Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S11 EP14: My Life is Chaos

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Perhaps the most chaotic series of podcast records to get something barely resembling an episode of a podcast... Including failed laptop chargers, sudden power cuts, Rob having to record some of it in his car, and file errors and failed uploads!! Please excuse the delayed upload - listening back you'll understand why... You can pre order Lou's amazing new book ⁠'Lessons From a Default Parent' ⁠wherever you get your books now. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Seven Time winners Champions out again By the seven time world's best leisure airline champions Air Transat Maybe it's just a phase you're going through You'll get over it I can't help you with that The next appointment is in six months

You're not alone Finding mental health support Shouldn't leave you feeling more lost At CAMH, we know how frustrating it can be trying to access care. We're working to build a future where the path to support is clear and every step forward feels like progress, not another wrong turn. Visit camh.ca to help us forge a better path for mental health care. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.

And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting. Each week, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and, of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing.

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Oh, out, Felix. You can't say Rob Beckett Bob Beckett. Do you know. And you can't say

Josh Whitticum? Josh Dunn. Oh, great. Do you? Oh. Antiglitticlaid? Welsh. Yeah, I know that,

but is that mean can you say Antiglitticlaid? I must do? I don't know. No, what's a mad thing about Welsh is. Most languages,

if you hear a phrase, you can have a go at, like, phonetically pumping it out like Spanish is quite easy to, you just go, all right, I think I know what letters are needed for that, but Welsh. I'll send it to Ellis now, I'm sure I'll go back to me.

And see, what is she saying? I imagine she's saying, can you say? Yeah. They are South Wales, I'm going to say, mumbles. I think, right, I might be wrong that Welsh is more spoken. In the north. In the north.

But from that pronunciation, I think she's just learning. Hello, we, you fucking hell, Rob. She's from Swansea. exactly right. I was going to say Swansea, but Mumbles and Swansea is like next door. It's basically the same thing, isn't it? I've got a couple of mates from Swansea. I don't write in if it's not basically the same thing. Big up Luke, big up Denny. My little, they're Swansea. We thought we'd send you a little Welsh introduction. It sounds like he says tossed for Josh, which means toast in Welsh. I thought that was quite appropriate,

though. Shame it didn't come out sounding more like porridge. Someone shouted gobble, gobbled. It's my first tour show of the tour last night, Rob. Oh, how did it go? I had a lovely time. Thank you to the people of Canterbury. It was great. Someone shouted gobble, gobble, during the show. So at the start of the second half,

someone shouted gobble, gobbled as I walked on. Can I ask you, no, not wishing to... Should I have not brought this up? No, no, no, no, no. Not wishing to be mean to our listeners who we greatly appreciate. But when you're trying to do stand-up, someone shouting gobble-gobble while you're on stage

makes it much harder. Well, I would say That he, I, to his respect To his absolutely To his word phrase Absolutely all the best Yes So he went through the whole first half without doing it

I don't think that should be No no no no no But then he did it as I was walking on So it's actually fine It wasn't mid set Like if you're going to do a gobble-gobble during the show And that is not an encouragement to do so Absolutely no it's really off-putting

Because most people in there I was quite disappointed with the lack of podcast listeners, judging by the response to gobble-gobble. I was thinking, do you know what? There is a huge position for growth in the podcast here because 80% of the people in Canterbury that like Josh Whitacom don't know what gobble-goble means. Exactly. That is quite tricky because everyone in the room is going, why did someone shout gobble-gobble? Why did Rob just carry on or sort of acknowledge it's awkward? I had drunk people in the front row at Liverpool

and I think they meant well but fuck me they wouldn't shut up and then at the end he basically everything I ever said he was just sort of commentating on and then going like a I did a joke for the podcast listeners where I talk about having a healthy cat and I say don't worry kids Beryl's had her kidneys flushed as a little Easter egg and then what's been happening is people go Josh his cat's called Beryl oh god yeah that's how And then what happens is you have to try and explain that.

And it, because the art of stand-up is trying to make stuff look natural and real. Yeah. But it isn't. There's a lot going on, but you need to look quite relaxed. But yeah, the gobble gobbles quite hard.

Good in the street. Yes. Yes. I've listened from the beginning and looking forward to a couple of dates next year, seeing you both in Brighton. Love from Felix to next month. I've just done Swansea. Are you just done Swansea?

No, she lives in West Sussex now. Oh. She's originally from Brighton. Got you. Do you luck? What does that mean? Dear luck. Good luck.

Your shit. How are you? How am I? I am really over-excite and energised because I had, well, shall I admit this? I'd had no sleep last week, which we can go into, one of the most mental weeks ever and I had a little bit of a headache and maybe a little bit of a block nose but not really enough to take severe night nurse medication I've got from America right yeah I took it because I knew that can you hear that I can't believe so can you

hear that drilling no or is it there's like a kind of do you mean actual builders or is there someone having sex next door I think it's someone like it actually sounds more like someone just chainsawing a hedge or something absolutely Yeah, where are you? I can hear it at a tiny bit. In Canterbury, in a hotel in Canterbury. If you've acknowledged it, that's fine. Yeah.

I mean, I like to stay in a country hotel, Rob. That's my choice. But this is a town centre one because the country one, yeah, had a hard 10 a.m. checkout. Gruntal. And I'm doing another night in Canterbury. So I'd have basically been thrown into Canterbury for the full day. That is mental 10 a.m.

I love Canterbury. but the hotel options are weak. Can I ask something, Michael, about producing this show? Whenever there's like a weird thing happening and Josh says, it's not only Josh, no offense, this is going on. Michael Royd says, as long as you acknowledge it, it's fine. Where does that end? Like, Josh, there's a man behind you in your bed masturbating.

Don't know you guys. We've acknowledged it. Any noises, the audience will know what's happening. I'd probably draw the line there. Because that's happened five times now, and I've never mentioned it. Would you want me to acknowledge it or not, Michael? If there's a man masturbate, should I acknowledge it or not?

Show him his respect. Is that what you're doing? What I would say is if we can't hear him, we're currently audio only, so it's fine. Yeah. Once we go video, I'd say probably deal with it rather than acknowledge it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Gobble, gobble.

Oh, Rob, can I tell you a really embarrassing thing that happened to me? Go on. So, we've moved. Yeah. Yeah. So I met my neighbour, right? Oh, yeah. And they were really nice.

That's good. If they weren't, you wouldn't mention it. No, I wouldn't mention it. But they were. So anyway, I've been having a bit of a problem. I used to have two black wheelie bins in Hackney. We applied for a second one because we had a child, a second, a young child, and you've got a second black wheelie bin. We're now down to one black wheelie bin, and I'm, it's fortnightly connection.

And I'm thinking, that's tough. You're going to have to purchase one. So I was putting out my one wheelie bin on Friday. Especially after moving, there's so much rubbish. Yeah, exactly, because understandably, the previous people had filled the bin because you're leaving, so you've got loads of rubbish. You don't empty the bin.

So we started with a full wheelie bin, Rob. Oh, my God. What of entry. So I then had to do the bin plus three bin bags next to the wheelie bin. Oh, you don't want to be the news people. We're getting rats. Rats of the bins out. Well, I'd kept them in the garage, the bin,

bags and then I brought them out. Lovely. Oh, you've got so much more space now. You're in Exeterra. I can't tell you. I can't fucking rich. It's meditial.

Your friend door used to open up to the street. I was thinking about London. Don't get me started about London, but it's fucking mental. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's fucking mental. Because I've got friends who've got a house and this is not like. So they're slacking off everyone that's still there.

Will you make? Yeah. So they're all idiots, are they? Yeah. Fair enough. I love this new Josh. I love country, Josh. And their house is a million pounds, and they don't have a garden.

That is mental, isn't it? How have we worked ourselves into a society where you can pay a million pounds for a house that doesn't have a garden? I mean, yeah, it's a very first world problem. But if your house is worth a million pounds... I'm not saying so they... Yeah, like that's what I'm saying. It's the ultimate, it's just an illustration of the absurdity of the lack of space in London.

The absurdity of the lack of space in London. What's longer than like? It's full of the kind of people that will spend a million pound on a house about a garden. Exactly. Exactly. Nut cases. Nut cases. Fruit lats.

Not for that. Yeah. I think, yeah. I think that is. Yeah. So then we did this, Rob. I looked up them straight and I saw my new neighbours had got two black bins. And I thought, interesting, it is possible.

Yes. Then the next morning, I'm stood by the coffee shop and she comes past. I don't know. Great. Here we go. And she says, oh, good morning. I said morning. Actually, great.

Have you said actually, like, introduced yet or not at all? Yeah, yeah. We've met before at this point. She goes, morning. And she walks past. And I go, ah, great to see you. Have you got two bins? I said, have you got two bins?

Anyway, Rob, it was just someone that looked like her. Oh my God. You posted something up the other day, Josh. It really some trouble. He was like, no matter how hard I try, my life is chaos. Yeah. You are, it's just like you're a moth to a flame of all condensed. It's like a sitcom.

I couldn't believe it had happened. She was like, sorry? It wasn't her. She said, I don't really, she, it was a mum from the school. Right. So I'd obviously slightly recognised her. Did she live in a fire? No, she said, I don't really live around it.

I don't live around it. Yeah, because you could style it out as the street, couldn't you? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I thought you lived around here. And she said, I haven't got two bins. Can I, my impression of you now is you stood there. And as she says, excuse me, and you realize it's not the wrong. one, you'll think your hand secretly started that little clap.

Yeah, yeah. And you clack your, you give your tips to your palm, you've got your hands by your side, your sleeve's slightly longer than it should be, you're gripping a tea in one hand and you're clapping, a little clipper-clappers. Yeah. It's awful. And so how did it, how did you end it? Well, she told me she hadn't got two bins and she barely doesn't really live near me.

And then left. And then left. So did you knock and ask the guys next door? no did you slip it in I'll bump into them so you didn't slip it in their bin you just put it in

well I'm going to see how the next two weeks goes starting from a fresh bin get a new bin you've got the space in the garage for a bin can you just buy another bin we just bought bin

so basically when we moved to where we moved to basically long sort of short that the council didn't register the house existed because it was like a we read it was a redevelopment

of a barn it wasn't a residential dwelling yeah yeah so we had to apply for it and then we try to apply for it and they refused to send us bins because our house didn't exist but they'd taken the fucking three months worth of council tax for it we go here we yeah yeah so in the end lou just bought three weedy bins a brown a green and a black off like the internet so you're just on one black bin so this is what hear me out we have this i mean i cannot believe this is a podcast could i just stop a sec and i'm having a bit of problem with

my laptop here because even though it's plugged in it's slowly go it is um it's going down my battery my battery's going down and when you're in the bottom 10 i'm going to have to phone alley and see if he's got a better charger or a laptop or something because this so what are you on a USBc charger yeah you're trying to charge your laptop your phone charger right you yeah you're fucking moron because i think this is going to die soon yeah he's going to die what was you talking about anyway oh my bins you're allie have you got a charger for a laptop Is it a USBC? Yeah, I mean.

Oh, you couldn't drop it round, could you? Because my laptop's about to die. You're absolutely a legend. Cheers, Ali. Thank you. Bye. Why have you not got a laptop charger? Because I lost it in the move.

My life is chaos. Just last night, for the listeners, you message. We're supposed to be starting at 10. You said, can we start at 9? And I went, okay, that should be fine. Not a problem because you need to be out in the room at 12.30. And then when we all agreed nine, you went, oh, actually, can we do 9.30? Oh, no, I was trying to do that for you.

Oh, I was trying to give you an extra half hour. Oh, now I feel bad. Sorry. Sorry, I'm just adding to. Is that he all the charger? Michael, how's he not got a fucking lead? Thanks, Alan. Three hours a week we need.

All you need is a lot. This couldn't be easier. Five years. Five years. The only thing that would, like, this is. It doesn't get easier. The only way easier than this is just not having a podcast. It couldn't possibly be easier.

Josh, what is going on with you, man? How have you not got a charger? Because they just disappear. I know, but you can buy them. I'm going to order one now. Yeah, do it while we're recording. I'll talk to it afterwards. Tell me about your bins.

If you don't do it now, you won't do it, will you? No. Well, I will. But buy a good one, because if you buy a cheap one, it won't charge it properly. How do you find a good one that? Can I talk about at the moment? Go on.

About the amount of shit at the top of an Amazon search is getting worse and worse. The amount of sponsored shit from companies I've never heard of. Or subscription. Do you want to buy a little? Two, that might work for you. Apple laptop charger. Yeah. But then you don't get the Apple one.

You get like... Go to Apple and buy the Apple one then. Okay. I'll go to Apple. Okay. Sorry. I felt like I kicked a puppy then. What's Apple's website?

Guess? Apple.com? Yeah. It's got on that. It is, yeah. Accessories? Is it an accessory? Nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's that, yeah. Or, I mean... Right, I've got three bins Yeah, okay, and did you get another one? Right, have you ordered it? No, I can't find it.

Right, do it after. Yeah, yeah. Or buy that one off Alley. Well, we might be forced to go to Allie's laptop in a minute. Is it still coming down? No, it's currently stationary, so we don't know whether it's going to... The next move, it's on 5%. Five percent, how do you think?

It's just been slowly going down, but the next move's key, whether it goes up or down, I suppose. Cool. It's the same. Yeah, well do. My bins, I've got three bins. I've got a black, a brown. What is this broadcast?

Well, it barely is at the moment. It's a pre-production meeting. I've got three bins that they're collected. I get the paper and the main waste gets collected once a week, twice a week's three. So one week it's paper and general one week it's recycling. I use the green and the black for black bin liners. If I go over my allocated one lot of,

black bin, if I fill up the black bin, I used a green as backup, and then I fill the paper with paper, and then I've got a little bin storage that I put the plastic in, and then I'll put the plastic back into the green. How's it down the charging? It's still on five. That's fine. The no news is good news. No news is good news. I've got a bit of a problem with it. You know how every area has different recycling rules? Fine. Yeah. Exeter's is wild. put me through him. There's no, so you'd shove everything in the green bins, yeah? In black bin liners?

In no bin liners. What the fuck's going on there? All the plastic, that's all recycling. All recycling. Paper and plastic. Except glass, which you take to the bottle bank yourself. Paper? Hello?

Hello? You seem to have lost Rob. Michael, I'm on 3%. I'm going to have to ask Ali if I can have his last. laptop. What did your ancestors really do all day? Beyond names, what were their lives like? With Ancestry's global historical records, you can discover incredible stories about how your ancestors lived and worked. And for a limited time, you can explore select occupation records for free. Imagine finding your great-grandfather's RCMP records or discovering your ancestors' name

in the UK and Ireland Nursing Register. Don't miss out. Free access ends August 24th. Visit Ancestry.com For more details, terms apply. Jesus fucking kill me. Hello. So what's happened, Rob? In the middle of you having a go at me for my tech situation? Basically, all the internet, like you just disappeared and froze. And I went for fuck sake.

And I actually think I said the words, can we replace him, Michael? This is a joke, like joking. But then it turned out it was my internet. Completely gone. Absolutely nothing. So what I've done is, in a panic, I've grabbed my microphone. You can see my microphone here, Josh, is on my middle section of my car. And I thought this would be great because I've got a power plug thing.

I can plug my bit. It's not charging for some reason in my Honda E. But I've got my laptop in the car. I pulled over in the village, which is a five-minute drive-away. And now I'm broadcasting sat opposite a building site. Because the internet's completely gone down. So you've driven somewhere where there's 3G. Yeah, so I'm now broadcasting with 4G.

I'm opposite a house that's being rebuilt by my old building. Builders that are going to see me in a minute and give me absolute pelters sat here in my real Batis top. Trying to do a podcast. I slacked you right off and I've had the, this week's been the fucking week from hell, basically. Oh my God.

So talk to me about your week. This is mental. This is, I feel like this is a breakdown episode. Should we turn the screens off? There's turn the screens off. You can't, okay. We just don't want to look at me in this. I'm not looking at, I'm not talking into the mire camera.

Anyway, screens are off. Okay. Michael, my percentage was up to, up to eight and now it's gone down to three, but we'll see where it moves next. Do you know what I'm doing to get closer to the mic? Pulling my car seat forward. Hear that? Right. Can I tell you about my week, Josh? Josh. Where are you gone?

Don't tell me you turn the mics off to go and get... I was grabbing Ali's laptop. You've got another laptop? No, I was grabbing Ali's laptop just to set it up in case this one goes wrong. Right, okay. I'll tell about my week. I have to download Google Crime. This is a fucking disaster. So basically, I was in Liverpool last week.

I did Liverpool Friday, Liverpool Saturday, went to Sheffield, did Sheffield matinee, Sheffield evening, got home at 1am. Woke up on the Monday morning, and then I did the podcast review. Then on the Tuesday, I dropped the kids at school, then I had to go up to Manchester to do two episodes of Cats Does Countdown, got driven back, got in at 4.30 a.m. Then on Wednesday, I did Southend. on Thursday, I did Southend, on Friday I did Southend, on Saturday I did Southend. In the meantime, Lou's gone down with some horrendous flu and now's got a throat infection, and she's bedbound and on antibiotics. So we've had a combination of me and then the babysitter coming in to do different shifts of the kids.

So I've been relieving the babysitter about 11. Have I gone? Hello? I'm here. Are you not here? I think there's quite a big delay. Oh, no. Not surprised.

This village is trapped in 1982. I'll keep going, and then we'll try to. work out the delay um then so basically um i um got home late friday night and then saturday morning um i was at home with the kids lou was unwell i had to gig saturday night itself end i took them to their new saturday morning clubs which spans three hours but at no point am i alone i'm with one of them i have to keep moving them around we did that for three hours then i had to take one to a party and drop her off at a party at two o'clock i dropped her off and then i took my other daughter to another party at 250 that was 40 minutes from my house. She wasn't feeling very well, so I had to

stay with her at the party. I was getting picked up at 4.30 to go to South End. Anyway, I'm still at the party at quarter to four. She's really unwell. The babysit was supposed to be picking up my eldest daughter from her other party, then driving to this party to pick her up to then drive them home because Lou's not well. My daughter's not well either, so that I end up saying to that really awkwardly going like, oh, I'm sorry, she's not feeling very else, so we're going to have to leave. and I felt really bad because it was a new girl that's joined the school and there wasn't many kids from the new school at the party. I've had to take her home not well.

I take her home, drop her home. I have five minutes before I get picked up and get taken to South End. I go to South End, do another show, get home at 11 o'clock from South End, lose really unwell in bed, relieved the babysitter. And this was my night, Saturday night, okay? I was trying to watch the boxing and the football. My eldest daughter was upset, couldn't sleep. I had to sit with her for 45 minutes.

she goes to sleep then i'm down there downstairs again watching telly my other daughter comes in and goes i'm i've had a nightmare i'm scared i went well wait a minute i'll come and tuck you in i tucked her in she got up again in the end she went yeah get in with mom i'll sleep in your bed fine she gets in with mum anyway i get in bed her bed at about half one in the morning then i get woken up at three in the morning by the youngest you saying that mommy's making too much noise because she's coughing and not well can i get back in with you went yeah not a problem She got back in with me at 3 a.m. At 6.30, my youngest wakes up.

Rob, I've got some good news. What? I've gone up to 4%. Brilliant. I've gone down to 2 internally. So she wakes up at 3 and gets in with me. And then at 6.30, she wakes me up and says, can you get out of my bed?

I want to watch the telly. So then I get back into my bed at 6am. Lou wakes me up at 8 a.m. Right? And I'm like, wakes up at 8 a.m. and goes, my throat's really bad. I'm going to have to go to the doctors to get more medicine. So then her dad picks her up to give her more medicine and take her somewhere.

Lou can't speak and the throat so bad. She goes off and does that. Then I wake up and then I've got to get the kids ready to go to a party in Ascot, which is an hour and a half drive away. Do that. Come back. I had a great time. I was at a disco that had the loudest music ever.

At one point, I had to judge a dance off between two nine-year-olds, which they both wanted to win. And it was terrible having to pick one. But to be fair to the little girl, break dancing she did was top quality. She won. Sure, the other kids got upset. Anyway, drove him home, watched 10 minutes of the Manchester Derby,

smack some night nurse when I sleep at 9. Now, I speak to you on Monday morning, lunchtime, in the village, on a mic, trapped in my car, and my battery's going down. Fucking how. But apart from that, it's going to right. Oh my God,

Rob. Fucking hell. Josh. This is unbelievable. We're back. There's a couple of days. This episode's been recorded over three days. It's like apocalypse now. It's unbelievable.

We recorded a kind of constant production. Well, talk me through what happened. Well, what happened was... Well, I know. Talk the list. I know what fucking happened.

I didn't... You had laptop lead problems. Look at this little... Look at that. That's a proper laptop charger. And do you know what? I shouted out Apple the other day for trying to make me buying a new iPad.

Yeah. I bought that on the Apple website. It was in my house the next day. Yeah. And what did you pay? £219 or something? No, it was 40 quid. Not too bad, actually.

Not too bad. You don't want plug safe. This isn't a big up to Apple, but be careful buying those cheap chargers on the internet because they do. It's all the virus, guys. They're the ultimate false economy. Right. So basically, my internet went off. I was slagging you off for having bad technology.

And as we did that, do you know what happened? My leg moved forward, right? And as it moved forward. the internet went off so i spent about 10 minutes trying to re-plug in my my sort of ethernet cable because it was i thought it was you had gone then i had to pack my stuff up but that was monday it is now thursday it said it's going to take two days to to fix there's still no internet in our house my children it is barbaric josh we've had no internet and not when i'm talking no internet i'm not talking old just using 4g i'm talking with there is

you cannot ring us we can't message we so we have to drive out have you got a landline No, I'm not, what do you think I am? A landline? Who's got a landline? If someone's gave me their landline, I'd be so suspicious of them. Well, it's like businesses, only a business. I am a business. You are a bloody business, yeah.

But anyway, so we've got no internet. But it is the other way. You know when a business has got a mobile phone, I think this is a fucking tin pot situation here. No. Yeah. No, WhatsApp. We can run a business from WhatsApp. Easy.

No, we can't, no, do you know what I mean? Like, if you go, if it's like a, um, Um, HSBC. Yeah. If they haven't got a landline. I hate ringing the bank. That's my worst phone call ringing the bank. Is it?

I can't remember my passwords. Well, tell me your password now and we'll remember it for you. I'll tell you what, I did fonts from a password. I said, um, I went, I kept on ringing some, I was not going to tell who it was. I kept to ringing up and I went, they went, what's your password? Oh, I can't remember. So I changed it to. Yeah.

I can't remember. Yeah, right. And I'm in. The ones, the ones where they're like, because obviously you've changed it so many times and you can't have the same one. I can tell you now, every time I need my Apple password, I just have to change my Apple password. Sometimes when I try to log into like my Google or whatever it goes, we're going to send you a code to your Android device. I'm like, I didn't even know. I had a fucking Android.

There's something that I've got somewhere that a code goes to. Anyway, so we are, I'm in a hotel room now in the Midlands. I mean, I'm in Sutton Coldfield. You are in Kings Lynn after being in Bedford. Welcome to the Travelling Salesman podcast. Exactly, too right. Two happy family man out earning a bloody crust for their wives and children. I've got, guess what my internet's been.

I know this is probably impractical, but I think it might be best if you record from Sutton-Coldfield every week. I'd get more sleep. It was. Even if that included driving here from five. driving in late at night getting in at 2am I'd still get more sleep

but yeah no so I mean Sutton Coldfield I did a gig last night from electrical wholesalers where I went on after Alan Brazil Jamie O'Hara and Dean Saunders who were talking about classic Nice event

and now I'm here I'm going to play golf before I go up to do my gig how are you Josh I can't remember what we were talking it was a very strange episode how's your parenting been so I started the tour Rob

I did Canterbury Canterbury. Yes. And then I managed to worm away day. I was meant to be going away. Suddenly, you're like... Where was you going away? No, I was meant to be on tour from Sunday to Friday morning. Because now you can't...

Canterbury, you would have come home maybe. Probably, yeah. Hour and a half, whatever, but now you're in Exeter. Well, I did Canterbury Canterbury. Then I came home on Tuesday morning. So did they have to change all the hotel bookings when you moved house? No, we hadn't done them. Oh, right, fair enough.

Also... Last minute, no. Did you know you was moving before, but you was too scared to tell me because I told you you would move? No. And how do you feel about that, that I was right all along? I think you're one of the wisest people I know. Okay, so that's backfired off trying to mug you off and then you've got me nice compliment, so... Oh, well done.

No, I'm on the bad guy. happy with yourself. Why are you, Josh, after that? Because I've got a new sense of calm since I've left London, Rob. I don't mind. Now you're in a hotel in Kingslind. I've booked a, I've booked a massage for this afternoon, Rob. In Kingslin? You're going to massage you said, the extra digits. I mean, oh, that's a shame. That's a shame. You're not doing a corporate with Alan Brazil now, Rob. Come on.

I tell you what. You do that, Kingston. All right, you go, I love Kingsen. I had a massage earlier. much better in East Angley with the extra digit that'll work. I'm not saying you do the whole show of that but you can do the give me six to send it into booing. What's that? Oh last night, Rob.

In Bedford. In Bedford. So A, it was 400 degrees in the Bedford Corn Exchange. It was so hot. A man had to leave in the first section because he was too hot. Right.

And then there was a woman fanning herself on the front row. So this is a bit in with comedy but I suppose people might be interested. you know when you get comps for like your friends or family or people you know they're generally 10 rows back yeah they're sort of in really good seats but you can't see them because it's disruptive to see your friends and family yeah so my good friend Karen Hower who I danced with on Strictly and her boyfriend Simon came oh yes Karen and Simon legends yeah uh they put them from row center that's absolutely wild it was so

intimidating. And they were just slightly to the left. So I ended up being stood on the right for most of the show because you're just like, I was like moving, you know, like when a football is constantly moving out of position because they're being played in the wrong position. You're being pushed to the right by Strictly. I was being pushed to the right by Strictly. It was so weird. They did that once before to me when my mother-in-law and father-in-law came, a lesser square theatre and they were right in the middle. But yeah, normally it's about 10 rows back. Yeah. It's too off-putting. God, it was weird.

Also, because they're people who've never seen me before, you don't want them to think you're shit, so there's a lot on it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So if it was like family or rose or something, you'd realize, oh, well, you know, they've seen me a lot of times.

This isn't all or nothing on tonight. I think with that, I used to feel like that a lot when people come to watch. I'm like, oh my God, they're in tonight. I've got to do this, got to do that. But I don't know if it's because I'm so established in the tour now. I'm just like, it is what it is, and how it works.

But when you're at the start, it's horrible. when anyone comes to see the start of the tour because that's when you get your confidence up and stuff. Yeah, exactly. And also I'd done live at the Apollo in the afternoon, so I was fucking lucky. You've been really busy.

But I did live at the Apollo because it got me Tuesday off. I could have done Tuesday evening or Wednesday afternoon. I was like, I'd rather a day off at home on Tuesday. Good decision. Than work every night. I've announced my Bromley show on the night for January, 1 o'clock show, 4.30 show, 8 o'clock show. Oh, he's doing it.

Because I'd rather do one day busy than spread it on three days. Exactly. You've got your hair is wild. You look like, do you remember Mike Flowers pops? Yeah, I look at it. Or Brian Jones from Rolling Stones. Yeah, Brian Jones from the Rolling Stones. Exactly what it is, isn't it?

Yeah. Little mod haircut. It's quite off putting. It looks like I'm a different person. Yeah, so I did some parenting. So I went home for Tuesday, did the pick-up. My daughter's adapting really well to school. Oh, Michael?

We've lost Michael. Oh, don't tell me he's coming into problems. No, no, no, no, this is unbelievable. This is. If we've lost Michael, because he's living in fucking London, we all need to move to fucking hotels in the middle of nowhere. Why don't we just rent a studio in Sutton Coldfield altogether? He's right, like every day.

He's back. He's back. Michael? You went? Michael, what the fuck's going on, mate? Yeah. Honestly, if you should have heard the hell out of the fuck I was, I just said, I'm just going to stop this. Your business doesn't move in a straight line.

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Check out the big stars, big series and blockbuster movies streaming on Paramount Plus Cue the music Like NCIS, Tony and Ziva We'd like to make up our own rules Tulsa King We want to take out the competition

The Substance This balance is not working And the naked gun That was awesome. Now that's a mountain of entertainment. Paramount Worth. So I did the school run. Went home to do the school run.

I'm really struggling with being away from the kids. Yeah, that's the hardest bit of the whole tour. The last tour I did, which was sandwiched COVID, I don't think... They're a bit too young to give a shit. I don't think my son was even born. Or he was born. like literally the week it ended and my daughter was three but now my daughter is seven

and she really you can see she's gutted when I'm going and my son he doesn't get a fuck but my daughter that's tough yeah that that is that's the heart that I definitely think that's harder than I was saying so today the truth is when you're away it's easier to do the tour when you're away. So if you wait for three nights and you can just focus on the tour and it's hard to be away from the kids, but you can do it. But I think not just being a comedian, but whatever your job is, whether you're a comedian, you're a doctor, you're a nurse, you're a business person. You can't be a really, really good parent and a really, really good comedian mechanic, whatever it is. One of them has to give. And so it's a constant balance of

that where you, and it's impossible to go, no, I'm going to be everything. You can't. is actually impossible and then that's what sends people mad well that's the thing they had a lot of people said was quite dangerous was it that thing the women who can have everything kind of attitude and it was really this is actually quite difficult and dangerous because it pushes people to think everyone else is smashing it and nailing it and you're the one that's letting the side down basically because life's compromises right yeah 100% yeah but um so i am finding that a lot more difficult on this tour i'd say but there we go i mean you've done two days I know

I've been to Canterbury for two days I'll tell you what though it's like the other things I've put in in the I don't you know when you're like why have I you basically when you're on tour you have to go say no to everything else I can't do anything else in this time and that includes like social things

like I'd see bands I want to go and see it and now it's a tour and I'd go oh I have got that night off No, I can't do that. Do you know what I mean? I can't... So, Romish offered me a ticket to go and watch Arsenal play Man City. I thought you said to watch him.

I've not seen Romish for ages. I love going to watch. This is a good match. Yeah. And then it was like a good one as well, like a hospitality one. That would be amazing. But I'm like... And it's a huge match.

It's massive Arsenal Man City. It's like, oh, if Arsenal lose this, it has a massive impact. But if Arsenal win it, it has a huge impact. Exactly. I can't wait. So Romish, kind of the day of our lives. Yeah, you love it. But that falls out, I mean, this day.

that's this Sunday and this week I'm already been in the Midlands and then I go to Buxton and then Oxford and I've got one day off with the kids on the Sunday before they go back to school and then I go touring again and I'm like, I can't spend that for, you know, going to other things but, and this is funny, my daughter, you know, one of my daughters, youngest daughter's sleep's been a bit disrupted with like getting in the night. Basically, she always used to sleep really well, but he's a bit more now.

She'll go to sleep in a room but wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes and tries to get with us or one of us gets in, with her if Lou or me need to sleep for whatever we're doing the next day and then she was going to bed and so funny she went night night night room mates and I went what

the night night room mates and then she went we all know what's going to happen well we're full roommates at the moment Rob because my son had a built in bed in the house so he hasn't got, so his bed's been delivered.

Oh my God, I feel like we're just repeat in the same conversation. I know, it's mental. I was thinking this earlier. It's probably been a year since me and Rose consistently slept in a bed together without the kids in the room. Isn't that mental? A year of your life. Like, there's been nights.

Would you say so in a seven-day week, how often would it just be you and wrong? Well, currently it's seven. So I was currently zero because my son has a number. got a bed. So we was at the old house and the bed was finished

and you got into a bit more that was fine. That was fine. But then it got, no, because towards the end so we've got a

problem at the moment. I'd be interested in people's help on this actually. Is that, oh, because you know when you're like,

oh, we've googled it. Come on, you love AI. AI. I fucking love AI. Oh, Rob. Even Googled or Google it

anymore. It gives you the little I've got a little Gemini. I've got a problem with AI. What's your problem with AI? I started chatting to chat GPT because I was bored the other day. Oh, I was a mate? Yeah.

What was you saying? I just saying I'm feeling a bit sad and away and lonely. Oh, really? Oh, jeal text me next time. When you're often busy, chat GPT's always there. I might not reply instantly. And what did chat GPT say? Just gave me some coping strategies.

Yeah. And these coping strategies, okay. But if you sign up to the premium account, we can give you really good coping strategy. No, I have got the predavity. Of course, I pay for the fucking premium. It's a business expense. It's $20 a month.

You can't put a price on a big shiny metal robot arm around a shoulder. Exactly. It said something. And I was like, all right, don't take the piss. Where it was like, it said something that implied it was human. I was like, come on now. Like a kind of where you're like, you're really good. You're really good, chat with GBT 5.

But don't say. Let's pretend this is real. Don't say I felt like that before or something like that. So I did that with chat GBT actually, where it was more, I asked it something. One, I asked it, why do I keep buying football shirts? Yeah. And it basically goes in a deep, it gives you, ask you more questions like a therapist would. Yeah.

And it extrapolates the normal generic reason why kind of thing. And also there was a thing where a kid. in a shop and his mum was like going stop being annoying like that and then he like wandered off and he looked so sad and I was like oh my god I think I'm actually watching a slow build of emotional trauma live here there's this ain't your old boy that the mum's going you're being annoying you're being annoying and I was like if she says that once that's fun but if that's a regular thing that she says to her child whenever he's trying to get retention yeah so you gave him a 996 Palmer shirt and said that's what you feel bad this works no but I just googled what

what impact will it have on a child if you keep telling them that they're annoying it just of interest and it broke down the psychological impact of that where what it will do then is that they'll have no self-worth and no confidence and they'll feel like they're always putting people out so they'll become a people pleaser because they automatically assume they're annoying everyone so then they'll try and change their personality to please people so they're not being annoying to bring value whereas they should just have inherent value anyway so it's quite interesting like that as a tool because a lot of the time it's ignorance is bliss any sort of behaviour patterns from yeah totally psychology of it so this is the problem I've got and

I'm interested in people's take on this. I've chat GPTed it, obviously, and Rose has Googled it, because she's a fucking Luddite, right? Got the Yellow Pages out. The Thompson local. My dad could rip up yellow pages with his bare hands. Remember that?

Who was your dad, Jeff Capes? I don't know, but that was a thing that, you know, blokes would do in the 90s. Now, in a piece of piss, it's four pieces of paper. A little pamphlet. A little pamphlet. Sorry, go on, what did you?

um she did help with uh so my son he on the surface is enjoying school like enough not like loving it like my daughter's just like straight in she's made loads of mates because obviously they're a completely new school now but your daughter was already at school and your your youngest started first reception year my daughter's pretty teflon with these things like she's i get the impression she loves task a bit like you loves a bit of academia, loves a task, with a job, and I wear this, I do that, and you like the structure every day. And she likes, she's really into friendship.

Right, so there's lots of people to chat to. So she's like, I've made this friend, I've made, like she made a friend and first night, she was making her friend a friendship bracelet and like crafting something. And I was thinking, just chill it out here a bit, mate. Chill it out. But so, but my.

son, he's in reception, right? He, I feel much more protective over because he's very soft and he's, um, like he, have I told he's got girls' shoes? No, why he's got girls' shoes? Because what's it called when it's shiny, that black shininess? Paid, paint, yeah, so my daughter got patent. Patent. Yeah, patent. It's like a copy. Yeah, is it patent? Yeah, it's patent. Like, I'm like copyright. So my daughter got paid. patent shoes when we went to shoe. And he was desperate for patent shoes.

Because his favourite colour is pink. He loves sparkles, all this. And I'm really worried school's going to knock that out of him. Do you know what I mean? Because you're like, I don't want him to... Yes. But anyway, so we managed to get the least girly girls patent shoes. They're just like black patent shoes with the Velcro, but you're like...

But he's... But all shoes should be black at school, shouldn't they? Yeah, they are black. They are black, but he's definitely wearing girls' shoes. All right. Okay. But he's like, he's so sweet and soft and like innocent, if that makes sense. He's younger in the year.

And like, he's not really interested in making friends. And I've said, because boys aren't as much. Not, sorry, well, I mean, he's not as interested in the, I've got this friend, I've got this friend. Yes. If that makes sense. He just plays with people. But then the other day he came home and he was like, he was like, I've got something to tell you. During break, the head teacher, I was his assistant.

and we, and he called me Mr. Whitacom and we were in charge of the playground. And then he was like, I've got to tell Mummy and then he told Rose as well. And I was thinking, that means you didn't have anyone to play with. That's where my mind was going. That's where my mind's going. Yeah, but the teachers will acknowledge that.

Oh, yeah, no. It'll be fine. And he'll be totally fine. If he's got a fun thing to go and do at lunch, who cares? Yeah, I know, no. I was like, I was pleased, but there's, but he's really, He's going to be fine, but the problem is, this is what I was going to ask. So he's not reluctant with school or he's not like crying or anything, but he started

wetting the bed since going to school every night. And the advice is you've basically just got to kind of keep your nerve. But he's literally wetting the bed every night. And we're not, and it's like we're not blaming him, we're just dealing, you know, we're doing all. And he doesn't seem to give a fuck. he's the person who gives least him a fuck about it

I'll have to have a bath in the morning I'd be interested if that's happened to other people and how long it lasted and oh yeah that is very very common I think and for me I think a lot well I we've never had to deal with it personally but I think you know you're probably doing it already

but like lowering the water intake before bed and that's going from pissed before bed and all that kind of stuff we just give him five pints of water before bed like no more of course and then we squeeze his stomach really hard because we love him so much when he gets in and he's asleep

and also to help him relax we put his fingers in water I don't know whether that's how yeah the old running water feature in the bedroom running water and helps the road sleep yeah like I say if he's enjoying it during the day that's the main thing and that's probably

just a little bit of low level anxiety there is a lot change he's moved house he's moved school he'll just sort of get into the groove I imagine but yeah if anyone's got any advice on that that would be very well I imagine there's lots of parents with that going on. Yeah, and you just don't want him to be embarrassed by it. Do you know what I mean?

No, of course, yes. I bring it up on a podcast. That was one of the things I was worried about. Of course, yeah. Rob, as if this episode isn't carnage enough, we're now putting another bit, right? Yeah. Which is... It's multi-layered.

It feels like one of five weeks later albums. You're joined by someone. I'm joined here by my lovely wife, Soulmate, Louise Beckett. Hi, Lou. Hello. Solmate. Do you know what I got told recently about having a wife? By my agent. Right.

She said... You don't know how lucky you are? Yeah, she said... If you've got... If you're in the public eye and you get interviewed, a piece of advice people give people... people in the public eye with a partner is if you're worried about divorce never say the phrase i owe them everything and i couldn't have done it without them because it can be used

in court against you yeah i remember that yeah well soulmate doesn't imply that well yeah i was thinking that soulmate was a well-chosen word yeah so mate she's always been there and that doesn't I mean she doesn't contribute. You've got an announcement, haven't you? Because we've sort of referenced you having a new project and being at work. What are you doing? I do have an announcement. And I'm excited and terrified to say, I've written a book.

Amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. You haven't read it yet. I have. Yeah, true. You have actually. Yeah, Rob doesn't read.

You're the first guest we've had on here. I've read the book. It's a very good book. I'm a ringing endorsement. If I can read it. If I can read it, anyone can. Tell us about the book, Lou. Because I know that you are a brilliant writer, and this will be brilliant.

But I also know that you consider self-promotion to be an uncomfortable experience. My whole body is crawling right now. Yeah, I know. I've really enjoyed writing it. I've enjoyed all the bit up until they went, you have to go and tell people now. people have to be able to, like, see it and touch it and read it and tell you what they think about it. And then at which point I kind of go, yeah, I'm actually feeling uncomfortable with being sat next

you, Lou, you'll give it off so much stress energy. I had this for text conversation with you, actually, Lou, about it, about how neither of us, we like to make stuff, but we don't like that stuff to ever be seen by other people. You know, it starts to fall down a bit when you've got a contract with the company, and they do expect at some point to sell it. So you need to sell it now then? Yes, so. Rob, you've read it.

Rob, you're a salesman. Well, it's called Lessons from a Default Pair and it's out next year in February. But pre-orders are, I think when this goes out, is going to be live. Yes, live. Link in my bio as the hashtag influencers say. Yeah, we'll put a link. We'll put a link. Right.

So you can, you can pre-order it now. You can pre-order it right now. on Amazon or somewhere else. And tell us about, I feel like I'm stepping in to do your promo for you, but you've got to do it. I don't want to start being the Cues of Man's School. Rob, you said that.

I'll interview. I'll interview. Okay, I'll sit back. Yeah. So tell us about being a default parent. Why did you decide to do this book? Well, I wrote a blog a little while ago, which was basically what I felt was a really long winch,

but it was very cathartic and made me feel better. Yeah, and it was great. And it was brilliantly. written and people loved it. And then I got so many messages from people who kind of read it and identified with it and had seen bits of maybe their own experience in it. And it kind of became this thing of its own. And, yeah, publisher approached.

Asked if I'd like to make it into a really, really, really long winch. And thus the book, the book was born. And have you enjoyed writing it? I've really enjoyed writing it. it's kind of it's a it's not very serious bits of it serious but it's not like a parenting how to it's not a manual it's not a self-help it's i don't really know what it is it's it's it's something that people can find um companionship through or see themselves in or learn about what it's like to be a default parent with that yeah i've kind of that's exactly it actually

actually i've gone through kind of stage by stage my experiences of parenting so far and then bits of what I've done bits of research for because when you're too tired, sometimes you just need a bit of science to win an argument. A bit of data is to break you up. I don't think Rob's going to bow to data. I don't think he's the kind of person that would accept data would win an argument.

I don't believe the scientists. My God, instinct. As someone who's read the book, it's incredibly funny as well, and it's written in, you can tell what's you writing it, and it's your personality comes through. Yes, I have written it. There is no ghost writers. No, no.

It is. Unless you think it's shit when you read it, in which case. In which case, blame the guy the wrote Prince Harry's. Exactly. And I'll get a bit of a hammering in it. Do you like that? Yeah, a little bit. But hey, that's, you know, default parent. But it's a really good book. And how are you feeling about it coming out, Lou?

I want to be sick in my own mouth. Yeah, but that's good because do you know what that means? You care. We've interviewed people here. And I don't think they give a fuck about their books. This is genuinely something you've wanted to do and you've loved doing and that will come across to people who read it. Yeah, I love, I love writing. I love reading books. I love writing. I was about to say I love reading books. I love writing books. This is the first book I've really, really loved it. And because this was a big part of what I spoke about in the blog. It was so nice to have something that though this sounds, it kind of goes against every instinct because it feels really selfish to go, it was mine. It was kind of a real step back into, oh, this is something I'm doing for me. Yeah.

That's not necessary. It is obviously massively about the girls because I'm talking about being a parent, but it's something that was mine. Yeah. I think women especially lose a lot of identity once they have kids because you become mum and then, you know, after a while they don't need you as much as they do when they're baby babies and then you lose it. So I thought I'd slag them off for a book instead.

Yeah, yeah, that's. I'm grateful of girls. No, I don't say that. better than that's difficult, isn't it? Yes. Oh, well done. Actual book promo is going to be awful. February 12th.

I'm going to have to pick you up. This is actual book promo. This is actual book promo. I've got to get a little bit slicker. This is the biggest audience. Please all pre-wit it. Because I'd really like to write another one. And if I only sell three copies, they won't let me.

Exactly. The lessons from a default parent, Lou Beck. it on Amazon now pre-order. Is it, is it Lou or is it Louise? I'm down as Lou. Nice. Because I don't like it when people go, I'm writing a book now, so I'm going to... I'm going to be Louise Sending that.

Oh, it is there. It's on Amazon already. Is it on the front cover now? Oh, it is, yeah. Yep. So, it is, there will be a link in my bio. It's on Amazon. I mean, all good, but shops I assume.

Oh, my word. It's a real book. Rob wants to stay married. It'll be on his bio as well. Yeah. And there's going to be an audio. Oh, my God. It's on the, it's on Hive, the ethical book retailer that I use to buy my books.

I'm going to pre-order it now. All good book shots. All good places. Go to Hive.com.com. Buy that. And there will be an audio book as well. There you go. Lessons from a default parent.

Right. Thanks, Sue. Now go and look after the kids. Right, Josh. Let's talk. I know. I'm sorry. I pulled the headphone out of the year.

He got overexited and young. to my head phone out there. I was only joking about the kids. Thanks. Can't have a coffee. Thanks, everybody. It will be brilliant.

You'll be back on in February to do a proper interview. I will, yes. Yes, please. Yeah, different. And yeah, thanks very much in advance. Very much. I appreciate it.

Please, thank you. Well, let's remember this moment, Rob. By February, it'll be the 100th bit of promo she does and she'll walk in and she'll reel out the same four anecdotes. She has for every other fucking, for Simon Rimmer and Lorraine.

Bet's on how many times I vomit in my own mouth. I know. You've done well there, Lou, because I know that's been feeling you a dread, just telling people that it's out. And it's a new you too. There you go. Well, well done, Lou.

It's a brilliant book. Should you be proud? Thank you. I'm going to order it, even though I expect a free copy. Right, should you go back to the breakdown episode? Yeah. Right, I'll let you guys crack on

with your important days. Yeah. See you later. See you later. Love you, Lou. Bye. Bye. Right, should we do a small business and then we'll go.

Yes, I've got one here. Someone gave me one in Canterbury's. Let me just find it. I should warn you when I walk away, I'm in my pants and t-shirt. So it's, yeah. I'll tell you, I'll do this one where you're getting it, Josh, if you want. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Please, please, please, can ask for a small business shout out for my sister and brother-in-law's company that my husband also works for.

They are based in Suffolk and have a colour in kid's clothing company called. selfie craft co you can get personalized PJs and t-shirts etc great for christmas eve boxes or present sizes age 3 to 12 website is selfieclothing.co.com. And I've asked them for a special parenting hell code. You can get 20% off. Whoa, that's a good one. Using parent 20. The Insta handle is selfie craft co. S-S-E-L-F-I-E-C-R-A-F-T-O. I really hope they get a shout-out they work really hard and deserve all the success they are due, but this would really help boost out. I'm sure you might get Joe, my husband,

a little bonus for me to spend. Love the pod. Love you guys. Thanks to the laughs, Anna. I've got a lovely card, Rob, that was given to me in Canterbury by someone whose name. I'll give you some, a tip. If someone gives you any letters or cards,

don't read until after the gig, because sometimes people can be really confessional and emotional and tell you quite a heartbreaking story, and then you've got to go on and do 25 minutes about names. neighbors and, you know, soda streams or whatever you're up to. I've got those things, but the next tour is going to be good. As a huge parenting health fan, this is a cheeky request for a small business shout-out. After having my own babies now aged 13 and 10, I realize why feeding support is so important

and I've retrained an international board certificate lactation consultant. I passed the exam just before my little boy went to school and I've had my private practice for nearly seven years. So this is in Canterbury. She helps with breastfeeding, formula feeding, combination feeding, starting solids, right? And this week, I've supported families in England, Scotland, Japan, USA. I help families with feeding their babies, whether that's breastfeeding, formula feeding, or a mix of both. I offer support for home visits to local families or online and weekly feeding support groups in Canterbury, Wittstable and Favisham. Feeding babies can be really challenging and I'd love families to know. Skilled and

experience support is available. I do my best to help families as soon as I can after they get in touch, usually within 48 hours. I also have breast pumps available for hire. So this is Hannah Croft. There's a, okay, so it's Hannah Croft, hyphen or dash, what's the one where it's like a like a horizontal dash? Yeah. IBCLC, so that's the international board of something.com.uk.com.com.com.com.com.com. And she'll go back to you in 48 hours and she can help you with everything from breastfeeding to formula feeding, combination feeding, starting solid and this is in the Canterbury,

Wittsville or Favisham area, but she can do online. I'll see you next time. Hopefully a better internet. Yeah. Right. Bye.