Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S04 EP19: "How many whippets have you got out of a fence?..."

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

S04 EP19: "How many whippets have you got out of a fence?..."More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply. Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what is really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with Ellie. Ellie, can you say Robicket. And can you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. The the the the th. The th. The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. t. tip. I tip. I tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tipes. tipes. tipes. tipes. tipes. ittigan? Josh Wicked. And can you say Rob Beckett? That was a great Rob Beckett wasn't it? Should we have it one more time? Yeah. Beckett. Rob Becker Buckebucket. Rob Becker. I love it. Very nice. Yes. Hello. This is a voice recording my two-year-old saying Rob Beckett and Josh Whitticum. We've been listening to the show from the beginning and relying it regularly to make us laugh and feel better, especially with our new current living arrangement. Ooh. We have just moved out of our first home and moved into my mom's house for a few months

with a very sassy two-year-old who's now decided she can no longer sleep in a cot. It's like actual man climbing out in under five seconds. So now our sleeping arrangements involve either me or Ellie's dad showing a bed with her and the other in a separate room. Ellie's dad and I look forward to our turn of having the bed to ourselves. Chloe from? Oh Lincolnshire. Woking them. Where's that nearer walking? It's got to be in it. Clo that that that that the the the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be. Clo to be. Clo to be. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe from. Chloe to to to to th. Chloe to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Chloe from th. Chloe from th. Chloe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the the the. the the thea. the thea. thea. thea. thea' thea' thea' th Woking? Gotta be in it. That's got to be in that. That near or near Ham. It's been a terrible start of the day for me, I said Rob. What were you supposed to meet at 9.30 and I rang you at 9.36 and you was asleep. Yeah, and I was very cocky, wasn't it? Yeah, I wish you recorded it. He was like, yeah, yeah, I, I, just, just, just, I, just, just, just, I, just, just, just, just, I, just, just, just, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the te tod- it toda today today today today the thea the today today today today thea today today today! But I've already been up, just to say people think I'm lazy.

So what are you at home or are you on tour? I'm at home. I got back last night, quarter past one. Yep. And then I got up at six with my son. Jesus. Went back to bed at 7.30. Right, and you were getting an extra. So did did, did, did, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to tho. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I was, to. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. to. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. th. to. to. to......................................... run? Yeah. Right, okay, that's nice. Yeah. Solid. So I was absolutely buzzing for getting back into bed, thinking, here we go. Sorry to ruin your lying, Josh. Also, I love the way you feet like, oh, I'm not being lazy

because you slept in past 930. How shit is our life if you've got to apologize for showing off that you're in bed at 930. Sorry of my bougy layback lifestyle, but yeah, I was still asleep at 930 a.m. actually. I spoke to someone in the audience last night who was retired and she gets up at 6.30 out of choice. Fucking idiot. What a waste. My mom and dad get up about half 10 11. Yeah. Good on them. Of course. 638. What did she used to do th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th.11. Yeah, good on them. Of course. 638, what did she used to do? Postman? Yeah, it was, she was the breakfast DJ. It's Nick Grimshaw. Oh, Josh. How are you? You don't sound good, Rob? You don't sound good. I'm having a fucking nightmare. The Beckets are having a nightmare. Oh, I've got to say that. I've got to say that is exactly that is that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly that is exactly the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. thi. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the th. th. the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. thi.'ve got to say that is exactly what our listeners want to hear. Basically, losing hospital, she's fine. Oh, no, no, she's...

Oh, that's an awful turning the road. That's what I want to hear. Worse since I knew that and I'd forgotten. It's good to know you care, Josh. No, Bates, she's fine now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that's th. thi thi-I that's to tooes tooes good to know you care Josh. No, she's fine now but she's got to stay in for a couple more days. So she's already been in for three nights. Right, I'm blinding. Yeah, no, so she's got to stay for a couple more really long and boring reasons why. But she's fine now but she's on this medication.

So she'll be out in a couple days but she's feeling better, but they don't want to go in with all the COVID? Is it all now? Yes, so you're allowed to go and visit so I visited her and stuff. I'm going to take the kids in today to see her because they've not seen her, but it's just like, the first of all is the stress and the worry about your partner not being well and finding out what it is and we found out of that is the logistics of the work and the kids. Have they been in? No. No, not to visit. They're going to visit later. But they've been at home. Yeah, I'm centering with them.

You take them. No, I mean. I'm going to visit. I didn't mean. She's not around all day. PM every night. And then I've got to do bad time. But I know that's been a fucking desert, just so busy Josh. Because I've had a bitty weekend as well because I did Milton Keens on Saturday and then on Sunday I had voiceover in town and then I had to do the radio show in town. So it's been like with so many lovely people helping though. And we've got the dog you have to sort the fucking dog out Josh. Oh my the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I's. So, I's. So, I's. So, I's the th. So, I'm the t. So, I'm tote. So, to. So, I'm to to to. So, I'm to. So, I'm to. So, I'm th. So, I's. So,to sort the fucking dog out Josh. Oh my God Rob. So much has so much has happened.

So basically I took Lou to the hospital and then our youngest was off school for the day so Lou's parents took her out for the day and then took her back to her house and then I picked up what did I do? I can't even remember what I've done. I took him home and Adam Friday night, then, yeah, so I took him on Madam Friday night. It's like the thing with the fox and the grain and the chicken getting her across the river. Oh, mate. Yeah, so, so, right, I was off Friday, so I dropped Lou off at the hospital and stuff and then, yeah, she had a play date after school. So I went and got my eldest from the play date about six, when and I got the younger the younger the youngest the youngest the youngest the youngest the youngest, the youngest, the youngest, the youngest, the youngest, the youngest, the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their, their their their their their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the than, thra, thra, thraugh, and thra, thra, thra.a.a.a.a.a.a. tha. thra. And, and thra, and thra, and than, and the grandparents, took them home, did bedtime, put them to bed. Saturday morning, they wake up. And then Saturday morning, it's quite a stressful day because I've got a dog in the house, so they go gymnastics. I've sent me told this story in the radio show. Are they only good at the dogs?

They're fucking whip it's all. So bendy. what happened at gymnastics right I'm stressed getting up in the morning so I'm worried about Lou at this point we don't really know what's going on so I'm fully stressed like but now I'm a bit calmer because I know Lou's feeling better she's not in pain and she's on the right medicine we've just got a wait for her to get fully fit in a couple of days right it's sort of like she says if you play FIFA she's got a knock. She's got a knock. Bless her. She's had such bad luck. She's so sorry for her.

She's so bored. And it's so hot in there. Hot, why are I'm hot? It's so hot. It's so hot. So I've not slept really. I've been googling all the, you know, I've been googling everything any doctor's said to her for the last two days about what's wrong with her. So I've googled the internet all night, wake up at 5.30 a.m. that's what I'm going to the internet, wake up at 5.30 a.m. That's what the kits I have 45 minutes to walk the dog, so then I can pick the keels up again and then get back home, right? I've got to Milton Keynes that night, but anyway, I get up and I'm in a rush, I finally

get them dressed, I'm trying to get them dressed, I'm trying to get them dressed, I'm, and I'm going to go to mummahmissue....... And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, but, I, I'm, I, but, I, I'm, I'm going to to go, but, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, but I'm going to to go, I'm going to go, but I'm going to to go, but I'm going, I'm going, I'm going to go, but I'm going to go, but I'm going to go, but I'm going to to go, but I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to to go, I'm going to the the the the the the the the the the tooombs. Kk, I'm going tooombs. I'm going to me. I'm going toa, I'm going toa, I'm going toa, I'm going toa, I'm going toa, I'm going toa, I'm going to mrowne, I'm going to mrowne, I'm going to mea, I'm got a knock! I'm trying to, she's got more than a knock. But I was trying to, like, not, you know, let my stress get on the kid. So I'm sort of internalizing it all. Anyway, so I dress like a maniac. My hair and beard at the moment, Josh is mental. Like it's big up. the hair's all, I look like and the beard is massive it looked quite armish Abraham Lincoln style like blonde gingery beard so I look mad my head looked mad I put on a pair of ankle sports socks and hiking boots a pair of running shorts for no reason whatsoever like that was the only shorts I

could find but they were so short so much leg out yeah tiny socks on a tiny socks and shorts and hiking boots so much leg. So much. I look like a sort of Yask Fiat 500 Queen at Reddin. All you can see is just leg, little shorts. And then a big hoodie, right? And a backpack, my nerd backpack, right? Got that on. Go there. Got the dog, got the kids. Gymnastics? Gymnastics. Dr. their togu. Gnastics. Gg. Gnastics. Gnastics. Gnastics. Gnastics. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. their. their. their. their. their. their. want to look like a pedophile. No, no, no, not at all, right? So I drop him off at gymnastics, take the dog for a walk, come back, I'm waiting to pick him up, but I've got the dog, and there's this like sort of fence. You know what like the fence there for the marathon, like a metal fence, right? And I'm trying to wait their their their their their their their their their their to wait, I'm to wait, I'm to wait, I'm to wait, I'm to wait, I'm to wait, I'm to to to to to to to their. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their. I'm to. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I let them run out. So I'm stood at the back with a dog, like, oh God, I can't take a dog in a sports hall, do you know what I mean?

And then there's about 15 parents there and about 20 kids waiting to go in for the next session. Anyway, this kid strokes Fred, the dog, and as the kid in the fence. How does a whip it ever get fucking stuck? It's the most narrow dog. It's like a letter. You can fucking laminate a whip it. So what happened? It's squealed like a pig. Have you ever heard a dog trapped? Oh my fucking dog? How far down the dog are we talking about tom? You're talking, it's clipped over one rib. Oh, it's clipped, it's clipped over the top like it's like a safety harness on a roller ghoster, right? Perfect fit in many ways. Clipped over the first rib.

Squealing like a pig, everyone's staring at me right because I look mental already. I'm bent over, I'm like crouched down, bollock nearly hanging out the shults, right? Trying to wrestle this dog, the noise, y'all- Awful, like toe-curling, blood curdling screams, this dog. But like, so what I'm doing is I'm trying to bend the dog, but the dog's a fucking idiot. and at this bloke at one point I'm crouched down trying to feed this dog fruit, right? One woman went just push him through and when he's got fucking ribs. I can't push him through.

Who is back seat? Who is back? Just push him through. you don't want to be doing it like that and I turned to and went how many whip-its have you got out of a fence? When was it last time you fed a whip it for a fence mate? So anyway then I get the dog out I lift the dog up and then... I bring him back you're not putting him in the whole way through are you? No I pushed him back, I didn't kick him up the thatrown. I'm to kicker. I'm the the to kick him. I'm to kick him. I'm to kick him. I'm the the to keep him. I'm the the the to keep him. I'm the the the the thin. I'm throwen. I'm fed him. I'm fed him him back. I fed him him back back back back. I'll fed him back. I fed him back. I'll the the the tockheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe. I'm the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's th? Anyway, so then I pick the dog up, I walk in the sports hall, dressed like a lunatic, and then get the kids and come out. By the way, if you're not sure of what I look like, I've got a tweet that someone directly sent to me, which is always helpful, isn't it, when you know what you're gonna look out that day. This what someone felt the need to message me, they messaged me, just saw Rob Beckett in a local park and can confirm the rucksack is truly awful. Having a go to the backpack yeah. Good on them. In fact his whole

attire had a strong tie myself to a goalpost vibe. Oh wow. Yeah so that's that's going on. That is good. I can confirm the rucksuck is truly awful. Was the rucksack? I can't even remember why the rucksack was purchased. I thought it was purchased for a particular reason. It was, it was, it was purchased for a holiday, but at the moment, it's just in use. I went early. I needed to a bag to put all the dog, I take the kids and the dog to the garage because I need to get them some lunch quick and I need to buy stuff for Lou to take to the hospital, put the dog in the car, first time I left the dog in the car, sets off the alarm, barking, nearly squeezed out the fucking gaping the window, they're so narrow, whip it. And then I'm showing, I the kids the kids, just the kids, just the kids, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tog, tho, tho, the tho, the the the the tho, and get the cheese and onion and she screamed at me in the shop, but I can't read.

I mean get the blue packet! Oh God. So I get them home, right? So they'll get them home and then I've got to go to... I'm not judging you in this situation. Yeah. We are skirting over the fact that you've bought that lunch from a petrol station. Yeah he wasn't, it was too fair, it was a Mark's garage. Oh okay, fine.

So it was sandwich and crisps, it weren't like, I won't give them against us, like, big Cornish pasty. They like, they like that garage, it's a treat, it's a treat lunch. So now I get them all home and then I've got to pack back back back back back back to pack a packa to packa to packa to pack a to packa to their their their their their the gig that night. So what's the plan? Someone looking after the kids? So the plan is that going around then the grandparents for the night for a sleepover, right? Yeah. So I've got to pack them a bag. I've got to pack them a bag of all the stuff for a sleepover. I've got basically they're getting picked up the theater. I've got to pack. They're. They're their. I'm. Yeah. their. They need. They need. They need. P. the their. their. P. P. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. their. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've.. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I............................................................................................ the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the..........the next day, my eldest has got a party. I've managed to get a lovely Brian and Rita, took her to the party on the Sunday, but I had to organize that and pack a,

because it was a wall climbing party, so I'm packing some clothes for that. And then I have to pack Lua bag for the hospital. So I've packed all that, and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And they. And th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'd. I'd. I'd the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to took. I to to to to tooke her. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the to organize her. I the the too. too. the party. took. took her. took her.ooooooooooooooooooooooooooen. tooke. tooke. tooke. tooe. tooe. to go to the Nan and Grandad's and then lovely, another Brian said he'd walked my dog for me but he took the dog for a walk and then I've gone to see Lou at the hospital, been there for a couple of hours, come back, he's taking a dog for walk but I weren't in when he came back when he came back so he's took the dog back agrees to walk the dog the next day because I've got to leave early to go into town. And then he goes off, I go to Milton Keynes, do a gig, I think I had a breakdown on stage,

but they seemed to laugh, came back, got in about midnight, woke up at 7 a today clean the house was an absolute state, right? And it was like the worst the house has been for like weeks and me and Lou were gonna sort it out on the Friday, but she went into hospital that day. So it to be four hours to tidy the house. Four hours. It was honestly, it was and there was... Who you living with Pete Dockertie? What's going to clean? Four hours! It took four hours, but then luckily Brian, lovely Brian from Bromley Dog Days, brilliant guy, he elped out and it doesn't work Sundays normally, but he did it for me as a favour, took the dog for a walk, I tided all the house, then my brother Joe came to sit with the dog

all afternoon because Mick had to come last night because I left a dog for like eight hours, to the dog, so I had to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get it's, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, hea, he'll to get to the the the to the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they, he, he, he, he, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he'll theeeeee'e'eran, helipe'er, helipe'er, heelped, heelped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, he helped, heing, I had to come in for the dog. So you can't ever leave the dog on his own? Well, no, you can, but not for like eight, nine hours because it'll piss in its bed. Because it can't hold it for. Because I left at like five o'clock and I weren't getting back to one in the morning. Yeah. It's too long for a dog really. got taken up to London, I jumped to the cab up to London and did my work and then my mom picked up the girls from the other grandparents at five o'clock brought them back did bedtime so I'm so lucky to have family nearby that can help it would have been impossible I'd have had to cancel work and stuff and then oh this morning was horrible I got up so I got up so's insane. Then I woke up, they woke up at six and then I, my parents, they weren't my parents

up at our five and then they stayed in bed for a bit and then I got him up and got them all ready for school. The youngest wants to be independent now, which basically means it takes an hour for her to get dressed because she does it wrong. I don't want to belittle her, but I just need to get a fucking move on. She asked for Elsa hair, which was absolutely insane. The good thing about hair is, if there's no mirror, they don't know what you've done. So I told her she had Elsa her. And off she went. She's currently getting up getting up really tolde. She's actually Anna. She's been getting up really early and I think she's been a bit more affected by her mom not being there because she sort of knows that she's not feeling well and she's at the hospital.

And we're all not like getting upset in front of her or her, but she's going to wear that she's not there and Rita, had to take her to this kid's party and bring her back and then she was at a Nan's and another Nan's. So she flipped out, it was awful, Josh. She was like, I don't want to go to school. And she's never been like this. But like I'm talking like, you know, like the tantrary, like, the tantr't want to go school. I don't like absolutely distraught. And I think she's tired, she's really emotional, she's missing her mom. She's getting, she had a lovely weekend

and she was, oh, blessed, she was so upset. And it was horrible. I felt so mean, it was horrible. And I felt so, I felt so, and I felt so, and I felt, I was like tearing up. But then I didn't want to start getting upset in front of the youngest one who was still in the car, who I forgot to fucking strap in, because the other one was getting so upset. I forgot to, I drove her, like, fucking seat belt on.

It's only two minute drive, but I felt dreadful. And then I'd strapped her in, and I'd got their to get their their their to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try............................................. the the the the the other. I was. I was. I was. I was the to tell she can email after to email the teacher to say she went in upset. Yeah. The tea, the nursery teacher pulled me to one side of it. Can I have a word? I'll fucking know what's going on now. But it was only about some sort of school feed. That's not good enough that else of hair mate. You can't bring them in looking right-go cup, make every morning unforgettable with Nispresso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk.

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So she pulls me to one side and she asked me something and it wasn't nothing important. But I was a bit like, oh God, what's that? You're already anxious and then anyway she goes like Can you I just got to ask you this blah blah blah blah she asking this question and then the school the school ring for my oldest going just to let you know that she's feeling much better now Like this was in like five ten minutes they're so good they're good at they're good at they're and they went she's absolutely fine they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th the th th th th th th th the the th the the the the the the the the the the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they with the teacher assistant doing some reading and she's absolutely fine just to let you know. And then I start getting upset because it's relief. So then I just cried in front of the nursery school teacher. God, Rob. She's asking him about it, like, oh my God, it's so funny. What's really funny is when you get upset in front of someone when it's like not a friend and in a bit of an official capacity they just so don't know what to do it's so sort of semi-all and she was like

oh don't worry and then I sort of and then I was already getting a bit upset and then I was already upset from the phone call I just I was like you know mom's a bit upset so she might be a a bit upset I was like, oh my God, Rob just, and anyway, so they all went in, got the phone call, the eldest has calmed down, but it has been a fucking night's mare since Friday afternoon. Oh my God. And when does this continue until? What are you doing today? Because we're recording, obviously, you don't need me to tell you, we've moved this earlier from 10 to 930. Yes, because basically I've cancelled my hair cart on Friday to take loot at the hospital, so I've got to go and get my hair cut because I'm doing filming tomorrow. And I genuinely don't think I can film like this because it looked like they've got. to look like thi.

Because I don't look anything like that. I can't give a shit about the people of Milton Keynes. The gig went all right to be fair. Did they think it was weird that you look like that? Did they stop clapping the moment you walked on? They're very supportive, looks a lot like him. Like you know when someone walks into a bar in a Western and everyone just stops, the piano stopsenskig was the only bit of time you got to yourself. Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. And that's why, something like comedy, I used as a bit of a supportive crutch in my 20s. You don't ever sit with the emotion because you're so fully engaged it up a little bit. Because you're so fully engaged it up of caged it up a little bit. But it was good to let it out but

I've got to sort my air out. And then you're filming all day tomorrow? Yeah filming in the morning and then I've got to do this advert thing that the film in the advert is for Robin Romesh the new series of that so I've got to do that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th tho tho tho the the the the tho the tho tho the tho the to do to do tho to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their over and then I think they're doing the pickups from school tomorrow because I'm filming and then they're handing over with in-laws because tomorrow night I'm doing a gig of the Royal Albert Hall oh my god which is a nice chilled gig what's like a gig I remember that's like a I remember that that's like a teenage cancer trust gig oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's that's that's that's that's that's that's I that's I the the the that's I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's I'm the the the the the the the the the the they I'm they oh I'm they oh I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I's I's I's I's I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll is is they they tod I'm today today today today's today's today's today's today's today today they they they they the and I'm closing the Royal Alba all tomorrow night, which has got a lot to be, you know, I'm really, you know, I'm really, I'm really ready for it. Little tip, don't go on at Teenage Cancer Trust and say that you're having a bad time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's all fucking relative. I'll enjoy, I'll enjoy that, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I remember she has a spellings on a Monday so I like to do a spellings is what but yeah no I'd sorry I'm moaning now like but it's there are people having it a lot worse but it's a very stress and then the other thing as thrown as thrown I'm gonna say it that's not how people would imagine the life of a man who's a thrown th th thee thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown the the thrown I the thrown I the thrown I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. they. I they. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to. And then the other thing as well, like, no. I'm going to say it, that's not how people would imagine the life of a man whose weekend is playing a big theatre Milton Keynes and then appearing on radio too. Do you know what I mean? That's not how. Surely, surely to God. Oh God. When I first started doing comedy, it used to be like, oh God, what am I going to say when I get to the radio show? What am I going to say on stage night? What funny things do I do?

Now my main concern is just get there. Just arrive at the building and then see what and then see what happens. But it'll be fine. That's that that that that that that that that's that's that's th. th. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thin' thin' the thin' the the thin' the thin' thin' the thin' tho' tho' their their tho' tho' tho' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the. the. the. the. the. theat thea. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to to to to to tho. to that's the thing isn't it? The reality is, in all the way you deal with difficult situations is you just focus on that thing you're doing at that time. So at that one moment I was just getting a whip it out of a fence. Forget the rest. You're just getting a whip it out of a fence. What's happening now? You're doing Elsa hair. But I was really good at it. But that that I couldn't deal with was that she got antibiotics and steroids prescribed Loub and I gave the antibiotics but the steroids took ages to come then it turns out it wasn't put through properly so she got them a day late which is at the end of the world but I was so and it's sort of driven by your ego where I was like well... Well, you went and started some steroids, like kind of... Like an athlete.

I went down... I went down... Have you got... have you got? Have you got a ride rage? Is that what you've got? Yeah, I went down there and I was getting all in a tissue. I was like, no Rob, just all you need to do is just calm down and relax. She's in hospital. They'll be dealing with it.

It might be slightly delayed, but that just happens. It'll all be okay, but you sort of put too much pressure on yourself to sort everything out for someone you love. And that's what's a mental weekend basically. But we've been so lucky to all the people that have helped. Brian and Rita have been brilliant, Mick and Tereez are the parents, my mom and dad been brilliant, my brother came around to watch the dog and Brian the Dog Walker came and saved our skin at the weekend. You sound like you're accepting an Oscar at this moment. No, I'm just so thankful because without those people helping helping, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm to be, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm th. Brian, th. M. Brian, th. M. th. thi. thi. Brian, thi. Brian, th. Brian, thi. Brian, thi. Brian, thi. Brian, thri. Brian, thri. We should have that we're recording this one in advance due to our availabilities.

Yes. So you've decided to do your most stressful period of your life. Hence why the added addition of Mother's Day wasn't in that story. No, Mother's Day is a couple of days away at the moment. I don't know, I haven't organized that. I did say, I went to the girls, yeah, so when you're in school, if you get a spare moment when you're not doing lessons, if you could ask to do a Mother's Day guard, that would really help me out. I did that with Rose's birthday, the older. Jesus Christ. doing this in advance so we haven't really done the Mother's Day thing but yes I don't know where we'll be for Mother's Day at this stage but yes so

that's been my my weekend. This will cheer you up do you want to hear about my stressful train journey? Yes please. So so I was in Swansea on Saturday Rob. Oh how was that? Oh they lost oh they lost they lost they the Welsh rugby team lost their tea they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their too too too too too too too too their too their their their their they they they they they they they not into rugby, so I didn't know there was a rugby match going on, obviously. No, I'm not really into it either, but they lost to Italy and Italy is shit, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, well, so Wales, according to the sources I've got. So what happened? But what happened? But I don't think Italy have to be like 36 games in the that's the rumor yeah. Back in the day Rob when it was the Five Nations it was fine wouldn't it? But bloody out. Oh did it used to be called

the Five Nations? When I was a kid it was the Five Nations. Who did they add in then? Italy? That's a fucking waste of time wouldn't it they're dog shit? I think they thought they'd get better by playing in it anyway. I think I they wanted wanted they wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted to to to joli to joli to to to to to to to to the to the to the to their their to to their to j j jolly their their their their to jolly the jolly their to jolly to jolly to jolly to jolly to jolly their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their try. tryl. tryl. tryl. try. try. today try. try. today try. today to to the the the the bored of... Let's go somewhere off. It's not far off from my weekend. So, I always get the... I always try and get the train to the gig because it's a bit of time on your own. I don't know about you. Yeah, I know what you mean. I get it because it's quicker rather than than than to thii. around everything about it is lovely and relaxing and two words Rob

on a Saturday weekend upgrade yes please oh 25 of the best beans you've ever spent in your life mate you don't pay it when you're paying the ticket so it doesn't feel like the ticket's gone up in value it just feels like another little charge bang here I am I've got the full first class to myself tea on tap Rob three three teas, I've made my money back, more or less. Yep, more than really, yeah it's not far off. Do you get food on a weekend? No booze, is it? You can get a fruit, you can get a slice of fruit cake. What are you looking at that for?

Three quid? Yes, come on. Lovely train. I've got a forer to myself. A fourer and a table? Yeah, all four seats with a table to myself. So much charging, you could charge so many things. Yeah, the charging sockets aren't working but you know you can't have everything. My phone's on edge but who cares? If my phone dies, my phone dies. Three hours to Swansea on my own. Do you know what, Rob, I'm I I I I I I I I I because of my bad neck, I'm having to do it freehand, right? Still?

Yeah, well, just for safety reasons. Safety reasons sat with an old sod with his pen and paper. Yeah, with my little sketchbook doing my writing. Oh, little grandad thumb lick pulling the pages over. Honestly, the train's going so nice that my little pot of ink isn't even spilling anywhere any the toeeeouinininininininininin' tooinging tooing tooing tooing tooing to the tooing the to to to the to to to the to to to to the train's going so nice that my little pot of ink isn't even spilling anywhere. No, with all air condition, the quills not whipping in the wind. Lovely. Then we arrive in Cardiff. Send your photo of my arrival in Cardiff.

I'm like, this is a bit odd. There seems to be 400 people on the platform. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Isn't it busy for, what, five o'clock on a Saturday? This is a bit odd. And then, so then, there's all these people who stood outside of the window, and then I realize a lot of them were wearing Welsh rugby shirts. And I look out the other window, and I can literally see the Millennium Stadium.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Also they're big boys, rugby fans, aren't they? Yeah, there's been a there's been a rugby match and they have just kicked out and they are all on this battered. They are all battered and they're all on this platform. I've never moved from the forer to the one or across the alleyway fast in my life. Oh yes imagine you trapped in the corner bowl the big boys. Yeah can you imagine if I tried to hold my own on a forer with three rugby fans? Because even the ones are in shape are big though it's the out of shape Robby boys. I didn't make it across in time Robbys and they were streaming down

the aisle as I was trying to cross forward and back with my belongings. It was like I'm trying to cross a kind of busy river. Scurrying under a scrum like the ball, getting kicked. Like Lion King in the stampede or Simba. I make it across to the Wanner. Then basically the train won't move for 10 minutes because there's people shouting, you know the Victoria line I'll show you my view Rob this is my view you can you can put this on the Instagram so this is my view so that's man's ass and he's in a Welsh

rubber shirt and that thing he's holding is two foam hands like he's going to watch fucking gladiators in ninety two he's got denim shorts on! It was only 12 degrees! Yeah. So, it's all kicking off. I'm in the corner. How powerful his calves are. Do you know what about rugby? Big rugby bloats are put on a bit of timber?

They still got power underneath that layer of thinne, they're too ripe, particularly with eight pints down him. As you can see, what you can see, bottom right right, of that picture on. What's that? It's my little notebook that I'm still... Your little notebook making notes about the big boys? Well I've got to do something with my life. I'm sat there. Well done for getting to the one a quick. Did you manage to move all your bags in that time? Yeah, it was like three trips across obviously. It was so I've got to thrown. That was stress for because what you don't want to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the to do the to do the to do their their to do their their their to do their their their their tho their their tho tho tho tho tho o' tho o' tho o' tho o' tho o' tho o' tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their s s s s s s s s s s so o' their soom. thoom. the. the. the. I the. I the. I's the. I's the. I's thean. I's thooooooooo, it's like a military operation. I've done that before when you rush over and then and then you've got to lean over someone to pull your backpack off the top. Oh God, could you imagine? I once got told off by a woman when I left my like suitcase in the suitcase luggage rack. She went, is that is that where it's meant to go? She went, oh no, but but but but but but but but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you', you're, you'. you'. you, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they. th. th. th. th. th. tho. they. they. they. they. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's in the luggage track. She said, yeah, but you can't leave it there. I was like, isn't that where it's meant to go?

Well, no, but something takes here. I was like, all right, so I need to live in your anxiety world, do I? Do I? So you're worried about your own bag's not enough. So you're worried. I'll bring it to you. I thought, I don't want you to bring it to me. So she picked up on my suitcase, she put it next to me. I was like, brilliant, I'll just have to move that out the way of everyone now. Just so she's relaxed. Yeah, I mean, that is the gamble you take. Basically you are going, I'm going to put my suitcase here. And on this train, my suitcase, becausethought I've written that suitcase off, that's it. But I'm... I'll never get there again. That's it, goodbye suitcase.

So, obviously, because they're all getting dropped off at different points along that route to Swansea, they're not all getting off at Swansea, is it carrying on that train? No, Swansea's the end, thank God. Right, oh, that's better. Yeah. So, I'm then, oh, oh, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's better. Oh, oh, oh, that's that's that's better. That's that's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. That's better. that's better. that's better. that's that's better. Oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's better. Oh, that's better. Oh, that's better. Oh, that's better. Oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. thooooooooooo. that's that's that's that's that's that's better. that's better. that ever got the train to Aberystwyth? Oh mate. Still on it. It's such a long journey. It's such a shitty little rattleer one that you'd get like, you know, like in and out of London. The two carriage rattler, is there anything worse? The two carriage rattler that gets to Shrewsbury from Birmingham and then reverses? Yeah. And it backs you out. Horrible. Oh, life. So I'm on this train.

I'm sat there. It's so full. I'm going to say it, Rob. I don't think all of these people have paid their weekend up great. No. Why would you to stand in first class. Exactly. It's basically lawless. Do you not think to say, excuse me everyone, can I see your first class ticket? Because I've paid to be here and I think it's unfair that you are in here without paying the 25 pounds. So excuse me, everyone, please can you show me your ticket? Is that what you said? Yeah, I did.

Yeah, how did that go? They all left because they were like, it's a fair cop. That's fair enough, he said that, let's all shuffle down to standard premium. They got back on the platform, they said, well, we won't be able to go home then, but rules are rules. That happened once on the commuter train from London to Louisham, they had like five first class seats that are slightly bigger on this stupid like in and out train to London. And I sort of sat there and it was a bit that, it was bit, it was bit, it was bit that, it was bit that, it was a bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu bu that that that that that that that that that that was that that was that that was that was that was that was that was that was a that was that that that that that that that was that was that was that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that that was that was that that that was a that that that that that that that that that that that the the commet. the commet. the commet. the commet. the commet. that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that's that that that that busy before and a ticket man come on went, can I see your ticket? I went, are you mental? There is no seats anywhere. No, I'm just going to sit here with the other 30 people.

And then he went to someone else, gave a ticket and there he went, no, he just walked off. Well, this was a similar situation of like, the guy with a trolley giving out the teasies teasies teasks teasks teasks teasks tree tree tree tree tree toys toys, tha tha tha tha to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho to to to to guy with a trolley giving out the teas I knew he wasn't coming back I tell you that for free. He's locked himself in the toilet like some sort of like the trains being hijacked by terrorists. So then I'm just sat there and they are pissed and I'm obviously worried that either they're going to notice the fact that I've got a notebook out but I didn't I didn't want to look I couldn't to I couldn't to look I couldn't look I couldn't look the the the the to look to look the to look the to th. th. th. th. I couldn't th. I couldn't th. I couldn't th. I couldn't th. I couldn't th. I couldn't the the the tho. thi tho. I the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. tole. I tole. tole. I tole. I tole. I tole. I tole. I tole. tole. I try. I try. I try. try. I their. to notice the fact that I've got a notebook out but I didn't I didn't want to I couldn't look at my phone because it was on 1% so I couldn't yeah normally in that situation I haven't had phones in but I wasn't listening to music obviously but I thought they're an extra layer I'm kind of

facing the corner the window yes like at the end of the end of the the sort of nerdy one with the notebook on there anyway, never mind a famous bloke off the tele. With an English accent. Yes, and an English face, knowing nothing about rugby. Yeah, so I get 20 minutes in and so far. So how long is it to Swansea? So, it's probably about an hour from Carder. So they stood up for an hour. Yeah, but that's that shit, Italy is shit. Oh God, there's a difference with rugby drunk as well. It just all comes out their paws. And they're all

all talking about how they're going to, they're plan for the evening wherever they're getting off because they're all getting off like Neath and then bridge end and all that. So they're all getting off at these different places and they're all th. And they're all th. And th. And th. And they're all th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. they're all all all all all all all they're all all all all all all all all all all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to they're to th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. try. try try try. try try try try to try to's one man who says some very disrespectful things about the sex trade, which I won't go into, Rob. What the... Was he going to frequent the sex trade? Yes. And he was going to do it in Swansea because he couldn't afford to do it in Cardiff. What's the pay difference? Did he mention? I don't think he was low on money because he'd done first class upgrade. But he's talking about that out loud to his friends? Yeah, like a brag,

and they're all laughing, and there's kids sat there. No, that is not okay. Yeah, it's not ideal. Oh so what is it about rugby that's made you so horny in the first place. Oh God, that's his kink getting beaten by an Italian. Could you imagine how stressed I am by this point, Rob? Oh God, that is horrible, Josh. And there's kids on the, on my old fora, there's a family. Two older blokes, a dad and a granddad and two kids. How old are the kids? Ah, Tina, you have 12, something like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, Ah, teen, yeah, 12, something like that, probably.

And this guy, who's the life and soul, starts talking to the kids. Oh, what, the sex man? Yeah, he doesn't talk to him about that. He starts to talk to him about rugby. What does he look like? What's his vibe? Well, I haven't knocked up, Rob. Just ears, ears wide open. It's like I'm listening to a terrible radio show. He can't cratch his eye.

And then he starts to talk to the kids and he hedges into a completely different point of drunkenness which is kind of trite emotional moment when he's talking about how he almost made as a rugby player. I thought you were getting too horny. The problem was I wanted to win but I loved it when we lost. You just can't fight your body, you can't fight the urges. And he said, do you know who the best player I ever saw was? My dad. I took a drink of water before you said that. Oh no, this is a cry for help. Yeah, and then he's talking to the kids and he's going, he's like pointing at their dad

or like, obviously, I can't see this, but he's obviously addressing the fact that dad sat there. And he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, th. th. th. th. that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, then he's talking to the kids and he's going, he's like pointing at their dad, or like, obviously I can't see this, but he's obviously addressing the fact that dad's sat there. And he's like, that man's your hero, you know. Oh, if you can be as good as him, and his dad's just sat here, it's five minutes ago this guy was talking spots that I'm writing in a book. No. And he goes, what you're writing there? And I'm like, oh, fuck. But I didn't know what to do. I had three options, Rob. I can't look at my phone.

Yeah. I've got my notebook. Yep. And I've also got a book which is about Vladimir Putin's people. Oh, you don't want to be reading that. You don't want to be reading that. It's anti, just to be very clear. You know what, it's got a good angle on this old, Buds? So, could you have pretended to be asleep? Um, well, I don't know. It's hard, that's hard to long out. In that situation, it's almost even though you're not looking, you want to keep your eyes over? Yes, tr the their, their, to their, to th, to th, th, to th, th, th, to keep, th, to to keep, th, th, th, to keep, th, th, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep to keep, thi, to keep to keep, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. So, th. So, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, thi, thi, their, their, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, than, to to to threat, to to threat, to to to threat, to threaten, than, true, yeah. In case they start like putting your balls on your head. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you're right. You're right to stay awake. So then he, and I'm like, he's like, oh, you're writing. I'm like, yeah. And then Rob, he ruffled my hair. Yeah, like a dog. Like a dog. Like a dog. Like a dog. tog. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. the. the. the. the. I.............................................. You have got lovely hair. But he didn't even ask. He just ran in, he ruffled my hair. So what did you say about what you was reading? Did you ask what I was writing? He was like, oh you're writing and I'm like yeah and luckily then he kind of was like I've crossed a bit out and he went oh you didn't like that bit that bit did you? And I thought that's a bit of nice, good, fine. That's a nice. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's. that's. that's a bit. that's a bit. that's. that's. that's. that's. that. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. He. that. that. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. that's. He. He. that's. He. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. that's. the. the. the. the. that's. the. that's. the. the. that. that's. that's. that's. that. that. that's. that's. the. that's. that's. the. the. the. the. He. the.'s fine. That's fine. That's good. But you know what, mate, I'm coming around to it. Then he ruffled my hair and then he thankfully got distracted, he moved on, but the- But he didn't recognize you. He didn't recognize me, thank God. Did that hurt a bit though?

Well, he didn't recognize me? Yeah. I don't going to be mad pissed. They're all going to have been drinking since 2 p.m. Well they're all be the you know the brothels will be full but the gig will be empty. Bad night for you great night for sex workers. People are coming to watch me in Swansea because they can't afford to see a comic in Cardiff that was a lucky escape then. So eventually I get off the train pulls into Swansea, get off. A guy comes up to me and went, oh, they didn't recognize you. I'm like, all right mate, come on now. And then, I'm like, I'm through it here, and you're not going to believe it. Swansey City football team had lost at home, and they're all coming in the other end of the station, so they're coming towards me. What do they do?

Roll you over and tickle your belly? Suddenly you realize how nice the rugby fans are when you see the football fans. They're emotional. They're big soft bears. Yeah, you know what? They're a different class of fan because these guys are surrounded by police and they're emotional, they're big soft bears. Yeah, do you know what, they're a different class of fan because these guys are surrounded by police and they are really angry. By this point my phone's die drop. I'm not know. And so I'm being picked up by my tour manager at the station.

I've got no idea where he is. My phone's dead. I'm like, oh my god, what am I gonna do th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're they're thr. they're thr. they're they're they're thr. they're they're thr. they're they're thr. thr. thr. th thr. th th th the front of the station, suddenly everyone's recognising me as I'm walking around looking completely lost. And I'm thinking, I'm just going to have to walk to the theatre and I'm going to have to ask someone where the theatre is and they're going to know, oh my God. Eventually tour managers there, thank God, he finds me and I kind of scrambled into the car. Oh Josh, actually I think, you've made me feel better, I think my weekend was better. Does that make you feel better, yeah. He done the ruffling in her hair and so degraded, he was big rough hands? Yeah, exactly.

He didn't even ruffle the hair of the 12 year old child, Rob. Oh, he's your ear oh, oh no. There's a lot going on in people's heads, yeah. Life's hard. Life is hard. I should say, Rob, are you all right? Yeah, I am all right to be honest. Do you know what? It's good actually because I've been a couple of years ago, this was a really spanned me sideways, but I've been quite good. I've got a flurped out a little bit when Lou wasn't getting the right medicine, Yeah, but that's all been sorted now. And yeah, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi, I've, I'm th. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've th. I've th. I'm, I'm th. Loed, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoo. th. to th. to to to now and yeah I feel a lot better and good you know because I'm trying to be like sort of quite zen with stuff and not get worked up but then you are also allowed to be

upset seeing your daughter be upset about going into school is upsetting so you should allow yourself to experience that emotion and not go that's just fine she's got to get on I think it was the best decision because if I took her home I think it would have because it was basically just anxiety I think where she's tired and stressed and she's anxious about going in so the best thing is sometimes just to sort of to do it because she went in happily she didn't drag her in she was holding the hands of a friend and the teacher but but you know if she experiences things like me to the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th is th is th I the the the the the the to the the the to to to the to the the. the thi thi thi to to to to to to to to the. the. the. the. the. the. the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is th is th is th is th is th is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the the the the thr- is thrown. thrown. to to to thrown. to to to to to to thro to to to thro thrown. thrown. so I'm gonna did it even though it was difficult but then as you're driving off you don't you don't know if you've done the right thing or not but I think I have and the teachers called straight away but yeah no I'm all good thanks are

asking though but I'm all good yeah be fine to be fine Robbent you'll be fine it will be fine it will be fine it will be fine it all just we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just we we we the small so so so so so so so we just just just just just just we just we just we'll just just go go go go go just just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just we we we'll just we'll just we we'll just we we we'll just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just we we we we we we we we we we just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just we'll just we'll just we'll just we'll just just just we'll do the emails and stuff on Friday? Yeah, let's do small business shout out and then, um, da da da, uh, oh that's tell, let's do a boomer school in the morning. Oh, that's a boomer, the school in the year six primary age. That's about, what, that's about ten, isn't it? 10 or eleven? After a week or so, all I want to do here Rob. Being in the late... Bee in the late 90s, there was one phone to call home in the boarding house. I would be in tears wanted to go home. My parents were going to come and get me due to me being so upset. I was told by the staff in the boarding school house not to call my parents anymore as they didn't want me to phone them and I wasn't allowed to use the phone the phone the phone to use the phone to use the phone the phone to use to use the phone to use to use to use the phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone phone.

the phone to use to use the phone to use the phone to use to use the phone to use the phone to use to use to use the phone to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use the phone. the phone phone phone phone fine and having a blast. Therefore too busy to call! Oh my God! It was about 10 years later I found out the truth whilst being to my parents, absolute psychos at that school. Cruel to be kind I guess but very harsh. The school was closed down three years later by Ofsted. Oh my God. Thanks Jenny from Cormor. Oh my, I don't that's made me feel worse Josh. Let me find another one. Now I'm questioning if the score of Lied. Oh God, that is brutal. This is stressful. This is stressful. This is stressful. Right, that was a bad one to, a garage. Just do a garage. Just get off this. Here we go. Hello, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast. It keeps me going on my journey to work. Thought I dropped me a message about my mom's longstanding garage. About four years ago my mom and dad went to Prague on holiday. They visited a few museums and learned that the brand Hugo Boss

designed the Nazi uniform during World War II. Since then, my mom has had the vendetta against Hugo Boss. She won't buy anything from there and tells everyone who listens about this fact. What's makes this funny is I'm pretty sure she has never brought anything from Hugo Boss ever in the first place. But she goes on about it like she does her weekly shop there. That's Emma from Suffolk. It is quite good to make a stand on something you hate, do you know what I mean? Like when you don't actually you've never done it. No actually I'm not I'm not going to do that you know I'm not I've not smoked now Josh for 36 years. Going strong. Right should we do let's do some small business shout outs. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I some small business shout-outs. Here we go. Rob, once again, I'm going to just try and mention that we are doing live shows. Oh yeah,

we are doing Cardiff, Rob. We are doing Cardiff. We are doing Cardiff. Maybe the sad man will be there. Can't we move it to Swansea, save a bit of money on the tour expenses it's a great Mother's Day present oh it's Mother's Day just gone Mother's Day just gone did you miss Mother's Day yes did you buy one now why didn't you buy one for Mother's Day late go is the surprise the big surprise it's Tuesday afterwards and I've got you these wow a lovely surprise what lovely surprise. What lovely surprise. Let's do small business shouts, let's stop pumping our shit, Josh. Hi Rob and Josh, I discovered your podcast in October by chance,

and I'm so glad I did. I'm glad I did because there's been so many times Rob said, if you can't be asked to fucking listen from the start, I'm not explaining the reference or words to that effect. I don't think that's a great policy from us, Josh, do you? Should there be some effort to explain what's going on? Yeah, I think there's some policies we should change, but you know. It's hardly the wire though, is it? It's just two fucking blokes moaning. Yeah, I think I think that's a thin. I their their thin. thin. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's thoeat's thoeat's that's their their their their their to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes. toe. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. toea you out. I did lose track at that point. That was quite confusing, that was a bit much. Anyway, fast forward to February this year, I spoke to my sister about work and she's utterly depressed doing her job. So I suggested we do something together. I gave up my job in May 2017 to have our son Seth and had an

almost identical birth experience to Harriet Kemsley. It wasn't ideal. We decided to start natural dogs treats business online and it's been tough so far. We offer excellent service and the people such dogs have tried us love our products and services. We're struggling to get our names out there please can you guys help. We're based in clown, clown with an e on the end in north east darbashier and we are called Nell and Lola treat and we we can be found at nell and lolala-do th. to to to to to to to to to the to t. to the t. t. t. to t.o we can be found at Nell and Lola.com. We're offering a 15% discount to all new customers using the code New 15. That's NEW in capitals 1-5 at the checkout. Thanks, Steph.

Go for it, Nell and Lola. Enjoy people. Do you want to hear the flavors? Give me the flavors. Right. Beef Achieilles tendon. Jesus Christ. Fuck it L. Fu-indle. It's edible lectors. Tasting menu, cow ears with hair. Fucking Lola. I don't understand. Now you make these duck. Dug-fee. Duc feet. Duck feet. D duck feet fucking hell duck feet beef spleen gee beef tails dogs are fucking animals on they

bloody out Beef tails that's a cow don't soften it camel skins fucking hell I hope you're not vegan listening do you know what should we um should we level it up go hey lads new listener here I don't have kids so loving life. Think you're both hilarious to thought I'd try you out. Would really appreciate a small business shout out. We are a vegan paint company. Oh, vegan paint.

Perfect for any wall, low VOC and eco-friendly. I think our colors are fantastic, and it's all made in the UK. We are at Victory Colours or W.W.W.W.victory Colors.co. thank you, Catherine. Wow. Two very different sides of the animal spectrum there. Right. We'll be back on Friday with a guest. See them. Bye.