Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP2: Mike Wozniak

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP2: Mike WozniakJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, actor and writer and star of the latest series of Taskmaster - Mike WozniakEnjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitak and I to try to be a trya to their. Hello I'm Roch. to parent in hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we'll also be hearing from the listeners with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

There we go. Fishing, I like it. Hello, you are listening to Parenting Hell with. There we go. Efficient, I like it. Four-year-old Molly with some background from one-year-old Evie. For some reason, this is the only podcast I'm allowed to listen to instead of yet more trolls music. That is from Will McGraw.

And thank you to four-year-old Molly for letting him listen to our podcast. Oh God we do say some fruity things though. I know would a four-year-old understand it. Do we need to put a trigger warning on the finger up my ass bit from the last episode? I don't know. I think it's I think it's good for them to know. It's a medical finger. Yeah, I think that's a difference, isn't it? Yeah, you're not like talking about an awful the awful a awful the awful the awful the awful the awful the awful that's that's awful that's awful that's awful that's awful that's awful that's that's that's that's that's that's a awful that's a awful that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a t. t. t. t. t. toge. toge. truea. truea. truea truea. toge. toge. toge. toguu. tog I'll see I don't know it's a medical finger. I think that's clear isn't it? Yeah I think that's very clear it was a medical finger. How are you Josh right? Yeah I'm all right. Yeah I'm all right. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, you know looking forward to life three months down the line. Still not sleeping. You don't want to wish your life th. three three three three three three th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th to th th th th thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the their their their their their thi. Yeah. Yeah. I thi. I thi. Yeah. I thi. I's the the thi. I's a thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I thi. I thi isn't it? That's not, that's not lie. Still not sleeping? You don't want to wish your life away, do you? But sometimes. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you do. Some skip through a couple of things. I do need to make a confession though, Josh. I did some audio without you.

I did. I covered on radio too. to tho. to the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. Sometimes, to. Sometimes, to. to. Sometimes, to, to. to. Sometimes, to. to. too, too, too, too, too. the the the the the the the too. the too. the thea. too. thea. too. thea. too. too. too. too. too. So, too. So, too, to go? Well I'd like to say thank you to all the parent-in-hell listeners that were very kind and got in toucest and wish me well. However it wasn't the ideal start to the show when I said hello you are listening to Rob Beckett on absolute radio. Oh no yeah oh no yeah oh I bet I bet I bet you the blood drained from your feet at that point Rob. Right red felt. I felt th. I felt th. I felt th. I th. I th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh to that th. Oh to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. I th. Oh, th. I th blood drained from your feet at that point, Rob. Bright red, I felt hot, whole body felt hot, as I said that, because I used to work on absolute radio, hence, and they, commercial radio, they drill it into you to say the name of the station all the time, but it was, it was horrible. I had that when I did, uh, I did Radio X, FM as it was in those days, and then I did five live and more than one

occasion I gave out the Radio X phone number to get in toucest because it was just drilled into me. Oh no, that is. But did you catch yourself doing it or did you just do it? Well, the producer very much caught me doing it, Rob. that was so horrible. How was doing Saturday morning radio on radio too? That's great fun.

Do you get any picks, Rob, on the music? You get a few picks, but they do so also. Well, when you're doing cover, you don't really. I think if you're regular, you get more. What was your, what were your, uh, what your text topics? So it was little winds and little things like that. So I think you don't want to rock the boat early doors You don't want to come in and go right? Let's get rid of all this shit that Claudia does. There's a new guy in town There's a new sheriff. I've got a really good idea about you know times things went wrong at work Send them in 889 at 9 the funny the funny thinne the funny thu the th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th thing th th thin. The funny thin. The funny thin. The funny thin. The funny thu thu thu thu thu thu tho thin. The funny funny thu thu th. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny thing. I. The funny thing. The funny thing. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny th. The funny thing. The funny text number is basically the number of what it used to be. Oh what, the frequency? Yeah, so what's it that used to be, 88 to 90?

88 to the one was it? 8891, and I was like, that's not normally how you'd read numbers, is it? That, do you know, it's so, just span me out. Because it was like, you read the number, the number, then let me find out what it is. What is it, radio, to text in, radio two text number? I mean, I should know, they should be googling it. And also, the funny thing is, when you do get those text messages, because of the radio to age bracket,

it's like just your mom that keeps messaging you. Because it's sort of for older crowds. So you just get loads of messages that got text messages that come through in caps of no grammar. So you sort of have to like mark it before you read it out because I started trying to read it out. It's like me Gary Lynn to Cornwall on A556. I'm like, well, going to shops to meet cousins. Oh, okay. Great message guys.

It's like a riddle. But you just have to put a comma in a full stop. But it's 88-291. Oh, 88-821. Yeah, so it's 88-291. Yeah. So text in 88-291. So text in 88-291. Yeah. But it's so confusing.

That's how you've written. I'm for the old toldies. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, to. It's, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah, 8. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I's. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. at some point because FM will just sort of disappear like that's the old FM frequency and now it's all digital. So in 20 years time people didn't go, why do they read that number with? Because you can't, I got, oh yeah. I just bought a cardio other day for 1900 pounds. I mean I don't want to, I mean this is probably peak, me being nostalgic, but it used to be really tough to tune in the radio didn't it Rob. If your dad moved the toast of some reason it will change it as well. Like if anything metal

went near it. I remember once, so you can't don't where you're watching the radio. Come on. Don't you're watching the radio. Josh, I think Rose is going to be angry with you. Oh no. Right, you've appeared on Bumble. What? Here we'll send you a picture of it. Rob isn't the only one on dating apps.

Luckily it isn't a fake account, someone's someone's screenshot it. It's you with a fake account, someone, we probably can't put it on Instagram because it's a lady's account, someone's screenshot it here. It's you with a girl called Laura, obviously come and see you at a show and you're on a front picture of meeting Josh Widdickham on a bumble page. Oh wow. Look at that. There we go. Now, like from a point of view, Laura looks lovely in that photo, as do you. It's just, you know, Laura's a young woman who is trying to, you know, meet someone, would, as if you're a, if you're a bloke, right, and you're swiping through and you see Laura there, she'll Laura looks lovely, but I don't know if Widdickham elks. No. I think she'd have a better success rate just a photo. Well, do you that if that if that if that if that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their. that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you would you would you. th. you would you would th. th. th. that's got one of those photos, you'd go, so, you met,

you met Rob Beckett then? Like, do you think that would be a topic for conversation? Also, though, she, you, I imagine you put loads of photos on, so I can't imagine this is her only photo. No, no, no, of course. But I suppose if she's really into comedy and she wants to meet, It's quite a good conversation star star,. It is, yeah. So if it's just ones of you, like just sort of out in a pub, and you, I mean, I don't do, I've never done online dating, I'm old, you know, I'm a dinosaur. So I never, you know, Tinder didn't exist when I met Lou. Do you think you would, if we were single, Rob, you think to thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. to, thin, thi. to sort, to sort, to sort, to sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sort, I'm sort, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to sort, to sort, to sort, to, to, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th. th. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to sort, thi. thi. thi. I mean it's hard to know isn't it because it looks a desperate if you sort of a bloke off the tele is now you know it it would be screen wrapped and sent everywhere wouldn't it before you know it? Because I think online dating is absolutely fine and I think it's a really good way I meet you

makes way more sense than going to a nightclub. Exactly yeah of course in fact I've used the word nightclub to the the fact exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's that's is that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. the. thee. theeeeeee. theee. theeeeee. It's that's theee. It's that's that's out out of touch I am. When I'm in a discotheque, I find it intimidating to talk to people. But I think that's what it is then, maybe that's a jumping off point. If she says interests of comedy and all that, and you know, she's met you, someone can go, oh, is that you with Josh Whitakum? I saw him once, you know, they can, you know, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, they can, it's they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I they're, I they're, I, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, it, th, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th. thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, that, thin, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, totrying to get a refund. Yes. Yes. You just love it. You know it's all good fair we could all enjoy it. It's all good fair. I wonder if anyone's ever hated my tour show so much they've asked for a refund. No no you're an excellent stand-up comedian Josh. But do you think we'd hear about it or do you think our agent would keep it secret. You can't ask for a refund if you didn't find it funny. That's just subjective. If we did a 20 minute show or turned up late or drunk or, you know, but if you turn up and

give your best, you don't get a refund of the football if you lose, do you? Did I ever tell you that I? No. I fucking wish I did a gig in Oxford, it was the first, not this tour, the one before, the first night at the tour, and they had a power cut and the gig got cancelled. Yeah. Everyone got a drink as a kind of thank you for, you know, sorry that your evening's been ruined.

And I was leaving, and a guy saw me and he had a glass of red wine and he was like, you know what I got a free drink brilliant night and I was like You're genuinely pleased that you've got a drink Overseeing the show like Yeah, but I told you when I was in a train crash. Oh, yeah, you got derailed. Oh, yeah, in fact I saw you that day didn't know, yeah, I was in a new act. Yeah, the new act. the tai' that. thatatat. thatattau. that. thattau. that. that. thin thin thin thin thin that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that. the the that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thr. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. true. true. th. th. th. th. but who is the nation's sweet art in the bucket hat? Not for long the tidal turn. The tidal turn and we took four hours and then we got moved away and then a guy got a free drink and he went to his wife this is great in it you're like no people will do anything for a free drink. This train crash has been brilliant. Yeah, it's been brilliant. The way they've treated us during this train crash, I've really enjoyed it. Yeah, I spray my ankle and four hours late, but this warm...

It's warm, stellar. Let's go down an absolute treat. What does Possible sound like for your business? What does Possible the BASC to power your scal? It's having the to spend to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit MX.C.A. slash business platinum. Back to school signals a fresh start for students.

New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us.

Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Should we just do a quick email, Rob? Oh, well, we're here, aren't we? An email's a free. Exactly. Hey Josh, Rob and Michael, thank you so much the incredible podcast that kept me going in the last year.

Recently you've been talking about music that children have been born to. I thought my story might trump a few of the others. I had a planned C-sectection playlist of relaxing classical music ready to go. Is that my love of a relaxing classical? Unfortunately I'd forgotten about the adverts on Spotify. Oh no. So my son was born to a Morrison's advert which focused on great uppriced booze offers available just in time for Christmas. When I asked my husband about this, he kindly said our son was born to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the to be the the the the the the the the to be a the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their their their their their trexxxxxxxxlaclaclauxlauxlauxlaclaclac-classexic, tr truexxlac-classexic, tr truexiolaxiolaxiolac-classical.. I asked my husband about this, he kindly said our son was born to a lovely piece of classical music,

but we both know the truth. Keep up the outstanding work, Lindsay. That's great. The Morosins as well. There could have been worse adverts though. Yes, they could have been far worse. Also, I'd say the, uh, the, I can't even bother to go into this. That was one of the most boring things I've ever said. Go and say, let's get it out. I'm just gonna say it, paying to not have the adverts on Spotify is the best money that goes out of my account every month from. Genuinely that ten pounds is absolutely worth it. for music to the all the kids were conceived to as well. That's quite funny, as well as born to, that's always a good one.

Right, let's bring on our guest, Josh. We've got a great guest this week. Mr. Mike Wozniak, star of Taskmaster. He's been a lot of sitcoms, really funny, bro, you've done in years, haven't you? I've not known that. Yeah, when I went through a big break-up I once slept on his floor. Oh, that's good to know, it's a good guy. He let you sleep on his floor. Yeah, Andrea's theygacy always sleeps on his floor Yeah, it's amazing. It's so good. It's so good. I'm loving, I'm halfway through, but yeah, I'm one of those people that if I'm reading a book, every time I talk to you, I'll bring up something about that book and Lou hates it.

Yeah, like with the Danish stuff. Like when you were reading the Bible? That wasnick, wasn't it? It was. Just tell everyone they're going to burn in hell. Right, let's get Wosniak. It's Mike Wosniak. Mike Wosniak. Mike Wosniak, thank you for joining us. Can you just explain to the list of what happened there? There was a barking. There was a barking.

I'm even slightly breathlly all flustered. So yeah, there was barking, that was Pam, Pamela who is a wire-haired Hungarian Visla who lives in my house. How do you spell in Visula? How do you spell a Visula? How's that being spelled? Yeah, exactly how I would have done it on my own.

It could be that I've got the Z-N-S the wrong way round. Beautiful dog, I was expecting an absolute mess, but it's like a gun dog, isn't it? Yeah, but we've got the long hair type, which is like a gun dog after a big night out. He's not safe to be handling firearms the bark in the visler? I at all times carry with me a bag of dried bullsticks. And what about for the dog? Lovely bit of business. My kind of humour.

It's a bag of ballsticks. I've never seen a dried ballstick. I've seen a wet one, obviously. I'm no prude. You prefer them wet and fresh. Yeah, the drying process definitely takes the edge off, I would say. They're long, they lose some of their glory, I would say. They're not intimidating. Oddly, when chewed, they smell like, sort of badly gone off fish as well. So there is a price to be paid. Yeah, for quiet. Yeah, very much so.

But that seems, so it's brought us some time, I would say, so. Okay, fair enough. As well as the Hungarian Vizla you've got, which is a lovely dog, are they good dog for families? Well, I don't know anything about dogs. So I think so. I don't know. I don't really know. How did you end up with a Vizl? There's no precedent for me in my life. I've got no, there's no yard stick for me to measure it by. This is your first experience of having a dog. Yeah. th dog dog dog dog dog dog dog wife, how old is it? The dog is, it's a lockdown dog. We jumped on that bandwagon big time. Yeah, so as soon as it's all opened up again, you know, we'll be sending her back, obviously. It's a hunt Budapest. Exactly. she's going to join a right-wing militia. Mike, what's your family set up at home? You've got the visitor? How many kids you got?

We've got two little girls. So one has just this this weekend turned 10. The other one is seven. Yeah, time's about eight and a half months old. They're quite a tight unit. Do the kids love the dog? The kids massively love the dog. The kids knew that they'd love the dog before they met the dog. So my wife grew up with dogs, my wife had dogs in lieu of siblings. So I can't really tell the difference between dogs and people. Oh God. I wouldn't want to go around to our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our their their the difference between dogs and people. It's all... Oh God, I wouldn't want to go around to our house for dinner then. It's ballsticks all around. Yeah, so the children have been brainwashed from the get-go that they are dog people. So it was always, it was just a matter of time before we got a dog.

You've held out a good period, ten years. I thi to be the to to to to their, to get, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, tod, their, today, their, today, their, their, their, the, their, their, their, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, t. So. So. So. So. So. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. And, to'n'a. And, together, together, together, together, soo. So, soo. Yeah, together, together, together, together, together. Yeah, soo. And, t t the big one that years ago, oh you're a bit too young, you're a bit too young, you're a bit too young, you need to be able to get involved with a dog and take it for walks and tidy up after the dog and when you're nine years old, but if you make a promise to a child involving an age, I mean they will remember that. They completelythe promise to you on a daily basis for four years' time. So once she did turn nine last summer, then the pressure was really on. And we were in lockdown. And we just waited long enough for the prices of a dog to saw to well above 34,000 pounds.

And that's when we pounced. So it's tough to get a dog and dog walkers are in demand now. Oh man now is the time. Now is the time they poodle about with their little vans, fill out with dogs. I mean it's they're absolutely rolling in it. It's quite good as well. The big one wants to be a dog walker as well. That's that's what she wants to do for her career. Yeah, well I mean that's that's the main job she sees I think in the streets of people going about who are actually doing something. And how many dogs have they got a dog walker? I think it varies a lot. There's a park we go to, Pam and I sort of in the middle of the day when when, their, their, their, their, their, the their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, th. th. their, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, their, their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in, in, in, in their, in, in, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. the, the, the. their, the. the. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thetwo dog walkers who team up and they go bulk definitely. So they've got, they've got, it's knocking on the door of double figures each. Bloody yeah! Oh that's too man, I thought it would be about sick. And that is,

that is intense when, for Pam in particular, who is, I mean, it freaks her all out, they want to see this young pup and have a sniff about and it's intense. She basically crawls up my back and tries to pretend that she's just an unshaven backpack basically. That's all gone away again. And so your children back at school now, presumably. So your wife has a job where she, she leaves the house. She has an NHS job and is currently being worked to death, yes? Yes.

And then there's the sort of, yeah, her layabout husband. But that means you're stuck with a dog. I'm stuck with a dog. But I've come, I think I've come to terms with it. I think family life a lot of the time it is just a slow chipping away of yourself resolves in your self-esteem and she's very much she's very much the last nail. My lovely little hairy last nail is what she is so I've given in. First couple of weeks I just thought we've made a huge mistake we've made a huge mistake and you know you're ruining the inside of the house and then you're the inside of the house and the house and the you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, you, and you, you, and you, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your your your your your your your, in your your your your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, in your, in your, in your self, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, in your, the weeks I just thought, we've made a huge mistake! We've made a huge mistake! And, you know, you're ruining the inside of the house

and then I looked at the inside of the house and the inside of the house is a mess anyway. And then, and then thought about the impact that she's had on my day today and my schedule. And even outside of lockdown, I'm mostly doing absolutely naff all the the their their their thia. mostly doing absolutely naff all anyway so to be fair she gets she gets me out for the odd airing she's doing you a favor she is yeah your girls obviously you both in school and what are they are they they were quite easy now at 10 and 7 you know that you're beyond the sort of toddler baby years and you've not here yeah yeah good I mean yeah compared to what you what are you, Josh, where are you up to now? Is it, seven weeks? Six? Weeks, seven weeks, yeah. Good grief. Yeah, so I mean, it's not, you know, they're sort of

fully sentient human beings and all that kind of stuff. I mean, they can go and get to themselves a drink. Yeah, they're th. They can go and they can go and they can go and they can they can th. Yeah, th. Yeah, they're they're th. Yeah, they're th. Yeah, th. th. th. they're they're th. th. thi. they they can go. they can go. they th. the. thi. the. th. to to to to to to to to go. to go. to go. to go. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. th. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to the. to the. to. their, their, their, the. We're seven. We're seven. We're seven. We're, to the. We're seven. We're seven. We're th. to to thing. You know, quite advanced at 10. Pretty, pretty advanced. So I think, yeah, this is quite a nice age, I think. Honestly, I don't have a great deal of complaints about them specifically. But what's interesting is some people go, oh no, it's just difficult in different ways. It's just as difficult, but in different ways. Well, there's always something, yeah. I mean, like the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, the big, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm the big, I'm th. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the shortcomings of her parents, for example. You know, it's dawning on her that actually maybe, maybe we aren't world-class, do you know

what I mean? Maybe we're not the finest minds in all of in all of Christendon. But they're still an age where mostly, at this point now that they're an age where they on the whole quite like the being with their family. Yeah. So we're not getting the kickback of teenage or tweenagers. And you're scared of that. I'm completely terrified. Yeah. Because you and already at the age you get you get you get little hints of it. You get little moments, you know, during a little family spat or during an absolute humding a row, whatever it might be, you get, particularly because the big one's got quite sort of laser-guided ability to break down your total bullshit and spit your own words back on you, you know. So give me an example. Well, it might be over detail. I mean, it might be, for example, no, you're trying to be, no, we're going to talk, we're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th..h.h. th. thi, the. the. thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, th.u, th.a, th. th. th. Well it might be over detail. I mean it might be for

example, no, you're trying to be, no, we're going to talk about this actually. We're going to sit down just for five minutes and we're going to we're going to talk about why, you know, what you did with your sister wasn't quite right, okay? And then there's a sort of, bibibibibibib, and she seems, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we we would stop. So I'm off. Goodbye, thank you. That seems very officious. Rigorous. But I think, yeah, I think, so these little moments when you have your, the detail of something you've said sped back at you, all your own words, throw back in your face.

Those are the moments when you can sort of a few years forward and think, oh, I'm gonna be out of my depth here quite badly, quite soon. What kind of like parent are you though? Because you're, you know, a bit more relaxed. Very standoff, arm's length. Well, no, but like, I can't take anything you say really that seriously. You're always being quite silly and funny and messing about, but then like, that's great for a mate or a comedian, but then if you've got to like lay down a law. Yeah, not for a father at all.

No, dreadful. Really unhelpful. How do you balance it? Balance. Balance, balance, he says, balance. Oh, the golden chalice of balance of balance. I don't know that I do necessarily balance it. I think, I th, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th. No, th. No, th. No, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, thooooo, thooooooo' thoooooooooo, thoo, tho, tho, tho, the golden shalice of balance. I don't know that I do necessarily balance it. I think on the whole I'm just like this.

Well, maybe, but then sort of maybe occasionally just go completely ape shit, you know. No, to 60. So it's a sort of steady stream of like, you know, slightly under the level of what could be deemed as helpful and then in attempting to correct any of my failings, just trying to correct them all in an intense bollicking. And you live in Exeter. We do, yeah. And you, did you move, did you move to Exeter before you had kids or did you have kids? By a matter of days, basically. I really? Yeah. So, yeah, my wife is, as you know, Josh, as you know, a well, is from this neck of the woods. And I think always yearned to come back, you know, salmon swimming back upstream thing, when we had a family, we talked, and I have always always always, to............... to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the their. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, know, salmon swimming back upstream thing when we had a family, we talked, I've always loved Devon, we sort of imagined that we would. I think I imagine that I might, we might do it when we'd, we had made our fortunes in London and then, you know, we would return

heroes to Devin, but we were completely sk because they're genuinely delightful people and good fun. And sort of, and to be honest, without, without them as our sort of little support network, we would be, we would be completely stuffed, completely stuffed. And so, yeah, so we moved. And then, yeah, yeah, not long, it was days or a couple of weeks maximum before the big one was born. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I they they they they they, I they, I they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I've, I've th, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've th we moved. And then yeah, yeah, not long it was days or a couple of weeks maximum before the big one was born. So yeah, so moving here has been like, yeah, the beginning of family life, Bosch, on you go, get on with it. This is it. This is your new existence, take it away. And did you know anyone? There are one or two people, one or two people from sort of previous jobs and people who had sort of moved around, but not really, not well. Certainly no, certainly didn't have any sort of mates mates who were sort of properly

around the corner. Yeah, God, that must have been quite an isolating start to it all. It was odd and yeah, most definitely pretty much, anyone that I might, at that time of my life, you know, have called up to say if th, th, th, th, the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, th, th, th, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, thoooooooo, the, thi. thi. thi. thi. th might at that time of my life you know have called up to say if they've hunted a pint or whatever they're all in London everyone in London you know so that was curious although they're starting to scatter now to the four wins. Have you been forced to kind of make friends at the school gates then? I'm part of the community now Josh. I'm fully in sconce. We got very lucky actually with our school gates here. I think, do you know how in actual school, there are good years and bad years, I find?

Like, for example, in my school where I went to two years above us, they were very cool, but in quite a good way, very fun, engaging, interesting group of people, the year above us. They were very cool but in quite a good way, very fun, engaging interesting group of people. The year above us at school, 99% of them were toxic arseholes. And then our year was quite sort of dweeby and probably uninteresting, which I say with affection because it was some very good friends from that year. So there's a sort of flavor, and I think there's a flavor of the school gates years as well. Our year there's a sort of flavor, and I think there's a flavor of the school gates years as well. And our year, our year there's lots of quite fun people. So, yeah. Do you go on the lash with the people from the school gates?

It's happened. It has happened. Yeah, we've now got some some firm buddies. I'm tempted to do a like dad's pub trip to the girl the girl's parents in my daughter's school. Nice. And how was that first time? Because it's a bit, it's hard to know, isn't it, that like how basically how fucked you can get in front of other people who can go to your school is basically what it is. Then you've got to show up at the school gates, knowing that like you've got. Oh, you had a big one,

oh, you had a big one. We' all. Oh, we. Oh, we. Oh, we. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. to, to, to, to, to, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, to, to. It's, to. It's, to. It's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. It's, to. It's, to. It how would the drinks be with the other parents? Well I see I didn't take that approach Rob I didn't I didn't just sort of kind of suggest it. I went in quite it took quite a long time for me and my wife is far more sociable than I am. And she was more involved on the sort of tiny kid circuit when the kids were really small. So if I went to a play group I'd go and I'd play with a kid and then I'd sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort........ the the the to the to the the to their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. their. their. their. to to to to their. to to to to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. the their. I'd. their. the their. their. their. their. their. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. took. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, to a playgroup, I mean I'd go and I'd play with a kid and then I'd sort of leave again pretty much without talking to anyone else at all. Where she would go and talk over. You just silently come and leave and they'd be like who was that man with a baby and a muster? Exactly, yeah. I think I've read about him in the news somewhere where we should think it was supposed to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to alert to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. their to. to. tell anyone the. tell anyone the. tell anyone the. the. tell anyone too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah, whereas my wife was much more engaged. So she developed a little sort of coattory of buddies that then naturally became the same

year as the school gates people because we're all, you know, same school, same neck of the woods. And I very much, I sort of, you know, I'm a coat tailor really, I sort of, I found that some of them had partners that I liked and that I like them as well. And so yeah, it happened quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite th naturally th naturally th th th th th th the th th the their th their their their sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort their their sort sort their sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, I sort sort sort sort sort sort, I'm sort sort sort, I'm sort, I'm sort, I'm sort sort, I'm, I'm sort, I'm sort sort sort, I'm, I'm sort sort, I'm, I sort sort, I sort, I sort, I'm, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I sort, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th, th. th. th. thooo, thooo, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, them had partners that I liked and that I like them as well. And so yeah, it happened quite naturally really, but through none of my own work really. Well yeah, because I think you're a bit more standoffish, I'd say, with you in a social sense, what I'm a bit more in your face. Aloof. A bit of mystic, right? That's what you're saying. Exactly. And then some of to have, I've sized everyone up and I've looked at me and went, I'm the one who's going to be the cog here.

I'm the one that's organized. Have you started a WhatsApp group, Rob? No, I don't do that. I hate WhatsApp groups. Yeah, I won't do what's that group. I'll just, I'm going to do it. No. I still find a bit alarming when I see a little notification that someone has left it.

Yeah, that's heartbreaking. Was it something that I said? You know. You don't want to be the final comment before the leave. That's the absolute hammer blow. Do you? the cabinet one. The cabinet one. I've just this week got added to my to the nursery WhatsApp group. I've made it in. Have you? And it took me so long composing my first message because I was like I don't want to feel like because I

haven't been in that for a good 18 months. Why weren't you in it? They forgot me at the start rock. Oh no Josh. How did you how did you compose it was it emoji heavy what sort of was the sort of tone? Well I did to convey tone isn't it you know it is yeah because you don't want to go at last you don't imply that you're being sarcastic do you know what I mean? Yeah so um you don't know too boredy too early no yeah I mean kick off of a meme. Yeah I did a text. I did a text it. the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I t. I to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. of a meme. Yeah, I did a text. It looked like it was the um the new lunchtime menu but then you opened it was a guy with a huge dick. Yeah, you think it's just some more info about pickup and drop-off sign. It's actually Homer Simpson going into a bush. Well, that is awkward that, isn't it, the parents' stuff? Do they go to clubs and stuff?

Because I think when they get to about 7 and 10, it's just constant like after school clubs and weekend clubs. Is that what you're facing at the moment? There's a lot of that stuff, yeah, but we're not very good at the admin. So, particularly post, kind of pandemic and things start to open up. So, there, there, there, the stuff, th, th, their th, th, th, th, their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. to, to, to to to to to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is to, is, is, is, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, obviously things starting to open up. So there's some stuff that they do, but sport we've been, we've been very bad with, because the school, there were school clubs, there's no school clubs anymore. So it's all you've got to find clubs elsewhere. So I mean, there's literally no chance of our children getting an Olympic medal for anything. Yeah, there's going to be really shit Olympics when no PBs are beaten no Olympics. There's no new records. Other wins a hundred meters, a 30 second of jog.

Yeah, because we sort of forgot. So I mean they get, you know, they get out and about and everything but I mean when it kept like cricket, that I mean when it kept like cricket, you know that you might want to learn how to play cricket, you know. They don't they don't want want want want want want want to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn their to learn their their to learn their to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how their. They're. They're their. They're to learn. They're. They're. to learn. to learn. to learn. to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how to learn how their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. they're. they're. th. their. they're. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they're. they're. their. their. th. cricket Mike. That's what I would have thought and then the small one comes back the other day and she's that's all they're talking about is cricket because one of her friends is in cricket club and is teaching them all how to how to bowl and all this kind of stuff. You can't legislate for that I don't think you can't legislate for the father child thing of us going in the park and we're going to learn to learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn learn to learn to learn to learn to learn the to learn the to learn. the the to learn. to learn. the to learn. the to learn. the to learn. to learn. the the the to learn. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I's. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. I I I. I. to. I's. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. tre. tre. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. and Daddy's gonna teach me some his Googly and all this kind of stuff and it within five minutes it was the other way round she a seven-year-old child was teaching me how to bowl a cricket ball no well Louisa says you do it like this you hold it up as if you're about to eat an apple and then you yes that's right

no no yeah closer and then you bring it the the the the the the the the you the you you the the the the the th you bring you down a second and then, yeah, absolutely pathetic sites. Before you was a comedian, or you are a comedian Mike, you was a doctor, do people still tap you up for info about their kids? Because when you've got people who are massive sort of over over panickers, aren't they, for kids and illnesses, do you still get that or not? No, no, no, mercifully the friends who know that about me, they know what's th. th. th. th. thiiii what's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th th theire, theire, theire, theire, their-a, theire. their-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, theiri. theiri. theiri. theiri. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to-ni. to-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-noo'-no'-no'-no'er. theeee. thi. thi. thi no, mercifully, the friends who know that about me, they know what's good for them, right? And I've been out of the game for 12, 13 years, which means... It almost doesn't change though, does it? Well, the treatment might, you know what I mean? You don't hear many leeches being banded around, you know, you don't tend to amputate unless we really need to these days, Josh. I mean electric shock treatment for COVID.

Exactly. That'll get you breathing, farther them up. Yeah, so I've been out of the game a long time and it's long enough that I still, I have like there's the confidence in the swagger, but none of the detail from any the information is still there. So I would be more dangerous than I review at this point. But they also know that my, so my wife is in the trade. Yeah, she adopters as well. Yeah, she's a GP. My dad is a retired, fairly recently retired pediatrician.

So it is my dad is the one who gets the, has the hot phone. Yes, of course. So it could be even even that's that's that's that's that's that's that's even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. the the. the the. the. the the. the. the. the. thi. thi. that. that. that. thi. that's gets the, has the hot phone. Yes, of course. So it could be, it could even be friends, a friend to, sometimes it's friends of friends who've never even met him and they're like, I hate you've got a, I hate you've got a dad who's a retired pediatrician, mind if I, you know. And so I mean, yeah, since we, us and our friends started having kids, yeah, the phone's been ringing off the hook, especially in the phase when everyone's kids were very small.

Yeah, but that's such a sort of power play. Being related or knowing someone that is a pediatrician or a GP, it's like the middle class equivalent of working class people, knowing someone that can get you Coke. In it? You're up being a part, you know what I mean? Often you're fine with a GP appointment. I could could, you're a th, I, th, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, the th, th, th, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.a. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi mean it's like it's only too with you know I could get coke quicker than a GP appointment I reckon in my phone book where you could obviously get you know doctor advice a much quicker. And I use that I use that as yeah as a as a bargaining check I use that as leverage with all of my friends

and I yeah I get what I want and then then yeah after a few days yeah they send me a picture of th th th th th th their a th th th th th their a picture a picture a th th th th th th th th th th th their a th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. I th. I thi thi their the th. I th. I th. I th. I could th. I could th. I could th. I could th. I could th. I could could their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. I could th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I to the. I te. I te. I te. I te. I te. I could the. I could the. I could the. I could the and I get what I want and then yeah after a few days yeah they send me a picture of their kids dick and I show it to my dad. Yeah so what do you think about this? What do you think about this dad? Yeah. Stop touching it? Yeah. Dry and give it to my dog? Exactly. Yeah. There's always a solution. Well, have we got a time on the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to it take for him to go through a bull's dick? She, please, Rob.

Sorry, can I say something? I don't believe that all dogs to me are just dogs. I don't believe that they're boy ones or girl ones. And I get obviously they do have different genitalia, you know, and they are biologically. no way you can tell if a dog is male or female just from looking at it. Well I mean you got to get your angles right. I'll give you. I'm got mirrored I'm not uskirting pan like. But from a dog's face can you tell? Well you're not a dog put you don't know dogs dear but I can never tell from a dog's face. No that's true. Do you do you have much in involvement with the school like you say you you have you have you have you have you have you have you have you have you have you have you have the you have the you have the the the you have the you have the the to have to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a to have a their. to have a to have a to have a their. their. their. their. their. Do. Do. Do. Do you have a their. Do you have a their. Do you have a their. Do you have a their. Do their. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I to have to have to have to have to have to to to to the the the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the th. you say you're part of the community, like are you a governor, are you doing any of that kind of, you know, you've got an air of authority about you, I'd say. I've definitely got the time, right? No, I haven't done any of, I haven't done any of that. There'll be the odd,

I mean apart from just being a bit of muscle now and again, so the people who do that, you know, in the the the the things like sports days or, you know, some big event and some people who just needed to put a gazebo up in a, you know. Did you ever do the barbecue on a jumble sale? Not trusted with the barbecue? Not trusted with, not trusted with that, was briefly to have a go at doing face paints. Oh, oh wow. Was sort sort of of that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that, that, that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. I that's. that's that's. that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. that's just just thi. that's th. that's that's that's thi. that's thi. Oh, wow. And was sort of sent away with the flea in my art after about two subjects. I think that's for, I think that's a tough gig face painting. It's extremely tough and I did not cover myself with glory and it had gone from being, three of us doing it with even-sized cues to my cue suddenly just vanishing into thin air. And the cues of the people that decided decided thu the the the the the the the to the the the the the the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of to to the of to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the of about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of theeee of the of the of the of vanishing into thin air. Cues of the people that decided me suddenly became unmanageably large. What did you do?

I was just sent away. They're like, oh Mike, thank you. I think there's a gazebo that needs putting up over there maybe. I don't think there is. Just have a look, just have a look and see if you can find a gazebo and if you can find it out. I'm third in the queue I'm third in the queue right what have I just seen you do and what are my options to have? You've seen you have seen someone ask for a panda. Yeah. Oh that's easy isn't it very quite and black very very quickly they look like they've been subjected to a very serious gang beating there are debates as to whether or not the white and the black is the wrong way round in the eye patches. There is smearing down the side of the neck. There's complaints

from the subject that they're having difficulty seeing now. The eye is stinging and so on. People have probably shouldn't be in the mouth or eyes or nose. Yeah. And then the next ask. Were you confident going into it? No, no, not at all. I'm not very very very very very very very very very very. I, I, the the the their. I'm their. their. their. their. their. their. their is. their is. their is s, their is s, their is s, their is s, their is s. S, their is s. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. there is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is sm. There is. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. It is is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. then the next ask what are confident going into it no no no not at all I'm not very good at anything arts and crafts at all it was just you know these things that they're fast that they're fluid you react if you're part of the general cash of of general helpers you know and someone says oh Michael we're a person down on the face paint could you go do that from it I for a minute? I don't think that's a, sorry, Joe said, I don't think that's a great idea because just do it, I just have to, please, okay, okay. And then, yeah, never again. Never again. Never again.

But the never called on your, because they must be like, you're the person that should do the speaking or the, you know, that happened once. Did it? And that yeah, that was in a general sort of school and community event in a nearby park where there are a few, there were a couple of live things going on. Like there was a little band and there was a little kids theater troop that, you know, that did manage to crow the attention of the crowd, and they asked me to to to to to to to to to do to do to the to do the their their to do their their their their their their their their their their their their their their a their a th. to to do stuff in in between and do some, oh you're a stand-up Mike, maybe you could do some bits in the... Oh no. I don't know it's it's not might not be a good idea because there's loads of stuff and there's people dunking apples and there's little grunt of tables over that I don't necessarily know that everyone's going to listen and it's probably not really one to that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th really th really th really th really th really th really th really thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi thi's probably not thi's probably not thi's probably thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thou to to to to to to to to to to to to to thou to thoooooooooooooooo the tho tho tend to do quite long-winded stories and that's shaggy dogs tow towards and might not, might miss bits of it. Oh I can just do it, I just help, I'm getting hard. And then just yeah, absolute toe curling me speaking to a microphone,

a couple of penches looking at me quite confused. Should he really have the microphone, who is this man? Oh man of life. Oh that's my good. Welcome to the community fair everybody and it goes a round of applause for yeah just purest agony but again so again that that wasn't suggested next time around so I'm slowly whittling down my community duties by saying yes and then executing them so poorly that I'm not asked back. How was you at the baby stage with all the sort of night feeds and the sort of getting up and the nappies and stuff like that? Was that almost easier in a way? I'm a very, I've talked about this before elsewhere, but I'm a very heavy sleeper and uh, arguably a dangerously heavy sleeper.

And also I can go to sleep anywhere and thi I arguably a dangerously heavy sleeper. And also I can go to sleep anywhere and will fall asleep very quickly. So for example, things weren't looking good when I found myself being woken up by a midwife, about an hour before my first child was born. In the seat next to my screaming wife and the look of disgust on her face of sympathy where she thought oh this poor woman this woman might as well be a widow she told to be a widow she told to be a thi to the told to the to the told to the to the the to thought, oh this poor woman, this woman might as well be a widow, she might as well be alone.

She was in full-blown labour. She was in full-blown labour, and I had succeeded in catching a few thieves. How many hours in? I mean it was a long labor. I mean I was a tied,ied it was a long time to be fair to me you know it's 24 hours plus. Yeah it had been a bloody grueling day. I was naked. That's the weird thing about labor if if you'd had that day, right? And you won't give him birth and your partner wasn't giving birth and you come home, everyone goes, you must be knackered, but because someone's had such a worst day, it's almost like that didn't happen to you, but you can't mention to you, but you have to sleep for two days, but I'm not sacked. Give thi thi, that's normal isn't it? That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You's thi. You's thi. You's thi. You's thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You must someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone's thi. thi. You must thi. You thi this to anybody. I did. I've got to keep this to myself.

But I'm really tired. I'm really tired. I want someone to make me a sandwich. I just want to sit down and have a drink. During the nights in that first year or two then, were you useless or were you? I sort of worked out that once I was asleep I had to kind of like, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, th, to, th, to, to, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, really really really really really really ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, was asleep I was asleep so I had to kind of like to be helpful I had to be awake and I had to be on my feet if I was on my feet I was all right I was also very very good at physically putting the babies down the first one in particular I'm quite clumsy man so sort of jiggle jiggle out of sleep and the big one did require jiggling at a sort of squat legs there was a very specific position that I discovered

sort of legs quite far apart, sort of bouncing, it looked like sort of looking like you're trying to gently shake something off your ass, but something fragile. And then she would make the noise of a sort of creaky, a creaky door, and then you'd know you were there. But if I stopped doing that, that jiggling, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, thi, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, tho, and then, tho, tho, and then, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they, they, they, they, they, they, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, they, and, they, they, and, and, they, and, thi, thi, thi, thi, and, thi, and, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, was, was, thi, they, thi but if I stopped doing that that jiggling and try to put her down then I better basically there would just be so hey whoops it Daisy back to square one so I just had to stay like that sometimes for for hours so my I mean my quads oh let me tell you let me tell you I would say I think you have got quite a powerful ar my quads. Oh, let me tell you. I would say, I think you have got quite a powerful

arson quads, Mike. That's where it comes from. That's what it is? Yeah, powerful arson quads. But that's it. But I mean, because I, yeah, but if I then went to sleep, they're also their breast feeders both of these kids. And my wife wasn't very keen on kind of squeezing the breast milk into bottles or anything like that. Although she said that, Christ, now I'm thinking about it, maybe it's just because she thought that there was no chance of me actually waking up to, oh no, she was just selling me a line. Yeah. I've never heard breastfeeders be, kids be called that before. I know that the kids were breastfed, but breastfeeders sound like people that still do it in their adulthood. It's like a weird king of breastfeeders.

Or they're a couple of breastfeeders, they are, that they continue to do it. There's quite a scene that Totnez, not far from where I live. I think there's quite a a big scene of your older breastfeeder.. The elder breastfeiter. Yeah, you're double figures and age breastfeaider. I mean, whatever suits you guys. I'll be reading the Andre Agassi book, right? And his upbringing was insane. It's an incredible book. And I think you get more out of it.

Like now I've had kids, because it's all about his upbringing. And you're always worried about how you're treating your kids. on because once when he was a baby his mom found his grandmother breastfeeding him in the kitchen. Oh my God. Could you imagine that happening with your wife and your mom? Just like the round. How she managed that though? She must have, you've got to keep your, you've got to keep your hand in, right? She's just been going about nursing sort of brats all over the place just so that she's ready for the big day when she's got a grand gank of her own.

Now I this is a kind of sensitive question Mike. I'm going to throw it out there because I think we're friends. Are you worried that I think if I was to describe you I'd say you'd be a really fun parent to have until you're about 12 or 13 and then you might be quite embarrassing. Oh no. You've what you've done is they've absolutely hit the bullseye on one of my my greatest fears. Gosh! You've expressed in words, down my ears, something I've been dreading and concerned about for 10 years. Yeah. I do apologize.

That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. Yeah. Like, I would say, Mike, that you are, you don, your whole, you don't mind embarrassing yourself on TV. It's how it's happened. Making yourself a butt of the joke, so to speak, yes, yeah. Do you think having teenage daughters would make you change your kind of approach to life in that sense? I don't know. You would hope you would hope so, right? You would hope if you were causing them swing embarrassment at every turn that you might try and prevent them from experiencing that agony by I mean I don't know I mean

let's keep an eye on it shall I mean I'm good I'll watch myself but I don't you can't wherever you go there you are right I think sometimes if you're embarrassed people sometimes you do that not because of something you've said or you've done, just because you're standing there with a big red puffy face and you've got a big moustache in the middle of it and you don't really know what to do with your hands or something, you know? What would you do if your daughter's said, Dad, this moustache has got to go? We're teenagers. Give us a chance. But I've got got a part in horrible histories coming up where I get to play a 1940 scientist.

So please, please. I don't like to use the false ones because they're all sticking and they feel gross. Have you done any kids' TV while you have done a bit of horrible histories. Have you? And did your daughters love it? They did actually. And again, I think they're because they're so, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they, they, they, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, they, they, they, their, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the I think they because they're so they saw them when they were smaller thing where they did it doesn't it doesn't occur to them that it might be odd that dad's on the tele or whatever yeah no novelty just because it's been the job yeah all they're not impressed by it or anything like that yeah thank goodness yeah thi i'm a tttm. thi. their. I I I I I th. I th. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's just I that's just I th. I that's just that's just that's just th. I that's just th. I that's that's just th. I that's just I that's just I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. they th. they's they's they's they's they's they's th. they's they's they're th. they're they're they're not th. they're not th. they're not they're not the. they're they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not thi loved to do more, but it's, yeah, so that was fun. And also that's quite a nice thing for them to have seen me in

for the first time because it's such a good show. Yeah, rather than, you know, rather than. If you were like an embarrassing neighbor and waffle or something like that. Well, exactly, yeah.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. Yeah. the. Yeah. the the the th. th. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It.................................................................................................. day gives me my own sitcom and I make an absolute fucking pig's ear of it. And it's famously the worst piece of television ever made. And then that's what they see. You know, that's the fear. You've always got a horrible histories.

Exactly. Yeah. I had a strong start. I auditioned for, to be Waffle? To be Waffle. Did you? It's quite an extensive audition as well. The voice? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just checking. But you were, I mean, you were not interest in dogs at all at that point.

No, I know I had to really deploy my, my incredible powers of acting for that one. I had to pretend to be a man pretending to be into dogs who was trying to pretend to be a dog. It was complex. It was too many levels for me. How far did you get? Did you get close to it? Well, there's only one audition. It's quite long, you know. I mean normally in auditions I'm in there for about three minutes, you know, max. And they're like, yeah, thanks. That'll do. These days it's all kind of casting tapes. You you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's to. It's to. It's tode. It's toda. It's toda. It's toda. It's today. It's today. It's today. It's today. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's tapes, you have to send in little videos of yourself. Yeah. And you can tell on video how many times they've been watched, or in my case often not watched. And you can also tell how many people completed the video, you know. Oh no! And that is a crushing statistic. Let me tell you. Oh, God.

What's been your best numbers and worse numbers? Do you want to share? I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I thage. I thage. I thage. thage. than. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. than. thathea. to to to to to told. told. told. told. told. to me. to me. to me. And, their. And, their. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to, the to, to, to, you, you, to. And, you, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to. And, you to share? I did something quite recently. Oh, it's something like where I can't even say what it is because they, the levels of secrecy were similar to that of the nuclear codes, right? There were NDAs everywhere, watermarked things, but it was basically a kind of a sort of epic fantasy thing. And it's a tiny, tiny part, and there were, there were two views one of which was complete, one of which finished after I think about 16 seconds and then I worked out later that the one that was complete was me checking that the video was all right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! The brutal realities of the industry might get. And are they proud of like, are they aware of what you do now like and does it make sense

to them then? Yeah it makes sense. They're not proud, no. There's no, there's possibly disgust. What, hang on? You had a perfectly good job. You had a perfectly good job with a decent pension and then you, no, I don't get it at all. Sorry, sorry Dad. How do you feel if they, you know, went study to become doctors or lawyers

and that and had those sort of jobs and then wanted to stop it all to go and do comedy? Would you support it? I would be able to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at it at to get at to get at to get at their at all at all at all at all. their their their their their their their. their. their their. their to to to their to to their that all at all. their their toell them, from experience that it's a huge mistake. They must go back to the job they didn't like. Who else in Exeter is kind of, who are the leading lights of the extracultural scene? Well Katie Hopkins is number one I'd say. Oh is Copkins'er? Oh yeah. And have you bumped into Hopkins? She used to live very, very close to where we live until, was it Jack Monroe, sort of, did for her, legally. I once did a pilot, I'm not very into prank stuff generally, but I did once take a job as a, it was supposed to be like a prank thing, but

it was supposed to be satirical, so I thought it'd be alright. Yeah. I think it was okay, generally, but I got involved in this prank show years ago, where, where, where, where, where, where, to be, to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a the thii. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, so, so, so, thi, to be, to be, to be, to be, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri, thri, toei.a, toea, thi.a, they were I got involved in this prank show years ago where I had to pretend to be a host of a TV discussion panel at which various kind of sort of falsely enraged pundits were invited to talk about what was it? It was something about that the eating some sort of completely falsified eating endangered animals seen or so various things like a a kind brass eye style exactly that that's what they were going for and she was one of the panelists and I didn't know at the time that she was a a neighbor and I've been next to for a couple of years at this point and then less than a week later I was walking up the street from my house and my wife who had no idea who she was I said oh look there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their they. th th is th is th is th is thi thi thi thi thi thi theeei thei thei thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th who she was I said oh look there's that oh there's that what's her name she's just

moved up from the big house over there she's just staying on our street for a couple of weeks while I have a bit of a work done hello hi oh Katie that's a Katie hi I just met her the other day actually we should be friendly because she's gonna be on our street for a couple of the to the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they. they they they they they they they the they the the the then presented with me a man who just try to humiliate her. Oh God. Show her for being a sort of, yeah. Oh God. Have you seen Tom Parry? Because Tom Parry is a kind of legendary guest on this because he, um... Well he's pretty fresh into the whole season. We interviewed him about six months in. How far in was it Rob do you reckon? Six weeks I think was it of three months? Yeah. It's quite soon. He was living an insane existence of staying up all night with his child. Yeah. Have you have you seen him? I've seen him? Yeah.

But he's the thing is with Tom when you see the man physically, he's always beaming such positive energy. You could never believe that. Have. Have that??? that? that? th th th th th th th. th th th th th. th th th th th th th th th th th. th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he. he. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's thr. he's th. He's the thing is with Tom when you see the man physically, he's always beaming such positive energy, you could never believe that. His life's so bad. That he's exactly, he's living a nightmare. You wouldn't know it. I mean those are the people who end up eventually, of course, committing a spree. Topless, just going mental. Exactly. Mike, did your wife work full-time as a GP? Like how do you split up the like parenting? She's got she's falling into the trap of many a working mother where she's kind of part-time full-time, sov so she's got a sort of part-time contract but if you tot it up the hours that she does, I mean it's just a full-time job there's no two ways around it. You know, it's quite a very busy full-time job with long hours. And so do you do a lot of

the pick up a drop-off and all the dinner after school and all of that? Is that yeah? Somehow it's a mixed bag because her hours are funny as well. We find a way because she doesn't want me to do all of that because she doesn't, you know what? they. And so, you. And so, you. And so, they. And so, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, their, th, their, their, th, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, do, do, their, their, their, their, and so, do, and so, do, do, and so, do, do, do, and so, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, paperwork and stuff to catch up with, then sometimes she'll go in very late when the kids are asleep or something. Do you know what I mean? So she might have a fun bit of day where they're back from school and so she actually gets to see them and enjoy a bit of life. And then the time that she could just spend having one-on-one time with me, she chooses that is the expendable time, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the time she's the time she's that's that's the time she's that's the time she's that's the time she's that's the time she's that's that's the time she's the timeable time. That's the time she could probably do it out. Thanks. Yeah, which is very wise.

And also there's the, yeah, there's the in-laws as well who are sort of pivotal. Especially if I had to disappear off somewhere for a gig or a little acting job or something, and yeah, then they're, I mean, they are completely vital to our existence. That makes a massive difference. It's the same same, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th is is, th is, th is is, th is is is th is, th is very, th is is very, th is very, th is very, th is very, th is very, th is very, thi, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, their, their, their, they. And, they. And, they. Yeah, their, because with a lose parents are nearby. My parents aren't far either but they're literally around the corner lose. Yeah. And they both sets of parents really help but like it's like literally if I had someone run me up offering me a gig now I can get child care. I couldn't do it just go to the pub. You could pretend that you've got a gig and go to the pub. Yeah well yeah I could but I could but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never but I'd never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. to the to to to to the corner you've got that baby boomer slave labour ready to go. Exactly. And yeah sure I might go and do an unpaid gig for five minutes just so I can get pissed after but I was working. And you get on really well with them do you? Yeah,

thank God. I mean I've really landed on my feet there. It's amazing. I've got no complaints. Yeah. Zero. I mean they're up point because I'm so useless in the house as well. Di-y-y-y-y-y-for-examination, that kind of stuff, very, very bad. And it's a bit like the face paints, you know, if I rarely I will be allowed to do something and then it will go catastrophically long. The last time I put up a shelf was about 15 years ago and then my wife and I were working up in the mid of the night because the shelf that was stuffed with quite heavy medical textbooks collapsed onto our heads in the middle of the night. You know, and so I mean there was an occasion just before the pandemic started where I realized that my father-in-law had come in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th th the, the, the, the, th th th th the, th th the, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the father-in-law had come into the house, because Lucy was working really hard, and he had come into the house while I was out to change a light bulb. And at that point, I thought, okay, Mike, you're not pulling your weight, DIY-wise. That's bad. This is something you could have got around to. And also, looking at my notebook, did not need to go on a to-do list at all.

Did not need to be written down, just needed to be done. I worry about this, because is it that our generation is just shit? I think we might just be shit. I think we might just be shit. They need the at. It's just, yeah. I think we might just be shit. They don't need the need the at is just, yeah. I think we might be. Yeah. Because in 20 years are we going to be able to help our children with practical tasks?

We've basically, we've got, I think the problem is we've got too old and had it too easy. Before we haven't had any major hardships. Like we haven't had a ruddy good war. you know, with a conscription, for example, to give us some more stories. To thin out the, yeah, to thin out the people like me, you were wrong. Exactly. And we haven't had to deal with a pandemic in our formative years and therefore deal with not being able to have everything that we might have wanted at the drop of a hat. I think it also is to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the to do the the the th, th, thi thi thi thi thi that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that that that that we that that that we have to thi, the, that's that's to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like to to to to thi, like, like, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like, like thi, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. If to to to thin, to thin, thi. a hat. I think it also is to do with like what we do as jobs though because we are just pathetic like needy attention seekers to go out and talk for a living where other people do our proper jobs where they have proper jobs you know the kind of stuff where like it all

feeds into it I mean or if they've got mates that are resilience and all that kind of thing yeah or they've got a mate that they cannot say if you don't say if you did do this job but like if you've got mates of plumbers and carpenters and stuff like that, you can say, show us how that works, but like if you haven't got any of those people you just sort of like, oh no, and just rely on dad's or father who knows. They wouldn't know how to locally record on QuickTime and send it on a zip file. Sure. We always end with the same question, Mike. And you've been very positive about your wife.

But, Rob, what is the final question? It's Crosby's law, introduced by Matt Crosby, where what is the one thing that your partner does parenting wise that annoys you, but you can't bring it up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up the up the up to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, to their, their, their thing that your partner does parenting wise that annoys you but you can't bring it up without there being a bit of an argument but if she did listen to this you would think yeah Mike you've got a point there fair enough. Oh I'd be I'd be for a star I'd be reaching for it and also it's very it's probably clear from this our chat and it's certainly very clear to anyone who knows i th and it and it and it and it and it and it th and it's and it's and it's and it's the the the the th and it's th the th th to to to the to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. the the the. the the the the the the. the the. thi. thi. thi. to to thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to anyone who knows us that if either of us got picked off, what would happen to the children would be very different. It was me as opposed to her. Do you know what I mean? I mean, if I got squashed under a grand piano, immediately after this, there would probably be a few days before anyone noticed,

necessarily. Dogs barking at it. What is it barking at that piano? Sorry, a bull's dick under there. She's a quite chaotic creature, I would say. But that's kind of part of the fun. Both. But I don't, I think, these are not things that I would change necessarily. For example, I mean it might be that I might, like were I to sort of rewire her brain so that she did know where her phone or her keys or her wallet was or where she parked the car, you know, all that kind of stuff or any of that, then you'd lose quite a lot

of the other stuff as well, I think. I mean, I think, I think, think, think, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th th that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thr. thr. theeea, thr. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tha, tha, then you'd lose quite a lot of the other stuff as well, I think. I mean in homeschooling, for example, there I was with my grammar school education trying and failing to sort of drill in verb tables and long division into children who had no idea what the fuck I was talking about, was just making their education worse, just stressing them out and not really understanding anything I was telling them either. And she, for example, she had them for a homeschool day, they spent the whole day just painting the front wall of the house in a giant rainbow. It's awesome. That's what she did with a home school day. And they had a great time and they were very happy.

And instead of going through the probably educationally damaging process of being left with me for a day. Yeah. And a book of geography facts, you know, sort of 41-year-old man trying to make you memorize the capital of Slovenia for some fucking reason. Libyana. Very good. and spell it correctly, taking away Rob. Oh J, you blu-little-lobb. I actually just had a really, really nice, really nice time and we're just happy and then slept well and then just caught up when school started again. We might have to check in when they're 15 and 13, Mike.

Okay. I think your life could be in a very different way. This is the final, enjoy this last year or so before, it all changes Mike. I've still got the small one though, right? The small one, they've got a bit more time in the small one. Although maybe she'll become, perhaps she'll become, do they, do they become teenage when the older one becomes teenage? Do they become teenager quicker don't they? Do they just just just just just they just just they just they just they just they just just just they just just just they just just just just just they just just just they just just just just just just just they just they just, they just, they just, they just, they? They just, they? They're, they? They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thoooooooooooes.a, their, their, their, their, their, teenage when the other one, when the older one becomes teenage? Do they become teenager quicker don't they? Do they just follow their older sister? Adolescence kind of thing. So the thought of you sitting your daughters down to tell them about the birds and the bees? Ah yes. We're hand-drawn illustrations. This is Mommy, this is me, and this is Pam. She's not involved, that's just for a little bit of fun.

What Pam's doing with that bull's dick? That's not how you do it. Mike, it's been an absolute joy. I wouldn't find you embarrassing at all. But you know, on the embarrassing thing, before you go, Mike, have they seen you on taskmaster shitting yourself? They have. And what do I think? They have.

Well, they, I mean, obviously, for the record, you know, I mean, it was a hemorrhoid, right? So that was number one was what's that? So we had to pause and it's quite hard to explain about the architecture of the anal cushion to a seven and a ten year old. Particularly when you can't quite remember it very well yourself. But they, yeah, they took that surprisingly well, I don't think. And also I was slightly dreading that episode school gates-wise, and I tho, I thoededed, I thoed, I thoed, and I thoed, and I thoed, and I thoed, thoed, thoed, tho, and I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, and tho, and tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo also I was slightly dreading that episode, school gates-wise, and I thought, because I knew that lots of other kids were watching it. I thought they might get a bit of a hard time or there'd be lots of kids, going, ah, you know, your fucking dad's asses fuln out of itself, ah, you know. For context, if they haven't seen Taskmaster, this is where you had their thive th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, you the, you that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, thou. I might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might the the the the the the the the the th. You've th. th. I th. I th. I th. I might might might might might might might might might that. I that. I might that. I've that. I've tod. I've toda. I've today. I've today. I've got a today. I've got a today. I've today, you've today, tod for in the house. It is the trumpet with which the beginning of each day is started.

And yeah, but for some reason it took me literally hours and I was pumping and straining to the point where, yeah, literally a hemorrhoid popped out my bum. Well, you know, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but when you're over 40s, men's assholes just fall to pieces. I think it's okay to be a little bit of shame at it. I think it's okay. You know, I'm in my 40s. I'm trying to do a fart for a living and um, developing a cute hemorrhoid. I think, I think a bit of shame is probably a good idea. Yes, on thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I at the time I thought I was quite proud of them because I thought Oh, okay. Yeah, you realize you know life isn't perfect, you know and You know if wishes were horses and so on but After this discussion I'm wondering maybe it's just because they think Fits a pattern of quite an embarrassing father and it's just nothing more they won't find you embarrassing at all Mike you sure you promise you promise. Yeah, we've we've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're No, they won't find you embarrassing at all, Mike. I'm sure, no. You promise.

Yeah, we've got that. You can have that. You can have that for a mark. That's a hundred percent guarantee for us. Okay, great. Thanks so much, Mike. Really, thank you. Cheers, Mike.

Thank you. Thank you. too. I love Mark Worsney, yeah. I mean absolutely unique human being. But you imagine that like he had that conversation with us, but I just imagine he just sits in a chair on his own and having that conversation anyway. Yeah, just with the dog. Yeah, I can picture his wife now where he just sort of says, what? And she just does it and goes, I'll just do it. Um, if you worry you'll be an embarrassing dad, Robbed. Well, I'm hoping really really really really really really really really really really really that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I'm that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm going that I'm that I'm to to to to to do to th. that to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that he just th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. theat theat the. the. theat the. the. theat the. thi I'm hoping really that I'm going to do all the most embarrassing things in my career in the next five years and then when they get to 10 I might get a little bit more

precious with what I do and don't do and then all that stuff will be in the past. So it'll be like archive stuff which is, you don't want them at 14 at the school gate and you're having a colonic on Sky One. That's already happened. No, exactly. You want that to just be on YouTube, don't you? Yeah, because the kids don't watch that. Kids, teenagers won't see you. They're not on YouTube. They're famously just watch scheduled TV children. That's how it works.

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doing it you're building a you building a swimming pool off the back of your cover of Mac the knife and heating it up with my way right right see you like you gotta go pick up the kids, haven't you? Bye. Bye!