Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP59: LIVE FROM THE SCHOOL GATES

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S01 EP59: LIVE FROM THE SCHOOL GATESMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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we've swapped them for one week only. You'll be getting your special guest on Friday, you'll be getting me and Rob and your correspondence on Tuesday. The reasons are technical and far too boring to go into, but I hope you enjoy them all the same. Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation, and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills, each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parent in hell with Albie can you say Rob Beckett. Oh Bickett and Josh Widdickam. Josh Widdickam. Oh not bad. I like the word with Josh Widdickam. Sound like Acaster, James Acaster, Dash witticum. It did sound a bit Acaster, but it is Alby, who is two and a half. On the subject of making Rob's trick of boring things sound exciting, I have nailed this, he loves hoovering. So the point where he now calls himself the dustman.

The dustman. And he will proudly give us all turns so we can share the excitement. The dustman. We've been doing a thing with the girls in a play, we've got a playroom and it gets really messy to tie it up. Because they're very competitive we're finding. And what we do is lose got this little app on a phone. It's like a, it takes 30 seconds for a dinosaur to complete a race. So she she th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. their th. their their that their th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. We their. We's th. We's th. We's th. We'. We're th. We're th. th. We're th. te. te. teate. te. tea. tea. toda. te. today te. We' th. We've the. We've th. We've th. We've th. to complete a race. So she holds it up and says, right, you need to pick up all that paper and put it in that drawer before the dinosaur wins the race. Go, go, go! You guys are so good at this stuff. That's a good idea that one, I can't remember what the app is, but she does that and then she goes, right, and it stops, it can't be too long to lose interest. So you pick each individual, and they they, and they, and they, and they, and they, right, they, right, the, the, the, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, tho, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, their, go, go, go, the the their, go, go, go, go, th. before, go, go, go, th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. to to thoooo, thooooo, thoooo, thoo, tho, thi, thi, tidy. You're the parenting troubleshooter Rob, that's who you are. Also, I got an idea for a new feature, Josh. Yeah. Like niche observational parenting comedy. Lovely. Stuff that parents, if you were at a gig and you did it, right, most of the room wouldn't laugh, but you'd get like three laughs of just insanity from the people

it really clicked with. Yeah. And it's frustrating because you know it's a good bit, but it's not that got mass appeal to be something that you can put in to a show. Talk percentages. You know what I mean? This is the audience for it? Yes. It's that far right conservative politics. They'll grab a certain part of country, but the rest of the country, no, not for us. You know what I mean? But it it it it it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, but it's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, to be. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's is. that's. that's is. that's is. that's. that's. that's, that's. that's, that's, to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. the to be. the the the to be, the the to be, the to be, the to be, to be, shall we, should we have a little sting where it's like, like the Live at the Apollo thing? Well, yeah, like what? Like the, like the Apollo? Like Robbacke, I'm sure you could get the Robbacke coming on at Live at the Apollo, and then you can go into your bit, Rob. Oh guys, you know when you need a bit of pseudocrim for the kids and you go to get about

and you get the tiniest bit, but it's always too much. It's always too much pseudocrim. Even if you get the tiniest little finger swipe in, it's always too much that you end up wiping it on your own arm. Am I right guys? I mean it don't work as a delivered bit, but I like it. I think it's yeah, totally great. I've never got the right amount of pseudocry out. It's always been an astronaut, it just never ends.

And it's just like, it's just everywhere. Yeah, that's. I've, I have got a niche observation actually that this is a feature built for you. This is a feature, do send them in that I did yesterday. I don't think there's any more humiliating moment in your life than when you put something on your head to amuse your child and then they're just not looking at you for a long time and you're stood there with a sock on your head. Go, hello? Hello? You remember sock man? Do you like a sock man? And then after a while you just sadly take the sock off your head.

Because it was if you never done it in the first place. I mean no one saw you. That's even if like your wife or partner doesn't see, or even like if no one sees and you but you know it's been on there, that will haunt your dreams for a couple of weeks. Remember that time I had a sock away for ages and no one even noticed? The classic philosophical saying, Rob, if you put a sock your head in the woods and no one sees. Have you had a sock on your head? Oh dear that tickled me. Sock head. Do send in your very niche observational stand-up and we will do it on our um. We should call it like live at the nursery or something like live at the um.

Live at the school gates. That's your demographic guys. What kind of pseudocry you use it? Pop-based? Shout out of the school gates. Guys, that's your demographic, guys. What kind of pseudocrude you use it? Pop-based? Shout out if you use pseudocum. Shout out if you use cow pooh. Where are my neurofed heads at? What about my neurofend guys? Don't tell me you don't alternate cow polto nuphen, it means you get double painkiller for your kids. Orange flavor who wants that? Give me double strawberry.

Oh my god I'm having a break down. Tell us about I'm gonna have to open a window. I'm too up but tell me about A and E Josh. So my daughters I wouldn't say she gets up early and I wouldn't say she gets up late. I would say she's the most, her wake up is more erratic than any other child. So I've got friends who've got children who've got children children children children th children th children th children thuuuuuuu th children th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm to to to to to to to to thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to th. I'll to to to th. I'll to to to te to te te te te te te te tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell t've got friends who've got children that wake up after eight every day. What? Yeah. Oh my god. That's too late. That's too late though. When they start going to school, too late Josh. I know. Exactly. Yeah, I'd hate to be them. Yeah, we don't want that. I want my night either. Yeah, you're right. I like what I make up at six a. time. I like, I make. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. too. th. too. too. too. too. too too too too too too too too too too too too late. too too late. too too late. too too too late. too too too too too two hours of their day. Yeah, I think what you could achieve. Like, do you know what I do normally is lay on the sofa half a wait watching Tick Tock drinking three coffees. That's what I do for those two hours. I don't know about anyone else. Exactly. Thinking about pseudocrome jokes. But my daughter is all over the shop. So this week we've had both 815 and 550. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the thi. to thi. thi. the which really makes it difficult to know when to go to bed. Yeah.

Because you don't know, so this morning we had, we had eight, but we've gone to bed at 10. So I've got the full 10 hours. Whereas like other times, I can go to bed at half 12 and then I'm up at like six. So it's a very difficult situation, but it's fine. Yeah. But earlier this week, tired. Do you know when you say it's fine, that means it's not? Yeah, do you know what? It does mean it's not? It does mean it's not. When something's fine, no one's ever gone, no one's ever gone, well that's fine. It's always a moaned with. the to thi. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th thi, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, when, oh, when, when, when, when, oh, oh, oh, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. Do. Do. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, when, when, when, when, just mentioned how much it annoys you. If it was fine, I'd argue you wouldn't say it because when something's fine, I've never got, at the moment, this desk, if you ever heard me talk about my desk, Josh.

Do you know why? Because it's fine, because it's fine. There's nothing good about it? There's nothing. There's nothing bad about it, there's not thin. It's fine. But, it. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. thi. thi. thi's not. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing. It's not. It's not thoing. thoing. thoing thoing thoing. It's not something something something something something something. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's not. th. th. It's not. It's not. th. th. It's not. th. It's not. th. It's not. th. th. It's not. th. It's not. It's not. th. th. It's not. th. It's not. thi. thi. thiaa. thia. It's not, isn't it? It gets in, gets out, keeps you alive. Well, speakers are asthmatic, I'd say it's more than fine. I'm absolutely a huge fan of it. But it's fine, sorry, it's fine. The bed's fine, yeah. Well, I would 100% swap it for like a consistent 7 a.m. Yeah, because you never know, you never know, you never know, you never know. It's like, you know, I know we draw probably too many football analogies on here. But you don't want that player that can score a hat trick but then can disappear in the next game and that's what we're looking at. She's Eric Cantor. You can chip it from

the halfway line or at 8.30am or she's, you know, two foot in someone in the front row at 5. Exactly. So, I was really tired this thi thi thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired. I was really tired this week, thought I've got to get a good night's sleep. Went to bed at 8.30. Why live? Why live? It's no life. It's not, is it? Is it? Is it?

8.30? I had a bit of a read. Light off at 9. And then, um. It's like, you're in Boston. I went to the cinema at 11.15 p.m. and at the time I was like, oh it's a bit late, isn't it? Imagine going to the cinema now! Genuinely, last time I saw the end of match university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students.

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What does Possible to sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with the pre-set spending limit. Redefined possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit Amex.C.A. slash business platinum. So anyway my daughter's had a fungal infection in the downstairs region. Oh, Sudacrachrime Central. So she woke up at 11 p.m. Well I'd already had two hours in the bag at 11 p.m. Well, I'd already had two, I already had two hours in the bag of that point, Rob, from my 9 p.m. sleep, which had turned out I needed because she was in quite a lot of discomfort from it.

Yeah. And basically, to the point where, you know when a child is in the position where you'd take, you definitely take them to the doctors if it was daytime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now if that was an adult, you'd, you would never take yourself to A&E, but when it's a child and we've got a, you're like, she's, there's just no way she's going to sleep here, we need to, I think, we'll worry she had a urine, the trackle...'ll just go try and get as much sleep as you can, we'll go in the morning. Yeah, we'll phone them at ATM and then we'll get put in a queue in the morning. She doesn't understand that concept. So went to the hospital, obviously only one allowed in, so I sat in the car. Oh you love it there. I drew the long straw. You can swap. It's all you can do, Robert. It's all you can do. I offered. Did you sleep?

Did you listen to something? So I was Warwick's. The next day was my, I've got like a bit of a deadline I'm behind with with some writing. And the next day was the only day that week where I'd put it aside for work. And I was like, I can't believe. the the the the the tha tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. tho. tho. to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be told. the to be to be to be to. I was. I was, to. I was, I was, to me. I was. I was. I was. too. too. too. toe. toe. toe. toe. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. to. to. to. to. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be to be to be to be to be told. told. to be toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I cannot believe this, that this next day is ruined. So I was sat in the car. And also as well, you'll be told that you've had an absolute touch. So I would do what, well you managed to get that 37 minutes sleep in the car that I didn't get.

And how on earth, in any kind of world, is that something that's been good for you? But there was no way way to to to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep the to sleep the to sleep a that's that's that's that's that's th. th. to be a that's to be a to be a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's.. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. the that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's getting to sleep in the car. So I ended up having to do my writing in the notes version of my phone. Oh God. I was like I've got to get a day's writing fitted in in the notes version of the section of my phone while sat in a car. How on two hours sleep? Also, I've started doing like, you can do these these these th th th th th th thine thine thine thine thi thi thi the the the their their their their their their theirtwo hours sleep. Also, I've started doing like, you can do these like 10 minute meditations on YouTube. Oh yeah. And it's really good. It's really. I'm a massive fan of meditation and mindfulness. It's so good. It's so useful. It's really, really calm to be down. You might

have noticed in the last few weeks, Rob, I've been absolutely full of the joys of spring. Yeah, you are. You do notice to be seen a bit less less the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the of the of the of the of the of thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm th. th. th. t. t. t. t t te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. 'd say, than you have been in the past. Totally. I'm so much less stressed. I have those moments of stress, but I can move them on much quicker. That's good. And I find, even if you've had a really bad sleep, if you go and take yourself away for 10 minutes and do a meditation or mindfulness, it can give you a little, it's like the equivalent of a power nap. And thii, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th th tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's like thi, it's tho, it's th, it's th, it th, it's th, it's those those those th, it's tho, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th th th th th th th th th th th those th those th those th those thi, it's th those thi day and calmer about stuff, but I'm a huge fan of it. I'm a huge, huge ambassador for it and I thought I'll do a 10 minute meditation sat in my car, right? Yeah, that's a tough ask. That's a tough ask. That's a tough ask. But also then, I started getting in my own head which is the mistake of me. It's the one thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing Yeah. Started worrying, because I was sat there in the driver's seat with my eyes closed in the car park. I started panicking about what it would be like if someone knocked on the window and how much I'd jump. So then I became too scared to close my eyes. So I was trying... That's no way to meditate. Fully awake on edge in a London hospital car park.

I'm genuinely, mate. I want to get rid of awful waiting for your daughter to be checked out by a doctor. I felt like Buddha himself. If you manage to meditate there, you should just start a commune. Start a cult. You have too powerful for this podcast. So anyway, I try to do my 10 minute meditation and then try to write stuff in notes on my phone for two hours. I'll just read you also some of the texts that the hell my wife was going through while this was happening. 17 past midnight.

We're in the waiting room quite a few people here. 26 past midnight. She's freaking out and won't we in the pot th night? th night tham tham tham tham tham tham tham th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. th. I. I. I. th. I. I. th. th. I. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's thi. thi. thi. That's thi. It's t. It's t. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. It's t. Wea. So. So. So. So. So, t. So. So, too. So. So. So. So, t. So. midnight, she's freaking out and won't we in the potty. 27 past midnight, this is a disaster. And your wide-eyed open meditating right now. Yeah, I hadn't started the meditation by this point, but I was close to needing it. Let's put it that way. 30 past midnight. I don't know what to needing it let's put it that way 30 past midnight I don't know what to do she's freaking out and refusing 37 past midnight she won't do it in the pot and they won't take a sample

that's been in the potty I don't know what to do radio silence I don't know what you're gonna do in the car yeah 105 a.m. She did it the tiniest amount, but it was enough, just waiting. 106, the waiting room is, 106, the waiting room is empty now, and she is absolutely fine. 1.27, she's like a different child now. Oh no, when he got his happy kid, he's fine. Did you panic a bit because she was just losing a mind, do you think? We did panic, she was in like serious pain and stuff. Yeah, yeah, they go mental with it.

2-02, we've been waiting for the results for an hour. And that's the last message. So I imagine that was just before the end. They're still there, Rob. But I've just changed my number. But what, what, at least she's been checked, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, to, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, toe, the, the, the, the, they my evening. Oh wow, what time did you get home in the end? About quarter to three. You know what? Not at least, she's been checked out and you've got the medicine. Well, we had that as well when the youngest is really little. She was about eight, nine months old and she was having that.

And she was having that trouble and she was having that, and then we were sitting there for hours, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thee, th. th. thee, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the had to wait for something like that. And then she got in and she went, well she's done a poo yet, it was like, yeah, about two hours ago, she went, oh yeah, he could have gone then. I was like, well, just don't mention that to me. Just, just, just, how about you go good, pretend to write something down and go, well that's fine then, she's thi........... And, she's, she's, she's, she's, they. And, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and.. Oh, oh, oh, and. Oh, oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Oh, oh I've realized. It's because you're so chirpy, Rob. It's because you're so chirpy. No one realizes. Doctors can't, you know, just got to try and manage information better and delivery of it. Just, you know, that you know that you're just making me sadder telling me that.

That's not helping. Anyway. Do you want some emails? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to? to? to? to? to? to. to? to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. to. the try. try. to. to. to lockdown parenting mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Can I give you one before we start? Just a little bit of, it's a quick one. I had to share the news of my friend's baby arriving. Baby, guess the name? Malcolm or Gavin? Malcolm?

Introducing Malcolm. And this is screenshotted from a phone of a friend. So I don't know if you're allowed to give out of it, but little baby Malcolm was born yesterday at 1030AM a healthy bouncing baby boy. I mean, I don't think you need to put boy in there. He's called Malcolm. It's such a strong name for a baby girl.

But yeah, baby girl, literally born in September. So that's good, isn't it? Do you know what? Imagine if it really takes off. Good to see. If Malcolm becomes a bit of a boring name where everyone's got it. Yeah, like, you know, like James or Oliver. One of them.

Yeah, exactly. One of them. Right. This is from Dorothy Barker. Hi, Josh and Rob. and the confusion over whether Josh's parents lived in Devon or Heaven. The daughter of our family friend, who happened to be her childmind, and moved to Devon, a little after she turned five. Tessa was of course very sad that a friend had moved to Devon and could talk about little else. She was missing a friend terribly, and would tell everyone about it. The only problem was she kept telling everyone that she was very, very sad as her best friend

Abigail had gone to heaven. Oh no. How old was she? Five. Five. Oh God, imagine getting that information delivered to you and you're like sort of a friend of a friend or like the teacher. As you can imagine, people were feeling suitably upset for her, especially when she started telling everyone that she wanted to go to heaven too to see her friend. We even got a phone call from her teacher to

discuss support we could put in place at school to help her cope with her grief. Oh that's horrible. I mean you just have to every time you introduce her to anyone go Abagal's a friend who is still alive but lives in Devon and she gets confused between Devon and heaven. Have a good day at the party. Yeah, so there we go. I mean, that is... You're not alone, Josh. I'm not alone. I'm not alone. So this is from Maggie Harris. Go, Max. Hello, I'm Maggie and I may only be 14, but I love the show. It's really hoped me get through my school work and being on my own at home love the show. It's really hoped me get through my schoolwork and being on my own at home all the time. In one episode you're talking about the youngest Gavin and Malcolm in another the strangest names. I thought I'd get in

touch to say firstly, I know a five-year-old Gavin and a ten-year-old Malcolm. Oh wow! Maggie, Gavin and Malcolm, is like an Enid Blighton novel. Well, it's genuinely, maybe these names are more popular than we think, Rob. I don't think we're moving in the right circles for a Malcolm. I think Malcolm is going to be more popular than Gavin, isn't it? Gavin's a bit more of a, um, who's called Gavin? Gavin Peacock, the footballer. Gavin, Gavin's a very British name, I think. I don't think they talk to it in America, do they? This is how boring my life is.

I googled white-headed pigeon earlier because we had a weird-looking pigeon in the garden and didn't even bother, that's the first time I read it. Something else happened in the time it's Yeah, oh actually an Australian bird must have escaped anyway. So he's got a five-year-old Gavin, a ten-year-old Malcolm. There's also a girl in my year whose name is Chicken Angel. Chicken Angel? I think I've bought chicken from there at 3 a.m. in Camberwell. Chicken Angel sounds like a chicken-like. Where was you? I was in Chicken Angel. She was in Chicken Angel. Where was you? I was in Chicken Angel. She was going to get in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the the the the the the the the th. I the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the girl in the girl in the girl in the girl in the girl in the girl in the girl in the girl in the the girl in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I'm thi. thi. thi. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. the. thean want to find yourself at 2 a.m. is Chicken Angel isn't it? Oh bless, I'm just going to get so many at those shows. She gets in trouble

a lot at school. So over the loudspeakers almost every day we hear Chicken Angel please come to your detention. I don't understand if Chicken angel is the first name. Ang-the first name and angel is the surname? Angel is the first and second name, but the chicken, I've never heard anyone called chicken. Chicken is a very, very unlikely name. Anyway, so she knows a Gavin and a chicken angel. A 14-year-old listener as well. Thanks Maggie. Also, parenting strategy for my parents when they took me and my brother to Cornwall were a little. Along the way we had to go on a car ferry. And a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their their their their their their their their their their their their their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and a their, and strategy for my parents, when they took me and my brother to Cornwall, were a little. Along the way, we had to go on a car ferry, and my brother was absolutely terrified. So my parents told him that the boats drive along an underwater road. My brother still to this day believes them.

So thank you very much, just go a bit higher and have a bridge. Yeah, very good boy. It's just a very low bridge. It's a very low bridge. It's got a bit flooded here on the channel. I've got some really good names, surnames stuff here as well, if not some names. So hi, Rob and Josh. First, you just want to say how much you love your podcast and it has saved our sanity over the past seven months. My mom's up there's people. I'm just thinking there might be people that weren't pregnant but when this podcast started and they got pregnant in the time. Do you know, or they've been pregnant the whole time, which is quite interested, isn't it? Yeah. That we could have people that listen to head along with, why is that pigeon got a white head?

Anyway. This is from Rebecca. I'm mom to two girls, three-year-old Rosa and seven-month-old Juno. We had our second daughter Juno at the start of lockdown. So initially, having a newborn and toddla with s. On the subject of all full names, I think I have a winner and could like to stress this is 100% true. I'm a primary school teacher and at my previous school in Peckham, there was a child with the first name, marvellous, right?

And the surname Orgy. Marvellous Algae. However, it was spelled O-R-J-A-Y-Y. So Or-J. That's not going to stop the kids. I know, but that's, look, look, it's spelled Marvellous Algie, but it's Orjah, they were French and I'm not sure the parents had realized the implications of his name. Also, imagine the poor Marvelous when he like joins Tinder when he's older.

What's his day? Marvelous algae, we don't know. Well, a sex band. There is something worse that you could have on Tinder, Rob. Yeah. This is from Kirsten Smith. Hey guys. Not apparent, but most of my friends are so I've been listening to the podcast in solidarity. Yeah. Not fully caught up thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, but most of my friends are, so I've been listening to the podcast in solidarity. Yeah. Not fully caught up yet, but just used a, just list of the episode by someone who used a picture of themselves with Josh on Tinder.

The very next day I was on Tinder and I came across this profile picture. Also I should act, it's marvelous orgy is actually a lady as a girl, not a boy. So I got that wrong. Oh Joey is a picture of me. They've used your picture on Tinder Rob. They've used my picture on Tinder as a catfish is Joey who's 40, oh piss off. 40 and he's and he's edited the picture. Well I mean I don't we can put that on our Instagram can we can. Yeah it's funny the picture. Well, I mean, I don't, we can put that on our Instagram, can't we? I spot me. Yeah, it's my, yes you can.

Joey should be asking that, not me. I can put a picture of me on Instagram. Why are you stood in front of the most, like, the newest brickwork I've ever seen in my life? Where are you know this picture? No, I think he's cuted, the the thu, thu, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, that, thus, thus, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th. J, th. J, th. J, th. J, th. J, th. J, th. J, th. th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. He's, th th to, to, to, to, to, to, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, th th th to. Yeah, th th th th th th th th cut me out and that's a fake background. Right. I don't think I've ever been there. But also as well, that's obviously taken from the tele when I'm talking to a producer off-camera. And he's made my eyes blurry. He's put me in a filter, but I look, I look, I look quite good there. I think I've also whitened your teeth as well. He's definitely made a bigger, something's looking exactly right. No, he's made that slightly big, around the side.

He must, they're not that big. It's an amazing decision to make. I mean, of all the people's faces you'd steal, I'm not a bad-looking bloke, but I'm not, or maybe he's going for like, not too good looking to scare women off. But you're going to really, unless he looks like you it's a very difficult thing to I mean you're only going to get so far do you think? Do you? Also as well like is it the American or British because it's sort of like I sort of would hope that I was famous enough now that yeah someone that would steal my identity would go and I

won't still is because everyone know it, but he's deemed me so unknown and so low-level fame-wise that I would be good enough to trick a girl into going to a day. If anyone else turns up, Joey 40 on Tinder, then, who, she said she didn't swipe right as she found the whole thing, frankly, a bit creepy. What, my picture or the stealing of my identity? She doesn't specific she isn't specific on that. Yeah, I'm okay with identity theft but you just look awful so I'm going to leave that. But I think maybe he's stolen my face, a couple look of a guy, it's not bad looking, but you can't, you won't have to worry about him on a stag. But the problem with it is Rob, the moment that he gets a date, he's done for, because he's not you. Or have you just uncovered my cheating?

Wow, do you know what? Is that my weight to an affair? If I have, then you have played a very, very shrewd hand. Because I didn't, you didn't respond. You didn't even blink with a worry about it. Shrewd hand, yeah, well well I'll stick that on Instagram. It is, even though it is me, but it doesn't look like me, does it? It's like a caricature.

Yeah. Rob, anything from the Instagram? Yes, this one is from the Instagram. Yes, this one is from the Instagram. The net, the online, from the socials. From the old World Wide Web. This is from Ella Josephine. Hi, I've just started listening to your podcast this week, and I wondered if either of you had names for your children whilst your partners were pregnant. I used to, we used to call them Bernadette.

Did you? Just to annoy Lou that I was going to call like his Bernadette. But we didn't go with Bernadette? I know we didn't really. We used to have, um, we had the name very early. My wife dreamt the name. But did you used to refer to the bump as the name or waited? Just called it like, um, it? It? The baby? I wasn't too like cutesy about it, do you know what I mean? I think we were worried by saying the name you are basically humanizing a lump. Yeah, I mean, and when you're very anxious as a parent, if anything's going to go wrong, we were very careful to not overhumanize what was in case anything went wrong. So I just said sort of

Bernadette with a second one being a bit coquier and stuff like with the first the bean, because it looked like like a little it doesn't look like a kidney bean on the first scan Yeah, and we just kept to call it the bean and then that way's going forward. I think we're just sort of Maybe I don't know if it's wearing too much. We should just say the bean and stuff until Yeah, sounds rude now, but we didn't use it in that term we'll just like a course of course I was you know, you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you taken. taken. taken. taken. Of taken. Of taken. Of taken. Of took. Of. Of. Of. Of. Of. Of. Of. Of course, I was the their their their their their. Of. I was going. I was going. I was going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going. I was going. I was the the the the the the the the the their. I was going going going. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was took. I was taken. I was taken. I was taken. I was taken. I was took. I was took. I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the. the. I was going. I was going. I was th. I was th. that one. Did you have your names? What was your school with your names? Did you have them before your daughters were born? Yes, yeah we did really, they were all sort of lined up. But yeah, but yeah, I can't stand it when people go like, oh yeah, you know, oh yeah we've got a name, but we can't tell you. Yeah, but I've not told anyone, not with my mom and I was like, they're I don't give a shit. their their their their th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, thi. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, they they they they were th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. Yeah, th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. shit, I don't care what you're kidding. Couldn't care less, mate. Couldn't care less. But yeah, we had it and we just sort of like straight, you know, we told people we're going to call the kid, but we didn't refer to it as those names until they had arrived.

Yes. Anyway, so you didn't, you just, you didn't. No, because we had the name name name, I name, I name, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the name, and, and, the name, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, the name, the name, the name, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to mind to have come up with a second name. Oh Josh you're writing a book in a car at 1 a.m. whilst your kids getting antibiotics and you've got your eyes open whilst you're meditating. You're creative. But this was premeditating. Now obviously I'd be the names would be all over the shop. Well yeah I think that's the thing I think it is actually better to have kids when you're older because you're more relaxed and not as nervous and you're not got as much work stuff going and all that kind of stuff. But you'll be even more tired. So it's a trade-off, isn't it?

Do you want the energy, an exhaustion from anxiety or, you know, you're quite chilled, but you know, you will put your back out. Right, here we go. My nickname was Zinzan after the all-blacks rugby player, Zinzan Brook, yes. And as a continuation of the Zed thing, and also because she kicked my mom so much, my younger sister got the name Zinidane. This must have been around the time he got sent off for attacking that man's stomach. Anyway, one time, when my mom was quite heavily pregnant, she and my name was doing the shopping, when they were putting stuff in the bags, the bags, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thee, thee, thee, thee, thin, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the their, they.e, thin, th th t t together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, they were putting stuff in the bags at the checkout and about to pay, my sister must have kicked a nerve or something, so her mom could barely move and she sort of almost collapsed and just stumbled, and my nan said, was it Zinidin

Zidan again? Which for the cashier, must have been... It's like, like the mum, it's like a voodoo doll and see Dan just headbutting it. Would you ever go with like a name like, like that would be such a mad name to suddenly go out for out of nowhere like Zinadine? Like, going for a name of someone who's like so, you know when there's names that are so associated with one person. Yes, no what, yeah, because that's quite a, it's a fairly, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th. It's, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, the, just, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. It's, the, th. the, just, just, just, just, the, just, just, the, you know when there's names that are so associated with one person. No what, yeah, because that's quite a, it's a fairly, you know, original name anyway, but also he's mega, one of the best footballers ever. Yeah, and I think it's like a... I suppose Diego would be, Christiano would be a similar one, I suppose. Well he took Rinaldo on didn't he? And he became more famous than original Rinaldo, which th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. the they. they. they. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. He's, they. He's, they. He's, they. He's, they. He's, th. He's, th. He. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, which is remarkable, isn't it? That is bold. Yeah. But I think it's an Algerian name, Zinidin. But there haven't been many other famous Zinidins.

But yeah, I know what, other like, other like, other names, like Madonna, but then, you know, she's, she nicked that. And she's, do you know what, she's it like, who's the most famous person in the world? Donald Trump. Donald Trump is the problem, yeah, there must be some other Trump's knocking about. Would you change your surname? Hitler, Adolf. They're calm it. It died out.

It did die out. There cannot be another adult anywhere because, one, you're a racist and you're doing it because, you know, you've never heard of him which I've had to it must be somewhat it must be people in the way haven't heard of it we've called a baby Adolf who what he did what he did what bloody hell you think that'd be more famous wouldn't't you? Do you want some nose stroking stuff, Rob? We get so much nose stroking stuff that I want to draw a line under it. Okay, so we'll just get through a bulk of nose strokes and then we can move on.

So this is from Jasmine. Okay, so the nose stroke is a strong baby knock her out as she says. I meet nine babies minimum a week and I've had people call me the baby whisper. I'm a newborn photographer. Part of my job is to get babies to sleep. So I can take these cute baby sleeping photos, the brand new beaming with pride parents.

What is the trick? The nose stroke. No way. She would know though, wouldn't she? The reason it works is that it forces the baby to close their eyes, possibly the fear of being poked in the eye. Maybe I should have done that when I was sitting in the car. Yeah, I'm stokes my own nose. Or, you know, the person who's worried about knocking on the window?

What if they put around through the window and of mugging, couldn't it? Rather than threatening people physically, go up to them, strate their nose, they fall asleep and you take the wallet. Yeah, all that waste in the time with like, was it, you know that in Spire films, they put like a rag with chloroform, was it chloroful? And that knocks like a Netflix series the nose stroker about this guy that would just basically get people to sleep and instill with their stuff like the wet bandits you know alone the nose stroker so he's already in a film Rob hi guys this is from Philip Taylor like you both I have a young daughter so

don't know what I've done within lockdown without frozen two which is definitely better than the first one, he says. During the latest viewing, I noticed something that made me think of the show. When Anna and Elsa's mum sings that all is found early doors, she gets Arna to sleep by giving her the nose stroke. Oh, it's in film, it's got to be true. If Disney say it's true, it's true. Five strokes and it's game over. I attach the link. Wow, and you think of all the enemies that Anna and Elsa have to face, and really all they've got to do is give her a quick five stroke on a nose, and then they can do whatever they want.

I'm sending you the YouTube there. I'm just going to watch it it to watch it to watch it to watch it to watch it the to watch the the to watch it myself, I haven't watched this. We'll put that up on Instagram and then we'll get a letter from Disney's lawyers and take it down. A letter. Right. They'll email, won't they? The nose stroke? She's stroking her nose and she's straight to sleep. It's a classic nose stroke. It's the little finger on the nose,time. Ah, you should use an index like. The nose stroke is the way to go.

The little finger is softer, isn't it? Then the rest of your fingers, because you use it less, don't you? The little finger's almost there just in case, isn't it? Maybe it's because I've got such hard workman's hands from all the moment no straight wasn't working. Do you think that's the problem? Yeah, it's probably what it is. You're always down B&Q, in it, doing DIY. Exactly. Exactly. You go there to do it, you know, surely. No, just replace the window for you,

don't worry about it. When I was a kid, where you grew up, where you grew up, sound so weird. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the to. the to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the to do, to do, to do, to do. to do. to do. the to do. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the car park and genuinely looking back we bought a lot of shit when I was a kid and just thought that's what other schools did. That is the worst school trip. Let us know if you had a worst school trip than that, but go into B&Q. They styled it as like one of those things where you're like learning how retail works. But the fact we had lunch in the car park hints to me that being that being that being that being that being that b that b th. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. Go. th. Go. Go, I's, I's, I's, I's, I was, I was, I was, I was, I's, I was, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the the thi. the. the. the. to, to theea. to, to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. th lunch in the car park hints to me that B&Q didn't even know we were coming. That is what. I think as well, that I went to Thought park on a school trip.

That's not a school trip. I know, that's not awful. You just go to Foult Park. It's a day out. I know, and it was like in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school in school school in school in school in school school in school in Thought Park. Worst school trips, do get in toucest. Or we're done with a no-stroking. We've established it works. There can't be anything, unless there's some sort of scientific evidence or any other moments of snow-stroaking. I think we're done with no-striking. We'll have to draw a line under it. Thank you very much. If you want to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to draw th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We th th th to draw th th th. We're the. We're the the. We're th. We're the th, we're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We. We. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're thro. We're done. toe. toeateateateate. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. thro. this is how. Email us, hello at lockdownparentin.co.uk. Or tweet us at lockdown parents, or Instagram, lockdown underscore parenting.

And you can also send us stuff. P.O. Box 76748, London E99DW. Thank you very much for listening, guys. We will see you on Friday. Yep, see on Friday.