Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S05 EP12: Nihal Arthanayake

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant DJ and presenter - Nihal Arthanayake. Nihal's new book 'Let's Talk: How To Have Better Conversations' is out now. Please rate and review. Thanks, Rob + Josh. BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book!  ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth. ⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents) ⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them...   [e-mail] What's it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)? And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick? Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike. Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here:  https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBook We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course,

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York You.c.c.c. What does possible sound like for your business? It's more cash on hand to grow with up to 55 interest-free days. Redefine possible with business platinum.

That's the powerful backing of American Express. Turns and conditions apply. Visit Amex. H. tockle. May I say Josh Widdickum. Can you say, Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Very good. Oh, solid. That was great. Really, yeah, really good. Knocked out of the park. Love the podcast, here's my two-year-old Maya saying that. I just thought the... I can't believe this is this this this this this this is that I just thought the I can't believe this is happening. Oh God I've got I nearly got hard then. That was incredible. She was born in

York. Mum's from East Yorkshire but not from howl. Me and my Bessie also also an Yorkshire accent have they? No. Some would argue York's not really Yorkshire. Yeah me and my Bessie also an obsessive listener, saw you in York back before COVID nonsense. I do know what? I sell really well in York. I'm always gigging up there. I think it's because when I first started I did all the little places in Yorkshire and I think if you smash it or do a good gig they'll put the effort in to come and see you elsewhere. Yorkshire's a good place to gig. We also do a podcast about beer but children has put pay to that for now. He made me do this as he thinks my daughter is hilarious. Great work on the podcast keep it real and sexy Dan Granger. There we go.

Cheers Grange. Big Dogg. Big DG. Now Rob, have we got anything quickly before our guests, which is, we both agreed, one of our favourite episodes, isn't it? Oh, it's a great episode this one. We're funny and also really interested and talks about some serious things, but in a fun way. But before that, I've got a couple of things. One, I was working Sunday, I do Radio 2, 5 till 7. It'd be great if you could listen guys and maybe, to I'd say I'm still winning over the fan base. That's always the case

with radio Rob. That's always the case with the radio. Give Alice a ring and talk to him and John Robin's first appearance on Radio 5 live. Yeah when you work for the BBC is always a little bit of a settling in period so it'd be if you'd listen guys or on listen on BBC Sounds you work for the BBC, it's always a little bit of a settling in period, so it'd be quite nice to, if you'd listen guys, or listen on BBC's sounds, you can hear the show. Anyway, I was... Yeah, exactly. Do you know how many ratings are done?

People just tick a book at home? Anyway, that's not a hinting, the book, ticket. If not, even if you don't listen, even, even, even, even, even, the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to listen, to listen, to listen, to listen, to listen, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to... So, so. to... So, so.... So, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. thr. thr. tooooooo. to. to. to. to. to-s. together. together. too-a. together. together. to. the background my show, Sundays 5 till 7 and that would really help me out. Thanks guys. Anyway I was at work doing that I was doing my radio show and I left the house about 2 o'clock. Lou left at 1 o'clock she took both girls around the corner to the neighbors who are also parents at the school to have a little bandau their the kids from school was there they got a big bouncy castle and the kids from school was there, they got a big bouncy castle and they were just playing in the garden. And I thought, you know, we got a busy Monday so I thought Lou might be back, you know, after a few hours or so.

Anyway, I'm on my way home from the radio show at 7pm. Lou's still not home. Lou gets in at 8 p.m. She's been there for seven hours, it comes back, Love it. Love it. Got drunk. Not battered. She knows what she's doing. She's in full control of the kids. She walked back. It was not a drive around the corner. But very merry. Very merry. Very merry. She was playing gin face with the mums and dads from school. Gin face. What's gin face? Where you get 10 shots of gin. Five shots of gin. Five shots of water. You all stand in a circle, you take turns, because it's obviously clear, and you drink one and people have to guess

what you're drinking. Oh, that's fun, isn't it? So you can either have a straight face or, oh, that's disgusting, bluff them, and they've got to work out of its gin or water. And anyway, she came home drunk. And thi that that that's thi I thi I thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. And, th. And, th. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, too. And, too. And, too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. anyway, she came home drunk. And then she was in pure, what did I do? Did I say anything embarrassing for the people at school? It was great. But she did tell me the same story three times. You know when someone's drunk, oh yeah, and then so and so and so I'm like, you've told me already, stop telling me. But it was quite funny to see a come back a bit merry. But it was it. But it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was quite it was quite it was quite it was quite it was quite it was quite it was quite to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say. But it was quite funny. But it was quite to say it was quite to say it was quite to say it was quite to say it was to say it was to say it was th. But it was th. But it was quite funny. It was quite funny. It was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was to to to to th. But it was funny. But it was funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. It was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. It was quite funny. It was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it was quite funny. It was quite funny. But it was quite funny. It was quite funny. But it was quite funny. But it. It was quite funny. And also, before we introduce our guests, I've got some really good correspondence if you want it, Josh. Hit me up, hit me up.

So, things you've won as a kid. Do you like, we like this one, don't we? Yeah, love it. Things you've won as a kid. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. As a kid, around six, we went on a family holiday to the tian's thininin's. The kid show was in fact blind date for kids. Oh wow. Oh wow. This being the 90s. Everyone was then obsessed with the show, so I volunteered to be the person that reads out

and have questions. My logic, my logic in taking the question role is that I knew I'll get a day. Guaranteed. Yeah. What's the best part? Not bad for a six-year-old is it? Good thinking. I remember sitting one side of a curtain asking something lame like what's their favorite meal. At the end I picked someone and he went on a date. We sat on our own in the bar area and the prize was in fact a carton of Ribina and some crisps. The boy didn't say a word to me the

whole time and could barely look at me in the eye. Oh my god. Now as an introduction to the world the world the world the world the the the the the the the the the the thuu is thu is thu is thu is a thu is a thu is a thu. thu. thu. thin. thin. thin is a to to to to to thin is a thin is a to to to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to me. I to to to to to to to toe. I I I I toe. I toe. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. t. te. toda. te. today. te. th. toe. toe. I toe. I th. I introduction to the world of modern dating, I suppose it was pretty accurate, although on reflection, it's quite odd for a kid's show, isn't it? Yeah, I think it is weird. I think it's... That's not okay. I don't think they did do kids specials on that, did they? Like, you know they'd occasionally do like kids specials of TV shows. I don't think they aired it, No. I think they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that. T that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. T that's that's th. T that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that's that's that. that. that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's the. that's that's that's the. the., even if they did. No. I think that... I'm sure what's going on behind this theme. That. But yeah, that's poor Tessa from East London that went on a day at six. That is weird. That is weird. That is weird.

This is a good one here. When I was younger, I entered a phone competition for the game show to me, the chuckle to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to, to, to, to, to, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, the to me, the the to me, the to me, the the the to me, the to me, the to me, to me, to to me, bewitched or some other band, I can't remember. I felt very confident it was five. I entered, my mom told us, we've got to go out for shopping and we went out. On returning, there was an answer phone message, which my mom played. The theme tune of Chucklevision played out and then cut to someone saying,

I had won the competition. But as I didn't I the prize, as I the prize, I the prize, I to to to to to to, I to, I to, I to, I to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, told, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, told, told, told, told, told... told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told, too. told. too, too, told, too, too, told. told, too, told, too, told. I told. I told, told., the prize went to the runner-up, so I didn't win. Oh no. My mum was mad as she never okayed the phone call. What? And it said it served me right for not asking a billpayer's permission. And I was grounded. No! I refused to ever watch anything with those two brothers in again. It's not that far.

Why would they leave a message? I don't remember to me to you being a lie. Like, you can't leave a message, you go, oh unlucky you didn't win, just hang up. Yeah. So, Jane from South End still not over that 25 years on. Oh my words, that is heartbreaking. But exactly my kind of anecdote. This is one Boomer one I want to finish on which great, and then we'll do anyhow. Boomer and grandparent and story. Hiya, love the poddy. My granddad lives in the Highlands of Scotland,

and my brother and I used to spend a couple of weeks holiday there a year. He would sometimes take us to the one screen cinema that would show one film on repeat for a week. To avoid the crowds, he would to see the end of the film. take us to see the end of the film and then wait until it started and watch up until... What? What? What? So you watch for the last 10 minutes first?

And then watch up until they caught up for when they went in so they could leave and arrive without crowds and easy parking. That is absolutely incredible. That's Francis Rose. Can't get that for that. That is absolutely incredible. That's Francis Rose. Can't get enough of that. That is mental. That is insane. Right, now it's time for Nihau, Arthur Nica. This is basically how he were a five live presenter.

He has written books. He was based in London for years on Radio One, then moved his whole family up to Manchester to be on Five Love, which he talks about and the challenges of that. Also really really a a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really the the the the challenges the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi tho thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is thi. that's ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. thi. thi. thi. thi.talks about and the challenges of that also really funny interview but also really interesting on if you are you know moving house or you have got kids in new schools aren't enjoying it is quite interesting is it's a great one you enjoyed this didn't you Josh loved it absolutely loved it yeah I was trying to run to we did far too much because we just kept talking but don't worry Michael will have out the chaff but what I mean I mean it it it absolutely I absolutely I absolutely I I I I I I I the the the the the the I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was the the the the the the the the the the th. I was th. I was like like like like like like like I was the one one I was like like like like like like like like like like like like like like. I was like like like. I was like like. I was like. I was liked. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I was one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm one. I'm. I'm one. I'm one of. I'm one of. I'm one of. I'm one., Michael will have had out the chaff. But what I mean is, like the time just flew by. Minimal chaff, I'd say.

Because I'll be honest, I'm not gonna name names, but there has been ones where I've been looking at that clock ticking, thinking when are we gonna hit 45 here. Oh, but also thinking it to replace chaff with chat. I tell you what there's going to be a few emails read out before this one a fair few emails. And that was insert name here with this seven minute interview about their children which I think they don't have a relationship with. See you next week. This is the asset. This is Nihau how to the show how are you? Oh I'm really happy to be on this I'm not this. This. This. This is this is this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is a this is this is this is this is this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. This is not the they. This is not the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. is they. This is they. This is to the show. How are you? Oh, I'm really happy to be on this.

I'm not going to lie. This is amazing. It's amazing. We're very happy to have you here. Yeah. I think we're coming on your show as well. Yeah, is that right? Of course.

Yeah, although, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Of course. Of course, because you've both independently been on my show before anyway. Yeah, yes, talking about, I was talking about my last book, and I think we're going to come on to talk about the new book. It's an absolute book. And you've got a book frenzy. The child's situation is I have a 13-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy. Kingsley is my son who is 14. He'll be 15 in November and Aria is my daughter. Yeah. And they loathe each other at the moment. So it's proper, like it is carnage, like it is absolute carnage. It's like one of them is mainland China

and the other one's Taiwan and they're just it's always tense the tension is always there. So how long has this been? Is this a new development? No it's just it's just they're very close and age is only 19 months between them and there's just this oh this friction you're always try to cut it's the the they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the and there's just this, oh this friction, you're always trying to, it's exhausting refereeing it. But I think you're constantly kind of trying to go, look just be kind of like, no, just be kind to each other. No, don't do that. No, don't say that. Don't trigger that. It's a constant kind of like, like this. Like working for Donald Trump?

Yeah, it's, yeah, you're always trying to go, no, please don't say that, don't do that. Don't trigger that, don't escalate that, don't react to that. What are the main beefs then? Between the main issue? I just a sibling. My brother and I had a little bit a little thapapapapapapapapapapapap a little of it when we were growing up. It's just the kind of they're very different personalities. They definitely love each other, right? Like I know there's a lot of love there,

but they just can't, they can't coexist at the moment particularly well. But Gerard and Lampard. You know they're good. They just didn't link up. There you go. Absolutely. Absolutely. What you're saying is you need to swap one of your children for Gareth Barry? Well we can take it beyond football. It's like a Lonzo and Hamilton I think as well. It's, uh, there's, there's carnage. There's definitely beef there. Biggie and two pack, uh, except no drive-by's, which is, because Night in the situation? I kind of am Shugnight. Yeah, you're right.

So how did you feel when you found out that your partner was pregnant with the second? Because that turnaround, you would have had a nine-month-old? Yeah. Well, for me, it was kind of okay, right? Because I don't have to do much, right? Like, I was a first six months of being a parent, I was a terrible dad, right? Like I was a radio one DJ, I was off DJ and I was like, and my wife turned to me, I kind of became my dad's generation, which was that I go out of work, right? I'll enjoy the nice stuff like cuddling a baby and putting photos on social media and and not really be kind of present as they say.

I mean, my wife, I remember six months in, turned around and said, right, okay, well, if I'm going to have to do this on my own, I might as well do it properly on my own, and you can do one. And I was like, oh, yeah, like, literally gave me that kind of ultimatum because I just, I just effortlessly slipped into this kind of really archaic role of being a, which really kind of freaked me out because that's not the guy I thought I was. No, I wouldn't have expected that from you. No, and that's not who I thought I was going to be. And then just I guess, I don't know, the cultural nature of how I grew up just became that. And then suddenly I was like, well, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. that, th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. th. th. th. that's, that's thi, thi. that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not thi. that's not then suddenly I was like well okay that's that's not cool that's not who I need to be that's not who I should be and I I yeah it's kind of well I

don't know if my wife would agree that I flipped it around my own head you did enough you did enough to save the marriage yeah yeah 17 years yeah 17th anniversary was last week that's a very fine that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the the the the the th years later, yeah, our 17th anniversary was last week. Save it slash, keep it going. It's a very fine line, isn't it? That's kind of why, yeah, just don't speak for themselves. Yeah, exactly, numbers don't lies. Was your parents, so with your parents, were they a bit quite sort of old school with with the mom did all the baby stuff and then the dad just worked? Yeah, I don't, th........ th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. the to. to. to. to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.............................................................................................................................. don't think my dad was present when we were born. Yeah, really? Yeah, I don't think he was there. I think part of the reason was that my mom said that he fainted at the sight of blood so she thought she thought it would be best that he just didn't. So the nurses kind of attended to her not to him. Yeah, not to him. So it was a better. But thi. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he he he he was he he he he he he he he he he. He was. He was. He was. He was. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He th. He th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was again it was a generation that didn't, don't think, you know,

changed nappies or got that involved really. You know, my dad, my dad worked away a lot as well. So I don't think, yeah, I think there's a very clear roles. I mean, my mom did work. She was a nurse in the NHS. She worked part-time, but it was very much a given that my dad was the breadwinner. th the th th th everything and my mom money that she had was stuff that she could just use as she wanted, but the primary breadwinner was my dad and that's how we were brought up. And also as well, you know, it's my brother and I, so there's three guys in the house. So you're in that kind of environment as well, you know, yeah, it was weird. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats.

I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers. Up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber 1 for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Do you think one of the differences,

not just generationally, but also your job was DJing on radio. So it doesn't even feel to the person who stuck at home like you're going out to work. It feels like you're going out to play records and have a laugh. Yeah, I'm sorry, but Womad in Singapore, that flight alone is a grind, quite frankly. Right? Okay, off going off to do Glass and Bree, these things are hard work, Josh and love. And I'm not sure I appreciate the tone, Josh, if I'm honest. And also as well, when you have to present that show, you can't go, oh this has been a bit boring actually at Glastonbury because it's on radio when you were like, it was the best

one ever, these guys are amazing. Yeah, yeah, well that's that's the thing's the thing's the thing's the thing's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the table of my life and your wife's at home. Yeah, well that's the thing, isn't it? You know, you're doing a DJ gig in Thailand and you're kind of thinking, wow, this is amazing, but there's two ways of selling it, isn't it? There's the way you speak to your wife about it, which is like, oh, so boring and crap. I went into it. And then of course you come back and you get on Radio 1 knowing that your wife's not listening and going, big weekend in Bangkok, get the suburb of club, big tunes were being played.

Big shouts, you know, two of us, absolutely most banging sound my life. It was out, it was raising a cue around the block and then when we dropped this track, the whole place kicked off it was a mad one. And come home and go yeah God worst gig ever like terrible also radio one you can't really be like I'm bit tired as like the baby last night because it's so youth centric that station as soon as there's a whiff of you've got a kid you're en route to radio two or five live you're not

there longer that's why Scott Mills that's why he lasted so long he's like 57. Good on him what there was was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there th. there was there was there was there was th. th. th. th. th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I was th. That's th. I was th. I was there th. I was th. I was thi thi thi thi thi thi thi he lasted so long. He's like 57. Good on him. What on Innings he had at Radio 1. Yeah, there was that, though, the thing was always, when I was at Radio 1, the audience was skewed much older. That remember the Chris Moyles years, it was all young parents. Like, the idea that under Chris Moyles, it was loads of teenagers going, this is the greatest thing in the world. It wasn't.

It was loads of blokes in their 30s pretty much, wasn't it? Like being super geesey. And so when I was doing my specialist show on Radio 1, of course that was just two hours of me mixing live and playing tracks back to back largely. But when I was doing weekend breakfast and then weekend breakfast and the weekend, the weekend, the weekend, the weekend, the weekend, the weekend, the weekend, which theacks back to back largely. But when I was doing weekend breakfast and then weekend afternoon, which are daytime shows, then you are trying to kind of, you can say that you've got babies. So I had babies around the right time because a lot of the listeners were also doing that.

They were also having kids. They were also having kids. I had kids late. So I became a dad in my 30s. I was. to. to. to. to. to.20s, A, you were identifying with them and B, that was a kind of call radio one audience. How are you nearly 50? I'm 51. You're unbelievable. No way! This is outrageous. What's a secret? Not looking after your kids? Is that the answer? It's eating copious amounts of mango chartney. Which, which Robin's book said it's a jam. Yeah, I've got a bit of a... It's not a jam.

It is a chutney. No, I've got a bit of a theet with a chutney. It's a posthum of jam. It's just a posth word for jam. It means you can have a bit of mango chutney on a curry, but that's fine. But no, let's not get bogged down with this. We're getting on well anyhow. We had this argument on your show last time.

We did, we did. Well, let me ask you, do you know what? I just want one more radio one because I've, the transition away from Radio 1 is a really tough kind of thing to negotiate well. When you're on Radio 1, are you thinking I need an exit plan here? Because I am getting older and is everyone on Radio 1 thing, what am I going to do in five years here? Is it always like gangsters have earned a bit of money and need a way out? How can you go straight? How can you start earning it clean?

That's exactly what happened. That's literally what happened. In 2012, I took on a new agent and I said, the only thing you have to do is plan an exit strategy from Radio 1. Because that's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. I I just, I'd amassed all the cash, I'd earn. I said, right, clean this up for me. It was essentially laundering my profession like that through various fronts like that. So yeah, that's exactly what I said to him because I saw that. And I felt sorry for Radio 1 DJs, especially those who are in specialist music, because they never really

see it coming. And I remember the day I was told it was over, it was with two other DJs, and they were genuinely shocked, whereas I was just like, brilliant. I mean, I've seen this coming for years, like I've planned it, like I know where exactly. And various stages of my career, even before I got to radio, that was always how I saw things. I looked kind of 10 years in advance and thought, right, do I want to be that person doing that job when I'm that age and saying no, and then trying to work out how I get out of that. So when I was working in PR in the music industry, it was the same thing, and then, to a certain extent, you know, you, you, you a kind of way of giving me a post-broadcasting life,

which involves much more writing, which I can do from wherever I want to in the world, and not having to rely on being on a recording studio, or radio studio, like four days a week. It's a bit like that with stand-up really. It's like you can only, when you break through, you are who you are at that time. So, you know, when I was like, when I first started doing stand-up, I was just like absolute moron that was so over excited to be doing stand-up

and knew nothing about the world. And a lot of my jokes were about that. at Kenoir or Kwanoa and all these things that at the time were true but like I've learned now. I'm 10-15 years older so I know more about the world so I can't keep going out and going bloody the guys have you seen and then everyone's just sat they're going we know you know now. You need help you don't need another stand-up set so it's like re-adjusting who you're the the the audience. So it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their the their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the audience. Well, that's a massive problem for rappers. Like, when rappers start off going on about the hood, and then suddenly you're Jay-Z, right? What is Jay-Z not about the hood anymore, right? So to be fair, to Jay-Z, he starts rapping about

Basquiat paintings he owns and things like that. But some rappers when there's label, and he's really rich, right? And he's just keeps going on about being a drug dealer. You cannot keep going on about this stuff. It's kind of weird. I want to talk to you about your book anyhow, because he's got let's talk how to have better conversations. And what I want to get to is, right?

You know what you're doing, you do is talk to talk to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talk to talkaffle for a bit but really that starts to wear thin so you need to have know how to get into proper conversations and this book's all about that and but what I want to know is can you talk to them you said they're argued at the moment because that's the they're argued at the moment. How do you talk to them and how do you get them to talk to each other without ripping each other's heads off? Well, the latter is proven to be very, very challenging indeed. The former actually is pretty chill. I mean, my son and I had a conversation the other day because, you know, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at they're at their they're at that age now where you've got to really start thinking about about what they're watching online, what they're sharing, and you know all of those kinds of things. Look, they don't necessarily want to sit there and have a conversation with you about pornography, right? It's a weird conversation to have been bad, right?

What's your end goal is that basically go, basically don't watch too much porn, mate. It's not a good? What they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're what they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. What. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. they're they're they're the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that basically go, basically don't watch too much porn, mate, it's not a good idea, like what is the, what, because you have to work out what you're trying to get to? Yeah, before you have the conversation. Well, what you can't do is be naive enough to think that they're never going to see it, right? So I was Like finding porn bags in hedges, in the 80s and the 90s, right? Right? That's where, and he was looking at me like, what are you talking about? It's like, well, because it wasn't just available like it is now. But then also you have to talk to him about, and my understanding of it is, you have to kind of say it's about the distortion of it, it's acting, right. Yeah. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, th, like, th in th in thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th you have to kind of say is about the distortion of it is acting right yeah it's not something that you should a be sharing at all also as well look you have to have this conversation about not sending

nudes or encouraging girls to send nudes to you don't do any of that respect also as well respect and consent like you have to just have the conversation but also as well it's just getting the tone right. So did you just go into his room or whatever and sit down and go, here's something for you. The click, the click. So that's like how do you get into that combo? Because I'm getting the vibe.

I'm on with, I'm So it was the classic way that all men communicate with each other which is side by side right it's not face to face right so you know watching sport or you know in the pub kind of watches it was actually we were driving along the two of us right so that way you're not looking at each other in the face you kind of having a conversation with each other and you just bring it up right. But so was you already driving this wasn't the Porno chat drive. Yeah, no it wasn't just a journey for the Pornot chat.

It was it was we're driving anyway just a couple of guys in the car. What's your first sentence? What's the first question? What's the first thing you say when you talked about your teenage how you're talking know what exactly? It's just about, I think I asked, so you ask about not him but his mates, right? So you kind of make it about, so do you know, your guy is like sharing pornography? Is it being shared widely on your phones on Snapchat for instance? And then you just get into it like that. Look, the thing is, the more you prevaricate, the more you go, uh, uh, uh, it just becomes more and more awkward. So. So. So, so. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you might I I I th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th I I I th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So th. So you th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. So th. So th. So th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you th. So you thi thi thi thi thi. So you thi thi. I thi. I think I think I thi think I thi thi. I thi. I th. So th. So like that. Look, the thing is, the more you prevaricate, the more you go, it just becomes more and more awkward.

So you might as would just do it almost like you're gonna have a conversation about the football, right? So it just becomes, it's not a thing. Like if you make it a massive thing, it will then become right? It's make it that. Right? So for instance, the other day, he was talking about his pals vaping. Now rather than me going, I hope you didn't do that. Right. I just went, oh, did you try that?

Did you try it? Like innocuously, right? Yeah. At which point, he just turned around and went, like, I was an idiot, he went, why would I do that? It looks ridiculous when they're doing it, right? Which made me just go, oh, right? So what you're trying not to do is promote a defensive attitude, right? You're not trying to put anyone on the back foot?

But do you think he would have said yes if he had? Do you know what? It's always difficult to not sound naive. Yes, like th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, like, like, th, like, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, like, to, like, like, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, thi. that, thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Everyone listening to parents in hell is going, yeah, sure, the whole, yeah, absolutely. Sure he hasn't the whole, yeah, nice one. Well done, mate, called Captain Best Parenthood. I know, but I guess the point is, is that you can't beat yourself up about it. What you've got to know is, is that all of us three here as teenagers lied to our parents, right? So that's just part of being a teenager, right? That doesn't mean that they don't like you or they don't trust you, but it's just kind of important to have some secrets when you're a teenager, right? Yeah. The key toto it I think is is not creating an environment

where you're pushing them towards rebellion. Yeah, yeah. By making rebellion actually just a part of growing up it kind of takes the need for them to take it to the enth degree I think. It was when I was growing up it was always a quite strict parent it was a really strict parent or the parents that didn't give a shit at all. So ones that were sort of, I'm going out tonight, see later. And kids went off and did stuff because they were bored because their mom or dad was down the pub or whatever. Or the other ones going, you can't go out tonight and it sort of made it a challenge. So I think finding somewhere in the middle. You know, my wife wife and my wife and my wife and my wife wife wife wife wife th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. And my wife and I, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, to. And, tod. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. we've parted and we've done things that my parents just they just weren't from that generation right like I grew up in the rave generation they weren't a Sri Lankan rave generation in the 1960s right like the prodigy weren't playing in Colombo when they were

teenagers so we've got that kind of context to be able to say look there's going to come a point where drugs are the their th their th th th th their th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the the the. the. th. th. th th th th th th th th they just just just just just th they just just just just just just just just just th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to thean to to thean to thean to to thean thean thean thean thean thean thean the the the th to be able to say, look, there's going to come a point where drugs are going to be around you, right? Just make you, you know, make the right decisions, come and talk to us about it. Right? Yeah. What can you do, right? You can't really do anything. I'm not about putting a microchip in the back of their neck or in or indeed chaperoning them everywhere they go, because that would be weird. I already looked like an undercover police officer

when I go to a raven as it is, let alone accompany my own children. Do you feel like you're a cool dad in that sense? Like, that must be quite an exciting thing for them, right? Or do you worry about being too down with the kids? You know what, it's a weird one that. Sorry, whenever ever Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh to ask a to down with the kids. You know what it's it's a weird one that. Sorry whenever Josh asked his questions I can imagine him with his teenage son like trying to take him to the gig and not know what to do. Yeah. It's so so that we went to see example the rapper right playing in Manchester and the kids did come into the dressing room right and we're with in the dressing room for about an hour and a half, just chatting to everyone in the dressing room, right?

And it's not normal, right, for a 13 and a 14 year old to kind of be in that environment and just hanging out. But they're just, it's fairly normal for them. So I think that what's interesting is, there's a the Asian network so their parents think I'm cool so then the kids think I'm cool because their parents know who I am. So there is so so we've had this conversation weirdly and but because just because I was like one of the other dads saying that his son wants nothing to do with it right like? Like, it's just like, go away, you're embarrassing.

And actually, my kids aren't like that. They want to spend time with us. And I was like, well, why is that? And it's like, well, because you know, my mates don't think you're an idiot, like, they don't, they think you yeah so it's interesting like you could have a conversation with one of his mates about stock X and about Virgil Ablow Air Force one so they're kind of looking at you like because they can't with their own dad yeah of course yeah I think the key thing with that is though is you you do that anyway because that's who you are and you like your

trainers but and you sort of get on with that quite quietly you're not like pulling up at the school games going, hey guys, check out my new dunks. That's the line. Even though what you've got is cool and what they want, 100% it's just you've got to allow them to see it as opposed to be like, 100% I don't know if you're into this, but I am actually, I'm pretty cool, yeah, but there is a real love especially when I'm hanging around with Romish, like young, like, like, like, like, like, like, the young, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's thii's, thi's thi's, thi, th come up to him and the parents love him, the kids have and I think it's because they're seeing what, you know, they're being seen on screen and Dee's talking about things he's going on in his life, but there is that, there is a real love for Romesh that's different to when anyone comes up to like me or Josh or something, like, they're from Shalankan families, they're properly, their, their, their, they, they, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, you's, they.. And, thi's, thi's, thrown. throwne. throwne. they're being being being being being being being throwne. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're being being being being being being seeing, they're being,, yeah. Well I think as well because, you know, a lot of Sri Lanka's were displaced because of the Civil War, it's almost like, oh you're here, how's it going? Because so much horrible stuff's happened. It's all not to see someone who's doing well that's like you is a really nice thing, you know? Yeah, no, it's interesting. But also as well, because of the Asian network show that I did for quite a the thap thap th. And it was a th. And it was a th. And it was a the th. And it was a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How is th. How is so that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. How how how how th. How how th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How is so so so th. How is so th. How is so th. How is so th. How is so th. How is so the. How is so the. How is so the. How is so the. How is so tho. How is so the the the thoo. How is so Indian community, Sri Lanka community, so it's that's all that's quite a broad fan base for

that show that I did over the year. So yeah, and you're absolutely right about the not pulling up in the Supreme Air Force ones and kind of going, yeah, look at these boys. Yeah, look at because that's a bit noncy, isn't it? That's like the that's the hipster equivalent of sweets, isn't it? A bag of sweets, right? The new new age nonce? Yeah. It's much more expensive being a nons these days, isn't it? He used to be sweets and now you've got to spend under a quid on some trainers. You see my foot team on FIFA, the te. tap, tune, t. t. tie, t. t. t. tha, tha, tha, t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. their, their, their, thee. the new, their, their, their, th. th. thage, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No, no. No. No, no. No, no. No. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, t. No, t. No, t. No, th. No, the. No, tod-a. todd-s. the today. the today, the the today, the the today, the the the. the the the the the week, so I don't know if you've got that. How old were your kids when you moved, you had to move from London to Manchester, didn't you? Did you all move as a family?

How old were they? So that would have been, that was six years ago, so they were seven and eight when that happened? Was that a big decision? Yeah, did you feel guilty as well? Because it was like your decision, your job kind of thing. It was, it was horrific. I mean, we moved them to a new school where they were both bullied and we had to take him out of the schools, which added layers of layers to the guilt. My wife was isolated and lonely,

and the school mums at this new school would, apart from one I can remember were pretty vile to her.................. to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to to to to to the to to to to the to to to to to to to to to me. to me. to me. to to to me. tooom. tooom. tooom. to me. to me. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me.......... the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooome. the the the the the the the the the the the toooome. tooome. tooome. tooome. tooome., were pretty vile to her. So it was, and I was, and I was just going, off to my new exciting job, everyone. Oh, God. You guys, you guys crack on. You know, you know, it's building resilience, guys, you know, it's building. All the time, like it was horrific. This is all my thought. All the time, like it was horrific. I remember not long after we'd moved up. We had to for some reason drive back to London and we went to my brother's house in in Perley.

We were driving back and we had to drive close to where we lived, right? And my daughter, who was, yes, like, what, seven at the time, started screaming, take us home, as we, she, as she began to recognize the roads near where we used to live, she said, why do we have to go back, take me home? I don't want to go, take me up, and was crying and screaming in the back of it. It's the most sort, like today, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. Like, th. Like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, like, like, to go, take me up, and was crying and screaming in the back of the age. It's the most, like today it burns viscerally in my subconscious, and my conscious that it was the most horrific thing. And do you know what, and then the bullying happened and I mean, you know, remember my son getting into the A-team at their football team, which which was, which was, which was, which was, th., th., to, to, to, their, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, and, I, I, their, I, their, their, their, I, I was, I was, to, to, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and, I, and, and, and, and, I..... And, to, tod, the, the, tod, the, the, tod, today, t today, t today, t today, today, today, today, today, today, tod one of their boys, and he was the new kid, so they all rounded on him and he came out as an eight-year-old and burst into tears because they'd been horrific to him.

If you consider moving back? Every day, every single day, every single day, it was, you know, the North-South divide thing is really, really interesting. I think the reason they were bullied is because of how they sounded because of their accents it also didn't help that it was a largely non-Asian school where they've been used to in London very mixed schools as primary school that didn't help I remember going in and saying why is this group of girls bullying my daughter a girl of Chinese descent and a girl of Moroccan descent and all the other girls are not of, they're all white English, why is do you think this is happening?

And then the deputy head saying, oh yeah, no, no, no, no, I can't be what I think you're saying because one of the girls is Italian. And I was like, mate, are you joking? Are you joking? Are you serious? Did you just say that to me? Right? So it was clear that there was a problem. And then it was also clear that the school wasn't willing to see that there was a problem. Yeah. Right? In the way that I was seeing it.

And so we had to take them out and we ended up putting them in two separate schools schools in in in the school school school school school school. And the all-girls school has been kind of at one point challenging for her, but also she's managed to find a tribe there. And the all-boys school has been the making of my son. Like it's been the making of him. There's no question of it. So now, they're really, one of the main reasons we don't constantly, we don't, we don't, the the thk, thah, the than, than, than, than, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the the thin, thin, thin, thin, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th.... th.. th.. th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, we don't constantly talk about going back to London is because the schools are so good. Right. The schools in Manchester are fantastic. So how long were they in that school for and then you move them? Oh, it was probably a couple of years. Yeah. Well you can't do it straight away can you because no? We had to move her from one primary school to another one. And then she stayed in that for a little while. And then, um, um, the schools, the schools, the schools, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the school, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the schools, the school, the school, the school, we the school, we the school, we the school, we the school, we the school, their, their, their, their, their, their, their school, their school, their, their school, their, their schools, the schools, the school, the school, the primary school to another one, and then she stayed in that for a little while.

And then him, we got him into the final year of the junior school, but the school goes all the way through to 18. So we got him into that, which is amazing, and it's been the making of him. But it's quite interesting. It's quite interesting. You know, they still they still talk absolutely like this is going to be really bad but they're southerners still right? 100% and I remember once he came home my son and he said oh we've got to be at school dead early which

a very northern thing right dead early and I went no you don't you either have to be there early or late. There's no dead in that sentence. But I squashed it, like immediately I just went no. No, no, there's no dead early. So they still say grass and bath and all of those kinds of things. There's none of that bath or grass or any of that kind of stuff. That must have been such a relief for you that when they became more settled, I mean obviously I imagine that was a gradual thing, not in an immediate. Oh, I love it now, kind of.

Because I've dropped my daughter off at school before where she's not wanting to go and it's been really out of character because she loves it and she's really happy at the school. But even though I knew she loves it when she you. Anyone listening that's got a child that's not really enjoying it at the school. Well, my wife was picking up my daughter every day, and my daughter was burst into tears. Every day, she spent every lunchtime alone, every break time alone. And it was just a triumph of a day if she didn't come out crying, you know, and the trauma that that place is on children. Because the thing is we kind of fool ourselves by going, kids are resilient, right? But then what we do is we speak to adults, and I've interviewed plenty of adults who have bullied at school, and they remember

every minute of it. Yeah, right? They really do. And you think, you think, okay, they'll kind of cope and thrown thoats, th. And that, thi, thi, thi. And thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. they. thi, they. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th cope and they'll get through it and you know it prepares you for life but you know the the pop singer Anne Marie she had a horrific time at school and it affected her confidence all the way through like even to this day it affects her confidence she's still kind of traumatized by what happened when she was bullied at school so you know you just try and protect them as much as you can to my daughter to the thrown. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. the. the. the. I I. I thrown. I thrown. thrown. I the. the. th. th. I the. thr-I. I'm the. I's th. I the. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the. I I I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. th. th. I th as you can. My daughter, she plays the drums, she's doing kickboxing. She got, this is mad, she got a role, when she was 12, so beginning this year, she got a part in an Apple TV drummer and they flew her out to LA to film for two weeks.

So she's done a acting job. That'll give her loads of confidence, those kind of things. It would, but she came back to school and obviously she just got loads of hate for it. Oh, the jealousy of it. Yeah, because like every 12 year old girl wants to get flown business class to LA to go acting in a drama, right, to be an actor because they think suddenly you're a celebrity. So she actually ended up getting quite a lot of hate for it. And you know, we were that like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, like, th, like, th, like, th, thi, like, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, tho, thoooo, thooooooooooooooo. And, thoooo. And, tho. And, their, their, their, their, their, it. And you know, we were trying to say to her, look, and that's a really sad thing as well. You just say to like, look, just keep it, keep it low, like don't talk about it, don't, don't say anything. But she's 12 and she's like proud of herself and so she should be. It's a huge achievement to audition for something and get the part. And so you're kind of having to deal with that. And, and that and that and that and that and that and that and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and, th, th, th, th, the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to to to to to the the the their their their, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, they, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say, to say, to it doesn't get the challenges of parenting teenagers are

that they are beginning to be more emotionally sophisticated. So it's then then you get into the worries about what the darker aspects of being a teenager can be and you hear about self-harming or you hear about you know issues around bulimia and things like that for both boys and girls and you worry, you know, you kind of trying to give them confidence and love and support and hopefully that would be enough to divert them away from the darker aspects of being a teenager and you know, look, I think we can all agree that being a teenager can be really horrific right awful I hated it yeah right you know I blossomed and nailed it actually

yeah it's your adult life where it went all right with it anyway it's gonna be one on the other Josh it's gonna be one of the other it was like AC Slater at school oh dear and then how bad did your wife settle in as well then that must have been hard for her because if she lost her to their tho the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho th tho th you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to th you you you you you to th you you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the to know know know know the th the the the to know know know the to know to know to to to the the the the the the to be one or the other. It was like AC Slater at school. Oh dear. And then how bad did your wife settle in as well and that must have been hard for her because if she lost a support network and then she's waiting for a daughter to come out from school upset every day it's like it must have been tough and you know you work, you know your shows on the afternoon isn't it is that right? So it's like every day. that's one you. Yeah. their your your your your your your your your your your your your your your school. Yeah. that's one. Yeah. that's one. that's one. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to that's. to to to to to to to to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah.... Yeah.. Yeah... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. do it really. Absolutely. That's absolutely what happened. And you know, I think she has finally found just a very few amount of people. It was just us struggling to find a social life. That was the thing.

It must be mad moving somewhere new. And then you've got this situation where you're just like, it's almost like when you see another parent, right? You're like, is this the one? Is this like speed? Like, it's like, yes. There's almost too much pressure on conversations with people, right? And I need friends. Yes, that was the thing.

And I, I kind of selfishly was, I've got my pals and kind of men we need to see each other less like we don't need to be there constant that constant companionship as it were but then also as well you know my wife devoted well she's only just really in the last year or so gone back to kind of part-time work so she devoted well over a decade just to making sure that the kids were good. Yeah. But in that time it was really hard. Look because when you move and you're in your 40s as I was, she was in her 30s, people have got their own social groups, right? Yeah. Right. So they may, they may like you

but they've still got friends that they've had for 25 years. Yeah. I don't know any new friends. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. So they. So they. So they. So they. Right. So they. Right. they. they. they. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they've still got friends that they've had for 25 years. Yeah, I don't need any new friends. I'm done. Right, right. So, look at you with you, Drake lyrics, no new, no new friends. You couldn't, you couldn't. I'm quite a keen on dropping a few out and refreshing them. I've got very much a involving door policy. You're like Alex Ferguson. You don't want anyone to get comfortable. Is it random. It's sort of random, sort of about what suits the kids, Oulu's been talking to, oh, can we bother to text? Sometimes it's no one, sometimes it's no one, so they're there all right, I'll have a chat with them. But I think it's good, freshen it up.

But it's hard, it's hard, also your job, you're sort of a lone wolf really, you sort of have producers and stuff, but sometimes they're a lot younger and not doing the same things as you are with teenage daughter, a son and daughter. So it's like you haven't got like a big team at work and then if your wife's not working, and then you're not getting on with the school and you're not going their you're not going to start to start to start to start going to start to start going to start going to start going to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start their their. And then to start going to start going their. And you're not going to start going their. And you're not going to start going to start going to start going to start going to start to start their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th... And you're not going. And you're not going.. You're not going. You're not going.................................... So, their... So, their. And, their that are being horrible to your kids. It does someone quite a small area. You have to start like going paintball or something, just find, you know, start a new hobby. I was incredibly proud of my wife actually when she did turn around to a school mom who was trying to kind of still make connection with us after we'd taken our daughter out of the school.

And my wife, who was feeling particularly, I don't know, abrasive that day maybe, just said to this woman, I remember it, she just said, look, the only reason we hung out was because our daughters were friends and then your daughter was horrible to my daughter so I see no reason for us to hang out anymore. Love it. She just said it to her. Blatently, she said it to her. And the thing was it was all a bit weird, the whole thing thi thi thi thi thi th. And also th. And also, and th. And also, and th. And also, and th. And th. And to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, to, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the they, they, they, they, they, to, they it to her. And the thing was it was all a bit weird, the whole thing. And also, of course, you've got to be kind of mindful, why is it that someone wants to be your friend, right? Like why?

Why does someone want to be a friend? And it's been hard, but my wife, Isha, she's definitely found a couple of people up here that she really does rely on a really good fun. That's all you need, I think, a couple of goodons. You don't need a load of a lot of it. Really has. I'm terrified of the, of them leaving home. I've got to say.

Are they still quite cuddly? Or they get off me, dad. No, no. My son couldn't be less the the the the the tha. couldn't be less cuddly. Oh, there's none of that cuddle. The only time we cuddle is when Tottenham score. That's when the only time we cuddle is when Totten score a goal. That's the only cuddle is I could get out of here. I really wanted to go. Oh yeah, so you've not had many cuddles this year but actually Tottenham really good, so it doesn't work, unfortunately. Do you, with that, do you tell him you love him in conversation, how does that go down? Does that make him go, ah, please don't, or? I tell him I love him all the time.

I tell him both, I love him all the time. Yeah, yeah, he's right. Oh, sorry, my daughter's coming. Hello. Hello. You look. You look beautiful. You've put makeup on. Is she she?????. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. tho. to to to to to to to to to to to tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. the. the. the. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. tha. tha. tha. th off on the towel? She comes from Redid, look. Say hello. Say hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm going to do this and I'll see in a minute. Okay, you look beautiful. You look beautiful before, but you look beautiful now. Good save, Rob. You can give me something. You know, it's very, the, the, there's what you have to say is big of them up too much because then they think they have to wear makeup all the time. Oh that is that's amazing thank you look at it.

Do you want to see what she's get she'd made me a bowl of flowers and water? Look at that nice. I'll take a photo put it on Instagram. Look smells nice too. Thank you. Do you Oh, wow, that is a, wow. Want to take a photo of that, Michael, you can for them? That is such a hipster dog. Look at that, I know. Oh, no, he's caught up in the work.

Do you get, do you get. Take the dog, Jesus Christ. That's your photo. and they're good with kids. Now I look like one of them hip-stead tea days. Yeah, do you get free machelates for life? Oh my god, no, I'll just take him to the cafe. He's a bit too lively still. Okay, sorry, I interrupted everyone. I take it quite. I took a quiet.

Oh, yeah, so you too, if they're around their friends, but they will say, I love you too, definitely, if they're in their house and all that. And I'm forever just hugging him and kissing them and like all the kind of opposites of really how my dad was, right? Not that he, not that I didn't know he loved me. I knew he did, but he Nehau's talking about his dad not telling me he loved him. Hang on and so my daughter's coming with another bowl of flowers. Oh that's amazing thank you that's so nice. Do you want to quickly wave as well come on come and say

sorry about this. So hello hello. Okay it's another one another bowl of water by my computer thank you tho th th th th th th th th th th th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's the that's all all all all all all all all the that's all that's all that's all that's all all the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all tho. tho. tho. tho. Oh tho. Oh tho. Oh hello. Oh. Oh. Oh. So. So. Hello. Hello. Oh. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. my computer. Thank you. This is so beautiful and so creative. Thank you. I love it. I love you. Alright, okay, love you, bye. They just to tell me she was crying because my other daughter came in and she didn't. Just got two bowls of water now, a flour's in by my computer. That's quite dangerous.

On your reserve computer because you snooze you lose. Like they, the other ones came in first, yeah, right, came in first, showed that she loves me more than you do. So you're gonna have to work for this, right? So why don't you go out there and work out what is more impressive than a bowl of flower heads actually. Yeah. From a daughter they had makeup on.

Why don't you put a bit of that effort? Bowling in the ear, oh, Natura. Get a bit of a slap on. Wow, you've got, you've got, you've got, you've got. God, you've got a lot. I'm doing it all wrong. you're being nice to them. So did you that would your dad wouldn't say he loved you as such but would he hug no hugs and stuff like that a bit more old school? None of that stuff yeah none of that's mad I've got friends like that and you know but my dad's 78 and proper love you cuddle kissy and I used to hate

and all stuff like that. I think it was quite a bit bit of time really consider how old he is it's lovely it's he old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old it's it's it's it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely it's lovely the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is is is he to to th th th th th th th to to th th to th to th to th to th to th to to th th to th to th to th to to th to th th th th th th th th th to it was that emotional. My son is now taller than me so it's that's also a kind of weird how tall is it? He's 5.3 yeah exactly. It's just a nickname Nehi hi that's how that's how that's exactly what it is. So how tall is he was quite tall here. Yeah he's 511 I'm 510 so he's and he's 14 so I think you know he's got a couple tou. He's he's th. He's th. He's the th. He's got a th. He's th. He's got a th. He's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he? He was quite tall now. Yeah, he's 511, I'm 510. So he's and he's 14. So I think, you know, he's got a couple more inches in him, I reckon. Yeah, yeah, so he's definitely. Can he take you yet in a fight? Are you're the reckon you've still got the.

So there's a lot that, that, that, that the other day, I think, for the first time ever, he pushed me back, whereas I've been pushing him back consistently for the last few years. So he's definitely getting that on and he's now, he's now kind of, he plays football and cricket, so he's just trying to get a little bit more bulked up. He played yesterday and he was just, he just, to get a little, to get a little, and he's got a lot of skill on the ball, but he was just, he just, sometimes he just kind of duck out of a 50-50 whereas he went in hard, let's say, so he's definitely getting a bit more lively. So yeah, that'll happen. That would definitely, I'm not. You really lit up that, awe of it. It's the

greatest thing ever is watching. Do you show up on the sideline? Yeah but I've not not in that kind of like what are you doing you mug like some dad's like some dads like some some dad's so go there chackle you pussy I'm not I'm definitely not doing that I'm just trying to be encouraging but also to the but you thu to you the th th th th th the th the the th th the th the the thu thu thu thu the thu the thu thu thu the thu the thu the their to to to to to to to to their to their that to to to to to to to to to to their their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the thou the te. I te. I try ty. I try ty. I try. I try. I try. I try. I'm just just just just just to to to to to to to tackle you, pussy! I'm definitely not doing that. And I'm just trying to be encouraging, but also watching cricket. So watching your son bat is the most horrific experience because that walk out to the crease firstly is so lonely, right? Yeah.

And then if you're out for a duck, it's not like any other sport. If you're out on your first ball, a golden duck, right, that's it, right? There's no second joke. Like you can be a striker and you can miss, you can miss two or three times and still score goals still be the hero, right? But with cricket, as soon as you're out, that's it, and you walk back. And I remember three or four thua. thua. thua. thua. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, right, th, right, th, th, right, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thoooooooooothree or two or three years ago he got three or four ducks in a row, right? And on the third or fourth one, it's weird because that's quite a good thing if you're doing your to-do list isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a nightmare. It's an absolute nightmare and he burst into tears, said he's not doing it anymore. And then the coach walked him round the entire boundary and Obi-Wan Kenobied him and really brought him back on board again and then he had to go back out and back because one of their players got injured and he's

and he scored loads of runs. So he went back out again and the psychology of that is extraordinary and you're totally living vicarious for your kids when you're watching play sport. Self-confidence and self-belief is so much more important than any ability or talent or luck. Like if as long as you can continue to back yourself, your sort of your ability will come through. But yeah, that's good that he's got a coach that did that. How about your daughter? Does she do much sport? She's more into the acting? No, she's doing my entire kickboxing. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to to thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, thi. Well, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the thi. the thi. th, so that's really good. But at the moment, she hasn't competed at all, but I don't know. That'd be tough watching her get hit.

But it's so brutal, I mean, because with Moitai, you're using elbows, you're using, yeah, I mean, it's proper, full-on contacts, but also watching her drum is amazing. Like, when you're watching your daughter behind a drum kit and like properly drumming right not just going boom. Because that would be a lot of parents nightmare to have a drum kit in the house with a child playing it. No it's it's it's amazing because I love drummers I've always loved drum like being an old school hip hip hip hip the percussion the percussive spine of a track so listening to her drum. So listening to her drum is again to my greatest pleasures just actually watching her at a drum kid because

also as well how rare is it to see a little Asian girl drum in right? Yeah. Like it's just not what I sing to see right like it's Led Zeppelin. I'm going to say something here. Never seen one never seen one. Never seen one. There's a there. Maybe that's my problem. But I never have. I'm not against it. I'm not against it. Don't get me wrong. I'm up for it, but I've never seen it. Trust me, Rob, Asian communities aren't getting together going, let's keep this from the white people for as long as we can, and having loads of Asian girls trouble, right? This is, we don't have secret societies where this is going on all the time, right? It's just not happening, right? So the fact that she's chosen those two things actually points to what an interest in young lady she is.

She's just, and why she finds it quite difficult to fit in with the idea of being a girly girl. She's just not that kid, right? And that's amazing. And that's something I'm incredibly proud of her is that she's just doing her own thing. And she know, she was sit there and build Lego for five hours and then, you know, in drum and she's massively interested in how things work and how things are connected. It's just brilliant. We've said this before on the show and I don't want to repeat myself but I think it's

worth repeating in this instance about kids and she said I just want to be normal like the other girls and her advice was they're not normal they're ordinary. There's a difference. Yes, that's a really good advice. Yeah and I think that's what's sort of happened in a way isn't it she's into my tie and drumming it's just not the norm. It's not the norm and also as well the modern way of describing the thau. thau. thau. thau. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. the their. thi. It's their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's. T. T. T. T, they's they's. T. T, they's, they's, they's, they're they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. It's, they're not. their, their their their their their their their not not not not not not not normal. I's not not normal. I's not not not normal. I's not normal. I's not, their their they're not. It's not. It's not. It is basic. That's the word they use. They're basic, right? And you don't want to be basic, right? And this doesn't work out for you. And this won't feel great now. But trust me, when you're older,

this is a superpower. Right? Like being different is an absolute superpower. Like seeing the world in a different way, being curious about it, you know, doing the things that other people don't do makes you just kind of incredible really, you know. It's difficult for me to understand that as like one of those normal and popular teenagers that I was. Yeah, when Josh was just like just pulling girls and drinking side and all the other norms. But it does kind of work with you being a sociopathic unpopular adult, which is, which is, I mean, it's always going to be one stage in it, Josh.

It's going to flip at some point. It's going to flip at some point. But you know what, Nehau? I think considering, like, you know, that was a really tough six years if you have, to move your whole family for your work and then, then, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's. to, I's. to, I's. to. to. It, I. It, I. It, I. And, I...... And, I.... And, I... And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, I's.oming now, which makes me want to read your book even more, let's talk how to have better conversations because I think the reality is, life can be really hard and really tough, and we find it all quite overwhelming, but I think the truth of it, we are way better at dealing at it than we give credit to, and it isn't that life needs to get easier, it's just we need to trust that we to trust to trust to trust to trust to trust to trust to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, to trust, to trust, to trust, to, and we to, and we to be strong, and we to be strong, and we to be strong, and we need to to trust, and we need to be strong, and we need to be strong, and we need to to... And we need to. And we need to, and we can't to really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really, and we're just, and we're just, to trust, to trust, to trust, we're just, to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're to trust, we're strong, to trust, to trust, to trust, to trust, truu. And we're trust, truc. And we're true. And we need try, try, try and try and try and try and try and truc, truc, truc,the way you work through things is really inspired and really impressive. There will be a lot of people that are about to move, that their kids aren't getting on and I think it's really good talking about it because it shows that you can work through

things and it really helps. And I think the book, and I love the cover by the way with a parrot in the book. We've got to ask as well, how do you rank this conversation? What kind of quality of conversation have we offered in the last hour? I think what's really good about comedians, especially comedians that are used to interacting with crowds, is that you are listeners, right? You have to be listeners, right? Yeah. The only thing is, and this isn't been the case in this conversation, is my daughter said this to me. She said, because they they talked about this at school and it was this phrase, are you listening to understand or are you listening to talk? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Worse kind of conversations are people that are purely listening to talk. They're not listening to understand. I'm getting better though, I'm trying.

But that's why this format is so much different than you having to be on a game show or a panel show, except where you are. Of course all you're doing is listening to talk because you're there to entertain. The problem is when that translates into everyday life, right? And because you two are very famous people, people are often only wanting to hear what you've got to say, right? So they're always asking you about yourselves. And the

problem with that, of course, is that that can have an effect on your own curiosity levels, because you're always haven't talk about yourself. You know what? It leads to a third type of listening, which is what I do if I get in a situation where I think someone's going to ask me about myself, which is listening to avoid talking about myself. So going on a preemptive strike, if say I, say I got in a cab and he recognized me, I'd, rather than go down the conversation of what's Jimmy Car like, I'd straight away try and ask him about driving a cab, football, Brexit and why it worked, stuff like that. Yeah, it's going well, isn't it? And then let them run, let them rip.

What a lovely country Rwanda is. And why more people should go there. Oh, well, mind it. It gets cold here, don't it? Yeah, yeah. No, that's an interesting. Difflection. Yeah, which I know is a bad habit,

but I can't talk about Jimmy Carr again. Well, um, your book, well, it's out. It came out in the the the the the it came out in the 18th of August, you can get it sort of online and in shops, can't you say that is, let's talk how to have better conversations. And you know, the book it goes from, you know, a police crisis negotiator, John Sutherland, talking about hostage negotiation and the listening involved in that, to someone who spent a year with neo-nazzi's making a Emmy Award winning documentary, to Lorrainee doing that, to Lorraine Kelly, I mean, it's a fairly diverse set of guests that I've gone from the book. You know, did you?

So how was it sitting down with them? I suppose, is it easier with a book than this? I mean, I know this sounds bad. When you do your five live show, when you do your five live show and it'll be 45 minutes or something. Are you ever five minutes into a 45 minutes and you think, oh Jesus, oh God, this is going slow. How am I gonna get this conversation to go?

We want names. Do you know what, the worst conversation, if you want to check it out, it's on headline as the podcast that I do the BBC is Mark Maren the comedian without question the worst interview I've ever done yeah got a name great yeah like he was it was you know what it was just that we totally didn't get each other and what he wanted was an opportunity I think to tell his gags right I I wanted was, so what I would do was, I would describe a scenario that was in his book. And what I wanted was the journey that got to that scenario, whereas he kept thinking that I was giving away the punchlines to the jokes that he wanted to tell,

right? But the thing was, and maybe he wasn't briefed very well for people, is that this isn't Graham Norton when you come on my show, which is all about, just tell us the anecdotes, right? And then go, right? This is actually, we're trying to find out who you are and how you became. And I used the word sociopath, I remember him saying thi-up. he was when he was younger because there was loads of things in a book about how kind of horrific he was to people and there was a lot of drugs and there was a lot of that going on. And I remember him saying things like, people like you use that word sociopath without knowing what it means and that knowing what it was. And then I remember afterwards, afterwards, we came out of the studio and he kind of tried to be a bit chummy. Also it was face. to to to to to to to to to the to the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the th. the th. hea. thi. he a he a he a lot, he a lot, he a he a he a he a he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. And he was th. And he was th. And he was th. And he was, th. And he was. And he was. And he was. And he th. And he th. And he th. And he th. And he th. And he was, th. And he was, th. And he was, th. And he was, th. And he was, th. And, I th. And, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I remember. And, I remember. And, I was, I was, I was, I was, I the studio and he kind of tried to be a bit chummy.

It was face to face as well. Yeah, face to face. Yeah, right? And then he came out trying to be quite chummy and I told him to fuck off. Right? I went, are you joking? Like the way you just carried on it, like he just was horrible. And the thing was in your, Mark Merrin is well known, right? And in America, he's quite well known. But in the UK, he's not really that well known, right? He's quite cultish, right? So my audience were like, who is this horrible guy? Like, being horrible to you, right?

Like, the vast majority of text were like, get him off. And then I was told later on that night that he was performing at the Lowry, and he actually called me out to know if I was there. No. Like, yeah, he's like, is the guy, I think he may have said my name, he may not, the guy from radio, is he here in the audience? Weirdly enough, I had been invited to go before the interview. I obviously said to the PRs, are you joking? What, spend a night with him rather than go and see my family?

And then apparently, this is what I was told by people who are in the audience, that he then went on one about how I'd ruined his day. It was so weird. Like, it was the whole experience with him. You can actually listen to the podcast. It's a headliners, BBC Sounds, Mark Merin, and I've never listened to it back again. I can't wait. I can tell you now, it's going to be astonishing that this one we're doing now, it's going to be number two in

the charts for that. They're going to listen to this. I've never listened to it. I've never listened to it since because it was so I was I I've to I've look ultimately and you both know this because you've been on my show to do it is that you guys are coming on to to sell something right? Yeah and it's a bit of a deep dive. Yeah And I'm provided a platform for us to have a proper conversation about not just the thing that you're selling but kind of who you are and how you get to do the things that you do and why you do the things that you do. So there's a quid pro quo there, right? Like, you know, you're not, you're not necessarily doing me a massive favor, right? Because my audience is not turning up to hear Mark Merrin. They're like, they're not going exactly, right? You're listening to my show on five live, not because of a specific person, but you know there's going to be someone interesting and we're going to have an interesting conversation, right?

That's the point. So when he was like really kind of weird and defensive and, you know, a lot, people will have to listen to it and they'll make up their own choice whether I got it to be, th... is what it is. But in my defense, I would say, I'm doing this 12 hours a week. And if he's the only dude, right? Yeah, I can't remember. In six years. Yeah, then maybe it wasn't me. Like I was just doing what I do, right?

So is that it? I can't wait to listen to that. Yeah, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the only. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I the only. I the only. I the only. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I can't. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. th. th. I'm. th. to. I'm. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the that. Yeah, no just just and I've interviewed people who are regarded to be quite, who don't like being interviewed, right? And had really good interviews with them, Damon Olber and Tom York, those kinds of people, right? And we've had great conversations. So for Mark Merrin to be that guy. Yeah. So what is one thing that wea, that theymeat is, the the the the the the the the the the the the the, thing is, thing is, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. is. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I is. I is. I is. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. And, to. And, to. to. to. to one thing that your partner does, your wife does parenting wise that annoys you, that you haven't really told her, maybe you have now, you've been together a little while, that if she heard on air, she'd go, yeah, fair enough. And also, what is one thing she does parenting wise that's brilliant and a real positive that you don't tell her she does brilliantly enough. So we can weigh it then rather than it, thii. So, then, th. So, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, maybe, thi, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, if that's that's, maybe, maybe, if that's, if that's, maybe, maybe, if that, if thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, if, if, if thi, if thi, if thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. Maybe, if thi. Maybe, if course. So the thing that we argue about the most... Okay, you're gonna go for the negative first, fair enough, fine. Yes, we're gonna go for the negative first. Let's get out of the way because I want to finish on a positive. Yeah, yeah.

That came straight to mind actually, yeah. Well, because it's ongoing. It's like a daily thing. It's that I think she's way too strict and she thinks I'm way I'm way I'm way I'm way I'm way thinks I'm way thinks thinks thinks thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the negative. the negative. the negative. the negative. the. the negative. thi. the. thi. thi. to to to to thi. thi. thi. That's that. That's an immovable problem in sense of the discussion. It's really difficult. That is one that we are trying to work out every single day. And it's a challenge. The positive thing is she's an unbelievable mother. I mean, she's a lioness. She will fight for them and defend them and she organizes everything to within an inch of its life. She's so on it. She's unbelievable. You know, she's just the most brilliant organizer but also super supportive of them. And yeah, and she's, you know, it would all fall apart. I mean, we'd be on Uber eats every night. Right. Like if it was, if. You know, they'd, I mean, we'd

be on Uber eats every night, right? Like if it was left, if it was left to that. But also just again, once they become teenagers, you'll find this, and once they're doing clubs and they're doing sports, the logistics involved to make sure that they're getting to training or they're getting to the match on time is is is is is is is the. is the. is the the their. is.. their. And their. And their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their... their, their. their.. And, their, their. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the. the. to. to. to. to. toe. toe. toe. th. toe. th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's th're getting to the match on time is, you know, it's a huge amount of work and she's just brilliant at it. She's absolutely brilliant and she's so kind of fierce about them. She's fierce and everything that she does and that's amazing. It's nice finishing on a positive, isn't it? Thank you so much. It was one of my favorites we've ever done. I love that. It was really good. Cheers, mate. Thanks. Thank you. Big love. Big love. Nihau, Arthur Naika. Great one. I enjoyed that. I didn't know what it was going to be

like because I've met him before, great guy, really funny and stuff, but with people where they're, like, you know, he's a broadcaster, he can get really serious, but I think that was a perfect balance. Perfect balance. I was exactly, that is exactly what I want this podcast to be, to future guests. No. Really funny stuff, but also some really interesting stuff, and he was opening up about moving and stuff, and I thoo thi th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that, I that, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thi, thi, thi.. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. tha'a'a'a, tha'a, thi. that's, that's, I'm that's, I'm that it was great because there must be so many people listening with the kids aren't happy at school and I'm so lucky that my girls enjoy it but it must be so hard if they don't waiting to pick them up every day so it's nice to know that you get it gets better. Yes

thank you for listening thank you to Nehau let's talk how to have better conversations is out now also if you want it let's's just Google it. Headliners. Oh, we're headliners, Mark Marron and BBC Sounds. You'll find, I think it's got a bit of a cult following as an awkward view anyway, like outside of Nehauer, Mark Marron in that sort of, you know, online world. Oh, well, there we go. I look forward to that.

It's bad enough on Zoom, isn't it, where it goes badly? We get by. Right, I'll see you. I'll speak to you on Tuesday, Josh. See you on Tuesday. You go and sort your kids out. Rather, I can see you looking over your shoulder. Yeah, bye.