Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP17: Josh has a caffeinated tea by mistake

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode Josh has accidentally had a non caffeinated tea. And we get a hilarious update on his recnt ski holiday. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Adobe Acrobat Studio. Josh, as a new parent, you get loads of information just chuffed at you. Oh, mate, it never ends, does it? And it's so difficult to know what's helpful, what's important, what I should be ignoring, what I should hold dear to my heart. It just goes on and on. Well, imagine that's your job dealing with tons of data and information. No, no, no, no, no, thank you.

I would be appalling of that. Well, luckily, Acrobat Studio exists. With PDF spaces, you can turn your dog. into knowledge. It lets you bring all your project files into an AI powered workspace to get insights and ideas. So people can cut through the waffle, work smarter and save time and get on with the stuff they really want to do. But the big question is, will it tell me how to get my children to eat vegetables? Do that with Acrobat. Learn more and try it out on adobe.com. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with...

Allegra. Can you see Rob Beckett? Can you see Josh Wedico? Just with Scottish. Did you hear that bit at the end? Dad. Go on. That's got to be the recording. There can't be like a little bit of Scatman. Remember the Scatman?

Yeah, Scatman John. I feel like you're going to do an episode about him, you're one? I don't think there's enough on him, Rob. You and some crane could squeeze four hours out of Scatman, John? I can squeeze four hours out of anything. You can squeeze four. 4,000 hours out of Rob Beckett.

You've done about 15 minutes on contentless tap and go once on a gig. I saw that. It was unreal. Every time you thought the routine was ending, you hit the comeback of another zinger. Oh, yeah, awful. People get their coats on. Oh, no, he's still fucking going on.

Put it up. Pop it in a glove. I used to have a routine about the oyster card on a glove. Anyway, sorry, go on. Oh, that's good. This is my youngest, Allegra, trying out the introduction. She's 28 months, I think. Second child, so it's a guess.

Her big sister is almost 11. Big gap. So we have a nice big gas. She's only had two kids. Toddler and tweenager at the same time. We live in Dunfermline, Scotland, and I'm a day one listener. Yes. Respect.

Yes. Stay sexy and relatable. We need more from Michael, stroke producer Marsbar. What's producer Marsbar? Why are you producing? some marsbar i think she must listen to what did you do yesterday as well that's what david odochty calls me for no discernible reason oh dude some arsbar oh he's fucking fucking whimsical you you off shagging whimsy podcast michael as well as us what does it feel to sit here with proper jokes michael yeah

having the confidence to call you by your name so you know we'll have a joke coming up rather than have to do a little fucking mars bar but to be fair i do like david o'clock i love Yeah, me too. But, you know, that's very, that's very Edinburgh fringe, isn't it? Also, Michael, I remember once saying, oh, can I call, do I call you Mike? You but no, Michael, please. So I didn't think I could slip a fucking Mars bar in and you'll be on board with that. Captain Twix.

But old Docy, he's got your trousers down, tickling your Mars bar. Yeah. You can call me pretty much anything you like other than Mike or Mikey. Well, I don't you like Mike? You know what it is, Rob? Do you know what it was? When you asked him, it wasn't a, there was absolutely no idea that. this would become a business arrangement.

But now he knows that he's making money out of us. He's like, call me whatever you fucking want, mate. Oh, creme. Yeah. Just keep this gravy train on the fucking tracks. Old white chocolate on the fucking edit. Why don't you like Michael Mikey? Did you get called out of school or something?

Is there some sort of childhood thing going on there? I think it, because I don't actually mind as a human man. I'm like, why would I give a shit? I think it's deep-rooted. When I was a small child, my mum was very militant about, people only calling me Michael. She didn't like people abbreviating my name. She really didn't like Mick or Mickey.

Yeah. So I think it's probably ingrained in there somewhere as a sort of reflex to go, no, it's Michael. Even though I genuinely don't really care. But it's just because of that. Because Mickey Marden does sound like someone that is going to do a scam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My middle name's Michael.

Oh, Joshua Michael Whitaker. Oh, just Josh. Just Josh. Just Josh. Okay. I didn't know that about you. We're all learning. Six years in.

Exactly, yeah. Is it six years in? No. Yeah. Josh, we've not spoken for a week because we both have had mentally busy weeks in different ways. I think quite a weird space, Rob. I've been really busy. Josh has done nothing apart from go skiing.

I've had a bit of a weird morning, Rob. Can't go. Yeah. Rose made me a caffeinated tea by mistake. Right, and you can't cope? About 20 minutes after I was like, was there caffeine in that tea? And she was like, oh, God.

And I was like, I felt like I'd taken cocaine, mate. Well, I think you have to go to a real doctor and work out what's happening because a cup of tea with caffeine. I was absolutely fucking buzzing. I was like, yeah, I will fix the printer. Yeah, do you know what? I should do all these letters I haven't opened. They're going to open them now.

This is going to happen. And then I was like, wait a minute, that tea. Yeah, now, Josh, what I would say is, though, people don't have caffeine or drugs or alcohol because it sends him into a really sort of dangerous behaviour pattern. You've had a cup of tea and you're going to fix a printer and open some post. I wouldn't say it's having a detrimental impact on your life. Do you know what I mean?

I feel like you're allowed to have. I'm going to crash. Yeah, but the high is not high enough to crash. I've fixed a printer. I know, but you didn't go. I'm going to go. It's been welcome for three months. Well, I think then it's having a positive impact on your life.

Do you know what happened to the house? Why don't you sick or caffeine in? This was a fucking not. No, because I get too, I feel anxious and I feel like I'm just... How do you feel now? Edgy. I think you feel fine. From my side, I don't know about what's going on internally, but who does?

You're masking. Okay, take the mask off. Say what you want to say now. How do you actually feel... Let me tell you about this fucking cooker that we had situation last night, right? Cooker situation. What's the cooker? Yeah. So I was making dinner. Yeah. Are you masking or is this how you feel?

This is how I feel. Okay. Well, we're all masking at all points, really, aren't we? I've been popping the mask off quite a lot recently and it's not great. Yeah, it's a mistake. From a day to day. A mistake. Keep that mask on, mate.

I was a bit ag-I took the mask off on stage and it was a bit aging of a heckler, Josh. What are the Palladium? With Bruce Forssoe sashes just below you, you took the mask off. No, yeah, but to be fair, I was very tired. I've done two shows in the day, and I was in a routine about cyclists that really builds and builds, and everyone was really enjoying it. And then a woman kept on shouting, we call them cycle wankers.

We call, and I was like, all right, yeah. And then I carried on it. She kept on shouting because she was desperate to tell me what she calls them. Even though it's also, just to be clear, it's not good enough as well. It's not a good line. It's not a good line. No, it's right. Oh, thank God you told me that bit of wit.

Exactly. So I said, oh do you? You call them that, do you? I went, the mask was off. I said, well, 2,000 people haven't paid to hear what you call them, have they? So why do you shut up and let me finish? Here we go, yeah, yeah. And then I said, I don't need a peloton. I can do it on my own, which is a bit of cycling phantom. Yeah, yeah, nice. Anyway, sorry, carry on. Mask. Masts off. You're doing dinner last night. Yeah. So the mask came off. Well, no, the mask was on doing dinner last night. with the family totally we've still we've still we've got the cooker from the people before

Rob yeah yeah when you say a cooker is it like a gas hob or an oven it's induction it's induction hobbs

yeah and you press like you press down on the glass it's fucking shit we have induction but I think once you

once you learn how to use it it's fine what do you press. What do I press? I've got like a clear bit of, like it's like a clear glass thing. I hate it. And it's got a little like on button.

You just press that like touch screen. Yeah. Yeah. You have to force the glass basically. If you put the wrong pan on it, it closes down. So we had to get new pans. Also, if something from the side like gets on it, it's on the side. So it's part of the side where you're cutting.

Yeah. And say like a plate or something went on it. it would just shut down. Yeah, but I don't think that's a bad feature that if you put a plate on a hot hole, it'll turn off. No, but the problem is, because it's almost set into the fucking side.

It's an infinity to cooker. Yeah, it's almost like, well, why are you pretending there's not a cooker here? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, get this yesterday. We're cooking and just nothing's working, but the numbers are on six out of nine,

and you're like, well, there's no heat. There's no heat when they're on. They're on. I can see they're on. It's not one of those situations where a carrot has turned it off, right? Yeah. And then we're like, oh, right, it says D.E. What does D.E mean?

Oh, let me try and guess. Deactivated. No. No. It's gone into demonstration mode. So you change. it all but no heat comes out. So it just shows you what it would look like if it was cooking.

Okay. How do you need that? You don't... No. One, I've never been anywhere where they demonstrate it working. And you definitely don't need to show that once you've bought it and it's in your house, ever. No. Surely, if you wanted a demonstration, you'd want to see it cook as well.

Yeah. They sit in the car and go, now, imagine it moving. Yeah. That's your test drive. So do you know how you turn off demonstration mode? Cut the electric to it for 10 minutes. No. This is fucking mental.

It's so good we've got the internet now, though, or you would have just had to get it. But you're just like, how is this living? This is not the future. Is it a cheap one? No, it's a melee. Which is the one fucking thing that's written on it. It's totally black,

apart from the word melee. Oh, is that you going to replace that? Yeah. So if anyone wants a cooker that goes into demonstration, mode. Well, you've not sold it well. I don't know how we'd even get rid of it because it's part of the fucking side. It comes with a load of black marble as well that's attached to it.

Does anyone want a kitchen side of a cooker that does demonstrations attached? You can have it. Josh, I want to talk about skiing. Yes, so let me tell you about skiing. This is a big, juicy topic. This is what everyone's been looking forward to. Yes. Oh, can I just add one more thing on the demonstration mode?

Yes, go. Yep. Rose's business partner went to Italy with her laptop. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't know how, but it went into Italian. And so every, and then stayed in Italian when she got home. Yeah. Every time she searches on Google, it will give her the Italian results.

So say you're searching for a shoe shop or whatever, it would give you a shoe shop in Milan. And she went to Apple and they said, we've never seen this before. We don't want to always happen. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So what she's just Italian now? Any ideas?

Do help. emailing at lockdown parenting at dot t i'd say i'll fuck about my child in here that's a shit right so i went to italy rob so as you went skiing italy and you so you i hadn't engaged in the holiday no because you've been you've had loads of time off you all you did was last leg the friday night flew to itly on the saturday did meetings for the last leg whilst you're away then flew back Thursday to do last week friday yeah i haven't really engaged with this holiday at all full disclosure Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so it's roses. It's her thing she's pushing more than you, isn't it? She loves skiing. She will take the lead. She hasn't been for 16 years. She hasn't been for 16 years? But then we've been together for 14. So.

Did she have any refresher lessons? Or did she just know skiing well enough to do it? She just wouldn't you skiing well enough to do it. Oh, that's impressive, isn't it? It's very much a riding a bike scenario, Rob. Can you ride a bike? Yeah, of course I can, yeah. Well, no.

Does it be a long brand. that I wouldn't be able to ride a bike. Yeah, like you tried once and you was allergic to the rubber on the handlebars and you had to start. Like just loads of suitor crib all over your palms. I had to learn unicycle, actually. Because of my hands.

I was in Cambridge and I saw a unicycle locked up on a fucking, you know, those bike racks. Yeah. A unicycle. No one's stealing your fucking unicycle, mate. Well, hopefully someone does and then you don't have to have a unicycle anymore. Anyway, so we flew out.

Yeah. Lovely, lovely flight at like midday. God, to fly somewhere and not have to get up at 4 a.m. It's wild. Making the most of the day is the worst thing you can decide to do. Because you get there at like three and you're like, all right, now I've got to just try and push through. I've jet like myself for an hour.

Yeah, no, I agree to that. Sometimes some destinations don't. and have it be. If you can get a later flight, it's a dream. Oh my God, because we got that. So how far is it where you went? How far is it from the airport? Because obviously, it's not like most airports to buy cities.

You've got to get to the mountains. I really not engaged in the holiday, Rob. Yeah. Because I told everyone we're going to Italy. And then we flew to Innsbruck, which is in Austria. What point did you go to Rose? Are we going to the right place? Well, I did wonder, but I thought, oh God, this is embarrassing.

Because I've told everyone we're going to Italy and we're going to Austria. but then we just drove to Italy. Yeah. We got caught in the worst traffic, like literally stationary for an hour and a half. No. And how long would the drive normally be? Hour and a half.

So it was about three hours to drive. Yeah, because hour and a half's fine, really, in it? But yeah. Yeah. So we got there at about half nine in the evening. Right. But to be honest, I do that flight again and get there at seven,

and it would be great. Yeah. And then you just have a bit of dinner and go of bed. Exactly. Exactly. So. Where did you fly from? Gatswick.

So you were doing last day. So did Rose have to come up the day before and stay in the hotel the night before? Yeah. But can I just say, Rob? Go on. I know this isn't the theme of the podcast. But holidays are so much easier with a four and eight year old. This was the easiest holiday.

Yeah. in terms of travel, in terms of any of that, like the flights were in, the flights always used to be like, you were just never sat, you were just doing something, getting something, doing to me. They were just like being on a flight now.

Yeah. So that's why, that's what we say, I say it more than you. Don't bother with a holiday until the youngest is for. It's a different world. Yeah, but, it's going to start saying it.

Is this a joint statement? Kathleen, done firmament. Her 11 year old isn't going to get to go on holiday till she's 15. Well, that she should have stopped fucking after 12 years then, didn't she? Yeah, well, true, true. Preach. Well, no, it is unfortunate, but yeah, I can't change the truth.

You can't change the truth, no. So that was so easy. Next morning, skiing, Rob. Have you been skiing? I've been skiing, yeah. I've had a couple lessons. I did a comedy festival thing. The first time I went, quite enjoyed it, really liked it.

The second time I went, I went off with a group and they were a bit mean and took me on a slope I couldn't do and I had an awful experience and I hurt my leg and then haven't been back since. Well, also Rob, I've got bad news for you. Go on. I know someone is listening to this. Yeah. Who is looking to go skiing with their family. Okay. And that is your wife.

Oh, she'd been in the DMs in the in the in the WhatsApp. Saying how was skiing? Because I'm looking to, we, I'm thinking we should be going. Okay. I said listen to the podcast. cast. Always thinking about listeners. Exactly.

Numbers and numbers at the end of the day. Talking of numbers, can I say thank you to, can I say thank you to everyone that bought Lou's book? Oh yeah. She smashed it. Number two in the Sunday Times.

She was 145 of number one. I know. So close. I'm glad you've brought that up, Rob. Yeah. Because when she put it on Instagram, I sent her a congratulations message and I deleted writing only 104.

Because I thought, don't focus on the negative. But it says everything about me and you that both of us clocked. She clocked as well to be very well. Well, it's still amazing, but when you're that, of course. But no, yeah, thank you so much. And everyone being so supportive and stuff. We've got a lovely community here at Pernando Hill.

So thank you very much. Yeah, thank you. At Desjardin, our business is helping yours. We are here to support your business through. every stage of growth, from your first pitch to your first acquisition. Whether it's improving cash flow or exploring investment banking solutions, with Desjardin business, it's all under one roof. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us and contact

Desjardin today. We'd love to talk. Business. Where are my gloves? Come on, heat. any day now. Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter, stay warm.

Tap the banner to order your groceries online at voila.ca. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. So, Lou's listening to this. So morning one, Rob. Yeah. Fuck me.

9 a.m. skiing lesson. Can't remember which way the clocks go. It doesn't matter for this story? Well, just that it was, we had to get up incredibly early for this ski. Yeah, so what time was you up? Well, seven, but we'd only got in it. It could be six. It could have been six and we'd only got in it to bed at 11 or whatever.

Yeah. How's morale on the first wake up? I'm excited. Yeah. Rose isn't doing the skiing lesson. Remember, it's me, my son and my daughter. And Rose is just going up the mountain on her own? No, she's coming to watch.

Okay. Because they want her there. So actually... She might as well have done the lesson. Well, the first thing I would say, Rob, the worries we had about the lesson and the three of us, that wasn't the problem. Oh, that was fine.

You had identified all of the wrong problems with this holiday. Oh, but there were problems, but they weren't the ones. Yeah. Because I thought the kids might be getting on better if they were with another group of kids and you could get your own lessons, but it was fine, the three of you. Yeah.

So we get there. Lovely. Oh my God. Have you ever put on... The room you put on the ski stuff is so hot. Because I know you... On reflection, I forget how hot you get. And in skiing, it's weird because the temperature changes quite a lot

and you go in and out a lot. So you need to... It's all about layers. You're like, why are you making the first room either side of skiing hot? Like, this should be the level... I don't care if I'm slightly cold when I get in the room before I get in my ski stuff. I'd rather that.

Yeah, but your body temperature is not right, Josh. You run at a higher temperature than most people. Oh, I'm so frustrated with it. And then the ski boots were so tight. I honestly, when putting it on, I was like, I think I might break my ankle here. I can't get this on. It's so stressful getting dressed, isn't it? It's so awful.

and then you've got to carry these skis, which got these sharp edges, a ski fell on my son's face that was on a locker. Is he all right? I'm laughing. Before he'd even got out on the slope, he had a cut on his nose.

I'd be late at this point. I can't get my fucking boots on. Because like day one, you're like, oh, where's the ski thing? Oh, we've got to do this. We got up breakfast before. And then we kind of, I can't walk in these boots. Because you've got no ankle.

It's awful. I knew this is what the episode is going to be. And I've been so excited for it. That I was worried I was going to. I mean, it's everything I wanted it to be and small. You just experiencing it. So I couldn't walk. Are you carrying all the kid's stuff as well?

Yeah, of course. Where Rose is carrying some, I'm carrying some, but they're not going to carry their own fucking skis, are they? He's four and he's bleeding. You know, that's life, isn't it? And then I get there and then you have to get the scheme. It's not life really, is it? You've flown to a mountain to make him go up a mountain.

Well, what I mean is kids not carry his stuff is life. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're not carrying. Yeah, yeah. You can't say to him, that's just life. He goes, well, no, it's not dad because in our house to next year, I've not, I haven't got a cut nose when I'm not freezing or too hot. Yeah. And then we get to the route, the kind of slope.

So it's a beginner slope. Yeah. You go up on a little, it's called the magic carpet. It's like a, have you been on one of these? It's like the walking elevator in an airport, but on an angle. I can vary about up going up. Upstairs. You've really not got your head around the concept of the mountain, have you?

You've so far called it a room and upstairs. Going upstairs of the mountain. So we start, Rob. My daughter, who's out. Easy. complete natural, right? Oh, that's good. That's not to brag.

Yeah. She's not going to make it in the skiing world. Yeah. But she can just do it. Yeah, and she's enjoying it and not scared. My son hates it. Okay. Because, let's be honest, he's four.

Yeah, four is young, I think. I think eight is good age. I'm going to say it. There's kids on that slope that are two and a half three. It's mental. I know, and they just go down on their own. It's insane. but he's normally like French

fuck this yeah he hates it is he like a mini version of you a bit yeah he doesn't like to go out so he's been at home for Friday Saturday and then Sunday

we were like let's go out and he's like I just want to be in the house and you're like he just doesn't want to ever leave the house and he's always been the case when we used to go to friends houses he used to bring us our shoes

so that we'd, to make us go home. Like, he just doesn't ever want to go out. What about that? They like the park though, didn't he? Or was that just... No, I'd kind of get them out. That was more you. That was more your thing, isn't it?

In London, it was all a bit cramped, so you needed to get out the house. But now you've got a bigger house. You can play and set stuff up and he's got a garden. Exactly. You're so sluggy, wouldn't it, your garden? Oh my God, yeah.

Fucking hell. You forgot about the slug infestation. Yeah. So the other thing is, Rob, I hate it. I fucking hate it. I just... I think, like, knowing you, Josh,

you like a nice bit of cozy, warm cup of tea, sit and chat with people who do nice things. You're not an up and down and guy. You're not... And you hate faff. You hate clothes and stuff on you

and cold and on. And I... I'm watching the people on the next slope, which is the first slope, which is the fast slope. Yeah. So what is that?

The fast, like a black one, a red one of blue one. Like, as in, that's the one. So there's a small magic carpet, as they call it, the elevator. And then there's a big one. But then there's one where you go up on a, like a stand-up. Is it called a button lift? Where you go up, it's called a button lift. I know that.

And it's 50 metres down. And Rose said it's like a green yellow style run. It's like the first hill you do. What before you go on an actual run? Well, it is an actual run. It's people going, shh, shoo, shoo, shoo. Right, but only a bit short one.

What are they doing? Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. I'm looking at them going, I'm not even learning a skill I want. Do you know what? Like, why? Like, I don't want to be that person.

Yeah, because if you're learning to do something and you look, well, once I like this, I get to do that and you look at that, it's slope ago, I don't want to do that. If you want to play the piano and you're like, I can't make my fingers do this, but I really want to play the piano. It makes total sense.

But if you're stood there going, I can't make a pizza slice with my fucking skis for love nor money because my hips don't move enough. So you're not very good at it? I can't get my hips to make the pizza slice. Okay. And this guy who's lovely is just repeatedly telling me

to make the pizza slice. Are you aware of the pizza slice? Yeah. So that's like having your feet in the snow plow. Yeah. Yeah. So it's called Snowplow, I think, but it's like just looking like a pizza slice. And because there's three of us, so every time I get up, I have a break because the other two have got a run.

So that's the problem with booking three is actually you get only a third of the skiing. Yeah. We're not all going down together. He's teaching, well, it's one person teaching three people separately. Yeah. Yeah. So your son hates it. He lasts.

It's an hour and a half. He lasts about, I think, 50 minutes on the first day. and he's like, I don't want to do any more of this. If he loved it, would you feel more compelled to do it so that you were part of the gang going down? Let's say, forgive it this scenario. Say they were 10 and 8, right? And he's loving it, like, as much as your daughter did.

And the natural. And Rose is like, brilliant. And they're all like, boom, blah, blah. Would you feel compelled to, like, really knuckle down? After the first lesson, I was talking to Rose about it. So I'll come back to how bad the first lesson went, but just skip to that. And I was like, I just don't.

don't like it. Yeah. And then Rose is like, well, if we went on skiing holidays, we'd just go skiing and then you could just sit at the chalet and... Yeah. See you at the end, yeah. Injured, read a book and look at the scenery and I was like, well, that sounds fucking amazing.

Why would you just do that? That's not a bad thing. That's like the best. It's good that you can have that chat and no one's being made to feel guilty or... No, no, no. You know, that kind of thing. Because I was on this slope, right? So this is your first lesson.

having failed to do the pizza just stood at the top and like you'd be going up the magic carpet and do you know what it reminded me of Rob? Do you remember in Edinburgh? Right? Yeah. The best bit was just after a show

because it was the furthest away you were from having to do another fucking show because I hate, we both hated Edinburgh, right? Yeah, it's so groaning. So what is your equivalent of just at the end of the show? Well, when I was on the magic carpet,

I was thinking, I've got two full runs until I have to do this again. I've got five, ten minutes when I just don't have to think about how much I hate this. Oh, jean. It reminded me so much. I haven't even thought about this of every PE lesson where I was in, I've told you this before, I've known that I was either in the bottom or the top. There was, it was seeded, what was it called?

Like, bottom and top PE. Yeah. And I was mid-level. So each year I'd kind of be able promoted or relegated. And when I was in the top group, my life was awful because I was playing rugby with the rugby team. Yeah. Playing football with the football team, etc.

When I was in the bottom group, it was fucking great because there was a kid who couldn't finish 100 meters. Like it was, I felt like a god. But like it reminded me of that or like my friends that would go mountain biking and I feel like I had to go and I hated it or like climbing trees. to hate climate trees.

Anything that felt dangerous and scary as a kid. You got peer pressured into doing it. Yeah. It all came flooding back to me on the slow. Did you get upset? Did you get upset? I did feel really upset, yeah. I didn't cry, but I felt really sad and depressed.

And every time you do a run, you think, surely to fucking God, that is it. And then he'd be like, back up and you're like, what? I didn't have my watch on. so I had no idea of the time. Oh, so you take it off to ski? I thought so, yeah, which I didn't need to because I didn't fall over once.

Oh, that's good. So do you think, though, Josh, so there's two ways of looking at this, right? One where you just don't like skiing and you're never going to be into it. You're not bothered. Draw a line under it. You don't like skiing.

Or two, you were doing that. I know we joke in quite a busy period of work. So for me, if I'm learning a new skill or doing something I'll find testing, I need to be a bit calmer and relaxed before I approach it. Even roller coasters I can do now. If I went straight from work to a roller coaster,

it'll be too much, I'd be overwhelmed. But if I've had a couple of days off before, there's more of a chance of me enjoying it. No, it was that I'm not a thrill seeker. It's as simple as I was like, I don't want to, but anyway, I was like, I hate, this is the opposite of what I like to do. Yeah.

So anyway, we finished, we finally finished day one. And you don't do the apprae ski now anymore either. I don't do the out fucking outpray ski. And then it was a great place. Like if you want your family to go skiing for the first time, what was good is it had like a swimming pool outdoor swimming pool in the mountains and it had like farm animals and it had like an incredible, I mean like water slides and all this kind of stuff.

So we ski in the morning and the afternoon we do other stuff and it wasn't like. Oh, it wasn't all a raptor. Yeah, because I think if you love skiing and then you just, all you want to do is if there's people in the group. It was like a good place for a family skiing learning holiday. So I was like, well, I'll do it tomorrow and see how it goes. Yeah. My son hated it again.

He just didn't do it after the second day. He was just like, I don't like this. But to be fair to him, he's already said when I'm five, if we go back, then I'll be able to. Yeah, I think there's no pressure on him. You could do that every year. And then Rose and your daughter can go skiing and you guys can hang out. out of the hotel and then do a bit if he gets older. Get ready for the twist, Rob.

Day two. Yeah. I start and I can suddenly do the pizza. Oh, I haven't finished the worst thing about day one. Well, I'm gone. So Rose has gone with my son, so it's just me and my daughter. I just couldn't get my boots off, Rob. They were too tight.

At the end of the day? At the end of the day. At the end of the lesson. I was in the hot room having had the worst time ever, and I couldn't get my boots off. And I had to go and walk into the bit where you hire your skis to ask them. Oh, what to do it for you? Yeah.

And then when I got in there, I looked down. And there was a buckle that I hadn't seen that was, I'd been across the whole time. That's why I couldn't get them on either. So this is, I've got a theory about this. I spoke to Shawmaw about this, where comedians, basically, their entire life. You're basically chosen by the universe and your entire life's a humiliation.

or a series of embarrassing events or funny situations. And then it's not that we spend all day thinking of them. It just happens to us. And then we deliver the highlights for 20 minutes at a comedy club that night. Yeah. So you're just floating around over this madness. That's a sitcom that scene. Yeah.

It was awful. So then we get back. And they're all laughing and they're all big and strong and got like European accents. And they're like, oh, the English boys here. Oh, yeah. Can you take my boots off, please, mate? Yeah, so by number two, day two, I think you know sometimes with learning, just overnight, things just settle in. Like, I used to find that when I was doing guitar and I couldn't play something, go try and try and try and fail, sleep, and then I could just play it the next day.

It's almost like you need to go away from it. Yeah, 100%. So let me show you a video of me on day two, Rob. Am I going to be underwhelmed by this, but I've got to pretend it's impressive, like when you showed me some dancing. No, it's shit. It's total shit. I didn't know. I wanted to double-check what you was expecting from me. No, no, no. Let me tell you now, it's total dog shit. You don't need AI agents, which may sound weird coming from service now, the leader in AI agents.

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from rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. I've lost it. phone nicked coming out of a train station so I lost loads of messages. Did you? Pickpocketed.

Oh, Rob. It was so degrading. Like, I felt so weird was going on. And then my headphones just went, boo! Because the Bluetooth was too far. Oh, mate. And then I did that thing where you tap every pocket. I even took me out off and looked at me at just out of desperation.

Where was it, Rob? Oh, coming out of Oxford Circus. Oh. I just had a pair of jogging bombs. I never normally wear, and I was rushed and her out. It was raining. I had a big bag because I was going to the Palladium. And then I just put it in my pocket.

And then I think they follow you coming out of the tube because you use your phone to buzz. And then as you put it in your pocket, I think they take it out your pocket. Yeah, of course. Because your trousers are exactly what they're looking for. Exactly. My backy little pants.

My daughter's the first one. Then it's the guy and then it's me. Can we post this online? Of course. So that's your daughter in the bright trousers. Yeah. And that's you behind. And that's you on day two?

Yeah. I hate it when they make you do it about the sticks. Well, I've never got to the point with the sticks. You've never had the sticks yet? There you go. You've done it. Yeah, so that's the level I reached on day two. In two days?

But I've got a taste trip by this point, Rob. So I'm confused. So that video you're saying, we're going to have to put up. And is that a slope you're on? Yeah. Okay. I'd say, what's, less than the hill.

Well, a flat. Well, no, there's some, there's a middle between flat and a hill. Kind of gradient. Grancy knoll. Yeah, yeah. Snowy knoll. But no, you're doing it there, though.

Yeah. So, yeah, go on. I've got the pizza. I've got the steering. Well, the worst part is he's going backwards telling you what to do as you're trying to go forwards. So, then it's just me and my daughter, but the problem is my daughter's much better than me, Rob.

So you're holding a back. So day three, she gets, gets promoted to the main slope. Without you? No. I obviously have to go... So I'm promoted before I would have been promoted so that she's not just going down this boring slope all the time. On day three, I moved to the main slope.

Have you got a video of that? No. But I can't tell you... How long did it take for you to get down the main slope? So long. Because I had to keep saying we're going to have to stop because the pain in my hips is too much. How long would it take Rose to do it?

Oh, it's 50 metres down. I'm sure you could Google it. Let me Google the slope. That's not the main slope. So you're not done a run. It's just a slightly steeper slope. No, it's a proper slope, Rob. Let me.

No, but what I'm talking about a run is, a run is like it takes you like four or five minutes to come down the side of the mountain. Oh, it was taking me 20 minutes. 50 meters, 20 minutes. It can't. You're going left to right. That's like a minute for two meters.

I know, Rob, but I was going to see the speed I was going. My daughter's off gallivanting ahead. She was able to go down that main slope on her own. Yeah. Anyway, I'm the best of ski. When I say manned slope, is it just one big slope that you're going, you're zigzagging down or you're going round corners and round stuff? No, no, no, no, no.

It's one big slope. It's still a training slope. Yes, I suppose. A bit like a dry, like a dry ski slope you'd have much bigger than that. Yeah. So Rose said it's a green or a yellow. What does that mean?

Like the easiest you can get if it's a proper run. But yeah, it's like a little training slope. This will give you the idea, Rob. Right. Can you send that to me what we're dealing with? Yeah. We might have to do a two part of this skiing episode. Right, here you go.

I don't have any of the terminology. Well, you called it upstairs at one point, so I'll have to agree with it. So, oh, so you just sent me a video of a go. So is that the slope? Oh, here we go. This is it. Is it with a little boy? When with the little boy going down it?

Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. So you've got to go up in a chairlift to get to the top. You've got to go up in a chairlift to get to the top. It's a proper... Yeah, so it's like the entry level first slope running. It's your entry level first proper slope. Yeah.

And how long would it take Rose to get down it? Because you took you 20 minutes. It looks like two minutes. No, three or four probably. Because you've got... It is steep enough for. that you couldn't go straight. You are up doing that thing

where you go in and out. Yeah. But my hips were hurting so much. Yeah. Anyway, I went to sleep. Day four, final lesson, Rob. Yeah. I woke up and I was incredible.

What, skiing? Yeah. I just suddenly could do it. We just loosened the hips up. Yeah, I was just stood up and I was just skiing. We went over a couple of big jump mountain. You did a jump?

Well, we didn't do a jump. You know those like lumps in the ground? like where you have to go and I was, I went from pizza to French fries, skis next to each other. Yeah, so you weren't breaking the whole time, that's good. It wasn't breaking the whole time, just skiing. Yeah. So by day four of. This is so adorable, Josh.

I loved it. Oh, really? Genuinely. Genuinely, I was gutted when it was over. That's, what a story. What a story of hope. I know. I couldn't believe it had happened.

Did your son get into it anymore? Was he just a little bit over? No, he just wanted to do it after day too. Fair enough. So you just take it next year. Oh, that's good. We rebooked. We've rebooked on day four because we'd had such a good holiday.

It's a real roller coaster of you, isn't it? And are you excited for it? Can't wait. Maybe I'll go to Milton Keynes and use the dome. Yeah. Here's an interesting thing about the resort, Rob. Yeah. What do you make of this?

You get a set, table in the restaurant for all of your meals. So you're on the same table every time. If it's a good table, I'm into it. Well, that's what we didn't like initially. Because it wasn't a good table. Because it wasn't a great table. It was like a medium table.

You're sat there and this isn't the worst one by the kitchen door, but it's not the best one with the view. Exactly. And you're like, and now we're stuck here all week. Did you request a different one? Yeah, but it never happened. But then... Oh.

actually if someone if they do move you then the people that are on your medium table that were at the good table like why they got our table well I thought someone might leave but obviously it was half term so then no one was going to fucking leave in the middle of half term that would be insane but what was quite interesting about it rob we thought this is shit on Thursday yeah one the amount of people who were like you're leaving on Thursday did Rose come with you on Thursday as well so it's just or did she stay out from yeah we all We all went back. We all went back.

That's great, though. You've got a little taste of it. Now you can book it out properly next time. Yeah, and I loved having the table in the same place every day, Rob. You liked it. You liked it. I absolutely loved it because you knew where you were with it. I felt safe.

I felt like you didn't have to decide on your table every day. It felt comfortable, and I'd do it again. Could I tell you what I think is going to happen after this episode? You're going to be getting diagnosed by the old internet psychologists for a number of things. I was bored off. And I don't know what they're going to diagnose you as, but I can feel some coming in the comments. A skier.

He's been diagnosed as a skier. As a skier. I'll admit the other thing, Rob. And you have this as well. It's Arctic Divergent. Arctic Divert. The other thing I need to... I think it's worth discussing.

Because I'd say both of us have been in this position. I prickled at some of the posher people. It's tough. Yeah. And the way our lives have gone, we find ourselves in these positions where we're like, am I everything I hate? Yeah, because they're now in a world of people used to despise with this sort of around you. I struggle with this. I don't mind posh people at all really, because you can't choose having brought up here. No, no, that's the wrong thing. I can't deal, and it's normally middle-aged men that use their skillet skin as in some all of a sudden new currency now at the top of the mountain,

and they're swaggering around with their big dick like their John Wayne just because they learned to ski at eight because their parents are rich and now I'm learning at 40 and they're quite patronising. Yes. You know, did anyone ask you how the powder was? No one asked me how the powder was, no. I draw the line of that. If anyone says to me, the words powder at skiing,

I will say to him, I'm going to stop me there. You seem like a nice guy. We can't be friends anymore. That's my rule. Nice to meet you. See you later. Well, there was a lot of people where I thought, I think you're making your kids ski against their will here.

Was that you and Rose? No, because we let our son not ski. But they were, in the situation we were in, and they were forcing it on them. They were forcing their kids to ski, because they think you should be able to ski. And I was like, this is fucking mental. No, let the kid decide.

And then there was one parent, you know when you're like, what the fuck are you doing with your life? You are an awful person. Is this worth reporting? Yeah, absolutely. Other parent wankers Live report from the source

His kids were doing what every kid does Which was just delaying a bit As he was trying to get somewhere And they wanted to go on the swing one more time or something Yeah And he shouted out to himself But they all heard I hate being a parent

Oh my God It was wild But some people actually do though I know he shouldn't be saying that out But some people do hate it And it's awful for the kid. And they're locked in. There's no out.

I was just like, fucking hell, mate. What an awful thing to say. What was it? What kind of vibe was he? Oh, just self-involved posh wanker, I suppose. Nothing wrong with being posh. Self-invol wanker.

Look, if you don't enjoy being a parent, don't take them skiing. No, actually. That's the real tester. I should also say, the ones that were forcing their kids to do it, right? It didn't strike me that they,

were the ones who've kind of come from generational wealth of skiing. It struck me from observing them. They were the ones who were like, I've made my, I've got myself into this position and now I'm going to force my kids to drag themselves through skiing like I did to make my business work. Because I want you to go to Eaton. If you can't ski there, you'll be nothing. Yeah, exactly. And I need to prove a point because my teacher said I was going to amount to nothing. And now my child can ski. And I've dragged myself up to be a part. partner in this business. If my kids can't ski, I'm going to be the wrong un. Exactly. Yeah. So anyway. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. We definitely want to go next year.

I would recommend it to move. So what we would do differently, I would definitely do one-on-one lessons. That was brilliant. Yeah, when it was just one. Yeah. I do one-on-one rather than one-on-three. Because if my son hadn't quit, I don't know what would have happened because our levels were so different. Because he couldn't, because he was four and she was eight. Well, that's the only, my concern was, I would felt when I learned, I couldn't have learned with my kids because I needed 100% attention on what I was doing. What I would do, Rob, is I would get your kids a two on one and get yourself and Lou are two on one. Here we go. What about the lessons? Here we go. Yeah, I think Lou probably would be all right, but I think Lou would need like

half an hour refresher and I might need a little bit of more of an hour and then slowly work up with the kids. So that's the plan. Yeah. And did you want to leave when you left or like, Could you have done longer? Well, you saw what happened to my hair in the fucking... People keep saying that you store your stress in your hair. I know, I think it was, you know, when Monica goes to Hawaii and her hair goes weird? Oh yeah, your hair went all soft, didn't it, and floppy, like a boy band? Yeah, my hair went all soft and floppy.

Like the good water? I think it was the altitude. No. That's not our altitude. It's got to be moisture. Something happened to my hair and it went weird. Soft water? It must be the soft water or whatever.

That's coming straight from the mountain. Also, it's under a hat all day. So it just came out of a hat like that. So maybe it's... Did you dry it before he left the house? Yeah, of course. Maybe it's that. Why you say, of course?

You always leave the outer wet air. I know, but I didn't care what my hair looked like on the slopes because I was under a... Yeah, no, that, yeah. But when I said, did you leave... Did you dry your head before you left? Yeah, of course. But then you don't normally...

Yeah, fine. It's fair for me to ask that, wasn't? Yeah, totally fair. So... I'm going to have a good time. Yeah. Very nice and I'd recommend it and I look forward to your report on it. Shall we do small business? Let's do small business.

Hello, I'm a mum to a three-year-old who binged listening whilst pregnant. I always listen to new episodes whilst I'm at the workshop here in North Wales. And I'd really appreciate a little shout out for my handmade, colourful silver, copper and enamel jewellery. www. LauraWinn.com That's L-O-R-A-W-N-com. A discount code for listeners, Parenting 10,

Mother's Day is coming, you might find a unique and colorful gift. Thank you, Dio-Lock, Laura Wyn. Here we go. I'm sorry about my pronunciation of the Welsh for thank you there. Also, I forgot to mention my football shirt today. Margate away shirt

with a Libertine sponsor. Oh, yeah. lovely. I'd appreciate that. Well, we've had one of the... Maber, Margate, Libertines, pink and blue. There you go. There we go, lovely.

Small business. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a long time listener and a big fan of the podcast. Thanks for the laughs during those newborn days. And now as a mum of a six-year-old, I started my business after being made redundant whilst on maternity leave. And during the 6th night and learning how to be a mum, I thought it was a great idea to start a business.

Anyway, six years on both my small business and baby are growing, and I would love a small business shout out. I run Corinne Alexander, a British-made homeware brand, making playful food-inspired homeware, think teetails, aprons and art prints, all featuring my hand-drawn illustrations. Everything's made in Britain in small batches and designed to add a bit of personality and colour to people's homes. You can find me on Instagram at CA illustrations or at corin-alexander.com.

at UK. That's C-O-R-I-N-E-Alexander. I'd love to offer listeners 10% off with the code hell 10 in capitals, H-E-L-L and then 1-0. Also, I'd say thank you for choosing to support small businesses. It means a lot to us as we juggle lots of tasks like parents do. Best wishes, Corinne. There we go, Josh. Well, I'm glad your skin Odyssey was a success. Yeah, it was a hell of a journey, but you've got to stick with these things.

You've got to stick with these things. And how cold was it? Was it nice up there? Or was it getting a bit overwhelmingly chilly on the slopes? No, it was lovely. It was absolutely lovely. I had nothing to compare it to, so it seemed it was good. Okay, good.

Well, yeah, you didn't feel too cold. That's great. No, I felt lovely. We went sledging in the afternoon. I'd highly recommend. You just, you know what? Believe the hype. Believe that, yeah.

But I didn't think that was going to be your review when you first started talking about it. No, well, that's how I drag in the listeners and keep them there and then twist and, and turn and... Well, sometimes everyone panics first time when they do say it new and then they calm down. I hated it, yeah.

It really brought back some deep, deep, buried trauma. And I'm good to bury that back down again. Did you work it through it, do you think, or did you just buried it

and plowed on? Oh, no, as soon as I could do the pizza slice, I buried it right back down again. I'm king of the world on top of bottom set here. No problems.

See you next week, bye. Bye. Bye. Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared.

That's why I remember, 988, Canada's suicide crisis helpline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognize that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whitakam here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Whitakom's Museum of Pop Culture.

and I'm going to say it, I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics.

I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby.

When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2, and David Houselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way.

Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realized you wanted to or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history. Stiff next will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday. Perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whitakum, available everywhere from the 1st of January.