Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP39: We're sticking strictly to business

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... in this episode we catch up on some of your brilliant listener correspondence. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up after-school club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just £5 each. Available three to five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments that's kind on the wallet too. Oh, Rob, also, you get the after-school meltdowns, don't you? They do.

They're hungry, they're tired, one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or, oh, you've brought the wrong snack, or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school, and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing of each other about who sits wearing the car.

Oh my word. It's full on. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And do you know what? When you find yourself in that situation, in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a £5 serving of dough balls.

For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit pizzerexpress.com terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parentin Hell with... Caleb. Say Rob Beckett Rob Beckett And say Josh Whittickham Josh Whitacom

Say hi Hi How old are you? How old are you? No Oh it's fantastic I'm 17 Okay thank you

Caleb Now Josh it's our own fault We put this shout out We thought I'll be fun to get older children I didn't remember this So I said to Michael just now Yeah

Why the fuck all these people Teenagers these days And apparently we put a shout out for it which is quite good fun, but actually now it's happening, it's just bloke, Robert. Yeah. And they sound older than me. Yeah.

So that's Caleb. What's Caleb up to? How are you sexy and relatable humans? This is my 17-year-old Caleb saying your names. As a request on the episode of Hal Cruttenden. Don't remember it. Loved him and could relate to his story. I remember the Hal Crotenden episode.

I just don't remember the request. I love Hal Crottenon. Yeah. I loved him. Could relate to his story of being a single parent and bring up older kids. He was brilliant guys. And he's a brilliant stand-up. So go and see it.

Definitely go and see how. Yeah. I'm a single mother of five children. Fucking out. Ages between 23 and 13. Love listening to your podcast. Thank you for the last. Anna from Harragher.

Oh, well, well, done, Anna, because Lou and Rose are currently single moms. It's just sort of crept up on me, this, not seeing my children. I don't like it. Oh, it's awful. Anyway, all will be explained in the wash.

Caleb. Lou wanted to call our child, Caleb if we had a boy? The things I think with Caleb are, it's an American name, right? Presumably. The guy from the Kings of Leon, that's my main reference with Caleb. So that 17-year-old would probably be about exactly right. 18 falling.

That was the Kings of Leon that was. Yeah, they've kind of disappeared off a hill, haven't they? I love Kings of Leon. What's happened to them? No idea. They're amazing. No, but I like the name Caleb. I didn't like it when Lou suggested it, but I like it now.

I think my tastes have changed. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was too worried about getting beaten up because of the school I went to. Yeah, what would you have called him? I liked Edward for a boy, Eddie. Eddie. Yeah, Eddie Hearn. Eddie Beckett.

Eddie Beckett. That's what I wanted for a boy, Edward, Edward Beckett. Well, there we go. Bit of Ted, Teddy. If you had two boys, Teddy and Caleb's quite a good name. I like quite a bit, William, Billy Beckett. It's a bit of buttling's, isn't it? Billy Beckett's a bit 1920s footballer, isn't it?

And Billy Beckett's coming down the wing and he crosses it and they score. Wonderful cross-air from Billy Beckett. Yeah. Why did everyone sound like that? Like, you could only have like weird posh voices on broadcasting. Yeah, and was it the sound quality as well made them a bit higher? I don't know. It felt like they were always fast, didn't it?

When I was on Radio 2, I'd still get abuse for my accent from some callers because it's a little bit more old-school traditional. Oh, Radio 2's old-school traditional. Radio 2's audience can be a little bit more. Any BBC audience, especially radio and Radio 4 is even more... Well, my word. My Radio 4 career was very brief. I think I've been on Radio 4.

Let me find out if I've been on... I think I... Oh, I did Just a Minute. That's good, though, just a minute, isn't it? Yeah, and I like that one. I see clips come up on my Instagram with that one Jack D does. And that's funny. Yes, what's that called?

Give us a clue? Give us a clue. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that's funny, isn't it? But really, every time I hear comedy on Radio 4, where it's a bit of stand-up and then there's a very polite audience, I'd say my balls disappear inside my body. What, on radio? The sound of stand-up comedy on Radio 4. Well, I can't do the radio 4 sitcoms where it's like, oh, yeah.

Quiet, everyone. Nana's on the phone. And they go, do-do-do-do-do. Hi, Nana. And then you hear, hello, la, cats is quiet, everyone. Nanny can't find the cat Oh God, yeah She's got in the uncle

She's lost to her pussy again Not now, Graham Do you know what that's not bad That pussy stuff But they wouldn't do that at 6th No, that'll be a bit much So really for me, Radio 4 Obviously I'd bite your hand off

To do Desert Island discs But beyond that I like the shipping forecast That calms me Yeah, no it's some Sometimes I'll listen to that If I'm in a hotel room on my own I prefer the panel shows on Radio 4 or the actual stand-up shows as opposed to the sitcoms.

I'm just like, it's too much. Because you're just penned in with only been able to do jokes that you can't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my face does a lot of the legwork. And your legs do a lot of the facework, don't they? Absolutely. I'm all over the place. Yeah.

Should we do this correspondence, Josh? Yeah, sorry. I don't know why we discussed Radio 4. You're more than happy to discuss Radio 4 or any other comments you've got. I watched Jay McDonald in Nashville the other day on Channel 5. Okay. In a hotel room on your own? No, with Lou.

Because Lou's going to Nashville, so we went, let's watch that. Is Lou recording a country album? Yeah, she's gone off writing books now, and she's performing a country album. No, Jane McDonald basically doesn't really like anywhere unless she's sat down in the sun having a cup of tea and eating cake. Right, okay, yeah, yeah. She went into his barbecue restaurant, she tried the barbecue feud. She obviously didn't eat any of it. sort of pushing it around a plate.

And then she sort of wears a cowboy out and goes and sings in a bar at the end. It's Matt. Have you ever seen her show? It's mental. I've never seen Jane McDonald's show. It's so engrossing. It's watching someone visit somewhere but not wanting to do any of it. Well, when you've got a lot of time in hotels, Rob, you find yourself watching linear television.

Yeah. And it's such a weird experience because you're suddenly going, well, I would never have watched this Michael Portillo's great Japanese railway journeys. But here I am. I'm in. I want to see that. Yeah. We're going to do a train documentary, aren't we? Oh, no, I don't think so.

You know, me and you and me moaning a bit, but you absolutely loving it because you're a train. I went on a bullet train in China. Oh, yeah. Six hours going 350 kilometres and out. Went through Wuhan. Did you? Thank God you're going 350 miles an hour.

And that is the pitch. Sign it up now. Let's go and do it. Yeah. Right. Give us some correspondent. Here we go. We've not done correspondence for ages.

This one says relationship role playing. Okay. Okay. Did we ask couples to tell their stories actually doing role play? Because I think we said, do we find it too awkward? I think we did. Hi, Rob Joshua Michael. Please keep me anonymous.

I bet that's, yeah. We'll tell you that as red. Yeah. Is that part of the role play? We don't know who you are. OG listener, first time writing in. Just listen to the Valentine's episodes where you wanted some funny roleplay stories. This one is mine.

My husband and I wanted to spice things up. Oh, no. So we brought a role-play sex game where we rolled the dice for a suggestion. Oh, no. I mean, I get that in sex positions because the dice is the pervert, not the person. But I think the moment you're rolling the dice, you know, I'm no expert. Isn't it about, it's about flow state, Rob, isn't it? Intimacy being in the moment.

It's about being lost in the moment. Yeah. In the heat of passion. The connection of two soulmates, yeah. It's not about going, okay, I've rolled the dice, you're now a Parisian waiter. Pardon? That's my Spanish, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, we bought a role-play sex game where we rolled a dice for a suggestion.

It said my husband had to pretend to be a shoe shop owner and I was buying shoes. No, come on. No, count me out. Oh, no, no. How does that even... Let's do it now. Okay. Who do you want to be the husband or wife?

I'll be buying some shoes. You'll buy the shoe. Oh, hello, madam. How can I help you today? I want to buy some shoes. Oh, what kind of shoes you're after? Leather. Leather?

Yeah, most of the shoes are. Keep talking. You said it like that was sexy. Oh, leather. Okay. And what's it for? Is it work? Is it night out or a date?

Well, would you like to go back out on the stock room so I can show you what we've got? Yeah. Let's see what they did. He said, as he bent down to put the shoe on for size, we both ended up in a fit of laughter, which understandable. I stood up and caught the hill in the handle of the bottom drawer and went flying and smacked my head onto the wall

and knocked myself unconscious. Oh my fucking God. And ended up with the trips at A&E. Oh my God. It was a very awkward convent of the hospital and safe to say... You didn't tell them. Just say you're tricked your fucking nutcase.

Yeah, they don't need to know that. Or just roll the dice and get hospital and then he could just do the patching up. Don't have to leave the house? Yeah. It was very awkward, convict of hospital. Safe, so, we're stuck to safety of vanilla sex from now on. Thanks to keeping us laughing every...

I think role plays mental. Yeah. I just can't. Also, I don't feel like a shoe shop is too... Is that far from vanilla sex? Well, we still need storage from people that do it and explain how they do it and how it works and why they like it. What their favoured scenario is.

Yeah, and give us a blow-by-blow account. No, not the sex bit, but like the lead-up to the... Because I imagine, once you start having sex, You still going like, oh, hurry up because I've got to get back to the shop. Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. Does it stop once you start having sex? Let me just feel if there's enough room at the end, that kind of stuff in the shoe.

Oh, yeah. Have you got your toe in there? Yeah. Oh, God. Have you got a half size? I've got wide feet. Right. What we got?

We've got some playground shaggers, but should we save some of them? I tell you, let's give you one playground shaggar and then wet your appetite and you can send some more in. To wet your whistle. It's been a very blue star, isn't it? Has, isn't it? Do you want a long one or a short one? Oh, I'll be back in the shoe shop. I thought of a really funny sitcom idea where...

Oh, did you get you to Radio 4? Well, it's an alternative reality where I get divorced from Lou and she takes on my money, right? And what's alternative about it? And I have to work like double, so I end up going on celebs go dating and doing the voice over of my own dates. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that is fun. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. I have a workplace Shaggar story. I've contemplated sharing for a while, so here goes. When I finished uni, I got my first proper job at a very well-known high street recruitment agency. Oh, okay. I was 22, keen professional and wildly unprepared for the level of office drama I was

about to witness. I quickly became friends with a girl in my team. Let's call her Kelly. Mid-20s, gorgeous, hilarious, lived with her long-term boyfriend and treated life. life like it was one long party. Yeah. After a few months, she cash tells me she's developed a bit of a crush on our director.

Our happily married director, let's call him Dan. Naturally, instead of this being a passing thought like it would be for any normal person, they started an affair. Oh, Callie. And because I was her desk buddy, I got every single update

whether I wanted it or not. Oh, no. As I was adjusting to the fact my workplace was basically a low-budget soap opera, she announced she's now flirting with the guy from the other office. Let's call him Matt. Within weeks, she's seeing him too. So to recap, Kelly had a full-time job, a living boyfriend,

a married director on the side, and now a bonus boyfriend from another branch. Oh my God. Honestly, I was exhausted just hearing about her schedule. The real trouble started when director Dan began falling hopelessly in love with her. Oh, no, Dan, Dan, Dan. Mortgage-paying adult move around. How old Kelly?

Do we know? Yeah, she's mid-20s. He's this guy or girl's only 22. Fair play. She's having fun. First job. So it was very weird watching a senior-suited mortgage-paying adult mowled up around like a year-nine with a first crush.

It was tragic. Oh, no. It's very astute from a 22-year-old, to be fair. Then came the rainy morning that changed everything. I parked miles away to avoid paying for the city-centre car park. Walk 20 minutes in the rain and arrived looking like I'd swam to work. And there was Kelly. Dry?

Glowing. Breezing in from the management car park. Oh, because the management get their own space. Because Dan had let her park there. Oh, Dan. That was it. My villain origin story. I marched into his office, soaked, freezing and powered entirely by injustice and told him,

look, your love life is none of my business. But the parking privileges are, in a heat of my soggy rage, I also casually dropped that Kelly was seeing Matt from the other office. Oh, yes, please. Yes, please. Dan looked like I just unplugged him. That's a great turn of phrase. Dan looked like I just unplugged him.

And then came the part I forgot and he didn't know. Matt wasn't just some random colleague. Oh, God. Matt was his brother. What? His close brother. I watched this man's entire emotional. system shut down like a Windows 95 computer.

Great writer. Who the fuck is this writer? This writer is incredible. Unbelievable. Anonymous. Might be writing for King Charles that we spoke about before. This is excellent. Please don't be anonymous.

You should be writing. The next day he told me he didn't believe me, which honestly raised questions about how he'd become a director in the first place. One of the great writers. This is one of the great writers. Oh, this is one of the great writers. Oh, this is one of the great writers. the best emails we've ever had.

Yeah. I said, fine, don't believe me. But if she turns up with that Rihanna CD, Matt bought her last week, don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, my word. Now, this ages it perfectly as well. Imagine buying someone a CD. I fancy you, he's a CD.

A bit CD for my toast. Oh, lovely stuff. The writer of this email would discard that as a cheap pun because they're better than us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The following morning, Dan dragged me aside, pal as a ghost, and said he'd been out with Kelly the night before. and she drove them in her car, where she played the Rihanna CD, on repeat, under my umbrella and all that jazz.

He then proceeded to have a full existential crisis in the tiny office next to the toilets. Oh my God. And that, gents, is how I learned that recruitment agency don't just hire staff. They actually cast reality TV shows. Matifan on the show and both of you say sexy and relatable, anonymous, if you will.

Thank you, Guy. What a story. Any more workplace or playground shaggers, please send them in. Yeah, it's just awful the things people do to themselves. How do people get themselves in this position? Because it makes, who's Dan was it? Dan's the director, starts shagging Kelly from the office. She starts shagging the bloke from the other branch.

Difficult to say what the situation is with Matt, because he's quite a ghost in the story. Kelly, there's a lot going on there. She's got a living boyfriend. She's shagging two blokes. She's obviously got some issues. Yeah. Because she's got absolutely no loyalty.

She doesn't. doesn't trust and hence she can't be trusted. She's, I'd say something's happened in her upbringing that means that she's, she's unable to maintain proper relationships. It's chaotic and she's basically fucking things up before other people fuck them up for her. So she's got a bit of control. She lives the thrill. And she wants more and more.

Could I say something? If I was 23, I'd love Kelly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was working in an office, that's my kind of woman, Kelly. Where did you meet Lou? When I was about 23. in an office. Yeah, but just, you know.

It wasn't Kelly. Lose a keeper. Lose a good egg. And Dan, I'm going to say Dan is... Trapped in a loveless marriage. Yeah, he's trapped in a loveless marriage. And for the first time, he feels a sense of feeling wanted and sexy and needed. And he can't believe it's happening.

And he's chasing those feelings into an area that is a huge mistake. You're so grown up. Josh. And I thank Phoebe Roller the bridge for the email because she's... What a ronter. We've all been there. The watch party finally makes it out of the group chat and uh-oh, you volunteered to host. Suddenly

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One day, you're negotiating with suppliers. The next, you're installing a shelf in the back room. Running a business means moving in many directions all the time. TD's new small business banking accounts are built for how your business moves. It's how we're making banking more human. Boom a parenting. I'm reading. You don't mind me reading them out, dear I'm quite enjoying this.

No, I'm enjoying them. I like listening. Hello. Sometime in the early 70s, my uncle decided to buy a dingy on a random impulse. Okay, yeah. He drove me, my brother and our two cousins, aged between 4 and 10 to a nearby lake. Yeah. Put us in the boat, pushed us off into the water.

We did manage to row somewhere across the lake before the inevitable happened and we all fell in. Oh, my word. So was it, did he put him out on his own? Or was he in it? He must have been in the boat with him. Yeah. Not wanting wet children on the leather seats of his BMW, you, he and my dad decided we should travel home in the boat tied to the top of the car.

That is mental. That's not true. That car, that is, like Mr. Bean, that's insane. Also, that's to point a lever. It's wiped clean. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, of course. They thought this would be okay as we had strict instructions to hang on to the ropes attached to the boat to the car.

I suppose you're in a boat. It's no different. I can still see my mom and aunt's faces as we pulled up to the house. Oh, my God. That is incredible. Donna aged 678 months. Now, bear in mind, Donna's about 55, so this is a long time ago. 70s, this is, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if it's local roads between a lake and like a house in the countryside where it's like a five-minute drive, the dad's probably thought, this will be a bit of a laugh, we'll go slow around the lanes, and it's a bit of fun. That is the only way. You can't be on like an A road. No, they're not going down the M4, surely. Well, because sometimes where our house is, we're set back a little bit from the main road.

You see a boat go past. someone in it. We know you have to go down, it's not our drive, but you have to go down like an unmade road to get to where our house is. But the bin men and women don't come down our little road because it's too small. So you have to take them up to the main road that it can get down because it's narrow lanes. Yeah. It's like a 10 second walk. But then what sometimes I do is I put all the cardboard on the roof of my car. Yeah, of course. And just drive it down and push it off. Yeah. That's a right. That's a car. That's cardboard. You don't then sit your daughters on the cardboard. No, they're not in the carboard. But I am thinking maybe I should because the 70s sound

like they were more fun. Well, also, we all got through it and it was fine. Well, we didn't. We weren't alive. No, but our genetics got through it. Yeah, mentally, though, I've really noticed I had a female Uber driver the other day. Did you have a problem with that? Absolutely not. No, not at all. I'm always very aware as well that I try and make sure that I'm very, very friendly and normal, because you're in a vulnerable situation she's been in a car with a man as a woman. Yeah. And the same on a walk, actually.

If I'm on like a walk in the countryside as a woman or late at night as a woman, I want to sort of go like, hey, I'm okay. I'm no threat. I'm a good guy. But I never know how to do that. I'd say that's quite threatening. Yeah, exactly.

So I would love to know from the female listeners, if I get in the car and you're a female driver or if you're on a countryside walk and we're all alone or it's late at night, what would be helpful to show that we're good at. and you're not in danger. Do you know what I mean? Don't say gobble, gobble, gobble.

I can't say gobble, gobble at people. I know. I'm just behind late night, gobble, gobble. Gobble, couple. Or get in a car, gobble, gobble. So that'd be good to know. Let us know what we should do.

Yeah. No, but I was in the car, and she pulled over to let a guy through, and certain, I hate old men, I've decided. Yeah. They're always looking for a fucking Barney. It was like, about four men that was in their 60s. We're like,

she'd got over well, just huffing and puffing, and puffing. And you could tell, like, the energy was woman driver. Where were they, sorry? At a country lane, but she'd pulled over, and the guy had loads of room. But he wanted her to reverse back and get into a space.

But she'd pull over with plenty of space. He was so angry, and angry people in cars. Angry people in cars, it's the ultimate example of, this isn't about the car, what's wrong in your life? Yes.

It reminds me of when you was at the park and that bloke had a go at you on the apartment. What did you say to him? What's this really about? Yeah, when he said, So you're doing this, you're doing that on the bars, and you went, what's this really about? Oh, God.

Right. Do you want another boomer parent? Yeah, go on. Weird local town traditions, panicking in paradise. Well, let's have all three of those. Okay, weird local traditions. Hello, sexy Michael and the other two. Longtime listener, despite having no kids,

recently you guys spoke about tar barrels in Devon. Correct. When I grew up in, this is where they carry tar on their back and set fire to it and stuff. Orrie St. Mary. Well, I grew up in Hallerton in Leicestershire, and we have a weird one too. Every Easter Monday, the entire village would gather along with everyone from the neighbouring village, Medbourne, in the street outside the church, at which point the local vicar would throw hair pie, as in the big rabbit. Oh, right, sorry. Hair pie over everyone, and we would march up to a field and begin the bottle kicking.

What? where the two villages would compete in three rounds of basically rugby with 7,000 people. Yes, I've seen photos of this. The tri-line two miles apart and instead of a ball, we have a beer keg. And no one's ever scored. Is this the same as that thing with a ball, you know, in that village where you just see them all fighting? Yeah, maybe that's the one I've seen actually.

I've seen something like this. I've never heard of this one. I think the one with the ball is the one I've seen. Yeah, they all end up in like shop doors crushed. And the only rule is no weapons. Fuck off. Fucking hell. Pussy.

I should turn up with nunchucks. The only rule is no weapons and nothing stops the scrum. Every year it plows through fences, hedges and knock down as trees and even barbed wire. It gets very messy and it's always full of injuries. The record stands at 11 ambulances and two air ambulances in a five-hour... Why would you bother doing that? All paid for by the village through donations.

And the winning team gets to drink the beer from the keg. Mental tradition, but the locals love it. Keep sexy and relatable check. I just think that's giving people outside of London a bad name, that kind of stuff. You're not doing yourself any favours. Do you know what I mean? Not helping our rep. And people go, you can't go to London, it's dangerous.

I love it. There are people now. I know London's a bit lively, right? But people go, you can't even wear your Rolex in London. How many people have got a Rolex in the grand scheme of things? That's going to be a problem for. Do you know? Here you go.

Oh, my God. It looks absolutely. a mess. Oh, it's a tiny little beer keck. No, it looks a tiny little beer keg. It looks awful. Oh, God, it looks awful. I'd hate that.

They're all old geysers as well. There's a geys like drowning in a little river. Oh, man, it looks awful. I fucking hate rugby. Right, Josh. Yeah. I got a thing on helium balloons. You know, you said your helium balloons didn't come.

Yeah, well, we've got them. They're still downstairs in a box because we already bought some others. Oh, what? It's still inflated? Well, we've just got a box that we haven't opened because it already had helium balloons. So you've just got a helium balloons in a box?

They arrived. Weeks ago, this was? Weeks ago. But they're just in the conservatory. In a box? In a box. Well, we've got this email in about healing balloons. On a recent episode, Josh was discussing how his helium balloons hadn't arrived on time.

Rob suggested they don't stay inflated for long. I beg to differ. Oh, yeah. When I was 20 years old, I was in hospital with bacterial meningitis. Oh, dear. And my dad bought me a helium balloon from the shop downstairs as a joke. It was Ernie from Sesame Street. That balloon is still fully inflated.

Oh, wow. And living in the spare room of my parents' house. Amazing. I am now 53 years and age. Wow, fair play. That's incredible. Loving the podcast, Ian, that is amazing. I'll send you the picture of it.

It's just a helium balloon that's inflated. It looks great, Nick, though, for 33 years old. That's good. As anyone had, a longer helium balloon? Rew writing. You can't. Menzel. There you go. Send it on the group. Right. What else you want? Do anything different? We've got panicking in paradise? Yeah. It's not good Nick, isn't it?

Yeah. You don't seem excited about panicking in paradise, Josh. No, let's do it. It's in front of a Ruth Randall book, as if to date it. Okay. Cool. Good morning, Rob, Josh and Michael. Been listening to your pod of a while and absolutely love it. Your recent section about Panic in Paradise really resonated with me. This was when I went away to the Maldives my birthday and kept them crying. Yeah, because I was overwhelmed. I'm a single parent to a beautiful 10-year-old boy called Zach, and in the summer of last year, took him to Florida, which I had spent two years saving for. I was very proud of myself of being able to take him and felt empowered.

Brilliant, well done. Good on you. Day one, when we landed, we obviously had to go straight to Walmart to buy some supplies. The concierge at the hotel told me it wasn't that safe using Uber as Uber drivers aren't regulated, so that got into my head being their solo of my son. So suddenly I felt a bit vulnerable. That's strange. I've always had good experiences with Uber drivers in Florida. There is a company called Mears Taxis you can use, though.

However, I decided to be brave and did a drill of my son about getting into and out of the car at the same time rather than one at a time and proceeded to Walmart. The Uber ride was fine, though the driver was talking about how his baby mama didn't let him have contact with his child, and the maintenance he had to pay regardless, which left me slightly nervous. But the real panic in Paradise came post-Wallmart shop

when I realized I had no way of booking. an Uber back to the hotel as I had no phone outside the Disney Wi-Fi bubble and alone in the car park when it was getting dark with my son. Eventually, I went inside to the Starbucks and used their Wi-Fi to book one, only to then come back to the car park, which was huge to wait for the ride. We calmly and politely asked a Walmart car park attendant where the Uber's pick up from, and he shouted that Uber's were not associated with Walmart and couldn't help us. You're running into a right pair of wankers here. I then started to panic, and that made my son cry as he picked up on it.

Oh, my God. Obviously, as a parent, that is the one thing you do not want to do, especially not on day one of your dream holiday you've spent two years paying for. Jesus Christ. A British family stopped and helped us, and we got our Uber back to the hotel, but the experience really ruined the start of our holiday, and then made me really guarded for the rest of it.

Oh, Lucy. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Oh, it's hard, didn't it? You put so much into a holiday. It's too much pressure on holidays, isn't there really, in a weird way? There's too much, like, my kids talk so much about when we're going to Greece, and then we're going to have gone to Greece.

Do you know what I mean? And then you want to make sure that you're there full of beans, loving it. And also, going anywhere new is always a bit of a lottery and stuff like that. Totally. What I would recommend is, when you go abroad, you can get ESIMs now. I use a thing called Hollerfly and you can basically pay like 20 quid and it will give you a month

or a two weeks of data that you can just use and you just go on your settings and say use this ESIM and that way you've got the same data that you'd have in the UK but you can have it for two weeks out there so whenever you're not by Wi-Fi

you've got that but oh I'm sorry Lucy I hope you had a good time for the rest of it though this episode is brought to you by Spec Savers now Rob one of the amazing things about having kids, it's getting to enjoy how they see the world, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It's this strange world they live in Rob, where everything's kind of infinite.

Anything can exist, but also it's tiny in that the people they know are the only people they know. And do you know what they love, a muddy puddle? Oh, they love a muddy puddle. You're like, no, dirty shoes got, but like they put on, let's put wellies on and get dirty and then just have a shot. It's fun getting dirty and jumping in mud. I know, there's so many things they like doing. Do you know what? If someone said to me, do you want to roll down the,

that grassy hill, I think no. No. But they love it. They do love it. They do love it. Rob. Thing is though, Rob, around one in five children have undiagnosed sight conditions.

And that can get in the way of seeing all that wonder. One in five, really? Genuinely, one in five, Rob. Being able to see clearly is key to their development, helping them explore the world around them and connect with others. Got you.

So if catching those issues early can make a huge difference, it's good news that Specsaver's experts can help. Exactly, Rob. They've pulled out the stops to make children's eye test as enjoyable and kid-friendly as possible. Plus, you can stay with your child the whole time for peace of mind. Make their first appointment a good experience. Book your child and NHS funded ITEST at specksavers.co.uk.

Weird town traditions or another boomer, what do you fancy, Josh? Or customer service revenge? Yes, please, yes. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. While I was at uni, I worked in a busy Manchester City Centre hotel in 2006. Oh, I'd like to know what that was. That would be peak Wayne Rooney going out drinking era, wouldn't it? Of course.

He's your mate, you watch the football with him. Did you chat much? A bit, chat about Argyle. Oh, God, yeah, that didn't work out well for him, though, did it? No, but he was quite... But last thing you wanted to sit next with an Argyll fan. There's only about 18 of you in the country. Now he's managed to spend an afternoon we won.

He was very impressed by our away support. Was he? Yeah. Okay. Most guests were lovely, but every shift we'd get, the rowdy, rude, obnoxious, very drunk ones, football fans stags and hen parties, the overly important business people, you get the picture.

I'll admit, I took great, very quiet pleasure in assigning the absolute worst rooms available to the rudest guests. Was this my fucking room in the basement? The one right next to the lift and corridor door, the one perfectly level with the bright street lamp posts outside.

Right, right. That's a great one because they won't automatically think that's a shit room. Yeah, yeah. Or that room, the one with the history. where guests have passed away. Oh, my God. Floyd Griffith told you about this before.

No. When he checked into a hotel in Sheffield, and it was a bit weird when he went in, and he went, this don't feel right. And all that anyway, Google it. They'd been like a murder in there the week before. Oh, my God. But lightning doesn't strike twice.

And when they're never to be rang down to complain, I'm so sorry, we're fully booked tonight, and there are no other rooms available. Oh, this moral of the story, kindness is free, and you don't always hold the power. customer's not always right. The customer isn't always right. I'd say, though, like, they've got to be very rude to warrant that.

I hope you're not giving that out willy-nilly. No. Are you reflecting on your little horrible window-liss room you had the other day? Well, no, because I went up and I politely said, could I move rooms and they moved me? So obviously... You're a great guy, and it was an unfortunate mistake? A great guy, yeah, and it was an unfortunate mistake. Other parents are wankers?

Yeah, I agree. Hi, gang. Long-time listener, but first-time emailer. I really do think I have the worst example of parents boasting about their kids. It makes my skin crawl. Growing up, there was a family where the mother was insufferable, boasted about her kids. For your Irish listeners, she was a dose, D-O-S-E. Don't know all that is. Shall we Google it? Yeah, have a little look. A d'ors. She's a right d'os. Dose in Irish slang generally refers to an extremely annoying, irritating and

unpleasant person or situation. It's a strong term of criticism often describing someone who is a pain in the backside. Do you reckon it's dose as in like a dose of venom? Well, it may be, it might be, yeah. Anyway, all of her children had to and did become doctors. Blimey. Fuck that. Shouldn't be doing that to your kids, making them do something that they don't want to has anyone seen succession?

Anyway. She had one kid, however, who wasn't as academic as the others, and she never really spoke much about him. Oh. Fucking out. Let's call him John. He hasn't even got a good name. When asked about John on what he might do when he left school,

she once replied, Well, John will do carpentry, and if it's good enough for the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, is good enough for my John. Oh, my word. Fucking weirder. What a weird woman. But then did John become a doctor?

I don't know. Parents that live their lives through their kids. Oh, it's awful. And their kids' professions, it blows my fucking mind. And I think they think they're being selfless by focusing on them, but all they're doing is trying to prove they're great because their loins have created something that's impressive.

Yeah. It's horrendous. It's awful. It's not even impressive. No. Because what I mean is like no thing should be more impressive than another. It's not like you have one because you are this profession. I sometimes well hear people talk about their kidding.

Oh my God, they're doing this. It's totally out of all wrong. I can't believe they're doing that. And they say it to me. And do you ever get that where like I'm listening going, I disagree with everything you're saying. think you're in the wrong here. But I can't be bothered to bring it up or get involved because it's not my place.

That I found difficult. Yeah. Yeah. And then I start feeling sorry for the kid. Oh, God. Yeah. Thanks for the last and for spreading the word about idiot tax and putting your phone number in your kid's shoes in case they lose you, both of which are important safeguards

in our house. There you go. That's good. That's good. Lovely stuff. Right, Josh. I've got another weird local town tradition. Let's do this.

Yeah. Hi, Rob and Josh. Your story about the sheep joining the school bus. What the fuck? When did we say that? When have we ever discussed that? I can't believe. I don't know when that was.

My head is, I just don't remember anything I've ever done on this show. Not just people in general. And say things I've said on this show or yet on anything else. And I just don't remember it. I was saying the other day to Rom when he was in China doing Kung Fu. I said to him, I think you, out of anyone in the world, has done more things in general.

Because when you look at mine and Romish's series of what we've done, he's also done like three or four of his own other ones travelling around the place he's been and things he's done, it's mental. Yeah. And he keeps doing them. It's up, Forrest Gump.

Do you know what I mean? And then I did this, and I did Kung Fu, then I did ballet, then I met you, Searle, then I did the boat. Anyway, Michael, do you remember the school bus sheet? You will have, because he edited it. So he is it twice. It was someone who went to school somewhere near where Josh grew up

and the journey to and from school was so far and so rural that the driver used to stop and pick up stray sheep from the road and then drop them off at the farmer on the school run. I have no memory of that. That's bad. No memory of that. Sheep story. We used to share a school drop-off with another boy from a school

and living deep in the countryside in Lancashire. We were used to running across all sorts of animals on the way in. We were often delayed by cows going in for milking or stopping to herd a loose sheep back into a field. One morning we were stopped in our tracks by a huge dead deer. Oh my God. It's been hit. I'll pop back and get that later, said the boy's mum.

After dropping us at school, she cheerfully did. And then at pick-up, she sent me home with venison steak for my parents to put in the freezer. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. That's roadkill. Butchering roadkill during the school day to give on the pickup. The turner, I mean, you can't get fresher meat than that. Exactly, yeah, to be fair.

I mean, that is what a wild thing to do. Fair play, I suppose. It's dead. Love you, long time. Since 2020... Waste not one. Since 2020 and Daisy May Cooper's iconic flag poo story, Miranda, mum to a two and a half-year-old, Griff.

Griff? Great name. Okay, time for a special part of the show called What Happens On Tour, brought to you by Monzo. We've spent many years as comedians, Rob. We have been on tour or going to and from gigs with many comedians including each other. Yes. That includes sharing cars.

Sharing hotels, sharing dressing rooms, sharing the bills in restaurants, getting on with people and learning how to split your life. And petrol costs. Petrol costs. Fuel costs was a big one. Of course. Now, how did you find it? I found working out how much everyone owed for petrol, very stressful. Yeah. I was overly polite.

and would always come out shortchanged. Yeah, and I'd get very frustrated with people that swerved it. I'm not going to name names. No. And I still think of him and go, you tight, tight. And if you saw him today, you'd still ask for that £10. It weren't even my £10, or someone else's £10. You know, originally I did a lot of tour support.

I did £1 in the car. And they paid for everything because you're the support. And now I try and do the same because you're paying it back. Yeah, you've got to pay their D&R. Exactly, Rob. That's how it works. You can't be on tour with someone and then you go for a curry after

and then they go, we're splitting this 50-50 with a support. No, exactly. Have you ever done that? No, I haven't, no, and I wouldn't do that. Do you know, I once went for a curry with an act after a gig and he fell asleep. During the food? During the food. Sometimes in these situations, Rob, you just want to be able to say,

just Monzo me. Yes. Oh, just Monzo Me. Because with the Monzo app, Rob, you can split, shared, divide, settle you can do all of those things even with people that don't have the Monzo app. Yeah, I know, and if it's just one thing, like dinner,

you can split it and you know who's paid what, but if you're on the road for longer, you can have an ongoing total. Exactly, Rob. The same with like a group holiday. If you're going to have another couple, you know, it doesn't be like, I'll get this one, you get that one, just do it, Monso Me, sort it all out on the app.

And then everyone knows what they've paid and you're not having a row at the end going, oh, we pay for the drinks at night and they didn't pay for drinks. They didn't get around it. Monzo me, mate. Monsome. You can split the cost easily or edit the amount

and it sorts all the payments and reminders automatically. Yeah, and after a long day on the road, you don't want to start doing maths and calculations. Exactly. Leave it to the Monzo app. Tell you what I can't help with her. What? People falling asleep in a curry.

No app can help with that. Monzo, download your new favourite bank. To apply for a Monzo current account, you must be 16 plus UK resident teas and sees apply. Right. Small business shout out? Yeah. Do you mean to go first?

I've got one. Yeah. Hello, I was listening to Josh on Rummish's podcast recently, where he mentioned taking up photography again as he now lives in Exeter. I thought it would be a good opportunity to convince him to check out Photo Club Devon. That seems like a great idea, but I'm going to say the thing I like about photography is being on my own. Okay. It's a group of Devon-based photographers that like other people with people mainly based in Exeter and Pillar. I spend so much time with other people.

You know, well, this isn't for you then. This is for these nice sociable people. This is a good thing, yeah. Yeah, if you're normal. there's regular meetups to go on photo walks or just chat about photography. We just had our first photography in print in the pub, which you would hate because you're sober now and you hate humans. Yeah. But other people might like this.

Where we printed out some of our favourite images we had taken and shared them around and discussed them to encourage people to print their work while in a relaxed and fun environment, Josh. I do think more photography should be printed rather than just looked at on phones. Check it out on Instagram at Photo Club Devon. Also, shameless plug for my own photography. My Instagram is James.com. Have a great day, James Crunch. And I think that sounds like a lovely thing to do. That is a good thing.

That is a good thing. Why don't you do? I think when you're not touring and you're not so busy, you're bloody love meeting up with the guys. Have a little soda water or a lime. Print out your photos of whatever you take pictures of. Hi, Rob, Josh and team. I was hoping you'd be able to give my wife's business

Colourful Horizons a shout out. My wife is an art teacher talking about in secretary education for many years. years, but finally took the leap and started her own art workshop business in Plymouth. Yes, fellow Tregor Mills fans here, Josh. She provides art workshops for adults, children and businesses ranging from corporate events, home-educated family workshops to after-school art clubs and children's parties. Children could also gain the Arts Award qualification through courses she provides. Please check out our website at Colorfulhorisons.co.uk or find her on Facebook and Instagram.

She puts her heart and soul into bringing art to everyone and makes it super approachable. Stay sexy and relatable, Chris. Lovely. There we go. Nice South England shoutouts there. Double Devon, that. Double denim.

Right. Josh, don't work too hard, mate. I'll see you. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Oh, fucking, yeah, in person. We're doing four. We'll work quite hard tomorrow and then ease off Friday.

Yeah, for Aberdeen. Bye. Bye.