Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP27: A Couple of Petrolheads

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... ⁠Parenting Hell⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After 19 years, they're back. Frankie Munes, Brian Cranston and the rest of the family reunite in Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. After 10 years avoiding them, Hal and Lois demand Malcolm be at their anniversary party, pulling him straight back into their chaos. Malcolm in the middle, life's still unfair. A special four-part event, streaming April 10th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Rita.

Can you say... R! R! R! R! Good girl. Can you say, Josh? Josh. Whittaker.

Good girl. Good try. Rita, great name. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Here's my youngest daughter, Rita, attempting to say your names. I somehow managed to collar her in between buying her older sister, going to the toilet every five minutes in Brake's toilet training, generally making our house a shithole, started listening after our firstborn arrived and can categorically say that the hints and tips, what fucking hints and tips?

Oh, we give some hints and tips. Do we? Yeah. Well, they've made no difference. Strow their nose to the gas sleep. We've made, they've made no difference to my life whatsoever. All right. Good.

But the laughs have at least made this shit show of a world a lot easier to navigate. From Dan, 481 months. Katie, 457 months. He's put in brackets, mom and dad there. I think we can do it from the months. Etta, 72 months and Rita, 25 months. Then I like those names. Yes, so do I.

I agree with that. I think all parenting advice. books and podcasts and Instagram tips is bollocks. It just makes people feel like, oh, I've got something to cling on to. Well, actually, I think what we do is more that we don't know either. But at least we're in it together. Yes. It's the blitz mentality.

Is that right? Blitz spirit. Blitz spirit. Yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah, I suppose it is a case of the blitz spirit. We're all in the bunker together. We're all in the bunker together.

You can't stop the bombs. Just wait. So hopefully. Exactly. You're all in the tube station. How do you think you'd have been in the Blitz? Insufferable? I think I would be an asset to the tube station.

Do you? I think I would get morale. You'd hate a sing-along. You know me. I do Christmas carols. I'd just do stand up to the tube. Do you know what? I'll take my chance with the Luftwaffe.

Thank you very much. I'm going back out. He's doing his bit about Peterbread. It's 1941, mate. You think Peterbread's hot, mate? You should try some of those bombs. She's having a little bumper blow on the old mustard gas. When was mustard gas?

I don't know. We've got some correspondence, but Michael's been saying that we're going to get Q cards, which makes me laugh when we do this in the studio. But we've got our phone, but the problem is I keep getting messages on my phone, which is distracting. Are the cue cards stuck in the studio? Yeah, that's the thing about... Part of your fault.

The new studio has got an exclusive rights deal on the paper Q cards that couldn't possibly be moved. from studio to this, you know, which is fair enough. But don't worry, you're never too far away from a miscellaneous book. I am, I know. Makes me feel at home. I love fake podcast backgrounds. Everywhere you go, there's always a shit bit of wood and some books.

And some fake cards. Ours combined, you've got the shit bit of wood and I've got the books. Yeah, I'm going to decorate my... The shit wood? Yeah, I'm going to put stuff up there from... But I don't know what. I've got loads of my kids art. Yeah?

But anyway. Good idea. Should we do some... correspondence. We've got loads of correspondence. Oh, by the way, someone's asked me about restless legs. I've got a lot of help from restless legs. Yeah, this was ages ago you mentioned restless legs. Yeah.

You still got restless legs? No. Oh, good. I think it was, I think going back to normality, I think it was a combination of zero exercise, terrible eating. Yeah, terrible eating does, it's not good. But if you have got restless legs, everyone

says magnesium and rubbed the magnesium stuff on your feet. Like the tin man. Make the cream. Didn't the tin man get ill from all the paint? I don't know. What?

From Wizard of Oz? The Tin man, they put this stuff on him to make him look like tin, but they actually made him ill because of the... Didn't they use asbestos for the snow as well or something as well? It was absolutely... Yeah, I'm not sure really. But I'm going to Vegas in the summer because I might go and watch that in the sphere. What?

The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz is on at the sphere. When you're there? Well, it's on all the time. Well, it's not, no, because Backstreet Boys is on at the moment, because Alex Brooker flew out for it. Yeah, but they, you know, they can, it's a screen so they can put the film on after the Backstreet Boys are finished.

Oh, right. Oh, yeah, I suppose it's a screen. You can do different things. Yes, yes. I hadn't even thought about that. Someone who realized here was California man. I thought. They do that at your local shit theater.

Normally with a theatre, I thought, what do you mean my local shit theater? You had a weird shit theater that you went to that, you remember when you sat on the chair wrong or something? Oh, the Alexander. theatre. That was a cinema. It never really was a theatre. Yeah, but it was a screen in the day. Yeah. I'm comparing it to the sphere. Yeah. Not

the first, you won't be the last. Right, correspondence. You go first. A little back for Josh with his restless legs. Tie a sock around your foot on the restless leg. The pressure on the bottom of the foot should ease the symptoms. Look a tornike. So tie a sock around your foot? I think he wants to make you look stupid.

I suffer with it occasionally and this works a treat. Keep it up Richard. Luce to get it when she was pregnant. Did she? Yeah. Restless legs. That's one of the their lesson. What's that? What's that?

If you listen to that podcast, the rest of his legs, that's so, yeah. It's a spin-off a last leg. Yeah. I was just going to tie

my sock around my foot. Okay. It's not long enough. So is it only the left leg you get it? No, I get it both, so I'd have to tie it around both. But see if,

I think the leg, not the foot. Then you'd be tight around the foot and then the pressure on the bottom of the foot. Right, okay. I mean, it's difficult because I haven't got restless legs. So it's difficult to tell if it's doing anything.

Yeah. Does it look weird? Is it difficult to moan about a restless leg to Alex Brooker and Adam Hills on the show? It's quite, do you know what? We're always looking for an opening chat. I know what we're doing on the episode one of the next series. You've had restless leg. And then that's great because I go as gloppy for you, mate.

I'm fucking out. I've got a pet cat disaster. You've got a pet cat disaster? Correspondence. I haven't. Oh, yeah. Not personally. Hi, Rob and Josh.

I'm just listening to you both discussed trying to bury Chip the hamster in the frozen garden. And your discussion as reawenked a memory I had buried... It's good, actually, this. Is it working? Do the other one? Carry on while I do the other one.

Okay. When I was in my late teens, I worked as a receptionist at an emergency vets. There were a few really strange situations that happened during the few years I worked there. One of the worst was an elderly cat that had to be put to sleep. Yeah.

I think the cat had kidney failure. It's a bit close to home, isn't it? Fucking hell, mate. What is wrong with Beryl's kidneys? I don't know She just don't work very well They flush them So they're failing

But you're propping them up with flushing Well no there's she's got like a Bypass on something So we have to flush that out I think it is I don't know Anyway Tell you what

Thank God for pet insurance Otherwise she wouldn't be with us Well what would your limit be If you were paying Well no because this is what happened I'm sure I would have said this at the time We can always revisit God

They said Look this operation is very expensive and it wouldn't, we wouldn't even suggest it if you didn't have pet insurance. Oh wow. Because it's a long shot. Yeah, and it worked. It worked.

But now she just has to be flushed. Yeah. Okay, that's great. Well, great story. When my cat was a kitten, it kept on shitting weird. And once I had to wait, I had to catch it shit.

Catch it shit. A cat's the cat shit to take to the vets to check it. And then the thing you said, like, I couldn't go away from it because I couldn't let it out to stay in the house and wait for it to need a shit. But then I was like, well, I need a shit now. So then I had to take the cat in the toilet with me

And then when I did my shit It started shitting as well like in tandem So I caught his shit while I was doing her shit Oh my God It's horrible, it's a horrible like human catapillar And then I've wiped my bum And then I just walked it down to the vets Have you ever been ill enough to do the

I've never done the mythical double header What's that? Both ends at the same time Oh sick of yeah I've had a neurovirus Yeah I think I've spoken about this before I need to run an ambulance I thought it was going to do I've never felt pain like it.

It was like something was eating my stomach. I actually felt like a dot, like a wolf was chewing, like actually eating. You know, when you see like a buffalo that's running around with its stomach hanging that, that's how I felt. Yeah, yeah. You didn't see that on the train from exit,

and I, I mean, I moved to the country. And the smell was so awful that Lou had to open the windows downstairs and I was upstairs. Fucking hell. Yeah, that was bad. Anyway, kidney failure. Anyway, so elderly car had kidney failure

and had to be put to sleep. The cat had kidney failure and had stopped eating and drinking. The owner was beside herself with grief and really worried about telling her child that their cat had died. About two hours after the woman had left with the dead cat wrapped in a blanket and put back inside the cat carrier, she called absolutely inconsolable and shouting that the cat had come back to life. What?

It turned out the vet hadn't given the cat a big enough dose of youth than Asia. Oh my fucking God. And the cat said, sat in a warm car for the long drive home and in that warm kitchen while the mother explained to the child what had happened to the cat. Oh my god, that's that game over. And what death means, no. The kid had asked to give the cat a final kiss and it had basically been sedated and started to move. The woman was... I'm on my mind here because... Why you put your songs back on? Because it was hurting.

The woman was absolutely beside herself as a child now thought they had the kids. of life and she wanted me to tell her what to do. Fuck off. Fuck. Oh, sorry to swear, but come on. It's fine. Safe to say, at 19 years old, I wasn't prepared for that question and I had no idea what to say, but the gravity of the situation has only really hit me now as I have an old cat and a four-year-old son of my own. When our old cat finally has to be put to sleep, I won't be bringing her home to bury. And if I have no choice, she will be going into the freezer. Thanks for the pod, Lizzie.

Oh, my word. Right, now a couple of things there. One, I need to know if they to kill the cat again. Obviously. Well, but we need that story. Also, Lizzie, don't take this wrong way. You need to tell us the other bit about taking the cat home,

explaining that the cat had died and the kid giving the kiss of life, then the cat came back to life. She's given the reveal too early. It's like Kaiser Soze walking straight in the first credit. Yeah. It's a shame. Do you think Michael will fix that in the edit?

Let's see what he can do. Because if he has, I look mental. If he's good. He's good. He's good. All right. Do you want to boom a parent in? Yeah. Here we go. Hi Rob, Joshua Michael. This happened when I was nine. It wasn't until I became a nanny 10 years ago that I realized how utterly mental this move was from my dad. We went to Rome, nine-year-old me, my dad and my step-mom.

I had a badly sprained ankle just before he went, so lots of walk. It was not what my little legs needed. We were walking around the coliseum and my ankle started to swell. So my dad and step-mom told me to stand where I was, and they'd carry on exploring and come back and find him. me. What? They left the nine-year-old on their own in the Coliseum. Also, from the Coliseum, you can see it from the middle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no need to go. All the good stuff. All the best stuff. Where you want to be in it. So they left where the lines used to attack the... Yes, in the middle of a capital city alone at 9. Yeah. This was before everyone had phones. So I stood on my own while my dad had left me in a corner at the Coliseum

and had to wait for them to come back. As an adult, I cannot imagine doing this to a child. Also, not even an iPad or a book just stood as well so what's even a seat like a kind of in presumably the blazing hot sun just with one little leg a bit higher than the other leg yeah like a kind of prisoner of war being made to stand out in the sun i'd like to end it with the usual ah but he's a great dad and i love him anyway but that would be a lie ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha so at least um this one ends of honesty there you go amy that yeah wow and you don't realize it until you have your own kids

I sent my kid into a shop earlier at the weekend. Yeah. Eldist? Eldist, yeah. She found it in eight. Eight? She'd left well, we thought she left her coat. I'd put it in the boot and I'd forgotten. So you sent her in there to get her coat back? We drove back to the

riding shop. Oh, you're so disgustingly dev in a middle class. She drove back to the riding shop? In the defender? I would never get a defender. Why not? I don't want one. Why not? They'd be great for the horses. We haven't got horses?

Yeah. What do you mean it'd be great? You can't put horses in a defender. No, but you're in the countryside, so it's good to get about the countryside. You're more in the countryside than I'm in. I didn't say I wasn't. Why he'd been defensive? Because you're attacking me! That's why we've got a four-wheel drive car, because we're in the countryside. Yeah.

Lou's got a chimney. She's got a what? A Suzuki chimney. So middle-class than countryside. Well, it's not very middle. It's a bit weird. It's a bit quirky, actually. I say it's more quirky than it's middle-class or a chimney. Well, I do it's not. don't know what it is because I don't know anything about cars.

Jimney is a tiny little four by four that looks a bit like a G-wagon, but it is literally a quarter of the side. California, man. I just don't like, when I went on Chris Evans. Sorry. So am I talking to you in the 90s? When I went on Chris Evans. Halfway through the interview, he got out of tabloid and said it's car of the year tomorrow. Who do you think is going to win?

I don't know what to say to that. I don't know. I've not seen anyone read a tabloid in years. I know. He got it out and he gave me the picture of the six cars. What are they? One of them was a scoda because I thought, I thought, I don't know what to say here.

Yeah. And I thought, Why is he asking you? I don't know. He knows you don't care about cars. Well, he doesn't. Most people know just from looking at you. I know.

And then he asked what car I had. You've just got a, what, BMWX-1? Yeah, but I wasn't as confident about that as you on. now. Like, I don't... Also, as well, you say B&W, everyone goes, ooh, but no offence, yours is a bit of an old shit one. Is it? Well, yeah, it's not a brand new

fancy car. It's pre-lockdown. Yeah, you've had it a good eight, nine years. Yeah, yeah. Was it brand new, you wasn't brand new when you bought it either, was it? Come on, Rob, if I know one thing about cars, you cost yourself to drive it off the four car? Come on, mate, come on. I should have said that to Chris. Yeah, so Skoda was there?

Yeah, and I thought. Should I say, that's funny, because they used to be bad cast. But I didn't because I thought that would look like I didn't know about cast. Well, there's nothing worse than trying to find a comedy angle on something you've got no idea about. Yeah. Because you could say something really offensive. Yeah, exactly. That's why I don't get much involved in politics.

There was one of them. I genuinely hadn't even heard of the make. Can I guess? B-Y-D? B-Y-B-D. B-Y-D. Pole Star. J-E-Cou. what are you doing

j crew's clothing no jay kwee i think it's called what were the nominations for car of the year it might have been announced by the time this goes out now it was that day so it will have

the nominations were that day right okay okay yeah so there was a scoda l rock no idea the reno four that doesn't feel like enough numbers does it They've been going for years. René 4.

No, it's the new release. They've re-released it. René 5. No, the Renaud 4. Come on, mate. Give me some credit. That's not a mistake I'd make. The Mercedes-Benz.

I've heard of that one. The Mercedes-Benz. Sorry, Nan. It's not just the Mercedes-Benz. Mercedes-Benz, CLA. No idea. Kia, EV-4. No.

Fier-Grand-A-Panda. I know what a Fierre-Panda is. I didn't know they've gone Grandi. Grandi-Pan. C-5 Aircross. What the f-Fer. The Dachia Bigster. Dachia, they're like a really like budget car. They're good. You get a lot of car for a lot of money. Anyway, do you want to pick the winner? I think it will be the...

No, it's happened. Yeah, okay, well, can I predict? Yep. I think it's going to be the Skoda. No. Dachia. No. The Mercedes-Benz. Correct.

Was it? Yeah. Third time. Well done Mercedes. Well done Mercedes. Congratulations. Right. Do you want to do a correspondence?

Yeah, I'll do a correspondence. Then we'll be talking about something before we start talking about cars? This is a problem with us, petrol heads, isn't it? Whatever we talk about, we bloody about that. Once we get into leaders and pistons and horse power, bloody out of what time is it? Right, we better go.

It's like Damon Hill. Cancel the interviews today. We've only got him. V-12. Can't wait to host the next top gear. The problem is we both want to be James Moe. When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere,

and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Okay, when I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids. And I want to give back to the community.

Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. After hearing about customer service revenge,

I thought I'd get in touch about job interview revenge. Back when I was 21, I interviewed for a temp job doing admin. It was the end of the day, and the guy interviewing me turned up about 40 minutes late, meaning he, his colleagues and I were the last people in the office building on the top floor. We did the interview.

I left thinking he was a bit of a prick. As I was going downstairs, oh my God, I found a set of your friend of my, Rob. You're going to love this story. Gone. Car keys. Oh, absolutely. Right up your street.

Keyless entry. Key, car keys, I don't know. No, my car. If I kick underneath it, it opens the boot. Sorry, what? Is that a button? No button. If you just put your foot underneath the bumper,

quickly, the boot opens. If you do it again, the boot shop. Is that a mistake? No, no, that's designed. So if you've got your hands for shopping. What? But isn't that a safety problem? No, but I've got my key with me. Oh, right.

So if you've got the key in your pocket and you do that with your foot, the boot opens oh my word there you go god i love cars what's your favorite thing about car i like sunroof windscreen wipers i like i like i like the back one the back windscreen wipers yeah and i like the rear thing if you press the button in all those little lines and gets rid of the frost quick oh yeah i do like that do you know what i like taking the ice off with the credit card do you know i think they don't have you got heated seats just a bit mate i don't think it needs level three. I think one or two.

One, if you're a bit cold, two, if you're a three, you've got to be fucking actually frozen. I fucking love three. It makes me feel alive. I love heated seat number three. But the only time I do heated seat number three is if I've still got my coat on and I let it burn through the coat.

Oh yeah, nice. I haven't got a heat steering wheel though. No, I don't need a heating steering wheel. I'm not mental. No, but I think I'd like one. I've had one in a rental car before. Truth is, Rob. I'd like every item to my own to be heated.

Name me an item You wouldn't want to be heated Condom No I'd love that Right The guy is a pricks You would like heated hat You can't wear hats

I thought you don't love being hot You love being hot You love being hot No I don't like hot No I love being hot That's why I fall asleep Oh so it's It makes you cozy

You might be light And then you go to sleep Yeah yeah Yeah okay Why don't you make your hotel rooms Really hot Rather than fucking texting me at 11 Go I can't sleep

Because I was really hot I just couldn't Sleep for love nor money. I hate, I hate being on a hotel room on my own. Do you want to know what I had in my holiday in last night? He was in a holiday in? Do you think it be better if you had a nice hotel? I don't know.

I've tried it in every hotel room. Do you want to know what spread they put on in a holiday in? Go on. Two Milky Ways and a packet of crisps. For free? Yeah. That's nice. I've actually just realised I've left them.

That's a bit annoying. Okay. It's all so up and down with you, isn't it? Yeah. So she finds the car keys. Assuming they were his As he had been the last person to come in I went to return them

I knocked on the door and I could hear him and his colleague slagging me off They didn't hear me I proceeded To leave the building And hid the keys behind a part Plant Pot at the entrance

Now I think if you Where were the keys They were Because what she's done Or he's done there He's stolen car keys They were on the stairs.

So they were lost property. Yeah, but I think if you put it back where they were, but moving them and hiding them is a bit... I love it. Is it theft? Yeah, and I love it. Okay. I never knew the outcome, but knowing that he would have been inconvenienced,

well, obviously he's never going to find them. No, if you hit him my heart, aren't, Pop. You might as well flush him down. You might as well take his car. Yeah. Flush him down the toilet, some lot. Well, they might not flush. Someone keys my car once in a supermarket car park.

Properly keyed. all the way along. It's only for 20 minutes. That's horrible, isn't it? What is wrong with people? They're angry at their lot. I was angry at the train into town today.

I was on the 8 o'clock train and it was rammed and people weren't going down the middle of the aisle. You know, it was standing in a moment. You've got to push down. You've got to push down. And then I said,

excuse me, please can you move down because there's plenty of space there and we're trying to get on. Oh, God, that's a gamble when you're Rob Becker as well. He is a gamble when you're Rob Becker as well. Yeah. And you know what, fuck those guys. Did they move down? No. Did my bag get locked shut in the door? Like I was getting rammed on a busy train in Tokyo? Yes. Did I stand directly behind a man my height and my age and did his ass bounce off my dick for 12 minutes? Well, so that chilled you out a bit. Yeah, yeah. And there were negatives as well.

Sorry, wait. Are you saying, can I correct this? Go on. Did his ass bounce of your dick or did your dick bounce of his? his ass. I got on the train and I was the last one on. If I was him, I'd be going. He's dicks bouncing on my ass. It's dicks bouncing on my ass. So in my defence, I am last on the train. Yeah.

So tight to the door that my bag's got stuck so I had to yank that forward. So now I'm on and I've got... Not the only thing you yanked forward. My jumper zipped up and my coat zipped up. Yeah. I'm immediately too hot. You would be asleep. All right?

So I've got one arm to, like, I've got my arm all bent up there. I've got one arm trying to pull that jumper down. That one down, like trying to get a bit of space. So your dick's touching his ass and you're undressing. I am now. Now, so then both my shoulders are back against the wall, like the door. And then as the train moves, he's falling into my penis. Right.

So he is bouncing off. I'm not moving. Yeah. I'm the pole. He's the dancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his ass was bouncing off my dick. No.

And I'm just like, well, this is, what do I do? I can't even move my arms to cover myself. So I'm just taking it. Just taking it like a commuter champ. I would say, you're not. description of the rush hour commute. It is wild commuting in rush hour in London. If that happened in

any other situation, I'm just to do that bounce on me. When I used to commute to Doora the Explorer, I'd get, so I'd have to get the overground to Victoria from Clapham Junction where I lived. Yeah. And then we'd get to the tube of Victoria and we'd be locked out of the tube. Yeah.

Because I'm just stood waiting to even be allowed into the tube system. Yeah. Like one in one out like a nightclub. And that's before I've even swiped in. And then, you know, this was pre-oister. So I was using a piece of cardboard.

It's mental that you, people would go on 1st of January to the station to spend about $4,000 on a bit of card. I know. And then you'd go, I have to keep this card. And then also every Monday, the cues for the machines to buy the weekly card was so extreme. Yeah. that I was getting up so early. Oh man, it was.

And then I'd have to get another. Oh, man. I used to get a permit to travel. What you used to do, there's a button you could press permit to travel, which meant the machine's not working, and this permitted you to travel. And then when you got to the end, you'd go to the counter and go,

I've come from Chisler's or whatever. I need to pay for my fare because the machine won't work. And here's my permit to travel. Then you'd pay, right? Yeah. And sometimes as well, like, if I was going to buy, like what you could do is you could jump on the train

if you're buying a weekly pass you could get to that little bit for you go look I need to buy my weekly pass I was late for the train that's jumped on I used to do that loads because I was running late let me do it anyway I try to do it once and there was those ticket guys there

right and this was probably about 15 years ago so I was being like 21 or something like that and the guy goes no you've got to get a fine no I'm going to buy a weekly pass I normally do it there let me do it no you're getting fine you're getting fine I was like fine whatever okay name whatever address

give it to him, date of birth and I wrote it down 2nd of January, 1986 and he goes, is that, what dates that? He went, is that 36 or 86? I'm what'd you fucking think. I'll roll the dice, have a guess. I ever told you about the job

I had checking whether advertising boards were on in the tube? Michael? No, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. We need a bell. We need a bell for a new anecdote. A new thing I don't know about. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. New anecdote alarm. You, new job alarm.

Well, I've run out of jobs now if we do this one. Right, okay. Well, that was the first alarm. I might have another job that we can use the alarm before, that you don't know how I did. Okay, yeah. Go on. So, there was a brief period where I was short of money.

Yeah. And I, my friend had a job, and he got me in on it. Where you'd, whoever owns the advertising boards in the tube, The moving screen ones. The screen ones rather than the paper ones. Right, yeah, to computer. Yeah, the TV monitor ones. You'd be given a load of stations with maps

and all the boards on, and you'd have to travel around and tick or cross which was working and which wasn't working. That's a mental job, on it? It's a wild. Because they say, like, AI's gonna take jobs away. But they're like, that job don't exist anymore. Quite rightly though.

Also, just for the good of the person. They also, they told me to put on a high viz. I'm like, there's no fucking. way I'm putting on a high viz. Because no one's going down the escalators of a high viz on anyway. It's not like you're walking against the elevator. Exactly. And it looked bad enough that I was going up the escalator.

No offense, Josh. You don't need a high viz. You've got enough. Thanks, mate. There's enough of you looking careful. Your health and safety enough. Hard hat and jacket on you. Yeah.

People will go, are you should you be out on your own? No, I'm just checking these. Is this a hobby? Someone comes up, yeah, he likes doing this, he comes down. I've told him it's a job, it just keeps him busy. Yeah, actually, I never got paid. Look, hob, job, call it what you want. Right, should do it over?

Did we ever get to the end? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, so that's Lizzie and Leeds. Oh, the customer service revenge. Parenting fails. House party stories, flying solo as a child. What we got here? Seeing other people on holiday.

I don't remember. Panicking in Paradise. Seeing other people on holiday was when you bump into someone from your real life on holiday, how awful it is. Well, tell you what, should we do a seeing other people on holiday and in a panic? Panicking in Paradise was when I kept on crying

when I went to the movies because I was exhausted and trying to... They've come in fast, haven't they? Regulate. Hello, Rob, Joshua Michael. You've written talked about seeing people you know on holiday. One of our neighbours is a PA for a CEO of a company. she's married with a teenage daughter

her boss always seems to be at her house and when her husband is out work which had already grown our suspicions that something wasn't quite right this is more like a ballroom shaggers we went to Wales for a weekend away and half up a mountain we spotted the neighbour and her boss we said hello

they look startled oh no she bumbled away through an excuse saying they were on a team away day and the others weren't far behind Oh my God We didn't see anyone else that day on the route Later that evening we bumped into them again

In a nearby village having a romantic dinner Once again their excuse was the rest of the team Had gone out to a nearby pub And as the boss he wanted to let them relax Without him there Do you know what? That's a good excuse Yeah but CEOs are normally serial killers aren't they Yeah yeah oh no yeah

To get to the high level of business you've got to be There's a podcast about it Diary of a CEO Wake up, thumbnails, clip, wake up, make someone cry, clip it up. That's my diary. It's not really telling you what they do day to day. It's all big thinking, isn't it?

No, no, exactly, yeah. I don't think I could do that podcast. Imagine it now, me like that. Oh, God, it would be awful. If I... Hasn't Ramesh done it? Yeah, but fucking hell, is that even thing? That doesn't that right down.

He turned up to... called the other day off to do jury service just to fill a few days. I've got John from in the tube. He was Judge Romish. He was Judge Ramesh. Anyway.

While you're on the tube, Ron, you couldn't check those video screens, could you? Anyway, that is good excuse her. Cut a few months later, the neighbour felt prepped them. I think he's thought of that before.

I think him and the PA, they've obviously gone, they've obviously discussed it a lot. Yeah. And then they've gone, if we're going out for, dinner, what are we going to say if we bump into them again? Yes, there's a good excuse.

Yeah. Cut a few months later, the neighbour fell pregnant, which was amazing as a husband had been seconded to the Middle East on business. Oh, no. Oh, no. One day the CEO turned up at her house with the mummers and papa's bag. What's this? Panicking in paradise? Oh, no, bumping into people on holiday.

We can't help but wonder, is he the father? David from Lancashire. One day that, what? We turned up a load of mummers and papa's stuff, shopping bags. Oh, God. Oh, man. Do you want to panicking in paradise? Nice. Yeah. Hello Rob and Josh. Rob's story about sobbing through his first five days in the mall,

seeing it written down, mental. Yeah, it is bad. The cost. No, but I needed it. Tears aren't bad. You could sob in Bromley. Yeah, I know, but it wouldn't, they wouldn't dry as quick. They wouldn't create a rainbow. They wouldn't drop in some crystal clear water on the top of a stingray or an eagle ray. Anyway, it took me back to our Meworkan holiday in 2014. husband and I were traveling with our 11-month-old and 4-year-old, plus my challenging, in quotation marks, mother-in-law, who had come along to help with a child care. After a 40-shower caused a flood on the first day, we were upgraded to a quiet area with a beautiful, serene, ground floor apartment overlooking the sea. The family kindly decided to go out and give me a break. I took a seat on the terrace, picked up a magazine for the first time in over a year, and promptly burst into tears.

The sheer exhaustion relief at being alone in the stunning location was just too overwhelming. Keep up the good work sharing which we like to be a praying. Yes, Kaz. There's another one of those if you want to do that. Why not? Why not? Saves me looking at my phone. I'm trying to get my screen time down.

How does this count of screen time? Yeah, I know. It's well out of order in it. It's so annoying. And I have a podcast on. Satnav's the one that really gets me. If I have a video podcast on or like a clip of TalkSports, something like that on my phone, and I'm unloading the dishwasher and I'm just listening to Dean Saunders.

I do the lock screen. Oh, what, just to get the screen time down? Yeah. And does that get it down? Do you know what I did the other day? I was driving. Yeah. And I thought there's 10 miles to the next junction.

I'm just going to turn my sat nav off for a bit to chip into my screen time. Yeah, but if you know you're not actually looking at the screen, it doesn't, it's not bad, is it? No, but it's, I know. It's just like cheating your golf scores. I know, but that's the same one with TalkSport. Yeah, but I don't care about my screen time. Well, I do. Why?

Because every Monday, it tells me. What is your screen time? What is your screen time now? It was five and a half hours last week. Have a look now. What for today? Just see, mine is five hours, 23 minutes. Last week?

Yeah. Oh, I had a good day yesterday. What was it last week? I've started using my brick again. Are you okay? No. You're not okay, are you? Have you been listening to this podcast

The last six years? No. What's your screen time? So far this week, it's three and a half hours. Oh, that's good? Yeah. That's working. Thank you, Brick.

Anyway, Panicking in Paradise. Hello, Rob's chat about panicking in paradise to be back to my own experience of freaking out in a similarly beautiful place. My husband and I both turned 40 in spring 23 and decided that instead of presents, we treat ourselves to a trip of a lifetime. That's what you did.

Yep. Barbados. No, it's not Lou. This is a lady called Ruth in Bromsgrove. They went to Barbados with our children that were eight and six. We waited excitedly for months and with only three weeks to go, I found out I was very pregnant with a surprise third baby. Oh, there we go, the old PA to the boss. So my dreams of sunshine, beaches and turquoise seas,

changed dramatically into being permanently exhausted at eight weeks pregnant, throwing up, naping whenever I could, enjoying the ultimate torture, watching my husband casually demolished endless rum cocktails while I sipped Walter and tried not to cry. Oh, God. Fast forward to now, and we have Arlo, our cheeky, wonderful two-year-old who has slotted him perfectly into our family.

He's adored... Oh, well, this is all the fucking bollocks where she feels guilty for moaning. Here we go, I'll let you have it, though. He's adored by our 11-year-old sister and nine-year-old brother, and by us too. Even he did kind of ruin my holiday. Keep up the work. I'm a long-time minister, and now loving watching you guys

eagerly await in the live-action moment of Josh Realising he's forgotten to updating a parking permit. Well, that doesn't apply anymore because it's in Exeter. No parking permits? No parking permits? No park. We've got a drive. You've got a drive. I told you about the drive. It's amazing, isn't it? Yeah.

And you're so much they're stressed from it. Oh, my God. Do you know what I do sometimes, Rob? Yeah. It's so much easier to get stuff out of my car because... It's near your house. It's near my house. Yeah. Who knew?

I mean, I would say that's the main selling point of the driver. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think most people have known that before having a drive. Yeah, I didn't really thought it through. Yeah, I don't think people are going, I thought they're overrated. But they're really good. That's so good at it.

You know, I don't want to, you know. Also, it's good for me because I'm such a petrol head. Yeah, you can get all your cars lined up when you go. You got a double drive or just single drive? What's that? Well, try and work it out. 1936. A double drive.

So you can get two cars on there? Yeah. Yeah, look at that. So you can have one that you're doing up, like a kit car that you're building. And then you can have the car. Well, that's what, yeah, I've got a garage for when I'm, you know, under the old bonnet.

Okay, Panic in Paradise. I'll have one more of these. Just an email to share my panicking in Paradise story. After Rob discussed the recent crying episodes in the Maldives. Back when my daughter was 17 months old, we went to St. Lucia for an amazing two-week trip. We had a family room on the ground floor. One night I was woken in the early hours by a constant and very unusual noise

at our patio door a sort of hard thumping sound oh we had this in we had one of those water villa things you know the hard thumping sound

at the door well no it wasn't that but we had this banging in the night yeah and I was like what's that and the next day

when I was snorkeling I saw there was a bit of wood that had come apart and was banging on the other bit of wood with the waves and it was quite loud in the night

in the day you didn't notice it but when it's all quiet so when I rang the hotel and it's like a very nice hotel uniform was like Don't worry Mr Beckett, we'll get that sorted. Stop crying, it's not that bad. It's really, honestly.

So crying, we'll fix it. He was like, no way, sir. We were on it, let me assist you, we'll sort it all like that. And then he walked off in his suit, and then I saw a bloke, sort of like, like, looking around the, like, sort of round a bush, like that. And it was just like some geyser in a pair of swimming trunks and some goggles and a bit of rope. So, like, this guy from, like, the front desk had come. You know, where he was, we saw that, and he just jumped in.

And I went down, and just jumped in. I went down and he just tied it up a bit, Roep. This episode is brought to you by Tesco Mobile. Now, we've all heard it takes a village to raise a child. Yes. These days, a lot of that village is found on your phone, isn't it, Rob? Absolutely. Some people say having your phone is so imperative because you can connect with your children,

you can message to them, you can track where they are. For me, you're out with your mates. It's been a long meal. Your kids are bored. Give them your phone. Let them go on roadblocks. All I'm saying is they're going to have a good hour. You're going to have a good hour.

Do you know what I like, Rob? From ground down by the tiredness of maybe an ill child or something, I just need to talk to someone who has been through it and understands what I've gone through. And while I'm lying there with my child, going to sleep on the bed, I can't just phone my mate, but I can text them, I can put it in a WhatsApp group of dads and mums and suddenly you feel less alone.

Or you can listen to a podcast on your phone. And maybe tune into something like Parents in Hell with Rob Beck and Joshua Woodford. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Do you know what? Or maybe you want tips, right? Yeah. We've all got friends whose children have been through the same stuff as us. I've been constantly texting them to say, oh, this is happening.

Give us some advice. Give me some advice. Because that is how a lot of our communication has done these days. And it's incredibly useful to have that at the touch of a thumb. Whether you need a quick chat, advice or just back up every parent out of their nose, having a network of family and friends just to call or text away is a lifesaver. That's why Tesco Mobile is happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile, it pays to be connected.

Search why Tesco Mobile to find out more. So they heard banging, okay? My daughter was in a cot near the doors, and my first assumption was someone was trying to break in. Needless to say, my heart was pounding. I did try to wait my husband, but he was dead to the world, having lost a brutal battle to the all-inclusive cocktail menu the night before. When the noise continued and changed from a thumping to scratching,

I then started to wonder if it was the result's resident dog. scratching at the door to come in. Some sort of Yorkshire farm or St. Lucia Results. Anyway, in an effort not to wait the baby, I wanted to shoe the dog away, so I crept over and knelt on the floor right by the patio door, like a woman in a low-budget horror film. This is so weird.

What's this got to do with... This is panicking in paradise, I think she's just telling us about a horrible story. It was more like emotion creeping up on your stories. Anyway, she's on all fours looking for a patio door. I gently peeled the curtain up, but couldn't see anything. due to the pitch blackness outside.

I then tried shining my phone light, but it just reflected back at me. So in the end, I opted to switch the terrace light on. I mean, I can't believe that weren't a first option. Yeah. To see what the dog was doing and hoped to scare it away. When I flipped on the exterior light and knelt back on the floor to lift the curtain again,

inches away from my face was an absolutely gigantic crab the size of a dinner plate. Fuck that. Legs everywhere, pincer's clicking, and its body pressed flat against the glass. as it was trying to climb through the window and into my soul. Oh my God. Obviously, I screamed it, unsurprising the baby woke up after all,

although the crabs seemed unbothered and was still determined to enter. Oh, God. The next morning, we mentioned it to the staff who casually explained that they were Caribbean king crabs and they often wander from the beach at night, although I could have done with that information beforehand. Fuck. Adore the pod, listening since the beginning, keep being sex-relatable, Rebecca and Cheltenham. I mean, great story, but not really what we were after.

I enjoyed it. That's just, you know, that was... For her, though, it's a very niche story to try and get into a podcast somehow, and I think she's taking a good opportunity there. She's been waiting for crab stories for five years. Yeah, because I wanted to do some Caribbean King crab anecdotes, and I didn't think there'd be a market for it, but if anyone else has got crab stories... Big crabs.

Take that as you wish. Take that as you wish. Did I tell her I saw a big dog last week? What's that? I saw a big dog last week. Pardon? Um... So...

Are you on something? No. You feel high. Have you had like, you feel a bit like... I've been waiting to tell you about my big dog. Go on what big dog you see? There was a guy in a cafe. I said, could I take a photo? Because it was such a big dog. What breed?

I don't know, but it was 47 kilos, right? Yeah. But it was a puppy. It was seven months old. Oh my God. And he said it would go up to 95 kilos. That's heavier than me. I know. And I'm carrying timber.

Imagine having me in your house, you've got a feed. It needs to carry a bar. It needs to carry a ballad, doesn't it? So send me a picture then? Well, it's more... Can we show the camera? How's it's going to work? You can show it on the camera?

No, because it's an invasion of the guy's privacy, really. No, it ain't. He's a fucking attention-seeking dickhead with a massive dog in a cafe going, oh, it's going to be 95 kilos. He loves it. He's boring. That's his whole personality.

Well, we can't include the picture now. No, yeah, fair enough. Manchin. Well, let's see a picture of him. I can't see it? He's not come up. No, because I said I wasn't going to say you. Yeah, but I want to see it?

I want to see it? just the audience can't see it okay the Irish wolf founds a big dog isn't they this is a puppy big dog what's it called

you're not allowed to say invasion of the dog's privacy I do think people that have either big dogs or aggressive dogs it is a well I did I did say to him

he said I said it's a bit of a talking point or something like that he said yeah I said what's it like living in the shadow

of your dog and he said it's a very underwhelming dog well it's because it's a puppy it's not that big but think of it as a puppy. I would not look at that dog and go that is a big dog

you would if, oh I should say that again I saw a big puppy let me start again God it's big isn't it for a puppy? Yeah it's a big puppy yeah you've got to say that's a big puppy at the moment it's the same size of a big Labrador

yeah but it's a puppy I know but then did you know it was a puppy immediately no so what did you say to him call that's a big dog but I don't think that's a conversation start in dog size Well, actually, I tell you. And I take it all back.

Because this guy's got a normal dog and now you've made him look like a dickhead. And he's got, this isn't a personality dog. Do you know what he's got there? A large dog. Everyone was talking about his dog. No, what? The reason it's only because there's a smaller dog near it.

It was a puppy. It was so fluffy. I said, how do you, I bet he washed his hair a lot. He's so fluffy. Sorry, are you a lonely old nans sat in a bingo wall? What are these conversations you're having? I was killing time before.

The dog is on you. Like, when the dog's on you, you can't ignore it. What does you be the dog's on you? Like, I was in a small cafe and the dog was on you. It was on you. It looks like a nice guy, actually. I'll take it all back. Yeah.

I think you should... You've over-aided the pudding on that dog. Let me, I'll find you a big dog. Google Irish Wall found. How much does it? Why? Well, it depends how much you're feeding it. They go up to 90 kilograms.

No, 90... Well, there you go. This one's bigger. Hang on. That dog's going to be 95 kilograms. That's bollup. No, no, males go over to over 100 kilograms. Yeah, that is a big dog.

That is a big dog. That's a big... That's a photo I found as well. Yeah. That's a big dog. Michael, that's a big dog, isn't it? Or a small man. That's a big dog, yeah.

Tell you what isn't. That is a big, that's a big puppy. It's a big puppy. I just thought you were going to see a wolf found, over 100 kilograms. That one's over six foot tall. Well, no, you don't know how tall the man is. He might be four foot. He's 5.11.

I can tell people's heights immediately. It's a little gill I've got. What's that? You're 5'7. Okay, we're recording three interviews today. Yeah. I want you to guess each of their heart. Well, when they come in, we are interviewing a lady, am I allowed to get so high?

No, so weight, I don't do her age. Age and weight. It's a new thing on the podcast, as I'm walking, age and weight. 48, 82 kilograms. What's that? 37, 70 kilograms. Okay, fair enough. That's what you want.

We've got through about three emails, Rob, as always. Let's do some small business. I need a tea. It's small business, shout out. I've got a dog. I took it to a cafe. He's not a dog, it's a puppy. here we go

both quickly scrolling trying to find the shortest one yeah that's a good tip if you're doing small business the tie the email the more likely they are to be chosen here we go

hi Rob and Josh I'm an OG listener I'm an OG listener I'd found we're 3 under 6 3 under 6 your reality and normality has been a welcome

regular sound in my chaotic house I love a small business shout out after being made redundant in 2024 I've now founded Luna the Dental Vets. Affordable, fixed price, expert dental care for dogs and cats. We have a practice in Bristol and about to open one in Wokingham. Check us out.

www.w.w.luna.p. My husband works part-time in the police. They all bloody work part-time in the police, aren't they? Oh, there we bloody go. And there's been an absolute hero raising the rabble and now supporting my venture. We'd love a shout out to support our small business, trying to make a change in the mostly corporate and ridiculously expensive vet world. Keep up the pod.

It's now a public service and your duty. Louise, there you go, Luna, Pet. Gobble, gobble, boys, hoping to get the chance to get an SPS from you for my dog walking business, walks with Mimi. I've recently decided that it was time to take the risk and do what I've always wanted to do and start out my new dog walking stroke pet drop in business based in North Dorset stroke South Somerset. I'm fully insured DBS checked and train in canine first aid up to 94 kilograms. I've always been the person who loves that just in case you're worried if you have got the big dog. That's not true.

I've always been the person who loves being around animals as much as possible. And at the ripe old age of 24, I've realised life is too short, even if your dog isn't. Oh. No, shit didn't say that. To constantly be let down and pushed around by employers. He was really excited about telling me about that dog. a lot of shit all over it. No, no, no.

The puppy, sorry. I can't tell you how dominating it was in the cafe. Yeah, but I think... We've all taken a photo at the Grand Canyon and it doesn't do it justice. No, but I think that dog's a bit like Mike Tyson. He's incredibly intimidating and powerful and big, but not as big as...

He's actually quite small when you strip away the energy. Yeah, yeah. And what did that dog do to you then in that cafe? Well, it was no, it didn't do anything specific. Did it touch you? Well, I touched it. But it came to. to you?

Did it get on you? It's like on a leash, isn't it? Did it get on you? Well, I've stood up. It didn't get on me. But he didn't like try and put his paws on you and climb up. Find me on Instagram at walkswith. com.

Facebook walks with Mimi or email me, walks with Mimi at yahoo.com. I would love the opportunity to make this for my full-time job, all while giving your dogs the walks they deserve. Thanks for doing what you're doing from... Maisie. Why did you ask me who... That's what you're going to say, Mimi.

It does feel like... Oh, Mimi. Yeah. Mimi walks amazing. Oh, that she called Maisie at the end of that. I'm still thinking about what happened to you in that cafe. Are you Harry Potter socks? You what?

Hey Harry Potter socks. They're Sherlock Holmes. What? I got them from the Sherlock Holmes gift shop. Really? Really? Baker Street. Sometimes when I walk past it, I go in because it calms me.

Why do you like Sherlock Holmes so much? Oh, he's the best. Let's put a pin in that. I love Sherlock Holmes. Ding, ding, ding, ding! Do you not know that? No. Oh, man.

Let's talk next time. That would be my Desert Island book. Let's talk next time about Sherlock Holmes. We won't. We'll forget. He, I tell you who wouldn't forget. Sherlock. The Master Detective. Is that what he calls himself?

Well, that's what I call it. He doesn't call himself that, but people call him that. Sometimes I listen to it, go to sleep. Really? There's a Stephen Frye audiobook of all the books that's like 60 hours, and you think, why has he done that with his time? You're the one listening? Yeah, true.

Cheers to Stephen. Right, see you next week. Bye. Hello, parenting hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whitakam here. I have got a new podcast, Josh Whitakam's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about 85% sure you're going to love it.

Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me, and possibly think, I think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular

culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics. See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realized Millie Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I first. Join me as I the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr. Blobby. When Ghost Watch convinced BBC viewers, ghosts were real, when a band burned a million pounds for a laugh, the Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Ban musical with music from You Too, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch,

and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

Stiff next will learn, lose next will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcast now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whitacom, available everywhere from the 1st of January.