Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S04 EP22: Bill Bailey

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

S04 EP22: Bill Bailey Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, presenter, musician, and Strictly Come Dancing champion - Bill Bailey. Tickets for Bill's fantastic new tour 'En Route To Normal' are available now. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply. Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what is really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with... Rachel, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Okay, and can you say Josh Witticum? Widdicum? Widdickum? Josh Widdlicum. Widdickum?

Widdickum. Okay, well well done. There we go. Love the podcast. This is my 38-month-old Rachel. We live in Pla-Richa-Li-Re-Ri-Ri-We'-we'-we'-we'-we'-we'-we'-we'-we'-we'-Re, we, we, we, we, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, th, th, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, th-I, th-I, th-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'-I'-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-li, and, and, th, well well done. There we go. Love the podcast. This is my 38-month-old Rachel. We live in Plymouth with my parents on our... 38 mom! What's that?

Three, on our family farm. Go! Quick boom and parenting farm-related anecdotes. Do you want that? Yeah. When I was a child, my dad took us out shooting. He shot shot a rabbit tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha to tha tha the tha th shooting. He shot a rabbit and then proceeded to give us a DIY biology lesson. Oh no. When he cut the rabbit open, oh my god, it had six or seven babies inside.

Oh fuck. And that is so awful. Yeah. My sister and I were horrified and went asking if the babies would be okay he said probably not and kick the rabbit under a bush. What? What? He also used to get us to test if electric fences were on by asking us to toucest them. Pretty sure he knew they were on. Thank you for the charm, sexiness and wit. You're not at all funny or relatable, thanks, Carrie. At what point can the police get involved in historic sort of offenses? This could open up a huge investigation. We get most the the their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. We get, th. th. We get, th. We get, th. We the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thus thus thus thus thus thus thes thes thes, thes, thes, thes, thes, thes, thes, thes, thus thus thus thus thus. thus. thus. the, the, the is the is that, that, that, that, that, tea tea tea tea tea te tea tea te te thusususususususususususususus getting both historic sort of events. Historic boom of parenting events.

This could open up a huge investigation. We get most of our listeners, parents we put away. Then he just booted the rabbit under a bush. Oh my word. That is the point of shooting it then. That is the countryside for you, Rob. It's absolutely brutal. They're animals out there, outside the city walls. Am I a townie? What is a townie? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. thin, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, are are...a. that. that. that, are are are that, that, that, that, are are that, that, that, thi. I don't know. Am I a townie? What is a townie?

I never asked what townie was. Yeah, probably. I think the thing is it's more a state of mind than it is. But I live in zone 5, am I a townie? Yeah, because I feel so far away. Rob, you don't come alive in the countryside. Well I think I'm really tired at the moment because I keep swearing too much on this. My mom and dad told me that I'm swearing too much on it. So I'm going to try and stop. So I think at the moment I'd get annoyed wherever I was. Yes. I don't think now's a good time to do the test. No, no of course. of course. Do you do do. When. When. When. When. When. When. When. When I. When I. When I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I thr the. I the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm th. I I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try try try t get that when you're driving to London. But I think, it's that thing that I think when you're younger you want to be in the city and when you're older you want to be a bit more of a country bumpkin.

And you're feeling, you're feeling the pull? I'm feeling the pull. But you know what, as I'm the try and I'd to countryside I think. This is it, this is what I want. And then I come back and I'm like, oh I can walk and buy some bread. It's really useful. I don't have to drive for milk. Anyway, talking about old and young Rob. Yes, do you want the oldest and youngest listeners? Yes, please. Well these are so far, okay, so if you've got a younger or an older one, so youngest listener, we are you youngest. An honorable, th, we're a, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thian, thian, thian, thian, than, than, thi, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I than, than, than, thin, than, than, than, to that to to to that to to to to to to years old. Hello, I've listened to your latest episode, very good, always funny of course, and you want to know your youngest listener, well I'm 12 and I listen on my own and actually recommended it to my parents. Oh, hello. I was looking for a comedy podcast and search for Romesh Rang and Nathan and the episode came up, you don't have to search for him. He hates I I I I I I was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho' the the the that-a' tho' tho' to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. tho. the. the. the. the an the an thean. theanann. theann. theann. Heaughan. the an thean. to search for him if you just turn the

telly on you'll find him he hates those kind of jokes he'll be annoyed with that if he listened I looked for a comedy podcast I searched Romesh Ranganathen luckily he's good Romish Ranganathan and the episode the tell to the show and I thought it was great so I listen to the rest of them and I listen every morning when I get ready for school and when I get home. Always happy when there's a new episode. You're great and great tips for the future from Emmy. Isn't Emmy well put together for a 12 year old? That is I would not be, what was I doing at 12? I wouldn't like to think. Oh my word.

However, you have been beaten Emmy. Eleven is our current youngest. I have a contend for your youngest listener. My son who's now 13 has been listening to your podcast from the early days when he was 11. He goes to bed earlier on a Tuesday and a Friday so he can listen to it before he goes to sleep. Oh bless him. We are going to see Josh the Paladin on Saturday and have tickets for parents and hell at the O2 next year. Heart the pub Kate Kate, what's his name? Kate what's his name? the the the the the the the the their. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate is his name is his name is his name is his name is his name is his name is his name. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. the the their. Kate. their. Kate is their. Kate is his name. Kate is their their. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate is is is is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. today. today. today. today. their. their. their. their. their. the the glory Kate so 11's winning let us know if there's anyone younger yeah I think 12 because it was written herself yes you know I mean is I wonder whether you are we allowing people to for the youngest I wonder whether we need the person to be so you demanding that

children email you direct Just the parents copied in on a CC. I think that's problematic, but I'd say Emmy's the winner at the moment because we currently got Annon for the 11 year old. Yes, yes, okay, but thank to both of them. Yeah, and we listen, but the youngest needs to be someone who listens on their own without the parents making them. And the oldest, honorable mentions, 75 years old. Hello you two. I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. than, th. th, th, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. thi. than, I'm tha. tha. tha'a'a'a'a'e. M. M. M. I'm tha. M. I'm the. I'm the. I'm years old. Hello, you two. I'm applying for oldest listener. I'm 75 from the Isle of White, but originally from Bermansey.

Enjoy your kids while you know where they are. Anxiety levels get higher when they start going out as teenagers. Good to know Sandra and Nikki, mother and daughter there. It's good to know that it's just going to get worse and you're going to worry more more more less control. Welcome to parenting. Oh my God. 70, well my dad's 78 and he listens so that's already beaten that one. However, I've got another one here, 80 years old Josh. That's good, isn't it? Come on.

80. Hi, Robin Josh. My name is Lucy Holloway and I am along with the rest of my family, a huge fan of the podcast. After hearing you guys wonder who your youngest and oldest listeners are, I thought I'd message in. I believe my Nan to be your oldest listener who started listening after hearing me or my mom rave about your podcast on holiday in Mexico. You took a Nan to Mexico! Look an 80 year old to Mexico! Absolutely incredible. So she now listens. What is she listening on though? With you again no with the oldest we want to hear from them direct Yeah I will take a caps lock text message. Thank you for being hilarious as you both blah blah blah keep on with the podcast Lucy so the whip currently 80 to take an 80 year old to Mexico is is incredibly good because I know when I'm 80 Rob I'm not going to be in the mood to go to Mexico though also as well is a bit known for getting a bit of a the the the the the the the th of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of th of th of th of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the the the the the the their.... the the the the the the their...... the the the they. they. they. they. their. they. their. their. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te.'m not going to be in the mood to go to Mexico. No, also is it Mexico a bit known for getting a bit of a runny bottom? What, that must be difficult when you're 80?

If you need to get to the toilet quick? Wow, no, no, Rob, when you're 80, you're absolutely desperate for movement down there. Really? that's what happens? It all gets Mexico. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that must. that must. that must. What. that must. that must. What that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that must. that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. the. th. th. that that that the. that that that that that must that must that must that must that give that a try. Give me a clear out, get me to Mexico. Well, good on you. We've been to Mexico. No, I really want to go. Oh, it goes to Tulum. It's absolutely incredible. We went there before we had kids.

I can't imagine we'll be going there for the next 15 years. Right. Okay. Let's try and keep to keep me around up. There's a, so this is exciting, it's quite awkward to work, but basically, on the school run, there's a very handsome dad. Oh yeah. So anyway, I was driving... I'm off front of a mirror. It's not me. I looked disheveled, I always wear tracks suit and look like I've just woken up because I have. But it's this guy and honestly he was crossing the road. I was driving and Lou was next to me that. And it was crossing the road and he's like, really handsome man sort of waved at Lou. And I was like, hmm? And then Lou waved back and was like, hi.

And so I thought she swooned. What she said, no, I was just a bit anxious because of the road was clogging up. Someone did hit another car. So I thought a reaction was to the to the handsome guy waving at her but she said no it was just that I was anxious because of the car so whether she was or she wasn't she definitely had a weird reaction. I was like who? How handsome is he? What kind of? What kind of? What kind of handsome are we looking at? I went, who was that? It's one of the the tau. It's the the dad th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Who. Who. Who. th. th. th. Who. th. th. Who. th. th. Who was th. th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. that I was just that I was just that. It was just. It was just. It was just. It was just. It was. It was. It's was. It's was. It's was. It's was. It's the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. th. I was. It's. It's. It's the the th. It's the th the the the the the th. I was just. I was just. I was the the th. I was th. I was the th. I was. I was. I was. It's the the the adverts. He was one of them sort of, you know, like, it's a new car advert. I'd say tall, dark hair, quite athletic, bit of starboard, like classic handsome man.

Absolutely. And then Lou went all ready, was going, no, I was just saying, and then it turns out, she had already texted at one of the parties that one of the dads is handsome. And he's a handsome, is a deal. How did you find that out? Because she told me, because I was going, oh you think he's handsome, there's nothing wrong with thinking someone's handsome, isn't it?

Oh, and you think it's handsome, she went, don't start with this false narrative. And I was like, it's not a false narrative if you've you you you you you you you you you you you picked up upon you going waving at this man in the street. So does he know, do you think? I think he knows he's sexy. Yeah. It's not a shot. So if he listens to this he'll go, that's definitely me.

Do you know what? I'd say yes and he is a handsome man. I wouldn't say he's out of this world handsome, but what I would say is that to all the other 40-year-old men that sort of frequent the schools, it's not a tough Paul, because I'm the youngest. You're the youngest. Out of the dads. I'm a young dad. How old are you the other dad?

How old are you? How old are you? 36? 36? . God Rob, when we were kids, those school gates through, everyone was 26, 27. I know it's mad, isn't it? It's so mental isn't it? But no, it was quite funny though because Lou was like, oh hello,

but it was when it was really sunny, you know when that week, where it was like summer for a week wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, a week or so ago. He literally crossed the road, he's like teeth sparkled, had a twinkle in his eye, and Lou and waved, I was like, what the fuck is going on? But yeah, Lou was a little bit like, a little bit, like I'd caught her, I felt like at Lou's dad and I'd found some, you know when that you pick your kid up from school and they've got a crush. Yeah, well let's see how it Exactly exactly. But yeah it was quite funny catching up. He is a very handsome man on the school run. There's always one sort of really good looking one. Or like scaffolders are always quite a bit sexy and they're the sexiest tradesman. Are they? Yeah big time. Because they spend their day in the sun and the tops off in the sun. You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there's. There's. There's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's always always always always always always there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their tho's always always always always always always their their their their their their their their their their theirto be quite athletic and agile, you've got to be strong. Oh my God, talking of strong Rob.

Yeah. Do you want to see a picture of the strongest man that's have been in my house? To be fair, you hang around with Matt Crosby and Tom Crane so it could just be a photo of me at this stage. So our tumble dryer. I said it's a two-man job. I couldn't even move it, right? Right. Do you want to see a picture of him walking out of our house? So you couldn't move this tumble dry so you had to get someone to...

It was in the cellar. Oh, so he's right. Oh, right. is. I show him down to the cellar and he just picks it up Rob. He's a picture of him. I've got the picture, he's carrying it. He's just carrying it like. He's carrying that effortlessly. He's not even straining there. Also not like at his front, he's side. So he counterbalancing it. Yeah because I'd if it was heavy like that, I'd have it on me. Yeah and I'd be Pid like shuffling my feet along. Yeah but he's doing all arm it's all in his arms. He don't even look that big he that's core. It's incredible. Now before Bill Bailey. Bill Bailey is on tour so are we yes we are on tour. Correct. Where are we? Can you name the six venues? Yeah are, yeah, Wembley, London, O2 London, Nottingham, Cardiff, Birmingham, Manchester. Yes, there we are.

April 2023, get your tickets. Get your tickets. Just Google it. There you go. Right. And go and see Bill Bailey as well, to try and go and see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to see Bill, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, the the the to the to to the to to to to to to to to it? He's so funny. So funny. And I was good to finally talk to him about the riders at the Royal Variety Performance. Yeah, that was great. That is good. That's good gossip. Yeah, this Bill Brady, brilliant guy, brilliant comedian, lovely bloke, enjoy. Could I ask a quick question, comedy question, before we do parenting stuff, Bill?

How much do you hate sort of traditional stand-up comedians that then on tour to fill five minutes whip out a guitar or ukulele like as an afterthought? Does that annoy you or do you not care? Like, I'll just fuck off and get on with your stories. I always remember when I started out and I was playing the guitar or when I was in the double act and I had a guitar. Some standouts would get quite sort of resentful of it, you know, because and they go, oh yeah it's easier, it's easy with a buddy guitar, isn't it?

It's all that's easy that, you know, and then you go, well, you do it then. I think I think it has got a bad rep over over over over, I think, because it was always seen as a sort of like a, just a kind of an easy adjunct to the song. But I don't, yeah, I mean, sometimes it seems a little bit gratuitous, whereas I think, what I think what I like to say is where it is sort of the music is itself a comedy rather than it's just kind of an add-on. I went to see Frank Skinner a few years ago and at the back of the stage he had a guitar like in a stand and then he does the whole show and then he came on the on-court and he looked at the guitar and he goes, I'm not going to play that. I've got it there the the the the the the the the the the to to to to th. to th. th. thoe to to go. to go. to go. to go. thi. to go. to go. to go. to go. to be. to be. I'm. I'm. I'm not. I'm not. I'm that's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. th. the. the. tote. tote. tote. I'm tote. I'm tote. I'm tote. I'm tote. I'm tote. I'm tote. I'm the. I'm the. I'm not going to play that, but I've got it there just in case you're not enjoying the show you can look at the guitar and go, it could be worse.

Amazing! That's good, yeah. Oh, it's so funny. Because I think, though, musical comedy is a bit like sketch comedy. When it's done well, it's unbelievably good, but it's quite easy to do it averagely to badly because you've got that sort of like, the, the, the, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, it, it, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th......... That's, th.. That's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, too, thi, too, amazing, too, amazing, amazing, too, amazing, that's that's amazing, amazing, that's that's amazing, amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's that's too, to badly because you've got that sort of like sketch game with you or you've got the energy of the instrument and stuff but like you like you and Tim Minchin and Bo Burnham it's like an incredible experience but then you're on the open mic circuit the amount of shit people with a shit guitar and I just did a crap song I'm really yeah I'm papered over the cracks of this

material all with my gisty song. Yeah, he's certainly that. And it's always, oh, it's always so quiet bass. It's like a hack joke, but then strung over three minutes. And he needs sketch groups, he's like, ooh, what was that Jimmie? And because there's five of them. Oh, we don't know what's going on? No, you haven't written a joke, calm you!

What's King Kong doing? Hopefully he's being fucking funny, piece of shit. Yeah, he's written in five minutes. Anyway, so how many kids you got? Uh, just the one. How old? He is, now, he's 18. 18. Yeah, it turned 18 in December.

And what was that like? Oh, it was, do you know what? And I'm sure this is very true of parents of all ages, but it was far more emotionally affecting to us than it was to be. It was like, we were thinking. far more emotionally affecting to us than it was to him. We were thinking, 18, oh God, you know, that, you know, the taking on the mantle of adulthood and the passing of youth and our influences waning and you're a man and he's just like, yeah, you know, just shut up, you know, And yeah, it was quite difficult for that

because, you know, it's very much the sense of letting go and that's the hard bit. Yeah, I know I'm going to really struggle with that kind of distant, like, even when she plays, she's four my daughter, and when she plays on her own, I do feel like, oh my God, even though that's what I've wanted for four years, I'm like, give me a fucking break, the moment she plays on her own, I'm like, oh God, this is it, this is it, this is it, she doesn't need me anymore. She's four, really? Yeah. She can she order to deliver who yet, that's the thing. Oh really. And thrown that's, thin thin thin thin thi Oh, that's that's that's that's the the the the that's the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the most the most the the the most the most, the most the most, the most the most the most the most. the most. the most. the most. the most. And the most. And the most, the most, the most. And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoooooooooo, the moment, the most, the most, the most Bill? He does, and you know, we've arranged it, because we've got two sort of weird two flats that are joined on the ground level.

So he's sort of occupied a bit of one. So he has actually got a separate entrance and his own sort of set so he kind of is almost like he can kind of come and go and be quite independent and which is good actually it's worked out very well. Oh that's good because it sort of helped that there's a kind of transition period between now living at home and living you know if he leaves so it's sort of not quite so it's I don't think it would be quite so traumatic but but yeah, it's, it is, I think the thing is the hardest thing is, is because, you know, technically, legally as an adult, and it's like, well, you can do what you want now, you know, you can actually go for those things, but

you're still part of the family, you're always going to be our son, our kid. So it's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the hard, that's the hard, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's that's the hard bit, that's the sort of, the letting go. But, you know, I mean, I won't miss the delivery bills. Oh really? Have you had to tell him off? I was like, what's the man? You know, like, really? You know, when he discovered that, I was just like, well, that's it. We have no function. You know, if you can get, if you can order a taxi and order some food, you know, that's

all we were before, you know. You've been replaced by that. And now those have been replaced. Well, that's it. So is he, is he, so is he working? Or is he, theyme? . So was he working or is he studying? What's the sale? Because I don't know, if they're not working, do you just give him an allowance or does he just rinse your card? Basically, yeah, yeah, it's rinsing.

Yeah, there's a lot of that going on, but he's still studying. He's only in that last year. So he's doing his mock A levels at the moment. Oh, go. And hopefully it won't be the sort the sort the sort the the the th. it won't be the sort of the debark all of the GSEs because that was that was just a shocking was that was he doing GSEs during COVID? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so he was he was sort of in the middle of that kind of total disaster that happened where there was this I don't remember that the government introduced Gavin Williamson this algorithm which was supposed to calibrate what your mark was meant to be.

Yeah. It didn't work. It was it actually was not fit for purpose. So what they realized this, too late. And even in the few days where it was still in play, what happened was loads of people lost their university plays because they hadn't got the grades. And then those university places were then taken by the time the algorithm was fixed. It's a chaos. It was a total disaster and it sort of kiboshed all people's education for years to come. So, and in fact it was actually quite an interesting insight into his own thoughts about school and education because you know he spent pretty much the whole of school like since he was seven the it's it's you know you're sort of pushed you're kind of nudged towards these exams basically. You know in in prep you know from the age of seven to 11 it's

you know it's a lot of fun and there's lots of fun and games and all that, but you know, it starts to really ramp up once you get to into upper school. Anyway, you know, he said to me, I've been working about like literally for years and years get aiming towards these exams. And then, and then the teachers went, no. And then the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the teachers went, no, you don't have to do him now. And initially, you know, I mean, you know, like, we would all be like that. We would all be like, yay, no exams, yay. But then immediately after that, where there was a sort of, you know, like a huge end of climax. Like, what was the point of all that? You know, luckily he studied very, his mocks were then then counted the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. te. te. te. I. te. I was. I was. And, to. And, to. And, te. I was. And, te. And, te. And, the. And, th. And, thin. And, th studied very, his mocks were very good. So the scores he got from his mocks were then counted towards his GCSEs, which was great, but it sort of, do you know what it did? It really completely undermined his motivation and then after that, it was very difficult to get motivated again after that. Yeah, well, what's going to happen with these exams?

Are they going to be canceled as well? Yeah. What's the point of doing them? If you can just be allowed in anyway? Yeah. Yeah, so you say, yeah, you're going to do the year, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, like the GCS, you know, you know to he's gone very

sciencey based maths and biology and physics and I think the aim is to go somewhere like Imperial College or LSE somewhere not too far away. Yeah and pursue some sort of science or maybe economics. I don't know. I still so quick because he's at you know only he he's what, 12 years older than my daughter. And like, you know, and you would have been having these conversations with him, you know, maybe a few years ago, four years ago, and he's 13, 14, about picking his GSE subjects, his A-level, so it's like, you know,

it's not long before they start to plan what they're going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. become like 13 or 14 which are like six years or seven years away for like me and Josh. It's so short isn't it? That's a short amount of time. It is and it goes by in a flash like that. As you know as parents you're you're with your kids all the time you don't tend to notice sometimes that how they're growing and developing. It's only when you know people haven't seen them for like a while or something wow, they've changed all they're different people or they've, you know, they've changed in so many ways. But this was one of the rare occasions where I'd actually genuinely noticed a change. It happened so quickly from being this kind of almost gangly sort of preteen to suddenly being quite focused and quite different, you know, almost like a different phase of his life. And certainly become, you know, now he's they's they's they's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's he's he's he's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've changed, you know, you've changed, you they've changed, you they've they've they've they've they've they've they've, you they've, you they've, you they've, you they've, they've, they've, they've they've they've, they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've changed, they've changed, they've changed. they've changed, they've changed, they've changed, they've changed, you know, they've changed, you know, they've changed, you've changed, you've changed, you know, they've changed, you've changed, And certainly he's become, you know, now he's transformed again.

He's gone into, he's got into like, he's got into that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and he went, he was training with this Russian wrestler for a while, which was like, she was just terrifying, you know, it was like, borderline MMA, you know, cage fighting. And because my wife's freaking out, she's going, oh my god, he's gonna get in a cage fighting, he's becoming bodyguard, what's gonna happen? And I know, he's just like, you know, he's a teenage boy who's got a surge of growth in testosterone and he's got to have

some sort of outlet for all of that. And to now he's completely, he's like built, you know, he's like, he's fallen muscular and he's completely transformed for this gangly, sort of feckless youth that he was. Could he take you in a fight, Bill? Oh God, he's terrified. I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even try, you know, like as a father. Sometimes you want to go, shut, you know, give him a click around the air now. I just, I would just back away. Just try to your room, alright?

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Redefend possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit A.X.C.S.P.A.S.P.P. What are you like as a parent, Bill, because I, from people who know you from TV and from my experiences of like working with you and stuff, you're a chilled out, really friendly, nice guy. Are you a figure of authority? Are you yeah? Yeah, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde. Right. Actually, I'm very sort of, yeah, very relaxed. And my parenting style, if you can call it that, really, is I try more for the sort of, you know, negotiation, the kind of quiet, suggest, you know

the things and like, sort of, you know, I, the kind of quiet, you know what I mean, suggesting things and like sort of, you know, I try and persuade rather than impose. And I think probably that's, you know, that's probably in times it has effectiveness sometimes sometimes it isn't. I think everyone has their own style. You can be very draconian with kids and you can say right and you impose all kinds of laws and restrictions. I think that's, you know, it's good to have those boundaries. But also I think probably we gave quite a lot of latitude to him because of the fact they were, you know, at a time when he was going through adolescence, you know, like the time when we're all, we all went a bit nuts and we're all exploring and, you know, going out and going a bit mad and maybe messing up here and there and just, but like, all of that time was just, was so

weird, it was so constrained and I felt, I really felt for him and his friends, because I thought this is a time when you should be going out and maybe getting drunk and, you know, and meeting girls down and just doing daft stuff and all the kind of crazy stuff that we did. And none of that was was an option. And so I think probably I may have backed off quite a lot, maybe too much in terms of that and just allowed him to sort of do his to do to do to do to do to do to do to do his..... And, to sort of, to sort of, th. And, th. And, to, to, to, th. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, thi, to, to, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, toe. And, I'm, I'm, toe. And, to. And, to and just allowed him to sort of do his own thing. My wife is probably a bit more strict and she sort of imposes things and she just says, right, that's it, you know, we're turning off the router and that's it, no more internet, you know. And then, and then, that's the biggest threat, the biggest threat is the router. When our internet. the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet. the internet. the internet. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thigh. thigh. th. though is, threat. that's, threat, though is, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to me. It is too. It is too. the. too. the. the. too. too. too. too. We is, too. It's, too. It's, too. It's, to, actually left home. We had a problem with the internet and he went to school early because the school internet was better than ours.

It was the only time he's got up early and he was at school an hour before he started. What's, um, what's it like as a teenager at 16 when your dad, who's a very respected comedian, becomes one of Britain's foremost dancers? It's a tough age true. One of the foremost dancers of Britain, yeah, that's right. Yeah, Janet Jackson's backup dancer. I think it was it was difficult actually. Did you tell him you were going to do?

Did he have a sigh? I did have a, I said, I might be doing this. And he, you know, typical teenagers, you know, like, uh, right? I think he was a little bit nervous because I think he, what he didn't realize quite was the amount that it was going to imping on our lives, you know, like that's true because, you know, it's not just the fact that I'm, you know, dancing to Pasadobly in front of 12 million people,

it's the fact that, you know, it's the fact that, you know, he's going to be interviewed, the family's going to be interviewed, you know, and he's going to be on the TV, you know, and that was what was freaking him out, he's like, what are we going to say? And so, I think, in they're, what are the family thing and they gotta dig out all your relatives, what do they think of that? What about your uncle, your dad, whatever, you know, it's like the whole life is invaded.

And so they interviewed him and he said something like, yeah, well good like dad, you know, I know, I know you're a bit clumsy, you know, and that been, it could have gone another way where I'm just a joke character, where I'm just dressed as a vole and they'd fire me out of cannon or something. So what are we going to do with him? He something, you know. Did he come down to the show? Well, he did. Well, they were only allowed to at the beginning because then after the first two shows,

it was all like COVID, COVID, no one's allowed in. There was no audience. Because the thing is, it's such a show that so many people were, all the teachers are watching it and in fact you know you get like messages from even say oh yeah Mrs. Sonso who wants to know if you can come into school and take a picture you know and Mr. Soneso you know like the teachers are saying you know can't come in and uh yeah talk or something you know like yeah it's weird at at schools that certain shows they really care about like you know no one cared at so until I did bake off and then the teacher was like oh you did bake off what was the tent like you like just a tent it's a tent with some ovens in I was gonna ask you advice Bill I don't know if you've done a school trip did you ever go on a school trip as a parent help her yes yes I've got one the thousand I th you you you you you you you you you you th I th th th th th th th th th th th th that th th th th th th that th th th that that th thus tho tho tho tho thi thi the the. I I've tho tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to I've to I've to I've to I've to I've to I've to I've to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te te the teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. their tee. Yeah. Now that was some I went on a few of those and

I yeah, you know, chaperoning they called it in it and yeah, honestly it was great. I really enjoyed it and but there is that added extra element of slight worry that you are responsible for a bunch of kids as well trying to hurt them like the public transport and getting them across town and getting to see things and th. and those. and those. those. those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those th of of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th those tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee thee the trying to herd them on the public transport and getting them across town and getting to see things and then suddenly you're like, oh, this is a little bit harder than I thought and it was, it was good fun. I really, I did enjoy it. And we went on, we went on a school trip, we went to Windsor castle we went to a, we went to some a game museum which was pretty cool and you get an insight a little bit into sort of like the whole the life of a teacher I think you know and you know what that entails and I think it was it was a good experience. Do you get an insight into your child like because obviously I like dropped my daughter at nursery and you don't really know what she's up to in the day.

I suppose you it's quite fun to see your child interacting with their friends in a school setting which you'd never get to see normally. That's right, yeah, absolutely, yeah. And you know, you sort of see them how they are in their little social group, you know, like whether they're the ones who are sort of like on the periphery, you know, hanging out, there's the one kid who's like the kind of, you know, he's the slightly sort of kind of crazy one that all the other kids like I'd like to hang out with. And he, and I realize he was, it was one of those kind of heartwarming things where he thinks, wow, you know, he's popular, like kids really like him, you know, they want to sit, they want to hang out with him and well, Dax, what do you thing,

and he was, he was a kind of character, you know, and that I think was, that was quite interesting to seeing that, as you say, like, you know, out of the, out of the it's, you know, it's, when certainly when that was in the lower school. And kids then at that age from 7 to 11, they're really sweet age, you know, it's a really sort of a lovely time where they're all kind of, there's a great camaraderie and they're still, they're still quite innocent, you know, in many ways. And it's brilliant to see they've grown up a bit, but not they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've grown up a bit but not too much, you know, they're still kids. Yeah and you know you could you still have some authority. Did they call you Mr. Bailey? Yeah, they did. Yeah, that was why I like that very much. I'd have to call the teachers Miss and Sir. Is that fun?

Yeah, no, no, it was fun. No, it wasn't fun. Yeah. Not it. No, it wasn't. I think it feels so like, you know, people really like when we talk to people with like older kids, they're 18 and stuff. But like, for me, I was like, oh, that feels so far away. But it's so soon, it sort of does rush past and you must be really busy, you know, you're busy now, you're back on tour, we'll talk about your tour in a minute, but you must back when your son was born, must have been really busy with the Buzzcock stuff and, you know, things like that. Was it about, real time? Were you madly busy when he was born? That's right, yes. I mean, I was in the middle of recording buzzcock. He was in the thirty, I thiii thi thi thi. thi. I was, I was, I was, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally, I was literally, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th th th th th thi. thi, th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thus, thus, thus, th th th th th to th to to th th to th th in his little carry cot and he would come to subsequent

recordings as he got a bit older when he was a toddler. One of the rooms, you know, one of the writing rooms where and they used to hang out and there was a VHS, God, that's you know going back there, there was a VHS recorder to show the clips. So when you're watching the clips for the show that sit down and somebody get a VHS put the VHS in it so and then I'm always remember once when they were always trying to they were trying to watch these clips they're going oh there's something wrong with this there's something one with the buddy vehicle and what can I and what it was was my son had stuffed all his toy cars into the VHS machine.

And it was that it was never going to work again, you know. And yeah, I mean he was hanging out with Paul Weller and like Jimmy Cliff. And if he was, he didn't know, he didn't know anything, he was a toddler. But he had this amazing sort of time there. Do you try and take him around and show, like, do you try and keep him as part of your light? Like does he come on tour and stuff or when he was younger and he used to, yeah, very much so and then latterly when he got a bit older, he loved to come on stage at the end of the show and take a bow with me when he was two or three. And what happened was it was so sweet that we got him a suit that matched my suit so he came on as a little mini me.

Oh, he took this bow at the end of the show. And people, the crowd, you can imagine the crowd just go crazy, you know, and then he got so used to that. And he would just not phased by the crowds at all. And he would come on and I get him to honk a horn or something or ring a bell and he'd go and he'd go and uh, and he did that for years. And he did that for years. And he that that that for that for that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the the th. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the. to the to to the. the.. Actually, when the first times I, when he was very young, he was in the stroller. And he came, and it was the Lowry in Manchester. And I came on stage and I just, I don't know what it is, when you're a new dad, I think you get quite emotional about, you know what I mean? You feel, it's immense love and an emotional bond.

And I just got carried away. And I picked him up and I took him back on stage. And I sort of held him up like the Lion King like, like that. And then my wife's going, what the fuck? What the fuck do? You've lost your mind. And then, anyway. So, what the fuck do? What do you do? He lost your mind. And then, anyway, so afterwards in the lobby,

she was there with him and some fan came over. And he went, he said, is that a bell, barely son? And then my wife goes, yeah. And then he goes, oh, he goes, can I shake his hand? And then, like, and then he realized how absurdly. he goes, can I shake his hand? And then he realized how absurdly preposterous that was. I mean, actually no, that's really, that's just too weird. Like a baby, oh he's a baby for God's sake, what's it about with him? But yeah, he definitely, he definitely, his life was backstage on tour, traveling around, being put in little

basinets on planes, putting, you know, he would sleep anywhere. That was one of the great things about that. He would just fall asleep anywhere at all. Do you think that was because you kind of just took him out and about and stuff, so so he was just so used to it? Very much so. And I think, and I genuinely do think that, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th think that, you know, and this is my advice to all parents of young kids as well. And when we were thinking about when he was very young, a lot of parents would say to us, oh well, because we traveled a lot, me and my wife, we'd travel a lot before that, we'd go on great trips and hiking that's all over you can forget kiss goodbye to all of that forget all that and we just sort of went no we're not going to do that we're just going to he's just going to come with us however we do it however we figure it out he's going to come along and then we'll make it work and so

of course you know cut to we're in the jungle to the jungle and we're going with the four-wheel drive buggy, we're going through the jungle and he's sleeping in the night under a mosquito net and playing with the local kids and like running in and out of the river and just going to peril. And, you know, that I think had a huge effect on his, on his development. He was very confident, very happy little kid, you know, for years. Because he just, you you know he came with us and he just mucked in. Was there anything on those trips where like you know you are we are going to do this but you just thought now this is one step too far. This is a bad decision. The rest is fine I've done the yeah.

Yeah well there was a trip when I was going to we were going to go to Brazil and I was I was filming there. there. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. We were th. to th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to. to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We were th. We were th. th. th. I was. th. te. te. the te. te. te. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tri. tttttttttry. there was a trip when I was going to, we were going to go to Brazil and I was filming there about, we were filming Jaguars. It was, um, he was gonna come but he was two and there was an out, there was like the wet season and there's malaria and there's a lot of disease around and anacondas, you know, so we thought, maybe not. And the other time when I thought this is probably a bad idea was in Commodo in Indonesia. We went to Commodo Island and see the Commododo Dragons. And I don't know if you've met a Camado Dragon, right? No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no. No, no. No. Not in turn, nod in turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're the most unpleasantly vile creatures on the planet. They're just horrible. And they run as fast as a dog and they'll bite you and they got poison in their mouths of it.

So we were, we thought, when we got that, we were doing, this is a terrible idea. It's because he was little and then the guides are going, yeah, you see, keep him behind you because he's the same size as a goat, which is what they eat, right? And we were basically, we were basically, we basically, he was like, he was basically bait, he was like, he was like, keep him back, and these dragons are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they were like, keep him back, keep him back, you know, that was quite unnecessarily stressful, I've got to say. Yeah, I mean, yeah, taking a toddler to see the Commodo dragons. There's no need for that. No, you can just Google them. You never look at them online. What happened was he he got exposure to a lot of different cultures and different the ways that people live in the world that's so different to ours.

And I think that's that has had a lasting effect I think you know when you when you sort of see people who haven't got tupants to rub together, and there's 10 of them living in a little shack, and they're surviving hand-to-mouth and they're fishermen, and he stayed with them. We actually, this family of fishermen in Indonesia, and they're a very sweet couple, and they said, would your son like to come and stay with us on our island? And we said, yeah, or if you want to go, and so he did. And he had a sleepover in this island with these fishermen. And you know, and it was like, and they were so sweet with him and then he came back and they combed his hair and he looked way smart.

How old was he at this point? He was three. Well, they got other kids there with their kids. Oh, there was a massive sight. They weren't just fishermen because that sounded fucking mental bit. We'd send him out of a trawler. You know what? We wanted a lie in, anyway. The things you'll do for a good night's sleep in Indonesia. Yeah. And with this tour now

that you're back out on tour, do you think he'll come and see it? Do you like, does he like coming to watch you stuff like that? Okay. Yeah, I mean I think that the general day-to-day, you know, as you know, the grind of getting from a major being hotels and going into hotels and going into hotels and packing bags and all that. It's weren't doing that. But it might come to some of the some of the gigs. Maybe you'll come to the London gig or something, you know, maybe a couple of those. And maybe if I'm doing some gigs, I'm actually doing some, I've got some European dates that I'm doing and he'll come to them I'm doing to come them I'm doing a to to the to the the to the to the the the to a gig in the house, some Munich and... Oh yeah, Munich, Athens, Utrecht, the Hague.

Utrecht and... It sounds like some sort of a minister's tour of Europe like you know it's loose truss. Yeah, it's so weak. I'm part of the trade delegation. Sort of a sort of a sort of Brexit out. You're going to Australia for quite a long time, like you're there for like two, three months. So will you not see him at all? That'd be totally on your own? No, they'll come out. I think Chris and Dax will come out for that towards the end.

And we'll sort of hang out in the last bit of that. Yeah, so things like that yearthat I haven't been to yet, you know. To Wumba? To Wumba? Yeah. Sounds like a PJ and Duncan lyric. Yeah. And Wollongong. Lovely. Well, Wollongong. Yeah, all the We should probably plug the like the UK ones really for our listeners to be also, you're also doing the East of England Arena in Peterborough yes so it's so I'm sorry get it what is that arena I didn't know Peterborough had an arena bill all right okay I think I think the word arena is doing a lot of heavy lifting here

somewhere where you'd auction cattle is another way of a try. Have you done that in Skipton that is actually a gig, Skipton. Have you done that? I've done that. It's a cattle market bill that it's like a little 200-seater that's a cattle market the day and then a gig in the evening. Yeah. And you're in, you're kind of in the people are sat on the... they're sat in the kind of rakes seating. This is true.

That's fantastic. The Skippton, I can't even remember what it's called. Skipton Mart or something like that is called. Oh that's a classic gig. Do you know what I'm just going to do a I'll do a Steve Wright for you. When you go on Steve Wright he reads out all the tour days. Dublin, Belfast, Brighton, London, Peterborough, Liverpool, Cardiff, Aberdeen, Glasgow, Sheffield, Brighton, Utrecht the Hague, Munich, Athens, etc, etc, loads of dates in Australia. And are you enjoying being back out on tour? Yeah, I mean I've got to say that, I mean, I'm sure you've done the Zoom gigs and the online streaming stuff and it's just not quite the same. Doesn't quite go the same. Needless see, people coughing and hoovering and oh God, you know, bing-bong that was a middle of the gig. Ding-Din-Din-Doh, there was some Liverro turning up and no, I did one where someone was watching the chase

and I could just hear Bradley Walsh asking questions. Hey, do you know what I found out? Bradley Walsh is massive in New Zealand. They love him over there? I was doing a show in New Zealand and then they were going to go yeah, we're going to watch the chase later on. Oh Bradley, do you know it? Do you know him? Do you know Bradley Wals you? You knowh? You're like a Cardassion level of fame. Paul Sinner went over to do, Paul Sinner, because he's on the chase. He's like a god in New Zealand, Paul Sinner. They absolutely love him. I just, I missed two dates, and I can't believe I've missed the Dudley, but also who knew Walsall in the Midland has an arena? It's got an

arena yeah I mean again I don't I'm not entirely sure what that is. Walsh I mean I definitely looks like a theater to me people are playing fast and loose with this arena I think they're sort of in the more generic sense of like the performance and space. Space. I mean I'm playing fast the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their. I'm. I the the the their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm the their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theatre. theatre. theatre. theatre. theatre. theatre. theatre. this arena. I think they're sort of in the more generic sense of like the performance and some way. Yeah. Yeah. I did miss it. No, I mean, I think getting back on to the tour last year was was fantastic. If you're trying out new stuff or you're going out on tour, you want to run it in.

You want to run it in to a lot of places. You want to go to a little venue, a little arena, a mini arena. You want to go somewhere. That was the thing I noticed that was that was missing because, you know, there were no venues open. There was nothing. You couldn't try out and stuff anywhere. So I found myself going out in front of quite a large crowd with, I'm trying this thing out. I think I'm really having to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to trust to trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust it once, you know, like you think I'm really having to trust my instincts here. Yeah. Yeah. And and rely on you know years of experience like you have to draw on every ounce of experience because you're got to try and sell because that's the big thing a lot of you know when you're trying new stuff. You want to you want to you want to to to to set to set. You to set. You to set. You're to set. You're to set. You. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to to to to to to to to to to to to to this. I. I. they. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. t. try. t. try. t. try. t. try. try. th. the. I'mto you want to set you know you're gonna go well I've got his sort of half-baked idea about saying I don't and that you don't you don't want to do that in front of thousands of people it has to be you know front and send us so there was a lot of leaps of faith in those first few yeah yeah I don't think it's like a new. I'm a th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th th th th th th. I th th th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that was that was that was that was the that was that was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I you got a strictly audience now as well?

Do you have like people who... A few, yeah, I don't think it's like, I don't think I walk out there and it's like, oh he's not, oh he's not dancing, you know, I don't know, the music's good, but what's just talking? He's just talking. He's playing a guitar now. No, it's pretty, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's pretty, I mean my audience is quite a broad demographic anyway. So I think there's been quite, there was quite a lot of crossover between the two anyway.

So I haven't noticed a significant number of people turned up in sequence going. But I think the, I think the thing is that comedy audiences tend to sort of not, there were perhaps not mainstream TV audiences. But I think there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's, there's, there's, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, I's probably, there's probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm, I's probably, I'm, I'm there's, I's, I'm there's, I's quite, I's quite, I's quite, I's quite, I's quite, I's quite, I's quite, there's quite, I's quite, I's quite, there's quite, I's quite, there's quite, there's quite, there's quite, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, there's probably, I'm probably, there's probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, I'm probably, sort of not, they were perhaps not mainstream TV audiences, but I think there's probably quite a lot of those, there's a lot of crossover, so certainly when I do a bit, I've incorporated a bit of dance into the show, obviously, you know, a little bit. I think Bill what Josh is trying to say is have sales increased because of strictly strictly, I imagine he's been offered it and he's thinking, what kind of percentage? I'm not saying that's what kind of numbers you're looking at Bill? What percentage? What kind of thoughts in my head there are? Let's cut the shit? What's the

jump up? What's the jump up? Look, it worked for Ramsey. What's the jump up, listen? I'm playing a lot more arenas these days. I've definitely noticed that. I've never asked you about this, but it only happened two months ago. So we did raw variety performance together. Oh yes, yes. Yeah. So I turned up, I didn't, I, Rob, you've done the real variety performance as well. The food I got, I didn't realize you could request Bill. So I, I took a, we were in the ad in the ad in the ad in the ad in the ad in in in in in in in the ad ad ad ad ad, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the th. thirty, thirty, thirty, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the so I took a, we were in the adjoining

dressing rooms. I turned up, I got a pie in a cardboard box. And then I looked across at your dressing room Bill. I'm going to send you and rob a photo now of our different riders for the Royal Variety performance. Because it was one of the highlights of my year. Let me just find it. I should have really got this ready, shouldn't I?

I only just thought of it. Do you remember your rider for the Royal Variety Performance Bill? I remember vaguely, yes, why are you suggesting that there was some sort of, it was like a fancy rider? Is that your, is that your, in the general channel of what you're saying? I'm not saying it's a fancy rider, I'm saying that, I'm saying that there was a stark difference between the riders. So this is a view, I'm gonna text it to you and Rob now. Yeah, but Bill's a legend of comedy, you know, you're very much. I'm're very much. I'm not, I'm not a chat on a Friday night kind of guy.

I'm having a chat on a Friday night kind of guy. I've got to find this. Sorry, sorry, I realize I've derailed the interview. This is, this is when time stands still when, you know, this, I've got a photo, you know, I've got on here. Hold on, hold on, it's brilliant. You don't need the CERN. You don't need the, you know, Hadron Collider to stop time. You just get everyone to do what you're doing now. Oh God, this is so much pressure. This is absolutely disaster.

Do you know what else the time is when someone loses a contact lens. That's like the whole world, you know that I've lost me, everyone's their their one moves, glued to the spot, and then everyone gets on their knees and does that on the floor. It's the only time a whole room can stop. Oh, I'm having an absolute nightmare here, guys. Oh, he's panicking. I've lost it. Can we imagine? I'm, thin. What you're saying, like a It isn't a million miles. I'm gonna... Do you know what? I don't remember it being that fancy. I just remember it being a bit of cheese.

A bit of cheese. A bit of cheese. A bottle of one, a cheeseboard, some pickle, maybe some cold cuts. I mean it wasn't, you know. Here you go, here you go. Have you got your phone with you? It's come through now guys. It's come through. There there. There there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. th. th. Look at it. Have you got your phone with you? It's come through now, guys. It's come through. There we go. So, in the foreground is my, is my food. You've not sent me anything. Oh, it's not sending now. This is the worst day of my life. This is the genuinely the worst day of my life. Fakingly, this just never happened. It's the worst bit of you. Well, no, because nobody went, here, have a look at this on Parkinson.

Never is so big photos off the phone. I'm gonna say it now. This photo is not worth it. This photo is not worth it. I'm logging in. I've logged into the Wi-It's never gonna be as fancy. You built it up into some ludicrous thing like it's a sort of turkey with a chicken inside. I know it's it's not a good enough photo bill. I've had a disaster bill. Well okay well I'm sorry if this was a court then it would be terrible way to end.

Admissible as happens. Oh shit fuck get that we're gonna have to ask you get the digry do back out in a minute if this goes on in London. I nearly got the African Log Drum out then for a minute. Oh, get the African Log Drum out, fuck it, come on, might as well. Get the African Log Drum out, we can play something while away here. Oh God, I can't even paste the attachment now. Fuck off Josh. I'm just going to play it. I'm just going. I just. I just. I just going the the lo. I'm just going to just. I'm just going the lo. I'm just. I'm just going. I'm just going. I'm just going. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. Get. Get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th th th th th th th threat. th th thr. the. th the. the. Get the a. Get the a. Get the a for saving this bit. There you can I'll turn it down to say there you know that you can see it working there like there there we go there we go you do free bird. You see the thing is right that if it was a long drum on the rider then I would say well okay I've gone it Charlie Big Potatoes but it that that the the thing is right that if it was a long drum on the rider then I would say

well okay I've gone it Charlie Big Potatoes but it wasn't cheese and ham I've said you know what it isn't as good I've sent the picture now and I it's a disappointment no I know I know I'm saying the bill how much is an African log drum set you about these days well well that's one cat that's one cat trade is I don't know if you know no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I to say say say say say say say I to say I to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm the to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I to say I to say I to say I to say I I I I I I I to say I I I to say I to say I to say I to say I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the days. Well. That's one cat trade. I don't know if you know. It's sort of like the costumes have been piercing. Not like, what the beautiful sounding about. I'm going to get a treat one.

Yeah, I'm trying myself, myself feel better about my Lego collection. Oh here's the picture. That is a funny photo. So in the foreground, Bill. Have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, sounds. That, I. That, I. That, I. That, I. That, I. That, I. That, I. That, I, I, I, I so. th. the th. the the the the the the the the th. th. the the that, I so, I sound, I sound, I sound, I sound, I'm so, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, sounds, I've the the the the the the the here's the picture that is a funny photo. That is a funny photo. So in the foreground Bill, have you got, have you got my WhatsApp? I've said your WhatsApp. Okay, that is a funny picture. All right, well it is worth it for the exactivision of the poultry nature of your right now. That's so good. Oh wow. I like that.

It's this cheese salad and then cheese and onion crisps and then there's this bounty in the background. God. Just out of reach. Two bottles of champagne and loads of meat and veggies. But Bill, you've got, you've got, I'd say, a jar of pickled onions there with, I'd say, 40 pickled onions there with, I'd say, 40 pickled onions in. You can't be eating that and then performing for royalty, can't it?

I know, I bloody love a pickle onions. Your ass must be in bits, Bill, you can't have 40 pickled onions every give. You're gonna be at the onions again. Fucking old Bailey's been at the onions. Yeah, it's that rider, we should stop giving him that right, who's giving them those onions? That is impressive. That's way more impressive than I thought it was going to be actually. Yeah, that's a great photo, Josh, it was worth a 15 15 minute buildup. Bloody how that was... I'm sweating, I'm sweating from that experience. It was how much stressed I've ever been on this podcast. It's fun watching you

get stressed. You clap your hands together, you rub your temples. Oh God. There we go. Right, Bill, thank you so much. We got one question we always finish on. Is there one thing about the the wife parents that frustrates you a little bit? I imagine now after 18 years you've mentioned it to her, but if you haven't mentioned it to her and you'd like to now, in case you listen back, is there one thing that you sort of clash over with her parenting? Yeah. You know, I think it was very much like the, uh, allowing him a bit more latitude to cook in our kitchen, you know, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to thi, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the thi, the the the thi, the the the the the the thi, the thi, the thi, they, to to thi, to to to thi, thi, to cook in our kitchen, you know, because that's her domain, you know, I mean, it seems quite sort of traditional, old-fashioned, but she's a brilliant cook and so she loves, you know, cooking and and I used to cook a lot more than when I was, you know, a single man and I, and I encourage him. I said, look, you know, these are life skills, you know, you know, it's like, it's quite useful. You're gonna, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, look, you know, these are life skills, you know, yeah, you know, it's like, it's quite

useful. She, you're going to, you're going to create a havoc in here, and which of course he does. But I'm sort of, I'm kind of back in Britain and his corner, I'm going, well, no, you know, if he's going to be sharing a house with people and, you know, to cook that's a that's a great skill yeah quite handy yeah I sort of we're we're working that one out you know I'm by I mean is he allowed on the instruments is he allowed on instruments yet well no no no no no absolutely not no absolutely no no absolutely not no no

he's not having to go on the log drum or the Glidry do or in fact any of these instruments at all. He's got his own guitar and his own amplifier and his own room and then he can stick with that. But not touching, he's not touching any of this stuff because it's my livelihood. Fair enough. Bill, it's been amazing. Thank you so much. Walsong Arena, etc. From when does the tors tors tour tour tour tour tors tors tors tors tour tors tors tors tors tors tors tour to thalsalsalsu thalsu thia thia thia to to to to to to to to to to to to thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the th. the the the. the. the the the an the an the an theats. theats. thea. thea. theats. thea. alsall Arena, etc. from when does the tour start? Kicks off in the UK in April, mate. Brilliant. Thanks so much, Bill Bill. Good up with the tour. See you see later. Bill Bailey, you were, that was embarrassing for you. Oh God, that was stressful. That was stressful, mate. Luckily, the photo was great. Yeah, if that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. too. to. to. to. tou. tooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tou. to. to. to. to. to. got really stress there. That was stressful mate. Oh God. Luckily the photo was great. Yeah if that photo hadn't paid out it will be on our Instagram won't it? Rob I've got an agent look at my riddle. Look at my fucking rider there. These these they need to sort

yourself up but I suppose you didn't answer anything did you what did you ask? No I didn't know you could I didn't know you could. I didn't know you're allowed. I was too nervous. When you, when you did the Royal Variety, what did you have? Nothing. No, I think someone went out and got me a Nando's. Oh, bloody out, here he is. Bloody Prince Charming over it. No, actually, that was when I was hosting it, I got Anandos. I didn't next to the venue though because oh he has to do rehearsals the day before he's quite stressful the Royal Variety's not going on oh it's a stressful old day isn't it it is a long day not stress for us finding a photo in front of Bill Bailey yeah no nothing is ever as stressful as that I found that quite difficult because he's like a bit of a hero of mine growing up Bill Bailey like a to the the the to watch him when I was a kid and then I didn't want to tell him that because

I'll borrow it makes people feel old. I used to watch you when I was a kid. And so I was a bit like, and I wanted to sort of like, you know like, I felt like half fan, half comedian here. Yeah. Of like trying to have a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh their to have a laugh to laugh to laugh to laugh to laugh to laugh to improvise Bill Bailey. I get on asking him how much his instruments work. He didn't like that. I don't think he liked that. How much are your instruments, Bill? How much are you instruments? How much of that stuff you've got in your ass. I would have no idea how much a digery do is or an African log drum.

I enjoyed it. Do you know what I mean? That was a nice bit of African log drum. I enjoyed it. Do you know what? You know when we put out those picture of the three of us on a zoom, it's going to be the best one ever that picture of him on the Didry Do. I've got a good photo of him on the Didry Doty is great. And then we've got a multi, like a media company. We're like bloody. Get out of bloody Instagram. and Bible. Bloody, we'll be like Dave Portnoy at Barstow's. You know Dave Portnoy? Peter, no, of course not. No, of course not. No, of course not.

No, something else you don't know about. Anyway, right, see you on Tuesday. See you, bye.