Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP46: Laura Smyth (The Return)

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian and writer - Laura Smyth Following a meteoric rise through the comedy ranks, Laura Smyth – the brutally honest, blisteringly funny, working-class voice from East London – is back with a brand-new national tour. Off the back of her critically acclaimed and sell out debut tour Living My Best Life, Laura is hitting the road again in 2026 with ‘Born Aggy’. Tickets will be available from www.laurasmyth.com Parenting Hell is available to watch on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  (Copyright 2026) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Mabel, I know you've got hiccups, but can you say... Rop? Yeah. Can you say Beckett? Beckett. Can you say Josh? Josh. Can you say Whittickham?

Do, ma'am. Very good. Well done, Poppet. The timing of that first hiccup was so perfect. This is perfect comic timing from Mabel. Mabel, I know you've got... got hiccups but can you say one more time that's a bit of you this isn't it

I know you've got hiccups but can you say from now on we will prioritise a child with hiccups doing it so if you've got a child of hiccups right with hiccups and if you write with hiccups to get to the top of the list and there's no hiccups it'll be deleted

so don't try that one good morning Michael Rob and Josh here's my daughter Mabel just turned two having a go are your names of the intro. Arguably, I should have waited for a time when she didn't have hiccups. Incorrect. Highlight. Best for months. I'm an OG listener.

The podcast started at the same time I was making peace with the idea I'd never be a mother after a very difficult couple of years. So sending this in is something of a full circle moment for me. Not only am I a mother, after all, but I'm mother to one of those adorable toddlers that can't pronounce Widdickham. Thank you for making this wild and wonderful journey to parenthood. Feel normal and achievable. Stay section relatable.

4333 months. I do miss my kids not being able to talk properly. Yeah. Was, well, we. Yeah, my son still has words, which he just... It's too hot in here. Can I take your jacket off?

There's a voice from the back that says, take your jacket off, you don't pervert. I'm a top. Take your jacket off. Go top's off if you want. No, I can't. You keep doing that quite a lot. And I saw you dress as a chipping down

on your other podcast. You're right. I'm tired. The heat has hit me. We are recording this in the heat wave in London and the aircon's broken and it is about a thousand. It feels like some sort of nuclear shelter. Fuck my fucking life. But we're going to put a good shift in.

Oh, Josh, we do. Because we know because it's Laura Smith. And it's a great interview and we've done it already. You know what we said we didn't know what to do when we're walking along later night and there's a lady and we don't want them to feel intimidated. There's actually a campaign. We got sent this by Poppy Murray. Yeah. And it's called B-Lads.com.com.

UK. B-Lads is an awareness and safety campaign which provides practical advice to men for step-second take to help women feel safer when they're walking alone. Exactly what we're looking for. So everyone has the right to walk alone safely. Here we go. So B-Lads is basically is an acronym. Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah.

The B is a word or sort of... No, I never know. I think an acronym is where it's like BBC but if it's like NASA where it becomes a word in itself, I don't think it's an acronym, I think is a different thing what is that michael do you know what i mean

i'm gonna check it's checking it's too up it's too hot anyway be visible yeah isn't that the problem though well no because someone's more intimidating if you can't see who they are so be in the like don't be like hidden okay ease attention by making a phone call yeah hi just on the way home make up maybe make up a nice normal family friendly phone call yeah l for the lads bit look away don't stare

yeah a active bystand don't know what that means. Well, just be active. Distance yourself. Yep, I think that's fair. S suggests walking your friend home. I don't know what to actually do, though, still. Well, let me give you an example.

Go on. So I'll play that out with you. Okay, play with me. Okay, so you're walking home. Be visible. So, well, it's slightly weird for you because you live in country lanes, right? Yeah, and I'm famous.

Well, yeah, all right. Fucking hell, big shot. No, but I just think like... It's weird in itself. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like... I think it diffuses the situation instantly. I think they might help.

Maybe you should stick that at the end, be famous. It will help, if past. If fast. But a certain type of famous. Is that the bloke of... Like, not a weird famous. Be visible, so basically... So, let me give you an example.

Let me give you an example. You're walking behind someone. Yeah. How close, someone? Too close. Too close. Drop back, whatever the one was that meant drop back. Distance yourself.

Distance yourself. yourself. So don't be too close. Got you. So you drop back, why not go more in the light? Don't walk on, say, the dark bit of the pavement. Or maybe we'll cross the road to the other side, away from the... Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Under the light rather than in the dark bit. Exactly. Got you. Make a phone call to Lou. And just be like normal friendly person. No, no, make a phone call... So don't say the normal things I say to Lou. I might be a bit fruity. Pretend that you've got like a loving relationship.

Like that. So I'll pretend I've got a normal relationship. Phone up Lou and go. Hi, Lou. What's for dinner. What would you mean what's the dinner? I'm trying to make a lady feel safe. Let's not argue about what's in the fridge. I'm not, I know it's sort of like tragic wife vibes, but I'm just trying to act like a sort of a normal, friendly, non-threatening husband. Because I'm happily married. And look away, don't stare, because I think sometimes sort of looking and smiling to go, I'm friendly, if anything that's weird. So just don't look away, don't look at them. Very good. There we go. We've done it. There you go.

And also be famous. Because maybe if I'm walking down a country lane and there's a lady there and I'm, you know, I'm trying to keep my distance stuff and she's like, you rub it back out of the telly? Can I have a photo? I'm like, I can't. I'm keeping my distance. I'm keeping my distance. And I'm easing the tension by making a call.

Yeah, exactly. But that's good. Be visible. Ease attention by making a phone call. Look away. Don't stay. Active by a stander. Don't what that means.

No. No. No. Do you think that they went with B lads first and then worked backwards from there? Do you find that weird, that kind of thing? if it was just you and someone else would you acknowledge that you were Rob Beckett would you go look it's fine

look guys it's Rob Beckett here off the TV you're absolutely fine I don't think that would help I'm just going to do what the campaign says yeah I think that's correct I think that's honest to the question Poppy if you want to email in again

Active Byerstander I don't know what that means I suppose it's like being front Active Byerstander is that if you see it happening you can intervene Oh maybe So that's what we're going to do yeah I was useful it was really useful yeah

making a phone call but then I'd panic about what I'd say or do I have an actual real phone call I barely make phone calls these days no yeah but I think you should in this instance make someone feel safer particularly at 10pm if I phoned rose should be like are you fucking kidding I'm asleep

if I was walking down the street alone at 10pm and you were your voice started chirping in on a phone call but what's that I've got to talk well if you like it's good to talk we've got some Bob Hoskins references coming up that's almost like we've filmed

this after we did the... Exactly, yeah. Just the interview. Yeah. Might ring my mum about a doctor in a minute. Yeah. Here's Laura Smith.

Laura, hello. Oh, hello. Is that Mike or up? I'm very well. How are you guys? Good. Is that a Chanel necklace? It's fake Chanel.

All I do is wear fake Chanel because I know my roots. Also, as well, I think people just assume it's real on you. Yeah. She's got a Chanel necklace. I was like, do you know what? Fair play. She's just absolutely living it now. It's an absolute ball of move.

It's been a few years since we interviewed her. She's got a fucking Chanel necklace. I don't know what. So where did you get your fake chenelle from? Well, it was a little boutique in Ireland, just a Kilkenny Comedy Festival. But I've got another couple of shnells that I just found in a boot cell. And I've got a fake shale handbag that I bought in. A really good one, though, that I bought in Istanbul.

I love it when people say really good ones. Like in Dubai, you can get fake watches, but they're good ones. Well, what I mean is it's real leather. There's some that look like plastic. Same price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's same price, yeah. But when I have that Chanel handbag, it started to get a bit tarnished.

you get treated well in Chanel when you're there at Heathrow Airport. They say you're a serious punter, even though you ain't got the price of a flip-flop in there. And that necklace, does that exist as an exit you can buy? Ish. I can't believe you've picked up with it. We're not wearing a Chanel pearl necklace. I can't believe you picked up on this thing that's the main centre point of my outfit.

I can't even put on a deliberate outfit choice. Are you going to find the world's number one pod? Is that what it is? The world's number one comedy podcast? don't we? Wow. That's a rumours. You're on it, you're part of it?

Um, go on, let's get, let's get sensible. Would you ever get to a point where you would stop buying fake Chanel and start buying Chanel? I,

yeah. What point would that be? What point would that be? Oh, I'll have to buy a proper house first. Right, I don't think you can justify... No, I think you have to buy a house

before you start buying Chanel. That's it. You can't justify an eight grand handbag or cut a grand necklace unless you actually own bricks and mortar. And is there anything you can never, imagine justifying in the way that I don't think I could ever be rich enough to use stuff in a minibar.

So you still never have it? I still just can't do it to myself. It's just can't, a psychologically principle. Even though I psychologically can afford that kick-cat. Of course you can. But you know it's an inflated price. You know it's something in me. I'll play inflated prices on other things that I'm just like, oh, that's fine, I can afford that.

Petrol and the services. Exactly. But is that more? Yeah. Water at an airport. Oh, water and airport is men I was going back the other day, right? I'm through Tenerife, right?

And I'm there with the producers. We need to water for the flight because it's four and a half hours. It's an absolute liberty, right? Just too much. Anyway, I go in the Pratt at Tenerife Airport, right by the gate. Grab four waters.

Guess how much? 27 euro. She's really good. It was 15 euros. Why have you done that? Why have you done that? Three waters. We're not going to be the top fucking podcast now, are we?

Five euros for bottle of water. Five euros for bottle of water is mental, isn't it? Okay, then I actually went to how well, I thought you said four water. I guess four pound fishing Let's just forget that happen Oh no I actually went under

It's a shame in it I thought you had four waters Yeah Right So what did you think That's seven or eight euros How much is 20

No I've gone wrong Euros and pounds Let's not do this Let's not do this Five euros of water That's more like That's got You have a snap

Snip But yeah that's very overinfl Minnie bars Water and Airport Service petrol Sweats at a cinema Would you do that Yeah you've got

they've got to be in a similar character. You know what? Because I had a 10, my daughter was 10 when I met my now husband. Yeah. And he was a young single man. Then he went to the cinema for the first time as a sort of family unit. Yeah. He still talks about, how expensive it was not financially recovered.

I was sort of trying to impress. Well, it was, yeah, he was like, oh yeah. So, look, I know we've interviewed before, but it was on Zoom. Could we have a recap? You know? Let's have a recap. Can we do a recap for me? Well, I'll pretend listeners, but for me.

Yeah. And, you know, sort of the whole sort of set up of, children, husband. Like, you know, they do it at the start of a drama? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just quick, quick cut. Just a bit of exposition. Yeah.

I was confident I'd interviewed you before, but I wasn't 100%. No, no. You've done a lot of podcasts, mate. You've met a lot of parents. And I've met you. So the point is, do you know when you're like, have you interviewed that person? It's like, if it's someone I've never met,

I'm more likely to remember it. It's a different energy in person than on Zoom. Yeah. It is that. So it feels like I'm meeting a new person. Also. And I know I've interviewed before. They still recovered.

I know I interviewed you. I just forgot. But there's also that thing of you two, I just, before I met you, I was like, oh yeah, I know, yeah, I've done senior stand up. Like, if I saw you on the street, I'd be like, Josh, you're like, yeah, people are like that, yeah. It's nice, isn't it? Lovely. No, I've just got enough profile. This is my profile.

It's just a narrowing of the eyes where they go, oh, I sort of recognize. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know you from. Is that Chanel? Yeah. No. So, the family in, in, in, in, in, such. I did not a fake name, like when I used to write, Ray bands from the markets.

in Spain, Roy Bins. Is it still Chanel? I've got a George Armani watch. I just got a Cassette. I used to sell fake Burberry scarves on Manchester Christmas market. Yeah, I think you've told us on this podcast four times. Cashmink.

Cashmink. Instead of Kashmir. Yeah. Cashmink. It's a capital of Belarus, isn't it? Recap on you children life. Me, parent in hell. I have, my oldest child is 23.

I had her when I was 23 now. And then I, when she was about 13, I had the next one. Bonnie Smith. I've got 10 year old and an 8 year old. So two daughters, then a son. Yes. Two daughters and a son? Yeah. And then you met your now partner when your eldest was 10. Yeah. Perfect. Which is funny because now my Bonnie's 10. So it's a little bit funny going,

oh. So it's your new one? Yeah. Oh, no. Thanks. Every 10 years you get a new fella. She's like, oh no. Just churn them out. Yeah, I think like, I think three baby fathers would really go in my fake Chanel necklace actually. I think it's a great for new tour. What's the 23-year-old up to? She's quite nice. She's alright.

That wasn't a question. No, no. She's in the middle of a degree. She went, she did her A levels during COVID, so she didn't want to go straight to degree. It's a bit of weird time. A bit of a rest of development, if I'm honest. I think they're all finding their feats from then. So she's in the middle of a degree, interior spatial design. I'm basically that mum now. You know when your mum could never say the right brand name or your degree? Like, don't do that.

So I've always get it wrong. She's doing something. So it's not interior design. No, it's interior. It's sort of more architectural. rule. If you ask there, she knows, yeah, I'm an architect. She's just down the road. She lives near, ah, she's... So how's that as a parent? Are you? How involved, like... I'm so fucking involved. The Lord doesn't even know what it's called.

I know, but you can still be involved. What a degree is? You know, I am involved. I wouldn't say you're overly involved in your daughter's life if you don't even know what she's studying. I do, but I don't ever get the date. It's interior spatial design at University Arts London. All right?

Happy now, let's see it. And then she's got a little nanny in job. And then she works at a little local. bakery, pillar of the community. She's all right. The girls, she's all right. She sounds very sensible. And do you think about every day you like worrying or you... Oh, it's worse?

No. Worse when they're older. No. I bet your mum's and dads worry about you more now. I'm going to say about my mum and my dad no. I'll give you a quick recap of what my mum and dad recently where I finished filming and something a bit earlier than planned

and I went home for a few days. Do you want to meet up? I'll busy this week. I'm not fair enough. No, wise. Then the next week I went, oh, I'll come down and see you on Monday, half term of the kids. Then I run it back hour later. It's bank holiday Monday. I'm not going to do it.

It'll be mental down in Margate. I'll come late in the week. But if you want, you can come up and see me. We're not seeing each other for about three, four weeks. Come to mine, Banquoddy Monday. Nah, we're busy. Anyway, I was supposed to go to see him on the Friday. Then my flight back from filming, got in at 3am from Tenerife.

I went, I'd be too tired. I can't do the drive in there and back the next day. come up if you want. Nah, we're all right. So I want to say they're overly worried. We're overly worried. They're letting me crack on. I just think in your 20s you're a bit weird. See a lot of you on TV though.

Yeah, they know what you're up to. They know what I'm doing. They get the short of updates. But 23's different. I'm boring and safe pair of hands adult now. 23's the anomaly, isn't it? Are your kids a pool for them though? I mean, that's the only way you have contact. My mum were like, well, I don't think my mum would bother seeing me. She likes my kids.

Yeah, no, the kids have to be an absolute guarantee that they're there for them to come. No interest when it's just you. Also, though, if the kids weren't there, just me, my, my dad, look at each other. How much do you want to see him? Yeah. Am I desperate for that three-way, chat? No. You're not desperate for that three-way, are you, Rob?

No, as I sit there and hear about, like, what their mate down the road's been up to, what the doctor's doing? My mum, like, it's word association with my mum. Like, you know, I don't know if she's always been like this, but, you know, when she'll ask you about something, and then you say something, it just sparked something in her, like, how was the hospital? Oh, yeah, it's all right.

Couldn't find parking. oh I couldn't in Eilford You're like Now we're just talking about a trip to Eilford That's what we're talking about. Yeah so she's actually at the hospital was And you said there was bad parking Then she's on her own story about parking

Yeah It's a word association Yeah is that all old people Is it? It's just up on this podcast To be fair Yeah yeah Yeah yeah

That is a podcast Yeah but at least You can choose to listen to this Do you know what I mean It's like you can't just sort of say to your mum I'm not really feeling the podcast this week phone down Your mum seems to be able to say it to you.

Now, when I say Monday, my famous son, these beautiful kids. We're busy. I wouldn't mind. Did they say the other day? What were they busy with? Do they give you specifics? You will never guess in a million years, I'm going to tell you.

27 euros. They went down to the local... Show me out of your ass. They went down to the local pub, to the function room to watch their GP play drums in a band. What's their G-B? Oh, the doctor? Fucking how.

What? It's the only way you can get to see your GP. Oh, there we go. Lovely stuff. But your dad was bending over for a prostate exam or the drumstick. No, the thing is when you get to that age, you can get in the GPs whenever you want. Oh, you do. It's like an open door policy over really.

I bet he was fucking gutted to see them. No, they invited him down. He didn't mean it. He just was trying to get him out of the room. Yeah, but they've gone there over seeing me. Can you play the drums? I can't pay any of them. What's his band?

Do they give you any more specifics on his band? No, but he also edits video because he's offered to edit my stand-up tour shows. And I think he does magic. Personally, I wouldn't have him as my doctor. No offense to him, but there's too many other things he's into. Yeah, yeah. What are you?

Miss Rabbit in Pepper Pig. Just have one job. Well, I want from my doctor, someone that's into medicine, not playing drums. Some of the men's got a book on funny moles because he's into it. By the way, before I tell you your test results,

should I ring my mum and ask her about this doctor? And what he actually's into? I want to be nice to catch up with her. I don't want to be a bit of a nod, but you know that kind of like, you're Rob Beckett. You know, people know you, you're off to telly. This idea that is, presumably he's a professional doctor, amateur videographer. This idea that's like, if you need anyone to do his stand-up videos,

you're like, I think my team have got that cover, that stuff. I do think if I rang up my agent and said, don't worry about the editor. My mum and dad has sort of me out of videographer from Margate. He's currently a jeeper. I've requested an appointment to do the editing. Someone's going to room you back in three weeks. You don't want to be appropriate.

Sometimes it's like my mate went the other day, like a mum on school, oh, we're doing like the local little street festival that's in the summer. We've got a bit of budget. And then they went just a little bit of it. If you want to do like 40 minutes. I'm going to do 40 minutes on a lot.

street in my local area i thought you know what you don't want to be that guy that goes there's not enough budget in the world there's not enough budget in the world because 40 minutes is so like no even if you'd get paid to do like a big cabaret end of a night set at a big awards do it's 20 to 30 max it's just kids running around with bubbles that i are friends with my kids what are to talk about i'll quickly i'll quickly remember i'm to find out what no works work in it she's busy well she's actually getting the kids in an hour because she's going to think there's something wrong with the She don't bother about you world. She's not cared, does she?

New number, who this? Okay. And that's... She'll call back. Yeah, that's summed up. She might not up. In relationship with your mum there, lovely.

What are you looking at your text with her now? Now I'm paranoid that she's never asked me and I only ask her to meet up. You've got in my head? No, I have got in your head. You said. So do you ask your daughter to meet up, your 23-year-old, or is she coming to you?

No, yeah, she'll come to me. We do nice things. She's sort of done that sort of transition which has got a bit of a flat mate and then it's a little bit, you know that first realisation in the world? Just sort of full of confidence. Then you realise, oh, all of my confidence is based on rolling my eyes at my parents.

Now I'm out in the world. Maybe they do know a thing or two about the washing machine and paying bills. Do you know what I mean? So I'm trying to make sure, because I've got the little ones, I've realised he does suffer from that. So I've done little things like I took her to Morocco for a little spa break in the middle. I just trying to have one-on-one time with my kids. I think that's important.

Even when the younger ones separate as well, like they really come out of them shell and they operate as an individual, not a pair. It's nice. We call it divide and conquer me and my husband with a little one. Sometimes we look at you and go, oh, I'll take that up. And then all of a sudden you go, oh, I didn't know? Yeah, they come to life, didn't they? Especially when you're with the little one for the day.

Yeah, and they're sitting in the front because they're on the back chatting and then you've got them in the front. Yeah. I think they're so really nice. Hannah you got again too? Two. How old today again? Eight and five. Okay, that's cute. This episode is brought to you by Liddle.

Now we've got a bit of an ongoing loose be stiff neck debate on this podcast, haven't we, Rob? Yes. I mean, for the newer listeners, the loose neck, stiff neck, I'm more of a loose neck quite relaxed, carefree, quite loud in your face, where the stiff neck's a little bit more, you know, a little bit more rigid. Buttoned up, a bit more worried, a bit more contained, you know, and then that does filter into food, doesn't it, Josh?

I worry about ultra-processed food, Rob. Yes. That's what I worry about. I'm thinking if I don't have some blueberries with my. breakfast, my body's going to pack up before dinner. Do you know what I mean? Loose Neck Legendeer can just smash three espressoes in the morning and love his life. Whereas I am like, if I have caffeine, I'm going to have a come down at about 11 a.m. So I have to have a decaf tea with my breakfast.

And that's simply how it works, Rob. That is how our lives differ. That is why the world works. That is why this podcast works. Yes. That's the good thing about Little though, Rob. In case you didn't know, stiff necks and loose necks and everyone in between can get the stuff You love there.

Oh yeah. And what would that be for you then, Josh? Maybe some oat milk with no sugar, Rob. Perhaps even some veggie bits from the deluxe range if I'm feeling fancy, mate. Meanwhile, I'm going straight for the Lurpack, rustic baguettes and a load of fromage fray and fruit for the kids. Everything we need at a great price. Liddle, more to value.

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72 hours of savings. Shop now at performance.ca slash three-day sale. Driven by Performance Auto Group. You're doing Hammersmith Apollo. I am doing Hammersmith Apollo. When are you doing Hammersmith Apollo? I'm doing it on the 7th of November, my Ball Nagy Tour. Yeah.

So it's really nice. Are you filming it? I might film it. She's got an idea. Can I have that GP's number? I'll send you the quacks. I'll phone him at 8am. I'll send you the quacks digits.

Thank God I've got an edit. This is so bizarre. I am, did you know, I had such an amazing first tour. It went from 20 dates to nearly 50. End up doing Hattney Empire, Indigo. Well, I did Lesser Square Theatre, then Hattney Empire, then Indigo. Did you do any dates outside London? No, I did.

No, because London just so. So we just thought, let's just go. big with Hammersmith of Bolo and it's getting there man it's sold up but you know what you do a big gig do you have this with your mates um obviously I'm going up and down the country and Ireland but when they go are you gonna do another date because there's only the balcony left meaning you just didn't buy tickets you know you're like just blind a bloody blakeney now it's 50 left on the balcony to buy it well you'll guess this policy because I think when you are

from similar backgrounds to you and me yeah everyone on a blank this can get slightly out of head yeah it was no one wants to come see me no I I I I hate people I know coming. I know I'm talking about you, not too, y'all. Do you know what I hate? Texts from people who are coming asking for details they could find out on the website. Do you know what?

And it never stops. But it's not even people you know. Catherine Ryan posts all the time where people have stood into her DMs about, what times it start? I've got time to get a curry. You're like, mate, I'm doing a big show here. What times it finished?

I'll get back for the babysit. I'm like, is there a break? Or should I get more drinks? You fuck you. Look on the website. I'm famous guys. When I was on Twitter once a reply,

said normally done it about quarter to ten and then because I'd replied, that gig was running late. I'm on there going, they're going to be livid with me. Oh no, yeah. Too did he get cancelled well? But he was 15 minutes out on a time prediction.

I am, yeah, Twitter's the World West. So when does the tour start? Right, it starts end of September. Loads of dates are sold out. Loads of dates. Why are you with them? No, no, no, no. Because London ain't.

Just for a catch-up just to be called Barry Fryer. Bob Oskins. It's good to talk. See? It's like he was in the room. I don't know how I pulled that from. I forgot that existed. It's good to talk.

All of his stuff he's done. What a brilliant actor. And he's boiled down to... Yeah. That and Super Mario. Was he in Super Mario? He was. He was in the Mario Brothers film, wasn't he?

Oh, yeah. Josh has a sort of forensic memory of about seven years in the 90s. I wouldn't be able to tell you any of the big films he did, Long of Friday. Josh, let me have to tell you one film that's been released this year, but we can tell you about the cold cast of Super Mario. I think Super Mario was out this year. The release this year, the ping pong one with Timothy Shalame.

Mighty Supreme. Well, I watched that on a plane about two months ago, so I imagine that was last year. Mighty Supreme, I need to watch that. Anyway. Anyway, back to the saw. Yeah, it's called Ball Nagy. Yeah, good.

I had the idea of a different name, and then I did a really early working progress in South End. And this woman on the back row, Debo, it was his hill. You know how people are just so funny? She went, oh, you know, I'm just Aggie. She went, oh, I was born Aggie. And I was like, oh, that's it, that is it. And then she was so funny, I started talking about my dog

and all that being my fact, she went, oh, yeah, honestly, my dog's my favourite child. And two young women next to her went, Mom! So yeah, born Aggie. It just sort of sums up. I think the first two was called, living my best life. It was very, like, celebratory. You know, I'd been through treatment after I was, you know, breast cancer and all that.

very like just ain't life grand but of course you can't stay in eight life grand you get very hippie dippy and trippy and you do all the work and you're like oh I'm still here and everything still gets on my nerves well you get used to it

you get used to being better and you forget when you work you're jaded you're jaded with your good health you're jaded with recovering from cancer I know I better start smoking again I do love that throat that is our working class people deal with something so horrendous

you've sat around a podcast I was gone, you know, as you got over the old, you know, surviving cancer thing, and then moved on where, like, as a middle class person, you sit there going, and then, you know, sit and just break and sort of slight, you know. I know, well, this is, I know, keep it, like, well, I mean, it does worry me the things that just you can laugh at. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, nothing's that deep, you know.

No. Did you find it helped you recovering? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just have a go. And the, um, nobody did it or not, you know, is that a fallacy? Of course. Yeah, no, cool.

Like, it is. medicine helped as well. Kimo helped. Kimo had a bad. If you had to lose one of them, which would you've chosen, chemo all laughing. But I didn't carry, right, oh God, I'm going to get into it now. Right, I'm going to be sensible, three and a half minutes. Okay, go.

What I thought, right, I swear. Come on. What I thought, God, I'll get it out. I just thought I don't want to carry any heaviness anymore. Do you know what I mean? When you get ill, when you help. I do think quite holistically in that respect, like I say, yeah, like Rob says, chemo,

But it is about like I'd just quit teaching to do comedy full time. Yeah. And there's this weird thing in comedy where you know you've run off and joined the circus, isn't you know? It's very freeing. And then all of a sudden you've got agents and PR teams and you're trying to get on mocked week and trying to get on this and trying to get that. You go, hang on, this just feels like any other career now. Yeah.

So it made me become very present and actually just be in the now and enjoy things and stop wanting for stuff. I don't kind of want for nothing. Do you know, like, as in I don't want for nothing. And don't, like, I don't subscribe to all this manifestation stuff. I think it keeps you in the future. I'm very much like now and can just, I'm just lighter on myself. Do you know what I mean?

I forgive myself easily. I hold myself in a bit more lightness and all that. But that said, I do accept who I am. And I'm born agie. And I do get young to be. So it's all right. Do you talk about big issues or small issues? I like small.

issues. Yeah, that's what I like. I like. I like small issues. I like small issues. I like small issues. So I think, do I want to do a big issue? And then I think, I don't want to do a big issue. I don't talk about big issues in my day to day life. Why would I do it on stage? And I think that actually, and I think there's a lot of comedy reviewers that don't understand this, comedy reviewers like big issues because then they can attach their brains to them, intellectualize them, be academic. What they don't realize is how much can be said with small issues and distilled jokes where you've hid the working it's not like a long equation you do big issues with little issues I think I don't do big issues

you're tricking people into consuming big issues against their will well for instance right I'll talk about mental wealth yeah yeah big issue big issue but I'll do it in a little issue kind of way oh here we go where I talk about like the thing is that everyone's got mental health now and I'll contextualize that in sort of the fact that we're all staring at our phones yeah yeah I'm totally addicted to our phones we're anxious. I'm working on a joke at the minute. But just that like they're almost bombarded by

like I see my 23 year old. She's almost like decision paralysis. There's too much in the world that they're exposed to. I'm saying we it's not that we didn't have aspirations. Of course we did we had the Argos catalogue. That's my kind of reference. The internet is too much Argos catalogue. So I didn't see an avocado till I was 27. That's what I'm saying.

You said what? An avocado? An avocado just didn't happen. So there you go. You didn't see an avocado to you're 27. That tells me everything that is the bit you don't have to go into the woes of working class yeah or you know indulgence or normality have i just addressed a big issue of a little issue yeah i think you have you know click about michael yeah he just send it somewhere give me the small issues that fans on michael is that all right yeah it's fine cool that was just that was just a that wasn't a small issue that was just a small issue for the potential recording but no bigger issue

but i've heard that you moan about all your fans all of that oh there you know i don't about my face. Yeah, but even writers say you don't... Not out loud? Yeah. You don't talk about the horrors of the war. You talk about a child's charred shoe. Do you know what I mean?

Oh, here we go. Big issues. That's what I say. Little shoes. No, I think they're too big issues. Little shoe, big issue. A child's charred shoe. That's what I'm saying.

That's a big issue. Yeah, it's a big issue. But not little issue. It's a little thing. It's not the same as me not seeing an avocado. I like little things. You like little things. Stop flirting with Josh.

favourite thing right here. Little and I like. How tall's your husband? 5 foot 11. But he looks little, but he's big. How tall he's lying to you? I'm 5 foot 6 and 3 quarters. Where are bringing it up?

I'm taller than you. You are? You're taller and 5 for 6? Well, let's have a... Oh, that's not done. Oh, that's not done. Don't make me... Go on.

Do you do it back to back? Do you do it back to back? Do it back to back? We're all friends. There we go. We do it back to back. I don't know where's best to do it. Right, yeah, so... Turn around. Let me have a quick look.

We've got, you're 5'7, Josh. Here we go. And you're 5'6 and 3 quarters, I'd say. Am I just a quarter inch under him? Yeah, a little bit unwind. Never felt so good. Do you know what? I had you down at 5'5 foot 6, Josh.

Yeah, me too. You're 5'7. You're 5'7. I'm 5'6, 3 quarters. I wear lifts. They're looking, oh, cut the legs up and everything. You've changed. Big old legs can barely fit the number of the table.

What was it 8 and 10? The kids, isn't it? Yes, yes, yes, yes. 8 and 10. So you still call them the littlesans, Whereas 8 and 10 feels so old to me and Rob. It does. How old yours?

8 and 10. That's lovely. You're not in the business end anymore. I think they're nice. They're quite nice now. It's sort of having a little mate that's not been corrupted by teenagers. It's the sweet spot. And this is why I'm never ever going to own a house or real Chanel.

Because my oldest is 23, I've done the teenage years already. So I know 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, they're just a joy to do things with. They're a joy. The 2-year-old, 3-year-old. I'm in that moment and I'm really enjoying it and I'm like it's hard. Apart from, you know, something waking up a bit and not getting up early in logistics. Not as much though. There's not really any downsides.

You can have a date night while they've got a play date where it's not drama leaving them so much. They're just at that sweet spot. Five, you're just coming out of it. You can let them play in the pool on another day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're at the height now. They don't even need a car seat. Yeah.

1.35 CM. They'll be up for it. 1-35 CM. Yeah, don't need a car seat. Get him in here. Let's go back. It says the roll it is, the rule it was really face really funny. Basically, I had no car seats, my car's past drum somewhere.

I went, let me just double-check the legality. Checked it. They've got me 1-35 CM or taller. Centimetre. Can we just call it? Yeah, it was a bit weird, wouldn't it? It was a bit. CM.

You don't like CM? C-M. It makes you look like, I use it a lot, like, see it like, centameters. I'm too busy to say that. I'm using CM so much. I've got to shorten it, okay? Okay, are you miles at 30 miles per hour? I'm MPH, mate.

Oh, you're MPH? Oh, you MPH? Oh, I don't. Oh, I don't know. I don't drive. I wouldn't even say it. I go, I was travelling officer at 70. Well, exactly. That's how busy you are.

That's why your drivers are fast. The rule is they don't need a seat unless a 1-3-5CM or 12. How's that way? What have you got a little? Were you 1-3-5-CM when you were 12? I don't know. I don't think there was any rules in those days. No, there was no seatbelts.

Age has got nothing to do with height. Because the whole point is if you're too small, the seat-belt's not across your chest. You're across your face, so it's dangerous. If you're a short adult, it's demoralising enough without having to bring your own booster seat for legal reasons. But it shouldn't be about embarrassment

or bullying at the school gates. He should be about, is it dangerous or not? Not to get back to Bob Hoskins for the second time. Go on. But he'd have been, he's a short man. No, he's not one three five. One three five.

He's Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito. One three five is particular, that's not like... Can I offer this scenario, Rob? To be fair, Warwick Davis is 107 here. Yeah. So he'd need one.

You went straight to to Robert Davis as a benchmark and then I'm going to move up. Hoskins is next. Can I ask a question on this? Yeah. So your rule is, if you were giving a lift to Warwick Davis, you'd insist to use to boost a seat. Well, no, no, I'd say, give me your birth certificate. How old are you? If you're over 12, you're all right.

That's the law. 168, C.M. Bob. He's all of me? No. No way. What's 5'7? No, no, it's 5'4.6. Oh, right, okay, fine.

He's shorter than me. No, they reckon he's 5'4 and a half here. Do you want Danny DeVito or not? Yeah, of course. Are you mad? We're in now. I don't even want to talk about the tour. So, yeah, so I just thought we're at 12 there, I'm sure they'll be fine.

Oh, 1-4-7, C.M. He's all right. So he's all right. There you go, maximum break. Yeah, because I suppose with a roller coaster, it doesn't say you have to be this tall or 12. No, exactly. So, anyway, so. Anyway, tell us about the tour. What was you talking about?

Oh, I don't know. Oh, sweet spot age. Sweet spot age. Oh, I just love them. They're endlessly amusing. They've got interest. I mean, we're deep in a squishy phase. Oh, squishy.

Dumplings. Dumplings. Knee do's. We're dripping in needos. We're dripping in them. Apparently they're really toxic, but they're going to bed easy. Are they really toxic? Oh, of course they are.

What are the squishies? But they love them. So where did you get yours? Where do you live? Oh, anywhere. They're in phone shops. You can't move from. They're everywhere.

The little dumpling ones. They're doing big dumplings now, the size of a saucepan. Oh, mate, need that, don't I? Anyway, they love it, basically. They love Lego. We do big Jurassic Lego builds. Oh, nice. Oh, she collects little toy figurines.

She's just, Bonnie's into everything. They've got so many interests. Alfred starts every sentence of, can I tell you something? And it's just obscure facts. Oh, that's nice. It's just an absolute dreamboat. Oh, love it. They're just a joy.

They're like, Dad, can I ask you something? Oh. They're so sweet. Yeah. Sometimes I go, no. No, don't. And then they go, I'm going to anyway. We were looking at a video, he's trying to, because he's my third child,

he's going, what's my first word? I was like, oh, mate, you're lucky I remember your name. Come on. We were looking at old videos, and there were so many videos where he was just sort of toddled in the background while Bonnie was sort of taken over the whole show. And then he went, every year, he goes, I think my first word was what? Because he's going, what? So he's decided, he's got now, his first words, what?

So, yeah, he's fun and games. But Bonnie's definitely on the turn. I can feel it. She's 11. She's 11. The hormones come in and... And how we've done it before, what would you do differently

and what have you learned from the teenage years? I would be more of a sort of sounding board sort of absorption sponge. I always joke that I use my husband as a sort of emotional overflow car park because he's so chill.

And I think I'll be better at that this time in the sense of like with my Rosie and it still happens now even though she's in her 20s. Should be right off for a little while? Like stomping about and rude and all that. And sure enough, like after a couple of weeks, we'd find out she's falling out with someone or something's happened. So she'd often take it out on us.

Yeah. And then we'd realize something was going on. So rather than be sort of who do you think you're talking to. Why you being like that? Not, you know, just go, okay, let me just absorb it for a bit. Set boundaries, you know, set standards of behaviour. But actually just absorb it and not take it all too personally. Someone said to me that at a teenage age, they can't really.

processing the moment because the hormones flood them. And you're rather and going, because they will talk to you unacceptably, but rather than pull them up on it immediately, go, okay. And then let them go to their room, slam a door, wait for them. And a lot of the time,

they will calm down themselves and then feel like, oh, I need to sort of talk about that or apologize or explain it. But you can escalate it by going. So the thing me and Lou have a little bit, I don't know if it's because it's girls, but like, if they are giving it a bit of like attitude, right and they say something i'm a little bit better at just go like i'm a it's only because i'm

slightly confused because they're going like like that and i'm like oh god what's this is what's going like but then lou will occasionally do the face back at them yeah nice you know that that or spit of a stank you're like and then and then i'm like just watching two of them do the same face each other and i'm sort of like no i don't think the face is helping but then when i say that it all that doesn't help that doesn't help pulling the face at the kid is definitely not what they say It's really hard. I mean, because we're all trying to do it by the book now. And like I say, well, I met my husband when my oldest was 10,

I say you come along at the right time as a referee. Yeah. And sometimes he can snap, like, with the kids. And when he's at capacity, and I feel like there's always just one of us that's not a capacity that can be the reasonable parent. Like, if you've been with a girls all day and you can be like, right, that's it. Yeah.

Lou can be the one that's like, um, where's that come from? Do you know what I mean? I don't know where I think I come in sometimes where I haven't been with all day, so I'm a little bit not at my own. always you're not, your cup's not full. Yeah. So sometimes like, oh, I don't know. Do you know, like we just had a weekend island and it was really lovely.

And then we're driving back, you know, and it's like traffic's hitting. Have we left enough time to return the higher car? You know, it's getting a little bit peak. Oh, yeah. They've had a rab at something. And then you just explodes. And then my husband's looking at me like, whoa, where's that come from? You're like, you know, it's just.

What tipped you over the edge on the driver? She'll go for, Bonnie can be a bit heavy-handed with our, like, she can be a bit heavy hand with a little one. It's always like, ugh. She's just, but I think because I'm the youngest in my family, I think I'll get triggered. You're sensitive to it has been the small one getting it. Getting it. That is most of the time when you blow your fuses, you're getting frustrated by something that happened to you and you as a kid.

Things like if he's learned something in school, yeah, everyone knows that. Oh yeah, that kind of thing. You know, that big brother, big sister. And you have just got to let it play out. But my little heart goes out to him. You know, he'll be all chuff, chuff, chow and a little karate sequence. She goes, let's not how you do it, Alfred. Yeah, because also as well, they've done all of it at the same school.

Exactly. Well, we did India Day. Actually, we had to do that, then that. You know, just let him, you know, it's his first time. Yeah, this is it. He's got two white big sisters. But I do find my daughter's behaviour more triggering than my sons. The middle one, yeah.

No, but both my daughters, they're just little me's, isn't they? I do think that's, when it's the same gender, it's a bit more because it's a real mirror of yourself. Whereas, you know, I think I'd find it hard having boys and girls because it's that one degree separation. You are just watching little views reflect back at you. But with my boy, I find... Three lose. Three lose. And your husband...

That's what you get when you buy a house. Three loose. I'm all right. By the way, we should apologise because it's almost time for you to go. Oh, I've got to go, yeah, yeah. Have you got a go? Have you got a go?

I'm going up to the Rick Mell Comedy Festival. Amazing. I know, that's why I was going to come later and then I realized how long it takes to get there. I don't know where anywhere is. What time is you train? Droit witch. It's all right.

It's a three-36 train from Houston so I can skip off in about five. It's all right. I'm doing away. Okay. Okay. I tried to read out your tour dates. Yeah, that's all right.

You can do that? No, your website just went to not found. Wow. Oh, you've been cancelled. This does not exist, I'm afraid. What? LauraSmith.com? Yeah.

Yeah. Does your parents' GP know anything about websites? It'll come as a shock to you. Oh no, my mum's called me back as well. I told me, this will wrap it up and find about the GP. You're doing Newcastle, Lincoln, Leeds, Lancaster, Liverpool, Birmingham, Sheffield, Harrogate, Milton Keynes, Cambridge, South End, Bristol. Bristol, Southport, Huddersfield, Canterbury, Brighton, Norwich, Chelmsford.

Fuck, hell, we're not even out of October. Yeah. Exeter, Lyme Regis, Bath, Camberley, Maidstone. My mum just picked up. Edinburgh, Glasgow, Stockton, Newcastle, Nottingham. Nearly there. Go on. Southampton, Solford, Dublin, Belfast. Well, there we go.

Hello, ma'am, you're all right. You're still all good to get the girls at R3. Hello? She's gone. She thought she'd tuned into the shipping for her. I'll ring her in the after once she's gone when we do the wrap-up. Oh, yeah, we'll do the wrap-up. Thanks for having me.

Thanks, I'm going to go out with a tour. Oh, it's going to be great. Yeah. And everyone should listen to my podcast as well. Yeah, go on. Because I'm trying to be a podcast millionaire. It's called Shouldn't laugh, but. Shouldn't laugh, but.

It's me and my mate Carmen, we just find really weird things to laugh at. Oh, like every other podcast. Little things. Little things, but they're big things. Little things, but they're big things. People love you. People can't get enough of you. That's true, Josh.

And that's where to get enough of you. Yeah, it gets loads of me. Thank you so much Thank you so much for coming Good luck at the show And I look forward to you doing the show In three years And I'm wondering whether you've done it before

Laura Smith, that's good, isn't it? So good I'm going to try and ring my mum back now to ask her about a doctor She's actually It does actually feel like she's avoiding me Do you know what I mean? I think Laura's right

Yeah, I don't think she loved you I'm okay hell That's supposed to be our outro It's a shame isn't it? It's a real sad end to the podcast. Isn't it? I'll try my dad's phone.

Always an absolute lot of him of my dad's phone. Does he know the GP or is it more your mum? He'll pass the phone to my mum. Dad, put mum on. That's normally how most of our phone calls work. My dad never rings. You're about to fall asleep. Just the warmth.

It's too hot. I actually feel like I'm slowly cooking. This is embarrassing. My parents don't love me. Did they? They're sat in a car. I know where they are. They're sat in a car with their phone.

waiting to pick up my children. Why are they answering? And their phones connected to the car they're in because I connected it to their car. Maybe they're doing something. Making out. Maybe they're making out outside the school. Check at my mum with that, a French kissing.

Outside the school gate. Playground Shaggers. It's my 82-year-old dad copping off with my mum. Oh, I've got a great playground shaggers, but let's save it. I've got a little voice note one. Do you want this one just to see us out? Which we save it.

Let's save it. Rob, we've done it long enough. I can't believe I've been aired by my mum and dad. So many times. Over an hour. And I know they're doing nothing. They're actively doing nothing. They aren't.

Total sandwich, mate. Absolutely at it. Ammer and song. For God's sake. Why are they ignoring me? Maybe they're asleep. Maybe they've both stuck their chairs back. They're outside the school.

15 minute can't. You can't do that outside of school. Not at their age. They'd ring an ambulance. They've both got it. We've lost them both. I can't believe that. I know as soon as we stop recording,

they're going to ring back. Well, that's all right. Do you know what? They probably won't. No. Thanks for listening, guys. Bye. I can't believe my parents are shagging.