Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S13 EP15: I've completed parenting (and a voicenote from Lou)

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... Rob gets into a dilemma trying to buy some cheese. There's a voicenote from Lou regarding the hair extensions / making a sandwich in the car on the way back from Germany. And sadly, Flufball has crossed the rainbow bridge... xx ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Tui. You've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob? But do you know what the problem with holidays is? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly.

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We're talking members-only deals, personalised rewards from Tui and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui smiles reward club at tui.co.uk. Atoe and Abta protected. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Olive. Olive, can you say Rob Beckett?

about it. Can you say Josh Whittacom? What's like here. Wow, that was really good. Well done. Yes, how you go? Please play this.

Been waiting over three years to finally do this. Olive is three in November and listens to you whenever I do. Thanks for getting through the daily grind of window cleaning every day and you guys in my ears. Been listening before Olive

was even born from Ashley Smith 399 months and Olive 34 months. Sunny Temby. West Wales. Oh, on, Ashley Smith. Go on, Olive. I know Josh loves the area. I do.

I love Pembrokeshire. It's incredible. Where's Pembrokeshire again? Wales. It's southwest Wales, yeah. Mumbles. Further west. Further west of Mumbles?

Right, right. Far bottom corner. Further south than Everettweth. Oh my God. We'll get there eventually. Yeah. So it's beyond Swan 10 bit, right around there. Blimey.

Yeah. Love it. great place, great place. If you get it on the right day for weather, it's unbeatable, but the problem is that's once every sort of six weeks. Yeah, but that day, Rob, that day. Oh, that day. And that's the day they all Instagram it.

Exactly, Rob. When I've got it on tour and I go, can't wait to get to Temby. I've seen all those videos of them surfing and having champagne on the beach. You get there fucking, fucking, it's like doing a gig facing a fucking Dyson fan. wherever you go straight off the Atlantic up your roof how are you? I'm good, I'm good

I'm in a hotel room they know me now she just gave me the thing when I turned up Mary Alan Partridge, Jose Mareneau fucking hell and I turned up so from drop off

it was our first day of drop off Oh okay did not go last week No we were back today We went back Friday Yeah. So the people who were changing, like, going up to a new level. Oh, those little reception dweeps. They were reception or year three or year seven were in on Friday.

Yeah. They did that on first. So they can have a day of not too busy. Yeah. And then we were in today. It was fine, actually. The kids were ready. Yeah. That's how we felt. It was like they needed something. I'd done a little. the things you can do of a kid. Yeah. I was running out of options of like, we've done,

we've been to the seas hired, we've completed parenting. I've completed, I've got nothing else to offer. I set up the switch for mini games. We're done. There's nothing left for you here, go to school.

I went to buy TV and John Lewis yesterday. Oh, did you, Margaret? Because you get the good warranty, you speak to a person. And you can say, I won an L.E. wide screen, flat screen, plasma, please. And they will tell you, right.

Anything about TVs, Rob. So I needed to go, to just go, which are the TVs that I should buy? Obviously, I tell you. The people working there don't either. How dare you? How dare you? Mate, on a weekend, you get a 17-year-old in there. They couldn't give a shit.

That's not just John Lewis. It's anywhere. I was at the cafe yesterday. I ordered some cheese to go with some baking. baked beans, right? They only put one portion of cheese through. I wanted three portions of cheese. So I say to the kid... What are we talking about? People that don't care about their jobs. No, no, no, sorry. What do you mean? A portion of... You wanted three portions of cheese? To go with baked beans. He orders baked beans on toast with cheese. And it comes in little pots of cheese.

Right. Right. One comes and I say to the person, we need... We're waiting on two more pots of cheese. And it comes over and it's not on your receipt. I went, well, I ordered it. And they've not put it on. so can I get some and he was like I don't know how to get your cheese I was like well there'll be pots of cheese in the kitchen

because I've just two pots of cheese he goes you've got to pay for the cheese I was like okay well how much is it it was like £1.50 a pot of cheese I'm like okay well can I give you can I give you the three quid for the cheese then which I'm like at that point I'm like fucking else a lot of cheese

isn't it great I know do you know what it's here it feels hidden when you're paying it on top of yeah but when it's a standout fee on its own Yeah, as a solo transaction. Here's three quid for a stranger to touch my cheese and grate it. Fuck off.

It should be less if someone else has grated it. You know what I mean? Why am I paying more for it? That block of cheese has cost them three quid. How much of that cheese is they used to grate two little pots? How big is a pot? Oh, tiny pot looks like the sauce pot you get from McDonald's, maybe bigger than that. You know those papery ones.

Yeah. So I go, or can I give you the money? You can't give the money. You've got to go and give it to the till. I was like, okay, anyway, so I went, all right, and he goes, I don't know what's going on. I've only worked here two days. I'm like, yeah, I know, but you've been alive at least 70. You know what a fucking pot or she.

I didn't say this, but I don't hate just going that kid to give me some fucking jeep. So, all right, so I go to the front. There is probably a queue of 25 people, right, two tills. I've cued up in already. It's a cafe. It's like near a dog walking trail thing, like a big Woodland trail. Oh, I see. Very busy.

There's also a fate on that. I didn't know. So it's like quadruple busy. And because it's quadruple busy, normal. Finger of fate. Normally it's a similar people that go there who are very bored of me. But at this point,

because there was loads of new people there, it was a bit more an event that I was in this coffee shop. Because they were talking to me. So I go to the kitchen door, which is right by the tills, and I've got an audience. Because when you're queuing, anyone arguing for a pot of cheese is quite good viewing.

But if it's a bloke off the telly, it's, it's PPV, isn't it really? you're going to watch because it's like, oh, is someone of the tell you a twat or not? Isn't it? Well, you're about to find out. The results are in. The results are in. The results are in.

And I always thought he was. So I was just stood at the kitchen, excuse me, can I get two pots of cheese? And then she's like, what? So I'd have to explain it all again. And there was like, oh, no, you need to pay. I mean, I've got the money here, but I can't pay. You went, you need to go to the till. I can't queue out because it's going to take about 20 minutes and all the food's going to get cold.

He went, I'll just cut in at the till. And I can't cut in at the till. do you what I mean? I'm rolling the dice on this interaction. I can't rubble down with a cutting at a till because Becky wants cheese. So what did you do? So it's really awkward because I'm just like,

let's give me some cheese and we'll sort it out of the end. Anyway, so a guy coming, what's going? I went, mate, can I just have some cheese? I'll get you some cheese. And I can pay you in a bit, but like, just come to cheat. Anyway, so it gets me the cheese. And I'm waiting for the cheese. And then this lady goes, are you going to do more?

And I'm like, what more cheese? Because all I'm thinking about now is, I need cheese for my children's things and toast, not are we doing more insert show? What did she mean, Robin Romeromish? Yeah, so what? You're doing more with, and I don't know if she's got you and Romish confused, which would be the worst,

the first time ever. Yeah. Yeah. That thing you do with Jamish. Now, I've heard of Romish. but he called a lot of things. Ramesh is the main one that gets wrong. Rajesh, you know, the worst one ever was D-Pack, because it's not even close.

Yeah, but you've got, there's got to be some sort of esh. You know, for it not to sound racist, there's got to be some sort of esh in the middle of it. Ramesh, I let you off, you know. If Rajesh, I'm not happy with that, but I can sort of see you're working. Also, bear in mind, he is arguably the most famous comedian in the United Kingdom these days.

Yeah, 100%. To the point where his surname is history. He is a single name. He was in the World Cup final. Do you know, the big, you know, jamesh? And I was just like, what? He went, jamesh. And I start thinking of jam.

Like, I don't know what cheese. Two parts of jamesh, please. One pound 50 for jamesh. I did, but the gate at the bar, the kid, to be fair, the first kid I spoke to about the cheese, he was 17. It's a cafe, you don't want to be working in a busy cafe like that with people asking for cheese in your face.

And then it goes back to the point of in John Lewis, I'm sure they're all absolutely excellent at their jobs, but any 16, 17, 17 year old doesn't give a shit or know anything, really. They're just earning money and not wanting to be there. Of course. Ultimately. So we've moved the TV from one room into another room. We're getting a second TV.

Right. And we didn't need to do it yesterday. But anything to get out of the house, really, isn't it, at this stage in the game? Yeah, it's nice. Also, to be fair, with a TV, it is nice to go and see them in real life before you order, obviously. And then my daughter says, I like that one because of the thing that's on it. I'm like, well, that's not how we're deciding.

What show was on it? Yeah, they're showing something better on this Samsung than this Sony. We can't make the decision based on what they've decided to put on it. Yeah, also as well, you know, your door is seven now. There is a part of that you could quite rightly go, eight, like you could go, what the fuck? Yeah, surely you know. Joking around.

I don't think she believed that that's what we usually. she would get on it. I just think that's what was informing her decision. Right, okay, and having a bit of a laugh about it, because if that's what she's actually thinking, you're like, come on. Come on, mate. You're eight now. Let's, let's live it up. No, I don't think she was actually thinking you only get what they're showing in John Lewis.

What is it? Homes under the hammer? Antiques Roadshow. I don't even remember what it was. No, because it was Sunday, wasn't it? Oh, sorry. I just got a quickly reply to this message, Josh. Have you? Well, no, my agent's wrong me, which is, you know, this early a Monday. Yeah.

Something really good's happening or something really bad's acting. Tonight, Rob, we have a night out together. Well, yeah, but like sort of by accident. We hadn't organised it, but we're both going to... Would you have gone if I hadn't confirmed I was going? No, so I... Basically, it's an Oasis documentary screening in central London near Charing Cross, which is near Argyne.

By the time this goes out, you might have seen us in all the bloody papers on the red carpet, am I right? Getting off of each other in the groucho. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to go to the after show, Rob? Oh, the part I don't know. I might pop in. It depends who else is there. But I was just wanting to, I thought it would be nice to go and catch up with you. Matt Ford's going. And one of my friends. I don't know who.

Are you worried about the red carpet? Do you reckon I reckon it might be a light blue carpet because they're Man City fans. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'd demand. It's a bit awkward, the red carpet. Because I've got to go to the NTA. I haven't got to. I'm also been involved. into the NTAs tomorrow which I'm going to. Yes, you really are having a,

you're like bloody, you know, I'm trying to come out of a year. You are, exactly, you're exactly like flurreased. Oh, yeah, best dressed. Yeah, showing off his pins, Rob Becker on the, uh, showing a bit of shoulder. So this Oasis cinema experience that we're going to. Some questions.

Number one, in the invite, it said go smart. That's a difficult call because we're going to watch our acists. If they turn me away, I'll go home. Well, it's more... I'm not dressing smart for Cine World. If you want me smart,

put it in a proper fucking flash the Cine World at Lester... Have you been past that? It's just piss shit at McDonald's. And then fucking Mr. Bean statues with a line full of Asian tourists about a week long to sit next next to a statue of Mr. B.

dress smart so what are you going to wear whatever I fucking want mate all right you're not in aasis I am actually I'm like the fifth member yeah there's already is five

yeah yeah I'm the sixth one then whatever make whatever you should save in that instance for how many numbers of people in the band there are I'm that now I'm probably going to wear I'm not going to go smart I'm not going to dress like in a track suit

but I'm not wearing a suit and tie to go and watch Oasis documentary in Sydney World. No. Also, they don't dress smart. No, exactly. I've seen them at the Premier. It'll be Stone Island, don't it? I might wear Stone Island.

Topanta. Go on West Stone Island. Go west of Stone Island. Should I wear as much Stone Island as possible for a lup banter? Yeah. I've got a stolen on a backpack. I'll put that on. I'll be detained by counter-terrorist police.

I'll try and get on a red carpet of a backpack. So this isn't my normal fare. So it was like, don't bring bags. Don't bring big bags. Because I've got my suitcase and my rucksack. So I've... I've not been to... Have you ever been to a film premiere?

I've been to... One. No, I've been to two in my life. They're not as glamorous and fun as and exciting. It's actually fairly bleak because you get people there that are really into the films, which is great. And the actors and the journalists, you also get people. they're absolutely desperate to be pictured going out

and they're thirsty as a fuck. Yeah, the worst kind of people. Which I was at Robocop 2 premiere. I'm going to try and, because I went with Lou once. It was a weird, was it? Let's try and see if I can find it. Me and Rose went to absolutely fabulous. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, and my phone, because I was wearing smart trousers, my phone fell out of my pocket in the cinema seat. and then I couldn't find it and I kept putting the seat up and down looking for it and while I was doing that I was crushing the phone and I destroyed my phone

So I went to Mary Poppins at the Royal Albert Hall with Lou That's a good one to go to Right I also went to Creed because I like the rocky stuff Yeah

I don't know if this was one with Lou I went to one called What If What the fuck are you doing? This was when I was really thirsty though When you first start out you've got to get your face everywhere, haven't you, Josh? Have you?

Yeah. I remember to what? Do you know we should book for 8 out of 10 Katt too? You're not going to believe we went to watch What If at the Lester Square Cine World. Well, it'll be good. He'll have some anecdotes about going to see What If? Well, the first one I ever went to, I think, wasn't Robocop 2. It was called Robocop.

Was it Robocop? In 2014. No, you're not that old. It was called Robocop, the remake. It was from 2014. I went with Lou and that was when it was like, oh my God, I've been invited to a film premiere

and we realised it's like mental. And now I can't name names, but this is great gossip and we can let people try and get it. Can you cover your mouth and say it so I can enjoy the anecdote? Right, okay, so in order for the people at home to play the guessing game,

we went and we went for drinks afterwards because we knew a few people that was at the event in 2014. Who were those people? And there was a comedian slash TV presenter which was and, there was a reality star turned TV presenter.

Right. Who were in a relationship. Right. And that night, when we was out for drinks, he found out she was cheating on him. Oh my God. And we were at Ground Zero, watching the unfold.

Oh, God. Oh, God. So how did he find out? I think she, I think, when one of them went to the toilet, one of them read messages on the others five. What? and they were like, oh my God, I've just read this.

They're doing that. And then they came back from the toilet and Mielu just sat there. Was it just the four of you? I've never been so excited in my life. Because they would only been together in a little while. There was no kids involved. It wasn't divorced. It was just claw and fucking give me this drama.

Spill this tea all over my face and waterboard me. This is better than Robocop, the remake. This is better than Robocop, the remake. How many of you were there around? table just the four of you oh it was quite small it was probably five or six and then you know four of them were me and lou and this other couple so it's glorious oh my god well we can fingers crossed for tonight yeah that'll be good would it so are we rob can i ask you the next question are we going to meet beforehand and go up the red carpet together now look from if we are from a from a

PR point of view that's that's a that's a bigger photo if we're doing it like that if we are first making a splash. We are funny pose. Funny pose. Funny pose. Funny outfits. Couple of bucket hats.

Oh, dressed with guys, Kevin and Perry for no reason whatsoever. How much for me and you to go as the 118 guys? How much for us to go is the blue and orange suits

from Dummer and Dummer? Or a T-shirt and says, oh, we're stupid pointing at you. Marion Luigi. I mean, Yeah, be awful. I mean, to be fair, that's, I spoke to this,

Jamie Lang about this on his podcast. When I dressed as a draft, the Brits, that sold loads of tickets. But at the moment, we've got nothing to sell. So it's just, why don't I just go and enjoy the evening? Yeah. Well, let's meet before. And what time are you getting there?

Where's your hotel? Is it nearby? No, it's an Elstree. Oh, God. You're really coming into town. This is, well, this is the thing. I'm getting the train to Paddington, Rob. and then I've got to...

Go straight to the... Put no bag. I'm sending my bags to Elstreet. Right, so you're bag to go into Elstreet and then you're going straight to the premiere. Yeah. You're so show these now. Who am I?

You are one of the presenters on the biggest show on tell you. Rob, do you know what I'm doing at 6pm tomorrow? AM or PM? PM. What are you doing? Spray tan. Right, so we can talk about spray tans

because I've done a lot of TV shows, especially big jazzy Saturday night ones, where everyone's so tanned. If you're not got a base colour, you stand. It's too much. The sun has just come out on me as we've had this discussion

as if to try and pale me out. No, you need a gentle glow, is what I'd say, to compete with the full glam squad makeup. I can't be stood next to, you know. Well, you do like a ghost. I know. There'd be a ghost in the studio. But so, I've got, I don't know who's doing yours,

but as a guy I'd recommend, because you can tell him to do a subtle glow. Have you done a spray tan? I did it when I did tempting fortune. I did a spray tan. And I did a spray tan, because that was all away, I was in shorts and T-shirts,

and it was on a really bright, sunny beach. So it looked, I looked like I've been there on holiday, whatever. And on spray tan when I did that Saturday, that unbreakable show for the BBC, because again, it was all outside. And if you look, You just don't call it an ill man walking around the gardens of a stately home. What's it like, Rob?

What's it like? I'm not going dick out, am I? No, definitely don't go. You'll be giving little pants, like massage pants. It's a little pants like those, you know, like massage. Josh, we're going to have to get to the knee. At least we know, we're going to have to see the knee when we're spray tanning. So you're going to have to put on tiny little pants you're not used.

do. Yeah? Then you basically stand in like a little, little tent and you stand with your, they'll put little like stick like stick of things on your palms so you don't get orange palms too much.

And you'll stand like that, like hostage with your legs wide. And they'll do the front, you turn around and they do the back. And it's like, have you ever had on those fans that have water in it that missed you and call you down if you're at a theme park?

It's like that put all over your body. And then what happens? Then do I go for a shower? Or is that done? No, no, no, no. You just let it, you let it air dry. They'll probably have like a hair dryer type thing that will dry you in there as well.

So they'll mist you. They'll dry you. And then depending on how deep you want it, you may shower, may not shower, or they'll tell you how to deal with it therein after. Oh my God. What if I get in the water? I think it's just to take the edge off.

What do you mean about that? You don't want to look that. No one, what you don't want is, when they're on Strictly and someone goes, bloody hell, Josh has got a nice colour, too much. What you want is it to be non-remarkable. So not the, oh my God, look how pale he is.

Oh my God, look how brownie's got. You just want a no-one comment's level of colour. Yeah, okay. So you're just taking the edge off. So, yeah. But what you don't, well, what I would love to see, Bob Monkhouse. I want a deep, he's been in Barbados, six months tan. I love Bob Mark.

You know, when I look at Bob Monkhouse, I don't know if I'm right or wrong, I felt like he'd go to Barbados for six months, come back, bang out a load of quiz shows and do a load of gigs in the evening where he did loads of naughty, blue, rude stuff, and then just pissed off to Barbados again. That's a dream, isn't it? Yeah.

So, yeah, I think you need to do it. As I say, you're born in the wrong age. You are. A born in the wrong era. You're born in the wrong era. Rob, a couple of things. Go on. First one, we've got Lou's voice note.

Morning, morning. Right, I'm going to respond properly to the egregious accusations being thrown at me by Rob. I would like to... Just to pause. Yeah, what's the egregious mean? Good or bad? Bad? Bad?

Bad, okay. I just wanted to pause for this moment to say the accusations are that you, Lou got in a mood when you were driving through France or Germany, and she was trying to take her hair extensions out. Yeah. and she wouldn't let you butter a roll or something like that. So basically, we were having some sandwiches. I said, I don't want to stop for 10 minutes while you make sandwiches.

Can you not make some sandwiches on your lap quickly? And then she kicked off about it and was putting crumbs everywhere. And then she continued to remove her own hair extensions using pliers that we got from the car for, if that's how someone told me I said it wrong, and some coconut oil that we found. And hair extensions are still being found in the boot of that car as we speak. Preface, preface, preface, all of this with I completely understand and accept and acknowledge that's taken out my own hair extensions in a car full of my family, smashing down the autobahn, but it's not ideal. Perfect. I think as a slight bit of context, I know myself and I had reached the point with my hair extensions.

I probably should have, if I'd had time before Germany, I should have had them, had them, no, why can't I get my words out? I should have gone and had them taken out. That didn't happen. And so I'd started, like, fiddling with them. I'd also melted some of them at the top where I'd curled my hair too quickly. But that's by the by. I'd started fiddling with them.

And even though I know sitting and popping them out one by, like, one hair at a time, it was just wrecking my hair. I couldn't, I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop myself. So I made what was the best of two bad decisions at the time, which was to ask Rob to get some pliers and coconut oil from Carthall. Seems fair. When he went to get driving snacks and take them out myself.

I was like, I've got time. I've got nothing but time today to sit in the front and just, you know, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't, what I would say is that if France gave out more plastic bags at supermarkets, I could have put them all in the plastic bag. They don't. They gave us everything in one big paper bag, I was using as a rubbish bag, which had already been thrown in the bin full of rubbish.

So I didn't have a book and I could have all the hair extensions in, but I was keeping them in a nice, neat pile, down by my feet, ready to throw out to the next bit. She knows that she's insane. Yes, there was some hair in the car, but not loads. I would just like to say, Josh, you know, you know Rob very well, there is an element of performativeness here, isn't there? He was sitting next to me going, p p p p p p p p p p p p p p there. There was not that much hair.

The one coming back in the window was quite funny But again, that was one solid bit of hair Like one truck Came back in, hit my daughter in the face When in the boot. Not a big deal. It really was not that bad. One hair in the mouth, too many hairs in the mouth.

It was not that bad. I think we just need... How long is this voice, though? Seven minutes 20. It's so long. She's making it clear it's not that bad. Well, yeah, I think she's over. She's overcompensating.

Do you? Yeah, I think she knows his, but she's trying to justify it. It sounds fine to me. It sounds totally fine. Of course it does, needle dick. I put it into context of Rob as well. And also, I just would like to kind of slightly defend myself

because there's going to be hairdresser going, what the fuck were you doing? I acknowledge that it's not the right way to take hair extensions out of your hair. And I probably yanked half my hair out at the same time. But I was making the least bad decision of bad decision while accepting that I do not have the self-control to not start doing them out of view. It's good to know yourself from.

I think that's the bigger problem, isn't it? She doesn't have self-control to stop a pulling out. No, 6040 on the hair extensions. It was nowhere near as bad as wrong. We're still on the hair extensions. He's trying to make out. And it kept me very entertained for the entire car journey. So, you know, there's that.

The sandwiches, sorry, the sandwiches, this is where I will not, I will not take any slander. He didn't, I'm sorry, if you can buy pliers in Car Four, you can buy a knife. I used that, well, there's no plastic ones, isn't he, buy a metal one. I said to her, get a spoon or not, there wasn't any. There wasn't any, I looked. I said to her, I can't get any of cutlery, can you get some from the hotel? Did you just say, fuck you?

Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did, yeah, yeah, I did, actually. Yeah, just check. Yeah, I've got receipts, I can get, I've got receipts, I can get this text message exchange up. Okay, well, let's, let's focus on this at the moment. Like coffee stirers have got no structural integrity For me to use like French butter on a really crusty baguette That's got no structural integrity That is breaking straight away splinters in your baguette

So there was nothing I don't want to steal one from the hotel Because you know It didn't feel right Thoughts I could agree with the her point But I would have just One would have accidentally fell in my bag

When in the in the business They're getting ready in the room Oh, look, unfortunately. What I've paid for that room as well, I'm sure they can survive a spoon going missing. So I, yeah, so with the baguette, so we're out of the car less than, genuinely, less than three minutes for this way

because you just pulled straight off the motorway, the kind of, the glorified shed with the nice toilets in, is there. So it's not a proper service, it's just pull straight off, have you? We wash your hands, get back in. Bash, three minutes, less than three minutes, we've been out of car. And I was like, I'm just going to make the sandwiches now.

And then, Robert, he's already going, about the head. I was like, well, no, it was a really long drive and I just want to get back on the road. I was like, it will take me two minutes maximum. Like, you can time me to smack. Is that fair? I just wanted to get going.

It wouldn't have taken two minutes. It would have taken longer. I would have just preferred to just get going. But I can't see a point. These baguettes. I don't have any implement. So I'm just going to rip the baguette, rip it open, butter it with my hands.

And then I could have washed my hands as well. I could have actually washed my hands. Stick some ham and cheese in and off we go. I was like two minutes. It'll take me two minutes. We spent longer arguing about doing the bagse in or out the car than we would have if I just know how to make it. That's a good point.

Don't argue, just get on with it then. Don't argue then, just get on with it. If she's bothered about wasting time, don't argue about it, just get on with it. Well, you won't letting her get on with it? You're determined. I thought I'd buried this argument with Lou. I feel like I'm going to have it again tonight

when she listens to this. It is really crusty baguette. I'm going to have to do that. Was it? What's that? A crusty baguette? It was just a baguette. It was just a baguette.

It was crossy baguette. In a car, it's going to go all underneath me. I was wearing shorts because it was hot. I'm like, that's going to be baguette in every crevice of my seat. Underneath me. I offered to check for them. I'm going to have to brush it onto the floor. Let me have a look at a clean out.

It's all right. I offered. I drive back with like crusty baguette car. I was like, Take me two minutes. I'm the one doing the driving, and I just really want to get back on the road. I don't want to waste any time.

I'm like, two fucking minutes, mate. I was like, do you know what? Also, I had offered to drive, but you didn't want to take me up on the offer. Was it an empty offer? Yes, would I have done it if you'd ask me. She would never drive in. But like...

She'll never drive. You're never going to drive. No, in a million years. Motor way in France, big car. Still like a big car. It sucks a little car. It's never going to drive. Also, should hold it over me, I reckon.

You make the bagels, mate. I wouldn't have driven because I was taking extensions out of my hair, but that's by the bye. I would have driven if he'd asked. Half a head of hair.

The reason why I was cross about it was I was like, it would have taken me two minutes to make those baguettes. He was just cross about the hair extensions. She's been clear on the two minutes. And our friend Andy was further down the motorway than us. And he was like,

we're running really behind. We're going to be. I was like, grow up. And so then, because I'm petty and have, you know, a slow propensity. I decided to make a performance. I was being equally performative.

This is about the hair, about the crumbs. But I think also, I'd say hair is very soft. The odd few strands of very silky hair extension, and it is the odd few strands, very soft. They don't itch. They don't do anything. They just float around and go out the window. Baguette crumbs, two crusty baguettes being broken and made,

goes flipping everywhere. So I didn't want to sit on it for the next three hours to Germany So I crouched up on my seat And I was performatively brushing it off Because Robin Ayapetti and retaliatory And um There we go Like to one up each other

I was right I was right She's overly performative She's agreed with me She's agreed with me She's overly performative with the crumbs It wasn't that bad You're taken from this

Yeah That's too long Um But yeah That is that's their head Hair extension, baguette story. So I would like to accept and apologize for my part in the hair extensions. There was some hair in the car.

It wasn't anywhere near as much as he's saying. But, you know, fine, I accept that that was not a good or rational decision. And also, the baguettes, I think, was wildly unreasonable to pull. I'm the one driving. How is she still talking? Two minutes. Two minutes. You can never finish the voice, though.

Tom. Done. Well, what I'd like to say is thank you very much for your apology, Lou. I've taken it on board and appreciate your apology and the fact that you won't do it next time. Thank you. Oh, my God. Is there anything you'd like to apologize for, Rob? Absolutely not. No.

I'd like to apologize on behalf of the Carrie-Four for not having utensils. And I'd like to apologize. But it feels like you could have just, it would have taken two minutes and then Lou wouldn't have been sitting on all these crumbs. Yeah. Yeah, it could have. But we didn't. and she was. So, but she's apologised now.

We're moving on, and she's a bigger person. Well done her. Well done, Lou. I hope you're happy. Anyway, we'll talk about. How's your wife?

How was your life? Oh, we got stuck on the hours of silly. That sounds like the start of a riddle. I got stuck on the eyes of silly with my little friend called Billy. We got around the bend, couldn't find the tent, blah,

and then with Willie. What happened? So that's a helicopter. You've got the main one. Yeah, I can be bothered to write the rest. Just speak quick. We got the helicopter over, Rob. Yeah, which is a thing.

I've thought you were like Kanye West or Jay-Z but it's actually how people get them. Yeah, every hour. Did you feel safe on it? They stressed me out a bit helicopters. Yeah, I did feel safe on it. I didn't like the take-off. I didn't know.

Have you ever been in a helicopter? Yes. I didn't know. I just thought they went up, but they kind of go forward. They take off a bit like a plane. Yeah, it's a bit. Oh, I don't love it.

I was over a volcano in Iceland, so it's a slightly different vibe. Well, I was over Penzance. Either way, if you're going down, it's game over. Yeah, yeah, if you're above. Nothing's soft enough for it to be fine. No. I was over a mattress factory, so it was pretty confident. But if you could just go past all the trampoline parks, that'd be better for my confidence.

So why do you get stuck because of the weather? Yeah. So, when was you supposed to come back? So we were meant to come back on the Thursday. We'd flown out on the Monday. Right. Tuesday, they called me. Flown out Monday, Tuesday they called me.

Just so you know, there's not really going to be any flights on Thursday due to visibility. So you can either come back Wednesday or Friday. Oh, okay. Or get the boat. Right. The boat, the helicopter's 15 minutes. The boat is three hours. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It also has bad upstairs. It must be bad downstairs on the water. You know what I mean? It's never perfect on the sea. Exactly. That was a lot of, that was the vibe I was getting from Rose as I was trying to sort this out. If you, yeah, which was that whatever suggestion I made was the wrong one was the vibe I was getting.

So what did he decide to do? So Rose arrived a day late because I don't really want to, I can't deal with this. But let's just knock it out. We are down to one cat. May I'm so sorry Fluffball got hit by a car in our road when we were in Cornwall

found by the neighbour grim two weeks after Barrow had died absolutely fucking awful times I just can't I just can't engage talk about it anymore

okay I do yeah it's really not my scene to talk about it no I don't think it would also from a comedy entertainment pod

angle? Yeah, probably not great. It's just... Don't we to book you on Zoe Bourne, Joe Wiley, he's a big fan of this kind of chat. It might clip up well this.

Well, it might clip up well for socials. If you don't want to talk about it, if you could, just for the, you know, the virality of the clip and just to bring a few eyeball,

you know, if any positive has to come from these two horrible incidents, surely, you know, this one was much worse. This one was much worse. Yeah, this one was much worse. Because Barron had had a good innings.

Yeah. Oh, God. So you're down to Dean. Anyway. Is it called Dean? Follow and subscribe. What's the... What's the...

What you got left? Pardon? Tilly. Tilly. Right. Are you staying... Are you going to stay at one or you're not just not thinking... Can I give a shout out to the lovely man,

Nick, from... Let me get his company name because he's so great. Hopefully we'll never be using him. again for a while. He's not the cremator, is he? Yeah. More view pet crematorium. Mad little shout out there.

So you've done him twice in a week. Has he got a rule, though, if it's three times in a month, he has to ring the authorities. We've got, we get, we actually get our next cremator free. Do you? No, of course not. Sorry. Offer runs out at the end of the year, so there's quite a little pressure.

No. He's so nice. the vet set us up with him the first time second time I rang him direct and he's and I don't know whether this is true but the vet told me that the reason he set up his business is because he'd had a bad experience with someone who was in that job so he thought I could do this better and do it more

kind of kindly so so well I'm sorry I'm really sorry just much be awful for you and the kids it was grim it was grim next We're stuck in the house or silly. Of course. Just clip the Instagram clip there, Michael. So Rose is only arriving on the Tuesday, so I'm like, we can't go home the Wednesday. That would be mental.

Yeah. Well, was she sorting some of that out then? So you went. Yeah. So I went and I bought, I bought boat tickets for the Thursday. I just did it. Yeah. Could you not come back on the first?

Friday. Do you have work and stuff? I had work on the Friday. All right. So you had to get back. Plus there was nowhere to stay because the island's full of people. Yeah. So, so you'd be basically homeless on the Isle of Tresco. Grieving. Grieving. With poor visibility. He can't even know where to look to be sad. Don't talk to me about poor. I can't think about pause. But, um, it's just as a cat joke. Yeah. Sorry. So I won't do any more.

I've got to she doing them loads in my head now, but not. Yeah, okay. Do you want to? No, no, what do you? You don't want to do? I'll take them. No, but I'll leave it. I've done one.

I'll do eight more, and that'll be it. So, um, I just don't want to, you know, reduce the meow, marat, marat, me, I'm trying to do meow morale, but it's not really working. It's not, is it? Meow, meow, no. Sorry. Sorry. Apologise.

So we got the boat back. Apologize. Apologize. Yeah. Sorry. We got the boat back. Cut a long story short. How was the boat?

Do you know what? It was actually quite nice. I was worried it would be too choppy. Yeah, but it's a good experience for the kids. You can get them little travel sickness tablets for kids as well. we have them. They were fine. They were fine. We actually, do you know what? I think I've got a pretty good constitution for stuff like that. Because people are quite surprised that I can read in the car,

but I can always read in the car. And some people get sick with that. I just don't really get sick with stuff like that. Yeah. So we got that back. Yeah. And then we got home. And then we were quite sad. And then school started. Yeah. So that's been. No. It's a bleak way to end. We'll do. It's been quite a difficult one for you. isn't it this episode. I've got something that could sort of change, shift. Also, as well, I've known about this information for quite a little while.

We've spoken about it, you know, over message as well as now. And I don't want to talk too much about how hard and horrible it all is because it'll just mean you getting upset and it's not really helpful. No, it's not ideal. So I can try and move. Give me a funny anecdote. Okay, I've been eating too much protein. So my piss stinks.

What? If you eat too much protein, you're piss stinks. Does it? Mm, really bad. Why have you been eating too much protein? Gaines. I want a sexy body. Yeah.

I want to try and lose a bit of weight. But how much protein have you been eating? Quite a lot of protein, actually. So talk me through your meal for the day. Well, no, so what I did, I've been cooking a lot of chicken and then having it for lunch all week. So my lunch would be a little microceivable packet of rice and two breasts of chicken.

Yeah. But then in the morning, I'll probably have lots of eggs or maybe cottage cheese on toast, which is protein. And then I'd have some sort of, maybe again, for dinner, two breast, chicken breasts and some rice. Oh, my God. So it's quite a lot. And then the other day I bought girls milkshakes,

but I bought them protein shakes by mistake and realized actually you can overload a kid's sister with protein. So I only let them have a sip. So I drunk 50 grams of protein. Oh, my God. Can I ask your question? Yeah. Are you shitting okay?

That really well, actually. That was a real shock of it all. Because I thought it was, when I've gone high protein, it's blocked me up. Yeah, because you get all your protein from cheese. Yeah. So where else, if you're going protein heavy, where you get your cheese? If I'm going protein heavy, which I don't really is cheese. Well, it would be cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, tofu, if I have to.

A lot of dairy for the belly. And, you know, a protein shake, I suppose. I think it's just too much dairy, that is. Right, okay. So you're shitting well? As well as ever. It's good to know. He'd have a lot of curry at the weekend.

What did your piss smell of? Imagine walking into a flat that's had a dead building in it for two lumps and the cat's pissed all over it. I don't bring up cats. Sorry. Well, it does smell like cat. Okay. I've tried to take away

and I've brought it straight back, but yeah, it smells of ammonia. Okay. So it was like your jacket after barrels had a go on it. Oh, RIP. What I'd give you to be putting on my jacket. Yeah, so be warned if you're a bit of a protein game. That can happen.

I can't base it. So does that affected what you're doing? Well, yeah. Me and Luev had to change things in the bedroom now because the smell puts her off. before it was fine. Judging by that message, I don't think you're looking great guns in the bedroom.

Well, I cannot confirm or deny if there's crumbs in the crevices. I would not like to assume. Oh, someone thinks you, oh, George Groves, a boxer message and said you look exactly like Tom O'Dell, a Google him. You do.

When he's not gone straightened hair, you look loads like him. He used to live on the next street to me as well. What, in East London? Or in Devon. Yeah. in England. Yeah, we've never straighten your hair.

I think it's too much. But when he's got his curly air, you look so much alike. I know. I know. What's he like? Good guy? Sweet bloke.

Yeah, really nice. Have you chatted to him in coffee shops? Yeah, I have, yeah. I've met him a few times. Have you got fluffball back then from the place? Yeah. Your shelf's getting busy. I know.

We can have such a mad shelf. So how many are up there? Three. Stand of Room only. really. Ironic for fluff. All of them really. We're going to have to get some more cats, Rob.

And shells. I'd pitch. What's that bloke's name? I might invest in his company. Look, man, I'm about 30% Winniacom's just bought three more cats. Let's talk. You run out of funding.

Yeah, get some more cats, go on. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll get back to you on that. Now it's time for small business shout out, brought you by Vista Print, your expert print partner to help you bring your ideas to life. Rob, talk to me about how VistaPrint can help you with your small business. Here's an idea, first of all, I hate badly printed merch. You know, when you go somewhere, you've got to see a new band or something, you want their merch, and it's ruined in one go in the washing machine. It's heartbreaking. The mug when you think, I can't dry clean this, not dry,

clean it? I can't dry clean it. I don't know how dry cleaning works. Sure you've got to give it a bit of I've never understood it. I've never understood it Rob. I'm never going to I'm never going to look into imagine you're starting a new dry cleaning business. You've got some merch. Yeah. You want it printed well because that mug. Sorry, you're a dry cleaning business doing your own merch for the dry cleaning business. Exactly. Fair enough. It's a popular dry cleaning business. Yeah. And what is the new band doing pressing trousers in the interval. Exactly. Yeah. Do you know what I love? A branded t-shirt for a small business yeah so building firms yeah we had a building firm and they came and they've all got the matching polo shirts yeah with the matching logo and they all look clean all look smart and at that point

i don't care what they're doing to my foundations i trust the polo exactly trust the polo it's different so they look like a professional outfit because they're wearing a professional outfit exactly okay rob i'll go first hi rob and josh hi i really enjoy your podcast through the really enjoy it doesn't feel enough. You're so needy. And through the earliest. Someone's made the effort to email. When have you emailed anyone so you've enjoyed it? Through the early years has helped push through.

Some of the ridiculousness that comes with being a first time parent. Like ever, on lockdown was a particularly difficult time and my husband realized he had had enough of the corporate world. Good on you. This is the ultimate I'd say this is the ultimate pivot from corporate. So many people do

this one. Go on. Decide to become a gardener. It's the classic, isn't it? up throwing the baby out with a bath, or though? No, it's like, I want to be in the green, in the sun. Green bath? Yeah. Spending his time outside and working for himself has been such a change. He runs Matthew's Gardening Services, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, which covers Exeter in the surrounding areas.

You've got yourself a new gardener? We haven't got a gardener. Matthew? Matthew's Gardening Services at gmail.com. He would really love a shout-out as he frequently uses to the podcast was, out cutting hedges, smiley face. Laura, 444 months. Oh, that's nice.

Good old Matthew. Matthew's gardening services at gmail.com. Do you know what he needs? A polo shirt from Vista Print? Hello, you sexy, relatable pair. My name is Claire, and I've been an avid listener since the very beginning. My kids are 8 and 10, so find Rob's Tales particularly relatable. Sorry, it's not weaponise, your favourite of each of us.

You really got me out of the trenches some days. I'm enjoying the blue skies of this age range before the gut punch of the teenagers. is get out of the future. Yeah. Don't look at the past. Live in the moment, right? Too right. Yeah.

My friend Lucy and I have both been teachers our whole adult lives and we're working together at a school for children with special needs when we set up our small business. We also run a special needs play and support group in our spare time. Both my brothers have autism

and Lucy's parents are both deaf. So we have a lot of empathy for families of children with S-E-N-D. Special guest is a wedding and event nanny-in-service specialising the care of children with additional needs. She's good. This is great.

Because that must be very overwhelming for them. A big event where everyone's there. Totally. It's overwhelming enough for me, Rob. Well, no comment. With over 25 years of teaching and child care experience between them, we understand how important it is for your children to be happy, safe and regulated so that you can relax and enjoy your special day.

In advance of the event, we meet with your family to discuss the needs of your child slash children, the structure of a day and your expectations. in terms of the children's participation. The needs and happiness of your child are paramount and central to the service. This is so important. People spend so much money on a cake or dinner or what's the first dance. But if your child has these additional needs, this is such an important thing to get into place if you want it to be a family event.

This is a Hall of Fame. This is top. This is brilliant. We are based in the West Midlands but are willing and able to travel. I hope so. It's a great service. I'm not going to fucking married in business. Dudley.

So yeah, they're willing to travel if you're out of there. Please get in touch and inquire about availability and to discuss how we can help make your event stress-free by caring for your most special guests. Instagram at specialguests. Nannies, spell I-E-S. Facebook special guests. Thank you so much. I really hope our service can make someone else's wedding day that bit less stressful

for those family living with additional needs. Lots of love, Claire. Can I just say, special guests is a great name for. for the company as well. Yeah. Really good. Do you know what they need?

What? Piloship. Exactly. Should we just say also that it's Small Business Sunday on our Instagram. Do follow. Yeah, so you can find it all on Sundays on the Instagram. Yeah. There we go.

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