Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S03 EP41: Do you want me to ring my mum?

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

S03 EP41: Do you want me to ring my mum? More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Thanks to everyone who bought tickets for the live show in January - we sold in less than 15 minutes! If you want to be first in line for any potential future live dates, merchandise, and any additional show info then sign up to the mailing list here;parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're

doing. Hello you're listening to Parenting Hell with Florence. Florence. Can you say Josh Wintercom. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Well done, and what about Rob Beckett? Becke. Rob Beckett? Look! And now Theo, can you say Josh Widdickum? It's right there. Well done, and what about Rob Beckett? Can you say Rob Beckett? Well, Beckett? Well done!

Right, Rob. I'm going to ask you just some questions. Firstly, do you agree with me they need to get a PCR test? I mean, yeah, they're riddled with COVID. I mean, that's an advert for not having three kids. I got bored listening to it. Having to go through all of them and keep them happy? Did you find that stressful, mate?

Yeah. That's triplets. Oh my God, I I I I I I I I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that, I that's that's that's god I could sense the energy. Could you imagine Rob? Oh just oh my going to go through all of them all the time so they all felt like they were getting enough attention is exhausting. Fair play triplets what's a what's her name the lady? This is Linda from Somerset. Oh my gist. Oh too late. That was like going to be a new game game wasn't it to the game wasn't it? Yeah. to. I I I I I I I I I I I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. I was going. Yeah. I was going. Yeah. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going to. I was going to. to. to. to. I was going. to. to. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was miles. This is Florence. Nothing's a million miles though is it really? No, nothing's ever. Oh well, how far is it? A million miles? Even Australia's a million miles is it? No. It depends on the route, isn't it? What is it? Six thousand? It's not worth it. This is Florence, Esmey and Theo. They are triplets and are turning three in December. We are avid listeners to the podcast have been meaning to get in touch for a while. But I imagine, you've been quite busy.

I am often in stitches listening to the shit you pair get up to. But listening to how Rob is getting on with his new four-legged edition has confirmed to me that now is not the right time to get a dog. No, no. I wait, I I six, five or six, six minimum. Six, which is a combined age of 18. Yeah, she's done 18 years of parenting already by them. My God. So congratulations, well done, Linda, I'm getting through it. And well done on them. It made me edgy listening to it. Yeah, it was, it did seem stressful and you know, I don't think you need to add a dog into the mix at this stage. Do you know what I would say about dogs is yeah dog shit I think needs a new PR team it's not as bad as you led to believe. Oh really?

Yeah I think it's sort of it's almost been like a real sort of hate campaign towards dog shit where like they're actually when it first comes out and don't smell if you quick with a bag. Yeah. the bag. the bag. to the bag. to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. It's th. I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin thin thin thin thin thin theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I thinks thinks to get quick with a bag. If you're quick with a bag and you have to keep it as one critical mass. You break that up, you've got you've got a going, big stronghand, straight in, and if you gobble up a bit of soil or bark or grass with it, you know, that's just part of it. Yeah, I'd say big handful, get it in there, don't break it up, the jobs are good, and you you you you you you you you you you and you you you you you th and you th and you th and you th and you th and you th and you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're thi, you're that, you're that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, you've that's, you've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, you th, you th, you th, you're th, you're th, you're th. you've got that, you've got thr, you've got the the thro, you're the thro, you're thro, you've got thro, you've got throo, you've got that's that's thro, you've got thr, you've had shit in your hand. This is like garden's world, it's lovely. I'd say human shit's worse from a child. Would you? Yeah, because it's not, it's outside so it doesn't smell in your house, does it? Like, and you just one quick pick up, job done. See you later. Well, exactly.

Well, I'm glad it's called going better. I used to live in an area of London that was so rough that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that if you get them nicer food they do less shit and they smell better. Yeah. So if you get the cheapest food they do loads of shit because there's not much nutrition in the bit it's just sort of a little guff so the guff comes out but if it's all nigh nutritious then it actually it gets broken down and used as energy so it's less shit and less shit. So if you are living in a rougher area and a their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So. their their their their their their their their their their their their their cheap. So their cheapest. So their cheap. So their cheap. So their cheap. their cheap cheap. their cheap. So their cheap cheap cheap. So their cheap. So their cheap. So their cheap. So their cheap. So their cheap. So, their cheap. So, their cheap. So, their cheap. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their their cheap. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, their. So, their cheap. So, their cheap. So, their cheap. So, their theirougher area and there's less money to go around for the dogs dinner. Mate, these dogs basically have the shit. It was awful. They're eating their own shit. It was basically that was the diet.

They had to eat their own shit and it's kept them going round. Yeah, it was, yeah, I wish they were because it would have got off the bloody pavement, insanely busy few weeks of work. You know this in our industry this is a very busy time. Yeah. Because it's we have you have lots of like tour shows because they're very popular in autumn. People don't want to go to a theater in summer. You've got a lot of like award dues and Christmas parties that we host. And a lot of any TV stuff sort gets filmed just before Christmas. We've had our books released. so I'd like January for us is dead time really isn't it? Do you know what Rob? Yeah. I've got the first half of January I'm off and the second half is an absolute shit storm of work. What you're doing? But you aren't getting two weeks off at the beginning almost? Do you know I'm not? I'm not complaining. But do you know what? Yeah, I'm not complaining. But do you know what? Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first the the the the the the the the the the first. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first th. th the first th th th the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first. the first. the the first. That is so early. I know. That's great. I can't believe it. December the 12th, Sunday December the 12th, when we record a show that is live on New Year's Eve for the last lag. Okay, that's your last thing yet. So that's not live? Well let's not go into that Rob.

You're not there. Let's not go into that Rob. But you're pretending. whether we're there or not Rob. But it looks like you are. It does look like we are doesn't it? Hashtag is it okay? What is your hashtag again? Oh my god this is a kick in the fucking draft for nine years? Nine years? Nine years? Is it okay? Is it okay? Is it okay? Is it okay that you record a show on the 12th of December that tasks about it being new years the new? the the the the the the the th? the th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. to to th. to th. It is th. It's to to th. It's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. th. th. th. It is is is is is is th. It is is is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's th. It's th thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's th pretend. Is it okay that you record a show on the 12th of December that talks about it being New Year's Eve and you talk about New Year's resolutions, even though you've not had Christmas yet? Is that okay? I tell you, I don't think it is,

but I'm fucked from coming back on the 12th. We're doing a Christmas special as well. Give you a clue. I'm not spending Christmas Eve at 10 p.m. with Adam and Alex. Ha ha ha ha. But well that's good then the 12th because I think our job's quite a feast off family isn't it? So I've been working all day and I've been leaving the house about 8 in the morning getting home about 1 a am for the last sort of a couple of weeks, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, well, well, that's, well, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's but it's I cannot function them all in with the kids I've been getting up with them Lou let me have a line today right but this this is this is what constitutes a lying now because basically I got in really late last night and I only had this at 1030 I didn't have to go anywhere so this to the the the the the I'm gonna to record this okay so that is not for anyone of our kids that's not really a lying is it yeah okay and what time do you go this morning four fifteen okay well that let's let's deal with that later but then well really Rob because I've been dealing with it for six and a half hours but

but okay so but for normal people that haven't got an awful life yeah nine 30 the thirty yeah yeah that to the to the the to to to to to to to to the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to the the the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the had a right nice lie in the other day, what times you get up 930? Having gone to bed at 1 a.m. at 1 a.m. 8. 8. 8.5 hours is the required to be 1.m. 8. 8. 8.5 hours is the required amount of sleep. Well I got in at 1. their to take the dog out of shit at 1. the thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. the. the. the. th. the. th. the. to. to. to. to. to. t. to. t.. t. t.. to... the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the.ippets, their body temperatures are so low. That also I hate... Also, it's so far off the ground it has freezing time before it is. I know! It's not something having to shit off a goalpost as it lands. He slough was frozen frozen, frozen, the boiling pan of water in the air and it all just goes into the vapor or whatever it goes into, but what I'd also need to give them a coat. They are just too, they are just too cold. Oh here he is Jimmy Chippalata. No he won't, the Chippolata will not. My dog won't go outside about a coat on. He refuses. That sounds like the start of a joke. Are you moving into a torture. Just workshop and stuff actually. So 9.30 a.m. was when I got up today, right? Should I tell what happened between those hours? Okay.

What, 1.30? No, no. Yeah, so 1.30 I went to bed. So basically, at quarter to 6, the dog cried, which woke me up, and then Lou went down to deal with. I went back to sleep. And then I heard Lou having an argument with both, Then, a quarter past seven, the cat came and sat on my head. Yep. Yeah, so that woke me up. And then the cat went off and then about a half, seven quarters away. My youngest came in and literally slapped me around the face and said,

wakie, open the curtains and turned the light on. Oh my God. Okay, so I sort of then turn the light off. By the way, the landing lights on the whole time here, basically like the sun burning my rettner. Yeah, of course, yeah. Lou's left the door open? Oh, I don't know, but you do you think I'm going to pull the the thu-up on that when she's dealing with a dog on? So by the youngest goes away, I get up, shut the curtains and then to light on. Anyway, and then I go into my phone and see what time is, and unbeknownst to me, a half-drunk

open can of Coke Zero's next to the bed, not mine. Who has Coke Zero open next to a bed? Next to a bed? Yeah, I'll tell you who has it. and has brought up a can of coat while she's lying in bed and left it on my side I don't know it's there I've knocked it over so now I've got coke zero all over our light colored carpet that now I'm with a with a morning glory erection trying to clear up like I didn't need that we didn't need that we're on the floor naked my ass in the air like someone and then I get into red then Lou comes in because she needs to stir her air so that's quarter nine and I go oh there was a kind of unopened thing there what like what I'm sort of I've got the

um that's there because that's been another thing that's won't be up and then sure we can do that later so that the try to clear that I'm the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the that the that that that I'm that I'm that that that that that that that that that that I'm that that the the the the that to to to to to to to to that I'm to to to to that to to that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I I they I they I'm they I'm they and I'm they I'm they one I'm they one I'm they and I'm they and I I'm the the the that was between 6 and 930 of my lion. On any other day I'd have pity for you. Little tip I've got for you on lions. So the other day, I didn't say a lion, but I went back to bed. A nap, a mid-morning nap, 8 a.m. Rested your eyes. Yeah, I'd been up three hours. Um, I've started having my naps in the spare room Rob. This is how it starts. Nice isn't it your own bed? Fucking out. You know when you see those old couples that have got two single beds and you think I will never turn into that? It's the same as when you're

young and you start dating and you see couples with like a book or like their phone out and you go that'll never be us. Yeah give us two kids in 10 years, it fucking will be. Do you know Helena Bonham and Tim Burton when they were married, they had separate adjoining houses? No way. That's too far, isn't it? But what? That would be nice. It would be nice. It would be nice. You just sort of pop in and out, you swap the kids. It's sort of like being separated, just physically, but not emotionally. That's the dream, I think, isn't it? I'm not going back to university to be your friend.

I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month.

Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Nespraso. Elevate your morning coffee in the morning morning to the on-the-go cup, make every morning unforgettable with Nespresso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nispresso. to learn more or an espresso boutique near you. Yeah, because you know what, Rob?

Not my biggest issue of the week. But when I haven't got much time, yeah. In the evenings, I'm difficulting morning morning morning morning morning morning morning morning morning morning morning to to the morning morning morning morning to to to to to the morning morning morning morning morning morning morning to to to to to the morning morning morning morning morning morning to to to the morning morning morning morning to the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning to-upo-uponon unforgettable the morning to-unnenenenenenenenenenenenenecunnecunnecunnecunnec, the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning the morning haven't got much time, in the evenings, I'm finding it difficult to push through with Rose an eight-hour documentary about the making of Let It Be. Well, how are you on? I'm 20 minutes in, Rob, and I've watched it all on my phone while I've been on the toilet so far. Oh, so you've only watched 20 minutes of it? I want to watch it on the screen. But I have no point when I've watched television except when Rose is there, Rob. Why not?

Because you've got no time? When am I going to do it? What evenings? Well, from the 12th you can. From the 12th, I can't the 12th, I can't. What's when you're going to do? Yesterday I did something very smug, which I'm going to say, I wasn't planning on revealing this as it is too smug. Yep.

But I had an eight hour round trip three months ago when I was worried about sales. Hey on the anxiety got me. Hey on, eight hour roundship, Hay on, hello, motorway services. Yeah. Anyway, hey on, did all of my Christmas shopping on my phone in the eight hours and the car. You mad fucker, that's amazing. I couldn't believe I was doing it. So you did it all? I did I reckon I've done 80%? That's unbelievable, that it's November. I know. You're unbelievable. I couldn't believe I was doing it. I was like

I'm gonna use this time. Do you know what it is? I wanted to write a film about a man that never slept and what he could achieve. And I think you're doing it. Well, Rob, talking of never slept. Should I let you into my sleep, Hal? So you've been up since 4.15 a.m. this morning. What do you text Roman Kemp, Zolley Ball? Checked him with all the guys? Dave Berry. Well, what the fuck.

Jamie Finked. Jamiefied. go and get it big frosty morning let's go there's cheer these commuters up let's cheer his commuters up so we've moved on to Christmas magic so it's it's Ron and great guy yeah nice bloke not lovely boat I think his producers great as well Brian Murphy used to produce me absolutely very good producer great show great guys over there I sound like a corporate man have we gone we've gone Christmas early we would have to Christmas decorations this Saturday just gone but Lou to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the th I th I th I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. their they. I their they. I their their their their their their their tho. their their the done our Christmas decorations this Saturday just gone, but Lou went out on the piss. Oh, and she went out for a drag brunch in the afternoon.

I got a text at 7pm from her mate saying, brace yourself, Rob. Oh God. Is that the most worrying text you can get? Oh no. Anyway, it turns out she had a tactical sick and then she stayed out out out 11, legend. Good honor, woman after my own heart. Okay, so 415, yep, you got up very early. So he's just waking up very early, Rob. Okay, what times are you going to bed? Uh, seven, we've tried changing that. We've tried changing everything.

I'm not criticizing. Oh, okay. Don't get defensive. I would both, you consider. Have you tried 3.30? Is he still having a nap in a day? Three? Three naps in a day. Drop a nap? No, Rob. He's only six months, mate. Russell, Kane, Flannel. So, normally, I can't complain because he's not a bad sleeper compared to a lot

of other six-month-olds. Yeah but that's like saying you know he wasn't a bad Nazi compared to the other Nazis, you know. They were worse ones. So because I've got a friend who listens to this and he's well his wife listens to this and she was like have you heard Josh and Rose's kid he's sleeping through but yeah but he's sleeping through to half fucking four mate. That's not sleeping through that's sleeping towards. Yeah exactly and then he is fucking awake. Like I was so let me take through what I've tried this week right? Yeah. Four-fifth yesterday morning. Yeah yesterday morning I was like right. So you do the first shift because rose the th th of th of to to to to to to to to to to to to to th of th. th of th of th of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he th. he's hea th. hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hea hee. He's hee. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. He. He's he. He. He's he. He's he. He's the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's sleeping th. He's sleeping th. But th. S. S. S. S. th. S. S. th. the the th. S. the the th. the th. I's sleeping th. I's sleeping th. I's sleeping th. S. 415 this morning. Yeah. 445 yesterday morning. Yeah. Yesterday morning I was like, right. So you do the first shift because Rose does the breastfeeding in the night basically? Rose breastfeeds. Yeah.

Rose gets up and then she goes back to bed. Oh God, that is a brutal shift for women breastfeeding. It's so hard, don't it? Oh, man, well, I think about me. I know, but you've got to remember them. Because at least you're not, she's up in the night as well, breastfeeding. No, no, no, no, see, doesn't wake up in the night. He sleeps from seven till 4.15. That is, that is brilliant. No, it's not, Rob. That is not. You are so lucky. You are so lucky. Which is bad while you're leaning over to get a Coke zero because I hate you. And you're finishing work on the 12th. Oh, I might have to get someone else on this show.

Your life's too easy. You are, you are, you are. So seven till four, nothing. So basically from seven to four, you could like just do whatever you wanted. No, he couldn't. Rose could get a part-time job in the evenings. You could drive to Hay on Wyan back. That's great. God, it's brilliant sleeper. He's not. Well he is. But he's just, he's an hour off being the perfect sleeper. But that hour is killing me. Because when he... It's so tantantilizing.

But you said you'd love getting up at five and watching documentaries? Or is it... Four though? No, this was the thing. So yesterday I was like, the problem is I've just going to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the the the the th. thi the thi the thi thi the the thi the thi the thi thi. the the thioliolioliolioliolioliol-I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thioliolioli. thi. thi. thi. thi. th four is to this was the thing so yesterday I was like the problem is I've been getting him up What I'm gonna do and I'm just gonna stay in the dark room right? Okay And I'm just gonna get him back to sleep I genuinely so I thought I can't do this on my own. I'll have an ear in I'll listen to a podcast fine So you're trying to get him back to sleep after he's been breastfed? Yeah, I reckon. I I I I I th. I th. I th. I he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's to to to to he's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. He's th. He's the. He's the. He's thr-I thr-I thr-I the. He's thr-I thr-I's thr-I's thr-I's th thinking if you said to me you've got to go up to a man in the street today and get him to sleep I'd have more chance. Who would you pick out of interest? If you had to do that challenge like what would you go I could probably get a go commute? Oh man right? I'll get on a bus and find somebody's finishing a night shift. Yeah, exactly, or a drunk.

Like, but... Let him down in the doorway of a betting office, stroke his nose. Yeah. Honestly, mate, I'd have more chance. I was in there an hour 15, right? Yeah. Until 5.30. Still only 5.30, I'm like, I can't do this anymore. It's, because

the thing with going downstairs is at least I'm getting some kind of connection with my son. Yeah. At least I can make a cup of tea. At least I can put the radio on. At least I can, let's be honest, look at my phone. Yeah. You don't need to look at a six-month old, do you know what I mean? Yeah, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that, let's that's that, let's that, let's that, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's thi, let's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. the thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. can at least go, oh he's got a cheeky smile, that'll get me through. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, quick photo that back on Ticketo. Yeah, send it to your mom and rose, job done. Yeah, he doesn't eat in the mornings as well, because it's too early, because he's not insane. Are you ween, you see on food as well as breastfeeding? Yeah, yeah, he likes, he loves eating at any other time. I forgot everything you have to do with a baby.

Yeah, exactly, mate. It is just sort of like your brain deletes it, all control and delete on all of that. Exactly. So I'm up at 415. 415. 415. It's insane. It's thiiiii, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, the their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the to th. to to th. to to thi. to thi. to thi. to thi. to thi. to to thi. thi. to th it. We just like, just can repeat, repeat, repeat every day. It's never going to end.

Will it, Will it? Will it? Get older? Yeah. But I woke up until I was 4 at 4.30 a.m. every day. Don't tell me that, right? Whatever my mom did, I woke up. I don't believe this. I'll ring now. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get to get to get to get th. Will. Will. Will. to get to get to get to get. to get. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. Will. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. to. I. I. I. I will. Will. to break my soul. Yeah, but sometimes it's just acceptance, isn't it, to the truth? You know what I mean? She might still be in bed. I know this is sickening for you, but my mom and dad get up about midday. They go bed at two in the morning and get up at mid- still asleep Josh. This is insane. But she's catching up on when I used to be her kid like a baby. She's still in deficit. No, that nothing. Anyway, well she might remember. Oh, hello,

mom. You're on the podcast with me and Josh. Hello, Mrs. Beckett. Josh has just said hello. You can't hear him because I've got headphones. But he's going to hear you, we won't be able to talk to you. What time did I used th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. the. I thee. I the. I the. I the. the. to going to hear you, we won't be able to talk to you. What time did I used to wake up in the morning when I was a kid? About half-past four. And how long did that go on for? She was about, well she went to school really. Okay, cool, that's all we needed really. Thank you very much, Mom. Okay, thenthere's the evidence, your response? I just can't believe this is happening to me. School. Yeah, I tell you what, mate.

He's going to school next week. I just drop him on, just wheel him in with a uniform on. Little elastic band tie. Well, yeah, because nothing would tie me out, but school tied me out basically. I don't understand what's going on with my life. So, I think you've got a 430-er. No, I don't. I think you want it. I think you're enjoying the two weeks ago,

you were the guy with the dog. And I'll be honest with you now, I shouldn't have taken so much pleasure in it, because it's coming back to bite me on the ass. I'm just saying, you've you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you've you you've you you've you, you've tried, you've tried, you've tried, you've trived, you've trived, you've try, you've try, you've try, I've try, I've thried, I've thr-I, I've thr-I've thr-I've thr-I, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I've th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I've th. I. I. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thr-I'm thrown. I'm thrown. I'm try. try. thrown. thrown. thr-I'm thr-I'm thr-I'm thrown. thr-I'm thr-I. I'm thr- everything. You've tried everything. You can't push it back. He still wakes up at 430, okay? And basically, you know, he's a good sleeper. He's choosing to wait. This is when he wakes up. I refused to believe it. Well, that's my mom just, there was no coercion there. You were with me. In the moment, I rang my mom and asked her a wink to as wind you want. You've told me this live, this isn't set up. I know it's not right. I'm just telling you you're gonna have you're gonna have to start getting used to waking up at 430. Okay. And just you need a system in place to deal with your new the new time your day starts. I'm going to need to cancel every gig I've to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm that th. I'm th. I'm the the. I'm that that the. I'm just that to that that that the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just the. I'm just the. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just tell. I'm just thethis. Please call them out of my diary. Until he's at school.

Actually that would go like, so, yeah, he's a boarding school actually, he started next week. He just thought, he might as well get the education in early. He'll sleep. He can wake the master up early. Four-fifteen this morning. So anyway, you're up. So to be fair, it will get better. It'll be another 15 minutes going forward. Oh Rob, it's not happening. I'm moving out. I'm going to do a head on the bottom car. All I can give you is anecdotal evidence from what I was like as a child. But at least in the long term he's going to be highly successful comedian, that is a positive. Yeah, I do think I'm very much an anomaly. I think I'm the rule. Do you want to hear more about how awful it is? Yes! So I've got some more positive nativity

news to tell you after us if you keep telling me how awful it is, I can bring everyone up. But actually I think I'm winding you up here. I think this is, you know, my mom always says show me the baby of the child of the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, the, the, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, th. I's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is, is, is, is, is, th, th, is, is th, th, is th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, is think I'm winding you up here. I think this is, you know, my mom always says show me the baby of the child and I show you the man or the woman. It's like they very much define who they are early doors. Yeah. nearly left the zoom during your mom's phone call Rob just so you know. So what else is it happening? Nothing. Nothing, Rob, because nothing happens at that time. Do you know, I can't even WhatsApp people because no one's up. So when my daughter was waking up at 5.30, yeah.

What time does she wake up now? Eight? She was up this morning. She's at nursery though, isn't she? Going to school soon, so it does, yeah, they will sleep longer then. Yeah. But it was the middle of summer, so I could take her out. We'd go for a walk. You text me at 5.5 to 6 a.m. Yeah, I'd been up I go to bed,

Rob. You know people say they wake up sad. You shouldn't go to bed sad. It's a red flag, mate. It's because... But it's ever since the clock's changed. He's done his second's fight. Can't stop the clock. He can't leave the clock. I know, but what's going on? It's been a month. I know, but it's all gone to shit since them. It was going so well.

I know he laughed and taken the piss, but is it out any way you can shorten the naps or drop a nap in the day? He barely naps. He's not a nap. He's not one of life snappers. I didn't nap either. Oh, come on now! Do you want me to ring my mom? Did you sleep through from 7 till 430? Do you ring my mom? Yeah, with the following questions.

Were you good at naps? Okay, what's I'm going. Did you sleep through or did I wake up in the night? Yeah. Okay. Oh, hello. It's me again. You won't be able to talk to Josh. You can just hear you. Where are you? Where am I? It's so loud.

Oh, I've got the TV on. Oh my god, you're such a nan. Anyway, can I ask you a couple more questions day, but you was always up by 4.30. And did I sleep through, when I went to bed for the evening, like 7-ish or whatever, did I sleep through or did I keep waking up? Oh, the fuck sound. Oh, God. Perfect. So that was great. Thanks. Thanks, Mom. Any advice, because Josh's child's like me really, and I think he's going to be like that. Is there any advice, what did you do to deal with it? Is any, did you try anything?

Well, I've tried putting you to bed later, but you still woke up the same time because everybody said, been there, done that. But you've you to bed. The only thing I did, I didn't drive too much because it was dangerous because I was supposed to get about two with Joe to feed him and you got up at four and then we just, I just was distracted in the prayer and walk. She was safe and I wasn't, because I didn't remember going place, I was so tired. But they do grow up and go to school. And then they do grow up and go to school. Yeah so he said they do leave

and then they do leave home. So it's just that sort of four years so you what you'd say is just basically have to plow through it don't drive due to the danger and just just keep walking and you will forget where you've been but you get through it eventually. Yeah and everybody's safe that's the main thing, was I just got to keep you away. So it's more of a sort of, you know, a public safety message. If that's their sleep pattern, that's their sleep pattern. Some people need more than others. Yeah, okay. Dan's needed more sleep than you slept lovely.

Yeah, and that's just, I think they find their routine. they find they do? Oh come on Rob you that's a leading question. In court that would be a leading question. Okay cool thanks you know we need to do shifts. Yeah. One get up us four and then perhaps go back to bed at nine when the other one got up. Yeah yeah yeah we can so we just get you sleep where you can. Okay cool thanks mom. Thanks Mrs Beckett. Okay so I think has that helped? Leading question. She brought up the fact that you shouldn't drive, it's dangerous. Well, does she know about my issues with the battery on my car Rob last time I didn't drive? My mom, you know, old school she was getting up at two on her own with the other kid, my brother Joe and then she was getting up with me at four and she weren't being driven to hay on why. No, I know. She was walking around the streets of a buggy crying. Poor woman.

Rob, were people in the past tougher? Yes. My mom's old school, mate, though. She'd eat you up for breakfast. Why am I so weak? I think, um, I don't think you're really weak. I think you were on tele quite early. I was tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toeee. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' toe. Robb. tell quil quite early. I wasn't. You was on tele quite early and you had the good life on telly before you had kids. Yeah. So that's the thing. You was a

bit pampered before you had kids. That's what I'd say. I've already told you when I was on tele I lived in an area that was so bad the dog shit had the runs. Yeah we didn't have to clear it up and you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the was the was the was the was the had your backpack in while you ran. You're not, no Josh, I'm only messing. You're not, my mum is old school, she's like, she's old school like, South East Sunday, so she's quite tough and hardy. You're not weak, you are just dealing with a child that wakes up very early and you're tired and you're moaning about it, which is absolutely fine and I think the best approach. The best approach approach approach approach approach approach approach approach approach approach approach the best approach... The best approach isn't to make my peace with it, Rob. The best approach is acceptance. Surrending. You are a tweig and you are a tweig. You are a twig in a river.

You can't stop the water, you can't stop the twig. Go with the flow. 4 a.30 a.m. is your new alarm clock. And enjoy it. too. the the t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the t. t. t. t. the the to. the the tm. thauu. tm. tm. tm. twea. twea. twea. twea. tweg. tweg. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. I. It. It. I. It. I. It. It. It. I. It. I. It. It. I. It. It. I. It. It. It. I. It's. It's. It's. I. It's. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I. I. It. I. walk in the morning to get some bread at 5 a.m. Rob this morning when I got up I was like why is it so cold I realized because our timed heating hadn't even come on yet. Exactly so start adjusting that this is when your house wakes up it it's a four a.m. household that's just you know it's a. That's just you just if you accept it and read just your new life. I'm gonna phone Russell Kane as soon as we finished this. Get the flannel out. Get the fucking flannel out, this is happening, Russell. Blackout, Blinds, Flannel. Get Russell came round to sleep trained your kid.

Do you know what, this morning when my daughter got up at 8. And she got up because I went up there because she wasn't up, she wasn't up, well I'm not reliving your childhood. Well, it feels like you are. That's exactly the kind of thing someone in denial would say. Has this been helpful today for you? No, no, okay. Fair enough. So the other day, it'll cheer you up. Yeah.

Rose's mum walked into the sitting room. My daughter was sat in front of the TV. It just been left on on daytime TV. And she was watching this morning with Holly and Phil. And they were doing an interview. And on the screen, you know how it lists, it like, gives a strap line for the interview. And it was the man with the biggest penis in the world. I've not been on it recently. When was that? My kind of humour. My kind of humour. Even with a lack of sleep I can enjoy those kind of gags.

The whole family can enjoy that humor. I keep doing loads of dad jokes. I did a dad joke on the tele. I don't know if it will make the idea of that big fat quiz of the year. I was talking about Hyde Park. When I've never been to Hyde Park, can never find it. Oh, yeah. Okay, I won't do, yeah. It won't make any of it.

No, no, no, yeah. I'm quite like that. A little dad joke. Anyway, sorry, this stage, so luckily. I've got a question because Christmas is coming up. Are you doing elf on a shelf? Oh, do you know what? My tour manager was telling me about elf on the shelf yesterday. I've never done it before.

Oh, it's great fun, but it's a little bit of a ball-ake. Basically, what, do you know how it works? does something different. Yeah so it's basically like I think there's a book that comes with it and I think I don't know what the story is but basically every morning you have to hide the elf somewhere when they come down downstairs I've got to find that elf on a shelf? Well do you know what I do need thin the ellap in the morning I've got I think the the the the theyb-h-o'nc-I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the you've done with the, especially the opportunities you've got in the, of Nick Max to hide him or her. Yeah, also because I'm up four hours before my daughter, I don't even need to do it before I go to bed, Rob. No, no, you can do it in the, that's the thing, embrace your new lifestyle.

Because I'm looking for things to do, yeah. I've written a novel, Rob. Just this morning. That's how much time I've got. It's called Too Sad to Sleep. Yeah, you can buy it online. It's like a book and you get the little Teddy in a book and then you can make them be in funny little positions and stuff. Great, I'm going to do it. It's good fun. We've done it. to to to to to to to to to to th. to to th. th. to to th. to to th. to th. to to to. tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomooombueue. tooooomoomb. Also, if you start on the 3rd of December, she's not going to care, is she? Right, I'm going to get an elf on the shelf and I'll put it on each day, I'll put a picture on the Instagram. Yeah, I think we've got one somewhere we might try and do it.

Do you do Advent? Do you do Advent? Do you do Advent? the scene and stuff. Yeah, you're getting a lot of kickback from that company these days, Rob, I'm buying it all. They ain't giving it to me. Anyway, I'm not a big fan of just giving them a bit of chocolate first thing the morning every day for a month, but they think she's not very good for you is it? Yeah, but you know Rob, that horse has bolted with kids. Well, anyway, so Lou's, they do the Lego one in the morning and they do the chocolate one after dinner. But we both bought them separately about talking. Oh, I loved my chocolate one when I was a kid. I know, that's the thing, isn't it going to hate my Lego one?

And now, if I ever have chocolate first thing in the morning, it's late at night for you? When's it start? When's a big night feast? By the way, Rob, I'm still doing my intermittent fasting, which means that... Oh my God, you can't do that. That is impossible. You can only do that if you're sleeping, Josh. Not eating until midday? No, don't do it, Rob. It's seven and a half hours to breakfast. No you can't then again you change your lifestyle you need to have a lovely little bit of toast in the morning to cheer coffee and toast at 5 a.m.

Chie yourself up mate be good to yourself. Well I can't have caffeine when I get up because I'm looking forward to my 8 a.m. nap Rob I don't want to at 430 a.m. I'm having a tea that is decapilated. Your life's so rubbish. It's shit. Have a coffee, have some toast, get some sour dough down you, mate. You live in East London's short. Do you think your life would be more enjoyable with this stage? What? Yeah!

Yeah! Oh two things, people keep asking, did you get your French oven delivered? Do people keep asking that? They do, because you had to put an order in but you weren't going to get it until like December, it was like five months. Well, it's up in the air whether it's going to be there for Christmas. How do you get stuff cooked? Why have you got it so high? Well, we've got, you know what, Rob? You know, like when, I don't know if you ever had anything delivered by, for instance,

and I had this experience, John Lewis, and they turn up and they say we can't deliver this because, you know, these stairs don't match the requirements or whatever. Oh, like with a sofa, you have to measure it and all that to get it, and that's, and their their their their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and I, and thi, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I had, and I've, and I've, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, th..... And, I, I th. And, I had, I had, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I that when we had something delivered by John Lewis, the guys were looking for a reason not to take it down to the basement, but it did feel that way. Anyway, that's neither here nor that. Yeah, fair enough. Anyway, these guys are the opposite, Rob. So they sent me like a questionnaire about my house to the the wet bandits. So I had to do my questionnaire about my house to check the cooker could be brought in. Yeah, of course you did. Your middle class,

that's lifestyle, that's just your life now. Yeah, they made me draw a diagram of the journey of the cooker. The journey of the cooker. So I had to draw a diagram with all the measurements of everything of its whole journey from van to kitchen. Oh my God, surely they should do that. We don't know what we're doing. We've never delivered a short. You need to be someone turns up that knows how they move and get them around corners and they can judge it, surely. I felt like a real man though when I had my tape measuring it. Oh, the other thing was, yesthe French cooker. Was there another question?

Oh, the other thing was, yes, I did get the air sorted in my tires, yes. Everyone's a bit worried about you, Josh. Good news from the Beckett household. My youngest in the Nativity is playing Mary. Oh, the big one in that preschool. This made me laugh though on Instagram I saw. Let me read this out to you as my friend of a friend. They know they're given a little slip to say what they're in in the nativity. Yeah. And there's like little gap so it says your child and then a little gap and whatever their name is yeah has been a little gap and whatever their name is. the their their their their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their their is. their is. their their their their their their is. their their their their their is. their their their their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the blah, blah, blah. Let me read you out what my friend got. So they've written the name on it.

Your child is a, and then you write in what it is, a door in the Nativity. Please dress them in something black or brown. Adore. A door. A door. Or a door more like, yeah. Oh, here he goes. He's up early, but he's. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the the th. th. the the the th. the th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they're. they're. they're they're they're the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they but he's ready to go exactly fucking out on fumes do you want to hear a good friend of a friend story oh yeah go on this rumor going around in Scotland

he's being paid a hundred time to take people's jabs to take people's jabs to take people's jabs to I mean it can't be true can't it Robb it can't be so people that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho th tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to can it Rob it can't be. So people that don't want the jab oh my god he's got so many antibodies. Is that a new Avengers film? He's had 200. 200 doses of COVID. He's on me cron. Imagine the altar face. Anyway it's not true and anyone that doesn't want the jabs an idiot etc. Well you cover ourselves on that. Its arm must be fucking massive. Well how do you go in they must go but you've got 189 punctures already in here mate. It looks like a colander. Oh sivarm's turned up again for another going over. Right and do you want a couple of Instagrams before we wrap up? Yeah bloody oh we should say Rob. Oh yes the live show thank you very much. Thank you very much. We had a couple of technical the technical of the technical of the technical of the technical of the technical of the technical of the technical of the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.....................................................................................................thank you very much. Thank you very much. We had a

couple of technical difficulties with the maiden list due to, well basically the demand for the tickets for the show has been absolutely massive. Yeah so we are going to we're doing the show in end of January, Hattin Empire. It's all sold out, it's all sold out straight away. But if you please sign up to the the mailing list and if you please sign up the to please sign up the the to please sign up the the to please please please please sign up the the to please please please sign up the the the to please please sign up the the the to sign up the the to sign up the main to sign up to sign up to sign up to to to to to the main list the main the main list. to to to to to told told out. the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main the main list the main list the main list the main list. the main list. the main list. the main list. the main the main list. the the the the the main list. the the main list. the main list. the main list. the main list. the main list. told. to to to to to to to the main list. told. to the main list. the main you very much. We really appreciate it and sign up to the main list because we will and go on to the Instagram, as well and we are looking at maybe putting more on and you'll be the first to find out with a code because it all went on general sale at all.

It all went to the list proper listeners. So if you sign up, we're going to hopefully do more all all all all all all all all you can all be seen to. How do they sign up? It's in the Instagram bio. It's also in the episode description of this show if you sign up to the main list there. And yeah and also if we end up doing merch and stuff like that it'll all go through on there as well. So everything we do. Everything we do. Everywhere we go. Everywhere we go. But yeah, thank you so much buying the tickets. We're going to make sure it's a really good show. And we'll hopefully do some more. But right, let's do some Instagrams. Before we go, Josh.

Oh! I want to go to bed, Rob. Yes, I tell you who's in bed, though. The listeners in Tokyo. Oh. for listeners in Japan. I'm actually from Orpinton, South East London and now live in Tokyo. Your neck of the woods, Rob? Yes, and she actually said that she taught my nephew when he was in reception, small world, hey. Love the podcast, keep up the glorious work,

Beth, thank you very much, Beth. Thank you very much, Beth. Exciting, isn't it? It is exciting, isn't it? listening at different times in different places, just someone in eating some fucking sushi listening to us blabber on about Josh not sleeping. Oh God I just realized I've left some sushi in my bag. Oh well carry on. I bought it on the way to Hay on Wine I didn't eat it. Eight hour round trip Christmas present is done, rotting fish carcass. Right here we go another one. I've got a more time than Josh. I bet you haven't. Okay well th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. th. the th. the th. the the to the their their to their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their. their their. I's. their. their. I. I'. I'll. their. I'll. I'll. I've. I'm. I've their. I've. I've their. I've. I've. I've their their the Josh Story. I bet you haven't. Okay, well let's hear it, Josh. This is from Derv la Sim, which is the Instagram name, so I hope I got that right.

There's no spaces, it's just all one, isn't it, for those handles. Hi guys, still loving the podcast. Okay, that's quite loaded. What are you waiting for it to go shit, are the, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, the, the, the, the, th, the, th, th, the, th, the, th, th, the, th, the, th. the, thi, the, the, the, the the the the th. the the the, th. the th, the the the th. the the the the the the, the, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which, which, which is, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.'ve still got it, guys. We're still here. Hi guys, still loving the podcast, got on more tied than Josh Story. We have an 11-month-old twins and a two-year-old. I've just gone back to work from my maternity leave and I'm bloody knackered. The cat's got an ear infection, so got his tab bits ready to give to him tonight and put them on the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work thethen realized I had taken them myself. Oh my God. Oh my God. But she said she's never had clearer hearing. Sorting her ears right out. Hopefully I'll still be alive to tell the tail in the morning.

She doesn't grow her tail, am I right? Oh very nice. God, oh yeah, I'm got tied as well actually. Yeah, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good. that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. I. that's. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. that's. that's, I's, I's, I'm that's, ti. tired. tired. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. tired. tired. tired. tiredthat's a good, that's a she's taking feline medication. Well, do you want some more animal-based correspondence? Yes, please. Dog Training Tip for Rob. Okay. Hi guys, love the podcast. I listened to an episode every day on my drive to and from work. Just listen to the episode about Rob's dog and toilet training. We got a lockdown puppy in December 2020. And we taught her to ring a bell when she to to to to to to to to the to to the to the the to the to the the to the the to the to the the the to the to to the the to the toe toe toe toe their toe toe the their their toe toe toe to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toe.a toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. their animal. their animal animal animal. their their their their their toilet training. We got a lockdown puppy in December 2020 and we taught her to ring a bell when she needs to go to the toilet. Oh yes really? Best thing we ever did. It's a floor bell like in a hotel reception she hits it for the door to be

opened. That's good. Well Lou's heard about this and she's brought these weird little like jingle, the dog too' on the door around them. It's just really annoying. Ooh, festive. The dog don't really toucest them, so maybe we'll go to a hotel reception bell. Yeah. Tip for stopping a dog crying at night? Put a ticking clock under a blanket in the dog's crate. And this sounds like it's mother's heartbeat. Yeah, but I just think the dog still sleeping with a ticking heartbeat. Come on. You don't want some sort of weird Norman Bates dog. Do you know what I mean?

There's two cut, what I've learned is Josh, if you get a dog you have to have a chat in the park. There's two types of dog owners. There's people with dogs and there's dog. And there's dog. parent. I'm not, it's not, you pick early, it's like sleep patterns, you find out early. And what's Lou? Lou's half and half, but she's basically though, because I don't love the dog, like Lou loves the dog, it don't listen to me to me, it don't listen to me, Josh. And we have to do, the dog, to do it, like, we' have to do recall in the today, the tooomper, the the their their their their their their their their their their their their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. to,. You know when you have a bit of a round it goes a bit quiet you sort of it just peters off but like when you have to get an apology out something the other person knows they need to apologize. Yeah we're in the park we're doing recall it keeps going to Lou keeps ignoring me and I'm stood there in the park

and I've been a bit conscious to keep in a park, Freddy, Freddy, Fred, come here boy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, and you're like as loud as you can and the dogs just sat on the floor next to your wife under a meaters away. You go, Friddy, pretty, and the dog completely ignored me and walked off and Lou said, and Lou said, that's out of order and it she went, yeah, and I went, that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and th... And, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And, and th. And, and to, and to, and too, and, and too, and too-a, and too- and, and too- and th thooooo thooooooo just said and he went I'm sorry about that I was like that was out of order and it she went yeah and I went because if I did. And she went because if I did that to you what would you do she said I'd probably run

away and cry and not talk to you. Oh my word. So she had to apologize which she did which is fair but yeah I've got to get a better recall to the dog debate go on this the the this the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the that's the the that's the the the that's the the that's got I've got I've got the the the the the the the the the I've got got got got got got got got got got got got I've got got I've got got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I've got I've got I've got got I'm the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the dog debate. Go on. This is from Schmoedap. Oh, Schmoed App. Hi, here's my hot take on Rob's dog situation. It's not a situation. Nobody really truly likes their dog until the dog is at least two years old. And anyone who says otherwise is lying. Everyone regrets getting a dog for at least two years. He's true, isn't it? It's true, Bob, you've just got to make your peace with this? I've got to make my peace with it.

Two of us, two men trying to make their peace. Oh God, so he just basically, I've got, yeah, okay, well that's good to know. How's my end in this show on a downer? I was loving life a minute ago, talked to my mom about your kid? Jesus Christ, anything else or just that? That's literally all they've sent. And to be honest, it's so cutting. It doesn't need anything else. They haven't even signed it. Or put the real name. Oh God, right, small business shout out. Yeah, why not? I'm gonna spin down and I'm gonna pick one at random, Rob.

Are you ready? Go for it. Say when? When? When? Okay. Hi, Rob and Josh. Firstly, thank you for the podcast.

Our daughter is nine months old. You've been with us every step of the way. Oh, not from conce, doesn't it? Yeah, exactly. We shouldn't have put that slap base on it. Right, secondly, we wanted to mention our company for your small business shoutouts. This is hopefully one for Izzy Souty as well, since it might help with her squash. Do you remember she drinks lots of squash? Yes. Spruce water is a natural fruit powder that is used to flavor water. It's a grown-up squash.

Grown up squash. No sugar. I'm going to send this to Ellis Nizzy. No sugar, additives or preservatives. Just natural ingredients, real fruits and vitamins. We've also spent the past two years on the packaging to ensure it's entirely plastic free, the first of its kind in the UK. Our Instagram is, this is a really good idea, at Spruce SPRUCE.water. And the website is www.sprose dash water.com. Any new followers or sign-ups or orders would be amazing, not to mention a massive help to

morale. We're due to launch in two weeks. No idea when this was sent to us and all your support is hugely appreciated. Thanks so much Johnny and Katie Spruce. Water on Instagram. We've got one here as well I've got this is from Karen she's had a tough year let's help her out with that name she said I'm not normally one to complain but no she didn't really I've made that up because she's a Karen. We have fun, don't we? Am a new listener to your hilarious podcast

after my cousin Claire recommended that I listen to you, she also said you did chat outs for new small businesses and being that it was relevant to parenting dilemmas, I thought you may not mind mentioning my business, Go Go Go Goosey, G, and then G O, and the G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, G, and, G, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, and the, and the, and, and, and G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, G, and, G, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, andrying onesy that I came up with after taking my daughter swimming for the first time and realized what a nightmare the whole drying and dressing experience was. I've struggled with this, this might help me out Josh. Not only did she have a meltdown but I stood there cold and

wet too, trying to get her in clothes as quickly as I could and so I could get dressed to. I thrown. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the, surely, surely, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thrown, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, throwne throwne thrownean, throwne, to, toed, toed, too, toguuuuuuu' try, try, try, try try to try thrown a solution to make things easier for us already stressed out parents. So after six years of finding the right material, deliberating for a while, and then getting it designed and manufactured. Finally launched in September of this year thi, we do five different sizes, age two to 11 years and combine, I mean, 11 years is bold in it, We've been in front of all their mates at the time. It's a kid pubing up with a fucking onesie.

But anyway, they do... Love out, ma'am, fucking hell. You caught me bollocks in the zip. We do five different sizes, age two to eleven years, and you can buy it on our website, go go go go tosee, UK. We are also on Instagram and Facebook Go Go Goosey UK. Next step is to make them for us parents too. Thank you so much then keep up the good work of making us realize we're not the only one

struggling with parenthood. Best which is Karen, go Go Goosey. Goosey. There we go. Well done people. Well done people. Thanks guys. Next week I'll speak to you and my sleep problems will probably be sozy. to. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the to. the thi. thi. thi. the thi. tho. tho. to. to. to. to. too. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. We. We. tho. tho. tho. the. the. the. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....... problems will probably be solved. Yes, yeah, surely. So I look forward to talking about that, Rob.

If not, we do know we've got four years if you're talking about getting up at 4.30 a.m. That'll last a few months whilst you accept it. Do you know what, Rob, though? He's the perfect baby from about 8 a.m. It's those four hours in the middle. Well, no baby's a perfect baby, Josh. You've got a brilliant, brilliant sleeper and you should count your lucky stars. I wish he was just bad at eating. That would be much easier. Right, we've got back. My issue with my daughter, not being fussy about clothes really feels like a drop in the ocean now, Rob. It does, doesn't it? She wouldn't put a coat on. Yeah. In the daytime. Yeah, give a shit. That was the glory days, Josh.

See you on Friday. See on Friday. See on Friday. Bye!