you've got a feel of what's going on. At secondary school suddenly it all changes and you haven't got a clue what's going on you know and they don't want you to come within sort of two miles of them at any point during the day. And they even want you to say when you're coming in, if you're coming in to see someone, so they can go, they can be out of the way in the toilet,

so they don't even have to see you and know what you're going to. Oh, because is there, I feel like your daughters are coming out of that period, I imagine, that there's a fallow period between sort of about 13 and 17, where they just don't want any relationship with their parents whatsoever almost. They just want to hide in their rooms and see their mates. Is that what you found? Yeah, absolutely. And thank God they are out of that now. You know, I mean they weren't horrible but they were just so embarrassed. I will say the one thing I really loved as well when, especially when they're at primary school and I would really recommend it, is going on school trips with them. So it's going on a couple. I had such a laugh. And also the thing I really like was, you really get to know the other kids in their class if you go on a school trip, which you just don't really. I thought you were going to say, the thing I really liked is I got to make my own Roman

coin as well. It was a really great day out. I learned so much. One of my favorites was we went to these caves in Dover and one of the parents dressed up as a Nazi parachutist. We all have to go to to to to to to the to to to the to the to the to their their to their to their their to their the have to go into the caves and find him and arrest him and I had this one kid bless her she was really really scared holding my hand and we were like in the caves in the dark and she went are we going to be killed? No! It's fine! Bless her you know. I just obviously got really into it. And I also went to France for a few days and that was amazing as well. So yeah, I definitely recommend that. All right, because I think that's the kind of thing I'd be sort of anxious about doing,

especially if you're sort of a bit known, but I imagine, like you say, if you're throw yourself into it, it's like anywhere, they're just get so bored, their, their, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, to to throw, to to to to thrown, to to to throwne, throwne, thrown, thrown, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, that, that, that, that, that, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thr just see that you're prepared to get stuck in like everyone else you know and you get a runner yeah there's a runner doing a lot of that and a producer with you isn't there? Yeah yeah butler as well yeah and a driver. Because it was South London as well that they went to school that is quite a scary jump to secondary school in South London you know do you ever consider moving anywhere else or out to the countryside-and the countryside the countryside the countryside the countryside the countryside the countryside the country the the the the the the the the the the th the th th th th th th th th there there there there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's tho tho tho to to to to to to tho to tho tho tho tho there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there went to school. That is quite a scary jump to secondary school in South London. You know, do you ever consider moving anywhere else or out to the countryside and stuff like that? Because a lot of people have kids in London and when they get older. That is a question straight from Rob's heart I imagine. Well no, it's just a lot of my, I went to school in South East London. When I meet people and speak to people that went to school in like different areas, maybe just like in Redding or just not like just a little bit further out. They had such a different experience. So I remember kids coming up to school with weapons and dirt bikes going across the grass, try chasing people and all stuff like

that. And I tell people about this and they're just like what? Your example of the picturesque countryside is Redding. What? What I'm saying is not even that far out and it was karma. I'm not an evacuee. He stepped in a bloody throw. Yeah, my mum and dad moved us out to the country when I was about four. And no, it was a tiny little village in Kent called Benningham where there was very posh-girls school that Princess Anne went to, but I didn't go there. We just got to go to the, go up their in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in the summer in the summer in the summer in the summer in the summer in the summer, the summer, the summer, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and their, their, their, and their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their very posh girl school that Princess Anne went to, but I didn't go there. We just got to go up there in the summer when they're on a holiday and have a little whittle in the swimming pool just to make our minor protest.

But yeah, but I think these days actually, I mean London's such a brilliant place for kids in my opinion, so we didn't bother move really and there's loads of stuff for them to do in the country it's like one bus a day and like a cab driver driving them everywhere you know and it's just not worth it anymore. No no I totally agree and all the what happens the kids just want to move straight back into London and stuff like that because what's going, all the stuff stuff that's going to go. Yeah. But it's just because it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's going, it's, it's going, to, it's going, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, the, like, the, like, the, like, the, like, the, the, like, the, the, the, the, the, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, not until you look back and you realize, oh you know my school, what kind of stuff that happened at my school? It's just crazy. It wouldn't have happened. It was in Redding. Oh not the glory is in Redding. It's like the famous five over there. You know, skipping stones across the M4, stuff like that. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

countryside. Joe. It's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Oh thank you now it's been lovely thank you it's been a right laugh. And you know I hope to see you on a show and when I see you on a show I'll think is she here because it's good money for little work that'll be the big question. Yeah well you know let's see what it is. It's a road show. Yes. Effort to cash ratio. Effort to cash ratio. Thanks, you've been amazing.

Thank you. Cheers, mate. All right. Thanks for that. Joe Brand is such a nice person, isn't she, Rob? She's very lovely and also as well, she's a woman of many talents. She's a streetcar racer, Josh. She's got a rally license. She absolutely

smashed Mark Lamar into oblivion on the Candon to the River route so much he has not appeared in the British public for 23 years. That's the kind of shellacking that she gave Lamar. And Lamar, if you listen, come on, defend yourself. Sure. I can almost guarantee he's not listening but you're probably listening some B side of a shit album but yeah she's great Joe and she's so refreshing like to hear with us talk about that and I do think that is a bit of a pattern isn't it people that were naughty as kids are a bit more relaxed and then their kids don't need to sort of go mad with the rules it's always the kids a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the kids kids kids to to to to to the kids to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I their. their. their. their. their. their. I I their. I their their their th. I's th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. toe. th. toe. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. their. their. their. their. their. to sort of go mad with the rules. It's always the kids with really strict parents that went mental, I found. Yeah, totally. All the ones with parents that just didn't care, but if you're somewhere in the middle, you normally be all right. Yeah, I think the thing that Joe is, you're listening to it going, oh, I bet you'd like you as a mom, do you know what I mean? I'd absolutely, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going their parents, I'm going to say, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going the parents, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going, I want as your mom and dad? I'm going to go for Ellis and Joe Brand.

I mean, Ellis is just from Worker Cepic. It's an animal for it, but it's got to be Johnny Ross for me as dad. Johnny Ross. And a mom, I mean, yeah, it's got a job. It's got a job. Just because if you didn't do a shit and put a flag in it, she'd love you for it. Do you know what I mean? She's got different expectations. But yeah, Joe Brand.

Are you saying you prefer Joe Brand to your own parents? No, but we haven't interviewed them yet. They haven't got enough public profile. Well my parents, I've always not let them do anything because they get too comfy, too quick and before I know it, I'll be sent th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll th, I, I'll th, I'll th, th, th, th, th, are, are th, are th, are to say, are to say, are to say, are to say, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are saying, are to say to say to say to say, are, are to say, are to say, are to say, are to say, are to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to-world trip with them like Ramesh and Ruffal Island. But I'm doing a TV show at the moment where we interviewed my parents, so they are semi-unleashed on the British public so maybe we could interview our parents. That'd be interesting one, wouldn't it? Yeah, if we run out of guests. Oh, mate, that's set up. That's a set up. Trying to get my to 76-year-old-year-old-old-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-s. th-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-s. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-s. th-in. th-in. th-in. th-in. I-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-a-a-I-a-a-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-a-s-s-s-a-s-s-s-s-a-s. I-s-a-s. I-s-a-to my 76-year-old dad to try and plug a USB mic in about streaming on the computer. I don't even have to, I don't even got a computer. They'll try and do it off their Kindle.

I do know like my big regret of this, big regret of this podcast. I wish we'd set a recording from the off for everyone. I'd love to put out for Christmas a one hour supercut of all all all all all trying to get their microphones to work. It's my favorite thing when you can hear the person have to get their kid on to help them wire up the right. That's the best moment. You know what? Joe Brad screamed in, Maisie Gray.

Yeah, come in. Oh, brilliant. Joe Brad, what a guest. Thank you to Joe. Um, if you have any celebrities who've got kids closer together than Macy Gray, that we can plot on our chart. Or, oh, so let's do a celebrity version, our non-celead version. So if you've had kids quicker than that, let us know, obviously twins excluded. But we will give our honorable mentions for the longest gap between twins. that's what we're after. Have you got any twins twoons twoons twoons twoons their twoons two two two two two two their two-a the the the the thea thea thea thea th. th. th. th. thi. that's thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll that we'll, that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's the. Yeah, that's what we're after. Honorable mention for the longest gap between twins. Have you got any trends that have bought or have got different birthdays? Oh, I'm sure. There's some, I've seen it before, 99 and 2000. Imagine it. A different millennium.

Yes, please. How did you bring in the millennium? Oh my word, what story that mom's got? I left a millennium. I left a millennia the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I've the same. I've the same. I've the same. I've the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same ways I started it, banging out kids because I'm a breeder. Get in touch and this is how. Email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdown parents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send us stuff PO Box 76748 London London E99DW. Thank you for listening. Do you want to say anything else, Rob? Just goodbye? And we'll be catching up with you later in the week. I'll be honest if you're Josh, things aren't going well in my life. That's good. You know, at the start of this podcast, it was an absolute mess. I felt like it leveled out, it started getting better, but score the thi shi's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. I's th. So, th. So, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th out. It started getting better, but score all the days of the hits,

and it's just an absolute shit show. So I'll be filling you in on that. Friday, it will be a treat. See them.