Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP35: You can't put a nappy on a dog...

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

S03 EP35: You can't put a nappy on a dog...More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Rob Beckett I'm I'm Josh Willickham welcome to parents in hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of, of course, tales of the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their trials theirs. theirs. I trials theirs. I trials trials trials tri-a. I they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Whedickom? Josh Whittakum? Josh Widdickettin. There we go. I recognize those voices. Do you? They sound like our friends from our holiday that live in Whitley Bay.

Oh do they? Elisa Michael and their kids. Well, that's not them, Rob. Oh, isn't it? Shut up about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about your your your your, their. their. their. their. their. their. that. that. that. that. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their? I. their? I their? I their? I their? I their. their. their. their. their. their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their kids. Well that's not them Rob. Oh, isn't it? Shut up about your bloody holiday friends, mate, bringing them up at every opportunity. Oh, they sound like my bloody holiday, mate, I made them mates on holiday. Well done.

The guys that lives down south came to my high Wickham gigam their thoo City and have one long holiday. We're all shag each other's wives and husbands and have loads of kids and go to the lake. Good for the podcast. Good for the podcast. Yes, we need to get a Salt Lakeer on it. Hi, this is Harry, who just turned three. Three months ago he received a little sister Anna. He has still not quite come to terms with having a sister yet and much preferred being an only child. Okay. We were asked...

Sounds difficult. Yeah, that sounds like an understatement. We were asked a good few times when is Anna going back to her home during the first two months. Thank you for the podcast. It really does brighten up the day knowing that I'm not alone in having no clue what I'm doing and winging it. Thanks again Heather. P.S. I've never met Rob Beckett on holiday so please don't make assumptions about that. Well yeah well it's good it's good to have people listening that are raising serial killers because it must be difficult. I think all kids struggle with a new kid come along. Totally totally. I'd say my daughter. She was very difficult in the two months to to toe toe toe toe to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. toda. today. today. today. today. th. th. the. I. I'm. I'm. I'm the th. I'm? Totally, totally. I'd say my daughter, she was very difficult in

the two months prior to the arrival of the child. So at that point I thought this is going to be an absolute disaster. Because I'd say that is by distance, she was like a different child for those two months to the other four years of her life. But when he was born, she was good with him, but occasionally she still doesn't like him feeding. She still feels jealous and wants a, wants a cuddle. Yeah, once a cuddle on the, when he's feeding on the boob. So with Rose, not you? Yeah, couldn't give a fuck about me, mate. No, that does happen, doesn't it? Yeah, but they... When do they care about your dad's again? Probably when she's about 18? W. the the thapapapapapapap? Wo? Wo? W. When, they. When, th. When, th. When, th. When, th. When, th. When, their, th. When, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. He, th. He, th. He's, th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the. He's the. when she's about 18. Once a couple of quid for Reading. We'll be too washed up old comics but we still know people that can get you a free weekend ticket and she comes crawling back. Oh yeah

okay you want a favor of the big dog now do you? Boring old annoying comedy dad yeah don't you worry I'll put a call in ring them up they forgot my name can get a ticket, humiliating. I got come, I'll come, I'll do an Instagram post, my bucket on, please let me come. Oh God, oh my God. Talking of us being old, yeah.

Should we talk about what Michael made? Which I haven't got to listen to yet because I've been parenting. Well yeah, so people have have have have have the have the the the the the the the the the the the I have thi thi thi I have thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thate I'll thate I'll tho tho thate I'll thate. I'll tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the their the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that that that that that that that that that that that the. I thea. I'll thea. I'll thoooooooooooooooo' the. I the.to listen to yet because I've been parenting. Well yeah, so people have been accidentally listening to us on half-speed on podcasting and they said it sounds like we're two old granddad's and I'd add drunk granddad's to that and Michael slowed it down and put it out and also done some sort of face app feel or we look older and do you know what I'm pretty pleased with the result. You look great you look like the Colonel. It's fucking. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's, thi. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I's that th. I's th. I's th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm theeeeeeeeeeeat tho. I'm to thoooooo. I'm theeeeeeeeeeeat tho. I'm tho. I'm the. I'm th? I'm pretty pleased with the results. You look great. You look like the Colonel. It's fucking great! Ah, I look like a cross between Kenny Rogers, Father Christmas and Colonel Sanders. You do you do? You look a bit like Philip Schofield. You look a bit like Philip Schofield. You've kept your air. I look like it's receding a bit left and corner on me. Yeah, they've made a call on that with you, haven't they? They've made a big call on the other eyes full. I've never been that worried about my air, but now after seeing this little snap in the future.

Beard looks great though. The beard looks great though. It does, doesn't it? So, it's on our Instagram. What should we play it out now? Yeah? their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the. I've the. I've thee. I've thee. I've thee. I've thee. I've the. I've the. I've. The clocks are screwed you, so you're getting up between 3.45 a.m. 4 a.m. this morning. There you go, come here. I don't have a piss. Go on to our Instagram because that is phenomenal. Yeah, it's good stuff. Um, Josh, how's your week been? Uh, yeah. It's happened. I've got through it. It can't be worse than mine. What did you start, Rob? Do you want to start? Do you know what I didn't tell you about last week?

Well, I haven't done an update on my child's four-year-old party. Well, yeah, tell us about your child's four-year-old party and I'll tell to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-stop? Do th-stop-do-do-do-do-do-do-do you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-I. th-so. th-so. th-n. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, I's, I's, I's-n. Well. Well, I's-n. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I's-a-s. Yeah, I's-a-I-I-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-I's-hhh. Yeah, th- us about your child's four-year-old party and I'll tell you about how horrific my life is. Because that's a positive let's start with a positive. Let's start with a positive end on the negative. Let's be out of the way. Start on a positive end on the negative. Let's build to it. Start on a positive for three minutes and then 45 minutes's like a building attached to the play park. I'll be honest if I don't. I don't know, I said that. Oh, I thought it was an odd thing for you to know about. So I just assumed a bit of grass and then a park in a corner.

Yeah, them little helium things for laughing gas and scattered about. Well you say that Rob we went out for a wholesome walk with my daughter and her three friends yesterday. Oh in Pied Piper. Yeah exactly in, but not with the parents as well obviously. Oh okay that's a lot to take off. I was going to say. Lovely walk around the old waterworks in the marshes in Hackney which is a like a nice kind. Is that is that nice? Better than it sounds it sounds it sounds it sounds it sounds it sounds it sounds it the the th. It's the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh........................................................................................... the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.. the...... nice kind. Is that nice? Better than it sounds. You lost me at Water Works. It's now a nature reserve, right? You lost me at Water Works and you buried me at Hackney. Waterworks, Hackney Walk, you need to get out of the city, mate.

That's not good, is it? I tell you what, Rob, if you think that I haven't even got to the crux of the story. So it looks like someone you bury a body. Well, you say this, Rob. Yeah, oh no, you didn't find one, did you? No, no, it was. Oh, that's good. Oh, what? Well, we went. So there was a big, a lovely kind of, a load of trees

for people to say this now and it's going to back up your story. Right, go on. So we go into the trees and within the trees. There's a blanket, yeah, an inhaler, a packet of parmobilots and he used condom wrapper. Was there anyone there? No? No, just... Barmer Violet! Bagger Palmer Violets, Aetton. If I'm a crime scene detective, you're thinking an old person. Yeah, exactly. No one shagging having Palmer Violets at 18, are they?

That's an old person. Yeah, it's an old person's sex, isn't it? Yeah. So, what did you do with it? What did I do with it? Well, I took the inhaler, because I needed it, obviously, I'm panicking, had a quick puff. What we just left it as is, what? What are you meant to do with it?

I think I would have the, I'd have, I'd, I just think I would have gone home and sold my house and moved somewhere where kids can enjoy themselves. I've come round to Hackney big star recently, Rob, I think I'm staying for good. I'm loving it. Really? Because you were toying with Zone 5, but you're loving Hacking now. I'm loving haranging hack the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Apart the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the house, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've the the the the the the the the the th th thooooooom. I've th th th thooooooom. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the the the the th violet shagger who's on the loose. In the trees. Yeah, apart from the woods. Someone call it the woods. Someone call it the woods. Well, it's not big enough for the woods. No, it's just a few trees and a little sex canopay. With the kind of clearing for shagging. Would you have a palm of violet

before sex, or after as a sort of celebration? Oh you dirty boy, that's why you're still in East London. A bit of filth to you. It's always a quiet one, isn't they? You're fucking gobbing the palma violets in each other's mouth. They're shit sweet, let's be honest. They're rubbish. Oh, they're so bland. Oh, they're so bland. Well, that's, Bob, but you can have a bland sweet if you've got a a bit of a sexy sex life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But... Parmovilet flavor, I don't know. Do you know, someone that I talk about vaping in my tour shows, someone has a flavor called Energy Ice. Oh wow. Do you know what that is? That's red ball flavor of vape.

Oh, fuck off. What a life, some people have they? And does it give them caffeine? the thiapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap. their their their tha caffeine, tha tha? tha? thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thi. tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, that, I their that, tha, I'm tha, I' tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I I th. I I th. I I I th. I I I I th. I I I I I I I th. I I I th. I I I th. I I I I th. I I th. I th. I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I' tha, I' tha, I' tha, I'll ta, I'll ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. I'll ta. ta. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll ta, I'll ta. the flavor. I just think gives him some sort of hope in what is I imagine an awful life. Imagine wake up in the morning and you've charged it your vape and then you're puffing on a red-pull-flavored thing. There's no way to live, Josh. It's weird the things you find out from audiences on tour shows because I've got a bit about driving tests. So I asked, so I asked people how they failed the driving test. So test. So te te te te te the te te the te the te to the te to to the te the te their te their te. So to the. So the their their the. So their their to the. So the. So the. So I the. So I the. So I the. So I the. So I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to the. So to to the. So the. So to to the. I te. I teateateeeeateeeeateeeateeeeeeeeeee. I te. I te. I te. I theeee. I the. I how they failed the driving test, one person hit a lollipop ma'am. What way to fail your driving test? Fuck! Imagine that that make a big noise. The big fucking stick slapping on the roof. On the window. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit.

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Nispresso.C.A. to learn more or a Nespresso bouti. to their tree. to learn more. to Nespresso bout. Do you know what annoyed me the most? In lockdown we used to do a lot of those Zoom gigs, Zoom comedy gigs and sometimes I'd do them for companies and they'd have a few comedians on and normally would go or get a sort of front row of people that we can interact with and the rest can sort of laugh along so we can hear the reaction. And I always should say if you got an information about the people in the front row let's know. Julia accounts once once, once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once the their their their their their their their their their. their. their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their their. their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to their. their. their their their. they're they normally send it over and they have this long list, but then I was doing it once and I was watching like these other comedians, and there was one person that said, she met Frankie de Ttorre at a birthday party and he rode her like a horse around the

dance floor. And then the other one was, it's broke, he's is great stuff. That for me, I could do 20 minutes. Frankie the Torrey and he eating a lemon, that's me set, right? And then I was watching this have a comedian, they were named Nameless, and they were just like, oh yeah, so I hear you once about Frankie to Tori and she went, oh yeah, I did. And you've had a lemon before, and I was like, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, th............... And, th....... And, they.... I.. I was, they... And, they. And, they. And, they. And, I was, and, and, and, I was, and, and, and, and move on after the tour. You've not even mentioned the riding. Go deeper! I don't know if it was the same comedian, but I did one where I literally was sat with my research pack in front of me and I was basically watching a comedian tick them all off

before I came on. I was like, come on! Leave today for me! Leave me the shiting himself on his first out word story. Do you know what I used to do on those gigs I'm sure I've said this before but I'd go on beforehand and then I'd mute myself and put the picture down because it was Zoom changed my names that didn't know as me. And then I just listened to them what they were chatting about and write it all down. That's great. And then you'd just grasp them up when you come on you come on you you you the you the you you the the you the to the to to the to to to to the the to the to to the the the to the the the to the the the the the their their their th. their to their to the. I'm their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the the the the the the the the to the the to to the the the tho and tho and the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theat. I'm theat. I'm the. I'm theat. I'm theat. I'm the. I'm to go back in time there's a tip for doing a Zoom gig in a pandemic. Yeah next pandemic comes up just you know invade people's privacy and then repeat it back to them in a workplace for humiliation and laughs so is that allowed to sneakly listen? I was invited it's an open forum. No I was invited. I was invited. So anyway I'm loving Hacney. I love the networked I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm loving I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm loving I'm loving. I'm the th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm theat. I'm teat. I've teat. I've tea. Ic. I've te. I've theat. I've theat. I've theat. I'm th. I'm th. I love the network of like-minded parents. We went for a roast yesterday Rob. We were four kids, four kids, four set to parents after condom

gate we had a lovely roast. It was great. It sounds like you're all coming together for you. It's all it's genuinely I love it and we had the fourth birthday party. Yeah so you're gonna laugh at this but as I say Hackney has a very nice area but we rented the building the building that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. that. that. that. that. th. I th. the. the. te. today. today. today. today. today. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the th. th. the fourth birthday party. So you're going to laugh at this. But as I say, Hackney has a very nice area, but we rented the building that attaches to the play park in Victoria Park. Yeah. Unfortunately, Rob, we couldn't use the playpark because it was being closed because it was being fumigated for rats.

But don't hold that against Hackney. Right, that happens everywhere. Really? So they're th. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. I's, th. H. I's, th. I's, th. th. I've th. th. th. tho. H. thi. tho. tho. tho. th. thi. thi. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. We. We. We. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. I. th. th. th. I. th. I. th. I. I. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that against tacky. Right, that happens everywhere, okay? Really? So they were on the swings and stuff and there's a big cue. Stuff like that. Can't, can't get down the slide, 15 rats just bombing it down. They're having the time of their life, little did they know. Humicate for rats. Yeah, we didn't all in the main party area rather them all dispersing. Yeah it's better actually if the only way the way the kids can play is closed because of rats are being fumigated. Yeah it's lovely it's really nice way to live and you know and after

that go and watch you know what is sort of evidence, Rob. You can't sugar coat it anymore. There's rats and there's people fucking with condoms on eating parma violets. Now get in there and enjoy your fucking birthday. Little fucking rats. Stay airing longer, you'll get fumigated. So we had a lovely, lovely birthday. Okay, sorry. It was brilliant, entertainer, absolutely smashed it, third time I've seen him, loved him. He's still as good as the first time. He loved this guy. He's just, he's got the hex factor, Rob.

Whatever it is. Give him a small business shout out at the end. I'll give him a small business shout out of the end because he is very good. Okay. So we had him and turfed out of five and then. And he. he. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, he. So, he. So, he. So, he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he's he's he's he's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's to, you know, the kids to all hang out and play. So, we had an after us at our house. Oh, how many people came? Fourteen kids. Fuck. It was bedlam, Rob. Two words, Nicknacks. Well, do you know what, the nicknacks were fine? What is this? What sort of spell have been placed? Because children in Hackney have fully aware that after the condom and the Ratscape,

you do not touch anything. You don't know what corpse has touched that little cup. But it was bedlam. There's kids in every fucking room. Was it quite liberating though that it was just like, yeah, do you know what? It was like, you just had to go with, was no point in trying to stop what was happening. You just had to go.

Surrender to it. Yeah, exactly. It's like, when you fall in choppy water, you've got to the current. Exactly. Surrown. So, like, Rose, yeah my friend was wearing them, he wore them downstairs, it was just like, oh, absolute bedlam. I'd say madness?

Absolute madness. And then one couple left with their child. Yeah. 20 minutes later we looked down, their dog. They left their dog. They left their dog. They had to come back and get the dog. Who were they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their they their they they they they they they they thoing. the. thoes. they they they they they they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. toeded. toed. toed. toed. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooed. They were were tooed? They had to come back and get the dog. Who, were they drunk? No, I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't like to make that suggestion. I think it's just they had two, I think when you've got two kids, you know, you never know what you're leaving, do you? What you're trying to say? If you're try to tell me now? What I'm saying, I to to to to to to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I'm to to to to to to to to th. I'm to to th like th like to to th like th like to to to to to to that's like to that's like to that's like to to that's like that's like to that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that, I that's like that's like that's like that's like that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like that. I that. I to. I to to that. I to that. I to to that. I to that. I to to that. I to to that. I that. I that. I th like that at all. Because you know what, you'd be right. We're on our fucking knees over here. Or are you?

Take me through it. Yeah, but let's talk about it. Because I've been like, Luz' Instagram doesn't paint quite that picture. It seems quite idyllic, judging by our Instagram. Oh yeah, I mean, if you had the party before I bring this to a fucking crushing hole? I think the dog really feels like the segue we're looking for doesn't it? We're fucked. Completely fucked. Rob, is it too late to bring back the hamster? To quote BBC when they were recasting top gear. So like basically even if you're really good at the toilet training and the dogs learning and going with it your

house will still be covered and pissing shit. Yeah, right? The cat started shit in and pissing as well. Does a dog don't come toilet trained? No. Well that's the problem with dogs. You know like the problem is you can't put a nappy on it. So it's like having a baby. Because it is honestly, it's so much like having a baby, but I genuinely, and I've done both now, I think it's worse. Do you? Because I've got a friend and she does listen to this podcast. And I'll be honest with you, she did call me out because she was one of the

people where I sent champagne, thr to her event. I didn't think she was listening to a podcast. So you did the little, oh sorry I can't be to send in a bottle of champagne and you save money and don't have to go out. And I was like why did she text me at 830 in the morning? Oh right I see because she's listening to the podcast. Well then she was saying what she was saying what she got a dog, it was waking her up every two hours at night and she was only to take it outside. Yes, yes, yes, and I couldn't help but go, mate, come on now, it's a dog, but now are you telling me Rob that I... Worst than a baby? Worse than the baby, but I think it's worse than the baby for a small period then it's fine. Yeah, if honestly, if you've got a dog, if you've got a dog before I keep it. You're basing that on nothing. Yeah, yeah, I am actually. That's how I've lived my entire

fucking life, Josh. Base it on nothing. Yeah? Do you know what you're basing it on? And it's fair enough, you're basing it on the desperate need for hope. The desperate need, that's my whole career is based on nothing. I shouldn't be th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. thiii. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Yeah. thia' th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I I I I I I th. Yeah, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. th. th. Yeah, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm on nothing. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be a comedian. I had no reason at all to suggest that I should do this as a job. I'm basing it all on hope. The dog, right? Basically, it shit's and pisses every hour. And that goes through the night.

No. Right. I've done five gigs in seven days in the evening, right? I was in Wolverhampton last night. Lou is on the fucking brink. She's taking it full pelt. I've got to take over from tonight because she's been doing the mornings and the nights. She's up every two out. And we've got two kids to get off to school.

Fuck me, Rob. So like, but with a baby, at least, at th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. the. to. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. t. t. t. t-a. t-s. ta. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm. I'll tell you the dog. We love the dog. Yeah, it sounds like it. I'll be honest with you though. You know when people go, oh my God, it's just like immediate. I just love this dog, man's best friend. At the moment, it's still very much beast and human for me. I'm not at that stage, but I had to drive to them from Wolverhampton last night. So me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, to, to, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to drive to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the the the, the the the the an the an the an the the an thoooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, th dog. Kids love the dog. That, honestly, and seeing them play with it is amazing. The issue is, right? It's peeing and pooing outside most of the time. Occasionally it gets caught short if we're not paying attention. Because it's going to the back door now a little bit.

We've only had it three days, right? But we couldn't for three nights because of fucking fireworks. Oh, mate. What the upshot of it is, I found out what Davali is and when it is. Because that was Friday. And they love a firework as well to the Dvali, Festival of Light and noise. So we kept them trying to take it out for a pissing and a thi. But every time it goes out he thinks it's landed in the blitz. As far as that dog's concerned, he's Nicholas Lindurst and this is, this is good night's sweetheart. Every time he goes in that garden, it's nine-fourth's London. Yeah, that was just around the corner for me, Nick, that was filmed Rob. Yes, well exactly. He goes with a palm of violence is the game. Maybe Nicholas Linders left it when he was shaggling. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the dog. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. he's he's he's hea. He's hea. He's hea. He's hea. He's he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he. He's is th. He's is th. He's is th. He's is th. He's is th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi-heed. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi-he's thi's thi's thi's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi is they're having an affair back in time, dirty, lanky bastard. Anyway, so you can't take the dog out because he's scared of the fireworks.

How do you try, how do you train a dog to shit in? What do you do? What do you do is, every time it wakes up from a nap, you take it straight outside and you ignore it and treat and you go you go really high pitched good boy good boy and then you say one word toilet so that toilet they know that toilet means doing a wheel of poo so you always use the same word right yeah so I I had to go up a five a mrs. the other day and I've been ill all week with this sore throat thing I woke up I was I to to the to their pants I had a to to the to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to the to to the to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toil. the the dog. Oh my God. Full morning glory, stood outside. Now the dog's pissing. Do send in your artist's impression to that one, guys. And the dog's pissing, so now I've got the treat out.

I'm trying to say good boy. When you say, got the treat out, that's not a reference. Right. But I can't, I. I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. I. But, I. I. I. But, I. I. But, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. like and I'm going go try-boy go tile-up ti-lilet goodbye and he's looking at me like what the fuck is this but anyway we've put him his crate but the first two nights we got a cocky he put him in his crate he wind a bit and he slept all the way thrown thin' the the the th th and th and th and th and th and th th and th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they and they and they and they and they and th and they and they and they and they and they and the they and the the the the the th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th th th th th th th th th th th th th is the the they ty ty ty ty ty ty's ty's ty's ty's ty's tyli tyli ty's ty ty tyli ty tythat bad because the kids wake up at 6, so it's not the end of the world. If you get a dog before you've had a kid, you're fucking mental. You are fucking nuts. Just like honestly, it's not just bang out a couple of kids and you're in the groove,

all right? Because it's like having a child. Anyway, so but the last couple of night's, the the th. the th. It's, th. It's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, if th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the thin, the the the the the thin, the thin, the thin, thi... If you's, thi, thi, couple of nights, he's been crying, going into the crate and it's a bit upsetting. Oh no, oh no. But you just have to, I think you just have to ignore it. He's going to be on the end of your bed by the end of the month, mate. No, fuck off, no. He's not at it. He's eyed it. to be in the crate, tode, the, the, the, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr. thi. thr. thr. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. I's. thr. He's, thr. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to-s. He's, to-s. He's, the th dog. She loves that dog so much, mate. She loves it so much.

You're gonna be in the crate, Rob. You're gonna be in the fucking crate. I'd fucking for a guy, I'd go in the crate. I'd curl up in there after a king of warrants and things I don't have to get involved in all the... so basically what annoying thing is it cries a bit and then you'll have to to try out a to to to to to to to to to to to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in the the the to be in the the the to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to to to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the crate the crathea the crathea the crathea is a baby it cries again in the middle of night and you have to go down and take it out for a piss. Lou has been doing all of it basically because I've been working loads she's she's done it for last four nights she woke up this morning Josh she looked like she was dead she looked like a zombie she's gone her red had gone she was just like all over the place. And I was just like, no, baby, you've got to get some sleep. And she's like, I know, it keeps needing bids.

And it was, we had the same look in our eyes as when we had our first newborn at three months old. Oh, mate. But to be fair, we've had the kids, we've had fire work. to be fair, we've had to be their. their. their. to be. to be. to be. their. to be. their. their. to keep, it. to keep, it. their. their. to keep, it's. to keep, it's keep, it's keep. to keep, it keeps. to keep, it keeps. to keep. their. to keep, it keeps. to keep. to keep. to keep. to keep. to keep keep. to keep keep. to keep keep. to keep keep. to keep keep keep. to keep keep keep keep. to keep keep keep keep. the k, it keeps. the k, it keeps. the k, it keeps. the k, it keeps. the k, it keeps. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tape. the the the thkkease. the the the takes. the takes. takes. takes. takes. takes. takes. takes keeps. keep. keep. keep. to school run this morning so it's just it'll get better. I've got nothing to basis on. Can you take him off for walks and stuff yet? Is that allowed? Not yet but he can run around the garden which ties him out. Yeah we can't say him for walks because he needs his next lot of jabs and he can't meet an unvaccinated jab. I mean I didn't know there was a big anti-vaxer were doing their own research. Has Lee Hurst got a dog? Yeah, it's basically I'm sorry in Lee Erst and his dogs and a few other people online. But anyway, it is absolute carnage and we're, but I'm taking the reins, quite literally, oh mate.

From tonight, so I'm going to do the night shift and I mean, it is like a baby every two hours. Do you know kind of what the time frame the time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time time time time time time time time time time time the the every two hours. Do you know, because with a baby, certainly the second time around, you know kind of what the time frame you're looking at is in terms of what the milestones are. What are we, how much content are we looking at here, Rob? How many weeks? How many weeks do I not have to have any anecdotes? I don't know. I think really at the moment we're going to, this is peak, this is peak, this is peak, this is peak, this is peak, thak, think, think, think, think, think, thi, the moment, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their milestones, their milestones, their milestones, their, their milestones, what their, what their, what their, what their, what their, what the milestones, what the milestones, what the milestones, what the milestones, what the milestones, what the milestones, what the milestones, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what the milestones, what, what, what, what, is, the m m m m ma, the ma, the ma, the m........ I is, the m. I is, is, is, is, is, is, is a mi. I is a mi. I's, is a mire, is a mire, is a mire, is a mire, is a mire, is a mire, is a mi. I's, is a mire, get the dog to sleep in the crate which is good and they're happy they do just need a piss every couple of hours and I think as they grow older and their bladders get

bigger they learn to hold it and I think as well. Because the baby's in your room right? There's no leaving the room. It's just change it on the try and the to the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tea.a.a.a.a. their their their their their their their their their their their their their to go outside and when I wake up I've got to try and get clothes in winter in winter. In winter it's so cold I tell what though my willy out of a light on the top's coming in Andy because you've got a hunt out the pisses but sometimes you can't see the piss because it's right it's dark and I've not even done it when it's raining yet what happens when it rains? Oh man alive does he like you? I don't know he's not said anything. Oh the lue loo'l told you're not said anything. Oh the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. thr. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I I's. I's. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. I. I. th. th. th. I. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's. I'm. I'm. It's. I'm. It's. I'm. It's.oday. And the school wrong.

Oh right, sorry. From the nursery school. They went, oh, we've read your book, Rob. And I was like, thank you. No biggie. And they went, yeah, Lou, because Lou writes a bit in it about how she felt about a certain situation. And then oh, your bit, Lou is a bit of a book.

It's so funny. the best. the best. Lest. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. th. L. L. L. L. L. L. th. L. L. th. L. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. L. L. L. L. L. to. L. L. the the the the the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the too. too. the too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to be fair, Lou is a better writer than me, but she just hasn't written anything. I said she should write a little blog each week about her experience of the week and then I said all the podcast systems will love that because then I can sort of, their podcast, I'll love, because then I'll love, because I think she's on the edge. Exactly. It would read more like a cry for help if she started riding it this week. Oh wow, so that's been your week. And you think that's basically next week as well really? Yeah, but I think we're going to start, I reckon this week we'll get an handle on it next a couple of weeks. Because if you do it right, they are quite responsive dogs, quite quickly, but we were doing the to the toilet training train train train train train train train train train train train the. the. the. Train the. Train, thea thea thea thea thea thea tha. th. th. that's basically that's basically thin'. that's basically that's basically that's basically that's basically that's basically that's basically that's basically that's, that's, that's basically that's, that's, that's basically that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, the, thi's basically thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, that's basically, thiet training completely wrong trying to use training pads and stuff like that but basically you just have to take them outside every hour and as soon as they do it praise them and give a treat and then they just get used to that. In three months time how often you're having to take him out?

Well I don't think it to be as often because their bladders get bigger and they can't they they they you let them out and then they do it and then they just come back in. But at this stage we're trading them that it's a fun thing to do because they forget and they'll just wander off and have a because that kid didn't it? Like a potty training a fucking whip it whip its love chasing them The cat must be absolutely livid. Well, no, they're sitting next to each other on the sofa And chilling but then when the dog wakes up the dog wants to play and then the cat runs off right? Because it's a pretty sweet deal for a cat and then a dog turns the the the the the the the the the the the toy's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toy's the toy's toy's toy's toy's the to to be to be the the cat the cat to to to the the the the cat's the cat's the cat's the cat the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat must the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat's the cat's the cat's the cat's the cat's the cat's the cat's tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap toooooooooo too too too too too the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat's the cat's turned into flux really isn't it? Oh man he's carnage but it's the thing is though what I would like to say the kids are absolutely loving it and they're playing with him they're they're really cuddling him and getting cozy with him and he's really fun and he's lovely and I think in the day it's really nice for Lew and I say

a nice calming presence in the night. It's just because they're young. Anyway, that's my, that's all my week. And kids-wise, the, oh yeah, this is the problem though, the kids go, Fred isn't playing with me. As if I can convince him to play with them you've just got to let them go it's like David Attenborough isn't it you've just got to let nature take its course with those kind of things right? Yeah exactly what I'm they go oh Freddy won't lay in my lap I'm like there's nothing like I was like I'll be honest during the day the dog ain't the problem yeah yeah in the night the dog's the problem well it's good that you've got all 24-y-I th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th the th th th tho's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. Because I trap wind because I ate an apple too quickly. Bloody hell, Rob.

I had to go down and have a deflateen like them weird little rennie things. Because you ate an apple too quickly? Yeah, I don't know what. How quickly did you eat it? You want to eat it? You get a cour people? But I'm getting old. Oh, me too, Rob. Do you know what? I had a curry last night, Rob. Yeah. Now, I don't want to talk too much about, I'm on a faddy diet, Rob.

Oh, what are you on? I'm on the intermittent fasting. Yeah, I do that sometimes. I basically won't eat till like midday and yeah anyway the problem is in the eight hours that I'm eating I'm like fucking Augustus gloop it's unbelievable I just go for it. This is where you basically only eat for eight hours in a day so you stop eating at 6 p.m. and then you can't eat again until about 10 yeah yeah exactly yeah last night got a curry to the curry to the curry yeah I know how I decided to do 8 p.m to midday yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah to the to to the to the to the the to the to the the to the the to the the the to the the the the to the the the the the the the to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. a curry down before six, you know? I know, I

decide to do 8 p.m. till midday, right? Yeah, I think 8 p.m. till midday is a more sensible. Well, I think, I do it different on different on each day. Do you know what, when I was doing the last leg, Rob, then it's never the an hour late, I wasn't even that hungry, but I was annoyed because I was worried about when my breakfast was going to be. I was like, the longer this meal takes to come, my breakfast's being pushed back. They don't realize this is affecting what I eat tomorrow. Yeah, you've got to have eggs at 11. Exactly! Come on. In a meeting, sorry guys. I've got some eggs now because Papa Johns was slow with delivery last night.

Also Papa John's in Wolframton last night, absolute disgrace. Took an hour. I put the address in, I rung them up. It was a certain street for stage door. I rung that, took an hour, there's nothing I can do now. I'm gonna say it Rob. That is a heavy meal before a gig. Do you know what? I was very tired and I didn't feel very well and I said I'm gonna eat shit all day.

I'm gonna have pizza, I'm gonna have crisps, I'll have chocolate bar because it's gonna make me feel better in the short term. And then on Monday, I'm back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back back to back to back to back to back to to back to to to to be back to eat back to be back to eat back to eat back yeah, so that's what happened with me. I had the curry last night. And I think through the week my ability to eat and my stomach's got smaller or something. I couldn't. I've never experienced it. I basically couldn't fit the curry in basically. I could feel it. It was, I've never felt so full in my life.

And then I was also thirsty because I'd had a couple of pints in the afternoon. What a life, you're having. Well it was it was the day of the roast. Yeah, it was a day of the roast. Yeah, it was a day of the roast. And then I could feel the water. I've never had this before. The water I was drinking. I felt like it was coming up into my mouth. I was so full of my throat. Well. It the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoast. Roa. Roast. Well. It was. It was. It was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoastoastoastoastoastoastoastoastoastoastoasto roast.o roast. tho roast. tho roast. the the the the the the the the the the the the by surface tension at the top of my throat. I never had this before. I had my body just going there was literally no more room now. Stop. I had breakfast. What did I have breakfast?

What did you have? I'll be honest I was very hungry at breakfast Rob. I had five slices of toast. And a crumpet as well. I'll be. I'll this. I. I. I. I. I. I this. I had. I had. I had. I had. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had th. I had this. I had this. I had this. I had the. I had the. I had the. I had five slices of toast. And a crumpet, and a crumpet as well. Yeah, so five sliced toast and a crumpet, but if you'd had that at 9 a.m. the whole things off. Totally ruined, but if five slices of toast, just butter, just butter? Uh, well, you can mix it up if you're having flour five. Some of my some with marmalade, some with honey. Just enjoy myself. You're greedy, busted.

Fudgain, badding some bear. I was a bit of breakie. Then, for lunch, roast. You know what? Do you know what? Doe? Do you know what? I actually ended up having the veggie thoe than the veggie rest. Not a light lunch though, that is it? No, no, exactly. Okay, yep. And then for dinner a curry. I'm three pints.

In the afternoon. All in eight hours. And you're wondering why you're full. I just don't know what happened to me. No, I'm not wondering what I'm full. I'm fully aware what I'm full. Because I'll be honest with you. The problem with the problem with this diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet diet the the the the the the the the their you, the problem with this diet while it works and actually you feel great because it allows your body to rejuvenate. Yeah, I'd feel great as well after three pints and curry, a roast dinner and five slices. It does affect your relationship with food. It does become slightly like the food as a reward. Like a dog. A dog. A dog that's got the fucking keys to the cupboard. But have you lost any weight or you've got fits? Yeah, yeah, I'm looking great. Oh, alright.

I'm feeling good. Yeah, feeling good. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I do find it makes me, makes your stomach feel better if you have that break. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So anyway, what was going to get the curry, Rob, Yeah. Rose was putting our baby down and I went to get the curry. You can't get it, that's old school. Yeah, well it's just around the corner. It's fair enough. Yeah. Fair enough. Also, I quite enjoy the kind of, it feels nostalgic. Do you know what I mean? I think you want to get away from your family for a too. Yeah, I think to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. to go. to go. the to go. the to go. to go. to go. to go. to to to go. the to go. to go. to go. to go. to get to get it's. to get it's. to get it's. to get it. to get it's to get it's to get it's to get it's to get to get to get to get to get to get it's. to get it's. to get it's. to get it's. to get it. to get it. to get it. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. you remember this from the olden days when you used to get a curry?

There'd be a table with a tabloid and you just sit there and you just read the daily mirror. It's great. And they'd have like the little nuts out. Yeah, oh man, it's. Everyone would go, don't eat them because someone pissed them. Yeah, exactly. So what I used to do is just piss on the nuts and then it's, you know, it's my, I know it's my piss then. Do you want to get the curry? What is your curry order by the way? What is my curry order? Is it just a curry and rice or you having extras as well? That's way for? I think rice is a waste of time mate. Me too. to bauw. It's total. It's total bullshit. It's total bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. It's total bullshit. It's total shit bullshit. It's the bullshit. It's the total shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. It's the the th. It's th. It's the thi shit. It's total shit. It's tha shit. It's th the the tha shit. It's tha shit. It's tha shit. tha shit. tha shit. tha shit. It's tha shit. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th the th. th th. th th th. th. th. th. trua. true. truea. true. true. true. truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly truly tru gel-fraise, tacadal, sagaloo, rice for the idiots and garlic d'art popadoms, onion barges.

And did you have a bit of all of that? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's great. Too much of anything. Choking on your own dinner. Exactly. I had to get, I've never had this before, Rob. I had to get up for a shit two hours into my sleep. I was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like your dog. Was it a definite shit or did you probably go? Or was it just the little ones?

No, I was like, I've never, I'm like your dog. I went to bed, well I'll be honest, because we're getting up so early, went to bed at half nine, got off at half eleven. That shit. What a life? What a life? Was you half asleep or did you fully wake up? Do it in the dark or did you pop the light on? Yeah, looked at my phone for a bit. I'm an article on the athletic about Ollie and so I went to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi the the the light on? Pop the light on. Yeah, I looked at my phone for a bit, Fred and Ikele on the athletic about Ollie gonna sell secure and then went back to bed.

Fair enough. Wow and have you had one this morning or is that just your new time? No, no, no, that's not my new time I hope. That's what it might be. Oh well, well you know, if you changed your diet to this, that's that's that's that's just, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. thi. thi. that's, that's, that's, that's, I've, I've, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've. to. to. to. to. that, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, I'm not, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's, that's not, that's. that's not, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. th, that's gonna be the new time you have a shit. No, no, no, it was purely related to the problem with the curry. No, no, no, no, whatever, no, no, whenever. Oh no, don't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm just saying, when I was really strict, no, I was eating between specific times, but I'm just saying, to th eating between specific times. I've discovered that I literally had to have a shit at 730 a.m. every day and that would wake me up and that would be the first thing I'd do would have a shit. Or if you know if I got up early then I'd know I'd look up early then I'd look at my watch.

I'm like, oh, thrown. And literally on cue, bang. I think 1130 is going to be the new time you have a poo. Well, do you know what, Rob, next time I have a poo, I'll text you. How does that sound? Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. I'll be in the garden probably with the dog. I won't send your voice memo. Oh, you're right, mate. Just let you know, to the curry house and put my headphones in

to listen to some music. So I was listening to this song. I'll talk you through what happened. So I put on my song, right? And it's playing. As you're walking to the thing. I'm like, this is nice. And then out of nowhere, it just does that. It's a lullaby.

And I'm like, oh, there's something wrong with my phone. My screen's a bit dodgy anyway, so it's probably just pressed a button. So I put my song back on, right? And then about five seconds later, it defaults back to that. And I'm like, what's wrong with my phone? So I put my song back on. And then I get a message from Rose, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the th, the the th, the their, tho, their, tho, there's there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, tho, tho, tho's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th I'm like, what's wrong with my phone? So I put my song back on. And then I get a message from Rose and she's like, your phone is linked to the Spotify in our son's room. Can you stop changing the music, please? She's in the other room going, playing a lullaby?

And you keep turning on your music? It turned on my music? So you can't even listen to music. I couldn't even listen to my music on Spotify because it's linked to his room. Oh, thank God you weren't watching something naughty. Yeah, thank God I wasn't watching porn on the way to the curry house. Thank God I wasn't listening to the audio to get a Dansack. Dan sack back and crack. Oh, that's annoying, isn't it? Yeah.

So, but you don't have to be near, you could be playing it from anywhere in the world, the music to that. Well, he's on my Spotify account, isn't he? He hasn't got his own account, because he hasn't got a debit card yet to link up. So you can have it on a different device, so you basically had it on an iPad in his room. Because he's normally been white noise, but he's got into lullabies, which are on Spotify. He's got into lullabies. He's got into lullabies, which are on Spotify. He's got into lullabies, which, he's got into, a little bit. He's been into lullabys since they're quite small. So now they're massive. Yeah exactly they're they're they're they're they're they're their th. He th. He th. He th. couple of, you know, Mr. Tumble songs or something like that. Get into some new shit.

Have you got any, have you got any Instagrams, Rob? Yeah, I've got a couple of Instagrams. We haven't got my, I tell you what, we'll do some more on a Friday, but we can't do do th opinion on it. The outcome of the bake-off in the grand scheme of things, I have energy to carry about, they are fucking cakes. I appreciate that a pie's more serious in the cake, but even then, nope, couldn't give a shit. That's what?

I do care about strictly tell me about her dreams. Um, also, guys, I do have, I do have, um, things I don't have an opinion on separating lights and darks. Elliot. Oh, that's interesting. You know what, I've never separated lights and darks. Really. that thi. to tho. thi what what thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. thea. thea. th. thea. thea. thea. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea. theee. the. the it all in. Surely I used to bang it all in and now, do you know what, me and Rose have struck a bit of a deal, a bit of a silent deal in that she seems to in the last, since we got together really, she's taken on washing and I've taken on bins. Right. If Pluto is a planet or not, don't care. Jessica. This one from Steve. All right. Just want you to know I don't have the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. to to the th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. to th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to too. too. tooes tooes tooes. to thoes. to tho is to to to to to to to th. to to to th. to to to to th. to to to th. to to be th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to to to to. All right, you slags. Just want you to know, I don't have an opinion on if the clock should go back or not. Okay, Steve. I'm sorry, Steve, I do have an opinion on that.

I think it's the worst thing that's ever happened. This one's from Millie, the John Lewis Christmas song-oah-o'-notah. from Mossy 1985. Lovely opinions. We'll have some more longer correspondence on Friday. Time for a small business shout out now. Small business shout out. Oh, should I find my um... Oh, find your guy? I've got a good one here. Hey guys, as a single lady with zero kids, but a fun aunt and nieces and nephews. I'm obsessed with how funny and entertaining your podcast is and regularly laugh out loud while listening and also recommend it to anyone that will tho very much, Steph. However, I want to send you a message about my friend's small business. He started up a golf club cover business for fun and to subsidize him whilst he was off on furlough.

Turns out he has quite the flair for it and is aspiring to do it full time. It's called Hell for Leather. And that's on Instagram at hell for leather golf check it out and see what you think I've had a look and Steph is absolutely quality they're really nice stuff golf stuff can be a bit old many and tragic but this stuff's really cool actually so if you want some stuff they do bobblets and stuff as as as they do bobble ats and they do bobbler hats them covers for golf and really cool Christmas presents and if you get in before November 14th you can actually order them a custom one so you can get like your dad or

partners or your mom or sister's name written on the golf club and a little illustration pick the color and you can have a customized one but you got order it before November 14 so go to hell for leather on Instagram and order some stuff and let's get this guy full time. There we go. Now, I've seen him three times and he's absolutely superb. Puppettett, p-p-it-entertainers. It's puppets with the word it on the end. P-U-P-P-P-E-T-T-I-T and I don't think they're on Instagram or any of that stuff. They don't need to be Rob Rob Rob Rob. to be, Rob. to to to to to to the to to their. to to their. to to their. their, Rob. to their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, their. It. And, pa. And, pa. And, pa. And, pa. And, pa. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, th. And, to-a, to-a, to-a-p. to-p. to-p. And, to-a-p. And, to-p. And, tho. And, I've. And, I've. And, I've. think they're on Instagram or any of that stuff. They don't need to be Rob. It's word of mouth. Word of mouth. But if you want to email them, puppet it. to entertainers at Gmail.com, absolutely superb stuff. Brilliant. Great act, shit email address.

But you know, it doesn't need it. Doesn't need it. Doesn't need it. Funk of female. People just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I I I the whole. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. they. they. they. they. they. I. I. I. the the the the th. mate when those rats have cleared out do you want to come back next weekend? I'll pay your cash in hand he's like yes please see you there see it by the fumigator I meet you by the palm of violets in the used condom let's entertain. The used used condom was not in. How used was it? It wasn't the condom it was just a the rapper it was so so. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. So they was just they was just they was just they was just they they they was just they they they the they they the they the the the they the the they the they the th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the the they're. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I. Oh. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Oh. I. Oh. Oh. I. Oh. Oh. Oh. I. I. I. I. they. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. the. the. I. the. the. I. they. the. the. the. I. the. I. I. I. I. the. I. I. took that. Yeah they've a bit of dignity. Yeah I'm a bit worried about when I take my dog for walks me out of like I'll just I just don't want to find a dead body it's always dog for unsers that find them, aren't they?

Be a weird news story as well wouldn't they? Rockets dog finds a body again third time in a week. That picture of you in the picture the the bikeriker that in library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library library in library library library in library library library in a the book in library library library library library library in a the the the the the they see me there's a police turn up interview me I mean a dressing gown full erection dog treats my pocket bobble out almost light on the top finding dead bodies left right and center but hopefully that doesn't happen right we'll do more correspondence sorry we've had a busy couple of weeks with Dubai and the dog we'll get back to normal operations and get you guys in the to their. We'll to the. We'll to to never never never never never never never never never to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the the toe. toe. toe. toe. toe quite an easy week this week, so we'll throw it over to you. But to keep sending them in. Actually, not much to mention. So, yeah, we might actually knock it on the ed. The podcast seems like the kids aren't, everything's going fine. Oh, God. There's loads of shit when the kids didn't even talk. Anyway, we'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. We'll th. than. than. than. thin. that thin' the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. the to to to to to to to te te te te te te te together together together to top guest from the world of entertainment. Bye.

Bye-bye. Hello, I'm Tom Crane. And I'm Simran Shah and we're the host of the new food and comedy podcast My Favorite Takeaway, where each week we're invited into the home of a celebrity guest to share their favorite takeaway, exactly as they normally have it. We'll be trying it all from Peruvian street food slouched on James Acaster's L-shaped sofa, to an Antigan feast huddled around Andy Oliver's dinner table, via an Alfresco-Indian takeaway taqaway sat in Tom Allen's garden. And we also want to hear from you the listener. and your personal takeaway recommendations. You can follow us on Insta, my favorite takeaway podcast,

on Twitter at Fave Takeaway Pod, or you can email us. Hello at my favorite takeaway podcast.com. And don't forget to subscribe, like, and share. My favorite takeaway. The podcast for anyone who loves food, but can't always be bothered to cook. Available on all podcast platforms now.