Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP31: Have you taken magic mushrooms?...

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

S03 EP31: Have you taken magic mushrooms?...More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Sotomayor, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener with your tips, advice, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, their their their their, their, their, their, tip, tip, tip, tipes, trie, trie, trie., tri-a' tri-a' tri-a'' tri-a' to to tri-a, to they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Parenting Hell with

Lily can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Whittaket. Jocket him. There we go. Oh, that was nice. Very pleased with themselves. Yeah. And rightly so.

Her name is Lulu. Look, that was Lulu. that was Lulu. Yeah. I was going to do a really big whale then, and I thought, I don't think I can pull it out. I reckon you can. Go for it. Go big, Josh. Get back to the old you. I don't think the old you would have done that, though. Whale? How's that?

How's that count? You met Lulu on Zoom? Well, I'd interviewed her when I'd covered on radio too. Have I met someone, if I've been on a TV show with them and they're on Zoom? I don't think I've met them. No, I don't think so. That doesn't go down as a, I've met some, though. I mean, you've talked to her though, right, but just down Zoom. Would you say you'd met someone if you spoke to them on the phone? No, no I wouldn't. Yeah, and I wouldn't if you were on a TV show and someone rang in like they used to, you used to ring in. I wouldn't say, yeah, so I've not met Lulu, but I've not met Lulu, but I've not met the tooxed. Uh, no. But they gave me the option of having, I got makeup at home and then got brought in.

No, I didn't have that option. But I got there and I was one of the only people in the studio, but Alex Scott and Germain has got makeup. So I'm just sat here like little pasty pale tired mess. Oh, mate. And then Matt Baker come in and he patted himself. I know it was a bit it felt a bit like David Brent going back into the office. Because it just it does doesn't it you sort of just I was he promoted as a guest No he came on as a guest because he was talking about he's got a new farming show and he's got a book out and he's Do you know what Rob yeah I've met him? I've met him? Oh one zoom or in life on zoom?

On zoom promoting his book. Yeah, we were both promoting our books on different zooms, so I have, have I met that, well I've met him on an other occasion, that's actually a bad example. Well he's got a new show and then he's got his book out and he's doing a pantomime Marina tour. And he was sat there on his rickshaw. You know his children need rickshaw because he's raised 40, that? Do you take a magic mushroom? He's, do, do, do, do, doina tour and he sat there on his rickshaw. He does a rickshaw thing, didn't he? He's raised like 40 million for charity. Has he? Yeah, but he sat there, right? I went on and was like...

What, fairing people around London? Yeah, I don't know, yeah, charging him loads of money and giving it to charity. Wait, he's outside the lion king, charged thirty quid, to to to to to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, Lion King, charged him 30 quid to get back to Trafalgar Square. It'll be 900 quid, but it's going to a youth club in Rotherham. Okay, you're happy with that? Um, but you know, it did, I was there, like Matt Backels there, with his rickshore, talking about, 40 million raise for charity. Where did he park it? He's just at the pasty face, trying his best.

Oh God. Look, Josh, I'm going to stop doing television stuff. Yeah? For a bit, I'm boring everyone. The nation needs it. The nation needs it. The nation needs less of me, I tho' thii. picked up at 6.30 a.m. I went there. Why? She's on at 9. I know, but I live in Southeast London and it's in Shepard's Bush. It took an hour and 45 minutes to get there. I sat on a chair for 10 minutes. I barely opened my eyes. The

conversation ended back in the car for an hour 45. Oh my god. I came home it felt like I dreamt thrown. She covers about 16 topics Lorraine. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to tooom-I tooom. tooom. tooom. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. toe. toe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tode. tode. today, today, toe. today took. toooo. I to. to. to. to. toe. toe. to. I t quickly. I've basically given you my life story. I've done eight minutes, Lorraine. You flashed up some photos of me that I didn't even know existed behind me. I know. She popped up. She played a video of me doing stand-up. It looked like I'd just come out the womb. Yeah. I was so young. It's like fucking this is your life. It's unbelievable. But if it's so fast. But then before you know it you're talk a you you you you you you you're you're you're you're you're you're t t t t t t t talk talk talk talk about t. You're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I to. I to. I to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to. to to to th. to th. I th. I th. It's unbelievable. But if it's so fast, but then before you know it, you're talking about chunky knit and ankle boots. Like a big chunky jumpers and ankle boots with one of the pussycat dolls. It's non-stop. Anyway, let's stop talking about this. I was talking about kids. If someone said, what's it like when your life flashes before your eyes, it's like a party drug. The young kids are on Lorraine. The thing is with Lorraine. It's nice and easy, and the things it only lasts for 10 minutes. But the come down is an hour and 45.

No, Lorraine is lovely. That was all lovely, but I'm very tired from getting up early. I've been getting up earlier than my children for book promo. Oh, that's worse. You must be more thaaaa. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. thea. thea. thea. thea. that's worse. You must be more or less done by now, Rob. Yes, I'm done. Jonathan Ross is the last thing, and then I've got a few more bits and bobs, but I'm pretty much done now. Tell you what, Rob, yeah? I had 20 minutes to myself this morning. Did you? Yeah.

What did you do? I read the absolutely insane Instagram I got. Sorry, and then we will move on from... And we could talk about this, go on. I went for a period where I read all the Instagrams that I get in the extra messages. But then, yeah. Who do you think you are happened? And it's completely fucked it. Have you ever had one though? I'm sure you had that after the bucket hat. I've had to turn it off because my Instagram messages,

because I've still got messages I've not read since the Euros. Oh, right, yeah, so the Euros. I couldn't get through them all, so I just turned it off now. I don't read them. I think you are? Well yeah exactly what do we need to talk about that I've not seen it yet but I know you're you're basically royalty in your family homes heaver castle. Yeah that's the nub of it and I've told you about the groom of the stall haven't I? The grooming store? Oh was it one of your ancestors used to just help the king have a shit? Yeah so you don't need to see it now anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway anyway so so so. So I looked today, right? Yeah. And then we'll move on, away from work. I will.

But just, this is from someone I don't know. I won't say the name. Hey, we're surprised to find an audio version of your book read by James Acaster. Now nothing wrong with James, but I want you as the narrator as discussed on the parenting podcast. Please advise. What's he listened to to do things with James, didn't you on your radio show, where he used to read stuff out... James Acaster hasn't done a rip-off of my book, has he? Well, I don't, I don't, I've not seen much of James A. James A.

tell a tel, anymore. Maybe he is, got a black market in reading other people's Acaster quite happily. Oh a hundred percent, that what a career that would be. James Acaster reads the classics. James Acaster reads the Bible. That just sounds like a description of his day. Hey! Right, how's your week being, now your kids? Yeah, they're very good, Rob. They're very good. I didn't tell you about my four-year-old's birthday, day. So what happened on the day of your daughter's birthday? Okay, so it's all been a bit fraught to get it already. Yeah. We didn't make the mistake of Christmas and go too many presents too many presents to get. She's too young to know how many presents you're meant to get.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, ignorance is bliss going to Woking to do a tour show. Yeah. And a birthday cake from the M&S in Waterloo station. Okay. Underwhelming. Cut in the catapet there? No, there was a nice stars one actually, it was quite nice. And that is a nice, she's getting a proper nice rainbow birthday cake a party yeah I said a part but you got a little just a little one for the day yeah just for the day right and then my wife texted me at 5 p.m. and said can you get any balloons and you're like on the way to Woking to do a tour show all right so that birthday is the next day yeah next morning so you're the show to the sound check you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the to to the the the the the to the the to the to the the the to the the the to their their their the their their their their. their. their. their. their. I I their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I.. I. I.......................................... Yeah.. Yeah..................................................................... the....... the............ the.. the. the.. the. the next day? Yeah, next morning. So your 5 p.m. your shows at 8 p.m. You've got to be there for 6 to do the sound check. You've got to eat at some point and you've bought a cake

now you've got to try and find balloons. Balloons. Okay. There's a double H. Smith the Smith the Waterloo, no. That was my only hope. The stationers. The stationers. The stations. I mean it's a the the the the the the the the th. the the the the station. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, they do, yeah, you'll get birthday. You might get a little pack of shit balloons in the corner if you're lucky. But no, I'm not proud of this, Rob. McDonald's? Texted my tour manager and said, you couldn't pop out and get some balloons, could you? Ploons? Is that all you said?

No, it's like it's my daughter's birthday tomorrow. Okay, not that you want a little party laughing gas balloons. No, no, you can go out and get some balloons because I think Woking's going to be a bit tough so I need to get through it. I've got Jack Greenish in later. Have you got any Lorraine for this? Have you got any Lorraine? Ha'n' thi? So what did he do? Did he get him? Yeah, I arrived at my ego. This is what I arrived to, Rob. I genuinely, fair play. But is this a bit beyond the call of duty for this guy? Yeah, it really is.

Oh God, it's struggling to get off my phone, sorry. Josh, I was saying this the other day to my mate, I think you are going to be such a funny old person. Like, you're a funny, obviously you're funny now, you're funny comedian, you're funny in person, you're a funny person. I'll suit being old, won't I? You're going to look great. I can just imagine you being wheeled out on some young Bucks new panel show in like 40 years and you're just a little old guy, he's a big glass, big gray curly air, you know, whoa, whoa, just sort of grumbling along. And I'll hear me, old little whinicum, shuffling in.

Struggling to deal with the new bloody, bloody hoverboard. It's bloody, the thing was bad, is that believable. And I think I could look really odd and old. I think you'll look good old. I'm gonna get sagging. No, you're gonna look great. I think you'll maintain what you've got now just with gray air and more wrinkles. I think there's a danger of me. I think I could grow old gracefully or turning some sort of mad Garibushi, you know, big mad. Because I've got my big mad teeth and or I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, th, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I'd, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to th, th, th, th, th...... th. th. tho, to, tho, tho, tho, to, tho, to, to, to, to, to blonde and it's like, you know, you know like, you know, you know, when Chris Evans did top gear, but and he went too orange again didn't he?

Yeah, he died his air orange rather just letting it go grey. I don't love it. Talking of balloons, Rob, I've just sent you a picture. Oh, okay, we're on fucking fire! Here we go. This is it, isn't it? That is some good Lorraine. Oh, so he got two balloons? Two four-year-old balloons, just waiting there in my dressing room.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Do you know what as well, though? So you've got two fours in fours, thes, thes, thes, the fours, ths, ths, ths, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, tho, their, tho, their, their, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, their, we're, their, their, their, you've got two fours in your dressing room like helium floating around but I do think people at the venue must have thought oh my God what a pathetic birthday Josh is having he's 44 but that's perfect yeah what a legend your tour manager is obviously we can give the tour sport lift home because the balloons are in the back so that was a tour support blew him up you got a full team work if you know Josh you've got a team the the the that that that you that you that you got that you got that you got a that you that you've got a that you've got a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their toy. toy. toy. tour tour tour tour sport is. tour sport is. tour sports. tour sports. tour sports. tour sports are their their their their their the tors support blew him up. It's got a full team worker for you now, Josh. You've got a team.

I've got a team? You've got that you've got a team now, haven't you got your team? My people speak to your people, that kind of stuff? I've got a balloon guy. If you need balloon sourcing, I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $499 a month. Savings may vary, eligibility and member terms apply. And how was the birthday? Did she like the balloons? She loved it, she had a good morning, we bought her a slide. Nice. Which she'd experienced her She experienced a slide at a friend. She must have been down a slide before, at four.

No, no, she's been on lots of slides, but... Oh, right, okay. I didn't know which slide to get, and then I'd like, oh, she liked that one. We'll get the exact same one. Yep. Tom Allen's still got a trampoline and a slide and swings. How often do you think he goes on there? More often than you think?

Do you know what? He don't go near the swings. He don't go on the slide, the trampoline gets it going over. Yeah, I bet it does. I bet it does. Yeah. He's on there. He's on to do. We ruled out anything that involved driving because I still haven't pumped up the tires. Anything that involved driving.

What can we walk to with a newborn and a four-year-old? So we're going to go to the aquarium. Taxi into town, fair enough. It's bad they, Rob. Treat yourselves. We had a lovely meal in Wahhaka. She changed her mind on their and decided she wanted to go on the London Eye, which I don't think is a four-year-old's entertainment. I'm going to say it. No, I think the London Eye looks a lot. I'm going to say this. Yes, I am.

I'm bored of being higher up. I don't know if I've done the Berskhalif. I know you have with Jack D, we did it with Jack D, didn't you? I did, how did you know that? He mentioned it on a really funny podcast. What's up set you now? a really funny podcast. What's up set you now? Paul and Sean, they're very good at moaning. Oh, what's up? they's say about it? theyn'a' thin' thinn't. What they's their th he's th th th. What th. What's th. What's th. What's th. What's th. What's th. What's their th's th's th's th's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What's up? What? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What, but he mentioned going up the Burj Khalifa with you and he's got a photo of you two up the Burch Khalifa, which again is boring, it's just higher up. And when you've already been on a plane, I've been as high as I, as I, already was two days ago. Totally. So that's my view on being up high. And I was dreading, I was thinking, being stuck in a pod. Can you imagine? Like, if she doesn't like this early doors. Yeah, and you've got the baby in there, is it? We're in trouble here.

Oh, and what if someone proposes in your pod? Oh my god, can you imagine? I'd hate to be near that, the thiiii. they they they they they that.. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. to. to. to. to. tha. to. to. to. to. tha. thooooooo. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th, people were proposing all over the fucking shop. It was a nightmare. You couldn't even get to see Paris. Get them tripping over people. They were bloody down on their ne left, right and said it. Me and Lou did that cringe thing where we put a padlock on a bridge. Did you? Oh, when we were young, about 20, 25 I think. I like that. Have you been back to years later and what and what and what and what th. And what th. And th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. the they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th. People, th. th. the. to, to, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. People, their, nice. I like that. Have you been back to see it? We're back to years later and what they do is they basically, every six months, cut off the metal because it weighs down the bridge and then melt it down and sell it. Oh, that's nice. That's good. And that's good. And that's what?

And that in a way is what love is? to the thau. to they. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. tho. thin. thin. thin. too. too. too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, the. And, toe. And, toe. And, th. And, th. And th. And their, their, their, their, the thing. No. She got there and she decided the wheel was too big. Fair enough. So there was a carousel. Love it. Got on that. Then the guy, we're already on, he said you've got to go on the same horse. And I said, why have you got to go on the same horse? And he said, because this is the fastest carousel in the United Kingdom. Okay. So why do you have why do to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have the to have to have the to have to have the to have the that that. Why, why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the same? the the the the the the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same. the same, the same, the the same. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the th. that, the that, the that, that, that, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. tha. tha. tha. th others. Because she couldn't be trusted to be on a horse on her own. Oh you oh sorry I thought you meant the second time round. Oh no no no no no no you're really staking. I had a second. I got to go on the same horse because they get used to. Because it's the fastest one in Europe. Yeah United Kingdom I think he said or weren't on this now because I haven't moved by this point. I was like, she's going to fucking hate this. Somehow. Did she tap her hands like you do when she's

nervous? No, she hasn't picked that up luckily. It was fast Rob, but it wasn't, it was fast. But he was making claims really that he shouldn't have been, because it was fine. Yeah, but who's going to go back and go, I want a refund? I can send this to you now if you want, footage of me on the faster. I don't know. Josh on the fastest carousel in the UK. Does that look fast enough? I mean, it's got a pace to it. It's not as fast as that mad little dragon ride. I went to a pepper, oh there you go, and your little yellow anaraq?

Yeah, yellow anaraq. Spot the Widdicum. That is too fast for a child on their own though, I know what you mean? Exactly. And then she didn't even want to go to the aquarium. There was just a park there. and going down a slide, we literally bought you one, and now we've traveled to the South Bank. Well, that's the thing, that's what they enjoy more. Like, you see people go, it's her day. It's her day.

They drag their kids on me for a photo. And I'm, yeah, I'm not a massive fan of the aquarium. It's all right. Yeah, no big, thii, it's th. th. Oh nice, you've seen a lot more chilled? I am. I went to the gym this morning, had 20 minutes on my own reading a book, and, well as of this morning, I've cut out caffeine. Oh really? I just decided to, Rob.

How's that going? Well, fine. I've just had two the rain on the gums and I don't even notice it. I don't even miss it. Exactly. No, I've just had two decaf teas and I've realized what I like about tea is drinking tea rather than the actual non-existent hit that I get off it. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. I've got to calm down my coffee. I'm going. I'm going. I my coffee. I'm going to have a little break from coffee when all the... because at the moment I'm working evenings because I'm doing book events and tour shows and tell stuff and then I'm also working early doing all these radio experiences. So that's going to be my little thing once the book's done. No caffeine for me. Well I'm definitely going to drink caffeine every day. Well I've definitely going to drink caffeine every day. Well I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. I'm definitely tha tha tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell I'm tell I'm tell I'm tell I'm tell t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm tel. I'm yeah I'll do that as well. No I'm not gonna I'm gonna have one coffee every day. Well he did going from coffee to nothing is much more difficult than going from tea to nothing I think. Yes exactly so I'll go to one a day and then I work backwards from there because I tell you was quite good as well half terms quite nice because they they don't have to be up up to be up up up up up up up up to be up to be up to be up to be up to be up to be up to be up to be up to be up the the to be up to be up the to be up to be up and out the to be up and out to be up to be up to be up to to be up and out their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. the te. te. the the just relaxed. Exactly little watch a bit of

telly you know I've got to give loose some respect okay we went to the gym to the little they've got a little like soft play bit in the gym cafe right and by the way can I still use the mother and baby space or the parent and baby space I don't know what the term for you know there's the little buggy sign on the floor. Yeah. So you there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. buggy sign on the floor. Yeah. So you can park near the shop. It's disabled and there's the family parking. Can I still park in the parent and baby space? I've got a four-year-old and a six-year-old. Yeah.

I think so. So when do we stop? When do you stop? When's the kid can't clip themselves in and out the car seat. Oh but my daughter started going, she can clip out, she can't clip in. Yeah exactly, because really you need the door open wide so you can to do it, don't you? So is that the cutoff if they can and can't do it? Oh is that why you get that for car seat? It's for the clipping? I think it's just more space because you've got the the to get the to get to get the to get the the to get the the to get their.... the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th. their their thoomp. th. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. tipa. tipa. tipoooooooooooooooooomp. tip out out out. Also with a baby you've got a big thing that comes in and out that they

and you need space to wiggle them in and out and stuff where when it's close together you can't really get out can you? No. So I just don't know when the cutoff is. That's that's that if you anyone knows if you can try and get a common consensus. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can th. Can th. Can th. Can th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th and th. th and th and th the the and the and the and get a the the the the the the thr throwne the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thin thin thin thee thin thin thin thee thin the and out the and out thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the the. theeee Has anyone ever been challenged on it? Has anyone ever challenged on it? Have you been fined for it? Are you in prison for it? Listening to this now? Oh, the other thing is, well, me and Lou combined, did a good deed in the gym cafe. Oh yeah. Because me and Lou, I like to think it's like synergy with us. We're very different, but then Rangers. Yeah, no, Captain Planet, remember that? Yeah, of course I remember Captain Planet, yeah.

It's sort of like, loud, confident, and then sensible, good at decision-making. You know, that kind of stuff. And there was a lady that had a baby strapped her in like a Papu's thing, a little four-month-old baby. She just dropped her, like, their-a-a-a-a-a-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, and, th-s, and, and, th-s, and, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, thoo-s, so-s-s-s-s-s-s-sou-sou-sa-sa-sa-sa-sou-sa-sa-sou-sou-sa-s!lou-s-s-s-s-s, tha-two-year-old was going absolutely fucking bananas, right? And you know when a kid's just having a meltdown, but it was bibly, it was like every single person in that cafe knew that a kid was going mental. And she couldn't really properly sort of sort of the kid out because she had this baby. Because you know what they're like? Then they're sort of kicking and screaming a little bit. You have to sort've got a baby. So in the end, I said, oh, do you want us to have the baby while you sort out the toddler?

And then she went, yeah, sure. And then I don't really like holding babies, Josh, especially someone else is. I'm worried. It's too tense. It's too tense. Lou loves it. Lue's lovely, but would sometimes be a too too too too too too too too too to be a to be a bit too to be a bit too to be a bit too to be a bit to be a bit too to be a bit too to be a bit to be a bit to be a bit to be a bit to be a to be a to be a to be a bit to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to. tod. tod. todd. the todd. the todd. told. to to told. to to to to to to to lost his head. Do you want to hand? Because the kid had gone nuts. Right? So we did that and then Lou looked after the baby and just sort of, he looked after baby while the mom calmed down the two-year-old, and the two-year-old, you know, a classic

two-year-old having a little strove. So if you our little good deed of the day. And I just felt like that should be done more. If you see someone doing that, then offer. Because they might not want you to swell. But I remember when I had kids going mental, if one could take the baby off you, so much easier, isn't it? Totally. But Lou was an absolute long did it take for it all to settle down? Well we've still got the baby.

I'm having to get rid of the dog. No it's only like 10 minutes or so, like five ten minutes. Oh the other thing that happened is always made me laugh. Right so we've got a little electric toothbrushes for the girls that sort of like buzz for how long you need to do it. Oh yeah. We're doing it, but they need to start doing themselves. There's like a little app you can get for it or whatever. Anyway, Lou's not very good at charging the toothbrushes. And had been basically at one point, all the toothbrushes were,

and I literally, three days in a row, thrown their too's, thuuuuuu........ thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii's thi's thi, thi, because I didn't know where my toothbrush was. Oh God. Because Lou's grabbing it, doing everyone's teeth, all the whole everyone's mouth at once, like we've got one disgusting. I know we're all family but that can't be right. And then just putting it down wherever she did the kid's teeth. So every morning was like some sort of hun, you keep hiding my toothbrush. And I don't want, you know, because you don't have to be sensitive, you don't want to cause an argument. I just need to know my toothbrush is going to be. So I don't mind if you use it, but I just have to know, I just have to have to tell you have time to hunt a toubushed tooth brush, the toothbrush, the toothbrush, the the a, the a the a the a the a the a tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tape, tape, too, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause, you, you, you, you, you, you, I'm to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause to cause, I, I, I, I, cause, I, cause, cause, I, cause, to cause, to cause, to cause, to to to to to to to to to to to to to tap, tap, tou-s, tape, tou-s, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to me, it was so funny like this conversation, she just went, sorry, I'm really sorry, I've just, I've just tell you lost control

of the toothbrush situation. It's really made me love it's so sincere and apologetic. I'm just, I'll just tell you, I've lost control. Just, I've lost control. Just really made me a long. Should we do some Instagram messages unless you've got anything else to talk about? Or got loads of people messaging about the word they use when they've got time left to fast forward through on Sky Plus or Virgin Plus, whatever it's called, whatever you have at home, where you've recorded a show and you're fast forwarding through it.

Simon calls it pause credits. So when you've paused it and then obviously times a lapse when you've gone to the toilet, have you got have we got any pause? Have we got any to to'e have to pause? Yeah that's thrown. that's a true, is there anything in the bank? Yeah, nice. Because me and lose who's to call it it the their their their we use we's their we's we's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their t. t. t, t, t, t, t, t, times, the. times, times, the t, t, t, t, t, t, t, times, times, times, times, t, times, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, times, times, times, the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the thea. the the thea. the the the the the the to wind on. Yeah, nice, because that's retro, isn't it? Wind on, wind on. Like a VHS, isn't it? And then, for example, have we got any wind on left? This bit's shit. This bit's, so they do it during bits.

Oh. Here's a variant on it. You're watching a football match and Yeah like if it's going out for a throne or an injury like oh yeah you're like oh that's I can get 20 seconds back here. Yeah that's like the year the opposite is it try to because you want to get it live so you can talk about it with your mate. Yeah so you're trying to do catch up because because it's nothing worse that's that's been that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. try. try. try. try. try. that's, something's happened. Oh, zapage. Have we got any zapage left? Ooh, zapage. That's pretty cool, pretty happening.

A bit edgy. Yeah. That one was from Jolie-Cull. This one's from Goldieball. The fast forward in credit thing to skip to the ads. We refer to Lovely, gumption. Yes, I'll make a point of saying their names because people get their names. I need to find that the cum woman's name. You know the woman who sent the cum video?

Oh God. Oh God, you don't. You do need to find her name and send it to police. No, the word come had been carved into a tree before. Yeah the cum woman. There we' is Emma Clark aka the cum woman. There we go she's not got anything to complain about now. Have you got anything else to talk about from your week Josh? No I'd like to hear from our listeners because we don't get to do that enough do we? No we've we've been th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the. the. the the the the' to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. the. the. the. the. the. te. toda. toda. today. Come. Come. Come. Come. today. Come. today. the. Come. Come the. Yeah. Yeah we don't get to do that enough do we? No we've been bad recently we've been blabbering on. I've got a couple here

the da da da this is a good one. Hello Rob and Josh hearing Rob's recollection of how song lyrics in a foreign language sent him into a spiral of confusion reminded me of something I used to do to annoy my children I'm a father of two boys now to their as well as a daughter who is almost one. When my boys were younger, I discovered that I could annoy them by changing their language choice on Netflix to their favorite programs. After a particularly challenging day, it was always a small victory to change the language to dubbed Spanish or Urdu and watch my sons go through complete confusion often saying, I can't understand Pepper anymore, pepper to Pepper speaking Urdu. Where's Urdu from? What language is Urdu?

It's from India. Sorry. It's from India. God. How you've got loads of energy today have you? I was up at five. Up at five Rob. What with the babies or just you want to catch up on that magical time to watch another documentary? I didn't even get to do that. What did I do that? What? What? What? What? What th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to th to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thu? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where is th. Where? Where is to to to to to to th. Where to to th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where th. Where thu? Where thu? Where thu? Where the tho tho the an thooooooooooooooo' to to to the, where's to thea. Where's to thoooooo up on that magical time to watch another documentary? I didn't even get to do that. What did I do? Just time passed and then it was normal time. Do you know it's so funny because I've been doing loads of PR interviews for stuff and there was a one where it was a quick fire one, it's like if you had 20 minutes to live, what would you do? And I'd I just said, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just, I'd just sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit I'd just sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit I'd just sit I'd just sit I'd just sit I'd just sit I'd just sit I'd just sit there and wait. And I don't think it was like a young sort of like 20, like 22 year old journalist. He was like, yeah, and I just looked at them, it just looked so sad. You just sit there and wait. I was like, yeah, I just sit and wait.

Just to correct myself on Urdu, it's spoken in Pakistan and India. There we go. Oh so you weren't wrong, it was like, you the the the the end. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You just like th. You just like th. You just like, I th. You th. You just like, I th. You just just just just just just just sit th. You th. You just sit th. You just sit th. You just sit th. You just sit th. You just sit th. You just just just just just just like, you th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just like, I I I th. You just just just just just just just just like th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. I was just sit th. You're just sit the the the the th. I was just sit wait. Just to correct myself on Urdu, it's spoken in Pakistan and India. There we go. Oh so, you weren't wrong, it was, you know. So I wasn't wrong, but it is the official state language of Pakistan. It's the official language of Pakistan. Okay, cool, fair enough. Right. Hi, Rob and Josh.

I felt obliged to be your hamstergill in perspective. If it makes you feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel even feel feel even feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel even their their their their thii. thi. to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel their to feel to to to to to to tooom. tooomom. tooom. tooomom. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. I. thi. I. th. I. I. I'm. I'm toe. I'm to. I'm th. midway through their tea, they were having a stew. Oh by the way, the hamster guilt obviously is that you have told your children that your hamster's leaving and you're considering faking his death. Yes, but what we've decided on is having a grown-up conversation with them and we've said he's going on holiday at at someone else's house because we've got lots of pets and it's nice to share. Yeah, because you were going to kill it. Say it gone canoeing and then got lost to see. I want to claim back some pet insurance. I'm going to do a bit of fraud. I'd like to get an insurance for Amster. Can you insure a hamster? Can you insure a hamster hamster? Hamster? H hamster. Hamster. Hamster. Ham ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Can you. Can you. Can you. Can you. Can you. Can't. Can you. Can you. Can you. Can't. Can't. Can you. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. A. A. A. A. A. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm they. I'm they. I'm the. I'm the. S. S. S. I. S. I'm the parenting hell. What's wrong with the hamster? It's either it'll be fine or he's gonna die. Okay. Is there any life savings? Do people do operations on hamsters? Do people do operations on hamsters? Hello at lockdown parenting or whatever it is.

You know how to get in touch. Do you? It'll be in the description. If it makes you feel slightly better when my mom, aunt, aunt, and uncle were children, they were midway th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's is. It's is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it. It's, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It, it in the description. If it makes you feel that slightly better, when my mom, auntie, and uncle were children, they were midway through their tea having a stew. When my granddad began to tell the tale about how the pet rabbit had passed away. But it wasn't all bad news because at least it had made a delicious evening meal. Oh no, is that true? Not satisfied with the already psychotic bit of fun, he'd gone to the effort of hiding the rabbit so that his distraught children found an empty cage when they ran to check. Oh what a sicko. Classic deranged boomer parenting.

I feel the need to stress this wasn't part of a pattern of abuse and everyone involved enjoys the joke in hindsight. Oh yeah, I'll tell that's a that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's trauma that's reassuring to Rob. Thanks to the content, Kelby. We've come a long way, haven't we, since the boomer parent. We really have, haven't we? Some would say too far. Some would say that is a bit too much, wouldn't they? Yeah, like, just picked me up and threw me in the sea. You know, it was just old school parenting. Exactly, and it made you the man you are today. Yeah. Just listening to today's episode talking about Alexa playing WAP and started playing loud and clear for my three-year-old. Oh, oh no. From Sarah, also you played my neck, my back for Claire, my neck, my back for M.

No worries. Do you want to do another one now, Rob? Just to say something inappropriate for Alexa to do? Why don't we do that as a regular feature? Alexa, play a speech by Adolf Hitler. Alexa, play the YouTube clip of Vanessa Feltz getting angry on Big Brother and writing on the table in chalk. It's quite niche, I think that's going to be a tough one to get through.

Yeah, I mean, but you know, it is better than the other option we had. Do you want to hear something awful? Yeah, always? From Ed Schwarz. It does the guy, does the guys of spices. the the the the th, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, th, th, it, th, th, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, Vanessa, th, th, th, th, th, the, Vanessa, the, the, the, the, the, the, Vanessa, Vanessa, the, the, th, th, th, Vanessa, th, th, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, th, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, th, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, th, Vanessa, th, th, Vanessa, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, awful? Uh, yeah, always? From Ed Schwarz? Ed Schwarz? It does the guy, does that guys of spices? Yeah, it is the guy. Alf, our 15-month-old, is now mobile. And Carinel reached into low cupboards. I actually think this is too horrible to read out.

But we'll see how it goes. He took out my beard trimmer from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from the bri the bri the bri the bri their their their their their their their their the bathroom and my wife found him pulling her out of his mouth. Oh. The only thing is it wasn't my beard hair. I had decided you're correct where your mind has gone Rob. The kids eating pubs. Oh cut out the description but the email ends understandably my wife was fuming. Why did she like a big bush? Oh you haven't got bald dick again you know I don't like it too short I like a bit of purchase. I've got a little Insta here from Haley hi at Josh and Rob love the podcast as a new parents great to listen to other parents experience the same sort of things.

Really haily how many pubes of your children eating I've just listened to the episode where someone place an online shopping order and random bits in the basket and forgot to amend it. Well I've had numerous online shopping errors, it's not even funny. I usually order 10 individual bananas. However, one week I actually ordered 10 bags of seven, meaning 70 bananas. The worst thing is my husband accepted the order not even thinking to question a large number of bananas. Another time we had got away to a holiday park and I did an online shop

order. The next week I did my usual shop. The delivery driver rang to see if I was in. I looked outside no driver. He was at the holiday park as I had not changed the address back. Oh no! Safe say I'm no longer allowed to do the online shopping. Keep up the good work from Haley. Rose, the the the the the the the thia thia thine thine thine the the thine the the the thine the the thine the the the thinea. Rose once thi thi thi thoaday thoaday to to to to today the holiday the holiday today to to to the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday the holiday today today today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today's today today's today today today today today today today today today today today today'm no longer allowed to do the online shopping. Keep up the good work from Haley. Rose once was ordering an Indian takeaway for herself. Yeah. And she ordered five popadoms, which I think is too many for one person anyway. Oh, what?

You order shame and your wife are you on the podcast? How many popodoms would you order? For me, I would go two or three. Three or three. Yeah, she ordered five popadoms. And then it turned out that each, it was five portions of popadoms, and each portion was five popadoms. So she ended up with 25 popdoms. Why have they brought it?

Why have they not said? Come on, guys. It's a weird order that, 25 popadoms and one biriani. Yeah, but that's the thing they never make it clear. I never know what to get because I never know I always would go two or three and then, yeah, because you don't know if it's going to be five. I'm going to have a curry ta-doms, I thought, do you know what? On my way to my gig, I might get some of those mini pop-doms from MNS.

You'll eat them when you're old as well when you're shuffling on those TV shows in your pocket. You'll whip out a little mini-popdom because you get hungry halfway through. Do you want to know something terrible about the bus was like, oh so this was a disaster this bus journey. So the bus was like nine minutes where I could see so I was like I'll go to the shop. And then there was a carved pumpkin outside and there was another one and she was like, I'll get your pumpkin. Nice thing to do. Yeah. Fuck me a pumpkin is heavy. Like a big pumpkin. And when you're getting on a bus as well and you've got all your stuff in your pockets and you can bring a last pumpkin. So I've got this huge pumpkin that's the size of a beach ball, right? And then we go into the shop, I get a drink and she gets a drink and then she's like kind of have some crisps and

normally they have normal sized hula hoops which I'd get her but they only had the grab bag, the big ones. Oh no. So I bought them but I was like I can't have her eat the whole of them, all of them, the hole's fine, am I right? That's a bit fun. You still are enjoying yourself. So managed I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the. I'm tha. I tha. I get that. I that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the th the the the the th th, managed to get the pumpkin and the crisps on the bus. And then I basically start asking if I can share her hula hoops

to try and eat into the amount of hula hoops that she's eating, if you know what I mean? Oh, because you don't want to have too many hula hoops. Yeah. Okay. I'm on a diet at the moment so I to to to the hula hoops. So I end up asking if I can share a hula hoops, then when she's not looking, pocketing the hula hoops she gives me so that I can throw them away later like I'm in the great escape. Why, while you're holding a fucking massive pumpkin? How many arms have you got? If it's on my lap, like a kind of heavy baby. In my edge you're just just nose to press the bell. Just put some hair in your tires. No no no no well

normally it's it is actually quicker to get the bus back than drive there and back. Oh because you're parking? Because of parking. Go out how slow's your car. No because of parking because also the bus can obviously go through cut through traffic aren't it? Oh yes, it can. The bus lanes as are also known. Bloody bus lanes, am I right? I've got a good story here we can end on then do small pieces shout out. Yeah, yeah? Okay.

Hi, Josh and Rob, love your podcast. It's thrapes. It's from Claire Park. We can always bleak that out. Heard the one today about the train eating hair story. This was a girl that was playing with a train set and the train started sort of driving up her hair and all the hair got caught in the wheels and had to cut, cut it out and she had a big ball patch in the side of her head, and this poor kid.

Anyway, it reminded me of, it's a friend, okay Claire, yeah sure, anyway, I think she's being very protective over her partner. The dad was having a bath with his little boy with all the bath toys. One of them was a submarine which had a mini propeller of the elastic band wind-up type, so a little wind-up propeller. The little boy set it off under the water. The submarine managed to find its way to dad's penis and the propeller got caught up in his foreskin. Oh my god! Oh my god! Like a manatee being mauled in Florida. He couldn't get it off his foreskin. No, how? What? He couldn't get it off his foreskin, so he had to put on some jogging bottoms and go to A and E.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh my God. With the absolute embarrassment of having to, having to say on arrival. Oh my god. I have a submarine stuck on my penis. After some micro surgery, bit harsh on the size of his dick in it, micro surgery, just call it surgery. Even if it is micro surgery, if you're operating on my cock, just call it a major surgery. We had to build a nightingale hospital to get this cock in to operate on it. Anyway it was

micro surgery and they were able to successfully remove it. Anyway, it was micro surgery and they were able to successfully remove it. I think so, if they hadn't, we'd have heard about it by now. The bloke who's still got a submarine on his dick. So they had to do some surgery to remove it. No more wind up toys in the bath. Love the boggars. My today's the kid's their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is is is th. th. th. I I is th. I is th. th. thiiiwere's thiwere's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're thoom. I's th. thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I. I. I's is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'll. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I laugh. Claire Park, oh that poor bloke's car. Oh my word. What, I mean, did they remove anything apart from the submarine? What,

micro-surgery is such a broad term. Did he go under? Like, minor surgery they should call it, not micro-surgery, shouldn't they? Pathetic little acorn in a bird's-nest surgery. Poor bloke. Oh, that's the last thing you want to happen to your foreskin, Josh. It's quite literally the last thing you want to open to your filskin. Or dipping it in something not nice. Dipping it in boiling water. Oh my god. That'd be worse, wouldn't it?

Yeah, I don't think I've ever had any foreskin-in'-waged-waged-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. in it on an upturned snail. That would be horrible feeling wouldn't him? Oh my god. Do you imagine? Do you know what? That'll be some people that find that a turn on, Rob. There's some sickos at home that are just being turned on by what you've just said. Little upside-down snail dick, sicko. They didn't know until you said it and now that's all they can't thi. They're dirty bastards. You dirty bastards. Those poor. th. th. thirty, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty, th. thirty, th. thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, the tho, tho, tho, their s' thi. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that that that that that that that that that thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that tho, snails. They can't even escape. They're so slow. You'll grab them, turn them over, dab your dick on it, and get on with your day. Not thinking for a second about that poor snail. Right, should we do a small business shout-out?

Microbusiness Shoutout. Yeah, I've got Steve the snail here who is. Oh, he runs a rescue center for snails. for snails! A caulshodig, you big pervert. An absolute fuck farm, that's what it is. Right, let's say a small business shout-out, here we go. I can't do a small business shout-out for Whippets. Oh my god, the Whippet, the people, the Whippet correspondence I'm getting, is getting out of van. Oh mate, you're so deep in. You're like a mason now. I've a whip it guy. Here we go. I've got one here.

Hello, I've got a small business shout for you with an easy website address, I promise. Whilst not parents ourselves, we absolutely love the podcast. Before COVID, my partner set up a home bakery specializing in weddings and kids' birthdays. Obviously, lockdown here and she had to adapt to start doing care boxes, brownies through the post. She found out that early on she's the the the the the their their their their their doing care boxes, brownies through the post. She found out that early on she created a real niche for people sending these to new parents that needed a sugary fix to help them through the sleepless months.

You can check them out at and it's at Slice of Yorkshire and W.W.W.W.W.Slice of Yorkshire. And it's at Slice of Yorkshire.com, Slasser Yorkshire. Good people, good slice, Yorkshire. Yeah, you do something like the kind of Yorkshire that's looking for a snail. Yeah, good counter, good snails. Yorkshire. I love it in country me and they love me in their country. Yorkshire. That's had it disgusted. It sounded like the end of a serial killer. Yeah, sorry about that. That was too much for him. Yorkshire, where I get snails and drop my dick on them. There we go. Is that a better way to be a Yorkshire pervert? Yeah, I think that's nice.

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, uh, hi, just listen to the episode where Robin notices is getting a whippet. There is actually a lot of whippid-related small businesses. Oh my god, I'm the whippet guy. But I would like to give a shout out to Speed Ray Designware, who started their sighthound clothing and accessory business during the first lockdown.

And all the items have been tried and tested on their seven whippets. I'm a ma thoom I'm a thoom I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a sia, I'm a sipipipipipt, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a th-it, I'm th-it, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a thi, I'm a whi-a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm a fucking Sight Dog. I'm a Sight Dog. I'm a Sight Dog. They're called Sight. They're called Sight. I'm a Sight Drey Designware. I let you do it, sorry. Are they gonna come close to Jimmy Sausage or whatever it was called. Jimmy, Chippalant. I'm a Sight Dog.

I see things, yeah, I've seen things you're not seen things theen theen theen theen theen theen thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin, before I'm a fat dog. Your array of impressions is phenomenal today. This is a great business based Rob in Lancashire. Oh Northern even Mournuff. No no Yorkshire is Mornough. Anything you got on that? Lancashire? Lancashire. Lancashire. Like Tyson Fury's Lancaster, yeah. Lancaster with a traveler twang. John Richardson. John Richardson. He's a bit more gentle isn isn't he, John Richardson? Than Titan Fury, slightly. John Richardson looks like Titan Fury keeps John Richardson as a pet. Speed Ray Design where you can use our discount code, Dobby 10, all in capitals, apart from the 10, which is in numbers.

W, W, W, W.Speed, Ray, design, wear. tho'er. And they do jelays? G-lays for whip it. Rob, Christmas is coming. G-lays or whi. Of course it's fucking jay. They ain't need their legs covered, do they? Well, no, I don't

suppose they don't. By the way, I haven't got anything off this company. Don't think this is some sort of... No, of course. Dodgy dealing, shady business. No, the way it's going, I don't thin' th th th th th th th th th th th th th they's going th th th th th thin' thin' they's they's thin' they's they're they're they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoo. thoooooo. thoooooo. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going.'m not doing all that shit. She's up to her eyeballs and whippet gillets. Oh man, she's just buying sleeves. She just buying sleeves. She ain't doing the middle, just pure sleeves. Oh my word. What's happened? I'm just looking at the website.

Oh no, what is it? One of them's got a roll neck? there were skinny dogs it's a good laugh in it this show. It's a whole family can enjoy it apart from the snails. Oh fat whip it neck big whip it big fat wobbly whippinicks. Let's have a look at this they are funny they have ugly looking dogs that they oh my word these ones look like they're football hooligans one's on an away day I'm one's a little the little Adirac! One's got a razor blade in his collar. Oh look, there you go, look Gila's. Look at that. Oh wow. Look, they're all Gilets. None of them have got leg things. Oh, dear. Well, there we go. I can't wait to see what you get yours. Oh Jesus Christ.

We'll be back on Friday with Jimmy Carr. Yes, he's got a child. He's kept it quiet. Yeah, but he wanted to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get on to get on to get on the show to get on the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. Ia. Ia. Hea. Ia. Hea. He's the the. He's got a child. He's kept it quiet. Yeah, but he wanted to get on the show, so he had to come out as a dad. We'll see you on Friday. You can only go so long before you monetize your children. Remember that. Exactly. Wicked. All right, thanks guys. See you then.