Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP27: I hate my life...

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP27: I hate my life...More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed.

The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations

of modern day parenting each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, Tales of Parenting Woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi. thi. thi we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with Josh. Who's Josh? Who's Josh? Where are we going? What's Josh's name? Who's we get down? Can we say it louder? Josh Reggator, Tom.

And can you say Rob Beckett's as well? And who do we like best? Josh. We like Josh best? Why do we like Josh best? Because he's the best one to tell us beach? Oh, okay. And parks.

He's the best one to tell us about beaches and parks? And rockets. Okay. Well, thank you, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Little stiff-neck dickhead. Oh, I like Josh. I like Josh. Whoki knows about beaches.

Oh, fucking pathetic. Who's that? Who's that dick? Too much? Is that I think that's fair? I think this is from Cassie is the mom. Yeah. We thought you might enjoy this intro. Theo is three and we have been really enjoying hearing you both go the same

things as us. I should explain. I don't that I I that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th............................................................................. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's. Who's don't think he really has a favourite. Oh, okay. But due to listening to your podcast so often, he automatically calls any Josh, Josh Widdicum. His new swimming teacher is called Josh and he thinks they're the same person. Oh, that's nice. Which is ironic because I can't swim, Robert. No. Honestly? Yeah. Why not? Because I was allergic to chlorine as a child, so I never learned. Oh no, mate, my legs, you're tart. Oh no, mate, my legs were going to cut to ribbons with all the scratching. Oh, really itchy? It used to give me itchy? Yeah.

Oh, so can I call you a tart. thi? told you a tart? Is it like you're allowed to call someone? I enjoyed it. I felt like I was Rodney and you were doing it. It's like we went back in tarm me tart. Is that allowed? Is that all right? I don't know. I'm sure we'll find out. Do you know why we don't know if it's 20 years ago so there's never been tested. No one's actually heard it. It's so little used that young woke people can't be offended by something they've never even heard of before. Exactly. You definitely can't call a woman a tart. That's like, that's bad. That you can't say a tart for a tar for a woman but for you I think you can call you a tart I think I call a straight white guy a tart.

Ah tart is an offensive word for a woman who dresses or behaves in a way the suggestion wants to have sex with lots of people you look like a tart so yeah back but I think I think it's been in this context I'm quite I quite enjoyed it I feel a little aroused if I was with you. Oh, I've been flurred. Oh, you're gonna get itchy legs after this, you dirty bitch. I can't call your dirty b- something that's definitely not allowed. Definitely had a double shot of coffee today, Josh. Definitely. How are you, Josh?

You seem quite stressed, yes. Yeah, yeah, well, I just did the nursery run. Yeah, and we're starting half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half. I don't want to say, you know, there's a diva in this double act, but it feels like it would be you at this point. Well, yeah, I'm later than, you know. You have got the youngest kid though, so I think that's a get out of jail for a card. Yep. It's a nightmare to get taxis around in at the moment, Rob, for some reason. Well, is it a bit of a rush on? Is it the school drop? The old taxi school rush?

I don't understand what's going on. Ever since it came out of lockdown, the taxi industry's gone, gone bad in in East London. It used to be that I was in an absolute. absolute taxi hot spot because as you know, the main road in from Essex goes very near my house. Yes, yep. And from South East Under whenever I go into town I often drive past your little parade of shops.

Oh do you? Yes, if I'm getting a cab into town, we go up through the Blackwell Tunnel, Hooker left, Victoria Park, Josh Winnockham's London. There we go. Don't give the specific address, but thau, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, they, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toge, togu.. Yes, togu. Yes, togu. Yes, togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. Yes, togu. Yes, There we go. Yeah, don't give the specific address, but... Oh, well, Victoria Parn's big, isn't it? Yeah, no, it's fine, totally fine. Oh yeah, Josh lives in the house next to Victoria Park. Good luck. Go on, come on guys, you're all gonna know where I live now.

So no, two of them can't you drive? Well, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. two of them cancelled. Can't you drive? Well, I'll come to that in another story, Rob. Okay. Which? So in the end, got the taxi. Yeah. Two cancelled. The third one, following on my little map on my app. So do they go in a car seat then? How does it work? No, they're allowed in the, they're allowed in a black cab? So just rattle around in there if it crashes like a they've got a cup in a box. Put a seat belt on her. All right yeah you square. Just give her a cigarette, put a seat belt on her. She's fine. Oh you can't do it, um. Oh you can't do it. Oh you can't do it. Oh you can't do it. Oh. thirty. Oh, the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. the. the. the. I. the. the. t. tap. tod. tod. tap. t. tod. tod. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. the. I there's no car seat in there. I don't, I don't know. Yeah, I've just googled it. I googled it. Yeah. Um, so, um... I just googled tart meaning. They're all googling, mate. Navigating our way through this crazy messed up world.

He, anyway, he overshoots, uh, watching him on my little map. overshoots and misses the main road that runs through the Victoria Park goes completely other direction I phone him up he's only dropping his kid off at school after taking the job Rob so he took the job to the job he's kid to school and then came and pick me up I want you that like when you get a deliverer and they're dropping off someone else's pizza yeah and then they come and bring yours but normally you know when it's like an Uber and it's like, oh, just completing job, you can see it, but I didn't know he was going to go to a different school. Anyway, that's been, he can't be called free now, no, just,

free now unless I need to take my kid to school. I'm not free now, also yeah, I tell you what. Anyway, um, I'm any any any any any any any any any any any any you you you you you you you you you he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, I he, I he he he, I he, I he, I he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. I he he. I he he. I he. I he. I he. I he he he he. I he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's he he he he he he to finish panting. Eventually get there, it's all fine. I had to make him wait though. Normally I had to get an Uber back if I was in a panic to save money. So you paid, you just made him wait and then got in again. You're, you're, your lifestyle. You're like one of the Ecclestons. I if you're nervous about me going. I've got to leave you here and the entire time is money here. Oh God. We had to get back for this, didn't you? I haven't eaten in 18 hours, Rob. Why not?

Well, because... What did you have for dinner? I misjudge my food, the child. Oh, the child and the Channel Book Festival. What time did you get home? Half 12. Because the M4 was shot, wasn't it? Yeah, it was, how did you? I'll come back from Bristol, mate. Oh right, I'm good. We're all working. We're all working. So what time do you get back? I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got one A that listen to this and me and you are talking about the fucking M4 like a pair of silly old pricks. Get a pair of old tarts.

Oh, really oak tarts is okay if it's just us calling each other tarts. Now Michael's gonna have a terrible time editing this. We'll just bleep it out and it looks like we just keep calling each other a today. A bit of an every morning for them to today. Something's up at lockdown parenting I'll tell you that for free. So yeah I got there. Yeah. At five, they were like it's great, there's free food and then I. Like I just did, they kept having to do things. Like I was on at 7. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, to, th, th, th, th, th, to, th, to, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, they. And, they. And, to, to me, to me, the, to me, the, the, to me, they, to me, to, to, to me, to, to me, to me, to, to me, the kept doing it having to do things like I was on at seven

yeah and then it got to like 20 to 7 and they were like do you want to roast dinner I'm like no of course I don't want to roast dinner so you had to go on to talk about my book yeah yeah and so I'm not I don't want roast dinner. And also, like if you're... Imagine having a roast dinner and then performing. Yeah, and if you're a, um, like, if you eat meat, at least the roast dinner, I'll just have the meat because that's kind of lighter. Yes. So it was a sweet potato roulard as instead of the meat. So which is like the heaviest and shouted. What's a posth. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, th, th, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tha, tha, to that, to to to to that, to that, that, that, that, thi. I thi, It's a it's a posh pasty, Rob.

So you didn't eat the roast dinner? Yeah. And then I just got and then I had two large glasses of red wine while I was doing my book signing. Yeah. Yeah. And so obviously I was buzzing by that. I don't need to eat. Getting the car back.

And, uh... How long? It's about four hour driving, didn't you? No, three, three, three hours. And then went to bed and I woke up and I'm like, I haven't eaten since yesterday lunchtime. What did you have? What was your last meal? Well, this is therying to eat well, right?

So I had tofu and asparagus, Rob. That's all I had. I don't think your life's very nice. It's shit. It's shit. It's shit. What was self-inflicted? I know. I'm an idiot. Do you know what, I do, I think, I'll think about this earlier, I think out the two of us, you have the sort of more extreme sort of meltdowns where I fly off the end of quite quickly, but sometimes your life's like a puzzle that's been jumped on and just explodes into a million pieces and you're on the floor trying to get the roule, their too-their tha, the, the, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, their their to to two, their their their their their their their their their their their to their their th, their their their th, th, th, to to to to to, to to, to two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, toda, too, to, try, too, too, thooooooooooo, their, their, their, their, their their tho, the, the, the cab's waiting. It's um, but it's like that when the baby's young because you've got no schedule to rely on. No, it's all over the, it's all over the shop. Yeah, also, I told it's got a bit better than last time, Rob. You had a new technique where the baby

gets in the bed and you go and sleep in So it's an astonishing thing that this baby can do, right? Because he goes to bed at 7 p.m. He manages to wake up at 5 past 5 on the fucking dot every morning. Like Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Quick June session, protein shake, back to bed. But it's, I don't know how he does it. It's always five parts. Basically it's always within 10 minute range and you're like how are you doing this you sleep for exactly 10 hours whatever. Oh that is a good 10 hours though in it. Oh it's great because you get your evenings. Yeah it's superb and so you get as long as you get I think I think it's better than they go up early if they're properly asleep. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th have early if they're properly asleep. That's good though so how old's baby? Five months. Look Josh, two months ago your life was in pieces. This is an inspirational

story. There's people listening here, right in the fucking front line of it. Three months in and it's terrible waiting for the regression and they think how can this regress. Oh yes boy it can regress. It will get worse. But then it will get better and before you their th. And before th. And th. And th. And th. And it. And it. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they's they's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. th. It will get worse. But then it will get better. And before you know it, you're having two glasses of red wine and not eating. Yeah, exactly. Like a student, like a posh student. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you

think university is for. Get Uber one for students. A membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit A.X. dot. to business platinum. Yeah, so at 5 a.m. he wakes up and he feeds. And then we put the things things things things things things things. things. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've to, I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to spend to. I, I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I've to spend to spend to spend the. I've the the the the to spend the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to and then we put the things to keep him in the bed and then, but I found I've got a space on the bed now Rob when he comes into the bed. Yeah. I now sleep at the bottom of the bed horizontally. Like a dog? Yeah. Like a little dog. Like a dog. Like a dog. He's the bottom of the bed. So what about Rosie's feet? Are they not in the the the the their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. theathea. th. thi. theathea. th. th. th. th. thoomomomomomom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thia. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the to. about Rosie's feet? Are they not in your face?

No, no, because I'll go, so they'll be at my, they'll be about my knees. And my feet all go off the end of the bed, because I mean, I'm too, I'm too long for the width of the bed. Assaults is bed, mate. Oh, come on now. I don't want want want they they they they they want they they'll they'll the height the height the height the height the height thight. You shouldn't be longer than your bed. What is it? It's an extra... It's a king, it's a big bed.

You're a big man! It's a big bed! So your feet are off the end. I'm going to say it, Rob. And go home and try it, not go home, you're at home. Go upstairs and try it after this. You probably have never lay horizontally across a bed. You'll the the the the the the the width of a bed. No chance. If that's the case, Peter Crouch would be like a

seesaw on the bed. But he never has to do this. Because no bed is prepared for this because no one's ever done it before. No one ever sleeps horizontally across a bed. So your feet are hanging off and your head, the space around your head to just Rose kick you in the name. Let me just draw your diagram and I'll put it on the group. Okay, all right. I want to see the heat map of your bed throughout the evening. There's Josh there dominating the left-hand side. Oh, it's 5 a.m. He's been relegated to know it's mad. I'm very excited about seeing the... We'll have to post this onto Instagram to see your diagram. Let's have a look.

I've done it on a post it because that's all I've got. I mean also Josh I can't imagine what's going to be on this diagram that I haven't already got on my head. You've not painted a complicated picture. No. I mean that's exactly what I feel what's going to be. That's the most pointless, the most pointless drawing in the history of pointless. Also, he didn't need to draw the bed the post-note could have been the bed. That's a good point. Hang on, so let me just walk, talk through this photo. So which one's you? Yeah, the small one.

The small one. God, he's a big boy, your baby. Or Rosie's signing? Okay, yeah, I've got the picture now because it was sick. In my head, you were on the other side of the bed, I don't know why, nearest, you know, nearest the door. Oh right, yeah, no, I know, I should be, shouldn't I? You should be, isn't that a thing nearest door?

I know, but isn't it, but thi's always on the side, and it's kind of five to about half seven. It's mad in it that this is the best it's been for you in five months. Look at it. I can't stop looking at it. No, that's my life. That's my life in a post-it note. Oh God. Oh good. Yeah, good actually. I've been away for last four nights gig in. I've had the most in the same schedule. Just because you know the pandemic and things like that. Oh. Oh. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. the the the the the the the th. the th. th. the th. the th. the th. the the th. the th. the the the the the th. th. thi thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. It's th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the the. the the the. the the the the. the the the. the. the. the. the. the. th. I've had the most insane schedule just because, you know, the pandemic and things like that. Oh people at your gigs? Podcast listeners? Yes, yeah, some are, I got heckled with your name the other day in Exeter, you know, your local, a local one.

And they, I said, someone said they're from Dartmoor and they all just pissed themselves themselves laughing. And I was like, why is that funny? And they went, that's because where Josh is from. And I went, fuck that guy, tonight's about me. Ha ha ha ha ha. Because I get the odd podcast, heckle. Because everyone's bought their tickets before the lockdown. So there's loads, most of the people haven't heard the podcast. Yeah. And I've got a bit of material about having a stiff neck. And so I always shout out stiff neck.

And then most of the people would be like, what the fuck is that person shouting that out? Yeah, it's very difficult because then you have to explain. When I did the book, Henley book a specific niche and then I laughed and I had to go so basically they're not just trying to remember all these scenes had come from so like you know yeah so basically my daughter saw an elephant trunk and called it you know a gay oh god and it just constantly having to explain myself but it's nice to have a committed audience Josh it's good it's lovely so but if you guys could you know if you guys could know, pass it on to people that were fans of me 18 months ago, that would be ideal.

They are really struggling to keep up the narrative of the stiff neck, loose neck, Stiffy McGee and Ben Bocke, by whatever, I can't remember. That's the thing because we sort of just turn up and just speak because we don't, nothing's planned or organized, I can't the touk's in their stuff their the the the therer the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the remember what that was so yeah so thanks for the heckles about the podcast but um sometimes it is a bit a confusing to the rest of the room but yeah you're a big you're a big deal down there exit away Josh too right mate I'll stop but that's where I'm I'm in sick for him I am I am I am well yeah so I'm did I was away I was away the the thigh the the th I was away th I was away th I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was away I was th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the I was th th the the the the th th th th th th th th the the the the the the I was the I was the the I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. last night, so I got up this morning at 7 to do the school run, get them all ready, came downstairs, like the here I thought I was, to the two girls eating there, so I went, daddy's home!

And they, one of them didn't look at me, the other one went, not used it and she said to me don't come near me. Oh mate. Brutal, absolutely skewered me don't come. And then I go to Lou after they miss me and Lou goes, do you want the truth? When someone says you want the truth? The answer's no. So just say no. Don't try like build me up with what's the truth? What have they been up to without you? Well to be to be their their their their their they're their their their their. their. their. they're th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th. th. tho, th. to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, tha, than, the, the, than, than, than, than, thau, thau. And, thau. thau. together, together, thau. together, together, together, thauu. together, together, together, together, thauu. together, thau. together, together, try and like build me up with what's the truth. What have they been up to without you? Well to be fair like we've done one for a little while but they've just been at school really and they're getting to the head now because half term is approaching but we got a funny funny note back from my five-year-old's teacher. Yeah. So listen you'll love this right. So laugh by accident today because she couldn't remember the teaching assistants name. Yeah. So it's like nice ladies so she went to her, I love. To get her attention to, I love. Utah. No she did not say that. She went all love right and then Lou was like oh yeah classic you Rob. Like because obviously anything is a bit more like like that I get the blame. But it ain't me. I don't know where she's got a lot. She. She. She. She. She. She's a lot. She's a lot. She's a lot. She's a lot. She's a lot. to. the the the the the the to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. bit more like, like that, I get the blame. But it ain't me.

I don't know where she's got, she gets it from Lou. I heard you say it. Lou says, Oye all the time, I've been down in Exeter too long, you know the time, right? She says oi to get their attention all the time, she gets that and then Lou says, the, the, the, th, th, th, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she says, she says, she says, she says, she gets, she, she, she gets, she gets, she gets, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, is, is, is, is, is, to, says, to, says, to, is. L. L. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L'. L. L I've been taking the heap from it. Oh. Because, yeah, if Lou says it, it's a very chilled out thing to say. I, oh, if I love is awful if I say that. Yeah. It's like someone's not paid at the market. Oh, I laugh, come here.

Don't take the piss for you? And they obviously, that sounds like that. They're so so so so so, that's so, that's, that's, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th.'t it that? Exactly, and when you're, you know, they're never going to think that's Lou is it. So I took a huge amount of hint for that. Did she get in trouble for it? Oh, you love. No, they just laughed and said, you know, you might know, it's Mrs. Love. It's Mrs. Love. It's Mrs. Love to you, or Mrs. Love, it's, or Mrs. Love, or, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their, their, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their, oh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. they's. they's. th. they're. they're. they're their. their. th. their. they're. Did. Did, they've been a bit like, they're getting a little bit cheeky and naughty of each other, right? I got up with them the other morning before I went away from work and I gave them both yogurts and I turned around, I heard giggling and this little weird noise and they'd got straws out the drawer. They got these straws out and I heard this noise. I turned out, They were covered in yogurt. There was yogurt all over the floor

and all over their faces, and they were pissing himself laughing. And it's like, you don't want to be like a boring dad and tell them off, but I was like, you can't gobb spit at each other. With straws, like yogurt straw, so I made them clear it's. You're, you, you, you, you, you, tell him like off but he's quite funny isn't it? Yeah and do you know what I've already got that thing where I don't want to be the square Rob I don't I want

to be like yeah I get it we all want to spit yogurt do you know what I mean like like I'm like a cool team chat yeah if I could sit there my mate just gob yogic in his face and he did it back to me I'd have a great afternoon I don't want the guy to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to the to to to to the to to the to to to the the the the the to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to to the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the to be the guy that's saying can't spit yogurt? Yeah, but then I sort of think, why can't we? We'll clear it up. It's something we do. How many people need to do it before it's a cultural thing? You know what I mean? I go out, it's a bit disgusting. And I think you'll find it in our culture.

That's just what we do. Gob and Yogge each have his faces. Yeah, I don't think that's a bad idea at all. No, oh Josh, I've got something to talk to you about here as well. Yeah. Oh, first of all, you'll love this. Lou listens to the podcast, right? Yeah. Even though the other day she was so annoyed of me, she had to leave the podcast and she went because it's the edited version of you. Oh wow! So essentially I think I might need Michael to move in and just... Snip out your conversation. Yeah, tap me on the shoulder and just like dear don't bother with that one Rob let's knit that one out.

That's go yeah don't she doesn't care about the M4 Rob just leave it just say she looks nice. Thanks Michael. And also you need to explain yourself, Josh. You're doing that, um, Udo you think you are, and you're related to Henry the Eighth. The ultimate stiffenac. Henry the eighth and explains your terrible views on women. Ha ha ha ha ha. And you've got a stiff net, you'd need a stiff-neck to survive it. Exactly. You're much, they tried to chop my head off but it wouldn't go.

Old Sally Stiffnett, your great great man couldn't get the blade through. No. That's exciting, you're, you're, you're, I've been sworn to secrecy, obviously. But it's in the paper, in it, no it was I'm such a dad cup I had such a little granddad dad cough I just had a nut go the wrong way down oh you are eating then are you I'm having a protein shake Rob are you and a little nut in it a little bit you try to bulk up no no it's just oh so I was so I was not I'd love it if you got a hens I'd love it if you got hench to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the to to the the th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to th to th th the the. I th th th th th the th the th the the the th th the th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the te te te try try try tou try try. I the the the the the the th of a... You try to bulk up? No, it's just I was so... I was no. I'd love it if you got Hench. Do you think? I'd love it if you just got absolutely... You know what could be me? Do you just like...wee' like Joel Domit? No, not like Joel Dumbit. Just like massive arm and lean, but I I just want to just not hate my body.

Just hate your body? Did you hate, say hate your body? Yeah, do you hate your body? Yeah, exactly. I have done the last month or so. I've really... You should have got a little bit away from and yeah, from takeawaysaways and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. The amount of takeaways we had in the first three months of having a baby was unacceptable. It was out of the take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take take the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to to to to to to to hate. to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate to hate. to hate. to hate. to hate. to hate. to hate. to hate. to hate. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ty. the the the the the the tha. their to say. their to say. to hate to hate to hate to hate. to hate. to hate. to months of having a baby was unacceptable. It was out of control. Yeah, but that's, I think you've got, you can't judge yourself for that. That's fine, that's just life. And you can be fairly healthy with the takeaway to get like chicken shish, you can't have chicken, but just something shished. Yeah. Um, sweet potato, roared. Shish. Yeah. the potato roed. What were we talking sa th. Sish th. Sish th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. Sish. Sish. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. th. th. I. I. th. I. I. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I Sweet potato roulard shush. Um, I um...

What were we talking about the major? I was saying something and then I choked on a nut, but I can't remember what it is. I don't know. I do what this, I've had sort of waves of parent panic recently. I know sometimes you feel alright and all of a sudden you feel bad. You know it's mental. I think I th you're th you're th a th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th th th th th th th th, th, th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tha, tho, think this is a good place to talk about it. I was just like on Tick Tock and there was a like a tit I took going, stardom early and then you never know what they can achieve. And it was like images of like this six month old on a climbing frame and then it was like eight months old.

And they're like literally flying across this home home gym. And it was like future gymnast and I was like, oh my god, I never taught my kids out to be a gymnast at eight months. Oh no, no. But like, on the spiral of going, well that's, you're a terrible parent, aren't you? You're not helping them have opportunities to be a gymna-and-and-then. And then I was like, I don't what I don't want to be Richard Williams, I'm, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tot, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the,? It's so weird, all that kind of stuff. You don't want to be Richard Williams, the father of Venus and Serena. Do you know what I mean? I know, well that's the thing, I just sort of think, but I think it's when you're tired, that's when you beat yourself up, and that's why parent and so on is so hard

and so on it's sort of that sort of sort of sort of sort of sort of sort of armor, Actually, it doesn't matter. They're very happy kids and doing their own thing. They don't have to be good at doing pull-ups at 18 months. I'm 35 and still can't do one. I've had a nice life. But if I will be able to do it, I will be able to do one if I keep drinking these protein shakes, Rob. They taste it? If you want to read another book that makes feel good about being a a, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, the, the, the, I, the, I, I, the, I, I, thi, I, I, thi, I, thi, I, I, thi, thi, I, I, thi, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I... Oh, I forgot I'm boring myself. If you want to read another book that makes feel good about being a parent, Rob. Sorry, I'm boring myself. Out loud.

Out loud! Do you know what, the other day? So, okay, you know and occasionally, like, you're on a bit of a love. Is that your belly rumbling? Yeah, because it hasn't eaten in 18 months. He's had a nut of it. 18 weeks. 18 months? 18 hours, God, I'm so tired. 18 weeks.

I can't even play out. I can't even play out. This is, I said to myself I hate my life. I realized I was miked up. Did anyone say anything? No, I was literally just walking to the toilet and I went, oh God, like I was just, you know, those moments of your self-doubt when you're like what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, this is the the the the the the the the the the their their their their th is literally, I was just like, I was just like, I was literally just like, I was literally just like like like like like like like like like like like like like th. I was literally just literally just literally just literally just like thi. I was literally just like like like th. I was literally just like, I was literally just like like, I was literally like, I was literally just like, I was literally just like, I was literally just like, I was literally just like, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally...... I was literally, I was literally, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. I was just just, I was just, you know, you know those moments of your self-doubt when you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, this is tired. A bit nervous. Yeah, exactly.

You're basically like, I don't, I'm nervous and I'm kicking out against my own life. And I thought there's someone in the gallery there that's just heard me go, I hate my life. And then they got to direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct direct, I'm looking at you, going, poor Sod, look at him. Well, I think that's the thing though with that kind of thing. Everyone does feel like that, but you just want to make sure you don't feel like that all day every day. Because, and the danger is, but you do feel like that, it's good to say out loud and address it because you're not being honest and open about it. So in a way it's good to say that out loud, Josh, but you know.

Broadcast it to the director and the Commissioner of Channel 4. So how's Josh, the news, how's Josh getting on with the new series? And they just says I'm good. that, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to to to to to to that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to that's to that's to to to that's that's to that's th. tho, tho, tho, to tho, to to to to to to to to to to tho, to to to that's that's that'sin Hills laughs. Okay sounds good. So who do you think you are? Yes. Oh yes sorry who do you think you are King I mean? Yeah that's out soon and I'm looking forward to that. It's out on Tuesday tonight I suppose if you're tonight well as in the night of this podcast going out yeah yeah it was mad obviously I didn't know any of these th th th th th these th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm th. I'm th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. I'm. to. to. to. to., um, yeah it was mad. Obviously I didn't know any of these things. You get to see my school, Rob, my primary school where there was four kids in my year in the open scene. Oh yes, please. And then it goes all the way and a certain place local to you. Heaver Castle. Hiva? Oh, that's where he lived in it. Anna Cleveh. that's where he lived, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. Rob. th. th. Rob. th. Rob. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Rob, th. Where, th. Where, th. Where, th. Where, th. Where, thi. Where, th. Where, th. Where, th. Where, th. Where, thi. Where, thi. Where, thi. Where, the. Where, the. Where th. Where no, what's it called? Anne Boleyn. And Berlin, I think it was the out of few, didn't he? Your family home, Rob?

Your family home was Heva Castle. Well, Anne Boleyn's sister, Mary Boleyn, yeah. Is my 14 times great grandma. And she had an illegitimate child with Henry the 8th when he was married to her sister. So there was like secret, that was like a a that was like a that was like a that was like a that was like a thi a that was like a that is a that is a that is a that is a thi. that is a thi. thi. thi. thi. thioleteen thi. thiolomea th. thi. thiole. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thomomomom. thomomom. thomomom. thomom. thomom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. the th. the thi. thi. the... But it was secret and that is my 13 times great-grandmother. Do you know what? That, it's... I did an ITV one which is due to come out next year

and it's not like that. Rob, they said. As far back as you can find it, laboring in a field. And you, little miss... It does explain your slightly posh behavior. How is... None of the money fucking came through, Rob. I know, but just the power came through, just the chip on my shoulder. The thought process of I'll get a cab to nursery and leave it running. That's why Henry 8 foot of the damn. He wouldn't have done the fuckingthought process of I'll get a cab to nursery and leave it running. That's why it really 8 foot have done. He wouldn't have done the fucking nursery run. Oh God. Josh I've got a little secret as well I'll tell you. Basically you know there's been a petrol shortage

basically only in South East London. I haven't got it all but I tell you I've been doing. It's actually the petrol Q situation is quite good for a parent wanting a break. Oh yes please. It reminds me of when I don't know if I mentioned it here where I used to go to the dump and that was quite good. I love the dump. Yeah but there's a CCTV camera at the dump and I always say to Lou I'm gonna check the CCTV to see what it looks like and she thinks I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the th is the th is th is the th is the the the the thu. the the the the the the the the the tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toy. toy. I I te. I te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. te. te. te. tell. tell. I tell. I looks like and she thinks I'm checking to see if it's clear I'm checking to see a cue because I know I get like 40 minutes of a podcast in the cue for the dump. Same with petrol. It's a sneaky little avoid parenting way and also you're doing something go babe do me to go and get the petrol yeah yeah you stay here I'll do it don't worry and I'll go and go thanks Rob you're a hero no worries it's all I'll the I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I I th I I th I th I th I th I'll th I'll th I'll th I'll th I'll th th I'll th th th th th th th th th th th oh oh oh oh that that tho tho th oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th that that that that the the the. the. theat theat the. theeat theeeat. the. thee. the. the. the. the'll go and go thanks Rob you're a hero no worries it's all I'll be back in two hours with a meal deal but yes I did do that but it

looks like the petrol situation is sorting itself out now so that's that's gone but if it crops up again you dealt with it better than me because this was my disaster driving wise on no what's happened Josh so Saturday yeah we were like we didn't we've got to get more things in at the weekends. That's the problem. We've made this decision. We're going to- What, activities? Yeah. We've made, twice this week, we made the mistake of going two on two rather than one on one.

First one of you, two on they don't want the same thing. Because one of you could go for lunch with the baby to see a friend and you say, and then it's only for like six months or so, and then it's mommy day, daddy day, dady day. And then you two can see each other in the evening. And then that way, everyone's enjoying themselves. You get a break with the baby. I know the baby is a break with a break with a baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is still. I. I. I the baby is still. It's the baby is the baby is the baby is the baby is still. I the baby is still. It's a break a break with a break with a break with a baby. It's the baby is a baby is a baby is a baby is a baby. It's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I. It's, I. It's the baby. It's, I. It's, I's, I's, I's, I's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a break, it's a break. It's a break. It's a break, it's your activity isn't it you can go for lunch or visit a friend and the baby's there whereas with the older one you've got to do like trampoline in all the park or something that they want to do. Yes so I then, um, for Saturday we decided to go to Epping Forest Classic. Nice. It was so difficult to get out of the house, Rob. That we eventually got into the car at 10 past 3. Well, yeah, they've been up since what? Half 7? Five? Five? Yeah, it's half 7. Yeah. I've

achieved basically nothing in the day. Got in the car at 10 past 3. I find this is sometimes just like a shit in the pants, keep washing, changing clothes, all the cycle. Oh, we need to feed to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. Weea. thea. Wea. Wea. Iea. Iea.ea. Wea.ea.ea.ea. Iea. Wea. Iea. Ie keep washing, changing clothes, all the cycle. Oh we need a feed now, oh now it's nap time, you can't get out. So you get out ten past free Sunday or Saturday. Saturday, Saturday. Drive to Epping Forest, which is half an hour, lovely. Now I haven't driven the car in a month because of the petrol crisis. I was just like I'm not going to I'm only going to use it in emergencies and I'm just like I'm just like I'm just going to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to'm only gonna use it in emergencies. And I was like, I'm just gonna go to Epping Forest. Half a tank of petrol, lovely. Get in, still not done the fucking tires, mate.

Unbelievable. Get the warning about the tires. The warning now is it says, your tires need pumping up, don't go over 80. I'm like, I'm not allowed to go over 80. Anyway. Yeah. That's the law. Yeah. And also, don't kill your wife. Yeah, yeah.

Don't smoke heroin. All right, fine. Yeah, don't, don't rob a bank as well while you're at it, okay? Oh, thanks, sir. Thanks all these rules. You're just giving me just how I know what I'm going to ring the garage. I'm doing 90 miles an hour down the motorway and the tire blows out that was too flat. What are you going to do about it? Ring the police, she was doing that against the law. I'm so I get there, drive there, find a parking space, lovely, it's only, it's only 20 to 4,

we've still got a good hour before the the engine off, get the warning that the battery is very low. I wish I could see your face. And it says... So at the moment you're dealing with three warning lights, low petrol, low battery, no air in the time. Astonishingly, petrol is the only thing that's fine. The actual crisis is just Josh Widdicum, the Josh Winnockham crisis, not the petrol crisis. It says, a battery is dangerously low or something very low. It then recommends that I just immediately drive around to, you know, you charge it up, going a long run.

I've just driven for half an hour.'s not long enough Josh you've sat idle for a month I know so I found my dad who knows all about cars he's like it's it'll be fine just you don't need to drive straight away just go to the forest it's he said I would get back in your car before you need to use the lights though I'm not that's a worrying. Yeah, that's a worrying thing. But obviously it overshadows the walk around the forest, this knowledge that there's a chance we're going to get stuck. Like, there's no way of relaxing in a forest.

Yeah, you might as well just carried on driving. Because there's no fun to be had now. It's a pure anxiety, will the car start walk? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? th. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to. the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to the their, but I, but I their, but I their, their, but I's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, but, their, their, but I I I I I their, their, their, their their their their their th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. the. theat, theat theat tho. theat thooooooo. But, their their their their their their their their the because there's no fun to be had now. It's a pure anxiety. Will the car start walk? Yeah. And then on top of that, when I'm in the forest, I realize due to the battery situation, I've forgotten to pay and display as well. So that's hanging over me as well. Oh God. It was, now I should say, disappointingly the car did start and we did drive home so don't, that's

not going to be. But it's the most stressful half hour walk through a forest I've ever had in my life. Also as well like in a way it's weird doing this podcast because if it didn't start but you're also going to be so good for a podcast. I'm going to start doing some voice notes now or the kids are crying. But yeah you can can't relax when you think that might happen. So you're walking around a forest thinking am I stuck here? So did you drive it home and it was fine? It was fine.

Now I don't know what I do now. Well, it's not going to start now. Well, it's not going to start now. Well, it's not going to start now. Well, for God's sake. So what do I do here from? What do I do now? What do I do now? I'm not got a car anymore? Well yeah, it won't start now because there's no batteries to power it. So you could just sit in it if you want and you could push it but you will have to ring pretty like AA or RAC to come out to. the to the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. What. What. What. I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I'm. I'm not th. try. I'm not try. I'm not try. I'm not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to out to... Crying out loud. Charge it or jump-star it. Just because I haven't used it in a month. Yeah, or you can remove, I mean, I'm going to suggest this to you, but you're never going to do this and you won't know how.

Remove the battery, take it indoors and get a battery charge and charge it up yourself. Yeah, I wouldn't know which bit the longer you leave it, the more likely it won't. So what do I need to do? During a petrol crisis, I need to drive around for two hours using petrol to charge up my battery. Yeah, but the battery isn't aware that there's a crisis. It's not sort of just chosen this pot. It's not like what it's very considerate of you, battery, to decide now to be using my car? I mean I don't I'm not saying that you need to polish it twice a day and do detailing on it but I would I would suggest giving the tires some air and having a battery charged. But I mean how off to stop my back this happening again? I probably used the car like twice a week minimum.

I thought I was doing a good thing by not using the car rob and now look at me. I just think the message I think they're trying to get out is drive more using petrol. I think that's the vibe is I think that's what we're heading for. Diesel's bad keep driving with petrol. Okay, good. Oh, Josh, this is funny though. I've got to, I've got to say this week, my book is out this week, but this isn't just a shameless plug. Are you going to Cheltenham Festival? Yes, I'm going to Cheltenham Festival to do a book talk on Friday. The absolute Stiffnack Central.

I cannot wait to hear how Rob Beckett gets on at Cheltenham Literature Festival. You love the gig. Oh mate, I'm going to have a rock hard stiff neck and a rockard rulard down down roll down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th, I'm the the the th, I'm th, I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, the, theck, theck, theck, theck's absolute absolute absolute theck.a' a theckn' a theckn'a'a'a'a'a let rip. What is he just talking about the book, just like... It's great, you sit there, you talk about the book, you have a couple of glass of red wine, and then you sign loads of books for people. I don't know, but it does feel a bit self-involved, do you know what I mean? I know, I'm doing it, and I've but that's me being, that's jokes in it, me just going, I decided to write the book. Ugh, fuck off, mate. No one cares.

You don't do that. You just, no, there's none of like, what was your, it's all just like, just do the best funniest bits in the book as if it's a conversation. Yeah, just have a laugh and then take some questions. The book is th is th is th is the book is the book is thus book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book is the book book book book book book book book book book book book book book book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book, it's not about the book. The book's coming out on Thursday. A class act is in shops, but the reason I'm bringing it up is, one, because the publishers ask me to, but secondly, more importantly, my kids have seen the book, right? My kids have seen the book, right? I've givet the book, right? I haven't got a book, the book, book. I haven't got a book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My the book. My kids. My kids kids kids kids kids. My kids kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My kids. My the book. My the book. My. My. Kids. My. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. My. My. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. Kids. My. My. Kids. Kids. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. Kids. My. My. My. And you choose if you're middle class or working class and you put the out on that way. The problem is now on royalty. I know you need a new at I think they call it a crown. Crown app that is what they call it.

Anyway so the book there's loads of photos in the books and the girls were looking at it laughing because there's the photos of me as a kid blah blah blah blah there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there as a there as a there as a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a there as a the as a the they. I I they. I they. I was a they. I was a they. I was a their their their the their the their their their their their their their their there's a theythink it was a V festival, and I'm sat next to like a hauled in and on it someone has graffiti piss here and an arrow pointing down and I'm sat underneath it. A quirky comedy pick. Anyway I'm sat there and then as we're reading it my five-year-old reads it go oh piss here. Oh piss here. I was like pardon? It says piss here. I went and then she was like, what you can't say that you know I should should I I I I I I I I I I I the there. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's was there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's th. I th. I th. I th. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've there then she was like, what's piss? What's piss? And I was like, no, you can't say that. I should have left it, but I panicked. She lost her mind.

Piss here, piss here, piss here. So what, I went, oh, piss, I went, oh, piss, here. And I went, oh, I went, oh, piss. And she, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I, so, I, I, I, to, to, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I piss it, and just show him, piss here, right? And absolutely, she giggles so much, and I can't really turn her, because it's written in a book that I've shown her. Yeah, of course. Do you know, I mean? And so it says, piss here, right? And then she was in the corner, and I'm, once she's saying it. Once you're saying, once she's saying, once, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, anduh, Puh, no, Piss here. No, you can't say that. Now we've

settled on, you're allowed to say it in the house, but not out the house. Oh, she's absolutely, she's out, she's tried a deal. Yeah, so now every time anyone comes in and she gets the book, runs to the door, anyone. Like if it's the thkary-a-, anyone, she opens it up on that page and goes, piss here, and just points to the word piss here. And now the three-year-old knows it, because I came home and she was laughing, giggling and go, piss here, and the Louvre's going, no, you can't say that, and the three-year-old just looked at me and one of them said,

Daddy, I need a piss. Oh no. So they're fully pissed. It's over, man. So I've said they're not allowed to say at school. I love is going to be the least of your problems by this time next to me. I love, piss. I love, love, I need a piss.

Where's the bog. I'm going for a slash. Is that right with you, darling? Your house is a building site, Rob. Your house is like... Hey, darling, I love, I'm going for a piss. All right, I need a slash, I'll be back in five, yeah? Cool, where the couple tea- Do you have to be with a tea with six sugars in there? Yeah, cup of te yeah, so, yes, if you get the book, piss here, he'll be there, but be careful reading it in front of children, because they can read now, kids these days. They can.

It's getting out of hand. All right, Josh, oh, we spoke for ages. We'll do some, we'll do some Instagram. Do some Instagram, maybe on some good emails. to do some Instagram. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they's, they's, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll, they'll they'll, they'll they'll they'll they'll, they'll, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they can, they, they, they, they can, they, they, they can. They, they can. They, they can. They, they can. They's. They's. they's. they's. they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. I'm going to do this one. I don't know if you see that on Instagram, I might put an Instagram post out. Because in my book, Josh, I talk about having slight mental health issues in the past, which I'm up to, I was a very low point, but I'm absolutely fine now because I sort of told people. It's all de-held in the book, and it's a very small part of the books, those are silly stories about my massive nipples during pubity and drunkenly talking to Stephen Orkin. However, there is a small bit that the press have jumped on. So for this small business shout out, I'm going to give a shout out to this charity, the Matt Palmer

Trust and it's a mental health charity. You can go in men and how you can donate and they're very good about Parma Trust because they're like a, they send you to places of already existing courses and access to help and stuff. So you can go on the Matt Palmer Trust. Or Matt Palmer Trust on Instagram and if you want to donate you can text Palmer, P-A-L-M-E-R and 5 pounds. So-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so, so you th so you th so you th so you th so you th so you th so you can th so you can th, so you can th, th, so th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th-in, and th-in, and t, and t, and took-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took-took th-took-tL-M-E-R and five pounds so you just text P-A-L-M-E-R and then the five the five pound a little pound sign and five to seven oh four seven oh to support this mental health charity and yeah all the infos on the Matt Palmer Trust org dot UK so that's that's my small business out this month that is a good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good that that is a that is a good that is a good that is a good that is a good that is a good that is a good that is a good that is a good that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoooo. the thoo. that's the the the that's the that's tho. that's that's my small business shout this month. That is a good one. Do you know what I'm just gonna grab I've had a good idea for what would work off that small business

wise because let me just go and grab it one sec I'll be 30 seconds. Okay. 30 seconds is a long time for old Bobby Beckles to feel but I'll give it a go. Um. Actually can't be bothered Michael just. Where did you. Oh God, I'm out of breath, wrong. Where did you go? I ran downstairs. Where'd you live? Arful tower. It feels like that sometimes.

No, it's it's the house is too thin. So it's taller than it should be for the amount of rooms it's got. You're fat. It sounds like you've just done done strictly you're waiting for the judges' comments. Yeah, thank you. You've been training really hard on this and Fox Trot doesn't come easy, but OTs been brilliant with me. If I hear one more person I would strictly say they've been training hard. Anyway, they've all been training to aard this year. They're're too good. I'd love it if some go, you know what, thanks to that because I've done fuck all this week. I just thought I'd freestyle it as I come out you know. I mean Judy loves fucking amazing. Is she, I've not seen any of

it I've been away. Yeah, keep, keep Judy loves. We're a big fan of Judy love from this podcast. She's like her episode. had a very tricky route to the top of her chosen career. So she's smashing it. Good luck, Judy. Keep voting for her. Well, on that, right, bizarrely, she talked about her post-natal depression and I wanted to just, for a small business shoutout, when I was at Cheltenham Book, their listens to the podcast came up to us and she was an author and she gave me her book which is called Something to Live For my Postnatal Depression and how the NHS saved us and it's a book about her dealing with her postnatal depression which she said was very very bad I've leafed through it when I had a couple of

glass of red wine I enjoyed well enjoyed it's a strong word is the wrong word I think no I think you know I think you enjoyed you enjoyed the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the obviously it's the wrong is that the wrong word I think no I think you yeah no you enjoy you enjoyed the impact the book had on you very good let's put it that way you wasn't happy that the situation occurred I think that's very yeah exactly yeah I don't how many glasses of wine you have to have to enjoy that some sort no no no no but it's good right right to live that that read. Great read. An absolute page to have. Most I've laughed in years. Josh Winnockham, you sick bastard. No, it's a very interesting book about a serious topic that had a great impact on you. Also, it was what was really nice, so I said, how are you now?

And she's pregnant again now. So that was very nice. Oh, that was's nice. So thank for listening to podcast Laura, she said, she really appreciates how much we talk about mental health on it. So that is Laura Canty's, something to live for. Perfect. We'll do some more businessy stuff next week. We don't, this was a charity spesh. Okay, well I'll see you on Friday. Apologies last week. It wasn't the Chir-sha-a-weigh. Apologies last week. It wasn't th. It was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-I-Slora-Ia-S. th-S. th-S. th-Slourlourk. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, the the th. Oh, th. Oh, the the th. th. that's issue. So we will be having Jesse Ware. It wasn't that we'd confused Jesse Wren and Charlotte Church. Yeah, they both, two birds that can sing in it, far type. Yeah, no, there was a technical issue, okay?

And I shouldn't say birds, that was bad, but I was doing it in an ironic character. That sounds a little bit like me. You've been doing that ironic character for 10 years and it's doing you well for you. He's doing all right. But, yeah, so Jesse Ware is not, we've got Michael McIntyre this week and Jesse Where next week. That's the lineup. That's the line up. That's the situation, isn't it?

You've got so many stars on the bench. It's difficult to. Mbapay, Harland, you know, Joe Willock. Right, see you on Friday with the Michael McIntyre episode. Bye. Bye.