Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S13 EP24: I Just Can't See It Happening

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. And now Footballing Hell is also available every Monday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With Export Development Canada, Canadian businesses are competing, leading, and winning in more international markets, like how agri-food businesses are strengthening global food supply, and critical minerals are powering industries of the future. Their ambition can't be contained. And with EDC behind them, neither can their growth. Export Development Canada is the financial partner for Canadian businesses going global. Visit EDC.ca for more. This episode is presented by Tui. You've got to love a family holiday, Josh.

Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob? You know what the problem with the holidays is, right? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly. So you need to make the most of your holiday, which is why Too-E gives you more. So that's got to be easy booking for incredible destinations with amazing hotels that offer all the things you love. Perfect beaches, mouth-watering food, on-site splash parks, wellness centres, swim-up suites, and fun stuff for the kids. And now you can get even more by joining the brand new Toey Smile for a, Awards Club for free.

We're talking members-only deals, personalised rewards from Tui and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui smiles reward club

at tui.com. UK. Atoll and Abta protected. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with Aite, Olivia. Can you say Rob? Well, Beckett. Beckett.

Make it. Josh, Whittickham. Biggie Kim. God, where. Grace, can you say Rob? Rob? Beckett. He don't want to do it.

He don't want to do it. He's awesome, isn't it? Josh. Widdickham. Who is that prison warden that's been dragged into that fun group? He doesn't get even named. That is, he's not wanting to do that, has he? Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, sorry, it's a long one, but it's fine,

us but here are our just turned two-year-old twin girls olivia and grace and the best attempt to date at your names thanks all the last katherine chambers from counten durham my husband is from harfordshire and we now live in whitley bay in the northeast coast right maybe explains his mood he's not happy as he i think he loves his wife and family he's just he's gone I love Whitley Bay, nice place, but... Do you love Whitley Bay? He might love it. I've been there, I've got friends there, he's very lovely, and a nice place to visit when I'm in Newcastle, can't fault it, actually a nice little day trip out if you want to get

out of the city centre somewhere close to the beach. Would I want to live there? Probably not. No. Because I've got no links there. Yeah. But I would obviously move if my partner was from there. But, you know, would I really live in Bromley if there wasn't loads of childcare? Probably not. Where would you live? New York, Manhattan, Times Square. Where would I live?

To be fair, I like where we are, but I think I'd be on the same edge of London, but maybe a little bit more south towards the west or north, like half the year or. I want you to... Become? Why, what's happened? Have I lost some money? I want you to name...

Your houses, please. Honestly, even if you've got the money, I find it hassle. So you're just sticking with? I'm just sticking with where I am. You're sticking with what? Yeah. I'm staying in the house I'm in. You're not?

I am. I can't be bothered of extra rooms. I got, I can't honestly. I've been, I've, how do I word this? I've been to too many big sad houses to realize big is not better. I'm not naming names. Names of some names. But, no, look, the kids, I wouldn't want to move the kids' school.

Yeah. So I might get somewhere. I may, I've not looked because I'm happy where I am, but I probably would find somewhere maybe that was a bit fancy than what we've got now, but not much bigger. But could I, you know, I don't know, maybe. So you wouldn't buy a kind of 20 million pound Holland Park style mansion in London. No, no, no, no.

But would you not want that as a kind of place to go? I wouldn't want to live there, but then not, I wouldn't want it that big, maybe, maybe. it maybe. Where are you far? I'll get a place in central London. Yeah. I get a place in central London like that's like a, one of really like Mary Poppins townhouses. Yeah.

Type of thing right in the middle of town so we could have that nights out, days out. Yeah. And it's a base. I'd have somewhere where we are now, even my house, or if something come up near here and close to the kids school, I might move. But it just depends what there is. Yeah. I wouldn't move location. I'd probably, I'd probably, I'd, I'd, I'd, I could.

you know, the things, I might get like a villa in Spain or something, but I don't like going back to the same place. I'd rather spend all my money on first-class flights and the best hotel in a city. Yeah, so you'd have a place. You'd have a private jet. I'd have a private jet. Yeah, I'd have a fucking massive house in Florida.

Here we go. Now we're, now we're getting down to road back here. Come on. Here we go. Yeah, I'll have a massive mental villa near Disney. Right, yeah. In Orlando. I'm having an apartment in New York.

Suddenly, I don't, suddenly. I've got the bug now. We can't ski next half term. So maybe I might get a fucking little shall I, one of those little chattos. But I definitely get a private jet to zoom around on if I was a billionaire. What about a thingy?

A big boat. A yacht. A yacht. That's what they're called. A super yacht. No, I don't like being on the sea. Can I only say this, having never been on one? For the record, I've never been on a super yacht.

Yeah. But I don't get it. Why do they want to be on a big hotel on a boat? I think because they can move around from bay to bay and just go wherever they want whenever they want. So they have that freedom. And I think that they use that to get around so they can travel overnight and sleep

and just wake up in a new place. But a lot of them will come off the boat sometimes to go to hotels or villas. that place and parties and stuff. But I don't think I'd have a private jet and I'd have a place in central London, where I am now somewhere bigger, maybe an apartment in New York,

and I'd have a mental villa in Florida that was just insane to go to the parks. Yeah, I think once you'd gone to your mental villa in Florida and your Mary Poppins house in London, I don't think you'd spend as much time in your current house in Kent as you think. No, I would. I like, do you know what? this is something I've learned about happiness, Josh, right?

Here we go. I don't want to go all deep on you. Here we go. But being able to be bored and slip under the boredom so that you're just floating along with it. I want to say boredom, I mean like doing just normal, boring things. Yeah. School run, dishwasher, sorting out of the house. That kind of stuff, because you could either be too busy trying to do things or do this, do that.

It's exciting. Did they be a dishwasher in your big house? Yeah, I know, but I think it's exhausting trying to do fun stuff all the time. Yeah. There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, slipping into a routine is actually good for you. Yeah. And being slightly bored is quite good for you.

If you're totally engaged with like panic and fear or excitement and, you know, overdoing it is too much. I think winning the euro millions would be wasted on you. Well, do you know what happened? When I first. got a proper job and realized I could afford to eat KFC at every lunch. Yeah. I did. And you know what happened to me? I got fat and unhappy. Here we go. But at the time, I thought this was the greatest thing ever. I can, I can have a Zingerberger

every lunchtime and afford it. Yeah. You mess with fucking... In the afternoon. And basically, that gets repeated every level up you go. Yeah. Until you're sat in your super yacht in Monaco going, I don't even fucking like France. Well, it's all right. Monaco is a prince of all right. Yeah, but you know what I meant. What about you? What would you do?

You'd just have them keep being redecorated all the time. I'd... What house would you get and roof? The thing is, you are right. You go, I like where I live, I'm near to the school. I don't want to live in the middle of nowhere. It's important for the children to have a home that feels is the bones of the family. Yeah.

It's almost like the home for me is the meat of a roast dinner. If you're in London, I get it. you go, well, if I had unlimited funds in London, I would buy one of those 20 million pounds houses because... Yeah. But when you're in Exeter, if you bought a... There's no such thing. Yeah, well, that's what billionaire is put.

I feel like this house we've got here, I am injecting family and memories into the walls. Yeah, you need to stop doing that. There's memories that wood rot in this house. Yeah. That you can have as much money as you want, but you can't replicate that. You can have fun in other places.

hence to private jet and all the holidays that I would do if I was a billionaire but wherever your home is that is so important if you're a billionaire would you try and go into space would you be one of those wankers? No no no fuck that I just have so little I have no interest in going to space no, a billionaire's mental though

it's like that is a personality trait that drives people to that there's plenty of people that have earned really good money in business like hundreds of millions and they're like loaded but they don't they just tap out. Yeah. It's these nutters that double down.

Michael, where's your billionaire property portfolio? It's a mad house in Manhattan, presumably. Yeah, like a huge penhouse in Manhattan, somewhere in London. And then I'd spend the rest of it on funding my films and other people's films. Oh, he's so generous. Oh. Yeah, I'd donate all mine to charity, actually. Yeah, so would I.

But I do think it just becomes a bit of an admin nightmare. Just, oh, fuck, I've got sort of the fucking house insurance. I know you get something to do that job, but then you still got to talk to someone about that job. that is trying to insure 10 properties around the world. Just turned into a massive ballade, then you feel like, oh, I've got to go there. Yeah.

Oh, I've got that place in St. Lucia. I haven't been there in like a year. What a fucking waste of fucking council tax. I think at the start it would be well exciting, but after about five years, it would become a drain and you would just end up being in one of them. Yeah. Wherever your kids are, basically.

You could buy a football club. You'd buy a football club? Buy a football club. No, fucking Y. No. Buy Exalt. You could buy Exeter and just launch them up the league. launch Exeter up the leagues.

Oh, sorry, Plymouth you are. I don't want to buy Plymouth and launch them up the leagues. How much is, yeah, you can buy Plymouth. Why not? Why, if I'm a billionaire? Yes, a lot of baller. You have to go watch Plymouth every week. Who wants to do that?

And then we'd like, I'd have to sack the manager and feel awkward about it, and it'd be awful. I've just typed in Plymouth Worth, and it's come up, is Plymouth worth visiting? And? And according to an AI overview, yeah. Oh, there you go. Yes, Plymouth is worth visiting for its rich marriage. time history, stunning coastal views and vibrant waterfront districts. He probably is worth visiting.

Though, opinions on its broader city centre are mixed. They're not mixed. Yes, Bromley is well worth a visit, especially if you enjoy a mix of green spaces, local history and easy day trips from central London. But where is not worth a visit? Where in the UK is not worth a visit? Oh, this is testing. Opinions of places not worth visit in the UK, focus on overcrowded tourist traps, post. industrial run-down towns suffering from underinvestments.

So, oh, this is bleak. Stop judging a fucking question. AI. Now, to be fair, they've come up, they've come up. Overrated or overcrowded, sorry, spot. Stone Eng. Oh, yeah. Over-hyped and crowded.

I do, I do. I like Stone-Engge. I love Stone-Age. Yeah, of course. Oxford Street, yeah. Oxford Street is fucking shit. They've pedestrianized it. You can quote me on that.

Blackpool's got getting a kick in it. Oh, I like Blackpool. the shops on Oxford Street are awful Middlesbrough and Warsaw I tell you I haven't got opinions on that no they're just frequently appearing near the top of deprivation high crime rankings they offer very little for casual tourists

a holiday mate because if you were there to middlewhip right I would well I just go into Warsaw for a couple of nights are you working no no just away with the kids what are you going to do there I don't know. Sorry, did you say Warsaw? No.

No, Warsaw. I find Stoke difficult because it's seven different towns. I never really worry at nowhere I am with it. Is it? Yeah, it's like seven different towns as one, isn't it? Couldn't tell you. No idea. I just told you.

Should we do some correspondence? Yeah, why not? Yeah? Let's do some correspondence. Right, here we go. Show Josh the internet clips. Do you want one of these? Yeah, go on.

Tell me about it then. I'll Google it. Okay, you can click the link. Good day, fellas. Show Josh internet One of my all-time's favourite A Monkey Lobbing a turd at an old lady Oh, that seems to show.

What the internet was made for? Love the pod. Listen every week in Perth, Australia from Dave Pearce. Not the old Radio One DJ Smashing out dance anthems, another Dave Pearce. That can't be real.

God, it is real. That is good. That is good. It must be real. It's nine years ago. But I don't believe. It's a chimpanzee shit on her nose. Wow.

Where'd you go from there? How do you go from there? It's on that car. It just, it lands so well on the night. I mean, I feel sorry for her. Yeah. Imagine being at you. She's about 70.

She's been wheeled round. You hadn't heard of that clip either. No, there's not competition about who see more. No, but what I mean is it? It's not like an internet classic, is it? But it should be. It should be. I mean, it's not getting enough love.

She's, imagine she's 70 being wheeled round. She's in a wheelchair, parked up at the chimpanzee enclosure. Fucking how's your luck. Right, do you want getting Alford by an in-law? Getting what? Alfred. Alpha-mailed. You recently asked about Alpha.

Also, I want Alfred by the mum as well, female Alphas as well, because, you know, they can get a little bit elbow-y as well as the men. You're recently asked about Al-Fat-in-laws. When I first met my ex's family, I went around for dinner. His family were gently teasing my ex, and he asked, why does everyone pick on me? To try joining him with a banter, I said you've just got one of those faces. At this point, my ex's dad picked up a carving knife and pointed it towards my face and said, that's my face. Mine might be a bit rounder and balder, but that's still my face.

Oh my God. But she didn't even say it about the in-laws face. She said it about... His sons. I golden apologised and continued with my dinner in silence. We went on to date eight eight more years. David from Lancashire. Oh, dear.

Right. What do you fancy here, Josh? Boom a parenting. Do you want to do one? I don't mind doing another one. Here we go. Shaggers stories. Just listen to your playground Shaggers episode

and thought I'd send this in. Two couples I know from school were best friends going around each other's houses at weekends, all going on holidays together. They both have three kids each, all the same age as each other. One day, one of these couples went to Cornwall on holiday by themselves

in breakfast without the other family. Josh, your eyes open? It's very bright. I can see your eyes. It's like you memorized it and we're just talking. How tired's Josh? He's got his eyes shut. How would I?

Can I have a 360 in this office? Is it bleak? No, bleak would imply that it's got... Whoa. So that... You're going to go insane in there. We're only here once a week. It's so white.

Sorry. Sorry, Karen. I got the kids at 9 a.m. today. What are the doing? I'm going to do. I'm some fucking pictures. Literally got the keys coming up and started pumping. It's literally the saddest place of everything.

It's, uh, oh, it looks like the kind of room. An artist gets to go, right? I'm going to deprive myself of any stimulation to see what I create. What should be in it? I don't know, but I wasn't. expect it's so, you look like you're opening a dentist. Oh, just made me laugh.

Sorry. No, it's fine. Your eyes are shut in this completely white room like you're broadcasting from a fridge. This episode is brought to you by AXA Health Insurance. Parents are very good at looking after everyone except themselves. Look, Rob, I'm selfless.

Your eldest has got a lingering cough, GP booked. Exma flare-up, squeezed in, a trip to the pharmacist, that kind of thing. But when it comes to your own health, that can probably wait. Which is why having someone to help you look after your own health matters too. With AXA Health Insurance, you can access both an online GP service and a health support line staffed by nurses and counsellors 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

So there's always someone to talk to about your health. Because caring for everyone else is important, but so is having someone to care about you. So for cover that cares, choose AXA Health. To get a quote search AXA Health Insurance, the 24-7 support line is available to all members. The service can't respond to medical and medical and medical. Surgencies. Treatment for pre-existing conditions is not covered. So, oh, I've got the giggles. One day, one of these couples went to Cornwall on holiday by themselves without the other family.

The mum confessed that she loved the dad of the other family and wanted to be him with him whilst they were on holiday. This resulted in the dad of the other family telling his wife that he also loved the other mum. He drove all the way to Cornwall, picked her up, and she left the family holiday. to be with him. Fuck me. So the two families went on holiday together? No. They always went on holiday together.

They always went on holiday together. Then they had a separate one where one of the camp families went to Cornwall on the without the other family. And while on this holiday, the mum of the holidaying family said she wanted to be with the dad of the other family. And he drove down and got her. And the kids are there? Cornwall picked her up.

She left the family holiday to be with him. she did not take any of her children, even the nine-month-old. I've got, I, how selfish do you have to be? Or how weak do you have to be? Just, I, wait till you get on. I don't know if I'm speaking at a turn here,

and I always think, oh, maybe am I just lucky in the relationship I'm in, or am I naive, or am I ignorant? But surely, if you are not happy in a relationship, leave that person, but you have to do it in the right way. This is insane. Okay, when we get to the end of this,

I want you to talk me through how you would best leave Lou. They shacked up together at our mums. They've now been together for four years, have a child together. Wow. She still does not have her children just every other weekend, and the eldest refuses to go.

I'm not surprised and quite right as well. When I spoke to her about it, all she said was they never had sex or anything before they split their marriages up. I don't believe this sad, really. But it was great gossip at the time. This obsession about I didn't have sex of them. It's like it's way beyond that. It'd be better if you just fucked him at a work do.

And then God went, oh my God, I'm obviously not having a relationship. That was mental. Why did I do that? Here's what I'd do is I sit down with my husband, tell them we need to break up, work out a plan before the children know and talk to them and have a plan together to deal with this, not, oh, just get him to come and pick me up. It's insane for the children. What a horrendous thing to do to a child.

Yeah. It's meant, sorry. Maybe I'm too earnest. I've just got no sympathy for, sometimes I think I'm too clinical, but then are, or am I the right one? And they're all not. What do you mean? It's not all. He's in the minority.

I'm very black and white with this kind of stuff You're going out with Lou You're married There we go A bit of kids Yeah Have you got a couple that you're close friends with? Yeah

Yeah Okay we won't name them Okay So you think God I think Simon and Barbara Simon and Barbara Jeez

I think I'm in love We've been on loads of family holidays Yeah So I think I'm in love with Lou I'm in love with Barbara Actually We're on holiday I know we normally have gone

and she's your friend, but I'm actually in love with her so much that I can't even possibly deal with the rest of this holiday so Barbara is going to collect me. What? What you do is you suffer the holiday, you get home, said the kids to school, and when they're at school, you say, look, Lou, I've got to talk, and you sit down and you lay it out, you're not in love of anymore, I want to divorce, what is the best course of action

to do this to minimize impact on kids? That surely is just the way it should be. Barbara doesn't need to come and get me. am I mentioned Barbara if she says is there anyone else I'll say yeah Barbara

because you have to but I wouldn't have let it get to that point I may have I would have the point I thought I really like Barbara go on would you have said to Lou before you said to Barbara

me getting a divorce does not depend on Barbara liking me back the fact that I really like Barbara and if Barbara did like me I'd start a relationship with Barbara. That should be the end point of relationship.

Barbara needs to be ignorance is bliss. Yeah? And then once I've had that chat, then I can say to Barbara. And you go, Barbara doesn't know this. I fucking love to bang her. Just so you know, once the kids are happy and you're happy, I'm just going to try and fuck Barbara.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she is my soul mate, actually. Well, out of all the women in the world, the one that you happen to spend half turns with, you want to fuck. You know what I do, yeah. Surely, if you're in a marriage that's not working, leave the marriage and go and fuck a lo.

of strangers. Why are you bothering with Barbara? Is that lure or is that you now? I'm talking to myself. Well, I'm talking to myself. I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm talking to... Who wants to fuck Barbara me? Yeah. Yeah, but I don't... But if it was me, I wouldn't.

I would go and shaggload of people, I don't know. Okay. But what if you wanted lasting... Barbara's not the answer. Barbara's never the answer. No. What if you thought Barbara was the answer? You'd have to give it a go, wouldn't you? Yes, but I probably wouldn't

after ruining, not ruining, because it's not ruining if you break up in a healthy relationship, but after ending a relationship that had kids involved, my next portal call wouldn't be,

Barbara, you need to leave your husband and kids so I can bang you. Yeah. It would be, leave Barbara to carry on. If she ends up getting a divorce down the line,

we'd have a little 60s leg up. Yeah. Yeah. And then do your own thing. If Lou, I've always said, if Lou left me, I would just wouldn't bother

another relationship to the girls were 18. Obviously, I'd shag about. But, I wouldn't have a partner or anything like that. It's something that's separate to them and do that and just focus on them because they're going to be 18-20 to do and won't give a shit and then I can do what I want. It's close.

And that is a deal you make when you have kids. They're the priority, not you. There you go wrong. So put your dick in your pants and leave Barbara alone. Okay. Sorry, I got angry. I enjoyed it. I don't know why.

I'm not even a child of divorce. No, it does feel like I've got that. There's absolutely no skin in the game. No skin in the game at all with that. I don't, do you know what I can't deal with dishonesty, Josh? No. At all. I'd just rather someone be honest with me at all times, whether it's a positive or negative.

At least I know where I stand with them. I can't have in authenticity. Okay. Sends me mad. All right. Well, I think this bit's getting boring, so we should move on. Is that honest enough? Yeah.

Well, no, actually, I'm going to go, yeah. Well, okay. All right, then. I will fuck Barbara. Is that what you want from this bit? Is that more fun for you? Do you play me? Like a little thunderbird.

You stand up there and I dance around. with you? Is Barbara fit in this thing? To be fair, Barbara's really, really fit, which makes me look even more moral. Even so she's so fit and I still wouldn't shug her. That's a great eye. Oh, Barbara's absolutely desperate for it.

Every time we go around, she's flirting with me. She invites me around for a barbecue. I turned up, just her naked holding a cue. Where are you going to pop that? Back off, Barbara. Then I do a pink and then brown joke. about snooker.

Yeah. Barbara goes, that's a shame. It's a shame, isn't it? But, you know, what can you do? What do you want here? What's this really about? Maybe that's about me. Here we go.

Oh, boom a parent. Do you want boomer? Yeah, I'll take a boomer. Right. Hi, Robin, Josh and Michael. I have a boomer parenting story from the 90s when I was about five. I was a very fussy eater in my early years. And while my dad was at work, my mom would operate and eat it or wear it policy.

in a desperate attempt to coerce me into eating dinner. This policy was pretty much what you're imagining. If I refused to eat my dinner, it would go on my head. So it just happened I'd dislike all the foods you'd least like to be covered in, such as baked beans and spaghetti hoops. It wasn't uncommon for my dad to get home from work to find me casually play with my toys with dried baked beans all over my head and in my hair. That is mental. That's his mentor.

In my defence, I think my mum would be embarrassed about it now, but the rest of us laugh about it. Yeah, she fucking should be. Hey, this is Alex from Berkshire, 4008 months. Why were mumms in the 90s obsessed with you eating your dinner? You're allowed to be full? Can I ask a question? Which food most and loose like poured over your head?

I mean, anything fishy? Tips would be ideal for not eating, wouldn't it? Because they just bounce off you. Yeah, chips or mash, because you could get that in one big handful. Yeah. They're like potatoes would bounce off. Soup's your big problem. You know, that's the elephant.

That's the elephant in the room. Custard would be a nightmare. Yeah, but who's not finishing custard? Do you know what I? So broccoli would sort of bounce off. Broccoli would be fine. Actually, the theory doesn't make you eat your vegetables. It makes you eat the things that are probably not the best for you.

Your beans. Plowing through pea soup again so you don't get big green head. like peas would be fine. I'm so sorry Alex about that. That is such a horrible thing. Eat it or wear it. Yeah. That is, I don't want to say it, but that is abuse.

And Yorkshire pudding would be fine. Yeah, that popped that on. It's actually quite fun. Don't eat your taste in the morning, fine. But I like Yorkshire pudding's nightmare. Yeah. Wanted to wear it. Fucking hell.

These nutcases. People are mad, don't they? Boom a parent. I grew up in a remote hamlet in Cornwall. This will be good. When I was seven, my dad and I went on a bike ride. We hit a steep hill and I flew it down it as fast as I possibly could. Halfway down and hit a pothole and flying over the handlebars. I landed face first on the tarmac.

Blad everywhere. Face legs, knees down to the bone. I genuinely thought I was dying. Almost immediately a car pulled up. A young couple visibly shocked in the middle of nowhere, an absolute miracle. While I lay there crying in agony, my dad walked over to the car, slowly looked around the back seats, shook his head and said, Thanks for the offer, but I'm worried my son will get blood on your seats and you won't be able to get the stain out. You'd never forgive us. They drove off.

Oh my God. My dad helped me up and said, come on, it's not far. It was three miles. Oh, my God. I spent the next few days in hospital and several months in a wheelchair. Fucking how. 30 years later, I can safely say that walk was the hardest thing I've ever done, all because my dad didn't want to inconvenience a stranger's upholstery.

Right. Now, this in defence of the dad here, he probably thought, oh, it's not that bad. He didn't realize how bad it was. And two, he's probably a bit panicky. But, yeah, I think you take the lift, don't you? I think. If there's that much blood. Do you need to walk in that situation?

If you can walk. Surely goes on the shoulders. If you walk on your side, not if the back, the broke's bike, but the bike's broken from the fall. And you've got to put, I suppose you've got to push the bikes along. I think if I'm the dad and then, if you've got to get to the hospital, I'm thinking,

a jettison one of the bikes. No one's going to steal a bike and sleepy Cornwall. No, leave two bikes. I think leave one and then push the child on the other one. No, I think just get in the car. Pay for the upholstery. Oh, no, no. I mean, if you haven't got the car option.

Right, yeah. You leave the bikes, you carry your kid. Would you? Three miles. Yeah. It's for 5K? What's that? or three miles walk, hour?

Maybe hour and a half. Oh my word. You just do it though, wouldn't you? Yeah, because I'm just such a great guy. Yeah. That's disgust. Because, you know, you just got that superhuman power that comes from deep, deep love.

Right. Solidarity or solid Karen. Parenting Help, Parenting Hell. In a recent episode, Rob shared how we told Woman the Sun was shining on her baby's face in the back of the car, in a car park and questioned if this was Karen behavior. This reminded me of my own Karen encounter over parent and child parking spaces.

Pre-children, I was blissfully ignorant on how useful these parking spots were to parents. Once I had kids an experience trying to squeeze a car seat through a tiny gap of the car door in a standard car park space, the penny dropped. And those extra wide parent and child spaces made life with two under two much easier. It then annoyed me to regularly see people with no children use these. Preach one day. Yep, one day whilst loading, shopping into the car boot of my car. car in a supermaker car park with my husband. I watched my and stroll to his car, part next to us in our parent and child bay. He was alone, not a child in sight. Thinking this was my

opportunity, I'm a bit like that. I'm looking for a row with these spaces, especially when I had little kids, but now mine are older, it's calm down. Thinking this was my opportunity, I went for it. I bellowed, excuse me. These spaces are for people with children. He replied immediately with my wife and kids are inside the shop. I'd forgotten my wallet. so I'm just coming back to my car for it. My husband just stared at me. I quickly had to apologize to the poor bloke. To make matters worse, I've done a big shop

so we're still loading the car when he returned to his wife and kids. Oh, no. Oh, no. Since then, I kept quiet when seeing people misuse these spaces. I think park where the hell you want to. Loll, Katie from Doncast. Can I tell her what? She's done wrong there, Josh. What?

She didn't look in the car to check. Ah. The way to do it is check for the car. car seats. If there's no car seat, free rein, unless you're very unlucky, and the car seats coming from somewhere else. But you've got to check inside the car, before you say something. It could have older kids, couldn't they? There were non-car suiting seats. Yeah, but then I argue you don't need the space if you've got older kids. So why is the space for car seats? I don't quite get that. I was just presumed you got a bit more space because kids need to get in and

out and stuff like that. Well, you need to get in and out and put the baby in. I don't think like an eight-year-old, really, you don't, I've got eight and ten, I'm like, do I really, do I really Do they really need this? I think car park spaces are too tight. And they feel they're getting tighter. Yeah, well, the cars are cars getting bigger though, Josh? Maybe cars are getting? It's very rare now if I'm not using a family space that I'm not shimmying.

Panicking. Shimying. Like having to squeeze myself out. Yeah. What's your car? Are you going to get a new car, Josh? Yeah. You going electric?

Yeah, we can't. We can't have this discussion again. No, why not? Why can't we have a discussion about your car? If you tell me I should get a... I'm very excited for you to get a... I'm very excited for you to get a fully electric car because I know what you're like

and you will never... You can't remember your fucking keys or headphones. What's this? You will never... You've got your key there for the office. Well done. I know you're in the office with your key. you will never have enough charge in that car

and it would be fucking amazing and I want this clipped up so that you can tell me a story about when you run out of charge and I fucking guarantee it'll happen I just can't see it 100 million percent you just can't see a world where that happens no I've never run out of petrol

never run out of petrol no for you have I never run out of petrol now have run out of charge yeah so why is it easier to run out of charge than petrol because say no one's charged your car up and you've got to go and drive somewhere like a couple of hours of driving and it's sat in the car from your last journey

and you forgot to charge it and it's at 20% right yeah if your car was at 20% of petrol you wouldn't run out of petrol because you would fill it up on route right I see yeah yeah but if you go to your car and you forgot to plug it in

which can I suggest may happen I just can't see it happening and you get in the car with 20% and you've got to drive out around for the day, you'll have to find public charging, which, again, I imagine would be really easy and not a problem for you. You'd have the right app. You'd be out, you'd have the right lead. And you'd just be able to just, you know, turn up and charge it up. And it wouldn't impact your day at all. It's so long since we've cleaned our car. By way, I mean me, because obviously

I'm the driver, it's been so long. I mean, it's just, it's just, I'm. I mean, it's just, I'm I've just never got around to that. I think I don't care about cars, Matt, at all. I think out of anyone I've ever met, you care about cars the least out of any, like to the point where you hate that concept of it and wouldn't have fun if you could get away of it. So little interesting cars.

I don't, I should say, I don't hate the automobile or resent its existence or like. Oh, heavens, heavens forbid, anyone thought you hated the automobile. I mean, I'm not like, I wish the car had never been in a man. I find it incredibly useful. I'm glad I've got a car. I'm not like, it's not like my relationship with my phone

where I go, I wish I didn't have a phone. Yes, it's gone too far with social media. It's like, yeah. My car is very useful. I just couldn't have less interest in it. Imagine, Rob,

yeah, if people were constantly asking you, um, which brand of milk you had, and whether you're going to start change brands. So what do you drive? Yeah. So you're on Cravindar, yeah?

I think about going only? Like, imagine if that was constantly a thing that people were asking. That's how it would feel. I think I think if you got a newer car... I actually feel that's a bad analogy because I do have opinions on milk. I think, though, if you got a newer car that was a bit like, you've had that one years and it was old when you got it, if you had one that was a bit newer up...

It was two years old. I was it? Did you feel like this is a nice new car? I'm going to keep it nice and clean, have that new car sort of buzz? Yeah, I suppose. Anyway, I'm full encouraging of you get an electric car, by the way. I'm not into it.

So that is, I want that clear. Could you get in the back of it and sleep if you've got home and the house is locked? I'd argue that the electric car's locking system is a bit more modern, so you may not be able to get in without a key. Yeah. But you might have an app on your phone that could open it.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think we need to, with house keys, go to an app-based system. I don't, well, I think that would feel dangerous because people could just hack the system and get in. Yeah, true. Yeah.

Well, about one of them little lock things, you can have somewhere hidden and you have a key, spare key in it, and you need a code to get in. Yeah, I think we'll have to do that. Like, it's a holiday rental. Yeah, well, like one of those, if you're an Airbnb, I'd have.

Yeah. And hide it under your little plant pot or something. Yeah. Right. One more bit of correspondence. Yeah, go on. I'm hungry. This is...

What are you having for lunch? I don't know. I've got to see what's in there. Got some beef from leftover from Sunday lunch. Have you? Food. What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? You only fell out and it's still... I brought Barbara up at the dinner table. Hi, sexy Rob, Josh and Michael.

I have... Oh, hi sexy Rob, sexy Josh and Michael. Oh, there we go. I have a weird food confession I think you might actually like. Grab a pack of chicken super noodles, a tin of baked beans and a jug of thick gravy. Oh my God, this is not a good one if you don't finish it and it goes on your head. Mix it all together in a bowl and slap it between two slices of thick buttered bread. Wow.

Absolutely incredible. How northern is this person? Sorry, this is a sandwich. It's super noodles, baked beans and gravy sandwich. Oh, I absolutely love the podcast. I listen to you daily on my dog walks repeating the same episodes over and over again. Keep being sexy relatable, love from Rachel and sunny, scumny.

Is it the whole thing? Because that's going to be so much. Or is she doing... That's a lot. It's a whole tin of baked bins. A whole tin of baked bins. Two massive bits of bread, gravy, and chicken super noodles. Wow. That's a big...

That's a lot of food. There's a lot of food. Well, maybe that's like you'd share it with someone. Yeah. Two sandwiches out of that. We used to do a cookbook. we should do a parent-in-hell weird food cookbook weird food cookbook that's funny in it

or a YouTube series where we make it and try it yeah that'll be good yeah never can't it's never got can't be bothered no that would be quite funny though if we did that and just met up and did a whole day of cooking all this weird shit oh gosh yeah but I'm so tired you feel so sick you're sat this we're both sat this sucking on an oxo cube going this one's from Karen on the Whirl

which is actually our next one as children my sister and I got into eating oxoes every night. It became an addiction. We'd put one in our mouth and then one moistened. She would put it on her thumb and I would spread it across the palm. What? We would put one in our mouth and then once moistened, she'd put it on her thumb and I would spread it across the palm of my hand and lick it off.

Oh. Fucking hell. He's like Mogily. I wear myself off it but as an adult got into eating them sprinkled in ready salted crisps due to the massive salt content. I'd go cold turkey and remove them from the house to stop myself. Oh, word. They taste lovely of a drink of milk. Karen for the wheel of.

Fucking hell. I remember when I was a kid getting into pure squash. Pure? Just occasionally, I'd go... That's wild. I'd go, not a full glass, but like almost like... Just a little shot. Like a shot of squash.

But was that sort of high jinx and showing off or taste? I don't think I was into it. I think I liked the thrill of going, fucking hell. I shouldn't be doing this. It's a bit rock and rock. Yeah. Right. Small business, shoutouts?

We haven't really asked you anything, Michael. Have you got anything to offer on what we've been talking about? I don't think there's any bread that exists in the world that could contain that sandwich. Yeah. Oh, no. You'd have to hollow out of your batter or something. Yeah. It must be a big kind of, they call doorstep, kind of.

Or scoop out a baguette and pour it in. I loved a crisp sandwich back in the day. Did you have white bread, butter, salt and vinegar walkers? Fucking loved it. I'd have thought of like cheese and pickled onions. What, with the crisps? All in. All in.

Rob. Yeah. Enough salivating. Now it's time for small business shoutouts. Brought you by Vista Print, your expert print partner, to help you bring your ideas to life. There is nothing better than a small business order arriving in a beautifully branded box with stickers and tissue paper. I got one just the other day, Rob. Suddenly it feels less like some of you order online and more like.

a present. I got one the other day, Rob. Absolutely glorious. I didn't like tissue paper, Rob. I'm going to say it. Big fan of tissue paper. I'm a big fan of tissue paper. Dear Rob, Josh and sexy Michael, I'd really love to give a huge shout out to my friend Kit, who works tirelessly running a fantastic little business, Cheeky Kid. Cheeky Kid. Based in a little town in North Taughton, Kit makes beautiful handmade. Do you know, I don't know where North Taughton is. makes handmade soap using milk from a very own hand-reared goats. There we go. Oh my God.

There's a lot to take in. It's very southwestern it. She milks the goats. You can't milk a goat. You milk a goat. Of course, where do you think ghost cheese comes from? Fucking ill. Not in their art.

I didn't know that came from there are others. What? What the hell of option is worse? Middle of fucking nowhere. She milks the goat and then some, if you, yeah, anyway, she milks the goats and somehow conjures the milk into gorgeous soap. We're not entirely sure whether the goats are aware of their contribution to the business, but I like to think they're proud. She'll like glitter to the make of the

soap's suitably jazzy and create wonderful dinosaur-shaped soaps. All hand-made by her. The scents are absolutely delicious too. Kit travels all around. Devon, during an array of craft markets, and her soaps make brilliant little stocking fillers. You can find Cheeky Kid on Instagram, subscribe to her mailing this, or visit www.com.com. if you sign up, Bill ultimately receive a whopping 10% off. Thanks so much, Lindsay. Four kisses. Devon, Devon's fucking weird, isn't it?

No. Norve talked to it, right? Samford Courtney. Sanford Courtney, Zill Monarchorum. Yeah. The fuck? Broaden met. Yeah.

It's a weird little gaff, isn't it? Mad little places. Honeychurch, here you go. God, blimey. Torbridge. Right. Torbridge is fine. Is Torbridge right?

Well, it's just as a name. You could have Torbridge in Kent. No, Torbridge is fine now. Samford called Zill Monoturham. Anyway, the next one. Hey, I want to shout out Dee Valley Honey, a local business based in Wrexham,

run by Andy and his partner and two girls. The honey is lush, Gertlush. He is just starting out and a shout out to help him grow. Go to D Valley Honey. That's D.E. Valley Honey.

There you go. on Instagram, 68 followers. Come on, listen. Let's follow this up. 10 billion. Like the old Cape 30 goalie. Let's do a Cape 30 goalie. Vistaprint.com.com.

UK, print you're possible. Let's get 15% off your Vistaprint order. Visit vistoprint.com.com. UK and use the code, parenting hell 15. Josh, absolutely pleasure. See you next time. Can't wait to see what you can do with the office. He's already on his phone.

I was checking if I was going to make it. in time for the train. Whether I should walk or get a taxi. Right, okay. We are still doing the show. Okay, sorry. I ain't going to get asleep on the train. Yeah, I think so too, yeah. I think you might. Bye.