Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP58: Walking up the Burj Khalifa

Episode Date: November 14, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S01 EP58: Walking up the Burj KhalifaMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's more cash on hand to grow with up to 55 interest-free days. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Commissions Apply. Visit MX. C. A.S.A.

Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robb. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.

Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett. Josh Whitakum. There you go. Do you recognize an accent there, Rob? Confident Canadian. Massachusetts, USA. Do you know what? This is my little trick I do of North Americans. If you're not sure, always say you're Canadian. Because Canadians absolutely love it if they are. Because they go, yes, because everyone calls Americans. And then Americans go, no, I'm not actually. Funny. You should say that. People do think I'm Canadian, but I'm actually American, because Americans don't like, it sounded like they're American. Very shrewd. A good little move. So if you're

not sure, always going, you're Canadian. So that is Kira and David, no, no, no, no, sorry. It's a strange way to ask for a child's fault. David Carroll's daughter, Kira, who lives in Massachusetts, USA. That's so exciting, isn't it? It is exciting, Tom. If you do listen from an exotic place, like Massachusetts, please tell us how and why. Because I don't understand who listens to this if you, tha, thiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to to to, to, to to to to to to to to to to, to to to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thei.a, thooooomo.a, too.a, too. too. too, too, too, to who listens to this if you're not British. I mean

if you're British you may have seen me and you on panel shows or last leg and but if you're from abroad, what what got you here? Yeah. I'd love to know. Imagine if we're like huge in a country without realizing it. Hawaii. We're going to do a live show. So far away away Hawaii though. I just tak I really want to go. I really want to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' to travel, yeah. Where do you want to go? Fucking anywhere. You want to get off a plane and it'd be red o'clock and you go, oh, you can feel it, kind as you get off. I reckon well. You never know. You never know. You never know. Oh, mate. Injects, it's my head. I'll try. I'll take it in the forehead. I'll to in in in in in the fore fore fore fore fore fore fore. to to to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get. the to get. to get. the to get. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the f. the the the the the the the the the f. the the the the the the the the the thea. thea. th don't care. Come and live with me mate. Sort my computers that. Talking of Bill Gates, would you like some emails? Because we got loads of emails. Did you like that? I know what? I really like that. Talking of Bill Gates, there's some emails. Like, you know, Josh, can I have some electronic mail please? Oh I didn't tell you, in fact, shut up Bill Gates. I didn't tell you about the nativity

at my play school. Oh, yes, we teased that, didn't we? Because actually pros. It's a very quick thing, but one of the kids wouldn't move, so their mom came on the stage. Oh no, was that a week. She wasn't a particularly heavy mom just to very clear, it was just a bad stage. I was going to say that he's like if that's a weak stage, fine, if that's a strong stage big woman, that is awful. It's not an anecdote, I would be tell to Rob, that. This big old girl got on a confident woman, the threat. th. th. thatheatheat is. that. that was. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that is that is that is that is that is that is that is a that is a that is a that is a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a strong. that's a strong. that's a strong. that's a strong. that's is a strong. that is a strong. that is is is a strong. that is a strong. that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a th. that. thrown. thrown. thrown. that is a throooooooooe. that is a that is a strong. that is a strong. that is a strong. that is a strong. that is a strong. that is a strong. that one. Very light woman, very weak stage. Yeah. Should we go back to Bill Gates? Yeah. I feel like you didn't give that anecdote what it deserved, Josh. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. People have waited four days for this. Well, we've got them in now. Well, what happened? Did she hurt herself? What did it? What did it? What? What? the other things? Did she hurt herself? What did it? Did it? Did? Did? Did? Did it? Did it? Did it? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did she? Did? Did she? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did she? Did she? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, did? Did, that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? the that? the the the the the the the the th other thing I realized about that story is it's a story my mom has told me But it's one of those things where you're too young to remember it yourself

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'd remember a woman falling for a stage, wouldn't you? I think when you're three you that you find that completely unremarkable. Well, do you know what was amazing in one assembly at the tele, which still I for a film. A VHS in front of 500 people, insane, right? They wheeled out the tele, and then my mate had a watch, the control telly. The classic. And he paused it, and then the teachers thought there was a poltergist, and the adrenaline, it felt like I was on drugs. I could feel the blood in my arms bubbling, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was.. thed, I was, I was, I was, I was, th.. thed, I was, I was, tha, the thed. the the theree. thed, what is this sorcery? What, how can they cope? This can be mutiny.

How can they carry on teaching us? And then the science teacher come out when it's on his watch, come with me. And that was the end of it. But for a moment, oh my lord. There was always rumors that was a kid with one of been released in Argos down there, I think? So we got lots of great emails. Do you want the first one? Oh yes please, let's do it. Subject, Bluetooth.

Yeah, sure. Ever since the birth of my first daughter in May 2020, your podcast has provided a source of entertainment, feelings of empathy and down in, Rob's laugh makes me want to join in. That's a very different experience to mine. This laugh got me for a lot of lean panel show appearances in the early days. That's all I had. Oh yeah. I was about Theo Walcott at the World Cup, just had the pace. Captain Cutaway. He's still on the show laughing. Yes I am, laughing and cash in a check as I've so tried to work out as a structure and joke.

I've got energy all right, yeah sure, but I didn't realize you have to put the funniest bit of the joke at the end of the sentence until I was five years in. Anyway, sorry, go on. I have a story to share on the perils of Bluetooth around the house. As a dad, the to to to th, to to th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thi, tho, tho, tho, the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the tho, the the the tho, tho, tho, th. I, th. I, th. I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, th. I, I, I, I, th. I, thi, I's, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, to, togu. So, toda, toda, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, today, dad, who had the good fortune of being at home for most of the first first 12 weeks, no, no, it's not. It's not. It's not what you think it is. First 12 weeks of parents said, thanks to a global pandemic and generous teacher holidays, I've now recently embarked on the next chapter of the 21st century fatherhood, which is my main two daily deadlines, to the daily deadlines, to to to to to their, to their, to, their, to, their, their, thk, to Friday. One, go to work, two, make it home for bath time. This means the weekend

brings the chance to reacquaint myself with some other daytime activities that my good wife now mostly takes care of. One of these is the morning nap. It's my task on Sunday morning after a good few minutes of swaying and swinging. She'd happily zonked out to the count. I carefully lowered the to. I'm carefully looted. I'm to to the toe. the the the the toe. the the the the the the thea. I'm going. thea. I'm going. thea, I'm going. thea, I'm going. thea, I'm the the the the the the the the-up. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th th th t. t. tmse. tmse. tmoom, I'm going tmo' tmo'e, I'm tmo' tmo' tmo' to' tto' to' to' to' to' today. t myself, I thought I rewarded myself with Match of the Day. Anyone who knows Match the Day will be aware of its triumph-foot-trumpeted theme tune, with which it begins. As I hit play, I wondered why it was playing so quietly. So I turned the volume up to Max and the sound became a little more prominent, but was now accompanied by my daughter's ear-peasingly screeching whale. I realized to my horror that the laptop had been connected to my Bluetooth speaker in her

room. I blasted her with a trumpeted fan for five minutes after she just entered. Oh, oh, I'm getting itchy thinking about how angry I'd be. The sounds I'd heard had been through the baby monitor. Really hope this unfortunate event doesn't put off football for life. Thanks for all you do on the show on my sanity. Kind regards to Aiden. Oh, thank you very much, Aid. I mean, it could, we all know it could have been worse. It could have been worse. It could have been worse. It could have been worse. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies

and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings. Not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students. A membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4999. A to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be a to to to to to to tooer.9.9.9.9.00.00.00.00.00. to to to to to to be a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.00.00.00.00.00.00. Ia. thea. thea. teuu.u. teu.u.u. Ia.ea. Ia.ea. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the Ford government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Right, oh do you want to choose from the titles of the emails Rob? Oh yeah that was fun wouldn't it? A bit of fun. Okay. Do you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. If th. If th. If th. If their their their the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. If th. If th. If th. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. te. te. to choose from the titles of the emails Rob? Oh yeah that was fun wouldn't it?

A bit of fun. Okay. Do you want help? Can you help settle a teeth cleaning debate? Yep. Or IVF story? Let's go teeth cleaning. Because I have a bit of trouble with the teeth cleaning of the kids. A job both of us hate. It's not the laugh you think it would be, is it? No. Hi, Rob and Josh, I wonder if you can settle a debate between my husband and I.

I've always cleaned my teeth first thing when I wake up before eating breakfast, so that I'm not eating the germs from overnight and have a nice clean mouth to start the day. And naturally, I want this to pass this to our children who are eight and five. However, my husband gets the the the the the the the the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theateateateateateateate the the theateate the the the the the the. their the. the. the. the. the. the. I the. the. the. the. the. the. the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the. the. the. the. the. theateateateateateateateeateeate. I theeateeateeeateeeeeeeatee. I theate. I the Whenever he's doing morning routine, he will make sure they clean their teeth after breakfast. Yeah. I also add that I find it easier on school morning to do teeth whilst I'm still upstairs first thing, rather than panicking and cleaning teeth as we are walking out the door. Where do you live? How big of the stairs? I hope you can sell the debate.

I mean, of the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu thu thu th sell the debate. I mean of all the tall buildings. I nearly said leading to the Apple Tower and I panic that did Affal Tower. Go with the Shard, mate. The Shard, yeah, but the shard's got lifts. I just imagine you just have to walk up the Aful Tower. It's probably got lift. It's got lift. I'm a tall building. I could have done. Canary wolf. I went world. I the the the the the the the the the the the the tha tah. I went tahahahahah. I went tahah. I went tah. I went tahah. I went tah. I went tahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. I tahahahah ha ha haa. I tah. I tah. I tah. I tah. I tahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I tah. I tah. I tah. I tah. I tap. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. But ta'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'era'era'era'era'era'era'era'era'era'er. I tall ta up the awful time it's probably got lift. It's got lift. I'm a tall building who could have done. I could have done Canary Wolf. I went worldwide. We've got a world wide. Sorry and what's the one in Dubai that really tall one? The Burj Khalifa. Yes that would have been better because it's a funny name is it Burjah. Let's record that theyme. Let's record that the way. that way way way way way again again again again again. that the the way. the the the th. the th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tha. tha. tha. tha. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the world. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tod. to. today. to. today. to. today. to. to. today. to. today. t I find it easier on a school morning to do teeth whilst we're still upstairs first thing rather than panicking, cleaning teeth while we're walking out the door.

Oh, how lazy is she? Where does she live? The Burj Khalifa? Lovely reference, Rob, look. It sounds great as well, does it, Burs. Also, you put it at the end of the sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence sentence, tha. the sentence, thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to to to to to to to too, to too, to too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. to, to. to, to, to, t. t. t. t. te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. too. too. te. too. too. hope you can settle this debate that has been going on for years. I hope I'm not alone in my thinking. Rob. Well, I do agree. Sometimes you might have a bit of morning breath that you want to get rid of. But I think with the morning routine, kids are getting up and eating breakfast pretty much straight away. So I just think let them eat and then brush the teeth after, especially if they're having like cereal, you're just just, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and I, and I, and I, I's, and I's, and I's, I's, and I'm, and I'm, I'm just, and I'm just, and I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I's, I's, and then, and then, I'm tho, and then, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'm, and I'll, and I'll, and I'll, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I's thi.. And, and I's thi. And, and I's thi. And, I'm thi. And, thi. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, th thi. thi. them eat and then brush the teeth after, especially if they're having like cereal, you're just stuck in their teeth. I'd much rather leave the house of fresh breath.

When do you brush your teeth? So I brush them after I've eaten. And when do you shower? Because I always feel like it's a combined job. Do you know what I mean? Because I'm not out that day to like work. But normally if I'm not going to work, I don't shower, I get up and get into like gym clothes, and I'll take the kids to school and they'll come back and sometimes do exercise,

sometimes just be really comfy for a few hours in gym clothes. And then I have a shower later after exercise, so I would still brush my teeth before before I left the house after breakfast though. Yes. Or I think if you are going to do it before breakfast you still need to do it before and after. Do you? Yeah. Double. And here's one. Are you aware of these people that do it after lunch? That's just that's too much right. I think that's okay if you can't the thi tho th tho tho tho tho tho th tho tho thu thu thu thu thu thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho that's that's that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. to be they. to be they. to bea. the tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to be heavy with the brush because you get recessed gums. And if I know anything about teeth, gums do not grow back. So what happened? Yeah. Well no, but just, oh you can, if you brush a bit too hard,

because mine, it's like giving, you know, it's like jet washing stone enge. There's a lot there to deal with. And these are so big, they've got to be clean and flost. You know what I mean? Yeah. But anyway, I think if you're doing it as soon as you wake up, you've also got to do it after they've eaten. Because then, you know, otherwise, just going to go to school stink in a toast or cereal. No, one wants someone who smells of frosties. Where do you where do you stand know the right answer is after breakfast, but if I got up and I had a shower, I would just get the teeth brushing out of the way myself now. Bang, done. Also sometimes we just keep the kids toothbrush and toothpaste downstairs. Yes, we've got that, we've got the toothpaste and toothbrush, upstairs and downstairs because we live in the Burge Califa. Right, do you want the the the to have the to have the to have a the tha the tha the tha tha thuuuuffa the thuiuiuiuia thuia thuia thuia thuia thu, thu thu thu thu thu, thu, thu, theaugh, tipeaugheatheaugh, te brushing te brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe brushing tipe tipe, tapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapape, thu, thu, thu, thu. I thu. I thu. I tipeateateateateateateateatueueeatueeateatueeatueeateateateateate t.. I, t. I t. I, do you want help? Still in the game.

Got to have a thumb to sleep. Got to have a thumb to sleep. Yeah. Oh let's go thumb. Okay. Loving the podcast. It's absolutely my favorite one of all the ones in my playlist. Please name the ones we're better than next time, Amanda. Come on. Listen to episode 54 and you're chat about how to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the to get the the the to get the the to get the the to get the the the to get the the the the the to get to get to get 54 and your chat about how to get to sleep, nose stroking, duvet overhead, etc. Every night, without fail, I have to have a thumb to hold. Whoa, this is insane, go on. A thumb. I've always done this right from being little. Who's thumb? Sorry, I'm standing quite aggressive. This has annoyed me. I don't find thisumb. I've always done this right from being little. Who's from? Sorry, I'm standing quite aggressive. This has annoyed me. I don't find this quirky. This kind of thing where you don't let

you meet someone and I go, yeah, it's the little thing I do. And I go, I mean, sometimes be like, well, that's ridiculous. And just rip wrong show, clearly. Oh yeah, I'm not messing about here. Right, he said to send me the, I don't know what you're going to send me now, this thumb. So let me explain and they'll send the picture. Mm-hmm. If I don't use my own thumb, I will grab my husband's thumb. Oh my god. And woe bettied him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him heeded him he he he he he he he tied he he he tied he he's he he's he he's he he's he he he he he he he he he he he heatie thie thi. I thie. I'm thie. I thie. I can't thum. I thumb. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thie. I thie. I thie. I thie. I thi. I thi. I can thi. I can't thi. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thum. I can't thum. I can't thum. I can't thum. I can't to show you her picture of her, how she has her thumb to get to sleep. He's literally under his own thumb. He's literally under. So that's what she has to do.

It's the kind of, you know, like the fist with the thumb inside? All right, look, if she's comfy with the thumb not be available? Yeah, that is what I'm wondering. But maybe she finds his thumb preferable which will fall back on her thumb. Apparently I hang on for dear life. Oh no. And have been known to make his thumb grow hard from gripping too hard. Rob, I can imagine all- Did she know what?

Has she got thumb and cock mixed up? I was trying to give up the the their tha thoomomomomomomomom.... thoomomom. to to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop to stop thoomoomorrow. to stop to stop thoom. tho. to thoom. to tho. tho. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. tooom. tooom. thumb. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. to. to. to. to. to. to. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. tooombue. to stop you before you weren't there. You can't what do you want from me? What are you trying to give to the people here? This lady knows what she's doing. It was that line. I grew up too hard to make it all big and hard than it jizzes or whatever it is you would have said in that email. I'm paraphrasing. You're paraphrasing. How does that rank in the weird sleeping? I think doing it to your own farm is fine. It's just, I think it's, you know, a bit of a, you know, a bit of a strange theme, but people

are different, they like you have to have your head with a doo-by over. And we've come across a number of the old head coverers. Head cover. Head cover. I think,'s thumb. Yeah. That would be annoying in the middle of night having your fun pool. I couldn't deal with that because I like to turn. Do you not like to turn?

Oh, I thrash about like a crocodile. I'm terrible. I don't sleep well, you know. I don't sleep. to be the to the to go asleep. I mean I have a lot of energy considering your job. Well sometimes I've got too much energy because I haven't done enough so that's that's when I can't sleep and then if I had a really good day and I loved it I'm too excited about tomorrow and I can't sleep either. Blamey. Do you ever get too excited to sleep where you just want it to be a morning straight away. I yeah I get I get that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I get I I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I get I I I I I I I I I I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that I get that really bad actually if I am but I could I recommend Valerian herbal tea

which absolutely knocks you right out is that sound from Game of Thrones Valerian Steel is it the same I don't watch Game of Thrones I live in the real world mate oh yeah sorry you're living the real world what's that on an exercise bike in your garage in cyber Costa Rica listening to the football like a sad granddad if you haven't listened to Tuesday's episode that's gonna feel like Rob's a the to to the to the to the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. I the the the tho. I'm tho. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. t. I'm. t. t. t. t. te. th. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm.to Tuesday's episode, that's going to feel like Rob's going on a really surreal riff. Come down, Noel Fielding. That's literally something Josh did. So this is called, this is superb. This is superb advice. This is called Long Car Journey advice. Dear Rob and Josh, I'm writing to tell you, I of a time that my mom, dad and I, along with my three siblings, were going on holiday to Devon.

Great choice. I can't remember my exact age, but I must have been about five years old. About half an hour into the journey, all four of us kids were already misbehaving. their today, their told us if we don't stop misbehaving, he would turn the car around and we would go home. We didn't believe him. Oh no way. We'd all been aware that my mom was up early packing the car and giving the house the pre-holiday clean so it's fresh when we get home. Within five minutes we'd used our final warning and my dad actually did turn the car around to the today. to to to to to to to to the the to the the to the the the the to the the the to their. I. I. I. I. I. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. the the tod. the the the the tod. the tod. the the today. the today. today. th to. to take us all home. Power play. I've since been told by my parents that we were not in fact due to go on holiday that day. And this was just a ploy to get us to shut up when we went on our five-hour trip to Devon

the following weekend for the actual holiday. That's, that's mental. That is actually, that is therapy bills for years. I think it's one of the greatest things that's ever happened, Rob. Come on. Needless to say, all four kids did not make a sound for the entire journey. Yeah, that's because I lived in fear. That's not how you live your life. That's not an example of success. Oh yeah, we just sat there in terror the whole time in case we a holiday was cancelled again last minute. I think it's the greatest piece of parenting ever, Rob.

I don't. It's the ultimate, it's the ultimate power play. It's the kind of thing. You know if you were to read a biography of all the things that happened in Donald Trump's childhood. Ha ha ha ha! I mean, part of me wish I had the balls to do it, but I just don't see what any good can come of that. There's other ways to prove that you took the talk and walk the walk than doing that, isn't

there? Well, the other thing is you're playing a very high stakes game because what if the kids behave first time round? A week early. This is really not worked out well for us. You have to do two weeks here now. You'd be halfway to Devon, you'd be about Bristol and you'd be looking for any infringements you could find. That I can't believe that's true. That must have been a wind-up. That can't be true. Well it's like that, um, is it Awesome Wales, I don't know, who used to hire someone so first day on set he'd fire them to make everyone else be on their toes. How much respect do you need at work?

What do you need at work? What do you want to be treated? I've never been, I've never been ever, I've got to fire something for it, I've got around there. What is how do you want to be treated? But to be fair, I've never directed a Hollywood film. That is amazing. If you've got any more, I can't say, no I can't. No, I can't. You're so stressful. Imagine going in. I'm quite happy reading out emails and complaining about my threathe. Imagine how many questions people would ask you in a day.

Just go in, is that all right there? Is that right? What's my line? How do you want me to say that? Is that lighten? the edit coming out? There's someone coming down with the studio. Oh my god.

Just film. Just film. Just film. . I would be more interested in interested watching Hollywood film than I would have documentary about you trying to make a Hollywood film, followed by the screening of the Hollywood film, which I imagine wouldn't have had as much love and care in the editors with other people who spend two years in there. Just bash it out. Can't we just stick with Andy Circus? Do we need

to put the Golum thing on top of him? Yeah he looks weird enough. Yeah he looks weird enough on he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he to he to he he to to to he th th th th th th th th th thi thi thu- he's thu- he's tho tho- he's thi tho-o-o-o-o-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up tho-up th-up thi thu-up thu-up th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi to thi thi to look? Say a column is well weird. I'll give you that, but circus is weird enough. It's taking four hours, so but the prosthetics on, he's a funny little fellow and he's doing his cratching. I bother. You don't need bigger ears. Right, Rob. I'm going to give you three more titles. Come on. IVF story? Name double whammy or 10 kids in eight years, 11 months. I'll tell you the last one very much does what it says on the tin. Yeah, I think I've got, that's the Ron sill of inboxing. But I want a bit of IVF. I think it's good. Let's talk about it.

Okay. I thinkother you. I smothered you off. What are your poor kid? Do you know what? I'm more than happy to let you do some independent podcasting for 20 minutes. I've been a huge fan of the podcast since day one from the days of poor patrol adverts to Rob Ruin'm like, I'm in the street. They go, stop telling the one about the golf secret. After listening to IVF correspondence emails,

I thought it was only fair to share my own IVF lockdown parenting help. My wife and I are already lucky enough to have a son through this wonderful process, but we're currently going through our third round of IVF. Since COVID, the men can't go into the building to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide to provide the building the building to provide the building to provide the building the building IVF. Since COVID, the men can't go into the building to provide a sample, therefore. Oh no, not wanking in the car park, are they? You're left with two options. One, oh God.

You have an hour and 30 minutes to get the goods to the clinic. Or two, rely on the usually empty car parks and wii and the tinted windows for a fresher and hopefully more productive sample. No, no, no, no, that is the car is an option. What they say is just make sure you could be an hour and a half. You must live an hour and a half from the... no, wanking in your car with a tinted windows cannot be an option the NHS give you. The rule is bring the sample within 90 minutes. If you want tha tha tha that's on you. Do not be on you. Those tinted windows, is that enough light

on it here? I don't know where it's gone. That's not, that's car. I mean also as well, you need to be, I imagine, I've never tried to collect a sample of semen, right? Yeah. But I'd imagine the way I'd do it would be in the toilet of my house, I stood up, right, and I'd be trying to do it in the cup. Yeah? At that angle, right? Because that's it you... I can't see you, Rob. Yeah, aiming it down. When you're demonstrating and you say at that angle. Right, what time on a clock face? Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. th th th th th to to to to to th to to to to to the to to to to to the to to to to to the to to to too too too the too too too the the the too too too to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too too toileteteto toileto toileto toileto toiletoiletet toiletet toiletoilet toilet toilet toilet. toilet toilet tooilet tooilet too imagine right? I'm stood up right. What time what time on a clock face? Okay, I'm um, my head's at 12. My head's at 12, my head's at 12, my knees, I'm stood up right, I'm at 12, no I'm not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So you 12 o'clock, 6 o'clock as a person? Okay, I'm stood, right?

Legs are straight down at 6. Yeah. Knees are aiming at about 4. Oh, you've got to bend in the knee? My back and head, like going over a bit like a squirrel, so my head's now aimed at one o'clock. Right, there's a lot of core core core core tha tha tha tha th o'clock. There's a lot of core strength that play here. So, so penis is, you know, when, when firm, 3 p.m. But when I finish, it all shifts down an hour, penis at 5 into the cup, right? Yeah. You cannot get those angles in a car. You can't do it unless you're in like a people carrier or like some sort of like you know

Yeah VW camper. You cannot get those angles. We know which we're going to submit to the podcast awards don't we? Oh fuck the award. Why do you care about awards Josh was a joke? No you do care you want to win this. We heard you being salty about the awards because of bloody the fight disciples. Sorry anyway. I only two paragraphs in. We made the decision. I'll read again. Yeah. Option one, you have an hour and 30 minutes to get the goods to the clinic. That's enough. Where does he live? Up the Burge Calipha. Oh, it's good to get a catch-raiser too, rely on a usually empty. Where do you live?

The Virgin Caliph? Rely on and then we could do an hour, we could do a live episode from the top of the Verge Calipher. Oh, that would be great. That is genuinely a possibility. You'd have been arrested for a lot of today's content. Rely on the usually empty car parks and Wifi and tinted windows for fresher and hopefully more productive sample.

We made the decision to go for the latter, to give ourselves every opportunity to succeed. But obviously, that decision, if you're not lying, comes with its own added complications and increased pressure. Also as well, I always think, like, with hospitals and doctors, you're on your game, right? We need to get this sample there as quick as possible. But you know, you've done all this and you just give it to me, just going to sit on the side for 10 minutes where they try and find the person needs to put it somewhere. Well, exactly. Do you know, but anyway, sorry, so they've gone, they've gone all the way back or you said what so your nine o'clock three o'clock yeah I mean I'm gonna have to readjust or bear with me you know

that the back seats push down lay down legs in the boot yeah body on the back seats like how you'd have your car sat up for a boots I'd like I could potentially lay down undo it but that you know what I might do Rob for for full privacy? Just in the boot like a hostage. Do fair over your head. Right, it was either a wank in the car park of one of the most prestigious fertility clinics of the world,

or no second baby and a very disappointed wife. As we drove up... Obviously, I was a wank in the car park, you're a sicko. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'n, tho,, women change, right? If I said today I'm going to have wank at a car park, she's like, you're a sicko. But when he gets some stuff like this, you're like, you start ranking now. I want this baby. Just stop wanking. Get behind the bin towar around. Just wanking that pot now. Women change when it comes to fertility. find it was almost full. Oh no. As we pulled into the car park, I noticed the cars weren't empty.

Oh no! Most of them had male passengers who are waiting for their partners to have the eggs harvested. It's safe to say, I was feeling the pressure. She said, just go and do it in the back of the car. We've got tinted windows, no one will. As I nervously and begrudgingly began the process, I scanned the area for eyes, to my horror spotted two dog walkers standing 10 meters away who proceeded to stop and have a chat. With my wife in the front cheering me on with words of encouragement such as you can do it, it's okay, it's okay.

That wouldn't help. That's not a positive. No, that would not help. You'd have to have some sort of pornography, I think. Well, Dog Walkers left me in a car park, full of board men, and it wasn't going well. I opted for pornography. Thank you, good dad. Rob, is this from you?

You seem to have a wank in a car, I could not do it just with the memory bank. Especially with my wife in a side seat. Go on, you can do it like it's a fucking sports day. I opted for porn to try and resurrect the situation, but there was no signal and time was running out. If it wasn't five days of abstinence, I would have been in trouble, but luckily the deed was achieved in the end. My God, there's be loads of it as well. Sorry, it's disgusting. On my walk back from dropping the sample to the clinic, I could almost feel the eyes of every man in all the cars judging me with every step. As I got closer and closer to a car, my worst fears became reality. It seemed the tinted windows

weren't tinted at all. I could clearly see directly into the back of our car, just as the dog walkers and full car park would have been able to see five minutes before. Oh no, but it all seems to be worth it at the moment, so fingers crossed from anonymous. So if I did say his name beforehand, we might need to beep that out. I do apologize. If you do want to be anonymous, put it at the start because I always make that mistake. Yes, exactly. Quite rightly. You do you know? You're not Urigela, you're not gonna predict it, aren't you? No. Although, I could have had a guess from the story. Yeah, I mean, yeah, he's had a wank in a car.

I don't want his name read out, but you just have to own that. I think I'd just, I'd wind the window down and go, I'll have a good look, tho' their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'. to. to. their, I'. their, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I.................................. And, I, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t too. t too. t t t t t t're going through this process at a high expense, but we both love our children and we've got more, okay? So you're happy now. What do you take your dogs and fuck off as you're wanking? Yeah, that's what you do when you're wanking every time even if there isn't any dog walkers. Oh, that's what gets me, that's what I get looted to shout at me. To help. Have you got any Instagrams? Have Yes, we've got some Instagrams. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. Dave here from Sydney, Australia. I've got a question for Rob regarding my son's eating habits or lack of.

Harrison has just turned three, and we could count the food to eat on one hand, and I've tried everything with little to no improvement. We are having to syringe blended chicken into fruit packets so he can get some meat in his diet. Mental, I know that is so insane. Yeah, he has a look of somebody who's being offered an up shit every time and put something new on his plate or try and make dinner time fun. Well, I'd pop the syringe away if I were you first and foremost. He just won't even attempt to pick up the smell, even look at new foods. Any tips be very much

appreciates? I don't want him slurping chicken, chicken and fruit packets when he's 18. And Dave Stedman. I haven't got any real tips because we were we were okay on the old. We never got the packets away. Those those Ella pouches went down like they were, she was not to to to to to to to th. th. th. the th. the to the th. th. the th. thi thi. they. thi. thi. their thi. thi. I thi. I thia' their their their thi. I thia' their their their their their their their their their thiats. I'm thiats. I thiats. I thiats. I thiats. I thi. I thi. I thi. I I thi. I I thi. I I I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I they. I they. I thi. I's thi. I's tipe. I'm tipea' tipea' tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm tipes. I'm Ella pouches went down like they were, she was not buying that from day one. Oh, she didn't like them. But she's fine with food. I mean, she's as fussy as a child is, but not in the, in a way where we're panicking. Well, yeah, I don't think you should, I don't think you should worry too food. Will eat, I'll eat anything and try any kind of food. Where Lou and her family are a little bit more fussy and don't like, Lou won't eat seafood and stuff like that. And just, they're all a bit like that with different foods. So we were worried, but once she got

to school, so I think when they're three, I won't worry too much, but just hopefully when they get to school age and they go to school with other kids, they start seeing their friends. Definitely. She's even come home and gone, oh, someone so has that in lunch, can I have that in my snack box and things. So I think, don't, I just say, you know, how much does he need chicken in his diet? I don't think syringing fruit much. I'm doing all right. Look at me. You don't have chicken, look at you.

Six or five. Six, absolutely. Did you smoke as a teenager? . I didn't thii. But yeah, I'll worry Dave, just chill out on the chicken syringe. Just give him fruit. Fruit and veg is good, isn't it? You don't need, you can get protein from other stuff, can't you? Exactly. Any more from the Instagram? Here we go. So from chicken syringe to cow tongue here, Josh. It's got a meat heavy. It's the last one before we wrap up for the hey tongue. Hey guys, just listening to your episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode episode. A to to to to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your episode. to your to your to your to to to to to to to your to your to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. the to. the to. to. the to. the. the. the. to to to to to tongues and knew I had to write in. My 93 year old German grandmother Donetta would always buy a whole cow from the butchers once a year.

Oh my word. A whole cow. That includes literally everything including the tongue. She used to serve tongue to my family when we would come and visit and it was delicious! I know it sounds weird but in a cherry sauce with bay but in a cherry sauce with bay leaves and cloves, in a cherry sauce with bay leaves and cloves, you would have no clue, you're eating tongue. No, you wouldn't because it'd go, I don't care what his meat is, this cherry and bay leaves and clothes tasks like shit. It's all got a bit I'm a salab hasn't it? Oh my god. I mean thanks to call in Amanda, but I mean I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th thi I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin that that that tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I tho-a thu. I thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that that that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to't it? Oh my God, I mean, thanks to calling in Amanda, but I mean, I shouldn't judge it, we should, I'll give it a go.

If anyone wants to send me a cow's tug with cherry sauce, bay leaves and cloves, I'm your man. What is clothes? Clothes, you'd like to stick about the pickled onion? No. Oh, Lou brought him some pickled onions. That makes pickled onions every year, right? I had one, and then I had the shit so three days. Turned out, they end up being pickled. He'd put them in the vinegar that day.

Oh my gosh. I ate a whole onion raw and it to t I'm not very good with fructans. I don't even know what that is. Well I do, I have a whole onion raw and you'll find out what fruits are baby. You're just eating a raw onion. Well yeah, I had it with like a bit of cheese and hab and all that and it's a bit lively in this pickled onion. I they're kind of mayo and vinegar on it. A bit fructanty, but it turns a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, it, it, it, it, it, it, I's, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I's, I's, I'm thi, I'm thian, I's, I's thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, toge-a, toge-a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, thi, thi, thi? A bit fructany, but it turns out fructanty are high in onions, especially raw, and if your belly's not good with fructant, so my bellies can't deal with wheat very well sometimes,

it sends you a bit dulali and I, I, Bacie, had a terrible time. Yeah, that was my onion story. Josh, I think we email for what the podcast does for people. Oh, let's do that to finish. I was spent a fairly positive week in the world of politics and COVID. Hey, Rob and Josh, this is a, you know, this is a life-affirming email. I just want to start off the email with a huge thank you on behalf of every parent listening to your podcast. He kept us entertained, sane and most of all made us realise we're just normal people

trying not to fuck up at the hardest job in the world. She's put parenting. Secondly, I need to personally thank the pair of you for keeping me calm over the past four weeks. Today was my dad's funeral. He passed away four weeks ago, and I've been travelling backwards from Bracknell. Open brackets, open brackets. Yes, the home of the famous, to bedfordfordfordfordfordfordfordfied, to to bedfordfordfordfordfurturturturturturturturturturturt. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the, the home of the famous coral reef, closed brackets. Plight, water plays. To his home in Bedford, me and the M25 have become best buddies. The majority of the trips have been on my Todd as my husband is at home with our small

humans and those four-hour trips alone aren't fun when your mind is racing. Thank you both. They've been all made a little less snot crying behind the wheel and more chuckling away to your tales. You've distracted me from my own thoughts and will continue to do so. Not to be a Demi Downer, but I thought I'd like to say thank you. Cheers, Jem. Oh, that's very kind. That's lovely to know because we don't have the answers, but we can distract you from trying to answer the answers and find out of the time. Exactly. We don't know what you know, but we'll make you stop thinking about it for a bit.

Exactly. Thank you for email, Jem. I hope you're doing okay. I hope this episode has distracted all of you from whatever shit is going on in your lives. If you want to get in tough. Put my pickled onion story into perspective actually. I feel regret saying that before that lovely email. If you want to get in touch, this is how. Email us, hello at lockdown parenting.coad at the twea, or tweet us at lockdown parents or Instagram lockdown, undiscore parenting.

And you can also send us stuff, PO Box 7-748, London E99DW. We will be back next Tuesday. We will see you then. Goodbye, Rob. Bye.