Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP71: "I'm Bebop and Rocksteady and Lou is Krang..."

Episode Date: December 27, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S01 EP71: "I'm Bebop and Rocksteady and Lou is Krang..."It's the actual final episode of 2020 and this series. We round up Josh's covid test. Trampoline drama. And much, much more....We'd like to say thank you to everyone who listened and supported the show this year - it's been amazing to be part of this parenting community and we've loved making the show and hearing from you all. We're so proud and honoured to announce we have reached 10 MILLION DOWNLOADS!!!!And to say thank you and help those in need after what has been a tough year for so many, we've started a Just Giving page for the Trussell Trust which you can find here;https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lockdownparentingWe've kicked things off with a donation and if anybody is in a position to help this fantastic cause then please do. No pressure. But they do great work for a brilliant cause so if you can spare even a little please do. https://www.trusselltrust.orgThanks and see you soon.Josh, Rob (and producer Michael) xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. This is the podcast equivalent of, you know, at Glastonbury and they get like Louis Capaldi, just him, an acoustic and a boker and they're like, the thinkinkink think think th. think the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their thoes., at Glastonbury and they get like

Louis Capaldi, just him, an acoustic guitar and a bloke is like just tapping a table to do a little chilled set. Yeah, what by the by the hay bales to just learn how you're learning how around for him. Yeah and the glastonbury's like half a mile away in the distance I've had to get a bus there and the drummer still hung over and he's just tapping on his knees. I know you put the titles on. Oh, wow. Yeah, why not? All this bloody window dressing man. Let's take this back.

Let's strip it back. Just take the sticks off him and just give him skin. He can still make percussion. This, mate, this is what podcast used to be like before the bloody money men thoom. thuuuuuuuu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeea. toea. toeea. toeeeeea. toeeeea. toeea. theea. thee before the bloody money men got involved. Yeah, hello, hello guys, welcome to the Christmas special episode. Is this a Christmas? No, when you find out quite how good the edit is. I just thought it'd be nice to do a Christmas recap because the world wants to know. So this is not, it's not a proper episode, is it, Rob? It's just me and you finally, after a month's build-up. Yeah, I feel a bit bad because we released, we recorded the Christmas special before Christmas and it went out Christmas Day. And we left a lot of cliffhangers there.

We have the trampoline there, we have the trampoline, their tramp. And their tape is such a headline, Rob. Well, yeah, I think chronologically, let's go through Christmas Eve, okay? Oh, well, well, I think I need to go before Christmas Eve, Rob. Okay, let's start, let's do chronologically, and you, and then we'll build up to it. Okay, so last time we left us, I think we recorded on the Monday. Yeah, Tilbury. You'd been to Tilbury. the Tilbury. the Tilbury. to to to the Tilbury. to to the tibury. thury. thury. thu-I. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. I toe. I toe. I toea. I wasea. I wasea. I toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to Tilbury and I'd also had a private test because I'd booked one in advance. Okay so he came as well? He came around in the evening and I was like well he's here now I might as well I might as well double drop. Okay you've double dropped up your nose lovely and at the back of your throat. Yeah so Tuesday morning

awoken to see a text saying NHS on the phone which is a very tense way to get it. Yeah before we had to worry about to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry to worry the to worry the to the the to the the the the to the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. to. to. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. te. the. the. te. t see a text saying NHS on the phone which is a very tense way to get it. Yeah, before we had to worry about was clemedia on those texts. Exactly. Now all sorts could be happening. Exactly. And it was good news. I was in the clear. We were all in the clear in fact. So all negative so that you could have your Christmas as you planned. Exactly. Later that day, I got it confirmed by the money men in Harley Street as well that I was clear on that test as well. Yeah, but your bank account had taken a bit of a negative. Yeah, that was one of the most needless 180 pounds I've spent

in my life. Negative test results and negative equity in the bank. So we're in Eclia so my wife's mom who lives on her so is in in a support bubble I went and got her and that was our Christmas. Oh lovely and then on Christmas Eve I'm not going to lie the thing that I thought was COVID was actually quite bad. Oh so I was quite ill on Christmas Eve. What was wrong with you? Just it was just like flu fluy it was just you're a bit I don't take it's wrong way Josh you're always a little bit in the winter is that is that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a that a th. I. I th. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. take it the wrong way Josh, you're always a little bit ill in the winter. Is that a vibe? But I do qualify for a flu jab, Rob, because of my asthma. That's it, you've always been a bit sniffily. I mean, that's just not a thing. I've ever been said about me.

No, but I just. I just think you're the kind of person that would have a tissue on tissthe window in the case. My sleeve? Yeah, like a primary school teacher. You've got the air of a tissue sleeve about you. That's what, you know what, you're gonna blow your mind, I've never had a tissue up my sleeve. Okay, I'd apologize them for even as a teenage boy. I apologize for casting dispersion Josh I'll take that back, okay. And just say no, it's not spoken about in like the comedy circuit behind your back that you're a bit sniffily. Here it comes, the snovellopagus.

Here is, Vaseline on his face, two fleeces on, here he is. So Christmas Eve, I was quite ill. Yeah, but I thought I'd seen the worst of it off. Got everything ready, Christmas Eve, went out, bought the last of presents, went to the playground, too cold. Yes, it was cold Christmas Eve. Oh, Rob, and build up to your anecdote about whether you got the trampoline built. Yes. The night before Christmas Eve, I thought I should just check that it's pretty easy to put this bike together. Yeah. Thank God. It was genuinely.

They're tough bikes. They're tough. They're genuine. I think it was an unacceptable level. Yeah, I just don't get my stuff. It's not like, right. You know, flat pack furniture is small flat packed in it. You can understand why it's not, it's not a much bigger box for a built bike. It's not getting through the letter box unmode, is it? No. Why is the wheel mud guard not attached already?

How much room are you saving? I just, I spoke to you about this on text Josh and it's weird that me and you and Romesh as well is the same, I know that for a fact, are useless, anything that you would put in a bit handy category. I can't put pictures. Which is good in the era of me too, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're not very handy or handsy, guys. We're purists. We're purest.

And I'm useless that I can't do any DIY. I've done nothing in my house, I just get something to do it because I just can't, I can't do plugs and stuff like that. So a bike for me stresses me out more than going on to do 20 minutes on a comedy gig or somewhere like that, you know? I just thought this is a right off. This is it. There's going to be no Christmas bike. Yes, so you couldn't get it together at all. No. I got the mud. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that, that, that, that. So, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. So, that, that, that, that, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I that, I thr. So, I thr. So, I thr. So, I thr. So, I thr. So, thr. So, thr-a. thr-a. thra. So, thr was said about I need to release the the brake wire thing To get a wheel on and I was like I'm not tinkering with the brakes like I'm you know Cours of some kind of terrorist hit to a driver like You're souping it up Yeah, yeah, but then it was pointed out to me that bike shops are still open because they're considered Essential shops. Yeah because that you know what in a. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You the pandemic. You're the pandemic. You're th. You're the th. I th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I the. I'm the. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not the the the thi, I'm not th. I'm not the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I I I I I I I'm not I'm not I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not thi thi thin thin thin, I'm not thin, thin, I'm not theeeateat. I'm not thin theeat. I'm not thin theeeeat. I'm not thin the. I'm that bike shops are still open because they're considered essential shops.

Yeah, because you know what, in a pandemic you do need to get a three-year-old's bike brakes balanced. Exactly right. It's essential. So 830 the next day on the phone, can you build my child's bike? He'd heard it before, he was happy with it. I wasn't the first person to call him with that on Christmas Eve, I'll tell you that. He's had a panicked media hipster ringing on plenty of occasions saying please sort this bike out for me. Do you know what I mean? There's no app that can build it. So it was a very East London Christmas Eve, Rob.

So it was a very East London references haven't really caught up with a property no no no yeah exactly. Well I went to the trendy bike shop. Oh, but I had to wait to go in because as I was getting out the car there was two gangs fighting. Oh really? So it was old school East London and new school combined. It was yeah yeah exactly it was a lovely fusion of it really showed that the hipsters have moved in but the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. No. No. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they. they. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. a lovely fusion of it really it really showed that the hipsters have moved in but they haven't taken over. Yeah, but blood being spilled onto raffer caps and and like her shorts. So I go in. It was a proper gang gang? Was it proper gang? One of them had a knife right. Oh, what kind of of knife Josh? I'd say kitchen. Kitchen on Christmas evening is awful. You don't want to get bogged down by seriousness but that is a horrific way to spend Christmas evening. It was genuinely it brought me

up short because I thought it would be a lovely festive trip. I was bear in mind I was not going to walk past that with a pink bicycle. In a sitcom you would have come out the shop all happy and then the kitchen after a break. And then somehow they'd have had to chase me and I'd have ended up on the pink bicycle. Yeah, cycling down a hill with no break. Yeah. It's crazy that you've escaped.

But they can't stop. Oh, sorry. Anyway, so then they went, I got the bike in, went back to pick it up an hour later, 50 quid and it is the best. Because it just couldn't have saved Christmas. It seems like it's over price, but in that moment you had to get it done. I would hate to know how long it took him. I would absolutely hate to know. I reckon it took longer from the 50 the 50 to f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to to to to to to to to to to the th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeeee. the the the the. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I would absolutely hate to know. I reckon it took longer for him to fold the 50 quid and put in his wallet. But I reckon that's a ploy in the industry where they put balance the brakes in so everyone panics and goes in and you don't actually do anything you know it

together. There is that I was delighted when I realized I could drop it off and come back because to watch him do it would have been super masculating. Well, because that's the thing with the trampoline, I sort of part and went, I don't want to put anyone out and make them work and build a trampoline on Christmas Eve. But if I could have taken the trampil in summer and got it built and just picked it up and brought it home. I definitely would have just the size the size the size the size the size the size the size. doable. Yeah. And then how was the rest of your Christmas Eve then at home? Did it? Was it all go to plan that your daughter enjoy? I'm gonna say it. Christmas Eve is so much better than Christmas Day isn't it? In my humble, with

children? You know what we've done, which is a little, which I was a bit dubious about, but it's the best decision I've ever made and we're going Luce what presents Christmas Eve once the kids are in bed. They had to open a bottle of wine, did presents because then we could probably give each other the presents and talk about them and chat and have an evening of just us a bit of couple time. Because there is time the next day. You're shoe hauling it in because during the Christmas day, it's carnage. You're not wrong. Presidents and the kids. And you're up at five-year-old tired, you know what's going on. So we really enjoyed it. That's a very good idea.

We've now developed a tradition for Christmas Eve night. Oh yeah. Which is every year we have a tradition. to watch Muppet's Christmas Carol. I like the idea we can ever back out. That's it now forever. I'm like that but sometimes I think I invent tradition so I went for a walk with Tom Alan on Christmas Eve and we went, it was really cold as about afternoon and I went, oh should we go to the chip you was over? Oh should I get some like Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve? Chips and I was like, I've never had Christmas Eve. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. Chi. C. C. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th I th. I th th I th th th th th th th th I th. I the the the the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I invented. Just because I was cold and I wanted chips. I invented that Christmas Eve you have Christmas Eve portion of chip. And it was like Christmas Eve. Chips

would yeah, I don't know what I've never had it before. I just made it up. But I think that's good. I think you know you want to start your new traditions. I'm going to say fish is a thing on Christmas Eve right because the the fish shop, the fishmongers, in Victoria Park was on Christmas Eve morning, I would say it was 50 people long. Well, do you know what they should do? They should get the gangs to fill it outside. So that you can buy it quick, and then they can do the rest. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons.

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of Ontario. What does possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit Amex.C.A. slash business platinum. I love inventing traditions because it's like,

you know, it's a middle finger salute to traditions. Because I find sometimes some, like Christmas pudding is awful, isn't it? But like we did, we've, I've invented a new one called Yorkshire pudding catch. Right. So we have Yorkshire pudding's Christmas Day, which is a bit controversial, but they're nice, they're nice, they're always too many left over, so I played a game which is called. I was a bit drunk, Yucksh pudding, that was left over and they could, you was allowed to throw it as hard as you want to each other and the person to catch it wins. So were were the the the the the the the the the the the the th was was th is th is th is th. I I I I I I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's tho tho tho tho thoes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was th. tho tho tho tho that that the. the. the. I was always always always always always that theeeeeeats. I was always always always always always tooeeeats. I was there's there's there's there's there's there's there's that th person to catch it wins. So were the kids allowed to play? Yeah, they absolutely loved

throwing Yorkshire pudding is really hard. Because you want, that's what you want to do in it with food, but you're not allowed to. But one day a year, they can absolutely launch a Yorkshire put it at my head and we all laugh. It's like the purge, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. So take me through your Christmas Christmas. th. th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that the their their their their that that, that, their that, that, that, that, that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. that. that. that. that. their their their their their their their their their their their their th. that. that. th so it was a success. We've put, I documented it. If you've not got Instagram, go on Instagram under lockdown parenting, and it's got all the videos of what, of what happened. But it wasn't a success. What I would say is though, I got cocky and overconfident, Josh. Earlier in the week, I built the base, the main bouncy castle. And everyone was telling it about the elastic-each base. Look, first of all most, it is actually impossible to do it on your own.

You cannot do a trampoline on your own. So thank you for people that taught me out of that. The actual pulling of the strings, like, the springs, is hard, but not the hardest part of the journey. Okay, you needed to plan it out and Lou came out and helped me about eight times So I'm a bit like an enforcer for like a bad in in a movie I mean I'm like a big show like a beep off and rock steady I'm beebop and rock steady and lose the brain okay the little pink brain Yeah, crag and so she came out and help me plan it all so then we put it down the side of the house house and tho' the mesh on okay. Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay, the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the they the the they. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I th, I th, I'm they, I'm they, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm they, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I's, I I I I I's, I I I I I I I I I's, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I I, I I I, I I, I I, I I, I I, I's, I th, I's, I's, I's th, I's th, I'm th, I'm thin, I'm tho, I'm the tho, I'm the tho, tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thought, oh, I'll just get that out on Christmas Eve and pop the mesh on, okay? Yeah. We were overconfident.

I was half cut, I don't know about five beers. We get it out, we was out there for an hour and half, and there's one point where you have to sew it on. What? So you have to put and it was so cold, it was like zero degrees. And then you have to screw it into the floor, there was a ladder right to build, so I could have done a summer that in the doors, like another night, the night before.

So what I'd say is just do as much as you can and hide it around your house, and then assemble last minute. But we got there in the end it did take an hour and a half it was awful but what what we did well though is we managed to get the kids into bed really early about six because you know when you texted me to say that you've got the kids I couldn't but how did you do that? Well so that was I'd say the best moment of Christmas we so you're allowed to meet people in a park to doing shifts in the park. So our kids were in the park for like four hours.

And then like, whose mom came down, then my brother came down, so they were seeing people but on a walk. So is that how? Oh, social distance and stuff and things like that. Of course. Of course. Of course.

And yeah, so to go to bed. So I did a bit of almost a bit of Russell Kane keep them awake. Did you put funnels on their feet? I didn't put wet flannels on their feet but I did find some sweets left over from Easter. Harry bows that I busted off. They're a little bit ardent chewy but they managed to get up there without choking and that little sugar burst fired them through till 5 p.m. and then we did a bath at 5 and did all the Christmasy stuff and then we put them into bed 6. The eldest went. The eldest went to sleep. Honestly I just said to it the quick he go to sleep, the quick it's Christmas, it was like a robot powering down. She just went and then the youngest stayed up. She must be close to being old enough to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the to be the the the the the youngest stayed up for an hour. She must be close to being old enough to be too excited to get to sleep, right? Yeah, but I don't know what happened,

but we managed it so that it was like, I sold it to her that it was like, what I find is you can get them too jazzed up, right? And I'm the king of jazing up. I know how to jazz up a kid. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've th. I've th. I've th. Yeah. I've th. I've th. Yeah. I've th. I've th. Yeah. Yeah. I've that. Yeah. I've that. Yeah. Yeah. I've to to to to to that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to to to to to to th. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to got to to bedtime and then they sort of slowly came down with me Lovely did you do the mince pie and the brandy we did that we did the mince pie and we gave him a smoothie because we thought it'd be funny He would get the um that he had a smoothie instead of a beer the kids absolutely love to the point where I thought the head was gonna explode And yeah and yeah so yeah the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the is the. the. te. te. te. te. to. to. to. to. to. to. too. te. ty te. te. to explode. And yeah, so yeah we did all that but then this is quite tragic last year I realized we used to put out like lidspine stuff on the doorstep, yeah not by the chimney because we didn't have a chimney so that when we first

did it with the kids I went to go outside and it was like where you go and it was like you put it outside in the doorstep, she was like what? they and I was like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. th. th. th. the the the their that that, their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th. I was, their their their th. I was, th. I was, th. I was, the. the. thee. I was like, theeeeeeeeeat, theeeeeeeeeeeat, theeeeeeeat. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was the front door. She was like, what? I was like, yeah, and then I didn't realize how stupid that was. Oh, mate. Because I didn't have a chimney grown up and I was like, oh, and then I was like, you know, you're like, oh yeah, that does make sense. But it felt like my part of my nostalgia child was getting away from me. But do you know, a small boy with dreams of a chimney and now you've got one and you've earned it you've earned your chimney I've got a chimney Josh and people thought you just be sweeping him Rob people thought you just be sent down a chimney no I think I've got one that I don't even use but once a year for father Christmas so to be fair the trampoline bill did take an hour and we were so lucky that they went a bed early and then we had that early wake up yeah that this is something we've spoken about before my kids will wake up at five or Christmas day whatever happens so you

better off send him early because the later you put them they won't sleep in so we were up about five thirty five-five-and-then so then we sent them like with they laid in our bed for half half six I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so I'm so to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the about half an hour and then we got off about half five six. I'm going to say that mince pie out for Santa carrot for Rudolph bit. That's that is genuinely one of the best bits of parenting. I think Christmas Eve is just you're just like it's so great being a parent on Christmas Eve. Yeah I think that's what's how great. And the first like out of 20 minutes in the morning when they're like when the season's to that kind of stuff. Well let me talk you through my morning Rob. Yeah let's go. So you know I was ill? Yeah so went to bed this so you know when you've got like a coldy fluy thing and it's like it's in your chest but then it go like my nose got blocked up as I was going to sleep. Oh yeah it's a snaf. the same. the same, Sniffy Widers. I woke up at 2.30 with the worst headache, like almost migraine-style headache, because I was so blocked up.

Oh, 2.30. Yeah. Had some Sudafed. Yeah, had some suede. You did nothing. At four, I realized I'm not going to get back to sleep. Oh my God, so what times did you go to bed? I'd gone to bed at 1030. So I'd had you got you're about four or five hours sleep. Four hours, well three and a half really once I did. I checked the last text I sent to see you know when you're like, I wonder what time and so the last text I sent was at 10 to get bad sleep. I'm not like, I'm just going to get up. I don't know what else to do in this situation. I'm not just going to lie here feeling annoyed.

And I was just like, I'm just going to have to blast through Christmas Day on three and a half hours sleep having been up since half two. Also, right? It's so, it's meant to be the kid that wakes up at heart too. My daughter's fast asleep and I'm fucking up. What did you do? I watched a four-part documentary about the Yorkshire Ripper. Oh, come on! Not on Christmas Day! I was just, do you know what?

Because I knew Rose wouldn't like it and I was like, this is actually a good opportunity to watch this. I reckon you're on some sort of data analysis watch list now. The algorithm that this guy at 2.30 a.m. on Christmas day and he's got kids apparently. It's watching the Yorkshire River documentary in one sitting. Have you watched it? Yeah I did watch it. It's good but you know I sort of spread it across a few evenings, you know, I didn't power through. You didn't power through at 4 a.m. She woke up also at half seven, right? I was a little bit too late.

Yeah, I was like, I've been up for five hours. Five hours I've been up. Do you know what really annoys me in some size? If you go for a walk and the kids go up really early and it's about like half eleven and someone goes, good morning? And you go, it's not fucking morning still, is it? Can't me? Genuinely, I couldn't believe it happened. Yeah, so the Sudepad kicked in. I was fine from about 430. It's just me watching the disaster of West Yorkshire policing. Oh God. the th, I, I, I, I, I, the policing but let's not get bogged down. They made some key errors. Terrible. Yeah, anyway, but I think yeah it was a very strange start to Christmas morning and you know, you remember,

there wasn't something weird. By the time I was thinking about it today and I get quite nostalgic because I'm sure you're aware. So I was like nostalgic for the build-up to Christmas, even today on Boxing Day. And I started thinking nostilgically about watching the Yorkshire Ripper documentary at 4 AM. Oh, no, like that's a memory. I was like, what a Christmas memory that'll always be for me. I mean, what did you do at Christmas when I watched a York to Ripperdog. So very little Merry little Christmas for me that was. Still can't quite hear the hooves of the vaccine cavalry just sat there in silence watching tuck with. Oh my god so I was

knackered then. Yeah you might that is yeah that you've also you're obviously still a bit ill but you're like lying to yourself because it's Christmas. I powered through yeah I drank in the day because I thought that would get me through and then I well it was fine up too many presents Rob for for my daughter. Yeah in terms of well and especially because she's only a child or child there's like. Yeah it's a lot of pressure of just th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho- tho-I thi thi thi thi tho- tho- tho-I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi thi thi like, it's a lot of pressure of just three adults looking at her the whole time, isn't it? You realize that because everyone buys for her, so actually we didn't really need to get her much. Yeah, next year all those filler presents that I bought to kind of make up the numbers, they are gone. Yeah, you're better off just getting your, let's start an 11 out. No one needs those extra things that you've bought. Glitter pens.

Oh, glitter pens can fucking do one, mate. I hate them. They're rubbish. But but but shit so what was you had it? You had a nice day or went to plan you was just tired. I was tired. I was tired. And then I we watched the snowman at about half five, I'd been drinking for probably eight hours. Okay. And I hadn't been to bed since 2.30 in the morning.

And the emotions have been melt and got too much and I just burst into tears. But, what, just a bit of a little one tear, dad tear or... No, like I was just, just the hole with it. I just became over-emotional about the beauty of Christmas and what a great film it is and how sad is that he melts and genuinely just completely lost it over the snowman. Do you know what Josh? I'm very proud of you and ask for talking about these things because back in the day if you was a dad in the 70s you would have had to do, you'd go in the shed and pretend to do something but cry. So it's good that you could be open your emotions. So I text you know I'm so happy I could cry. You know when everyone's in it's all gone to plan

we've done the trampoline it's sort of just that release of emotion I think it's been such a big year it's all a bit on everyone's a bit on edge. Yeah I just to work so hard to to to to to work so to work so to work so to work so the snow to work so to work so the snow to work so to work so to work so to work so to work so to work so hard. to to to work so to work so to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that's that's that's that's to to keep it together, but I just think the snowman got to you and that's fair play. Snowman got to me big, the snowman always used, I think also the snowman represents my own childhood Christmas and the, do you know what I mean? It represents so much about, of all those Christmas things. It's like the one thatipper document. Exactly, exactly. And then your, it's tears of happiness when he gets caught. Yeah, exactly. So how is your Christmas Day? Christmas Day? You know, it was lovely, it all went to plan. Very chilled obviously, no one came over. So it was like, it was lovely. And he's just tired by the end, we've done dinner. their we've done dinner me and Lou had a few drinks in the day I just wanted to like I just I just was so tired you know because like it's so much that

they're on you the whole time and like me and I knew like near enough passed out at the end of the day and then they out my oldest hurt a knee and it was a little bit bleeding so we put a plaster on it then she was sitting oh oh my knee hurts went, yep, that's what pain is. One of the bleakest things I've ever said that loud. But also when a kid's moaning about hurting me and you've seen him on a trampoline for an hour, you sort of think, I don't think your knees that bad. Do you know what I mean? So, but yeah, what we did do that was we kept the curtains sharp, so they had their presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence presence, their....... And their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, their, their, their, their, I.... And, their, their, their, their, their, I. I. I. their, their, their, tied, tied. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. their, the curtains shot so they had their presents and then they had a bit of breakfast and then I said Oh Lou take him into the other room and then I opened the curtains and showed it and then we went back in. Showed it and then we went back in and they showed it and then we went to the curtains and they went to their curtains and they went. I think they're their told. They're running around around around around around around. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to. their. to. to. to. their. to to their. to to their. to to to to to their. to to to their. to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to to to to to to to the, what about the garden? And I was like, oh my gosh, there's a trampoline with a bow on it.

And they went absolutely mental and just screamed at the top of their voice. So yeah, we were like, they say, how did you put that together? I've heard it's really tough. And then she was like, oh, I think father Christmas maybe just forgot that one And also I've got like calluses and cuts all over my hands. So I kind of, my hands are really weak. Because I've been doing a plamobile, putting that together, putting Lego together. I was out in the cold doing the bloody screwing it into the ground. I've got all like cuts on my hands. It's like when I used to work at the market. And I keep going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is, is, is, is, is, because, is, because, because, because, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, is so, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the you didn't go on the trampoline dad. I want the glory. I don't know, but I haven't built it.

But you can't. Yeah, it's awful isn't it? Not being able to, oh mate, that's a sad situation isn't it? You're looking for the trampoline glory, but you're never gonna get it. I tea what glory I did get catch-a-I. catchphrase and you know I'm a fan of catchphrase. You've done it, I've done it. I think I've got some sort of like mutant superhero ability at catch raise. I'm too good at it Josh. I've got like a spidey sense. It's like I've got literally everyone right. And it was to get, getting to the point like I'd watched it before and memorize the answers. And I was like this is and they didn't blame it on the buggy, right, for about a minute. And I was screaming, it's blame it on the buggy, Marwan.

I was a bit pissed. It's blame it on the buggy. Lou went to see Lou. It was like, you've got to calm down. This is pathetic. I was just on fire, Josh. I was just the only thing I thought that the worst most depressing thing you could watch on Christmas day was a four-part documentary of the Orkshipper. Yeah. You watched catchphrase.

You watched catchphrase? You watched catchphrase. How? I know you're on brand, Rob, but come on, man. No one's quality, Cat Traces' quality. Also, I had invested interest because they've got Jule D'Anjou banjo back on. It was Ari Rednap, Jordan Banjo and Helen Jew, Joultz, y'all, jau, and they got banjo back on even though I beat him last time. So RB got a mention, what's that, mate?

Carry on. But yeah, so I basically wanted banjo to win because then it makes my victory look better. The same way a boxer, you know, they want, you know. Yeah, I see. Can I ask a question? Yeah, go on, mate. Does yourits Abroad. You've seen that? About a caravan park in Benadol, it's the greatest tell. The problem is you don't need to make mockumentaries anymore, just film a documentary. What I loved about that is you said have you seen that and you didn't even wait for me to say no. You just plowed on it. I mean also It's the thing your nan makes you watch or you have to watch at school they're never the best one.

I wrap yourself up have a stiff-neck Christmas. Enjoy yourself. I have a stiff-neck Christmas. I did watch national lampoon's vacation and and the five-year-old did shout out shit what does shit mean and then at one point this woman starts getting the boobs out and I was like this on at 5 o'clock. this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th is th. th is th is th is th is th is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to acy Christmas? Very racy. I'm going to attempt to Trassic Park at some point over the Christmas and fast-forward to scary bit. I'll look forward to that. Have you got any plan? This dead time now in the rest of Christmas which normally... I've got nothing in the locker mate. It's actually, I think it's worse. The lockdown thing is Christmas this is is is is is is is is. Christmas th. Christmas th. Christmas th. Christmas th. Christmas th. Christmas th. Christmas day is, th. Christmas day th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the Christmas the Christmas th. th. the Christmas nothing in the locker, mate. It's actually, I think it's worse. The lockdown thing is, Christmas Day was fine for us because we had it, I've realized some people on their own, that's, it wasn't. But for us, it didn't make much difference.

But in this period now, what do we do now? Like, what do we do now? Because normally we'd be seeing pub and got absolutely shitface. Yeah. That's what I'd be doing tonight or tomorrow, but you can't do that. I'm going to play golf. I'm allowed to play golf. I've got a dad playing golf. I think Lou's taking the girls to like Heva Castle or one of them sort of heritage, national trust places. Oh nice. Is that allowed? I thin' that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thiiiiiiou that's that's that's thiolou thiolou- I'm going thioloomoomoomorrow. I'm going thoomorrow. I'm going thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thi golf. I'm going thi golf. I'll thi golf. I'll thi golf. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th I th I th I'm going thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm going thi. I'm going to be to to to to to play the to the to for exercise walking around? Is that allowed? I think it's allowed? I think it's allowed? I think it's allowed. But I don't even know because you're allowed to go for a walk with me but then sometimes at the park is there's like a walk because about 30 people on it? Have you seen them months? I was think this thi. I was this this this this can't this can't this can't this can't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm allowed thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm allowed thi. I'm allowed th. I's allowed th. I's allowed th. I's allowed th. I's allowed th. I's allowed th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's allowed th. I thi. I'm allowed I'm allowed I'm allowed I'm allowed thi. I'm allowed thi. I'm allowed thi. I'm allowed thi. I'm allowed thi. I think thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I Eve with a dad and Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve, yeah, well I had to do something on Christmas Eve morning.

I wanted to go to the park and I thought we've had all guys a playdate for ages so it's like, you know, much better that way. So it's me and him, totally legal and our kids. Consensual. Consensual, me and in the park. And then another set of parents from the nursery was also in the park. Oh right, yeah, so that looks like a meetup. But it wasn't a meetup, but I was thinking, what are the, what's the ruling if I bump into people in the park, Rob? Can I check for a bit or do I have to go my separate ways? How does this work? If it's a stranger, it's okay? tha, tha, tha, tha, thiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to thathea, to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, tho, thi. thi. thi. thatat, that, to to to to to to th. to to to th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thate. too. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, too. I have to go my separate ways? How does this work? If it's a stranger it's okay.

Yeah. There's people you don't know on the swing six to you. Yeah, exactly. It's okay, but if you know them. It's okay but if you know them, yeah, I think you can get COVID easier if you know them. Exactly. Well, it's all the, because I agree with people with a French kissing them. Yeah, I could. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the they. Yeah, I they. Yeah, I they. Yeah, I they. Yeah, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can't. Yeah, I'll, I can, I can't. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I'll the the the the the the th. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I'll, I'll th. Yeah, I'll, I'll th. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll th. Yeah, I'll, I'll th. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. Yeah, I'll, I'll the the the the school pickup. Oh on the school pickup yes so I had an idea based on this this meetup because these were these were all parents that I have a lot of time for I thought because obviously it'd be difficult to talk about get people to write in with their names about our parents they don't like. But I thought it's a way of venting. We could have an anonymous, like a helpline or anonymous like email in with the worst people, worst parents at your nursery or school. Yeah, because you don't give us any

information like that. You just say who these people are. You don't even have to say their name. You can say their name. Just describe them and vent about why you. Yeah. their their their their their their their their name. their their their their their. their. Just say. their. their. Just say. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. their. I. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. to. I. to. I. their. I. I. their. I. I. their. I. I. I. I. their. their name you give a fact no. Don't say their name, don't say your name. Just describe them and vent about why you, why you hate them so much. Yeah, and then what I'll do is Josh, you think it's a good idea if I take on the anger of the person and I can channel it and then that can be the cathartic thing for the listener. It's I'll go like this dickhead, this d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d. This dickhead, this dickhead, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi, thi, thi, on my school run and then I think that could be a good idea. I think that'd be perfect. I quite enjoy being angry as well. We'll get a jingle made up. We'll call it anonymous school gate twats. Okay, let's let's make just work on the name. Maybe let's not just freestyle the first name you thought of. No, sorry. I don't know about school gates that's that's the the that's the the the thates, thates, that's the that's that's that's their that's that's their that's that's that's their that's that's that's got, that's, that's, that, their that's, that, th. th. th. th. their their their th. We'll their their. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, to to to to to to to to to to to to to toge. to to to to thin in an aggressive way on the podcast. Catch it.

Get hit the jingle down! Was that the jingle to classical music? Just give it a bit of class. And that slides into jungle and a two-step dub. Yeah, exactly. And then there's a little country western swang at the end. Exactly. Do email in, put in the subject, school gates, anonymous, whatever. And we we we we we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and, right, we'll do that. But do email in, putting the subject, school gates, anonymous, you know, whatever, and we'll do them from when we start in the new year.

You forgot what it's called. I forgot what it's called. I've forgotten what it's called. I'm not in school gates where Rob does it aggressively, is that right? Yeah, it's snappy. We'll get it down to the letters. But yeah, that can be a new feature. Yes, and let's say thank you. We made that donation to the Trustal Trust and put the Just Give It Up, and you guys have been incredible at time of recording, it's up to like 16,500 pounds, which is amazing, all going towards food banks and that a good positive thing can come out of a bad year. And yeah, and this will probably be the last one of the year this episode. And then we'll be back. There'll be some best of episodes and then we'll be back with new stuff, new interviews,

new emails from the end of January. That sounds perfect. See you then. Bye. Bye. Bye.