Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S02 EP21: Jarred Christmas

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S02 EP21: Jarred Christmas Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Jarred Christmas. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed.

The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robbeckin. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. And to make a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation,

and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello and you are listening to lockdown parenting hell with April can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett and Josh Widdickum. Josh Widdickum.

So close. Yeah. Can I just say it? How the hell has April's dad got a clearer mic than both of us? It sounds like a broad-cutt. It was unbelievable. Is he doing it from under a duvet? Who is the guy? Richard Sullivan.

I'm right, he's getting Googled. This is April Sullivan, who's three and a half from Portsmouth. Portsmouth, he doesn't sound like he from Portsmouth. How are you, Josh? I'm good. I'm good. So, yeah. A big, I talked about it last time, but I spent time away from the family home for the first time in over a year.

Oh, how was it? Well, Rob, I got to the station. I was staying in the Hotel Duvan in Exeter. And as you know, my main fear was getting to sleep, because I don't sleep well in hotels. Yes, you can't sleep in hotels, can you? It was a strange feeling of, I've spent a year thinking how amazing it would be to have a night on your own. Yeah.

Just an evening on your own. And I don't sleep very well when I'm in hotels. So I got to the station, I thought, I brought some value and alcohol. And I thought, I'll, um, what I'll do, I'll buy some alcohol. So I bought, thii. . Well, it seems quite a good plan so far. Yeah. It's a short-term strategy, isn't it, value and alcohol to sleep, I'd say. It is. I wouldn't advise it as a long-term solution.

No, and I tell you what, you don't wake up fresh as a daisy. Ha ha ha ha ha! That's how was it? So, bought my beers for a walk to, I knocked on the door of my friend and had a chat with them on their doorstep. That Mike and Lucy Walsniak, I had a beer on the doorstep because I had beers with me. Yeah, of course you're walking through, you're walking for Exeter on your own with a bag full of beers and Valium. Yeah, I'll be honest to you had left the vial. Yeah, I'll be honest. I've the the the the the the they thi thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I'd thi. I'd thi. I'd thi. I'd thirty and I'd left thirty and I'd left thirty and I'd left left thirty and I'd left thee, I'd th. Yeah, I'd th. Yeah, I'd th. Yeah, I'd th. Yeah, I'd th. Yeah, I'd th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thrown. thee. theeean. thrownee. th. th. theean. th. thean. 't be a drug mule. No, got back to the hotel. Well, the good news is, Rob, I didn't take any.

Oh, well done. Because, after all my worries about sleeping, I opened a beer when I got back to the hotel. Yep. Two-thirty a-a'-ha'-m. Wake up, fully clothed I the beer. dad mode full dad for dad I just full absolutely yeah didn't know how tired I was Rob I didn't realize how tired I was you'd worked yourself up to your tears aren't you yeah and then the second night I did it with I'd had another friend to exit I had another doorstep drink it's a but it's a lovely sociable thing to do well yeah also you are allowed in the garden there was an hour and a half before the oh oh because it was it it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was a to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th tho. the the. I ttttoday. I ttoday. I tttoday. I ttoday. I to to to to to to the th to the garden there as well so it's fine. It was an hour and a half before the garden. Oh because it was it came in on the Monday. Yeah. I don't think anyone would have judged you for a bit of Sunday night garden Josh. So anyway they don't have a garden Rob. I didn't

want to bring it up. Tell you who doesn't have a garden? Yeah Amir Khan. Do you know what you could have given me all day. Do you know what you on BBC called Who Doesn't Have a Garden? Yeah, yeah, it's called Who Don't Have a Garden? You go around the house, he's blindfolded and you have to just guess on senses. A reality show on BBC 3 about Amir Khan and his wife. She's like an influencer and like beautiful models thing and that Meddles Clothes and then he's boxing but he's so funny. He just absolutely loves Bolton and she's from New York and you can tell she absolutely does not want to live in Bolton. He loves, he genuinely, and he doesn't fake her off Bolton, like some, you know some people were like to talk about the hometown, like he loves Bolton.

Anyway, he's got this massive house, right, of a long drive and there's no garden. They've just tarmaceded tha cars and there's just a trampoline in the middle for the kids. Oh my God. He's got no, he's worth about 30 million. The keys has chosen not to have a garden. I find that mental and it's a huge lot of land. It's not even got a corner of Astro Turf. Oh my word. It's so bizarre. Because they do a shot, like a drone shot from a high of his house as he drives in and stuff.

But he hasn't got a garden. He hasn't got. How much, how much carpank space has he got? Oh man, he's got so much car. That's what I'm saying. It's not like he's got a massive house, but he's a massive house but he's got a massive house, but he's a house, they.. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's not, he's not, he's he's not, he's not, he's he's he's he's he's he's got, he's not he hasn't he's got he's got a he's he's he's got a garden, he's got a he hasn't he's got he hasn't he's got he hasn't he hasn't, he's got, he's not he hasn't, he's he hasn't, he's he hasn't, he's he hasn, he's he. But, he's he. But he's he. But he's he. He's he. He's he. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's got thi. He's got a thi's got a thi's got a thi's got a thi. He's got a he's got a he's got he's got he hasn't hea. He a man cave, but he's got no garden! How can you have an house that big and no garden? He was, he went, he's got kids? He's got three children, all young. He just hates the idea of grass stains.

I tell you when he, yeah, we'll have a garden. The first time this ki bounces off that trampoline onto the tarmac, oh my word. It's, he, he, he, he, he will will will, he will, he will will will, he will will will, he will, he will, he will is. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got, he's got. He's got. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got. He's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got. He's got. He know but from what I've seen on this show he's got no garden. Do email in if you know. So then the next morning after I'd woken up on the bed at 2.30 Yeah I woke up at like half six because obviously my body clock is completely fucked. Yeah and the clocks change as well. Getting ready to do this filming and pick up my suitcase you know that that the the the the the the the the ccoccoccoccoccocc. the the the the the the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. the clock. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. I the. I the. the. the. I the. the. I the. the. the. the. thea. the the thea. the thea. the the thea. the the thing they put the suit, you know, the suitcase shelf thing? Yeah, yeah. To put it on that, the bottle of wine, full bottle of wine, falls out of the suitcase onto my big toe. Genuinely, I have never felt a pain like it.

Like Mr Bean. And have you got a wheelie case or a carry case? You still carrying? Are you wheelie? I've got a wheelie case because it's 2021. Some people have more testosterone than us, Josh, and we'll carry a holdal to Spain. Yeah, unbelievable. Animals. So I've fixed forearm bastards. I just can't believe you would do that. They do. I've seen it on staggs, but some men are too hard to wheel a case. Oh my God, you need, they need to make peace with who they are.

They've got to accept that Will's help. They don't try their car around the city, then. Yeah, they're not Fred Flintstone. Sorry, so you're thinne. So you're thinking I can't be hobbling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah doing a documentary where I had to do lots of those walking shots and it was unbearable the pain and also you're thinking I can't be hobbling in this because and it's it'll be so distracted if I'm I was basically walking like Kaiser Soze. Oh Josh and people we watched it going to see I told you he was disabled that's why why he's on last leg I knew it you've only ever seen him sat down That's why he's got a limp

But you know what Rob I'm gonna say it go on careful what you wish for you had this that when you're away The day time is brilliant the morning when you wake up and because obviously we can't go down for breakfast so you had they brought breakfast in the hotel room. Ah breakfast in bed, what a life. You wake up on your own volition and that is unbelievable after a year of not that. But actually the evening when you're in your hotel room is bleak as hell. Well it is if you just slaying there pissed, holding a can of beer. Maybe it was my own mistake. What were you doing? Well when I was in that flat though, I think though it's bleak in evening if you've not done

anything in the day, but if you've been out in the day hobbling around, it's probably a nice rest for you. But I did mying in and listening to podcasts and I'll play my zoo game. I've become part of a weird view. So are you six? No, I've still, I've told you about my zoo, and I'm tellain, and I'm thear. Do you run a zoo like in the theme park? Yeah, yeah. Oh my, wo, on your phone? No, it's the only thing I can do on it. It's only powerful enough to run my zoo game.

So I've got a computer just for a zoo. What? What's the zoo game called? Planet Zoo, mate. But people are, it's so impressive. Also, it's kicked off on the forums, Josh, because basically they've done a new pack, a new DLC, it's called Downloadable Contact Pack, and releasing new animals. You know the monkey that's got a knob for a new

tree. You don't release animals, that's the opposite of their tube. Exactly, but they're releasing new animals for you to look and there's one. You know the monkey of a knob nose? They've brought that one out. Yeah, which is a viscous monkey. Yeah. And there, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. that, you's. their. that, you're. that, you're. that, you're. that. You's. You's. You's. You's. You's. You. You. You're. You. You. You. You. You's. You's. You's. You's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that.'s our new Bing Taron, yeah, and then had to redo it because it wasn't lifelike enough, and people complained. So that's, it's all been going off on there, mate. I've been keeping an eye on that. How's your zoo going? What, I don't, I'm not very good at making them, so I download impressive Josh. People are amazing. You're one of our

most gifted comics, Rob. We've all got to chill sometimes. You're the working class. You're allowed working class nerds. You're allowed working class nerds. We can't all be doing Chang and watching the boxing. I'll do that on a Saturday in the week. I like the boxing. I do that on a Saturday in the week. I like the zoo. The two-seeds are Rob Beckett. Rack it up on top of my Hewlett Packard PC? Can't be doing that.

I'm printing off blueprints on my Epsom. Well, you actually... And they say Rob Beckett's changed. You didn't even have a computer when we started this. No, you've got a zoo-specific computer. I know, I've got tumboer. I'm catching up with my bins the amount of computers I've got. But do you know why I got into it?

Is the girls, was like, what are you doing that love futuristic zoos or and they'll remake zoos and then I mean the girls sit there and I go right what animals do you want to see and the exhibits they make are amazing so we just explore the exhibits and stuff and then you can watch like animals it's all computer done obviously like they have little babies and I they're like oh can we see the baby and then I created a lion-king forum to make it like lion king so they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the try try try try try try try try try try the the the the the the the the the the the the the. Are the animals photorealistic or they like cartoony? Mate, the quality is outrageous. But I just love it. I just, I just, I find it really calming. And are you learning about animals, Rob?

Do you know what I am? You can keep a African bull elephant in an enclosure alone. You'd think it need more elephants. most elephants are social. You can pop a gazelle in with a lion. Oh my God. And it eats it. Oh my God. And then but sometimes your animals in breed so you got to be on it because you breed them but then if you don't move them around or move them with other zoos before you know it you've got like double-nob nose on the monkeys because they're in bread six knobs on their hands. I'm not going back to university to be your friend.

I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smooth. to 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats.

With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. What does Possible the teurifice having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit MX. dot CLAX slash business platinum. I've been struggling this week with tiredness, Josh. I can't I think I'm struggling with the clock's changing more.

So I don't know about you. We spoke about this before, but I am not a morning person, and it's been a year now of being at home and not really working evenings or late and coming in at 3 in the morning. And I still, every morning, Josh, I wake up and it's like, it's like, it's a surprise I've got children. I'm so confused. And they just like, they just like, they're just, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th, th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th, th. And, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. And, thi, thi, th like, what is this, who are these? What have I gotten in it? And I do the school run half asleep. And I just can't, I just sort of sit there in a bit of like a sort of like blind confusion of like, who are these little things in my house

before I remember I've got kids again. Do you feel like that in the morning? I just, I can't wake up at, I thi................... I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, to, to, the, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I know that isn't the podcast to say that on, but she woke up at half two, for no reason. I think, the storm's coming though, Josh, don't worry about not moaning about it now. Yeah, yeah, exactly, I'm enjoying it while I can. I went back to bed and I couldn't get back to sleep because of the stress of the stress of her waking her her her her her her her her waking the the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking the stress of her waking their the stress of her waking the stress of her waking their waking their waking their waking their waking their waking their waking their their their their their their their their the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, the stress, th s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s' s'ea'ea'ea'ecki, thi, the night. And so this morning when she woke up it was pure torture. Because this is another thing, she shouts for Rose every morning, but I go up every morning and you're like, surely she's worked this one out by now, hasn't she? Give me a fucking shout out, mate!

Come on, you know who's coming. My five-year-old made a card for me that she put in an envelope and wrote my name in it and put a little message in the saying, Daddy, I love you. And I was like, oh, that's so sweet and opened it. And I said to Lou, did you get one, she went, no. But the five-year-old and Lou, and I know the five-year-old winding her up. And I know the five-year-old's trying to wind her up on purpose a little bit. And I know it's more directed at Lou, but even if it was directed at me, but even if it was directed at me, I think I've got quite a bit of a fuzz.

They argue, like, they're the class were like, oh my God, they're arguing again. And you just watched it, but I find it hilarious. But I just, I know I can't laugh, but they're not, it's not like mother and door, it's like two teenage girls bickering and it's so amazing. Absolutely amazing. I don't know if that's happened with Rose yet and no, she's not, she's not old enough, tho' to that's thi. a boy will hopefully slightly neutralize the mean girls aspect of your household. Yes I think I think I think we're right in the middle of it and I think it's only going to get worse for us but on the subject of having a baby I've got some I've got a top tip for nappy changing Josh you've never changed a boy's have you know so this is from it's abby just a tooo. It's a the this this this this this is a this is a this is a this is a th is a th is a the the their is a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I'm to. I'm to. I's. I'm. I'm to to to to to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I I. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I I I I. I. I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's from It's Abbey, Just Abbey, is her Instagram name. Top tip for napping changing boys. They will pee when you take it off. So don't remove the old napping until you've seen them pee.

So I think you have to undo it. And then when the air hits the knob, it will piss. I think that's fine. That stops at some point in life though, not for me mate. When a bit of cold air touches that, instant piss. Anyway, and then number two, baby boys get erections. Oh no. Are you ready for a baby's erect? Tell me out of this.

What? Well, you all be having to deal with or see an erect baby's penis. They don't. Are you pranking me? Baby boys get erections. Oh, this is the day after thau. thau. thau. thau. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. to. t. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. get erections. Oh this is the day after April 4th day as well actually that this goes out. This is not a prank, Google it now, it is... I'm not googling baby boy erection, Rob. Think about! That's a kind of name render. I tell that operator U-tree would gobble that.

I do not need that on my CV. Let's get me using Me using the recording of this podcast as evidence to clear my name. Well, don't Google baby war erections then if you don't want to, that's totally fair. But just as a heads up. So but I think what you have to do is undo the nappy, open it. And then when they piss again, put the nappy back on. I'd say let nature give it air. Don't blow on it. No, I'm not going to blow on it, no. No, I'm not.

I'm not going to blow on it, Rob. So just let the air of the room in it. Here's a tip. Googling baby boy erection when changing a boy's nappy. Well, I keep you informed. It's an awkward conversation, but it's the truth, Josh, what can I say? Yeah, I do like these tips and do keep them coming. Do you want one more message from Instagram before me? Yeah, why not? Go on. Here we go. So this is from Craig. On your story about the family turn back home from a to a trip trip trip the trip trip trip. their their trip. their their their their their trip. tha tha their tha tha tha to than, than, thae, thau. to to to to their to tooom-I. tooom-I's, to their to their to to to their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, but their, their, thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. thau. thau. thau. thau. thau. t the Christmas tree. And if the kids misbead, one of the presents would be putting the bin in front of the kids. Oh my word. I think that's too harsh.

Yeah, of course it is. But that is too brutal on it. What, that is the boxes that they knew they were gonna remove? Yes, they weren't used as like cannon foddler? Hi, Michael will know this. Uh, well, wait, well, I might know this. All right. Don't just, don't drop All the Wells. Ask me first, and then we can ask Mike. All right. Was it Orson Wells that used to, on the first day of shooting a movie,

he'd hire someone with an actor whose role was just for him to sack them on day one so that everyone else knew that he meant business. I'll be honest with you, I've only just found out all some Wells did films, I thought we did books. That sounds like awful. Yeah, so I think that is right though maybe. I've got the episode of Friends about it. That's what I know. Let's be honest, there's an episode where Monica does it to Joey. That's what it was. Yes, it is, isn't it? Yes, isn't it is isn't it? Right? Right, isn't it? Right, isn't it? Right, isn't it? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Who, isn't it? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, that, that, that, that, that, amazing comedian Rob. Yes. He's a Kiwi. He's a Kiwi. He's a lovely man as well, very nice man. Lovely man, really funny. I'll be honest.

We got distracted and he told the best anecdote in the world, but it wasn't about parenting. Yeah, so we'll get him back on for more parenting stuff, but it's really funny. We just had a good time didn't we Josh? You just vibe that. We just vived it. It was great. It felt like bumping into a friend you've not seen for ages on a train somewhere and knowing that they were getting off in eight stops time so it was an absolute banter assault and then he jumped off the train and you left all feeling good. Exactly. Enjoy. Was that a weird analogy? No, I think it's fine. That's never that's never happened to me that. That that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's the the the the the the the. That's the the the. That's the. That's the. That's the. That's the. That's that's that's that's that's that's th. No of course not. Jarrett, can you give the oldies a rundown in your family kids set up? Okay, I have got a wife and me and her did the Willie Fanny thing and we got a baby and then we,

two years later we did it again and got another baby. It would have been good to do it a few more times in between. But just just Willie Fanny or other ones? Just just Willie Fanny. That's how babies are made mate. Oh right. Yeah, the other way. I don't know what you're giving birth to you there.

Joan how old are you kids? Oldest is 11 and the youngest is nine. Okay, so they're getting on a bit now. You're UK-based, are you, Jared? I'm UK-based, correct. I'm out near Bath Spa and Sunset Countryside. I would say, Jared, I've not really had much interaction with your kids and you, I've sort of met him a couple of times, but I think you are a great dad and I imagine you are fun and they love you and are you the best dad in the world, Jared?

Would you say? To them I certainly am, yeah. I mean, look, don't get me wrong. I have my moody moments. I can't imagine that. I've never seen you moody. What grinds your gears, Jared with the kids? When they don't bloody listen, and you're repeating the same thing over and over again.

And then you suddenly, I find myself wanting to say stupid things, like, why aren't you listening to me? Why aren't you respecting me in my own house? Just, and I really have to bite back on that stuff. Yeah, exactly. You will respect me. And then I realize when I play with them and I put on silly voices and stuff, I'm like, there's no respect here. Yeah. You can't go from voicing a Barbie doll to give me respect, can you?

No. No. I think that's a whole comedian thing and I'm glad you brought that up because I'm sick because I'm sick of seeing comedians like to get to get the the the to get the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I thi. I thi. I will will thi. I will thi. I will thi. thi. to thi. to to to to thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I will will thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I think that's a whole comedian thing and I'm glad you brought that up because I'm sick of seeing comedians like on a panel show getting electrocuted or gunged and then the next minute they're like on Twitter talking about some massive political movement. I'm like pick a lane. Just do one thing well. If you want to have your opinion and you can't take the cash from I TV Celebrity Squares, that's what I think. You either take the cash and shut up. I'm not going to like you. Or you don't take the cash. I didn't take that cash. I didn't take that cash and I don't like the Prime Minister. Oh, oh. This is huge. This is huge. This is huge.

I haven't taken the Celebrity Squares, cash. that's easy to do pretty easy gig. Talk me through the dog ate your homework Jared. I love it's someone that's too busy sticking it to the man to do dog hate your home work. It's a kid's funnel show know you just have fun with it. Yeah Ian Sterling still host it? No he moved on didn't he? I think he was getting it was finding it hard to balance children's TV with voicing Love Island. It's got quite yeah because he does do three weeks in the summer of Love Island so it must be hard to you know scheduling the rest of the

yeah. I think he was he was getting a real mixed bag showing up to his tour shows you know yeah yeah yeah they watch it they've watched it without me on it and they've watched it with me on it and it hurts when they've. They've watched it with me on it and it hurtsthey've watched it with me on it, and it hurts when they make no comment about it. Oh, like the previous episode I've just been on, I had to ask them if they'd seen it. And they went, yeah, I was like, well, no, it sounds good. Come on. Are you quite a needy dad, would you say, Jared?

Because you like, you know, your attention seeker, you're a comedian, do you need their attention? Do you find yourself like seeking it? Yeah, I'm not, I've never been a guy to put my hand out for compliments. I don't like doing that. But you know, since this whole pandemo hit us, I just haven't been getting the praise that I, that I'm used used tha that I that I that I'm tha tha tha that I'm tha.... tha. thiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm just thioling thi. I'm just thiole. I'm just thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi getting the praise that I that I'm used to. So I'm seeking it from my children. And they do not give a shit about my ego. Did that, did you, home school Jarretton? I did, but I have to fully, full confession.

My wife did the lion's share of that. And she nailed it. She absolutely nailed it. I, uh, I did not nail it. I found out some hard truths about my intelligence. What gaps have you got, Jared? A lot of gaps. Turns out I'm pretty rubbish at spelling guys. And I don't know whether that's because a predictive text or I just was never good at spelling. Maths, of course, not great. Creative stuff, you know, I helped them make a couple of home movies to submit for projects and stuff, absolutely nailed them.

Yeah. Did a scene from The Tempest with spoons that we glued eyes onto and stuff like that. That was pretty awesome. And did it a stop motion. Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah, I mean it took... You're the fun dad, aren't you, Jared. Look, mate, it took like three weeks. Right.

And like two hours a day. And they were going, that'll do. And I'm like, they are not the words you ever want to hear in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their, you're their their their that's that's their, you're that's, you're their, you're their, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the fun, you're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, you're the their, you're the the the the toda.oomoomorrow, you're toda.oomorrow, you're their their the fun.oomorrow, you're their thoomorrow, you're their their their their ever want to hear in TV production. That I do. And so do you ever get involved in the discipline in or is that what your wife does? Or did you try? No, it's team effort, but we, if one of us is disciplining, then the other one doesn't. It's a case by case basis. Yeah. So, like the other day, it all kicked off. And I was having to try try try try to to to to try to to to to to to to to to to to try and to to to to to to to to try and to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thoen thoen thoom and thoom and the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the other day, it all kicked off and I was having to try and put those flames out. I was doing okay, but internally I was thinking, I wish I wish my wife Amelia was dealing with this.

And you got two daughters, is that right? Yeah. So I've got a two daughters and they're five and three but I'm already noticing that sometimes my wife telling them off turns into an argument on a hen do between three women women women women women women women women women women. that?? that I that I th. th. th. th. th.. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I tho, I tho, I tho, I thi, I thi, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I tho, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th and I th and I th and I th and I th but I'm already noticing that sometimes my wife telling them off turns into an argument on a hen do between three women that I cannot even understand what the argument's about anymore even though they're young so you notice in that now your kids being a bit older that there's a sort of a female trait in this sort of bickering argument that you can't involve you. I sound like a 70s dad but there is a thing when three women argue, I just panic and leave. And even though they might get my kids. You go for a bloody pint in the pub, don't you, Rob? Talk to your mates.

I just go down, get me slippers on, go and have a pint. Yeah, and you keep saying, her her at home. Yeah. Just throw some bloody diarts. They're a pretty united thahauuuuuuuuuuuu. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. theea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea., Jared? No, they're a pretty united team. If there's any beckering, it's kind of me, which in this moment I'm realizing. And I'll be honest, I'm having quite an identity crisis right at this point. And what a place to have it in your own, in your own toilet. It's slightly like therapy this where you ask a couple of questions, you go, yeah I do do that. Is that bad? Am I bad? Oh my God. Yeah, no, my wife is really good, she's so calm and all that. But I guess it works, you know, it is a team effort, right? And we, if one of us is losing it, the other one steps in and keeps calm. So if you had to do more parenting, how was that was it the parenting split 50-50 before the pandemic or obviously you've been away took like touring and doing shows around the country, was your wife doing more of the nitty-gritty and I'd swoop in for the big stuff? Okay, and then what is it like now you're at home more? It's a fucking drag. No, it's not. It is.

It is, isn't it? It is a bit. In that first lockdown, I taught my youngest daughter to ride a bike. And it was long overdue. And I just never had the time, you know, I'd be away. And when I got back, there'd be other things to do. And she picked it up surprisingly, to thrown thuuuuuuuuu thrc-a. do and she picked it up surprisingly quick but equally it was hang on this is this is quite incredible I wouldn't have been able to do this if if someone didn't lick out a bat so has that been confirmed now did someone look it out

is that I I just thought they rimmed it but if they looked it out that you're asking for trouble yeah they probably went from is that what you said to her when you were having this magical moment? Yeah. Yeah, I said, you need to thank whoever it was who looked at a bet. Because they under the system. What a statue that was to Wuhan. Yeah. Yeah. And so you live in, when you say live near Bath, is Bath? Yes, it is. Yeah

Yeah, are you British? Are you British Josh? Because I'm from New Zealand and I knew that? Yeah, well No, it's just I've never heard someone call it bath spa before I just call it bath Well, it's a spa town isn't it. It's got a Roman spa in it. I I think the reason I say bath spa is because I panic that someone's going to try try try. try. try. tha the the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th the that. I the the the the the the the they. I they. I they. they. they. the the they. I's th they. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's the reason I say bath spa is because I panic that someone's going to try and do bath banter. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

And I should have given you more credit, mate. I'm sorry. Rob told me that you live near bath, I've written five minutes of jokes about it. When you said bath spa, I've written, I've fucking, bubble bar stuff, lavender, crystals. Do you find it's too hot for you or do you have to be, etc? When you drive home after a gig, you'd have to go into bath a little bit and then slowly accelerate it so you can, yeah, that kind of stuff. All of that, that is my life. But that's a lovely area of the country to live and to bring up children. Yes. Did you move for parenting reasons? Yeah, we really did. So my in-lords live in Bath,

and we were in London, you know, and just wanted more space and couldn't afford anywhere else in London. So moved out, thinking we'd move to Bath, but turns out Bath House prices are the same as London house prices. And so we kept, you know, we kept looking further out of Bath until we found this lovely little village and bought a house that was built in the 1650s.

Oh wow. Yeah, I know. I'm living in a house that is older than white people in New Zealand, if that makes sense. That's how they stay as agent sold it to you, isn't it? Exactly, his exact words. And was there any consideration about moving back to New Zealand with the kids? Because obviously that's a great place to bring up kids.

Yeah, it would be no, not in the slightest. Not in the slightest. For one, you know, obviously from my perspective, you know, I'd love to be down there, but career-wise, it's hard to make a living just being a comic down there. You know, you have to be, have to be one of those comics who gets on TV. Fuck that. What I do guys, I don't know if you guys have noticed my technique is, yeah, I'll go on these panel shows once, absolutely nail it, so they don't need to get me back. He's like, he's about it. me back. Whereas the rest of you Blake, the rest of you Blake, you've got to keep going

on and practicing and practicing, right? But one day, mate, you're going to be good enough on Dog ate your homework that you won't have to do that again. That's the main thing. That's the one that I'm worse at. God, give them one more try. So are they having like this kind of I'm picturing an idyllic kind of Wiltshire upbringing it must be lovely like are they going to like a village school and all that kind of thing? Yeah so there's a they were going to the village school but it's one of these weird ones that doesn't do full primary

it only goes up to like year four. So my youngest is now going into, going to a school in another village. And my oldest is at secondary school, so she's in the big smoke. She's in the big, she's in the big bath now, mate. So does she have to go into actual bath to go to this secondary school? Is it a town nearby? No, actual, actual, actual real life, grown up parents' bath. Because that's my worry, about bringing up children in a village is I don't want kids that panic on the tube. I hate them, you see them all like, circle line, which is it this shit?

You're like, come on. But what if I don't mind the Gap? Yes, exactly. I want to see sort of, you know, smog-covered bogies, thii to know that they're living a life. Do you know? You don't even live in London, you live in about zone six mate. Don't give me that shit. Close enough Josh. Only because you lot moved in and started gentrifying it. I had to move out. to move out. That's what happened. You and your TV money in 2012 bought up all of acne. I had to fuck off out to zone six. Don't give me that. Do you know what, when I first went on the tube as an adult, so I'd obviously I've been to London a couple of times as a kid, and then I moved to Manchester, and I came to London had to go on the tube,

I'm not going to lie to you. Those escalators, they are faster in London. I couldn't believe the speed of those escalators. I couldn't believe it. You don't want a little nervous Neres and the top of the escalator is shit himself because it's going down too fast. I genuinely, I was like, this isn't, this is inhumane. Angel, I bet Angel put the shit something. That's the big an angel one. Yeah, you've actually got to live. You've got to take it. It's the kind of escalator you need to take a book. Um, Jared, what was it like going back and forward for New Zealand? Obviously you had family over there that want to see the kids? You must have flown.

You know, that is the longest flight before you start coming back home, think, God, she was only about four or five months. Oh my God. I know, and there was, we, for our wedding, we asked people to put money into a travel fund rather than buy present. Yeah. And so we were able to go down to New Zealand, uh, business class. Oh yeah, it felt pretty good. And there was a beautiful moment where one. Oh yeah, it felt pretty good. And Cathay Pacific.

And there was a beautiful moment where one of the flight attendants asked if she could take our daughter Maggie while we ate our breakfast, you know, to give us some peace and quiet. It was lovely. And then she came back and Maggie had done an explosive shit that had leaked out of her nappy and all over the flight attendant's uniform. Oh no! Oh my. That was great.

And what about the second time? Was that with both of them? Yeah, second time was both of them. What ages? Maggie must have been, Maggie was about three and ED was one, yeah. And then you have to have paid for a seat for the three-year-old. I'm assuming you didn't go business that time or did you? No, we went, we went in New Zealand.

Top tip if you're doing that long, long journey. Go in New Zealand, they've got an economy, they've got something called a sky-couched which is designed for families. Oh. Oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I I th. I th. I I th, I neatly into the chair and then you can pull the footrest thing up and lean it back further than normal and you've basically got a couch. Oh that's good. Yeah so that's really good so that's what we did we did that which meant that my wife and daughters could go to sleep and I stood in the aisle. Beautiful. For 24 hours. Yeah, mate. And also you've got to, here's top tip. Can I give you a top tip of your flight with kids? Top tip, night flights. Okay. Yeah. Get them in their PJs before they get on the flight.

They'll be excited initially, but then the body clock kicks in. They go to. the sleep the sleep the stop the stop their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to. to. their. to. to. to. tip. tip. tip. 24. 24. 24. 24. 24. 24. tip. 24. 24. 24. tip. 24. tip. 24. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah body clock kicks in. They go to sleep for ages. But then if you got to stopover you've got to make sure you stay over for a couple of days to then get another night flight because pushing through is brutal. The first 12 hour flight when they're sleeping for most of it is bliss. But that second one where they are wide awake for 12 hours straight and a capsule in a capsule in the sky is tough. But how was that second leg then? We stopped over that second time. We flew via Los Angeles.

And we stopped over for two nights in like a airport hotel. And not showing off guys, but when we their first night in the airport hotel I ordered room service I ordered I just wanted a plate of plate of chips and that's what I ordered with ketchup and they sent potato crisps because that's what chips are right I should have said fries with ketchup yeah can you imagine my level of anger? With hungry children in the room. Yeah. Oh man. I just, the vision of your face receiving a plate of crisps.

Oh, and they even put the, you know, when they have that cover on it, that metal cover, Oh yeah, the cloth. To keep the heat in? And didn't your daughter start picking up on what you were saying on the, you know, when they have that cover on it, that metal cover, that the metal cover, to keep the heat in? And didn't your daughter start picking up on what you were saying on the flight? Yeah, so that second journey, you know, it was pretty stressful because we went to a strip, my parents live in Australia, so we went to Australia and visited them wife didn't realize but we were saying, which was appropriate for every scenario, we were saying fucking hell a lot. And we didn't realize but our oldest Maggie was was locking that away. She was being a sponge and soaking all of that up and we had a couple of incidences on that journey where she, on a bus, she shouted fuck

really loudly and we found it hilarious. Yeah. But it was when we got back to the United Kingdom and we were in the fine dining establishment called a pizza express. And Maggie just at the top of her lungs shouted fucking hell. And everyone was looking. And we were like, okay, we don't, let's not say that. She's like, fucking how.

I'm like, please don't, we're not, they're not nice words to say. And so she stopped, thought about it for a bit, and then she went, fuck. And we're like, no, no, no, no. And she said, why are you getting angry thired, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I angry, I th angry, I than, I th just picked her up and walked out of the restaurant with her, you know, not angrily just like I'm gonna deal with this outside. And I'm left sitting at that table with my youngest daughter who was eating crayons so she had no idea what was going on and people were just glaring at me and you know what I said fucking help because

it was the only thing appropriate to some of that situation. I've got an off-topic question about restaurants, Jared. Oh, love it. Yeah, because that's just, I was absolutely brought up something in my mind that I haven't thought about in years. I don't know if this is the forum. We'll soon find out. You once told me, what the hell are you going to ask? Yeah. You once told me about Priscilla Presley taking you to a restaurant. Yes. And it remains one of the best anecdotes I've ever heard in my life. I know it's off topic. It is off topic. Can I just ask? Do you know what? Let's set up normally. Jared, have you ever been to a restaurant with Priscilla Presley? You should get a chat show, Josh.

Is he sli? That was so slick. Well, funny you should say that, Josh. That's weird. That was my next question. Oh, well, yeah, I did Pento with Priscilla Presley. What was it like? She was amazing. She was genuinely amazing.

Look, she's such a big celebrity that everyone was really, the first rehearsals, everyone was really nervous of what she's going to be like and stuff like that. And they were basically wanting us to, you know, tread on eggshells around her until we could figure out what she is like. I had to do a photo shoot with her and Warwick Davis at the Savoy Hotel. And I am, I'm aware that, like, I was third billed in this Panto, but I'm aware there's a big drop from second billing to

right. there's a big drop from second billing to the second bill. Right? I'm, you guys know me. I'm a realistic bloke, right? You know when a football team have spent all their money on Rinaldo? And then there's, there's some good players in the team, Thomas Graveson turns up. There's some solid players in the team. Yeah. But Priscilla Presley is selling the shirts.

Big time, big time. And you know, Warwick selling a bit of merch too. Oh no. So we're in the Savoy Hotel and they've got paparazzi there. I'm talking like 30 photographers. And I, you know, I knew what was going to happen. And it happened exactly how I their their to happen. And it happened exactly how I thought it would. And so Priscilla goes out and they're all clicking away, clicking her name and stuff. Then Warwick goes

out clicking away, shouting her name. Then I walk out, one click. We're done now. Right? One clicks worse than zero. Mate. Is it though? I got a zero click at the NTA's. I was behind TELISA and it was like every single flash of every camera went off when TALISA walked past. And then I stood there and they went, yeah, fair enough. So I've been no clips. So one click. I'll take that, Jared. Mate one click and then I stood there and the PR person said, do you want to take any more? And I said, no, no, I think I'm done.

Thanks, guys, thanks. When I used to support Stephen Merchant on tour, and we'd go out afterwards, and there'd obviously be loads of people out the back of the theatre, and they'd all cue for the photo with him. And then occasionally someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone a photo with me and it'd be embarrassing. But worse was occasionally someone would say, do you want me to get a photo with you? And that is it.

That was pity. Yeah, a pity. Yeah, a pity off. A pity off. A pity, is there anything worse? So you've been one click. Yeah, one click. And then we go into this other room to have interviews with journalists and you know all the big papers are there and

then I'm in the corner with the Wimbledon Gazette and the journalist guy says to me do you think I'll get a chance to interview Priscilla and I said no absolutely much. And he was like, well, can you just go and, and I was like, mate, there's a reason I'm having an interview with you. I don't even want to be, you know, I'm not looking over at the guardian, I wonder if I'll get a shot at getting an interview with the guardian. Let's do the interview and let's go and get some lunch mate. It doesn't matter.

I really want to talk to Priscilla Presley and like, yeah, I want to be in the telegraph, come on mate. Just realize where you are in the world, all right? And they, Priscilla Presley had a fake apple and she says, do you want me to bite it? Do you, she said something like, do you want me to actually bite it? And I said before, without even thinking, only if you want to fucking die. And there was silence. And then Priscilla started laughing and everybody did that really annoying, sickophantic sort

of once she started laughing, everyone was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's spoken like a real comedian. That's me. I felt that feeling before. Oh, but those, that silence for a couple of seconds where everyone's like, oh, oh my God, I can't believe you've just said that. So she was great skill, she was awesome. And this is just, this has taken me a long time to get to the story you wanted me to tell you.

No, but I loved, I loved the story on the way. I didn't know there was more. Oh, there's been a hell of a journey with her. her henchman, I was the woodcut or whatever it is, I was the one who was meant to murder Snow White but I didn't. So every time I went on stage I would improvise a new name for her. Hello my queen of delayed tubes. Hello my queen of anything negative that was in the story in the news I would try and spin it in each time. And there was one time where I went on and called her the Queen of Awkward Family Photos. Do you remember that website?

Yeah. Yeah, it was popping off. Yeah, it was popping off. It was popping off on Bebo. And MySpace. It was all over MySpace. And so I said that. And she, on stage, just turns to me and says, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the she on stage just turns to me and says what did you say? And I went, a queen of awkward family photos and she said what photos have you seen? And in my head I'm going oh man that she has taken this.

She doesn't know about the website awkward family photos. So I'm just panicking on stage right looking at her thinking, I thought this was a pretty safe bet this line but it has gone into murky waters and then I said I haven't seen any photos and she said we'll talk about this we'll talk about this offstage. The audience are wetting themselves right? Because I am I was shedding myself but I am, I was shitting myself, but I was aware I was on stage, so I was really playing up the panic as well.

Yeah. And in Panto, if things like that happen, people just think it's part of a show. So they're just laughing and going with it. And we go on, we walk off stage after that scene. And she says, I'm like, oh, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm not talking to you and just walks off. I was like, oh man, oh man, and then I had like 30 minutes until my next scene with her where she's in a harness and she's being poised it up to fly across the stage, right? And I think I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to her before we go on for this scene. Oh God, this is getting hooked up in the harness. Could I just say this isn't even the story asked for either? I'm sorry.

This is what the podcast is about. It's funny though. This is unbelievable. I'm genuinely, I'm in a spinny chair and I've had to turn away from my mic because I'm too awkward. So she's getting hooked up in this harness to fly and I go up to her and you know I just say, look Priscilla, I'm really sorry I didn't mean to offend you about that awkward family photos. There's a website called awkward family photos and it's you know people are just putting in their own family photos on it. And you know a lot of them are from the 80s and it's all about their hairstyles. And you know some people dress up in the same jumper and it's just. You know I'm just rattling on she's just staring at me and then she slowly starts getting lifted up,

and then she just says to me, yeah I know what it was, I was just winding you up. Ha ha ha ha and then just gets taken on stage and I was like, I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I can't th. I can't th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. to the. the. thee. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. you up. Ha ha ha. And then just gets taken on stage. And I was like, I cannot believe she just played me. Wow. Wow. 30 minutes I was sweating, man. Oh my God. She actually went on stage giggling. Oh wow.

That's a lot of fun. And she came out, she came to Nando's with us a few times turns out her favorite drink is Red Bull and vodka I know awesome so the story you want me to tell the story you want me to tell she invited me to lunch with her and her assistant in between shows and she said we've found this great French restaurant in Wimbledon Village and she said I just love just love it. The ambience, it's just genuine French. It's so good. So we get in the car and we rock up to Cafe Rouge.

And I'm kind of getting out of the car thinking, oh, I can't believe this. And we sit down and I say to where, what is it about this place that you really like? And she said, it's just so authentically French. And she said, you know, we a'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e, and I had quite an incredible beef bourgeois. And I'm staring out the window at the car luchio's across the road, thin' thin' thy' th eat the meal and I didn't want to be the guy who popped the bubble about it because she was genuinely delighted about it. You can't in that situation. You can't. She was dropping French to the waiter. What?

What? And we're, um, we get back to the, we get back to the theatre and you know I said thanks for thanks for lunch and she was like oh that's great we should go back we should take some other people back there I'm sure they'd love it and and she said it looks you know that maybe if we take a big group of us there though you know as it's an independent restaurant they were really really and it was at that point I said to her look Priscilla it's a it's it's a the their their their their their their their th. th. th. it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. th. th. I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thanks. It's thanks. It's thanks. It at that point, I said to her, look, Priscilla, it's a chain restaurant, there's loads of them.

And she said, I don't believe you, I don't believe you. And then I just dropped it, I dropped it. And then probably three weeks later, we were standing in the wings about to go on stage. And she hears her cue line and then just turns and looks at me at me and their. And their. And their their their. And then their their. And then their their. And then their. And then their. And then their. And then, their. And then, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. And I. And I. And I. And, I. And I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin, the turns and looks at me and she says, Cafe Rouge is a chain restaurant. I'm so disappointed. And then walks on stage and does the scene. Oh, it's amazing. Gosh, she's incredible. Rob, I think we've been doing this wrong.

We've been asking people about their kids. What we should do, get them on and go, you know that anecdote. You know that anecdote that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their the their their their their their their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is their is their is their their their their their their toy. She is toy. Wea. tooooooooooooma. toy. toy. toy is toy is toy is things. Wea. Wea. I toy is their th anecdote you told me? Because you just, you just add five more anecdotes to that one anecdote morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh God, that actually happened to me and Lou, when we went to Venice for our honeymoon, and we went to this Italian restaurant and we thought it was authentic. It's called Rossa pomodero. Right. I loved it. We were buying all the sauces. Oh my God what a great authentic. And then I was walking through sour fucking saw one. Yeah. I know Priscilla's pain. Oh, Jared. We might have to get you back on to talk about your kids another time. Why I'm just going to say it, Jared. I thought you were good enough to put you again Jared. I think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-I tho tho' tho' tho' tho' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho. I'm tho. I was th. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I was tha. I was th were good enough that we're not going to have to put you again, Jared. So you can talk about your kids. Before we go, can we quickly do this one?

It's the Crosby's law question. What a noise about your partner's parenting that you haven't told her, but you think it's a fair point? And if she listened back to Jared? I mean this is really putting me on the spot isn't it? What I've got a way up is will she listen to this podcast? Probably not. Yeah. Oh if she does, she's heard that Priscilla Presley story four under time. Oh yeah, she's heard that every different part you've ever been so, I'm sure Jarrett. She would have switched off by now. Yeah, she would have switched off by now. Yeah, yeah. It was. She, she, she, she, she, she, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. She, she would that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that, that. that, that. that, that. that. that. that, that. that. that. that. that, that. that. that, that. that. that, that. that, that, that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. that that th. that that that that that that that that that th. that that that th. that that that that her? I did meet up with her in Los Angeles. Oh did you? Oh yeah, yeah. It was who was weird. Would you go prep for a nice fringe coffee?

Actually we just had a drink in the hotel bar that I was staying at and she had a red bull and vodka. Oh, okay. My wife and kids were asleep upstairs jet-lagged and I I went down and had a drink with Priscilla for about 15 minutes. She came to your hotel? Yeah because she was she said I said to her that I was going through Los Angeles and she said well email me when you get here and we'll see if we can meet up and she was on who waited some big charity function thing and happened to be near Santa Monica so swung by and had a 15 minute drink with me. I've got two questions on Priscilla Presley. Do you need to go Jared? I do I've got I've literally got a gig in nine minutes. Okay do you know what?

I'll hold them when we get you back on. I don't have to be out of the house it's a gig there's a tho the zoom the zoom zoom zoom the zoom zoom there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go. I I I I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I to to. I to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I another gig from a toilet. You're only going to do the Priscilla story again, aren't you any well on the zoom gig? Can you just do that and have a song in the background recorded it? Yeah, just watch. Can I leave you with the questions and then can you record them on a voice note? We'll just play them in on the podcast. Yeah, all right. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their their their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. to to to to to to to to to to th th th to th th. th. th. talked to her about Elvis? Number two, how many Volca Red Bulls is she knocking back of an evening? Okay. I'll answer them both now actually. Not much about Elvis at all. I didn't really ask, although Mike Bubbins showed up to the Panto and mess messed me saying, do you think I can meet Priscilla? And I was like, yeah, I'll see what I can do. I'll meet you out at stage door.

I rocked up to stage door and he's only bloody dressed like Elvis. Oh, no. He wasn't full Elvis. He had a high collar and this was when he had his big sideburns and his quest. And he's a comedian we all know that does. Does he do an Elvis impressionator. He he He used to, he used to be an Elvis impersonator. All right. And a very good one, and a very good one. It's exactly what you need, after his day it works, seeing some impersonate your dead husband. Yeah, exactly, right? And I just said to him, no, she's not available, yeah. I thin that's the right decision. And I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's right decision. And that's right decision. And that's right decision. And that's right decision. And that's right decision. that's right decision. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's. It's. It's. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's right. It's that's that's that's that's the right. It's the right. It's that's the right. It's that's that's that's that's the right. It's that's that's that's that's that's, but when we all got back from New Year's Eve for the next show, everyone was asking how New Year's went. And she said, I think I had too many Red Bull and vodka's and I asked how many that was.

And she said, I lost count after seven. I think they were just singles though guys. I think they were just singles. Yeah, but it's the Red Bull that's the problem that. I. I. I. I. I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think they were just singles though guys I think they were just singles. Yeah but it's the red ball that's the problem there. It's the red ball that's the problem. Absolutely wired. Jarred well you'll have to come back on and you can answer have you got an answer about the parenting problem with your partner or do you want to say? No I'll think on it. I'll think on it. I'll think on. I'll think. I'll think on. I'll think on. I'll think on. I'll think on. I'll think on. I'll th. I'll think. I'll th. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll the. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll think. I'll run it past her and then... No, you can't do that. We'll get you back on to talk about your kids and not just Priscilla Presiddy, Jared. It's been a pleasure having you. I love you. Thank you so much for having me.

Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Bye-bye. Bye. Jared Christmas there, Josh. funny guy as well. I did loads of gigs, I still gig with him now a lot, but when we first started out, me and him used to gig a lot in, we were up to Inverness to do a show and he was watching Homeland on his laptop on the plane, but you know, Homeland had a lot of sex in it in the first couple of episodes because he'd come back from being a prisoner and it was so funny because I was behind him and everyone could just see him just basically watching. It's his name, what's his name, the actor, Damian Lewis?

Just banging, but we've all scars on his back and all shy and weird and sleeping on the floor because he's been a prisoner. But yeah, that cracks you up. But yeah, that was a good episode of that, wasn't it? Yeah, great. He's just fun, he's just got great energy. Yeah, he's just got great energy, I'd love him to be my dad. Yeah, he'd be a great dad. Yeah, he's a brilliant dad, he's a lovely man. And I'd like to say listen from our listeners, hear from our listeners. Did, for you, was that a good episode? Because we went off on tangents or were you going, uh, I'm here for the parenting? Let us know because we're happy to go off on tangents if you the the the the their their their their their to to to their tananananananan their to to th an to than to to tan to tan to toe. toe. toe. toe. told told to to to to to to told to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thean thean th thean tean tean tean tean tean toean th toean toean toean th th to to toe off on tangents if you prefer. Because Rob wouldn't like the question to be loaded, but he did give one of the answers in a funny voice. Yeah, it's like if I did the EU referendum, stay or leave to get back what we love.

Just a mark a cross in the box. Thank you to Jared. Well, we are, we should say we're now doing, we're getting people back, because we realized, you know, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, to, th, th, th, th, th.. th. to, th. thi, to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th...... th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thea. thea. the. the. Well, we are, we should say we're now doing, we're getting people back because we realized, you know, everyone's parenting situations. I mean, we've got new stuff to talk about every week, so everyone's parenting situations change. So we'll be getting back on like our, well, not our favorite guests, the audience's favorite guests, so do twee us your requests as well. Yes or email who you'd like to see back on because you know some of our guests have had children since since you spoke or

people. Tom Allen's had two, hasn't he? Tom Allen's had two children. Yeah he's turned into an absolute you know fuck monster in lockdown. Yeah so let us know who you want us to interview. Right see later.