Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP62: David Baddiel

Episode Date: November 27, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP62: David Baddiel Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian and writer, David Baddiel. David's latest book 'Future Friend' is out May 2021 and available to pre-order now. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed.

The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robbeckin. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. And to make a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation,

and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello and you are listening to lockdown parent in hell with... Brenny, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdickom?

And Josh Widdickon? Widdickon. Well done! Very good. That is three out of my four nephews. Logan's nine. But he was too cool to participate. Jude 7, Oscar 5, Toby 3 and a half. This was the fifth take and the closest, fifth take? No, you Martin Scrooze,ie? Fifth take. Fifth take, fair play.

Just do it. Your auntie's come round and she wants to do it for a podcast she likes, okay? So just do it. That's the message and I'll give those goods. Are you th good good good good good bloody LPH heads? My older sister had all four of them before she was 25. That is my age now and I do not have any kids yet, but I love your podcast. Lots of people listen to our podcast, that's Maddie, lots of people listen to our podcast that don't have kids. I know because they want to feel better about their lives and this is a perfect antidote because it is shit but also magical because you have to say that. What's your percentage of shit to magical Rob? Oh my god it's like the early rounds of Britain's got talent.

There's the odd golden buzzer and there's very much three X's most days. You know what I mean? I feel like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like that that that that that that that that that's like that's like that that that that that that that that the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to.three X's most days. You know what I mean? I feel like Simon Cow, he just sat there rolling his eyes and all of a sudden he's absolutely buzzing for it. When Paul Potscores, Dubo turns up. But no, I love it. But I'm at the stage now where they are on my face the whole time. They're obsessed with just jumping on me and just like, but they're not tiny little babies anymore they're like three and five so it hurts it's like impact yeah yeah but the birthdays are coming up as well and Lou is gonna book because they can't have a party right we're gonna we are just gonna have a big party in the summer from when we're back to normal whatever that is right so I think we're gonna the princess a princess that comes to the front door and sings at the front door.

Oh my word. And I don't know if that's... The problem is... The most awkward situation written all over. I'm gonna say I would hate to stand there. I find it bad enough with Carol Singers. How long is she's singing for? We're getting her to do Bohemian Rhapsody five times and then stairway to heaven. And you can't invite the the the the the the the the the the to the the their their their their their their th. th. thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thus. I to heaven. And you can't invite her in. How many princesses are you like, she could be in our bubble. It's Rapunzel so we've know she's been self-isolated. She's absolutely fine. She's gonna have that awful situation where you come to the door and she's not gonna be able to say oh that's that bloke from 8 out of 10 cats because she's gonna be too busy singing, let it go. I find when you do like the Edinburgh Fringe and you do open mic circuit and then comedy circuit, you meet so many different people from all walks of life that all do all different stuff, right? It's not just sort of like mainstream comedy stuff we do, it's all kind of wacky stuff.

And I find I do bump into people that I've done gigs with at some point but I can't play to them. I was in the the the the the the the the the th so I was th so th so th so th so th so th so th so th so th. I was in th. I was in th. I was in th. I was in th. I was in th. I was in th. I was in th. I've thin their the the' them. I've them. I've them. I've them. I'm them. I'm them them them them th. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to meet somemea to meet somea. I've to meet somea' to me me me to me to me to meeked to me to meeked mink somea' to me mcomede mcom-a' to meeked mc-mike mc-upe't play to him. I was in London Dungeons once and one of the wenches, I was like, so she used to compare down at the Queen's head. I swear I know her, and then she sort of gave me a look as well. So it would be awkward as well if the princess turns of just sort of looks at me and I'm like, and they're like, why is Elsa? Why is it also? Why is a creative as it were, you work in the arts at any point, you could be on a doorstep pretending to be Elsa. And I'm not ruling it out for me. I'm not going to lie, Rob. I had that experience when I did the Crystal Maze experience. And my maze master, or whatever they're called, was someone that I'd done, had been in my room before me in Edinburgh. Oh really? I didn't know whether I was allowed to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the to be to be the to be the to be the to be the to be to be the to be the to be the to be their tho. It tho. It tho. It to be to be the thi their to be to be to be to be that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that the that that that that that that that that that that that th. It tho. It thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that whether I was allowed to break the fourth wall and go, um... You're right, Steve? Yeah, you're right. Or was I too busy going, oh I'll do a skill, please?

I don't know. Oh yeah, well actually we're gonna put the crystal back so we're getting for the final round. I'm gonna right actually mate. Yeah, you're doing Edinburgh next year? Oh, oh! So is it silver or gold tickets I need? to-Iahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. too'a? to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Now, this morning, Rob, I thought it'd be nice to do a couple of ask Robbs, because you are, you know, people are calling you now Britain's father. Do you know what I mean? Britain's father? I'll take Britain's father. You're the wisest father in Britain. And this comes from Sarah W.

My one-year-old has taken a dislike to napty changes. Once on the mat he rolls over and crawls away, sometimes straight away and sometimes just as soon as the nappy is off. That's when he makes his break for freedom, crawling away as fast as he can. The only thing that works at the moment is opening his clothes draw for him to stand to hold on to, emptying at one t-shirt while we change him. That's unsustainable, Rob. that's unsustainableique called banter restraint. Banter restraint. Yeah.

I wish you'd do that on panel shows. I can't help me, I get carried away. No, so basically, right, I don't think when I turn it, I'd turn it, make it fun, and then they'll want to do it. So when you're trying to change them, I would I I I I I I I I I I I I I I would sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes I I I I I I I would sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes I I I I would sometimes sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes I would sometimes their theirthey'll want to do it. So when you're trying to change them, I would sometimes use my feet like hand. So if I'm sat and I've got their legs on me, I'd sometimes put my feet on their like arms and stuff like that to sort of like tap their arms,

which I'm holding their back, and I'm holding them down, I'm making it again. I.... I. I. I. I. I. I the th again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again again. to picture something in my life. Just start again. I said, the baby's laying down, right, in front of you. Yeah, on their back, laying down, Napion, right? And their legs are like, you're sitting there with your legs alongside the baby. So your feet are by its head, right? And the baby's in between your legs, okay?

Right, yeah, got it. Like you've given birth, that kind of thee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the, the, the, th. Yeah. th. their. th. th. th. their. th. th. their. to. thi. to. their to their to their their thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their their their their their thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. thi. thee. thee. theaapea. thea. thea. thea. thea. And thea. And tha. And their their their ththen what I do is as I'm doing it I hold I get my feet my toes and I'm sort of like patting on their arms right and I'm basically you're paying them down it's you're restraining them with your feet okay and you hold their arms down like that but you can try and turn it into a game right and even if they don't be like placing them right and making it fun while you're doing it. You'll say, if you hold them down with your feet it doesn't count. Yes. Because I'm magic, oh, he restrained me, what with his feet? You know, what was it? What was that to stand up? their feet? What's it? What's like? What's like? What's like? What? to? to? to? to? to stand? to stand? to stand? to stand? to stand? to? to? th. thin. th. thin? You? You? You? You? You to to to to to to to to to th. the? You their? You're to do? You're th. th. to th. thin? If you thin? If you thin? If you? If you? If you? If you? If you? If you? If you? If you? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? If? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You're th. You're th. You're the? You're the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. my feet on their arms and hold like in their shoulders and stuff like, but I'd be tapping them and tickling them with it. And so it's like a fun game and yeah, but you are actually holding that you're keeping in position whilst you're changing the nappy.

Yes, very shrewd. Or put the telly on to make sure they can see it and then we stay still. Okay, Bobby Neary asks Rob Beckett. My question is, how do you replace, strick get rid of your kids' toys? Christmas is coming up at my daughter, who is four in February, lots of toys she no longer plays with, but somehow she always knows when they aren't there. Once got rid of a tattie play kitchen she hadn't touched for months and months. She was so upset she ended asking Santa for a new one. My question is what is the best way to get rid of the toys they've lost interest in but we'll know if they've gone. Um, I, well, I, we sometimes do is like we do charity shop runs, and then what we do is we'll go, right, okay, we've got too many toys and there's some children that haven't got many toys. So why don't we share our toys? So why don't you go and pick some toys that you would like to give to other children to

play that you don't play them anymore? And I do find sometimes they're quite like, it was a doll with like one eye and the other I was like looking the other way and I basically chucked it out and I chucked it in the garage and it was just on the side to get rid of and I remember I opened up the garage and the five roll was just stood there and it was it was it was most and it'd been like in the rain it was like decompose it was like rotting and she got what's happened to my mother? So what I would say, whatever technique you use, once you get it out of their room, just get rid. Get rid. I have a charity shop or bin if it's broke, but get rid of it as soon as possible.

But are we try to turn it into game of pick stuff and then just when they're not looking, just just distractions a good technique I think, but'll be try and involve them into doing it. I think that's a good way. Well that's kind of to go back to the last episode's dummy fairy situations you make it very clear that the dummy fairy is giving them to smaller girls. Yes, that's good yes. Although we have got in the situation with my daughter where she was getting rid of some clothes tho and she was like I'd like to give to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the to the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their their. their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I their. I'm their their. I'm their their their their their their their their the. I's. thuu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. I's thto give them to not like her best friend but a boy from her class at nursery has just had a baby not I just had a baby that would he'll he'll East London never changes isn't it you can change your far what you want mate but kids will still bang out kids so he's just had a little sister she doesn't know that I wouldn't say she's

even in the top five people she mentions but suddenly she was like we'll call him Steve she was like I'd like to give this to Steve's little sister these dresses that for a two-year-old yeah and you're like I don't want to go up to Steve's parents and go is a load of dresses for you two for your baby that you'd just go that you don't th you don't th you don't th you don't th you don't the th you don't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their their the to to Steve's parents and go there's a load of dresses for your baby that you don't want and you're going to be lumbered with as much as we are. I don't even know his parents. What have you said? I just kind of said yeah yeah yeah but kind of moved it on. Yeah oh you could just be like say like oh Steve's sisters got loads of dresses how should we give these to some other girls and then take it cherry? I actually said are you thick? These aren't for a baby?

What? I mean, come on. Yeah, how big do you think babies are you fucking idiot? Are you think you're a big girl? Why don't you have a little, why don't you take when your dummies and fuck off of your Elsa? Anyway, if you want to get in touc. This is out. Email us, hello at lockdown parenting.cold.uke, or tweet us at lockdown parents, or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send us stuff, PO Box 76748, London E99DW. Now it's time for our guest, David Bedill, comedian, writer, actor, all sorts, four number one singles and lovely bloke. Very welcoming him, I'd say in the comedy world.

When two young buts like me and you Josh, he's always been really nice to me I find. And me, shared a dressing room with him in Edinburgh one year and genuinely was a lovely two weeks. I said an lifelong dream for you in it? It was yeah, Naked Tuesdays was always, it was a great day, it was a great day. I'm good, he said. Here's David Bidil. David Biddlea, hello, how are you? I'm all right Josh Widdickum, I'm fine, yeah, I'm good, I'm fine, yeah. Yeah, I'm here. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just just just. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just with with with. I'm just with with. I'm just with. I'm just. I'm, I'm good I'm fine yeah yeah I'm here as well I'm here and

I'm just with your job a little bit didn't I I felt I was hosting there for a minute it's difficult when you host this as a pair and the first person introduced himself so they go hello to the person and then you sort of try on for a point I normally just go ha ha ha you're right David as if like whatever you said so it reminds a listener to the th you the the the the the the the the the you you you the you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th of th of th of th. the. the. the. I'm the. I thi. I'm the. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm thi. I the listeners that I'm there, but at the pro you are, you introduce me yourself, so. I thought it was awkward. Yeah. I mean, a little sense that Josh was while you weren't here.

Well, it's not news to the podcast that Josh does not like a big intro. He announces a guest as if like he's bumped into him in a coffee shop. Oh David, nice to see you. Well you getting in Rob, it's like a player trying to get an early touch on the ball. Just kind of settle the nerves. Can I ask a technical question? Is it always Josh who starts? Do you always pee off? No. No, we sort of mixed it up. There's been no clash of egos. I mean you you worked at a double act for a number of years and would you find there was arguments over who did what? Yeah. Really? In the first one, I mean it up in two. In Newman and Bediel and Badeal, originally called Badiel and Newman, so that lays it out for you. There were a lot of arguments.

In fact Frank Skinner my and my secondapplap partner. For the first time we saw me and Rob together, we've just got the copy for our first video of VHS, right? Which was called Badiel and Newman live at Shasbury Theatre, right? And he was with me and Rob. And Rob was crossing out, Badeel and rewriting it, it Newman and Badiel, who art will pop you for the video. So he knew then that that relationship didn't have long. And he got in there. To be honest, Frank saw his opening and he got in there.

It was much much better generally with him, but it's a complicated relationship. You're not actually a double act though, oh you just work together on this. Yeah, we don't sort of do double act stuff. But we see how it goes. You never know Josh. we could, you know. Yeah, Whitacum and Beckett. Alphabetically, I'm in serious trouble. Beckett, Beckett and Whitakham unplanned, something like that. That's something done before, is it? Well, you're very welcome to it,

as long as I still get the the in television, probably still is. He once described unplanned as a format as the bottled water of television. Yeah. It's very good way of putting it, isn't it? Because really, yeah, we just sat on us over and say shit. Well, when you say you had that idea, I think every comedian's had that idea, but you were the ones that I think when it originally started, it was on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays.

I mean, Monday. Like Emmerdale. Yeah, it's not funny. Yeah, but that's funny. So David, let's, for our listeners that aren't aware of your family, which I'd, you know, our less creepy listeners, what is your family? Me, Muen, you know, are less creepy listeners. What is your family? Me, Moena Banks, who is also a performer and a writer, she is the voice of mummy pig. She doesn't really like me saying that because I think, you know, she's done lots of other stuff in her career. Yeah. You know that thing, you all, you all have it as well, like best known for, like, the best known for, like, their best. to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, their, th. their, th. thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, their, their, the lions, right? Yeah, but what about all the other stuff, right? It was slightly pissed off even though it wants a really successful thing, right?

With her, it's mummy pick. And then we have two children. We have Dolly who is now 19 and Ezra who is now 16, just turned 16. Oh wow. And have you been locked down as a four or is Dolly away or? No she's still. She's here. She was a long story but she's a musical theatre school. It was going to go to musical theatre school in Manchester and with a certain amount of foresight I said, although no foreskin, I said to her, I think it's going to be a bit probably not that great going a long way away to go to college because if I read

this right lots of cities are going to completely shut down and if that happens in London it'll be slightly less shit for you I think than if you're on your own in Manchester in a new place blah blah so she stayed in London and she goes to a place called London Studio Center to do musical theater. She's a brilliant singer because you ended the show, the fame show in Edinburgh, with footage of her singing your song by Elton John. What's that like? I found that incredibly moving and I didn't know her. But that's your daughter. I could say, Josh and me, if anyone doesn't know, which is everyone, apart from me and Josh, we shared a dressing room in Edinburgh

in 2013. And I was doing fame, not the musical, which was a show that I did a storytelling show about essentially most of the shit and ridiculous stuff that's happened to me as a result of being a bit more visible than other people. And I ended with a nice thing, which was this video I've got of Dolly when she was 10, singing your song in a sort of little talent show, not X Factor. Not very good talent. But she used to go to a little drama group and they put on a talent show and she sung your song.

And it was moving anyway, just I've never really told this story in that most of the other kids there were a little bit older than her and she went on last in this little talent show and I can tell when Dolly went on because she's 10, she had pigtails, she was really looking young. The audience was just thinking, oh, she'll be sweet. Then she fucking knocked it out of the park. Yes. I'm so proud. And you probably didn't see that show Rob. But what's funny about it is I talk about how I'm the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm thi thi thi they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're all they're all they're all all all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all all all all all they were they were they were all all all all all all all all all all all all they're all all they're all all they're all they they're all they're all all all they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I'm their. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking th. F. K. K. I'm fucking thi. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. I'm fucking th. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. I'm they're their 't see that show Rob, but what's funny about it is I talk about how I'm filming it and I'm crying so much that the filming is totally shit. Oh, what you see it is the most waving, rubbish, but then yeah, she, but her voice is brilliant. Actually, I put it on my Desert Island discs as well. I put Dolly's version of your thought on the today, when Arsene Venger on Desert Island

Discs the other day, he chose Elton John's your song along with a lot of very root one stuff. I don't know if you listen to it. No, I haven't listened to you. I'm waiting for asking for us them to start winning again. I can't hear people talk about Burkamp and Omri of the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiii. th. thi. thi. to too, to to to to to to to thi. the to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tii. ti. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. today's today's today. their the moment. We've not had a shot on goal for about four weeks. I tell you what he didn't win at is choosing obscure songs for Desert Island Disc because literally it's my way, it's, it's, uh, it's generally. The first hour on magic in the morning. We have imagined on eight o'clock. Yeah. And it's your song, well John, and I said, it's been much better for be your version, Dolly, who 19 now, obviously, so she can appreciate the irony of all that. I wouldn't have been brilliant if Arcedvenga had said, you know, I'm the one is this version by David Bediel thorough. Because Elton, he does ideal danding now, he loves his things in a stupid way now, Elton so. Anyway, yeah, I I I I I was very, very, very moved by Dolly's version of your song.

I'm glad you were moved by it too. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply, tomex.c.c.A. slash business platinum. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students.

It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear. I'm th. I I I th over th over th over th over th over thover. I'm thover. I'm thover. I'm thover. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I tho tho. I'm thoome. tho. the. the. thea thea theuuuoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to to to to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber won for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Mine's just started a primary school and it's when you really do notice them because they're away five days a week and they start their own friendships that you can't have a saying or be involved in and stuff like that and how have you found it as they've got older

like that sort of loss of control as it is really well I think we need to talk about all this is my son and actually I was going to mention a story which you reminded me about which is when my kids were at primary school, they put on a version of Bugsy Malone, I think, as the Christmas show. And there's a, Toulula, is it, does a very sad song in that. And it was a little girl mopping up, I believe, and she did a solo, was really beautiful actually. You know when that happens, professionally or particularly maybe at a school, there's a moment of silence just before everyone appla, and there's a moment of silence just before everyone applauds and I'm just been crying whatever there's that moments of silence so and my son who was about four wasn't quite at that school

yet I don't think or maybe he just died was sitting on my lap I think and he went is that a person the very weird heckle it was a very weird heckle it was a very weird heckle. It was a very, completely weird moment. My son, right, in terms of like, what you've just said about the development is, I've tweeted the other day, and it got a lot of likes and retweets and clearly was relatable, that my daughter is totally recognisable from the person that she was as a child. How old are your children? Five and three.

And your one's three. Okay, so bad news. Don't like you. There's no children that you really, really love and they're really sweet. Whatever trouble they are, you really love them and they're incredibly fantastic. They will not exist at some point. I mean, they will. But I remember Jonathan Roth saying to me of his son, oh that little boy, do you remember the Harvey when he was a little boy really sweet, he just doesn't exist anymore. I remember thinking

how awful. Fucking hell it's true, right? I've created that my daughter is not quite true of my daughter. My daughter is there's a continuum, right? It's sort of recognizable the incredibly sweet little girl that she was to the young woman she is now. My son is like a different fucking species. I mean, really, it's incredible. It's like gone. He's like killed him essentially. And as he grew old, I should have known it, I guess, from like that moment.

I remember when he was about six, right, he'd been walking behind me on the way to school and he's poked something. I just thought it was like nothing like his finger whatever into my trousers. And then I was a meeting later on and I said I can't sit probably and I pushed it into my panth and there was a sushi fish like a soy sauce in my poth and he found it on the ground and just put it down my pen. Right? So, cut to about two years ago in Cornwall. We were parking the car in a very crowded car park on the beach. A lot of people there.

And our car stereo had broken down, right? And so we were using a portable stereo for music in the car at that point, right? So we get out the car and it's still on. I didn't realize I'm just holding it with all the other shit and all the kids get out of the car, I've got towels and shit. I didn't realize it was still on. And Ezra was behind, and by now of course, he's got a phone, and he knows how to work the phone and sink it up and he's a their. Right? So, I get out and that starts playing it really loudly, this incredibly Jewish music,

right? I'm singing when he's Jewish music, God go, da da da, da da, da, I don't know what the what I'm, and I could sing all the people, look round it, clearly think, oh look, oh look, look, there's David. You're not going to have music like that with him all the time and I'm like to. Please don't know we're doing that dance right because Ezra just fucking done that through Spotify and I was so embarrassed but at some level so proud. Yes. That is a fooling joke but he is like that he trolls me all the time now. Did it change overnight? It feels like it did. I mean he's very, very funny my son. He's genuinely really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's really really really. He's really. He's really. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's just. He's. He's just. He's just just. He's just. He's just. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's just just. He's just just just. He's just. He's just just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. like it did. I mean he is, he's very, very funny my son. He's genuinely very funny and there are some occasions when he was really young where I

thought, wait a minute, that's a callback. I did something for this podcast which was to look at all the things I've tweeted about my son. And there's a fuck of a lot of them. A lot of them are awful. Like for example, he asked me the other day whether there's an audio book of mind camp. The after the young day. That's a tough V.O. gig, you've got the voice for it.

What you mean? I've got to trouble for some of the things like for example we were watching Eurovision he said Ukraine is just a B-tech Russia I got a trouble for that for putting that on Twitter. That can easily be one of your lines Rob. People tell and the tex are very important very good qualification. On Jonathan Ross's show I told a joke of Ezra's which which was we were sitting down and the advert ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad ad. to say say say. to say. I I was to say. I was to say. I was to say. I was going. I was going. I was on to say. I was on to say. I was on told. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. So. It. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, to. So, to. So. So. So, to. I'm. I a joke of Ezra's which was we were sitting down and the advent came on for Red Bull saying Red Bull gives you wings and Ezra said and diabetes and I got so much stick for that on Twitter and then I realized what people were upset about and this was when he was like nine right people were upset correctly I'm sure about the fact that diabetes is like type 2 diabetes is the one where you drink and eat a lot of the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the red red the the the red bull the red. the red. the red. red. red. red. red. the red the red red. red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red red. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. ad. the the the, I'm sure, about the fact that diabetes is like

type two diabetes is the one where you drink and eat a lot of bad things, you get type two diabetes, not type one diabetes. It's not your fault, yeah. The one that Ed Gamble has, yeah. Condition, it doesn't come from diet and lifestyle, right? Yeah.. So and I said on actually put it in my show I said so basically what these people like thousands of them were complaining about was that my nine year old son hadn't said red bull gives you wings and type two diabetes. It kills the joke it kills the joke and he's nine for that. But he's I mean he has done a lot of stuff. But an example of the other the flip side of it is. It. It. It. It the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It is thi thi thi. It thi. It thi. It thi. thi. the. So the. So thousa. So thi. So, thi. So, thi. thi. So, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. to thi. to thoo. I tho. tho. tho. I tho. tho. tho. tho. I the. for that stuff. But he's, I mean he has done a lot of stuff, but an example of the other, the flip side of it is how difficult he is. So, because he's not difficult, but he just, he loves being negative and that's what happens to teenage boys. They just want

to shit on your dreams. Just make of it, right? So for example, his school, a year and a half ago had a trip to Auschwitz. They had it. They, their their their they, they, they, they, they, their, th. They th. They th. They th. They had th. They his school, about a year and a half ago, had a trip to Auschwitz. They had a trip to Auschwitz. The whole year were going to go and I thought, obviously, with our heritage, that would be a good thing for him to do, and you know, bleak and awful, but also very important or whatever. So I say to him one breakfast, you know, Ezra, I think you should go on this trip, that'd be good. And he's like, nah, I'm like, no really, look at me, take it seriously, I really think a lot of our relatives died, there might be a good thing for you to do. And he goes, none of my friends are going. I go, okay, I really think it's important for you to go to go to go, and he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he, he, to, to, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, th. I say, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I say, th. I say, th. I say, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No. No. No. No, th. No. No. No. No. No, th. No. No. No, th. No. No, th. No. No. No, I. No, I. No, I. No, really, I really, really, really, th. I really, really, thin. I really, th. I really, really, really, really, really, th thi. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, thi. I say, thi. I say, myself saying the actual word, Ezra, I don't have to force you to go to Alchmid's. But you know, he lives for memes.

I like to irony, incredibly high level of irony, being like scornful about me and that video games and FIFA and stuff like that. Does he respect your career? No, I mean, secretly, but I think no. I certainly he loves saying today, I know a lot of people are working from home, but if you've got a family, it's often a good idea, thinking like, oh, I'm gonna go and write somewhere else.

So I'm thinking about doing that. So I went and saw a flat today to I'm afraid to have to tell you, my friends, that I'm, I mean, I had a mask on, but nonetheless, I'm there with the very young estate agent, and he says, oh, so are you going to come and live here? I said, no, I'm going to use it just for writing. You went, oh, what, you're a writer, and I'm th. And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm there, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'mthought right yeah I know you could have said that's his fault that for being ignorant or whatever not yeah young people don't know who you are dad but but young people do know who you are because yes you've sold 1.5 million children's books yeah he's one oh actually not we're not on the tell the internet but on the internet but so do you knew children's book future friend yes which so how many how many how many of you written is that five?

He's written 1.5 million. Yeah. He's sold one each it's a good way to get into a million books sold. It's not very well. I've written seven children's books and one actually one and a novella so seven and a half children's books. And why did you go, was it partly too impressed your children or entertain your children or when it came from Ezra the idea for the first one I mean actually I was having a row not a row but a thing to that I think the Guardian are about to do a... You talk about Ezra, like Tyler Durden in fight club? It's like it's just your split personality living with you. I don't know if you really exist. Yeah, no, I was having a...

There's constant row on Twitter and sometimes elsewhere. I think the Guardian doing a piece about how comedians and celebrities should not write thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi in in in thi thi thi. In thi. In thine thine thine in thin in in thin in in in in thin in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in thin in thin in thin in thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi the the the the the the the their their the fidea. I the fidea. I their their tie. I thi. I thi. I thi. Twitter and sometimes elsewhere. I think the guy doing a piece about how comedians and celebrities should not write children's books, right? Because it causes, it means that, you know, probably true at some level, not that they shouldn't, but that it does create problems for those who would be one of write children's books who haven't got like a pre-established name or brand, whatever. Anyway, I, my point being that I didn't particularly think, oh, I want a bit of that David Williams action. My son gave me an idea is what happened. When he was eight, he said to me, Dad, why doesn't Harry Potter run away from the Dursley's, obviously the horrible Muggle family that he has to live with when he's not at Hogwarts,

why doesn't he run away from them and try and find some better parents? And I could have said to him the literary answer to that, which is, well I think it's because J.K. Rowley wants to suggest that hogworts is very magical and so he creates a very negative humdrum life for him when he's not at Hogwarts. I didn't say that because too long. I said, I said, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told me told me told me to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, told, told. told, told. told, told. told told, told. told. told, told. their, their, their, their, their their their, their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their, their, their, tolde, tolde. I's that's giving me an idea. And the idea was a world in which children can choose their own parents. And that led to my first children's book, which is called the Parent Agency. A bad kid called Barry, who is annoyed with his parents all the time, wishes for better parents, goes through his bedroom wall into a world run by kids in which parents basically have to audition to get children. That's a great, th. thoe th. th. thoe th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thoe th. I thoe th. I thoe th. I thoe th. I thoe thoe thoe thoe, I thoe, I thoe, I thatheate, I thoom. I thoe, I thoe, thoe, th. th. thoe th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi's thi's the the theat too. I said too. It's too to too too too too too too too too too too theat the the the the basically have to audition to get children. That's a great idea. And he tries out five different types of parents. And yeah, so I wrote that and what you just said, Josh, about it being a good idea, the reason I said that was not just being

self-aggrandizing, with the reason that I wrote it is that when I had the idea because of what Ezra said, I thought that sounds like a really good idea for a children's book. So much so I thought someone else must have done it, but they haven't. And you know when you have a good idea, that's often how it feels. Like it feels so classic, someone else must have done it. And it did do really well. And at that point, I thought, now I do want a bit of that volume's action. Do you have to do like events with kids and stuff where you read to kids in schools and what's that like? It's actually really, obviously I haven't done it for a while, but it's really all right.

You know, one of the things about comedians writing children's books. I don't know if you have any ideas for it, but I have a belief, quite a strong belief, that children, or that comedians are what all adults are but they've got license to be any any any any any any any any any any any any to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to that children or that comedians are what all adults are but they've got license to be it more i.e. children but I don't believe that anyone is actually 54 except possibly Michael Gove do you know what I mean? Yeah. Everyone feels about 12 for whatever. Yeah and so when I do stuff with kids I sort of tell them that actually, I sort of tell them and they're quite surprised. I'm not here's a secret about being adults. Is all these people, these teachers, they actually feel the same age as you, but they have to wing it. They have to pretend that grow up. As a comedian, life is basically just one thioo. As a comedian. their life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, life, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. their, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they's, their having to do anything that serious. Like because you don't know if you go do well in business you have a team of people

and you've got to do sort their holiday dates out and do redundancies and all that. But ultimately you just float around a bit and just turn up and be yourself and go home. It's just like go around your mates for tea but the most famous sketch you were playing two old history professors as if they were five-year-olds, right? Speaking to each other, but simply like we watch the American Office as a family now. Like one of the things about being in a family that you'll also learn is that when you're, when the kids are young, they will basically just watch anything we knew. And actually I really got into watching things like X-Factor at that time because because kids liked it was really nice. their together as family. Now it's really hard to find anything that they will be prepared to walk with us but we are watching the American

Office which I've never watched before right and the American Office is an object lesson in that in what Rob's just said which is basically he's a very grown-up situation an office everyone just behaves like children yeah luckily Michael Scott the sort of David Brent character, is like a five-year-old really, in the body of a 50-year-old man. And a lot of comedy is that really. It's throwing off the charade of adulthood. Yeah. That's what it is.

It's a charad. And saying what you want to say, but because you're their their their their their their you want their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, their. It's, their, thi. I, thi. It's, their. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. And, the they. the the they. thi. thi. thooomoomorrow, thoomorrow, their, their, their, their, their, thoomorrow, thi. thi. thi. thi your work and structures in the power of the company you can't but because you've got that freedom on stage you go I'm just a bloke talking yes I haven't got anything just going to come back at me yeah exactly and my books are quite like I think that's part of the reason they've been a success is I never when I started writing children's books I never thoult to talk down to kids comically I'm th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never thin. I never never never never never never never never to to to to to to to to to their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thoooooooe. I'm just just just. to to toe. I'm theate. I'm just just the. I'm to their. I'm still going to try to think as funny as possible. I just won't talk about sex and I won't swear. Although there is normally a bit of swearing in my book. I won't swear properly. But the comedy I will try and make, you know, basically as real and as funny as anything else I might do. And that's because I think kids are, like particularly now, like, you know, it's a modern thing. When I was young, we didn't have proper comedy as children, right? There was nothing. There was the magic roundabout, wasn't funny.

Now my son and my daughter have grown up watching the Simpsons, of growing up watching the best comedy show of all time. And as a result, by the time they were six, they were much more sophisticated comically, they knew what comedy was, they knew what irony was, they knew a good joke from a shit joke. And that's been a great thing as a parenting experience, but also I feel I've channeled that into the kids' books by refusing to make them like condescending these fucking perjure. When you, when the kids were a lot younger, would you work in a lot now, but like, like, especially I think, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.a. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the kids were a lot younger, would you work in a lot of that stage? Because you still work a lot now, but like, like, especially, I think that, I don't know when they were born, but like, around, especially like, with the three lines in 96 and stuff, it must have been non-stop work and you was doing like arena tours and tips like, you're

on tell and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and stuff was that manage? Yeah, I mean well actually I stopped doing live stuff when they were born. I mean not completely but touring. So I've been touring throughout the 90s and I tour every year virtually up until about 97 either with Rob Newman or whatever it might be, Edinburgh or blah blah blah blah. And then I was tired anyway. I was knackered. I also wanted to write other things and do other things but then I had kids and I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just stopped I just stopped stopped stopped th. I just stopped th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. I'm to to their. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm. I'm toy. I'm. I'm. I'm toy. I'm toy. I'm toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. toe. I'm toe. toer. toer. toer. I'm. toer. I'm toer. I'm toe. I also wanted to write other things and do other things, but then I had kids and I just stopped doing that, but I'm still on the tell. Like unplanned is so that's 2000 to 2006 or something. Plus there was also a fancy football series then. Yeah. You're a 2004 fantasy football series. Sometimes telly though is more time demanding than live because live you around all morning and most of the day and then you can drop them off at score of it and then you like jump in a car at 3-4 in the afternoon and then you're back late that night normally with comedy but how was it with the tellain stuff like that? I think it wasn't always great actually I mean like I remember doing that Euro 2004 series, that thanks football Euro 2004 series I actually had to go and live because wea I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I to th I th I to to th I th. to to to go and live, because we filmed it at Wandsworth and that was on every night

virtually or every time there was a big game, and it was live, so I had to go and live in a hotel in Wandsworth. And my son was born, well he wasn't born until November 2004, but my, you know, she had a, when had a young child, Dolly, and was about to give birth to another one and I think now what the fight was I thinking of? Yeah, not being there all the time and you know she was very good about it but I I think that I don't know how you find it but I think that it's quite hard when you're basically doing something that's very driven like comedy and you think I want to do all the things I want to do and it's quite hard to say no especially when it's telling whatever it's quite hard to say oh I'm not going to do this because I

have to spend more time with my children I mean yeah yeah yeah both in that now I totally agree now you know and it's probably quite a yeah to turn stuff down to tu to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu to to to thu to to to tho thu the to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the the the to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you tell you to tell you to to to to to to to tell you. I don't know. Yeah, no, it's a hundred percent true because you sort of, it's that kind of thing where you think, right, well, you know, stuff's all going well, but you need to make sure that money's coming in and then, and like, if you say no to a series, you might not get offered it the next time got to do this because I need to, you know, be on tele, get the money coming because you didn't know. You can't guarantee that you're going to go on to write seven books and sell a 1.5 million books and all the other stuff like, and you know, us looking at you go, it's David Biddle. It's fine forever. But whoever it is in try and make because you think, all right, well I'll be at home with the kids, but then that's no good if in 10 years time we've got to sell the house because the money that I'm earning now is not the money I'll earn then.

It's just like, and that's like for most people, we're like trying to get promotions and push you see, before this started, Rob said, I won't be asking you any difficult questions. And that is literally one of the most difficult questions I've ever did it off. Did I get it right with like my career and parenting? What a big question? Well, they seem all right. They don't seem too fucked up, either of them. They seem perfectly happy. But to be, to be very cliched indeed, but it comes back to what I was saying earlier about Ezra and

what you said about did that happen overnight, is it goes by very quickly or it feels like it has when they are older. And so that thing of like, oh, did I spend as much time for my own sake, really, selfishly, like enjoying them being young kids maybe like some of the time I didn't I mean no it was not I mean to be honest with you much fucking better than my dad you know my dad who wasn't on tele in any way went out to work every day came back really late didn't have much interest in us basically when he did he was normally a bit irritable bit angry that we were

around and you know apart from playing football with us on a Sunday or whatever you know he Basically, when he did, he was normally a bit irritable, bit angry that we were around. And, you know, apart from playing football with us on a Sunday or whatever, you know, I think he only liked us when we got older, you know, and I think a lot of older dads, from like when my generation of dads were a bit like that. You know, a bloatting brought up in the 40s and 50s like my dad, the idea that part of the stuff of life, the really important stuff of life, was to spend time with your kids when they were young, fuck that.

I feel like, you know, I wish I'd squeeze as much juice out of that as possible. I didn't. With Ezra, do you think he could end up doing what you do? Do you think he could be a comedian or a writer? And how would you feel about that? I that that that that that that that th th th the the the the their their thi their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I'd thi, thi, I'm thi, thi, I'm that's, I'm, thi, I'm, I'm, thi, thi, f f. Fa, f. Fa, f f. Fa, f f f f. Fa, fan, fan, fan, fan, fan, fan, fan, fan, f. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. I'm togeuuui. I'm, toge. I'm, toge. And, t. And, toge. And, that's, tog I would be fine with it because I know he's really funny. I don't think he wants to do that. I think he would feel weirdly self-conscious about that, about the expectation. And the sort of, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, you'd expect him to do that. Because Morener, of course, is in comedy as well. Yeah. He doesn't really really do then then then then then thuuuuuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu thus thus thus thus thi wo thi wo thi wo thi wo thi wo thi wo thi wo that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theat theat tho theat tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th reduce anymore but for a while Ezra would out of nothing just stand up when we

were just sitting around watching tele and start pretending to be a shit stand-up. You sure you did have last leg on? You hold the stick and he would have a catch-raise, not really is it's like, which was thanks for coming out. Thanks, he would actually he would sing the duck quags don't echo, the Mac show, Sky1, do you know that? Yeah, I remember it. So he would sing the theme tune of that, run on, so he thanks to coming out a lot, and then try and busk a set and he would do that two years he would do that regularly. He stopped doing that now and I slightly miss it. I think it's inevitable where his career's heading David. How across what you've done is he? How did he read all the books? Has he gone back and watched

the fantasy football videos like or would that be his idea of a hell? I think again he would find it a bit weird and he absolutely has not read most of the books, no. But then again I think he's only read two books in his life. Well the audio book of Mindcamp, that counts. In the original German. Yeah. And what about your daughter Dolly, does she ask her any advice or tips on performing? Obviously, because she wants to be a performer and she's studying it.

And it'll be very different to you. But you have had, what annoying for her, you have had a number one single, which. Yeah, that is annoying. She's more of a dancer than she was, well, she is a great singer but what she's studying is musical theatre with a sort of an emphasis on dance and it would be an extraordinary thing if I were to give Dolly any help with singing and even more extraordinary if I was getting up with fucking dancers. I mean I used to play music I play the piano and she would sing.

And actually, can neither of you sing? No, I'm useless. Terrible. Really? I sort of terrible. I'm afraid I imagine that Rob could sing because I sort of think of Rob as an old-style, you know, proper... Oh, don't get me wrong. I will sing. But can I? Is a different question? I could bang out my way good enough to close a show somewhere.

Pontins, cruise ship, Palladium, wherever they'll let me, I'll give it a go. And Charmagbeth. But I can't sing even though I've had four number ones by insisting on the same thong going to number one again and again. You know, this is a true story. Q magazine when it first came out, the music magazine, instead of three lions, it seemed like a nice thing at first. I remember reading it, the guy this seems quite nice. It said of three lines, you know something get caught by that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thatto get caught by that, like you're reading something about yourself and you think, oh yeah, and it gets, you know, that's going to

oh, fuck, you know. So it wasn't like that, because it said, in the future, people will think of three lions in a very nice way. In fact, they'll raised memory of corpse robbers during the pits. It's an incredible intel isn't it? It's an unbelievable scale of intops. God, that's horrific. I think when I was a kid, I was in bands when I was a kid, and I would have loved to have been able to sing, and I come to, you know, conclusion that I really can't. And I think that Dolly, having a really good voice, I've tholthat kind of slightly healing. I don't know if that's a thing with your children. It's the things that you can't do in your life, but you'd love to be able to do and your children can do them. I wonder if that's part of the joy of it. Like if one of your sons is an incredible footballer, right? I mean you'd be proud the their their their tho their tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu tho thu tho throud throud throud tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that thin. I thin. I'm the. I'm tho tho thin. It's thin. It's thin. It is thin. It is thin. It is thin. It is thin. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin. It's thin. It's there theree. I the is the an the an the an the an the an the an the an the an the an the an th I very much did, would want to have been, and then your son does it.

That must be chatting with something amazing. Yeah. I enjoy having daughters because I was, one of the things I was paranoid before having kids was, I was really worried that I was going to have a boy and I gave him all the negative parts of me and wreck of this loud, unfunny. Some would say that is what the case is with me. But like I was very concerned about that, but for some reason, because it's having girls, it does put that sort of separation in it

between them a little bit of a little bit of separation, where it's not a direct mirror image of yourself coming back. So I was in a way slightly relieved about having girls girls because it does put a little bit of separation of them being, you know, that's given them your sort of negative traits. Yeah, no, that's true. And actually, it's kind of cliched of me to go on about, oh, my son's like this and my daughter's like that. It's true. Yeah.

It's true. My son is an absolute cliche of a teenage boy at some. and really great, but he's also, you know, fucking negative and ironic and sarcastic and all that kind of stuff. And she's a kind of like really lovely flower of a girl. Clichy, but it is the case. But what I was saying was that definitely when I've played piano or guitar and Dolly has sung and I've done it like in front of people a couple of times and, you know, on stage and little events and whatever, I get a sort of level of pride that is fucking ridiculous. Yeah, I bet. It's ridiculous the level of pride.

I wouldn't have known that you could be so proud. I really identify actually with those parents on Britain's got talent. You know, occasionally there's an 11-year-old and they cut to the parents with Anton Deck. And you might you might th th th th th th th th th you you you th you th you th th th the th the th the th th you might th th you might th th th thi the thi thi th at the th at the thi thi, you their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their their. I their. I their their their their their the. I thou. I'm toda. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. I'm thea. I'm with Anton Deck. And you might think if you haven't got kids, I'll look at them, you know, overwhelmed in a silly way, but I totally relate to it whenever I've seen my daughter on stage. It's amazing of the people we've spoken to, your emotions, you've always been something kind of wears your emotions on your sleeve,

like, and you're a very open person. And it's amazing to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak someone someone someone to someone their their their their their their their their their their their, you's their, you's their, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, it's amazing to speak to someone who's kind of so open about their relationships with their, the different relationships with their two children. You talk like someone that is just so privileged to have spent time with them. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And just how much you love them that comes across. It's taken me quite a long time because I am very th. It's th. Itmit and Mourwena is unbelievably empathetic and everything she she's very private person very different for me and that's and everything she says she worries about how other people might take it and what they might think and she's you know what the effect it might have on them and it's taken me years to understand what do I say and the fact that years to get that and children have help with that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th help th help th help that th help th help th help that the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to be toei toei toei toei toei toei toei toei ti thi the thi thi thi thi taken me years to understand what I say and the fact that I've been years to get that.

And children have helped with that. So again, this is typical of my overhonesty, but I used to be patron of something called Calm, which is a very, very good charity. It mainly runs a website and a line, a call center, that's not the right word, help line, call centers weird, for men, young men who get depressed, because as I'm sure you know, young men are the major issue. There are more numbers of young men who commit suicide and get depressed and whatever, and men often don't talk about it. So it's about that, right? And I was the patron of that for seven years of that, of that, as it was just starting out as a a suicide as a suicide, to to to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to to suicide, to to to suicide, to to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, who to suicide, who to suicide, who to suicide, who to suicide, who to suicide, who to suicide, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to suicide, to to to to to their, their, their, their, the, their, the, their, their..a, to, the, to, their.a, their.a, their, their, their.a, their, their, their, and, their, and, their,. So it's about that, right? And I was the patron of that for seven years of that, of that, as it was just starting out as a charity. And people would ask me every self and why are you patron of calm? Is that something that means a lot to you or whatever? And because I have an honesty gene, I would always say the same thing. I would say, well, sort of the sort of, but, but really what happened, th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the charity, to to the charity, the charity, to to the charity, the charity, to th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, that, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and people, and people, and people, and people, and people, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the their, their, their, thi. And, thrown. And, thrown. And, thrown, the. And, thrown. And, the. And, thro. And, thrown. And, th co-chair of the charity or whatever, she came up to me and said, would you like to be paid for this charity?

And I think, fuck, I'm going to be coming here every day in the next seven years. If you don't know, I'm going to feel bad every day. That's so funny. Getting asked to do something, but on the hop is an idea. David, and as someone who's honest, I don't think you, in many ways you're the one person that probably won't need this, but we like to ask in every interview if you have any issue with your partner's approach to parenting that you've never had the guts to bring up, but as a kind of amnesty, knowing that they might hear this, this would be a way to communicate.

Well, I mean, I think she's an absolutely brilliant parent, but... Well, when is a Catholic, one of the things about Catholics, we can't discover, and I know a lot, like obviously Frank Sina is a Catholic. One of the things about Catholics, which I've discovered, and I know a lot, like obviously Frank Sinne is a Catholic, I've got close to many of them, is that they have a, I think because of original thing, that they have a total sense that the worst thing's going to happen. That, like, something terrible is going to happen and they're going to be judged and sent to hell or whatever. And so basically our entire time parenting has been spent with me saying to Morenoona,

I don't think they're going to die. I think they can go over there and probably a building isn't going to fall on their heads. I can't promise you, I think it's feeling all right if they just go over there for a bit. He's wonderfully the the the the their their tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thoge thoged, thoom thi thi, thioloultrown tho. I'm tho. I'm tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I's thi, I's thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thinn''n' is wonderfully protective and concerned about the children all the time, but there is an element of, oh, you know, God will smite them down at any point and I must do all I can to make that not happen, I would say. David we've talked about the books, but before we go, I should say we didn't actually mention that it's future friends the new book, which is a tha tod, th...... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. It's th. th. th. th. It's th. It's the. It's thee. It's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It's the. It's th new book, which is a time-traveling book,

seven, would you say nine to 13-year-olds? That's what it's been typed as. Well yeah, about actually I think seven-year-old, I've got lots of seven-year-old readers, so yeah, yeah. It depends. I could have a seven-year-old, a thick 14-year-old. Yeah, yeah. It depends on your kid. It depends depends. It depends. It depends. It depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it depends on, it's, it's, it's, it's, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on your, depends on your, depends on your, depends on your, depends on, depends on, depends on your their-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-o, to-o, a to-old, a to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, to-old, depends, depends, depends. to-o, depends. to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-in, depends, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on, depends on-a-s. the-s. the-s. the-s-a-s-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-a-a-a-s. the-s-a-s. th say it's for all the family. Yes, of course. I've got a million and a half different one to the fell. David, it's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much. No, I really enjoyed it, lads. It's really very enjoyable.

Oh, I thank you so much. David Biddle. David Bedill there, Josh Whittakum. Absolutely love David Bediel. You do, don't you? I love David Biddle as well, but I feel like you really love David Biddle. I, David and Frank are the reason I do comedy. Like, I used to watch those fantasy football videos so much that like the video tape would warp and it would like sound, the cheering would sound wrong or although having a bad gig you can't put that. Yeah it might be one of the live ones early days. Now that was I loved but Dylan Skinner unplanned as well that was I that was I actually preferred

that to some a little bit younger than you yeah I don't want to bring that up but those unplanned ones I used to watch them all the times I used to get someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone to get some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some. to get good. So good. Great podcast one. He's so good to have people so honest. I think David Dew is one of the most honest people in comedy that say it, tell it as it is. I'd love to be like that. Or would it be a nightmare? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. You're a, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I. that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I, that. I'm. I'm. I'm. I, that. I, that. I, that. I, that. I, that. I, that. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, you. I, you. I, you. I, you. I. I, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, th. I'm. I'm..................... th. th. I'm, that. I'm, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're fairly an open book though, you talk about a lot of stuff, don't you? I don't know, Rob, there's a lot of dark stuff going on there, I don't allow. Well, it's hard to know, isn't it? Because I think, you know, it's really interesting because we're so at the similar stage as he was really with like young kids and working a lot and on the tele and stuff. And he's, you know, David's to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to the the the they. to, to, to, they. to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they., to, to to, to they. to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. Well, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, th. It's, too, too, too, too, they.a, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. It's, they. Itlows, but he sort of picks and chooses. Now he writes a book, he'll appear on Last Leg, but he won't really dedicate a full like six months of series and stuff. I find he's a bit more pick, you can pick and choose what he does. And I think, you know, it's hard to know now.

And I feel that I'm in the same boat feel than someone else our age of young kids are working at for a bank or they're working at estate agents or they're running a building site or all the little jobs they've got with those pressures and going do I hammer it now so that they are future sorted or do I ease off of it's about finding that balance? It is weird because you go oh I can really ease off in my 50s and you go, yeah, but then I'll have missed the best bit. My children will have gone when I'm in my 50s. Like, you want to experience it now. Do you know what I mean?

But then I say that. Anyway, the thing I'm saying, Rob, is I, that's me done on the last second. The thing is so, Josh I say, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My. My. My. My. My. My. My, th. My. My. My. My. My. My, th. My. My. My. My, th. My. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, th. My, thin, th. My, th. My, th. My, thin, th. My children, th. My children, th. My children, th. My, th. My of girls, I just go to fucking bed, fuck off, fucking little assholes. She was up at six, scream on my name, I told you got me quiet, and then I have these chats and I'm like, oh yeah, man, it'd be so good. I'm just got really save this moment, but then an hour of the to'gones like, fucking ill, I can't deal with it anymore. I think it's a tricky balance and hopefully through this. It'd be ironic though if like when we get older and our kids go, yeah I think you spent too much time doing that parenting podcast rather than parenting. And they'll be able to add up all the hours because it'll all be listed. We have done 60, like 60 hours in six months.

But anyway, we tried our best, if you're listening to this kids, I'm trying my best, I don't know what I'm doing, but you know, I think I'm doing all right. I think it'd be amazing. I'm not saying my children would never listen to this podcast, but to have listened to it so thoroughly that they're listening to the outro to David Badeel is quite, the year is thirty 22, reading a future kid as of now. I'm going, it's not like this, is it? Thank you to David. All his books, 1.5 million of them are available in all good food shops. We will be back on Tuesday. Yeah. Because it's the new way, isn't it?

This was a Fridayette. I'm just so confused about when we're doing stuff now, but should we speak to everyone on Tuesday? Tuesday. Tuesday. See them. Bye.