Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP16: Tom Davis (The Return)

Episode Date: February 27, 2026

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) it's the return of the brilliant comedian and actor - Tom Davis. Tour dates, tickets and info for Tom's new tour 'SPUDGUN' are available from www.bigtomdavis.com Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Vauxhall. So Josh, News UK have voted the new Vauxhall Frontera as the value car of the year 2025. Rightly so. And do you know why I can say that, Rob? Why? And you know this, I've test driven one. Oh yeah, and I've been test passenger.

I got to drive the Frontera. Fools. A, the tech was so good, right, that it was just simple. I felt like it was my car the moment we were moving. Yeah? We had loads of bootroom. You saw that. Oh, I had a little peek in the bus.

back. I was thinking this is perfect for a family. It was spacious. It was easy to use. And do you know what as well? No offence. I wasn't too near you. No, no, exactly. There's so much space in the front. I didn't feel like I was touching you. I couldn't smell you. It was great. It's available in electric. It's available in petrol hybrid. The electric is cheaper. It is available from 23,995 pounds. Ah, that sounds like value to me, Josh. That's great value. Great value. Top value. Do what I did, Rob. Test drive the new Vauxhall Frontera today. Discover more by searching Vauxhall Frontera online.

Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with Rob. Can you say Rob? Sounds like one of the Muppets. This is my son Jude, four and a half and daughter Kit, almost two, having go out saying your names. I think they've perfectly highlighted the difference between a first and second born. OG listener, whose kids are similar ages to yours. Yep, it took me three years to send this in. Wow. Three years? So always helpful to hear similar parenting

and have a chuckle on the commute. Keep up the good work. Laura, Jude and Kit. If Rob is guessing the accent, I'm originally from... Oh, I couldn't hear. Lester. Lester's a tough accent to get, anyway. Now living in South East London.

South East London. We've got Tom Davis on the show. Big booking. Big Tom. I don't know if I mention it on here. The funniest thing I've ever seen on the internet is Tom Davis when he's trying to play golf with Jimmy Billard and Tubes

and he has a breakdown. meltdown and just goes off on one and it is one of the funniest rants I've ever seen on the internet. Wow. Have you not seen it? No, the moment I saw the words Jimmy Bullard, I probably wouldn't have clicked on it. No, but he doesn't really talk in it. Oh, okay, yeah. So it does sound funny.

How are you, Josh? Very good, thanks. Yeah, you look full of beans. I am actually. I'm really looking forward to Tom Davis. I think he is, you know, it's, I don't want to, it's one way you think I could probably just, sit back and enjoy you. You're implying that you're tired

and you just want Tom to talk and you can just nod. No, I'm not implying that. Do you need me to take a little bit of the weight on the shoulder and let you... Do you want me to marshal the midfield and you just play a free role? What are we going to ask him about?

Don't think about that. No, do you not? Sometimes I do. Have a conversation, man. Do you not do that when you approach every conversation? Not at all. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm going to ask someone during their answer.

Yeah. Sometimes I don't even listen. And I think I might just do sound funny now because I don't know what he's saying. And then he'll think, why did he do a joke then? Because I was in the middle of quite an important thing.

See, let's choose something that you can just bring up out of nowhere at a really inoppune point and see if he... Well, last time he spoke about his surrogacy journey, which is this one I think needs to be a bit more loose and a bit more... Why don't you at some point

just do a really, a piece of stand-up at us? A piece of stand-up at you? Like, just a joke-joke that is totally unrelated, just barge in with it and see how it goes. So just a real, like, set up punchline, down the line. Like, even on stage would feel like, oh, he's doing a traditional joke. Yeah.

In the middle of a challenge. There's a good joke, right? I've got one I can do. Should I tease you with that? But I don't know if it will have the same impact if we do it later on. Thanks for doing this, Tom. Obviously, we love doing this podcast, but it's a bit depressing when no one comes. Reminds me of my marriage.

I'm joking. I do loads. to talk us about surrogacy yeah cool oh it's really I think I'm not going to because he'll be confused

it'll take a lot of explaining do you know what I'm going to do do you want to hear a good joke so God goes into a cafe so you're going to do one now yeah go on so imagine Tom sitting there and he goes

and I suppose that's when we imagined that we'll go through surrogacy and I'm going to say that reminds me actually a guy walks into a cafe right yeah and there's a sign that says um cheese rolls one pound yeah ham sandwiches two pounds yeah wanks five pounds yeah he says he's the woman that does the wanks and she says yeah and he says wash your hands on have a ham sandwich a bit fun in it's a good joke yeah it's a good joke i think it'd be really unfair just to do that at him do you know what I mean like he's come on it's like a fun children and then like out of nowhere

I just do a weird joke about my marriage and then you're doing like the hand-wanking one. It's a great joke, but I don't know, I don't think it's going to be fair on him. No, it wouldn't be. I'm here to converse. You're here to converse. I'm here to have a conversation. Okay, if sandwiches come up, I'm doing it. If anyone mentions sandwiches, you do that.

Yeah, okay. Okay. And that goes for every episode. Okay, next time someone mentions a sandwich. The next time anyone misses the savages, you do that joke out of. Okay. including Tom and if Tom doesn't it rolls over. Yeah.

You can't mention it. You can't steer the concept. I promise I won't steer it. I wouldn't just be like all over a sound. But next time a guest mentioned sandwiches or cafes. Yeah, okay. I think it needs to be cafes, isn't it?

It can be sandwiches. I was in a cafe and then you go, I was in a cafe. It needs to be cafe. Yeah, okay, cafes. Or sandwiches or cafes, what do you want? It's your joke. Cafes.

Next time this is a cafe. And I'm not going to steer it. And if Tom comes in, if we have a really important guest and it's like, so it's like, you know, Germain Greer sits down and he'd go, where do you have lunch, Germain? Well, yeah, she walks in with a coffee.

Where'd you get that? Michelle Obama sat there. So with your security, what kind of places can and can you go, Michelle? When you're looking at food. If you just want a quick hot drink, what if one of your security guys want to get wanked off and have a cheese roll?

Okay, so next time the guest mentions, cap. Now, what is the, if it happened today, it'll be quite fun because it's Tom, but another guest, it could get spicy, depending on who it is. Exactly. And the other exciting thing about it is these don't go out in order. So you might have already listened to an episode and gone, that is wild. What? Well, I'd love him as well. What he said to Camilla, the Queen Camilla. He speaks to someone who's gone for a terrible divorce and to remember, like, he told me that he cheated on me with my best friend and who was sat in this cafe and

go on, Josh. Right, let's get Tom on and hopefully been to a cafe. Yeah. Tom Davis, welcome. He's laughing away. You're sober? I'm sober, I'm just laughing. Part from the three Guinness. Yeah, apart from the, yeah, Cali Ginnis is. In Ireland. So you didn't drink for four years. Yeah. Did Awes is sober with Josh?

Yeah. Then you went to Ireland. We weren't together. We were the adjacent rows. I've got, no. We've got some lovely. many pictures. Hopefully he was in front of him. I was trying to do the banter of with Josh, because Josh, by the way, knew every word, but I wanted to do a thing

where I was just telling people, like, look at Josh, he only knows the big songs, but... He knew of. But one of my favorite things, but I've known so many years, but when I see, he was so buzzed up when I saw him, he comes walking through this, the bit that we're in. And he's walking towards me, this massive smile like a

Chesh a cat towards me. And he's like, Tom and all that. And I'm like, hey, Josh, we're chatting. And then I look around and I thought he was his own at Oasis and I went Are you on your own? And he went Of course I'm fucking not

And your mates Were just Chris and people Yeah Yeah But for a little while I just thought He's a little buzzball of energy When he's excited by so

Yeah I thought You fizz You fizzing beautifully But I just thought Imagine coming here On your jacks And just being so fucking

Eager If I'd been on my own I wouldn't have come over I'd have gone Oh fuck Please God I had two people With me

Watching Oasis who just seem, it was like, they'd come just because they didn't know, they knew like literally four songs. And I'm,

how do you only know four songs? I'm not ice. I was like taking people out. I was looking mad. For not singing. I was literally spent more time watching other people to see and go like,

shame on you. A real fan could have been here. It was just, yeah. My brothers were so pissed. The mates were so pissed that Tom Cruise was at the one we were at and he was at the bar with Goldie. And they came out and went,

I was about Goldie at the bar. And I went Goldie went What? He went, yeah, he's over there with that old woman Oh, that's Tom Cruise! That is incredible

Because he had that little hat on And he went, What? And he ran that, He ran that over there. Did he have an eye His hat on? No, but he had like a hat

He was like a little old lady. Did you, do you brother get a selfie with Tom Cruise? Oh, mate, you couldn't even get his fucking phone out. They were drinking, we met at midday and drunk. You had a very different experience

but you were, fucking. We had about, eight pines of Guinness and got in the stadium. We were so pissed. We were trying to find the entrance to the seats we were in, and we did two laps of Wembley before we realised we'd gone around it twice. But we couldn't find it, so we gave up and sat out a bar, had some drinks, and then we finally got in,

and then we were drinking rosé, but getting caraffs of it. That's what not Gallagher would want. I was, yeah, I was very much, no booze, but just, I've got to say, I just got so carried away with it. It's just weird to talk. I, you know, I'd talk to Rom about this, but he did no interest in. No, he's not hip-hop, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a life-affirmy moment. Yeah, I weirdly was like, turning to people for about a week or two after going, isn't it amazing because they were the first people who really sort of talked about emotion? Yeah, it's just, when you start listening to their songs, I cried twice during that.

Did you? Yeah, I cried. When I turn her back on you, straight into tears, I turn back. I've got a great video of you. So you've got someone to do a picture of us, and this lady's trying to take a picture, and she's so drunk.

And she went, and she went, at some point she goes, oh, sorry, it's a video. And you just hear your voice go, oh, morning glory, like, oh, oh, fuck on. No, no, no, no, videos during the show. No, no, no, I went Roy Keene during the show. Did you? Yeah, no, I went, Tom, Goldie, go back to your seats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm trying to watch. No photos of me, please. Sit down, Cruz, go for a fucking run, if you're bored. I really want to get a picture of it right there, can't. Tom, welcome back to the podcast. We've had you on before, but it was on Zoom. And it was a little bit more of a heavier one. We spoke a lot about your surrogacy journey.

Yeah, let's see how heavy it gets. We don't have to go heavy again. We may go heavy again. Do you want to apologise to Romish publicly? Yeah, I did feel bad because I sort of announced the surrogacy story here. Yeah. And to be fair, that's how I chose to announce it to the world. You know, obviously at the time I was on a tour as well, I needed to sell some tickets.

Yeah, of course. And send you back on tour. Yeah, and I'm back here again. But, you know, it was a... heavy one. It was actually an incredible thing. I've got to say doing this and the amount of people still now who reach out about that journey which is, you know, kind of, I guess

why you do these and you talk about and I've got to give you both your flowers because you're so beautiful. And the tour. The tour's the other reason you do it, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, yeah, the tour is. A new tour Spudgarum, which is the reason you're here. Especially you love us and, you know, beautiful. And my daughter. Do you know what, Tom, we'll give

you the options you can discuss the importance of surrogacy or your tour today. I'm not definitely talking. I'm not. definitely talk about the tour I chat about the surrogacy or just your daughter in general or the tour

weirdly my daughter now basically is the tour how old is she four why is it called Spuggan that was a nickname given to me on building sites

oh you're called after bottom I think it was yeah after bottom because there was a character in Sputgan who was a bit of a you know

I suppose he was the idiot at the group in a sense right Spuggan from big sort of lumbering loser oh yeah Well, he goes, one potato or two.

Remember that? No. I love how you sort of said it in such a, it's sort of big lumbering loose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know you, Rob. You're joining the dots. I know you're well enough, Rob,

to know that you've described me that way at some point. Well, no, never. You're not. A very funny man, good friend, good friend, good guy. No, but I thought it was that. And then someone told me it was actually because they thought, it's what you called a younger man who didn't feel like he had,

like he wouldn't shoot sperm he'd shoot quite watery. Oh right? And they were right? Yeah. I'll take that. I'll tell you that. I've literally,

I talk so much about this very subject in the new tour. Thank you for the segue in. So is that what the tour's about then, that linked between that or not? No, no, it's more about it's about the tour's about perception. A link between that.

I'm just trying to get it back on track. Yeah, but it's about the tour's about perception. But a lot of the tour, you know, you've both got kids. I think, It's almost, you can't help, but a lot of the material linking back to having children. They just, every day there's something that you get with them that becomes your material. And they do funny and stuff.

And she's a great, I mean. How old is she now? Four. Four. So is she the year before school? Yeah, she's just, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's in a little nursery. How are you feeling about school?

I mean, she's very much like I was in a lot of ways. Seven foot? Yeah, she's, no, she's six foot three at the moment. But, you know, when you get to 18, we'll see. She's, um, no, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's a little comedian, she's very funny. She, she takes a piss and she, has a joke, she's just learned the word fanny. American or British, I mean, she watches a lot of Kardashians. We've got, all right, okay.

I'm like, you know, football dads, I'm looking at the Kardashians, like, sort of, Project Kim. Project Kim and get her, right, make-up tutorials. That's a future, right? She's got a phone now. Everyone's an influencer now. So we're influencing each, the other influence. Yeah, but the thing is we all influence each other in such small ways. Are we stoned?

Oh, God, that was really fucking deep. You influenced me someday. I had to get influenced. I watch your goal. You're now in the golf. Oh, I'm a golf influencer now, yeah. I've done two videos. That's the thing I find about being a dad now.

It's the very idea of going out for four hours. Yeah, but you're... I couldn't... I wanted to do it when my kids were your age. But now the 8 and 10 and the tours coming down, I've got time because they're both in school. So you're going to do it weekdays. My plan is to be able to drop the kids at school on a Monday

and then go to the golf course straight after the school drop and then pick them up and that would be my day off. You're basically retired footballer now. Yeah. That's been that. What do you want to be in your older? Not even a footballer. A retired football.

Yeah, yeah. That's the best job. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm trying to do. How many days a week you're going to do? You know Jamie Redden that well. He does loads to sleep. Yeah, I don't think he's much since he's done his knees.

But what I love about you as well, because you could be like retired football, but it's not like Stuart Ripley. Like he won the Premier League, but people were sort of like, do you know what I mean? You're not? Yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't be to go down as a sort of Wayne Rooney type. But he looks like retirement's at him hard. I've got time now, they're both in school. But when yours goes to school full time, you'll have so much time back. So you'll be pulling up at the school, golf bag in the back of your car. Yeah, yeah.

Chuck them out, straight to the calls. High five a few of the guys. Yeah. Probably receive some, questionable political and racial views. Try and block that out and just head down the fair way. No, no, honestly, I'm not filming for Sky. I won't be bringing him down, so you say.

It's okay, it's just me. It is bizarre when you go into those places. Yeah, there is an old time, a weird world of golf. That are them, old types of men. Do you go to the 19th and have a beer at the 19th? Do they call that the club? Is that the thing they, yeah, yeah. I'm struggling with the golf banter.

Yeah, it's the banter. Because on paper, I'd say, if you ask me to describe the people that would most annoy you, it would be rich men on a golf course. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I found that. Which, you know, I am now. Do you know the work, do you know?

Let's not, let's be honest about this. Yeah, yeah. I fall in that category. Do you know what's bizarre that is when they start having banter about, like, because we all have this thing where, you know, in the very nature of what we do for a living. Yeah. People jump through, like, the process of what they think they know you. So if you met just any other guy down there, you slowly get to know him.

You slowly get to know him. You start your banter. What I notice with playing golf is that people have banter straight away. Yeah. So as soon as you hit a ball badly, there's no like, you know, oh, yeah, I'll wait for him to. They're literally far into you. Straight in. Yeah. And they walk up and watch your puck.

Yeah. Can I tell you two bits of, too. Oh, you may have the hold yourself? Can I tell you that the two interactions I had, right? So as guys on another hole. Okay. So Tom. it like being a dad.

What I love is I listen to this podcast and it's so thinly veiled. It's like nexus. You can see through. I listen to it as a place to get advice and I've actually text both of you, I think, I've certainly text Beckett for advice

as being a father. But when I listen to... Interestingly, you've listened to me and never thought to take... Normally they ask you about holidays. I'm not asking about holidays, yeah. But, um, But now it was like, but it was very like, oh, these two,

I think like a cinema situation that I'm in now. So I probably should go back and listen to it. But I listen to the more regular ones. I'm like, okay, yeah, this is the bit I'm looking forward. I could skip through the first two Lord of the Ring movies and just get to the end where they'll sail away on the boat. Well, tell us you two golfing. Well, one, I was putting and a guy literally walked away from his hole to come to my hole to watch me part.

And is that without saying like a one, because you're Rob Beck? Yeah, that's more, that's not a golfing. that's because he's recognising it. It's actually really frowned upon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You should just let people get on with it. It's like standing in someone's view and they're potting in snooker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, he's quite nice guy. And he's like, hey, get in on. I went a three under.

I was on a whole two. Yeah. And he was like, oh, you're doing well in winter. I was like, no, I'm joking. I went, not doing well, actually. I was like, five, seven, six, nine, ten. And it sounds like a phone number. Oh, okay.

Well, he doesn't is it because they start with zeros. Yeah. Yeah. And then also, you wouldn't say 10. You wouldn't say 10. You'd say 1-0. And then this is quite, I've never had this before. This guy come up to me, I'd hit a ball so off the hole, like onto the other hole.

And so I'm able to go onto their fair way. And I'm like, oh, sorry. And he's like, no worries. He comes over to me. He says, hello. He says, nice guy. I was like, oh, hi, hello, Rob. And so I'm introducing me.

You should just let someone have their shot and be quiet. Because I always say, I've got people behind me. So I don't want to hold them up. Are you on your own? Yeah. By the way, I will say, playing golf on your own. is delicious. It's a saddest thing of the world.

I'm also being filmed by a 27-year-old woman. What, so? My videographer. You take a videographer on to course? On to course, yeah. And does she have to follow you around the whole way? Yeah, she follows me around the whole way. Searchlight Pictures presents

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Sign up at Disneyplus.com. This band comes up to me. I've already got a man behind me waiting to tea off. I'm with someone, so I'm not, and I've had it about three times shittily off the tea. So it's gone right over this. I'm trying to do it quickly. It's like, oh, hello, nice to meet you. I'm so-and-so.

And I was like, all right, I'm fascinated by my work. I went, oh, well, good for you. He's festival by his work. By his work? Not mine, his work. I went, okay. That's the weirdest thing anyone's ever said. Then he goes, I specialize in high performance in sport and life. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck you off. And it's very hard to say you don't need that when you're already on someone else's hull. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for mid-level performance, actually. Also, he's not hoovering up shit golf. He's got to be looking at top-top people. He's not going to me.

Well, I don't know, but like, anyway, so he was like, I specialize in helping people achieve high performance in this and all that. And then he said, would you be interested in that? And by this point, it's raining, I'm stressed. And I went, no. It is, I've couldn't tell you now, there's a lot of that. And I would say that people, the thing about it is... But it's good that you're getting to relax in your working day, Rob.

With a videographer stood next year. Here he goes. Here he goes, the business man in show, business is fucking turning on me because he's tired. I think there's a sort of sweet. Can I tell Tom about your last week? Say you're going to love this. Go on. I saw Ramesh on Saturday.

When you was doing radio two. When we were both working. And we were like, the subject of you came up. Yeah. We're like, bloody hell he's doing a golf thing. What they're talking about? Then he's strictly host. Are you?

It's me and Josh. Don't tell me. I'd start watching. Keep dancing. Can you imagine? Can you imagine Rob going, and you've really trained really hard this week as if he gave a shit? I think the trouble is Rob would throw energy.

I love it. I'm like, I've got a gigging south end in a minute. Podcasts have been a good. good thing for you. I used to love watching you. I was proud when I watched you on entertainment things, but I could always see the glimmer in your eye that you couldn't actually give a fucking out of the picture.

Like a snake horse horse isman who doesn't really care about what he's peddling. Podcasts came in and you're like, oh, I could do this actually. The blessing and curse of my faces, you know exactly what I think. The thought of you. I can generally watch your face just thinking, I wonder if Frank Bruno would meet Mike Tyson in a fight now. Yeah, you did dance in.

Which of the two roles, if we were the hostess strictly, which of the two roles do you think you'd find least unbearable? I'll do banter on the shelf. I'd struggle with Tessie's job. I'd love to see you, Josh, a little tuxedo just down the bottom. And Craig, what did you make of that? Oh, he'd be tough. Oh, stop the booing.

He's got to give his views. And you'd have worked so hard this week, haven't you? You did it, didn't you? I did the Christmas one. You've got to do Christmas, Tom. It's fucking brilliant. No, no, no, no. Your daughter, there'll be four years' time

your daughter will be going. Daddy, why don't you love me? Why wouldn't you do the Christmas one? I go to do you love for you. That's why I'm not doing it because it'll be the end. Don't have to team up with Diamond from Gladiators. We're doing a couple in. We didn't need a bigger boat.

I just worry good. Johannes, you'd be good with Johannes. What was you and Johnis? What was you and John's talking me off about, anyway? Oh no, we were like, oh God, he's doing a golf thing. He just keeps going, doesn't he does so much? These two, said at Radio 2. Sucking from the corporate tea.

I'm a little inflame, a little creator out there that's fucking earning his shift. Taking a videographer onto a golf toss. Anyway, so you're parenting? I am. I'm actually parenting now. Since I last came on here, yeah. He's like, I was your baby? What was the little baby, was you?

Really young. Yeah. Yeah, really young. And I remember at the end of it, sort of saying, I'll never be a situation where I sort of look at her and sort of push laughs or sort of curse her not sleeping

and yeah that lasted all of like about six months yeah because it's crazy that like we've had in and out of bed we've been like

yeah I mean in our bed and we're all me and Josh both have slight sleeping issues with the kids at points it's hard are you all in the same bed

at the moment then no no no she's back in her room now but we all night yeah well yeah like we had a thing

where I was filming at the end of last year I'm still looking a bit of work where I can yeah I'm not in your league now boy

But I'm not... Did you bring your own videographer? So what's... So she's in her own room? So she's in her own room. But yeah, at the end of last year, she... I was away working and she sort of crept back in.

Yeah. So, yeah. I think that's the problem for comedians is if there's a gap in the bed, how can you say no to your kid that comes in a night? And then all of a sudden, you're back off tour and there's three of you in there.

So then she spent quite a lot of time. Then over Christmas, we were sort of like, she was on a mattress on the floor. Because you're big as well. Like, so what size bed have you got? You can't say it like that He's called Big Tom

Yeah I know he's Well yeah true You don't help yourself He said it I've known Because you're big as well You're bigger Because you're like

What's going on there's like And you know I'm asking a special bed Oh man I went for medical recently And the guy Analyzed me Like I was a freak

Luke So awful I was like literally going And then you haven't had any problems With your heart And I went No of really And he went

Okay And then he gets out Like the dictat to leave sort of right here. Gets out of the dick. It's a phone. Yeah, he went, well, this is out of the dick, and goes, this isn't in keeping

with the rest of your snatch up. That's odd, isn't it? That's off. This is a penis of a five for two, man. It's like Josh Whitakum's penis. It was on last week. Hello, little fella. What a nice surprise.

But he goes, he goes, worth having some heart checks due to the fact he has abnormal hands his head maybe is slight on abnormalities with his forehead and he starts

and you know what you're looking and I'm thinking if I had small hands I'd look fucking ridiculous yeah but I didn't say you're out of proportion no the way he made me feel in this situation you've got quite a narrow little waist it was sexy little samba waist

yeah yeah it was got narrow and it was how much you lost so going into COVID I was about I think about 146, 248 kilograms and I'm down about

122 now Wow 26 kilos 26 kilos what's that in stone 4 5 stone so yeah yeah about 4 5 stone

yeah yeah so how did you have you managed to do that with like a baby having a baby and what should I stopped drinking was a big thing eating well

and also there's a big part of me which was having a little a baby that was like you know sort of what was she had so I was 42 I wanted to be as sort of like

around as like So you're 42 inches ball Yeah So but I also wanted to be out To do You know Runabout And so

And I was in a position Where I just thought I'm not able to do that So yeah And so I prioritised Just get Even now I sort of like

Getting as many steps as you can I know that you're You have a bug bear You get an over the steps thing Does he? I know I know I thought you did

It's made up though Yeah Here he goes Don't get on his eye All spare steps No I'm He's not fucking badgered my ears about steps.

I'm actually in favour of steps. I think it's a good thing. Yeah, yeah. So I always, yeah, I think... I love that cover of tragedy. Oh, yeah, there we go. That you didn't believe that, did you? No.

Your heart went in that. You even gave, you... You know what it was, I thought? Everyone's an audition for Strictly with this guy. Anyway. It's, uh... It's move. It's moved.

It's week, so let's get on with it, Tom. And here he is as Frankenstein. Again. You can't do this. It's the only outfit we've got for him. Sparkly jacket. That's what I was saying,

fuck me off, by the way. What? Jacob Alourdi. Who? Who? Who's Jacob Alourdi? Who's Jacob Alourty? He's just played...

He's a most handsome guy. He's in weathering hires with Margot Robert. Oh, yeah. Oh, I forget you're a fespian. But he's fucking... You're almost with Timmy. Shamala. Yeah, yeah.

Did you discuss parallel with him? What did you discuss with Tim? A championship manager Really? We watched boxing together in his trailer. Did you? Yeah. Are you quite Pally still?

Have you got his number? Yeah, yeah, I've texted him with all his success. Oh. Yeah, he's cracked on, aren't he? No, but you've met him in one car, right? So he was already up there. I would say this, that I have a very Beckett attitude to texting people.

You're probably a little bit keener than you should be. Yeah, I think it's fair to say that, yeah, I'm investing a lot more. How many texts are coming from you compared to... Can we see your messages with Timothy? I think we're in a position where... Let's not think. Let's whip the phone out and find out.

Just the colour. I'll just show you. I'm going to hold it up so you can see. What's he saved us? TC. TC. Oh my God. I'd say it's a 5 to 1 ratio.

Why are some of them green? Because, yeah, I think he's when he's on the road. I'd say, do you know what, I respect that sedacity? Yeah. You treat text messages like David Batty at a World Cup. You are chasing them down, not leaving my line. I could give him advice now when he was a kid, though, Tim.

When he does go down that route. When he has kids. So if he announced today that he was expecting. Expecting. Oh, he'd be rat up a drain pipe on the text. ATC. Big tour, man. Yeah.

Well, I'm, mate. Congrats. Congrats on your news. Triple congrats, good luck of the Oscars But if you need any advice I sort of found myself In a weird way I don't know

I don't find I think I was going Because my daughter was born when I was filming One guy So I was so sleep the prior Yeah I sort of didn't have the I was just very much I didn't really

I didn't at that point Think he was as big a star as Yeah He probably was very I think he wasn't really at that point He's really blown up in the last few years since And also I wasn't like And I think you have known me not

I'm very much what I am with anyone. I don't... Yeah, you're the same of everyone. I don't... I'm not someone... genuinely speaking, like I just fan each other laugh. Do you think other people

were a bit more on-ex-off? Whereas I just... And also, like I say, I was so fucking tired. You know what it's like. I was exhausted. Just didn't care, you just be like. And I would just quite a lot of time

just sit on the side of the town stage playing championship manager. And he would come over and go, what are you doing? Does he like football? I loves it. And he was really good. He sort of used to play at quite a decent level.

And I was like, I'm just, I've taken part. Palmer, who have been, obviously, we know. And it's his football manager, the new one, not an old version of the football manager. So I'd take in Palmer. I mean, this is great for any mum listening, because I'm sure I'd be fascinated. Yeah, I would definitely say that championship manager's more of a dad demographic kind of.

But Syria B, and I take it. And me and Timothy was quite, genuinely quite interested. And then he was like, what do you do? Do you play the games? I was like, no, you just sort of do much of the clerical stuff. I've got a fitness coach that looks like you might go to Man United. I found him to a bit like, like, just very normal. And, yeah.

And actually weird, like, Olivia during that time was like... Is that Olivia Coleman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was incredible, because I was going, you know, I think... Did you know where already? No, no, I've never met. But I was going just through just the early stage of sort of parenting and some of the advice and some of the things that she sort of gives to me.

Like, you know, there was, we had a few struggles that at time, and she was actually one of the first people who sort of really was chatting to me quite openly. And like, sort of, you know, you should probably think, think about this or get on top of that thing. And yeah, she was really like, um, what kind of stuff was she helping with?

Just, I think, like my, where my mental space was actually, I think because I was really, yeah, we talked about working hard and I was struggling like, where I was like,

not sleeping enough and, and I was coming in and, and they offer a hotel for me and my family, but I was like, you know, quite conscious my wife. I wanted to, you know,

so I was, at the time I was living up in Stanford. Yeah. So it was sort of two and a half hours every day, there, two and a half hours. Oh, God.

to film in and then you know you get there and you'd just be kind of um absolutely sort of wiped out and then so the whole thing was a blur really but she she was very and there's a few things where she'd just pick up on just where my mental space was actually and i think going through that only it's getting more heavy i was anticipated to talk about but but you know just where i was and it's a very strange thing to go through because i think i was when i said about it on here before so you you end up you know your your mind isn't it's I think when someone's pregnant in your house, it's always there and you know it's there.

Whereas it's sort of something you know it's going to happen. Yeah. But when it kind of does, you're sort of like, oh shit, all of a sudden you go from like, you know, you've got a baby in the house. Yeah. And I sort of at that time, I think there was a part of me

that was probably sort of struggling to sort of comprehend that and I probably should have taken a bit more time. I literally think she was born on like... But it's difficult, isn't it? Because it's wonka. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's a huge... And also the journey you've been on as well.

wasn't a traditional. I will say though, they were incredible. Like, yeah. I've never worked on anything when they had the compassion and the stuff that they...

What about this? I mean, I did half an hour on this. You had about 20 minutes maternity leave before I was trying to monetise your content. Well, Michael was. Didn't you have a videographer at the birth?

I used the mirror system on my phone. Cheaper. But it's a, yeah, it's a weird thing. And now, but now you're through it

and it's a very, very like... Do you find yourself now that you went through that and there was someone that was older like older than you and like had experienced it herself like do you feel yourself a bit more protective

when you see younger people on sets or at work when they're having kids and do you feel like you're that person now that looks out for it because you obviously was in a really like difficult state. I think so. I think you, like I've got a friend at the moment

who's going for it and you're kind of you're actually like stuff that his missus has been through it so you kind of you there's triggers and warning signs I think as well you're like I think the thing that I was most, always most conscious of is the people who,

because it's such a fucking man thing, IVF. It's such, I think, like, there's an idea that all people are going to do that and it's going to work. And actually we were blessed and we were very lucky that happened the first time. But I think something, you know, with the surrogacy,

we'd sort of been for a journey up until then. But I think, and since doing this podcast the first time, a number of people reached out and there people that had messaged back and try to give them advice. And you try, but also it's very hard because some of those people it didn't work out for.

And you feel like a, like, it's a bit like you feel quite low about that. And you feel like, I suppose, an error of guilt in a sense because, you know, but then,

you know, and I think you're now, it's a very, it's a very strange thing because now, you know, she's four and you're kind of trying to leave that side of things. Now it's just a family job.

Yeah, she's just there. What's the situation with, have you told her that that? Not a four. We will do. How does that work? Is it like,

advice and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's advice and there's places to go and there's, you know, books you can read. And also the person that that person's in our life very much still. It's a very, like, active part of our life. And that was one of the things that, you know, you want to really make sure you, you give that response. You know, that person changed our life. Do I mean? I talked about this before on here. Like, we wouldn't have been in that position. And, you know, we wouldn't have the, you know, we can, I can sit here and be. very, you know, for a number of reasons that my life has been blessed and that I've done incredible things, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't look at my daughter and think this is the gift that I never thought I'd have. And, you know, and no matter of amount of hard work or anything could have given me that, but actually that meeting someone who had enough decency about them and enough good will. And that's Timothy Shalema. Yeah, he was a surrogate. Yeah, we used his semen. So, yeah. He spunked in her. He spunked.

Just while I'm playing championship, he could wank into this. He spun to his show. I'm heading his shoulders, but oh. When you say, like, when the, you know, the baby had arrived, so actually like the sort of the, and you was doing Wonka, what was it that you was finding so difficult then? Was it leaving them at home? Yeah, I think it's the leaving at my home.

I think, like, I think the lack of sheer lack of sleep, but also just coming to, like, just having in your head that, oh, okay, this is real now. And I think it was like literally she'd been born and it was like two days later It was like I was out of work And you're like You had that as well on Taskmaster

Didn't you? Yeah, I was six days in. But then about do you think it was more It was more difficult with it would have been the surrogacy where it's like all I think that in general I think it's a really weird thing because Like you say it's Wonka right

It's a big film and I can't say no to that I could have said no to rolling in goose shit on Taskmaster But at the time That was I could have got Alex Zawker Give me a fucking day, will you? Now I'd go resched with this, you dirty ****. And now you've got the power to do that.

Then it was like, oh, please, can I do your tasks, Alex? Please. Now, leave it out, mate. Get your own soup out of fucking microwave on. But one, you can't say that to all that. But also, yeah, but what you do realize is if you open up and say to someone that I'm dishe. And they were incredible with that stuff. Brilliant.

But it's, yeah, it's a weird thing of like, but like I say now it's, like it's, yeah, it's the best thing in the world, isn't it? Oh, that's amazing. So what's, what are you, what do you do with you, so what's she got clubs, do you take as a thing? She's like a little drama club, which, uh, I've not been,

my wife takes her because we took her to another thing. And I sort of took her along because I'm quite keen to sort of, you know, be around. You can say that, man. I know you from Croydon. Yeah, I think, you're keen to be. be in your daughter's life. Yeah, yeah.

That's fine. They're saying loud, man. Don't have to be, I'm a bit modern like this. You know, I'm keen to be around. I want to show you. I'm keen to put a shift in.

No, but I went along and the, and then they were doing a little performance about three weeks later. And she should have been about three and a half and sort of,

the guy went, oh, you know, I've given Grace the opening, the opening to the play. I was like, what? She's three and a half, mate.

I mean, no. And it was like a proper chunk of dialogue I'd struggle with. And I think it was just a bit, And I was like, oh no, this is... He's gone a bit... Yeah. He's met me and he's so...

Now it's sort of... I'm like... I don't know if you've had this. Timmy, you're not going to believe this, man. You won't believe... You're in the same game. You'll know what happens. Oh, boy, they're doing all right.

But you... I don't know, then there's this weird thing where you're like, oh, actually, maybe I think... And which is, that's I find hard, because watching her, you know, when she was doing ballet or whatever and... Oh, God, I just cry all the time when they do stuff. Do you know, the thing that, um...

we're this fucking we went she's obsessed with horses like obsessed with her my dad loves done riding yeah yeah she's had a little yeah but not what your horse is he's betting on them

yeah yeah we wanted to be a jockey yeah she's reading the racing post did I talk about his ass on my dad still talks about the most heartbreaking thing in his life is the day he found out he couldn't be a jockey

and he's like six foot four and this bloke had got him like he was cleaning out the horses and mucking out and then Rondeh went when do you think I'll get a chance to write one of these and he went John

I don't think it's going to happen, big fella. Oh, no. John. They, but, so I wanted to take, we were like, we're going to go to Vienna.

And we're going to go and watch, I don't know if you ever seen the Spanish riding school. So it's like dressage. It's like, oh, yeah. I've never been my,

yeah. And, we go to, we go to fly out and we literally get to the gate. And so on the gate, it's like, the flight has been cancelled.

And I'm like, what? And I'm like, the flight's been canceled to via. And I'd take in a long weekend. off of filming. I was like, for fuck that. And she's struggling with her Vs

and her Fs at the moment. She looked at me really, like, tears and she went, Daddy, we're not going to be in her. And I was like, oh no, we're going to, so we end up flying to Brussels. Timmy get the jet.

Who the fuck is it? Who the fuck is he keeps calling? Tom Davis, mate. Bleacher. Come on. Tom Dave. Your co-man is her at Palmer. The big guy?

The big bloat who's next to Olivia Coleman. You remember? Big guy ate your lunch. So we flew at Brussels and then so it was like what should have been like an hour and a half flight for six and a half hours and like when you fly I'm in a fucking four year old

and then they lost my case but all I could think of is like you know I'd been away a bit so this is a very special time for us so I was washing my pants in the sink for two and a half day and there's no shops open in in Vienna. Quite tough skid marks to get rid off. Two and a half days.

It's good fun. So why is when those shops open in Vienna? It's like a... I don't know some religious thing. Like literally, she can't... And also, by the way, at six or seven, it's very hard to always get clobber. Oh, you must be able to get pants.

Yeah. What pants do you wear? I like a Lulu Lemon. A Lulu Lemon, my guy. I like a Lulu Lemon vibe. And then we took her to... So we get to this horse thing, I'm kicking up a bit.

Thank God for the horses. And so I sit down, we sit at the front, and there's this fucking three Americans behind us. I have a thing, I went to watch Romish's play the other week. And as soon as I sit in the theatre or that kind of, I just hear someone groan behind me. So I turned around and go, sorry, I'll make myself as small as I can. So I end up sitting like that. And the woman was like, I still can see. I was like, you fucking can.

Oh, fuck, God. Get a cushion that you can run. Anyway. Because you're not quite good with Americans. Famously, you've got a very close American friend. And I'm sitting there And everything's been quite a stress factor At this moment

And it's on her actual birthday And the horses come out And she just got the little look of excitement And when you talk about crying I remember like just sobbing Like just because I was like This is wow this is This is everything I wanted this way

I looked to my wife And she were both just sitting there And I was just like proper streaming Like just her little excited face And how much that meant to her You know, you just like Oh, this is fine. If I've got to wear these pants for another month,

I'm going to be all right. Yeah, it's an perfect little moment. Yeah. And I think that's the thing of like, you know, because I think, you know, she's at an age now where she's testing. I don't know, like, she plays me and my wife. Oh, yeah, that gets, just gets worse that.

Like I say, she's learned a word fanny. And what's amazing is, what kind of context would she use it in? Oh, I'll tell you, Josh. We was at the other day shopping, we were in a shopping center. She wanted to go on those stupid little cars. You know, little things that just,

I fucking hate those. How they're still a fucking thing. Yeah. Because kids can't resist them. Yeah. Yeah. Like they are a gold mine. Yeah.

But they're just shit. I'm like, this is, yeah. It's going nowhere. And also, normally you don't have any change. You'd have to go to a shop to get some change. No,

no, no, you can tap them on your fucking phone. Not as far as my kids know. She's a different, she's wise to this. All right. She knows.

Yeah. So she went, I said, no, we're going to whiz down. We've got some shopping to do. We're going to a bit of lunch.

On the way back, if you're a good girl, you can go on these. And she went, I want to go on it now. I said, you know, it's not happening.

We've got a day plan. We're going to go down. We're going to do some shopping, get some food. If you're a good girl, can get on that. And she goes, no,

and stamps her feet. I said, hey, you're acting sport. And she went, you're a big fanny. Oh, and I was like,

wow. I wanted to laugh because the way she threw it. Yeah. Yeah. So she's using it like a football hoologood. Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

You big frat. I mean, she's being brought up in a very football. Every song, every song I sing for bedtime sounds like a hooligan chant. Drink, oh, drink, oh, little star. It's insane. What do you sing to at bedtime? I see Moon River. Can you give us, if I shut my eyes and I'm your daughter trying to go sleep.

And then tell my. My voice is a little croaky because I'm on the back of Ireland. But here we go. Okay, no, no, no, daddy, love you. Because you're so. Moon River. wider than a mile I'm crossing you in style

Someday Oh dream maker You heartbreaker Wherever you're going I'm going that way Oh My voice is probably My voice is probably

No no she's sing it twice She's gonna walk down the aisle And then usually sing the pay it song Tom Tom picture this right She's 25 She's found the love of her life for getting married.

Can you walk me down the aisle, daddy to Moon River? Oh, God, sing it. No, no, not you singing. No, I was going to say, me singing. No.

People in the church going, can't even let her have today. Josh dancing behind me. The thought of you leading her down the aisle singing. Me and my golf gear tapping me watch. Come on. Got a text of scrambling a minute.

Come on. That's lovely. Those little things. They're the things, though, aren't they? They're the beautiful things. Go to sleep, my baby. Close your pretty eyes. It's time for all the boys and girls to go to sleep.

Oh, wow. I sing it a bit better than that. I just rushed it through. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see, by the way, it's the only time I've ever seen you nervous. Yeah, no, because I was opening up to something that's quite important. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

That's why I want to play golf with you. Yeah. Can I say, by the way, you're like, and I talk about it, and I talk about it. The reason you want to play golf with them, because you don't have to bring your own videographer. Chop done. What I love about him, right, is he, like,

I've asked Rob quite a bit of advice over the years, but I literally, I said, oh, would you do a game of golf? And he went, nah, let me get good first. I was like, oh, really? Yeah, I need to get a bit better. No, only because what happens to this goal, it's the same with skiing, I know you're going skiing. People go, you'll be alright, come with us,

and all that happens is, they're really good, and you're just shit. And no offense, I saw you on golf life. Yeah. And you read, when it was the funniest thing I've ever said, I told Josh about it. It's the funniest run. So on holiday this year, me and my wife,

we all go away. you're like, okay, let's try and do it. So we'll have a little time ourselves where we can, we can just a two of us when she's in kids club. But let's also do it so we can go out and separately do so. And you can go to the, you know, you're going to have a little spa after and go shop with a mate. I'll play golf with the boys.

So I put so much pressure on this thing where I was going out with a couple of mates that we were going away with. And I was like, I'll go, you know, five hours of grants. It's really luxurious golf course. It'll be lovely, you know, and I'll go along. And it'll just be. And honestly, after about three holes, I thought, what am I doing?

Like, I could have just, I could have done anything else. This is torture. Like, this is just, I'd actually so much rather. Are they much better than you then? Yeah, yeah, but I'd much rather be in the pool with my daughter. Yeah. Just actually doing something, I think I'm pretty good at being a dad. I'm literally, I'm doing so, I'm awful at.

Yeah. And, you know, the worst, but exactly what you're saying, Rob. Like, I'm walking around. I could see slowly these people on with, you know, like, at first I was really involved in the conversation. Yeah. And it was a little less, but I had sort of 12. fall. Like,

I was just, I was sort of like a lingering fart. Yeah. I was, I was he still here. Yeah.

It's like, it was, it was, it's like, it's like, it's like, and I'm, yeah,

yeah. And then I'll go back and my wife was like, oh, do you want and, you know, maybe go and

play another day. I was like, no, no, I'm all right. There was a, there was a, one was on holiday the Maldives,

right? There was a group of, there was like two couples of kids and the dad was scuba diving every morning for 18 days. That's mad.

Every morning. And then I was like, do scuba diving every morning? Yeah, well, do you just lay around the port every morning? I thought, oh, okay, we're going defensive, are we? Yeah,

I went, no, I was just saying, and then they were saying for the girls to laugh because they're from up north and I was going, we're in a car, go scuba diving, get back from scuba diving, and it's just, it's quite a hard as well, that's a hundredstead,

yeah, scuba diving, and got scuba diving, and come back, and putting beers, and having the beers on the way back and all that. And then I'll get back to the pool, and I was like, It's dangerous having beers after Scoopin' Ivan.

I know. Yeah, well, they didn't mind. And they were like, scuba diving, come back, have a couple years, sit around pool, do kid stuff, go out for dinner. I was like, do kid stuff. That implies that it's like half an hour slot to, like, be in the pool near the kids. I love it when you see a dad watching a fucking kid in a pool, and he just, it's just, it's not in it. It's just literally like, sort of like, his wife will go, I'm just going to go to the toilet. And then, when you're back, when you're back?

I love it, though. I think it's my favourite thing. Sometimes as well, like, if I'm not seen Lou, it's great. If me and Lou spent a lot of time together, I quite like if you guys, I'm going out for the day, and then I can choose what we do for the whole itinery of the day. I love being at scuba diving. Where it got, scuba diving.

You're all scuba diving, sure, for a couple of beers you have to live life on the edge. I love it. I love that little side of it. I love, because as well, it's that thing when you're grafting, that that two weeks is so special to get that time in, you know what I mean? and just, yeah,

I sort of was gutted when she wanted to go to kids club. Yeah. And I was just like, we're kind of older girls. Everyone's a best friend at the moment as well. Well, it's one holiday as well, though, because if she's, you've just got one, like, with ours, they've got a mate to play with us. Yeah.

It's that thing of trying to find a friend around the pool, and when they do find one or don't find one. So it's like, if you're like, I see parents like, well, if I had an only child, I'll just be in the pool with them, be in there, mate. Or some are like, I see parents go, go over there and ask, go at them, no, no, no,

Fuck up. Just play with them. Yeah, yeah. But then sometimes they need a little bit of encouragement to go and talk to other kids as well. Grace is pretty full on, actually. She'll go over with people and just have a chinwack. She'll walk out of someone and just, yeah. Just a bit of worrying itself.

Well, she's seen with her dad that he comes on too strong in friendships. So fucking first thing. Perseverance in friendships. Keep texting him, Grace. They will reply. He's changed his. That's a worry then. He does change.

He will change, yeah. After the Oscars, he'll change. Do you think? Yeah. It's pretty changed it already. What was the last time you replied? Golden Globes. Did it feel like a template?

No. Thanks, mate. You know what? Exclamation, Mike. Thanks, mate, kiss. Thumbs up. How parma getting on? How much to text him now and say,

I'm having a nightmare with this Palmer saved game. Miss you. I saw a farmer. texting him with like stuff where when I watch Marty Supreme just sort of giving him like oh mate well done that's a great bit of film

oh no you're like I really enjoyed it I thought it was great how many people do you think are doing that to him it must be so I don't know I'll be honest like How many people

it doesn't have to give his phone number Who asked for the phone number? Huh? No he no genuinely I could never have done that We hung out quite a bit when he was over That's the thing I think he's actually your mate

We're giving you bantering But I think he's actually your mate He was like, and I think because... Also, it's quite fun having a big English, mate, isn't it? Yeah, but also I think... Big Tom. I think me and you are a similar sort of account. Like, I don't...

I sort of had a bit of ban, I'd take him to him and Joe. So where would you go with him? Like, we go out for dinners in London when we were staying there. When we were doing a press tour, we hung out quite a lot. I think as well, I'm going to, like, I'm a bit of... You're a great guy? I'm not, I'm not like an actor's actor.

I'm not... Yeah, yeah. And you're not that competitive, needy career guy. No, I'm very... I'll take your career and his career, there's no point when you're going head to head. No, but one thing I can do is I can rock up and have a bit of banter and take a piss out of.

Yeah, and I think those big megastars don't have that much. So if there's somebody's comfortable to do that. So I'd be taking the, you know, very much in the sort of, that our us three would be, I'd be taking him a kick out of, I'd throw co-stars under the bus. What's he doing? Yeah, but if you're trying to be friends of Timmy for Shampbell, yeah, that'll fucking launch him to under the bus.

Yeah, got to be at all right. There's a rocky there, do I mean? Get out, get up. Kicking the back of his shoe. Timof he's coming in. The final question? Yeah, what's the talk called Spug Gun? Spug Gun, yeah.

When's it on till? Oh yeah, Spud Gunn's talk. I mean, I was saying to you both before, if I can milk it for 80 months, it'd be great. Okay, so we don't need to get our tickets now. No, get your tickets now. We need to sell some. You've got Isle of Man coming up.

Yeah, that's really so badly. That's the day after my wife's birthday is that I'm going away the day after a birthday. But not even for much. It's her 40th as well. I'm going to Arloban the next day. Oh, just cancel it. I can't do that.

So go to the Isla Man one to make it worth it. So we've got Arlenbant, Paul, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Coventry, Northampton, Dolly. Scotland. You're going back to the Al-a-Man again. Am I doing twice? I'm going back to Arleman. That's sold out. That's all right.

Cambridge, Lincoln, Pete. Edinburgh and Glasgow, please show me some love. You know what? You two are quite cool when you do it. I'm so fucking thirsty. Well, I'm not across the sales You want us to push Oh my God

I got no idea Across the sales No I'm not across my sales I can tell you I'm gonna make a prick out of myself I'm so pathetic I sort of

You get them central Are you doing the seat maps I did a seat map Quite quickly So you go onto the website of the theatre And try to potentially Biting you to see where there's gaps No no I just see

I look it in just get so disheartened So I could be having an amazing day With my wife and daughter And then I'll go I wonder how the sales are gone For video, yeah. You sold 70,000 tickets last tour. It's in the press release.

I know, yeah. You're in the press release. Yeah, this one, like, Scotland really needs to, yeah. Okay, that's going. But I'm going to. Yeah, yeah. Anything else? Seat maps, Tom, that's going to be.

Yeah, but Romney. Do you ever do the seat maps of other comedians who don't like? No, no, no, no. No, neither do I know. I don't know why I've suggested that. You down in Exeter? I love Exeter. Hipswich, Nottingham.

Yeah. Loads. Aylesbury, South End, Norwich. You'll be right in South End. Southends are really sold out. Parks have sold out. Yeah, yeah. Woking, Sout out.

Yeah, yeah. Truro? Truro is so well. Truro is one of my favorite. Oh my God, what a room. It's a great one. What a great gig.

I got so excited. I ripped my top off at the last one. Was that pre or post COVID? That was the start of COVID. That was what started it. Was that 148 KG? Potion number zero?

I was about, yeah. I was carrying a bit of a dauby at a time. So a final question. What's the one thing you love about Timothy Shalamee? And what's the one thing he does that rewind you up on set? Well, The thing that winds you up is he doesn't reply. I think...

And the thing you love is he's famous. So it gives you a reflected glory. I think is... I think the thing I love was very. He's going to do it. Of course I will. I think... Do you know what?

I'm going to be quite honest. Well, when you're that close to someone. Yeah, yeah. Just be careful. You're not more earnest about Timothy Shalame than you were about your wife last. Just as a friend. I would say, do you know what?

I don't know about you both, but I'm like imposterous. And I very much question the fact that I've been very fortunate to go and acting things. And I never ever think of myself as being an actor. And we were filming a scene. And as we walked back, he went, and you know something?

I went, you're actually a pretty good actor. I was like, I'll tell you that. That's probably, but he gave me quite a lot of, he gave me quite a few compliments. and it was one of the first times where someone like that has actually... But you are an amazing actor. You put yourself down.

You're speaking that into existence. You are a brilliant actor. Because of your background and where you're from, you can't feel that because you feel that. It's like you're being to... You have to believe that. You're amazing. He's in that position otherwise.

It's one of the reasons I'm in a lot of therapy chaps. What don't you like about Timothy Chalamay? Do you know what? One thing to ground my gear, he had like a personal chef. And we were having... quite ropey breakfast and he was...

Yeah, and he'd come in and he... Nothing worse than a star that brings on a star is there. But then I sort of, it was the only time where we sort of, I sort of said to him one day I'd gone in and gone, uh, you know, these eggs are really cold and then he had like, he was like, and he had a smoothie and I

got to know his personal chef quite a bit. But they never offered it out. And, uh, I said, I said, what are you cooking this morning? He said, I do like three different things for Tim. And he three? Yeah, and he'll have one thing. And then, uh, Tim went and Timothy tell me, hey man,

why don't you go and have the other two things? And that became our deal. So, again, it's a nice thing. But, yeah, it's very hard to think. I found it.

I was, I genuinely try in life to always try and find the positives in, you know, I could talk to you about people. I don't know, there's none. And that you've got to be

an absolute fucking bell end for me to not. Because I, I think, you're a good guy that sees the best of people, Tom. I try to do,

Robbie. You've seen the best in Timothy Shalimey. That's how, who's what made me the best person in the world. you were just leaving that

maybe the best person in the world I should say that I feel like I've sat through this whole thing with kidney stones I'm okay you're not well what's that what's that I'm a hypochondriac you think you've got kidney stones I think I've got yeah I genuinely think I've got something's going on this could be the last podcast

I've been a great one yeah and we know what to play at your funeral Moon River what little girl's singing it oh my laughing Timothy Paul Baring Timothy's there

Timothy, Matt Lucas, Ramesh Josh gets a place by the fact he's the only person He's the same height as Timothy Well actually knew Tom better He's coming down like that Robes was going to do a speech But he had something else though

He was doing the weakest link It turned out to be Tom's kidney See you later. Good luck to have Spadgum. Buy tickets. Thank you. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Widdickham here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Widdickham's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it. I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it.

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