Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP37: A Room With No Window

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... it's been a busy weekend over at PH Towers. Find out why inside this episode... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up after-school club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just £5 each. Available three to five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments that's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also, you get the after-school meltdowns, don't you? They do.

They're hungry, they're tired, one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or, oh, you've brought the wrong snack, or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school, and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing of each other about who sits wearing the car. Oh my word.

It's full of. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And you know what? When you find yourself in that situation, in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a five pound serving adobles. For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit pizzerexpress.com terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... George.

What? Can you say Rob Beckett? Why? Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Whittaker? Well done.

What's that for? Who's that deep-voiced guy that's just done our child intro, Josh? That's George. He's 17-year-old reacting exactly as you or I would expect, according to his mum, Emma. Thanks for all the last. My kids are probably too old for me to still be listening. not at all, Emma, but I'm not going anywhere. I love you both.

Emma from Eltham. Eltham. That's near me, Eltham. Of course it is, Rob. Was I going to say, oh, Josh, I'm in the middle of some serious dad and husband guilt at the moment. Is it Nits? Nits. There was a NIT email that came around from your school.

How do you know about the knit email from the school? Because I'm just on top of these things. What? How do you know about that? Lou texted me and said, I did not need this today. Just after the podcast. Right, okay, yeah, they're at the end. I mean, that, the, the, the, the lice-knit problem is so down the level of, what, I'll give us, what we, okay, there's still fucking holes around our house where they've not come back to fill it in.

Oh, yeah. Someone, so they dig a hole, took all, because we had no electric. Then someone, they left, I went, oh, someone will be around to fill it in. Someone came around to check it and went, yeah, yeah, I'll find the right person to fill it in. I was like, oh, that's literally your job to look at a hole. So what was he doing going? Check, checking that there was a hole. Well, I don't know, or what type of hole to what type of person comes.

I can't believe there's different departments of hole filling. Because it's either grass or concrete, isn't it? Yeah, well, exactly, yeah. Anyway, so I've missed an email at some point. Now, we're recording today between half 8 and half 10 in the morning. Oh, God, it's so stressful. But you're busy, I'm busy, and, you know, we need to, we needed some episodes and stuff. I've missed an email where this morning, like, quarter-up,

eight, my daughter's in a performance where she sings a song in front of the school. Oh, no. And it's open morning for secondary school for my other daughter. Oh, my word. You could have cancelled this, Rob. Well, I genuinely don't think I could have. No. We've got no time this week due to certain things that are going on.

I literally this morning, we got to school at 10 past 8. Yeah. We'd forgotten my son's swimming kit. Who's we? You and your son? Are you dragging him into this? No, me and Rose. right okay we took them both in because it's like my last day here for a week right

because literally i got back at 815 last night basically i could have stayed in london i came back to do the school run because i wanted to see because otherwise i'd have been away for like 10 days in a row and then do this and go straight back to london again and do this and then go to leeds oh no sorry darby first in it no darby was on the way to grimsby i'm going direct to leads. Stop showing off. Also, Lou had to cancel a meeting because she obviously one of us has to be there. And then what happened was, the school round, show round things at 915, but the singing

thing may overlap. So then Lou said to the youngest, look, I'll be there for your performance, but I may not be there at the end to say, well done, because I've got to go straight off to the eldest daughter's show round of a school and go and do that. And then so she's crying and upset. And then she's like, you're not even coming. I'm like, no, I'm not coming. Lou's that to a work meeting.

And then, so this sport, I felt really guilty leaving this morning. It was very much a Gabrielle out of reach, a couple of tears in the car to commute. But here now, ready to talk about not parenting again. Oh, Rob, I'm sorry. He's so mental. And then you're like, presumably your daughter is going to that secondary school anyway. Yeah, I know, but you want to be,

I know, but I just completely, I've completely missed the email, and there was no way to sort of reschedule. And the problem is, I'm quite busy and overwhelmed at the moment with work. So it's like, my neutral is you're a piece of shit, and you've done it all wrong, Rob, okay? So I'm very working. That's my nil-nil, is Rob your piece, yeah, before I've done anything wrong,

is Rob you're a piece of shit, you've done it all wrong. Did you watch the football last night? 5-4. Oh my God, it's unbelievable, wasn't it? The Premier League is shit compared to that. Bring on, I know this is an unpopular view, and most of our listeners aren't even interested. The faster they just bring in a fucking European Super League,

so these teams play each other every week. I thought that. I was like, this is, I can't. And I'm an Arsenal fan. It's not like the Premier League isn't hugely financially rubbish. Like the shark has been jumped or whatever the fucking point is. It's always going to be unbalanced. So let's just put all the fucking best teams in a league together

and they can play each other every week. let's just admit what this is rather than pretending that it's like what's the point in Bayern Munich winning their league every year for all the teams who are good in the same league of promotion and relegation from the domestic leagues into that league it'll be much better i agree welcome to talk sport coming up after the break we're joined by pat nevin who'll be discussing the problems at chelsea yeah and we will be jumping between the pros and cons of the european super league and rob's complete lack of self self-worth and self-loving. We did nip in and out of that and keep it all above-baud. And occasionally you come back around to the cats getting the snip. We've got that to discuss. And a few other bits of bobs. But European Super League, that was amazing.

Was it 5'4? 5-4. 5-4. How good is Harry Kane, by the way? I think he's the best English player of my lifetime. It's so obvious. He's way better than Wayne Rooney was. He's a better professional as well.

Yeah, and he's just so exciting. And he just does mad. things where suddenly he's in midfield pinging a 50-yard pass. He's incredible. And we are not appreciating, welcome to talk sport. Harry Kane, we are going to, he's going to retire and we're going to go, we do not realize that was the best player ever who's been English. I've told you my theory.

We only really love sports stars that smile. Harry Kane isn't very good at smiling. No. He's, he don't know what to do with his lips. He goes through it. He wants to smile. Lovely guy. I've met him.

I've met his wife. lovely family, lovely couple. His mouth won't do it for him. No. I mean, he just can't, I can't frown. Well, this is a thing. We love a sports start, and it goes in with what I said about Ronnie O'Sullivan, who's sadly lost.

We like a flawed sports star, and Carrie Kane isn't flawed. No. He's the opposite of flawed. He's the perfect professional. He's like a kind of just very happy dad. He's got a very sensible kind of haircut that you'd normally see on a 14. year old professional kind of... He wears sketches already.

Exactly. He is middle-aged mediocrity personified as a human being, but he's also the best football we've ever produced. Yeah, I'd say so, but, you know, I think he's all right. I don't think he's going to lose any sleep over that.

I think that's a fair description. Yeah, I think that's a fair description. The greatest footballer we've ever produced. Come on, Harry. Abmit it, your hair is the hair of a man who is 10 years older than you. That's fine. Yeah, he's worked really hard

because he was a bit, you know, written off at the start. Yeah. Anyway. So basically I hate myself. So if anything goes wrong, I sort of double down on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we know that. I'm going over all ground here.

So I've been battling those demons today because I've done it wrong and I pride myself for not doing it wrong. But hey-ho, that's life. We're here now, back into work. How's the cat's fannies? Well, it's not their fannies. What is it? Do they sew it shut?

They go in through the stomach. Okay. So don't you have to let them have a period, first. What? Don't you have to let them have a couple of periods first before you do the snip? Is that real? The bollocks can be whipped off earlier.

You don't have to like won't come off a couple of times. You know, just so they know what it's like. Exactly. Just so they know what they're missing. But you had to let them go through the cycle a few times. I don't know. Well, we didn't have to. The vet didn't tell us that.

And you've got to trust the vet. He's the expert. The vet was very snip happy. He was very happy to snipo, was he? So they're in little jumpers now. Right, because they've got to be in those jumpers for two weeks. I had to take a photo of the scar to send to the vet, which obviously I've forgotten to do.

Also, Fluffball's got to go back in in 10 days because she had some liquid on her lung. Oh, my God. So he's got liquid on the lung? No, I don't think so. It's just she cuffed up a fur ball or something. They were like, well, let's bring her back into Cheka. It's all fine.

They can go out in 12 days. It's unfair to say I'm wishing the next two weeks of my life away. but they're incredibly stressful. Yeah, no, but you'll get through them. It's just a busy period and we've got much calmer the rest of the year. Oh, exactly, exactly. I can't wait for the calm. Obviously, I feel a deep calm when I'm on stage.

Oh, absolutely. You're sort of in flow state. Yeah, yeah. You are like plankton in water. Exactly. Where does the plankton begin? Where does the water end? Exactly.

Often begins in Leeds and ends in Venice this week. What a week? Actually, it doesn't. in Inverness. He goes, Leeds, via Scotland Inverness, and then Birmingham and Milton Keynes. Yeah, and then you're nearly done, aren't you? Tours nearly done. The tour is brutal.

I've got five left. After that period. I've got two in Wales, then Cheltenham, and then London. Have you got any sort of fun days out planned with the kids? After that? Yeah, I mean, it's not long till half term, Rob. Yes. Are you doing anything?

We're going on holiday. Oh, nice. So tell me more about your... I'm not on holiday and half-term. Lose away for something and I'm at home of the kids. Nice. That'll be nice. Nice.

I'm looking forward to that. I want a bit of normality. No, what I want to talk to is my 10-year-old is an incredible negotiator. Oh, yeah. And like... Do you think we should send her into Iran? No, not yet.

Do you think she could reopen the straight of or mores? Did you see King Charles at the Congress doing jokes? No. He was smashed it. Did he? He was like over 250 years ago, or as we like to call in the United Kingdom, just the other day.

Oh, nice. And the Americans were fucking loving it. I love all that. They love old stuff. Has he written that? Yeah, no, he's got it. Someone's writing for him. Who's writing for Prince Charles?

Because it was funny. It was funny. It's a good way to disarm what is quite a tense situation. at the moment. Well, we could do with disarming the situation. But Trump's going mad. So you just basically, he needs to go in there. Do you know what?

Up until now, he's been my kind of guy. It's just the last couple of weeks is too much for Bobby B. You know, it was an opinion? And in my opinion, he's been absolutely fine until about a week and a half ago. And it was just a bit too much. But no, I think it's a good way to disarm it because you go in and be all charming,

in may stand up for things you don't like you because he like said about Afghanistan where Trump before said, we never helped it, all that stuff. So he sort of hit back at all that, but then chuts in a few jokes. And the Americans love it, didn't they? Yeah.

I'd love to know who's writing for the king. Because the odds are, if they have got a proper writer in. There will definitely be a script writer for the royals. We would probably know who that is if they've got a comedy writer in. It's a good joke as well. Yeah, that's not written by like a royal.

Unless they send it off to punch it up. Yeah, who's getting the email? I'd love to know if anyone knows that. We won't name you, but if you've got any information on how that works, I'd love to know. But that's like the hardest corporate of all time doing Congress in front of Trump. My friend did a punch up on a script. So I'm going to change some details here.

Yeah. There was a musical of a film. Yeah, there's many of them. And then he got brought in. Sorry, my phone's going mental. No, before I was talking about. Oh, no. my thought would negotiate it, right?

So, like, you know, like, I'm basically too tired to argue with her and stuff. So, like, the other morning, I said, I said, like, I was doing some boiled eggs. I went, does anyone want any boiled eggs? I went, can you have dippy eggs? I went, well, no, we haven't really got time for that. I'll just some boiled ones. And if you want a hardboard edge, you can have that. I went, she was like, well, why would it take so much longer?

And I was like, well, because I have to do the toast and the butter. And she went, I've already got bred out to do my own toast. So all you've got to do is cook the eggs for less, actually, because they'll be dipping, not hard. If anything, it'll be quicker. And I'm just going, fuck out, fuck off. Because it is like, oh my God, she's actually spun me around with a good argument there. This isn't a child anymore. This is a young woman that's learning how to navigate the world.

And she's right. So I just have got, okay, yeah, she's right. I have dippy eggs. But she's 10. You should go, make your own fucking dipy eggs. You're 10. Yeah, I think I might be a bit strong. That's the next stage, Rob.

Yeah. Will you fucking do it then? And drive yourself to school. Yeah. And get a load of injections and go and work with Ramesh. For the record, the injections of the country, not the man. Okay, right. Okay, just checking.

Yeah, I've got my anti-siphilis injection, Ramesh, because I know what you're like. The country of Sri Lanka, do you mean, Rob? No. Oh, God. This episode is brought to you by HubSpot. Now, you know that moment when a kid casually dropped in, they've got a massive project due tomorrow. No warning, no context, just a hope, a prayer

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It's mental. How's your fitness going? So I had a bit of an injury. I had a bit of a hip injury. Oh, yeah? I told you about my park run, didn't know? yesterday, yeah. Yeah, you dropped the phone yet.

Yeah, yeah. I'm going again in Aberdeen. That's going to be hilly, in it? Is it? Yeah. All Scotland's hilly. They love it. I love park run.

I loved it, Rob. Joe Wilkinson loved Park Run. Did, or has he done it again? It does it all the time, yeah. I love it. The sense of community, the sense of overtaking, the sense of...

For old people. The sense of overtaking. I love the way you went, the sense of community. Your next thing was being better than the community. Being better than the community. And that is the spirit of the community. That's the spirit.

No, it was really fun. I really enjoyed it. Ali lapped me. I should say that. You can't lap someone on a part run, can you? Yeah, it was a two and a half. So it was a double lap of a two and a half. Fucking hell he's quick.

This is your tour manager. I know. How quick did he do it? 18 minutes. I mean, what's the fucking point of going there if you're going to do it that quick? Also, he'd already run a couple of miles to warm up. I'm just not built.

for it. I'm just like Bowser. She's a big fucking lump shuffling about. So, Rob, because of my hip, I've booked in a training session. Yeah. With someone to teach me to run properly. Oh, okay. Do you think that's a good idea? Yeah, I think if you really enjoy running, yeah, you might be injuring yourself.

I really enjoy running. I want my technique to be good. I'm not going to become a, like, I don't want him to go, hit these times. I just want him to tell me, Don't run like that because that's what's damaging it. Form and technique. Yeah, yeah. When this is all over, I'm doing a running lesson. Right, okay.

So what is your ultimate goal in not to be injured? Not to be injured. That's my ultimate goal. Josh, can I tell you the absolute fuck up I had when I was in America? Go on. I tell you this. You know that Adidas have released the World Cup footballs, but mini versions. I didn't know that.

So they've released every World Cup ball from like 1970 or something. Right, yeah, from the tango onwards. Tango onwards. I can't remember how many of there. are. But they've also released a full-size version, which is like a two and a half grand collection. It's mental, right? But they've released mini versions and it was like 180 quid or something, okay? And you get this big box, presentation box and it's limited edition and it's 180 when you get all the footballs and I thought, I'd be a nice little thing to have. They saw you coming. Well, I thought, I'm going to get that as a little present to me for the end of the tour, right? And I've got these footballs for the World Cup. That's a perfect bit of Bobby B

little present to himself. Anyway, sales out and Adidas straight away. All gone. Straight up on eBay. going for like 800 quid a thousand pounds. Fucking out. People are people are absolute wankers. Yeah. And the same thing happened with that. You know the Adidas trainer that was really fast for the marathon? That's done that as well. They was on sale for like 400

quid and they've all been bought now. They're going for a thousand. Anyway, I thought, oh, you're bastards but I'm not doing that. If they've gone, they've gone. Anyway, so they've all sold out. Anyway, I'm in America, yeah, when after I went to go and watched the golf when you watched the Masters. For you were rummished.

No, we were in Florida, basically, on holiday, and then my friend was going to the Masters on a 40th, and the ticket became available, so I could do a quick hour internal flight to go and watch it. I just moved my flight home back. So I managed to do that. It was really lucky, great experience, and it's brilliant. Left Lou to do the flight home.

Left Lou to fly there with the kids, let's not get bogged down. I've got enough dad guilt going on at the moment. Let's leave it, leave that. Other days I'd have really gone for that. Yeah, I cried listening to. Gabriel driving to here today. Just so you know what you're dealing with, okay?

Right? A slightly emotional guy on the edge. I feel a bit overwhelmed. So I didn't have a big bag, went to the Masters, bought some shirts and jumpers and hats and stuff like that so much. So I didn't have enough stuff.

So Lou told me about a thing called Instacart. So in America, Instacart is all the shops that are near you, it's like Uber or Deliveroo, but if you need a product, someone will get the product for you and drop it off to you. So you just pave it.

So I went on this sport, Dick's sporting goods, yeah, because I needed a duffel bag to bring home my stuff because I didn't have a big enough bag to bring everything back. So rather than get an Uber out to the shop and back again, you just pay for...

It's a good idea, and I'm surprised it isn't here. Yeah, I think it's easier to do in America because I've got massive car parks and big shots. But Lou is also for Insta car. I thought, this is brilliant. Anyway, as I'm scrolling through Dick's sporting goods, what pops up for $200?

Oh, the footballs. The footballs. Okay? And I'm like, oh my God. I'll get four. I'll get four and I'll quadruple my money on eBay. I did think, oh my God, they're going for like nearly a grand. And they're $200 here.

I went, I'll get them and I'll get a suit. I'm getting a suitcase anyway. So I'll just put them in the suit because I've got loads of stuff. How big are they? Well, I order it. And at this point, I'm with all the other lads. I'm not, we should all get one because, like, if you want one, and if you don't even want it, you can sell it if you want to be a scalab.

Anyway, so I order it, turns up it is fucking massive. Now in America, we're sat there. Also, I've been in a pub already for five hours. A pub called Twin Peaks, which is basically Hooters, just short of barmaids with like low-cut tops on serving beer. So we've been in there all day watching like the football, all sorts, right? Let me send you a photo of how big this thing is, okay? Right.

I'll explain why there's two in a minute. Right. Have you got that photo, Josh? Yeah. Whoa. They are, yeah, they're big, actually the dimensions are bigger than the biggest suitcase you can buy. Well, there's two there. Right, so there's two.

Let me hear it. So we've seen them. It mine turns up at the pub because of Instacart. So you imagine you're like eight pints deep and a load of football turn up at the pub, right? So I've got it. We're all pissing herself laughing because this is massive, right? So I'm thinking, oh, well, what I can try and do is ship it home or something. Yeah, that's what I'd think.

Or bubble wrap it and put it in oversized luggage. Right. I'm thinking that. Anyway, another bloke in the group sees it and knows he's wanted them before, knows how expensive they are if you resale. I'm getting some as well. So he's drunk and he orders it as well from Instacart.

Okay? Yeah. His turn up, no balls in it. What? We're in a pub. He opens it. It goes to look at it and it goes, there's no balls!

That is meant. So either someone stole the balls or they've been put out on display, but he's basically ordered this thing that's turned up with no balls in. What do you do in that situation? That's a nightmare. Because you've got it on Instacart. Are you really going to go to Dick's sporting goods?

Yeah. Did he? Well, because he rung Dick Sporting Goods and they went, I'll bring it back and we'll refund you. Yeah. So anyway, what we do is, and then at this moment, while we're trying to work out what to do,

I'm like, well, I've got mine, I'll just bobble up it. We find out that the balls are now available in the UK on normal Adidas for the same price. Oh my God. Take them both back. Exactly. So we try to take it both back to get our money back.

We get in there. E's on one till. I'm on the other. I can't get my money back because it's Instacar, only store credit. So now I'm in Dick Sporting Goods. Five o'clock on a Saturday, shit-faced with $200 of store credit, right? So I'm going around and I end up getting the bag I need because I need a bag. I always have a stuff.

So you haven't bought that yet? No, hadn't bought that yet because I thought I want to see how the balls are so I can get. Yeah. So I'm now trying to get a bag. Then I see him trying to buy stuff. Anyway, so he's buying stuff because I'm like, oh, he's probably having to spend his store credit. Anyway, so I buy some gift for the kids, get some actual clothes I need for sport stuff. I'll just do that now.

Yeah, bye. So I'll buy that. As we're leaving, I was like, oh, did they make you do store credit? He went, no, they gave me a full refund. Well, why the fuck were you buying stuff? He went, oh, I just wanted the top. I was like, oh, I could have got you to the top and you could have given me the money. So we go back to the pub and we all go.

Have you got these balls? Let me finish the story. Okay. We get back to the pub. Between going to Dick Sporting Goods and coming back and giving them back and me having to spend the store credit, they're sold out on the UK website. Oh my God. Why didn't you buy them on the way? I don't know.

I didn't think, I just thought they were back in stock, but they're so popular. Oh my God. Are they back now? Well, in the end, I had to buy them from Spain. What? They were available on a Spanish website, and I just paid 40 pounds delivery to get them. Adidas World Cup balls set. Oh, they are small, aren't they?

Yeah, the little ones. Oh, my God, Rob. And have they arrived? Yeah, I've got them. Do you want to see them or not? Yeah, of course. Sorry, I was just looking at whether I could buy some. Give me it.

It's like a disease. Everyone's addicted to buy them. Hang on. You see my balls? Oh, my God. What are you going to do with it? KPRPs, put it up on a presentation box. I don't know, but look.

So are you going to keep them in the box? I don't know, mate, I've only just got them I bet this first time I've looked at them I've never even checked if they're all there I don't know whether you're going to get £200 worth of joy out of this Oh fuck Oh God you've caught your you've caught your

I've got the head fan on Let me just put them away I'd have to ruin it But I've got the balls I've been wanting these for ages Alright But yeah I don't know That knows what I'm going to do with them

But I don't know I'm just pathetic aren't I Just got some sort of problem When it comes to football shirts And football stuff what's going on with the plant behind it the plant behind me is dead because I've not been here

that's it yeah oh my god oh my god fucking disgrace look at that that is right in the bin is you reckon that's rescuable

a couple of green bits on it I don't know for the people that are on audio Rob's got a dead plant I've got a dead plant, guys. At the moment, it looks like some sort of fucking weird bunker for some weird YouTube. Well, basically, why I am, and it? Weird bunker for some mad podcast, wanker.

We haven't got a kitchen at the moment, Rob. Are you still sleeping on the floor? Well, I'm never here, so it didn't really matter. But when you are, what's the sit? I got to hotel in London on Monday. Yeah. And I thought, I don't think. you can do this to people.

Yeah. They were like, your room is 010. I was like, all right, what floor's that then? They were like, it's in the basement. No. I went down there, opened the door. I thought it'd be like, you know, when in a London house, when you have the cut out, so the basement has got light.

Yes, yeah. It had a square pretend window with electric light to making it look like light was coming in. No, that's insane. I was like, I instantly started to feel, I was like, I can't be in here. This is making me really, I feel like I'm fucking locked up. I can't just go to bed, not knowing when the light's coming in the window. Do you know what I mean?

Like, is, mad. Is the light set on a timer then, the fake? Have you got a photo of the room? Oh, I didn't stay. Yeah, I can show you the light. You just left the room. Did they change room? I said I can't sleep in there because there's no natural.

light, which I think surely that's not the first time that's happened. Well, I thought you can't, if you like rent her, you can't say something to a bedroom unless it's got a window. Because that's a cupboard, isn't it? Yeah, it's just so weird. Right? So I'll show you the light. Send me your window.

Send me your window. Let's room. I'll send you the window. Oh, sorry. Oh, my God, Josh. That's something from a horror film. So that's like a fake sort of light in a window, like a window box on a wall with a Imagine being that fucking fitter, putting a curtain up over a fake window.

I know. That's gaslighting you into thinking of cupboards of bedroom. I know. And so I was like, have you got another room, please? And they were like, well, we've only got a twin room. I was like, yeah, fine. Of course I'll take that. Because I'll be able to see and hear the street.

Was this London? Like a human being. Yeah, it was in London. Did you book it yourself for something? Was it a tall one? it was paid for by the thing I was doing there. Right. And so there was three options.

I said, can I get a hotel in this area with a gym? I got sent three options. Obviously, I didn't check whether one of them was going to try and give me a basement hotel room. So I was just like, oh, that one looks good, fine. It looked good. And then I was in the basement. I mean, it was fine once I was in the twin room, although you're sleeping on a single bed is quite a weird experience.

I told you that at that time when I tried to try to. to book a hotel room and I got to the bookin through booking.com and there's like there's no room here so I just walk around the streets of Soho trying to find a hotel room. I must have told you that was ages ago. Horrendous. But yeah anyway so why did I say that? You said what you still

oh we haven't got a kitchen. Yes, right? No kitchen and you're still sleeping on the floor. Well, one night out of seven at the moment. Yeah. But yeah. Have they got bedrooms yet the kids? Or are they out of? No, no. So we're in a real state of flats. You are, I swear. I have not spoken to you

and you've been in a constant situation of sleeping a house for what feels like three years. I think that's true. Because you had all this just before you did the kitchen at your old house. Yeah. My son now refers to my bed as his bed. Do you think that once you're done here with the house

and it's all done, because Rose's love and passion is interior design? No, no, because she's doing it for a job, so it's fine. We literally wanted to leave, No, no, no, no, but I know that, I know that, but not, but I'm saying once, because you've got to get it. Oh, we'll change this. We'll change this again. Because in a way, it's the equivalent.

It's hard for interior designers because they are in a house all the time, right? Their own one as well as going to work. So it would be the equivalent of you sat in a comedy club for the rest of your life, but never getting on stage, just for five minutes. If you told me to sit in a comedy club for an hour ago, please don't. I don't think I'll ever go to watch a comedy club again. I don't think you like comedy. Well, no, I used to love it.

And I do love, but I don't watch it. I never watch comedy. Do you watch comedy? Not when I'm doing my tour, because I'm worried I'll get to influence and, like, those ideas will seep in. But in between tours, I watch a lot of comedy, yeah. See, I've just, I just don't find it relaxing anymore. So I don't watch comedy.

I enjoy doing it. And I enjoy all the other things I do. But then there's other things I do. where I would, so I do listen to podcasts. Yeah. And I do listen to the radio, but I don't really watch comedy on TV. You watch entertainment TV and documentaries and stuff, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. Strictly or traitors or all those things. What? No, but what I'm saying is, though, maybe that's not a great analogy for you, but it's like if you are in a room, your brain will always go, if I did this, I did that,

I'll improve that and I can do that. That is just how you're programming. as your passion, isn't it? It must be hard. I can see a point, but I don't think it'll happen. Because we've also got various things, which, so we've still got the garage to do. We're not doing that at the moment.

Yeah, but the danger is, by the time you've done that, you'll start again on the thing you did first. No. I just think it must be so hard if that is your job to be in a house and not con, Lou does it because she's like, oh, I wish I did this or do that. And, you know, it must be so difficult not to it. Yeah, well, yeah.

Should we go back to how you let Lou fly home from America on her own? She's a good woman. Real good woman. And now for a special part of today's show, what's the big idea where Josh and I will pitch each other our new business ideas?

And it's brought to you by Tesco Mobile, happy to be your second favorite network. Right, Josh, we love a small business, hence our small business shout-out section. But who's got the best business idea? Okay, I've got an idea for you, Rob.

I've always thought this. People always go out for coffee. What hot drinks? Yeah. What do you drink more than anything at home? Water. Yes. It's a water bar.

A water bar? Primarily, it does the best waters. Do you know what it'll be good, though, if you did water tasting? So you could try the different ones. Try the different waters. What's that? Tap. What's that?

Tap. What's that? Bottled. I think you might need a bit more like of different, like, this is one from like a different country. Exactly. And you'd have a water menu and you'd have all the different types of water. And then you could have flavored ice. But you're flavouring the ice.

but not the water. There's subtle flavours. Could I get water with a cucumber ice cube in it, please? Okay, yeah, that's fun. How much are charging for your water? 10 pounds of drink class. That's why it's such a good business. Because a lot of the water, here's the cat.

I'm just pouring out the tap out back. Well, I think if you put it that high, people go, there must be good water. Exactly. Do you know there is a business thing I saw where this is with wine. Yeah. If you increase the price of wine, it sells more because people think it's better. So that's what I'm doing with my water.

10 pound of glass. 10 pound of glass. So if there's a 10 cup tasting menu, it's 100 pounds ahead. Yeah, and it's called hydrate is my place. Can you? Hydrate is my place? It wasn't called that, but it is now. Hydrate is my place?

Yeah, hydrate palace. Hydrate Palace. Hydrate Palace. Do you know what my invention is for a new business idea? What? A car that the wheels completely turn so you just slide into spaces. That's a really good idea. Rather, you'll never have the reverse sort of park in a game.

You just goes and just sort of slide in and out. I've got a good business idea. Go on. It's a pill that you take when your hair is exactly the length you like it. And it stays the same forever. It stays the same. I love it. But you take it one a day.

Then when you stop the pills, it can grow out. So you're not stuck with it forever. But every day you take it, your hair never drop. Your hair remains the same. Yeah, that's great. I've got an idea for a business. Yeah. hamsters, but they're like free-foot-eye.

So they're not all good ideas. That's what we learned from this. Or like a tiny giraffe. You don't invest in everything. Imagine if you could have a pet and a giraffe and it's as high as your knee. Yeah, I would like that. You would like that. Imagine if I'll just knock it around. Yeah, that would be a good business idea.

What kind of businessmen do you think he'd be? Well, I think really to be a good businessman, you need to take no nonsense, you know. I'm too desperate to be likes to be a good businessman. Yeah, I'm the same. I'm a bit like, I'd rather just be nice. Yeah. I don't want to go home having had an argument with someone because they wouldn't meet me at 17%. Look out for those great business ideas coming to you soon.

Or maybe not. It takes a long time to research and development to get these things off. Exactly. But, you know, I think there's legs in that car. Everyone knows Tesco Mobile can give you a great business contract, but we also know that when it comes to running your business, it's your friends and family that matter most. And that's why they're happy to be your second face.

favourite network. For business deals and terms, visit Tesco mobile.com slash business. Anyway, should we do a bit of correspondence? Or is it got anything else? Why not? Yeah, yeah.

What have I got on my notes? Oh, so one of the blokes I went on the golf trip with is he got a tattoo at 12. He got a tattoo at 12. Of a bulldog holding a union jack. On holiday with his dad. What? What kind of people are you holiday with, Rob?

A cross-section. of society. Exactly the kind of people, people imagine you holiday with. Oh, God. I quite like the idea of tats. You've already got Greg Davis tattooed, don't you?

Yeah, I've already got that on my foot. Well, I've got that tattoo, isn't my eye, with that, like, stoic sort of principle. But, like,

the problem is it just becomes your arm. So it was really helpful the first six months and very inspiring. I was like, yeah, that's, yeah, I've got to remember that. But now it's just like looking at a thumb.

Well, that's the same with interior design, isn't it, Rob? I remember like, it was like when you're a kid and you'd do up, you, you'd change your bedroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was so exciting. And then you just get used to it. And actually, the weird thing is, nice things in your house are completely wasted on you because you are the one person that doesn't notice them. You need to bring people around. Those little mini footballs, Rob. Yeah. The moment you put them on display, within a month, you won't even be able to see them anymore. Yeah. It would just be the thing on the wall.

just be the thing on the wall. And balls I never kick. What a sad life for a ball. Yeah. You need to be constantly changing stuff to see it. It's getting really philosophical. You like, it's like, go on, Jake Humphrey. Go on, give it to me.

When you look in the mirror, yeah, yeah, yeah. All you see is changed. So you'd see a spot or you'd see, you know, oh, my hair's too long or whatever. But you don't, you can't even see your face anymore, if that makes sense. No, it doesn't.

I'm still trying to work out while my tattoo is like interior design because you can't see it anymore because you've got used to it do you know what I mean? So you're saying that Rose can't see how good the house is she only sees the floors that's why she constantly can't change in it.

No, no, I'm not saying floors well literally the floors there's no floors in the floors or they won't be. You change the floors? Oh yeah, we haven't got any floor in the kitchen at the moment. What floor are you going for? Tiles?

Probably in it. Can't go carpet. Have you ever seen carpet in the kitchen? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Carpet in a bathroom's mental. It must be full of piss. Oh my God. A little carpet around the toilet. What the fuck are you doing? I don't mind that if it's loose because then you can wash it. Oh, but it's a piss carpet. It's a piss carpet.

It's only there to gather up piss. What do you see when you look in the mirror, Josh? Well, just, just nothing. Nothing? Because nothing's changed. Well, I go, oh, there's some lines there or I go, you know. Oh, God, you missed a bit shaving, that kind of thing. What do you see? What do I see when I look at a mirror?

I see, well, it depends. It changes on how I am, but I can tell how I feel from my eyes. If you look back at photos, I don't know if you ever do that. I can see in my eyes if I'm in a good place or not in that photo. Oh, wow. And the eyes, the giveaway. Yeah. Okay, small business shout out.

Yeah. Hello, Bobby Beckett. Joshie Whitty. Michael. Please can you give a small business shout out to my brother-in-law who has just opened an independent record shop in Hitching, Hertfordshire, J.P.P.'s vinyl. He quit his job as a bar manager just before Christmas to pursue his dreams in opening a record shop. He stocks a variety of different genres from brand new to second-hand vinals, as well as vintage t-shirts and tote bags. The shop is open Wednesday to Saturday and is located on Walsworth Road underneath Ronan's Coffee Shop Hitchin.

me and my fiance are huge fans of you both oh that's not this is I don't like this kind of attitude here what's this in brackets rob a bit more which I don't I don't agree with that I'm happy with that I don't think you keep that to yourself Rachel trying to be edgy well also interestingly you'd think someone that opened a vinyl shop

would be more team with us yeah exactly we listened to the pod religiously despite being childless. Say sex and relatable, always loves love Rachel. I think they should have for a bit of bans. I don't think.

I don't mind it, Rob. I don't mind it. I think everyone's got to have a favourite. Yeah, no one's 50-50 down the line. It swings. I always preferred Paul chuckle. And I just, that's fine. To me or to you,

who's your favourite? To me? To me, it was Barry. To you? To me, it was Paul. To me, Barry. Right. Hi, former Petswood resident here.

Now I relocated to Liverpool. my colleague's sister Charlotte and her husband Dan run Tommy Tumble Town, a children's role play centre in Backup, which is in the Rosendale Borough in Lancashire, which opened in April this year. The centre was created in memory of their son Tommy, who passed away at age four after battling leukemia. Tommy had Down syndrome and loved Mr. Tumble.

The centre is their way of keeping his memory alive and creating a place he would have loved. What makes it special? Eleven mini role play areas, supermarket, vet, fire station, hospital and more. Oh, wicked. Inclusive environment using Macatron sign language, classes including messy play, toddler football, baby massage,

monthly SEM sessions. Despite amazing feedback, footfall has been slow and they're struggling. Many people simply don't know they exist. It would really help if you could spread the word on the pod. It would mean the world to the family. If you could support this beautiful legacy for Tommy. Amazing. More info.

dot co.uk. Go to Tommy-hifengel.com. Support that amazing thing. Where is it? Lancashire or Petswood? Back up. It's in Lancashire. Everyone go to that.

That is a brilliant idea and a brilliant thing in their child's memory. Tommy Tumble sounds like an old school comic. Did he? He does, doesn't he? I used to prefer him to Clive Tumble.

Brilliant on the cruise ships. He struggled at the mainstream clubs, but on the cruise ship you couldn't touch him, Tommy Tumble. Yeah. Enjoyed this, Josh. Thank you very much for listening, We'll see you next time. Thank you very much.

Bye.