Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S02 EP29: Elis James (The Return)

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S02 EP29: Elis James (The Return) He's back!! For a very speical 100th episode of Lockdown Parenting Hell we welcome back our first return guest to discuss even more highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond - it's the brilliant comedian and writer, actor and all round parenting and podcasting legend - Mr Elis James.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello you are listening to lockdown parent in hell with Rob Beck Beckett and Josh Widdickham episode 100. What is lockdown parent in hell?

What I've realized Rob is the only joy in my life are the WhatsApp groups in which I talk to other dads about how awful the existence of lockdown the children is and it was, it's twofold is a laughing at their existence and be laughing at how much we hate the existence of lockdown the children is. And it was, it's twofold, is a, laughing at their existence and b, laughing about how much we hate our friends like who's they walked into town for something to do, like a fucking wank. So I, I was pondering this and I thought there's a no risk and possibly very popular podcast you could do. Where you to do, say it was me and you, it'd be called something like the two worst dads in lockdown, maybe a question mark. And you're basically, you talk about your experiences in the first ten minutes, then you've

had correspondence from people who are sending in their awful parenting that they've done, the things that have made them feel most guilty I reckon I watched 20 Cairn ducks today my screen time last week on my phone was eight hours a day this fucking pathetic and then the second after the podcast would be an interview with someone else for instance John Richardson Romash Ellis and Izzy as one one together, whatever, and it would be a very funny, very self-depreciating podcast in which you talk about how bad you're doing at parenting in lockdown and it would give us something to do in the lockdown. I will await your thoughts, but no pressure either way.

It's just something I was pondering today. I don't fancy it to be any Josh. I don't think people will listen. Look at that. I mean the problem now is if there's any sort of like ownership issues of this podcast it feels like you really did a lot of the legwork early doors with that message. Well I had some good ideas like I think I'm one of the first people that had the idea to book to b to b to book to book to book to book to book to book to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the idea to to to to to the to to the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th thea. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. to theat. the the the the the the the the the had some good ideas like I think I'm one of the first people that had the idea to book Romesh for something. Yeah I mean yeah you're a visionary Romesh for a show. That's amazing that was sent you sent that to me 202019th of April. Do you remember the first guest Rob for two points? Catherine Ryan yes 28th of April. What a turnaround! What a turnaround that was!. that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that the that that that the that that the that that that that the that that that the that the the that that the that that the the the that that that the the the the th that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the th th th th th th that that th th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoo thoooo tho tho tho tho thoo tho tha tha tha tha tha th Ryan. Yes. 28th of April. What a turnaround! What a turnaround that was!

Anyway, welcome Josh to the podcast that we invented together. A hundred episodes. I am, yeah, but I very much enjoyed it though, but this, for me, I don't feel comfortable with this, I found it very self-flagellating talking about stuff. I thought, you know when they do them like, oh, it's been 100 episodes. I just sort of, I don't know how to talk about about feeling too self-involved, but I'm very much aware that I've got a podcast exclusively talking about me in my life.

Yes, but it's not your life, it's not your achievements. No, it's not your achievements. It's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's not your achievements, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not your achievements, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not my achievement. I know I would say is this an achievement? Well, not really. No, it's not. It's not. Exactly. The quality is yet. It's not an achievement. Hundreds, hundred, in it. It's a quality that counts. Um, so but anyway, well done. That's not bad in a year. We'll take that. No. And we've got Ellis James on who was possibly one of our defining early early episodes who is having a particularly bad lockdown. Yes and he's in a better place now. He's in a better place now. We're all in a better place. He passed away. We've done this from the Grove. Yeah we've done it via Weaegi Board. It's not a great listen. We should say if you didn't hear Tuesdays episode, then what the hell are you doing with your life? But we will be trying to get back favourite guests we've had to get updates

on what they've been up to parenting changes every year. Yes. Well we've got Daisy May Cooper we want to try and get back on because she's literally had another child since yes she spoke that would be a good one maybe when that she's promoting her book. Ellie Taylor has moved out of London Rob. Oh wow. Big change. He's moved to the countryside. With her children? No. Any change marriage has fallen apart. Let's see how it, no, she hasn't, it's all good. It's all good. But various people we will catch up with, I do tweet us and go below the Instagram to let us know which guests you'd love to have back on. I've got to ask you a question before we crack into, Ellis. You sure daughter into dinosaurs? Not really? No. Well. Well. Wow. Wow. Well. Well. Well. Wow. Wow. Wow. Well. Well. Wow. Well? Wow. Well? Wow. Well? Wow. Well? Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow? Wow. Wow? Wow. It's the their? Wow. It's their their their their their their their marriage. It's a their their marriage. It's a their marriage. It's their marriage. It's their marriage. It's their marriage. It's is is is their marriage. It's is their their their their their their their is is is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is a their is a marriage. It's is a marriage. It's is a marriage. It's is a marriage. It's is a marriage. It've got to ask you a question before we crack into Ellis, is your daughter into dinosaurs? Um, not really.

Because my daughter's obsessive of him and I am absolutely shocked about the amount of dinosaur names she knows correctly. Really? And I don't know if it's, we should speak to Andy about this because he does all dinosaur adventures, but like I still get tripped up by the P in dinosaur names. Yeah. Terodactyl is not Pterodactyl. Yeah, Pterodactyl is silent P in it with the dinosaurs. And Terosaurs and then Diplodocus is all sorts of like.

And I just really into dinosaurs. Yeah, and she'll know all the names. And I just don't understand how they know them. Rob. You've got an intelligent wife who's passed on her jeans. No, but like no, but these other words they can't do, they can't, they'll get like there and then wrong, but yeah, you can smack out terrasaur, no trouble. But this is the thing, right? If you're interested in something, you'll just learn about it. Yeah. Straight away and if you're not interested, it's throwne th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, their they're not they're not they're not they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not, they're not, they're not, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thr- thr- thr-------------------------n't their their thro' thr--n't thi. thi. thto retain that information. Like, I learned so much as a kid about football, not by trying to do it, but man, I couldn't have been less interested in chemistry. Yeah, like, I can say, like, I've got quite a geography from knowing about football clubs around Europe.

That's where my geography comes from, and pronunciation of certain names I know like a much better with any footballer's names and boxer's names than I'm with other things just because I care about it. Exactly, exactly. You know you shouldn't be able to pronounce Gabriel Silassi. It's as easy as I did the other week just off the top of my head compared to other things I don't know you know like my minute. I didn't know that was spelled Munite. But you don't need to Rob because you're too busy learning how to pronounce Frank Runo. I'm too busy getting furious with my children that when they're hungry and tired turned

into little pricks that's what I can't deal with and they come home from school fuming. Did your daughter eat dinner at school? Yes she does. Right so if they come home and they're hungry and they've not had their snack or they didn't like their school lunch or whatever, about half-free, they just turn into, I've had to start just boiling eggs and just giving them boiled eggs just to keep them going. Yeah, I think that's all right and leave them in the fridge. Oh, very shrewd. Very shrewd.

Yeah, so I've been boiling eggs. I've been boiling eggs in the morning and dishing them out about four o'clock before dinner. Lovely, Rob. My daughter wakes up hungry and annoyed that she's hungry, but what can you do about that? Give her breakfast? Well, yeah, obviously. But, yeah, and they's, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. to, to, to, they. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's. the to to tooom. tooom. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. tooan. tooankk. tooan. tooome. tooan. t-. tooome. tooome. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooombs. they eat. Yeah, that is difficult. Because occasionally I think what I'd be really good is what I need to do is wake up slightly before her. That is never going to happen ever.

But I read that Jerry Seinfeld said that he wakes up before his kids and meditates and then goes downstairs with him. I'm like, times is fucking up. If I woke up, like a five to meditate, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, th. A minute, to meditate, I, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, I, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, to meditate, thu and I'm, thu. thi, thi, thi, thi, and I'm, and then, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. to, to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, and then, th. to to to to thi. thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. ti. thea. thea. thea. thea. toooooooo. too. too. too. too. to half five to meditate for 20 minutes, I would immediately fall back to sleep. There's no way you can meditate that early in the morning without just going straight to sleep. Of course you would. It's difficult enough to stay awake meditating at the best of time. Let alone, waking just when you've woken up extra early ahead of your kids.

It's mental. It's insane, but yeah, some people do it. I think it's just when their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, if thi, if thi, if I thiolomea, if I'm just, to get, if I'll, if I'm, if I'm, if I'm, if I'll, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho. I'm, thooomoomoomorrow, thoooomooomorrow, thoooooooooooooooooooooomoomorrow, some people do it. Some kids, I think it's just when your kids get older and they sleep in more. Because I think once I get to about eight or ten, they will just sleep in. Do I mean, if you let them go to bed later. I hope, I imagine. Don't, don't tempt. Josh Rodeon. Josh, Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.um. I was a bit salty last Friday when I was out drinking. Oh, but that's the alcohol. Who are you salty with? Well, basically, right? So I don't know about you, but when anyone says hello or something, they recognize you from tell and podcast, whatever, I'm all very nice and polite and if someone's rude to me sober, I'm like, okay, yeah, they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to be to be thi. to be thi. I'm to be th. I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm toe. S. I'm toe. S. I'm toe. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm theto me when I'm sober I'm like okay yeah whatever I sort of just ignore it or just move on but when I'm pissed I go in and I don't go in like aggressive or rude I just sort of like a treat them like a

heckler in a comedy club and it's it's too brutal when you're opposite someone so what happened I'm off me right? I'm pissed up outside in Old Compton Street. Yeah. And we sat down. What time is it? 9, 30, 10? My mate's gone to the bar and it's still a pandemic, in it. So you're supposed to pre-reserve seat and sit in your seat. And anyway, also as well, when I'm a bit pissed me, the working class chip on the shoulder pops out, say hello. Sat there. And th this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I's thi, I'm thi, I'm th, I's th, I's th, I's thoom? I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. theeea. thea''ea'ea'er, thea'er, thioliolou'er, thi. pops out, say hello. Sat there, and then this girl came and sat down. She's probably about 22 very raw. You know like, raw, where's my backy? You know that?

That trend on tick tock? Where they say how private score, posh you are. She's very confident and posh. you know that she's a thoe. thooooo, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, tho, thu, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi, thi, thi, thi. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th you know that she's absolutely minted. One of those sort of, and she sat down and was like, are you like, are you some sort of comedian, you are like, so like, you like, my friend said you're like a comedian, but are you like, are you like, are you like, are you like, are you like, are you? And I was like, she obviously, I'm not saying she knows who I am right. And like at no point when doing this podcast and I thought have I mistakenly done this with Jack Wile. Yeah and then also I'm like I'm not you know and she may have no idea I am that's fine but it's quite rude to go someone and go I don't know who you are. Yeah. When I got the train I'm from London. There's plenty. When I got. When I got. When I got the train. When I got the train. When I got the train. the train. the the the the the the train. train. train. train. train. train. the train. train. to the train. to the train. train. train. to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the train. I'm train. I'm train. I'm train. I'm train. I'm train. I'm. I'm train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. I'm. I'm. I'm. train I didn't know where they are. I didn't go to every one of them and go, who are you? You weren't walking long old Compton Street going, hey guys, it's me. Oh yeah, I was having a drink and she's come out and over to my table right? Anyway, and so she, and she was doing that, like being a bit rude or whatever and I was like, oh I'm a comedian, yeah, but what, the, that, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I, I, I'm, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. the, th. the, th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th of got the ump, and then this is where I went a bit salty. And I said, I just said, let's not worry about who I am anymore.

Who are you? Because I know who you are. You're a posh little private school girl that's had everything handed to her. And you're swan around London because you've got loads of money. Not giving a fuck. Walking over to people's a seat, because you've never been told in your life, giving it the last one in front of your mates, because you've had everything you're wanted and had a life apprintage, now you're giving me shit, that's who you are. Oh, my word.

That is amazing. It was, but it was awful. And then, she went, well, at least we know what I'm going to be opposite, I went, I'm to, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and I'm, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, to, to, to, oh, to, to, oh, to, to, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, oh, oh, to, to, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to........ Oh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. that, th. that, that, that, that, th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, oh, I couldn't even watch that. Oh my God. So, what I'd like to do is I went in too hard and too harsh. I apologize to that girl. She wasn't on her best behavior, but I wasn't either. And you shouldn't go down to that level. So do you want to know, Rob? Do you want to know what a name is? Oh no, she'd to thi, th th of it from this email. No, I'm joking, of course.

Oh God. No, yeah, oh, but yeah, so I apologize. I was drunk and I, and I, it was embarrassing behavior really, but I just got the ummuth. We've all said things. I normally, I'm quite good at just sort of ignoring it and stuff if someone's I because he was doing it to one me up but yeah a preemptive sort of pollag I mean it should I admit that I said that Josh or I think that's fine I think I think you are but I know I was in the wrong I was being a bit out of order. I also I think you are provoked I think it is an odd decision for someone to come. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to try. I. I. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I'm. I'm th. I'm the the the the the the to you to tell you that they don't know who you are. Yeah and sat down on my table in a pandy d. That's not allowed you're not allowed to have tables and share sable. Do you know what?

Do you what? That's against the guidelines? Exactly. So really you were saving lives by getting her to leave. What's the line? Space, save lives. Try to absolutely rip apart the foundations of a person's upbringing. For no other reason, then you've had 10 pints and six cocktails, and she was probably nice enough. I would love to know what anecdote she's currently dining out on, based on that experience. You met Rob Beckett once that year. Jack Whitehall's name is mud around the year. I love it if she actually just thinks I'm Jack Whiteall. She's gone home, she's googled Jack Whittle.

He went to bloody public school and he's throwing around the night. He's a right one to talk. He went to Switzerland to Marlborough College. Do you know what though? He sure looks better in photographs. Yeah, he looked rough that night. He had. He was so pissed he went blonde. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions of Live. to theirx. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year.

If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Right now our guest, Ellis James, who is Lockdown Parenting Hell Royalty. Yes, I think in the first run of the lockdown one, he had it, it argued, had one of the worst hands dealt to him where he had two young children and his wife, Izzy, was writing a book and she had a bad back so he had to do a lot more of the literal heavy list in.

He was waking up at, was it 5 a.m. every day? Yes. And then they had no garden and he was just sat on a ledge and he was just sat on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge on a ledge and a the ledge and a the ledge and a the ledge and a the ledge and a the ledge and a the ledge and he was just sat on a the ledge and he was just sat on a the ledge and he was just sat on a He got the text from the government saying that he couldn't go outside as well. Yes, he had to shield. He had to shield. It was hilariously bad. But it's a bit better for him now and he's back on in episode 100. So enjoy Ellis James.

Ellis James, you're back. Hello. The first ever returning guest. Oh what a compliment that is. It really is. Is it a compliment to your parenting? Is it a compliment to how bad the situation you're in the first time was? Do you know what, I think it's a compliment to the fact that of all of the different comedic mediums I've tried? I've really flourished when it comes to podcasting. Yeah sure I did stand-up for 15 years yeah I've acted in sitcoms yeah I've done radio shows but podcasting I think I'm a bit like I'm a bit like

John Lennon or Paul McCartney when it comes to podcasting. I took I took a nacent medium and I really run with it and I'm I'm probably the best one. Yeah, and the weird thing is you actually look funnier than your sound. You would assume it would be the other way around. I think though maybe Ellis that you were considered the person that had had it hardest on this podcast and you almost became like an urban sort of folk legend of the podcast until we had th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the to thenn'''n'n'n'n'n'n'n' the the the the the the the person that had had it hardest on this podcast and you almost became like an urban sort of folk legend of the podcast until we had you on and then it was confirmed that you did have it quite bad the first time around so I think we're intrigued to know how I've just listened to your podcast oh yeah you're getting up at 10 to 5

yeah yeah no there every morning I think that my son has re-listened to to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the tod today today to to to toge the the the the the the the the the the the the the think that my son has re-listened to that podcast because how is it? Probably a month after we recorded that it all clicked and he started waking up at 7 a.m. And I could honestly tell you it was like being on overnight. Pretty much yeah it was like being on a holiday. We had a very strange couple of days where he was waking up, must have been doing the school holidays or something because Betty's a late riser, my daughter, our daughter so we don't set alarms because he was our alarm, Stefan, my now two-year-old son and then there were a couple of weird days where Betty wasn't at school so he must have not been setting alarm must have been the weekend where he was

waking up like at half-a-sate and then at nine o'clock and then at one one day he woke up at half past nine to extent that we went in and we went in and checked on him yeah I thought wow this is this is amazing and then he settled down at about 7 a.m that's ideal for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the. th. the th. th. th. th. th. That's ideal for me, no problem at all. Wow. And did you do anything? Well over the last week. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Basically, I texted me five, six days ago. So you fancy coming on lockdown parenting hell again as a returning. I said, yeah, no problem. And he wake up at 6.30. And then at 6.30 I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, th.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00, th.00, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, come, come, th.00.00. And, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come. So, come. So, come. So, come. So, come. So, come. So, come.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00. And, to. And, to. So, to. So, to. So, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Come, come. the. Come, come. Come, come. Come, come. Come, come. Come, I thought yeah I can handle that, and then it was 640, then at 630, I said, oh this isn't great isn't it? He's shaving off 10 minutes every morning, then it was 620. This morning was 558. I thought you fucking bastard. Now I think what's happened is we are recording this in late March and I think what's happened is it's it's the light. It's now light in the morning. It's now light at about 6 a.m. When I go into his room even though there's a blackout blind that is treated with a reverence that you would usually reserve for the Turin shroud.d. I mean, no wonder the blitz was so bad, because if it constitutes a blackout blind now

with all the technology, what the fuck was going on then? Just you know what wrong? Just you know how long we can add it more. That is such a cockney observation. 50 years before you were born. You can't stop going on about the blitz. You don't know how hard we could it it it it it it it it was, it was, it was, it, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the the the th, with, with, because, because, because, because, with, with th, because, because, with, because, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the the the the thi. the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th't stop going on about the blitz. You don't know how hard we... I can have it more.

Every night it was, fucking every night. I mean they completed Coventry in Liverpool, don't they, in Plymouth and Swansea, I mean the East State of London where I grew up. They were in there by accident, they were aiming for us. That piece of my floor green. And it was completely flitting by the bloody Germans. Anyway, so I, so I think it's the light, I think the light is creeping in. So last night I took such care over this blackout blind but it's still creeping in on the sides

and then there's a blind and then there's the curtains, the curtains are white, I don't know why we bothered with those curtains. White curtain. So yeah, but, you know, it's a white with a picture of a, I don't know, of, um, fucking unicorn of? Yeah, what's the multi-colored elephant called? It's because Elmer? Yeah, it's like a, like Elma curtains or something, I don't know. It's a complete bullshit. But, um, so yeah, so I am worried. I think it's because the summer's on the way, but obviously the clocks go back on Saturday nights,

so 6 a.m. will become 5 a.m. I mean, 7 a.m. We had 6. I really thought this was it. We had any, eight months of that. And did anything, had you done anything? We did do sleep training. But is that what did it? We did sleep training the first time and then he got ill. He had a really bad cold.

This is pre-lockdown. And then because we had to go in and cut limb and give milk and stuff, because he had this really common cold does give memory loss. Because I face in learn Pythagoras at a cold and I couldn't say anything about angles now. I forgot how to write. I live in a big circle. It's like the roundhouse by ours. I couldn't handle it. And then what happened? The second time it really clicked and then he was sleeping through the night but he was. the, he was sleeping, he was sleeping, he was sleeping, he was sleeping, he was sleeping, he was sleeping, he was, he was, he was, he was an early riser and then his rising just became later and later and then it was settled down at about between seven and quarter past seven great but I think what's happened is now because he's two he was two in January so he was

three months ago I think we're now entering the zone of maybe dropping his afternoon nap because he still has quite a substantial afternoon nap which is also a ball lake in itself because that's when I tend to do a lot of stuff when he's asleep. Because he's a very... How long is he having a nap for? How long is he's nap for? Oh, I thought he said, what's he having a nap for? You are lazy.

You are lazy, bastard. I thought you phrased a question in a really weird way. What's she having an app for her? Your baby's a bit tired, don't he? Yeah, come on. Don't me a favour. What's he drinking all that milk for? What's he drinking all that. their milk for her?

He's winging it, but it's finally been a trained. He's sort of based but it's finally been exprunged. He's all based on his very fuzzy memories of his own childhood. How long's than that? Oh but an hour and a half. Yeah it's chunky in it. Which is chunky so I'm I'm beginning to think that might be the problem, which is a problem in itself because, you know, especially the weekend, that's when you do a lot of stuff. And when he wasn't going to the childminder during the, you know, during the third lockdown, the sort of January to March 1, that little nap was invaluable. But obviously he's too now, so maybe if we drop that, his sleep might settle down. Oh it's that's the classic thing isn't it the attempting to kind of reason

with the sleep of a child. Yeah. Well what happened then was and are you still doing mornings and is he because Izzy's back okay now? Because that was a problem before she had a bad back so you had to do a lot more of the child care? Yeah well what happened then was uh... is he's the the the the the the the the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is is he is he is he is th. Is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he. Is th. Is th. is th. is th. is. is th. is th. is th. is th. is th. is th. is th. is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He. He's. He's. He's t. It's t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t more of the child care. Yeah, well what happened then was, Izzy's writing a novel which is getting published in July. It's a very, very stressful process writing a novel. So I continue to do the mornings because honest to God, we'd be in bed and it'd be like one in the morning. And she'd be like, there are too many commas on page six.

So it completely ruined her sleep. So she'd be like, we'd be asleep. I'd have been asleep for about, I don't know, an hour and a half or whatever. So it ruined her sleep. The stress is writing this novel. So I then said, well, I'll do the mornings for that reason and because he was waking up a 7 it was it was it was fine but now we it's it's getting earlier and earlier I think possibly because of sunlight waking him up also he's so enthusiastic like um god I win in this morning at 10 plus six so enthusiastic he was jumping up and down with the bed he's getting more and more enthusiastic every morning by 10 God I went in this morning at Temple 6. He was jumping up and down on the bed.

He's getting more and more enthusiastic every morning by 10 minutes, isn't it? What's he enthusiastic for? Well, the thing that used to do, which was, I mean, they're so different, my two kids. So Betty used to, she would often laugh herself awake, which was an amazing way to wake up. But he used to wake up, and it was like like the like thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, this thi, this this thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, this this this this this this thus. this thus, thus. thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus up. But he used to wake up and it was like he'd been dipped in boiling water. It was absolutely mental. You know, he was so upset straight, straight away. But now he's like, yes, life! So I go in there and I'm like, oh, okay, well, you're not going to go back to sleep,

are you because, you know, you're jumping down on the bed and having a fantastic time. The other thing that made him sleep for longer was when we moved him into his own room, interestingly. I thought that was gonna be a big problem. Well, yeah, when someone's screaming in the night about semicolons, it's hard to get a bit of shut. Yeah, it's not ideal, is it? But when we moved him and the reason we had to sleep moving out with his cot was I mean Betty I we didn't realize how

lucky we had it really. She would as a sort of two-year-old sit on the sofa and idly flick through a magazine like an old lady at the dentist. Whereas what he likes doing is climbing so he will drag stools across the kitchen floor then he'll climb up the stool then he'll get on the table and then he'll put toys in the microwave. All in the time has taken me to bend over and charge my phone. That age is wrong when they're not they're confident but they will just fall and smack their head. They're not they're not not not not not not not not not not not their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their the. the. the. the. tea. too. teaugheateate. te.a. tea. tea. tooe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. they will just fall and smack their head. They're not, they're not got the ability. It's nuts.

There's nothing he won't climb on. And he will, yeah, I've seen him flip over the side of the sofa. You know that mad climbing, is it park or? Where they do it like on buildings in sort of Paris city center. That's what he's going to be doing, I, I their, I. their, their, their, thiiiiiiiiiole, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thiole, thi. I. I's, thiole, thi. I's, thioliol-Ioomomomatol-Ioomathea, thoomathea, thiolome. thiolome, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. I, thi. I, thi. I's, thi. I's not, thi. I's not, thi. I's not, thi. thi. thi. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's what he's going to be doing I think when he's older because he's completely fearless. But I mean no disrespect to you or Izzy, but where the fucks he got that from? Oh, I mean, Izzy's definitely the mother because about who the father is. No, but you can get, you can be very enthusiastic, Ellis. Not at that time of the morning.

Were you a climber as a kid? No, no, this, I mean, the reason we had to move him into his own bedroom was because he woke up... Oh, this was... I mean mean I can't even remember why this had happened, but at one stage he was in the court in our room, we were in the spare room, and then Betty was in what is now his room. I don't even know how this came about. But anyway, so I, he'd got the master bedroom. He had the master bedroom, yeah. All set up as he wanted, he had a big screen. Barney and Fry him. So I heard him cry and I thought, okay, he's up now so I looked at my

watch and I thought, okay, 558 to whatever. And then I went into his bed, into our bedroom, and he was on the floor. And I thought, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. his bed into our bedroom and he was on the floor and I thought and I I mean God I panicked I was like how how was he done this? So I put him back in the cot to see how he was doing it and he was lifting himself up and then he'd flip his legs over and then out and he was escaping that way how old was he? Oh he wasn't even too at this stage he was but like 18 months or something. Yeah. Is he got loads of like brown fur all over him? Climbs up you with his feet? He's like Spider-Man. It's unbelievable their fearlessness, kids like that, and it's mad. There are these two little shelves that are sort of arm's length apart for him in the kitchen and often he just lifts himself up and kind of swings there but the strange

thing with him is that he's very slow to speak so Betty didn't walk for ages and ages and ages but was very quick at talking and you could have a conversation with her when she was two I watched back videos over the other day when she was his age and she's having a conversation whereas he started walking very quickly and is very of them when she was two. I watched back videos over the other day when she was his age and she's having a conversation where he started walking very quickly and is very physical and like climbing especially and runs everywhere, but he hasn't got an enormous vocabulary. Have you raised a jock? Oh! We've had a captain of a football team! Well, his child mind used to be a hairdresser and obviously no hairdresser's

are open because of lockdown. So as he was cutting his fringe but she said I'll cut his hair for him and she's like a, you know, she's given him a very South London hair cut. She got the clippers out, he's only two. He looks like someone who would have bullied Rob at school. He's got a fade and he's climbing and doing push-ups. Yeah, with a sort of a side party like Scott Parker, they're full of manager. You can take a baby to a South London barber's and they'll make him look 25 with one air cut and a bit of gel. It's remarkable. I know it's such a South London thing as well. South Londoners are obsessed with making their babies look older. They've got like loafers on

and a Ralph's own polo shirt and skinny jeans. It's free. Just let him wear like you know gruaries for a bit. Yes, the Ralph's own polioe thrown the Euro 2000 2000 and they're gonna start throw in sort of plastic chairs of foreign police. No but it's like a barbecue so you go to South and a barbecue they'll all the children we dressed in the same clothes as their moms and dads yeah so funny what's he wearing Alice is he into football then because you're big into football he is obsessed with football to the extent that you could you could get rid of 100% of his toy th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th football to the extent that you could get rid of 100% of his toys. As long as he had one ball, he'd be happy. It's the only thing you want to do. And he can catch and he can throw and you can play catch with him.

Alice, how happy are you? Well, do you know what? I am glad actually because, like I don't like rugby right my, so my dad went to the school where all of the great Welsh outside halves went to, Max Boyce ruled the song, The Fly Half Factory. That's basically but my dad's old school. And I don't like the most old thing I've ever heard. I know, and I don't understand any of it. So the glamour position in rugby is the outside half of the fly half. Which. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I. And I th. And I th. And I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. Like th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't like th. I don't like th. I don't like th. I th. I th. I th. I the the th. I the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I the. the. I th. I th. I th. any of it. So the glamour position in rugby is the outside half of the fly half. Which ones fly half then? Number 10. Is that Johnny Wilkins?

The outside heart? Yeah. And oddly, all of these flare players all grew up pretty much in the same valley and all went to the same school, which was my dad's school. It's just this odd strange hot bed of talent in the same way that... Like the Jamaican sprinters? Yeah, and the same way that when Celtic won the European Cup they were all born within 30 miles of the ground, most of them within five miles of ground. It's a bit like that. And that's a school my dad went to so he's rugby obsessed and I just don't like it. And I think he always thought that certainly when I was an adult we'd go to the pub together and go to games together all that kind of thing. That sort of didn't really happen because it's a

sport I don't particularly like in easing like football. So the fact that he's so obsessed with football has made me think oh great if he if he if he maintains this and obviously if he falls out of love with it or loses interest when he's older that's fine and I will encourage whatever is to he is he is the he is to the the to their their their their th. th. their their the the th. thi thi. the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be together. I's thi. I's thi. I is is is is is thi. is is thi. is is is is thi. is is is th. is is th. is th. is the th. is. is thi. I's thi. I's the the the the t. I's t. I's t. I's t. I's te. I's te. I's tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I's tea. I's not. I's not. I's tea. older, that's fine and I will encourage whatever is he wants to do. But at the moment, it is looking good for a season ticket. Yeah, cut to you watching him on the half pipe before he does a bit of park or and he doesn't have been fucking anymore. Well this is the awkward thing because we live a stone's throw from from Sellers Park from Crystal Palace. Yeah. He's definitely going to be a Palace fan. And he's already got the haircut. He's already got the haircut, yeah. So I don't, I mean I'd like him to follow the swans. It's a good crop to support though, Palace. I like Palace fans because Palace aren't successful, so Palace fans have a kind of quite a realistic approach to what football can be like and how good football can be,

which I think is quite nice actually. Do he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th th th. Do th th. Do th. Do you th is th is thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thus thus th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi is thi is thee. I thea. I thea. I thea' tttttttttttttttttttea. I the. I th, which I think is quite nice actually. Do you think he could be a football around this? If you, and by that, I mean, have you in your mind played out that scenario? I've tell you the scenario I've played out several times. He is eligible for Wales, England and Scotland? Have you checked? Because his father, where his father was Scottish. So the old grandparent rule. And the idea of at say under 16's level, England's are interested and Wales are interested, and he's then his Ralph Lorenz polo shirt and his side parting and fade and he's like, that's I just don't feel Welsh. I'm like, that's fine. You do what you want to do. Obviously you'd rather him play for Wales, but if he was a top-top-level, would you,

if he was, like, say he was top-level player, that Harry Kane, would you want him to play for England where he may have more of a chance to play more tournaments or stick to Wales because of your roots? What do you think Rob? I'd like him to do what Garraff Bale and Ryan gigs and Anne Rumsey did and play for his country, Wales. His country's England Alice. That's what I'm saying, his country's England, yeah, and he is English. Also on top of that, I know your great love is the Welsh football team, but your child's success. If he may never get to a major tournnouou tournament to to a to a to a to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play to play a to play a to play a to play a to play a to play to play to play a to play a to play a to play a good to play to play to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the too. the tou. the tour. the tour. the tou. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to to to to to to great love is the Welsh football team, but your child's success. If he may never get to a major tournament, if he's the only good player playing for Wales, would you want to see that? We qualified for 2016, who qualified for 2020. We came agonizingly close to qualifying for 2018. Rob, and then what happens when Bale retires? He could tip the balance. Yeah, but when Bale and Ramsey aren't there?

And if Bale carries on playing for another 20 years, they could play in the same side. Here's a question for you, Alice, and then we'll go back on to, we'll get away from football. He can either play for Crystal Palace in England or Cardiff and Wales. As a big Swansee fan, I'd say Cardiff and Wales? As a big Swansea fan that's got a hurt. I'd say I'd say Cardiff and Wales actually. He scores the winner in a Cardiff Swansea Derby and it means Cardiff Winner League. Yeah. I mean that's... and he does that thing where he goes to the Swansea fans and puts his finger over his mouth to say be quiet. And he kisses the badge because he's never known to hate Cardiff. Because he hates Brighton because he's a palace fan. He kisses the Cardiff badge.

They're kissing the badge thing. We'd have to have a discussion about Dad. What would you say? What would you say? Dad, I'm sorry, but I just got carried away and you know, I don't really care about Swansea because I grew up in London. Well that I could could the the the then then Well that I could cope with. It would be harder if he went I kissed the badge dad because I absolutely love the club and I hate the swans they're badly dressed, badly

run, scruffy. Do you like share any hobbies with your daughter? I'll be honest, I know you're into crafts, Ellis. Well, now then, before we enter this discussion, I'd like to defend myself a little bit before we start to talk about craft, I love drawing. Love to draw, I love colouring in, really good at colouring in between the lines. I think my colour choices, especially when you're allowed to express yourself a little bit. Great, crafts, what a waste of fucking time. And it's so messy, colored sand, beads.

Beeds, Jesus Christ, beads. Beeds. Beads, you've done aqua beads yet. Oh my God, it's so messy. It's so hard and they get rumbled. And they get wound up as well because it doesn't look like it does on the box. They're like little balls that you put into like a plastic tray and then if you put them all in the right places and the right colors it makes a scene or a person or a character,

but then you have to put water on them so they stick together but then they always want to play of them as soon as they've done it and then once it has dried they they break it immediately and cry and it looks nothing like the picture and it is about as the large handron collider it is I mean my god I was frustrated at the end of it and then what happens is you you think right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right th. th. th. th is th. th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi thi the thi the thi thi thi thi thi. the thi. the. I to thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to the. I'm to te. to to to te. try. the. the. the. the. I'm the. I the. I the. I end of it. And then what happens is you think, right, either I do it and it looks vaguely like it does on the box. And Betty goes on my phone. And then you've got to ask the question, who is this for? Or she does it.

And because she's six, it doesn't look like it does on the box. Then she gets upset. Drawing I like. Admittedly I would to to to to to say I would to say I would to say I would to say I would to say I would. I would th. I would th. I would th. I would say my skill set is occasionally limited. What are your go-to? This is a very, this is, even for Josh's other podcast, this would be niche. What's the sex fetish one? No, no. No, no. No, no. An artist called Archibald Leach, who designed football stands at the start of the 20th century. I think probably his most famous examples are Villa Parkhamvas and Villa and Iroc's home of Rangers and I am very good at drawing Archibald Leach-esque football stands.

So, my god, Betty will draw... God! Petty will draw... Sounds like the hobby of a widow. Just leave him to it. It's the only thing that brings him happiness. So Betty will draw, I don't know, someone from frozen, and I will draw an Archibald Leach main stand.

What does she think about that? She finds my interest of football quite, she finds it quite entertaining I think. So sometimes she says stuff like, I'm gonna treat you later because you've been a nice daddy today and I'll say oh yeah in what way she'll say you can watch a one minute of football. I'll go. oh, sounds great. Yeah, cheers. One minute. Do you get to watch football on a Sunday?

Because Josh doesn't get to watch much. No. No, not really because she finds it very boring. Izzy doesn't like it. And I watched a bit of the wheels game with Steph the other night actually and he was fascinated by it and every time they kicked the ball he'd say kick, kick, kick, kick. So I think probably in two years' time it would be 50-50 then in the house. I have the football on, no one likes the football in the house part for me but I just have it on

on a Sunday. That's just that's what happens on a the the the the the house part for me, but I just have it on on a Sunday, in the background, it's just that's what happens on a Sunday, I think that's just, we're not in the room with the TV, because we spend a lot of our time in the kitchen. Get a tell in the kitchen? Get a tell in the kitchen, Rob. Why are you not doing that? Because it's the kitchen. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the. the. the. the. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. We's thate. that. We's tho. We're tho. We're tho. We're the the the the tho. We's is. We's. We's. We's. We's. We's. We's. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We're. We're. We're ti. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. to. together. to. together. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the kitchen. Right because it would be too much fun. And your house looks too nice. Get a telly on the wall and fucking enjoy yourself, mate. You can shot your onions watching Super Sunday. Why do you not got it on? Nothing's happening apart from carnage in a house full of kids. You might as well have a bit of green in the corner on a tele. Anyway, that's my role. I don't, even we have people over. I have the football football. I have football. I have football. A football. A football. A football. A football. A football. A football. A. to. A. to. to. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t...............................'s my that's my role. I don't even we have people over I have

the football lot in the background just there's something to do with a bit of small talk just ticking over in the background but I understand you know if if you can't but I am pro kitchen telly. Does your daughter get jealous of your shared love of football with your son Ellis? No do you know what I'm gonna blow my own trumpet. Our greatest achievement, and I'm not quite sure how we've managed it, is that they get on very, very well. He absolutely worships her, so he's two, and she's six, and he will often make a beeline for her and he'll just sit on the sofa with his arm rammed her.

So I don't know how long this is going to carry on for for on for on for their on for their on for their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their g. their. their their. their. their their their. their. Our their. And their. And their. And I's their. And I's their. And I's their. And I's their. And I's. And I's. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, their. It's, their. It's their. It's their. It's their their te. It's te. It's te. It's te. It's their te. It's their their their their their. It on the sofa with his arm rammed her. Ah. So I don't know how long this is going to carry on for but no, there's this no real jealousy. The thing we do have is because there's a, you know, a slightly big gap in age four years, he often just ruins her day. So he will she will spend ages, you know, setting stuff up, you know, like she'll get her Lego cards or her yo-yo cards and she'll put them all up in a sort of, in some arrangement that means a lot to her. And it will spend her, and he'll spend ages on it. And she'll do this in my Lego and then he'll just smash it all up and it will take him 15 seconds to destroy something that's taken her half an hour. That probably will end, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, th, like, like, like, like, th, like, like, like, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th like th like thi, like th like th like thi, like thi, like, like, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, their th, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's, thi, thi's, thi's, thii's, thi. their, their, their, their, him 15 seconds to destroy something that's taken her half an hour. That probably will end I would imagine in the next year or so where you'll be able to reason with him a bit more because he's... Yeah they can play together then.

Yeah, speech isn't good enough to reason with him yet. So you can tell them not to do something but he won't understand why. How's she getting on at school going? How's how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is how is? How is? How is the school? How is the school? How is the school? How is the school? the school? the school? the school? the school? the school? the school is the school? How is, how is the school? How is th. the school? How is th. th. th. How is, how is, how is, how is, how is th. How is, how is th. How is th. How is their? is their? Is? Is? Is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their. their their th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the school going? Is she in the first year or reception? She is in year one and... Hang on, I'm just going to adjust my glasses. No, I was expecting that. What could be... What was happening with the glasses? What's wrong with the glasses? You know what? You know what? They need to adjust it? The headphones had moved them up onto an angle, so I looked a bit like you know, I was when Norman Wisdom's like being an explosion. She was just very irritating. She's in year one. So she was, she started year one in September. And then there was an outbreak of COVID in the school in December

so she missed pretty much all of December. When you said there was an outbreak of COVID, I thought you were you were really giving us a very, as if we hadn't been around, there was an outbreak of COVID so that really affected schoolings since. What was it an outbreak up again? Yeah, it sounds pretty bad, come all the way over from China. It's going to be on the news. Yeah, watch out for it. Yeah, you watch out for this. Yeah. Anyway, so that happened in December. So she missed pretty much all of December because someone in her year had it. So they all had to self-isolate for two weeks. And then it was a Christmas holidays and then obviously they stopped school and they, you know, on the first day of that term in January when they went back. And I think I found, I personally found this

lockdown harder than the first one because it was winter so as often it was dark. Which coming from you the man who had the worst time in the first lockdown of anyone I know. Also I don't know, so, the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to their to their to to their to their to their their their to to to to to to to to to to told their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their their their their, their, told, told, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their told. told. told to to to to to to to to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their the, the man who had the worst time in the first lockdown of anyone, I know. Also, I don't know what your experience was of this, or maybe your listeners, there was seemingly far more emphasis on homeschooling this time round. Yeah, I mean, it's looking back, we did shamefully little homeschooling in lockdown one, whereas three, the sort of January to April one, that first week I was at home and Izzy had to submit her first draft of the novel. So I said, so you know, she was locked away writing and finishing everything off and I said,

so you know, I'll look after the children, don't worry about it. So I was working in the evening and in the day I was looking after the kids. And as I said, you know, because he's sort of, because he's only two, he's only little, she would try and do some stuff on Microsoft teams, home schooling, and then he would throw a plastic fried egg at the screen and then she'd get upset and then I would just think, oh fuck this so I'd sort of... Like, say okay, the lesson's over now. We didn't do anything in that first week and the school called me on the Friday and they said, what's going on?

And they said, have you got a laptop in the house? I said, yeah, thank you very much. And they said, you know, have you got internet access on that kind of stuff? I said, yeah, I've got all of that. It's just my partner was very busy at work and my son is too, so he was, it's quite hard for her to sit her down and work with her because what I found at her age being six, I think even if she'd been eight I'd have been able to leave her to it, but what would happen with homeschooling? If she missed a little bit of explanation at the start, yeah. It's very difficult then to say to the teacher, oh, you know, I don't understand.

Can we start again in a way that they would be able to in the classroom? And if she thought that she was being left behind, she'd get really upset. Yeah, we had that with my five-year-old where it was like someone had to be with her the whole time during a lesson. So if you have got a two-year-old, it's impossible because you're trying to control the group and upset. It's better just not to do it almost. So I used to find that if she missed a sentence of explanation at the start, she would then get very upset she couldn't do it and she was doing one thing, she had to write something out. She was doing a lesson called Topic when they were having to write about their weekend, I think. And what happened she'd written something something, she'd their, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I was their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was th. the. thea. too. too. too. too. too. thea. thea. thea. thea, I the. the. the about their weekend I think. And what happened she'd written something and she'd realized she'd misspelled it, so she'd rubbed it out. But then by the rubbing out to take in a couple of minutes and the teacher said, okay, if you could finish your sentences

in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 1, 4, 2, and she hadn't finished. And she couldn't tell the teacher that she'd been rubbing something out. And because I was looking after him as well, I just thought, fuck, it's not this. I mean, I'll just let her play. And then the school called me so then obviously I had to make far more of an effort and then Izzie's workload ease a little bit. But to have the two of them in the same room was practically impossible. Yeah. We had a, we had parents evening the other day, even though she'd been at school all week, and I was like, am I telling you? Are you telling me what she's been like? Who's in charge? Who's leading this? And at one point, she said, talking about like, she was writing in like what she did at the weekend book and she was saying, oh, her writing's got a bit better because last term, you know, every Monday she just used to put, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to put, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, to, to, to, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who.......... And, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who.. And, to, to, to, to, th. And, th. to, to, to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to. to, who's, who's, who's, who's, oh I went to the park at the weekend. And I went, that's all we fucking did. What do you want her to say?

Even if she could write more, we didn't do anything else. So that's not wrong. That's all we did was go to the park. We did nothing else. I mean, year one, so it's five and six year olds. So I'd sit her down and say what what you're you's you's you's 'd be like okay never heard of that and so what are you doing now then oh we're doing a split digraphs okay never heard of a diagram so not not sure how to split it and I was like wow and it's just stuff I'd you know I've got a degree. Like I'm not fake. But I had no idea what a lot of it was.

I was going to Google a six-year-old work. It was embarrassing. What were we doing? Like I was not, I remember learning the letters, but I don't really remember learning much else at primary school. Is it a completely different world now? I, I discussed this on the radio show because split diagraphs and diagraphs and phonics

were just words I'd never heard before and it actually makes sense I think it probably has helped Betty read. I mean she's read to a lot and her reading for her age is very good and we had one teacher from Canada or America say I can't believe you're bothering with phonics at your waste time and then other teachers were sort of piling in on her and say no it does it does work if you if you do it but I don't remember that I mean primary school I remember making an advent calendar I remember playing with sand. Went down the slide on my front without putting my hands in front of my face landed on my lip, I the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the tho tho tho. I their their their their their their their their their. say. I can can can can. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I I I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the te. I te. I te. I'm teck. I'm teck. I'm teck. I'm teck. I'm teck. I'm te. I'm te. I'm teck. I'm teck. I'm te. I'm t sand. I went down the slide on my front without putting my hands in front of my face, landed on my lip, got a split lip.

Sort of that is it really. Split lip lessons. Well my five-year-old come home and went, oh yeah, could we be doing compound words today? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, what's that? Because two words separate on their own and then they make a word put together. I'm like, I didn't know what that was. Yeah, yes. I mean I know the word cowboy, I've used it a few times. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing isn't it? Bloody builders you get in Southeast London, Rob?

Exactly. But yeah, it's unbelievable all that kind of stuff and it's just I, yeah, yeah, it's just, yeah, yeah, it's just, I found... was, yeah, yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the word, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I, yeah, yeah, I, I'm, I'm the word. Yeah, I was, I was, I's, I's, I's, I the word. Yeah, I's, I the word. Yeah, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I....... Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a the word. It's a the word. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the word. the the the word. the word, the word, the word, the word, the word, it's, going into summer, life is just a bit less depressing in spring and summer in my experience. But this time round, you know, we had to have her in front of the computer. There tended to be a lesson at 9 a.m. You know, you've got to have them in front of the computer ready and then you've got to adult with Betty otherwise you know you didn't want it to get upset and also it was it was the odd thing was I'm not her teacher so occasionally I'd say right you've got you've got a you've got maths lesson 11 and she said I don't want to do it and I said well you've got to do it and she'd say but I'm the home and I'd say I know you're at home and I'm at the to th I'm th no I'm not, I know it doesn't feel like you're at school, but I'm kind of

your teacher, no you're not, you're my daddy, yes. Listen, do it because school are calling me. My cards have already been marked and I don't want to bring shame into your life. So what was it like when she went back to school? Oh she loves it? Yeah, she's you know she she enjoys school and she was excited to go back. This was something that's happened since. You sent me a video at Christmas. Are you aware of what you'd bought Betty for Christmas at some kind of trailer? Oh yeah yeah yeah. They're very popular in America. So... You wear this, Rob? No, can you send it to the group? We can pop it on Instagram if Ellis doesn't mind.

A lot of your listeners I would imagine will have these. They're really, really big in America. So it's a wagon that you pull along. So you put the kids in the wagon and she'd seen an advert for it on Nickelodeon or something. And I'd never heard of it or seen it. And then we took them to the park in it. So you sort of sit them in the wagon and they can be strapped in. And then you can put other stuff, you put blankets on them and it's cold and that kind of thing.

And then we passed one of the mums at school and she's American, she said, yeah, yeah, when we lived in California that's what all the parents do. But they love it. So you just run around in a wagon and tatt and you're the horse? Yeah, and... No, it doesn't put it on, you're not on all fours, are you? No, it was quite weird because I think in America they're just seen as a practical way of getting lots of kids around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, their, they they they they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, they're they're they're just, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so they they they they they they they they're just, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, they they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, so, so, so, so, so, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just of kids around. Yeah. So you know... Is it got a roof? Did you all once have the roof? No, it's... but it's a bit like if she'd asked for a buggy for Christmas. It's quite a weird thing to ask for, but they love it in there. They think it's such fun. In lockdown one, or lockdown three I should say, that something really weird happened because the weather was bad because it snowed and it was the was just generally cold and a bit miserable and there was this far more of an emphasis on on homeschooling I would go for days without leaving the house

yeah my phone on one day and I done 312 steps I thought this is crazy. They weren't pulling you around in the wagon, were they? So it was quite a different experience, the third one. Do you, in a weird way, feel nostalgic in any way for that first lockdown? I'm the kind of person, Josh, right? That if, if I was held captive like Terry Waite to John McCarthy and they moved me to a different

cell, within an hour I'd been nostalgic for cell number one. So yeah, I mean I think with the first lockdown there was a kind of feeling that everyone was in it together I thought. Yeah. And I would say that, I mean, I've, th- I mean, this is, that, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, th lockdown, there was a kind of feeling that everyone was in it together, I thought. And I would say that, I mean, this is purely anecdotal evidence and observational, I thought far fewer people broke the rules from what I remember in lockdown one. Yeah, whereas by lockdown. There's a lot more of a stigma attached, wasn't it? Yeah, it was by lockdown three, I thought some people were taking the piss a bit.

And then obviously that drives resentment. Yeah, and I think people were working, like no one was really working in the first one, so you had more time. But then in the third one, people were working and having to home school and look after their kids. Yeah, yeah, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, thi, thi, and, thi, thi, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thi, and, and, th, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi... thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And, thi, thi? Yeah, I mean it's embarrassing really but the house is a complete state. Certainly, I mean I was obviously very lucky that I didn't lose my job in the first lockdown

like plenty people did and obviously lots of people were furloughed, but you cannot homeschool and actually be with the child to ensure that they understand everything and that they can work the tech and stuff. Or talking of working the tech, after a few weeks, some of the naughtier kids in Betty's class realize that they could mute the teacher and then once that happened it was absolute chaos. Because you'd get her the parents saying, yeah, sorry miss we can't hear you. And then she was unable to tell the naughty kid off because she was muted a the the the the yeah, sorry miss we can't hear you. And then she was unable to tell the naughty kid off because she was muted. So then you're just waiting for the naughty kid to develop a conscience.

So go, all right then, fine, I'm just up to the lesson. So that we had about three weeks where it worked really well, and then as soon as the naughty kids realized they could do that it was carnage but I what what I realized was because Betty needed attention when she was doing homeschooling and obviously Steph as well as two so you can't leave him because you'll climb on something to do that and also work is is a very very difficult circle to square the thing I want to ask you Al is because we we were talk about this before we started recording but I wanted to ask you this this this this this this this th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you to th you to th you to th you to th you to th you to the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee thee thee thee thee thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the at the the the the the the The thing I want to ask you, Elle, is, because we were talking about this before we started recording, but I wanted to ask you this on air. You work in a double act with John Robbins who doesn't have a child, and it's probably the person I know who seems to have the most time on their hands of anyone in the country. Tell Rob about the curry John made two days ago with his day.

Well, he made a curry. It's actually called a hundred clove curry, but because it's just him he halved it to 50 cloves of garlic. So it's a curry made of 50 clothes of garlic with mustard seed and coconut milk. Is that self-harming your ass? He doesn't live with his fiance. Yeah, I would too if my other half was eating out 50 cloves of garlic. Can you imagine having the time it takes me to cut and peel a one clove of garlic? Yeah.

Like, 50? 50 clothes? Like, if I do a meat, I, there's occasionally a recipe and it'll have four clothes of garlic and I'm like fuck it now. Yeah yeah I'll tell you how he's done that I bet he's got a telly in the kitchen I've stand in the kitchen with a football on doing clove after clove but it was it was a completely different experience for him because also he had no reason to leave the house. So obviously the children need fresh air so you've got to take them out

and that gets you out the house and I mean my days are pretty full obviously like any parent and I would talk to him especially on the radio and he would have he would have done absolutely nothing. I don't think sometimes that in government they realized what it must have been like for single people. Yeah fucking brilliant. Absolutely amazing. I think the mad thing is with like the difference in like occasionally at weekends I'll just think what are my friends without kids doing at the weekend and it it's such a foreign experience to me. Yeah the thought like the thought of I've we get the, you know, you get the box meals that you

get all the ingredients, right? And they get, and you cook it. And I got one the other day, and it arrived and it said 60 minutes cooking time. And that is still in the fridge, and I know we're going to throw the ingredients. Yeah,. I know there is no fucking hope that meal. And yes, Rob, we could get a TV and that might help. What I'm saying? We could a 60-minute meal. Rob's pro-TV in the kitchen agenda being pushed again. Exactly.

In my head, that's first half and half time. I can watch a second half why it's, you know know reducing. All I'm saying is it doesn't even have to be a telly. Get a big one than bigger iPads in the kitchen with an app on it. And then I'd say if your other half is anti-telly in the kitchen, she can't be anti-ipad because an iPad's an iPad but if that iPad happens to have Sky App, BT Sport App or now TV app with the football on whilst your, the skinning in 50 clothes of garlic, I just say it's a win-win all round. The thing I know with, I think I've noticed with friends of mine who don't have children, the disdain and sneer they have for what I would regard as a treat. So I think we're probably four years away from

this. I would love to buy the paper on a Sunday and read it. I actually know the circumstances in which it would happen so I'd go and get the paper then I'd go back to bed and I'd have a cup of coffee, then I'd read it. It would take me probably about an hour, and I know that I could sit in there and no kids are going to fall down the stairs or fall off the table because they put their Bing Bunny toy in the microwave and slipped. And I can just do that and that I don't have to be on call. But if you told someone who didn't have children, oh, I'd love to buy a paper and read it.

They think we'll just do it then. Yeah. Why aren't you doing that? Well, that's pathetic. But I remember like my mom and dad. They would they would to share a bottle of wine on a Friday night. Because they would th th th th th th th th th th th th can th can th can th th can th can th can th th th can the the the the the tend to be picking like I'm one of three kids so they would be picking up you know me or my sisters or something on a Saturday night so on Friday night when we tend to not to go out they would have like so

two glasses each and they'd watch have I got news for you and that was their treat and they would talk about it in the week and that's a 17 year old I just think that's a fucking pathetic. Come on have a night out, do whatever. But of course you can't have like a big bender if you're a sort of 48-year-old mother of three and you've got a full-time job and a Tuesday night. I suppose you could, but it's problematic. Well I think, I think though you're at that, Josh is about to go into that period and you're at that period now as well where where where where where where where where where where where where where you've the child where that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. thiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. t t to. t tooooooooooooooo. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t t t though you're at that, you're, Josh is about to go into that period and you're at that period now as well where you've got a child that you can't just leave on their own. Well, I've sort of gone past that point and I saw a funny thing on Tick Tock where it

said, the moment you can leave your two kids in another room knowing that they won't immediately die is when the second part of your life? Yeah. And you're close there. And has it begun, Rob? Mine's begun. How many benders do you think you're going to do this summer, Rob? Oh, mate. Do you know what? I think I'm going to go easy on the 12th, but once indoor opens in May, I'm just going to lose my head where I want someone to pull me a sign and go, Rob, you've got to rain it in. That's all I want. I want an intervention. And then if I've hit an intervention level,

I know I've hit it hard enough. When do your kids wake up, Rob? They wake up about six, half six. Okay. And we, from a hangover from lockdown, we used to give them their iPad as soon as they woke up. Right. And now we're not doing that and they're just playing in the mornings and it's okay. But then we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. to wake. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I to to to just playing in the mornings and it's okay. But then we've got to be up about seven because I have to leave the house at eight to take the eldest to school. So Lou normally gets up with about half six and then I get up and I take them to the school.

But she gets them ready to leave. That's our contract. That's our contract. so close to the school, you could leave it, because they've staggered the upstart times for because of COVID. So Betsy starts at 915 and I could leave at 915 and be on time. Oh right, fair enough. So she starts at 9.15? She starts in 9.15. That's late. What I've discovered those, no matter what time I get up, what time is he gets up? It's pretty chilled until about 8.50 and then it's absolute carnage then for 20 minutes.

So my oldest can go in between 8 and 8.25, so basically school, the bell rings at 8. The bell rings at 8. So you can start the lesson. So you can play, so I normally leave the house about 8. And then she plays in the for the for the for the for the for the for the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, their, their, their, their, so, so, I, so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, is, is, is, is. So, is. So, is. So, is. So, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. And, is. So, is. And, is. So, is. So, is. And, so, is. So, is. So about running a little walk so about five past ten past eight and then she plays in the for 15 minutes and the playground then goes in at 825 but she finishes at what time does yours finish school? I was always finished at three so oh okay. It's in a bit earlier that is early I found myself. I woke up the other morning at 756 I was out the door walking into school at 801 and I looked like I slept in a bush.

Yeah, yeah. I look mental as well because everyone is normally, the other parents have proper jobs. So they're like either in like, you know, a suit or even like sort of smartish jeans, but I dress like a road man when I'm not gigging. So I look like I've just done a county lines drug deal and dropped my kid off. But I don't care. Tracks your bottom's hand down the front. Yeah, exactly.

You're an electric scooter and I say, what are you fucking looking at that phone. It's, it's a pleasure to catch up with you, Alice. Thank you, Alice. It's, yeah, I've loved every second of it. Thank you very much for having me. I can't believe I've got this legendary martyr status amongst your listeners. But you haven't now because your life's pretty sweet. Yeah, you've popped that bubble with that. You could have really ramped it up. You've undone all the good work. Well, we say that, but when the clocks go back to back, the weekend. I'm going to be back up, I'm going to be back to get it up at 5 a.m. again. Give us a shout when you have a 450 and we'll get you back on now.

All right then. That's that's the cutoff. Or if Izzy's back goes, just give us a bell. We know you know you're back at the cold face. Yeah. Elish James back. Yeah, it's nice to know that, you know, there's calmer and he's got his reward. Yeah. I do hope that his son becomes a footballer and place for England. England and Cardiff. I think that's worse for him than him not being a footballer. Yes, I think that would be worse.

But I didn't think it was a stupid question when I said, of course Wales but I was like he's totally disregarding what his son's like opportunities for success would be because obviously England have qualified for more tournaments and he's got more chance of success at a tournament with England you know historically. Do you know what Rob though? He loves his country more than he loves his son. Do you know what though I do agree though I'd rather but then I'd say Ellis wants to play for Wales but if his son's grown up in South London he won't feel that connection to Wales will he? I think it's interesting that because your daughters are growing up in the same area nominally of the country as you whereas both mine and Ellis' children are having a very different upbringing to ours in terms of where they're growing up.

Yeah and I think geography obviously my daughters will grow up in a very middle class compared to my upbringing but I think geography has a massive impact and especially that sort of small town mentality of like where you grow up and stuff that that going back home to there be so alien to them it will feel like they're in the middle of nowhere when they've used to be in East London. Oh totally and I'm going to say this Rob. And I'm going. th. And I'm going to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. they. they. they. they. they. I'm their their their their their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the. I'm toge. I'm toge. I'm toge. I'm toge. I'm toge. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm their their to say this, Rob. Yeah, I wouldn't subject my daughter's supporting Plymouth at all. No, because it also is quite selfish. Ah, if she supports West Ham, I'll be fucking livid. Ha ha ha ha. But the thing is, though, the reason you laugh, is because you went as a kid and you enjoyed it. Yeah, exactly. And Elis daughters are going to be that, and daughters, and daughters, and daughters, and daughters, and daughters, and daughters, and daughters, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, thi, I, thi, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, oh, oh, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their. Oh, is, is their. Oh, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's thi, I's thi, I's thi... Oh, tho, I's tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. tos. tos. tos. tos. tos. tos. tops. tops. thoes. Oh, is th going to be for them. So just as because Ellis loves it doesn't mean his kids are going to enjoy that as well. You don't want to be that

person that drags their kid to Swansea to watch a game that they hate just because you're living out your youth. God, that was brutal, isn't it? Oh, that? Apologies not done that yet, but I imagine when he does, and he listens back to that, and he had bullet to his heart. Do you know what? It's the only person I've interviewed where I've enjoyed them adjusting their glasses. That's the quality of interviewing Alice. And I think we should send some Cardiff kits to Ellis for their case. Why don't we send two small Cardiff kits to Alice, Alice, the to Alice, the to Alice, to Alice, to Alice, the to Alice, to Alice, tholes, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, the, their, th, their, their, their, thus, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to him, to him, to him, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, their, their, thou?a?lou? theree.a. toooooooooomorrow, to to to to thou? theree, to to to Ellis' house, care of lockdown parenting, as a reward for him doing the first returning guest. I bought Ant and Deck, Sunderland's shirts when I got invited to their 40th birthday party, right? And Sunderland, when you bought a Sunderland you got a free ticket to the game.

You got a free ticket to the game? Yes so I didn't know that was the deal, so I gave them, there was two tickets to the Santa's game in the parcel of the shirt. I almost definitely, those shirts ended up on the floor of their agent's office. Absolutely no way it's in their wardrobe. No, of course not. We should get Deck on. Do you know him? I've never met Deck in my life. I'll text it, have I got his number? I'll message him. Instagram. He's never coming on, let's face it. I'm not. Right. See you next time. See you, bye.