Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S13 EP8: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled...

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... Lego obsessions, new family car chats, photography hobbies, and a nits outbreak are all on the agenda this weel... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is presented by Monzo. Summer holidays are for living. Holidays, day trips, the beach. Meeting friends absolutely love it. And Monzo helps families spend less time, think about money and more time making those memories. Whether it's a joint account for managing family spending together or a free kids account to help your children take their first steps with money. Monzo takes care of the money stuff so you can get busy living. Joint account requires both applicants to have a Monzo account and be over 18. Kids account for ages 6 to 15 requires a parent or guardian account. UK residents T's and Cs apply. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Fred, can you say Rob Beckett?

Can you say Rob Beckett? Can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Whittaker? I mean, I've not been sure that sounds like a baby. No, that's what I thought. I do want to... Is that a cat? Or like a door?

Hello, you sexy and relatable, master. This is my 7.5 month old Fred attempting to say your name, sort of. He was particularly impatient that it meant waiting for the next spoonful of porridge. Good man. Good man. So he wasn't doing it on cue. He was complaining for porridge. I've listened to the show since I started before having kids

have since become a stepmom to a three-year-old boy, Elliot, and we welcome Fred to our family on the 22nd of December last year. Shagging in March. What is it now? I've got loads of times to shag before March. Let's be honest, Rob, we've totally forgotten about that. Last time we mentioned that was about three years ago. You out loud had the thought process that I had,

of that thing where you don't even know which month it is. I just know it's hot, but it's always been hot for months now. Oh, he's killing me. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I know you shouldn't love it, but I'm absolutely loving it.

And I know it's like a bad and that, but I'm quite like it. Are you a hot weather guy? Do you know what? I'm a consistency guy. So could you live in L.A.? Well, apart from your personality. I quite like, I quite a lot. Let me put it this way, Rob.

I don't think L.A. people are your people. You have an issue with the odd, say, fake person over here. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. All I've said is a lot being hot. I know. You've just had a character assassination for no reason. And then put me in L.A. and told me off for being there. I've not mentioned L.A. Well, I don't think you should go there.

You asked, would you want to go and talk? LA and I've not answered and then you've told me all the reasons why I wouldn't like it. Yeah, well, I had four days in LA on holiday. I hated it. I've, I've, I've been to LA a couple of times. I've, I think of Hela, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've worked it out. If that makes sense, I don't know where I should be. Yeah, it's too big. You have to drive everywhere. There's no center to it. No. And everyone's there to work. Everyone is there to work. And they all think are incredibly important. Yes. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Like us. Yeah. Oh, I am in, I'm really important. I don't realise that we're the important ones.

Yeah, well, that's a problem with people that think they're important. They don't realise that we're important. Yeah, exactly. Actually, I'm important. No, I like consistency. I like seasons. I like living somewhere seasons, but I like consistency. So you just want four seasons of three months where you get the exact same weather.

I just, look, shoot me, but I quite like summer being hot and dry every day. Poor lawns, though. The lawns look so bleak. You know, that it's too dry. I'll give you that, and it's a bit too hot. at least it's hot and dry every day. And then what I want in spring is, I don't like wind or rain. So I don't mind being cold.

But in the winter, I'd be happy if it would just snowed every day, it was freezing cold. I'd get special like bits of metal things to go around the tires on my car. And it's winter. And we're in winter. That's that. Never going to happen. I want it all leaves everywhere. And I want it cold and dry and crisp.

Walk into the kids to school and kind of puddles and leaves. Oh, you know you don't want rain. You never want. No, no way. So I like it dry. So you want the only liquid to come from the sky in frozen form. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Is that too much to ask?

Possibly not in the future. But I don't mind rain when I'm inside. Yeah, you've got a house. Wind. I don't get on with wind. Whatever if it's hot or cold. Do you not like wind? I think it's the worst.

I think I've discussed it before. I just hate, it brings nothing wind apart from kites. And are you big on the kiting scene? No, but no, actually. I don't even like kites. It just brings nothing. What positives do wind bring? Have your children ever flown a kite?

Yes, yeah, because I'm a very active and present dad. I think we need to buy a kite. You should go, you're down the coast, yeah, yeah. So when is wind ever, when is wind ever help? Like rain, I get it. You know, plants. 100 meter world records, wind is helpful, isn't it? Okay, yeah.

And how many of them you got? Well, none. and you like watching them happen and then when was the last time what happened? I don't really like watching them happen. No. I enjoy the 100 metres. The 100 metres is thrilling

because it's so quick. It's so exciting. Yeah, because it's over. Yeah. That's why I couldn't really get into MoFarra. It's a long wait for a MoBot. The thing with MoFarra's race is were they over 3,000 and the 5,000?

I couldn't even. You're just waiting. They might as well all just be on a treadmill for the first 25 minutes next to. And then just sprint at the end. Because basically the point is we've got to knacker each other out before this final sprint, which is such a weird race. So they all run together to knacker each other out.

They might as well just meet up knackard. We don't need the first bit. Just like, okay, is there all? No one has any sleep. Yeah. And you're all the long distance ones. No one sleeps, but then you'll do 100 meters when you get it. Talk about no one sleeps, Rob.

You know my hotel thing where it looks like I'm shagging. Because you're having worked done on the house, you keep doing these from a hotel room. and we will do guest episodes Did you do this on purpose? She said you've booked a room for two. It was like an absolute slam on me. Oh, really? No, I think that's just the standard saying on the website.

I'm not trying to stitch you up. She was like, so it's a room for two, but with like a kind of like... Josh, no one thinks you're shagging. No. That and that's not... The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, right? Hiding in plain sight. No, no plain sight.

Little did they know this little virgin boy was an absolute shagger. Hello, you sex and relatable bastards. Oh, we're still doing the vintra? Why did we start talking about? Being hot. Being hot weather? Why did we start talking about that? Who cares?

Michael can you remember why we started talking about that? I've got no idea. Write in. Write in. If someone could email in and let us know. No, don't write in. Please don't write in. I'm sure red it will be all over that.

Oh, here we go. This is my seven and a half-month old Fred. attempting to say your name sort of. It's particularly impatient that, oh yeah, we got to the porridge. Where did we do? Porage! So was that what made us think of the hot weather? No?

No. No, you're not eating porridge in these months. No, I'm not. Well, I'll show you what I'm eating. I don't want to get distracted. It's not like us. What you got? This is my set up, Rob.

Oh, you set? Today, including my food, which I can't eat. I think this is a new record of me. Oh, no, you can't. You can't work like that, Josh. You've got to stop buying yogurt-based breakfast and watching it go off in front of your own eyes during work.

It has to go in a free. You can describe the tower. That will go on the grid shortly, Michael. Pop that on the Instagram. Well, the Seagull never made it, Michael. I mentioned, should I put the Seagull in? It's because you sent a GIF or someone sent a GIF and it won't upload the GIF.

And there's still image the Seagull's not present. That tower, sorry, it looks like you've created a funnel for the heat from the laptop to go up through the toilet roll to curdle the yogh. So what we've got here is also as well, Josh, when you're in a hotel room, the one thing I know about that is you need to deaden the sound because it's too much wood and metal areas and stuff like that. You've not even attempted to bring a bathroom towel. We have got a microphone on a solid wood table.

Okay, do you want me to just going to get a bathroom towel and we can see the different... Here's a little game. Okay? What we're going to do, I'm going to get a bathroom towel and I'm going to turn my camera. camera off. And I'm going to speak twice and you can tell me which which has got the towel. Do we want to do this, Michael? Yeah, I'm off of it. Let's do that. Okay, well, let me explain the towel. By the way.

No, I haven't finished explaining the tower. Okay. Okay. They've not seen. So you've got wooden desk that should have a bath towel on it if you're trying to get good sound for Michael. Then you've got 80 bags of decaf tea. In a box. Just to be clear. Not in a pile. In a box. But. Why do you keep buying so much decaf tea? You bought a box of 100 last week.

I know, because I hadn't got any tea bags. They don't have them in hotel rooms. So I got some on my way here. Okay. And then you've got your laptop. You've got a toilet roll that's still got the folded triangle on from the hotel toilet. Yeah, well, that's good. That's probably better, isn't it?

Your yogurt and then your... It looks a bit of a pervert camera, your one. And you've got a little pervert camera on there and you're ready to go. And are you going to do the bathtub test? By the way, I will in a sec. By the way, keep listening. I might need that toilet roll. I've got the shits, Rob.

Well, that's going to be curdling your yogh, you sicko. Last night, I woke up at 4 a.m. and had to go to the toilet. I had to run to the toilet. Oh, and was it just really... It wasn't a laugh. It wasn't solid. It was... Yeah, it wasn't a laugh.

Oh, man. So you're on yogurt already then? You want to eat breakfast, though? You've got breakfast. Well, no, I bought it for like a break in filming. Well, I just thought I'm not going to get to eat that because I'm too behind it time-wise because I'd just drop my door at club, get into town.

Right. Book my honeymoon suite. Go and buy my tea. Well, tea first. Oh, fucking hell, Rob. So stressed. I've had a really stressful 12, 24 hours. Right, okay, so what's happened?

Should I just finish this? I've listened to the show. No, let's finish it later. Let's meet this. Do the episode where we never get through the intro. Yeah, we got, so we went away, then we had people staying, which was lovely. But our kids, when we've got people staying and we've been away with friends, the bedtime is insane. Yeah, especially when it's light at night and it's our bedtime.

So. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, to the point where after my bedtime. Yeah. Well, I'm like, please go to sleep because I need to sleep. Yeah, exactly. So, so I haven't had a moment where I'm not doing childcare for nine days or something. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, you went away. Yeah. Because they are up till you are up and they are. Yeah. So there's no moment when you're not doing child care. What happened to me this morning, Josh? What? My daughter woke up the night, so she got into our bed, so I just got out of

our bed and got into her bed and then I was curled up in her bed half six in the morning I'm lying there asleep then I feel a 10 year old child land on me yeah she's gone to jump she doesn't know I'm in the bed she thinks I'm downstairs

so she basically like leg drops me like Hulk Hogan she goes oh sorry daddy I didn't know you was there so sorry is it her bed or was it her sister It's her bed oh my God that's how I woke up landing on Oh, a development in my sleeping.

Yeah. We've got a food. The Futon's in. I said to Rose on Friday night, this is like sleeping on a cloud. It's unbelievable. I just got into bed and I was like, this is bliss.

This is incredible. Josh, genuine, because I think people might listen to this and think, oh, they egg in this up or is Josh doing this. I cannot believe. the way you live. Like, it's mad.

I'm at the top of the showbiz tree. And he's happy he's got a photo. You shouldn't be living like this, George. I've got a yogurt on a toilet roll in front of me. And that's my working environment. I don't think you'll ever be in a house that's finished. It does feel, no, it's very close now. We've got our, we've got our kit.

Well, it's not very close, no. It's not very close. No, no, no. Because I tried to change a recording for six weeks time. You said they'll still be building. work going on. Yeah. So that's not very close. That's miles off. But we've got three bedrooms now. Nice. The stuff's in the, in the cupboards and the drawers in the kitchen. Admittedly romp. So are you in your own bed then? No. So aren't the kids in bedrooms? No, because

with the kids' bedrooms, one, my son's bedroom's done, but my daughter's bedroom's not. It's a spare room that's done because we had people coming to stay. Right. So you can't really kick out your boy because your daughter's in with you already still. Right, okay, got you. Oh, God. Oh, God. So close. Tantalising.

So you've got the futon in now. So the futon's in. So I don't really mind. I'm just loving it. Apart from last night when I almost shot on the futon. Which would have summed it up, really. Oh, update. Fluffball's out.

Oh, yeah. Out of what? Vet the vets. Last time I said she was in the vets, didn't I? Yeah, you was getting her for the vets. Legs weren't working. So they're patchy, but they're good. She's got to go for a...

Sorry, sorry, patch. I just think they're patchy. What do you can't catchy? Some days they're quite stiff, some days they're not. Right, okay. So she's got to go for a brain scan. Oh, gosh. It's fucking mental.

Honestly, if we didn't have pet insurance, I think Fluffball would have bankrupted me. So she's having a brain scan? To see whether it's neurological. Yeah. Yeah. Bloody hell. Yeah.

Oh, mate. She's fine in herself. She's having a lovely life. But her legs just don't work. Well, no, her legs do work. So it just gets stiff sometimes. Like she's got, maybe she's just done a long run, that kind of.

Oh, and then she just walks a bit like, so she's not dragging them on, in my head, she's like dragging them on the floor behind her. No, no, no. She's like she's done a long run or a big yoga session. Right, okay. And she's done a big leg session in the gym. Now she's trying to walk down the stairs.

Yeah, yeah. And in my head, imagine this, she's got a matching two piece on. Yeah. Maybe, you know, sort of Lulu Lemon. Yeah. Massive Stanley full of milk. Oh, God.

Anyway, it's good that she's out and she's a bit better. Yeah. Well, you just get an email. No, I was just looking at the light and whether I'm too washed out. Are you feeling a bit insecure because you had so many positive comments about how amazing you look? in a few of the others, and the light in this room is not ideal for your glow.

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they'll get a pair of, shoes they actually want to put on for once, which will make those morning school runs so much easier. Find their perfect pair online or visit in store for fitting with staff who are pros in the right fit found fast. Hey, y'all's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. I've listened to your show since it started. before having kids and have since become a stepmom of a three-year-old boy,

Elliot, welcome Fred to our family on the 22nd of December last year. We said we got to there and then we talked about Shaggy in March. Yeah. We're retracing our steps. And then... You know what month it was in. I said it was hot, yeah. And here we are.

And here we got one internet crash. There you go. 20 minutes of pointless conversation later. Pointless or, you know, sort of reassuringly... Yeah, shambolic. Bullocks. He was due the week after, and I thought, having finished work on the 19th, I would have at least a week of lovely nesting time, but evidently not.

He's now lumped with a shit birthday, but we got the best Christmas present. Oh, that's nice. Your podcast kept me saying during the furlough months of lockdown, keeps me from going somewhat less insane during maternity leave. Keep up the good work. Megan and Norwich, 404 months. Thank you very much, Megan. It's what I did another month by the time it took to read that out.

Well, welcome to the shy, Rob. Welcome to show. Yeah, how you been? How's your week been? Oh, so we've been, we're hunkering down a little bit, the old Beckett's. We're not going away anymore. We might go away for a, no, we might go away for a couple of nights at the end of August, but we've got no going away.

So we're just at home trying to do like quite normal and wholesome things, Josh. We've got a little, I went, we didn't saw minions at the cinema, which is quite good, actually. I fell asleep. Yeah, of course. I've got a vegetable patch. We've got a vegetable patch. Okay, well, it's not who's got the longest delay? No, no, I was just say it.

Okay, well, all right, okay. What have you got in yours? And is yours better in mine then? No, yours. Well, what are you growing? We've done some potatoes. You've got no idea. You're not involved, are you?

My parents do it with my children. Yeah, see, I do it with my children. Yeah, well, my parents, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Well, you're a better... Well, I say I do it.

I ask the gardener man to put it all in. Oh, right. So you didn't sew it? Pardon? You didn't sew the vegetables? No, I bought the plant already done. What do you mean? I bought a strawberry plant.

This is embarrassing, isn't it, this whole chat? What do you mean to sew it? Who's sowing it? I've got to sit... I put the potatoes in? No, I bought strawberry plants, tomato plants and a chili plant. You didn't even buy... tomato seeds?

No. What do you think I've got, mate? Years. I want a tomato next week. It's sewing it. Oh, grow up. Pathetic. Come on, mate.

Have a bit of fun in your life. I wish you guys. That's not that BBC gardening program. They have had a conversation with you about. No one wants to watch a seed grow. Grow up. Get the plant. Let's start getting some produce off.

We've got some strawberries. I ate one. No shit. You bought a fucking strawberry, basically. All you've done is bought tomatoes on the vine from Astor. That's all you've done. Yeah, that's what you're doing. I've just plugged the vine back in the ground.

It'll keep growing, wouldn't it? Now, we've just bought the plants. Are you sad? That's a bit hardcore for me. Now, we've already got the... It looks great out there. It's all grown. Yeah, of course it does.

Yeah, yeah. The gardener's planted it for you. Yeah, no, no, he put the plots where they should be put, and then the kids planted them, actually. Oh, okay. Where he suggested where they go. Yeah. Did he dig the holes? I didn't. The kids did.

Yeah. When I say I'm doing it, I've watched a gardener set it up and I've watched my children plant the plants. Right. Okay, yeah. On your little camera thing from in the house. Yeah, on my camera thing from a Rob and Romish chute. I was in the Bahamas actually. Well, this was, no. No. So we've got, so that's quite fun though. But the strawberries, strawberries aren't great.

No? It's sour. I don't know what to do because they look all red and juicy, but they're disgusting. thing. Well, you should have grown them from seed. No, shut up. Bullocks. Next year, though, you could grow them from seed. Oh, yeah.

Well, well, I fuck off. No chance. From seed. How long that takes from seed? Three or four months? Ages. I've, um, I did grow sunflowers, though, from seed. Oh, yeah.

That was quite fun. It was from seed, actually. Yeah. So you got potatoes. What else you got? Got them into flowers? Your sunflowers. So what happened, full disclosure, my parents, which was a great gift.

It was like Christmas present. It was a Christmas present, yeah. So that's been going well. I think there's a pumpkin coming. Oh. I think there's, we've had peas. You don't really know though, do you? I do.

I do. Mine aren't from seed, but I know, at least I know what I've got in the ground. I don't think some of ours were from seed. There were small plants. Here we go. This is classic. Absolutely classic. It's all coming tumbling down now, isn't it?

You don't even know if it was seed on those tissues. Because we put a potato in the ground and then you get more potatoes. Is that all you have to do? That's not a seed. It's a potato. It's a potato seed. I'm not sure. So is that what them little, like, weird hairs are that grows often when they're in a cupboard?

It thinks it's in the ground. I think so. A potato's thick as shit, isn't it? Please, please. If you're listening, here we go. Let's start writing and tell us everything we've got wrong. Because this is one of the most, of all of the years, this is a, this is a the most ill-educated conversation.

I don't care. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people knowing more than me telling me I'm wrong. I'm fucking bored of it. Like I say, I don't walk around pubs, stopping people mid-shit anecdote, giving them tips about to improve it. You would of if your career hadn't gone as you played. If they want to know, I'll tell them.

But I don't do that. So don't tell me. And then some little fucking nerd on the Instagram post through our small business telling us that we put Sundays wrong. We pularal like, we put apostrophe S for Sundays rather than it just being no apostrophe Yes. How empties your fucking Sunday if that is what you're writing on a fucking nice post.

We put up, we're now putting up the small business shoutouts on Instagram so people can have a look at them. And by we. And by we. And by we. In the way that we are also growing plants with our children. I didn't even know it was going out

and it was a nice surprise to me as well. I don't even know Michael knew that was happening. Michael, I imagine Michael's paid some sort of hipster from East London with a sort of, fixed gear bike and his socks hanging out, some money to put it up. Is that right, Michael? Someone has been paid, but she is not a hipster from East London. She's a very lovely social media manager who has done.

Oh, I'll get. Stop groveling. Yeah. No, they said they put Sundays wrong, and I was like, honestly, fair enough, notice it and think we're thicker shit or whatever. I like this one. What in the, in quotes, professional podcast is this? Have you guys been hacked?

That's a good comment. that. I'm up for that. That's a bit of fun, that. Anyway, why do people get so obsessed with grammar? What is it that they get from the security of a sort of agreed way of communication? What prompts people to the need to tell them that? That post still makes sense. You know what?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I know. But why did people get so worried about grammar? I know. I know I'm one of those people, but I also know that language changes. languages about communication. That is its primary purpose. Shakespeare changed it, didn't they? Did he? Yeah.

But also language, you know, it evolves. So maybe, you know. Josh, I got in, I got some salty. You know, when I used to that salty Josh about someone being a bit salty. Yeah. Someone was, I don't know if it was salty or a bit agy, but when I think, let's the cinema.

You just woken up. Yeah, I just, I was a bit all low. Jamie was it. It's all dark and cold down there. I come out 30 degrees. loving it, drying off, thinking I'm in L.A. and I go to the, there's three machines. There's an old couple on one, so I swerve that. There was one that said, sorry, machine not working, and there was another one, right? Put my card in. Try to tap Apple Pay wouldn't work. Put my card

in, it wouldn't work. And then sometimes my card can be a bit funny with certain machines. So I just was like, oh, it's not working there. I'll try the other one. Yeah? Yeah. Anyway, so I'm queuing up at the other one. And there's a lady on the machine. was on and she's huffing and puffing and in the time it's taken for that lady to go on the machine i'm second in the queue of the available one that seems to be working a little behind me now it's like basically every single parent that was in watching the minions is now behind me we've got a queue of like 110 people like it's mental on one machine and then she goes and i go oh yeah i'm not i'm not sure if that one's working i was having trouble with my car she went thanks for

telling me now. Oh, come on. Could have told me earlier. Come on. I stood there wiping the sleep from my eyes. And I was a bit taken about it. I was like, I don't need this at this time of day. No.

Give me a coffee, no deal with it. And I was like, well, I did tell you, like, as you're in the middle. But I didn't want to tell you what working. Because the other option is, like, that one's not working. Yeah. Then someone else goes up, because I don't know if it's not working or not. Someone else goes up to it. Pays and she's like, oh, wasn't working, was it?

Yeah. Exactly. I'm like, who's shit on your conflakes? Exactly, Rob. I thought it was unfair. I think you're right. I think you're right to think that's unfair. I think you are right to think that's unfair.

Do you want cheering up? Go on. So, yesterday evening, I was like, right, got no one else is here, early bedtime. Just you and no friends staying? Just the family for the first time in Yonks. Yeah? Get them to bed. And then I'm going to stay up.

and I'm going to have an hour to myself. Okay. What time? What's staying up till? Half ten or something. That's all normal. Okay, so it's half nine. You've decided you're going to have an hour to yourself till half ten.

Well, once they're asleep, once they're asleep, I'm going to have an hour to myself before I hit the futon. And then at four a hour and wake up before a gym. Was it just, or was it just the mattress of the, like, can you have a photo? Can I picture the foods? I'd love a photo of what you were sleeping on before and then the futon. Okay, I'll send it.

I'll get that. I think we as an audience deserve that, and I'm including myself with the listener and viewership. Okay. Like, this has gone on. Yeah, I think so long now to the point where I just forgot that you're still sleeping on the floor. Yeah.

Okay. I'll get those photos for you for next time. Okay. Then my daughter has got an itchy head. Then Rose Jack, she's got knit. Oh. So we all have to do a family knit treatment. It goes on.

so long. Yeah. Because it was about 7pm when she realized she had nits. So it's probably a two and a half hour thing, isn't it? A full family. You know, all four of you have got to put the stuff in. All four of you have got to rinse it, brush it, brush it, rinse it, or whatever it is, yeah.

Anyway, we'll go to bed at 10 after the knit treatment. My daughter says, I thought you were going to have an hour on your own. I'm like, do you know what? I can't do it. I've just, I'm just, so I've gone another day. This is my first experience of being alone. Of being alone in 10 days. Yeah.

And how do you feel? Do you feel well rested after a nice family holiday? Yes. No. I do feel like I'm so lucky that I don't have a proper job during the summer holidays. Honestly, I was going to say, me and Lou were saying this. People like, you have to be in a specific place for a specific time. We're so lucky that we can work from home and pick and choose our hours to appoint.

it's like it must be impossible. Because pick and choose hours, I reckon I'm working and, you know, other times I think it's, you know, fair to say that, you know, we miss things because of our job. But I'm working three to five hours a week at the moment. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's like I'm not working. I'm basically unemployed. Yeah, pretty much.

And then obviously, you're, you're, it all levels out pro rata because your, your, your autumn will get lively. My autumn's going to be lively as hell but it's so lucky that I can do that My autumn's so quiet It's like I've been cancelled But there is part of me that's like Oh man I'd love a

Just something that It reminds me of when you had young kids And you'd go I just need to do something that's kind of mentally taxing Do you know what I mean? Something that's like Try out some new material

Or something that feels like I'm not just looking at Lego sets on my phone with my son. Do you know what I mean? I find it, because I've been off a lot with them, the constant questions. Yeah. Oh, when we're doing this, and you've got a big thing right, because they need to eat this, do this, what, treat to them to bear. And it's fun going away with other people or hanging out of other people,

but I don't know if you find that it's great because the kids love it. And then also you've got adult company to chat about things and chill out. But then I get to a point where it's like, constantly agreeing. It was almost like an eight, if it's with like another family of four, of like, what are we doing now? And it's much more difficult to keep all eight happy

than just your four, but then after a few days, they get bored of just each other and their mum and dad, so they want other people. Yeah, totally. Are they in camps this week? Or like,

my daughter's doing an art club this week, and my son's at home. So tomorrow I'm going to do a load of stuff with him. and then, oh, this is wholesome, Rob. This is incredibly wholesome. Wednesday, we're going to the beach to watch the solar eclipse in the evening. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, that's the kind of thing you do. Can I be honest? Yeah. Boring. I didn't want to piss on your chips. Boring! No, thanks. Boring!

I suppose, too fair, your older daughter will enjoy it, wouldn't she? Yeah, well, I think my son, you know, he's a huge fan of eclipses. Is it? He's actually? No, no, he's not. You'll be looking at the solar eclipse and it'll be facing the other way watching a D.HL van go past. Well, yeah. No, now he's into Lego. He's fucking a Lego obsessed. Oh, really? So we need to get what we need is a catalogue of all the Lego.

Rather than online. Online at all the different sets. She just love getting a brochure or a catalogue. Yeah. They might still do the Argos catalog, and they have some Lego sets, but it's not a full... I don't know if they do still do the Argos catalog. I remember Playmobile used to have a lease one.

Yeah, but he's not into Playmobile. No, but it's something to look at, but Lego might do it. He needs a Lego City. Lego paper brochure. I had to got an idea, Josh. Yeah. Why don't you try and find old ones on eBay? Because, yeah, I don't know, yeah.

Like, or does he need to buy it? Did you need to be available to buy? I think he wants to choose what his next Lego is, and he's constantly enjoying. Yeah. Oh, hold up. Hold up. If you go on the Lego website.

Yeah, I couldn't. It says the word brochure. If you can't actually, I don't know how to order it. I've got it. Josh, how do you find yourself problems that I managed to solve in seven seconds? This happens a lot. I'm actually looking at the whole brochure now on a screen.

Yeah, how do you order it? Well, if you're wing mirror up. So basically, if you go to Lego, you go to Lego. you click on it and it comes out of all the different ones they've got. And I know it's on a screen, but it's not like a website. It's so you can print it off. You could get it printed if you wanted. Right.

So that's not the answer. You thought it was initially 10 seconds ago. Let's be honest. Yeah, sure. I don't think you could physically order it. Okay, you're right. So, I've seen that. Oh, it's the Josh Wins episode, is it?

I think everyone loses. No, to be fair, you are right. So I could at home print off the piece. PDF of the Lego catalog, I suppose. Yeah, but or if you put them on a desktop rather on your phone, you can, banter aside, you can like, you can scroll down and it's got load and it's on a big screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do that, I'll do that, I'll do that.

Do we send you, send you the link? Oh, no, I've been on that. I've been trying to, I've been trying to order from that page. Fucking ages. It's a massive brochure. I'm sure, yeah, I miss, I love it. I could sit and look at this all day. Yeah.

Because they put them in little scenarios, don't they, like, playing? Yeah, it's good. I love it. I love it. I'm building E.T at the moment. At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company.

so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com slash business coverage. Josh, I know you love this kind of chat. I need a new car. Oh, yeah. So I've got a BMWX long one, I think seven, basically. Whoa.

Yeah, six times bigger than you. It's so big. No, it is big. It's like a six, six. seven-seater one. But I had it on lease for my tour. Oh, for your dogs. No, for my tour.

Oh, for your tour. So I wanted a big comfy one. I could get stuff in the back and anyway. But the tour's done, lease is done. So I need a new family car. Yeah. I'm thinking about getting... By the way, this is where I mean anything to me.

A multi-van. I know I mentioned this before, but a people carrier. Okay, like a Renault-a-spass. Yes, full galaxy. VW multi-van. Right. Okay. How do you feel about that?

No more kids, but it's fun to take other kids out so we can get them all in. Little fun bus. Okay, a bit weird, but yeah. And get the golf clubs in the back, bikes in the back. Oh, here we go, golf clubs. How often are you going biking, Rob, because I'll be honest. Go on. I don't own a bike.

You don't own a bike? I know your views on cycling. Yeah, no, I can't bear it. I'll go around the park with the kids, but I'm not going on a road, like some sort of serial killer. Yeah. Yeah, just fucking... But you get the full mountain bikes in the back and then you, Lou, the two girls

can just hit the Sussex Downs of a Sunday. Yeah, just sort of crank it up through the woodland areas on official biking lanes. No, but I'm thinking about getting one of them to pile everyone in. I'm going to say it now. Wouldn't it be helpful for you to have that

the amount of times you're going down to Cornwall and stuff like that? No. Okay. Our stuff fits in our car. Does it? Yeah. X-1's fairly small, though, isn't it?

Is it all right? Well, I don't know, because I haven't, it seems fine to me. I mean, I don't know. You're going to be like Boris Johnson. You know, Boris Johnson drives that big old, like, Renault-Spass, full galaxy thing. Have you seen his car? I don't.

I've not seen it. This is going to be you because what's going to be a shripp in for the next, like, 10 years, and everyone I'm like, oh, big showbiz guy. And then they'll see you on the motorway, on the M-5 going down to where it's you're going in your big old, 25-year-old B-WX-X-1, Because you hate cars so much. We are considering our car so dirty. Oh, there's his car, yeah, the toy to Previa.

Yes, that's a classic dad. Well, he has got about nine kids, haven't he? Yeah. I think we're going to go electric. We're going electric. Why do you want to go electric? Because we feel we should. Quite a lot of the idea of going electric.

You don't know I think you might get range anxiety Josh I don't think I ever drive very far Well now you've moved closer to Cornwall You don't No exactly yeah How fast how many miles is Cornwall from Exeter

Eighty-nine I think Okay Yeah so if you've got one with like a range of like Two 300 miles Yeah it's fine But yeah if you're only going to do that You don't really like drive around the country At all do you really

You wouldn't go out for the day drive around the country? Well, go to things and places. Like what? Well, your son might want to go watch Plymouth play away when he's older or something. You drive there. Yeah, train. Yeah.

Train. So your brain just switches to train is easy than drive. No, but when I'm buying my car, I don't need, I don't think a factor is a future away fixture in seven years. I find stressing about finding someone to charge it. But if you're not going to go on big rides, you're fine. And we're going to, we're going to get a plug at home. Yeah, that'll help. It's more than when you're not at home.

Right, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the issue. A plug at home is absolutely, yeah, that's like, I mean, the thought that you weren't going to plug it in at home is wild to me, that you'd drive out to a plug. But, yeah, it's just, sometimes it's hard to find places to charge. I don't know what I'm talking about, Rob.

I'm trying to have a conversation. I might as well be back on gardening. this is the topic because this podcast have gone against me can we talk about football? I'm going to get a plug but what I've found is sometimes if you're out and about you need to charge it

all the different charging places have got different you need about five different apps it's the right ball lake and then if you can't charge it if you're driving back you know what I mean so if you for example say you drove to like

Bristol I might do the warm up gig in Bristol so yeah so you had 150 charge on your car right and you're busy you live a no buffer lifestyle than me and you're driving from Cornwall to Exeter right which is 100 miles you get there it's got 50 miles on it

and then you've got to drive to Bristol but you haven't got to time to plug it in and charge it you've then got to go right I'm going to drive to Bristol but when I get to Bristol I'm going to find a parking space with a plug so that can charge it during my gig then drive back so I think hybrid

I'm pulling the gig I'm going to suggest hybrid for you because then morally you feel okay but then you've got a safety In case one day I'm driving from Cornwall to Bristol via Exeter. Josh, if you get an electric car, I know how you work. I 100% guarantee you'll run out of charge somewhere and be furious. Or you'll ring me in a massive stress going like, oh, it's ridiculous.

I've got to Bristol. I forgot to charge. The kids turn the thing off. Anyway. Hey, you do you. I look forward to getting your family people carrier. I want a people carrier. Because I'm going to say it.

You've never used the phrase on here I'm thinking of without that happening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You've never gone. You know what? I put some thought into it. It's the World Cup final all over again.

You've never gone. I'm thinking of it. I'm weighing up the options and I've decided it's a bad idea. I just honestly, I get excited by an idea and I'm sewing. so and I can't just go I'm quite enjoying golf as my new hobby I need to go to the Masters and set up a golf YouTube channel yeah that's the problem isn't it I have I've got to learn restraint or can I ask you for some advice on that on what golf no good decision you

I have a similar all-in situation right so what have you got obsessed with you know I've got obsessed with photography yeah yeah I know I've heard you mention it is your new hobby but yeah i'd say it's something that's creeping up and when we're in paris i went i went photographing twice rather than hanging out with other people yeah which is absolutely fine no problem with that fine yeah yeah um is it called photographing shooting i didn't want to say shooting i went yeah because i thought you'd take the piss no i don't know what the word is i went for a shoot around town in paris in paris gay paris just me and my lens i'm really into i was thinking of starting up a different Instagram thing with my photography on it.

Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Okay, good. Yeah, I think that's fine. Yeah. And then you could put it up there, and then you'd probably do a book and write little little stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They do a little book.

No. What is it about our lives? Hello, I'm Josh Whitaker. Welcome to Shot of Your Lives, a new 12-part show. We have budding photographers. We give them a camera and they go out and get the shot. Do you know what? Production companies get in touch.

I'd love to be a guest to you show, Josh, but I'm running my new reality show where I'm running her. Delapidated golf course, actually, even though I got bored of golf two years ago. What the fuck is wrong with us? That's how our brains are wired and it's been... We can't do anything without trying to turn it into a... Even fucking and having kids, we've managed them under the eyes.

Yeah, it's mental. literally having the shits at 4 a.m. is now content. Nothing in my life is not monetised or at least done to profile. It's pathetic. Telling everyone everything. Why am I sharing everything? It's fucking rubbish. Yeah, but I think we would be doing it anyway, so we might as well do it and there'd be some sort of benefit.

Oh, man, a life. It's like an illness. It is. is pathetic. It's absolutely pathetic. You see all these actors that just go around and no one even knows anything about them. And I'm just like if I'm just arso out

talking about shit leaving it on a podcast. Yeah, look at my photos of Paris. And love me. I're talented at other things as well. Aren't I great? Like it. Follow. Subscribe.

Oh, God. And like we were born in the perfect point when we could just do this ourselves because otherwise if we were born 10 years earlier you'd be going to ITV and going oh could I pitch a show where I play golf and they'd be going oh I'm not sure but now

you can just do it Stephen Mulhern's doing frisbee actually so we've got that covered yeah exactly could you do it with you know yeah could do you think you're my job like you know four balls or whatever but like

what is this Anyway, it's good to catch up about our kids. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. A small business shout-up, but a niche one. We make a cleaner that gets rid of... As if the other ones haven't been niche. This one is the nichest of all time.

Okay. Right. Okay, you try and guess what this cleaner does. Sings. No, I'm just... Oh, you've been whimsical? No, I'm not. I was thinking of a niche thing where they like...

What a clean... They've made a cleaning product. What... does it do? Oh, right. Sorry. I thought they'd cleaned and did something else around your house at the same time. No, no, no, no, no, no. They've invented a product that cleans. Guess what it cleans? Um, computer. I'm just saying what's in front of me. Um, I think cleans books. Books. Books. No. We make a cleaner that gets rid of dog we smell on artificial grass. That is good, actually. That is good. And properly, not just for 20 minutes. genuinely more urgent right now too. This hot weather makes it about 10 times worse. We are turf tales. If you've

got fake grass and a dog or kids who insist on rolling around on it right after the dog's been out, you'll know the smell regular cleaners just mask. Ours uses naturally derived bioenzymes rather than harsh chemicals and eradicate it at source by breaking down the Eurich crystals. Completely safe, little feet

and paws. We're a new family run business. I actually started it on Matt leave, so I'd absolutely love a shout out. And if any listeners want to try it themselves, 15% off with the code. Parenting Hell 15 on our website, turf tales, t-U-R-F-T-A-L-S.com.

Cheers, Caroline from Sik-Cup. It's near me, Sidcup. It is. Hey guys, I'm a day one listener from when I was stuck in the UK childless during COVID. Don't sound like you, you know, we put a gun to you had

and made you listen, Katie, but fair enough. To be fair, there weren't as many podcasts back then. Yeah, since then, I'm living in Germany with a beautiful nine-month-old and another on the way, which may come as a surprise. A beautiful nine-month-old and a dog-ruff two-year-old. This is good, though, Rob.

Wait for this. Which may come as a surprise to my British family who are listening. Surprise! Oh, she's announced a pregnancy. Yeah. And on top of this, I wanted to give my sister-in-law a small business shout-out.

Well, she's announced the pregnancy. Judged by the speed we get through these. That's a three-year-old. year old now. I want to give my sister-in-law a small business show out. Aisha's or Aisha's company, Earthly Bites, creates delicious chocolate that has only real ingredients, no refined sugar, and is vegan. All her chocolate is beautifully handmade in Somerset.

I could drive there even with my electric car and is a real hit with everyone who tries it, vegan or otherwise. She's really passionate about making chocolate that's actually real food and not just full of chemicals. You can check her out on Instagram under Earthly Bites, UK. she has a website earthlybytes.co.uk, as well as an Etsy shop. Vienn Leibandank, Katie. Thank you. Good word, Katie.

In Germany, I love Germany. Is it your favourite country to go to? No. Fair enough. I tell what though, Josh, talking about driving. Driving through Farns on the toll roads, so easy. So easy. I think you should go on a little European adventure.

Well, on that, Rob. Maybe we'll cover this in the next episode. episode. I've started doing duolingo. Okay. Let's talk about that in the next episode. And I was thinking maybe I could turn it into a TV show. Called What's That with Joshua Looker, where he gets crazy words from the continent and tell you what they are in English. No, I just, I'll tell you about in the next episode. I've not started it seriously, but

I added it to my phone. What's the sort of a tainer version of a cliffhanger? Legg looker? Just someone about to tell you on to see you on the ledge. Quite high up. Yeah. A balcony peak. Yeah.

But yeah, I'll see you. Which language? Unfameel French. All right. See you like, mate. Bye. Bye. Hey, y'all's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair.

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