Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP40: Under the table floor picnic

Episode Date: September 11, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP40: Under the table floor picnicMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parent in hell with...

Ready? Can you say Rob Beckett? What's Fricket? Can you say Josh Widdickum? Very good. Very cute. Who's that, Josh? That is four-year-old Millie daughter of Jemma Summerton. She has mild hearing loss which has affected speech development, but I think she's done pretty good job considering. Yeah, she smashed that. Yeah, absolutely smashed that. Thank you to Millie. Thank you to Jemma, who's described our podcast as a comedy life boy in

the sea of awfulness during lockdown. Nice. That's, I that we should put that on a, we don't have posters, do we? Do we reckon we should start doing posters? I don't know whether that is... Like flyboats him? Do you think we should start flyering door to door? We could pay someone to go door to door fliering. I reckon we should do flyering outside, oh, it's probably an absolute COVID. Oh, it's probably an absolute COVID-night. I've had down little bits of paper to commute us all panicked about going back to the office in September.

Hello, have that, have that, shouting in their faces. Yeah it's probably just easier just to go on Steve Wright again, isn't it? That's probably got more cut-through. Or can everyone listening to this? Just tell two people today to listen to it. Or just grab their phone and subscribe to it. their, their, or, or, or, or, or, or, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th....... And, th. And, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi. Yeah, oh, thi. Yeah, thi.e, tho, tho, tho, toda, today, today, today, today, today, tho, tho.e.e.ha, tho, tho, tho to do is, or just grab their phone and subscribe to it. Like, if you're your granddad, he's got loads of unused stories. Like the new two album, that just ended up on people's iTunes. Yeah, just do that. So grab an old person's phone and then just subscribe to it and it'll just keep downloading it

and it'll look like they're listening to it idea. I like that idea. Yeah, okay, let's do that. Rather do post-it- subscribe old people to this podcast, but the problem will be then suddenly our demographics on iTunes and the software will screw massively and people are like, there's loads of 80-year-old people who've all subscribed on the same day. Hey Josh, have you heard about these pants you wear that when you piss yourself, they're great. Aren't crops comfy. How are you Rob? I'm pretty good you know. Kids are all behaving back at school now so I've got a bit more time to myself. And also I remembered when I went on that camping trip when it wasn't windy it was really sunny right and I got a bit of feedback on my parenting by another one of the parents. And also I don't really the trip, when it wasn't windy, it was really sunny, right? And I got a bit of feedback on my parenting by another one of the parents.

And you don't realize what you're doing. Face to face? Face to face, yeah. It was red. It was red. And we went to have fish and chips. And it was like, there's no cloud. There was like oh it's

too I hate it and I'm trying to like sit beside them and cover up and then the end I went what about a special under the table floor picnic and the kids like yeah and their kids they're like yeah that'll be fun basically they're just the they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the their their their they their their their their they're just their their their their their their their th so they they they they they they they they're just they just to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to to to to to to to to try to try to to to to try to to to to to to to to to to they're just to they're they're to they're they they table under a table but they're in shade right so it's quite good idea because it kept them quiet they were safe under there and they won't get him burnt right and then he said to me this broken you you you just sell stuff like it's the best thing ever even though it's a crap option I was so aware of your career you just like maybe he was talking about my stand-up maybe they were their-up maybe, you just like, and before like the kids, when we were camping, the kids were like getting a bit moody and whether how about we go in your special bed with your teddies and watch your iPads and I realized I sell stuff like I'm a kid's TV percent and I can just, wow, there but for the grace of God. So I, and it was like I didn't realize I work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work. I work. I work out out. I work out out. I work out. I work out. I work out. I work out. I work out. I was. I was. I was. I was like, I'm. I'm. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm. Well, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm. So I didn't realize I'd do it, but basically I find out, I work out what I want them to do and then I'm in my head just fork away a way of selling it as like the most exciting thing ever for a kid.

See that's much better than my attitude, which is I'll attempt to half heartedly sell something, fail and then think, oh fuck this then, we'll just do what the try, yeah, this is a write-off. Yeah. That's the skills you have from Columbia Road at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning rock. Exactly. You're a salesman? Yes, I think that's what it is really where. What age do you think that will carry you through till? Like do you think like that would work with a 12 year year that w. that w. that w. that w. that w. that w. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that would work thi. thi. tho. that that that that that that that that that would that would that would that would that would that would that would th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. tho. the. tho. the. the. tho. tho. that tho. that tho. tho. tho. th, because I've options going, do you want to sit on the floor and eat your chips? Yeah. Is a no, isn't it? Did you get under the table yourself? No, they did. So you just told them to go under the table? Yeah, which actually like written down. I always think that doesn because I didn't realize I did it, but now he's pulled it up, I realize that I go into salesman mode.

It's rocket shoes all over again or whatever it was. Yeah, exactly. It's just working out what is you want them to do and sell it and selling it. Week on week, we should have a challenge where you see what kind of shit you can sell to your children. What can Rob make his children do thrownmanship? Yeah, give me a challenge. Give him a challenge. The other thing I do is I do soldiers. So if they, if I wanted to get them to tidy, I go, soldiers, report for duty, line up soldiers, and I get them to line up and then get them to salute.

We do like a march. And then I go, your mission is to get all to getthat and I'm like a Sergeant Major and they love that. Wow. That works. You are like a proper kind of, you are like a parent from a CITV show, aren't you? Yeah, I've just got a lot of energy. And my voice sounds like a kid's entertainer. Yeah. So I didn't realize it did, but yeah, it does. But anyway, I didn't notice I did that until this bloke pulled me up on it. I think that's I that's a very very very very very very very very very very. I's a very. I's a very. I's a very. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm just. I'm just. thi. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I've th. I've that's. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. th. th. thi. the. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. I'm just just just just theeat. I'm just just theat. I've just just you going to be self-conscious about it or are you going to doubly embrace it? That's the question. You know me, I'll double, double it, double down in any situation. I'll double down in any situation. Don't worry about that. But yeah, so I didn't realize that's one of my techniques. So if you've got anything you want Rob to try. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their the the the the the the the the the the they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I to b. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to their. I to be to be to be to be tra. I tra. I true. I true. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll double embrace it. I'll double embrace it. I'll double embrace it. I'll double embrace it. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll to try and make his children do within the you know God yeah this sounds a bit awkward didn't it like some sort of child with also I think because of the we're recording these ahead of time due to people going on holidays where are you going on holiday you're allowed to say I am going to

campus hands oh oh yeah very nice got an Airbnb it'll be very nice it will be very nice be very very pleasant. Your children will be back at school by then, Rob. Yes, have you taken your daughter on an overseas holiday? Yeah. Yes, we went to Greece for a week two years ago? Two years ago. Oh, right. So she would have been like 11 months. Yeah.

And we got away with the flight, but you're basically, it was three hours. And you're basically seeing it in like five minute increments, aren't you? If I can just get her through the next five minutes by rattling these keys. And like, I remember when she did a shit, I was absolutely delighted. God's saying you could get up. Going to change her in the toilet, that's at least five to ten minutes killed straight away with doing something rather than sitting there panicked. You're just looking for things to do to distract her. And changing her on a small table in a tight little toilet is absolutely perfect.

It's like a kind of escape room game. Yeah. My mate's gone to Turkey and he's got a one-year-old and a three-year-old, and I said, how was the flight with the kids and he replied a four-hour living hell? Oh my god. Yeah, no, she held it together, thank God. Oh good. And then we went to a place that was very night. We had a lovely time. So it was a success. I'm just quite anxious whole time that you can't enjoy your holiday because you keep checking the news, especially the job we do, we can't we can't do quarantine. I don't. I don't want the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the the the the the job. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. to to to to to to to the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the job. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. to. tog. to. to. tog. to. to. tog. to. to I have to rush back from Greece so that I don't get put in quarantine and have to watch you sitting in my seat on the last leg for two weeks. Oh yeah, imagine that that would be infuriated. Absolutely, although I am hoping for lockdown in Melbourne obviously before the series really starts. Anyway, how have you been though Josh? Oh I've been okay.. So I've got two things to discuss.

Also we still need to talk about your getting drunk story. We will do that as a well let's show me as a nice person first. Okay fair. Or should we get it out of the way? Do you want to get out the way for the listeners? Do I tell it? I think it's fair if I tell it and then you correct me. Yes because I was I was much more sober than you. So this would be two Christmases ago. Yep in a fancy like members club that I've never been in before or since. So we were at a fancy Christmas drinks held by a celebrity. Yes. The kind of thing I never really get invited to. Then the celebrity drinks I'm usually invited to end with you and Tom Allen drunk at 1 a.m. Having a go on your exercise bike in your shed. Yeah, this was a bit more top level wouldn't it? Top brass.

This was top brass. I'm going to say Richard Bacon was there. It was top bra. Who I've never met, but I have heard his absolutely lovely. Anyway, I've got an addendum to this as well by the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. to th. to to to to th. th. to th. to thi. to to to thi. to too. too. too. I, tooom, tooom, tooom, too. I'm, too too too toe, too toe, toe, to to to to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to to to to to to toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, thi. I thi. I'm the, the, the, the, the. I'm the the. I'm the the. I'm the. I'm too. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe but I have heard he's absolutely lovely. Anyway, I've got an addendum to this as well, by the way, Ron. So anyway, it was one of those places where they just pour you champagne, which I've never really been in that situation where it's just on tap. And also, I can't drink champagne because it makes me throw up. It makes you hiccup and then throw up.

And so inevitably I threw up I threw up I throw throw up I throw up I throw up I throw up and so inevitably I threw up in the middle of the room while we were talking to Danny Baker's daughter. Yes so it was that kind of it was that kind of party. Yeah but you don't you don't throw up what you do is you do like these weird little barks where you go yeah yeah it's like you sort of go, like that and a little bit comes out but it's not a full sick. So, but do you know what? I was talking to my wife last night about how I haven't thrown up in about a year. Well, yeah. I as we go. And then you stepped in like an absolute hero and kind of shepherded me down some stairs to the toilet and then went back and cleaned up after me. Well, yeah, so it was me and you were talking to Bonnie Baker and Danny Baker got off somewhere. Lou was there and Rose was there, okay. You did like a little, like, and ed like a dog was being sick like a landed a little sort of like like tiny like mini pizza

I can't tell you how many bubbles I had inside me at this point It was like a it was the size of I'd say like a a little splat of like a cheeseburger Splat of like a little tiny cheeseburger splat of the floor when you went look like that as you????????????? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. I th. I t. I t. I t. I t. I today. I was today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It. It was. It was like. It was like. Like. Like. Like. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, t. Like, ti. Like, t. cheeseburger splat on the floor when you went, ooh, like that. As you did that and did that sick, your wife and my wife and Daddy Baker's daughter just turned away and walked away immediately. Oh my gosh. Abandoned you, right? Yeah. Then turned around to see where they were going and was stood, I'd say probably about 30 centimeters away from the back Andrew Lloyd Weber would ruin some career chances for me. I thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, your your thi, your thi, your thi, your thi, your wife, your wife, your wife, your wife, your thi, your wife, your wife, your thi, your thi, your thi, your thi, your thi, your thi, your thi, your your your thi, your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your your, your, your your, your your, your your, your, your, your th, your th, your th. Your, thi, thi, your thi, thi, your thi, thi, thi, thi, your thi. Your thi. Your thi. Your wife, thioliolough, thiolough, thiolough, thiolough, thioloughy's thiolough, thiolough, your wife, your wife, your wife to say it Rob. You say that throwing up on Andrew Lloyd Weber would ruin some career chances for me. I think you've totally misjudged where you see my career going. No, but what I was saying is you were stood there and as you were about to do another weird little sick burp, I grabbed you by the arms and just pointed you in the corner and you were sick in the corner. But if you had th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th. the the th. the the the th. the. the tho. tho. the thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. too. too. toe in the corner, but if you'd been, you were facing the whole party. So if you were sick and Andrew Lonera about everyone would have seen, and I can't imagine

he would have taken it well, right? No. And then so I just dragged you down to the stairs like a bouncer, and bouncer, and you were, doing loads of burger sikes, and I thrown, and I threw it up and I'll to to be, and be, and be, and be, and they, I'll, I'll, I'll, and I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, to be, to be, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'd, I'd, I'll, I'd, and I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, and I'd, and I'd, and I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, and I'd, and I'd, and I'd, and I'd, and, and, and, th..a, th.a, th.a, th.a, ta'.a'.a'.a'. And, th.a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, tha'er, I'dto follow it like Hanson Gretel, this little trail of Widdercumbatties, I'm just scooping up this sick all the way to the corner of the room and somehow no one noticed. No one noticed. I can't believe it. And I can't believe it. And I can't believe I didn't allow that to happen. And what's, how much better would the story have been? Oh my th. I th. I th. I th. I th is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their to to to to to to to to to their. I'm just. I'm. to to to to to to tooom. I too. I'm. I'm just. I'm just just. I'm just just. I'm just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. I just. I'm. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm. t. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm. I'm just me can't believe I didn't allow that to happen because of what, how much better would the story have been? Oh my God. I wonder whether, I mean that would have, it would have at least ended up in the bizarre column of the sun. Dan Wutton would have been all over that. Yeah. So then Charlie Brooker, who's a very nice man was there. And I was so stressed the whole day. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, the the thi, thi, the thi, the the the the story the, the story the story the story thi, the story the story the story the story the story the story the story the story the story the story the story the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story the story the story the story the story tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeeeea. thea. theeea. theeeeea. their their the story the thi. the situation. Then we had him on hypothetical last series.

Yeah. And I was so stressed the whole day because I was thinking, I haven't seen Charlie Brooker before or since that incident. I'd never met him except in that situation. Yeah, but did he mention it? Yeah, it was the first thing he said. He said, last time I saw you and I thought, here we fucking go, but he was absolutely lovely about it. What did he say? He was just like, oh yeah, that was funny, wasn't it? And also, I've got this thing where if I see someone being sick, I want to be sick myself

and I thought, he's taken this very well. Charlie Booker is one of the nicest people. Charlie Boehrie always the ones that are, like Frankie Boyle is such a nice person. Yeah, really nice, but you don't expect it like, yeah, I'm... Do you know you don't want to trust anyone that's too nice on screen, Rob? Anyone that's too nice on screen? You say it about me? You saying I'm a- No. I'm just trying this podcast now the 3 a.m. girls? What have we become? Let's talk about parenting. Right, what was you going to say about your parenting thing? Oh, so I've got a genuine question about the parenting.

Two genuine questions about parenting. Number one, since a daughter going back to nursery and then I'm kind of working much much more full time, absolutely lurched into her being obsessed with Rose and not not being a fan of me again. And I wondered, have you had this situation, Rob, with a two-year-old, where basically you go away and you work full-time and then suddenly you're in the bad books? And it's an absolute nightmare because there's pressure on the time you're with them? And I wondered whether loads of people are having this at the moment. I hope they are because it's a if it's just me I'm having an absolute nightmare. So she just hates you at the

moment? I'd say 60% of the time. Oh yeah I and yeah I had this when I was working loads and touring and then you feel really guilty because when you come back in your home for a couple of days they they they they they they they they they they they they they the their their their their their their they they their their their they their their their their their they th. I'm th. th. So they're th. So th is they're thi thi thi thi. So th. So th. So they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me th. I I th. I thi. I thi thi thi to thi to thr-I thr-I try that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're they're they just don't want to know and they just want their mom all the time. Yeah. But it's different now I've got two because the two-year-old doesn't want to know me at the moment, but then it means a four-year-old is like, oh, I love daddy because it's like, because it's like a competition, so it's like, it's like, it's just, it's just, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, they, they, they, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. th. th. tho. th. tho. th. th. th.'s just a phase that they go through, but what you do is because you've got that guilt. What was the best way to deal with it? Because part of you wants to go, well, not like vocally, but just go, oh fuck you then. But I, I mean, what an approach, I'd love that, record that and what I mean. I read some, I read an article and it was like, you you you you you you you you you you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I that. I that, I that, I that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. the the the the the the the the the tha the tha that's that's that's that's that that that that that the that on her. Oh no, that's too needy. It's a really difficult situation.

Do you know what I mean? I don't think you need to do that. I pull them up on stuff when they go like, you're not my best friend. I'll say, well, that's not very nice. That's a mean have that day. You know, imagine, imagine as a grown-up, I always try to think like, sort of treat him like a grown-up, right? Imagine if you went to work one day and it was a per, your colleague was like a bit off of you. You'd just be like, I'd be like, I'd be a bit a bit a bit a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a bit, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a, I's a little, I's a, I's a, I's a, I's a, I, I's a gna, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, th. I'm a. t. t. t. t. t. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try, try, try make you know that I printed it out for you actually it really made me feel bad that you grabbed it off. I love your idea of what an office is printing out an email for someone else and then it's been grabbed off you in a weird manner.

Is it obvious that I've worked in an office for a long time? What they're doing in it just printing out? I'm finding out emails and fined them? They're just they're doing it, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just it to me. There are those older people in offices that have to have emails printed out from those, which makes me laugh. Of course. Like the founders of the company, like multi-millionaires and I like print out them emails for me. I can't be dealing with all them screens. So is it a general thing that happens to a lot of people, do you think? I think so? I mean if there's anyone listening and it's happening to and let us know. What are your tips and techniques? Because I just sort of let them ride it out as a phase, but if you have got a technique, I haven't got one. But what if I'm still letting her ride it out at 16? I'm thinking, just hold on in there.

She's going to change her mind in a minute. you know, men that are parents of daughters, we are staring down the barrel of a five-year sort of purgatory. They don't even talk to us. They're gonna stick ignored from like the age of like 13 to 18. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine with that. I've made my piece with that, but I'll be annoyed if I lose the first 13 years before that as well. Yeah, what's the point? The distance is now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now thing now thing thing thing thing to thing to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thing. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thiiiiii. toeea. toeat. toea. toea. toeat. to to to to to to to toutry starts. Yeah it's having a cat they just wander off never see him. I'm back for food. So yeah I'd be interested in people's tips on that because and what you've done and whether you just ride it out or whether there's things you can do because I'm not going to lie to you Rob. It was a

tense watch of Moana yesterday. Oh great film though. Great film. First time we've watched the songs so we've been watching the songs on YouTube yeah right because we started watching the frozen songs and then it started showing the Moana ones which are better and then we watched the film but whenever we got one of the songs in the film she'd make us fast forward it because she didn't understand that they were part of the film and she thought we'd turned it on to something else. So she's like, no want to watch the film again. It was a really bizarre situation where we've watched all the songs and then we've watched the film without the songs and one day we're going to put them both together. Oh, it's going to be an absolute mind-blowing experience. What does possible to sound like for your business business?

What does possible to sound like for your business? Terms and conditions apply, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho.oomxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.oombsoombse.ea.moombse. the the the the the the the the Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit MX.C. dot C.A.S. slash business platinum. Frozen 2, the songs in Frozen 2 are absolutely ban. Yeah, it's Frozen 2, the Frosin 2, the Frozen 2, the Frosin 2, the Frowns, I'm not a massive fan of it. Yeah, brilliant. Better than the Zootropolis is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiiiiiwananan thiwanoe thiwee. thi. throwne. throwne. throwns. throwns. thi. to to to to to to to to to to throwns. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the. thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, toe. toe. F. toe. toe. toe. F. to Moana than frozen one. I'm not a massive fan of frozen one. I like to let it go, but I'm not a massive fan of it. I love Zutropolis is really good. The first, Secret Life of Pets, one was great. Number two, weren't great. I think it's because that's to replace Louis CK, because he kept a wanking on himself.

So I think that was a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a their their their their their be far worse than... Secret life of pets. You never know what they get up to when they're in the doors all day, wanking on their chest. Have we run out of steam? No, I've got emails. I've got emails, mate. I've never run out of steam. Oh, I was going to say one more thing. I just meant as a podcast in general. Um, there's had an argument in the production office about that was doing eight. the production. the production. the production. the production. the production. the production. the production. the production. the production. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, have th. Have, have th. Have, have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have. Have, have. Have, have, have. Have, have, have. Have. Have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, the. Have, the. Have, the. Have, the. the. Have, the. the. Have, have, the. Have, the. Have, the. Have, the. Have, have, have, have, have, have, have, was most talks about people of the year and what was Jamie Oliver and I said, why are we doing Jamie Oliver like he's not really done much this year? He went, oh right, how comes like you're running out of steam on him are you then? I've never run out of steam on him are you then? I've never run out of steam in my life. I've never run out of in my life. Now another thing I wanted to discuss with you, Rob, genuine a parenting concern. Yeah. So your daughter's now one's at preschool, do you call it rather than nursery? Preschool, yeah, it's preschool, yeah, because it's school hours and school holidays, so

she does like nine till three and then the four-year-old started primary school. Yeah, so with the primary carers and carers in nursery, I feel feel th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I, I, to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th.. And, I the, I the, I'm the the theree, the thoooo, the the toge, thou, to to theree, to to to to to to to to tho, to the primary carers and carers in nursery, I feel such an a gratitude of debt towards them. Yeah, I've probably never felt to anyone in my life. Do you feel it? So I first felt it, you feel it with like the midwives and stuff in the hospital, like this insane gratitude and like almost guilt that they're better people than you because of what they've done. Yeah. And then you go to nursery and you just feel like, oh my God, I owe these people so much, they're so amazing. Yeah. Do you feel this or is this just me? And then I was thinking, how long is this going to go on? Am I going to be feeling this towards primary teachers? They're not going to feel their their their their their their their their to feel their their their their their to feel their their going when I stand at the preschool gate and I see 30 kids run into a room all with a bag and a coat and I just think, imagine being in that room. Yeah, I just, it's an astonishing job.

Yeah. But I feel a genuine like guilt towards them that they are looking after my child and meanwhile I'm attempting to write some fucking jokes about Jamie Oliver. Do you know what I mean? Well no but I think it's because you know but the same way as like people think oh my god I couldn't go on stage and do a stand-up that would like stress people out. But no one no one feels a gratitude towards us Robin if they do they no gratitude but I don't obviously feel a gratitude towards like people when they have my kid all day, but I feel a bit more like, oh my God, I couldn't cope doing that job.

I just like, I'd just have a meltdown after about 10 minutes. How long do you think you could do a day at nursery as a teacher? I reckon I'd do half hour and then I'd go to the toilet and try and drag out a shit. You'd be able to do all your Sergeant Major stuff and stuff. But it's different though as well. If your kids were all grown up and you love kids and stuff, like I used to love kids like when I was like in the shop and then that's someone coming with a baby, I'll be like, oh and I'd be that shop worker that will be like, silly faces tho-I th.. thu, and thu, and I thu, and I, and I, and I, now, now, now, now, and I, now, now, now, now, and I, now, and I, and I, now, now, and I, and I's thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Like, I, I, I'm, thi. Like, I'm, thi puzzle with someone else's kid. I'm like no offense your kid seems lovely, you're a lovely couple, I am at my absolute limit with engaging with children. I've done, right? There's no offense but I don't want to be involved in it. Get them away from me.

There's going to come a point Rob. Rob when your daughter has other to play. And you're going to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to have to have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoe. I. I. I tooe. I tooeateateateateateat. I. I toomoombs. I toombs. I their their their their their their the parents won't come around to play. And you're going to have to look after kids that you can give a flying fuck about, mate. I know, I get really like, when they give a bit of attitude back, because I've just been like, you fucking what? I mean, you can't do that to someone. And you've got no control, but what I would say is, you know, obviously your daughter, younger but even now like nearly five she's four and a half thirty five my eldest she will just like if she has a mate over they'll go and play in a room with them you don't you start you don't have to be fully involved in the play now yeah like with especially for you as you know your daughter's younger and you've got one you are it is quite intense one-on-one but when she

gets older and they do just play on their own. Yeah. So I think with the nursery stuff, as you get older and you have a bit more time and a bit more sleep, you realize they're not having a kid at home in the morning or in the evening. So when they go in nine till three to look after them. Eight to five, eight to five. Do you get a little Christmas present or end of term present, your nursery teachers? Of course we do, mate. And obviously, you try and go big so that you blow the other parents out the water

so that your child gets the best treatment. Yeah, of course. That's how society works, isn't it? You'd have to be an idiot not to. Josh, I've got but I think it's very unfair. Here we go. So there's just, uh, da, anyway. Here is my salty kind of towel.

Everyone is bashing Josh, this one is about Rob. Last September, I don't know, I didn't know that's unfair. What's that's your problem. I think if you're not engaged in a conversation, you look salty even though you're not. Well, I've been waiting for an email to come in. I don't think it will, because obviously they're not a listener to the podcast.

But I went for lunch with my wife the today. And there was a bass-heavy song being played. As a joke, I started kind of doing an amusing mime of someone playing the bass guitar. And then I just clocked straight in the eyes someone who recognized me. And I thought they must think that I am an absolute dickhead. Oh, I think that's okay. You're having a bit of fun. You're out. You're excited.

I don't want to be the guy that plays bass guitar in the middle of my neighbours the dumplings. Now because we do this salty thing, every time I interact with anyone out and about, I'm just constantly salt worried. So do you go to them, do you listen to the podcast? They go, no and you go, fuck off then. Or if they say, yeah, I go, fuck off your salty bitch. And then they've got an email. Give a bit of content. So this is what, so, so, so, so I, so I, so I, so I I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I, so I the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi, the the the thi, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. give it a content, and it homegrown content. So this is what, so I did a gig the other week, an outdoor gig, in a pub beer garden in, down in Brightaway.

Anyway, so I get back in my car, and everyone's social distance, everyone's apart, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I get in my car, and then I see a drunk woman and drunk, day, right? And they'd come over and I knew it was going to be trouble because the geeseer couldn't walk and he shouted, fucking Wu Tang Clan out loud for no... I don't know why. What time was it? Sorry? About half nine in the evening? All right, yeah. Yeah. Fucking Wu Tan. I was like, oh God. And they went, and they went, can wethe Wu Tang clan? No, I don't know what he thought, but I don't think members of the Wu Tan clan drive a Nissan Kashkai of a roof box.

I don't think that's a whip. No, no, I don't think it is. Either way, I was on guard, I thought this guy's going to be lively. So as his partner comes over, she sort of does a selfie with me're in a pandemic here, he leans into the car, puts his arm round me and cheek to cheek for a photo. Oh my God. And I went, mate, like, this is a fucking coronavirus. I've actually done a gig outside to a social distance table. That is mad. And then I sort of got his arm went, fuck off mate. off, mate. Like, he was like, wrapped round me, like, also as well, like, an arm round your head outside of a car is a bit much.

Yeah. He led in the car. That is totally unacceptable. That feels more like a carjacking than a selfie. Yeah. And I went, ohthat's a sort email in it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Do you remember how we were talking about someone's kid who was into tarpaul in?

Oh yeah. So this is from Sarah Hell yeah. Still not parent, but one of my friends' kids when he was six or seven was obsessed with lawnmowers. He would want any catalogs with lawnmowers in. He could tell you the specs of different ones and going to be in cue to look at mowers was his favorite day out. As much as I don't like lawn mowers, all that much,

it's a pretty fascinating to say six year old. Be that knowledgeable about a niche subject. You get actual advice from him. Yeah, exactly. If you were buying a lawnmow, you'd have to go to a six-year-old. I love it where kids are into sort of like really niche stuff. Yeah. And I think they normally, it's like primary school, they when they get to secondary school, they're got to pretend they're just like football and fighting or something. But when you're at primary school, also at that age, if you're interested in something, you, you, you, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. thi. Like, that, like, thi. Like, like, like, like much about like football from that 90s period is you could absorb every single fact that you just took in. And now I couldn't tell you anything that's going on in football. No.

Even though I follow it, but I could tell you like who was in all the Planini albums, all of that stuff is still in my brain. Yeah, it's weird, like I could tell you like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th... Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, like, like, like, all of that stuff is still in my brain. Yeah, it's weird, didn't it? I could tell you, like, did players that played for England, like, Darrys for Sel and Michael Ricketts, and these random players have got like one cat, but now, I don't know who's in the England. I literally could tell you the starting lineup is for the and that kid is going to know so much about lawnmowers for the rest of his life. He's got a lawnmower company and he surely.

He's got he's got it he's got a start lawnmower museum mate. There's got there they need to be a dormower museum but kids that are into very niche subjects do keep them coming in. We've got tarpalling and we've got lawnmowers. I've got a great message on Instagram about the sperm bank. Do you want this? Oh yeah, go on. I have the worst story for visit the sperm bank. I'll leave him anonymous in case he don't want this. I turned up and another dad had taken his three-year-old daughter who was asking his three-year-old daughter who was asking, the their, their, to-in, the-in, to-in, the-in, to-in, the-in, the-in, the-in, the-in, th-in, the-in, the-in-in, the-in-in-in-in-in-in, I'm, the-in, I's-in-in, the-in-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's-in, I's-in, I's, I's-in, I's, I's-in, I's-in, I's-in, I's-in, I........ I's-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-s-s-s-s-s-s-s. the-shhh-sh-sh-si-sh-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-si-s. I'm the waiting room. So when it was my turn to enter the room, all I could hear was a girl on the other side of the door asking why I'd entered into a room and what I was doing. I don't think the dad with the daughter was there

for the donation, but I think he's probably there for some sort of test or appointment. Oh, I said. Yeah, yeah, and he was obviously. he was obviously. he's. that, that, the that, the that that the that that that that the that th. th. th. thuu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than. than. than. than. tha. to. to. to. toeeeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. tho. tho. But the waiting room is outside the sperm bank room. Oh my God. The want cupboard, right? So this poor fella, it was his turn to enter a room and all I could hear was a girl on the other side of the door and what I was doing. Oh my God. So he's trying to do, he's trying to do a sperm donation, you can hear this child talking about stuff. And he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th I I th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoom thoom thoom stuff. thoomb thi thi thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow. tooompern. tooom. Oh, tooom. Oh, thoom. Oh, thoom. Oh, thoom. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, to thi. Oh, to to too too ta. Oh, toooooooon't toooon't toon't toooon't toon't toon't toon't toon't t stuff. I had to stay sitting there for 20 minutes until the girl left before I could attempt to open a ball bag. Oh my God.

I got a weird look from the technician when leaving as I've been there for so long. That's got to put you off on it, surely. Yeah, that is absolutely unacceptable. But I don't think, you know, I mean, obviously I don't know the situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation situation the situation situation the situation the situation the situation the situation the situation the situation the situation the situation the situation off at it, surely. Yeah, that is absolutely unacceptable. But I don't think, you know, I mean obviously I don't know the situation with that guy's child care. But come on, mate, this isn't the place. On that slightly dodgy territory then, you know we were talking about showers. This is from Rachel Tucket. I've just listed this week's podcast and I heard you discussing showing with your children. the story. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi's, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi, I's thi's thoes, I's th. th. I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi, I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. thi. the. the. thoooooooooo'' theeateateateateateateatea' thooooooo' theateatea' the. I'm the. I's to this week's podcast and I heard you discussing showering with your children reminded me of a story I thought you'd enjoy.

My partner's daughter was around two and he was having a shower with her. She was sitting on the floor of the shower, playing with her toys while he minded his own business, having a wash. After a couple of minutes he felt something a little odd. He looked down and saw that he was being noshed off by one of his daughter's toy dinosaurs. So she was obviously had used the toy dinosaur she was doing some joke where it ate his penis. No I just can't get over the word noshed. I know I mean it's it's an interesting use of word from Rachel tucket. Obviously the daughter doesn't realize that the dinosaur's mouth going at his penis is in some way reminiscent of. Of noshing.

She just thinks it's eating. She just thinks is eating. I think this is the eternal problem with with showering with children. If I'm honest with you, I find the whole thing very stressful to the showering with children. I might take up your Victorian approach to it Robe, Robe, Robe, Robe, Robe, Robe, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, to to to to to to to th, to th, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, take up your Victorian approach to it Rob from now on. I know I don't know what I don't know what the right thing is anymore Josh do you it's hard no mate it's difficult isn't it in this modern day this is from Lee Carter Rob. Go on. Hi guys I thought you'd like to hear mine

and my wife's recent parenting fail our son Stanley is 13 months old in the last few months he started using a new cup for water. The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's t. It's difficult t. It's difficult t. It's difficult t. tou. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. It's munchkin 360. It's just a fun. What a time? Because munchkin and 360 are from such different worlds. Yeah it tells us a skateboard move. So he's using the munchkin 360. Oh I see Tony Ork with the munchkin 360. I love Tony, the blocats about 70. That is my only reference to a skateboard. Of course it is. And it always will be. If you're not aware of these cups, they're that, it's the non-spilled cup, it's the one where the thing goes the whole way around with the rubber. Do you know that? That's why it's 360. As opposed to the mustic. the mu, th. th. th. the mu, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's th. It's th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's always. It's always. It's always. It's always. It's always. It's not. It's not. It's always. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's always. It's not. It's not. It's always. It's not. It's always. It's always leaking from one side. You need the 360 or nothing. You need the 360. Our fail happened when Stan threw his club on the floor and we noticed some black brown substance next to it on the floor. As I picked up the Munchkin 360 and looked at the substance, it was coming from the cup. To our horror we noticed that the middle runner section should be removed when cleaning and we had been allowing him to drink from the moldy cup for a week. Oh no!

Isn't that unbelievable? Oh God, I mean this is some terrible PR for the Munchkin 360. They're going to be furious for this. If you've got a Munchkin 360, I'm sure it's very clear that you're meant to take off the rubber bit and clean it. Oh, God. feel what the parents have felt you just feel so bad. Luckily he wasn't ill and this is probably helped his immune system right keep up the good work. I love that no I let you off with it you know it was a mistake but don't try and pretend it was a bonus. Oh actually that probably

help me immune system. Just write that off as a bad thing that happened but you're not being judged for it. Thank you so much for listening. We will be back as always on Tuesday.. Just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just to th. th. th. th. th. th. to to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the the the the the the the th. Just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to the. to the the the the the the the being judged for it. But don't try and get praised for it. Thank you so much for listening. We will be back, as always, on Tuesday. See them. Bye. Bye.