Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S12 EP52: I am spent

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

More adventures in life and parenting. Josh turns into a street party based social animal, and Rob gets stuck waiting for a broken lift... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds. Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account, help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money, and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app. Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids. Monzo's award-winning kids account.

Search Monzo. For children aged 6 to 15, parent or guardian account. account needed first. UK residents only, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Taniff? Yeah. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett! And can you say Josh Whittickham? Josh Whittickham. Well done. There you go. Hick-up. Shack up there.

Tanniff or Kenneth? Tanneth. No one's called Kenneth in 2026. That's my first Tanniff. Imagine my sheer delight when my daughter had hiccups this morning. This is Tanneth, now seven, a returning intro. She had originally appeared in Season 2, Episode 31 as a two-year-old. That's good. Oh, wow, so it's your returner.

Michael, Michael, do a kind of... Michael doesn't know or care. Drop that in. Drop in, let's just have a little relist of series 2, episode 31. Do you think this man has got time to go back through the back catalogue to find Tannis? Do you know what, Rob? I can fucking do it. You ready?

How are you going to find TANF? Because she's giving me the episode number? That would help, yep. Is Tannif's the girl's name? Yep. Greek mythology from the term Thanatos, Thanos. Oh, episode what was it?

Series 2 episode what? See, it's harder the looks in it, Michael. He was giving it old big beans. Look at him. Done it. Here we go. Oh, wait, bloody adverts, Rob. Even the host don't escape.

Now, Rob, I wouldn't advise just for other people, but I'm going to skip the ad first. This episode is brought to you by under labels. Right. Losing your hair? Come on. No. Losing your hair.

You're not losing your hair. That's not a very good targeted ad. Hello, and you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with? Tantan. Can you say Rob Beckett? Oh, Bucket. And can you say Josh Whittickon? I'm pretty come.

Josh. Yes. Widdickon. Dicum. Yeah, well done. There we go. There we go. Should we just listen to this?

No, no, Josh, gosh, I didn't need to hear that again. I think it's nice for context. People are going, gar. Do you remember that? No one is. Do you remember the Tony Value episode? Can I tell you what people are really thinking? People are thinking is get that kid off of it that I don't know and get into the show.

That's what all these, look, the people that know the child. You don't mean me to tell you what date, Tanneth's episode was out. When do you think the Tony Bellew episode went out? 2020 around November time. May 2021, May the 7th. No, I think those intros are great for the child and the parent and the family to go, oh, we heard your voice. Didn't you do it brilliantly?

It's a lovely thing that we offer and I really enjoy hearing it. I'd say majority of the audience are like, I don't care, just talk. Or am I too hard for some people into it? It's a bit like the mascots of football. Who gives a fuck except the parents? Exactly. But we still do it because it's really nice for the kids and the parents. And it's a little bit.

And crucially, it feels time. No. What I don't think we need is to go back and listen to the back catalogue of the same kid to sort of compare notes. Why don't you write in and tell us what have been your favourite children's intros? And we'll just do an episode or we can revisit the top 10. I reckon not one personal message. Yeah, not one personal message. If the rules is, not your own kid, you don't, you can't know the kid.

You can't know the kid. You can't know the kid. And you can't say the one where the kid had hiccups. You need to say the name of the kid. How are you, Josh? Still in this hotel room. I've got stuff to talk to about. Oh, let me tell you about my running training.

Yes, you've been teasing about your running training. So I went to a running trainer, Rob. Yeah. Worryed about my technique. So I didn't want to cause injury. What the fuck? Fucking hell, man. Oh, the lady of the night.

The lady of the mid-morning is a coming. You've got your running trainers on, Josh. Hello? Stephen Bartlett wouldn't accept this. Checking out in about an hour and a half. Checking out. These bastards, he's only been there an hour. We've paid for that room.

They're trying to get you out already. He wanted to know whether I wanted to stay for tonight. For tonight? Yeah. Oh, so you're lined up some ladies. That's him saying, if you want it, I can get it. What's your technique, said? So I'll take my jumper and put my jacket off because I'm going back to see him this afternoon.

It's been two weeks. Why are taking your jumper off? To show you my technique. Okay. But I can only see your shoulders. Yeah, well, That was my main problem. So your legs are fine, your shoulders are the problem?

I was running like this. Have you lost weight? Yeah. There's nothing of you. Your head's getting massive. You look great. You look very lean and fit. But I was running like...

But you're running like with head like... Yeah, okay. Yeah. Shoulders up to ears. Yeah. Shoulders up to my ears. That's what I was running like. Now I'm arms down.

Straight back. Chin in. Chin in. Body forward. So you're leaning forward slightly. Yeah. Find your toes. Find your toes.

You're a bit of a slapper. That's what the guy just said on the phone. Lean forward, shoulders down. They'll be up at six. There you go. That's your technique. And have you got quicker? Well, it's not about being quicker.

It's just about, you know, being... I think I probably have, yeah. Not looking mental. No, but you... Less injuries. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but what if you like to run like that? That's just your style.

If it's not impacting speed or injuries, why can't, Well, because it's impacting speed for start because your body's also. Rob, come on. Why do you think I'm getting a stiff neck? Right, okay. I haven't got much neck at all. Right, Josh, I've got other stuff to go through with you because I've not really spoke. We've been...

Oh, Rob, let me tell you this. Yeah. Oh, it's such a busy social weekend because that's how we live now. We live down here. I quite like this sort of new smug, Josh. We had six different social engagements over the weekend. Okay, talk me for him because does that include like dropping a kid off for a party? Art Club, we went to...

Is that a social engagement? Well, then we, you know, went for coffee with other parents during art club. Right, so that does count. Yep, one. And then the local road had a kind of summer craft fair. Yeah. And then in the evening, we went to this thing called a long table at the local, which was...

What's that? It closed off the local road for the art fair, and then it went into the evening. where they put out tables and then everyone brings their own food. And it's like a kind of... See, I have you down as not wanting to do that. Yeah, me too. But I can't be clear enough about this, Rob. We've only got one working room in our house that's not a bedroom.

So it's getting a bit cabin fee-free. Right, okay, so it's best to be out and about rather than all-clam to the house. Got you. So if you had a whole working house, would you have gone for Art Club? Could you have come home to a club? A lot of God. You could have come home? No.

No, it's a 20-minute drive. Right, so you're parked there, so you have to have coffee with the parents. You don't have to. It's nice. It's nice. But you can't sit in your car. You're looking sane. Yeah, exactly. So you've got you're having coffee. And then the craft thing, kids like that, I'm on board of that so far. Long table, if your house was working, you wouldn't have gone.

Well, I don't know. Rose is really into that kind of stuff now. She loves that we've got a big friendship group now, which she wasn't really into when we're in London. but she's really embraced the countryside, stroke, exeter, friendship, parent, scene. Okay. Why do you think she's embraced that more? Is there more things to do down here as a parent rather than in London?

I think it's easier to see people. Yes, you can just literally hop in your car. Well, she can't drive. What's going on for driving? She's having a lesson at the moment. She's got a test booked in. But there was a long test weight due to, I think it's still due to fucking. fucking COVID, isn't it?

Yeah, and also people, there was like an underground black market of people, yeah, booking tests and selling access to tests. Yeah, so she had like, once moving down here, she had to wait eight months for tests or something mad.

Oh my God. Oh, that's good. Some point. I mean, there's going to be a point when this podcast exists where Rose can drive and you have a bed. Yeah, I know. It's wild, isn't it?

Unless this podcast, it doesn't feel like that, does it? But I will have, my own bed from about October. Because I feel like Rose has been learning to drive since the start of this and you've not slept in a bed since the start of this. It feels like that, doesn't it? It'd be a lie to say it doesn't feel like that.

I mean, because we have things that come and go, you know, building the trampoline and you saying Rose's away. That was a bit of a runner for a bit. And then Adrian, you know, he's coming and got, you know. But the real constants of this, apart from our children. Because even now, I'm not buffering. I'm not living a buffer free life anymore. Yeah, exactly.

You've got a bit more buffer. Yeah, until it might get a bit less buffery in the autumn. As long as you make sure you've got to start the week clear, you'll be alright. You just have a busy end of the week. So the long tail thing, you wouldn't really want to go, but Rose wants to go. The kids like, you've gone. We had a great time with some other parents. It was fun.

The kids had an incredible time because there was a budgeons. There's a bunchons nearby and they all went in and bought these bouncy balls that were on strings that you've touched your arm and then you swing around and it's dangerous. And it's quite a fun novelty to have the road to yourself. Yeah, the road was closed down and they were just playing on the road. They were loving it. Then, Rob, at the end,

we stayed and we helped pack down, right? And there's the, what did you call those? It's like the roof of a marquee, but with legs. What's that called? The roof of a marquee, but with legs? What would you call that? Gazebo. Gazebo, yeah, yeah.

The gazebos. These big gazeboes. The roof of a marquee, but with legs. Yeah. What you got that? No, no, yeah. I just, the way you said it was like a real riddle. I was just never going to find that word.

I feel like I was on an ITV afternoon quiz show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next up, the roof of a marquee, the legs. So, with legs. The legs of the gazebo were tied to, to keep it in place, were tied to wheelie bins that they'd filled with water, to wait down the wheelie bins. That's a risk in summer.

Someone emptied one of those bins onto the street, yeah? Yeah. And the kids all went and jumped in the water. It was like, you know, when you see that footage of New York in the summer when a fire hydrant goes off? Yes, in Harlem and they're all just playing in it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't think you look at Harlem, a sort of suburb of it.

Well, I'll send you a video. They're chanting, we want. Oh, so now you've got the bin, the wheelie bin, and they want the water to be poured on them. Yeah. Oh, so it's like a proper high street. It's not like, I thought this was going to be like a little coldy sat. It's like a proper road.

There's a budget. That's a budgeons. There's a budgeons. So you just pour it on them. And they were trying to get in it. Yeah. They were just climbing into the bin, Rob. It was, this was at 9.30 in the evening. Absolute bad.

It feels like, why don't you just do this at a park? Why are you doing it on tarmac? Surely there must be somewhere green nearby. What, to have the long table? Yeah, but what's the obsession with the long table? It's called the long table. Why not just have a picnic? Well, because you can sit at a table.

Right, okay, but so it's like, so it's close to everyone's house. How long's the table? Oh, well, there's two tables. I was a bit disappointed by the way. Oh, I said, oh, come on. There's two parallel tables. Not the long tables.

It's going to be twice as long. It needs to be one long table. It's the point of it. Otherwise, just a restaurant, isn't it? really weird restaurant. So it was like eating outside at a restaurant. That's what it was like. But you've brought your own food. And what did you make? What did you make? Well, we only got invite. We only got an invite late in the day. So we just ordered a load of stuff from Waitrose. How do you get invited to your own street? Well, it's not the street I live on.

Oh, it's nearby street. And then when we're at the craft fair, there was all this long table talk. So I said, oh, is there any room going at the long table? So yeah. When it's called the long table, you can't say no. Sorry, the long table's fully booked. I've got a table I can put on the end of it. No. No. And what's the other three?

The next day, we did a triathlon, that my daughter was going to compete in, but then she broke her arms, so she went to support her teammates. How far is a child's triathlon? It is 50 metre swim. Yeah. 500 meter, no, 1,000 meter bike.

Okay. 500 meter run. Right. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. I'd like to do that one. That's a bit more me as a truck. Why don't they do that level of triathlon for normal people?

Everyone enjoy this. Yeah. And it was, there wasn't really even like, who's the winning team. They're all going off at different times. So it wasn't a race. It's much nicer.

Yeah, it's just like, if it's too easy, then all the twats don't go. Exactly. I mean, like, if you do a hardcore one, that's not how I live my life.

That would be good. When have you had to try to impress a new father and already's made to do something physical? That must happen a lot. There's, he's alpha dad. You play golf. I bet Loo's dad's. He has a look of somebody who might play golf. Lose Dad is the least alpha in your face person ever.

He's a lovely bloke. One of the most subtly talented sportsman I've ever met where whatever he does is really good. He played me at Squash when I was 25. He was about 56. Oh my word. Was that a big moment? He absolutely spanked me in a pair of shoes that looked like they were on the Titanic, walk back to the bar at Centre Parks and had a half a pint of marie. And he said, he's not good enough for you. And then bring me someone who can give me a game, Louise.

Well, I think the jury was out of the start, but I think I've proved my worth. It's been a good return on investment for Lou who paid for everything for two years. And then we went golf and he basically bought, one thing I would say about my father, Laurie's he um is a very generous man but when it comes to himself i've never known a man not to want to spend a penny like he's very much that that'll do what i've got's fine and he bought some clubs he's very generous with his family but for him he just won't buy anything new he bought some clubs i swear for my argos as like go on argos and type in golf the first sort of pair like the first set you can get he just bought them i went around my had sort of decent set i think from i got from a

bought off a friend that were like second out and he just got like par, par, par, birdie, par, par, like, he's unbelievable, like straight away, just, pretty into golf. And I was like, this is sickening him. But, yeah, no, if you've been an Alford by a potential father-in-law, please let us know. Oh, yeah, and then we did birthday party that my son went to, and then we went for a couple of drinks around the neighbours to meet the neighbours. You love it, didn't you? You can't get enough?

Rose liked socialising, didn't you? I did say at the end of, that's a bit much for me. Sunday, I said I enjoyed all of them, I am spent. And then I was really gutted because Canada versus whoever they played was shit. South Africa. South Africa. Yeah, what's bad?

Good last minute winner. This episode is brought to you by Sainsbury's. Sainsbury's customers can save over £450 a year with the next app. Which sounds like a great deal to me, Rob. Do you know what my favourite thing in the supermarket is? You know, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the deals. Because it seems like there's a lot of deals. If you look at the supermarket, there's deals, right?

But there's that thing, like, if you're buying, like, washing tablets, there's a thing on the little label. It says, like, that's the price per, like, 100 grams or per tabs. So you can work out which one is the best deal. Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you deal. That is a good deal. Yeah.

Do you know what I used to do, Rob, as a student, I used to be obsessed with obviously saving money. Yeah. I took the smallest room in our house and I negotiated that I would only be. pay 32 pounds a week for that room, Rob. And how much was everyone else paying? 56. I couldn't have doors on my wardrobe because they, there wasn't spaced open them, so I just had the innards of a wardrobe. Just the innards of a wardrobe, yep. It's so easy to help your money go further and make some big savings by using nectar prices and your nectar prices at Sainsbury's. Together they can save you over £450 a year on your food shop. Download the nectar app today and tap into big savings.

18 plus nectar app required for full terms see help.sendprice.com. U.K. slash help slash nectar prices. Oh, right. So how do you wake up in the morning? Alarm? Well, usually when you're sleeping on a mattress, top or on a floor, nature takes its course from about 5.30.

Okay. This morning I woke up because one of the cats was biting my toe. How are the cats? One had a panic attack and you lost beryl. Has beryl been found? Beryl's back. They're fine.

Where will she? They're fine. They're good. Where was she? She must have, something had happened. I think she'd probably had a fight with another cat or something. And she just had a day pulling herself together in a bush.

We all have those days. You know when a cat's kind of got the tail between the legs, kind of metaphorically and physically? And just hiding and licking its wounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's fine now. So that, yeah, so that's how I wake up. We have an alarm goes off for all four of us.

What time? Quarter to seven. Quarter seven. Right, that's similar as well, Lou sometimes gets earlier. Lou said to me, now, when I'm not here, when you're not here, Rob, what she likes to do is have the blind open a bit on the, we've got like a V-lux window, right? Yeah.

Have to blind down a little bit so that when the sun comes up, natural light comes in and wakes up. And I weren't working the other night. A bit early, bit early, bit early, young summer. Yeah, so she said to me, do you mind if you do that? I went, yeah, fine, whatever, right? Add the blind open, 4. 4.30 a.m. Yeah, of course.

430. It's summer. And I'm just like, I'm just like, what the fuck? And it's like proper daylight. Like, sunbathing. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know this. It's literally the week after the longest day.

Has it moved on? Has it moved earlier in recent times? It's mental. It's mental. So I've never gone, it's fucking 4.30. I'm like, Jesus. I thought something's gone wrong. Look, have it, Lou's not there.

Lose downstairs. And bear in mind now, we've got two hours and 15 minutes until we normally wake up. And so basically three hours and 15 minutes into we need to leave the house. We could watch Titanic. That's how long we got. Did you?

No. So I went downstairs. I was like... What time did you go downstairs? 4.45. I've stirred for 15 minutes. Why didn't you just go back? Because we're getting up early.

I'm doing what Lou does. She doesn't get up at 4.45. I think she does. And that's why she's fucked every night and tired. Because she's getting up to early. Sorry, she gets up at 445 when you're not there. I'm at Woolberg, right? Someone like, this is insane.

And what does she? do? Well, I went downstairs. I went, what is going? I felt like I'm getting up for a flight. You know, like early for holidays, some holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, what do we do now? She went, oh, just, it's nice, isn't it? He's quiet. You could just sort of get chilled and get ready, like, oh no, she's one of the five o'clock club. Yeah, so I'm like, all right, okay, well, I went, look, let's not charge, let's try and get involved. I went, all right, then, let's make a coffee then. This morning. This was a few days ago, right? Right.

Anyway, so I make a coffee, and it's during the heat wave, so it's like 20 degrees outside at 4 a.m. for four or five a m and i say oh well i went do you fancy sitting on like we've got like loungers went do you want to sit in the garden in the sun and it's like you could sit in it without getting burnt and it's not too hot yeah do you want to sit on the loungers with a cup of coffee but now i'm all right in here actually she was just in the front room scrolling on the phone i thought this is not attacking the water so i just sat there with a coffee just looking at her scrolling i'm like what the fuck is this anyway i am foul all day i've got the fucking um I'm knackered.

What did you have to do with your day? It weren't a busy day, because I weren't a busy day, but I was here and everywhere. I'd loads of meetings and appointments and work stuff, life stuff. I guess like 7 o'clock. I come back, lose asleep on the sofa. Obviously, because she's just part,

like, she's done the kids. They're just passed out because it's... So where are the kids? They're just like watching a bit of tele, like half hour before we go up and do, you know, just chilling and whatever, coloring in. She's just like dozing on the sofa.

Obviously, though, because she's been up since our four. Yeah. Anyway, I like, try and get the kids into bed and then like, they're going, oh, I'm too, I can't sleep like that. And I'm like, I said to one of one, I have to go to bed. It's that half nine now and I'm fucked. Anyway, I put the kids to bed, went into bed at half nine, slept to 8.30 the next day because they weren't in school. It's 11 hours sleep. Did you have the V-Lex closed? I had to think that's closed, seven hours. Yeah. And then the next, and then I was like, this can't, this can't go on. but I don't, I just couldn't believe, I can't believe that's what she's doing. I don't think she's doing that every time.

But it's insane. It kills me. What did she do? Just look at her phone and then the kids got up. But we've got, I've got a serious phone addiction. I'm not, I'm leaving my phone downstairs now. How's your business phone going? I haven't done it.

Obviously I haven't sorted that out of her. No. Have you considered the brick, Rob? I've considered the brick, no. I'm just leaving my phone downstairs. I'm just leaving my phone charged away from like six, seven in the evening and don't go near it again until the next day. Yes.

Now, what I find interesting about that. It's the big problem. And I've deleted TikTok. You deleted TikTok. Deleted TikTok. So I've just got Instagram, which I sort of do need for work.

I don't really... Yeah. But then I should have, then like, I uploaded a video the other day that I probably should have uploaded to TikTok as well because I was locked out of it.

And then the video did really do well on Instagram. And then I was like, well, I should have put that on TikTok. That's really well on TikTok. And I'm like, oh my God, what is this? What are you, Rob? You're doing well enough.

I know, but, you know, rested on me laurels, and I'm like, maybe you should do this, you should do that. Anyway, so I've got to stop scrolling on my phone. The doom scrolling is awful. You know what our agents will do, Rob. What's that? If you give them your passwords, yeah.

I've done this when I've deleted social media. You can just send it to someone in the office and say, could you just put this on Instagram and TikTok with this caption? Yeah, I should do that, shouldn't I? I'm going to do that. It's much easier. Just do that. Yeah.

And then I'm out. But, you know, but I'm a bit more of an organic dude, don't I? I'm in the, I'm in the moment poster. You can do it as an in the moment. Yeah,

but what I did there, I did it straight on Instagram. I should have done it on my camera and saved it. What was the video? Me moaning about the World Cup. Basically, if I don't think and just say something

it does really well, if I think about anything, it doesn't do well on social media. So, how else has parenting been? Yeah, so the weekend we had for a run on Saturday because the kids were in their clubs

and then one of them had a party Lou took one to the party and I took the other on a little day out with me and her so we had a little date day where we went to the shock but he was walking around the Glades buying shit

because that's your double trip to the Glades yeah so we did that and it was fun though it was nice just hanging out and I was like what do you want to do can we just like float around

and like not have stuff planned because sometimes our life's be like this and that and this and that. I was like, yeah, okay, we can do that. So we walked around the grade for about an hour and a half, and then we, like, got to 4 o'clock and was like, oh, well, what should we do?

And she was like, I'm a bit bored now. I don't know what to do. Should we do something? And then we just sat on a bench trying to find something to do. And she was like, it's quite good actually to plan stuff, isn't it? Because then we'd have something to do now. Yeah. So then we went, it was so hot on that Saturday when it was like 30,

I think it was still like 34 degrees or something. When we ended up in an arcade and then bowling. Yeah. I've never been so hot in my life. sweat dripping up in nose, sweat dripping off my nose doing Mario Kart. And then, so we did that. Then I took over dinner. We went to Miller and Carter.

She liked steaks. She had a little steaks. It's like a steak house place. They do quite a good kids menu, actually. We can get a fillet steak and two courses for like 16 quid or something, which isn't too bad. And then, yeah, but it was like a bit fancier. So I said I'll take it to like fancy dinner. So we went there.

Then we had, we'd got dirt on ourselves in the arcade. So we went to Mark's and Spencers and bought a nice top to wear for dinner. She wanted to wear a nice top So I got a nice new top You sure this was your daughter of? Yeah, we just hung out It was really fun And then that's how it was nice

And then Sunday My other, there was another party which just dropped my daughter off And then I took the other one She wanted to go to the shop She thought that So we hung out And then we ended up having some noodles

So it's very just chilled day Of just me just basically saying What did they want to do Which I think it's nice for them To have a bit of choice And like rather than being told We're going here, we're going there We're going there

So yeah, we did that. It's not a really nice. We're trying to have less booked in, so we just float around and do normal stuff, where sometimes, because my life's so hectic, I don't realize how hectic I make weekends because my life is planned within an inch of its life

of like international travel, here, there, bang, and I'm used to doing so much because I've been doing it for 15 years that sometimes me and Lou will put together like a weekend schedule that's like, it's just quite stressful. Rather than just floating about in the local area, We're like, go in here, we're going there.

So I'm really putting my foot down and trying to make it chilled. Yeah, I remember this conversation about three or four years ago. Yeah, it won't change, isn't it? It's just who I am. None of this changes. We both do it. A couple other things, though. He's Clarkson's Farm.

So we're watching Clarkson's Farm, and there's a bit where they're trying to get the dogs to mate, yeah? Right. And make puppies. And both the kids were like, what's that on the TV? And the two dogs were there. We went, are we want to see the make puppies? because in their head they're a bit like, we want to see puppies.

So I'm like, oh, no, no, anyway. So luckily we got them out of the room because I nearly was like, oh, they've seen dogs mount in any way, like whatever. It's not the end of the world if they see it, but probably don't encourage it. I think it's all right. It's dogs.

Well, that's what I thought. But luckily we said, no, go to bed, go upstairs. And when we did press play, I don't have you seen this scene on Clarkson's Farm. No, don't from watch Clarkson's farm. The dog misses the vagina. So you just see a full erect dog's penis. humping the side of the other dog in full view of the camera

and you see it jizz all over its back. Wow. Yeah. And I was like... Luckily they're gone to bed because then you and Lou got horny and before you knew it. No. Imagine what would you do?

What would you do if he was watching that and then Rose was all over you after seeing that? Obviously you'd make the most of it, but then afterwards you'd have questions. Surely. Yeah. And she's made you bark. Yeah.

Yeah. Put on the collar. And also they've been watching dance mums on my channel for logging on the TV. What's dance mums? American reality show where this Abby Lee Miller runs a dance academy and all the parents are there, but they always end up arguing. It's sort of almost like entry level to desperate housewife's American reality trash TV. But not really for children, but because it's about children, it's sort of okay.

is not too much swearing. Anyway, I'm logged in on it on my channel 4. So there's those of adverts that are aimed at me. Yeah. Like, are you struggling to get an erection? No, it's not that one. On my life, they're watching it. And the kids are watching, what's an erection?

Because the advert that come up is struggling to watch, struggling to get an erection. And you said, is Clarkson's fault on this will tell you. No. But what I'm just saying is, if you're signed in on your account, I'll watch something slightly, because you're in that middle period of age. group where they're watching a bit older but not too old,

make sure they're signed into, I don't know, their own account, but I just trying to explain one of erection. So my kids have got their own account on iPlayer, which obviously doesn't matter because they're not getting it served adverts. Yeah. And Netflix, which obviously they're not being served adverts on

Netflix, but I suppose I would get served invariably loads of shows about murderers. I'm not interested in, which is an idea. Adverts for murder shows on the Channel 4thing as well. So it's like, yeah. Then I don't know if they're I should double-check what age rating is dance moms

because maybe it's just me being wrong, letting them watch it. No, I don't think so. 11 and older. Yeah, so that's my fault. That's fine, 11 and older, Rob. That's fine. Who cares? Adult behaviour.

Mothers are angry arguing. Profanity, they used words like hell bitch and suck. I didn't tell you about what happened to me. This is quite bad stuff. You know, we did that filming. the big inflatable balls in Canterbury. Yeah. And you told me about your journey home,

we had to get the train. Did I tell you about my journey home? No. I was massively dehydrated all day and we was about a bit sunstroke. We was on the cusp of sunstroke all day, really, weren't we? So drinking water all day. So I was drinking water all day, didn't have a wee. Then just before I got in the taxi home,

I had a pint of lager and a bottle of water and then drunk enough a bottle of water in the car, hour and 10 minute drive. About 30 minutes from home, do you ever get piss erections? No. So if you need a wee... If I wake up in the morning, that could be a thing.

Right. So I don't normally get it in the day. It's normally in morning, right? So I might just really need a wee. Anyway, I've got a piss erection in the car. And I was like, oh, that's weird. A lot of erection chat going on. Yeah, that is.

And then I was like, oh, that's weird. I went, that'll probably go in a bit. Because sometimes you can get erections on transport, can't you? Yeah. It's not sexual. Okay. It's just my body being a body. So what are you doing at this point?

Just sitting in the back of the car. I'm sitting a car going. I've got a bit of an erection here, but I've got like my jumper on my lap and I'm on my phone, so it's sort of like covered. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Anyway, 10 minutes goes. We're at my house. Still got full erection. Right, yeah. Right. So I'm like, well, what I'm going to do is there's a drive,

the cab driver's there. I'll just open the door, shuffle to the side, hold sort of my like jumper and bag around my midsection. and so I walked to my house slightly leant forward, almost like your running technique. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cab driver comes around to opens the door right in the far in line. So I have to get out like some sort of, sort of respectful month. What are you wearing on your legs? Very thin shorts, what you saw me in in the day. Sport shorts. The worst possible thing you could wear. Yeah. Right.

Did you consider, I don't want to be too graphic, the tuck under the belt scenario? No, because it was a loose fitting waistband where there would be potential with a gust of breeze for my t-shirt you could just see my little helmet skirting along the rim of the... Yeah, yeah.

So I just basically have to just hunch and he just watches me hunch into my house. And then... And I'm sort of like going, well, I'll just say I'll hurt my back with the balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Not that I've got a full erection, full of P. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what it is. I don't know if I drunk so much, now hear me out, I drunk so much water that my bladder was for, and it started to go in the shaft. No, it's not like this. It doesn't fill up the PILU. No, it's not like that. Well, I just don't know how it happens.

That's how I'm going to stop it, isn't it? And I imagine you were so tired, your body was almost in a sleep mode. Yeah, I was very, yeah, maybe that's because that's what it felt like, you know, you can't get rid of it in the mornings you have a wee. Why did I get an erection? Don't write that in. Don't write that in.

When I needed a way. No, don't write that in. Why not? This is medical. There might be someone now with a full erection after drinking too much and a taxi going, thank God I'm being seen. Get an erection when you need a peeve, it's very common.

Thank you. Involuntary reflex is it really, it's not a cause for a concern. Your bladder and the nerves that control erection share the same area of your spinal cord. When you're bad, fills up, it presses against these nerves, causing a reflex response. Oh, so my bladder was, I told you my dick was filling with piss.

Well, no, that's not what it means. No, it's hit a nerve. Yeah, I think I've hit a nerve. I've hit your nerve because I'm right and you're wrong, actually. I think that's the nerve I've hit with my bladder. So REM sleeping, yes, I don't think it's because I was tired, because I think you need to be in REM sleeping to wake up with a, with a nocturn, nocturnal erection, sounds like, he's up to nocturnal erection, sounds like,

He's up to no good, doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah. The brain signals, your nervous system controls, both arousal and urination, and sometimes signals get slightly crossed. Now, it's got to be the bladder on the spine, isn't it? So did you then go to the toilet when you got in the house?

Immediately, yeah. Because, and how did you, I don't want to go too great. How did you, the physics of that? Okay. I think I've explained to you before. Reverse cowgirl. I face a system, pop the penis under the room of the teeth.

So it's touching the rim. It's touching the rim. That's so unhygienic. It's awful. Tips for Pee with an erection, do you want this? Yep. Because to... Do you want this, Michael?

This is a podcast about life. The highs, the lows, the erections, the flaccids. Because there'll be people out there bloody, you know, jealous of my... A no pad and pen at this point. Because of the spongy tissue of an erection compresses the urefer. They always think of a reafer Franklin. when I hear urefer. Yeah.

Is there much spongy tissue with an erection? The tube that carries urine, that's urefer. It can make PN to take longer or require more pressure if you're struggling, try sitting down or leaning forward slightly to change the angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, turn to him, you can wait a few minutes for the erection to subside.

Disclaimer, I am AI, not a doctor. That is some of the least useful tips. Yeah, well, what do you do? Just point it down a bit. I think what I would do, right, is I'd take a position over the toilet bowl where I'd kind of lean on the wall yeah so say this

okay he's getting up he gets a show of his new running body I'd get as much angle like that as possible yeah wow it's almost like doing a plank so almost like plank under the toilet see why not just sit down and tuck it in because I don't want it to touch the bowl Right, okay.

And that's, and that is fine. I suppose your other option is to go from distance. You can't. Distance is wild. You can't have hell marry it, like Tom Brady. Because the problem of how many is, even if you make it for a shot, you know the pressure,

so then we'll drop. You've got to have to walk towards it. Towards it. That's the skill. A cocktail, a cocktail maker. You know, and they pull the drink right up. Okay, well, next time you try that, And I promise you, you're averse cow game at the time after.

Do you know what? If it wasn't for the fact that I don't think people should be sending in videos of their own erect penis, I'd love to see people having a go at that. No, I'd love to, I'd love a camera set up that you could see the jet of water and the toilet and the landing spot, but no, peanut. No, but I'm not, please don't film it unless, unless James Cameron or. or Christopher Nolan or Spilberg are listening. If they're doing it, I wouldn't watch them if they want to have a go at it. Yeah, yeah.

And strange three people that you happily watch. But anyway, yeah, so that's something I forgot to tell you about that. But I'm all good. And luckily, I've read that no cause for concern. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Oh, I can tell there was a bit of a situation in the glades with the lift and escalators. Come at the car park, go to the lifts.

One working lift, one shut lift. Yeah. The only other way down is escalator, broken. Can't go down it. But like, not broken with nothing on it and people working on it. Broken, because my problem with an escalator when it's not working, that isn't a broken escalator, that's just a staircase. Yeah, you shouldn't be closing it off.

So obviously, we were on the first floor car park. There's a second floor car park. So basically every lift that come up, because there's one lift, was just full of people. Yeah, of course. And then someone, a renegade, not me, but I was close to, someone that was slightly more rebellious than me, I just took down the sign saying temporary shut escalator,

and we walked down. And my daughter thought, so was you. It wasn't me, it was another guy. It was a guy wearing a basketball shirt, sleeveless, and I was like, that was a confident, dude. No, I can't. I got airy arms. With Beckett 69 on the back.

You can't wear a basketball jersey, with hairy arms and not have really mussely arms. But I've not got not mussely arms, but I haven't got mussely arms to deal with a vest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can wear a vest when I'm running when it's hot. Can you? Yeah, or playing football and stuff like that. I can't casually live my life in a vest in the summer. No, I'm going to name you five people that we know. Yeah. I want you to tell me whether they could wear a vest or not. Out and about. Out and about. Go on. It's an LA Lakers vest with, is, Does LeBron James play for the L.A. Lakers?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So LeBron James, Lakers, yellow vest, okay? Yeah. And where they're going? They're going to a barbecue. They're going to a barb... Okay. And yeah, got you.

And they know everyone there. It's all their group of friends. Yeah. Yeah. Michael? I'm sorry, Michael. You can't. He could if he wore a white t-shirt underneath, I think.

No, no t-shirts underneath. No, no, Michael. Wouldn't... One, I don't think he would anyway, and I don't think he should. Now, but I think a vest on holiday is fine if it's just for on the beach or by the pool just to cover up your shoulders when you're too hot. So I think that's, anyway. Okay, who else to a barbecue?

John Richardson. Nope. He can't. And he wouldn't. And he shouldn't. And he knows. And I'll tell him that. Romash.

Now, Ramesh could get away with it. He's got tattoos. Would you laugh, though, if he don't have a barbecue. In an LA Lakers vest. I would, as a friend, go, oh, okay. But I think if he was on holiday and war it, I don't think anyone would know. I think he'd get away.

He's a barbecue at your house. I think it'd be fine and I think he'd look good. Would I give him basketball jokes all day? Absolutely. Every time he finished a beer, hold the bin. Go on, mate, free, free, fro. Stuff like that, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Good, solid, good, solid, fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And the other person you're inviting you to your barbecue, this is quite an interesting one, Tom Davis.

No, I don't. He's too tall. He'll get questioned. If you're that tall, you can't wear a basketball jersey because he probably has to fend off basketball questions already. Yeah, yeah. I think he's asking for trouble. I genuinely don't even think it would work on Joel Domit.

No, not Joel Domit. I think he's a little bit too lean. for that and too pale. I think a lot of it is about complexion as well. Tiny temper, absolutely. Jiu-jitsu, writ, mussely, looks cool. I suppose the question is, could a white man of any type wear it? That's what we're skirting around here.

And I don't want to make this a race thing. If you're white, you can't wear it. If you're not white, you know, it's up for grabs. The final one was going to be me. You know what you'd look like one of the dweaves in Team Wolf. one of the little ones at the back that he's just, that team wills absolutely smashing it through the room for. Like, let's go, Wolfie! But yeah, I think, you know, I think it's tattoos help, mussela-hound-smashing it through the rim is quite a horrible phrase.

Trying to think of someone else that could get away of it, like musselie. Who's that a big musselie? So what about like... I think Tommy Fury could get away of it on holiday. But then he's got a nice colour term, aren't he? Tanned. You've got to be tan if you're white. gladiator we interviewed.

Matt Morse, yeah. Legend, he could wear it. But then if you're ripped, you can get away of anything. Apart from my planet Hollywood shirt. Right, small business shout out. Okay. Hi Rob and Josh and Michael. I wanted to send in an SBS to a lovely lady that lives in my town

and has been running her business of beautiful handmade items for a number of years. I was spurred on by Josh and Lou's book recommendations on Instagram to give lovely Lisa a shout out. Lisa's company is called The Fernery, and she creates beautiful things with free motion embroidery. One of the standard items are book bands, so much better than a bookmark. Oh, there you go, yeah, yeah, good call. Good call. Lisa makes other wonderful things, key rings, badges, decorations, wonderful Christmas ones,

but the book band's always my go-to for a fab gift for someone. Her website is The Thurnary, F-E-R-N-E-R-Y.com.com. and Instagram, The Fernery. I can't offer a discount code as others have. She has no idea. I've sent this. Just wanted to shout out to a lovely local company who produces high quality, lovely things

that make great gifts. Thanks, Jen from Halsham in East Sussex. The Fernery, what's a book band? Talk to me. Well, it goes around. That is better. Into the book, it is better. Why on earth do bookmarks that exist

when the book band's an option? Well, exactly, Rob. They're not fit for purpose. They're not fit for purpose. Dear Josh, Rob and Michael, long-time listener, first time contacting the show. I started listening to the podcast during lockdown with a two-year-old whilst I was pregnant with my second tearing my hair out like everyone else, but also struggling with the pressure of trying to balance motherhood, a job in PR which I knew deep down I now hated and was too

scared to give up as it was such a huge part of my pre-parenthood identity. That's a nice backstory. Right. Fast forward five years. I've set up my small business, the Surrey Garden Coach. I've always been green-fingered and started to realize there was a gap in the market for my services when I was spending more and more time answering WhatsApp

from friends with pictures of sad-looking plants, desperately seeking advice on how to fix it, or what to plant that would just take care of itself. This is a business that it does need to exist. I work with clients in a number of ways, everything from simply teaching them how to prune their roses to crafting designs, planting plans that are suited the amount of time they have to spend to take care of things.

There's nothing I love more than seeing people realize that gardening isn't scary. It doesn't have to take up loads of precious time and they can still have a beautiful garden. They just need a little bit of pointing in the right direction, a few tips and tricks to help them on their way. Small business shout out would mean the world to me as I finally have a job I love. And Rob always says if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Do you say that? That's a classic. I don't think that's me. I think that's someone else's quote that.

That's just a classic, isn't it? Mine is as little left as possible for as much money as possible. That's your. As less paid off. Well, you know, part from stand up. And I really want to pay the mortgage. You can find me at the Surreygardencoach.comco.com. Stay sex and relatable.

Gobble, gobble. Do you know why that's a good idea, Rob, because you get either a gardener, you know, you can have your garden done, but then you don't know how to carry it on. or you get a book and you don't or you find yourself walking around the garden centre and you don't know what you can and can't plant and where and when and you know we have coaching for other things you know but this is a really great one so get in touch with the sorry gardencoach.com.com. Definitely. And good well done for changing what you're doing and doing a job you're like no because I know like honestly though he's much more rewarding doing something you enjoy doing

than not. And I say that as someone that did a job I hated for good money, did a job I hated for no money, and also someone that's done a job he loves for no money and a job he loves for money. And the job for no money that I loved was much better than the job I hated. It was decent money. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it does. But I've done all four options, and I can tell you now, I know what I prefer. Obviously, the best one is a job you like for money, but a class second a job you like but not as much money as a job you hate for better money. Do you get me? I get, yeah. I get you. What are you reading now on your phone? Can I guess what's happened? Rose's message back about the holiday? Correct. I'm a good reader of people. What's she saying?

Yeah. This has spanned two episodes now. You've brought, thought it was broken arm. You was trying to move the holiday. It's going to cost too much to move it. Could go to October. You might just go with the thing that you put on your arms to keep it waterproof. What's the verdict from the boss? Yeah, Rose said, yeah. She's quite pissed off with a resort because we've gone there every year for years and now they're not being helpful. And so probably this will be the last time we go

and we'll go through Gritted Teeth. And what a great way to approach a holiday. Yeah. Your face not talking is really making me laugh. It'll be the last time we'll go through Gritted Teeth and have a nice relaxing time. Anyway, Josh, I see you next time. See you next time.

Bye. Bye.