Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S02 EP26: "Who's rubbed banana on his roof?!...."

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S02 EP26: "Who's rubbed banana on his roof?!..."More misadventures in parenting and beyond...Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxx��If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed.

The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robbeckin. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. And to make a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation,

and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello you are listening to lockdown parenting hell with. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett and Josh Whittakum. Josh Wigglin. Good job.

That's a nice one. Yeah, it wasn't bad, was it? That is Caroline. You're, you're, I can tell you've had a tough week. By the lack of praise you're giving that child. Couldn't give a fuck, Rob. I think this is why you're so funny to listen to and watch on tell Because in your what in three words, I can tell your mood

You're gonna give a shit about that poor child that poor child's on the on a podcast that the parents like and you just don't care You just went not bad fuck off whatever. Yeah, no That is Ryan. He'll be three in June Congratulations Ryan. He's in he's in Melbourne. Oh Oh, oh my god. He's got 50 days with no cases there bloody out. Have they? According to his email Rob that wasn't off the top of my head And you're really you're really across the COVID rates. Yeah, I'm really into it actually. I am, despite, I reckon I haven't read a news story about COVID in three months. I don't think I've clicked

through on a news story. Do you know when, do you know, I remember Cummings? I was just like refreshing Twitter every 25 minutes. Yeah, fucking out man. I tell you what. Yeah, you tell me. It's amazing, isn't isn't i isn't i isn't isn't i isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't i isn't isn't isn't isn't th isn't the news isn't the news. the news. th. the news. the news. the news. the news. I'm th. I'm the the th. th. th. th. I'm the the the th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the th. th. th. the th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tell you what. Yeah, you tell me. It's amazing isn't it today to have news that you actually click on and you you're interested in reading. The Prince Philip situation, this does now chat about... Can we discuss something with Prince Philip? You do know he's dead, Josh. Okay, cool, just checking. Matthew Crosby of this, of this podcast, was watching C. Bibi's with his daughter yeah and they had a minute silence for Prince Philip on the funeral day oh yeah because I'm sure all the viewers observe that also how many parents are having to explain the concept of death try explaining the concept of

fucking silence Josh explaining the concept of fucking silence, Josh. Can you imagine the tele-stopping in your house, the noise? Oh my God. How are you, though, Josh? Oh, you seem a bit more positive now? Just at the beginning, you seem a little bit tell. I've just got some stuff off my chest. But I'd like to apologize to Caroline and her son Ryan, because I'm feeling in a better mood now. Yes, okay good. Just takes a couple of minutes of the podcast. How's your week been? Um, if I'd say the death of football is one of the positives Rob. People are not aware of the European

Super League. If people aren't aware of that, they're not aware of what lockdown is, Rob, it's the biggest new story in the world. True. Lou did say to me to me went what the the the their their their their lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. Lo. th. th. to to th. th. to to th. Lo. It's to to to to to to to to to to to say to to say to say to to say to to say to to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say th. It is. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I to to to the. I to to to to to did say to me went what's all this palava with the football then and I broke it down with her and I think she regretted asking could I just say that we should dispel rumors that we've been having secret zoom calls with the Ramsey's and off-menue about setting up a separate podcast network I'll be honest with Josh I will be bought out I would love to I would hands up China China the, China, the Middle East, come and get me. I would happily be owned by a shake and get paid a billion pound a week.

Probably a bit, that's a bit overpriced at that. What does footballers get 300 grand a week and he just farms me out whenever he wants a podcast, I'll do it through. You'd happily do a podcast for some people in Madrid that you don't have any interest in podcast. Of course, on a Wednesday night, and I can never be sacked from a podcast. That's the dream gig, and it? And then at the weekend you can just send in some kind of reserve to do your other podcasts. We really need to break China with this podcast Josh I think that's what's holding us back once you get China the world your oyster exactly um now I can't remember what we're saying oh your week how'd your week been a part of the death of football right so I've written down some things here Rob

oh I know it's a good one he's written it down I had a really bad evening I had a really bad that's not too bad is it I've not not gone into having. No, it was just stressful. Okay. How pregnant is Rose now by the way just to get an idea of this? Three and a half weeks to lift off. Oh my god that is a stressful time Josh. It's yeah so it all comes down to that really. So our daughter she's it's kind of weird because you expect her to have issues with the brother. She's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi to thi to thi to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. thee. the. the. the. the to th with the brother. She's very excited about the baby brother. But the main issue is the inability of her mom to kind of be able to move very much or lift her out of the bath. Oh, okay. That makes sense. I thought you was going for a personality character assassination. Yeah, the inability holy fuck, this is big. I should slam Rose.

But no, you mean physically she's a bit, you know, she can't get around as much. She's heavily, heavily pregnant. Yep. It's what's quite difficult in the last couple of days is, so it takes Rose a while to be able to just, she can't just get up, like from being asleep. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she's, she's she's she's she's she's th she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's big, she's big, she's big, she's big, she's big, she's big, she's big, she, she, she. She, she, she, she. She, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she she she she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi, she's thi. thi's thi's thia' thia' thia' thi. thi. thi. She's big, she's big, she's big, sheto be able to just, she can't just get up, like from being asleep. Yeah, of course, yeah, she's tired and heavy and awkward and got a big bump. Yeah, you can't get your daughter out of the bath. And you, and you struggle with that, don't you? But you've been doing weights.

Look, we've got a walking bath for a three-year-old. Just that he's never had biceps, have you, Josh? You're a distance man. Exactly. I'm like, Moses Kipto Nui. Um, what was that? What was that? What was that? What was it?

What was it? Woomber? Woze? . Moses Kiptonui, he was a distance runner in the 90s. Gabriel Selassie! Yes, exactly! Let's do your niche distance runners, guys. We know Mo Farah, Main Street bastards. Once we take the bloody billionaire pounds to form a Super League, well, they'll force us, they'll force us to say Mo Farah because we won't

know to do these references, so let's enjoy it now. I've got to work work the their I've got some reference points. Anyway, yes sorry. So each morning she'll wake up and now she started demanding Rose every morning. So it's just which oh it's just anyway it's stressful but it's far. So then you go in because you're physically able to and then she cries because she wants a mom. Yeah I think they know as well. That cries is a strong word, shout. Just screams, get away from me, I want mommy, stuff like that. Go away, stuff like that. Okay, so it's, yeah, that's annoying. Because it would be annoying, not annoying, but it'll be difficult if you had to do all this, a lot of more stuff because you're the one who's one who's, the one who's, the one who's, the one who's, the one who's, the one who's, th woomregnigh, thi., thi., thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, just, just, just, thi, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, thi, just, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, just, just, just just just, just just just, their.. thi, just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the fact that when you are trying to do it, they refuse your help. That's double pain, isn't it? So your heavily pregnant wife is having

to deal with the child while you're all just... I don't know what I can do, Rob. So now, no daughter hates you and your wife? It's terrible. No thought of your own. You're trying to help Robbuck. So, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's to have to have to have. It's, it's, it's to, it, it, it, it, to, to, to, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so, so, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, of your own, you're trying to help, but there's nothing you can do. You're trying to help. Yeah, Alex Brooker sent me two really good memes and I do need to send them on to a couple of other people. Well yeah. You're behind on your WhatsApp banter? Yeah.

So it's just been a bit difficult like anything? There was one particular evening, Rob. Okay. One particular evening. Now, this was maybe last Tuesday. And in the day I'd had, you know, some annoying work news. Like, I won't go into this, but something that you thought was going to happen that maybe isn't going to happen, that kind of work news. So a bit of bad news, but that kind of news, which isn't the confirmed bad news, but it's maybe the bad news. Alex Brooker and Adam Hills splinter and off into a last leg super league.

They're forming a last leg super league. Only people with the last leg super league. You've had it too good for too long, Josh, with all your limbs giving it the large one now it's time for Brooker and Hilsie to take over. Anyway sorry you've had bad news I shouldn't really I'm not being very pathetic here as a friend that's fine that actually it wasn't that bad that it wasn't bad until other things were laid to to to to to to to to to to to th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I th. thi. I thi. I thi. I was thi. thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was th. I was thi. I was not thi. I was thi. I was th. I was not th. I was not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I was not thi. I was not thi. I was not thi. I was not thi. I was not the. I was not tean. I'm not try. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not try. I'm not try't bad until other things were laid on top of it. You know that kind of bad news? So I was actually walking to nursery in the sun thinking, I'm chew what, I think I'm quite enjoying life for the moment. You know what, it's fine,

you know, four weeks to go, this is all going very well. Are you right? You, you died. It was making me laugh, sorry. Yeah, God. She's just, yeah, she's so bleak but positive at the same time, it's hard to process. And then I pick up my daughter and I'm walking home and I got an unnamed promoter. Rob, we won't go into it. So, this is a, the reason I'm stumbling, because I'm trying to work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how is I'm trying to work at how to tell this story Okay, but say for instance I had written a book that hadn't yet been announced Rob yeah, for example. Yeah, and you would yeah Yeah, and it wouldn't be allowed to mention that book until we're allowed to mention that yeah, cool, But maybe I would be allowed to mention it if say for instance he had texted me with the heading of the text tune, tune, the text, to to to tox, too, tox, to, to, to, to, the text, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.... th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, the thrown, thrown, the thrown, thrown, thi, thitext being the working title of the book that I submitted when I submitted the pitch two and a half years ago.

Yeah, okay. Right, yeah. I'm confused now. So yeah, I was confused. Okay. And he said, he had a semi-text and it contained the working title I'd submitted to the publisher two and a half years ago. A book that you hypothetically might be writing? A book I might hypothetically be writing. Okay, right, I'm sort with you, yep. Yeah. Social distancing of course, I don't know why I said that. It feels like a social distancing of course in the bubble. I feel like I should say that anyway just to calm everyone down. You've had an email okay. Josh can've had an email, okay. Get it in. Yeah. Okay.

Josh, can I say so? This is the anecdote of a tired man. Yeah. It's a small stress than Tybro. It's more so stumbling over what I'm allowed to say, you know what I mean? If I hypothetically had, but anyway, it's not my fault this. Okay, go on. a gig for the launch of this hypothetical book which he's got the old title for. I was like, why have you got the old title? And he's like, it's a news story on Chortel.

Oh, what Chortel's the comedy website? Yeah. And it turned out, hypothetically, by mistake, the Kindle version of the book had been launched on Amazon containing the old title. And the description was the the the the the the that the that that thiiiiololololole the the thioln, thioln, thioln, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiolnight, thoan, thoan, thi, thi, thiolol, tho, tho, tho, tho, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thiol, thioll, thioll, thioll, thioliolou?. It's thooooooooo'n'n'n'n'n't, totale, total, total, total, total, t description was the paragraphs that I'd written when I'd pitched the book that had just been put in as dummy text so I was very stressed. What? Can you imagine how stress that is? Oh sounds well. Could we just be clear to this that you have written a book ne? Next week. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know what I was. You cannot tell this story about just saying you've written a book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. that. that. that. th. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. I'm. the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm., you cannot tell this story about just saying you've written a book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's fine because, you know, this has been, it's still a new story on Chortoll because they won't take it down, Rob. They won't take it down. And get this, the story on Chortle, the dummy, you know, I've never even said these things in my life. I just put them in a pitch-doc three years ago. They don't even describe the book, Rob. So how have they got this? Because they've got a Google Alert on my name. So when it came up on Amazon. Oh, so it's just something's gone wrong in the Amazon system. It's just been pumped out. Okay, okay. Yeah. As a pre order. the pre. So, the pre. So, the the the the they. So, they. So, they's. So, they's. So, they's. So, they's. So, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How, how. How, how. How, how. How, how. How, how. How, how. How, how. How. How they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, yeah, the book's not even there. This is very stressful. You would be stressed at this point. You're on the walk to an usher as well. You know you can't be doing it. I'm on the walk back, so I've got my daughter, so I can't even like just go,

I'd need to be on my phone for the next half an hour. I've seen you've got a book out with a very old title. Yeah. Can you imagine how stress to him at this point one? Yeah, very stress. So then I get home, I'm trying to sort this out and then I'd say the most extreme meltdown our daughter has had in ages at bedtime time happens. And it might be because I was exuding stress maybe but I don't know. I think sometimes I pick up on it but yeah, I don't know if I think about it be harsh. Okay, two hours. Yeah, you know like a full. Yeah, the story is still up there. Yeah, it's unbelievable Rob. Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And they refusing to take it down. Yeah. Do you know what do you want to know something Rob? Yeah, do you know something? I might have said to the publisher and they will not be getting sent a review copy

so they can... Oh! He's only gone and done it! He's only good and done it! And you blacklisted a website because it was a p. I'm not blacklisting them, Rob. I'm just not giving them a bloody freebie. Yeah, they can buy it, Rob, because it, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. And they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. th. th. th. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. they're black. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. they. th. they. they. they. they. they. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the. the. the. the. the. they're th can't they? They can buy it, Rob because it's already available by mistake. Just two paragraphs. It's a very expensive book. It works a pound a word, but what words they are. That is weird, they won't take it down though, because it's obviously an admin error and then you're going to send a proper press release next, oh, oh, that is stressful. Then my daughter kicked off. And then Rob, a different promoter who I will not name. Okay. My phone started vibrating massively and I looked and it was

nine consecutive WhatsApp's from a promoter asking me to do four gigs. I thought I can't do these, this is the last thing I need at this stage. I will deal with this later. Yeah, okay. Yeah, also it's well they should be going to your agent who does your bookings rather than you directly is normally the rule, isn't it? Of course I would have said that as well in case of about it. Yeah, it's just he's cashed. Yeah, it're stressed.

Yeah. And then 45 minutes passes. We manage to get the meltdown more or less under control. Rose is reading my daughter's story. My phone vibrates again three more times. Oh no. It's the same promoter that messages read. I can see you've read the WhatsApp messages.

Just say yes or no. Don't tho. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh th. Oh th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I, th. I, the m. I, the m. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, thi. I, the mental. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thioli. I'm thi messages. Just say yes or no, don't ignore me. Oh! Can you imagine my mental state at this point, wrong? Yeah, because you do not like confrontation either, do you not like confrontation at the best of times, real? You hate, because I will have a row with someone, and that you will not, I know, and you're very placid and a nice guy and fair, but this for you, you are, I know what you're doing, right, you are getting stressed and you're pacing and you're clapping your

fingers on your palms. You do that little practical. Yeah, but I can't because I'm sitting on my daughter's bed, Rob. That's what I want to do? And do you want to dip your fingers in water and put it on your teaml like you used to do when you to do when you to do when you to do when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when I to get to get to get to do to do or wrong. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

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So at the moment, a book's been released that's completely wrong and the website telling everyone in the comedy world won't take it down. Your daughter's kicking off, your wife pregnant in three weeks to birth and cannot move, and now you're getting bullied by a promoter. Yeah, that's the long and short of it. And you started off going, I like life. Yeah. Okay. But about an hour earlier, I was walking in the thiiks. Thin' the tik's thin.

So did it get sorted? Well, you've been on short of Rob. Are you doing the gigs? Are you doing the gigs? No, I'm not doing the gigs. I did, I did manage to somehow apologize for not replying to the text. What the fuck is wrong with me? You apologize for not replying? Oh, Josh. I'm really sorry, mate.

Josh, this might make you feel. This might make you feel better. I'm going to drop the hypothetically stuff. I actually have written a book that's coming out. I knew. You know, don't have to pretend that it's something like you told me you're expecting a baby and I have to pretend on the podcast. I didn't know already. But I am writing a book. It's called a Oh, congratulations. Thanks, Josh. It's called a class act and it's a funny book. the class. It's called a copy. It's a class. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's something. It's. It's something. It's something. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's something. It's a. It's a. It's a class in a middle class world. That's basically it. I'm not going to hard sell it. You all owe me a copy for a year podcast for free. Do hard sell it, Rob.

Yeah, well, it's my hard sell. Buy my fucking book. It's took ages and all this is free. It's fair. Yeah, even if you buy it and don't read it, I think it's a that's write a book. Oh, hypothetically of course, with social business and of course. But, Rob, I can't wait to read your book, I just say that, and I do agree that if you do listen to this podcast, it would be a wonderful, wonderful thing to pre-order. Yeah, and yours as well. What that what I don't know what you'reto the listener is, I love you very much and thank you so much

for being committed to this podcast, but it wouldn't be a nice gesture for you to buy our books. It's expected. And if you're listening to this and you've listened to it for a, mine's quality. But anyway, this is, forget that, right? Buy the book, please buy the book, you can get, just Google it. It's called a class act. But the thing is, right, this will make you feel better about your week. When they asked me, because we haven't done the photo shoot for the draft cover, oh yeah. Right. I haven't done. I the the the the the photo. I the photo. I haven't tho. I haven't done. I haven't done. I haven't done. I haven't done. I haven't done. I haven't done. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to tho. the to to tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the tho. the tho. the the the the the the book. the the book. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to. to. to to. the do you want to use for the draft cover? Yeah. And I for a laugh said, used a one from the Guardian interview.

As a joke, and it's only the fucking draft cover. Look, I've just sent it. The worst part is, the one I've sent you hasn't got it on. Oh my God, can I just say, I would like to take back that stuff about people buying a book I don't think they should. Because of the photo. But the worst point is it. Well I'm just saying Rob. You should judge a book by the cover.

And this looks. Is this one of those misery memoirs? I look like I look like I look like he's a book about somebody try to the try to th....... I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the th. I th. I th me me me to be to be to be to be to be to me to me to me to be to me. I the to be the the the the the to be to be to me. their. I their their their their their their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their.. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I try. I try. I try. try. I try. I. I to. I to. I look. I look. I look. I look. I look. I look. I look. I look. I'm. I'm. I'm. the is, right, this is my issue of it, like, because I said it is a laugh and they took me seriously and they've put it on and I thought, well that won't matter because it was just like a little photo, but it's not, it's on Amazon and all the websites now. So it comes up when you search for it, and the worst part is on the funnaulner, on like the website it says draft cover which doesn't say the photo is going to change it might imply that it might change from orange to blue. I do think a lot of people will be looking at that going yeah I don't like the font. There you go Rob the Kindle edition is available already I've just checked that on Amazon so

you'll be pleased about that. Oh perfect the Kind of a kinder edition the th. I do look forward to reading your book, Rob. And I also look forward to us leavering our books if I had a book into every episode until Christmas. Oh yeah, please, come on, just get it, just buy it. Guys, the only way to stop us doing that would be to buy the fucking books. Yeah, you know what we should do is we should do a little thing called spot Rob and Josh's PR commitments with the publisher when we like like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the publisher. to the publisher. the publisher. the publisher. the publisher. the publisher. the publisher. th. th. th. th. th. thi. their. thi. their their their their PR commitments with the publisher when we like pop up on like random shows like you know Guggeners Weld and I'm like yeah I do love flowers actually anyway I've got a book and they'll go the thing about you and flowers Rob is I've looked at the draft cover of your book and you do have hay fever well there's a thing I'm happy I'm here actually want to talk about pollen and bombs because I got absolutely pollen bombed and it's

a draft. Don't worry, we're going to do a photo shoot. It's a draft cover. Anyway, let's stop talking about books and talk about. Okay, Rob. But what I do want you to do in weeks to come is, as you know, I'm overly nervous about confrontation or and that moves into promotion. So that, that, that, and that, that, and that, that, and that, that, that, that, and that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and thi thi th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, thro, threat, the thra, thra, threats, too, too, too, too, to to So maybe next week you could give me some tips on promoing. That's a good idea. I'll do that. We'll do that next week. I've got an idea. Should we set up a market store somewhere?

And also, I'll do that thea. Yes, please. That would be fun. That would be fun. to get a pitch somewhere, to be a pitch, to be fun. their. to be th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. to. to. thi. th. to. to. to. to. to. that. to. to. to. to. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I'll. to. I'll. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. that. that. that. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I pitch and flog our books for the day. That would be lovely as a Christmas gift. We'll be getting both in the same package, wouldn't it? Do you know what really? I'm going to tell the story. I've got to be carefully because the person, you know musical comedians, I've got to

be a person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there was this one musical comedian, I did a gig with him, right, and he had CDs of his stuff. And at the end you just sort of stood by his CDs, yeah? And I went, come mate, you've got to sell them better than that. Anyway, I started flogging, I sold about 30 CDs, right, of him, like five or eight quid a pop.

He went, to give me, can sell books together Josh that be good. You can give it, you can take me through this. You can take me through this Rob. I've got some bin issues. Oh you got bin issues. Talk me through the bin issues. Okay. I can't believe how bad my terrible day was. When I went back through it was like it was bad. It was more than the same day. thin. No, no, no, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. th. th. th. Rob. Rob. th. th. th. th. Rob. th. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th've got, I've gone to buy a weekly bit, is that what it's called? Every two, fortnightly, yeah, bin collection. Right, yeah, what we're talking about? Cream bin bags. Oh, I'm just reading how what I've written down. It's all right, this episode's carnage, isn't it? It's all right, this.

This episode, Ro'nague. I brought it to the first minute and now it's going like this. You're off the fucking Richter boy. So I need to order a second bin Rob. I'm more than a bin every two weeks but I'm terrified about applying to Hackney Council in case my application is rejected. Why don't you just buy a wheelie bin? Can you do? I don't think you can just buy a second wheelie bin? Mate do you? th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin think think think tho thin. I thin thin. tho thoom thoom tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu thu thu thu thu thu thu tho thu tho tho thin. thin thin thin thin thin thin th. thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin Rob. Rob. thin thin thin to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. Have you? Yeah. Where are you buying your bins? Lou got them off Amazon? Did she? And do they take them? Yeah. Right I'm going to show you the cardboard above our fridge. I don't think she bought. I don't know where she got more. I don't think it was Amazon. There's somewhere. You're cardboard above your fridge. This is the kind of house. the the kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind, the kind, the kind, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, Lou, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, th. Loo, tho, tho, thi. Loo, the thi. Loo, thou. Loo. Loo. Loo, thi. Loo. Loo, thi. Loo, thi. Loo. Loo, thi. Loo, thi. Loo, if you give me two minutes they'll take a

photo of the cardboard down the side of my house. Yes please. That's the kind of shit we're running. See in a second. I'll just fill in while Rob does that. If you are listening, don't buy his book. No one actually really wants to read that that shit do though. But say if someone else was coming out with a book that book that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that someone you're also a fan of you could buy that one for instance I'd say. Oh he sent the photo I'll shut up. I've sent it. Yeah I've seen it. I think I think you've got a lot of cardboard Rob. It's nice to see that we use the same brand of ethical toilet paper. That's very nice. Exactly. Very stiff neck of me isn't it? Very stiff neck. I would say you've got to flatten as you go you. You you. You. You. You. You. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've. You've got to. You've got to. You've got to. You've got to. You've got to. You've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got, you've got to, you've got to to to to to to know, you've got the the their. You've their. You've their. You've their. You've their. You've the same brand of ethical toilet paper. That's very nice. Exactly. Very stiff neck of me, isn't it? Very stiff neck. I would say, you've got to flatten as you go, Rob. No, but that's, I'm building up there.

We'll put it all on Instagram. I'm building up an afternoon of flattening. I can flatten it with a podcast in for a couple of hours. Oh, lovely. I'm creating. thaken it. thapen it. thine. thine. thine. thine. thuatter. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm that's that's that's thaten it's to to to flatthaen it. I'm to to to flatten it, to flatten it, to flatten it, I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. too too too too too th. the. the. thaten, thaten, thaten, the. thaten, theaten, theaten. theaten. toe. toe. toe. to then trips the dump. Oh lovely. That's like, I'm creating a job for myself. Yes, yes, that's nice. It's like when you're a temp in an office. You've got to look busy. Oh mate, when I did, when I did work experience at 442, one of the worst weeks of being ignored in my life.

Just trying to do. I'm offering people tea, them getting annoyed because you're offering them too much tea. Oh, well why didn't they get you to do something? But do you know what it did do, Rob? What did you do? I wrote in, they asked me to write a letter for the letters page. I wrote a letter for the letters page. Suggesting the European Super League? Was it a manifesto? It was, I haven't seen a fucking penny. Open up 442 the next month. I'd only one letter of the month. Yeah, I've one letter of the month, Bob. I win a football-shaped alarm clock. Email them up. Can I have my football-shaped alarm clock. No, sorry, you're on work experience you don't qualify. Well, that is not what it said on the page mate. That is corruption at the highest that is corruption they didn't want to give out an alarm clock didn't want to give out an alarm clock Rob.

Oh bastards. Awful bastards. Do you want to hear about my trip to Centre Parks? Yes. It was a dream 50% capacity. 50% capacity. I don't know if they did that on purpose as they bed back in because some of the stuff shut obviously you can't eat and drink inside. There must be on per seawaiver. Swimming pool was shut, but we got a bit of a refund. But it was quality. And we went, I tell you, I tell you, it was quality. And we went to, have been to, have you've been to, have been to, there and just chilled out and they just love playing on the park and stuff oh my five-year-old got a splinter I'm talking right underneath her nail

to the base of the nail. My hands going my hands going. You're clapping you're clapping I've never seen I was like I was like I was like that can't be a bruise and it's on a line if you get your thum. thum. thum. thum. the th. the th. to the the the th. th. th. to th. I to to to th. I the the th. I's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. I'm their their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I've. I've. I've. I've th. I've. I've. I've th. I've. th. th. th. th. th. I've. I've th. I've the that can't be a splinter. It must be a, you know like you get a bruise and it's on online if you get your thumbs tracked in the door, right? I said, that must be a bruise. If she had a spill out of that, she'd be going mad. Anyway, they take a center, they'd tak, I'd It felt like, it felt like the, what I imagine the hospital was like in a Truman show. Just absolutely dedicated to one person.

And you went in there and there's a proper, fully qualified nurse that used like a proper implement on it and it was a, it was a one inch splinter under the nail that she used like a sucking out device and tweezers. Oh my God, Rob! How is your daughter screaming? No, because she was so good than her. She was really upset before she went there, but they gave her a bear for being brave with a sticker, drew a little mouse on the plaster. But honestly, I couldn't believe how awful this winter was. But that's no criticism on center parks. In a bark-based park, there's going to be some wood trouble. Exactly. That makes my hand go, mate. Yeah, oh, wait, I can't do nails.

It was awful. It was horrific. But she dealt with like a trooper. And that's the safari park. So this is right. What do you see? the today. the? You just sit in the car, but seat belts off for the kids and they sat on my lap and drove

the car. Probably illegal, but we loved it, Josh. It's not illegal on private land, is it? No, going at two miles an hour? Do you know what we're doing anymore, but all I know is when we was in that car we were on social distancing, of course. Yes. Anyway, so we're driving around, but there's a monkey area, Josh, when monkeys jump on your car. No. I didn't know that happened in real life. Yeah, that happens in real life, yeah.

So they jump on the car and we've got like a window so you can see through it yeah on the roof panoramic window roofing I don't know what it is anyway but it was like this is so exciting last time we went they jumped on the roof this time we went around they didn't jump on the roof Josh and then we was disappointed be to get to go around again if you want and the the to get the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the the the to the the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the. the. the. the. the. the. thrown. the. thr thrown. thr thrown. thrown. the. the the the second time we had I'd say nearly 10 monkeys on our roof. Bloody how? And are you not worried about your paintwork? Well it's an old cash car I don't really care to be honest with you. This is my, this is like, yeah it's your monkey car. It's my monkey car. But no it's we've had it about six years and the kids have just ruined it with crisp so we're not really bother but anyway it jumped on the roof. But. But. to. to the the to the to the the the the to the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. thi. the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th., you got aroused? No. I'm sorry, no, carry on, carry on. I don't know I said that. No, that was the rhinos. I just, the horn just does something.

There is an animal there called a wild Somali ass. Anyway, we had 10 monkeys on the roof of the car because before we were around it second time, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, th, th, thrived, thi, tho, tho, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thrie, thrie, thi, thrie, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrie, thi, thrie, thrie, thi, had 10 monkeys on the roof of the car because before we were around it a second time, I rubbed some banana on the roof. Oh, mate! Look, the rules are you're not allowed to feed the monkeys. You are not allowed, I would not recommend it, but they do jump on your roof. I would not recommend it because you're not allowed to feed the monkey. I didn feel them licking your roof? I didn't feed a monkey. I, at 2 o'clock every day, rub a banana on my roof. Always done it. Always done it.

And it just so happens that that was that was it was a little banana rub for luck, isn't it? And didn't it pay off? Didn't it pay off? So the only problem with that was was was get caught on Twitter. Some people message me saying, Oye Beckett, I saw the monkeys on the roof of your car and I saw some banana that you'd smashed into your roof. No. But it got monkeys, that's what I'm saying.

But I wouldn't recommend doing it. I wouldn't recommend do it because it is you're not allowed to feed them. And to be for it, it was a minuscunin, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, you, you, you, you, you, you's, you's, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not the the, you, you're not the, you're not the, the, you're not, you're the, you're the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thin, thin, thin, the thin, the the the thin, the than, the the the the the the thanananan, the the the of banana. But just the smell got on there, Josh. There's nothing more exciting than a monkey jumping on your car than them not damaging it, jumping off it onto your friend's car who's got a nicer car. I think that is the greatest feeling in the world. A couple of other things happened. Basically, I had my first beer out of beer. I had my first beer. I had my beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my first beer, I had my So we sat outside the Spokes Bar, had a little beer whilst the kids played in the park, right? So that

was great. We could watch them in the park. And then afterwards we went to the park market, it's like little supermarket, they've got like little trollies that the kids can use. Anyway, I'd not been drinking for ages, I had two pints, I was off my face. You are absolutely smashed. I spent 150 pounds in the park market. One of my daughters bought seven kinder eggs. Whoa, that's one a day. Yeah, but I didn't realize they were going through. I was so over-excite and drunk.

They absolutely, I felt like a, you know, like a tourist getting mugged in. Yeah, and they just absolutely picked one of them picked up a DVD of Captain Corelli's mandolin. I nearly put that in. I was so high on life. And then Cosmereen was all goody and I were excited. My youngest now does a thing called Mooney Bumbum where she just gets her ass out. Wow. And shouts Mooney Bum and she was doing it in the shop. They're young. They're fine. As long as you don't Rob. As long as you don't join them, that is completely fine. I basically I pulled my trousers down, wipe some banana on me ask and scream, come and get me. And you know what, it's one of the best holidays I've ever had. Rob, I've got a bit of a parenting conundrum for you. Yeah, go on. So we had some flowers, flowers on the ta the tha the the the the the the the th. Robe the the th. Robe the th. Robe th. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robe. Robes. Robes. Robes. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. So we had some flowers, some flowers on the table, right? And they they're coming to it, coming to the natural end so my daughter likes to kind of chop them up, play with the petals, yeah, and then she's

like, I'm going to plant my flowers. Yeah, and we've been watering the garden all and we've also planted chilies and tomatoes and she's really excited about this all. So she's like I'm gonna plant my petals and she was so excited and I thought I should just say and I said just so you know they might you know there's a chance they won't grow into flowers and she looked so sad Rob. That I said but you never know, right? Yep. Need you, of course you would.

We planted them. But you got, just deal with it later. Just let her have the dream. We've watered them, Rob. Yeah. So what should I do? I'm toying with going to buy some plants, Rob. That's exactly what I was going to say. Just something, like a a a little, like a little, like a little, like a little, like a little, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, too, to too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to too. to too. too, too, too, too, the the the the the too, the the the theyyy. the tooome, the tooomb. tooomb. tooomb. too, too, to was going to say. Just get something like a little pansy, and just plant it when she's at school and then when she comes home you can be like, look what you've created. Do you think she'll fall for it suddenly being there?

Yes. She's three mate. If she's got a problem with it, what she's going to say? Well that grew quick quick, they're the' up some tips. We've picked up some tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tips listening tip, tipes tipes tipes tipes their tipes their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea' toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' the. the. the. the up some tips listening to Rob Beckett on Gardner's World, flogging his fucking books. Yeah, I think do that. Like, go out and why some woe some. There'll be people, there'll be, oh, people argue, no, but you're lying to them. It's not true. Yeah, but who cares? Life's hard. Let's have a panzee. Okay, well let's do some emails. Okay, Rob, so let's start with this. Firstly, I've got good news.

Oh yeah. I'm just going to send you something. You said something last week? No, a couple of weeks ago, if anyone was doubting whether you were being honest about it, here is proof. It's the right move page for Amir Khan's house. Oh yes, please send it. No garden? Not only is it no garden, yeah, but uh, point seven on the key features is all blocked paved gardens. All block. It's listed as a

feature. Howard Brazier, thank you for that by the way. Thanks Howard. How much 1.5 million? I mean also like, no offence but who wants to spend that much money in a house in Bolton? I mean, I can't say no offense and say that. But it's, okay, some offense. But all I'm saying is, if you're going to spend that much money on a house, I'd argue that the countryside around Bolton is a lot prettier than central Bolton. It's lovely inside though. If you are going to buy that house, I'm not sure grass is what you're into, Rob. Hey, Rob and Josh, this is David Braddock.

Go on Braddow's. I love the podcast. I've been listening since day one. Thank you. After listening to the Nadia Hussein episode where she tells her, I had got her daughters to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the daughter to do the daughter to do to do to do their to do a to do a daughter their their to do a ma their their to do a tasks such as unsubscribe from her emails, it brought back a memory from when I was younger. During the summer holidays, me and my sister would spend a few days each week with my auntie. She was the manager of a petrol station in Formby near Southport. Sounds like Peter Kpitch. Yeah, also I'd say near Southport isn't as he thinks it is. Oh, I did a gig in Southport. And the hotel that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I'd that I'd that I'd. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. t. t. to. tha. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell a gig in Southport and the hotel that I went to, oh my god it was like a, you know like a house, a hotel

they put people in between prison and a council flat? Halfway house? Yeah that's the one. That's where all the footballers live though Southport isn't it? Not in a center. Not in the center. Not in the center. Not in the center Yeah, Stephen Jarrod lives above Ladbrooks. Look, the rule is, in central city areas, you live in a penthouse or you get a big house in the country. That's what footballers do. Certainly bloody now, the rich blasters, I'm all right. Auntie Marion would pick us up in the morning and take us to work with her.

We both loved it because she would get us doing loads of mundane tasks, like we're stocking the shelves, picking up the litter around the forecourt and we're stocking the little plastic gloves near the pumps. Now you may laugh at that Rob, but I used to have that job once and as well at a Safeway Petal Station in Tot Ness. What, what, what, just filling up the gloves? That was your whole job. No, so I worked at the petrol station, but the best job was the litter picker things. And then you would end it, they'd give you a ticket for the jet wash and you'd get to wash the jet wash with the jet wash. Yeah, well that is better than working on a checkout. Yeah, it was fresh air. Powering your hands. Exactly. You felt like a real man. I was. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. the th. Yeah. th. Yeah. the th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. the th. Yeah. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. to the the their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah your hands. Exactly. You felt like a real man. I used to love doing the cardboard crusher machine at the supermarket I worked in. Barrel them up.

Oh, I loved it. Just really not much different to my life now, just sort of cardboard. Yeah, you're just doing it without the crusher now. Now. Just doing it in the alleyway on the way behind sagebyshires. To everyone else, these were teasiest jobs, but we enjoyed them, because it made us feel grown up. I was 10 and my sister was 13. One day, we were in the back office, on the wall I saw a large red button. When my sister went to the toilet, I did what every 10-year-old would do, and I pushed it.

Oh no. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Five minutes later, I heard multiple police sirens coming from somewhere very close. Went out the office to have a look, and to my surprise, I saw two riot bags and three police cars. I mean, I'd get fire engines. All on the petrol station four-court. That's a bit extreme for a petrol station. Well, is it because there's lots of robberies in petrol stations?

Liquid gold. It's liquid gold. It's liquid gold. No, but I thought that would be for like if there's a fire. Because surely a fire is a petrol station is a bigger risk than someone robbing it. You'd think. I'd th you th know how much money Southport Form B petrol stations take into... There's a lot of footballers around there with everyone. Those big guzzling Range Rovers. Exactly. The police are everywhere. The people on the forecourt filling up their cars all had a look of panic on their faces. My auntie was in complete shock. I suddenly realized what I'd done. I'd pressed the panic button, not once, but

several times in quick succession, caused a massive police response. I decided to hide in the stock room until the police left. Oh no. My auntie never asked me if I pressed the button. It was only years later a family get-together that I came clean to her. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I, their. their. their. their, their. their. their, their. I, their. I, their. I, their. I, t. tape, their, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, t I came clean to her. She told me that she knew it was me all along, but was waiting for me to own up. Oh. She also said that the petrol station company got a very large fine for wasting police time, and she got serious warning. Oh, Auntie Marion. Stop taking children to work. Well, exactly. No, I... She couldn't, she couldn't say it was him. Who would have thought allowing a child in a petrol station running around cleaning it that they might press a button? All I'm saying is Auntie Marion, you know, you took a risk

and it didn't fully pay off. Exactly. Exactly. Sounds like a nice lady though, Auntie Marion. If she works. She does. Why don't we do this? I'll open a present. Open a present. Last present. Then we'll do the small business shout out. Yes, mate. Let's do that. What is this? It is for Louise. These are presents that my wife hasn't sent since 2018 to our relatives that have been sitting... Oh dear Rob. What is it? More out-of-date chocolate? More out- out of date chocolate. More out of date chocolate?

More out of date chocolate. Oh my god it looks terrible. Used by day. 28th of April 2016. Oh my god they're getting older. What is going on? I'm going to send your photo that now. Yes please. That looks absolutely awful. Should I try one? You've sat like a YouTube that's run out of ideas. Yeah, let's do the haunted house and then I'll do a fake fight. There is. Oh yeah, I've got it. Oh, they look like a bag of shit. They look a poor. They look like a dog shit in a bag. Your, Rose is so lucky you didn't send it.

Yeah, well that could have arrived in someone's house. It's fine. Oh, Merry Christmas! Do you know what, next week, Rob, that is five years out of date? That is, what was right? Where did Rose find it? We need to, I'm gonna get to the bottom of that? Okay, right, we saw that out. Rob, now, we're trying to give some shout-outs to small businesses, Rob. Yeah, well I've got one, it's two young and up-coming comedians that have got books out. Oh yeah! I'll start. You start.

Hi guys, please give my wife Jill's a shoutout. She's very hard-working nurse on the neonatal intensive care unit at Milton Keene's Hospital. Oh, Costa Woban. Exactly. Fancy rubbing a banana on your roof after a shift? Thank me later. That genuinely, Rob, sounds like something that you'd end up home defense in a sexual harassment case.

Sounds like a kinky dog in there. He wants three men in there. He's just rubbed banana on his roof. That's a sign. That's a sign for it. Sorry, Josh. Do you want to know the ultimate gear change that we've ever had? I'd say it's that banana riff into this next sentence. Oh God, sorry. Okay. She's very hard working to us in the Neonatial Intensive Care Unit and Milton Keen's Hospital. I'll just think so many so many so many the the the the the the the the the the the neonatal intensive care unit and Milton Keynes Hospital. After seeing so many parents despondent are the limited choice of clothes available for their premature baby. Seeing babies often in clothes that are too big or not suitable for babies connected to monitors or tubes, she's decided to do something about it. She's decided to do something about it. From in banana on the roof. Apologies to everyone. We didn't know. She's basically basically, she, she, she's, she's, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi to thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi thi, so thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, after thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, after thi, after thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi thi thi th roof. Apologies to everyone. Sorry. We didn't know. She's basically

a nurse in a neonatal intensive care that is designing sort of small and adaptable clothing for children that are in intensive care. I mean, Jesus Christ, why did I do the banana? Three men in a car, fucking someone senseless because he's rubbed banana on his roof. Let's hear about what normal nice people do. Do you know what Rob? How is that her job and this is mine? If people want to show a distaste for your behavior they should go on WWW dot little hyphenmouse.co. tok because she's sourced premature baby clothes from across the world had some designed and manufactured herself by a small British factory. So that is WWW dot little hyphen mouse.co.uk.

Little mouse has clothes and gifts for babies as small as one and a half pounds in weight. Oh, what a woman. Oh, because you know what, that is good because I've had friends have had premature babies, and it's a bit awkward because you've normally buy the president in advance and you don't to give someone outfit outfit that won't fit them and say this will be when they're bigger so it's nice to be able to get them something that they can put them in early doors and do you know Tyson Fury was premature? Was he? He weighed a pound. No. Six foot nine heavyweight champion of the world now. And they- Wow. I know it's mad isn't that. But the the the the th. But th. But th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're th. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. th. th. th. th. they're they're they're but Little Mouse went around then, so he was probably nicked for ages. But that's great, what a great- Go to Little, hyphen mouse.co.

tho-K. I've got such banana-roof-refroo-gre. I think it's all right, Rob, do you know what, other podcasts, all over my genitalia and undone my window and flashed it at the monkeys. Is that okay? Do you have a small business? I do have a very small business covered in banana. Okay, hi guys, a long time listening to first time emailing. I had to get in touch to mention my business in the hopes you'll give me a much needed shout out. I'm an illustrator artist an all-round maker, a mum of a wild two-year-old boy. My boy. My boyulk Face and I can be found on Instagram at Dulk Face Creates. I create colorful and quirky art, make enamel pins, t-shirt stationary and all sorts. Anything I can put an illustration on. I do. I struggle through lockdown trying to work on my

business while looking after a little boy as my husband is training to be a nurse. He decided to completely change his profession last year as he. As to to to to to to to to be a nurse. He decided to completely change his profession last year as he wanted to help the NHS and do so really important to help people. Amazing. Is he making little clothes though? No he's not, so he needs to push more, okay? Being a nurse is not enough anymore. That's right, Josh, isn't it? No, that's very good. Congratulations. And that's very, it's great. It's great that he's becoming a nurse, but it's great. It's great. It's a nice. It's great. It's a nice. It's a nice. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no. No, no. No, th. No, th. th. th. th. th. he. he. he. he. he. He's, he's he. He's he's he's he. he. he. th. th. th. th. th. of the eight nights working and just trying to work my products and make some sales whilst looking off my child has been really hard. Any help would be amazing. We love the podcast and say thank you for making me laugh through some bleak and lonely times. Well Jem, Gemma, here's your shout out at Dalkface Creative. Have a look 17,000 followers you're doing stuff like that in their rooms and things. But yeah, Dork Face Creates and Little Mouse are our business shoutouts this week. Good luck.

Good luck. Thank you to everyone for listening. Genuinely Rob, this has been superb for my mood. Do you know what I've done? I've rub banana on on your roof. You've rubbed banana on my bunny roof. Someone's who's rubbed banana on his roof? That should be the new saying. You know, when someone's like, you go, who's rubbed banana on his roof? You know what's going to happen, Rob? I'm going to be walking to nursery after this with a springing of my step, and then I didn't know I was releasing that's

been leaked the times. And it was written in like 2001. It's like things that aren't, that were okay then but not okay now. Anyway, well good luck with your hypothetical book. Clause next week, Josh. Cheers and congratulations on your book. Do go out and pre-order it people. It is called something about class saying. What is it? It's called a class act and it's a human slough on the cover. There will be a proper cover there. Don't worry about that. Right, speak to here on Friday. Bye.