Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S05 EP33: Adventures In Babysitting

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... In this episode producer Michael spends 36 hours as a 'parent'. And we find out about Top Knot Debate, Two Rices, Surprise End To Play Date, and Worrying Success of Packed Lunch... Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Widdickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course,

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York You you.c.c.a. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Elevate your morning coffee ritual. From the first sip of coffee in the morning to the on-the-go cup.

Make every morning unforgettable with Nisprasso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nispresso.c.c.c. to learn more. Or an espresso boutique near you. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with, Esmey, can you say, Mr. Bucket? No, not Rob, Robbacke. As a today, can you say Roebbettie? Can you say Joshua?

Whitacum. Widdicom. Widdicum. Widdicum. Lucas! Who's Lucas? There we go. That was cute, wasn't it? This is my seven-year-old son, Fraser, getting an intro for you from his three-year-old daughter, Esmey. Was you eating as that clip was being played?

No, I wasn't. I could sense. That's the sad the thing Rob. It's been a hell of a morning. But it's just been fine, but like, so my daughter's off ill, so I dropped my son at nursery, came back, when I came back, my daughter was then totally fine. Okay, what was Ron? Just felt a bit, a bit of a cold? She was off her food and a bit ill this morning. We're like, if you're all right at lunchtime, we'll take you in. And so I just went down, she was fine. I've got to cancel the thing I'm doing after this, to take her in now, and then I'm just going to sit there in the car, go to a cafe.

It's 12 o'clock now. no point in coming home to go back, I can't go there three times in a day, just sit in a cafe, wait it out, then take her trick-or-treating with her mate after that, because it's Halloween as we record this. That's shit isn't it? That is a shit day. Well I hadn't even thought about that really I just thought that's my day. Yeah, I hate to break it. That's a break. That's it. That's it. It's to to the reality to be. It's the that the that's the that's the that's the the that's that's that's th-I thi-I thi-I thi-I-I-I-I-a-I-a-a-a-a-a-a-I-I-I-I-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-s-s-s-sa-sa-treating-treating treating treating treating treating treating treating treating treating treating treating treating that-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa day. If that's a tie. You've had to cancel work, which is going to only build up later in the week or next week, because you've got to add to that, I'm currently, I'm eating. So I'm currently looking at a piece of toast that I can't eat because I'm starting a podcast and notoriously I eat during the podcast. I'm like, to put my... I'm throw out the window. Wait, oh he's no he's not, he's muted himself to choke down some toast, a pathetic little rat, like a little starving duck at the pond. It's taken so long to wait. Oh, cool city is it be some awful sourdough seeded bastard from East London that cost you five quid. Guilty. Absolutely, exactly what I'm looking at. Dry, I'll dry a throat.

Now he's gonna suck down some oatmeal tea because Josh, I hate to break it to you. I don't think you enjoy life enough. What, what, because I have oatmeal in my tea? It's nice than normal milk? Still chewing? He's still chewing. For now. I wish we're interviewing a guest so there was a third voice that can carry this while I trued.

I wish we had a video of you gobbling that down like a little little bird. Do you want to see me? You want to see my toast? I want to see your toast. Yeah, sure. Look at the seat on that. Look at the head. That's a hard sour dough toast as well, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, well yeah, why don't you finish that and because I want to ask Michael some questions because Michael text us on the WhatsApp group and saying, I'm gonna try read out what Michael sent us. I am now in sole charge of a seven year old for the next 48 hours. You're a big fan of your niece, but I don't think you as a fan of the responsibility of a seven year old for 48 hours? Yeah, obviously, usual caveat. I absolutely adore her. She's one of my favorite people in the world. And you've been charged for 48 hours. How did you find it? Yeah, it was a lot of work. So a little bit of context.

My sisters, so I'm the oldest of four. I've got two sisters who normally kind of pick up the slack in terms of any additional parenting required when it comes to everyone's everyone's the n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n nee. their their their their their their their their their to to their o' to to their o' to to to to to to toe. toe. to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. their. their. to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their. their their the. theaa. thea. their. their. theirea. I. I wasea. I was. And, theirea. And toe. I was. And toea. And toe's nieces and nephews. And unfortunately, they're on holiday in Florida, like the whole rest of the family, and it's just me and my brother that are still here in the UK. My brother was really unwell. He basically couldn't drive, and they said, the only way that we could get her back, the train. But what happened was, I was making my way back to London at this point. So I'd left the Ile of White and I got this phone call saying, look, you need to take her, this is the only way she can get back. You are literally the last result of additional...

This is like a Hollywood film about a man who learns responsibility. Both you and the child learn something about what life really means on this journey. Also, isn't it true that in the Isle of White they call the mainland, the other island? That's the first I've heard. Is it? We call you, you mainlanders, we call you Grockles. Grockles? What's a Grockles? Devin people use that to mean tourists.

Yes, yeah, yeah. Whereas we're corkheads. You're. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. I. their. their. their. their. their. their. Rob, if the places we grew up are so beautiful that people visit them for their relaxing time. No, people... The crockles, with the crockles, you weird little hobbit bastards. Too much time on your hands because there's nothing to do so you think of weird shit. Sorry, carry on, Michael. So I'd already left the island at this point. I've got the boat across and I was waiting for my train at Portsmouth to get back to

London. So anyway, I get this phone call and I then have to wait for my niece to be brought to the ferry and then come over on the ferry for me to to London. By this point, it's quite late in the evening, it's sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so thi. half seven a night. So there's no way I can get her back to Colchester at that point. So she has to come with me to London. Yeah, a plane train and automobile. You could do a kind of that's that's exactly how the film would go. You'd end up like in a front of a lorry with like a guy that you've hitchhiked with. It'd be great. Except I've got a seven year old who is giddy with excitement. the that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the thin, the the the the thin, the the the thin. Yeah, the the thr-a. the the thr-a. the thrown. thr-a. thr-a. thrown, thr-a, a now up this late past her bedtime. B is going to be up for several hours more still by the time we get back. I had no idea how much content and entertainment you have to provide for a

seven-year-old. I didn't have an iPad. I didn't have an iPad. I have my phone, which is running a bit low on battery, but no headphones. No headphones. So I don't want to be that guy on the train that's playing YouTube videos of three blind mice over and over again. So what I do to counteragency. Good seven-year-old reference. Three blind mice. And they love that, seven-year-old over and over again. Well this is this is a barometer of how well it went so I immediately booked first-class train tickets because I think well at least will be probably the only people in that carriage there's 15 minutes prior to this train I think right we'll pop to the W.H. Smith Yeah and I'll get some some magazines just something to keep it so excited about what magazines you bought for seven- th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho thoom tho tho tho thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoomo tho- th tho- th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to th th th th to Just something to keep her. So excited about this. So I'm excited about what

magazines you bought for a seven-year-old considering three blind. Get her my first ABC book. So I bring her with me obviously. I'm not a full one. We're going to go in there and pick blind. So you don't leave her on her own in a plane and try and stay true. The reason you're taking it is not because you're looking after it because you don't want want the the the to pick to pick to pick the to pick the to pick the to pick the to pick the to pick thetry to stay train. The reason you're taking it is not because you're looking after it, because you don't want to pick the wrong magazine. So what I then experience is tantrum number one, let's call it, because she's obviously tired, she's a little bit overwhelmed by everything that's going on, of course.

Get to sort of form of decision paralysis because rather than me picking one for or suggesting, I think I'm being a cool uncle and going, hey, you can have anything that you like. And then she's doing the choice. Yeah, but I don't think that's the wrong thing to do. I don't think you could just go take this magazine. I don't think, I don't think you're in the wrong now, Michael. I think that you played the train was rapidly disappearing to purchase it and get back. And I was in a scenario where she was currently holding five different magazines with lots of plastic tap and just didn't know which one to pick. And every time I sort of suggested I tried to force it, I could feel the verge of like a nuclear meltdown happening. And I'm not a parent. I don't know how to do with this. By the end I bought three and also to placate her I ended up by myself a Lego one because

she didn't think it was fair if I came into the shop and bought a magazine that didn't. So there was currently a nine pound unopened Lego toy magazine downstairs. Roble out of that. Yes, please. I'll take that. So get on the train. That that that that that that actually that that that that that thrain thrain thrain that thoes. That actually thoes. That actually thoes. That thoes. That thoes. That thoes. That tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. that. that. tho tho tho tho tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to too. too. too. I too. I too. too. I too. te. te. toy. I toy. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too.. So get on the train. That actually goes relatively smoothly, the train journey. There's no one else in first class, so she uses my phone for a little bit, watching some stuff on YouTube, go through the magazine. I'm having to answer a lot of questions as part of these magazines, little kind of Q&A's a lot of animal facts, a lot of stuff that it really exposed the lack of knowledge that I I at a seven-year-old entry level in terms of the animal kingdom and multiple choice questions about various animals. I think there was a questionnaire of 10 ones.

I got every single one wrong. What are the questions? Well, it was like, what does this type of lizard do to scare off its enemies? And it was like, shoot blood from his eyes, pretend it's dead. And I actively was like, well, it obviously doesn't shoot blood from his eyes. That's ridiculous. And then you go to the answers,

shoots blood from his eyes. And by question seven, having got every single one wrong, she thought I was taking the pitch. She thought I was deliberately getting all of these wrong. So I just th just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I was I was I was I was I was I was I was just I was just I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately. I was deliberately. I was deliberately. I was deliberately. I was deliberately. I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was deliberately I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was bit like oh yeah silly uncle Mike he doesn't know anything. I genuinely knew nothing. He sounds like true's blood from its eyes because no children's writer is going to come up with that as a multiple choice option unless it's correct surely that's too bleak. Well I went the I went the other way

and thought it's so bleak that they would have included it as a fact. Yeah no in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. Yeah. Yeah. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It was. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I tr. I tr. I tr. I tr. true. I true. I true. I true. I true. I true. I tr. I tr. I tr have included it as a fact. No, in hindsight you're right. Anyway, we get to London. So Michael, can I stop? He sounds like this is trauma. You sound like PTSD. I mean, I've had better 48 hours in my life, yeah. So you've got right. I've also, prior to this, spent the last two days with her, one of those days was a children's party. So in terms of my social battery with children, that had tapped out a long time ago. We get to London, getting a black cab. Can I just ask something? Sorry. Like me and Rob, at what point did you think? Well at least it's podcast content. I'd say at this point I hadn't because you're a good man. Like me and Rob Rob who would have noted it in our phone notes before you could say pat lunch which we will get on to

what we'll start that message to you guys I was just in survival mode like I'm not I'm not match fear I don't have the muscle memory for any of this I normally ride in three hours on the call uncle I engage I'm present we have fun they hours on the call uncle, I engage, I'm present, we have fun, they draw on me, I play, do some silly voices and then I'm gone, I'm out again. I've never heard you do a voice in my life. Do a silly voice now? Absolutely not.

Do you want you to do no, no, no, no, no, come on. Absolutely not. Come on. Absolutely not. Come on. Let the dog see the rabbit. So we get a black cab. We're an auto-lew to East London, which is, you know, it's fun, it's an adventure. By this point, she's saying she's hungry again. I don't know whether she is or not.

When did she last eat? Well, I probably about 6, 6.30. I wasn't there because I was making my way back. I think at this stage, at this stage, you've just got to shove food down them if they want it, right? Well, I just, I didn't have anything in the car. All I had on me was water, so I, so, so, so, so, so, so I, so I, I, I, I, I, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank, I was, I was, I drank, I was, I was, I drank, I was, I drank, I was, I was, I drank some, I drank some, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was drinking, I was drinking, I was drinking, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I was drinking some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I drank some, I was drinking some, I was drinking some, I was, noticing, I'd say next three quarters of a bottle of mineral water and then I have to take it off and I'm like, whoa, whoa, I think I know enough about children's know that's probably too much water. Yeah, they need a piss immediately. Well, we'll come to that.

So are you in, so what car are you in? So we get to my house, she's really excited to like see us, see the place she's not th., so, so, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th thi thi the thi thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thiiiiiiia'''''er's toea'er's toea'er's toeatea'a'er's to thia' their their, the way to East London. So we get to my house, she's really excited to like see us, see the place she's not been here before. Lideland's really exciting. I sort of show her around, show her where she's going to be staying. You very quickly realize when there is a small child in your house, how ill-equipped it is. There wasn't a single room where they weren't at least sexual images there are on the wall. Like a mechanics toilet. What's what's front magazine? Well, a little publication. Maxim. What was that? What was that? There isn't a room that's sort of suitable for a child to stay in? Like, no, let alone playing, but also to sort of go, well, you're going to sleep in here overnight. I have no idea what a seven-year-, but also to sort of go, well, you're going to sleep in here overnight. I have no idea what a seven-year-old gets up to at night, what things, drawers they go

through. So did you have a spare room? Or? Well, we have the only sort of spare room, and I used to spare room is a sort of like, it's essentially a kind of walk in wardrobe. We haven't we haven't lived here for long so nothing is It's a bad though I did it's a big room it was you know formerly a bedroom that's been turned but it's also it's also sort of a dumping ground for boxes and bags and everything as we're still kind of unpacking and we're still their furniture to arrive so we don't currently have a bed we've just got a mattress on the floor like it is it is a disaster zone. Yeah. It is a disaster zone. Yeah. It is a small. Yeah. It is a small. It is a small. It is a small. It is a small. It is a th. It is a th. It is a disaster. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a th. It is a the the the the the the th. It is a the the th. It is a th. It is a th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the the the th. the the th we're still waiting for furniture to arrive. So we don't currently have a bed, we've just got a mattress on the floor. Like it is, it is a disaster zone for a small child to come into,

let alone sleep in. So I managed to find a blow up bed that I had an old camping bed blow that up, cobbled together some bedding, calm her down to go to sleep because obviously energy of what's happened. She falls asleep. By this point, I'd say it's gone midnight. I'm also exhausted. I wound down about an hour later. Now she's on the ground floor, we're on the floor above. About 1 o'clock, just after 1 o'clock, I'd started to drift off.

I'm sort of in that state where you're asleep, starting to kind of dream but not quite. So you can sense what's going on. I've forgotten that there's a child in the house by this point because I'm just going to sleep now. This is just my normal Sunday routine. And I hear like, like little pitter patter of footsteps come up the steps. And I don't quite wake up, but I'm like slightly freaked out by it. The door pushes open and I can just leaning over me whispering, can hear someone saying come with me no what come with me and I haven't quite woken up so I'm like I'm like what what to say to come with me eventually I wake up and I look up and she stood over me I'm like oh what's up you're like you okay and she's like come with me thu to come with me and she's like come with me and I look up and she stood over me.

I'm like, oh, oh, what's happened? You're okay, you're okay? She's like, come with me. And I'm like, what's wrong? Tell me and she just won't tell me and she's like, come with me. So she leads me by her hand downstairs. And bless her, because she's been pumped straight to sleep and she's just wet the bed. Yeah, she's not gonna know where the toilet is. She doesn't know where the toilet is.

She's in a strange place. She's also just too much water in her. So we deal with that, we strip the bed. Almost so she was killed in Victorian times. That was the other reason why she was There is no change of like night wear. There's no change of bedding. Give her one of your retro football t-shirts, Michael. An old Sam Doria shirt from the 90s to wear in bed. There is no way I'm letting a small child piss on that. So I'm now sort of cobbling together this mad like outfit and

outfit and bedding. And what I found was like my biggest beach towel was like layer one and then a slightly smaller beach towel and as I sort of put her back to bed and closed the door and said good night, I just sort of looked at this really bleak sort of like world war two refugee child vibe minette that's been created. Luckily she then slept through the night. Oh, bless her up the next morning. Well, I say got her up the next morning. She woke me up the next morning. And I said to her, because I know she's notoriously in early rise, so I said, look, it's really late, like, please, if you wake up in the morning, can you just wait a bit longer before you come and wake up? Because I'm not to sleep. I've not tried that actually, I should give that a go. I didn't work out. Well, I'd not. that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not that. th. I've not that. that. I've not that. I've not that. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. Yeah. I've not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've not. Yeah. I've not th. Yeah. I've not. Yeah. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. I've not. Yeah. I've not. I've not. I've not th. I've not. I've not th. I've not th. I've not th th. I've not th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I've not. I've not. I've not th. I've not th. I've not th. I've not th past 5 in the morning. There's a little knock on the door.

Oh, no. Well, it is a strange place as well for her, isn't it? Yeah, and she's so sweet. She's like, Uncle Mike, Uncle Mike, I'm awake. It's still dark. The clocks haven't gone back at this point. So anyway, get up, take her out for breakfast the next morning. Again, not equipped for this. I live in East London. I have never had to consider what is acceptable or appropriate for a small child. In terms of like breakfast options. No, I found a sort of local cafe around the corner, walked around.

Obviously it's really, really busy because it's East London. I'm sat at a table with a seven-year-old surrounded by kind of hipsters and young people drinking their coffee Every single conversation she was only into completely inappropriate for a seven-year-old So lots of questions about uncle white. What does what does that mean? What are they talking about? Oh, nothing. What's a K-hole? And she's very kind of curious and very inquisitive but kind of also quite sweet and innocent. So again I'm just like, I don't know what the rules are here. I don't want to get in trouble from like her mom, her dad.

How much do I explain? How much do I not? You know, I could just about busk it if it's Father Christmas or like heaven. I can maybe get away with that. Go on, give me your, give me your, uncle Mike. What happens when we die? Well, lots of people believe different things. Some idiots think that they go to heaven. Other people to play me. Legends like they.

Legends like, Nathan, you rot into the ground and never, just eternity of nothingness. Yeah, shortly after anyone that ever remembers you existed has gone forever. It's is is th, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, then, then, then, then, thuuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thus, thus, thus, thi, thus, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, thi, thi, thi, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. Well, thu. thu. thu. thi. thi, thi, thea, thea. thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thiii. Well, th ever remembers you existed has gone forever. It's all pointless. You know, enjoy your scrambling. Yeah, you can deal with that one, fair enough. Miller Light. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller time.

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When I got back on that train, I would say it is the most exhausted I've been in my entire life. Probably not physically, but the mental exhaustion, the level of like responsibility and the inability to just be, just to turn off. Yeah. I'd been on, I think I've been on the fence for quite some time about whether I did or didn't want kids and 100% I'm never going to have children. Wow. Welcome to the show.

I bet you get used to it though, the mental tiredness and you get more confident. Why would you want to get used to that? No, but it's like, no, what I'd say is like any job, you know, you know when your first day on a job? You know, even when I worked at Sangebreez, my head felt like it was going to burst, but then over time you just get used to it and before you know it, you're doing it subconsciously? There you go, Michael. That's a, that's a settle for you. No, but you've heard about the different levels of competence. You know, have a conscious incompetence, which, which at something and you're oblivious about it then you're conscious incompetence which I think is what Michael was going through where he was aware

that he didn't know what to do but then with any new skill or new challenge I'd say that is the basis of this whole podcast is conscious and competence isn't it? Pretty much but then you get to a point where you are consciously competent which is a lot easier but still is tiring because you know what you need to do, but it's just hard to remember to do it. And then you have unconscious competence where you can just do it without thinking. It's like driving is a good example of that. Your first driving lesson, you're like, well, yeah, this is fun. And then you realize, oh, actually, wheel going I know how to drive but I have to concentrate all the time but then after a while you're driving without even

thinking. It won't surprise you Rob that I'm only a level three of that. Okay fair enough. The wheel remains gripped. I remember when I looked after my brother's kids when I was with me and my and to my ex-girlfriend and the kids were probably about eight and six and I took them them them them them to them them to their to to their to their to their to th to their to to to to their their their to to their their their to their their to their their. I their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I their I their I'm their I'm their I'm th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm only only only only try. I'm only only too. I'm only only. I'm only only. I'm only. I'm only. too. I'm only. I'm only. I'm only. I'm only. I'm only them was missing. Oh my gosh. It just wasn't there and that panic and fear, like feel fit and she was literally just probably like two meters away but around a corner looking at something else and then like a rush around and found her but that that the adrenaline that floods your body is mental. Well Michael I'm glad you feel better. I can't wait to play this back to you when you tell us that you're expecting a baby. Yeah we'll get four episodes out of that. I think we'll be pausing it and talking about each bit. Right, well Josh you did tease some stuff you wanted to talk about this week. So we need to do that. Got some stuff but it wasn't that exciting was it? Do you're on top not debate. So the options are to to to be to be a a to be to be to be a to be a to be to be to be to be the to be to be the to stop. to to the to to the to to the the to to to the to to to the to to be. to the the the to to to to to to to to to be. to on top-not debate to start? So the options are top-not-debate.

Worrying success of Pat Lunch? Yeah. Surprise end to play date. And humiliation or something? Or two rice humiliation? I'd quite like two rice humiliation first, please. Okay, this is the only one hour. Yeah, exactly. 20 minutes, depending how much of his own voice, Markle and stomachs are here.

So I went to my friend's 40th. Yeah. And there was a, I wasn't drinking. So I was excited that there was also Thai food in the pub. So I didn't have my dinner. Right. This is exciting. Got there, the pub menu, right? Yeah. I ordered before I went into the room. I ordered, so it was green curry.

And I said, and I'll have a side of rice, side of sticky rice, and some spring rolls. Right. Right. Get to the table. No one else is eating. They're just having drinks. Someone's ordered some spring rolls already. Yeah.

So the first thing that happens happens that person's ordered the spring rolls, they don't want all of them. They say, I'll swap you one of my spring rolls now for one of yours when it comes, right? The classic situation. As I'm eating one of the four spring rolls on the table, my spring rolls and the way to say, oh, someone someone likes spring rolls. Okay, yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thi I I I I I I I I I's th. th. th. thi, I' I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. I'll th. I'll, I'll the the th. I'll the the the the the the the the the the they'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I I I I I I I I'll, I I I I'll, I I I I'll, I'll, I I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll they's, I'll the they'll the the the the the the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the the the the the they'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll they'll that. I'm a little humiliated by the fact I've got eight, I look like a man who's ordered eight spring rolls, but fine. And you're doing some sort of weird trade-off back-ander with the table. Yeah. And then my meal turns up. The green curry comes with rice. Of course it does. All curries come with rice. No, they don't. They do in pubs. And they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. tho. tho. the. the. the. tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. the. the. the. tho. tho tho the. thooooooooooooooooooo the. the. the. the. the. the. I th rice. No they don't, Trob. They do in pubs. And then they've given me a side of rice. Side of sticky rice.

He loves carbs this boy. And I'm like, surely, and he was like, oh, did you not know it came with rice? I'm like, of course I didn't. I haven't ordered a side expecting rice with a curry. Well I said I bet this happens all the time he says it's never happened before. I'm on his side. Do you want to know what he then said? I thought well he'll probably say oh well he'll probably say oh well. It's a classic misunderstanding. Yeah, it I would have said. Yeah, what? I would have gone. It's all right. I'll just have rice pudding for a little. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

I wish I'd had that quick thinking. What did you say? Well, sorry. I thought he was going to say, fine. Honest mistake, we'll take it off your bill. We'll take it off right, fine, but I don't want a fucking doggy bag for some sticky rice. When am I going to eat that? True, no one wants to take rice home. No one wants to take rice home, Rob. Okay, so that was your rice humiliation. That was humiliating. Okay, now, top knot debate.

Right, okay. in our house. Top-not debate, right? Okay, what's the debate? My son, who's 18 months, 19 months probably by now, his hair's in his eyes. Okay. And Rose started giving him a top-not. Hmm. In my views, exactly, Rob. I just think, maybe give him a cut his ear? That's, do you know what, Rob? You're preaching to the choir. Or a little clip to the side? Well, yeah, that's what they do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the is thai the the the the the the the the the the the the their ta their their tape, their thai thai thai the. thai the. the. thai thai thai thai Or a little clip to the side. Well, yeah, that's what they do at nursery. What's the plan? Yeah, what's the plan? What's the plan? She'll say stuff like, but he looks really cute. And you can't say, no, he looks like a fucking prick.

Because he's your own son. Now, what kind of top knot? Is it like, ba'bababababababa or is it at the back like a Leeds footballer? It's I've got I'm surely have a photo of this on my phone. Oh no that is a bit back at the back like some little seaboard. It's a bit Andy Carroll isn't it? God he looks like you Josh he's one of those babies that looks like me one minute he looks like me one the too one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's. He's. He's. th. that's. that's. that's. that's. today. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. the the that minute, he looks like you chewing on toast. He looks like me with a top knot. Yeah, and I think that's the problem here, isn't it? Ryan's just heard me.

She's just showing the top notos great. I, yeah, I'm not against boys having long hair. I think that's fine, obviously, you know, I'm a modern man. But I think a clip to the side more than I'm more, I'm more, just can't because it's so East London it's painful. Stop whispering just because she can hear don't panic you're allowed your views. No one's wrong no one's right. Everyone's got an opinion. So what's the plan going forward with this? Well it's a stalemate, he's got one. It's not a stale mate, he's got one. It's a very weird inscription of a stale mate.

It's a stalemate, that is very telling isn't it? No, I actually agree. If the one's a top knot, you don't. What's the situation? He's got a top knot? You're calling that a stale mate. No, it's not not the top mate would be hair in the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the eyes the th a top knot. You're calling that stalemate? No, it's not a tall mate. Stale mate would be hair in the eyes. He's gone out with hair in the eyes this morning. Right. So he's gone to nursery, which admittedly I took him, without a top knot.

But then he can't see where he's going. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'd rather and trip over than have a top knot. But that is very East London, isn't it a top knot on a child or a little boy child? I don't know what to do about it. Well, I mean, I mean the top no is just a sort of entry-level drug to the full ponytail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We both know how it's going to panel out. Yeah, we will end up. So I want surprise ending to play date. Yes, please. Went on a very successful play date. Yeah. My daughter and her, a new friend from school. Okay, so and who was there, parents wise? All four. All four, okay.

That's very new child at school keen. By the second one, you just one parent's going. Yeah, I'll drop off, even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even. Even even. Even even. Even even. Even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even. Even even even parent's going. Just one parent, fucking. I'll drop off even though I've never met you before. And how, yeah, so how was that? So you all got on, did you? It was lovely, yeah, very nice. And then do you want to know how the play date ended? Go on? My son, who was there, who's 18 months. Yeah? What did he's talking about a new app, but um no He brought Rose out of nowhere First he brought me my shoes, then he brought rose her shoes Then he brought her a coat and then he brought her bag. He can't even speak properly yet. What what he ended he ended the play date. He ended the play date. I don't think that's a successful play date. But it is until that moment Yeah, but that's how that's that's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he that's he that's he that's that's that's that's that's that's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he that's he he he he he he he that's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he I don't think that's a successful play date. Well, it is until that moment. Yeah, but that's how, that's not.

You could go, well, that's a successful date until she slapped me and spat in my food. No, but he wasn't on the play date. He was just the plus one, wasn't he? It was the daughters. Right, oh, okay, that makes that makes that makes, that makes, that makes, that makes, the that's, that's, the that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the that's, that's, that's a that's a their. that's a their. that's a that's a successful. that. that's a successful. that's a successful. that's a successful. th. that's a successful. that's a successful. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a successful. that's a successful. that's a successful. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a. that's a successful. that's a successful. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a successful. that's a successful. that's a successful. that's a successful. the that that's a successful. that's a successful. that th. that th. that. Well yeah exactly because going forward he won't have to go to the when he's older. But it was quite surprising because he's he showed a level of knowledge of what we needed to leave that I didn't know he possessed. Oh so yeah that he went and got all of the stuff. Yeah, he needed to leave. He can't even fucking speak properly, Rob. Yeah, I was aware that we'd need our shoes. Did you want to go at that point? Was you thinking and wrapping it up? No, I was fine.

It was fine, if they're listening. Okay, if they're not? I was fine. All right, okay. Yeah, because my daughter was having a great time. It is, having an 18-month-old on a, saying they brought one that little one. Fucking hell. Okay, that's all of us. That's all of us chatting and hovering. That's none of us sat down having a cup of tea while the old ones play. That's us, all of us, wandering around following this nutter.

What a fucking top knot? Easy to pick him up though. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this

good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. And what was your last one, packed lunch success? Yeah, worrying. So half-term. She went in for a couple of like activity days at the school. One of them was going to the theater trip. So they had to pat lunch. Nice. What did she try and see it at the the theatre? Oh, I don't know. Some play. Minut. Minutes, you're not taking on board the full load. Who is it the play tho. The mouse mouse play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play play. that's play. that's. that's. that's. that's. that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the that. that. the that. the the that. the the that. that. the that. Anyway. The mouse trap. Anyway, we can keep naming them.

We can keep naming them. Yeah. The blame is. So a poor patrol lunchbox didn't arrive. Okay. In time. Basically what I ended up having to do was I printed out a load of poor patrol pictures and begins a pee. What would you call, you know, an unbranded lunchbox. A plastic, a tupaway box? Topawa box, begins a tea, sorry.

Okay, I'm not going. Josh, can I tell you something here? I love you, but I'm lost on this story now. Yeah, no. I didn't need the extra detail. No. So let's go back to basics. She's got on a theater trip and the lunch tha lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch lunch. tholn. thololol. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. too. too. thi. thi. too. to to to to to to to too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. th. th. th. th. th. th. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. th. the th. the t. t. t. together. together. together. the. together. together. together. together. to to to to to to to too. to together. togetheratre trip and the lunchbox didn't arrive. Anyway, that doesn't matter. I made her a pack lunch, right? And it was absolutely, she nailed it. We roasted the sandwich I did the other bit, blah, blah, we made it. What's in it? Yeah. Cucumber sandwich, her favorite, the only one she'll eat.

Yeah. Buttered. Bumbers? Buttered. Mmm. Pomba's. Classic. Classic. The kids crisp. No idea why. Yogurt. Yeah. Apple. Sure.

Apple juice. Nice. Something else. And she loved it. Loved it. And now I'm really worried because she doesn't really, she's not a huge fan of the school dinners. Right, okay so it's at a moment she of the school dinners. Right, okay, so it's at a moment

she's just eating what the school provide, because she loved this pat-lunch. Do they have an option to do pat-lunch? Yes, but I don't want to activate the option wrong. I'm fucking dreading the thought of her asking for full-time pat-lunch. the-I every day. No. No, not for you. No, it's not for me.

But I think it's going to get activated, isn't it? What do I do? If she asks again, do I give her a bad pat lunch? Well, basically, I think you're going to be at a stale, mate, which will involve you doing a pack lunch, their today's, the old, th, th wash and condition your son's shoulder length hair before school every morning and then make a pat lunch as as the compromise. Oh God my life I'm so weak. You're so to the beta in your house. So I might to be honest I don't know why I'm trying to give it this absolute old school as the trousers, Alfa, literally whatever Lou says, eventually I will go with.

Yeah. Oh God. Right, let's do some correspondence, Josh. We've had a couple. We've got a Barack Obama story here, but did we ask... Do you hurry up the correspondence one because I've got a date with sitting in a cafe for two hours on my own. Yeah, the the the the the the the the their their th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do to to to to to to to to theree, oh, to to to to to to to to to tho, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to me, tho. Oh, tho. my own. So yeah, I wouldn't want that to get shorter for you. Did we ask the Barack Obama stories? Yeah, because we were talking about Barackabuma, were we, Barackabuma? Oh yes, this is, yes, Barackabuma. This is a Barack Obama, Barackabuma story.

Okay, so it's a slight boomer story. Imagine a story. Well, you've got one one one one one one one one one one one, the the the the the the tha, I I I I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've tha, I've tha, I've th. I've tho, I've tho, I've tha, I've, I'm th. I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I'm, to, to, to. I'm, to. I'm, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. Well I've got one yeah. Imagine it. I just feel so much better than everyone. I don't really. I sort of forgot I had that until someone brought up Barack Obama. Anyway my nephew met Barack when he was in Watford playing at the Grove playing at the Grove. What? My brother in North thought it would be a good idea to walk through the woods and pop up in the golf to try and pop up in the golf course................... the, I. the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've the, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I the, I to to the, I I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I've the, I've the the the the the the the the the the the the their, I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the th. I've playing the Grove, playing golf. So he was over here for like the G8 or something. Yeah and he was playing golf. And anyway, my nephew, who was about eight, ended up being surrounded by a secret service personnel that were in the woods keeping guard. Ollie said he just wanted to say hello. Baraq said to him he wasn't allowed to get out of the golf cart for security reasons. What a load of bollics that is. How's he, how that, how that he, how th a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a that is that is th. How's th. How is th. How is th. How is that is th. How is, how that is, how that is, how th. How is, how th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is th. How is he?. How is he?. How is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is he is th. How is he is tho. How's he is he is thoooooo. He's he is thooooooooo. He's thooo. He's in a drive? He's still in the car, cutting. Right, yeah, line it up, just slowly, slowly accelerate. I'll put the putter out.

However, he did get one of the security people to give him one of his golf balls. Oh, that's nice. That was his show and tell the next day. That's a good one. That's a good one. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hea, oh, that's, that's, that's, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, that's, that's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooo. He. He's, th. thi. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. He's, that's a good one. That's good. It's very good. Oh, right. So this is a weird, look, we've had a lot of people, we was talking about past-a-passa-pastle, we're talking about past-a-pastle at your daughter's birthday. Yeah. And we said, we've had a lot of people messaging I look at it is, if the birthday boy or girl always wins, then they win once a

year essentially. Because what's the other option? Pure luck? Yeah, skill. Yeah. Like, like people holding on to the parcel, you don't want that. Because the problem is if you look away and you do it properly and you don't cheat it, then there is always one prick kid kid the the the the thkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.. thkikikikikikikikikikikikikikiki. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's th. that's th. th. that's th. that's th. th. that's th. that's th. that's th. th. that's a that's a thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. theate. thei. theiii. that's that's that's that's that's that's then there is always one prick kid in the circle that's trying to dominate and work out when you're doing it.

So I just think it's easier if you just let everyone make sure there's enough layers of sweets so everyone gets an unwrap and then the main prize goes to the birthday boy or girl. That's the way I do it. I don't that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the way the way the way the way the way the way. the way. the way the way the way. the way the way the way. the way the way the way. the way the way the way the way I's thoooo. that's that's that's know why that's wrong. Do you do pass the parcel? We have done, yeah, but not for ages, but whenever, when we have done that, it's a bit of a younger kid game really. I think when they get a bit older it gets a bit scrappy, don't it? Yeah, the birthday party I went to you yesterday, Rob. Because they never ended.

Well was it in the park? It was in a the the the it was in a sports hall, so they had one half of a sports hall. Yeah. And they had the sports hall had a bouncy castle. Perfect. Let's send you a video of this bouncy castle. That is unbelievable. Look at the size of that bounty castle. It's like three levels, isn't it?

So I think the sports will own the bouncy castle but anyway that's amazing I came in the wrong entrance Rob pardon? You know what there's a reason that we've gone exclusive but because we're a bit naughty yeah a little bit ruined lockdown parenting after dark. You came in the wrong entrance, did you? Yeah. I did came in the wrong entrance, right? By that, I mean, we ended up on the wrong side of a game of volleyball and had to cross

a rival. I thought he was implying you ejaculated into an an anus. No, no. No, I didn't. Sorry, Josh. Yeah. And so you you a volleyball game by accident? They had to stop the volleyball game so that we could get to the child's party. Oh no, that's, I mean, that would be annoying having a kid's party going on when you're trying to play volleyball properly.

Yeah, but it was one hell of a bouncy castle. It is. It was very impressive actually. I've seen a lot in my time and that was unbelievable. Well done. In conclusion, I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was th. that was that was that was that was to be to be to be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that would be that was that was that would be that would be that was that would be that would that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was very th. I was very th. I was very th. I was very th. I was very thin. I was very th. I was very that was very that was very that was very. Yeah. Well done. But in conclusion, I do think that the parent of the child who's birthday is has all rights to give that child the victory in the possible. I think the parent of the child should be in charge of the music. All the guests get to unwrap it once, so make sure you've got enough layers with a suite or something in that, wrapping maybe a packet of whatever, and then the main prize goes to the, their, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their, their their their, their their their, their, their their their their their their is is, their their their is, their their their the is, tha. I is, tha. I is, tha. I is tha.a. I's tha.a. I's tha. I's tha. I's pauaua' tha' their thranny, their theirto the party that the put, because otherwise it's not fair, is it? No. Because then if you always do that, then the party boy or girl always wins and then everyone gets it once a year.

Yes, yes, exactly. Okay, that's why I think anyway. Right, should we do a small business shout out? Yes. Here we go. Hi Robin Josh. Josh, my husband started his business, Pitt Pat, from his living room eight years ago. Born from a love of dogs and his love for electronic engineering, Pit Pat, is a dog activity monitor. It is essentially a fit bit for dogs, and today he launched a dog GPS tracker so you can find your dog if he or she runs off. It's UK-made with a brilliant team in Cambridge. It's waterproof and has the longest battery life of any wearable.

I don't know what that means, but they look, there's an exclamation mark, so it must be good. Pit Pat's mission is to keep dogs happy, healthy and safe. We love to give your listeners a 20% discount across all products. Here we go. This is what we're ready for guys, two and a half years in you guys are getting some discount. Here we go. So Parenting Held 20, all in capitals and it's 2-0 for the 20.parency, parenting held 20.20, it's a great product for yourself or a Christmas present for dog lovers. Find us at Pit Pat. dot com. So that's a 20% off if. They're just doing that for you. No, we're not.

That's not how we work in small business. So we're not doing that to get like a lot of influences do that and then they get a kickback. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. Thank you for thin. We're not. I think Lou would want that for Fred to see how fast he's running and how far he's running because he absolutely built it, pitback. Very good. Now, you said we're not getting kicked back on that.

I should fully declare on this. This person did stop me on a towpath to ask whether they could have a small business shout-out. Yeah, that's good. That's fair. I should be clear on that's fair I should be clear on that and I think if you're willing to stop me on a towpath fair enough. I'll read you the first email which says my charity is the UK's biggest speech and language charity for children. We know lots of parents want help with their kids to learn to talk but aren't sure where to start and from reading Rob Beckett's book it

seems he to understand how important this is. 1.7 million kids are to to to to to to to their to to to their to th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. their their to be to be to be tho. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thean. toean. toea.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. th. toe.e.e. the. the the. the the the the. 1.7 million kids are behind in talking and understanding words post-Covid. Speech and Language UK is a charity that gives free advice and guidance to families wanting to help their children as well as providing tools and training to schools and putting pressure on politicians to do more for these children. If you're worried about your child or you want to help others head to speech and language org.uk. Speach and language.org. the tria. Charity has a free inquiry service so you can get advice from qualified speech

and language therapists about what you can do to help your child. Children who have speech and language challenges are a high risk of falling behind at school, getting mental health problems and getting into trouble with the law. So get help today or donate to help others, speech and language.org. the UK. Very good cause. Get yourself so basically help yourself on a towpath in East London. Help a child to read or find out how fast your dog is. Up to you. Up to you. I'd say do both, not just one. And if you want that email in or just approach me near a canal. Yeah, near a canal. I'll be there for the next two hours after this, wrong killing time.

Just waiting. Right, I'll speak to you on Friday, Josh. Look forward to it. It's going to be a good one. Bye. If you are not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. to be able. to be able. to be able. to be able. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the the the the the the the tho. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to queue and you are waiting, then step to the side! He got in touch, you said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times. The self-service check-out. I don't care what you're called. I'm not getting tricked into working here.

People at festivals. People are their touche. I don't care if the watches watches are stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid the the the th ggusts th guu st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st stuits thuits thuits their thi sta. their their their to their their their to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ths. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. touche. touche. touche. tape. touche. tape. touche. to tonine for a bottle of water. Why does your Wi-Fi code? Ten characters love starts guiding young. I don't care if you watch it is Boots, Cut, jeans. What's U.S. to set you now? I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm the host of What's U.S. the the thoast you now. podcast and we are back for series five. Bull-ya! We all love a good moan, don't we?

And Sean and I, well, Sean mostly, are two of the best in the absolute business. And every Tuesday and Thursday, we moan about all those little things that really get our go. We also have guests. What guests have we had, Sean? We have had Romish Rangan, Robbekit, Mark Lamar, toran, Mark, Mark, Mark, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Mark, Joe, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and Mark, and Mark, and Mark, and Mark, and Mark, and, and, and, and Mark, and th. tho, and tho, and th. th. th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and Mark, and Mark, and Mark, and Mark, and th., and th. And, and th. And, and th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thea. theau. thooooooooo-s. theauoo'er Ryan, Tom Allen. 15 minute episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Brand new, What's Upset You Now, series 5, out now. Oh for God's sake. Josh, you fancy going for a beard?

Maybe like the 14th of April. Can't do the 14th of April. How come? We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena at Manchester Arena. Oh, no, I can't do that. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'll that I'll that I'll the parenting. I'll the parenting. I'll the parenting. I'll that I'll the parenting. I'll the parenting. I'll the parenting. that I'll the parenting. the parenting. that I'll the parenting. the parenting that I'll th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that. th that. th that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the. Oh, okay, yeah. How about the 19th of April? Oh, no, I can't do that. I'll be doing the Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. What about the 20th of April?

Cardiff Arena, Parenting Hell Live, Cardiff Arena. 21st? Oh, no, no, I can't do that either. London, O2. 20, 23rd, we've, th, th, th, th, th, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20 a day off. 23rd, yes, yes, Wembley. What about the 28th of April? I'm in Birmingham. Do you know what, Rob? Parent and Hell Live Tour. Yeah, but we'll just have a drink afterwards. Yeah, that'd be nice.

We need to plug the live tour by the way. Oh yeah, yeah, there's a live tour of Parenting Parent parent parent parent parent parent parent parent of parenting of parenting of parenting of parenting of parenting. absolute thrill to do. And do you know what it would make? The perfect Christmas present. Two of those tickets. Oh, great Christmas present. Or Father's Day present or Mother's Day present. Exactly. See you there!