Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S02 EP16: The World Cup of baby names

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S02 EP16: The World Cup of baby namesMore misadventures in parenting and beyond...Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and you are listening to lockdown parenting hell hell with? Can you say Rob Wicker?

Rob Winnigan. Can you say Josh Beckett? Who are they? Who are they? Thank you and silly men. There we go. That's a good one, wouldn't it? Silly men, but the tables would turn there.

Do you know what? After a year it's good to, you know, invert the kind of formula, isn't it? Are we sure the tables were turned or do they both have really weird voices for their age? He, who was that? Hi, lads. This is David Pritchard and his son, Robbie, who was born nearly three years ago. Is that not how people say their kids' age? No, isn't it? Hi, I'm Rob, and I was born 35 years ago.

Why are you celebrating today? I was actually born on this day, but I, would you like to get, I'm having a party because I was born on that day. Guys, 35 years ago I was born in four days time. Would you like to go for a pizza? I don't know what to call it though. I need a snapping title. Right, now you obviously you're aware that we're I'm facing up to a naming situation Rob.

A child naming situation, yes, yes. David Pritchard. Pritchie. Pritchie. I've been on a lockdown parenting hell binge since my wife Florence found your podcast a couple of months ago, which is obviously just about two years, nine months after his child was born. I'm just caught up. Listening to this week's episode with Josh's big announcement prompted me to get in touch as we're also expecting our second child. I thought you might be interested in our technique for whittling down potential names for the new arrival. All right, here we go. I've humbly called it, the baby name World Cup. Oh, okay, yeah. It works like this.

Each of us comes up with a short list of eight names. I like this. We have not found out what we're having. So in our case, there are actually two World Cup. Oh, that's a dream. Oh, there the tapk. tapk. toy. toy. toy. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. their thi. thi. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today, that's the dream. Yeah, yeah, what a summer. Might as all bloody be the amount of teams they're letting the World Cup these days. Oh, here we go, lovely. Really? Used to be special, didn't it? Nah, any old fuckers are in it.

Yeah, really strong. So we each choose, say me and you are the parents, Rob, that would that and you be a real PR stunt that. It would be very good the Ramses would be shitting themselves. That would go way beyond, you know, Graham Norton or me being ill in the Guardian, wouldn't it? The, um... Which we will come to? So we each write down eight names. Yeah.

Like we'll do 16 names written on little bits of paper that you put into a cup. each at a time. Yes. That's your first round. You have a discussion about each match between two names and then they go through to the next round. You keep doing this to you have two finalists in both your boys and girls competition. And then you've got the name, yeah. Are you going to do that? Well I'd love to, but I did read this email out to Rose about an hour ago. She wasn't as excited by it as thiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the toooooooooooe. to I tell you why that what's going to happen there is, Josh? You're basically going to talk about baby names and then Rose will pick one. Yeah, that's fine with me. Yeah, that's fine with me.

I love it if they're twins. You could have Nick and Nick's getting off the lightest there. Yes, Nack. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's going. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going. that's going. say Nick's getting off the lightest there. Yes, Knack. That's a tough life for Knack, especially when you've got your brother Nick. Maybe, Rob. In the nursery, we're going to in East London. Being called Nick would be considered positively mundane, whereas Knack would just be kind of... Ah, he'd fit in better than Nick in many ways. The irony of East London is Nick will have his moments and Nack will have his moments. You each find a world. Do you know, Nick, you know, he

might be playing football down on Hatton Marshes. Nack, he'll be in a gallery somewhere. Exactly. He'll be ill. Knack will happily overpay for a sale do loat. Do you know the main joy of this is I can confidently say, thank Christ we're not having twins. And there will be the least of my problems. How's your week been, Josh? I had some more to say on this, Role. Sorry, Josh, I do apologize. And I was just going to say that, so we've got some friends, Tom and Claire, who just had their second child nine days ago, and we were obviously having a child in a similar era to them. And, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, their, time, their, time, I their, I their, I their, I their, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, how their, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, to thi to to thi to to thi to thi to thi thi thi thi their thi, their thi child in a similar era to them and similar era time but it's quite grandiose era we both independently were

toying with a similar name the same name well that is dodgy between friendship groups if because you like I me and Rose agreed there was an unwritten rule that both of us had to stay away from that name. Yes. They had their child and for some reason, for about an... Who was the unwritten rule with, between you and Rose? No, between us and them, but neither of the other couples had mentioned.

It's like a gentleman's rule. It's like a gentleman's rule. Oh, I don't know about that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thii. thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho thus, tho, their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their their their their their their their their, their their their, their their, their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. We's thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thooooo. I think so. Yeah I think that I think that's gentlemen's rules. Oh I don't know about that depends how much you want the name. Well they haven't used it. Oh, but I'll be honest about the morning they had their child. I suddenly for an hour just went they're gonna bloody use it. You know in the shower when you just suddenly spioled their s sowning you you th. You just suddenly th. You just suddenly th. You just suddenly th. You just suddenly th. You just suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly. You si. You si. You si. You si. You si. You si. You're they. their th. th. th. You just suddenly suddenly suddenly s. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. You th. You just suddenly s. You their s. You the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they th. they they they they they're they're they're th. they they they're they they're they're the. they they're they they're they're they're they they're they're they're they're, maybe other people don't do this, but like, and then you're angry about something that hasn't even how, just hypothetically happened. Oh yeah, I invent things to be angry about all the time. Yeah, so I was, I went into the shower, fine. By the end of the shower, I was like, well, this and I sort of and I don't share them on social media either, but I don't know if I think I'm not happy with that decision because I think they need to be old enough to decide

if they want to feature. Yeah I just don't know it feels weird that we talk about them a lot. We don't actually say the names and stuff. I was thinking about this the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other tho. We thi. We they they they they thi. We thi. We say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we say we're they're they're. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I they're. I. I they're. I I I. I I. I I. I. I I. I. I. I. I. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm think. I'm th. I'm think. I'm think. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I think if you actually went back and listens to our podcast and did a kind of a kind of stats-based breakdown. Our self-involvement would really be reflected in how much we actually just talk about ourselves. I mean I'd argue the red light last week got more airtime than your child. We've had people comment about that as well Josh, you know the red light, you got stopped last week. Someone said, here he goes, don't suppose the traffic lights Josh is talking of our terrace road meets Castlin Road near Victoria Park Village.

It is that traffic light, yeah. This is great. On two separate Sundays in the last month. Can I just say Rob, just to stop them? Victoria Park Village, right? Which is, I don't mind saying that that's, because it's quite a big area, right? So I live in, in and around there, yeah.

And I'll be honest with you. Little tip if you do ever want to travel there, do not use the phrase Victoria Park village. Park Village in a black cab. Because they will have your fucking guts for garters, my friend. Yeah, what do they call it then? What does the OGs of East London call where you live? What do they call it? They call it, it used to be shit-rounded. It has a-hawn-it-it-round here. That hasn't got an age of shit. Just a shit. It was shit. It was a shit around here. Well anyway he said, is it, the the the the the the the the the the the they's, the they's, they's, the they's, they's, they's, they's, the they's, their, they's their, their. They's their. They's their. They's their. They's the old, th. They's their. They're their. They're their, their, their, they're they're they's, they's, the they's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the their, their, their, they's, th. They's, th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. It's th. It's th. They're tho. They're tho-s. They're their their their their their the thooooo-s. Oh-a. Oh-a. Oh, it where Terrace Road meets Kastlin Road near Victoria Park Village? On two separate Sundays in the last month,

I've been stuck in an Uber at these lights on both occasions. I'd have to leave the Uber after over 10 minutes of waiting. To press the pedestrian crossing button to put things into motion. So it's a pedestrian crossing, I think that enables, I thi someone needs to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the pedestrian crossing button to put things into motion. So it's a pedestrian crossing I think that enables, I think someone needs to be crossing on the other roads to enable your turn. Oh what? Oh so it's just that no one's walking about. Yeah. But he said it on Sundays as well. And people move around on Sundays don't they?

Not as much as I used to mate mate. Jamie Couson, that's. that's. th, that's. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thus, I'm thus, I'm tho' to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, I's, I's, I to be, I to be, I to be to be to be to be to be thoes, I thoes, I tho'a'a'eroge. I to thoea'a'erananananananananananananan. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to they used to, mate. They're having a shop shop. That's from Jamie Cousins. Thanks, Jamie. Have Hackney Council got involved yet? Because it feels like they should by this point. Yeah, someone needs to talk to Hackney Council about this. We know, this is not just your problem. This is a number of people. I mean, he's spending money on Uber.

But what makes me think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th think th thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thin' thinks thin' thu thu think surely the Uber drive through? Bid into Uber that fucking jump that light in a heartbeat, mate. Uber, according to Jamie, is still there then? She's waiting to wait until turn. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefined possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit Amx.c.c.s. A.S.A.S.A.S.A.S.A.S.A.S.

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the today, a message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Um, everything else been all their stuff? All th week? Yeah, good. Good, good. I'll just look at my, I just note things in my phone. Yep, I've got a couple of belters this week. Yeah. Well, we found that last week quite weirdly come, a bit of a come down. When the school's school's opening was all so excited. But then my eldest was, she loved it, but was a bit, found a bit, a bit quite stimulating all the kids and all the rules and the uniform you've got to do this you've got to do that and she got into a bit of a sort of like the sort of like comfortable position at home obviously she's at home so home so but she

Yeah, she went in well happy today, but me I think we found it. Yeah, they liberating as we thought it was going to be because we were so exciting it felt like the end of lockdown and then they went to school and was like oh it's still shit isn't it? Everything is still shit and shit and it's fucking shit and I can't play golf I can't do that it's just shit and I think we had that sort of realization that the thir wea th's th's th so th's th's th's th's th's th's th's th's th's the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their but it doesn't at all they're still a few weeks of them. Yeah. On top of that Josh I've realized that my children have been wiping their hands on a wall in the toilet rather than using the the towel. Well yeah exactly I mean it could be worse but it's we've got paint in there that really shows it up. I'm going to send you this video and tell me what you thin the the the the th is the th is the th is the the th is the the th is they. I they. I th. I th. I thi is thi is thi is thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm to be. I'm to be. I'm tho. I'm to be. to be. too. I's. I's. I's. I's. too. I's. tooes. to be. thoes. thi. thi. I's. thi. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. ti. t. t. t. to. t. to. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. to. to. to. that really shows it up. I'm going to send you this video and tell me what you think. I mean, it is totally unacceptable what they've done and you can and they try it was them. Okay? Yeah, let me just play it. It's two seconds. Two seconds. You see the sink and then you see behind the sink. Do the tall. Yeah. th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the. the. the a the the the the the the totally totally tho the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is th is the th is the the. It is the. It is the. It is the. It is the. It is the. It is the. It's is the. It's totally. It's totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally the. It'll put that on the Instagram but they try to deny it was him. Is that the smaller hands in the middle and the bigger, taller hands of this time?

Yeah that's the the oldest one and the youngest one so they obviously been doing it together it's quite funny. You know what's nice Rob? It's like a kind of modern version of that thing where you mark the child's head up. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the their their their their their their their their their their th. Yes. their th. th. their th. th. their th. their th. th. th. th. th. tall. tall. their their tall. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tal. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. tall. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. tall. tall. tall. tall. t can keep doing that until they get to about five for eight and just see how high their hands go But it's quite I'll stick on Insta that was a telling off you have to explain Yeah, I know it was but you just don't feel like you should have to explain to five or on it's not okay to wipe your hat What hands on a wall. It's a lovely color though. Yeah, it's a lovely color. It's that's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's that's that's that's they. It's that's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I's. I I's. I I I's. I I I I I's. I I I's. I I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's a t. I's a t. I's a t. I'll. I'll t. I'll t. I'll tick. I'll tick. I'll tick. I'll tell. I'll st. I'll st. I'll st. I'll st. I'll tick. I'll tell. I'll. I'll. I of people talk to me. Do you know what's not nice though is when it's got dirty soap hands wiped on it, it really takes the edge off the colour, but I'm glad you like. I think that would look, I think that would get a knickknack thumbs up from Rose that wall colour. Yeah, it's a lovely wall colour. I like the tiling as well altogether I'd say in many ways the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are th. thi. the hands are thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands the hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are the hands are their. their. their hands are the hands are the hands. their. their. their hands. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their. their. thething about the bar. Yes, I would say the the handmarks, but I think we've got slightly different Your house is a little bit more knick-knacky, but mine's a little bit more like a Almost like a kid's nursery slash new build style

Well, I'll be honest with you if you went into your house you would know that a family lived there. Yes, if you went into my house the family would live there until you went into the kitchen when there is stuff f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th thus. theee theeat theeat theeat theat theeeat theeat theeat theeeeat theeeeeeeeat the their there until you went into the kitchen when there is stuff fucking everywhere. Yeah. Josh, can we talk about the Guardian interview we did please? I don't know if our listeners have seen. Yes, please. We did an interview for the Guardian about the podcast. We did do an interview. Thank you very much to the Guardian for, that was genuinely very exciting. I enjoyed it. Yep. Did you enjoy it Rob? Yep. Yep. The interview was great.. T. T. T. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the thi. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. th. the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thuuuuuuuuuuuu. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the the enjoyed it yeah okay okay the interview was great the photo shoot I did good photo shoot I thought I thought I look great in the photo shoot we could put the pictures on Instagram you look great because you sneaky little fucker you had makeup on from the last leg

you left on overnight so you look good in the morning now I'd love to tell you that that was a tactical decision Robb but it was purely the thu th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu thu thu thu the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the last leg. You left on overnight so you look good in the morning. Now I'd love to tell you that that was a tactical decision Rob. But it was purely not washing my face. Yeah. Because I was pissed. Oh, falling asleep. Oh, so you was hung over doing it? I'd, I was hung over. If you were to look at those photos, would you think I was the one that was hung over? I look ill. the the the thi ill ill ill ill ill ill ill, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. toeea. toea. toeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. thea. thea. the. But, when they put it in the paper, put it on the internet, I had people, I had not spoken to for months, independently, not for banter, message, you're going, hey, Rob, how are you? Are you okay? They thought I was ill. It was like an illness piece in the Guardian. You know, when someone in the public size not well and they talked about their journey. It did look like they found patient zero, what was th. th.! Right, I get a bonk eye when I'm tired,

also as well, last week there was a hay fever bomb in London. Right, okay. Are you a hay fever sufferer? Is that the IRA? I don't know how it wasn't. So basically there was an unprecedented early bout of hay fever. And I think it was brought on about that, you know it's quite hot wasn't it? It was quite local the the the in southeast London wasn't it? It was everywhere I've been struggling with hay fever all week so my eyes have been watering my noses all blocked up and I've been up since six for the kids because it was loose turn to have a lying and there must have been a better photo Josh what the hell did they do with it before the photo shop? That the fuck did I look like before? It looks like, you know, you know when an 18-year-old from Rochdale comes down to London because they want to be a model, they find a dodgy modeling agency in Soho that charged them 100 quid for a portfolio and they just take it on the street. That's what it

looked like. And my jackets all skew with,rying to find the picture now, sorry Rob. Let me just find it. Type in, Rob Beckett dying. Well, I don't want to get a load of your guys' sound-up reviews, mate. Let's have a look. Let's have a look. God, your eyes, man. It's phenomenal. Well, did you find it, the whole, the thi, th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, is, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to. to. to to to to to to to to. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Rob. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to-. to-. too, to-. to-. to-. to-I. to-I. to-I. to. Rob, to-I. tired and it was hay fever my hair looks bad morale was like but just put a bit of color in my cheese interesting thing about it is they did you first

Rob yes they did turn up and say that you'd sat on a small bike yeah yeah and once they've done that and they have the knowledge that you've got a small bike as well it really is check mate where that yeah no but you can there as many of the other photos as possible, but you know which one's going in The tiny, but did you not want to do the funny Use the phrase we'll just do this one for fun You know that one's not for fun That'll be the one that's the one the one the one the one the one that you think well. Well, they'll never see that again. That's the one. I they are they are they are they are always they are always they are always they are always. I. I. I they are always always always always they are always they're they're they're they're they're they're they're always always always always always. I they're always always always. I they're always always always always. I they they they're always always always always always always. I that. I they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. I. I. I they're always. I they're always. I. I. I. I they're always. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the one. I the one. I the one. I th th th th th that. I'll always always always always always always always always always. I'll always always always always always always. th that. that. that. that. the. that that that that. I that on Bakeoff. I done Bakeoff earlier in the week and I felt it looked alright. Then I was about to die. Well you had makeup on on Bakeoff, Rob. I know. I need makeup. How is Norton? Did you have makeup on Graham Norton?

Oh, Graham Norton. I had makeup on Graham Norton. That was fine. I was on with Nick Jonas who, I don't think he really wanted to be there if I'm honest with you you you you you there. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. I'm to be. I'm to be. I'm to be. I'm to be. to be. to be. to be. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. really wanted to be there, if I'm honest with you. No. I just think, bless him, he's moved to London because he's married Prianka Chopra, who's like filming a film, so I think he's just in lockdown in London. I feel like, saying, do you want to come over for a drink or something? Which isn't allowed. Um, but I don't. Oh, yeah, Graham Norton was fun. I to. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I. I forgot. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I forgot. I've. I've. I've. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the. the. th th th th th the th the th th the th thr. the th thr. theshirt and they're like that Americans but yeah Graham Norton was fun I thought it's bit over I've not been out the house much I found it a bit odd what like stressful seeing people. Yeah it is odd that you think you're going to struggle to kind of reaclimatize I think I just need an audience I just find it. I just thiii thiiii th th th th thin thin thin thin thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm just their thi thi. I've just thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've just the. I've just the. I've just their their their their their their their their their thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I've not thi. I've not thr-I've not thr-I'm not thr-I'm not thr-I've not thr-I've start saying all sorts. I nearly got cancelled about eight times because you forget you on the tele. That's why this podcast is that. This is actually a six-hour record, isn't it, this podcast? But this is the only usable stuff.

Oh yeah, exactly. But no, it was it was all good. It was all good. It was all good and try and unsorty about you. Yeah, I just say th and back back back back back back back back back back back? Yeah. Can I just say one thing about the Guardian before we move on? Oh yes, go on mate. So I put the picture up of us on the bikes and I put, um, that I was delighted that now the bike was taxed deductible. Yes. I've got a lot of people going angry at you? Well John Robbins. their taxed th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin' thin' thi. thi. thi. thi. tho thi. thi. thi. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm the. I'm the. Go. Go. And he said, I've just seen your Instagram post and I replied, I'll stop me there. It was a joke. Yeah. I know it's not tax deductible. Because something is tax deductible if you use it in your job, but not if you then also get use of it in your life. Okay? I think there's an argument that you can do a percentage. Right, yes. But because my daughter has no interest in the bike and it has gone down so badly. Oh, she hasn't ridden it at all.

Is it tax-dobductible now? Well, you've technically used it more than her. I have technically used it more than her. If anything, the primary use of that bike was for a photo shoot. Exactly. If she's not been on it, and then, all right, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th and th and that, that, thate, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha, tha, than, than, that that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that toooo come around, come around to my garden for a day and she won't touch that by. Yeah, exactly, exactly, mate. I think you've got a case. I think I have got a case. Yeah, I think that's totally fair.

So what did John Robbins say? He said, regarding your Instagram caption, I mean he's a bit too busy for his own good John, I don't think he is busy. Now, hang on a minute. I wouldn't say it of worrying about someone else's tax shows you busy. I've just got one second, I've just got to shut my curtain. Can you hear that? Yeah. I've got electric v. Vluxes mate. Oh my word. It's an absolute dream, solar powered. Should we, what's it called? Ivory Tower Confession? I'm very sorry. I had to pause the podcast because I had to electronically shut my Vluxes because I'm an absolute G. Well, I'm not going to lie to you, Rob, we've got one electric Velux, or Velux, I would call it. Are they Velox? I don't know. I've I've it vellux but now I've lost confidence in it. Yeah, but the remote control things gone so now we've got a broken vellux that we can't read. Oh that's the danger. Yeah, we've actually lost one of the controllers for a vellux. So that's absolutely deadly. I mean, that is the itharifictowar confessions. So tha. That is tha. So tha. That is tha. tha. thae. That is thae. thae. thirty. The thirty is thirty is thirty. That is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is the the i. That is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thirty is thi. That is the i i. That is the i. That is the i is the i is the i is the i is the i. That is thi. That is thi. So thi. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, the thi. So, thi. I is thi. I is thi. I is the thi. I's. I'm. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th.ux in the kitchen. I'm going to be honest. I hope that the jingle for every tower professions is good because

the feature isn't great. I mean nothing we've done ever written down's gold Josh. Anything we've ever said on it, that if you try to, this is why it works for us. If we have to like get this on the tele or on Radio 4, commissioners would go, you can't talk about that and people listen. I'll tell you what, you'll be shocked what they'll put up with. Yeah, when they say to comedians you can't talk about that, you imagine it's like jokes about like really inappropriate subjects. Is it offensive? No? But, th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as th as thus thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, tho, tho, thus thus tho, tho, tho- tho- to tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you can't tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you tho, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, than than thooo. thooooooo' to to to to to to to to to come? They say the unsayable. Is it offensive? No. But on paper you can't imagine people would listen. But they, he talked about tango, he's talking about going to the dump. It's madness. Do you know when a podcast releases a book, right? Yeah. And let's not rule that out in the future. But you know when... Oh my lockdown four all day long. Lockdown four. So you know when

or a TV show releases a book and it's just quotes from the show. Yeah. We couldn't do that because it would it would be the most boring book you've ever read in your fucking life. Imagine a transcription of this. You're using that bit of pipe. This was a classic line from the Josh goes to the tip episode. Oh stop a minute I've just got to shut my Vluxes because the sun's coming through. Oh let's pop that on air. Right, Rob, what have you got for me? I've got this. This is a salty, unsalty Josh would have come story. And I think we should, these have sort of died off a little bit, but if you've got any interactions

with me and Josh, maybe because of lockdown there hasn't been. Feel free, good and bad. I think it's only fair that we represent both sides of the coin. Salti, it should, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. to, to, to, to, th. to, to, to, thi, too, too, too. too. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. the. the. the coin. Saltie, it should, it should have a jingle shouldn't it? You are jingle obsessed, aren't you? For a man that doesn't make them? I just say exactly, mate. But man who should have a jingle and him, poor Michael. Let's listen to the sexy voice of Michael. Are you there, Michael? Hello? He never listens. to the sexy, mate. That's not how it sounds jewdie- to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to jews, the jews, the ju-jjjjjjjjjurty, their j-a, their jingle jingle j-a, th jingle jingle jingle jingle jingle th jing th jing thin jing thin jingle, thin jingle, thin jingle, thin jingle, thin jingle, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. You th. You th, th. You th-a, th-s, th-s, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the thin, jing jing-j-jingles-jingles-jingles jing-jingle, thinjingles thinjingle, thinjingle, thin, thin, a good jewellery that moves to London. Like doesn't even sound jeweled your new castle, but just to prove he's a jewdie. He's like, oh me, can I fend to fumble.

Go on, be sexy, Michael. Michael, how do you feel, because I sometimes find it a little bit uncomfortable when Josh just goes, this needs a jingle. Well, Josh and I do another podcast and he does it a lot, so I'm kind of used to it by now. But sometimes I just take that bit out from Josh so I don't have to make them. Unbelievable. I know you guys don't listen back so I just do what I want. I listened back to one about two weeks ago, right?

And it was phenomenal to be the to one about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about weeks ago. And it was phenomenal. The job Michael had done on it. I couldn't believe it. It sounded like we were hilarious. Like the banter was so fast. I was like, the wonder people are listening to this shit. We're brilliant. But we're not. I've heard I've heard the rushes. Well, I've known the rushes. I've been there. I've said the rushes. You've said the rushes. What is the rushes. What is th. What does that that th. What does that that that th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the rushes. I've been there. I've said the rushes. I've said the rushes. What is the rushes? What does that mean? The main bit of the tape? This top is just an episode? What's what we're doing? Just letting people in that we're not even if you think we're unfunny, we're worse than that. that even if you think th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. the. that's that's thin' the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the rush. What that's the rush. What the rush. the rush. that's the rush. the rush. the rush. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. theeeeee. that's that's that's that's that's the. thee. theeee. the. the. the like slag me off and seeing me on the tell you go, you think that's bad? You should see where they cut out.

You're unhappy with that. That's the best of me. If you don't like that, that's me and my peak. You might as all tap out now. Do not come to a live show. Yeah, but also I do sort of think, you know, like, occasionally you try and do a bit of banter on this show or whenever and it dies and it, you know, the amount of people just in day to day, day, day, day, to try, to me now and it just falls off a cliff. Did I tell you, do you about, I don't know if I've met some new parents from the school and they're a bit posh, right? They're both like a proper serious jobs, okay? And I'm a bit, like, a bit uncomfortable because I don't know how far to push my band through how, well, basically, how much of me I can be. You know, just be yourself.

But sometimes it's good not to be yourself. Yeah. Anyway, we was talk lots of COVID tests and I was like I've had like one point I've had that six COVID tests in a week and and I went yeah when I've had that thing up my nose six times in a week it's so sore up there I'll have nothing left I'll be like Daniel Westbrook by the end of COVID. Lovely lovely little bit of business. I mean if you want someone with someone with the their business. I their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I've th. I've thi th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tho. I've tho. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've th. Yeah. I've th. I've th. Yeah. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've to to the. I've to the thooooooooooooooooooneneneneneneneneneneed th. I've thoen that's it's it's a nice gag let's all move on yeah and also I know she's had her troubles but it's not been anything too tragic she just had a you know it's fine it's all she went pardon she they went pardon they they went pardon they're they went to you know for me I to the to their to to to to to to to to to the to the they. to they. they. I I I I I I I I I I I I I they. I the they. I they. I they. I'm I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they they they're they they're they're they're they're their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I they. I they. I'm they're they they're they're they're they're they, from Eastenders? No? Bring it up the Google image search on your phone.

Also, I think she's from overseas as well. I think she's from somewhere in Europe. You know, when someone's English is so good that you just think, oh my God, she actually speaks English better than me, but I didn't know she had, you know, doubled with drugs and she hasn't, she actually lost her septum. Dabbled? I'm imagining if she went for it.

And then I'm like going, you know, Westbrook, they don't know where Eastenders, don't know where Eastenders, and I went, oh, and then I just went, oh, and I just went, and I just went, oh, and I just went, oh, and I just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and. Oh, and. Oh, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and. Oh, and, and. Oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, and. Oh, and got buried myself. And then I just went, yeah, I just got a sore nose. I just got a sore nose, that's all right. Just from the, because at one point, I had to explain a COVID test because they had never a COVID test. They didn't know it went up the nose. What? And I was like, geez, this was at the start. Oh my God. I was I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, oh my God, I've got, I was like, they've got absolutely, no reference points here. They don't know Daniel Welshbrook is.

They don't know he's tennis. They don't even know that it goes up your nose. They must think I'm an absolute lunatic. Oh, wow. I don't think that's their the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their their their tho. their their they're before a repeated punchline. That is the same with when you ask someone their name and you don't get it, they go, huh? You're like, oh, pardon? Pardon?

And you cannot have three pardon it. You have to just call up to call up to meet you. No, I did the name. Because if you genuinely can't hear it, you can't,, I don't know what you're, it's so awkward. But I find it's different, middle class people. So middle class people, like they were very middle class and I said that and they didn't get who I was talking about, they'll just sort of go, I don't know. But if I speak to upper class people, they're the upper class people, they're less ashamed. Yeah. working class people have nothing to lose to a point because the upper classes have got so much the working classes haven't got much but the middle classes they're the ones that have got

stuff to lose do you know I mean? Yeah to a point so a little bit more guarded of not making mistakes. Totally. So this is an example Rob of a situation with someone's name where I didn't so I didn't get their name at the start right and then I was just like well that's.. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. So I was just. So I was just. So I was just. I was just. So I was just. So I was like. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So I was. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. So. I was. So. I was. I was. So. I was. So. So. I was th. So th. th. th. th. So th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. the. I'm. the. the. I'm. I'm. the. the. I'm. So. I'm. I'm. So. I'm. well, that's that then. Right? So I turned up, I was in Glasgow. This must have been maybe 10 years ago now doing a- Heavy accent. Yeah, freshest gig. Yeah, so it was like, I mean, it was like four in the afternoon. Two comics, me and the guy opening who was just going to bring me on, who was from, he was like a circuit act, who, thi't know who it was right. I've not met him before since He's gonna be absolutely furious when he listens back to this. I don't think he's gonna remember

He might actually so I go into the dressing room. Don't get his name early doors. Oh god. Don't think anything of it. Yeah. Don't think anything of it at all And then he's about they're like right so let's do the gig now if you don't th you th you don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to th. he he he he he he he he hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. And then he's about, they're like, right, so let's do the gig. Now, if you don't know, if you don't go to comedy clubs, there was someone who have to do an offstage announcement for the other person. Yes. And unthinkingly, I said, do you want me to announce you on from off stage? Oh my god. And then, he went to like, yeah, and then I was like, suddenly realized I didn't know his name. That is doubly bad because if you're not aware of another comedian's name on the circuit,

it implies they're not making waves, yeah? But to actually meet them and still not know their name is, that is just on a social level unacceptable. Yes. So I then went, I just thought how am we going to get out of this? So I said I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I tho, I thi, I thi, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th an th an th an th an thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi, thi, thi, thi, th went, I just thought how am I going to get out of this? Oh my God. So I said, I said, do you know what? Actually, I get really nervous doing these off-stage announcements. I actually find it quite stressful. I mean, you're all right if you do it instead.

Oh, oh, no. Fine. He didn't even notice. Or you could have blagged it and just gone at this out the act needs. He's a local legend. He knows no introduction. Welcome him on! Hometown Hero! Well, yeah, the other way is just to get loads of applause going.

I was once doing a gig. It was me and Susie Ruffel and we were in Chester and the compair. I'd seen him write. the coa and Fine. We've all done that for security reasons. And he was about to bring her on. And he went, right, your first act, and then he went, oh, I've just got a bit of cramp in my thumb. And like, and used it to look down at his hand and play with his hand. And I was like, that's the truest way to look at your hand without anyone realizing why you're looking at your hand. Yeah, but cramp in the thumbs, I've never heard of cramping the thumb. It was bizarre because the crowd was just like, oh that man's just got some cramp in his thumb.

Oh right, now he's just brought on the act. It was so bizarre. I think it'd be a set up to bring on your act, a bit of cramp in my thumb, I love wanking. Here's Susie Rufford. In the mid-norties, they would have gone for that. It'd have been like, oh sorry I've got some cramping my fun. Just got brawabound this week. Something like that. Yeah, lovely. Rob, Rob, Rob, tho'e. Yeah, 20-y-y. 20 to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Rob, you th. th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. Rob, th. th. Rob, th. Rob, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Rob, I I I I I I I I I I I's, I I's, I's. th. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I've. I've. th. th. th. th. th. thooooooooooooo. th. the. thoooooooo. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th and Josh, my husband and I are locked down in Dorset with nine-year-old boy slash girl twins. They've only been to school for three months in the last year. She hasn't said why. I don't know if it's lockdown or they've just been excluded.

We can only wonder. Yeah. One of them, headthat I realized it's a podcast day I do it a mini fist pump. This is from she grabbed her name Bridget Dool just got broad bands to the mini fist pump. Endorse it that's that's new only got it this week. I noticed it's hard to do a mini fist pump on 56K. I noticed in today's episode you mentioned that there had been no emails about salty Josh. Oh no. Whilst Josh was to to this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is from this is from this is this is this is from this is from this is from this is from this is is this is from this is is from this is is from this is this is is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is to to th is th is he. She he. She he. She he. She th. She th. She they. She is th. She is they. She's th. She's th. She's thi. She's to thi. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to had been no emails about salty Josh. Oh no. Whilst Josh was not salty on this occasion, we enjoyed seeing what he got up to in his

days of. In about 2013, 14, when Josh still had a fun life, we were standing in the crowd of the pyramid field at Glastonbury watching a band of 2013, that is Peak Widdocum. No kids. Single then, was you with Rose? With Rose? Who's Rose? She would have been there. Yep. Early days with Rose. Last leg would have been going on. You would have just started last leg. You'd have started doing your tour. You're becoming a bit of a big deal. Full-time comedian, not worrying about paying the bills anymore. You are spending like you don't think is ever going to dry up. Spending like it's got out of fashion. He's on 600 quid a week. He's got mental. You get 200 quid cash

from a gig and you'd feel like you are a fucking God. I remember the first 60 pounds I ever earned from comedy given to me a gigging in Peterborough that was still functioning as a normal pub and I just shouted into the abyss but I got paid 60 quid in a little brown........................ Oh. Oh.. Oh.. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh..... Oh. Oh....................................................... It..... It.. It. It. It.. It......................................................................................................................................................... the........................................ and I just shouted into the abyss but I got paid 60 quid in a little brown envelope and I absolutely loved it. Oh those brown envelopes. Oh you could cash in and no tax those, I'm joking, I'd always pay my tax. Always or spend it on a bike. Always paid my tax. Always I did actually. It was almost like a coming from my background it was almost like a sort of rebellion to pale. There you go. Anyway, so he was with, Josh was with a group of mates. One of his friends got onto the shoulders of another guy in the group. Tom Parry. Yeah, so someone's on Tom Parry.

We don't know who that is. Tom Harry loves. He's gonna come on the podcast soon as well. We've recorded his episode. To our amusement, the gate of the gae of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of the game of the game of the game of the game of the game of th. the th. th. the th. the. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, Joshe. th, Joshe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. to. t. t. t. t. th. th. th. th. Tom Perry's shoulders. To our amusement, the gate of his jeans exposed quite a lot of his ass crack, which was now eye level of at least 100 people behind him. This was quite funny in itself. Do you remember this, Josh? No, because I would have been in the crack group,

so I probably wouldn't have seen it. No, you could see it because Josh took it to the next level by picking up his can of cider and pouring it down the guy's crack! Absolutely Bands. No memory of that, but I absolutely applaud those actions. The poor man was helpless to defend himself as he was wobbling around on his friend's shoulders, clinging on for dear life. We found it hell because Tom Perry, once you're up, you don't even want to go up,

to tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their't even want to go up, Tom Parry will put you up and keep you there, even if you don't want it. You be shirts off, that's his first thing, and then up. So the poor man was helpless, we found it hilarious and it really added to our day. I'd forgotten all about it until recently when I introduced my husband's That is classic with you. People don't know it's about you, Josh, because you come across now, it's a little bit of a stiff neck. Worried about this, worried about your kids, you know, you've got to do this, got to do that. But you, you were a bit of a boy on the circuit. Not that, not with like women, but drinking.

You are known as a boozer. Oh yeah, I loved it. I would say not because you was a heavy, could handle your drink guy. No, it certainly wasn't that. You are such a lightweight that you would be off your bonts after about three pints, be sick and then start again. You operated a fun three pint maximum at any point because you got, you'd be sick again and you'd go again, you like the energizer bunny. It was a reboot. It was a reboot. No one could keep up with you. You just you you you you you you. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the th a reboot. No one could keep up with you. No one could keep up with you just keep regenerating after you were sick. I was like one of those people I'm sure you've got a boxing analogy here Roe. Yeah, but I was like a fighter where in round two you thought they were gone. Yeah, they were still there in round 12. Exactly. He's been on the canvas four times. And no chance of winning. You you. You their their their their their their their their their their their their. He their. He's. You their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. It's the the th. It's the the th. It's the th. It's the four times and no chance of winning you'd never be anyone drinking but you were all you'd always be there and they were just this big

scary box would be just looking at you going how is this fucker still standing up he's still going I've seen you be six stood up so many times and it's just a remarkable you know what do you know what those were the days my friend but you've stopped now you Everyone has that period when they're young, don't they? Yeah, but occasionally, once every six months, I'll revisit that, that person that I've left behind. I think, so I was talking to my friend about this, so he's got a 18-month-old, and he was probably, what am I 37, and what are you, 34? I'm 35. 35. So he's probably around our age, right? And he was like,

I think I've got, he said, I think I've got five more years of like being able to go out and do stuff and then I'm going to kind of just ease off and I'll be middle-aged. And I thought I've got the opposite approach to this bloke. Yeah. I think I'm just locking down now. This is, th. This is th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T, th. T, th is th is th. T, th. The's is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's is thi's thi's thi, thi, thirty thirty thirty-I's thirty-I's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty thirty-I thirty-I's thirty-I's thirty-a'' thirty-a'-I's thirty-I's thirty-I's thirty-I's thirty-I's thirty-I's thirty-. I think I'm just locking down now. Yeah. This is this is the middle period but when I hit 42-43 and my children are five and seven. Yeah. I'm back baby. I couldn't agree more. We're in the eye of the storm. Yeah. The worst is yet to come. And I'm now is about fitness, eating better, losing a bit of weight so that when I get to, I'm going to peak like Barlow at 40, I'm going to be ripped, have a six-pack, so if I go mental for six years, I'll just get back to the fat version of me at 33. I'm mate, I cannot tell you enough.

This is just the plateau, but I'm going to be back. Josh, don't worry. I'm going, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, I'm, I'm, I'm th. to th. to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, I'm tho, I'm going tho. tho. thooo. thea. thea. thooo. the. tha. tha, I'm going, I'm do? I'm going to be pouring cans of sided down down people's office. You know what, we should do Josh? We should do one of the men's fitness covers. You know when they take over your life for six months? And get you absolutely ripped. Yeah. And then we can just be, we can do like the deal.

Yeah. And then at 44, I am going to to be like, the to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, the to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, the to be, the to be, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the to do, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the the the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th...... And, th. And, th. And, to, th., to, to, to, to, to, to tho., to too, too, too, too, too, too, to the. I think that's the dream. Totally. And then at 44, I am going to be looking like you in the Guardian article, Rob. Yeah, and then absolutely rip the ass out of it and fall apart. But what are five years? And I want people to say to me at 40, Josh, such a shame. Rob's so fit now is not funny anymore. That's the the tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thuuuuuuuu. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to th. tho. tho. to to tho. to to thee. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to That's the dream. That is the dream. Do you think, I'd like to hear people's views on this. What we're doing, is this a realistic achievement?

Yes, because there'll be people ahead of us now on that code. Yeah. When we got children that are 10 and 8, are we back, baby? Well, I sort of think, for me, for me, it's between like 40 to 45 or maybe like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like to 45 or maybe 40, like when they're a bit like, I think when they're more teenagers and you could drink with them. Yeah, I think you're going in early, I'm looking at 45, when they'll be like 15, 13, around that age, so 45 to 50, so I'm going to just sort get ripped now for the next 10 years. Yeah, okay, Rob. And then 45 I'm just, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm just, I, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm th, I'm th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. 'll hold you to that. I'm confident the second part of that sentence. At 45 we'll go mental, but for the next 10 years, I'm just going to be ripped as a throwaway comment. So I do another email, Robb. So I do another email, Roe, Josh.

OK. Lucy Riley. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I'm homeschooling twins, and it keeps me entertained in the darkest hours. Reh having a baby during an important sporting event. I thought I'd share my labor experience from June 2010. Oh. I should just say, by the way, we watched during the birth of my daughter. What did you watch? You ice vagina is somebody what you're watching isn't it? Yeah I know they shouldn't have televised it right. We were waiting because it was induced because we were 11 days overdue. Yeah. And about 9 p.m.

I was watching Ivo Graham on live at the Apollo. Well just on the telly in the room. Oh that's a bit weird in it? It's weird that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I that I that I that I th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that I th. I that I th. I that I that I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. th. thi. I thi. I th. thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just on the telly in the room? It's just on the tele in the room. Oh that's a bit weird in it. It's weird that I will always associate watching Ivo have a very amusing set but I wasn't really in the mood. No no I mean yeah I don't think he was really watching I think it was just on and you were there. Yeah but he'll always be there in a thinnene. the the the the he. the the he. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I was always always always always always always always always always always always always always. thin. th. th. th. that he was always always always always always always always always always. th. that he. that he. I was always always always always always. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was always always always always always always. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was always. th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A'll always be there in your mind. Right, let me take you back to that painful day in many respects that Germany tore down the England defence as described by the BBC to knock us out of the World Cup. This is Lucy talking, not me. Also the day my waters went. Two months early. Oh, no real story to tell tell other than the fact that my husband and the midwife, Becky, watched the whole game and was so hooked on the screen above my bed that they didn't even notice when I vomited all over the floor

as my second waters went. I don't know what am I laughing? That's so horrible. The midwife merely glanced over and said, oh, there's your second one's gone then. Before, that's the problem, isn't the the match. Oh my gosh that's the problem isn't it they've seen it all before. Being sick on a floor is for us is like oh my God but that is just a Tuesday for a nurse. Well it used to be for me in my own glory days Rob. Back in 2013? Back in 2013 there's a second bind's gone. All jokes aside after 26 hour

labor and C-section. My God it It was all worth it when we, in quotation marks, got to meet, close quotation marks, our babies. What a meeting is. What a meeting is? I think we've discussed this before, and that's what our references to. I think we should make this a political campaign that that should be banned. What's that meeting? Yeah, I can't wait to meet them them them them them th the me the m m m m m m m m m m m m. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th th. th. th. that me. th. that, that, that, that, thoom. thoom. thoom- thoom- thoom. tho, it is, it is, it is, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho. tho. to be too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. should be banned. What's that? Meeting when you meet you? Yeah, I can't wait to meet them, should be. If we ever do any merch, we need to do something around.

Or when they go, oh, they just looked like an Archie, whatever the name is. Absolutely. Absolute fucking drivel. They look like nothing. Nothing else looks like an newborn baby. They don't look like a person. Just accept it. It's just another kid. Anyway, I can't wait for me. She's another kid in a busy world. Congratulations. They're just 18 years away from being in your way on the train, a baby, exactly. Here's your kid, you'll be able to go on the last in 12 years. Yeah, exactly. Good luck. Rips for 10 years, get on it at 45. Good luck with that, right? Because most dads with young kids are ripped, aren't they? That's how it works. Exactly, exactly. I'm going to say it, when you have a baby in your tide, you eat so well. Yeah, exactly. Whenever I watch Ninja Warrior, they've always just done a nightfeed, and off they go. Climing up the wall. thrives. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. that that that that- that- that. that. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. Exactly. th. Exactly. th. Exactly. th. th. Exactly. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. tha. tha. tha. thea. thea. thea. tha. tha. tha. th and do some more correspondence on Friday. Look forward to it.

Cheers. Bye! Bye!