Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S11 Ep38 Cat Urine Covered Coat

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whitickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week you'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course,

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Can you say Rob Beckett? What about it? And can you say Josh Whittickon? Josh Heaven. Say it again.

Come here. Say Josh Whittickham. Josh Whitton. Can you say producer Michael? No. Joe's Michael. And what's your name? Matthew.

And how old are you? Five. You're not five. How old are you? Shit. No, you're not. How old are you? You can't see.

You're not five. You're three. Yeah. Bye, bye-bye. That's a great one. Hall of Famer. Look at that. But did he say shit?

No, he said six. He said shit, too, I think. This is my three-year-old nephew attempting your names. He's Josh Woodacom almost sounds like Josh Reindeer, which is quite festive. Let's not push it. He only just started talking properly. I think he said Indian.

Josh Windy and I mean, she's misspelled Whittickham, so let's not throw, you know. That's absolutely fucking mess up there. Where are they, Newcastle? Presumably, by the voice. We're still reading from the defeat last week. I've been waiting to send this in for ages. I'm a huge fan listening to the car

and my 11-year-old stepdaughter says, are you listening to your sweary podcast again? She sounds like a fucking snowflake that kid. That woke idiot. Yeah, what are we doing here? Not sure why he's lying about his age to sign the things to come maybe. Bet you can't guess.

where we're from, from our broad Yorkshire accents, but it's Leeds. Leeds? Oh, I thought there's a twang of Norfeast there. Yeah, keep it sex and relatable, very tired. Oh, tell me about it. Oh, did step-well. Oh, my God. CBA. You read the word tired, then you yawned.

No, I was thinking at the start of this record, because we've just done an interview, and with an interview, you kind of, you don't get hit by the tiredness. I are fucking knackard. I did the last leg New Year's show last night. Oh, happy New Year. I know. Can you believe?

I got in the car back at 12.02. At midnight? Yeah. And then where are you in? You're in London still? I've just done a thing for Ladd Bible. You've worked already today. I've worked already today.

We started at 10 a.m. Yeah, I'd already done a video where I ate eight different snacks for Ladbibbibal. What time was that? 9 a.m. Isn't that against your EU human rights law where you should be 12-hour gap between jobs? Yes, but I am my own employer and I know I'm not going to sue myself. That's the last thing you need, how busy you are?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was absolutely. exhausted yesterday. We're coming to reasons why because it was another birthday trip out. I was so tired on the train home from London with my two daughters and then three of my youngest daughter's friends. And I was trapped in the corner of a six-person seat on South Eastern

and they were screaming and shouting at me and it was busy. And I was so tired. I felt like, you know, when your phone gets to 0%? Yeah. And it just goes, doom. Yeah. And goes to blackness on the phone. I actually thought that was going to happen to me.

And then we got home and my head went, I was just like, I've got nothing here. And it was her birthday this morning, my daughter, at 8.30, I put the kids to bed. And I went to Lou, I have to go to bed. Do you know what, Rob? And we're going to talk about elves now. Yeah. So word of warning, if you're listening with your... Yeah.

I'm in the position at the moment where I'm just like, I want to go to sleep where my kids go to sleep because that's where I am tirednesswise. Yeah. But I have to stay up because I have to overstate. see the elves. The worst case is in Harrio. So I'm putting my daughter to sleep, waiting for her to go to sleep, thinking, I'm so desperate to sleep.

But then you've got to do elf. I've got to do this fucking elves. Also, Rose has been doing more of them because you've been away as well. So she's doing the larger shift of the elves. I'm having to text Lou at R-11, driving back from Nottingham elf, elf, elf. I know. But then I've done a couple. I've done most of them actually, because when I'm high-

And you're doing two a go. Two ago. Two a go. That's insane. I reckon I've done 70% the elves, but when I'm not, that Rose does them. If they're not tag teams, are they doing separate things each night? They're doing separate things. That is a mental decision.

I did one where he was hanging, you know, the rope. Round his neck. No, it was from a dressing gown. Yeah. So I hung him from the banister

above the stairs, like he was almost hanging below a helicopter with his arm. Yeah. But Rose said it was too dark because it did just look like I'd hung an elf. Right.

So it was his hand, not his, yeah. Yeah, but he was. It did just look like I've murdered the elf. Oh, can I tell you about a disaster I had? Can I big up Lou quickly first? Why, are you in the dog house? Absolutely not in dog house, but I was so tired.

And she said, just go to bed, you need sleep. And then she, like, tidied the whole house. She put out all the presents for my daughter, decorated for her birthday of balloons, wrapped all the, I did actually nothing, because I literally couldn't function. And I went to sleep and I slept from 9 p.m. till 6 a.m.

when the kids woke me up nonstop. So like nine, ten hours sleep, and I feel brand new. And Lou saved my week. So thank you, Lou. I appreciate you. Good on, Lou. Because we do slag off Rose and Lou, but ultimately, without them, everything falls apart.

Rose is catching up on the podcast. Oh, yeah. And she sent me something. You know, and you're just like, I don't even remember what I fucking said. Also, I want to pray, can I praise Rose as well while we're at it? Yeah. When we were recording the other day,

and I don't know if it went into the show, the heating was on really high. eye in your office for some reason because it was on fall and it was overwhelming. Both you looked like you were about to fight. I fixed it. Okay, well, let's not get on to that. But as you went in, your head completely went.

But Rose, what a calm presence. Because she wasn't the one who had to sit in there for three hours. But the initial reaction to it, she just was very calm. I was very impressed and she's very much a calm, well, the calm presence in the house. Sometimes I think you might, no, no, no, let me finish. Let me finish. I can only talk on what I've seen.

And I think sometimes sometimes. times you lead me and the listeners to believe that maybe she's sort of as erratic as you. But actually, what a calm rock in the middle of a stormy ocean. Well, let me give you a situation I solved and you wouldn't believe this. No, but that's not what this is about. This is about appreciating Rose in that moment, not you offering up another moment where you've been great. No, but I just thought you'd enjoy this story, because it's quite out of character for me.

Okay. So the other day, normal weekday, Rose, we're getting too big. Big marble tables delivered. Right. I don't know this, but it happens. You didn't know it was coming? No, of course not. Well, that's fine.

Two marble tables. I'll be honest, at the time, I wish I hadn't been in, obviously. Why have you got two tables? Like two dinner tables? No, no, coffee tables. Got you? Yeah. And they are fucking heavy.

Yeah, they are heavy bar. We've got a little one like that, and it's just mental. They are, this sounds like I'm making it up, but I'm not. 300 kilos each. Fuck off. How big's your coffee cup? Well, there you go. So it's solid marble.

It's not like a bit on the top with a frame. Jesus Christ. Fucking hell are you, Liberacee. They weren't that expensive. I'd say you weren't even paying a pound a kilo. Right. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know how much of marbles. Get down there. Where's your boardroom from the marble factory where you went to? So anyway, right? 300 kilos. Yeah, each. Each.

Each. The guys like. phoned Rosen advanced and he's like, I don't think you're going to get this out of the van, just so you know. He hasn't got like anything to carry it. It's just you would be carrying it as people. No fault lift.

Well, he's got it in on a forklift. He's got it into the lorry on a forklift. Yeah, because it's in a wooden box. You know, there's forklift boxes. Oh, God. Yeah. And one is on top of the other, which doesn't help matters. 600 kilos.

I'm no, that's it. I'm no Rachel Riley. Plus the boxes as well. They've got to be, what, five kilos each. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're looking at nearly three quarters of a ton. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So he gets there. I'm saying to Rose, don't worry. It'll be panicking.

Did she know it was heavy? She was like, I'm a bit worried about this. I was like, honestly, these guys, they always get it in. It'll be fine. It'll just be over panicking. So he wasn't over panicking. There was no fucking way that was moving for love nor money. Yeah. And he's got other deliveries. Yeah. Coming down from London to different parts of the southwest that are blocked in by the tables. Well, that's good because he needs to work, didn't he?

He can't obviously lift 300 kilos. No. Also, you'd have more of a chance if it was on the ground, not in a van, so you've got to take it down. Is it going to have to be tilted to get through the door, or will it get through? Well, no, because it's marble. Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. That needs to be a strong bridge.

Yeah. Well, like, what are we going to do? Do you know what I did, Rob? I couldn't believe this. Go on. I just googled forked lift truck rental. Exeter. Are you working this day or what's happening for you this day?

I'd left a last leg Zoom. Right, but you were supposed to be working on a Zoom, but you've left to sort out the marble table delivery. But that went down while in the group chat. Where's the presenter gone? Just organising the marble coffee table delivery? Why not? Why not?

Why not? Why not? You've worked yourself to that position? Why not embrace the? So I phoned up somewhere. I was like, is there such a thing as an emergency forklift? Yes. is, but this isn't it? No, no, emergency forklift.

This is an emergency forklift. Well, no, it's not an emergency in the real term of emergency. It is to you. Yeah, I suppose an emergency would be someone's being crushed and you need a forklift to get it off. Yeah, that's an emergency. This is a, I really could do with one. Or an immediate forklift. Yeah, you need an immediate forklift.

I had one within the hour, Rob. Really? I couldn't fucking believe it. Within an hour, a guy turned up with a small forklift truck. And how much was the guy for the hour? Do you have him for an hour the day? 200 quid. Which, to be honest,

it's not bad for a full lift out of man. You know when you're like in a position where it actually felt like I was making money because the thought, like, you know when you're like, this could be anything. Also, great anecdote.

And I've got to pay it. If they say, this is £1,000, what can I do? Do you know what I mean? Like, you'd have to send it back, wouldn't you?

And then what happens to the tables, we'll have to get it redelivered. We wouldn't have got to read. We'd have still had to pay for delivery. Like, that guy wouldn't have been able to do his other deliveries. The responsibility is, look, you've done a great job here, with the delivery guy because they are responsible from getting it off the truck to at least curbside delivery.

Well, I don't know. I don't know. Well, they don't go on with a fault lift. How do they're going to get it off of out of forklift? I don't know what was agreed. Do I? I think the rule of being delivered, well, he's not drive the lorry to the front of the house. No, but it might be.

It might be. If it's one delivery driver, they might say we need people at the place to help us with it, because if it's one delivery, otherwise they... Do you know what? No, otherwise you have to pay for more delivery drivers. That's fucking shit, though. It's like me going... Why, you're getting angry about a hypothetical situation.

Because I've had this before. Well, it's like me doing a joke. I might need someone to help me with a punchline actually because it's quite a hard punchine to do. So can we quickly workshop this when I delivered it? No, we've asked for a fucking joke, mate. Well, no, because you'd have to pay for an extra driver, wouldn't you? No, but there's curbside delivery.

So they can say we won't take it all the way into the house because this is curbside delivery. There's not fucking on-lory delivery, is there? Well, no, but if they said, would you like to pay for extra? If you Google the types of deliveries. So it's, for instance, I've had it where it's like, do you want to get one man in a van and you help him? Or do you want to pay more for two men in a van? Well, it depends who the other man is.

If it's you, no. If it's fucking Eddie Hall, the world's strongest man, get him in the van. Exactly. Topical reference. Thank you. Is it topical? No. It wasn't the world's strongest man years and years ago, Eddie.

Yeah, he was. He's still quite famous. Yeah, fair enough. And the world's strongest man is on over Christmas, so actually. It is. it's a very topical reference. Brian Shaw, would that have been better? Don't know who that is. Jeff Capes is surely the... Oh, yeah, that's the current one, isn't it? Yeah.

No, but I mean the most famous. Name a strong man, Jeff. Eddie Hall is more famous than Jeff Capes now. The people that know about Jeff Capes are dying. Who is more famous? Fairly Fortunes. Right. Name the top 10 world strongest men or top ten. I wouldn't have even been able to tell you who Eddie Hall was out of context. That's because you've not accepted any information in your brain since 2001. Who is Eddie Hall? The world's strongest man.

and he's also famous online. Do you think there's a chance that the fact you did the World Strongest Man on Robin Rommish has skewed your knowledge of the common? And I met him, yeah, maybe. That might have skewed it slowly. Jeff Kakes. Michael, who have you heard of more?

Jeff Kapes. He's 45 or whatever he is. Obviously Jeff Kapes, but I do know who Eddie Hall is as well. But you start with obviously Jeff Kapes. But Rob, 45, there's a lot of people that are over 30. Yeah. AI says, well, both are legends. Look, what happened?

with a marble. It worked. The, what's it called? Forklift. Oh, no, sorry. I thought you're still talking about Jeff Capes and Eddie Hall then. It works.

Oh, sorry. Yeah. No, I mean AI. Oh, no, AI said Jeff Capes is more famous, but Eddie Hall's got a big current fame from his 500K deadlift and social media. Yeah. But perhaps less of the general public know about him than Capes

because of his televised feats. It's a generation. I'll tell you what it is, Rob. It's the difference between a monocultural society that we used to live in and the, fragmented society of today. Absolutely where there's sort of cult niche legends in amongst the... Whereas me and you are very interested in, you know, John Bosch or the Ibitha final boss,

my parents won't know who they are. No, exactly. Good reference. What is fame? Oh, yes. Deep question now. What is fame? What is fame?

It's just people being aware of you, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. It wasn't that deep. If you've shown a picture of yourself or someone that was famous to people, they'd go, yeah, no, they are. And if they don't, then that's not famous. That's more famous. Yes, I bore an answer, isn't it?

Anyway. Yeah, I just want to say it at one point, I fucking hate. You know, when someone comes up to you and goes, my mate says you're famous, but I haven't heard of you. That is... So now I go, if someone comes up to me, goes, apparently, it's normally in a bar or restaurant, you're famous. I don't know who you are.

Now I go, okay, no worries. You don't need to. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah. I'll say something like that's best for both of us or something like that. But I used to do a bit of a needily one. You know, like, well, I've got no idea you are either actually. But now I'm just totally, okay, acceptance and move on.

There's no point. It's more their problem than mine. So tell me about your daughter's birthday, Rob. No, what happened with the marble? You got it in with a fault lift? Well, no. Because marble can be outside, thankfully. Because we're having the rooms done, but the marble's going,

we were like, why are we moving it in there now? So you've just got marble in boxes in your garden? Yeah. You're not worried about burglars? Really strong burglars. You know what? have plate to them. Have it. Clap them off by pitch. Do you know what? They are more than fucking welcome to it.

So you're going to have to get the fault lift back to move them? No, I think now they're on the ground, you could get eight strong builders could move back. And shuffle them along, yeah, but just to get them off. I was quite impressed that you can just order a floor lift drop. I do think, though, these delivery people should have had one of those little pump ones. I used to have one of the works at the supermarket. You know, like they've got the two little sticks. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to use it because it was so high up.

Yeah, but there needs to be sent. on a van that then you put it on and it lowers down. Yeah. That delivery system is not fit for purpose. Well, look, you're not naming them or shame them, but I'm telling you now, if your job is to deliver heavy shit and you haven't got a forklift or a little pump lift thing

or a thing that lowers the ground level, then you're in the wrong game. I think I'm just more easy come, easy go than you, Rob. Do you know what? No, just some people need to tell but they're not offering a good enough surface, actually, I think so. I just think life's easier if you just chill out and enjoy it. We're going back to that.

you was quite relaxed and then you came up with that plan when I said that Rose was calm about the heating. Is that why we started talking about that? Yeah. I was just giving an example. Tell me about your daughter's birthday. Daughter's birthday, I was knackered because this week I'd done Not in them, not in them, but we drove there and back because I went and did Roman Day at my daughter's school where I did it a couple years ago for my eldest daughter. You sit on a stool and you run like a sort of Roman market thing. You dressed as a Roman? Yeah, so I got back at 1am. Same outfit or have you changed your outfit?

Just a bit of bed sheet wrapped round me. Toga? Yeah. In this weather? Over my normal clothes. Indoor or outdoor? Indoor. Oh, right, fine.

In the hall. Toga wrapped around me. I'm physically there, but mentally, I'm not really engaging. Can a Roman have a coffee with them? Well, not until the Roman was told by the school teachers. It was break and there was coffees at the front. Right, yeah, yeah. So you couldn't get your own.

And are you playing a character? You like... No, it's very much an exhausted dad. And are any of the other parents going, you know, playing on an Italian accent. accent and going. It's a little bit of the Roman market, yeah, yeah.

No, they weren't doing that, but there was a guy leading it who was like in character as like a Roman person. Is that an educational, because it's happened two years in a row so do they do that every year, Roman day?

Yeah, sort of like, they do it for the day and then they, but these companies do like, they'll do Tudor ones, they do Victor. So when you're learning about subject, at the end of it, you'll do a thing.

Then there's those other games going on and he was teaching him out of March. And it's not the whole school. Yeah, because there was a day when, I think it was like odd Sox Day or something for my daughter, but a different year, everyone was dressed as a Victorian. I suddenly turned up at school and everyone was dressed as a Victorian,

but I had no idea about this because it was a different year. So they do a little role play and stuff like that. With the other parents in that situation, you're like, oh, you know. Or is it a laugh. Now, it is a bit of a laugh, you know, because there's some ones you know a bit more and it was quite funny. It was good to watch the kids interacting and stuff. But I did leave the hall thinking,

thank fuck I've only got two kids and I don't ever have to do that again. Oh so once was the first daughter the next time. Oh I see. Once you've volunteered at Roman Day twice you don't want to go back for your hat trip. And he's Lou's volunteering at Roman Day. Lou's volunteering at Roman Day.

We were on separate stalls. Was she in a toga as well? Yeah, she's in a toga all right. No, she's got a bed sheet over her. Do you like it, Rob? She just had normal clothes on. When you went back to the house. I can still see her Adnola socks.

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Visit Ancestry.ca. slash New Year for more details. Terms apply. we got put on this thing where the kids had to like mash up olives to get olive oil pour it in a lamp and then we had to put a wick in the lamp and then they were burning olive oil and the game was like how long could it burn for but i'm there i've got matches and a fire blanket i'm like this is dangerous here so me and lure on that it seemed very roman and there was like five of them at once doing it and then the idea was you had to keep mashing it

and get them enough juice out of it so that uh whoever's burned the longest one Right. Lee and Lou had kept no times. And then they kept coming back and going, is that my one? I was like, oh, no, your one's burnt out. How long was mine? And we basically just told a collection of kids six or seven or eight minutes. Oh, that was seven minutes.

That was six minutes. And then luckily one of the teachers done it. And we was like, oh, no, she won. Actually, were nine minutes. Well, the teacher. The teacher said, oh, can I have a go see what they're doing? So she did one. And then she did it quite well, obviously, because she's an adult.

She's been mashing olives for years. Oh, yeah. She has oil everywhere. So we just lied. And so, she's done it. Yeah. I was like, am I coming into this with a right spirit? Probably not, but, you know, there was corruption in ancient Rome as much as there is in the present day, Rob.

Thank you. You're really on it today. You're a real spin merchant. I like it, Josh. Can I tell you something that will make you think my life is awful? Yeah, please. So I got back late from a gig. Yeah. I wouldn't normally do this, but I just left my coat on the floor like a child when I came in because it was like 2 a.m. I just walked in the door, took off my coat And then walked forward

It was on the floor It was on the floor And I just went to bed Didn't brush my teeth Just was like Oh, you are a grubby little bastard I'd already been asleep Rob You know when you've already been asleep

And I was just like fuck this Yeah sort of No I would still have to clean my teeth before bed Clead my teeth in the morning Watch on Watch on always Although I took my watch off yesterday Rob

Yeah Because I take it off of the shower Yeah And because I was in a hotel. Oh no, I went to the gym in the hotel. Why don't you just take it off at night? And then when you get up and go in the shower, it's already off. Why are you so obsessed with me not wearing my watch at night?

He's odd and everyone agrees. I don't care what everyone agrees. Everyone agreed with Hitler in Germany. It didn't make him right. Not everyone, but just a strong majority, unfortunately. There's a lot of them yet. I'm glad you had it, unfortunately. Absolutely.

Just to be clear. I don't really get involved in politics. But when it comes to the Nazi fascist regime, I'm not a fan. send me on news night and I'll defend that. Oh God, on that fucking hell I said something on last leg that's become a meme about paying tax. Oh, yeah. It's a very nice thing to say and I agree with it.

But I don't want that to be me being some kind of... I felt that was just the end of your sentence. I just don't want that being me and it really struck a chord because there's some days I'm doing things going, I don't want this to be me now. Do you know what I mean? I agree with it. It was just that if we have to pay a big,

bit more taxed people to come out of poverty. That's a positive thing, right? Yeah, and that most of the tax stuff was aimed at already rich people in the budget. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, I'm happy to admit I'm in that group of people, you know, it'd be mad for me not to say that I'm within that group of people. Yeah. And I'm happy to pay that extra tax. But anyway, when it becomes a meme that people are sharing, it looks like I'm... Taxman. Trumpeting it. Do you know what I mean? And going, it's like I'm being a fucking virtue signaler. Do you know what I mean? And I don't, I'm not.

I didn't even put it on the Instagram channel 4 did. I would think though, ultimately. That's my own demons. Yeah, that's showing demons. And ultimately, you do think that. That's what you think. And it's out there. Who cares?

What I'd say, the internet is like a lion enclosure and there's starve lions. And then a bit of meat gets chucked in, which is either pro what's going on with the politics or against what's going in the politics. And all the lions feast on it. Some are protecting it and some are trying to eat it. but ultimately it gets ripped apart. They don't care what the meat is.

They don't care about Josh Whitakum, the person, or even Josh Whitcomb, the comedian. You're just a thing that's been thrown for them to eat. It'll get eaten, something else will be thrown in. So don't give it a second fault. No, exactly, but people keep sending it to me. Can I just say this? And you can't mean me about this.

I've been to places where people live for tax reasons, and they are fucking weird. Yeah. Everyone doesn't want to really be there. Everyone's odd, and everyone's really bitter about the, And the only thing they can connect with is their own greed. Yeah.

Anyway, meme that, you're... So I left my coat on the floor. I forgot you were talking about that. Yeah, so did I. I left my coat on the floor. Yeah. I got up in the morning. I was fucked.

It's because I got back so late. Wought them to school. Just pick up my coat off the floor. I still wet this coat. Was it even raining when I came in? and then I'm walking to school and I'm like fucking hell

this street stinks of piss what's going on and then I'm like oh my God Beryl's pissed on my coat and I'm wearing How did a cat piss in the coat?

Well it turns out she's got a UTI Yeah but it's a big house I know I know but I suppose it's comfy or no I don't know So you're walking to school

In a coat covering And I take it off And I look at it And you can see it You know how water You know, wet is a different colour so you can see where the piss is on the coat. So then I'm just carrying a coat

like arms length, like it kind of, you know, if you're carrying back a kind of, I don't know what the example would be, like a pair of old football, like wet football boots or whatever, like, and it's a puffer jacket. And I don't know whether you can put a puffer jacket into a... That may be a...

It's gone. Do you think it's gone? I feel like with a puffer jacket, the piss has gone in the little gaps of the sewing and in the puffer. It's in the squishy. Yeah, but surely like a proper cleaner. I don't think it's a washing machine job, is it?

No, because you all just all bundle up to one end or the puff. Yeah, exactly. So it's going to be a dry cleaner. Can you wash a puffer jacket? Who knows? Can you wash a puffer jacket? This will make you feel better about that. Yeah.

Two things. One, I lost a dog for 40 minutes. Oh my God. You must have felt awful. Yep. It was chasing a deer. Lost it for 40 minutes. I was in this, like, Woodland bit.

And I did a whole lap around the entire woodland bit saying his name, nothing. So then I went, right, we've got an air tag on it. On the dog? Yeah, wasn't loading up. So I thought, this is awful. I'm having a complete meltdown panic attack. How would you lost it? Sorry.

Well, it was off lead and then it chased a deer. But the problem with the Whippets have got incredible prey drive when something's moving fast. They're bred to chase squirrels, rabbits a lot. Yeah, like you. But normally if a rabbit, a fox, a squirrel, they'll either go in a little den, go up a tree or go somewhere small that a dog can't get.

with a deer, any bush or gap a deer can get through or whip it can get through and whip it's a really fast and it really scares the deer, right? And I didn't know there were deer in this woodland anyway. I've not seen him. Well, that's a lie. Last time I left him, let him off in that woodland D run and chase the deer as well.

So it was my fault. I just forgot. So I'm losing my mind completely. Don't know what to do. I've done a full lap now. I think he's not in this woodland. He's followed this deer out of the woodland for a gap in a hedge and he's either on a road or in another field, right?

Because that's the problem. I walk home, get my other dog and put him in the house so that I can get in the car to try and do like a loop of the area in my car. Anyway, so I get the dog in the house like that. Turn round, the other dog stuck looking at me. It had found its way home. No. Yeah, it was at the front door.

So I went through the back door. How the fuck does that work? We were probably three quarters of a mile away from home, 25 minute walk on a walkie down. don't normally do. And Whippets are known to be figure shit. I don't know how he's done it. Come back, blood all over his jumper.

But he just had a little cut in his ear. Ludd all over his jumper. Like he's been in a fight on a Christmas party. He's absolutely fine, apart from his ears got caught on something. And Whippet's ears bleed really easy. Whose blood is it? The deer? It's his blood, but it's basically, where he's been running so fast and he's got a little

cut. It's completely healed within about a day. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God. But he was at the front door. He just found his way home. on the roads. Oh my God.

It's mental, isn't it? Mental. Dogs are nuts, man. So, yeah, I was very lucky. Anyway, that happened. And then this will make you for living better. We woke up about six, one morning. Lou was absolutely exhausted.

I was absolutely exhausted. And then we went into let the dogs out, and we'd give them their new worming tablet, went in their little utility room that they sleep in, piss all over the floor. But they'd been running in it. So they'd run out of the utility room and was just running, piss through the house.

And one had also done a shit behind the door. So then when Lou opened the door, she dragged a shit. across. There's a perfect sort of spread of dog shit in like a crescent. Like a kind of children's art projectory. Like the effects you're going to get from this door. And then Lou has got a head in her hands with her eyes shut, breathing and doing this chance she does. Like that. And I went, look, do the kids at breakfast. I'll sort the dogs out. So I grabbed both dogs, chucked to the utility room, shut the door behind me. And I thought,

well, what I'll do is I'll clean it all up, clean all them up and let them back in. I almost vomited. The smelling that little room. I basically lock myself for the rub. This is like five past six. Oh my God. Don't get detox. Rob. Can you give me a view on this?

Do you think, so I want to tell you what we're getting one of the presents, we're getting the kids for Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a surprise. So if you're listening to this and you know me or your kids know my kids, please don't let your kids know. Yeah, because you were literally going to ruin Christmas for a charger. But I want to tell you, do you think this is too much of a gamble?

Oh, when will this go out, Michael? Next week, I suspect, so just before Christmas. So school has finished. 22nd. No one's going to tell them. No one's going to tell them. Well, do you know what? This is a good test, because if anyone does, they're a fucking serial killer.

And we'll go around there and sort them out, Josh. Do you want me to send you a video? Well, I mean, I tried to do this before and Argos. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Amazon. Have they done it as well? Did the same fucking thing. With a Christmas present not in a box.

Bluey Doll's house for my son. That's fucking insane. Get this. It gets worse from my daughter. I'd gone, what would you like to get my son? Right. So she picked that from what we do. Between them, we go, name something you'd want to get them. Oh, that's a nice idea. Oh, we should do that next year.

Yeah, so it's not like, here's your budget of your own money. It's like, buy something that you think your sibling would really like. That's really nice. Yeah, I can't believe I thought that. She gets this bluey dolls house. and get this, she has saved up her pocket money on our good friends at Go Henry

for fucking months, right? She's not paying for it though, is she? No, not the Bluey Doll's house, but she's saved up for the Barbie Dreamhouse for so long, right? Right, yeah. She's got there and she got it on the Saturday morning it arrived.

Yeah. Two hours later, the Bluey Dolls house arrives for my son. So he has to have it? Well, my parents are fucking, me and Rose aren't there. So my dad and my son answer the door to the Bluey Doll's house. His sister's just got a doll's house. And it's not in a brown box.

It's actually, yeah. This has to stop at Christmas. For December, it has to stop. You can't just send it. And I was like, suddenly,

have I, is there a tick box I've missed? Yeah. Which says, this needs to be boxed. Because Amazon's always boxed normally, isn't it? Yeah.

Most of the time. And this actually happened with a Barbie Dreamhouse cat comes not in a box. My friends had this trouble before as well, when it arrived, and then the kids at the door. You've got to box, I think, from December. Box to box, Stephen Gerard. Let's do this. From mid-November, I get there's birthdays.

I'm not saying you have to box all year. Because if it's birthdays in July, you've got to understand that might happen. Do you know what? I'm going to say this, Josh. You have to box the Barbie Dreamhouse all year. Yeah, yeah. Because no one's buying that on a fucking whim. That is a present.

Yeah. A big present. Certain items. Kids toys have to be box. Yeah, because if it comes in a box, right, and it isn't a surprise, it's just something they've bought, no problem. If it doesn't come in a box, huge problem. Yeah. You're safe if it's always boxed.

Or you have to come up with a huge pop-up, like the cookies pop-up, that says, would you like this unboxed? And you have to tick the thing to unbox it. You need to actively choose no box. But also, these delivery companies, I'll order like a pack of envelopes, right? and it will come in a giant box with loads of stuffing in to stop it moving about. What is that? So what's happening with a bluey one? Well, my dad texted me.

I haven't been home since because it was only the weekend. It's Monday morning. I'm going home on the train after this. My dad said that he didn't open it. They'd negotiated with him to have it for Christmas. But the surprise has gone. Yeah, of course. I suppose he'll love it anyway.

Yeah, I know. But what you're paying for is that Christmas day morning where his sister can go, I've got you this for Christmas. Yeah, exactly. And it's his favourite present. Yeah. Anyway, what was I saying on that? You want to get your daughter.

Well, you can't box this, Rob. And if you are listening with anyone that knows Josh's daughter, just turn it off now, because the kids can't be trusted to keep a secret. Let me just forward it onto the group. This is a video. Oh, my God. That is huge. What if someone tells her now?

They're not going to. That's mental. Should we bleep it out? I don't know. What do you think, Michael? It's pretty high stakes. Yeah, it is pretty high stakes. Okay, let's bleep it out.

Let's bleep it out what you've got. Okay, all I'm going to say is that's huge and I cannot wait to hear about her reaction when we report back in January. It's for both of them. After the Sun's reaction, okay, I didn't realize it was for both. Okay. We are going to tell them.

No one's going to give a fuck about Blue Zet. No. Yeah, let's bleep it out just in case. Like the box, we put a cardboard box on it. Yeah, yeah, we put a cardboard box in it. We're going to tell them on Christmas Day and then we're going to pick up the present at the start of January.

They can't get the present on the day though. No, it's not an option. Fair enough. Perfect. Big news. The fucking news don't stop coming, mate. Come on. What you got? So I had a night in London where I wasn't working and I thought I should do something.

I went to watch your friend of mine in the theatre. Ramesh. Oh, you went to watch him in his play? I went to watch Ramesh's play. Was that on the press night? No, press nights in January. So it's still in preview season. but I was in London and I wanted to sit.

Because you can't review it into a certain point basically. Yeah. So he's in London, you went to see it? Yeah. He's great. I said to him, I meant this because I said, I text him the next day as well to say,

this is the most impressed I've ever been with you. Because everything else he's done is an extension of what he does. Yeah, and it's him being him kind of thing. That's not a disrespectful thing. As in everything we do is an extension of what we do. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

He has stuck his life. neck out so far. So what kind of part is? Is it a comedy part? Is it a proper part? But he's still acting in the theatre. You're having to act on stage opposite Sheridan fucking Smith. Like one of the great actors of her generation.

And is he in it a lot? Yeah. I just thought he's going to pop in and do a couple of jokes and then leave, but he's a proper acting. No, Rob. What a suspect, Ron. The first scene, the lights, well, I don't know whether, obviously, it might change the preview, but the first scene, the lights come up And it's Ramesh and Sheridan Smith on stage already.

That's massive. Ramesh, as a doctor, as a comedy doctor. As his mum always wanted. As his mum always wanted. And I was watching it, and I had a lovely time. And he's very good. Sheridan Smith's very good. The play's good.

Can I be honest? I was thinking, I can only imagine how much Rob Becker would hate this. What the play? Yeah. Well, I got invited to the press number. thing, but I don't know because I'm working. Which is quite funny, actually, my sort of a TV double-app part that is performing in the West End against opposite Sheridan Smith in a play that's really stretching and beyond his

normal remit, whereas I'm doing three gigs in one day in Bromley that night. But we like what we like, Josh. They did invite me to that and I went, I can't make that. Could I go on this date? And I mean, yeah, sure, but you've got to pay for the tickets and they're extortionate. And I went, do you know what? I love him, but I ain't paying to go. So I know I'm not going to like it.

And that's no, that's not a go at him, but it ain't my cup of tea. I want to support him, but, you know. It was brilliant. And the play is very good. There is part of me every time I go to the theatre. Yeah. When it starts, I think, oh, fuck, I'm at the theatre. It's rid of class.

Right? Yeah. There was a bit where there was a joke about someone reading the observer newspaper. And the guy behind me laughed so much. and I thought, God, I wish Rob was here now. Just to hate that man. Was it called Women in Mind? Woman in mind.

He's brilliant and it is really good. Oh, no, I'm sure it's absolutely amazing. It's not my two hours, five minutes. Does that include an interval? No. I can't do it. It's too long. Why is the fear so long?

Because it's like, if that was like an hour and a half, I'm in. He's having to do that twice on Saturdays. Sheridan Smith is in every scene. It must be fucking exhausting. Well, I said that to Cush Jumbo. No Cush came to my, the actor. She came to my show at East Ball. And I was like, he's doing it. They have to do it every day all over Christmas. And she was like, yeah, that's acting, Rob. Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's a bit much, isn't it? She went, that's what you have to do if you want to earn money over Christmas. I was like, yeah, no.

But good luck to me. I'm sure he's absolutely amazing. And I will try to get there. But at the moment, I've not had a chance before Christmas. It was really good. And I was so impressed with him. I need to go, Denaro. It looks weird if I don't go. Oh, Rob. God, I feel bad. No, because I don't think he'll want you to go if you feel like you should go. Oh, God. In the same way.

Now we look even worse. Has he come to see you on tour? No, he hasn't, actually. Yeah. And I went and saw his tour. Did you? Yeah. Yeah.

So, Bromish, please don't come to my tour. So I'll have to be... My next tour is to be called the Matinee radius tour, where it all finishes in time for football kickoffs. He's earlier in the day. I might just do. in a radius of 20 miles from my house to 3pm that isn't on TV. That's like I can get at the lunchtime game on a Saturday than at 5.30.

Talking of Romish, our new show, new series, sorry, Robin Romish verse is back on Sky and now TV. If we want to watch that. We're doing Bollywood, Shakespeare, Winter Olympics in the New Year, and also hip-pop and wildlife photography where we go to the jungle. Now, my kids obviously seeing me on Rommish on the Sky home screen and are very interested. they've started watching the shows. So they watched the Bollywood one, the most recent one. Is it suitable?

No. No. We swear in it? You see my entire ass, almost nearly my dick. They've seen that. They've seen that a million times. I'm talking about a million times. They're lying on the front.

They've seen that as well. Millions of times. They've seen that. And I'm basically half naked getting massage. On Roman Day, a seven-year-old girl came up to me and said, I've seen you in Bollywood. Yeah. They're schoolmates.

Well, of course, Rob, because think when you were a kid, you did watch. grown-up TV. Yeah, but that's mental. If you think about it, when you were a kid, you'd have been watching primetime television. Yeah. Going back to Robbish's Play, I did drop an absolute howler when I was messaging

him, because I messaged him about something. Oh, he told me about this. I felt so bad. And you said, how'd you know if it's any good? I found the old Laboo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-W-Bu-Bu. And I said, Lafoo-Fu-Nexil-Boo. I went, oh, you at the interval, yep, yep, in the interval, I was saying that, like, it must be so strange to be in front so many people in a theatre, but,

laugh's not be the sole objective. Yeah. When you're on stand-up, it's constantly, laugh, laugh, laugh. So to actually just act and trust the play. Even if you're doing it really well, your body's going, get a laugh, get a laugh, you know. Yeah, of course. And he said, ha, ha, ha, I know. And then I said, and this is me typing before I thought, I went, how do you know

if you've done a play well? No tangible proof like a laugh. Sorry, this is probably the worst possible thing to say to someone at the interval of their first ever play. I went, I'm so sorry, this is dreadful. He said really great peps talk, thanks. I had a similar thing where I thought, that's gone really well. They got a standing o, Rob.

Oh, yes, Sandinnovation in the theatre. Yeah. I went back afterwards, yeah. I was talking to him. And I was like, that went really well. And then I went, was that a good one? I've got no, like, was that a good night for you or a bad night? Because I don't know.

Because to me, I was thinking, that ripped it. But I don't know what the past score is for this. Do you know what I mean? I don't know how actors feel about it because we're going off the back of being comics and when they get laughed. Yeah. That's why maybe that's why actors all go mad.

Yeah. No one knows. A bit like a podcast. You just put it out there. Quick one. Yeah. Generational gap. Yep.

Christmas cards. Do you still do Christmas cards? I don't. I never have. Do you receive them? A little bit, but not much. My daughter's school and my son's school, they have a really nice thing, actually,

where all the kids, there's like a letter. box. Yeah. And so they post Christmas cards to their friends and then they get given cards by their friends. That's because they haven't got phones, though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But their kids, they fucking love it.

So they're into Christmas cards more than we are. Well, we get the odd few from older people that we're related to or no. Yeah. And then I don't really reply. I just go, I just won't ever send one. And then hopefully we'll just fall off their list. Every year I go. And then I won't feel good.

Every year I go, well, next December, I'm going to try and have December on. But every year, December is so busy. Always the busiest, yeah. Because you only get two-thirds of a month to do a month's worth of work, basically. And everyone in the world needs more money than they do any other month. Yeah. So they take on extra work. So every year, I think I'd love to like relax into Christmas and go shopping and I'll do Christmas

cards, but it's just never going to happen. The only time I'm tempted is if I get one off the neighbour, because I'm like, I might see them in the look of them in the eye. And no, I've not given them a card. Yeah, because you don't have to post it. Imagine sending out a text to get an address to send a card. I don't have my friend's addresses. Right, should we do small business? Yeah, Merry Christmas, everyone, by the way.

Have a brilliant Christmas. Thanks for all the support this year. We've loved doing it. And hopefully... New Year is huge excitement. Huge excitement. We are from the New Year. Now, I'll be honest with you.

I think I know what we're doing, but I'm not 100%. Michael, tell me if we're wrong. We are going to be filming interviews. with guests in person and releasing the full interview on the internet. The internet. Honestly, we weren't sure whether it was going to take off, but now we're attaching our... Yeah, we didn't know whether to put it on VHS and release it, but we've done for up online. And we're filming our own chats and putting them on the internet.

We've better cameras are making it and then... But we're not putting the whole of our chats up, are we? Yeah, we are, yeah. Are we? Yeah, it's full video. Everything is video. Okay, cool. Okay, good to know.

I thought there were clips. Yep. And our chats. are all going on the internet. We're filming it all. Are we filming it all? Yeah. Yeah, we're filming it all.

There we go. We're filming the whole thing, Rob. What an announcement. Do you know what? I think that might have been the first announcement I've ever done where I found out at the same time as the people I was announcing to. It was incredible. It was like you were reading an auto queue that you hadn't read before.

Click this and put the meme when the announcer becomes the announcer becomes the announcer receiver. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. That's nice. Say something else about tax. Get that up. Yeah.

So do I need to do shock stuff now to try and get a view. news. I don't believe in the education system. I think we should bring all kids out. And I think breastfeeding's bad. And I think men should go to work and women should look after kids. Clip that.

Clip that. The new generation is a new era for the podcast. No, it'll be exactly the same if you listen. It will make no difference to that. But now you can watch everything on video as well. It won't be as good as Joshy straight away, but it will, but by the end of January. I've built a fucking studio in my house.

And Rob's just found out that he's got, to. I'm really behind on that. Right. Hi, Rob, Joshua Michael. Forget shaving his back hair. Rob should try having it sugared. Fucking hell.

What am I? Fucking dumpling. A little donut boy. Especially if he has any tour dates near Northwich coming up. I'm not going to Northwich to get my back sugared. I'm so proud of my best friend Sharon who has recently retrained as a sugarista.

Are you winding me up? I'm not winding you up. Go ahead. I'll give it a fair way. Sugaring is a better alternative to waxing. It's 100% natural and biodegradable and it's more gentle on the skin and it will not burn you as it's applied at body temperature. If you live in and around Northwich, please contact the underscore sugar underscore station underscore Northwich on Instagram

or the sugar station on Facebook for more details on how to book. Thank you for reading this. Becky 540 months. A long-time listener and mother to a very sweet sleep thief. Thanks for the podcast. I don't feel so alone. You're going to get your back sugared, Rob? Well, if it works, you'll go go and get a little back sack and crap before holiday.

Just put my ass in the air and get a little... Northwich is in... I don't even. I've never been to Northwich. Imagine having your ass in the air and just someone with a little sort of... One of them little sieves just tapping a bit of sugar on your ass. Where is it? I mean, the thing that I'm more concerned about... It's up north.

Someone putting sugar on my back. But sugar me back. It's just below Manchester, Rob. Right, well, next time I'm up there, I might go and get me back sugared. How long does it take? I need more information. Can they send a... bit more information on what the system is.

It's waxing but with sugar and it's better for the environment and better for your skin. So basically they melt sugar, pour it on your back, let it dry and then rip off. It's not hot. It's not hot. So how's it coming out? Is it like to great? But do you know what?

We'll discuss it fully visualised in the new year. It's fucking hell. There we go. Hi Rob. I hope this reaches you. So this is a guy that dropped off an old football shirt for me at a gigging Nottingham and he left this. It was an Australia one.

Thank you very much for it. I thought you might appreciate adding the Australia shirt to your collection. seem fitting with all the tour talk and stories. I've been a fan for years and listened to the podcast since the beginning. Me and my girlfriend are actually expecting our first baby in May. So now going back through all the old episodes for the tips. I'd appreciate a small business shout out. I run 12th man football shirts.

That's T-W-E-L-F-T-H-M-A-N football shirt. A little side project to me and my brother started about eight years ago from childhood hobby of collecting shirts. He's stepped back now so it's just me keeping it going. I've got hundreds of new and vintage adult and kids football shirts listed on eBay, and I add more every day. You can find everything through my Instagram at 12th man underscore shirts. The link to my store is in my bio.

I hope you have a good Christmas. Thanks again for the last time. And I didn't want to take the gift off him. I said, don't worry about leaving a shirt. Just give the note if you want to when he emailed my agent. But he gave me a shirt anyway. So thank you very much. What was the shirt?

Retro Australia shirt. So very nice indeed. Lovely. Lovely, lovely. Josh, I'll be seeing you fully visualised in the new year. Yeah. In your brand new studio. Absolutely.

I really need to. I just don't know when that's going to be, but we can sort that out, can't be Michael. Give Michael the keys to your house. He'll do it like Father Christmas. Give it the keys to my office and you can come down. Who's that? Is that Father Christmas on Christmas Eve, Daddy? No, it's Michael building a studio.

Do you know what? This is what we'll do. All we need to sort out is the light in the sound and the camera. Michael can do that. And then I will evolve my backdrop. and you'll all be able to see the evolution of my backdrop on the show. Exactly. So it's not just going to be a few sound tiles with a couple of football shirts put over the top.

Well, it probably will be, but it might be different sound tiles and different football shirts, but I need to sort the backdrop out. What sure does it look like, then? Have you got a studio? Michael, yeah, do the backdrop as well, mate. Right, I'll speak to you later. Bye. Well, unveil it.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes. It's Josh Whitickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Whitickham's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it.

I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture

in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from you too, and David Haslehurst, Baywatch, and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall.

All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiffnecks will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on.

You might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me Josh Whitacom, available everywhere from the 1st of January.