Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP43: Peter Crouch

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP43: Peter CrouchJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is footballing legend, podcast titan, and all round lovely man - Mr Peter Crouch. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parent in hell with...

Eva, say Josh Widdickham Hiya and Rob Beckett Ayah Noah say Josh Widdickum and Rob Beckett and Rob Beckett

Rob Beckett No Say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. There we go. He was toying with her. Ava is 18 months Noah is four ready to start school. And in the background, all I could think about was what TV shows that.

Yeah, I'd love to know what that was. I know because it's on the tip of our tongue and I can't get it. I couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't that I couldn't that that's that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that's tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to to to to too. too. too'a. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. tooe. tooe. tooe. tode. tode. tod. tod. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. too. too. too. to. No. No. No. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. Noo. It. It tongue and I can't get it. It's um, I couldn't work it out. That is Ava Noah who is four, good luck to his teacher having to put up with him saying Pooh bum and Trump all day long. Poo bum and trump. Yeah, he's quite politicized. And that's one of his manifesto pledges, isn't it? Republicans. Bloody, right? They still bloody vote for him, am I right, Rob? Anyway. Yeah, you're a bloody poo bumhead. So how are you? You know what?

Good. But there's been a couple of incidences with the kids. One was the oldest of four-year-old. I saw that she'd drawn, or she'd written her name in Biro on a white cabinet in her bedroom. OK. So I I I, okay, that's a problem. But you know, she's growing up, she wants to write a name, but that's still naughty. So us, a pooled lure, we went, Lou, right? We've got an issue here. We need to sort this out. Let's, how would we want to approach it? Okay? Because I don't want to scream and shout, to thrown, to they, they, to they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, they. So, that's, they. Okay, that's they. Oh, that's a problem, that's a problem, that's a problem, that's a problem, that's that's that's that's, that's, 't want it to be a big thing, okay? Because she's probably quite proud that she's managed to write a name. Anyway, so let's just speak to her, let her tell us what she's done.

So I said, um, mommy and daddy have got a question. And she went, yeah, have you written your name anywhere in the house where you shouldn't have? Okay, and she went, yes. And I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me, to me, to me, told, to me, to me, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let me, let me, let me, let to let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let her, let to let to let to let to let to me, let to me, let me, let me, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let me, let me, let's, to me, to me, t. tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, me where? She went, yeah, the playroom. Another room! So she's written it in the playroom and in her bedroom. She's tagging, mate. She's tagging. Yeah, a little Banksy. Well, they've been trying to find out who Banksy is this. Have you stumbled on to it?

Yeah, I found out. I don't know. I don't th th th th th th th absolutely everywhere in the house I told you this no so she look obviously her name's Malcolm isn't she for the person's so then she's written an M for Malcolm 37 places but luckily she did it in this felt tip that came off what just on walls and like any literally anywhere right but luckily there's only two that it didn't come out of. It was like the McDonald's logo. Yeah!

It was like some sort of like mad advert. You know what them do them like shock adverts where they just put stuff everywhere? But yeah, so we told her off and we took pens off her and now she's not allowed pens without supervision until she learns to use them properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly properly them properly. That's that's a little rule. And the other incident is the younger child is you know learning to speak at varying different levels of certain words. She's struggling with the word gray and the word trunk for an elephant's trunk. So if you asked her what's that on an elephant's face? Yes. She won't say a grey trunk she she says a gay t t th- Oh my word.

And as clear as that. Wow. I think I've got it recorded somewhere. You need to stop asking that, Rob. Because if you know that, I'm going to say it, Rob. Yeah, you can get through your day without having to ask a toddler a to ask a to ask a toldloddler to ask a to ask a toldloddler that that that to to to toldlip that that toe that that toe toe toe that toe toe toe toe toe toe toe that to be. that. toe toeateateathea. toe. toe. toe. to say, to say, to say, to say, to bea. to bea, to be. to be. to be. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe, toe, to. toe, toe, toe, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that the, the, the. the. toeanananananananananananananananananananano. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. that that that to say it Rob. You can get through your day without having to ask a toddler that question. It's not going to come up. The problem is she loves elephants. Of course she does.

Right? So, but you know then purple, no it's always purple. But then plastic things, you spin around and make a noise. Oh yeah, yeah. I don't know what they called you. Anyway, she wanders around the house, put it on her nose and walked up to me and went, look, purple b-p***. Let me see if I could find this video. That reminds me actually, I saw Jeremy Clarkson on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Yeah. But he slams everyone.

Have you watched it? No. He kept slamming. I actually, you know, I differ with some views with Jeremy Clarkson, but I actually think he's an excellent TV presenter. You don't agree if anything he says about cars, but everything else.

I think politically he's on the money, but he's wrong about Volvos. But, um, but you know, they haven't got, they haven't got that much room in the kent, we all know that. But, um... That's a problem, you need a carbon big shit these days! Oh, it's so much bleepin. Right, okay, let's just show this and we'll move on.

Right, can you tell No, what colour is an elephant? An elephant's. And what's an elephant's nose call day? A trunk. That's right. I'm going to see you later. What I'm going to say, Rob, it's actually much clearer than I anticipated. That is a problem.

But you were definitely, I'd say, were you to play about that conversation, I'd say, if you didn't want her to say that, you were really going the wrong way about it, because you're really teeing her up. Yeah, look, hands up, I just wanted that as archive footage. Almost as a historical document of that's what she calls it, but we've stopped asking her to their tea and tooe, to the school tounk. Yeah. And if when they go to preschool, what's an elephant got? Because the preschool teacher did say, you do know she says that for trunk. I was like, I know, but what the preschool teacher brought it up with you? Yes, because they were doing animals that week. But what you meant to do about that say so keep saying say trunk and then she just says it so they're all in the

class go and what has an elephant got they've got her and then she screams out but oh this is an awful day for Michael the amount of edit it's gonna have to do sorry Michael yeah yeah so apologies to anyone that's a the the front of an elephant's face it's a anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway um um um um um um um um um um um the that the the that the that the that the the the the the the to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they so so so so yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. that's th. that's th. that's th. th. that's th. that's th. th. th. th. that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so th. th. that's th. th. the situation right at the moment, that if you ask what's on the front of an elephant's face, it's anyway. Right, do you want a quick email? Oh, please. Rob, this is from Rebecca. So you know you talked about your trip to Legoland. Yes.

I've listened to your Legoland trip and all the useful tips. I thought I'd sharetrip to Florida. Ooh! Ooh! Jack was nearly one-year-old when he set off. He didn't walk till he was 19 months or so. I was a bit worried that my husband, Matt, would hit all the rides with his sister and our friend and leave me with a baby.

Oh, so they can smash Disney one more time before they have to do the universal studios. Yes. Ah, get you. Clever. That's a good idea. And then you can scope it out when you go back with kids. Like it. Well, it's an even better idea because it turned out, little did we know that in Universal Studios, parents get to jump the queue. Soon as they saw I had a baby, they moved us right to the front. Harry Potterland had special parenting rooms with movies, baby facilities, and a way you could take turns in riding, but no waiting time, but no waiting time for Gringots. Who knew? That's amazing!

It was amazing. Waiting time for Gringots was two hours, not for us, straight to the front. Oh yes please. Oh that's amazing, it's almost like a business class lounge. Yeah, movies and chairs they sit waiting while the other one goes to the ride. Also, this is a bit of a strange turn of events, Hooters was on thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus delicious hot wings. Really? I mean I've never thought of that as a place to take the kids. No me neither. Do you know to be fair though string fellows does a lovely fish fingers and baked bean. That's a great tip that's what... That is a superb tip. So basically go when you've got a baby and a buggy that won't really want to to anything and they're just enjoying going around because I went to this is a good we went on a take a fake baby take a hire a baby

we took a six month fold to Copenhagen with friends and we just sort of walk around the city with the baby in the buggy and went on boat trips and it and it's sort of like when there the six months it's like an thethat needs feeding, isn't it? Yeah, that was good. With some babies, other babies. Tifley Well is good as well. Tivley World in Copenhagen, a great little theme park. That's a really fun trip that we want to try and do the kids near a Christmas time. It's only an hour flight to the Cibule. Tivill the world which is one one one one one one one one one one one one one the world is is the world is the world is one the world is one the world is one the world is one the world. the world is one the world is one the world is one the world is one the world is one the world. the world is one the world is one the world the world the world the world is one the world is one the world the world the world. the world. T. T. T. Tively the world is one the world is one the world. T. T. T. the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one the world is one the world is one the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world is one. the world. the world. the world. the world. the parts. It was basically... I thought he said Tiffany World. No, Tivley, oh yeah, just get loads of racing. I thought it was based around Martin McCutcheon's character in East Enders. Yeah, the old Christmas drink drive ride to bit bleak. No, Tivily Weld, it's beautiful, but don't ever go to Copenhagen. Is it clear that I've read a book a book about Denmark, it's, it's like doing a podcast with Casper Spicle. It's unbelievable. But yeah, anyway, I won't bore you with that.

But don't ever go to Copenhagen after Christmas because basically everyone in Denmark just does Haigue, whatever it's called, and they just stay in their house for three months. Anyway, but Tiffany Weld's a fun little overseas fun park. Let's see whether you can take your baby though. Now, Rob, Mm-hmm, I guessed. It's only crouching, in it. It's all you need to say, really, isn't it?

What a man? What a man? What a man? Who doesn't like Peter Crouch? You don't like Peter Cr Four kids, two dogs, and his wife, Abby Clancy, who does make an appearance on the show. But yeah, enjoy. And I think you'll never eat a bag of frazzles again without thinking of Peter Crouch. Hello, Peter. Thanks for coming on the show.

Absolute pleasure to be here. It's a joy to have you, Peter. You, the first. You, the first. You, the first. You, the first. You, the first. You, the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. And, to. to. to to. tho. tho, tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooo. thooooooooooooooooo. tooes. tooes. tooes. And, tooes. And, thanks for coming on the show. Absolute pleasure to be here. It's a joy to have you, Peter. You're the first person we've had on. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna say, you're the first person we've had on that I've genuinely, you know, has made me cry with joy. That goal in the 2006 World Cup, that really saved us from drawing a second group game. I appreciate that. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi, thooom!. the that. that. thooomoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomoomorrow, thoomoe, thoe, the tho. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah you're actually a hero of mine as well believe what not. Yeah yeah no way. Yeah honestly the Quickly Kevin podcast I was all over it. Oh thank you should we get rid of this other guy on the show? No I'm a big fan like 90s football you know I that's my era as well so you know what I don't

know about Roy Weggley and John Bumstead I mean we've we've missbooked you for completely the wrong podcast just hold on the line Peter and we'll talk about what we're actually interested after but first let's talk about our kids can you tell us what your setup is at home kids wise? Well it's quite intense yeah we we stupidly decided to have four children. Oh bloody how and they're all under nine so the oldest is nine five one and two oh my god I thought there'd be a seven year old in there to balance it out, but no, three under five. Yeah, I've got lots to get off my chest. How's it going then? Oh, well, you know, it's,

listen, it's tough for everyone. But, ah, there were times. At first, you know, I was really into it, with the lockdown period, you know, it was, I've been away a lot with........ the lockdown period you know it was I've been away a lot with the football and it was nice to sort of reconnect with my children not go away and we were really enjoying it you know we did the Joe Wick staff and we had a plan set out with homework and you know bits and pieces some down time fun and games after two weeks that went out the window completely and I was teaching my little girl out to do chip shots into the basketball net from from 25 yards. Wow what a skill is that on the syllabus now? I think that's how Gavin Williamson did

the A-levels that was the actual marking scheme. Oh wow that is that it must have been tough with four as well. Because how old are you youngest? Yeah, well one. So one and two, yeah. So I mean, you know, two babies. So it's quite, it's quite tough. Li listen, I can't complain.

Liarie, listen, I can't complain. We've got a nice garden and we can get out there and the weather. But during the knock. there. there. there. there. there. the the weather. the weather. the weather. the weather. the weather. th, you th, you thuuuuu and thu and thu and thu and thu and to thu, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the ti. today, the today, the the te. the the today, the the today, the the today, the today, too. Wea I'm only joking I did enjoy it but there are you know times where you know for instance today I managed to sneak out and play golf and I came home and you know when your wife's just looking at you if that look like yeah I don't give a fuck how your day was I don't care about your goal. I have no idea. You know, you have no idea how hard it was, that kind of look.

You know, when you just know you need to take over? So that was my job to put the kids to bed. And now you've gone, well, I've got to do this podcast, so you carry on the four kids and I'll just be back, we'll, we, we, well, we, we, well, we, well, well, well, we, well, well, we th and, well, th and, th and, you, th, th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, you, you know, you, you, you, you know, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin, th th th th th the, well we can straighten this out for three or four hours Peter to keep you waiting. You know in all honesty I because I came back I was like right on it so I've managed to get them into bed now. How do you get four into bed? I don't even how's that like I don't know what's going on and I've got two but to get four into bed seems like you'd want some sort of like standard evasion every night. Honestly, well that was the problem because we ended up, we celebrate every bedtime with like a glass or bottle of wine, you know, it's like...

I think he's gonna say the robot then, I'm disappointed. We do that and then we have a few and we have a few, we have a few too many because we celebrate them all in bed and then we wake up hungover and go we won't do that again and then we do exactly the same thing the next night. I know it's hard parenting with a hangover is brutal. Sad work. How was it feeling, obviously, because when you're a professional footballer and you're away from home a lot and stuff of that, it must be difficult for you to be like a full-on sort of parent because you've been taken away around the country, because, because,. How did you manage that transition then from not being, because I imagine you could get more

lions and stuff if you got to go and play football, like how did you manage that transition? Then was it was hard to like go from not doing as much just obviously 50-50 it seems like. Yeah, it is really like there's downsides to it and there's obviously plus sides to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to the to it and there's obviously plus sides to it. You know, before a game I used to go in a hotel and have a full night sleep because you have to be prepared for the match on Saturday don't you? So on a Friday, you know, I'd go in a hotel and I'd have a full night to sleep. But on the flip side of that, you know, especially when I was, you know, playing for England and, you know, playing in the champions league, you're, you're, you're, to to to to to, to, to, to be, to be, the, the, the, the, to be, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be the, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be prepared, to be to be to be prepared, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, the, the match, the match, the match, the match, the match, the, the match, the, the, the, the the the the the, the the the the the the the the tooomea, the the tooomea, the tooomorrow, tooomorrow, too, too, to be prepared, to know so this this this this two sides to it completely I can hear that I think one of them was did you that didn't sound good crashing no was that was that was that was believe or not she's just walked in and gone any chance are you taking a dog for a walk

oh it's no rest for crashing no rest's let it run around the garden. Run it around the garden, baby, be fine. Can't people just run into the rock wilears next door? Oh yeah, did you hear that? Oh God. This is, do you know what? This is the kind of thing that people tune in for though. This is the slice of't put to bed. Also as well we can out get Abby on the show as well.

She may listen to this and have issue with things you say crouch. Can we go for crouchy now because I did Peter? Yeah, yeah, you've got in there. Straight in there. Straight in with crouchie. Do you, so are they, you've got a one year old or two year old, are they're, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can.............. the, can, can, can, is. the. the. the, can, can, can, can, the. the, they. they. they. the, can, the, the, the. the, can, can, the. the. the. the. the. the. the, can, can, can, can gold, you know, because it was, because with the three, you know, we've sort of let them in our bed and I thought, you know, the third one might be our only boy

and so he's in the bed, loving it. With the fourth one, it's like, right, you get in that bed right now in your own room. You know, there's no snuggling there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no snuggling, there's no snuggling there's no snuggling, for you. All right, you run out of space? Basically, basically. And have you been on your own with all four? If you had to like, oh, I had a weekend where Abby's got away and it's just been you for the whole weekend yet? Or is that to come? No, we've, yeah, I've done it. I've done it, we've done it, we'll look like an hour a time, you know, no weekends just yet. But, you know, we've got some help you know her mom's very very good and we've got we've got family around us who can help me because I don't think Ab would trust me fully on my own with all four she's

she's looking at me now oh do you hear that she's just shouting over the top of me now what about that time you lost him in the farm oh yeah let's gonna tell you want to tell this story or what? No, we'll piss off then. What she said? I've no idea. She shouted something and walked out. What happened at the farm, Peter?

The farm was, yeah, we're all in the farm. We're all having a good time and the toddlers, so you can't get out of this little bit we're in, unless someone, you know, an adult sort of presses the button, which is high enough for an adult to press. Anyway, a teenage, so I thought he was fine just playing where he is. A teenager's obviously pressed the button, he's gone out, now. And now he's he's out, the the the the the the th, th, th – th – th – th – th – th – th – the th – th – thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, th – th – th – th – th – thin, thin, thin, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you th th th thi, you th thi, you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you's, you's the the the the the the the th the th th th. th thin, th thin, thin, th th thin, th th th th thin, th th th thin, th th th th thin, th th th thin, th th th th th th th th th th now and I'm sort of in the play bit and I think it's all covered and she's gone where's Jack and I've got these just out by the sheep by the looks of it so yeah anyway it was a bit of a panic but all good he didn't go too far that exactly so if you haven't lost him, he's alright. Yeah, perfect. I say I didn't sound too bad that story.

I mean I feel like there's another version that we haven't heard. Probably, probably. You know, I'm sure you can re-record with Abba different side of it. Yeah, we'll get the other versionto power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit A.

M.S. . Are they all back to school now then? What's your schedule? And stuff, obviously, the young ones aren't. But what's your kind of schedule when they're all in school and stuff? Obviously the young ones aren't, but what's your schedule normally? Yeah, well, it's, you know, obviously, you know, we sort of get our life back a little bit when school starts because of, I said, to have, you know, not many parents have gone

through this where you've, you know, you've had to home school and you know, they're all such, so young, you know, they're all so, their their their their their their their their their their so, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, their.... So, th. So, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, sort, sort,orrow we got a bottle of champagne as much as we as we love them we do have a bottle of champagne for the moment we arrive home. Is there anything you do that doesn't end with you drinking wine of some sort? I'm retired now I can be my life. Peter you say that but I remember when you used to play and we ended up in that casino after a TV show where I told you I told you I told you that my wife was pregnant he was the first person I told I told you know this story Josh no you're the first person you told is Peter Crouch yeah well you're out with Paddy McGinnis were we after a TV show? And we got really drunk in that hotel bar. And then you, I don't even know where you took me, Peter.

I just followed you around. It was amazing. Yeah, we ended up at this, you know, so I'm not, listen, I've been, I think this is probably, probably the first or second time that I've met Rob. Yeah. We're just having having having having having having having having havingto let you know, I haven't told my parents yet. But, what's wrong?

We're having a baby and I was like, I'm trying. In my defense, it was about four in the morning and Peter Crouch is a lovely guy. I felt like you can deliver any information to you, Peter and you make someone feel comfortable about it. You're a great energy. Do your parents know they didn't, th. They they they they they they th. They they they they th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, what's th. I'm not, what, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what, what, what, what, what, what's was th. What's was. What's was. What's was. What's was was. What's, I was was. What's, I was was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not the that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm that, Peter, and you make someone feel comfortable about it. You're a great energy. But do your parents know this, right? No, they didn't know, they didn't know about it, see, but basically, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. The second one, the second one, the second one, the second one, the second one, the second.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I know you that well and I just thought, well Peter Crouch is going to tell anyone, he's not going to tell one mum. So, I don't know why I didn't, it's quite a funny night though. So you've got, so you got four kids, Peter. Can you tell at what age whether they're going to be good at football? Yeah, it's, um, no I to, she's been to Tottenham when I played there, she's been to Burnley, been to Stoke. She saw... And she came to Burling and Stoke, but that didn't get her into football. I mean, I knew you were going to say that.

She's not, yeah, not really into it. The five-year-old, but yeah, the, believe it or not, the one-a-you-you-you-a-a-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-a-s-s-old not not a great fan either but yeah the believe it or not the one-year-old it's like he's just the moment he sees a ball just loves it just walking around the football is kicking it yeah even like the two-year-old so the two-year-old's a boy as well and you know we didn't it wasn't quite the same for him you know hopefully he'll to go and kick it and he wants to dribble it. Yeah, it's an amazing thing really. And was that what you were like? Were you like amazing from the age of one? I'm sorry, I've turned this into a football podcast again last time.

That's right. I'm quite interested in it. Yeah, I loved it for the moment, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I, yeah, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th.. to, to, to, to, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, to, to, to, th............ th. th. th. th. Was, th... Was, th.. Was, th.. Was, th................... Was, th..... And, th. And, was, th. And, was, was, was, that, was, was, that, was, was, was, was, was, was, that, was, was, was, was, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, was, was, was, was, got me into it, but yeah, as early as I can remember I was kicking a ball around. That's the same with Jack at the moment. He absolutely loves it. And I'm hoping that, you know, as they get older, you know, they're all getting into it at some stage. But at a moment, yeah, you can really see something in Jack, definitely. And can you, the next question is that, can you the the the the the the the the the their their their the the their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, was their, was the next, was the next, was the next, was, was, was, was, was th. thi, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. that's, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, that, that, the, can you tell if they're tall yet? Yes, we certainly can. Yeah, unfortunately that's part and parcel of it I think you're not

tall. Everyone's tall. Yeah, even the dogs got like, yeah, they're all like, yeah, the oldest girls the tallest in her class. girls, the tallest than her class, little girls are the tallest than hers. But the thing is with the boys is because they're only, you know, they're one and two, but people just assume that they're older because, you know, I had the same problem when when I was a six foot four. You know, five foot something now. No, I had the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same, I had, I had the same, I had, I had, I had the same, I had the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like I had the same problem when I was a kid growing up because I was I was decent at football

you know you're only judged your age is only judged on height isn't it really yeah that age you there's no facial hair you know there's no you're not judged on anything other than height so I had a problem you know when I was so no 10 years old everyone to say oh yeah he's good at football but he's he's playing too too too too too too too too he's too he's he's he's he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I they. I I I I they. I I the the the the the the the the the the they. I the the the the the th th th th th th thi thi th th the th the th the the th the thi th thi thi thi they's they. I, he's good at football, but he's playing too young. He's older than everyone else. And I had it throughout my life really. And then, yeah, and I think the boys are sort of getting that themselves. Everyone thinks that, you know, they're sort of maybe a bit rougher or something, you know, in the ball pit and everyone goes, well, well he's they. we shouldn, well, well, well, well, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. And everyone, th. And everyone, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thi, th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I, I th. And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I, I, I th. I, I th. I, I th. I th. I, I, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had, yeah, I had, yeah, yeah, I had, yeah, I had, yeah, yeah, I had, yeah, I had. And, yeah, I had. And, yeah, I had. And, I had. And, I th. And, I th. My brother Joe's six foot three six at four he's really big and because he was my we were the same size I'm two years older and him we were the same size for ages I'm only five for eight but everyone used to treat him a

bit differently my mom used to be so sensitive back because they used to expect more from him because they thought it was older so you do find so a bit sensitive by trying to explain their age the whole. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their their their. to to to to to to their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I I they. I they. I they. they. I the the the the the. the thi. to the to to thi. to the the the the the they. I to rying to explain their age the whole time if people are judging? I do, it's a bit annoying, you know, and like, and even with, you know, academically, like if he's, you know, not reading and you think, well, no, you know, he's two years old, you know, it's like, you know, he's not, but he's, you know, thankfully his speech is quite good and, you know, thi thinn, thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's, thi's, thi's, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' thin.. And, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' a, their, their, their, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, their, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin.. And, thin, thin, thin, thin, you're thin, you know, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, you know, you know, thin,they are they are quite advanced I think I'm sure every parent says that but they are they are they are they are good but yeah I think sometimes you you know it's expected expected more of them because they're because they're bigger you know how was how do you find like their upbringing compared to like yours of you know I think you had a very sort of like normal as it were upbringing and now the kids the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to they to to to to to to to to to th to to to th to to to to th to to thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the kids of a famous couple and a famous footballer. Do you feel a bit like, because it's so different to how

you was brought up, do you find it challenging or anything? I do a bit, you know, like there's a friend of ours who sent his kids to private school and stuff like that and you know he just did well you know from quite a rough sort of upbring he sort of, you know, his kid got to university age and it's like he didn't really know him. You know what I mean? Like it's two different worlds. So of course you want your kids to have everything and you know, thankfully, you know, I've done okay

and I want them to have the best life, but there's a fine balance, I think between that and not and not and your kids, you know, and the being from a two different world. So we obviously have to try and make that balance where they, you know, hopefully keep as grounded as possible because I want them to be success in their own right, you know? Of course, yeah. Was that a boarding school, just a private school that your friends went to? Because I thin that's a real difference, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, thi, I thi, I thi, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, I thin, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I to, because I think that's a real difference, isn't it, when they get like sent away at the age of like six or seven? It's quite brutal, isn't it?

I think it was a boarding school, yeah, and I think, you know, there's a fine balance between, you know, you want them to be a reflection of you, don't you, rather than, you know, the school that you've put their school, you've put, you're, you're, you're, you're, thapapapapapap?....... th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thr-a, that, that, th. It's, th. It's, thr, thr. It's, thr.. It's, th.. It, th.. It, th.... It, th.. It, th...... It, th, th, th, th, th, th, th...... It, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thr. It's, thr. thr. thr. to. to. thr. to. thr. thr. thr. It's, thr. It's, thr. It's, th you know exactly the upbringing I had. That's it definitely. But even you know even with my wife Ab obviously she's a you know proud scouser and you know we live we live down south now and we always try and remind the kids of of that side of of their family and you know I want them to have everything that you know like and hopefully enjoy the things you know because when they're when they're older we can't the their. their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their. their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their enjoy the things that I enjoy, you know, because when they're older, we can share those things together. And obviously, football is a big part of that, because I love football and, you know, the thought of being able to take my kids to matches and then to enjoy it and stuff as the way I did was definitely something that I want to do.

I remember going toimes in my childhood, you know, going to go into games with him and yeah, it's a bit different to what football is now, but, you know, they were some of the best times of my childhood and hopefully they get there into it as well, you know, I don't want them off playing croquet or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, was you quite academic as well like if football didn't pan out I know the the famous joke is you'd say you'd be a virgin

if football didn't pan out but what would you what would you have done do you think like if it wasn't for football yeah I you know I did I did well for himself and you know he was in advertising and you know he worked for an advertising agency he was started as a copyrighter and ended up being sort of a creative director and I've always loved that side of it. I mean I did my work experience at his agency was was B.B.H. and I did my work experience there when I was 14 and I would look to my dad sort of writing adverts and I absolutely loved that side of it and I think, you know, when people asked me that question it's always reverts back to me saying I was being a virgin.

But I... But you've been a virgin who worked in advertising, that's what you're saying. Yeah, I'm personally in advertising with no options whatsoever from the remote. You're a very kind of chilled out guy, you come across that way, and you certainly were like, as a football, you didn't seem like you were, you know, too intense. Do you find, you know, do you lose it when you're parenting? Do you find it more stressful than a big match? Do you know what I'm, I am reasonably calm. I there's times you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to their to to to their to to their their th. th. that's to to to to to to to to their their their their their. their their. their. their. their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're th. You're th. You're that's th. You're th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that's thate. I'm thate. I'm that's that's that's th. I'm that's that's th. I'm that's th. I'm that's thate. I'm th.? Do you know what I'm, I am reasonably calm. I think there's times where you have to sort of discipline, aren't you? You have to sort of lose it a bit. And it's not, it's not really in my makeup to do that.

I'm not, you know, I'm not a stressy kind of guy. I think it's two different roles and I think abs sort of on it. She's can stress out sometimes and I am a bit more chilled out but the thing is when I sort of lose it with the children or discipline them they sit up and take notice because they must have done something pretty bad to get me angry basically so it does work well when I when I do raise the voice every now. You say lose it and then you kind of say or discipline them you say that's basically the same to to to to the same the same the same th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi I'm thi I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm thi thi thi their their thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th th th th. I I I I I I thi thi thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm just thi. I'm just thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi thi. now and then. You say lose it and then you kind of say or discipline them. Are you saying that's basically the same thing? You lose it and then you go, yeah, I'm just doing some discipline. You just, you know, I'm talking about, you know,

the loud voice, right, that's it, that kind of one. I think you know, you do have to have that sometimes, and it's actually like babies of one year old. It's like they're both they're all doing stuff that can annoy you at different levels and stuff. But what's your plan when they start getting to the teenage years? Because that's a whole different level, isn't it? Yeah, well I feel like my sort of nine-year-olds,

I don't know how much I can say here but I saw a particular move I didn't like should we say? Oh God! Oh my gosh! I went hold on a minute I said we'll have no twooking in this house. Yeah certainly, exactly. Because that's the thing though, because you know if you catch them doing stuff like you don't agree if you tell them agree if you tell the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the try. the the too. too. too. too. too. too. to to to to to to to to to the robot or nothing in this house. Yeah, certainly. Because that's the thing though, because you know, if you catch them doing stuff like you don't agree if you tell them not to, they'll just go okay dad and then they'll just go to their room and feel themselves doing whatever, I mean for Tick Tock. It's like, you know, you can't police it fully, can you know, it's. they. their. their. their. their. to be. to be. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to their. to to their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. And, the the the the the the the the the the to. And, to. And, th. And, to. And, t. And, t. t. t. them and, you know, shows us later, that's it, you know, it doesn't go anywhere. But, you know, she really enjoys it.

And believe it, like, she's actually got really, really good at dancing. You know, it's just off the back of it, you know, she just copies these dances and, you know, so I'm trying to kid myself myself myself myself myself myself myself myself myself myself. And now you've got like the younger ones. Is there stuff that you did with your, the first couple of kids that you think actually that weren't a good plan? That weren't a good idea and you've readjusted for the young ones that is a bit of a age gap? Well, definitely with the, obviously with the two-year-old we let in our bed and that is just you know he's in there now at the moment you know I think Ab's got pepper pig on at the moment in in bed with him. So you didn't do the bed like letting them in the bed with the oldest two just a two-year-old? No we did we did like with the with the oldest but then she was like right I've had enough of these kids I'm the the the the th I I I I'm the th I'm th I'm th I th you the th I'm th I'm th I'm th no th I'm th I'm th no th is th is th is th is th is the th is th is th is the th is th is the thi thi the. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. No the. No th. No th. No th. No th. No th. No th. I th. I th. I the the th. I the th. th. I th. I was liked. I was liked. I was liked. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi is liked. thi is like thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th've had enough of these kids, I'm getting in my own bed, you know one of those, like she, she wouldn't come in ours anymore.

Then obviously the five-year-old... How big's your bed, Peter? Because you're getting quite a big bed anyway? It's, uh, yeah, it's big. You have a special bed? Oh yeah, we had ours made. I think it's eight foot long. I think. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thi. the the thi's obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the the their. their. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.. Oh my life! Oh wow! Yeah, it's big. That's a beauty. I mean still not big enough for what is essentially six humans. Yeah, yeah.

I said to have him, we got the dog as well. And I said, she's sat in the bed. She's not no, no, no, I've made sure that's downstairs. the stairs. But she was talking about potentially getting another dog to keep him company and I said, I am not having one more breathing thing in this household. I had to put my foot down there. I said, anything that's living is not coming in here. It's a carcass of a dead dog.

It's dead, it's fine. It could set the kitchen floor. No, not having it, no, I had to put my foot down. So the it was the the kid to the bed thing, that's something that you had to stop then. Yeah, yeah, like I say, with the one-year-old, you know, I just said, look, we this is ridiculous. We're going to you know we go we go back in at seven and it doesn't make a peep he's just good as gold. Oh that's a great and so the one that's currently in the bed just for people who are listening it's about 8 p.m. What will they be in the bed all night? Well we've got like a cot ned to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooom is is is is is just just just just just just just just just just just I I will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. too. too. to be. the to be. the the to be. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I, he goes to sleep in there and then when I come

up I'll carry him in there, put him in the cot. Yeah, so then me, you know, me and I've can watch something or whatever and then, and then we'll, you know, it'll end up getting in about five o'clock or something like that. There's no, no danger of the bed of an eight by eight is that. That's that's the beauty. That's the beauty. That's that's that's that's that's that's the beauty. It's that's that's that's the beauty. It's that's that's the beauty. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. the that's that's not. that's that's, you. that's, you. that's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. the, you. the, you. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's, you know, you know, you know, that's, you know, that's, you're, you're, you're, you know, th know he, he's quite soul for two obviously and he loves lying sideways so. You know when you wake up, you wake up and your faces on the side table. Imagine that was an eight foot by eight foot bed made and it's still not enough. It must have to go for 12 by 12 Peter. You're gonna have to upgrade your bed. I can have to. So is there a plan to get the two-year-old in another room? Yeah I'll be honest with you we had a flood during during lockdown and yeah and it took out

one of the one of the boys bedrooms. This is not like a trap is it that you we might sell this story like a clean rune and Rebecca Vardy situation. It's an official flood. Okay, sure, yeah. Someone's been hacking our podcast, Ross. I don't know who it is. People have been listening? What has gone on? I'll say you had to flood. Sorry to take off there. Yeah, no, it's all. Yeah, we had to

one of the bedrooms is out of action. So we had to sort of jiggle things around. So the moment the moment the moment the moment that that that that that that that that that th. thueue. th. th. th. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. to be tooom. tooom. tooom. too. tooome. too. too. too. too. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. We. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's to. It's to. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's a. It's a to. It's a to. It's a to. It's not. It's not. We. It's not. We. We. we had to sort of jiggle things around so the moment that that bedroom's back in action we will hopefully get the boys in there together that's the plan. Oh that's nice. So that's the plan. Oh God they'll just keep each other up wo' they're their own room that's fine. A lot of footballers they have kids quite early and they have like there's as as as as their their their th as th as their their their th so their their th so their their th so thus their thus.. they're they're thus. they. they. they're they're they're they're tho. thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. thoo. theeea and they have like, there's a lot of footballs that are parents. Do you talk about when you're in the dressing, how much would parenting come up? Like was it, because like, I'm going to be honest with you, with other

comedians that have kids, it's all we kind of complain about. So would that be, would you be sat there with, you know, Harry Kane complaining about having kids? Yeah without doubt you know it's the same in any work in industry probably yeah of course you complain about it and you know you say good things about it people who recommend good holidays to go with the with the family bits and pieces like that so what's what's strange about footballers is probably you know people do do seem to have kids early and I think it's because, you know, earning pretty decent money, what have you, and you feel quite comfortable and you're settled with your wife and it's always good to sort of the club sort of encourage

having a family because then you're sort of out. Yeah, because you're out of nightclubs, you know, you're out of, you know, you're on the straight and narrow, you know, you're changing nappies rather than, you know, whatever else you do. So did a manager say, did Raffa Benitas go, mate, you've got to have a kid here? Yeah, I've been told, you know, a few times it's all about getting a girlfriend, settle down as quickly as possible. The clubs encourage it. Yeah, because it's better for everyone. If you're a single lad, usually, if you're anything like me, you're not eating correctly. You know, you're probably not having as much sleep as you should have.

And, you know, certainly when I'm at Ab, she's looking after me in a way that probably I couldn't look after myself. As well, we'd like playing football. It's so strict, obviously there's like the schedule and all the games and stuff. Have you missed any sort of key moments like birthdays or like with the kids or first days at school and stuff? Like you've had to sacrifice because of playing or the club's a bit more quite understanding with that kind of stuff? Yeah, not so much. I mean I was quite lucky in the fact that I had kids late, you know, so it was sort of like, when I say late, it's late in my football career really. So I was 30 when I had my the first and then we had the Al P. I'm peter past it, 30. 30? 30? 30. 30. 30. 30. I'm talking about in football, you know, people retire 32, 33, 34, you know, they're retired. So when I look at, you know, some of they're, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, when, when, when, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I's, their, their, I's, I's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. thirty. I's, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thirty. I'm, I'm, I'm so, I'm th. retired so when I look at you know some of

the players and you know they have that problem of they might be playing a Champions League game and their wife is pregnant I mean you can't say I'm just thinking about when I was playing you know if I turn around to reference say well I'm not coming because my wife might have the baby you know it doesn't always wash you know it's like you know she is she in labour and you say you know I've seen players do it and they say she in labour and you say no and they said well get yourself on the plane then oh wow so then you could be you know somewhere else and there's been plenty of

players that that missed the birth oh and they missed the birth of their kids oh yeah yeah you made you made it I made it yeah I've made it I've the up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up the I've the I've the I've the I've the I've the I've the I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the for their kids. Oh no. You made yours though, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, I made it. I've made it, yeah. I've made it, I've been there for all four. With all the different nationalities in the dress room as well, obviously in football is such like random collection of people that in most workplaces you wouldn't get. Have you heard any sort of wacky ways that people have done stuff in their the th, thunsts, thun, thun, thun, thun, tho, tho, tho, thin, thin, I, I, thin, I, I, thin, I, I, I, I, thin, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've tho, I've, I've, I've been tho, I've been tho, I've been, I've tho, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I've, I, I, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I, I, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that, tho, tho, thoan, thoan, that, that, that, their, their, their, kids. Yeah, I think you know, one of the best things about being in a football dresser room is like you say the different cultures and different ways that everyone, everyone does stuff and yeah I absolutely love to sort of like just sharing stories and you know for instance Christmas you know the amount of

people that celebrate on Christmas Eve that's something that I didn't really know. like everyone like like, like, like, like, like, just, just, just the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th their th. I th. I just th. I just th. I th. I just their their th. I th. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their one one one one one. I their s. I their s is. I their s is. I was. I was just. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thooooooooooooooooooooooes. I was. I th. I th. I th. I their the amount of people that celebrate on Christmas Eve, that's something that I didn't really know. Like, everyone, like, every, you know, I used to come in, I used to come in on Christmas Day. We trade, obviously we trained on Christmas Day and, you know, the lads have been like, yeah, we've done our Christmas really, you know, presents, and I'd be travelling on a bus on Christmas Day to like Norwich or something. And I'd think, that's probably a good idea actually. Why did I start doing that? I was having a turkey sandwich on the bus to Norwich going, yeah, I see, I have

no idea. This is probably a good way. I was going to say, did you start playing golf before kids or after? Because I've started playing, but just as a reason to get out of the house, I was just interested in your golfing career. Of course you have, mate. Exactly, exact thing. I think when people say to me, you know, I didn't play golf, like what you into that for? I said you just wait until you have children and someone says to you you can spend four and a half hours with your mates playing

sport and have a little drink after. You tell me if you take up golf or not. I'm starting to think no one actually likes golf. It's the greatest conspiracy that we're undercover. I'm all the time. Like the trip to Portugal, like you can't say to your partner I'm going to go Magaloo for four nights, but if you're going to Val de Lobo, you can get away and just get absolutely shit-faced of four days. It's not a problem. Yeah. You just You can just go and you just go and you just play to just you just you just you just play to just play to just play to just play to just play to just to just to just to just to just go and to just to just to just to just to go and to just to go and you to go and you to go and you the to go and you can just the to go and you know you just play nine and get the truth for two and a half. Oh good well good tonight it's not just me but we've had some angry messages from people saying that I've uncovered the truth about golf. Yeah that's true. Nick Fouldo is absolutely livid.

He didn't like golf at all. Even your gullling references are 90s. Come on mate. He's still the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best thine thine the best thine thine thine thine thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooes. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. toooes. too. too. too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.owdow. I don't know. Come on, mate. He's still the best, isn't he? I love the 90s as well. I have to say, I'm a huge fan. So, Peter, you think that the one-year-old is good at football, you think that they're all, they're quite tall. Are they aware of Peter Crouch the phenomenon? And, like, do they get at school that they're like Peter Crouch's daughter and Peter Crouch's son, I suppose the one-year-old wouldn't, but like, are they aware of what you've done and achieved? I don't think anyone's aware of Peter Crouch, the phenomenon. You say that, Peter, but we're trying to top you in the podcast charts, and it's and it's and it's and it's and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, it's, it's, and it's, the thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the phenomenon. tho, the phenomenon. the phenomenon. tho, tho, the phenomenon. tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, thou. thereea. thooooooooooomo'er, tho'er, tho, tha, that Peter, but we're trying to top you in the podcast charts and it's fucking difficult, mate. Yeah, I can't believe you did eight years at Stoke.

I mean, that is incredible just from a morale point of view on a personal note. Where did you live here? Did you live? I absolutely loved it. to live in Stoke? Um, no. I didn't love it enough actually loved it there. I wouldn't live there. Absolutely. Most of the lads live sort of like Cheshaway. So I lived, I lived like Cheshaway.

I was born in Maccashfield. I got friends and family in Maccashfield. So that's the only place I sort of knew was around there. So I moved there and sort of traveled in. in but with regards to you know being a footballer that maybe people know the kids obviously yeah have no no idea really but when I'm not my eldest now is sort of coming to terms of there I remember she did one of those summer camps and you know I'm taking her into the summer camp and she did do all the sport and bits and pieces and she said that you know it's one of those embarrassing dad moments she said dad can you way outside and I was like

why you know I just take you in she said no no no don't don't come in dad and okay why and she said oh because she's too tall I said what I said what I was talking about and she said oh apparently the kids the today because my head was close to the ceiling. And yeah, they were laughing their heads off anyway, probably gave her a bit of stick so she was like stay out in the car park. So anyway, it was gutted. And then I went off, I stayed in the car park, got off. And then a couple of, I think it was a couple of drop-offs later, she was like, Dad, can you come in today? And I was like, well I thought I was too tall.

I said, you got these shoes on your knees. No, no, it was the same height. I didn't do anything different, but I was asked to come in, I thought, I was a strange one. So anyway, I walked in and I, I, I, I, I, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was in, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a th. I was, I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a that. I was a that. I was a too, I was a too. I was a strange, I was a too, I was too. I was too. I was too, I was too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was too. I was a too. I was a strange, I was a strange, I was a strange, I was a strange, I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was in. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I was a strange. I walked, I walked in and obviously I didn't realize but the kids had, a couple of the boys in football kits had seen me sort of get dropped off and all of a sudden I was to call dad. And it was like, you know, I came in and all the boys were like, wow, I was Peter Crouch, you know, this and that and I was high five in them and um, you know, she was like, Dad, you're picking me up and I was like, of course, that, th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th.. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, that, and, th. And, th. And, th. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, and, th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. Don't want to. Oh, I love it. Thanks to. Yeah, it's good. How do you find days out with the kids and stuff?

Obviously because you're so well known and you started doing more like, you know, you did a show on BBC One on Saturday night, which is like, you know, crossing over to another audience. And obviously, Abby's well, obviously, Abbey's well, their, well, well, well, well, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th., th. th. How, to today, to today's today's today's th., th., thi. thi's thi's their, their, the kids or is it quite a challenge? Yeah all depends where we go obviously like we're you know we're big fans of a farm where we live and like we go we go to we take them out for days out as much as we can but like you say there is you know I can't I can't hide anywhere and you know they have sort of got used to having a picture or two you know my little girl actually takes quite a few of them so them them them them them them th th th the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're they they they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they te. te. te. te. te. try try tell try try tell tell they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, my little girl actually takes quite a few of them so yeah it's a bit, it's got, it can be yeah it can be a bit strange for them probably but it's just something they've they've sort of got used to really.

I'd say genuinely that story about dropping off your child that's that's what I'd say it's one of the most heartwarming things we've heard on this on this shot. Yeah, I mean, when you said, she said, you're too tall, don't come in. I've never felt more sorry for anyone, Peter. I've seen walking out, just sitting in your car, where if you read through the sunroof, just really up to there, about the way you did treat it. Sorry. I was gutted. Yeah, that's a horrible thing. But like you say, I think, you know, when she was, when she was, you know, quite a bit young, I think, I try to remember

when Ab did strictly, but a few years back, I was thinking, you know, I played for England and I played for Liverpool, I played in the championship, I was thinking all these things. And she was in the, in the soft play, and I just I I I I I I I I I th. And I th. And I th. And she was th. And she was th. And she was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was, I was, I was, I was, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the, I. the, I was, I. the, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, the the the the the the the the the the the t. today, I was, I was, today, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the in the soft play and I just heard her there was only two of the two kids in there and I just heard her say you know strictly so this other kid and the kid went no and she went my mom won it you know I was thinking oh god I didn't got a mention there either you know I played for England in World Cup, come on! 100 goals in the Premier League! I think that was more gutting than being too tall for the for the classroom.

But strictly, what about strictly for you? Would you ever fancy it? No, I don't think that's for me. It's well, you know, I can't top ab. She won it. She was incredible on it. And you know, I'd go in there and probably be the comedy. There's only so many robots you can do, isn't it? I don't know. Let's find out. Let's see if the public keeps voting them through into the final. I try and graft through it with a bit of a passadobla and put him robot out for the final. Yeah, yeah, don't give it to him too early. You can't robot night one. Tease them in.

One more football question, Peter. If you had to have one of your managers as your dad, who'd be the best and who'd be the worst. Oh, that's a great one, Josh. What a good question. I'm not going to lie to you Rob. I've got 45 more football questions. I'm just trying to pretend. I've got one more parent run for after, but I want to know who your footballing manager dad would be.

Best of work. Well, I think I'd love to have as my dad is probably someone who's very close to my dad and probably prefers me to his own son. And that's Harry Redneck. I mean having a son that good looking would annoy him, wouldn't it, if you're Harry. I mean, so I understand. So you love Harry. I did love Harry. And like he was great with me. You know, he was great with me.

You know, big football man, like someone. Oh, I really sort of like, he's been great dad, I so as well that'd be, it'd be great dad I reckon. And the worst? Fabio Capello. Imagine him, you're dad. Absolutely no love. Oh, just, I think that would be ruthless that. Oh my god. God, I can only imagine the, you know, the school report, you know when you go in the parents evening? Yeah. It's no terrified. Was you there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there thue thue thou thou thou thou thou thou that when that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that would be that would be that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would that would th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thou. thou. thou. thou. thou. thou. thou. the thou. the the their thou. their thou. thauua. thou. their tha. tha. tha. to be terrified. Was you there when he was at England that he was all the different rules?

What was the most frustrating rule was the player that Ian Falls? Well, there was quite a few, if I'm honest, but it was banned. We used to come down in our flip-flops for, you know, team meetings if we were just in the hotel or, you know, we, you know, that was banned, it was trainers only, you just get sent out if you had flip-flops on, butter, ketchup, all banned. Yeah, it's so stupid as well because you're only with the squad for a few weeks of the year. So like what impact that going to make? I'm not much judging on that ball cap. Yeah, exactly. He just sort of antagonize the players a bit, you know, it's a bit like, I'll have some butter on my toast at home or with my club,

but when we come away of England for 10 days, you've got to have dry toast. Oh God. Oh God. I think I'd turn the cap down if I got called up. I don't know, I'm not playing the cat. I'm not playing. I'm going. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. I'm going. I'm not playing. I'm going. I'm going. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. I'm going. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. I'm going. I'm not playing. I'm going. I'm going. I'm. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm going. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I. I. I. I'm going. I. I. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. I'm toast. I think I've got a Scottish uncle after all actually I think I'm true that David Bentley and Jimmy Bullard would say shout postman Pat. I have no comment to make on that whatsoever. I'm sure I'm sure you've been told though. Yeah but Bullard's not shine coming forward. I don't want one more one more we won't keep you too long obviously you're not you need to have a

a bottle of wine you got the kids in bed to be in to be in to't keep you too long, obviously you need to have a bottle of wine. You got the kids in bed and enjoy yourself. You haven't got much downtime, apart from the four and a half hours playing golf today. But we think this is something that cropped up in a pre-in a previous episode with Matthew Crosby, where if now you could's something that annoys you about the way your partner parents or a thing that they do in the house that you'd like to say now and you can't be judged for it but it's just something that gets under your skin but you've had the courage to say to them is there anything that you'd like to say that it frustrates you. For example with Matthew Crosby, his wife used to put the bibs, to, to, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, their, their, but, their, but, their, but, but, but, their, but, their, but, but, but, but, their, their, but to to put, but to put, but to be. their, but, but it's, but it's just, but it's just, but it's just, but it's just, but it's just, but it's... And, but it's. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, is something. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is something. And, is something. And, is something. And, is something. And, is something. It's. It's. It's. to be. to be. to be. to bea. to bea. to some some some. to. to. to some some. to. to some some. to. to some some some. to some. to some some some. to something. to some. the toturn a tap on it'd get wet again. It's something that gets to you, Peter, that you just would like to get off your chest now and it's not judged. Bear with me, I just got to shut the door. She left it open again.

She had to listen to every word, don't worry about that. Uh, is their core, parent wise? I mean, listen, our household wouldn't survive without her, so I do have to say that. Yeah, as that's a given, we get that, we get that. She runs the show, but what I will say is... What I like about this, you're not trying to think of one, you're just going through the ones you can't say. I'm through, yeah, I'm going through a few of them here. The one one, I'm going.. thap go out to work and I can't help it but like I do enjoy my work you know so I do I go there and I think she thinks that I'm having a really good time. I'll come back and I'll be handed all four.

Have these. I have that because it's like your job doesn't feel like a proper job. So when you're working it doesn't count as work. Well yes I remember my dad coming home from work and then you know it was like oh you know that's making some sit on the couch get your slippers on you know go and have a shower get your pajamas on relax I'll come home and it's like right out all four of these I'm out I'm out. I just you'll be punished for enjoying the job. Yeah I'm that I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that I'll that is that I'll that is that is that is that is that is that is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is the the the the the the the th. I th. I the th. I the that that the. I that that's that that's th. I that be punished for enjoying the job. Yeah, I feel like I'm being punished for...

That is the thing when you say I'm going to go and do some work. There is this unspoken thing, which I'm sure is the same with a footballer, where they're going, oh come on mate, I know what you do for a living, that's not fucking work. I think definitely when I was playing football the famous quote was, you know, I come back and say I'm knackered and she said she said you've been kicking a football around with your silly little mates. So even after a full 90-minute game you still get giving the kids. Yeah kicking a football around with your mates you know it's like

when you when you put it like that you go like I have it really have not? Yeah give them here. Give their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fucking the fucking. I I I I'm. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I I have it really have I? Give him here well that's only fair it's the Amnesty so you can't be judged for it Peter everyone has these little things so thank you for sharing and I'm sure if Abby wants to share her side we're more and welcome to have a which are you may may be against but we're all for but something that sort of rubbed me up the wrong the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to th sort of rubbed me up the wrong way the other day actually. Can I just get this from my chest? Yeah, as many as you want, go for it. No, this one was just about when, you know, I'm partial, I'm partial, I'm partial, some people are partial to like some chocolate or a biscuit or some crisps.

I like, I like crisps. Like, I like, I like like like like like cr like cr like, like, like, like, like, like, they're my thing. So, they're sort of like a bit of advice for me. And I find myself when all the kids are sort of sitting on the couch, like, I'll go, I fancy bag of crisps, and I go, it's just, I look at them and I'm just not worth it. Like, I'm going to go in there, I'm going to get one bag, I'm going to have any myself and I found myself the other day I was sitting in the same position I am now in the office and I'm sitting there with a bag of frazzles on my own trying to... the 39 year old man with a bag of frazzles in the dream. I looked to myself and I thought, where's it all gone wrong here? I'm sure Frazles will sort you out and send you some Frazzles.

Oh, bleak, mate. It's been great, I mean you on, Crouchy. Thank you so much. Pleasure, I really appreciate it. Enjoyed it. Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Thank you so much. Pleasure, lads. I really appreciate it. Enjoy it. Cheers, mate. Thank you. That was Peter Crouch. What a banner, Josh. Lovely, wonderful. So I've got to get Abby on.

Gotta get the dog's on, get awful kids on. I want to get the full farm story. Thank you to Peter. We've had enough. People have had enough. We'll be back on Friday. Are you ending the podcast? Oh, we're back on, I thought you was breaking up with me. Yeah, I'd have to get Geoffrow in to replace you. I see you next time. Have you got kids? We'll have him. See you later. Bye.