Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP22: I think you need to go cold turkey from your life...

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP22: I think you need to go cold turkey from your life...More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Rob Beckett I'm I'm Josh Willickham welcome to parents in hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of, of course, tales of the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their trials theirs. theirs. I trials theirs. I trials trials trials tri-a. I they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with Josh Whitakum. Say Josh Whitakam. Hi, Josh Finkin. And Rob Beckett. Boyddick. Oh, he really articulated Beckett. Yeah, I'd say that was a standout name in all those. I'd say the Widdicum needs work. Yeah, that is Felix, great name, giving his intro to your names.

Little Sister is an absolute trial, so had to get her word into it at the end.. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, I. It, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and to, and th. And, and, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, I, I, I, I, th. And, I, I, I, I, I, I's th. And, I's th. And, I's th. And, I's th. And, I's th. And, I's th. And, I've th. And, th. And, th. And, I've th. And, th. And, I'll absolute troll, so I had to get her word into at the end. It's a bit harsh, isn't it? I really think that's, I think that's, there's a problem, yeah. Hence the unusual noise, Emily. Thank you, Emily Felix and the troll of a little sister. Don't even give the name of the kid, just troll. troll before name. Yeah, but there we go. Thank you very much. How are you, Rob? Yeah, I'm good. Not too bad. Kids are in school, which is good, and then... How's the school run these days? The school run was stressful at the start, but now it's better.

Basically, because we're really close to the primary school, but we can't really walk her anymore. Because they've got this like drop-off system, you drive in and then a member of staff opens the door and the kid jumps out and runs into the school and then they shut the door and then you drive off again like you're delivering a celebrity to the red carpet. To stop people having to park. However close you are you have to drive. No, no, no. But we're doing that because the other one goes to a school that is a drive the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. to to to to the to the thru. to to thru. to be to be thru. to be thrush. to be to be to be to be the thrushe. to be to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin th. thin the the the the the the the thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu kk k k k. k. k. k. k. k. k. the the thu the th because the other one goes to a school that is a drive, right, so and they both have to be in by about 20-past eight. So if I did walk there, walk back, and then put a little one in the car, there'll be too much traffic by the time I've done that. But at the moment if we're both home, I've been dropping one and who's been dropping in in dropping, but if you're on your own, you have to drive, drop them in and go back around and do a big loop.

Yeah. And then, um, for the track, the school traffic is bad, but people drive like lunatic. I just feel like, do you know what this is, I feel like everything. Six sentences in a row though. That was amazing. You started six different sentences in a right. I know. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, the the the school. I the school. The the school. The the school. The the school. The the school. The school. The school. The school. The school. The school. The school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school. The the school. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. It's, tr. The school. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. the school. the school. the school. The school. The school. The, think that there's people driving around like lunatics and the world's getting faster everything's like so automated, isn't it? Like you can order stuff if we phone, Amazon Prime or whatever, this, that, and everything. But I just think that I don't think we need to speed up technology. I think we need to slow people down. I think people are doing too much and it's ridiculous people are ridiculous people are driving. This is my first intervention with Josh Whitakam who's just

squeezing this in between five live and Radio Six. The, like, because they're driving like in like a rally car race of like, got to get it and everyone's desperately trying to get in front of everyone and I'm like this is awful. And I know people have got meetings to get to and get trained to catch and stuff like that but it's just it can't be good for you. Do you know, sometimes I'm in a rush too but I just accept that it might be late because you just you can't. Do you know that's my fear about the about the step up to school next year is that we haven't got a deadline with the nursery drop-off so it's pretty stressful as is getting around So what's. that's. the the the the the the the the time. what's. What's. What's, do. What's, do the the the th, do. What's, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th th that's that's, do that's that's that's that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you to to to to to to to to to th, you, I I I I I I I th, you, I th, I th, I th th th th th th that's that's that, I that, I'll that, I'll that, I'll tote totally totally totally totally totally totally tell me between 9 and 3. Yeah. But breakfast finishes at 9.30. So you're that's basically a deadline

is 9.30. So you've got an hour and a half. Yeah. And even if you miss breakfast it's not the end of the world, but you can't just, but with school, it does start at a certain time and I'm kind of terrified about that. And the specific pickup, so the pickup is slightly more difficult because we have to get the youngest thing that comes out of three and then the eldest comes out of ten past three. So you have to go and get them at three and then jump in the car and then try and get the car and then try the car door and they jump in the car like you're trying to get someone who's up in the dock away for the press can take a photo so you do that okay over their head as they get in yeah yeah newspaper covering them or just big umbrellas like Jordan getting married and then so but if you get there at you're early but then if you're late you're not allowed

to be in the queue because that's the other class because then they come out 20 parts. So it's so stressful because you're like you have to time it's exactly exactly perfectly and yes so that's quite it's quite it's challenging to do that when there's two. People have got four kids. Because also I'm struggling to keep up with what they've got each day because some days they need to go in their PE kit. Some days it's like they've got a funky jazz or whatever it is. Then you've got to the swimming lesson. Then you got this and then swimming less. It's just like I can't even keep up with my week. Never their tho. And I think I think thin, and I think, and I think, and I that's, and I that's, I that's, I, I that's, I think, I that's, I think, I that's, I think, I'm, I think, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, their, their, their, I'm, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their, they's their, they's they's they's their, their, their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, even though you sort of, the stereotypical thing is one person works, one person does the kids, whether that be male or female, but there are lots of extra little bits when you're operating three people's lives, essentially. You become a PA for two children or free children. Yeah, essentially. And they need the right equipment on this time, and they need an extra snack because they're funkyed, their. And their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, but their, but tho, but tho, but tho, but tho, but th. But, but th. But, but th. But, but th. But, but th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their the. the. until five. Have you got a colour coded thing on your fridge or anything like that? Well it's hard because it keeps changing because it changes each term

so once you get into a rhythm of it then it changes again. So it's a bit brutal and at the moment lose taking the brunt of that to be fair because she's at home more because I've got some filming coming up but yeah it's carnaged. It's good for me to to know that there's the their. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I've their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the to the the end of the tunnel isn't it? That's the main thing. The admin gets worse. You're not as tired but there's definitely more to do. Yeah. I would say your child, the baby one, at four five months old, it's probably the easiest still be now forever. It just gets farther. Don't, don't. He is pretty easy actually, to be fair. What I'm saying, now they're sleep in a bit of a sleep pattern and you get in that sleep. It's when they start mate, that house when you're the knick-knacks in that house when you've got two you've got no chance. Oh mate I tell you though he's got this rhythm going with his sleep he's almost I don't want to get cocky but I think we might be through the four months sleep a bit well played good work. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the the the the the the took. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th exactly. So now it's still 5 a.m. But still always 5. to the dot 5 a.m. But and we're still we're still putting our heads at the wrong end of the bed.

But um. Apart from that, it's great. Quick Bruinil carriage. Sleep. Quick Bruinil carriage and sleep. What's your, have you picked a school? Have you seen any schools? What's your school situation? Because you've got to stop that out. Yeah, I know, we've got to apply, haven't we? God, we have got to apply, haven't we? Geez, I've got to start there. So we're going to, there's a school very near us that we're the reason if she doesn't then I just I just don't I tell

what we'll do. But you should you should get in if you're close we're very close but obviously there is things that take precedent understandably like backhanders to the head. It's a foster and yeah and people who pretend they live in a flat above a chip shop that they're just renting for the location that kind of things that kind of thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. That's thi. That's thi. That's thi. People thi. People thi. People thi. People thi. thi. People they's they're they're they're they're they're thi. they're they're they're just thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's, they's, they're they're they're they're th. they're thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thi. thin. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi. thi. We're just very very thi. theeeeeeeee. We're they're they're people do that? No I don't know I'm just talking that out there but you know I think they do. There's rumors isn't there about these kind of things going on in the world. If it's a good school people want their kids to go to good schools mate. As I said anyway in other news Rob I'm moving out for a few months and I'm moving up of a chip shop? Yeah I do. Is that just to to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask to mask the the the to mask the the the to mask the to mask their their their their their their to mask their their their to mask their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. to battered sausage pit. They've had to close down the chip shop because they think they might have some kind of rotting problem in there.

This is a winder come upstairs sweating in too many liars. But yeah, you do need to do that. Have you been on a tour of the school? No, because of bloody COVID, they tried to go about six months ago. I got in touc, to And they were like, obviously we can't, so I've got to reorganize that now. Oh no. Because they couldn't take people because of COVID. Oh, nightmare. Yeah, but they should be opening now though.

Fingers crossed, should get in there. And if not, I suppose it will just have to be shipper off to Eton. Yeah off you go. Age of five I imagine. See you at 18. Bye-bye. Oh my God. I get people that may send the kids to boarding school when they're like secondary school or 13 or 11 or whatever especially if they're playing up or whatever or they might enjoy it or work reasons because you know it is young still but you know you're a bit more older and know what's going on but I to anyone that sends a like five to a ball in in school.. to a school. to a school. to a school. to a school. I to a school. I. I to a school. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I but I took anyone that sends him at like five to a boarding squad just, it feels just... Oh mate, I don't want to judge other people but it's it's not for me let's put it that way. No, no not for me or anyone I trust no and like. But I wouldn't want to judge, you know.

Should we do some emails? Yes, please have you got any emails? Do me to do some emails? Yes, please. Have you got any emails? Do we to do some of these instars, Rob? Okay. I'll be honest, the week I've had. This has gone on, Josh. Like, I'm not, I don't care.

But the week you've had, it's sort of been your opening for, I don't have the odd bad one, but this has been regular. It's been a terrible terterterterter it? It's like when your mate goes, oh, I'm hung over again and you think, why? Have you got problems? Why? I think you need to, I think you need to abstain from your family, Josh. I think you need to go cold turkey from life. Oh, exciting though.

I've booked a Christmas trip. Oh, where you're going to Alton Towers for two nights to the to the they've got like a Santa on a winter wonderland and all that lovely when's that right December the like five days before Christmas something no that be great oh that's good yes you've not had any holidays with the kids at all really even with when you just had one are we went to no we've been away a bit with the one we went we went to Camber Sands last last the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tah sands. toy. toy. I I toy. I toy. I the the toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. I I I I I I I. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. t. tttte. te. tttte. te. tte. to. tte. tttttttthe one, we went to Canber Sands last summer, Rob. Oh you did, sorry, yeah, I remember. Everyone's been to a little car around bar.

But I'm, well, I'm being sneaky, I'm doing gigs in Dubai, but I'm taking the family to double it up, a little work, so the kids will be coming, which will be fun but also I thought if it all kicks off again I can just still take them because it's work you know not all the you know not the towel we lot pretended to have photo shoots in Dubai so they could go to Dubai in the lockdown remember yeah so if it all kicks off again I can't do that so I can't try to try to try to bang on that to make it sound good but I don't know I've the the they they I they I they I they I they they they they they they they they they they they've actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually I've actually actually I've actually actually I've actually actually actually I've actually I've actually I've they've their. I've to to their. I've their. I've their. I've their they've they've their they've they've they've they've they've their they've their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their I their their their their their their their their they they they're they're they're th to to try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've try. I've today. I've they're tod gig. I've actually got a gig. And then if they go, but why do your kids need to come? I'm like, hello? I tried to bang on that to make it sound good. I didn't know what happened there.

No, no, no. You know, sometimes you tap on a mic for the effect. I think I just ruined the recording. Anyway, but I'll be like, tap. I'll be tap. I'm imagine, th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'll th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't know. Don't. Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. Oh very nice. Do you think? Oh, is that? I don't think that'll get me through customs? Yeah, I think it will. I don't there'll be any issues with that. I think they'll be backlash from the newspapers? I don't think so, no. I think there's bigger shit going on. Really? Yeah, there might be backlash. When was the last time you sat down and thought about COVID?

The problem is all the news stories now it just seems to be they're just anti-vaxes that get it. Oh, the anti-vaxes. And then it doesn't really pull on the heartstrings as much, does it? It's like someone being a running bath with the plug-in, them drowning. Pull the plug out. What happens? One of the strangest analogies I remember. You could have pulled the plug out there. You could have pulled the plug out. Nah, leave it in. I trust my immune system.

I can hold my breath. Do you know what I don't trust my immune system. I do not trust my immune system. I do not trustust trust trust trust my trust my trust my trust my trust my trust my trust my immune trust my immune. I trust my immune. I do not trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust my immune. I do not trust trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my trust my trust my immune. I do trust my immune. I do trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I do not trust my immune. I trust my immune. I trust my immune. I trust my immune. I to to to to to to to to trust my immune. I to to to trust my immune system. I don't trust my immune system. I'm to to to to to to to to me me. I'm trust my immune system. I don't trust my immune system. I don't trust my immune system. I don't trust my immune system. currently my immune system is pumping out an astonishing stench in a reaction to doing too much PR so I'm not sure it could deal with COVID. That's one of the new symptoms you stink as shit but you can't smell it because you need a sense of smell right okay here we go the out of the mouth of babes, this is funny things people's kids have said, which is sort of a root one topic, but always delivers. Have just started listening to your hilarious podcast. My daughter, before her fifth birthday, we're

making a big deal about it, getting her excited a few days before to say, you're going to be a big girl, you're going to be five to say, and the to say you're going to say, you're going to say, you're going, you're going, you're going, you're going, you're going, you're going, to say, to say, to say, to say, to to to to to to to to to to to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their..... the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th th th th th said you're going to be a big girl and you're going to be five tomorrow and in the morning she burst in our bedroom proudly announcing she was no longer in her four skin. Oh wow because she's she's in a five skin now that is a lovely coincidence that that's the way she's described it and what a terrible turn of events it did happen to fall on the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the fifth the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. thi th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's the way she's described it. And what a terrible turn of events say it did happen to fall on the fifth birthday? Any other skins would be fine but the foreskin always takes your mind off to another direction. I'm no longer in my foreskin. And thanks McCailer. It's a shame it wasn't in public. Right okay hi Rob and Josh just listening to this week's podcast and laughing at the kid who says, Jesus Christ, while shiting.

My son, Archie is six and he sits having a poo, try to squeeze it out and will often shout, Mommy, my bumhole isn't big enough. It's not coming out, it's too big to get out. Oh my God, we've all been there. He says it in a strained voice, Mmm, Mommy, my bum hool isn't big enough. And then when he does poo, he sits there and smiles and goes, oh, that was a good one, that was nice and cracks up every time after doing a poo.

Wow. Do you think, do you think that's how we're all feeling about going for a poo? But children are just more articulate about it and we're more buttoned up. I think every time I have a shit I think to myself there must be a better way. There must be a better way to, there can't just take a pill and it just comes out in like one cough. Do you know what I mean? It just feels like there's got to be a better way to get this out of me. You know what I mean? Yeah. Are you one of those on a certain time scale? I find those people freak me out.

What exact exact poos times? Yeah, likethe same thing every day and I was eating like I was eating a better diet when I was trying to lose a bit of weight so I was knocking one out so I was having to put something I was squeezing one out yeah normally around 8 a.m. that would speed up the process and if I did have a coffee it could be anywhere between seven and nine a bit like your your your your your your your your your your your your your your to to to the to to the to to the the to to their. th. th. I I I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was eating I was eating. I was eating. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was I was I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a t. I was a th. I was eating. I was eating. I was eating. I was eating. I was eating. I was eating. I was a th be anywhere between seven and nine. A bit like your daughter's drop-off times. It was a sort of varying. If I had a coffee that would bring it on. But yeah, I got into a rhythm of that. But now I'm working later and all over the place.

It will sometimes be a surprise to me when I need a poo. This will blow your mind, Rob. You've been shiting out your armpit your thier thier thier th. I know someone who goes once every two weeks. That can't, Julia Assange. Once every two weeks and they've been to a doctor and the doctor said, there's nothing you can do, that's just the way your body works. Is he a council binman? I'm just trying to think all the,

Really strong, really strong. Better in the saunge, the doctor said, but once every two weeks and what does, what does, what does, what does, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi? thi's thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tha, the sange, better than the sange. Sometimes it makes sense. But once every two weeks, and what does the doctor say, that's fine? That's all, like, they were just like, yeah, we've checked, you know, there's nothing, this is just you. So, is it one giant one? I don't know. I haven't spoken, it her in depth about it. Do I know her? No, you wouldn't know. She's not in comedy. I think she should be with that kind of source material. If I shi it every two weeks you'd know about it. I'd get a good 10 minutes out of that. Yeah. I'd actually spend more time talking about than doing it mostly. Imagine imagine the weight differential after when you... Oh god, yeah she couldn't be a thi. the we. the we. the we the weight. the weight. the weight. the weight. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We' th. th. We' th. I th. I th. I th. I' th. I' th. I'm th. Imagine th. Imagine th. Imagine thi. I'm th. Imagine that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I'd that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I's that. I's that. I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'm th. I'm th. I've th. I've th. She's thi. I've th. I've thi. I'd that's that's that's't be a boxer, could she? Imagine that, you got weighed in, give me half hour. I did a coffee stat. Yeah, so it's cursed he said, as well as him saying this, it's too, the pole isn't big enough.

It also said, he also likes to ask why his willy goes big when he pushes out a poo. Oh my word. Is this even normal? As the owner of a vagina, I have no. thapapapapapapapapap. No it doesn't. No? Do you? What? I don't know? I don't know. I've never known my willy to go bigger through straining. No, that's not the thing. If someone said that happened to them I think this person's turned on by shitting. Well if any adults out there does get an erection when they shit, let us know. But preferably not, you know, not too graphically. I think though what it might do is that because he's straining so hard I think it's... Yeah, all the blood's rushing to that area. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know, I don't know, but I've never, I've never had a erection while pooing. I th th th th th th th you thu thu thu thu the thu thu thu thin the thin thin thin thin there there thin thu there thu thu- I there there there there there there there there's thi thu-I thi, I've thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thi, I've thatheatheatheatheatheatheathea, I've that that that that thu. I've thu. I've thu. I've thu. I've thu. I've thu. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi thi to to theeea. I've to theea. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thea. while pooing. I do sometimes very difficult to go wee and then you know wake up with morning glory you've got an erection you need a wee that is a

nightmare. That is an absolute disaster. It's just do you what do you do hunch over and sort of bend it down about snapping. Yeah you have to basically use the wall as a kind of as a thing to create as a more horizontal. I haven't got a hole. No so I've got like like. the the the the the to to to to to the to to to to the to to to the to to the to the to to the the the to the to the the wa. the wa. to the wa. the wa. the wa. the wa. the wa. the the wa. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wa. I the wa. I the w. I the w. I the w. I the w. the wa. the wa. the wa. the wa. the the wa. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I the th. I th. I the the thing. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thing. thing. thing to create, to make yourself more horizontal. I haven't got a hole. I haven't got a little shelf thing and then the window. So I can't, so do you know what I've been doing? You can't get any purchase? Right, so do you know what I've been doing? What? So if I've got an erection when I need a way, I go to the toil like a boss chatting to you. Like you know with a chair on your chair. Yeah, like AC Slater and so by the bell. So I sat like that and then I get my willy and I pop it and I actually sort of like hook it underneath the rim of

the toilet. So it touches it? Yes. And it keeps it in place and then I can just go for it. And also the bell end also like acts as an anchor. So I am I I I I I I I I I am I I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am I am. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the bell end also like acts as an anchor. So I am touching it, my dick is touching the toilet. But there's no other way because otherwise, if you just sit on the toilet and where you're pissing on the ceiling, if you stand up, we just piss him straight vertical, or piss him in your own face. So I straddle it and sit changer especially when you sound like the explanation you're giving when someone's caught you doing something in a hotel room and you've left the door open. No, that's I'd stand by that Lucy, me do it. It's the only way. I do think sometimes

so because of weight distribution I don't want to snap the toilet off. Because there's so much weight on the front that wouldn't normally be there. Right Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. the the there. the. the. there. the. the. the. the. the. thso. thso. thso. thso. thso. thso. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the. the tho o'. their their their their their their tho. tho. tho. their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. I. the. I's. So. I's. So. So. I's. So. So, the. I's. So. So. I's. So. So, th. So. I's. So, the the thoooooooooooooooe. So. So you to worry about that. I genuinely. Because it's impossible to piss and also if you do do it in the middle of the night, you can catch a little micro sleep as you're pissing. So I've got through to the age of 38 without being one of those people that needs to get up for a piss in the middle of the night. And I'm dreading. Well, if I've been drinking a glass of water before bed, mate? Oh, you cocky but I asked it. My bladder must be in pieces. But it's genuinely, it's quite a kind of, it's something I dread is that in the future that's going to be my life, isn't it?

Getting up in the night to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. Yeah, I've got you down as a big, it as a big, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, genuinely, genuinely, it, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, to. to, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, to. to genuinely, to. to genuinely, to genuinely. to. to. to genuinely. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely. to genuinely, genuinely. to genuinely, genuinely. to genuinely, genuinely. to genuinely, genuinely. to. to. to be. to be genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, genuinely, to be thea. thea. happened yet. And then not being able to get back to sleep and then oh god no thank you very much. And then you just hooked your knob on the... Just hooked my knob there and then I found falling asleep. And people are like why is he why is he straggling the toilet on your balls? Yeah he's got got to say something like to their what what what what what what what what what their their their their th. What th. What th. What th. What's what th. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. th. th. th. What's th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh. Oh, thought I was going to say so awful it, but I got carried away. Worst than toilet duck on your balls? Yeah, I was going to say something about putting time up your ass. I don't know why. I just thought to end there like, I couldn't think of what. I was thinking about that.

And then you just, you know, you get to. Just listen to your podcast I wanted to say I've listened to your podcast in a dentist. It's difficult not to laugh but it also acts as a distraction. The dentist even saw that I was listening to it and we had a conversation about the podcast keep up the work. I don't have kids but I'm really enjoying listening to it Emma. Thank you Emma. That's very nice. You ya you yawn there there Josh. You yawn there. You the th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You the th. You th. You th. You the th. You th. You th. You the th. You the the the th. You're the the the th. You're the the the the the the the th. You're the the th. You're the the the th. You th. the the the the th. You're the th. You're the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the the to to the to the ta. ta. to the the try. to the to the the the the the the the, I think I've done well to get this far in life without. I think it's a bit back to cry. Yeah, I'm gonna have some fizzy water. Oh, here we go. My husband and I, both love the podcast and we listen to old episodes whilst falling asleep. Not the new ones, obviously, as they are a star listening. And worthy of a today their their their their tie their tie. tie. Yeah. tie. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thirty. Yeah. Yeah. thirty. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. th. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. Yeahthe house. This does mean, however, that some, can you imagine tidy in your house without a podcast on? Oh my God, can you imagine? Just silence and just the noise of you shuffling around moving things. You're having to concentrate on it. I do almost everything now, I mean it's bad, isn't it, but with a podcast on or with music on. Yes, like this couple do as well if you listen to this Josh. Oh no. This does mean as we are listening to it when we're in bed. Oh no.

Sometimes we have accidentally had sex to your Dulcet toast. Oh no! Accidentally, come on that. Accidently. My husband has had to start asking me to turn it off about halfway through. Surely it should help in a way. Because, you th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, thi th, thi, thi, thi, thioli, thi, thi, thi, thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes thi, sometimes th. th. th. th. th, sometimes th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomoma. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, because you know, if anything, halfway through I need as much distraction as possible to not finish early and listening to me and you and you are getting him off and it was making him finish. He's like, I need less stimulus. Yeah, you know you've had a good one

when you can hear D on Dublin Dublin and you're still going. My husband has had to start asking me to turn it off about halfway through as it's not overly helping his performance. Although I secretly wonder if it's actually a Pavlov's dog type thing and he's worried that your voices will trigger him on his train commute. Oh, I see. Could you imagine being on the train to work and ejaculating because you hear our voices? If that has happened? If that has happened, email him. That is interesting though. I can't have sex to a podcast. No. What if you had to have sex to a podcast, what would it be? Oh, well I'd actually go for something quite bleak and boring to stop me from finishing early, I'd say. What, like, what about the war? Yeah, like Dan Snow's History Hit or something like that? Yeah, yeah, exactly. What you don't that, th th that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is interesting that is interesting that is that is that is interesting that is interesting that is interesting that is that is interesting, that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is tho, tho, tho tho tho- that that is interesting, that is interesting, that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that, like Dan Snow's History Hit or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. What you don't know about the Normans? Don't like that. Me, you and the Roman Empire with me, Matt Billings. What does possible sound like for your business? What does possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and Conditions Apply. Visit A.X.C. toxin. BUSH-B. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air.

But th. But th. But th. But is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The Ford government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the Ford government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Right, another, do you want another one? Yeah, go on. I've got loads of good ones here. Hi, R&J. We never had R&J. We never had a R&J. We never had a R&J. I had quite an interesting phone

call last week from my kid's school, which I think maybe on par with the worst weekend. After a missed call the tape, tape, tip, to to to to to to to to tip, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, to to to to to to to to th. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do one, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do the their, do their, do their, do their, do their, do their. Do their. Do their. Do their. Do their. Do their. Do you their. Do their. Do their. Do their, do another, do another, do one. Do their weekend. After a missed call I had a voicemail which urged me to call back as soon as possible due to my son's medical problem. Oh no. To my knowledge my son doesn't have a medical problem, so panicking I phoned back immediately. The school's well-being officer answered and they said they had to ask me a few questions due to something my son had told his teacher. My son had apparently hurt himself and was crying, but also wriggling and writhing around like he needed the toilet, so the teacher asked if he needed to go. My son then proceeded to tell her that he was just itchy and he always gets an itchy bum at night.

I had to confirm he did not have worms and this had not happened in quite some time. She then went on to say my son had told his teacher that his grandma's dog bit his willy and it now has scabs on it. Oh my God! Hence the main purpose of the phone call. I had to assure the well-being officer while try not to laugh that the dog had never bitten anyone let alone my son's penis. Luckily they saw the funny side of my son later confirmed he was joking and I was explaining often tells these elaborate stories he's 18 and I'm hoping that these stories now joking I'm not joking I'm not I fell for that completely he did yeah he's

he's a good one he's five and I'm hoping that the story soon so up we tried to tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf but he had a nightmare about a wolf and eating him for a week solid. Anyway I love the podcast it cheers me up no end. Thank you Fay. Yes that is that is intense. But that's a weird thing to lie about isn't it that a dog bit my wheel is scabs. They should they should give him like a short shop and tell him the dog's been put down so that he knows that you know the power his words out. I think that might be too short and sharp. Okay. The dog's dead because you lied.

I've got enough on it. This one shot Kylie. Listening to today's episode I too had a C-section a year ago yesterday, junior doctor doctor attending and when during the tidy up they were asked by the surgeon what they thought of the procedure. The junior doctor's response was it's disgusting, not why I expected, and I don't think I want to do this again. There was zero banter and they moved on. That is amazing. That sounds like a terrible trip advisor of you. I know, wouldn't come back very unwelcome in one star. Messy not been cleaned in wounds. She heard her own cesarean the most important moment of her life

described as disgusting not what I expected I wouldn't come back again. I know awful some people are mean. That is amazing. Disgusting. But surely if you're... What did you expect? What did you expect a Caesarean to be? Well yeah, like, yeah, I mean, also as well, what did you expect, you know, being a doctor would involve? Yeah, exactly. You're a doctor. You're not like data input and then you've been brought in to look at a Cesarian. Yeah, if you want something simple with clean cut lines be a Swedish architect. Exactly, exactly. And I've always said that to junior doctors. Right, have you got have you got any emails or do you want some more? Go on, let me let me go for this.

Have a little look come I. I trust her. Here we're bloody go. Here we go. You're actually ready for this. The old computer cranking in. And yeah, I have tried to buy a new computer, Rob, by the way. What's happening? Well, there's none available. Do you know what that is? Basically, there's these certain components that are in everything and there's only a few factories that make them and one burnt down, and because of like COVID and factory's been shut down for now and again, and Brexit with the shipping of stuff. You can't thie-up wait ages for Vlux. Normally you can get them in a week sometimes on the shelf Josh. Vlux you had to wait ages for. Yeah those little Vlux windows. Yeah for slanty roof. Yeah I had to weightus but they're normally fine.

Because this was the thing I went into Apple and I was like they had them all out. Yeah for relux. For relux, an eye window. Other slanty windows are available, but I don't know what they're called. So you went into the computer shop and they didn't have a computer. They had the computers out but they then said, well we just don't have any. It's like, don't have them out there mate. Right, ready? Always. Always. Always. they're the thii. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. th th th them. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I tho. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I th. I th. I th. I th do an Instagram? No, let me do this. Sorry, my mind is fucked. I'm just completely lost it. What's what's on your mind now? What have you got to do? I'm just burned out. I'm just completely burned out. Okay. I'm right. Is this fun content now? Is this actually a cry for help? No, no, this is actually a cry for help. So what have you got, what can you drop out? Why don't we go for your diary live on the podcast? No, no, it's fine. It's fine. I've just got to get to the end of the day. I've just got advice for

the to Rob. Stroke paddling pool. Hi guys. Been listening to you guys making me laugh out loud for a while walking the dog, which makes me look small hack for you both. Oh. Chlorine tablets that you can buy for hot tubs. Oh. You can buy a floating device that you put the tablets in, leave it in the pool after use. It keeps the water clean, meaning not having to change the water every time. Oh. Isn't that a useful thing to find out in the last week of summer, Rob? You know, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thoing, thoing, thoing, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. thi. thi. to to to to to thi. thi, to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to toooa. tooa. tooauuu. tooa. tooauu. tooa. tooa, I've just literally dragged to my old paddling pool to the dump it's good to know that I know well where it's I got ruined. I know it's bad but it only costs about 35 quid and I just sort

of the amount of space it takes up and it's normally always ripped and I sort of buy one for the summer and then get rid of I know I've talked about it before but if I could get rid of one the the th of pool. I'd say the sprinkler is more fun than the paddling pool. Love the sprinkler. There's so much fun when I was a kid. Running over the top of a sprinkler is and the one, have you got the sprinkler that moves left and right and then you can go under it like it, it's like like a like it like it like it like it like it like a the tunnel like it like a the tunnel like it's like a tunnel like it's like a the tunnel like a tunnel like a the tunnel like a the tunnel like a the tunnel like a the tunnel like a th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tunnel. Yeah, that's yeah. I genuinely think if you left me on my own with a spring on a lawn now for an afternoon I'd still have a great time. Yeah, because you could have your headphones in and still do interviews lying underneath it. You can't get burned out when you're wet.

Okay, this is another tip. Yeah. I really enjoyed the latest podcast particularly the kid being left in the sweet shop due to parenting responsibility mix up. I have. the. that. Yeah, it was that bloody she left and they went off and the dad, she thought the dad had her, had the kid and then it ate all the sweets. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a good day. My wife and I read some, read somewhere about the process of pilots handing over controls to the co-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, the the their-s, their-s, their-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, th-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, than-s, and thi-s, and thi-s, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and th-s, and th-s, and th-s, and th-s, and th-s, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th-s, and th-s, th-s, threats, threats-s, threat-s-s-s-s.a-s-s.a-s. toda-s- through a verbal acknowledgement of your plane, my plane. We have adopted this for our son of 24 months. A bit young to fly a plane. That's good stuff. That is really strong. I mean, like, you know, it's not stand-up podcast in, but you can still throw a few singers in there when you need to, just to keep it going. His name is Harris. So Harris. Harris? Harris. First name Harris? It's first name Harris. That's what people call

their ass isn't it? You're Harris? But not everyone lives in southeast London. These people live in Nottingham. Oh I was gonna say Morton. Oh, I was going to say, uh, Motenham. Look, Aris, yeah, Aris, Cockney Rhyme Slangs, Aros from Aristotle, Bottle, Bottle, Bottle, from Aristotle, Bottle, Bottle. Um, Bootle, Bottle. Bottle. I don't know. Aris, Bottle.

I know, because Arre, that's even, that's more confusing. Aris is already rhyming slang, then,'ve got rhyming slang for the rhyming slang. Are you from South East London? Yeah. Look, Aris, up the Aris. Is your ass becomes, oh, ask becomes bottle and glass, which becomes bottle normally leaves out a rhyme word.

So it's basically a bottle becomes Aristotle. What a culture. That is not easier. No, it wasn't it's supposed to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be to be the to be to be the to be to be the to be the to be the to be to be to be the to be thia. thioling sa. thioling s. thiomomom. thiomomomomomomomomom. the the the thi. the the thi. the thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's th. I's th. I's th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.a. th. th.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. th.... culture! That is not easier. No, it wasn't it supposed to be easier so that the police didn't know what he was talking about. Why do the police need to know whether you're talking about apples and pears and stairs? Because everyone, because everyone in East London and South is something near the docks was a criminal and they were all buying and selling stolen goods and they'd do it by it by the to their the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their the police. their the police. the police. the police. And the police. And their their their their their their the police. And the police. the police the police they're all they're all all all all all they's they they's they's they's they's they's they were all the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police the police they were all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all. their their their their their their their their their their their their they. their they. their their their their their their their their their their their they're all. their the police. There you go. I don't know who's buying an ass. No, who's buying an arse? So Arris, Aristotle, I'm buying some apples and pears and a dog and bone. I suppose you can buy a dog and bone.

You could, but I've got, look, look, I've got 200 dog and bones. And then the police are like, and why is he, why islang for ass. So it'll be alright in Nottingham. Yeah, I'll be fine in Nottingham. Is Harris a name? It's a boy. It's a boy. Harrison. It must be Harrison. Yeah, his name is Harris. Sorry, sorry, Harris. It does make some strange tooks and problems. So what they'll do is they'll say your Harris, my Harris. So they're Harris, my Harris. their Harris, their Harris, their Harris, their Harris, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their is their is their is their is, their, their is their is their is their is their is, is their is, is their is, is their is, is their is, is their is their is their is their is their is their is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Is th. th. th. tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' is tha' is tha' is tha' is thi is tha' is th never get the situation. It sounds like they're doing a drug deal in South East London, isn't it? So you're Harris, my heiress? God, I don't want to be wandering around in East London doing this. And no, but you do it with your own kid.

So say you and Lou go out, right? Yeah, and we go, yeah, you're Harris. Say my kids called, Gavin, you're Gavin, my Gavin. Yeah, that's the way you do it so that you never leave a kid in a sweet shop. You're ass, my ass, your face or mine. Basically, so I've been really really sidetracked by the name. It was meant to make things simpler and if anything, I feel that, that ship has sailed. I think you've really complicated the issue to someone that knows Arris as Riem as Riem. Because the the the the the the the the the th is, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. I is th. I is th. I's is th. I'm is th. I'm is th. I've th is th. I've th. I've is th. I've th. I've th. I've that's is that's is that's is that's is basically. I've that's is basically. I've that's is basically. I've is that's is th th th. I's is, I's is, I's is, I is, I is, I is th. I is, I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I's is th. I'm is th. I'm is th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I've th. I've that that that thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've th. I've th that's the problem. What's Shank's pony? It's better than, it's better than better than walking. Right. And then Ark at him.

We've heard of Ark at him, haven't you? I've heard of Ark at him. Yeah, Ark it's, why would you say better than Shanks's pony? I don't know really. I moaned at my mom about a car being rubbish when I was a kitten. What is that? It used to refer to one's own legs and the action of walking. So you can use a chairlis, cable cars, or even the trustee shanks' pony. I'd say your mom's saying well it's better than walking. It's not a big sale for a car.

Well, shanks or shanks derives from the name of the lower part of the leg between the knee and the ankle, thank you very much email in and I hope you have a lovely long life for your children, Shank and Harris. You got any Instagrams, Rob? I'll have an Instagram for you mate. Let's finish on this one. This is a good little tip. This is from Tom Hitchum from Norfolk. Hey Rob and Josh, love the podcast, although four episodes a week would suit me better if that could be arranged. I don't, I think you could end, Josh. I don't know if that would be what I need at this moment. No, two's a stretch for Whitacum

at the moment, to be fair. My reason for email is, to be fair. the reason for me. the genius hat could help others and I'll like to share. Not mo. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I'm, thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't tho, I don't, I don't thin. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't thin. I don't thin. I don't thin. I thin. I thin. I, I thin. I, I, I, I th. I, I th. I, I th. I th. I, I th. I th. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I th. I th. I th. I th. Don't think, I th. I don't think. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I thin. I th. I don't th. I thin. four-year-old tun to Legoland as the obsessive Lego. As we all know, when setting up these treats, they also become the blackmail for said child being good by use of reward charts, for instance, or in your case the pom-pom jar. This worked for a while, but he soon started to ignore the chart. This is why I came up with the Lego elf. The Lego elf. The Lego elf or whatever your child is into so it could be a pepper pig elf or whatever. It's like the dummy fairy. Yes, the Lego elf. Watches what we do all day. Here's the good bit. I changed the name of my phone on Alexa an Alexa to Lego elf. Now when I want him to be good I just get Lego elf to tell him through Alexa. Oh my word. This also works when the elf take toys away to the the the toy toy toy toy the toy toy the toy toy the the toy the toy the the the toy the the toy the toy the the toy the toy toy the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. the the the the the get Lego elf to tell him through Alexa. Oh my word.

This also works when the elf take toys away for being naughty. As it's not your responsibility. You don't know where the toys have gone so can't get them back until the Lego elf or elf decides that they have been good enough to bring them back. I think that is the work of a fucking serial killer. Tom Hitchum, I don't, I think you're raising a monster. You cannot have a robot in your house punishing your child. I can't get on board with that. The robot Lego elf in a corner that takes your toys away.

Because what he's suggesting is you just nick the toys and hide them and when the kid goes, Daddy, where's my toy? The Lego health th th th th is think think think think think think th th th thi th thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thin thi. I thin thin, I thin, I thin, I th thin, I thin' thin' th thin' th th th the, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin' thin's suggesting is you just nick the toys and hide them and when the kid goes daddy where's my toy? The Lego health took them so now they think there's this actual thing walking around the house stealing toys then hiding in a little metal box and talking to him all the time whilst always watching. Imagine when he gets a 14 and wants to have a wank? fucking Lego else on his case, put it away will you mate? I'd say that's one of the most terrifying but... I'm getting stressed thinking about it. It's terrifying but I reckon there's going to be a third of our listeners going that is awful but we're going to use that now. Oh yeah I'm definitely going to try later. I'm not going to laugh. Oh yeah makes people talk to like bad manners, like and especially because it's Syrian electric, it's not like female voices, it makes people like be rude,

especially to start the female people, like when you go like, Alexa, stop. Because there's no like, excuse me please, do you mind turning the music off? It's just stop. Shut up. Oh, I see. There's not enough manners. So do that Alexa should go. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's is is is is is is i i. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the th manners. Exactly, that's people's right. So do you go, do not talk to me like that? They go, pardon? Pardon? Do you want your Lego bag? Yeah. Do you? What's the magic word? Yeah. What's the magic word?

Up greater prime. Spend more on the store. I'm the Lego elf. Have you got Alexa? Lou bought these little Alexa things in their bedrooms that they play music on, but I don't really understand how it works to it. I feel like a bit of a granddad. Yeah, it's we've got it. I never use it. I never use it.

I never use it. Be careful, I have an advert in a couple of ways. Yeah, yeah, it's very good actually. it. Just edit it out the bit we don't need. Yeah I think I don't think I'm going to employ that strategy though on the Alexa to be honest. No. But if anyone does employ it and you know you can make it really edgy do you know what I mean? Well yeah well they go. Yeah we have been using it and you can see what impact I had on on Crime Watch next week The results of my child's case will be on there. But yeah, no, that is, I think that's too, I like the idea, but I can't see it work and I think it might freak the kids out too much, personally, but each to their own. Each to their own. What I thought it'd be nice to end with, Rob.

Yeah. It'd be nice to end with some nice emails about, particularly about Jeff Norcott, who I thought did an amazing thing to come on here and talk about what he did. He talked about a late miscarriage. And so I thought it'd be nice to read out some emails from people who are affected by that. There's also some lovely emails about you, Rob, but I don't think we should read those out. Hi guys. I just want to send a huge thank you to you both for to five to five to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to their, their, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob, Rob. Rob. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, the thi. I I'm a to send a huge thank you to you both for this podcast. I've been listening for four to five months now. And for three of those months, my husband has been deployed. He's a pilot in the RIF. She's been super busy and I've been at home with our 18-month-old daughter.

Your podcast massively helped with the loneliness. The days where the only time I was listening to this whilst cooking dinner. I even had you playing a breakfast time sometimes just to hear adults or to drown out our thoughts when worrying about my husband. On the days when I felt guilty about finding solo parenting hard, I felt normal thanks to the stories you share. It was so helpful to hear other people find parenting difficult and it's okay to want to have time to yourself. I recommended your podcast to literally all my parenting friends and also those that don't have kids. Just because I love it so much I'm just listening to the Jeff Norcott episode where you guys talk about panic attacks and I felt like I had to message. You're both so fantastic about

normalizing important struggles and I'm so grateful that I stumbled across the episode. Thank you so much for helping me get through my second stint of solo parenting during the pandemic. I'll be forever grateful, Hannah. That's a nice message, isn't it? That's more about us than Jeff, though. I know. I saw his name in the email and then I started reading it and I realized halfway through. I've fucked up here.

I won't be surprised you just edited in the Jeff bit emails. Yeah. Do you want th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. th. th. th. th. that. that that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'll th. I th. I th. I. I th. I. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th in the Jeff bit, because there are actual Jeff emails. Yeah. Do you want to Jeff Norcott one? Yes, as you promised, please. Yeah. We've got enough compliments here. We'll give it a sling on to Jeff. All right, guys. First of all, cracking podcast.

Been listening since the beginning, and you will not believe how much does help me thrown. lockdown. I was furloughed for my job and was stuck at home with an angry ginger wife and three children under the age of seven. Lockdown now. Strange detail he's thrown in there. But it never stops for the ginger's even married. Oh it does even have you married and you've given the man three children and you know, I'm soon she's getting gingered off. I've just listened to the Jeff Norcott episode and felt this instant need to pull over a message you guys. My wife and I went through a miscarriage before the birth of our first child and as mentioned on the podcast, words cannot explain how unbelievably tough and hard it is on the woman both physically and mentally. It really affected my wife and she

sadly sunk into a dark hole of depression. Thankfully she is such a fighter, has worked incredibly hard to battle this. So refreshing to hear Jeff normalize the fact that men hurt too. I've never really spoken about the heart and heartache I went through, as I thought it was not the done thing, and honestly, no one ever asked how I was, which I just accepted. Fast forward eight years, after listening to the episode, I finally spoke to my wife about the hurt and emotion I was feeling. Fuck me, there were tears, but we managed to have the most amazing conversation about

it. And now we can actually talk about the little one we lost and not feel like we have to tread on eggshells. This sort of thing really does need to to be to be to be a a a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to does need to be talked about more, especially among men and men need to learn that crying is not a sign of weakness but strength. Wow that was a lot of waffle of a message, he's put that in, just to be clear that was him. Fucking old Josh, you're brutal. I know you're on a tight schedule, but poor guy's pouring his heart out.

Anyway, keep up the cracking work on this epic podcast. Hands down the best out there, even better than Chris and Rosie Ramsey. Once again, he has put that in himself. It's not a time to throw shade, okay? It's a serious message. That's him. Also, what about those two anchors on to Jeff as well? No, no, no, thank you so much Chris. And we'll forward that on to Jeff as well because that is an amazing thing to hear and I thought what Jeff did

was brilliant on this show. Yeah, it's so impressive that you had that conversation because you could have still just been affected by it but still remained closed off. So, but talking always helps and I think subconsciously your behavior may be different and not very positive because of stuff deep down like that that you're not talking about. So it's great to be able to be open and things like that. So well done mate and well done Jeff Norcott. Thank you to everyone for listening for emailing and for you know appearing on the show. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Next week we'll be back with our normal episode on Tuesday. We'll see you them. Cheers, bye. Hello, I'm Tom Crane. And I'm Simran Shah. And we're the hosts of the new food and comedy podcast, my favorite takeaway, where each week we're invited into the home of a celebrity guest to share their favorite takeaway, exactly as they normally have it. We'll be trying it all from Peruvian street food slouched on James Acaster's L-shaped sofa, to an Antigan feast huddled around Andy Oliver's dinner table, via an Alfres-Indian takeaway taqa sat in Tom Allen's garden. And we also want to hear from you the listener. Your takeaway recommendations. You can follow us on Insta, my favorite takeaway podcast,

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Available on all podcast platforms now. Now. Hello, I'm John Richardson and I'm here to tell you about the comedians playing Fantasy Premier League podcast. I'm Matt Ford and I'm here to tell you that although our podcast is about Fantasy Premier League, it's not just for Saddows, Loses and Virgins. Yes, for cool people like us and you're listening to this, so you must be cool. Each week we follow the highs and loads of the fantasy football teams of some of the country's funniest people. The great thing is, you don't really need to be into fantasy Premier League or even football to enjoy it.

That's because each week, Matt and I compete with each other. The lowest scorer in FPL having to do a humiliating for each week. Spoler in FIl-I. to, to, to, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tom.Sk, toda.C.C.Sk, toda.C.C.S.C.C.S.C.Fa.C.S.C.F.S.C.C.S.C.S.C. And, their's been Matthew. I'll be honest, it's not the start I'd hope for. Already I've had to do a humiliating chili challenge and try to have a pint with a duck, but it swam off! Even docks don't want to be near Matt Ford. Over the course of the season we'll be joined by a comedian such as Russell Howard, Romish Ranganathan, Maze Adam, Josh Wadicke, and Emily, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, to, and, and, to, and, and, to to, and, and, and, and to to to to to to to to to have to have to, and, and, and to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, thei, they., they., the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tie-a''a, the the the the the the the the the phone and subscribe to the comedians playing fantasy Premier League podcast now. New episodes are released every Wednesday until the end of the season.