Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP38: "She can't read squirrel body language..."

Episode Date: September 4, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP38: "She can't read squirrel body language..."More misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parenting howl with... I can't whisper it say it.

What is it? Josh Whittly bum! Josh Whittly bum! Maybe my favorite ever. Wow, that kid's got two settings. It's almost like a child's toy where it's silent or the loudest it's ever been. That is Jake, age three, the son of Megan Small. This week, Jake announced my bowel movement to the neighborhood, shouting up to the window

from outside, James asked, mummy, will you get me a bike? Through the open window I applied, yes, Jake. I'll get it then responded, the topic of of his voice will you get it after you've done your poo? To make matters worse, we have new neighbours who are renovating their bungalow and were working on the roof on our side at the time. He's a very nice son he sounds like. I like that, the mistake with him whispering it as well. That was nice, it was endearing wasn't it? Yeah, we don't want the retakes. We don't the the retakes, we want that first attempt. We don't even redo this, never mind your voiceover at the beginning people, don't you chill out, just enjoy yourself. Enjoy yourself, relax man. How are you? Oh not bad actually we had a very

good couple of days away. After the camping fiasco he decided to go to a hotel near some family and then go to Legoland. Oh, Windsor or Copenhagen? Windsor? Windsor? And we also went to a like a splash paradise, the coral reef in Bracknell. But talking about my getting naked in front of my kids for showers. Yeah. This happened to me, the change, the family changing rooms. Yeah. As I was getting changed, I obviously took my trunks off and I went, oh look it's daddy's bit. Yeah, and one of them went, it's like a sausage. Yeah, alright. At the top of her voice and I was like, yeah, fine,

whatever. Then the other one went, it's like a little snail. It can't be deep. It's a heart-a- It's a heartbreaking moment. It's a heart- It's a- It It's like that Superman is at a bird, is it a plane? It's a slug with a shell! It's a snail! It's cold, it's cold. Due to COVID restrictions, my dick's smaller now basically, because they had to have the back door open, that was the exit. But basically it was freezing and it's not a substantial beast at the best of times, but to be called a snail was really heartbreaking.

It was even worse when she put some pellets out for it, wasn't it? Yeah, and she poured salt on it. It was a horrible afternoon. I taught me through Lego land. What's it like? I've never been. I was dreamed of going when I was a kid, but it was only available in Denmark at that point. That's what your parents told you. It is, it's a great day out, Josh, pricey. Yeah, very pricey and but what I'll say is right, this is my head, my thinking around. What are you paying for a, uh, what you're paying for a tango?

Do you know what happened was? You have to just zone out and pretend it's not happening. Thank God for contactless. Yeah, you can't. If I physically saw notes going over the counter, I think I'd have a panic attack. But this is my thinking, obviously, what we've saved on going to Spain was still ringing in my ears. But we, what I'd say is, oh, we've done this. I'd rather go. Do you think there'll be a moment when you're about 70 when you and Lou decided to like yeah we'll have a pudding do you remember when we didn't go to Spain? Yeah I don't know when it's gonna stop. Yeah we moved house we didn't go Spain did we so we thought we'll

spend that money on stamp duty it is it's well pricey but what I said I think you're better off going every two or three years and do-s a''crific. than going because we went before and did the cheapest option on everything right and it was stressful it was really hard work okay we went this time and we and I've never done this before and it's I felt I felt I felt a bit I paid for reserve and ride Josh what's reserve and right is that is that fast track tickets yes there's levels right there's level one of reserve and then VIP is you can literally walk up to any ride and get on it immediately and you can spit in everyone's face as you do it.

But the level, even if you can afford it, the level of just social angst it creates. Can I ask what you would pay for the VOP? Well, VIP is a fortune, but you can pay a bit extra for a reserve and which what you do is if there's it shows you all the waiting times of rides and you click on it and it says like 40 minutes and then you don't have to queue up you just wait for the 40 minutes of expire so you can wander around you go back. It's like when you go to a restaurant and they'll give you one of those buzzers and then you can go to the bar. Yeah so you can do that and you show your ticket and you still have to wait their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You can their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. ti. ti. ti. the. the. the. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's. that's. that's. that's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. ti. t. t ten minutes but they scan it once if scanned it you can get in the queue for another ride. Oh nice. So it was pricey but we went on everything the kids loved it. And presumably the because your kids are small you're going on things that aren't that scary so you can have fun as

well rather than have to be for. I went to Dubai to do a gig. And I just wanted a day in the the the other acts. Ed Ed gambambamb g. I to to to the to to to to the to to to the the to the the the the the to the the they. I I they. I they. I to to they. I to to to to to to to to to to their. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the. I to. I to. I to. I to. I went. I went to. I went to. I went. I went to. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I the hotel and then the other acts, Ed Gamble, Lloyd Langford and Maisie Adam, who I really am a huge fan of all of them as people. That's a great crew to be anybody. It's a great crew. Three brilliant comics. And they really wanted, well, Maisie and Ed really wanted to go to this theme park. Yeah. And we went to the theme park. And we went to the the theme, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I was, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th.. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the. Oh, the. Oh, oh, oh, oh, you're like, well, at least mainly it'll be waiting around. Like, we'll just chat. But we've got there and it was completely empty. So it's like a child's dream. There was no one there.

And so basically, you can just walk up and get on every ride again and again and again. Oh, God. And it was an absolute living hell. Because you couldn't get out of it. So they're just like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're just like, you're, you're just, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th, th. th, th, th. th. th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, than, than, that that that that, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, th. And, th. So they're just like, you know, like when a kid gets off a ride, they want to go again. That's what Ed and Maisie were like and they were just doing that. Oh no, see I hate rides, yeah, I'm not a big fan of rides. But Legoland's amazing for little kids. I'm also, I'm not getting paid for this, right.

It costs me a fucking fortune, so I'm not doing this, this, I,bie and I'm trying to plug it but I just it wasn't really good day out but I would say you're already spending a lot to get in there it's worth spending a little bit more to do the reserve and ride and then you can literally just get on and it's you can't put we did everything the kids that you can't explain to a two-year-old why you're quing for an hour because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because the answer because the answer because the answer because the answer because the answer because the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the it's a waste of a life. Yes. Isn't it? But it distracts us for a day and keeps you busy. The other one's turning it is just your kid jumping on you. But if you think about the amount of time you've got back in your life there, Rob. Can I claim it back now after talking about it on here? How does that work? Um, I don, enjoying it. But anyway, that's what I'd say.

So I was a bit worried about going, it was pricey, but a fair, honest opinion is go, get reserve and ride, swallow it. But I'd rather go. How much Legos involved? The rides aren't built out of it, are they? No, they're not. orange thing that things it out. Yeah so I'll just say do it and then do it every two or three years for that amount yeah rather than trying to go regular ready also can I say the most overused cliche but you hear the whole time when you're

in Legoland yeah right is everyone the kids are screaming and then it's a long day for them in it? It's a long day for them. Everyone's just said it's a long day. And also as well, it was right, they reckon it's half capacity. I have never, it's like being at Nedworth, it's so busy. Are you getting your photo back and you're buying a photo and you've all just got masks on? Yeah, it was all in hazmat suits. So they weren't disinfecting some, but it weren't the rides. All the rides were fairly social distance

because you are spread out and basically if there was a gap, you couldn't sit next to someone if you weren't in their family. Joke me, so if there was three of you, you'd have a road. to have like a road. So it was good that but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there.. Yeah, go on we haven't another them all. Let's have a bit of salty. I feel a bit sorry for you Josh. This has really escalated the saltiness. Oh no. I've got to it. It's evolving into things I don't like about Josh Winnockham. Oh no. I both hope all is well. This is a less of a Joshua Salt to be tale or even a spot or the the the spot or the spot. It the spot. It the spot. It th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's is th. It's thi. It's is this is this is is this is is is is this is is is is is this is this is is is this is is this is is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is th. th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is they. It is they. It's the the thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's really really thi. It's thi. It's is really thi. It's this is really. It's this is this is this is thi. It's anything, if anything, it's a remote salt drone strike.

All right. You know when people use a phrase a lot, sometimes it's quite endearing, but you can get a little tiresome, people who say, I haven't got a scooby or it's a good shout for a mildly interest. Or to be fair, blah, basically, I'm not sure how intentional his catch phrase is, perhaps he is just in a verbal rut. Would you say that you've heard this and would you say, oh I buy that? Do you know what, I thought when they put it out, I would, but I haven't really, to be honest. Anyway, does he really need to say, I'm not going to lie quite so often? Do you say that a lot? I don't know. I suppose you wouldn't be conscious that you over say. the to say. to say. to say. the to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, thin, to say, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi, thi. I thi, thi. I thi, thi. I thi, thi. I thi, thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I, thi.? I don't know. Well, I suppose you wouldn't be conscious that you oversay it. Also, in this email, I accept that it can be served to provide emphasis to a point. Yeah, Josh knows how to speak, mate. That's quite a minute. Yeah, I'm using it for a reason. I don't think you just pick that out. He just says it before everything. I'm not going to to to try and I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to say to say to say to say too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to say to say to say to say it. to say it to say it. to say it to say it. to say it. to say it. to say it. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the thoe. thoe. thoe. tho. tho. tho. the tho. thoooooooooe. the the the. toooooooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to the toilet? Well I'm gonna I'm gonna keep an eye out for that I'm gonna keep an eye out for that now. Yeah he's a fan though Marco's a fan he's

excellent on Taskmaster, enjoyed the sitcom last thing is great isn't it how isn't Adam Hills really nice? Very humble man. I'm not gonna lie about that yeah so okay tell me I buy that I buy that I'll look into it for the necler you to. I'm to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the I'm the the the the the the th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to to to the too. I I the tolde. I the the te. I the try. I tel. I tolde. I'm told. I'm to to told. I'm to to to to to to to to look into it for the next week and I'll let you know whether I feel like I'm saying it too much. Now I feel like every term of phrase I say is, let's keep an eye on that. Like I say that all the time. Yeah, suddenly you realize when you hear the start of that email you think is this going to lie. It's I'm not going to lie. We've had an email from Harper Adams.

Oh, come on. After having to go Harper Adams University for one of the worst crowds ever, I mean, I've heard murmurs about it on the circuit as well, how bad that union is for comedians. Here he goes, that, is from Craig Jones. I don't know if he's put his same. So does he represent them in any way? Well, here he goes. Dear Josh and Rob, I don't normally write to a podcast, but having heard the recent saltiness aimed at Harper, Adam's university, I felt I had to step in and defend it. Firstly I love the podcast, it's kept me very much shaint, about it, their own, it's worst, their, I, their, I, their, their, their, I, their, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, I, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, I, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, I, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, is, dear, is, dear, dear, dear, is, dear, dear, is, dear, dear, is, dear, is, dear, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. it's basically they just tell you about their breakdown during lockdown it's so endearing and I really appreciate it because it's the reason why we started doing it but he's saying thanks for that anyway and he said my wife

has managed to do the lion's share of teaching that the children during lockdown allow me to continue to work full-time for or did it, da da da, da, Harper Adams Uniuny. I cannot speak about the entertainment manager of student union extracurricular activities, but rest assured as a university, not college, as Josh referred to it. He's very angry about that. You can, the tone was, he really punched those keys in the year. Yeah, of course. Poli. It's a jumped up Polly, isn't it? We offer world class teach and opportunities the their tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha th. I th. I th. I th. I thatatatu. I th. I th. I thatatatatatatatatatatatatatement. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't. I don't, I'm tho. I'm tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, thatatatat. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. today, today, today, today, today Polly in it. We offer world-class teachers and opportunities for our students to cry to the front. I'm not saying they don't. I'm not saying they don't.

What do you do it? Wait, I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. One of the worst universities I've ever played in pure gig was an Oxford University ball. But I don't dispute that they're, no I don't dispute that dispute that dispute that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that than I don't than't than't than't than't than't than't than. I. I don't thoes. I don't thoes. I don't. I don't tho. I don't they don't they don't. I. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the. I don't the. I don't the. I don't know't thean. I'm te. I'm te. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not te. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. that I think less of them as an educational institution. That gig was all, I did that with you, didn't I? Did I do that with you? Did you know what the you did? Was that? I did it the year after it was me, I have O'Gray, I'm sure Mawks and Joe Lysett and they still didn't listen. A bunch of twiats. It was like, had been in a Bullenden Club photo but it was live. And I was wandering around going what is happening here? It was a mental night that one. So I don't think that the level of the gig in any way I'm reflecting it on the teaching or whether it's a university. Yeah anyway so he's got a bit worthy of Craig, to be fair. I don't think he's got the tone of this podcast. At Salman Education at the forefront of the news with grade assessments, A-level of GCC results, is worth pointing out that institutions

such as Harper Adams are there to support and develop students. No doubt of the next few years, Generation Thick, as Elish James, as thick will be benchmarked against the education of your students. Did Ellis James refer to them as Generation Thick? Well yeah, because all these kids didn't get any school in. Not the, not the results. Oh right, yeah, of course. I was gonna say that would be a very controversial take on. Ennis James has really set a marker down in a review of the A-level result. I mean it would take a lot to sega to their the they-level result. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theo-s. their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their a generation thick, I think that would have been the final straw. He's drinking a big cup of tea. Well I should add, I don't know anything about Harper Adams except there is a university as an educational establishment, but what I will say is as a gig, it is bad.

And in the same way that the comedy store is not a good university. I don't think Harper Adams is a good comedy. Also as well, he's basically going on to say it's a good union. It's not just farming they do, it's not a fucking PR spinny. I think they might have some spaces in clearing or something. But he's going, he's going, yeah, there are loads of opportunities, blah, blah, blah. But basically you shouldn't judge university by that, the comedy great education. But my point is, Josh, when you've got a rotten core, which that is obviously an issue at Harper Adams Entertainment Department, the comedy gig there is unplayable. It needs to be yekeed out. You can't just cover it up with great teaching. Do you know? You can't, you can't be in a relationship. My wife comes home from a night out of the girls and gives me a slap around the ed, but then, but then, but th, but th, but th, but th, but th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their their their their their their their their their their their their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their their their their their their their, their their their their their, their their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their their comedy, their their their their comedy, their their their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their the, the, theat, theat, theat, theeat, theat, theat, theat, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy gig, their comedy, their comedy, their comedy, their an holiday to Barbados, it don't work. You've got to get rid of that angry. Does it still exist as a gig, I wonder? I should also add that when I did it in 2009, everyone that would be at that gig

would now be around 30 years old. So the entertainment officer at that time, who was presumably also a student or just graduated as student. Yeah. These people are way out of university. For all I tho I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th th tho th th th th tho th tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be tho. I tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooooooooo. thooooooooo. thooooooooooo. thooooooooo. too. too way out of university. For all I know it might be a brilliant gig. I mean it's absolutely not going to, it's not going to be a brilliant gig. It's not. Stop apologizing Josh. This is not your fault. I say it once. I say again, worst gig I've ever done. What was the worst? Have you done it this gig Rob? No. I don't plan to it. It's miles away. It's miles away. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. the the the the the the the their. tops. tops. tops. tops. tops. toghops. togh. togu. tog. their. to. their is to. to. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. the the the their. the their. their. their. their. toge. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the their. to. to. that was the other thing. It's in a place in Shropshire called Newport and I had a gig in Cardiff the next night so I thought I'd booked an absolutely superb one too. I'm a Newport Cardiff. So when I decided when I discovered it was in Shropshire that was an absolute another kick to the absolute Jaffers before the gig had even started.

I'm trying out some news phrases because obviously my old old the the the old the old the old th th. the old the old th th th th th th. the old th. the old th. the old th. I the old th. I th. I the thi thi thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had th. I had thgic in thgic in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig in the gig the gig the gig the gig the gig the gig the gig the gig the gig the thi. I had the thi. I had the thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had thi. G. G. G. G. G. G. I had thii. G. G. G. I had thi. I had thi. I had thi. I had the the absolute Jaffers before the gig had even started. I'm trying out some news phrases because obviously my old ones I used too many times. Amazing, a kick to the old Jaffers. I'm just doing a quick Harper Adams alumni check, see who went there and maybe we could get them on the podcasters. Just like, what was I expecting? What was I expecting? We got Dutchie original, he went there, Old MacDonald. So I think that's... Craig, let's draw a line over the Harper Adams. Thanks for getting in toucest.

I will accept it as a, I don't know anything about it as a university, but I will dispute that the gig is anything other than an absolute... Bar-Shit-ch. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply.

Visit MX.c.a. Business platinum. So, Rob, there's something we should clear up. Do you remember the Gavin and Malcolm photo? And we were looking for the youngest Gavin and Malcolm in the UK? Yes. And then, was it a lady called Agnes? Agnes sent in a photo, no info of a Gavin and Malcolm? Yeah. Well, she'd... The info was in an email below the photo. So, there was there. There, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, thi, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we should, we th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. th. th. th. th. there, we should, we should, we should, the the there, there, there, there, there, there there there there there there thi. thi. thi. there there thi. there thi. there there thi. there there there there thi. there there there there th, well she'd, the info was in an email below the photo, so there was info. Oh, right, Josh, you're talking like you've got a winning lottery ticket and you just can't get it out. What is this info? This will blow your mind. Agnes is 22. Fuck off. Do me a favor, Agnes is 22. Agnes is 22. No wonder she's got links to links to links to links to links to links to links links links links links links links links links links links links links links links links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th links th to a Gavin and Malcolm with a name like that at that age.

It's a lovely name. I have been really enjoying your podcast during lockdown despite not having children, open brackets I'm 22. Yeah, all known how to use podcast because my name's Agnes. Surely should you do a hot pot or something, is the sexist or is that agist? No I think that's, you're that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that's. that that that's. that's that that that's. that that that that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's, I think that's ageist, it's fine and you're not being sexist. You're just, you're just being purely ageist. Yeah, I do, on a person, I do think women should cook more, but that's a separate conversation, no, I'm joking. Sorry, sorry, but I've already enjoyed finding out that Rob and I share a birthday. Oh, yeah, but was even the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. I's, th. I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th. I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoo. th. th. th. the tho. th. I'm just just just just excited to hear about the names of his children, Gavin and Malcolm because my dad is called Gavin and his brother is called Malcolm.

Oh yes, this is great! I mean, your name's Gavin or that, so I was called Agnes 22 years ago in 1998. Yeah. Wow. So that was at the, it was like the height of, you know, Tony Blair was one year in power. Yeah. Wow. So that was at the, it was like the height of, you know, Tony Blair was one year in power. Yeah, if one was called like Olly or George or James or like, even Gary's were on the way out there. Yeah. Gary Bush was the last great but Gary, wasn't he? Yeah. Great's a big word. So she said it was very spooky seeing that podcast name come up in my notifications, which was presumed called Gavin and Malcolm. It's now impossible to listen to your stories without imagining tiny middle-aged men in kilts,

ripping the heads off flowers and shitting in cars. Oh, God. Also, I just forgot that I told those stories. What too awful things someone could do? And I realized, oh, that was my life about two months ago. Thanks for all the laughs at Agnes. P.S. please get Ellis James on soon. We did that. We've done that. Wow, that's amazing. So Gavin and Malcolm are an actual pair of siblings. What are you age are they? Fifty-six. I think what we should do if Agnes is listening, which I hope she still is, we'd love them, Gavin

and Malcolm to record the opening intro, like we get the children to record. Please, yeah, that, if you can sort that out, Agnes, also as well, I'd quite like Agnes's mom's name and any siblings names, just to see if there's like, you mean? Yeah. We'd be across all of that, but do keep your Gavin and Malcolm's coming in if you know any Gavin and Malcolm's siblings. 56 and 58 is the age to beat. I mean, I love to say keep sending them in. We've literally just had one inbox from. And I failed to read the email properly.

Oh yeah. We're probably common telegrand, didn't it from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from the the the telegand the telegant the telegant the telegant their their their their didn't it from old Agnes? Yeah, yeah. Rob, I should tell you, I had the worst bank holiday Monday of all time. Oh yes please, because I've been having a tough time because we've had school holidays, so I need this job. This will cheer you right up. Our relationship to work. Okay, so a couple of days before the bank holiday Monday, we're invited by some friends to go to London Zoo. Okay. Which would have been lovely but I didn't realize they said you want to go to the zoo on Monday afternoon. I didn't realize it was a bank holiday. So I was like, no I'm working. I'm not going to go to the zoo.

You know, I can't. So I presumed I'd have work. And then obviously I realize on the Sunday that the next day is a bank holiday and we're doing absolutely fuck all. Is your daughter normally in care, like a nursery care? She's not in care, Rob. I mean I've made some mistakes but that's a bit unfair. No, sorry, child care on a Monday. No, she's not. But I just thought I can't take the time off to go to the zoo in this situation, right? But then then I then I was a bank holiday. So I thought, I did have some work to get done. So I thought, I'll rush the work through. And then we'll do the second best thing to the zoo. Heckney City Farm.

However, I get my daughter all excited. We're going to the farm. What animals do you want to see, but we papered over that, she was very excited. And then we were like, we lost our faith in the farm and we were like, should we just go to the park and she demanded we go to the farm? So we drive across to the farm, get there, it's closed temporarily for COVID. Oh no. So we think, well we'll just around the edge of the Hackney City Farm and steal the animals. Oh God this is awful. This is one of the... Oh by the way I've had five pints so I'm hung over as well. No yeah no no no I'm not. I'm not five

points night before. You're sure she's not in care? So you had five points to night before which back in the day you could handle, but now, I'm hung over as shit, right? So we're walking around the boundary of Hackney City Farm. None of the animals are in the field. They've all gone. She's absolutely gutted. But there's a kind of woodland trail that they've built into the park. So we thought we'll do that. I have never seen so many rats in my fucking life.

So in the space of 48 hours we turned down going to the zoo and now we're walking down a woodland trail and then, which is just rats and squirrels and she's like, there's a rabbit and it's like it's a rat mate. And then it gets worse. A squirrel squares up to us. I'm absolutely shitting myself that we're about to be attacked the the to to to be to be to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked by to be attacked to be to be attacked by to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their. A their. A their. A their. A their. A their. A their. A their. A their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that. A that. A that. that. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th squares up to us. I'm absolutely shitting myself that we're about to be attacked by this squirrel. And obviously my daughter doesn't realize she can't read squirrel body language as well as I can. So we basically have to do a runner from a squirrel on this woodland trail. Oh no. That's pathetic, Josh. It's a worse afternoon, right. So then we're like we've got a leap. She wanted to stay

in the wooden trial because obviously she doesn't have the issue with rats. I don't like rats. Also, is there a condom and drug vibe there as well? Oh no, but I tell you what there is. There's a sign saying active wasps nest nearby. Oh God, there's no rest is there? No, it's one of the most stressful half hours of my life. So we get out of there and I'm like we'll go to Broadway market. She's absolutely set on getting an ice cream in a cone which is a big big draw for her. She won't accept anything less. So we walked up. She's like well I'll like we'll go to the bookshop on Broadway market. Okay but she's insistent on getting this ice cream. When I take a cornetto or does it need to be? No, it needs to be an ice cune. And I'm like, you know when you're like, I know this

isn't going to be an option. Yeah, because that's a tackle. I was fine, but to get a proper ice cream on a bank on any Monday. But then, unbelievably good night sweetheart where the guy would like walk through from the different time and he's from like 50 So there's a man stood there with one of those ice cream trollies that cockneys used to push around Was it a cockney angel? It was like a it was like a cockney ghost who goes to an ice cream? And he's there and we go up to him and he's got like the white hat and stuff on you know and he makes, he??? the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. the th. th. the the the th. the to to the the the th. the th. to the the the the the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. I th. I the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's th. th. I th. th. and we go up to him and he's got like the white hat and stuff on, you know. And he makes a strawberry ice cream that, I'm not going to lie, I've never seen a color like it. That had not seen, that had not seen a strawberry in its fucking life. And the strawberry was, it was so, I was like, this is so bad this ice cream. This is so synthetic. That I had to, you know, like when you think would you take a shot if someone was firing, firing at your family?

I was like asking my daughter whether I could have a lick of her ice cream so that I could get some down me so that she wouldn't have to ingest it. Okay, so she wouldn't have the whole lot. So I'm like, forcing myself to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to So she wouldn't have the whole lot. So I'm like forcing myself to eat this absurd ice cream. And then she's like we're going to the bookshop. Bookshop closed, obviously. However, there is a secondary bookshop. This is the most east London thing I've ever seen. The queue for the bookshop was six deep. What? And she insisted at this point that we had a queue for the bookshop. People were out of 25 minute queue for a fucking bookshop. No, and you stood in it?

Yeah, because she wouldn't leave. We were like, we haven't got an option. Shall, mate. I was, I wasn't in the queue for the tribe. Yeah, it's mad. And then you get in and she bought a book that is for a one year. I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. th. th. And you th. And you th. And you th. And you th. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And you. And you. And you. And you th. And you th. And you th. And you th. And you just got to go no and just take the crime. What? Are you kidding me? No, I would have gone no, we can't go to the bookshop. She was silent for 25 minutes in the queue.

It was the best bit of the day. Oh, fair enough. I stand corrected. That was the best bit of the day. What, it wasn't the rats? It wasn't the thaps. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that was so we got the book and then that was basically it. Oh wow what a lovely family time. What a lovely family day out. You know because it goes so quick this stage you don't want to miss you know it? It would be terrible wouldn't it to look back and go I don't think I really took in the wasmest, the aggressive squirrel, the shut farm, the shut bookshop and the rats. What's great about this podcast is all these these priceless memories that I might have forgotten will be forever remembered if I wanted to list back to this. And when we get old,

you can listen back, go, wasn't that a magical day? Exactly. It's great, there's getting documented, isn't it documented, isn't it? Yeah, I've got my first playdate, by the way. You've got a playdate? Are you having playdates of other people? Are we not exclusive? Well, that's a playdate where the parents know each other ours. Oh, God. O'Gon, ours is her best friend from nursery.

Oh, yeah, because obviously you don't know the parents. You don't know the parents. I've gotthe the the the the the the the the the the thoe thoe of chats at the gate but I'm not going to lie Rob. I bottled it like a teenager failing to ask a girl out on a date. I bottled it on asking them for a play date and instead got their number off the person that runs a nursery and then sent them a WhatsApp. Oh you couldn't do it face to face, you slid in the DMs. I can't do it face to face, slid into the DMs. And they, okay, is there not some sort of, um... She replied. Oh, okay, yeah, how many kisses? None. None.

None. Very efficient. Okay. Okay. Okay. What's the text? Yeah, I don't know how you receive this. Hey, this is my daughter's dad, Josh. Alana, who runs the nursery, gave me your number, hope that is okay. Our daughter has been talking a lot about how she would love to see your daughter, in brackets, her favorite,

her favorite, close brackets, outside of nursery. I was wondering if you guys fancy meeting up with them one weekend. That's it. That's okay. of nursery and I was wondering if you guys fancied meeting up with them one weekend. That's okay. They put the little favourite, it's quite nice toucest but the little favourite is to say like the best friend because the worry now is that she just replies my daughter's never mentioned your daughter. I know I was absolutely terrified of that. I was like this is this could be absolutely one of those heartbreaking things. Or she said it back the whole way, well I'd love to but and then put all the names of him and in brackets, least favorite. And then oh okay well that's nice, that's a good thing.

I think it's quite grown up things do because I think when you're like got friends already and then you're like the first person the leap. So it's good that you've done it. So what did she reply? So we're meeting up on Saturday. We're going to, there's a lovely Woodland Trail in Hackney City Farm that we're going to go on actually. Do you like rats? Do you like rats? So you meet enough on the weekend? Yeah, so that will be exciting, so I'll keep you updated on how that goes. Well, the issue is really, from an entertainment point of view, you're either going to go,

it was great, they already got on, or you'll never mention it on it, and everyone will know that it went terribly. Yeah, well, what I should say is that because of holidays, the producer and me, we are recording these slightly ahead of time so I won't be discussing it on next week's episode I'll be discussing it on the one after so when I don't talk about it next week don't presume it was a fucking washout. We will come back to it and let people know how it works. That's a leap of faith mate I've not done that I'm very nervous have you never done that? No I've I've a lose sort of it's weird really because we went

through like a stage of like literally having no friends with kids and then we had some from like the, what's the class, NCT classes, but then we moved from that area to like zone 5 so we had no one, but I bumped into, you know the Matt Morgan, the uh, yeah, comedian, well he's a writer, comedy writer and he used to do li li li li li li li li li li, like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the, like, literally, literally, like, literally, like, like, literally, like, like, like, literally, literally, literally, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, literally, literally, literally, the, literally, the, literally, the, literally, literally, literally, the, literally, like, literally, like, like, literally, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,the Matt Morgan, the comedian, well, he's a writer, comedy writer, and used to do the Russell Brown radio shows. He, I was chatting to him, got on with him at this party, and we found out we live five minutes from each other, and I was like, oh my God, let's make our wives like each other,

so then we've got people we know with same age kids, because they had kids the same age tha same same same same samethink Matt would agree with this that our wife's friendship has really blossomed and now sort of is fine but we have really overshadowed us. Now we still text and meet up but they're like on an absolute house on fire. Oh well that's good and bad I spoke. So yeah it's hard we were very excited we didn't know anyone so it's good um, right? So yeah, it's hard. We were very excited. We were at a stage we didn't know anyone, so it's good to find some people in your area. The pressure's on.

The pressure is on. You know, you come to mind, but it's a bit of a drive. If you know this on around the corner, you can just pop around to the today. with you. I prefer the parents to have a good day. Yeah, well you come down again when you're back for your mollody. Well we will, we will. Rob, I was thinking about something you said. Do you remember when you said about saying eggies? Oh yes, when you say kids' stupid words. I have my own childish word that I've realized has got into my vocabulary. The one I've done Rob. Yeah. the o'cchi tummy. So do you use ouchy to to to to to to to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to to to use to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to. So do you use Ouchy to mean ache? I suppose.

You say Pauly Belly. Still has meant on it. Yeah. Alchie Tummy. I never used to say Pauly. No, I've ever said Pauly. That's more Lou and I've copied that. Poorly. But Ouchie Tummy. I've said, I've said ouchy-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-o-o-o-o-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy-s. toozy. toozy. toozy. toozy. too-s. too-s. too-s. too-s. too-s. toozy. I toozy. Ouchy to in in the company of adults. I think so you'd say to like oh she's got an

oustery tummy and then you're like no she's no she hasn't got an oushy tummy. She's she's she's she hasn't actually got an out she tumb she's fucking up that's what she's doing. I did the same. I say say say say. I say. I say. I say. I said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's that she's th. She's th. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's she's. She's. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's got. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. going for a wee wee. Oh yeah. Do you know there's something, like, it just all feels so twee, doesn't it? Yeah, it feels, like... It's quite nice in a way. Yeah, does it make, does it take you back to an easier time? Do you what like I'm six again. How much for you to adopt the trousers and pants, piss at the urinal for a year? Oh I mean, drunk, probably nothing for a laugh. I think I've done that on many of stag doo, that's a classic, isn't it?

Yeah, I wouldn't want my belt touching the floor of a gent's urinal. I would a stag do, or a bloke eat bloke eat a whole lemon including rind. You ever seen that? Wonderful type. How did he eat it? What? Just like an apple? Just like an apple? And he ate all of it. Oh wow. No, actually I think he cut it in half. And just ate it through it like, yeah, but ate all of it and skin. I actually kind of I like a sourness but maybe that would be that it it it it it it it that it that it that it that it that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be wonderful. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. tha. they. their tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. I to to tha. I to to t yeah but I all of it and skin is a wonderful I do like I like a I like a I like a sourness but maybe that would be that would be too much for me I reckon next episode eat 11 during the show and see how you get on see if it affects your bansy what I'm singing I reckon I reckon that the ratings are on the slide you've read like a that be great yeah yeah yeah yeah yes that be great tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that that that be that be that be that be great that that that that that be great that be great that be great that be that be great that be great that be great that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be that be that be that be great that be great that be that be that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that be great that be great that be great that be great that be great that be cause that stuck with us. What a day. You know, if you ever like... In the comes eating 11. You've read like a Wikipedia page about, like, you're like trying to remember a TV show or something.

And it'll always end with, in the final series, a lot of the features were replaced with other features. You jump the shark. I've never heard of a TV show, completely changing its format and that turning its fortunes around. It's always the final series. Love Island. Love Island did. Love Island originally was celebrities in Fiji. Oh yes it was. Sorry. Sorry I'm going to have to call you on that Josh. I don't want to be that guy. No, fair enough. They did it. Josh we start to talk about kids again. Yes, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I was discussing the commission commissioning commission. to commission. C commission. the commission. C commission. the commission. the commission. the commission. It commission. It commission. It commission. It's commission. It's commission. it's fine. I was discussing the commissioning process. Right, anyway. Josh, I've got an email here.

It's a semi-serious one, but I think we should mention it. Basically, we've got this, they didn't leave a name actually. She's got like a wacky Instagram name. But she said, I don't have children, love the show, but I'm a nanny and she's been trained in thrained in their thrained in their thrained in their thrained in thrained in their trained trained trained trained trained trained trained in their their their their, thrained in their, thrained in thrained in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarded in safeguarding and she heard an episode where I think it was when my daughter's ruined my wife's birthday present by telling her what I'd got immediately I think it was we got your ring and like three days for a birthday and I said oh you should have said that was a secret but I've just been pulled on it and I think it's a good little bit of a info that the best way with kids

because secrets and our little secret can be used as sort of a grooming technique for kids. What you do is you define a surprise and a secret. So if kids it's a surprise so that they're aware that they are allowed to tell someone at some point, but at this moment in time we can't tell mom because it's not a birthday yet. So it's a surprise, not a secret and in that way if, you know know you can say that you shouldn't keep secrets especially if something's going awry and a bit dodged so that's quite a good tip there so it's a surprise that is a good tip I've got another good tip but I just wanted to say on that thing of what you can and can't tell kids yeah the most trouble I ever got into when I worked on XFM yeah was unthinkingly there the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian th. th. th. Yeah th. tr to to to to to told. told. told. told. told. told. told. to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. to be told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's t. that's t. today. that's today. that's today. that's that's that's t. that's children listening to this, so I won't say what I said. But basically...

Tell you what, if your kid is listening to this, just tell them to stop listening for a minute, I don't think children on their own are listening to this podcast. No, but that wasn't the problem. There was moms driving their children to like ballet and stuff. Well, if you're driving, if your kids if your kids is if your kids is the kids is listening is listening, if your kids is listening, if your kids th is listening, if your kids th is listening is listening is listening is listening, thi's listening, thi's listening, thi's listening, thi's listening, thi's listening, to to to to to thi's listening, to to thi's listening, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi. thi, th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toooing. tooing. I's thi. let them pull's it for a second and then Josh say what you said on XFM. That f-f. That f-feebs isn't real. Oh, Josh, you mad bastard! I just said it in part. It wasn't like, I didn't break the news.

I didn't say, I was just... News in from Lapland. wow, that is... That is unthinking. Imagine the sort of chilled out, cool dude, parents are like, hey man, I'm not gonna pause this podcast. My kids can hear things, I don't mind, and liberal, all of a sudden now, car screeched to a hole. It was lying kids. We did a trigger warning at the top of this episode. Yeah, we do need a trigger warning at the top of this episode.

Maybe we could bleep out the name of the person you're talking about. It isn't real. Do you think other people will understand who we're talking about? Well, I think they would have got it at Lapland. Shaking Stevens? Right, so do you want another good interesting tip for that we've had emailed him? So do you know we were talking about how for your kids to deal with having a new sibling come along? Yeah. This is from Aleta Welensky. I'm not a parent but I love the your most recent episode where one of your listeners asks for tips on how to their older child to adjust to a new baby. There's lots of

people that aren't parents that listen to this podcast Rob. Yeah I know I don't but I'm starting to feel like in sort of a sick way like the getting off on our misery. Yeah, like Shard and Freud. Do you listen to football. A. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. their, their, I, their, their, I, I, their, I, I, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their tod. tod. today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, t suppose I listen to football podcast, I'm not a football though. Yeah, but you watch, you watch football every Saturday. I doubt these people watching children every Saturday. Well, I hope not, I hope not. Unless you've got some sort of non-fan base. Right, so this email from a wonderful person called Aletta Wielensky. One of your listeners asked for tips on how to help the older child adjust to a new baby and I thought I'd share what my mom successfully used on me. When she found out she was pregnant she started taking me to see all of her friends who had babies and making sure I played with them and had a

lovely time playing mummy until inevitably I asked if I could have a baby brother or sister. She explained that babies took a long time their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to to to to their. to to to to their. to to their. their. to to their. I was. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was. I was their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I. I. I was. I was. I was toe. I was te. I was te. I was te. I was te. I'm. I'm te. I'm to. te. I'm. to. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm t. I'm to. I'm te. I'm. I'm t could have a baby brother or sister. She explained that babies took a long time to make, and there was no sending them back, so I had to be absolutely certain I wanted one. This is amazing! When I said yes, we put in the order for a baby and it was delivered in five months' time. In the following months, my parents involved me in every decision about my baby, from choosing the outfits and paint colors, to their of a hat. I have a strong substition of all the pieces of paper with it the same name.

This might sound manipulative. Both our parents were in politics, so they played to their strengths, but it really worked. I loved her from day one and rarely felt any jealousy towards her. Oh, that's nice. That is nice. When did the shared the share the share the share the s the s the s the s the s the s their their their their their their their their the it? When did the shared decision making stop though? Because that's the issue.

You don't really need your mom and a nine-year-old telling you to do your own work. Yeah, they're deciding on which school, the nine-year-old was deciding which school to send a younger sibling to. Oh, the other one, as them to come into your house first before you bring the baby home so the babies coming into the house with the child in so it feels like they're welcome to in not like the babies in their babies in there and all settled in they come in it's like they've been taken over as it were the baby so that they're in they're the the they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the they've they've they've they've the the they've their their their they've they've their their they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their they're they they they they they're they're they're their they're they're their their they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they tte they te. they te. they they they they they. they're they're they're they house as the baby arrives not the other way around and they arrive to a house of a baby in. I like these actually genuinely useful tips I think are good. I think we should do a new feature. Well I think since the one show we've re-branded now the banner switches

off I'm just fucking stupid. I haven't laughed once in three episode. I just absolutely buzzing off tips. tip tip the tip tip the the tip the the tip their their their their th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that is that is thus. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. These is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I's is th. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just that. I'm just that. I'm just thate. I'm just just thate. I'm just just thate. I'm just that. I'm just just a that. I'm that. I off tips. So if you've got any genuinely good tips on parenting, do send them in. We'll name the feature something like, it worked for me. Yeah, I'm not an ass-old, but this is quite useful. Yeah, I'm not an arso, but something like that kind of thing. I'll get, I do apologize, Michael, but if there is any sniff of a jingle, I won't turn it down. Oh, look, let's get a, we did a better name for it, but it needs to be that kind of thing of, it's hard to give tips about being that wanker.

It's like, I've got a child actually in there three days older and you're so I know as a mother, all of us a father. I'll start with the best tip tip number one tip for having a baby. And he said, get a thermos and have your tea in that rather than in a mug. Because otherwise you're just playing, you make your tea, the tea goes cold when you remember it 30 minutes later. Yes. You're walking around your house with a thermos, mate. You've got hot tea all day long. Yeah. Cold coffee is the curse of the parent. tha. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. tha. ti. tha. tmue. tm. tm. t. t. t. t. t. to. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t t t. t. t. t. te. te. te.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, t. Sothe parent. So a thermos is a great shout. However, having a mug full of hot drink does stop you having to look after children as well. That's it. Because you can go, oh, I've got a tea.

And you say that, everyone kicks into gear around it. But I would go, if you're on your own in the house, Firmos. So send in your genuinely useful tips. Also I'm can I just make it clear that I still want stories about wanking in a box at the IVF clinic? Yes of course. I don't let's not let's not forget what got us here Josh. No indeed, exactly. But I want shit smeared faces let's not reinvent the wheel. It's it's evolution not revolutionist Jack. Yeah and if you've got any tips about wanking in a box that's the ideal meeting point between what we're looking for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the, yeah. the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if, if, if, if, the, if, the, if, if, the, it, it, it, it's, it's, it, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th. th. the, the, the, the the, the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. to to the. to to to to the. to to to to to to the. to to the. the about wanking in a box, that's the ideal meeting point between what we're looking for. Yeah, if you could give me a defined sort of like schedule and, you know, a plan of action to ejaculate as quick as possible in an IVF box, let us know because that would be helpful

to a lot of our listeners. Thank you very much to everyone. Good night. That was lockdown parenting hell.