Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S11 Ep36 Stop Me If Ive Said This Before

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... **Trigger Warning** this episode contains some chat about those festive little Elves. Not for younger ears!! If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trigger warning. If you're listening to with kids, we're going to talk about the elf and its impact on our lives. There's your opportunity to decide what you want to do with that information. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky.

So, to make ourselves and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week will be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener with your tips, advice and, of course, Tales of Parenting Woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett?

Can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Wittaker. Well done. There we go. That's important. Super quick. This is Isla, who'll be five on the weekend. I'm joining the other parents are recorded

and never sent in the clip. This was recorded when Isla was two and a half. It's lovely going back to listen to her sweet little voice. I don't know if you've taken the crown for the longest to have not sent it. Feels good to finally done it. Thank you for all the last. I've listened since the beginning

and still one of my favourite podcasts. Georgie from the Isle of Wight. Ah, lovely stuff. Now, Josh, weird situation here. And I can see your reasoning and I think you're in the right here. But we were due to start at 10. you message at 840 can anyone start earlier

I replied 30 minutes later I didn't say can anyone start earlier did I No I can say can start earlier if needs Yeah can start if needs and then I 30 minutes later Because I was driving said oh hello Rose Rose Rose is bringing you tea like Harry Judd Yeah too right Look at that

Did you say thank you to Rose? Yeah Don't think you did VAR Michael can you just reply I did beforehand when I asked for the tea Oh no no no No, no, no, no, no. You have to go again on the thank you. Well, not if you're Harry-Jard.

Well, we don't know if he says thanks or not, do we? He just gets one. No, no, he presumes it'll happen. Anyway, so you said, can anyone start earlier? Can anyone start earlier? It implies I was trying to push for it. I was just saying I could start earlier if people need to. You know, it definitely felt like you were pushing the start earlier, which is fine. Can start earlier if needs?

Yeah, which basically means you would like to start earlier. Yeah, I'm happy to, yeah. Yeah, of course, absolutely. Then I heard nothing back in half an hour. That's fine too. So I went back to bed. So I was like, well, I'll have a nap. That's fair enough.

Yeah, that is fair enough. I didn't see the message. But it's like, I don't know, it just felt like a mad thing to go back to bed. Well, I wasn't going to send that message at 839 and then sit and wait desperately hoping that when no one replies to you for half an hour, I think you've got to go, oh, go on with my life. I'll have a little nap to make sure I'm in the best possible position for the podcast.

Yeah, fine, but I just, I didn't know you're going back to bed. Well, that's fine. We're here now anyway. How are you? I feel like you're a bit tired. Also, you replied at 910 saying 950. Then there was another half hour till Michael replied. Well, normally, if I message someone about doing something,

I don't message and then just decide to go to sleep before they reply. Well, if they don't message half an hour. So if you messaged me, you think I'll put everything on hold until he gets. I don't think I'd go back to bed at 8.30. Well, I'll call it 9 a.m. for 10 a.m. Well, I got in at half one. Okay. Where was you last night?

Last Lake Christmas special. Oh, absolutely. Festive? Harry Hill and Alison Hammond and Rick Astley. You can't ask for more, can you? So did you get driven back after the filming then? Yeah. Long old day.

Yeah, long old day, Rob. Long old day. How are you, Josh? I'm all right. I'm kind of, I'm still quite a lot of work away from Christmas. Yeah. You've got no more tour shows. No, but I've got two separate office run-throughs, Rob.

So let's cut the industry talk for the sort of. or layman or woman that's listening, talk through an office run-through. It's an interesting concept that people don't really know exists. So there's two kinds of office run-throughs. And this is a run-through of a TV show. So there's one kind, which is what I'm not doing, which is an established TV show.

Yeah. And we've both done these back in the day. We'll then do office run-thrus of new people that might get on the TV show. Yeah. Like eight or ten cats, we both did. those office rom-trace. Eight out of ten cats is kind of the classic for this, where you would go to an office in West London.

Always West or North London. Always West or North London. And you would play through a TV show to 15 staff members, if you were lucky. Yeah, and that would be, there would normally be the producers from the production company and then loads of young people that are working at that production company, either junior producers. I was still excited about TV. Oh, absolutely fizzing. Interns. You've got 18-year-olds fresh out of uni. Yeah.

You actually demand that, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're lucky, like the host would be hosting it, but sometimes just one of the producers will be hosting it. And then the second type is new ideas of a TV show, new formats. Which I'd say, well, no, actually, it's less stressful in a way because by the time you've reached our level, you've done enough of these to presume it won't happen.

Yeah, also, they'll know what you can and can't do so you can hide behind the format and blame that. if it's not a good afternoon. Yeah. You know, obviously, I'm Josh Wooddock and I'm great, so maybe this format needs to tweak in a bit? That's always how I started. No.

And in those ones, it's fun if it's all the production company. I have to tell myself them with them. Like, with myself, you have to go, this isn't going to happen because the odds are still long against it. Oh, yeah, you just can't care. You just go do it. Even if there's commissioners in the room who are from the channel. Yeah.

So I've got two with commissioners from channel. but then that's when it gets spiky, not spiky, but more stressful because the production company really want to make a good impression on the commissioner, so do you, because ultimately they pay for everything. Well, and ultimately,

like I've had ones where the show hasn't worked, but I've done well, and then they're like, it's a bit unfair. It's like shagging your girlfriend's mate. Then, like the thing doesn't get picked up, but the channel comes back goes, we'd love to do something with you though, and you go, fucking hell,

this production company's worked for real, hard and they basically just give me a boost, a little boost, which is unfair. But sometimes it can work out the other way, I suppose. They can go... The commissioners here, the commissioners here, the commissioner's here. Yeah. But when they say commissioner, also, you expect some sort of corporal from the army.

Yeah, but they're actually just really nice kind of people who are just like five or ten years older than the production. Yeah, just really, really nice middle class people. We're normally bright coloured socks, a big sort of gap and fold up jeans and a cap and a jacket. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool guys. Yeah, all girls.

All girls. Josh, work aside. How's life? How's kids? What's going on? We went to the Christmas fair on Saturday. Oh, nice. We buried the hamster.

Well done. Yeah, so that's dumb. What else do we do on Saturday? We had my daughter's friend from school in London, her mom and her friend and the two sisters. So three girls and the mum came down to visit us. Oh, that's nice. Which was very pleasant.

So do you get on with a mum as well? Oh, yeah, because this is the difference between us and I saw your picture of your ice skating. Yeah. You'll cross continents to avoid the other parents. We're fully aware of that. No, no, I don't mind them. Yeah, I've got no problem with the other parents.

I'm not as socially active as you are. I'm not hosting a quiz desperately wanting to be liked and loved and for everyone in the schools. We're going, oh, Josh, she's actually all right. Do you know what I mean? I will just walk that line of, I am who I am, take me or leave me. But please leave me. No, can I do have an ice skate?

I will put on 17 ice skates to avoid. hanging out with you. No, they all stayed to help with the ice skates going on and off. And then they left a lunch. Please leave straight away because I don't want to have to make conversation on the ice. I had a nice chat of everyone. I'm a great guy. I like the school parents.

I was just asking, though, there is sometimes a difference between people from school that you'd be happy to come down to visit you in Exeter and maybe stay for quite a few hours or parents that just drop the kid and go. Oh, yeah, which is your favourite? The drop and go? Yeah.

Yeah. No, for everyone involved. Look, if you're actually mate, fine. But let's be honest, I am not best friends with every parent. Any. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not best friends of any parent there, right?

Do I like them? Yeah. Do I not like some of them? Yeah. That's the truth. That's life. Don't get me wrong, Rob. There's some I don't like.

So basically, two kids, about, on average, say there's 60 parents, like mom and dad's or whatever across the two years, right? That's 60 people. I think you'd be friends with one of them, but no. It's 120. in it. This is bad. Yeah, yeah, 120, depending, presuming each kid's got two parents. Yeah, so it's 120 across two years. The simple maths is you're not going to get on with all of them, you're going to get on with some of them. You'd think the simple maths would be that you'd make close friends with at least one of those 120.

Yeah, and you know what? Sometimes I'm an exception to the rule when it comes to mathematics. I like it. What I'm saying is, if you are doing a play day, the person dropping off doesn't want to sit and have small talk for an hour and a half while their kids upstairs playing. I love it. And neither do you. You don't either, you don't even. You're just trying to make me look

like the bad guy. You don't love it either. Correct. Correct. I've seen your little screenshots from the WhatsApp group when you're bitching about the new ones.

Don't you tell me you're not? We all bitching about the WhatsApp group. We all bitch around the WhatsApp group. You're booking a little exit of quiz now so they all love you. No, there is an exit quiz. I'm not available. Oh, really?

I wasn't asked. Is there someone else doing it? There's someone else did the one in London as well. That felt tough. Yeah, but that was after you went. You didn't get asked back. So the difficulty here dynamic-wise for you is in every group people pick a role. The leader, the funny one, the sort of strict one, this sort of relaxed parent, there's a tough parent.

You automatically in the old school were, oh, he's the funny one on the group. We'll do the quiz because he's a comedian. He's a funny guy. He also likes, I like community. I like a sense of community. And he loves community. I mean, he will decide he doesn't like that community anymore and throw a bonfire on it and leave East London and call it. a piece of shit.

I didn't call it a piece of shit. But when he's into the community, he's into the community. I loved that community. He hates everything East London stands for. No, I don't. No, I don't. I like East London. So you can leave communities.

I wasn't very fond of the people that bought my house, but beyond that. Oh, I've got a question. Hugh Edwards, right, is trying to sell his house. Oh, yeah. And he's took it off the market. Now, it's in the paper. He's trying to sell his house. If you want to look to that house and you love the house,

would it put you off? No. Hugh Edwards owned it. No, because, like, I'm not completely across the case. Yeah. That house isn't part of the case. Yeah, but he's been in it on his own. The Wi-Fi has been used.

For me, it would freak me out. Would you? I'd go to estate agent. Look, I love the house. Can't fault it. It's not been sold for a year. I think we both know why. Yeah, then if you watch the news.

So also. Can I finish my negotiation with estate agent? Yeah, yeah. You take 500 grand off this house, or I'm not. buying it. Why? Because he's had a wank in that room that you want me to sleep in every night. Yeah. Give me some love and I'll buy the house. Well, Rob, I was going to say there's another piece of negotiation as well. This is an awful thing to say. Yeah. When you're buying a house, I haven't done this, but I'm aware that the best people to buy off are either kids who've been

left the house that just won't fucking rid of it. Yeah. Or couples that are breaking up and need to split the money ASAP. True. The only people are probably that second one is the divorce thing can drag and there is a sense of sadness in the home. There is a sense of sad. We once looked around a house. When we moved to Victoria Park, we looked around a house and Rose found it too sad. You can feel it. You can feel it. For energy, guys. We must have discussed this though. You were of Dennis Nielsen? A politician? No, that's Dennis Healy. Well, it might not be. Dennis Nielsen was the Scottish mass murderer in Crouch End. He lured men back to his house. Yeah. Kill them. And then

kind of get rid of them through the plumbing. Yeah. And then the plumbing went wrong because it had bits of body. Yeah. David Tennant was in the... David Tennant was in the... It's brilliant. Yeah. Yeah.

That house is on that street, Cranley Gardens, is worth half as much as all of the other ones in the terraces. So it's exactly the same house. Yeah. But it's half price. You know what? Just the money you save, redo the plumbing. What's happening in that house, Rob?

Well, this is a good thing. Have you ever bought a house on the house? nearly bought a house. And A, did you not, tell me why you didn't buy it if you found out something about it. And two, tell me if you bought it anyway and it didn't bother you if there's something went on in there. Do you ask when you buy a house if it's haunted? Yeah, but haunted's a bit different to knowing someone's, you know, flushed a body down

a toilet. I know, but you should ask. Imagine as well, you're trying to sell it and then the drama comes out. You know, come on, tenant, mate, I'm trying to shift this. Yeah. Michael stopped me. I'm sure I've told it before. Dennis Lyon.

Dennis Lynum. Sorry, Des Lynum. Des Lynum. My grand lived in a haunted house. Yeah, I think you've mentioned this before yet. But it wasn't haunted because that doesn't exist. No, it does exist. I think we've literally had this same conversation.

Yeah, we'll have this same conversation. Anyway, do you want to tell you about, I'll be honest with you. I've got so much to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to me about your ice skating party. But I'll be honest. If you prefer Josh, I'll switch off now. Oh, God.

Let's not do that, Rob. Let's not make a statistical breakdown of it. It'd be terrible. if the listeners shit went up. For the Josh fans. After the Josh fans. They shared. Oh, thank God for that. Skip straight to 15 minutes. On one of the Reddit forums.

No, don't worry to Josh fans, I'll go in hard on Rob having no friends. Yeah, keep going in on me. Yeah. Right, so I should caveat that the ice skating was a bit more difficult for me because I had a bit of a nightmare in Bristol. I was in Bristol on tour at the weekend. The beacon. The beacon, lovely venue.

The old flag shaggers still call it Colston, Oh no. I was chatting to local Bristol bloke and he went, where are you playing? I went, oh, the beacon. Famously, it used to be called Colston Hall, but due to his links to the slave trade, it basically got renamed, right, which I think's fair. I love the phrase links to the slave trade. I don't know the facts. So if I say that, it gets me out of jail. Yeah. I think, well, I don't think he links, I think he had slaves.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Due to Dennis Nilsson's links to the murder trade. He was a slave trader. That literally traded them, not even have it. You buy and sell. That's a strong link. Yeah, it's a massive link. What a link that is. That's the biggest link.

The missing link, the main link. Anyway, they renamed it, which I think obviously great decision. I was trying to celebrate it from Bristol. I was like, oh, were you playing me? Where you're playing? And they've got such a friendly accident in there. Will you play me?

I was like, oh, beacon? I thought it was a different fear. I didn't know they'd renamed it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you mean, Colston law? You're Colston law. He went, those lefties have renamed it. I went up, mate.

Oh, no big politics, God. But I think, I don't think calling someone a lefty because they were against slaves. I think that's a bit harsh on people. I think that's just like a human, someone that actually feels humanity. Oh, you big old lefty. Can't buy and sell a human.

And to his credit, he was drinking a pint can of Stella. He laughed. Yeah, fair enough, mate. I think you've got a point. That's one man's mind changed. I tell why it's lovely. Clifton.

Beautiful. That was a big old gold party there, would it? You were so excited about jumping on the Clifton. I wouldn't have thought you liked Clifton, Rob. very hilly. Very hilly. That's a problem. I'm not bringing that up with you.

That'd be more of an Alex Brooker issue. You're saying that I've got not enough cardio to deal with the Clifton. No, I'm saying Alice Brooker would hate Clifton. But you, I thought you'd find it a bit snooty. Now, I really liked it because I'm a bit bored of just like main cities. Industrial estate. Yeah, they're industrial estate. And also like main high streets where it is like you could be in Newcastle,

you could be in Manchester, you could be in Bristol. It's like, oh, there's lush. There's the prime. It's just like, okay, and it's busy in the Christmas market. John Lewis. Manchester Christmas market, very nice, actually. I'd recommend going midweek. Oh, right, okay.

I was there on a Saturday. Can I just say on the city centre thing very quickly? I went in on Saturday to Exeter. Central Business District, yeah? Right in the CBD. Right in the CBD, right, in the CBD oil. My daughter wanted a specific book, so we went in, I said, I'll get you that and I'll get my son a Christmas book.

We'll just nipped to Waterstones. Yep. Just nipped to Waterstones. I was thinking, this is... So easy. Yeah, lovely. And then I bumped into someone who I know who's lived in Exeter all his life.

And he's at a walk, you don't have to drive? No, it's a five, ten minutes drive. Perfect. He was like, whew, city on a Saturday, eh? And I was like, mate, you don't know. This is fucking unbelievable. I had one person in front of the queue for this book.

You know, down south-west, mate, that's busy city. You only know what you know. Yeah, the metropolis of Exeter High Street. Exactly. Oh yeah, so Clifton's lovely. And they've got that Crescent, Royal Crescent, where they've got those big houses and you can look through their windows.

It's like Mary Poppins' houses. You can look through their windows and judge their front rooms. I like that. Oh, yeah, nice. I was walking alone just with like a snood on and a hat looking through the windows like the Home Alone burglar.

Yeah, fair enough. Shut your curtains, then, you're pervert if you don't want to look. Get some frosted glass if you've got a problem with it. Exactly. Yeah, so Clifton's really nice. I look, well, oh, low and slow barbecue food in Clifford. them, by the way. Little shout out. What does that mean? It's like barbecue. Oh, it's the name of a place. Yeah, low and slow.

It's like, I'm sorry, I thought you were doing a cool way of praising it. I thought you were like, there is some low and slow barbecued food. Oh, that is peng or lengthing. I thought you'd spent so much time on TikTok that you'd picked up a phrase that I didn't even understand. No, no, it's literally called low and slow. Right, okay, that makes sense. I was walking around and then I've had a weird thing on my foot, Josh. Oh, here we go. This is a bit of a Josh Woodacom story. Can I recommend feet for life on Harley Street, Rob?

Well, can I recommend footworks in Bristol? Wherever you are, you are. And do you know what? They've got a lot of business because they're so hilly. There's a lot of foot problems. Well, so I've had this weird lump on the bottom of my foot, and I thought it was a varuka, yeah? But it hasn't looked like a varroca.

Well, welcome to my world. If I could walk a mile in your shoes, and I have in Clifton with a varroca. It's been really playing up, and it doesn't actually hurt that much, the varucca. It's just a bit uncomfortable and on bare foot. I can feel that there's a hard, I thought my being of corn or an palace or something. I was like this is not too bad.

Anyway, it looked like there was something in it, right? Like a splinter. So I tried to squeeze it. And then obviously nothing came out, but I really hurt my foot because I just squeezed my foot really hard. And also you're in quite a difficult position there because I imagine by your age, you're not that bendy like me. It's quite difficult to get to the bomb. No, and I just got out to shower and I was bent over and my bollock and I dick were hanging down and my foot was up.

You know, and they told me to leave the lobby. Yeah. Oh, there we go. That's fun. Old school comedy there. Anyway, a few weeks ago, something was not looked like something was on it. I flicked it and I heard like a little ting, like something like hard was in my foot and fell out. And then, anyway, so I tried to squeeze it and I really inflamed it and it was big and then there was a tiny dot in it. And I cued up at the chemist went there's a tiny dot my foot. I think it's Veruca. She went, if it's a tiny dot, it'll be a varuka. I went great. Got myself some bazooka that varuca. Didn't bazaucer it? Have you ever basukered?

I've tried and it didn't do anything. I tried. I know, that's not to have a go at them. Don't have a go up bazooka that varuga. They're all right. They've got a fucking monopoly on that. They can deal with it. Oh, mate. How are you going to varuka?

I've never managed to get rid of varuka personally. I've had to go laser. Basically, what happens with verruca is it either goes around its own or you have to go and get it frozen off. Don't bother with cream. I put some bazooker on it. The pain was almost immediate, right? Yeah.

Which you think is good. Yeah. And then I thought, oh, I've got it on the wrong bit. So I put some more on. Bad mistake. The pain is so bad. And then, where it was inflamed, I'm walking right? Before bed, I can't put any weight on my left foot, right? Then I get into bed. I wake up in the middle of the night. The pain I'm in, Josh, not even stood up, is excruciate. When I stand up, it's like someone stabbing me in the foot every single time. When I was landing bed, you know? Now, I don't moan about pain that much, but it hurt when the duvet-touched it.

Oh, my God. You know when you're like, this is bad. When it, like, strokes past it. I was like, and you know that you've got a walk on it the next day. Yeah, and do a show, right? And famously hilly, Clifton. famously, really. I wake up in the morning. I haven't got anything planned that day apart from just watching the football in my hotel room, right? I go to stand up,

cannot even let it touch the ground or put a shoe on, right? I need crutches, basically, and I'm hobbling. The pain is awful. So what is it? Like a burning sensation? The burning's gone now, right?

But this is not a go of bazooka. When I end the story, you'll see what. I did not need a bazooka. It was not a Vruca, okay? So Bazooka that Vruca, I basically poured acid on a healthy foot. Yeah, yeah, fine. That's why it hurt.

If I put the acid stuff on a veruca, it would have hopefully killed a vurek. Yeah. Anyway, I'm ringing around, trying to find a podiatrist somewhere in Bristol on a Saturday morning. I put a thing on Instagram. I said, I've looked going to go. And so I recommended me the footworks in Bristol. So I ring them up. I said, hello, can you help me?

I've got a terrible painful foot. I'm away from home. I've got a show tonight. I do shows and it hurts. And she's like, I'm so sorry. We've got no appointments. We can't do anything? Come back next week.

I went, please can you ask, this was a reception. Please can you ask the podiatrist if they can squeeze me at any point. Honestly, the painer. I was like, look, I'm really desperate. I'll do anything. I'm happy to pay more. I'm happy to do PR. I can put it on my Instagram. Please take my number and let me know if they've got any gaps. My name's Rob Beckett. I'm performing at the Beacon. Yeah. No, yes, it did used to be, but I think it was better they changed it. Or Colston Hall, because at this point, I don't care about the pitiatorist political views. Yeah. Whatever you feels best. Yeah. I will wear I heart Colston Hall if she'll get my foot better.

So anyway, I do that. They ring me back. We can get you in at 145. Brilliant. I get my tour manager to drive me there because I'm fucked. Right, Josh, I put my foot on there. My foot now is gone black at the bottom. The lump's gone black.

Jesus fucking wet. There's white color on it where the acid is just burning at the flesh. First thing she said was, you've squeezed this, haven't you? I was like, yeah, I've squeezed it. Right. I mean, I think it's Verruca, blah, blah, blah, whatever I just said to you. Now it's hurt and I've done this bazookly. She goes, I don't think it's a varuka.

Then I'm like, well, okay, cancer then. I've got skin cancer. How long have I got to live? Is it worth doing the show? My head's gone, right? One last payday for the kids. I'll just drag my leg along and do the gig. And she goes, do you mind if I have a go at it?

What do you mean? She went, I can open it up and see what I can see. Why not? Exactly. The pain was so bad. So in then she's like scraping my foot and then she basically cuts it open. I can see the blood on her gloves. And she's like, look, normally I'd anesthetized a foot here to do this,

but we can't because you've got to use it tonight to do the gig. And then you won't be how to drive. And I was like, yeah, also I've got to go ice skating tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, I'm learning that.

And, like, poor Lou has been... You didn't need to drive, did you? No, but, like, I needed to drive the next day to get everyone to ice skating. Lou could have, but, like, if I can't ice skate or drive and I can't walk, well, I mean, I'm no help. I'm actually hard to work for Lou. So I think, oh, God, I can't tell Lou about... Anyway, she goes, well, let me have a look. Let's see what we can do.

The pain, mate. She was literally just open my foot and just, just basically scraping my foot with a knife. and having a go with it. And she's like going, so, well, got any plans for Bristol? I'm like, I'm just going to go for another one. Oh my God. And then she gets to a point.

She goes, I can hear something in there. I can hear it scraping. And I think I've got it out because I can't hear the scrape anymore. And she went, I can't go any deep without an aesthetic because it's probably quite painful already. I was like, yeah, yeah, let's not go deeper. Let's, uh. What was it?

So I've had that weird lump on my foot since July. And I think it was glass from holiday. I've trod on some glass when I've got out of a swimming pool. And because my foot was soft, it's just sort of taking it. and it's been rooted around in there. And then the callus grew over it. My body rejected a bit of it, which was what that thing fell off last week.

And then I think when I've squeezed it to try and get the other bit out, I've basically just pushed it further in my foot and turned it so I'm just walking it on the glass. I think the squeeze was a mistake. If you've got a lump, don't squeeze it. Just go to a doctor. So anyway, she was bleeding a bit.

But then she went, you okay? I went, yeah, why? She went, I'm putting direct pressure on that gap. And I couldn't feel it. So she'd got the glass at my foot, Josh. Oh, my God, amazing. Amazing. And then she put like a cushioning on it.

And it was a bit sore for a couple of days after because obviously I had a little cut in my foot. But it just felt like a normal cut. Yeah. And it was honestly like magic. Like the hairs on the back of my neck were like stood up. So she managed to get it out. And then I went, that doesn't feel painful.

She went, it won't because the thing's gone. It'll just be a bit sore. What time of day was this? This is 2pm. Shows at 8. Because that's the only time I could get in before they shut. And I was like, I've got ice skating tomorrow. Well, I'd be alright.

She went, it'll be fine because I've removed what was in there. Yeah. It might hurt, but it's not going to make it worse. Well, ice skating's not going to be, if anything, it's not as bad as walking. Yeah, exactly. And it was. It was fine, to be fair. And it's much better.

It's basically back to normal now. Honestly, though, Josh, it was awful. You've like, overnight, just like stabbing my foot, this bit of glass. So then you got to ice skating. Well, no, then you must have got home at about 1am. Yeah, about 1 a.m. Went to bed, woke up at 6 because the kids were up early. Was it the actual birthday?

No, the actual birthday was today. That was yesterday. So, yeah, we went ice skating, 17 kids. Now, the problem with the ice skating was, Lou was sort of getting a skates on. Penguin and tractors were available to rent for the session. Because we got their first. I rented five penguins and five tractors.

What's a tractor, sorry? It's like a sit on. Yeah, and it's got a thing at the back you push. So that was quite handy, actually, because some of the girls and boys were pushing each other around. Oh, yeah, that's good. And some were on penguins, someone on it. So it worked all right.

But the thing was, because it was like obviously open to the public. Lou went, stand at the front and then tell all the guests to come through. And I was like, yeah, absolutely. Now, I know what the kids in the class look like. I don't know what the three new girls look like, because I've not met them yet. And I don't know what the new girls, new parents, moms and dads look like. You don't want to. And I don't always know all of the other parents that have been there for a few years.

We're fully across your views. But that's fine because I think they're aware of me. They're aware that you don't want to be their friend. Exactly. So I was just waiting. I thought, what I'll do is whoever smiles at me, I'll assume that they're here for the party. The problem there, the elephant in the room is you're Rob Beckett.

Yeah, so people are just smiling at Rob Beckett smiling at them. I don't know what I'll talk about the third person, but basically there's a bloke off the tell. He stood at the front of an ice skating rink. Yeah, you might smile at him. That does a parenting podcast with loads of parents walking at him, and I'm just smiling at them all. And at one point, I went to here for the ice skating.

Of course they all were. It was a bit of a lottery and trying to work out whose kid was who. But Lou should have done the work. welcoming and I should have been putting the skates on, I think. Yes. So how was it once you're on the ice? All good. First five minutes were probably the most stressful moments of my life. Did you get everyone ready and then all on at once? Or were people dribbling onto the ice when they'd got their skates done? I'd say about 10 went on straight away and then the rest sort of

dribbled on because some people turned up later. But I'd tell the first five minutes, as they were getting their bearings, it was chaos. My youngest door was legs everywhere. Like, she's quite tall. It was like, this is actually dangerous. And they were all. soaking wet. But then after a while they got used to it, but that first five minutes were was horrendous. Yeah. But they're older now. They're 10. My daughter's 10. That is fucking mental. How do you feel about double figures? As much, obviously, it's my daughter's birthday, but for me and Lou as parents, like, this year has been insane anyway. Like, I came home, like, because I've just not just not been at home, stuff I normally saw out is such a mess. Like,

there's still a paddling pool in my garden. Yeah. There's a thing that's blown over in a storm. there's just like crap everywhere that I've not sorted out but it feels a bit like because Lou's been doing it all on her own with like soldiers in a war losing absolutely up to her limit and exhausted because she's had the kids on her own had to do all the school run,

sort all birthdays out and that and she's like in a war zone with her legs blown off and then I've come back from tour absolutely it's like my arms have been blown off and between us and trying to sort it out but then she can't walk and I can't pick things out and you've got two birthdays and Christmas

but yeah but 10 years as well I was like, oh my God, like this is a bit like, you know, obviously quite self-involved, but it is a podcast about our lives. I think self-involved has jumped the shark with this podcast. Yeah, fuck it. I'll just lean into it. We should have dropped that note on episode three. But I'm sure some of the listeners will appreciate it.

It's been 10 years since every single moment of my life, the decisions have been skewed towards three, then four, as a family, not just me and Lou or me. It's like... It's a decade. It's like a quarter of my life. Yeah. I've only been alive 40 years. Like a quarter of my life.

has been, it's mental to even think of it before and like how quick that's gone. And I was looking at photos with the girls last night of like the day before she was born, like 10 years ago, basically, and what I was doing. And I was dressed as a fucking pee on a fork on the embankment trying to do some stupid TV show thing. And like, it's just, yeah, 10 years of like, oh my God, it's like, that's a long time, isn't it? Yeah.

And it feels, I mean, I'd say the time before, what is eight years for me, feels completely disconnected. Yeah. Like, I can't even imagine that time. It feels like I was born 10 years ago. Yeah, exactly. And not this fucking wanky bullshit.

Like, me and you have children and you changed you as a person. Yeah. That aside, but like, it totally changes what's expected of you and your responsibilities. Yeah.

You will always have to be there forever with that child's best interest is your motivating drive in every decision you make. Yeah, totally. Which does change your life. And that will inevitably change you as a person because all your decision making has to change.

But we had really good time actually. We went to Pizza Express. They love that. Had some pizzas. And we came home and we watched a tivity together, which was nice. Because I've not been at home for like two weeks. Yeah.

And then this morning we did a presence. And she's obsessed with cherries. Right. Just love cherries. So I had like cherries decorations. Lou done an amazing job. We got balloons, cherries. Oh, so then also you got to remember, you know,

the elf. You're trying to get the birthday presents ready. And then the elf's up to something, isn't he? We've gone elves this year. You've gone elves. What day did he overcome? It's absolutely brilliant. When my daughter came back from school and said everyone else has got an elf.

See, the thing is, that is the problem now. We were never anti-elf. It just wasn't a thing. This fucking elf, you can't escape the elf now. The elf is, it's amazing what he's done. Within one generation. We've got two. They must be doing the same things every morning.

No, we've decided. That's insane. I know. That's 50. 48. They don't do Christmas Day, do they? Yeah, I think they've gone back with Santa. Yeah.

Because you weren't even doing it, were you at the start? No, so we've saved four by the first and the second. Eight? No, no, two days, four. Is that how long it took until she found out? Yeah, no, she came back on the second. It was the first Sunday, whatever. No one really in London at a previous school for some reason, no one really did it.

Yeah, because as you said before, they're all heartless career people that don't care about their kids. Exactly. They were too busy creating an AI that's going to kill us all. but no one before did that and then she came back so do you know what we did Rob? We just went into town I love the fact that you've discovered

being near stuff it's mad yeah but you used to be able to go and get a handmade cross-on if you wanted between 9 and 11 I can still do that yeah and now you can also go to a normal shop Do you know what Rosa started to do

Rob? What's that? So after school she walks to the coffee shop Yeah she's now started to be one of those people that sits outside with the other local parents. And just has a little chat? Just has a coffee, like Tony Soprano. And it's not like, let's meet, like, two or three of them.

It's like whoever's their chats. Yeah. I like it, like outside Satriali's pork store. She's a made man. See, the only problem with that is, though, inevitably... She'll end up shagging one of them. I didn't think that. That doesn't come into my mind either.

Inevitably, you will find that you've got more in common with certain individuals. So there's always a slight lottery of that. that morning to go, well, I hope that person I'd get on with there, rather than just being cornered by someone. Well, I suppose you can always go. You've got to call it when you get that. If you're outside, because your coat's on, get a takeaway cup and you can go right. Oh, she takes her takeaway cup, so she can call it. Oh, that's, she's got it cracked. Because that means what she can do then is, if she's vibing, she stays. If not, I better go, I've got a call. She hasn't got a call, but she's got a coat on and she's got a disposable cup. So she's not

trapped. Exactly. Exactly, Rob. She's your Rob Beckett. Exactly. Although, I can't imagine. you meeting up with random parents for coffee. No, I do. I'm just busy, actually. And because we drive, we don't walk in because it's too far. And I am very sociable, actually. I had to speak to all the guys and gals at the gate.

I went to a soft play party early ones and sat down and chatted to everyone. About what they were doing for Christmas, actually. And I got all involved. Fucking out. Yeah. Here he is. Yeah. King of the school.

King of the school. I'm a great guy, actually. And I'm very friendly to the other parents. I don't like this rhetoric, actually. If you listen. I thought I'm on Laura Coonsburg. And you are a parent at one of our schools, either of the, I've been to, or Rob, or let us know whether we're too standoffish or we come on too strong.

Yeah, absolutely. You can write in anonymously. Completely anonymously. To prove that you do, we won't publish this, but you need to give some fact that proves that you go to the school. Yeah, some sort of niche detail about the school. Like, as a verification. Yeah, that's a good idea. Oh, talking to the fucking school, I'll do it all for a minute.

lose livid with this. One of my daughters has been invited to, they do a school disco, end of term, they do a Christmas disco where you can wear a Christmas accessory and they play some Christmas songs and have a bit of a dance.

Guess what time of school disco is? Well, the ideal time would be 4 or 5pm. Yeah, like after school clubs, they go there for an hour, four till 5, pick them up at 5. Yeah, yeah. Now, 7.45 a.m. start. What?

Yeah. Coming down for registration? Yeah, and then it finishes at 20 past 8. That is wild. 35 minutes of banging tunes. 35 minutes of banging tunes and they're allowed an accessory 745 a.m. to 8. 20m. God, that sounds fun. We've all been there, haven't we? Let's go out. Remember to bring an accessory so that we can really let go. Because normally it would be after school and you'd have to wear a dress or a jumper or some clothes.

That's a really extreme version of that's where this Annie McMannis thing's heading. What's Annie McMannis? You know Annie McManess. Like she started before midnight. Oh, DJing before midnight. DJing and it finishes at midnight. now it's kind of, you know, quite a few people are doing it, and then people are doing it in the afternoon on Saturday. Before we know it, it's going to be before work DJ. Breakfast Ravers.

Breakfast Ravers. Before we talk about The Elf, I've got such a tragic story. You're going to love this about DJs. Right. In Bristol, I was walking along, Clifton. I was walking at this point, soon to be hobbling. Just have a look around the shops, really. Clifton's lovely, got a coffee, a little walk, mutual.

And there was like a little arcade, and it had them, like, old vintage watch shops in it, at like little bits, jewelry shops. And at the end of a record store, and I like collecting old vinyl records, so I look at vinyl shops looking for comedy, stand-up albums. Yeah. It said, Fat Boy Slim, I said, sign in his new book. Upstairs?

Yeah, I went, Fat Boy Slim, upstairs. And I love Fat Boy Slim. Obviously, as well, you know, I'm really well with Zoe and, you know, Norman of Fat Boy Slim's real name, Norman Cook. Obviously, got kids together and stuff like that. And I was like, do you know what? Go up. I'm a friend of Zoe.

I imagine you've met Woody, Rob. Yeah, I think I may have. And I thought, you know what? I feel a bit awkward, but I like Fat Boy Slim. And I definitely would have done it if I wasn't bloke off the telly. But I thought, do you know what? Did it feel busy? It was busy.

It was a bit more chilled, but like... No, I don't mean his signing, but I mean, when you were downstairs, did it feel like it was real? Now, it felt odd because there was no one in the arcade, but it was like a little hidden cool shop. And I went, no, I don't go out because there'll be loads of people up there. It might be awkward. It might be a bit weird.

I went, you know what? Life's about just saying yes and going for it. Okay. Anyway, so I went upstairs And there was like, oh, he's Fat Boy Simmy. They went, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you want to meet him and get signed? I went, yeah. And so I bought his book and then queued out way.

And everyone's really lovely. There was a record shop people. There was someone selling art. Then I bought his book, but there was a bloke next to him selling a print. Like that was a collaboration with Fat Boy Slim and him. And then I felt really bad for not buying the prints. They're not buying the print for $100. But I don't know as much way his brets, but I'd fuck it out.

No, but I've got a print now that says drop acid, not bombs. I don't want acid either. No, you don't know. I don't want to drop acid. for now I've got boasts and drop acid. I don't think you should drop acid. I think it's too dangerous a drug.

Exactly. Anyway, I've bought the print. I've bought the book and I'm queuing up to meet Fat Boy Slim. I'd be nervous at this point. I am nervous and I'm sort of thinking, this is awkward,

it's really hot and I've got my coat now. I've got bags and then I'm trying to fold my coat over my bag and I'm chatting to people and they're a bit like what you're doing here and playing Beacon, Colston, whatever. If they're queuing up a Fat Boy Slim, they're part of the Beacon crew. There's no one queuing up.

Beacon boys. And eventually, I'm waiting a bit and I go in and then there's other people there like Fat Boy Sin fans and he goes and it's just me on my own in the room with him. I'm like, hello. Oh God. And he's a bit like, how's that a comedian? I'm like, oh, hello, oh, nice to me.

And then I'm like too eager to be like, oh no, I'll just, I wouldn't explain why I'm here, but I don't want to be like, it's insane that I would come. It's a laugh. You know, but I don't know, I love you. No. So I'm like, oh, no. His first thought is, that comedian, whatever his fucking name is the one from what the week. 100% has come to.

I don't think he's from Bristol. He's traveled to Bristol. So I'm like, well, I'm here on tour. You know, I've walking past him. Sid you was up here. I thought, oh, come in. I'll have a photo and having all awkward photos with Fat Boy Slim. And I do like Fat Boy Slim.

But he's not, he's not my oasis. He's up, but I like Fat Boy Slim before. Can I be honest? I've never heard you mention Fat Boy Slim before. Praise you. A Rockefeller Skank. Yeah. I'm out.

Yeah, yeah. The overweight kid on the album. The one with Christopher Walkin. If you put the whole album on, I'd love the whole album. but yeah and I'm not a raver I've never been to a rave in my life I'd maybe do an indie disco but I'd rather just go and watch comedy and sit in a pub ideally right so now I'm getting my book signed and he goes oh Brett we have a photo ever laugh who's like oh yeah oh yeah we've never really met have we're in one of his crazy shirts they're just a normal shirt actually quite

a handsome tall guy actually normal good I don't have him down as tall 6 2 I'd say oh wow he goes down to summer book and I'm like I don't think he knows oh no so I'm like to rob please just let's just make it easy yeah he signs it he's like he's like he's what you're doing, blah, blah, blah, and then he's with two other people. There's another guy there who's an artist doing signings, but then I haven't bought the thing he does to sign, so then I felt awkward. But it's hard, yeah. Because I think if you're doing a book signing, you need to go in it at the same level.

And this guy, like, is a successful artist, but Fat Boy Slim is like, anyway. So I didn't have anything to sign, but I'm chatting to them. And they're like, everyone's being really friendly and welcoming. What you're doing? I'm doing Bristol, blah, blah, blah. They're all from Bright. And I went to come to the Brighton show. I went to the Brighton show if you want.

But there's three of them. I don't know if they're all together or not. And I was like, yeah, so take my number. So I gave one of my number. And then Norman was like, going, I'm playing Bristol tonight if you want to come. You said that or he did. No, he said that.

I said, I'm doing Bristol. And he went, you can come if you want if the gig's finished. I went, oh, what time are you on? And he went midnight. Oh, sorry, Norman. Well, I'm like, do you know what? Yeah, I finished a gig at 10. I'll go back to the hotel bar, have a drink.

And then me and our tour manager, Nick, will just, we're going to go to a rave. Yeah, even though I can't walk. At this point, I hadn't squeezed it. So what is this, a Friday night? This is Friday afternoon. Friday afternoon. And then I get it sorted Saturday morning.

So I squeeze it. This is quite a key fact, actually. I squeeze it between me in Fat Boy Slim and the Rave. Right. And now this rave is in a warehouse on the edge of town in Bristol. 5,000 people called like the Prospects. 5,000 people. Yeah, right.

That's right. He wants to do his fucking signing. Not upstairs in a record shop. Sell a few fucking art prints to people off their chops. So they go, right, you're on the guest list. drop Beckett plus one. Perfect. Thank you.

Anyway, nice to meet you all. Bye. The good thing there, Rob, is he's not going to know if you've gone. Well, now let me finish the story. Please don't tell me that he said come and meet me in the DJ booth. No, no, no, no, no, quite the opposite. Right. So I go back to the hotel.

Have a go out squeezing the old foot. Dr. Robert, as I go. I thought you'd like that, Beatles reference. Yeah. So do the gig. Finish the gig. Great gig. Jump in the car back to the hotel.

Me and Nick have a other cruise campo at the hotel bar. How's Nick feeling about that? this. Nick's quite excited, something different to do, but never been to a rave either. Yeah. I'm in the era of, do you know what, Rob, stop being all anxious and worried. Fucking go and live your life. Yeah. Exactly. Take a couple of pills. Take a couple of pills. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to have two beers. I'm going to have a beer now and then a beer when I'm getting there and I'm thinking, hopefully just have a beer watching Fat Boy Slim, either like cider

stage or around the back bit so that I can watch him doing it and watch the crowd. It would be an amazing event to see. He's a brilliant DJ. So your presumption is that you've got backstage? Absolutely 100% presumption is backstage, side of stage. So Nick's going to drive. We find out there's no parking at the event. Asel. That's how much Nick's throwing himself into the road.

No, but no, but just because it's 20 minutes from our hotel. Yeah, yeah, fine, fine, fine, fine. It's a bit further. It's difficult to book an Uber outside of Bristol at 1am as well. So you did. Yeah, but we couldn't drive because there was no one. That's what I mean. Oh, you couldn't park.

No, so I had to get an Uber. So we got a 20-quid Uber. We get dropped off in basically this deep, dark, industrial state, and we can hear like, do-dum, do. I'm getting quite nervous. It sounds like Jurassic Park. You know, we can hear noise.

Bristol's quite a kind of home of because of massive attack and tricky. It's big on the kind of history of dance music is huge in Bristol. The vibe is huge. It's a Friday night, two weeks before Christmas, we're in Bristol. We get dropped off. We walk around the corner and then basically, I didn't realize it was. A rave is basically a giant warehouse with just like sound system in it. And then the bar is all outside on like the car park of the warehouse.

And it's Port-Aloos. And everyone's outside like a giant, like, festival, but outside in the dark and the rain. In December? In December. And it's cold and it's wet and there's puddles. Everyone is on the way in. Everyone is loving life.

Everyone's drunk. Spirits are through the roof. There's those is metal like barriers and people in high of ears. And it says, guess this. Great. So anyway, I'm shuffing for there. I'm wearing a pair of, the only clothes I've got that isn't a tracks in. Oh, no, not white trainers.

It's white trainers. Oh, no. A pair of dress trousers, a t-shirt and a stone island jacket. What? What do you wear for gigs? That? No, I've got my gig show at clothes. But I'm not wearing my gig clothes.

to the... No. Because I need it for the gig. Have you not got spare gig clothes? Yeah, but I didn't... I just thought... Anyway, I didn't know what I was thinking, but I'm too smart.

I'm weirdly dressed. So I get there and I go, oh, Rob Beckett Plus One should have on the guest list. The guy looks at me blankly, right? Goes through... Probably about 15 pages of paper with just names on.

No, you're not on here. And I'm like, okay. I was added last minute. I might be in pencil. Anyway, he goes to the back. I'm on it. Bottom of the list. Rob Beckett Plus One.

Brilliant. Thank you, Norman. Great guy. Anyway, he goes, all. quick question. Was there part of you when you weren't on the list that was relieved? No, because I'm up for this. I'm in my, and I went, oh, it went, in you go. And then when he sees in you go, basically, he just turns his arm. And behind him is just like, 3,000 people in a car park, battered. Like, and if you are famous stuff to tell you, this is high stress.

I am at seconds away from being in a headlock here. Yeah, yeah. Having photos. I'm already getting heckled in the queue and we've seen 10, most people are in there. We get there at like quarter to 12, right? He's not even on yet. It's not even on yet. And there's people like coming in, like the stragglers, like that shouting at me, Beck, and all that. And I go, sorry, mate, is it? Oh, no.

I'm on the guesses. Oh, no. Why did you do this? Because I cannot go in there, Josh. It's too much. I'll just, it'll be impossible to navigate, right? So I'm trying to protect myself, right? He says, some guesses.

Is there like a little guest area? Or is there a little side access to get around the side of station? He went, no, nothing. I was like, oh, okay, no, I just thought there might be like a little wristband or stamp or something to get me to a bit where I'll like, because I might get a lot of hard work in there. And it's difficult things. So I don't want to look like, this is not who do you think I am. Maybe it is in still.

No, but he's close. Very close, is it? Do you know what? I think it is? It is who do you think it. No, it isn't who I think I am because I'm going, no. You don't need to know who I am.

I'm going to let you know that this is very difficult for me. But if there's a way I can get to the side of say, that'll be great. But if not, there might be trouble here. But he's leaving with an anecdote that Rob Beckett said that he couldn't be in a public place. Well, at this point, we're both leaving with an anecdote. and I should act.

This is where my foot starts to really hurt. So I'm now limping on one foot right at the rave door. He's only about 17, very young, lovely guy. He was like, oh, I don't really know, to be honest. I'm not sure. I've just been told to let people in on this list. I was like, cool. I went, well, don't worry.

It's all right. We'll leave it. And I'm thinking, I just can't go in. I'll get mobbed. And I've got a gig tomorrow and I'm tired of my foot hurts. I thought I could just sit side of stage. Anyway, so I turned to go like, don't worry. I'll find out.

I'll find out. So he just goes and ask another person. he goes, I've got Rob Beckett here who wants backstage. I was like, no, no, no, no. I was just saying if there were, that would be great. And then the other one's going, ooh, I don't even know. Because they don't know who I am. They're all ravers.

They're all asleep when I'm on television. Oh, I don't even know who the fuck is. And I'm like, that's fine. You don't need to know who I am. I'm going to go anyway, but I just thought if they're what, and then as I'm doing that, there's like 10 lads go, Becky. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

So I'm having selfies with them as the bloke refuses to know who I am. Come on. Look at this. Why would these guys be having photos with me? I'm not in yet and I can't get through, do you know. And also, in a rave, you know they're going to be loose. Yeah, of course. And he's going, no, I don't even know the fuck he is.

I don't know. And I'm like, all right. Well, it doesn't matter. It's all right. Anyway, so then as I walk away like that, I'm trying to rush away. And I'm going, don't worry about it. Well, I don't know. I'll just leave it.

It's fine. As I turn, I step in a puddle and slip on mud. Fuck it out. And then get out. Did you go over? Yeah, right on my ass. right. Oh, my sniffy little Adidas shoes on, right?

And I went, don't like that. And then I'd get up. And it was, you know, that Del Boy Rodney where he goes, come and Trigg, we're leaving. You know, we're going. Oh, my God. Within eight minutes, we're back in an Uber. Oh, my God. Back to the hotel.

What was Nick's view on the whole thing? Poor Nick was just so confused. Because also, as well, like, I texted him before, Crock going, do you want to go to a rave tonight at midnight? And he's like, okay. But it's quite a weird lifestyle. That's just, yeah. By the way, can I just say,

I'm not berating. I was very happy to be on the guest list. I'd say this is all on you. This is all on me. Did you offer him guest list to your show? Oh no, you're offered him in Brighton. But I would say, though,

that like you can't really do guest list for a comedy gig. I'll get your tickets to go and sit. Oh, no, no, no, sorry, I don't mean. I mean guest list by getting to watch. Like, was there a chance that Fat Boy Slim was going to come to your show. I said they can come to Brighton if you want.

But this isn't a dig up Fat Boy Slim. No, I know, that's very clear. I'll be honest. He comes out of it, smelling for roses. It was so lovely. I just was too sober, too tired and too overwhelmed and a bit panicky to deal with 5,000 people in a rave. Yeah. Because at a comedy gig, once you got your seat, you and you stay still, it's just too much.

I felt a bit vulnerable, and I didn't know what's going on. So I panicked and I fell over and left. I don't think you'd have loved it, even if you weren't vulnerable. No, I was only ever going to stay for about an hour anyway and leave before it finished and just go for an hour and say of being. I thought that would be a fun experience. But I got overwhelmed. I panicked. I fell in a puddle, I left.

I don't know if you can say I've been to a rave. I got near one. Did you cross the kind of line where the rave began? I set foot in the rave. But I think I was at the entrance of the rave. Was the puddle in or out of the rave? The puddles were everywhere. But the specific one that you went into.

Did you fall over in the rave or out of the rave? I fell over in the queue to the rave. Right, okay, yeah. As I left the precipice of the rave. And what happened when you fell over? Did anyone go, whee? No, I went reee like that. up pretty quick, but then what may you feel better?

I was on the way back around. I did see another bloke slip on mud. Because basically it was so dark because it's not lit for... It's a weird time of year to have a rave. If I had about five or six pints, it would really be fine, but I was close to having a panic attack of being overwhelmed. I thought it's best to leave. This is no good for me at the moment. But Norman, in fact, I said, I love you and that's nothing against you.

That was me presuming what was happening and then panicking and just being... Basically, I was a ray virgin and I jizzed myself before anyone got undressed. Perfect. It's a lovely end to the story. Merry Christmas. Do you think you'll ever go again? I think I would go to a rave again, but I think I'd have to be very clear on the instructions of what was going on. And I think, in retrospect, just saying yes to things and going with life, is sometimes not a great idea. Yes.

We didn't speak about elf. We'll have to do it another time. Right. Sorry, I went off for ages. We'll talk about elves another time. So, we were talking previously about how everything in life just merges, Rob. working parenting, booking a dentist appointment, running a business from the downstairs Lou. Don't call them my wife that. There we go, there we know.

She's upstairs loose sometimes as well. That way. Thanks. Which brings us Josh to this week's special segment proudly brought to you by Tesco Mobile for business. It's called a boss in it. Where we celebrate anyone trying to run a business while keeping small humans alive. Oh, yes.

Rob, that is so difficult. We're talking, well, do you remember the guy on the news whose kid came in the back? That is the classic image that every parent remembers, isn't it, Rob? To give you an idea, genuinely, I'm three minutes away of having to leave to do the school run. This is exactly the situation I find myself in. I am living what we are talking about at this moment. Well, yes, exactly. And I think sometimes you could do with some, you know, business help in introducing buffer zones into your day.

Because you're just business, business, family, family, family. And you can't do that 24 saves. You know what I'm saying? You can't do that 24 saves, but it's very difficult. difficult to avoid at certain points in your life. Give me another example, Rob. Okay, Josh, at the moment, I've got to send my accountant information and receipts for things I've bought for my business, my life of comedian.

And I'm finishing the podcast of you. I've got to load up the car because tomorrow I'm going on a tour show. I've got to make sure I've got the right stuff for the tour. Then my children are coming home in 20 minutes and they're getting dropped off by the child minder that picks them up from school and drops them back and I've got to cook them their dinner. Oh, my word. I'm going to let you do a secret. I'm going to do all of that badly. Oh, I thought you were going to say naked.

No, no, no, no. I'll be fully dressed. But I'm spreading myself too thin like I'm a bit of toast and we're running out of butter. But Rob, even though you're spreading yourself too thin, even by doing it. You can see through me. Even though I can see through you, I've been able to do for years. Even by getting through that, Rob, you are bossing it, mate. I am bloody bossing it. I'm blossing business and life. I'm a working dad. I'm proud. And if anything is.

this sounds like your life, you're absolutely bossing it. It is amazing. You're basically doing two full-time jobs at once and Tesco Mobile for Business is built for people like you. Tesco Mobile for Business gives you contracts up to 40% cheaper than the big guys and 50 quid welcome bonus plus access to the help hub which is like the Swiss Army knife of business support. Templates, guides, videos, even HR stuff if your toddler ever files a grievance. And the best part is it's really quick and easy to sign up. So if you're running a small business through your kitchen, your car, head to Tesco mobile for business. They'll help you boss it. Rob, should we do small business? Yeah, come on. Should I start? Go for it. I run a small

business called photo explorers. We run photography workshops, kids, photos, parties, photography camps and after-school clubs for infant and junior school ages, helping them explore the world creatively through the camera runs. I love photography. Do you know what? I'm going to talk to you about getting into photography. Also, my favorite photographer on Earth, I, yesterday. Very sad. Martin Pahl. Oh, yeah, I saw that. I started Photo Explorers after having my two children and finding it hard to get back to work as a fashion photographer.

It's grown in something really special and we've had such lovely feedback from both parents and kids. So if you think your kids would love to join one of our camps or workshops, don't hesitate. Sign them up. You can find us at We Are Photo Explorers and www.photoexplorers.com. Thanks to the Lowells, Harriet. Great business. I think photography is one of the great. underrated art forms.

Now, this one, I'm going to, they didn't ask for this, but I've got to give a shout out to the Footworks Clinic in Bristol. Oh, mate. If you need your feet done in Bristol. If you're a little foot squeezer and a little pain maker, then Footworks Clinic. Footworks is an accredited, innovative, shropody and podiatry surgery, offering the latest techniques in experience advice to the whole of Bristol

and sometimes travelling comedians. Newcomers with glass in their feet that fucked it up. Glass in their feet and venom in their teeth. son. I don't know what I gave up on that halfway through. Anyway, they're in Hotwell, so it's close to the city centre, accessible from all parts of Bristol, full range of treatment. Basically, inquiries at footworksbristol.com, or the website is footworksbristol.com.

The lovely Dr. Roof sorted me out. Thank you very much. They didn't ask for that. I paid for the service. Great guys. But yeah, if you need anything to do it with your feet or nails or varucas or skin, get yourself to Footworks Bristol. Rob, lovely.

Bye. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Widdickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Wittickham's Museum of Pop Culture, and I'm going to say it. I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized

Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. A truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from you too and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiff next will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes

available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on. You might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whitacom, available everywhere from the 1st of January.