Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP3: "Dad, have you got milk in those big nipples?..."

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP3: "Dad, have you got milk in those big nipples?..."More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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to the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener with your tips, advice and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, tipe, their tri-a, their, their, their, their, can their, can their, their, their, their, their, tri-a, tri-a, trie, trie, trie, trie, tri, tri, tri, trie, trie, trie, trie, tip, tip, tip, their tip, their tip, tipes, trie, trie, tri-a, tri-a'''-a'-a'-a'iii., toe. to to to to to to to to to tri about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello you are listening to Parenting Hell with.

Izzy. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittakum? Yes, Vickle. And can you say, buy their books? They're books. Well done, Zoopie. That was so cute.

That was amazing. Obviously, fully behind it. That is Kerry O' Gallagher. She knows how to get on the bloody podcast, didn't she? Cario Gallagher, I mean, it's the most Irish, Scottish, and I, the most Gaelic person I've ever heard of. So, this little voice, our daughter, Izzy, who has just turned two. Usually I'm not one for using my child's cuteness to debate people into, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is.a, is.a, is. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I, I, I, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.a, is, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a, is.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I think it's entirely justified. Yeah, boy. My husband and I started listening to your podcast during a deep low in lockdown one, and you've helped to survive the seemingly never-ending lockdown since. This content is priceless, light relief for any parent out there, especially if they're having a rough time. And since we can't pay you for the pleasure, we think buying your books is the least the least the least the least thee an the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the an the an the an the an the an theateateateateateate an the an to to to to to to to to to to to to to could do and is he agrees. Thanks again for everything, Kerry and Steve O'Gallaga. Oh the O'Gallagher, thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Very kind of it, yes if you don't mind buying the book. Glad to help. I feel like we owe the listenership an apology Josh for our low... So many apologies from so many. So many. So many apologies from to say we came back with to the thanks. th. th. th. to to to to to to tho. to thin, where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their their their their very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to the. the. So, to the. So, the. So, the. the. the, we need to apologize for how depressed and tired we were for the first episode back. I wouldn't say we came back with a bang. No, no, I wouldn't say we came back with a bang. We crawled out from under a rock, I'd say. I even forgot to say the lowest moment of the Euros, Rob, because it was the day after England had lost. Well, let's not talk about What was your lowest moment? So I thought when it happened I was gutted for

three seconds and I thought Rob is going to love this. So I almost got a ticket to the final Rob. Oh no. Yeah. It's good you didn't in a way. I had a lovely evening with my friends in the end. I was in a way it worked up perfectly. But I was uh Alex Brooker got a ticket and they said they could do him a plus th th th th th plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus a plus th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the him a the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. to the. the. the. the. the. the. the end. I was in a way it worked out perfectly. But I was, Alex Brooker got a ticket and they said they could do him a plus one of me. Yeah. And then they came back to him Rob. Oh yeah. And they'd given it to Kelly Brooke. What's it? He took Kelly Brooke? No, no he was just sitting with Kelly Brook. No, he hadn't given it to Kelly Brooke. Oh, that is. They've gone, actually, Josh's second in line to the sexist woman of 2001. She, Kelly Brooke, I mean, I cannot tell you what impact Kelly Brooke had on my life

as a teenager. Well, I cannot tell you what impact she had on my life as a 30-year-old, right, right, th-old, th-old, th-old, th-old, th-old, th-old, th-old, th-old, tie-old-old, tie-old-old-old-old-old-old, tie-old, tod-in, tod-oh, took, to-oh, took, to-oh, to-oh, to-in, to-in, to-in, to-in, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to-a-a-in, to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. to-s. to-a-s. to-s. to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s us at every turn. I am I let's not let's not go back to what I was like as 90s teenagers because I was about to say I was about to talk about FHM in the 90s and I thought it's not for our listeners Robert not for our listeners. I've got I bought a absolute job lot load of loaded an FHM from the 90s and early Normties because I wanted to do a YouTube channel of me just reading it out and it is, some of it is so awful it cannot be read out. Now, Rob, yeah.

I feel better than I did last Monday. Because basically coming out of the euros, it feels like the first week of January. Do you know what I mean? It was a depressing week, but I feel like I've stopped drinking. Yeah, I've been drunk since the final. And I'm enjoying not drinking, and I've been eating healthy, and I feel like a new person.

I was in a dark place. I was on a stag do for three weeks Josh. Genuinely. Lou keeps mentioning things, I forgot I did. Oh my word. I was ordering takeaways and forgetting and fallen asleep and she'd find them on the doorstep. Oh my god. Cold, where they've just left it because no one answer. And we need to apologize for this Josh, we've had some feedback about, obviously we've changed the name to parent in hell. And we had to apologize for this Josh, we've had some feedback about, obviously we've changed the name to Parenting Hell. Yeah, our big relaunch has been, it's been a slightly sticky start. It's been a slightly GB news of a start, isn't it? I took the knee actually during one of the opening list. So basically we did, we re-recorded the intro and we've had some feedback. This is on Instagram. Hey guys, love the episode. though. this this this is this is th. this is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's to to to to to to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start the start, it's is thi, it's is thi, it's thi. It's the thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's toeat. It's toeat. It's to to to st. It's thi. It's been a slightly their their their their their their today as always, but please, please, please, can you re-record

the intro? I know you've had a tough time recently, but where has that slightly upbeat tone gone? You're doing yourself an injustice. This is from Amy Stevens on instant and it's been popped up with Leanne. I thought the same, Amy. Sounds almost depressed. Is that maybe the point? And next one. I thou I thi you you you you you you you you have you you have th th th th th th th you have th th th th th, I thought the same, Amy. Sounds almost depressed. Is that maybe the point? The next one, I thought that too last week, but assumed it was a hangover basis as well,

but we can't have this as the intro. So we are gonna re-record the intro. Hopefully Michael will put it at the beginning of this episode. What the people really want, but that's what the people I really want. Hey guys, I actually sounded sexy like Michael between the Germany and Denmark game because my voice was so hoarse. I've belted out sweet Caroline. Right, kids, let's talk about kids. Let's talk about euros. Let's move on. We've apologized for that. We've apologized. It's to start the summer holidays. It is. Sixth on weeks. How you're feeling. How is it going?

Let's start with you. Well, it doesn't affect me, Rob. Because my daughter's at nursery. All summer. All summer. Apart from training days, which I'm going to be honest with you, Robbys. I'd prefer them to be called Baker Days? Yeah, they used to be called Baker Days when I was a kid as well.

So what was that? Why were they called Baker Days? I don't know. Was it something like Bank Holidays? Was it like a day when? I don't know. the training you're doing. Imagine you that, oh good training day actually, you can't hit them, never knew. But how you've got the six weeks, you know, a family at home for six weeks, your daughter

must be absolutely her first ever proper summer holiday? Well yeah, before we start that, I've just googled it, an inset day or a training day, used to be known as a T.D. Day, teacher development day or a today, or a PD.D. Day, Teacher Development Day, or a PD Day, professional development day, or a Baker Day, and that was because of Kenneth Baker. Oh, the conservative MP in ATA, and he introduced these sort of training days for teachers, and I was known as a Baker Day. Oh, there we go. That's the kind of fact that I will use in conversation and people call me boring. Yeah, exactly. But except you're boring. I'm going to tel th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to to thk. thk. thk. thk. the the thk. thk. thk. thk. thi the thi thi the the the the the the the the the the thi the thk. thk. K K. thk. K. K. K. K K. K K. K K K. K K K K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. boring. Yeah, exactly, but except you're boring. I'm going to tell you I'm boring and I'm a dad now. I said to my daughters, that chair's for sitting on, not for jumping on.

And as I said it, I aged 20 years. Tick it off on the ice tie. We should say, we know, let's do this as a new feature. Send in parent sayings that you've not said yet. But I've got one, I've got one, I've got one, that I think every dad says to their child, but their child, when their child's 17, which is about buying a new car, which is you lose 2,000 pounds by driving it off the foreport. Yes, yes, you will have to adjust that same for inflation at some point when your kids,

all cars are a million pounds and you have to get you to lose. 2.5, 250 grand as you drive it off. As you fly off the forecourt. As you hover at home into your floating garage above your house that's now allowed. But anyway, sorry, Josh, what was you saying about some holidays? Oh, you're just, this is it really, this is your first, the the the the the the the the their, the their, all, all, all, all, the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all....... All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. the, all, all, all, all, all, all. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, all, all, all, all, all, all, all Oh, well, you're just, this is it really. This is your first kind of, when I was a child, and that those six weeks stretched out in front of you, the freedom. Yeah.

It's gone, we've basically, this is our technique, right? We've booked in lots of stuff for the summer. We're having those summer holiday as such. We're going to a caravan like a static caravan park in August and we're going to Legoland and we've got a few like sort of day trips here and there I think that yeah little bits and bobs but Legoland for two nights and a caravan park for four nights is the stuff we've got booked in and there's loads of other stuff with like family barbecues and kids birthday parties and all that so we quite rammed in August August. And like I said, my youngest was getting all a bit nutty and screaming and stuff like that. And me and Lou, have had a little bit of back and forth

where I think they're doing too much. I think it's a, when I was a kid, and you basically just were at the back and forth. It's a great euphemism, Rob. Let's be honest, we normally compromise which involves Lou making every single decision with or without me and if I at any point go, I don't think that's a good idea, we'll have a slight argument until I apologize and we do what she wanted to do at the start. Okay, that is solid. Solid. It's a solid set up. It's a solid set up. It's a solid set up. It's a good system. However, I really really had to stick my stake in the ground.. the ground. to. to. to. the ground. to.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good. that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good. that's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It had a slightly different upbringing, a slight different lifestyles, a bit more posher than me, where when I was a kid, you basically went to the local park,

or you was in your garden or in the street for six weeks. And apart from occasionally a holiday, you literally just did whatever you wanted in you. You sort of just had to make your own fun, didn't you? My summer holidays was twoke, which is West Wales, which is lovely. And then the other four weeks, basically I was in charge of myself, Rob. Yeah, I was basically feral on the more. Yeah, feral on the more. So they're feral in the garden now because they're too young to sort of, I've even got a more, near, I don't know what more is. What's the more is? What's What's with more in just a bit of grass? the the the the the the the th more th more? th more? th more? th more? th more is more? th more is more is more in more? th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi more is more is more is more is more in more is. th thi. thi. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, I's more, I's more, I's more, I's more, I's more, I's more, I's more, I's more, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I the more, the more, the more, the more, the more, the more, th thin, thin, thin, thin, the is theea's thea' thea'erer's thea'er's thorou'er's thea'er's thea'erer's thea' thea. Yeah, I's the. It's like a it's like a hilly bit of grass. Hilly bit of grass. So I was saying it's great and Lou likes to be organized,

Lou's got a spreadsheet for the summer holidays, right? Oh my word. And it's it's pretty good, but it's almost like it's it's pretty non-stop. And I was saying I think the kids are too, are too too engaged. The's too much plan for them. We're doing too much for our kids. And I was saying I think sometimes, just let them just do what they want and they can be creative and they can mess about. And I've got loads of activities them to do. But basically what we've done is for the first week

of some holidays, we've got nothing. Nothing booked in at all. up and say what should we do? We've got no clubs, we've got no swimming, we've got no holiday, nothing and just see where we go and what we end up doing and let them sort of dictate what they want to do rather and us march them from place to place. What do you think they're going to do? Well at the moment they're absolutely loving it and they're just feral. They're just in the garden, it's lovely weather, just basically, they're just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, and they're, and they're, and their, and their, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, their. And, they're, their. And, they're, their. And, their. And, their, their, their, their, their, they were just like naked in the paddling pool and we were putting cream on them, but when they went for a bath, they were very pink, Josh. Oh no. Very pink. We kept an applying sun cream on them, but they're very, not too pink, but a bit pink.

But they found it absolutely hilarious that they were a bit pink when Mia Lu thought we were the worst parents ever lived. But we did put cream on them loads. but it's just a harsh sun. It's a harsh son and you're a blonde man as well, Rob. Do you know what I mean? And lose a bit Irish and Welsh, and she, they, yeah, they're very blonde. I don't think either of our kids stand much of a chance in hot climates. Oh no, I mean if our kids went on to Love Island, they'd be freckily hot and panicked as they walks in. I don't think we could breed Adonis, you know them sort of bronzed. Yeah, yeah. But you know, so we're basically having a week of nothing and just sort of letting them

choose what we do. So at the moment they've built a fall and they're just planning the paddling pool and drawing on cardboard and we've got paints and loads of stuff for them to do. They're planning of all Lego and all sorts. So they're really enjoying just sort of doing nothing kind of thing and just resting. And you're excited about it. Yeah, I am. And like, because we need to catch up on sleep.

So do the kids. And so that we're just sort of being, and I'm not working too much. So it's just a real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice the the the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. thi. the the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're they're really really really they're really they're really they're really they're they're they're they're the they're the week so it's just a real nice week of just us and also they've been at school and preschool so much they're excited to be indoors yeah we couldn't have done this kind of week at the end of the summer holidays because they'd be bored of us bored of the house so I'm our sort of plan is the first week of some holidays just let them run free in the house to the the the the the theyn't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. the the they. the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to do. What's the headline activity of the summer holidays? What's week six? Oh, what's week? What we got? What we got weeks?

Oh, the final week? Let me have a look in the diet. Lou spreadsheet is insane, mate. It's like, this is amazing. The spread, the final week of, Oh, so the summer holidays is, me and Lou I think are going to, no is we going to that?

Oh no, so they're going to a caravan park with their grandparents. Oh, mate! Yeah. Oh, mate. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah. And then me and Lou got a bit of time at home, and I've got to record the audio book and

stuff and they're going to at the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car the car to the caravan park with the grandparents. That is a dream in it. That is a dream. I'll quickly tell you a, uh, uh, because for the audio book, I've also, I'm interviewing a few 90s people just to shove it in the audio book. It's a bit of extra content. Go on. Who are you speaking to? Well, this week, Rob, I've been texting both Pat Sharp and Jet from Gladiators. Oh my God. And she's saved my phone as Jet from Gladiators, which I really have enjoyed. How old is Pat Sharp and Jet from Gladiators now? Can they text?

Is it all cap it all? Well, Pat Sharp's an absolute hootrop. Easy. He said, Friday's good for me, Josh. He replied. Oh, I said, very unbrand. And he, and he, and he, and he, and he, and he, and he's, and he, and he's, and he's. And he's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to................................................................................................................................. a.m. He replied sharp sharp. Oh, I love it And I said, ah very on brand and he said sadly I've been doing that for 40 years At least he can acknowledge it Exactly if that's the secret when you're 63 and you are on this podcast you go. I'm not gonna lie my grandkids are tyrann You know what you're doing. You can't be judged for it. I'm not going back to university to be your friend.

I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber won for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Joined for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The Ford government still

isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the Ford government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Well, you know what, someone said, someone tweeted me the other day about when I was doing all the stuff on Instagram at the Euros, really enjoying Rob Beckett's career revival renaissance at the Euros. And I was like, oh, I was I in the wilderness and I didn't know. I don't think so. No, well that's what I thought I thought I was still on the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wilderness and I didn't know. I don't think so. No, well that's what I thought I thought I thought I was still on the up. Yeah, I feel like I'm on the second up. Yeah, this is your

Jack D going into the Big Brother house. Yeah, exactly. I'm in the Big Brother house but I'm in charge of the edit. That's what social media shows, everyone makes their own one. Exactly. Oh that's exciting then then then then then then then then th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the th. I th. I th. I'm like I'm like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I I I I I the th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I feel I'm th. I feel th. I feel like I feel like th. I feel like th. I feel like th. I feel like th. I feel like the. I feel like the. I feel the. I feel the. I feel I feel I'm th. I feel shows, everyone makes their own one. Exactly. Oh, that's exciting then, Josh. I'm worried about doing the audio book because it's sort of like, I sort of like just reading it out, reading your own book. Do you think it's going to be boring, Rob? Not your book, but do you think, like, the experience of it's going to read a bit and I think I want to change that but I can't because it's been printed and now I'm just reading it out. But that's like anything but you'll never be totally happy you'll always want to tweak things.

Exactly, exactly. I heard a story about, I won't name them, but a celebrity who had their ghost, their automography ghost written. reading. Yeah. And they just basically had a breakdown because they were like, this is terrible. This is awful. I don't think they're alone. No, no, I don't know. That's the ghost writer books. I mean, I, look, I just think if you're going to do a book, you do it properly. And I know some people aren't academic or whether I'm not academic. I've never really been academic and I've never really been academic and I've dislex dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dys dyslex and I have I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've dis dis- I've I've I've I've dis-I I've dis-I I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I I I I've I have I I I I've I have I have I have I have I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've dis dis dis that I've got. the dislexia. I've got. the dislexia, I've got dislexia, I've got got dislexia, I've got dislexia, I've got dis-I've got dis-I've got dis-I've got dis-I. I've got dis-I. I've got ADHD probably I'm not at it confirmed but I can't really concentrate and I did it and I put effort in so just yeah just write a book if you're going to write a book yes it is hard so just work hard at it so I've got no sympathy for ghost writer people I think just put the effort in and if you don't then stuff like that's going to happen.

You can't have a coffee with someone five times and they write your book and it'll be all right. Do you know what I mean? Just write your book? Anyway let's stop talking about you Josh. how's your how's your parenting going? You're right. I'd say Rob. Yeah because you text me a couple of times and I'm a bit worried. Can I play tak I'll tel can't this. Can I this this this. This this. This this. This this. This is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just this is this is this is this is this is you. This is you. This is you this is you this is you this is you this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're you're you this is you this is you this is you this is you. this is you. this is you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you this is you this is you this is you this is you this is you this is you this is you this is you're this is you're to keep to keep to keep to to keep to keep to keep to keep to to keep. this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you're this is you this is you. the start of the podcast, which is fine. I've done it plenty of times before, but in this voice note, you sound so panicked and stressed. Me and Michael actually felt a bit sorry for you. Let me play it. Realistically, so I'm not late. Can we do a ten past 11?

But I promise that's the last time change. This morning has been a disastrous. Disaster I'm sorry guys. One day, one day. I don't even know what one day means. I have no idea what one day means. What does one day mean? You're so panicky and quick. Also, I was, I turned up at 1115. I didn't even make it for my...

One day, what does that mean? What does that mean? You're so panicked. At the beginning, Josh, I'm afraid. I was calling a baby as I was doing that. Right, you sound pathetic at this point. I'm going to play it against at the beginning you sound like, so a point wrong, do I really want to work with this bloke? Listen, listen, listen. Realistically, so I'm not like, can we do a ten past, Lebanon? I promise that it was, I promise you. I promise. I'll bless you. I know that. that. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the again now you're back on the up Rob. I know now I'm on the up. I'll bless you. I know that.

You didn't even start with height you was, realistically, I just don't think I'm just going to not be like you're doing open heart surgery. Like, mate, it's me and my own house. I've got to walk on the sofa watching the love island. Oh mate, my life. So what's happening? What's going? You said you're not getting any sleep. You text me the other morning quite early. Two words, right. Acid reflux.

Oh no. Did either of your kids have acid reflux? They did. They didn't have acid reflux. No, I was like, if you, you know if they do but no I don't think so my first one was a bit more Harder didn't sleep as well as the second But I don't think was acid reflux. Yeah, so basically You text me at 6 a.m.. Quite normal time to take someone isn't it yeah I'd been up for two hours. Yeah, you text me you text me you text me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck me fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck me fuck me, he woke up every hour to 90 minutes last night, hilariously bad.

I put it hilariously, but I'm just doing that to kind of take the edge off. I did it in that. Nothing that's happening in your house at the moment's hilarious, but I think for your own sanity it's good to say it. I, like, when I'm walking around the bedroom, trying to get him to sleep in the dark at about 9 p.m. I say phrases like I hate my life and I hate this. This is where you feel better I think rubbish did a bit of stand-up about it but when we was filming in South Africa we'd been really busy and like been eating bad and drinking bad like that and he got out the shower and there's a

massive mirror in these but in these hotel bedrooms right and as he caught himself in the mirror naked, he's just said to himself, I hate your body. You're, I hate your body. So you're walking around side, I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate this. I started, you know, like, how you don't really remember much of the first bit. So I thought what I'll do this time is I like, I'll like, I'll like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I hate th, I hate th, I hate th, I hate th, I hate th hate that, I hate th, I hate th, I hate th, I hate the th, I hate th, I hate their, I hate their, I hate their, I hate their, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I'll hate, I'll hate, I'll hate, I'll like, I'll like, I'll like, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll hate that, I'll hate that, I'll hate that, I'll hate that, I'll hate that, I'll like, I don't really remember much of the first bit.

So I thought what I'll do this time is I'll just write like every now and again I'll just write down stuff that's happening like so that I've got it and then like it's makes a second book easier, didn't it? And I, Rob, it's too bleak. I was like I can't show this to my son when he's grown up. Oh so is it sort of like a diary just like oh this is what it was just like this is what we're... for cheese Louis. I think you're logging enough of it on here. Yeah I'll be honest with you. Yeah I know I just it was just like an outlet and oh god it was so so let me take you through the kind of evening we had on Thursday. Yeah. So bear in mind I haven't had a proper evening since May the 11th, which was the day

was born because he just doesn't sleep in the evenings. So I've never sat down on watch TV. Like do you know what I mean? So basically what will happen is you'll feel the evening approaching. And the dread begins. You know like if you've got a terrible corporate in the dark? that, I I I I I that, I th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the th. I the th. I th. I'm th. I the the the the the the the the the the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I have the. I have the. I'm the. I've theauuuu.eau.eauru.eau.eau.eau.ea.ea. their their their their their their their their their you'll feel the evening approaching and the dread begins. You know like if you've got a terrible corporate in the diary or so you've got something in the diary you really don't want to do. Or job interview or a funeral or something horrible like that, you know. So the evening approaches then you do remember? I don't know if you remember this. I might have said before he was born that my main concern was how my daughter would react. That is one of the most, frankly, fucking naive, absolutely the least of my problems, Rob. How is she reacting by the way before we...totally fine with it.

It's not an issue at all. And you, the things as well, you're getting really anxious about that as well. I know, it's really th is is is is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's, that's, thi, thi, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. to, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. too, thi. thi. too. too. too. too, too, that's, thi. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's thoooooooo getting really anxious about that as well, to the point where it's really stressing you out, but it's so true where like, you can't worry about something that's coming up, just sort of react to it in the moment and it's fine. Why did that? That was such a small, it's not even, doesn't make any difference to my life. Although did I tell you what she said to him the th you th you th you th. She said, I love you, but I wouldn't mind if you weren't here. Oh my God. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind if you weren't here.

So funny, little subtle turns of phrases are so brutal, isn't it? Yeah, I might start saying that to people. So then you spend the evening walking around with him in pain, and then you get him down. Once he's down, he's down, he's down for about an hour and a half. th. th th th th. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, I'd that, I'd that, I around with him in pain and then you get him down. And once he's down, he's down for about an hour and a half. In the evening, obviously, yeah. One of us would go down separately to eat your dinner. Yeah. Um, which is obviously 10 minutes of absolutely wonderful alone time, but also while hearing the crying coming from upstairs. Luckily my daughter is a heavy sleeper. Yeah. Oh God imagine if you weren't imagine and then he Wakes up every hour to an hour and a half and to the point where that's brutal man. It is about it's just to the point where?

You're like you're just wish it when you wake up at three and it's the fourth time you've woken up or whatever. Yeah. You just you it's not even that you want any more sleep you just want the night to be over. Do you know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah and then at least you can have a coffee. Yeah that's so do you ever go to sleep going oh I can't wait to wake up so I can have a coffee. Oh. that's bad I thi. I that's I that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. thi. that's not that's not. th. th. that's not. th. that's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. you. th. th. th. th. th. the. you. th. the. the. you. you. the. the. the. the. No, I think that's quite, I think that's good. I think that's, you know, it's much better than, you know, other stimulants that you could be dreaming of when you're asleep. Smashing a big line of coke and a pint of Jack Daniels. You could be that guy with a flare up his ass. You did three up that guy. He's back on, he's back on, he's back on, he's a

front page of the sun, didn't he? Yeah. He didn't care either. No, you couldn't give a shit. Anyway, yeah, woke up at, by half five, it's game over, he's up. Yeah. So I was like, I'll just take him down stairs. I just I do the early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early early the early th. th. th. to to the early to the early to to the early to to the early the early to to to to to the early to to to to to to to to to to to to the the early shift, which is actually quite pleasant because you're just downstairs. And so what time was you up on Friday morning? 5.30. And then you're doing last leg that evening. Yeah. See that, now I know people like, I was on, I was watching tele on Friday, right?

Yeah. And I was flicking over. And you were on last leg. And then it didn't finish 10 past 11.. Was 10. Was 10. Wasthink it starts at 5 past 10 and finishes the temper like that's one of the I was sat on the sofa at half 10 going I am exhaled I'd got up at 7 right with the kids and they were not what sure I did nothing really and I am absolutely fucked and I saw you and I thought, that guy must be absolutely ruined. And I know, and I totally get people work like six days a week doing night shifts and they've still got kids and all that. So I'm not saying, you know,

and in actual fact, it's easier just to do that once a week. However, the threat of live TV and cancel culture to be doing that t tire if you want to be allowed to lift heavy machinery in that state never mind hold your career in your hand talking about like it's sort of racism in football and the Paralympics come on guys I don't need to talk about this now please can't we go back to the guy with the flower up his ass for another five minutes how are you doing that then if you're up if you're not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to the to to to to the to the to to to to to the to to to to to to th I to to th. I to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. I try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. to. to. to. to. to. to.. How are you doing that then if you're up if you're not getting any sleep in the night you're up? I've got three hours sleep then I got up and I was like I'm gonna have a cup of tea great. The one good thing is he will in the morning he happily just sit on you so I could

just I actually got downstairs I was like he'll sit on me I'm gonna sit on the sofa and watch TV for the first time th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to the the the the tho. I'm to to the the tho. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thus. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thrown. I'm the. I'm theeeean. I'll thooooooooooooo' the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'm the. I'm going to sit on the sofa and watch TV for the first time since May, since the beginning of May. I used to be able to play FIFA by when they're really little, hold it in one arm and then you can still hold the controller because they'd still just sit still. That was a good pick. That was a great three weeks. Oh, I bet. So you'll you know like there's a like, what's popular on Netflix, the top ten things on Netflix? I ended up at 6 a.m. and it's probably the

happiest I've been in six weeks excluding football related joy. I just watched a documentary about Boys to men. Oh wow, I was I was about a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary a documentary about a the the. Oh wow that seems very odd choice. It was and I was I was about 20 minutes in when I thought what am I doing with my life? It's it's it's a Friday morning it's 6 a.m. I'm watching a documentary about boys to men because it was one of the most popular things on Netflix and I just clicked on it. And to be honest this is the happiest I've been in days. Was it a good documentary? Not particularly, Rob. I don't know, is there a big story about boys to men? Not really, no, they were much more successful than I'd realized.

But they could have just told, I could have just gone on their Wikipedia page to their book. Is it called this is pop? Is that? the boys, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. Is, thi. Is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, is a, is a, is a. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is, is, is, is, is, is, is a. Is, is a. the, is a big. the, is, is, is, is, is, is, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th yeah. The Boys to Men effect. Also do one about each one, so the ones about Boys to Men. There's one about Boys to Men, that's like the first episode of the series. And there's one about Auto Tune. I mean I didn't want to watch one about that. I didn't want to watch a documentary about Aotun. There's a Britpop, is it? No, exactly. Well, you start in and go, Oasis or a band from Manchester, fuck off.

Come on, mate, ain't my first rodeo. But that's what my life's come to now. Just watching documentaries about Boys to Man on my own. Oh Oh this is how tired I am Rob. Yeah. Got my house insurance. I had got a new house insurance. Yeah. They were like you need a burglar alarm.

Yep. For this house insurance, fine. I'll get a burglar alarm. You've got 30 days to install the burglar alarm. Finally saw the guy coming around yesterday. He walks the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. I's. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I's. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's is is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. tho. tho. tho. t t t t t t t togeea. t toge. t t tooea. tooea. the place about installing this burglar alarm. And he looks on the wall and he goes, oh this is useful because you've already got a burglar alarm so we can just use the wiring and I was like what? And there's a burger arm on the wall, on the wall next to the door that I've had for

three years that I hadn't noticed was there. We've got a burger alarm and I didn't know we there's a there's a box on the wall with the numbers for a code and I just I'm so unobservant I haven't noticed it's there in my hallway. So what is the cloak installing then? A new burger alarm using the wires of the old burger Oh that's good yeah so it's probably better than you yeah it's all in the right place and yeah I didn't even know we had a burglar. the the the the the th. th. th. that's all that's all that's all that's all that's all the that's all in the that's all in the the that's all in the th. th. that's all in th. that's all in th. th. that's all in that's all in that's all in th. It's all in that's all in that's all in that's all in the that's all in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. that's all in th. th. that's all in that's all in th. th. that's all in th. It's all in th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all th. It's all all th. It's all. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It's all all all all th. It's all alarm. There's a thing flashing in the corner of each room. We've got a burger alarm. All that's installed as well. All of that's installed as well. It's all that. So you're just basically putting a new box on the wall and all the wires are up. And I was like, how do I? I've been so tired for the last comedian, I know I can't even observe my own house.

To be fair, if you could, that'd be a terrible routine, just people that don't live in your house hearing about things in your house? Yeah, yeah, no one needs to hear that. No, but maybe when you're the indoors you just calm down and then you when you go out that's when you see you see a fan to twist. Oh exactly and then I've got five minutes for the tour show Rob. And that's that sorted. I've got a gig tomorrow night Rob in Brighton. Oh yeah, I always I can also you are you getting there? I'm driving there with Ed Gamble who's also on. Is he driving or do you thriving? Are you driving or do that? he driving? Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. I? th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm the. I've thi. I've the. I've thi. I've he drives. One of them. He grew up in London, he doesn't need to. I've grown up in London, I don't need to. I don't need to because I can afford a fucking Uber. I'll get you, I'll get you mate. I got your car Mark Gamble, West London Posh boy, it doesn't need a car. You wait until he's still trying to learn to drive. If this will make you feel better, Josh, about your situation. My daughter said to me, they saw me getting out of the shower the other day, I had a tower on my waist, and they said to me, have you got milk in those big nipples? Oh my God. Not ideal. Not great for me.

Not great for me. That was actually more bleak than the Romesh story. Have you got milk in those big nipples? And also I knew my nipples got a bit bigger because I've been drinking and eaten badly and I've put in a bit away and got a bit puffy after a few weeks we're doing quite well so I was a little bit insecure about it and then they just pointed out my big milky tits looks a bit milkier than normal because I haven't been doing much exercise because I mean, what did you say? I said no. I just said, no.

No, no, I haven't gottry to, working from home, you know, people still are to a point, I don't know when that's going to change on Freedom Day or whatever, but it's like when you're trying to get from your, like the kitchen to like wherever your office is if it's in the kitchen or if it's in the front room, where have you got it or in the shed or whatever. Like when it's summer holidays it's so messy everywhere because you can't keep on top of the cleaning like normally you get them off to school have a quick tidy up or whatever and then you know they're not actually in the house that much but when they're in the house the time it's carnage. You know like you know the scene in Dunkirk

a the that the window-innedick I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can't can't can't can't can't can't can can't can't can can can can can can't can't can't can can't can't can't can't can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can you that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the You got people in the house, Josh? Hello? Oh, hello, you're all right? What's happening down there? Burglar man? Burglar arm? He's installing the window locks that we also need, Rob. Oh, yes, of course for the insurance. Well, you're nice and secure there now. Yes, yes. Don't you bloody trying to get to like a meeting or whatever it is a zoom, like you can I have an ice cream, can I have this? It's like you know that Dunker when he's running and there's all the bombs going

off and just people knocking into it. You're sort of like, trying to get for everyone just to get one who starts screaming, it must be impossible. If you're like a single parent and you're still trying to work and the kids are at home, it must be absolutely impossible. I totally agree. Like, this is the thing we have slightly at the moment is that if you go to do something, the biggest mistake you can do is to then go back having not completely finished all of your tasks because the moment you go back into the room, the other one's going to try and escape to do something. You have to make the most of every second. Like when I finish this podcast, Rob, yeah, what's your plan? I'm going to, I've got, I've got, yeah.

I've got, I've got like, to thrown, I've to just, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, that. I'm not going to get it done. No, okay you're done then are you? You're like, you're like, you're like, no, not really. Because if I don't pay our tax, we're going to be in lots of trouble. Yes, exactly. The birth alarm is going to be the least of our worries. Exactly. Right, Josh. You want some Instagram messages. I do. I've got some more people that will that will that will that will that that that that that that that that that that that will that that that that that the the th. to help the the to help to help the the to help the the the to help the the tie the their their tie their their tie. their tie. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ta. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. I ta. Hi Rob and Josh, I really enjoy your podcast. It's been helpful to put a smile on my face in the darker days of lockdown. Lately, a few parents have been sharing their stories about being tired with newborns. My son is five now, but it brought a flashback

of being a new mom and one night in particular. I breastfed my son exclusively, and as you'll know, that meant that meant doing most of the waking up at night. Being a new mom, I did everything by the book. So when the midwife told me to feed the baby every four hours, I set an alarm in case he didn't naturally wake up, first mistake. Come on, mate. Imagine, Josh, imagine just setting alarm for four hours so you can wait your child. That is just, that is it. I'll have done two or three wake up to three wake up. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. th. that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. toda. toda. toda. today today today today today today today today the. the. that. th. Anyway, I don't think this message is actually making you feel better, but anyway. One night the alarm went off, totally exhausted. I picked up the baby to feed him, keeping the light suffers not to wake my husband. I spent at least two minutes trying to get him to latch and it just wasn't working.

Eventually I turned on the light and looked down. I realized I'd been trying trying to to to to to to to to to to b to breast to breast to breast to breast to breast to breast the b to breast to breast to breast to breast to breast their to breast to breast their to breast their their their their their their the baby. I'd the baby. I'd to be the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the baby. I'd the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to toe. I'm try. I'm toe. I'm toe. toeck. I'm toeck. I'm toe. I've toe. toe was sound asleep in his cop. Anyway Josh remember eventually it does get better. That's the key message. She only had four hours sleep. How could she? How could she? How she's possibly about the four hours sleep? Imagine being jealous of someone getting four hours sleep. I'll feel for you Josh. It does get better. Don't worry. Wow. Wow Rob. Yeah acid reflux. Oh God. It has an appointment., it gets better. Don't worry. Well, Rob, yeah. Acid Reflux. Oh God. Yeah. He had an appointment about just a general check-up on Wednesday, like the how's it going thing. And Rose said how long could it last? They said up to the age of six to eight months. Oh my god. So what's he in that moment? Two months? Two months? Two months? My God it feels like so long, Josh, I can't believe it's only two months. I mean what? Six to eight months? The age of six to eight months?

Yeah, but that's just it could be, that's a ballpark. That's a ballpark! That's a ballpark! I mean. I only expect you like two or three more weeks. It could be four months or it could be ten months. No, it couldn't be too. Apparently we can start weaning early. That's one thing we can do. Right, okay. So we normally six months are weaning, in it? Yeah, we can bring it forward to four months apparently.

I hated waning. I hated waning. I hated every second of it and I was just like, just give them fucking porridge until they've got tea. So boring, weaning. I hate it. I just feel like they're going to choke on everything and like that noise of a kid choking. Oh, and I've had some terrible experiences of them choking. It's so frustrating trying to spoon that nose and squeeze it in? Hold the nose down in the mouth. No, no, but you don't need to spoon it.

You just, literally, I treated my kids like four-graw, basically. You just shove the little old in the mouth and squeeze it in and gently. There's no need for a spoon. I'm not saying don't force it in. If they don't want it, don't give it to me at all. I'm absolutely not saying hold their nose and force it in. But what I'm saying is if they're hungry and they want it, rather than messing about the spoon, just put that little, just squeeze it a little bit into their mouth. Okay. From the pouch to mouth.

From the pouch things. We know we're wrong and don't listen to anything we say. Yeah, don't do not. Two blokes trying. Right, here we go. Is it enough. Keep me anonymous. This is, this is, keep me anonymous. This is a good, good, a good message. Hi, Josh and Rob, never listened to a podcast in my life until lockdown. Then a colleague recommended. A the, I I, I, I, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, the, the, to, to, to, the, the, to, the, to, to, the, to, the, they. to, the, keep. the, keep. to, keep. the, keep. Keep. Keep. Keep me, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep me, keep me, keep. Keep me, keep. Keep me, keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to, is. to, is. the, is. the, the, the, keep, keep, keep, keep me, keep me, keep me, keep me, keep me, keep me, keep me, keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep. So I've been listening to every podcast and have tears a laughter.

So after Friday's podcast of Ian Sterling, this was from a few weeks ago before the break, I already have felt the need to email. Okay, so the baby belly button thing. Ian framed his, you know the little belly button clip that falls off. Ian's got his frame doesn't, on the wall, Ian Sterling this is. Anyway, so we thought that was a bit strange, but it isn't, this lady here kept her child's one in a little trinket box on the cabinet beside the cot.

When my first daughter was born, so it's been on the cabinet by the cot. At 10 months old, I went into her room and she was sitting in the cot saying, yum, yeah. While the shooteeth. I quickly put my fingers in her mouth in a panic, nothing there. The panic subsided as she was breathing and wasn't choking and there was nothing in her mouth. I noticed a trinket box in her car. The white belly button clip had nothing attached. She had eaten her own belly button.

Oh my God. That is one most disgusting. It's hoping you see a pigeon eating KFC off my god. You know when there's a bit a bit a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. th. th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. the. th. That is. Oh my word, that's cannibalism. It's hoping you see a pigeon eating KFC after all. Oh my God. You know when there's a bit of chicken on the floor. Oh God. In a panic I phoned A&E and explained to the doctor what happened. I heard a giggle then put it on hold and then I was put on hold. At this point I actually laughed. No and it wasn't. And it wasn't. they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. their. their. their temperature we think she is unwell bring her to A&E I said okay thank you no and I was stressing for nothing and I should add I freaked out completely and totally lost my head and my job is a midwife. No! Oh my god that is amazing! So even midwives don't know what the right thing to do is and some midwives let their children eat their own skin. So, you know, next time a midwives give you shit, remember that.

Can we just ponder on the madness of putting it in a trinket box? Yeah, also can I just say I've got nothing gets midwives. I didn't think they do an amazing job, however it's just proof that nobody's perfect and we all can make mistakes. But we should say this, keeping the rotting flesh belly button in your house in a trinket box or in a frame or anywhere that isn't a bin is fucking disgusting. And you may disagree with me and I accept your apology in the future when you realise it's fucking disgusting as well. You're all a bit sentimental and overly emotional when they're young, but after a while you'll realise what you're going to do with that, belly button. What would you do, Rob, if your parents said, do you want to see your belly button?

I would get it and immediately put my belly button in the bin and no one could say anything because it's my belly button. b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the to theeea thea thea thea thea thea thiiiii thi thi thi thi thi belly button in the bin. And no one could say anything because it's my belly button. When are you going to whip it out? I don't want to see that. Placenta, right, if you cook a placenta and eat it in sweet, I'm okay with that. Right. I think if you're into that and there's been studies that you in the freezer without doing anything weird and keeping old with the belly one it's so fucking weird Josh. It's it's like like imagine like like if I said I've kept all my toenail clippings. Do you know what I mean? Yeah like you'd go what is wrong with you? There's no memory you're not going to look at it and be taken back to the day of the birth no to the birth the birth the birth the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I th I th. th. th. th. to to to th. to to to to to to to to th. th. th. the. to the. to to to to to to me. to me. to me. to to to to to to to to to the the th. It. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's theeeean. It's theeean. It's theeean. It's toeeean. It's toean. It's toean. It's the. It's thaken back to the day of the birth? No. And also, look, I feel like we're thrown shade here, and we didn't really bring this up when I was chatting to Ian Sterling,

which now looks disingenuous, but I agree, but I don't want, but that's not me being disingenuous, I just don't want to rain on someone's parade, because in that moment in 't want to ruin it for you, but I am aware that in about a year's time you'll go, let's take that fucking horrific Satan worshiping weird bit of belly button off the wall and put it in a drawer or better still throw it away. And that will happen. No, the lock of hair's weird as well, a bit better than throttin' skin. Yeah, I'd take the look the look the look that, that look that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not. that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's that's. that's that's. that's that's that's. that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a the. the. the. the the theatheauuooooooooooooea. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's that brought in skin. Yeah, I take the look, because a hair stays as hair, right? Why doesn't it die? It must just disintegrate. How long can it last?

Did it, is this a thing? I don't remember doing it myself, but there'd be kids that would, when they'd go to the barbers, they'd keep the hair? Do you remember that? Do you can donate hair? My mate, um, when, when, when, when, when they would would the they would would their their their they would would would would would would would would would their their their their their, when, when, when their, when their, when their, when their, when they would would would would their, when they'd they'd their, when their, when th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, the. It's the. It's, why, why, the. It's, why, why, why, why, theat. It's, why, why, why, why, that. Why, why, why, why, why Oh yeah, you can donate hair. My mate, he bought us their anonymous, and when we sort of shared a house, he was like, no I think all, or it was his parents or whatever, he had a girlfriend and was obviously having sex to her using a condom but he didn't know what's do with a condom so just had a little tin. Oh my God. Because he didn't know how to get rid of them. Oh my word. And then when we will take the piss out of him, we're fucking, you've got a little spunk tin and all that. He's got loads of condoms and a tin he went, well I'm not embarrassed, I've had sex of a girl. Fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. One nil. One nil told to someone who, uh, it was too far to go to the toilet.

So they'd go in a juice carton, if there was a juice carton next to their bed, and they woke up in the middle of the night needing a piss. And then the inevitable. Judge Carter, what had you pissed down the straw? What? No, no, like, like a liter one. Oh, right. Yeah, the big orange juice. We all thought were healthy.

Yeah, the ones that we drank throughout our childhood and 20s, not realizing that that wasn't the way to be healthy. No, thinking, oh, I'll have a big pint of that orange juice. It was basically like drinking a pint of Coca-Cola. Yeah, those ones. Anyway, the inevitable happened he woke up in the middle of night and drank his own piss. Oh, for fuck sake. It's a sear enough same colour, especially it was an apple juice colour. Oh my God. I've done that before, hung over and had a big swig of straight vodka thinking it was water.

Oh my God. Uni, oh my god, that was awful. It's all got disgust in this, Josh. It really has, isn't it? It really has, isn't it? I've got some great Instagrams, but I've got a business that will be very helpful for you. Go on. So this is from Danielle. A bit of background. I was made redundant last year because of COVID and my husband was furloughed for a year due to shielding and when he could finally return to work, he had to drop his hours by

half. It's been a difficult year financially, but all made more bearable by our four girls. To earn some more money, their daughters are five and one and nine and eleven. To earn some more money, my husband has set up a flat packing business. He puts together flat-packed furniture for people, including trampolines. Oh, legend! Yes. That is good because if is our, if you haven't got time and they are hard, and if you get something that knows what they're doing, they're doing about 10 minutes. Yeah, it's, it's, that's an invaluable service. Unfortunately, I was late listening to Christmas episode, otherwise I would have offered his services.

I was skeptical about whether his business would work, but I'm surprisedededededed want this service. That's very nice for you, Daniel. I mean that is the greatest compliment you could ever get from your wife. Yeah. I'm surprised people want it, but they do. So actually, well done. I thought your business was going to be shit, but actually. It's great. It's great. What's the business called and where's you located? B.J.D. Flat pack assembly? And the website Hampshire, BJD, Flat Pack, Flat, the tack assembly, and the website is, I mean, I'm gonna say it, I bet Danielle said this website is not gonna work for you, BJD, hyphen, flat, hyphen pack, hyphen assembly, dot business, site. I felt like that Pete Tongue recording then. BJD, mate, get on Insta. What would you put on Insta on ins ins ins, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, th, thi, thi, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm tha, I'm tha, I'm, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, I'ma, I'ma, I'ma, I'm Is he on Insta? I don't know if he's on it. What would you put on Insta? Some flatback furniture.

Yeah, you do before and after, swipe to build, swipe to build. Fuck it, you take the state to stop. That's satisfying Instagram to follow. Tap to build and he show you it all laid out the floor. to the floor. Like, Stacey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, the, th, tho, tho, the, the, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, tho, tho, tho. to, to, tho. to, to, tho. to, to the to to the to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, that website's a fucking mess! There we go. New website, please, mate, and get on Instagram and do that. A bit like the pool type of website, like you tie you up your bloody flat packs, am I right? And the pool guy on Tick Tock, they nick their ideas. Yes.

You do it that way, basically. Yes. That'd be a very relaxing account to follow. I'll just do it again. BJD. See if you can remember it, Rob. Go. High from flat, hyphen pack, hyphen assembly, dot business, dot site. Do you want to repeat that? I'll actually type that in to the internet and see if it comes up. W, W, W, D. Y, D. Y, hyphen, yeah. Yeah.

Um, hyphen, yeah. pack yeah hyphen assembly yeah I mean there's no way you need assembly in this no one's no one's already got BJD hyphen flat hyphen pack I feel up we've given him too much shit now this is most advertising they'll ever get in his life to be fair dot pack so hyphentho assembly dot business site by the way I guess I'm in the document I can see Michael's just uh he's just a higher he's just a high he he's the high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high high. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy thy the way, I guess I'm in the document, I can see Michael's just, uh, and he's just selected the whole thing, so he's obviously searching for it online as well. I can't, W, W, W, do you, dot, B.J.D. hyphen, the whole.

I can't find it. Anyone that thinks this is the driest bit of the show is an idiot. This is assembly dot business dot site. Yeah. Yeah. This doesn't exist. Oh no. How do we get people in contact with this guy? Oh God. Where is it? Is it any other information on this web? BJD, I'm googling that, BJD, Flatpack Assembly. He has done, let's be honest, by having a fake website, he's done very well out of us. We've given him more out of time than any business has ever at, even the ones that pay us. Andrex and boots are furious.

Oh, I've got it, I've got it. You found it. BJD, Flat Pack Assembly, so it is. Come on. HTTPS, C. I'll leave it out. It's got longer. HATPS. HAT, HITPS. COLON, forward slash, and then it's BJD hyphphen, high from pack, high from assembly, dot, business, dot sites. So the W.W. He's not on the world wide web. How does that work? Oh God, he's marching to his own tune, this guy. What's the website like? I'm still not in there.

It's good actually. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, he's got on the testimon. He's got on there. Still can't it, therely. Excellent work. BJD, this has gone on for too long. Flat pack, hampshirt, let's see if it comes up on Google. We got to 45 minutes, I thought, this will be a lovely edit this one. Eight minutes later, I'm like, oh, for fuck, sake.

What do you mean? You're really to edit this bit? This bit's gold. Here he is. Four years in business. Right, anyway, yeah, we found him, fucking Billy Joe D, what I mean, B.J. D? Is it Billy, J. D? God knows. Right, I've still come on his website, but apparently he exists. Good luck with a business. Yeah. Right, we haven't really got time for another big shoutout. Let's give, I tell you what, let's give a broccoli, Barbara, uh, broccoli, Barbara, another shout. to their brother Joe is fully trained. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the. the. the. the. the he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he. He exists he exists he exists he exists he exists. He's. He exists. He's. He exists. He's he's th. He's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he's apparently he exists. He's apparently he exists. He's he's he's he. He's he. He's based in Farrington, London, but I think he also does other home visits in his spare time if you're not near Farrington, an angel in London. It's Broccoli, Barber on Instagram.

I think that's right, isn't it? Or his website is W.W.W.W.Bar. Higley. Hipherbib. Hipahahe. Hight. Hi. Hipp and trim, hyphen frame, fade, the cut hair dot business dot site. Oh dear, that is, that's really tickled me.

Get on Instagram, BJD. Yeah, he's called the Broccoli Barber on Instagram and yeah, get your air cut, please people. Right, Josh, I think that's us done, isn't it? See you Friday? See on Friday.