Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S13 EP13: I LOVE / HATE the summer holidays

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... The end of the summer holiday is approaching and it's safe to say it's taken a different toll on Rob and Josh as they approach the final hurdle.... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Hello, mid-sized business. We see your big ambitions,

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Bring it with SAP Grow. AI Cloud ERP for any size business. This episode is presented by Tui. You've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob? But do you know what the problem with holidays is? You don't get enough of them.

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And now you can get even more by joining the brand new Tui-Smiles reward club for free. We're talking members-only deals, personalised rewards from Tui and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui smiles reward club at tui.combe. Atoll and Abta Protected. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Maya, can you say Josh Whittickham?

Das speak it. Can you say Rob Eckett? What? Beckett. Who? Rob. Beckett. Thought it was a lot. Beckett.

Oh, leave it out. Well done. And you say, have a good show. I did this shop. I thought the Beckett was fine. Aye, that mom's a hard taskmaster. Can't say the word taskmaster. I'm not thinking about taskmaster, can you?

I can. I didn't think of it until you said it. Didn't it? No, after I got cheated out of the victory of the Champions of Champions. Oh, here we go. to that didn't work. I've sort of buried it in a very sort of grown up way, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've taken the moral high ground? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 100% yeah. How are you wonderful humans? I'd like to put myself forward for the oldest recorded introduction. This is Maya three years ago. I couldn't remember where I saved it

and just found it now. Mya is 6.5 years old. I've been listening to your podcast from the very beginning. When are your live shows coming back? Oh, give us a break, a man, drive. so busy we're going to do them Saturday night

just about midnight when strictly finishes and we're going to do a midnight show and then Josh can go straight back in the studio Sunday for the results exactly thank you for making me smile all these years Amanda from Rutland

Ratland sounds like everyone just shags it does doesn't it Rob you can't hear Rutland well we both thought the same thing there so there we go you're right Josh who sounds tired but we did choose 8am

we did choose 8am You're away. You've got kids in the house? Kids in the house. Kids in the house. Can I ask a question? Why do you record next to a hallway when there's bedrooms? Because the Wi-Fi's not strong enough upstairs in the bedroom.

South West. We've got a seven-minute voice memo from Lou. Oh, my God. Seven minutes. So I thought, I've listened to it. Yeah. You know, it's good stuff. Do we...

Do you want to give me the highlights and then put the full message at the end? I listened to it two weeks ago when I got it, Rob. I've only just remembered this morning. We've not recorded for a couple of weeks because of some holidays. I've got loads to go through. I've basically...

Are you just moving on from Lou? No, no, no. What I was going to say is I don't... I've been... No, I don't want to, you know, tempt another voice note out of Lou, but I've been the default parent for the last sort of 10 days

because Lou's been working. I've not been working. I've been taking the reins with the kids. So I've got so much to talk about. So much has gone on. But I don't know where to start. We've got the seven minute voice note. Are you okay?

Or maybe Michael could edit up the seven minute voice note. We could listen to the seven minute voice note and Michael could put in fast forward so that it's like three minutes when we record. That's a nice tease. We're recording again on Monday. If you send it to me, Josh,

I'll compress it and we can do a little sort of stop-start, like real-time response from Rob. I think seven minutes is a bit unyieldy if you've got a lot to say today already so we'll tease it for Monday.

Just a warning, Michael. You maybe get a voice note yourself if you edit her. Yes. That is actually about the voice said you've compressed. If someone's giving

their response to something for the person who's getting the response to be in charge of the edit, that feels incredibly. So we're three. men that do a podcast about parenting where most of the time it's our wives that are doing the parenting.

Wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't come on job track now. No, but I'm saying that is the truth of it. And now we've slightly, well, I've sound like I've probably slagged off Lou. She's quite rightly responding with her right to reply. Now, my, it's about the hair extensions. It's about the hair extensions and the car in the end. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's tell what Michael can edit that. We'll put it on the next next week's. Is that a good plan? I think Lou should just be grateful for the platform, to be honest. You should know a place. Yeah.

You just edit one up with a sounding mental, Michael. Just like, you know, just random words. Okay, let's do that for next time then. And that would be easier because I think we've got a lot to unpack here. You're, I've, I think I've got a cold, but I don't like to say that because I don't believe in colds. Oh, okay. I think you're either fine or got the flu. Yeah, okay.

I haven't got a flu by it. I don't know if I've just invented that because I'm self-employed. What do you mean? Because you can't take time off. Yes. When I went to office, I could really get behind a cold. Yeah, of course. I've got a bit of a cold, actually.

And you could start going on a bit bunged up and a bit like, blammer me. I've got a bit of a cold, a bit of a nasty cold, actually. So I shouldn't go in. But when you're self-employed, you just sort of go, well, I haven't got a cold. Just drive to Berwick upon Tweed. drove to crew and back once on a Thursday night

to do a gig in a union so tired I put pepper amies in my eyes to wake me up that is bleak isn't it

chilly ones because I thought I won't go out I'll sleep if they hurt it's so far you drive

it's so mad how far we'd drive you always sound like you're dying are you alright I'm just tired I'm just

tired I'm just dipping for the line you know I'm coming around the final bend and my legs

have gone do you know what I mean just in time for strictly The amount of people that have said to me, oh, it's good to have a rest before you're busy autumn. You're like, are you fucking insane? Several holidays is harder than working.

I'm really going to be knackered with my busy autumn of working two days a week compared to having summer holidays where you're parenting for seven days a week. Are you not sleeping or is it what's tiring you out? Because I feel a bit tired, but I'm having fun. I'm loving the summer holidays. I'm enjoying it, but I'm tired. Yeah, it's just because you just get no time to yourself. that's what's tiring.

So you're not having any decompression time for old Joshy Dubbs? I think that's probably what it is, isn't it? I reckon I've worked for five days. Excluding podcasts, I reckon I've worked for two days, three days in eight weeks. Because when you're working, you get time to yourself

in the car or in the dressing rooms and stuff. So just having no moment to yourself for nearly two months. It's bad because I'm not. Bad shit, you feel sound more depleted than after your tour. Oh, it is so much more tiring than your tour. Of course it is. Because your tour, Rob, you're working 90 minutes a day.

And you're doing stuff like sitting around, looking at your phone backstage for two hours. Yeah. And saying, yeah, I need to de-stress before the show, when really all you're doing is being lazy as fucking looking at your phone. Just a bit of Josh type. What you've been doing? What's been the day trips or where you've been going? Oh, actually, we had a lovely day at Devonair Ambulance

where my son got to see the helicopter. So you went to Devonair Ambulance? As to Trip or was it there? Because I talked about how much he likes helicopters. Devonair Ambulance was like, would he like to come and see our helicopter, of course? Oh, yes, please. I'm just knackered.

I'm just really tired. That's the truth of the matter. What time did you get up? Was it early start this morning? Well, yeah, because I was doing this. I got up at seven. You sound so sad. I'm just looking.

I'm just knackard. And I've had a great summer. Actually, this has been like until the last maybe week or two, this has been the easiest summer holiday we've had. But the kids need time away from each other, definitely. Are they clashing? Yeah, of course. I think I'm quite lucky.

Ours are all, ours. Don't really, you don't want to sound like, You know, people have kids that don't stroke. Five and eight and ten. Five and eight years are. Five and eight want very different things. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

They want to watch different things on the TV or they want to play a different game or all those kind of things. So you're constantly kind of dealing with that. But it's, I'm just, I'm ready to go back to work. No, we definitely need a bit of routine. Our kids go out of bed so late now, though. They're getting off about eight in the morning, but then go out of bed of ten.

Yeah, exactly. It's that as well. It's the fact that you're, just all bedtime. Is there any parents who towards the end of August kids are going to bed at a reasonable time? Well, no, it's... I think everyone needs a bit of routine

and for it to start back again. But I've been doing a lot of... Shall I mean to go through what I've been up to? Yeah. Went to Wingham Zoo for the day out. Oh yeah? Is that a place? It's a place. We fed lemas. Nice.

You ever fed a lemma? Which one's a lemur? So it looks like a monkey But a bit like a me or cat monkey I don't think I've fed it I don't think I've fed a Lima no From Madagascar That doesn't help

No the film Oh right fine Yeah yeah yeah that makes more sense I thought that was a deep gut of knowledge From Madagascar King Summit or other Yeah yeah I've not fed a Lima You saw an orangutanag Do you like that?

I do like an orangutanang Every rich way but loose That was the film You've seen that Now we're back Here we go We've got his brain on nostalgia we're bringing it back.

Clive, or is it Clyde? Clyde, I think. My daughter's a pescatarian now. Oh yeah, how's that going? She had a hot dog at Centre Parks, because she forgot. And then she ate the inside of a fillet of fish. Well, that's all right. Because we had to go for a drive for it. Yes, that's good, good start.

Why did she only eat the inside? Because, well, she like the bum. I thought she liked the bum. Oh, right, Josh. I've got a couple of ideas for the show. I don't know if we need format points. We've gone six and a half years without it. No, no.

but little bits, not a thing to, but like things that other people to join in with. Okay. Oh, yeah. Right. So one is temporary permanent in the house. So you know, like, fixed you've got temporary, temporary permanent, I want to call it. Where you've done something temporary, but you've had it for three years. Like the Eiffel Tower.

Yeah, like the Eiffel Tower, right? So, for example, the dogs kept on going upstairs in our house, even when we told them no. So I got a barbecue three years ago And I used the massive carball box As a stair gate and it's still there Yeah Do you like this? That's good

Is this good? And then it also it's quite handy When people come around with little kids I've said it's on the we've decorated it It's on the WhatsApp group Decorating it's a real admission That is not changing isn't it Yeah I think let's double down on it

So we've got if anyone's got to think That's nice You know like corners that are a bit spiky with kids, could you go, oh my God, they're going to bang their head, and you put a bit of blue tack on it. It's there for 10 years. Temporary permanent fixes. And the other one, I thought, Josh, is we loved,

well, I loved watching you, watch the Mike Parry Cinnamon Challenge. Yeah, I've watched it again since. It's so good. I don't think you've really experienced the internet. So what videos would you suggest? I think I want to do a new feature that everyone can suggest for show Josh the internet.

Show Josh the worldwide. I'm not a fan of the internet. Well, that's a lie because I've spent a lot of time on it. I've probably spent more time on it. You're a fan of moments of the internet. Well, Mike Parry is, I'd say, one of the best things I've seen on the internet.

Well, there's loads of them. Yeah. You're just scratching the surface of Parry. Have you ever seen a man tasted his own limoncello? That doesn't sound my scene. Michael, have you ever seen it? Yeah, it's a Hall of Famer. If you like Cinnamon Challenge with Parry, this is definitely in your wheelhouse.

Right, let me find it. I'm going to do it. He's a guy, the bald guy with the blue turquoise shirt. He looks a bit like Nuno thingy. So, party people. It is nearly 10 to 7 in the evening, in the UK, depending on the way you're watching this. It's Friday night. Friday night.

I'm about to sample for the first time my homemade Lumoncello. Now, I haven't tried this yet, so I'm. I'm a little bit nervous, never tried, never made it full, but I figured it was a good as time as ever to try it. Can I just stop? I'd say, we're over halfway. There's only about 20 seconds left. No, I'm not complaining.

I'm saying, I can't believe that nothing's happened yet. What he's done is, it's a brilliant set up. He's so excited. He looks very middle class and in control of his life and chilled. That kind of man, if he said I've got a homemade limoncello, you believe him. You'd buy a bottle of him at a market, wouldn't you? Shit, chin.

Fucking hell. Bit strong. I think I might need a little bit more sugar syrup. Yeah, that was good. That was good. Do you know what? It's not as because Mike Parry. It's not as good as Mike Parry.

Mike Perry's elite because... Yeah, the problem is Mike Perry's so good for so low. Do you know what I mean? And he's come in so arrogant. So it's, you're getting a shard on front. Freuder comeuppance. Yeah. I enjoyed that though.

Oh, thank you. I enjoyed it. Any more. I enjoyed it. Any more. We'll call that show Josh the World Wide Web. Yeah.

And then Michael can put a little a 56K modem jingle in there. Oh, Michael's going to have to do some fucking work. He's got edit Lou's voice note. He's got to try and find the 56K modus now.

Oh my God, Michael. You're going to be as tired as I am doing some of holidays. I don't think that's possible. No. It's not. I've had a great time, actually. This episode is brought to by Tesco Mobile.

Josh, how are you with the kids' slang? Oh, mate. I try. I'll be honest. I try, but they might as well be speaking a different language. I don't know what she ate means and I do worry about it. And when you hear something like, oh, we cooked? Well, I presume, you know, was it on an induction hop?

That's what I'm thinking. We can't be alone though, Josh. Loads of parents out there feel like they can't understand half of the words their kids use. The thing is, that can also mean a lot of us don't always understand what's going on in our kids' online lives. Exactly. It might not always feel easy, but sitting down with your kids and asking them what something like RIS means can open up important conversations about their online lives, Rob. Those chats help us keep up as parents, which helps us keep them safe online. So if you're feeling stuck about having the online safety chat,

visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub, where they have plenty of tips and resources for keeping you and your family safe online. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at PMM. CFWalk.C.C.A. Right, I had to lay down the law with the kids, though, Josh, they were giving it.

They're getting a bit sarky. So Lou was out somewhere. I don't know where she was. So I had to get him up to go dentist, but the dentist was booked at 9 a.m. Oh, that's an early dentist. I like an early dentist because you're mouth fresh. You have to drive a bit of a distance to the dentist. To get to the equestrian center.

No. No, the dentist is 20 minutes. It's a bit fun, it's a bit fun. Yeah. So you need them out of the house at 8.30, really. Yeah. So, I go, so it's 7.30. I say, one of them's awake and I go, look, we're leaving at 8.30.

You've got an hour. She's like, what? What? Because we've got dentists at 9. What kind of man books a dentist at 9 a.m. Snowroll. Holiday. I was like, well, now, I'm just getting hammered by them.

I've got dressed for golf here, no, just to check. I booked it, yeah. I've got dressed for golf the other day. And obviously, you need, when it's hot, you need a thin golf material. It's at the most forgiving. So I had a white top on it's very thin. Of course, you know, Alan Shearer. And a little bit sticky on the, on the body.

And I had a white socks and a pair of blue shorts with loads of Adidas logos on. They looked like polka dot and a bright white top. And I walked in, and my oldest, his 10 looked to me. and she went, what are you doing? You look absolutely ridiculous. I can see the hair from your nipples through your top. Oh my word. Oh, my word.

This is horrendous. Yeah. And anyway, so. What did you say? I said, yeah, you've got a ball ball ball. One, I'm dressed for golf. Two, it's hot, so I need a teacher the breeds. But three, yeah, fair enough.

It's too thin, too white, and you can seal my body. You're right. I've been changed one. It's not a good top for golf, okay? And I actually took one of them golf. Because what, yes? Oh my God, this is so scattergun here. I'll get back to the dentist.

My daughter last night, you know, my... I don't think you need to worry about that, Rob. Okay. My daughter that doesn't like sleepovers, who did one at school, I'm going to sneeze. It's a pot of my cold. Yeah. Right, I haven't got.

I don't exist. I'm going to ask you. If I just got off to wipe out of my shorts, change them later. Well, no, they're going to have to worry. Don't worry. They're covered in ODS logos. It'll blend it. Yeah, polka dot.

So the one that was nervous of sleepovers that did a school one is at a first sleepover for a friend's birthday last night. Right. Huge. Dropped her off at 2 o'clock. Very nervous, but I was trying to help her for it. And no one's called yet. So I assume she did it and made it through.

She's still walking home. she's still crying at the bus stop. She sat off her midnight. But yeah, so no one's message, but I didn't sleep well because I was, I basically, I turned my phone on loud in case the parent wanted to ring. Yeah. But I realized, if you have your phone on loud, I am getting 3,000 notifications. The weather's telling me it's going to rain with a ding. I've got a thing from like, you've got to turn your notifications off.

I tried, Josh. It's so hard. It's a deal one by one. What would Dr. Marta say? What would Dr. Marta say? Well, she said, don't do it. It takes really long time, but I should do it now. Anyway, so.

Yeah. Didn't sleep very well. She's at the thing. So my other daughter said, what do you want to do today? And she was like, I don't know, really. And we only had two hours because we had to go somewhere. So I said, do you want to, uh, I didn't want to say, do you want to come golf with me? I said, do you want to go for a ride in a golf cart?

Here we go. A little golf buggy. While I play golf around the 18 holes. No, no, no, I didn't say that. So she came with me, she sat in the passenger seat, and I drove around a golf course. She loved it, and I hit a few balls. Did you play golf? Yeah.

I just took her to the golf club, and she sat in the passenger seat, and I just drove around. She loved it. Your transformation into Jimmy Tarbuck is just at such speed. It's unbelievable. It's great. Honestly, I have got... I think you are a performer who was born 40 years. too late. Yeah, and some people

when they've seen my material agree. No, honestly, yeah, I do, like, I love... I've just got so much buffer. You, Carby, Brucey, Ronnie Corbett. You should imagine me rubbing shoulders. Les Dawson's come up, man. Dawson, you're right? Yeah, I'd love to be mates of Ronnie Corbett.

Imagine playing golf with Ronnie Corbett. Why did you have to dress like a Wang Kong, a golf? Do you worry about the clothes at golf? Oh, God, you scared me. You snuck in. Oh, my word. You've made pancakes. Well done.

Do you want to bring one in? Is that right? Thank you. So a 10-year-old said, can I make pancakes? Fucking hell. She went out there, didn't she? Yeah, she did. But I didn't know she stuck in.

She's quite her opening and closing a door, isn't she? So she wanted to make pancakes this morning, but I was like, well, I'm not going to finish your nine. And she went, can I make it on my own? I went, yeah, but no watching iPad while you're cooking it. so I let her do the hob on her own at 10 is that allowed?

Probably should have supervised it No, it's fine She's fine She's 10 She's 10 My daughter and her friend went to the shop Yesterday On their own

Oh yeah Oh right, okay Took my card And it was Unfortunately It was one of the ones Where you know Like every 10 goes

You have to put in your pin Oh no, killer Yeah so another They just sort of man bought them the food and then they came home with it. Oh, okay. I didn't really know what to do about that.

Well, if you were saying that you'd go, I'll get it for you, because they're probably feeling embarrassed. Of course, of course. This is funny. We were out last night. I will go back to dentist. We're out last night. And was it having some food and my daughter didn't really like the dessert.

Can I get like a chocolate bar up for a dessert? I went, yeah, all right. We walked to the shop. As she got to the shop, like 10 foot away, the light went off. I went, oh, is it shutting? It's quarter to 10. It shuts at 10. It'll be fine.

And literally, as she got to the doorway. the electric shutters came down. Literally like to then he cut her nose off. So dentist. Dentist. They went to a dentist so they didn't love the experience. So we went to a new dentist.

And I will recommend this dentist. I paid, this is not a freebie, but there's a guy Luke who's the dentist there. It's Royal Wolf Dental. And he's got one in Bromley and he's got one in, I think, Canary Wolf. And he was so good with kids. He was like,

chatted to them friendly and did it all very calmly because I think obviously kids can get nervous, but he did a brilliant job. So if you do need a dentist, especially for kids and adults, he does mind. Yeah. It's funny though, because I had a little, I've got a little chip in my tooth. It's not the main headline there, is it, though? Oh, how dare you?

Come on, okay, we're doing that. So I've got a little chip that I had to get filled in. So were you doing, were you at the dentist's as well, were all three of you dentistry? I went the week before, then I put them in, and because one of them was a little bit nervous, but he sat with them, spoke to them. Yeah, and anyway, so he's really kind, lovely guy.

So if you've got kids that need to go, Dennis, go and see Luke at Royal Wolf. But they didn't want to leave the house. So they were going, oh, I haven't got time, shouting at me, and I just went, I'm going to say this once. I put on a really stern voice. We are leaving, because my other one didn't wake up to 8 o'clock.

I went, we are leaving in half an hour. All I need you to do is getting. dressed, brushed your teeth, have something to eat, and then leave. And we're doing that at 8.30, okay? Yeah, it was quite a lot. And I did, I should have really booked it for 9am. But I prefer a morning dentist because then you go in clean teeth, raring to go. I've never thought about that.

Because I don't go busty mouth. Every time I go to the dentist, I think, fuck me, this is a tough gig for you. Like, it's a horrible gig, isn't it? People's mouths. Well, I think the dentist, you've really got to want to be a dentist to be a good dentist. You've really got to want to be a dentist. But I think if you don't 100% really want to be a dentist and you get sort of talked into it if you're from a family of dentists or that would be a good profession.

You can't look in someone's mouth every day if you don't have a passion for mouths. Like, not just someone's probably 12 mouths a day. And also, as well, I'm probably one of the best mouths they're going to get all day. Exactly. It's big, it's wide open. and, well, no, I'm just saying, I'm very good, It's an anecdote. Yeah, you do a few jokes.

Yeah, you need to fill in. How was it, nearly fell in, you know, go and get a big bucket. Nice to hear him not say anything for 20 minutes. Am I right? Well, that's the thing I do. Yeah, but he did say to me, because I got a little chip there that they fill in. How do you? A guy called Tom Abbott in the nightclub in probably, when was I at uni?

So that's 22 years ago. He had a one pound bottle of fosters in Bar-Biles, Canterbury, and he went like that in the air with it, hit me in the mouth, chipped it. Oh, Jesus. So they fill it in, and then he was like, yeah, you could put a little, like, things to fill it out. And then the filling in comes out, does it? Yeah, over time it wears away because it's only a little, it's only a tiny one.

So he was like, what I can do is just, rather than fill it in, just like, shave the front to, so they're like flat and match the rest. I was like, I can't be messy with the teeth. No. You have an ankle surgery or Michael Flatley. Do you know what I mean? No. Well, you probably have to.

I bet he's had ankle surgery by now. Okay, I'm going back in. Ankle surgery, Michael Flatley. I bet Michael Flatley is in severe pain. Not, well, actually there's a podiatrist called Michael, Patrick Flatley. He had to put the Patrick in, didn't he? Yeah. He can't be a foot doctor and be called Michael Flatley.

Here we got them. No, it's not coming up. I don't know if Michael Flatley has suffered extensive chronic physical damage. Yeah, it's going to happen, isn't it? It's not in an athlete. A severe tear of the right calf, Rob, is the closest we've got to ankle. They're never fully healed alongside a persistent, broken or fractured bone in his right foot. Oh, Flatley.

Oh, my God. Is he still going? Not judging by this. Extensive chronic physical damage of spine, joints and muscles. Do you know what I do sometimes? Because I love the Irish. I love Ireland. I love the Irish.

I love the whole vibe, yeah. When I'm travelling home. I think the word you're looking forward is the crack. I love the crack. You love the crack. When I'm travelling home. Yeah. From somewhere on a long flight.

And I wanted, like, get a bit chilled and like. No. I listen to Christy Moore and pretend I'm Irish. All right, okay, this is weird. So Christy Moore's like an Irish sort of like... Sorry, why do you do this on a long flight? Well, because I feel like all the music is really like sort of love letter to Ireland, an Irish culture and family. You've got no Irish in you, have you?

Just to check. Absolutely zero. Absolutely zero. Yeah. So I've got an Irish home. Oh, she was Welsh. And Welsh. So why do you do that on a long flight?

I don't understand what it's got to do with... It feels like when you're coming home from like working and like you've been away from. a few weeks. I was working with an Irish guy, Warren, in Malaysia, and he put me on it. And I was like, I could do it. Well, you can't listen to Chas and Dave chilling out. You know, Chas and Dave's a night out song, really. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, of course. You're getting pumped up with Chaz and Dave. Do you listen to Chas and Dave? Not religiously, but I would have a little bit now and again. This is a trick I do sometimes. If I'm annoyed, if I have a driver on a long production that I have the same one every day, and if they're a bit chatty and annoying I'll say

could listen to some music yeah so I'll put other songs on so do you mind if a pace of music and I'll sing along to it and then I'll put rabbit on then I'll get to sing you don't stop talking

why don't you give it a rest and it's really liberating because I've got what I'm feeling out at them without having the awkward conversation yeah what are the other songs you sing what's that You've got other songs on you sing No, that's the main money

How much do you give it? How much do you give it When you're in the back of the car singing along? Full beans windows down. You don't stop songing. Why don't you get in the rest? You've got more rabid than Sainsbury. If someone saw you driving past seeing Chazzo's and Dave,

they'd go, fucking out. Jesus Christ. I saw Rob Beckett earlier. You're not going to believe what he was doing. Yeah, no, I do believe that. Yeah, it's exactly. You don't put the wuzzles on I don't put the wuzzles on

No, no I put headphones in if I want to listen to music I don't want to share it with the driver That's talking too much to me Well no but oh lose ringing me Can I quickly take it one second Hello Hello you're all right

I'm just on the podcast Is everything okay Is everything okay? Yeah Right no ways alright Love you Bye bye You didn't mention the seven minute voice note

Oh yeah Not chatting out, are you? Now you're giving it the fucking big beans on the voice. No, she's gone. No, she never rings me. What she does for me? I'm more of a ringer. Where was she?

I'm more of a ringer of her. She's a texter. Where is she at 8.50 in the morning on a Friday? She's out grafting, didn't she old pancursed? Giving it fucking full beans up in the big smoke. Or old silly bollets is back home. Rick Moranis over here, grafting away. That's a bit harsh, actually.

What's Rick Moranis? Rick. Oh, actually, it's not out of harsh. Rick Moranis. The guy from honey, I front of the kids. He quit. When his partner sadly died, wife and his mother of his kids died, he quit and just came dad.

Yeah, good on it. I'm loving it though, Josh. I love dinner. You're ready to retire. I think I get a different energy from parenting. I don't know why you. Well, I've been having a great time, but I've just hit a wall. Keep saying it, mate.

Tell your fucking face of your body. You've seen what a good mood I've been in on the podcast all summer. But today, I've just gone through the wall. Today you're a bit tired. I think as well. you do a lot of holidays with other people's kids I've noticed, which I think for me, I find more tiring than just my own because you're never having to make decisions for a big group.

You're just going, right, us for what we're doing this? I find this a lot easier. Fucking hell. I wouldn't want to chat to you about them then. Well, I was fucked before I got it. I'm just, I'm ready for some actual routine. I'm ready to not go to the same time. I think you need routine more than me.

You like routine. I don't like routine. No. I like the, like, lose always goes, oh, book that in. I like to, do you know what it is, Rob? Yeah. Do you know when you were, during lockdown, you were going a bit mad because you couldn't do stand-up? Yeah.

I feel like that with general, like, work, like writing stuff, doing stuff. That's, I need to be doing some stuff for myself like that. Right. And I've literally, I feel a bit like you're going, another day at the beach. is that my main complaint? I know it is, but it's like, do you know, I'm just ready to do some stuff where I'm a bit like,

this is tricky and I want to try and do it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, for me, I'm really enjoying what I'm doing, but I'd quite like to do it about children in the house. Do you know what I mean? Like, just a bit of quiet in house,

but I think I'm retired. I'm saying we're retired. Someone said to me over there because we do the football podcast. Blimey, Rob said he wanted to do less, and he's now doing that. It's an hour. I know.

It's an hour. I do an extra hour a week. I could squeeze it in. I know. I mean, I think how many hours I look at my phone? We have had a 28-minute meeting about that podcast. We banged out three hours already.

I know. I do it less. But yeah, I could just, I genuinely think I could just go and play golf every single day and then pop out and do a couple of gigs. I'm flying. I think you should do this because you're, You're constantly, well that is a routine.

You're constantly... What, no routine? I didn't even prompt you curry last night. I had an impromptu curry. Yeah, nice. Went to the chiropractor. Smell up the smell of a curry. I went to go for a curry.

Should you bring Tom and it offy? See if no one want to come for a curry. They had a fucking curry on a Thursday. Did they go? My life, mate. Oh, they came, yeah, had a quick curry. Where were your kids? One was at sleepover.

The other one came, out till 10. She's 10 years old. Nice. Loved it. Would you ever go into semi-retirement? Like, I know we talk about it the whole time, but we are probably a month away from you doing an episode about how you take it on too much?

No, genuinely. No, I think... Actually, what have you got in autumn? Nothing. I think I have semi-retired. I don't know if I've been cancelled and I've told me. Because you haven't got Robin Romish, because you've done that. No, done that.

This autumn, I've got... You haven't got gigs? You've got football. I mean, I mean, than calming down the golf YouTube. Why? I just want to play golf on me own. Yeah.

Now, to be fair, the golfing, essentially, it's doing really well, but it's a lot. I thought YouTube would be a piece of piss. No. It's really, it's harder than doing, it's so hard. It's harder than doing stand-up, because in stand-up,

you've got to learn one thing, which is quite scary, and just do that. But with YouTube, you've got to learn, like, how to edit, I know, or find editors that can do it, or people that can film it you might work with,

locations blah blah blah and it's costing me money but if there's any big sponsors out there that just want to sponsor my channel get in touch i can't be bothered to go out and hunt it dunlop or someone who's involved in golf who's involved in golf yeah well if i got a time machine back to 983 when they were still involved in golf clubs i'd tell you what i'd fucking love to be sponsored by dunlop uh no yeah any big golf brands out there that want to sponsor the youtube channel so that i'm not losing money on it then i'll do it but at a moment so i've got this podcast, football podcast, occasional golf, if I get a big sponsor. Can I just say on the YouTube thing?

It's also, it's a commitment because you're having to keep doing it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you've got to keep momentum up and build. So I've really enjoyed it. I've loved it. But in order to carry on doing that, I need to make sure that I don't mind not earning from it, but I can't be losing money from it. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step. and dollar-raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family

to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life?

You know the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siyah and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Don't miss the new season of North of North starting September 8th on CBC Gem. But I'm doing, I've got gigs. I've got some, a few stand-up gigs coming up in autumn. Only a handful. No, that's it. Because, yeah, what are you doing? It's like, I'm clinging on to your coattels, mate. I've got you, I've got rummish, I'm basically, fucking slipping in at the BBC.

That one. Because this time last year, you were a husk of a man. Do you know what I mean? You were living on an industrial estate outside Coventry. Yes. Seemingly giving it, gigging in Coventry three or four times a week. Indefinitely. Like some sort of community service order?

forcing yourself to live in a kind of go between a Cine World and a Nando's in the middle of outside of a motor, outside of an M6 toll road. And it looked like you were never going to, you know, see your family. And now, I tell you what you're doing. You're just playing golf. I'm Buffer. I'm the King of the Buffer. I'm Baffer boy.

It's wild. Have you got anything in for 2027? No. This is incredible. You've done it. So I'm out. I'm not one of the gangsters. I've got out.

I've got straight. Don't call you in for one last job and you be killed on it. No, to be fair, next week I'm doing, I've got a pilot. I'm doing two days of work next week for a pilot for a year. I've got bits of PR to do,

but no big, big, like, things to do. So, I don't know. Stuff might come in. What's the PR for a, Rob? Do a little, do a little shout out. Temptive fortune on your screen soon. When's that out? But you've already done that.

That's the beauty of Rob Beckett. I've done all these things. If that comes back, Traitor's done that. Traitor's done that. Tempting fortune comes back. I might have to go away again next year for a couple of weeks. But yeah, so I'm just trying to create Buffer and work out what it is and doing. Is there a chance you're going to get really good at golf?

Yeah, I'll be out in a... Do you know what? I nearly broke 100. I'll be out in 10 minutes and then we'll eat it together. So is that good? So I've got 103's being my best score. I've got a bird. I got a birdie.

Oh, wow. On a par four or a par three? Well, par four. So I tell you what's been happening for golf is the ground's really hard, so I think it's flattered me because of the drought. Because it's bouncing far. So I hit a ball the other day so hard,

and it bounced so far. It bounced on concrete, then on the hard ground. It went past the green, 300 yards. Wow. Thank you. Why did it bounce on concrete, Rob? That sounds like a bad show. shot.

No shot's a bad shot. It's just a shot with character. This has cheered me right up. You know what? I'm living a bit of a buffer free lifestyle. No, the buffer. Full buffer. Michael Buffer.

I'm king of the buffer. Wow. Me and Lou are going to the boxing on Saturday. You and who? Me and Lou are going to the boxing. This week, I'll love that. Monday, Wednesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I can't believe you got to treat Lou by taking her to one of her favorite things.

boxing? Well, to be fair, I got, she, I always normally invite my mates at like boxing, but I said, you've, she said, next time you go boxing, let me know I'd like to come. But I think we'd be quite close to the ring, and I think she might find it too intense. Because she's, Lou's family, a very sort of cultured and middle class, you know, like got a big sort of hamper full of theatre programmes in the living room, stuff like that. And this is what I can trust it. I would never been to a betting shop or had fried chicken until she met me. And now you take her to the betting shop every Friday, don't you?

Yeah. No, I don't. Put on your accumulator for the weekend if you want, Tuts. It's two quid. Pick eight fixtures. Buy me some hot wings with the change. Do you know what? I reckon a week ago, me and Rose were like, we've nailed this summer holiday.

And now, you know, when you're just like... What, it's the last week. Everyone's at their limit. Totally normal. I totally fucked. Sorry to listen. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. They're fine. It's just your reality. Would you like to, in the last five minutes, sort of give it full beans, like pretend we'd just start, Ed, you've got, oh, you've done the full beans already? I thought the last 10 minutes has been pretty heavy beans. I'd say heavy beans, but sort of, I'd say reactive beans. But if you wanted to come in full beans with something you've got.

Oh, we had a DHS van come around. That was fun. Because you know my son's into DHL. Yeah. They got in touch with us and said, would you like him, would you like a DHS van to visit? Absolutely. And he can never look around the DHS van. So he had the fucking time of his life. And then they gave him a parcel full of DHS toys.

I'll be honest. Oh my, can you imagine being five in that happening? I know. Well, I suppose to most people it would be like, why, sorry, what, a DHL van, I'm not interested. But yeah, it was incredible. It's to him if he loves that. Yeah.

Yeah. He's had a great We've been doing all these things Rob I'm just tired I'm just really tired Yeah it must be exhausted Have enough time

To your house No but you know what I mean You're like I'm not joking The beach is on work though What's your set up for the beach We've done all of it Right you're going to the beach for the day

Talk me through what you're doing there We fell asleep on the beach Rob I just passed out flat on the beach That's fine While everyone was around me That's relaxing I'm fucked. I'm absolutely fucked.

What is your set up for the beach? If you're going to the beach, talk me free, just you're going to the beach. What you're packing? It wasn't just us for. My daughter just loves bodyboarding. So she's straight in with the bodyboard.

With her mate. They're bodyboarding all the time. My son doesn't like the beach. No. He's more your cut of the jib. so he's constantly wanting to go to the cafe or try and talk us into buying something from the shop right

yeah and so you're moving around with him you can't but once he gets a bit older it'll be it'll be bodyboarding he'll be bodyboarding of course he will be he'll be on his belly yeah so it's all been lovely but I am just on the ropes crumbling so when are they back at school next week next week

no what's going the Monday after No you've got another four week yeah right about next week it's been so lull it's been so long

it's fucking mental Small business Now it's time for small business Shoutout brought you by Vista Print Your expert print partner to help you bring your ideas to life Rob talk to me About how Vista Print can help you With your small business

Here's an idea First of all, I hate badly printed merch. You know, when you go somewhere, you've got to see a new band or something, you want their merch, and it's ruined in one go in the washing machine. It's heartbreaking. The mug when you think, I can't dry clean this, not dry clean it, I can't dry clean it. I don't know how dry clean it works. Sure you've got to give it a bit of water.

I've never understood it, Rob. I've never going to, I never am going to. I'm never going to look into it. Imagine you're starting a new dry cleaning business. You've got some merch. Yeah. You want it printed well. because that mug.

Sorry, you're a dry cleaning business doing your own merch for the dry cleaning business. Exactly. Fair enough. It's a popular dry cleaning business. Yeah, and what is the new band doing, pressing trousers in the interval?

Exactly, yeah. Do you know what I love? A branded T-shirt for a small business? Yeah. So, building firms. Yeah. We had a building firm, and they came,

and they've all got the matching polo shirts with the matching logo, and they all look clean, all look smart. And at that point, I don't care what they're doing to my foundations. I trust the polar. Exactly.

Trust the polo. It's different, so they look like a professional outfit. Because they're wearing a professional outfit. Exactly. Okay, Rob, I'll go first. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a long-time listener. Fellow parent of six-year-old twins.

Twins! And an educational psychologist. So I thought I chanced my arm with a small business shout-out. Go for it. Consider it chanced. Alongside, my friend and colleague, we've created my school experience cards.

I've spending our careers working with children who want to tell adults what school is really like for them, but often don't have the words. The cards help children, especially those with autism, ADHD, anxiety, or other special educational needs, share what they enjoy at school, what they find difficult, and most importantly, what helps them. Lots of parents complete the cards with their child before meetings with school, make it much easier to share their child's views and the strategies that make the biggest

difference. If parenting-hour listeners think they could help their family, we'd love to offer 20 percent. Whoa. That's a big one with the code pH20 at www. MySchoolexperiencecards.com. Thanks so much for supporting small businesses for making us laugh every week. Best wishes Rachel. Thank you, Rachel. Thank you, Rachel. That'd be great. And also as well now, people can see the small business shout out on our Instagram. Yes. We wanted to give a small business shout out for my lovely friend, Georgia's cookery classes based in Liverpool. Mother Doe Culinary runs cookery classes for children. age 2 to 17, taught by qualified professional chefs using fresh ingredients, real knives and

real hobbs to give children amazing skills. Really good. The things they cook each week are amazing and delicious. It's also great for helping children to discover to try new foods. Instagram at Mother Do Culinary. Thank you so much. This is an amazing thing you do for people. Hannah.

Vistaprint.com.uk. Print your possible. To get 15% off your first vistaprint order, visit vistoprint.com. UK and use the code Pounding Health 15. Right, that was a small business. Josh, get some sleep, find some you time. What do you say to Rose? I'll have the kids for the day.

You have them for the next day and we both have solo days to chill. I just want to go back to work. I just want to do some work. I just want to sit at my computer and actually remember that I've got, that I'm gamefully employed. You are gainfully employed.

I know, but I just need to use my... You're at your computer. You're working. You're unloading. You're podcasting, babe. Yeah, too right. Too right, babe. You're creating a WAV file for people to enjoy.

Right, see you next time. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life

saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca.ca.