Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S05 EP39: How is this my job?

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Nisprasso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nisproso.C.A. to learn more or a Nesproso boutique near you. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Parenting Hell with Adelaide, can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Josh Widdicum? This is one ghercom? There we go. Adelaide, is that where you are Rob? No, but I've been there. You've been there. Okay, congrats. I've done it already. I've done it already. I've done it already. Adelaide. They call it Radelide. They call it Radelade. They call it, what? It's a radolade. Radolade. They call it radolade. It's a little. Radalade. Radalade. They call, they. R- Rad. Rad. Rad. Rad. Rad. Rad. Rad. Radol-a. They call. Rad. Radol-a. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They call. They call. They call. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it. They call it they call it they call it they call it they call it they call it they call it bit of stick from Australians because it's quite twee. It's quite, it's quite a small city. They've got a central business district that comprises of one building. Yeah, I'm so. It's very,

it's very centralized. Yeah. I'm confused. It's 7 a.m. here. It's 7 a.m. the. It's 8 p.m. where you are. And 8 p.m. UK time. I'm a bit all, I'm all confused and... How long have you been up, Rob? Truthfully? I'd say seven minutes would be over-exaggerating. So you thought, I've got to do 7 a.m. What time did you set your alarm clock? A quarter to 7? And then you slept. I snused. You snoo? I had a little snooze.

Astonishing, 15 minutes from record time. But you know, one of the friends biggest and most important podcast who snoozed? It's not important. Do you think Alistair Campbell's snoozing, Rob? No, he's too angry. He's never slept. That's why it's so riled. Oh yeah, anyway, I hope it sounds alright because I fucked up the internet connection. Oh God, I basically, I feel alright, but I am, I logged, this is, I don't know if this is boring,

I think it is actually. I logged into my internet in this hotel and just did the normal hotel one, but the quality's not good enough. So what I've had to do is log on to the conference the conference the conference to to the conference to to the conference to to the conference to to the conference to the conference the conference to to the conference to the conference the conference to the conference to the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference the conference their their their their th. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just did the normal hotel one but the quality is not good enough. So what I've had to do is log on to the conference one on my iPad so that's good enough. But I wanted to log into that on my laptop but I couldn't, I literally cannot get out of this network now. I'm just trying to log in for ever. Well it seems so. I actually went into my key chain Josh and deleted some of my same lock. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. th. th. I was th. I was the. I was th. I was th. I was th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've to to to loged. I've to loged. I've to loged. I've to loged. to to loged. to logged. to loged. I've to logged. I've to logged. I've to loged. I've been in there mate and I felt like I was coding. I felt like wow I feel like Elon Musk just like I'm in here just like changing it up and I still couldn't do it. So I'm talking to you on my iPad. What is your keychain? Is that all your passwords? Yeah, so what I try to do was go in and delete my hotel? the hotel one so that I could go back in, you when, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm, their, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm tod, I'm tod, I'm tod, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tote. tote, tote, tote, tote, tote, too, too, today, their, today, their, their, the and delete my hotel one so that I could go back in. You know when you go to a hotel and it comes up that weird little page where you can put in your hotel room

number or conference or pay for premium. I could never get back to that page Josh and if I could I could put in the conference code if you are staying in the Sofatelle Wentworth in Australia you can if you want the conference internet, their password Sofatelle 18. You heard it from here. Here he is. He's like Robin Hood, letting other people, you know, have the wealth because he's been absolutely done by it. Look baby, I don't think anyone, I don't think there should be barriers to surf in the net. No, of course. Now Rob, I am incredibly ill. I thought you'd be pleased to know that. Oh that. Oh that. Oh, that, that, that, that, that, thue, thi. thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. Here, thi, thi, I thought you'd be pleased to know that. Oh, is this bad?

Oh, so I've got hand foot and mouth, Rob. Oh, just like fucking el Josh, you can't say, I thought this was, I thought you were really ill. No, no, no, no. No, you can't say you're incredibly ill and whip out. What, all right, I'm unwell. I'm incredibly unwell. Thank you. Jesus Christ, I'm very far under the weather. Shall I say that? Yeah? You're very far under the weather. Yeah, okay.

So, yeah, that, so the foot of mouth, that's like little ulcers and... So, the kits in my mouth. So, Rob, last that I got home, about 10 from the England game, I haven't checked. That's, that, th. I Rob? But I do... Maybe I'm just got a spotty ass. I will say it will come at the same time. I will tell you about one of the symptoms down below if you want to hear. Do you want to hear that? Go ahead. So have your kids got this as well or just you?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They've got it. They've got it. Oh my God, they've had it, they've had it and now it's our turn. Well I was talking to Michael and I didn't know his hand-foot-mouth he just said Josh is a bit unwell, okay not incredibly ill and he said I over-soubled I think Josh has given it to me and I thought oh maybe he's got the flu or something or a cold tho the t. You've given a childless man hand foot of mouth. The only childless man in the UK with hand foot and mouth. To be honest, if that comes out, he's gonna be put on a register.

That is so suspicious. That is the toppedo disease. If you've had that, you're basically a pervert. But I didn't catch it for those reasons, just to be very clear, just to be total clarity. Okay, so last night I went to bed, I was feeling awful, and I got in bed, you know, when your skin hurts, and your skin, and every time you move your body into a cold bit of the bed, it's like the worst experience in the world. You know that feeling? And that's normally nice. I like the cold pillow. Yeah, but no, you're just huddling in the bit that the body warmth has kept up.

I couldn't get to sleep, Rob, because I was shivering for 90 minutes. I was just lying there. Oh, Josh. And then of warming up. And I thought you slept in a full pajamas anyway. No I don't, I sleep in just the pair of boxes. No, I get too hot. But this time I put on a, I put on a t-shirt, a jumper,

tracks suit trousers and socks and get back into bed to get to sleep. T-shirt and a jumper. Yeah, I was freezing. Oh right so not, you had the heat, did you have the heat on or off or just that's because of the fever? Oh no just because of the illness, not because of the house. No I'm not like, I'm not being tight. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, all right. I'll get yeah. Oh no, I've just looked it up, mouth officers up here. You probably notice a rash of red spots on the skin. These these develop the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to to the the the the the toe. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the illness, the illness, I'll the illness, I'll the illness, I'll the illness, I'll the illness, I'll the illness, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, the illness, I, th. Ihous, th. Ihous, th. Ihous, the. Ihous, thea. I was, thea. I was, thea. I'll, tha.eathea.eathea'eathea'eathea'eathea'eathea'eathea'easease. I'm th. I'm tha'ea' th. I skin, these to develop on the fingers, the backs of palms of the hand and the soles, oh the backs of palms, the backs of the hand, I mean, if you say palms, that's the back of the hand, not the backs of the palms. That's inside, that's an internal. My hand's, my hand is it, clean as a whistle. If you say back of palms, I don't think you need to write of the hands. I haven't got any other palms. I've got the soul of my foot. I don't have the palm of my armpit. Have you got any other palms? Is that just? No. Anyway, I've never had anything wrong with my palms. And here

the the only problem I've had downstairs, Rob, if you're filling in on that. I'd only be filled in with my downstairs. Do you know what? Being away the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. tho. th. tho. tho tho tho tho tho thathea' thoom's thoomorrow. thoom's thoomorrows. I'm thoombs. I've thoombs. I've thoombsoombs. I've thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes. I's thoes. I's thoes. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoooooooooomee. I'm thooooooooome. I'm thooooooooooooooome. I'm thooo on that. I'd only be filled in with your downstairs. You don't be filled in with my downstairs? Do you know what? Being awake eight minutes, I'll take that. That's not bad, is it? I've got my coffee. You know what? He's made himself a cup of tea. It's kicking in.

Here we go. I'll batten down this my job? You know you just sort of reel-off, I'm sat at 7 a.m. in Sydney, Australia. This is Lindsay You talk about you have a bizz. It feels like we're still backstage at the 99 club. I don't know if I'd have brought it up backstage at the 99 club. But I'm willing to... Go on, you've had a piss. We're all waiting to hear what happened. I've never had a piss with less... with less velocity behind it. It was like, it was like a tap when the wash has gone.

It was just dripping out. But it was a full piss, but my body was giving it no help. So it was just, it was just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just just just just just just just a full piss, but my body was giving it no help. So it was just dropping out, like gravity was the only thing helping it. Oh my God. Oh, what, that, it's those little things in life that you don't realize it's quite good that you couldn't piss properly. But like, like, it comes out quickly, and then all of a sudden you're not well, it's quite good that you couldn't piss properly, but like it comes out quickly, and then all of a sudden you're not well,

it's just like drib, like, was it like a sort of a towel that's been like, you know, wrung out? Yeah, exactly. It was just dropping, dropping down due to gravity, but the body was giving it no help at all. How did you feel that? I'd feel a bit emasculated. I think...

Yeah, I felt very emasculated actually, Rob. I did. I thought, I thank God I wasn't a urinal. But, um, yeah. I've always been sort of, sort of, sort of, like, low key. the velocity of my kiss. It's quite a powerful thing to be able to do, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to. I'm, to. I'm, to, to. I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to, I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. 't it? How is this job going that you've got Rob? Are you a night pisser? I'm not a nightfisser yet and I'm quite proud of that. I've got I've got I reached 39 and I'm not pissing at night. Do you know what it is? It's not I'm not pissing at night like I need to go. It's it's more like if I get disturbed and I'm up I'm up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up I'm up up up I'm up I'm up I'm th th as a noise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've always been a bit of a regular pisser. I've always been a regular pisser, so he was a regular pooer.

Well, I pissed quite a lot, but I drink quite a lot, but I don't know if that's some sort of health problem. No, but I always have because and I was like oh no I do need to go away and then I remember my east I had a catch phrase of but I've got a water problem I don't know what I used to say there this feels like therapy what am I still talking what the fuck I'm too early I'm too open Josh sorry I'm like an open book I feel so vulnerable I'll take it back to getting this illness off my kids um it's awful being ill with kids Rob. It's so difficult. It's so difficult. It's so hard. And normally they get better as you get ill. So they're full beans again and then you're at your worst. So you're just, you're off work? I took the day off work. So I haven't worked today to sleep it off. And then I'll be fine tomorrow I think but I had to do the school run

because Rose has got it as well so it's not like I can go Rose described me my my approach to illness Rob yes like looking after the first person who's ever been ill which I thought was a bit harsh oh oh do you know what there's nothing worse than being ill at the same time as your partner yeah because then it's just like you both get a bit annoyed th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I tho th. I tho tho. I've tho. I've tho. I've thi. I've got tho. I've got the the the tho. I've got the the tho. I've got tho. I've got the the the the the the tho. tho. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I'm to tho. I'm to to to to to to to to theeeeeat to to to theeeeat theeeeat thoooooo. I the. I the. I than being ill at the same time as your partner? Because then it's just like you both get a bit annoyed that no one's looking after each other. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.

I think she was a little annoyed that the big wholesome pisser she'd married or is so now that has probably hit her quite hard. But apart from that. She's expecting that big powerful guy, Josh Widdock and that big young buck that I remember Sidd, that burst in on the scene and all of a sudden now she's got old dribble, oh dribble come. She's like every more by the sound of my massive piss rock. There's nothing to get her up. There's nothing now.

That was her alarm clock. You was a cockerel in the morning just a big jet. Like now you just bdib-bdoh-bdoh-da-bid. Do you know what I've always thought about this? Like because you'll get older your body does sort of do things like this we will eventually the sad thing is Josh we will never piss with the same velocity as we have it was always get weaker as we get older but I used to think it's all like old blokes when they sort of like you know when an old bloke sort of finishes if he's having a sexy time I sort of like it must get to a point where like that calms down and it just turns into like a little like just little puff of air.

You know what I mean? I don't think I can even achieve that today, Rob. So if you went off and add a wank, you'd finish with a... But my skin's so painful, Rob, it would be one of the worst experiences of her life. And also, if I get any coldness on my skin. So, like, I don't want to expose my penis to the cold air, Rob. That's my main issue. I mean, if you are, this is now, it's quite courses, but if you are masturbating and your penis is cold, you're doing it wrong. I've never been in that situation. I'm full.

Oh, a bit cold. That's the problem now, Rob. I'm in an awful situation. I'm not well. How long to you feel you you you you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th you feel th? th thathe? that is that? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It is is is th. It is th. th. It is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. this is now. thouin. th. th. th. th. thouin. th. th. It's is now. It's th. It's is now. It's'm sorry you're not well. It's all right. How long do you feel better? Can you take anything or is it just right now? Parasitamol is your only hope really? Oh really? Okay. But I went, we went to, we went now I should do a, shall I do a trigger warning? Is it a trigger warning? A, we're going to talk. I mean what after what you spoke about? A. Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a? Is a to? Is a to? Is a to? Is a to? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is a, is? Is it? Is it? Is a, is? Is a, is, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the already? I think it's late. Do you know what, Rob, I was about to say, if you're listening with your kids, we're about to talk about Father Christmas, and I don't know if you're listening with your kids, you need locking up. If Father Christmas is the last year, you are, I just don't know.

I just don't know. This is obviously an adult podcast. I think their thinks is tha thagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag – I th. I th. I th. I they's is they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I'm that. I'll to say, I'm to to to to to say, I'm to say, I'm to say, I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was about. I was to say, I was th. I was, I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I th. I th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just just th. I'm th. I'm th. I was about th. I was about thi. I was about thi. I was about thi. I was about thi. People listen to their kids, I can't... Well, I think older kids like it, didn't they? Yeah, I don't know. It's their... I don't even too much. It's all body functions. I watch Sopranos at 11. Yeah, but you can't just say it's all body functions. I tell you. I've just been sick on my wrecked cock. Rick Cock. Whoa, baby, it's just body functions. Chill out. My dick's hard and I'm sick. Relax.

Oh God, I'm closer to being sick than having a hard dick. Anyway, sorry, I'm today. Oh, Lapland. Is it over in Ascot? No, it's your first time? It's in Finland. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Sorry about that. I got confused because it felt a bit like I was going to ask. But then when I got transported to Lapland, Finland, I did get transported there. Yeah, sorry. Exactly. I would say it was absolutely magical.

I'd say it's good. Luckily, I think. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I got. I was. I was. I wasmouth might have been kicking in. Because every time we saw... You can't start wiping that round. No, what? That land? It's got busy schedule. Do you know why I think I might have been unwell, Rob? Because every time I saw, you know, they've got those little kind of houses in the woods that were the elves live in. Yeah.

Every time I sawed. sleep in that. Yeah, yeah I don't remember wanting to go up in that with a wood fire listening to the shipping forecast. Don't you love you love being snuggly Rob. I love it I absolutely love it and that's like I kept thinking what's your dream day Josh what's your dream day say like the kids are like the grown up so they're grown up they're at uni or whatever right and you're not working much what's your dream day what are you their. the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. thi. the. thi. the. the th're at uni or whatever, right, and you're not working much. What's your dream day? What are you doing? It's winter. It's week, 21st of December, your kids are grown-ups. What are you doing? John, I'm going to go to December. Yeah. I'd go out for breakfast, I'd go for a walk. God, I'm old. Do you want to know how old I am Rob just as a digression. As a digression? As if we haven't already been on it for 20 minutes, how old you are? You're pissing like a broken tap, mate.

Oh, oh, oh, I thought, I lost you, you didn't laugh it. Sorry about that hurt your skin while you laughed. Oh god, my skin, my poor skin. Um, this is how old I am, Rob. When I was lying in bed, shivering at midday today. I was just listening to different episodes of a podcast in which Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet interviews old musicians. And I was thinking, this is the only thing getting me through. That's how old I am.

Who is he talking? Which one's Gary Kemp? I'm talking Simon LeBon from Durand Durand because I'm 50. I met him with Jonathan Ross, he's top, he's a top bloke. He came across as a very nice bloke. Came across as a very nice bloke. Do you know this is how working class I am Josh I knew Gary and Martin Kemp. I knew Gary and Martin Kemp. I played the Cray Twins and then I found out they were in Spandau Ballet. Great, great, great. I love Gary in Morton Camp. I love Simon and a Bonn. Anyway, that's neither him or there. Right, yeah, so you're going for a walk. What was I talking about? You're on a dream day. But it's difficult because if I'm ill, I can't imagine myself being well, do you know what I mean? So... That is... That is... Sorry.

I mean, if you ever actually got properly ill, you'd be so shit at it. But conversely, if I'm well I can't imagine myself being ill. No, exactly. I'm quite good at resting up in bed, I think. Though Rosa disagree. So yeah, so... She's making three rice cakes. How do you... How do you... How do you...

How do you put in on the rice cakes? But she's not making rice cakes. That's too hard of breakfast. How are you choking that down with ulcer mouth? It's too... It's dinner! Oh, yeah, it's night time there. Because she can't have any strong flavors. Yeah, but surely the texture is too rough. That is bleak, isn't it?

She can't have any... The only thing I've eaten today is gummy bears and cheese on toast, Rob and a lucasade. Can you ask her what you've been like for the listener and me? Rob wants to know what I've been like. I said that you said I was the first ever person to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be asks as an ill as an ill as an ill thi or thiol as an ill person as an ill person as an ill person as an ill person as an ill person as an ill person as an asks as an asks as an asks. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi as an thi. What as an thi. What as an thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. What thi. What thi. What thi. What thi. What th expect quite pathetic. Pathetic? In what sense? Well, when you, um, when I told you to take some paracetamol, you opened your mouth, like you wanted me to give you the paracetamol in your mouth, like a thiol, like a seal with a fish. Yeah. with a fish. Oh, that you opened your mouth. And then she put it on the bedside table.

And then she went out to get me supplies and I didn't get around to eating the paracetamol because I was too, I've worried about getting my arms out from under the duvet. That is perfecting. When she got back, I was like, I've got to get this parasitum all down me otherwise I don't know. I've done it. Oh God. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber won for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.

Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Miller Light. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer, and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both, because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tasks like Miller time. Learn more at Miller.c.c.a. Must be Legal Drinking Age. So if your children are listening, you know, it's on you now. Yeah. So the first thing they send a letter to your child saying they're invited to Lapland. And it says like you've been such a good child that you're helping, you've been asked to help Santa,

which was lovely but caused its own issues. Because my daughter started to wonder why her two best friends hadn't been sent one of these letters. Yeah, I don't, I'm not a big fan of the, I think we need to change that with kids. It's not that you've been good. She was like, they're good as well. Oh, they're not good enough. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Yeah, well I do think that in general, not just with Lapland,

might need to be tweaked a bit with kids. Because it's kids can't afford stuff. It shouldn't be good or bad. I tried to edit the letter a bit as I was reading it. Yeah, so there wasn't as much good. And then that also that also, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, that, I, I, I, that, I, I, I was, I, I, I, I would, I would, that, I would would would would would, to be, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be tweak, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea, twea., twea, twea. t letter next year? And you're like, ah, well, like, you will get a letter because I've got, I'm on the mailing list so I'll know when the tickets are released. Um, it's, having a kid before they can read, it's a bit like a control in state, you know, like a dictatorship, you sort of like edit stuff like, like, thi th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, you'll thi, I'm thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll thi, I'll th.... I I th, I I th, I th, I I th, I I th, I th, I th, I I th, I th, I'll, I th, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, thi, thi, thr, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. of that bit let's not see that and edit that out of the TV coverage that

that'll be fine but then they can start to read and then you're screwed. Oh I'm worried about it. They are. So it was it was it was incredible it was so Christmasy I loved it I wanted to live in the hutsto Lapland and it was it was a 30 mile road Rob and I was going 27. The guy behind me I was going 27 in a 30 he started flashing his lights not in an ambulance way in a dip you know when they bring them up from dip and then it just overtook me and I thought where the hell is he going? And he just went to Lapland and he like who's in that much of a literally we were 50 yards from Lapland and the the the the th and the th and th and the car th and th and the car th and th and th and th and th and the car th and th and th and th and th and th and th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to th. th. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. th. I was. th. I was. I I I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was. I was. I waspland. And he was in that much of a... Literally, we were 50 yards from Lapland, and when I got in the queue to get in the car park, he was the car in front of me.

And I was like, what is wrong with this guy? Why is he so desperate to get to Lapland? Also, so once you get there, you sort of all start, Rob, because in the first room, there was like some entertainment from some elves and they picked an adult out of the crowd and called him grumpy. And I thought, and they made him do like a thing. And I thought, I mean, I thought, if this happens to me, this is going to be the the worst day of my life th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th day th, th, thi this happens to me, this is going to be the worst day of my life. I was thinking this is going to be camera phone hell for me. People watching me being bullied for being grumpy at Lapland. Absolutely.

But luckily I got away with it. You're not grumpy though. It's weird. You look like you're grumpy, but actually you're quite childlike and excited about things when you're getting to it. Totally, I loved it. I absolutely loved it, Rob. It was magical. It was incredible. Bought too many jingles. That was a mistake.

Yeah, you have to keep the magic going, you sort of have to pay for... So they say buy some jingles because that's what you spend in that land. And then you get buy jingles. I've got 25 jingles there, burning a fucking hole in my pocket. You need to, I think you need to explain what jingles are more. It's more like the thing. They're, they're the currency of Lapland. Yeah. And the exchange rate is one to one, one pound per jingle.

So you can give the kids little jingle coins to go go go go go go is they want to buy. But you're just tapping, are you? Just tapping and go. Well, I just, I ended up with 11 jingles and I found a jingle when I got home, which was annoying. Yep. But your wife wants it. Yeah, so. Pardon? Pardon?

Sorry, you've been away. I have actually, I hope she's still there. Oh God. Yeah. Oh my four-year-old. That sounded really sinister. My four-year-old, because she doesn't really understand time and distance and stuff that much yet. She's only four. She's still got that tiny little bit of a baby voice, but not. And she still says, like, so it's like, Walsborey and things like that, and things, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's s-s, and she's still, and she's so, and she's so, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's s-s, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so-s. that, so-s. that, so-s. that, so-s. that, somea. that, somea. that's somea. that, somea. that, somea, somea, somea, somea, and somea, somea, somea, somea, so-s. that, so it's like, Silsa, it's like, was boar-weary for raspberry and things like that and it's slowly going and I'm not dealing with it very well Josh if I'm honestly, it's horrible.

I'm just, oh God. She went, Daddy, I went, yeah, and she said, when are you coming home? I was like, oh my God. I went, oh and at almost might be home actually when this goes out and I bet it was 11 days when she asked me I was like oh it's 11 days and she went is that soon and I was like oh relatively and she was like are you on your way to the airport now and I was like oh no oh imagine two weeks of school how so how quickly does that go? That's what you should should have gone when you're four takes for fucking ages. Ages, two weeks at school, ages. Oh sorry, I've gone off on a tangent. I couldn't help thinking of Lapland the amount of, how many of these people have lied to schools and how many have fessed up?

Well, yes, because so basically to go Latin it can be quite expensive if you go sort of right by Christmas but it gets a bit cheaper if you go like November time like you did and it's especially cheaper obviously during the week in school before the schools break up yeah so there is definitely a few people because you're thinking yeah because your daughter started school so did you did you across school? Cleared it up Clear it with the school? Cleared it with the school, Rob.

Oh, they allowed her to go? Fair enough. Yeah. And they've got to be flexible. I think in the cost of living cries as well. They've got to be flexible because it is like massively different in price for holidays as well. Yeah, that is a their day to go and see Santa, come on. Yeah, exactly. Let's have a bit of fun. In reality, you'll look your workout reading at some point.

Exactly. You've only got a fine-night time so I can keep controlling the message and coming into the house. Yeah, control the message. These sheepil children, the old mainstream mom and dad in. Give it churning out the shit you mean those kids need to hear to keep them controlled and pending I just realized I'm in a hotel and there's people next door that can probably hear the show him oh that's fine they'll just think you're some kind of right wing shock

I'm sort of right wing podcaster and they'll be right yeah so I said I said oh so she went back into school today oh right told her friends that she met Santa one one one one one one one one one one one the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the th their their th th th th th th their their their their their their th their told told told told their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the told told told told to told to to to told to to to told to to to, told her friends that she met Santa, one of them, one of them said she was lying. Oh, okay. Who's this bitch? The other said, no, she's telling the truth. Right, okay, that's good to have a bit of balance. Yeah, but you're like, I think, because of older siblings, isn't it? Older siblings is, if you're a five-year-old

and you got older siblings, they're gonna know. They're gonna know. Well, we talk about this on Friday, so it's quite a Santa heavy week this week, but we talk about this on Friday as well, in quite a lot of detail, which will be interesting to hear people reactions about that because it is a hard one isn't it when you've got older siblings and then if there's kids in that school it's a minefield isn't it? But luckily it's sort of yeah by the time it comes around and all the

questions come up we're back in Jan the heat's off you know it's like the point you know like when a prime minister's in trouble and it all starts boiling up all all of a sudden something turns up that you can just switch it you know yeah yeah it was that's why they try like you know the war in Ukraine war in Ukraine just here is it war in Ukraine for Father Christmas yeah it's a political distraction my daughter went skating for the first time oh yeah oh yeah she didn't it's a weird one Rob so one of her character traits is she's incredibly determined, right? Okay.

Which is good and bad, just depending on the situation. It's good if she's doing homework because she just finishes it. She's like, I'm doing this to the end. Oh, that's good. If she's ice skating and she can't get the hang of it, and you're thinking, I've only got an hour and a half to go spend some jingles and she's saying I'm going to do a third lap with a penguin yeah otherwise I'm going to flip out that is a bad situation. She was basically pushing a penguin around an ice rink for half an hour

looking furious that she couldn't get the hang of it. Merry Christmas everyone wouldn't let Rose push the hang of it. Very Christmas, everyone. Wouldn't let Rose push the penguin with her to give her any momentum. She was just, you know, have you been in a gym and seen, you know, when they have that sledge that people push in a gym? It was like watching that for half an hour on the circle. Did she manage it? Well she yeah she got round but just by time more than anything. Like she was just you know like when you're walking through water like that speed that kind of when

you're waiting for a swimming pool. You're not all day he's on honeymoon and you're just walking through, soaking it up at that slow fingers in the water and sloath and she's doing that on the ice rink. Yeah. the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was th. It was th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Yeah. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the the the th. It's the the the th. It's th. It's th. Yeah. Yeah. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. It's like. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. It's like. It's like, the the the the the the th. It's like. It's like. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. It's slow, fingers in the water, slowly wading through the water and she's doing that on the ice rink. Yeah, exactly. It didn't feel like that. Me and Rommish are doing an ice skating special for Christmas. I genuinely, I've never seen anyone so bad at ice skating in my life. And it's got, yeah, and it got to the point, although I'm a deeply average functional human that can stand up on it and move about and occasionally. You know Jane Torville. Yeah, no, not personally. No, I've not been at the Snowman Premier.

No, I said you're no, I've not really been at the ice skate in a man. Oh yeah, I don't know. I don't know it. You must have met Chris the dean, the the man. Do you know what? I've not really, I've not really been on that ice skating celeb really. I've never really crossed paths with them. You haven't met Tony Harding. Sorry, no. Let's not get bogged down in mid-80s ice skating turmoil. No, exactly. But yeah, I'm not a big fan of ice skating though. It's a lot of asshatt work and it's slippery and it's slippery. to I think a nice day if you're like in your mid-twenties and you go mold wine and you go ice skating you go around a bit and go should we go for a mold wine instead or whatever but children I don't think it's a fun fun fun thing do you yeah I remember I'm just before coming out of

a relationship in my mid-to-twent ice skating to try and you know... Put the passion back in. Kickstart what was the dying embers of a relationship. We went ice skating. I was bad. But I thought we were having a great time because she was teaching me to ice skate. And then when we were having a breakup chat, I was like, but we had so much fun ice skating.

She said, it was awful. I I't get to do any ice skating because I was just going around the side of the ice skating rink with you trying to keep me going. Well that's very much what Rose is going for at the moment as you sat sat there mouth mouth opened like a pez dispenser wanting a little parasitopop popped in your mouth like an ill dog. What a life. What a life? Oh dear. So, is that odd? Back in the day, I was 25. I could piss at top speed at that in those days, I'll tell you that for free. I tell you what, she did know what she left that girl.

You got a big powerful piss. Look at you now. Dribbling your weight to bed, in your jumper. I'm comfortable trousers. How was the father Christmas bit at the end because sometimes... Bumped into another comedian. Oh yeah. And I bumped into him when neither of us, he said where he was, so he went to see him and I just popped over to see him because it was more effort to get all the family across. Yeah. His family were in the sweet shop.

And so it was quite weird because it was just two men in their late 30s early 40s meeting in Lapland with no children it must have looked quite an odd kind of yes it wasn't like James Gill wasn't it is that right? Yeah James Gill yeah James is a good guy also his kids and your kids were elsewhere so just two men in the corner of Lapland chatting outside Pumper Nichols Cafe just to to you know what I know what? I would, well, I'd be interested to know, if I bought one ticket as a one adult man ticket and just went there in a Mac and sunglasses, didn't do anything wrong. Just followed the groups around,

enjoyed the experience, sat on Santa's knee, and told me what I wanted. Would that be allowed to make the gingerbread? Would you be allowed to make the gingerbread? Because only the little people are allowed to make the gingerbread, that's what they call them. I've paid my ticket, mate. I've paid my ticket, I'll make as much as I want. I'm going to stuff a snow leopard, thank you very much, yeah. in here alone making some gingerbread okay so don't you judge me and then it all finished with father-oh, you go past the reindeer yes where Rudolph is asleep so yeah and you can see hear him snoring and see his nose

glowing yes my daughter was was disappointed obviously obviously I think that's a very good way of doing it I was quite impressed they've done yeah but I do worry that next year very good way of doing it. I was quite impressed that they've done that. But I do worry that next year when the same situation is presented to her, she's going to get annoyed the Rudolph's not really bringing it. Yeah, I do think that it's like, it's difficult though because the other option is, and I've seen it before at places I'd say are a little bit more shoddy and not as well done. Paint the rinders nose. Yeah, and you just like that, or they literally just starve like a red ball on their head with a bit of elastic.

You like this, that's not okay. That's just not not good. I thought it was a very good way of doing it. Yeah, so it feels like, oh, that's the call. The Father Christmas was fucking out of this world. He was incredible. It's like Pacino, I told you last time. Yeah, do you know when you see someone who's really good at something and it makes you think maybe I want to do that with my life because this is brilliant. It made me go, am I going to become a Father Christmas in my 60th because this guy is fucking incredible. Yeah, but I think what you see, it'd be th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their their. I was. I was. I'm their. I was. I'm their. I'm their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the. I the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the the the the the the the the the the t.................................... is fucking incredible. Yeah but I think what you see it'd be fun to do but like I bought it but you bought it is his

house was warm it was nice he you know he gave them all the information it was cozy it was great they it was magical it was incredible oh brilliant I'm glad you're a good time especially I'm excited for you now Josh because your youngest is getting a bit older you can start to do stuff that's a bit more manageable, where before it, she's going to a first Panto on Sunday. You're buzzing, ain't you? You're loving, you're loving life. Look at these, all these little activities.

You're driving your car, you're going to, you're going to, to's going to hack the Empire that's a 10-minute walk from our house. But we won't focus on that. But that's nice. That's great. That's good. Sure, it might be a bit, you know. So as long as she doesn't buy any crack on the way with her jingles, it'll be a lovely little walk. Ha haught. It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

Terms and Conditions Apply, visit Amex. tox business platinum. Who's in the Panto at Hackney? It's not, um, Starcast. It's like a kind of, they sell it on. This is a really good Panto. Right. I like that because you like like that, I like that, I like that, I like that, I like that, I like tha, I like tha, I like tha, I like that because you know because sometimes you can get a TV celeb that sold it on that maybe is phoning it in slightly. It's not gonna it's not gonna be of any use to her if Sue Pollard's in it. She's not gonna

care. Yeah but it's good for the it's good for the parents isn't it? Oh I'd love to see Sue Pollard live don't get me wrong. She's right love. I've to see a to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see the the the the the the to see the the the to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I'm the to thus. I's th. I's th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's th. I's to th. I's th. I's to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. thooo. th amazing I'd be a one pointless mate I've never seen someone misunderstand the rules are pointless so much it was absolutely unbearable she was a lovely woman though don't can what was it I was gonna say we've got Anton de Beck in Bromley at our one which I think it's pretty good oh and oh I know also it's got what can people message in just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, just message in your location and the celeb, the neish of the bear, so Pontifract held from a Halifax advets. You'd hope he'd be Halifax wouldn't you? It's a lovely theatre Halifax as well. Oh, that would, that's what you want. Well there's things though, it's difficult

because sometimes some people look like, Anton Becht doesn't live far from Bromley, he can commute, commute. But some people literally end up staying in Stoke, Joe Swash stayed up in Stoke for a four weeks when he did it. Oh my word, yeah, like I remember seeing Gok One listed for the Plymouth one when I went down on Christmas and I was thinking, that is, Gok One is either doing a very big journey on Christmas Day or he's having a really lonely Christmas day. Well that's what I think and I always think like, well look, that's the thing isn't it? The ones furves are away I think they pay a bit more money. Jonathan Wilkes is doing stoke.

But he lives there doesn't he? Robbie Williams. Yeah, well, this is a fun game this. Give me a city, come on. I'd th. Yeah, give me, give me, give me, give, give, give, give, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's, the one's the one's the one's, the one's the one's the one's the one's. The one'd love to know Plymouth. Plymouth, here we go, Plymouth Pantso. When would you do Pano? I don't like the idea of working a lot around Christmas. No, I agree, but. But Shane Ritchie and Plymouth would be Funch. Oh, that's a big, that is a big sign. That's a big sign. Is that Plymouth Theatre Royal? Yes, that's a big name, is it? That is a great time. He'd be great.

I'd love to see Shane Ritchie. Well, I saw Russ Abbott in the Plymouth Panto, and he absolutely destroyed it. I can't remember who I did a bit, where he spoke really fast, and I lost my mind. It's just because he spoke fast. Because you know when someone just, he just did this kind of thing where he spoke really fast for ages and I was like, this is entertainment. At that moment I went, I want to do this for a living.

Oh, Mark Little is Mark? Joe Mangle? Yeah, Jack of the Beanstalk, Middleborough. Lovely. What about talking? Oh, here we go. This is fun at it. I could make these up. I this this this this this this this this this this this this this the the the the the this. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just, I just, I th. I th. I just, I th. I th. I just, I thin' thin' th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this is this is this is this is this is this is this is, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that. that. I that. I that. I that. I that. that. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. I this is just is just is just is just is here we go this is fun of it. I could make these up. I'm loving it. Yeah, you could I could make I could make them up and you'd go yeah that sounds about right. There we got. You would never ever and I mean no disrespect. You would never ever have thought of Mark Little. Yeah I've given you 30 years. Bepe de Marco. Pemeth. No. No shame. know that they're showing him. Pemarco. You just make him up.

Gary, Lucy. Torkey. I don't think Torquay's got one. But I do like the ones where I do. I like also like supporting ones when they're like just a really good, well done. to their toy, just a really good Mark Little's not bringing it. Do I mean? Shame Rich, he's going to deliver. But it's a very much a different type of Panto sometimes when it's. When Anton de Beck bowls out of the Bromley Churchill and the kid see him.

And he does a bit strictly. I'd hope he dances on. Of course if he ain't dancing, I'll be livid. Well, that was funny. It was the rush. When, Brian. When, Brian. When, Brian. When, Brian. When, Brian. When, Brian. When, Brian. When. When. When. the rush. the rush. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the rush. the rush. the the rush. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can't. Can't. Can't. ta. ta. ta. ta. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. ty. tha. tha. tha. tha. trying to cast Cinderella, where he was like, because he plays buttons, didn't he? Is it buttons he plays? And he says when I try to cast, I don't want anyone too young because it looks like I'm a dirty old man. But if I get anyone too old, and then the kids don't think it's a princess.

Just I can't wait to see Brian Connolly at 83, buttons. I, but, but, I, I, I, but, I, I, I, but, but, I, but, I, I, I, but, but, I, I, I, but to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th tho, I tho thr-a, I thrown thrown thrown th confused looking 38-year-old princess. Who added another Colsmith? Lie! Oh dear, we've really gone under tangent. One more theatre. Let's find out what I'd reckon. Somewhere, blah, balea, Carlisle, Pantos. The Sands Centre, surely that hasn't got Panto and the Sands Centre.

It is, it is, they've got one. The Sand Center, I did that the other week, the Sand Center, it's sort of like a sports place in it, i'm the place, isn't it? Here we go. What's his name? Marcus Collins from X Factor. That's a great one. Marcus Collins. Nice. I always thought it was great, you know. I was surprised he didn't do an Ollie Mears, Marcus Collins.

Should we do some correspondence? Yeah, I've got one here. Rob, yeah. If we did a slightly shorter episode because my skin hurts, would people be angry? I think you should fucking shut your mouth, have your parasitum floating and do your job and stop winging your fucking snowflake. Doing your job is I'm not expecting you to go panel beating mate or hot carrying. You've got to sit down as I read an amusing story to you. So how about you just shut the fuck up and deal with yourself, yeah?

Is that okay? Is that alright? Is that a no? Is that a no? Let me read this here. Here we go. You'll you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you'll you, you'll you, you'll you, you'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th Is that alright? I've gone peers more? Is that a no? Is it a no? Let me read this here. Here we go. You'll be alright mate, you'll survive. To be fair, it is night time there, and I'm just waking up. I'm raring to go. Let's do another episode. I'm fucking pumped now.

Morning, Josh and Rob. I just wanted to tell you something that that that that happened that happened that happened something that happened something that happened that happened that happened to Spain to visit her nanny and granddad. Just me and her so I was prepared with lots of snacks, books, toys, etc. I laugh at this now. As all I needed was my phone to entertain her. Anyway, she was sat in a seat next to me whilst waiting for everyone to finish boarding. So I gave my phone and she was, she was just looking through photos. I turned away to put my bag above, and when I looked down, she has managed to open my WhatsApp and has obviously just pressed random buttons,

but Autocorite had changed these random letters to the word hijack. What? No, no, no. This is incredible. If you wrote that in a sitcom, people go, you that's just not going to happen. That's too astonishing. That's incredible. And we were sat on the plane. She had then sent this message to a friend from work who I knew was flying that day and then panicking was trying to call me. So a friend

that must be bollocks. She was then she's tried to call me I grabbed the phone in a panic typed we were fine and quickly turned my phone off in case MR 5 are on to us. Mad that, it does sound like bollocks, isn't it? But that's the beauty of real life, baby. That is so funny. That is great. Why is you know, it's going to happen. That is incredible. should be named my granddad's a prick. Okay. Boomer stories are a swift luga curing. Yeah, it sort of, I'm finding it quite troubling.

It used to be like, he put loads of marmite on my toast, but now it's like, he left me in a field overnight with some wolves. I've not seen my dad for 20 years and he walked past me yesterday and spat in my face. Oh, classic boomer. Okay, hey, you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you'd that that that that that that that that that that that that that's th. I that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. I'd thoom. I'd thoom. the. the. the. the. thea thea thoooooom. I thoomorrow thoomorrow th me yesterday and spat in my face. Oh, classic boomer. Okay, hey you two sexy and relatable guys, thought you'd like my boomer story. When I was four years old and was about to turn five, my grandpa started to tell me he was saving up hard for my birthday present. Every time I went to see him, he'd to see what he'd got me. On the big day, he presented me with an empty box.

I looked at it and did not understand. He told me he'd been saving up holes from polo mints and holes from donuts for ages and put them in the box. Oh my God. I was gutted. I'd been given a box of holes. A big fat nothing. It took me a long time to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to recover to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the the the the the the the to the the the the to to to to to to the to the the the the the the tho. the the tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thooooooooo. the the thooooooo. the thooo. I time to recover from that. He thought it was hysterical. And every year, he asked me if I wanted to say him again. Thanks, Angela. Can I get so off my chest, Josh? I hate people with shit banter. It's people that think they're funny with a shit. I literally, I've started calling people out on it now and just, you know, because what happens is

people do shit jokes like that and it's too awkward to go, that is shit and you're an idiot. You have to go, oh yeah, what are you like? What are you like? If you have anyone has ever said to you, what are you like? The answer is you're a prick and they don't like what you've done, but that's the British response. Oh God, what's he like? And then he's like, yeah, then I gave you one of this big bolts for the holes. Fuck off. Not what are you like. Just don't, if you're not funny, that's fine.

Just don't try to be. I cannot do sexy. And I don't even try. I'm just a bloke who's quite endearing. and that's how I get by. I've not got it in my locker. Some people are not funny. And if you're not, just back out of it and just leave it to other people. I wondered where you're going with that. I didn't understand why you just suddenly gone into the sexy riff. It was like, Robbucket had just the sexy riff.

It was like, I'm just like... I'm just a funny, I'm a thakeck, I'm can do about it as the way he is. You're, Josh, you're a funny little fella, you've got your silly little face, you're really perfettic when you're ill, you've got your floppy hair, and you get all confused and stressed about things. You're a funny guy. Do I want to fuck you? No, I don't know,, I think it's... actually it makes me quite powerful.

I think that'd be quite a good seeing your pathetic little dribbling tip. Sorry, I've gone weird. Yeah, I need to go home. I need to go to the UK again. Yeah. I've been in to Rose. Yeah, go on. We were changing our son who's 18 months old. Pardon? She took his nappy off. Oh nappy. Changing I thought you was going to swapping him out for someone else. Oh yeah yeah that's the headline news I thought

I'd leave it to the after we talked about who's on Panto and Middlesbrough. Anyway A couple hours ago we were changing his nappy. A couple hours ago we were changing as a the the their their. I I I I I their their. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. th. I was th. I was th. I was th. th. I was thi. I was changing thin' thi. I was changing thi. I was changing th. I was changing th. I was changing thi. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing th. I was changing th. I was changing th. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was changing. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was t. Yeah. I was like, the the the the the the the the the the th. We were. I was the the th. I was thi. I was took. I was th. I was took. I was keeping her company while she was changing his nappy. Keeping her company. Well, I was like, you know, we like to get to hang out together. Okay. Fair enough. What? The spark's still there up? Yeah, sure. Anyway, it wasn't after I did this. I'm thinking about changing his nappy later.

Do you want to come with? Maybe get a glass ofook his nappy off. Yeah. And I looked at his tiny penis and I said, that's what my penis looks like today. She didn't laugh. Oh! Oh! Hello? How is that? I just...

You know what? Like, they didn't laugh. He's so telling, isn't it? If anyone says out loud that, what ever they're they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that?. that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that. that. that's like, it. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. the? It's theree. thea. thea. that's that's that's that's that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, it's so telling isn't it? If anyone says out that my penis looks like that, whatever they're talking about, it could be like massive, could be something small, could be inanimate, could be like a bottle of water or something that you're sort of, it's sort of like, quite funny. But the no laugh is such a married, both ill thing in it.

Oh, they're pissed. They're a velocity of a th piss is unbelievable, isn't it? They could... I'm so jealous. You'll be alright. Well, Josh, look, let's... We're gonna write this up here, but fingers cross you start getting that power back in the... back in the bladder. Yeah, we're ruining, every time I have a piss now, I'll be thinking of you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm already imagining the people that I know, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the people that that the people that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-co-c. tho-co-c. thoooo-c. th. th. th. piss now I'll be thinking of you. Oh thanks mate. Thanks. Yeah. I'm already imagining the people that I know listen to this podcast who have spent the whole time having to imagine my penis. At its worst.

Can I say there is I literally couldn't be imagining a smaller penis at this point. I don't have to imagine that it's just nothing. It's nothing it's just it couldn't it couldn't be further from his prime today it looks like a skin tag in my mind you know them little skin tags that sort of weird sort of fleshy bits that like just just sort of there and they get caught on your t-shirt sometimes that's what I'm imagining on your groin yeah yeah it's not. But I'll fill you in next Tuesday on how it's doing. It's making me happy though. Thinking, I can imagine it. Just seeing you stood there. In front of a urinal, just holding, hold you little, sorry, I've gone weird. Right, Josh. Small business a shout out. So we've got this penis that's trying to wee in East London.

Right, small business shout and then we'll let you get back to being ill. But well done mate for not well and also well done to Michael for putting a shift in. Well, the thing is when you're not well, you do think this is going to be a good episode because people love me suffering. Normally the best one much. I think my tour manager is a bit disappointed. Yeah, that's bad. I thought he's his main knowledge of you is the Euros and you turn up and you're like, I go one beer and bed. Yeah, do you want to get up for a walk 9 a.m. tomorrow have a little look at this small business shout-outs.

Here we go, I've got one here. Hi guys, love the podcast. I wanted you to write in to shout about the amazing small business I work for. We're a tiny team of four with the two founders being parents of three young kids and we run an aerial circus school for kids and adults in South London. We run term-time k classes, half-term workshops, summer camps and family workshops from our London studios, plus lots of adults classes too. Aerial circus skills are an amazing non-competitive way to keep fit and have fun and be creative. Kids will learn aerial skills, hoop, slings, and trapeze plus much more. Our classes from age 7 to 16 for kids and

there's absolutely no experience necessary. You should definitely come to one of our family workshops with Lou Rose and the kids. Thank you so much. That's this isn't, I know it's South London but it's nothing to do me this. This isn't. No of course. I know you look at me and you think I bet he's on a trapeze every other Thursday not for me. But they are on Instagram. They on Instagram. They on Instagram. They on Instagram. They on Instagram. They on Instagram. They on Instagram. They are on Instagram. They are on Instagram. They are on Instagram. They are on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on Instagram. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. I they're on. They're on. They're on. I they're on. I they're on. I they they're on. I they. I they. They's on. I they. I they. I they're on. I they. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. They're on. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm they're on. I'm they're on. I they're on. I they're on. I It's an at flying fantastic youth. WWWFYC.co.U. So their insurer is at flying fantastic youth if your kids interest in circus skills. But yeah, give it a go. That'll be fun.

I'm going to say it. I do apologize that I'm just, I've just found the shortest one because of my mental state. Hey guys. Shortest one? What your penis? Oh, here we go. Someone's that. That's. That's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's not th. th. that's not th. Hey guys. Shortest one? What, your penis? Oh, here we go. Yeah, someone's up. That's not a reference to my penis. Hey guys, I mostly love the show. In my head, it's just a four skin at this point. Sorry. Yeah, my pants is as well. Secondly, can you please give my wife's business a shout out out out out out, I, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. thus, thus, th. thus, thus, th. thus, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, I, that, that. that. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tha. tha. tha. poor Rose, she's basically the smallest cocked comedian in the country that looks like a young Elton John. Only for today?

Only for today. Only for today. And then it'll go back to averagely small. She has started a very, I wouldn't go that far. Very, very cool. Circular economy business model for everything baby to breast pumps, everything is rentable and all housed in beautiful and easy-to-use app. At the Tot loft. Tot is the Tot loft is her business and needs all the help and support possible from the parenting community. Cheers, there we go. Rob, yes. I look forward to seeing you next time. See you next time. I'll be back in a UK on terra firma.

You'll be back in blighty. Big up blight up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tooe. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. toaaaaaaaaaaaa. toaa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. t. toa. thaa. thaa. thaa. totea. totea. totea. totea. totea. totea. totea. tote. tote. tot back in Blighty. Big up Blighty. Ready for Christmas, pumped and ready to go. Great, great, great. Right. Hope you feel better, mate. Cheers, bye.