Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S13 EP9: In Loving Memory of Beryl the Cat - R.I.P. xxx

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... There's sad news on the podcast today as Beryl the cat passed away this week. xXx Elsewhere theres the eclipse, the heatwave, and the lauch of the new Footballing Hell podcast out every Monday. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Monzo. Summer holidays are for living. Holidays, day trips, the beach, meeting friends absolutely love it. And Monzo helps families spend less time, think about money, and more time making those memories. Whether it's a joint account for managing family spending together or a free kids account to help your children take their first steps with money. Monzo takes care of the money stuff so you can get busy living. Joint account requires both applicants to have a Monzo account and be over 18.

Kids account for ages 6 to 15 requires a parent or guardian account. UK residents, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Okay, Anya. Say Josh Whittickham. Good girl. And say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Good girl. Well done. There we go. Anya? Yes, 41 months, so nearly four.

three and a half, who cares? I've listened from the beginning when our daughter India was 14 months old. You're my all-time favorite podcast. I rarely miss an episode, rarely. Anya is his stereotypical secondborn and definitely lives life in her own quirky, funny and often feral way. She's been a late talker. It's working hard on pronunciation, so I wanted to send in her attempt at saying

your names. Oh, my phone fucking locked. Jesus wept. For God's sake. You've got to a nice heartfelt bit about a late-talking child that's now finally talking on this woman's favourite podcast she regularly listens to, not all the time. It's not wonderful, blame Apple.

Really, really misses an episode. Why? There's only two a week. How busy, are you? It's like two hours. How many hours in a week? 24 times seven. It's the guest apps.

She's going, oh, God, who cares? She's been late talk and is working hard on pronunciation, so I wanted to send her attempt as saying your names to make parents of other late talkers feel a bit better. Please never stop making the pod as I need it in my life forever, though you don't listen to it all the time. Lots of love, PIP, 476 months from Stockport. Well done.

I was a late talker. I had to go to speech therapy. Look at me now. Yeah. Shut up. Exactly. Made a career out of it. Josh, I feel all pumped up and excited and sexy.

Well, you look it. Thanks. For the listeners, we've just recorded our first ever episode of Footballing Hell that's available. where we should explain Are we like The rest is But the difference is that we host All the different versions of it

Yeah so it's like it's like the rest is But we Wait We are If Alist and Camelow Maurice Stewart owes in every different subject On the rest is So most people get to point

If they've got something successful What they then do is try to earn money By not being there And having to do it And have a sort of income That's like Doesn't involve them directly Not us

We're on the front line We're everything's bloody hell to us, right guys? Exactly. Get ready for food, hell. Well, basically, we speak about football a lot in the parenting hell episodes. And some listeners don't like that. And it's off topic about parenting, blah, blah, blah.

We love football. We love chatting about football. So we thought, why don't we just do a recap episode every Monday of what's happened at the weekend? And that way, we won't talk about football on this show. And in the footballing episode, we don't talk about our kids, our family life, what we've been up to. It's just football.

So it's funny. I think if you like this, you like that. It's very similar vibe. It's a mess. It's us. There's no tactical analysis. There's no expert thing. It's just a mess of us talking, really.

We spoke a lot of our haircuts. We did. And a man, you've never seen bald in a way that I've never seen someone go bald that way. Anyway, let's not go over ground. But if you like us on this. Or if you know anyone that likes football that maybe isn't into parenting, but you think would like it, send them. It's on this feed every Monday.

Yeah. So that's what we've been doing. But now we're back doing parenting hell. How you've been? What's going on? Talk to me. Because I don't know anything about your week because we just spoke about football. Exactly.

Rob. Well, it's perfect. It's perfect. I'm just now so lazied in on parenting. Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm not going to get dragged into wires, you know, Begai Osaka got cornrows now and looks faster.

Exactly. Than having his normal hand. No, exactly. Go away. Give it to me. What's that? What's happening? What's up?

Actually, let's start with some fun stuff. Has it hanging? Because I haven't got fun stuff. So you start with some fun stuff, Rob. Okay, I feel like now I've got some sort of hostage survivor who's on Jonathan Ross and I've got a squeezing at the end and do some banter. But not a problem. I'm here.

No, that's fine. We watched Free Willy. Well, it actually isn't fun. We watched Free Willy the other day. Okay. Everyone cried. Not as fun as I thought it was going to be. I know a nice film.

You like animals, didn't you? This is cute. apps, the kids were in absolute... It's horrific, Free Willy. I don't think I've seen Free Willie. Oh my God. I mean, the most we laughed was the kids laughing at the fact that

a Willie was being freed. Yeah, of course. Yeah. So we did a few jokes. Cock Escape, stuff like that. Yeah. Unleashed the dick. I did them in my head.

I didn't say that loud to the kids. Oh, right. Okay. They don't say, you know, you'll take any audience, weren't you? I say Willie a lot. So we watch that. It's weird that they called it free.

It's, because, It's not like you go, oh, that's a weird little coincidence that makes it an innuendo. They've made that decision. Yeah, it's like calling the killer whale Richard, but then they call it Dick. Yeah, exactly. There's so many other words. But Willie isn't big in America, is it? Do people say Willie in America?

Oh, right. Is that right? I don't know. I'm just focusing on parenting. Well, can I ask another question about free, Willie? Yeah, go on. I haven't seen it. Obviously, it was a huge film when I was growing up.

up, but I just didn't really get around to seeing it or whatever. The bit where the whale jumps over him, that's the poster. Yeah. Is that not the end when he's freeing Willie? Yeah, I think I actually had to tell the kids that, I mean, also, how, like, it's very rare that a film will use as a poster, the end. Well, I think it's because if you don't know he gets freed or not, it's the darkest, most horrendous two hours of your life.

But basically, you've got a child that's living on the street because his mom's abandoned him. It goes into a foster home with two people that really love him, but he just can't take the love. Then he goes to clean off the graffiti he did because his mates are all smoking and move into California. And he's only about 12. And then basically, he finds out his mum's never coming back. So he has an argument with his foster family. Then the whale won't perform for the person that owns the whale. So he decides to try and kill the whale to get the insurance money. Jesus works. And then he eventually trains the whale. Spoiler alert, by the way, if he just shows. tuning in. He eventually trains the whale, but the

kid, the kid, yep, because they connect, because basically the whale's been taken from his mum, the other kid's been taken from his mum, crying all the time, my kids are crying, and then Willie basically learns, they have fun, does those of tricks, also really sad, bent over dorsal fin, which I'd explain to my kid, you're only getting captivity. Then basically, he trains him to do tricks, and then he can't do the tricks in front of all the crowds because he gets scared and it's too loud, so he tries to attack everyone

through the glass cage observation deck. So then what the owner does, he tries to empty the tank to drown the whale. So then there's this horrible race against time to try and get a whale on the back of a truck into the sea. Then they go up, for some reason, though, they leave the aquarium thing and then drive uphill and there are trees falling down.

Two things there. Fuck me. What the chance is. You're moving a whale and a tree's falling down. Second of all, why go uphill if you're trying to get to the sea? point. Thank you. Anyway, then they get him into the sea, but then there's a boat that trying to capture him, and then the kids are crying, the bloke from reservoir dogs punches someone. Who's that? For Michael Marston, he's in it. Oh, yeah. And then basically, the whale, in the worst

bit of CGI I've ever seen, jumps over what is an unjumpable bit of rock. At no point of children happy. Yeah. And that's the, that's the clip, the one clip everyone's seen. Yeah, it's the end. It's And then the kids are upset because the dorsal film doesn't go fully erect once they're in the sea. Oh, God. Because they expected it just because he's in the sea. And then we're having to explain about why people have, I'm Googling how many orcas are still in captivity. And luckily, they're not doing it anymore, but it's only the ones that have been born in it. And then they went, what happened to Willie?

Actually, the whale in it got released into the wild but then died of pneumonia because he couldn't deal with it. And swam from Iceland to Norway trying to find humans. Oh, my God. Anyway, we had popcorn and had a great time. Holy sholi. Yeah, so it's quite an intense feel free, willie. It wasn't cool runnings. In my head, I thought it was going to be cool running, but it weren't.

So we did that. Do you know what? It's the perfect setup for some sad news. Would you know, Rob? Do you want to do sad news now or later? Should we just get it done? Because it genuinely is upsetting. I know.

I don't know how to deal with this, because you're not very upset. Do you know what? I feel like Zoe Ball and Joe Wiley would absolutely nail this. They're very good at dealing with sensitive, big topics. Yeah. I think we are in a different way,

but I have to be careful of how I tread because I'm quite good at blocking off all emotion in order to just deal with life. So we lost, not lost, that's the wrong word for a cat as well. Beryl has died sadly, which was incredibly upsetting for mainly for me and Rose, I'll be honest.

My daughter was very upset, but kids get over incredibly fast. Well, you, they, Berl's been in your life a lot longer than, 11 years. 11 years. That's quite young for a cat though, isn't it? Yeah, I know.

But then bear in mind, she's been cheating death since 2022 with her kidney situation. Yeah, she's been managing that. She's absolutely taken the cat insurance to the cleaners. If he was famous, you'd say after a long battle with kidney disease, Yeah.

She just passed away, like overnight, so that's a nice thing. Oh, who found the cat? No, the builder. Adrian. No, not Adrian. No. That'll be the next one. Adrian's passed away.

God. All these characters, all these characters have gone. It looks like EastEnders. You get so many of them. They do have to sort of go at some point. Adrian's all right. I don't say Adrian's going to pass away. I didn't believe how I'm...

No, Adrian's a great man. I couldn't believe how I... upset I was. I didn't even care about cats when we got them. No, you love cats. You said you love the smell of their piss. Did I? Obviously, you're going to be sad.

I was incredibly upset. I actually, a couple of hours later, I had to get a train to London. And then I was on the platform of Exit at St. David, so I had to go into the toilet because I was crying. Oh. Fucking out. Just went into the toilet cubicle and sobbed.

Oh, but I suppose you're having to say stoic and sort of strong in front of. the kids and rows and stuff. Oh, God, it was awful. And there's something about an animal dying where if a human dies, you know, which is obviously much worse, just to, you know, put that first. True, but it depends, look, and I'm not sort of, it depends on the relationship. If you live on your own, you've got.

There's a lot more questions when a human dies about what was my relationship like with them, should I've seen them more, you know, plus there's all that stuff, back on yourself of like, oh my God, you know, time's passing. You don't get that with a cat. It's literally purely about feeling incredibly sad that that cat won't be there anymore. That's all that. But yeah. Oh.

What do you, if it's too soon for this question. No. Once the cat's passed and you found the cat and then you're sad. Because the previous one you took to the vet, you see. So I phoned the vet. Yeah. And they said, oh, we've got this really nice man whose job is pet cremation. So he comes and gets to the pet.

A wild job, to be fair. Yeah, insane. Yeah. So he came and got barrel. He's just on a tight schedule and can't bother to do humans. They're just a smaller. I've only got a little oven. I've got an air friar.

Sorry. That's bad. That's bad. Sorry. Well, I told you what happened with Eddie, didn't I? When I'm sure I've said this that they said, do you want to have? pay this for cremation or do you want to pay a bit extra for her to go through on her own so like well obviously i want to go through on her own i don't want the ashes of a load of cats what's the price

difference well not not huge i'm telling you if you're down the vets and you're on a budget and you're the only one that knows and it's under quid less i think there's a lot of people people out there that'll go yeah stick it through just give me a portion heartless bastards Well, no, but I'm just saying You could Because no one else would need to know Well, I suppose Let us know if you, let us know

If you made that decision of why Yeah And if you're the only one that knows And I know we're in a cost of living crisis, etc Well, exactly, how much was it to create a cat? I don't know because I'd gone I was crying at Exeter St David's By the time the guy turned up

So the guy just basically comes How quickly? Sorry what? How quickly does he come to get the cat? He arrived at lunchtime. Right. So do you just leave Beryl in the same position? Yeah.

Sleeping. I kind of, oh God. You can't swear that they pass so, because if it's like in their bed by like, you know, wherever they normally sleep, but if it's like on the stairs. Yeah, no, luckily it was.

You don't really sort of step in over. No, it's in a real... It's too heartless. I can't judge this. I don't know how to sleep. I don't know Joe Wiley. No, I'm not very good. I'm sort of, I do quite like,

efficiency and details. Yeah, that's fine. So it was incredibly sad. Yeah. We're getting her ashes brought back in. She's got the same earn as Eddie, her sister, so they can go next to each other. So you have them out on the side?

Yeah. Cool. That's not. What? No, I just didn't think about having, like, I don't think I'd want anyone, any animal or persons, Ashley, I'd think I'd bury or scatter on a walk that they liked if they're a dog or... No, you want them to be there.

Yeah, part of the family. No, I'm not even having me, my mom and dad's on that. No, well, that's weirder, I think. That's weirder, I'll take them down the strip in Benadour and just lay it down for them. No, but I think it's like, you don't want ashes. Well, I don't know. I didn't know people had that. I thought people had ashes on the side until they buried them or scattered them.

But you've just got them on the side like a knick-knack. No, I'm not having a go. I just didn't know what people do with. No, yeah, we have. We have got Eddie on the side like a nickname. They don't understand. I think that. No, and that's fine.

I didn't know if people did that. I just thought you buried it or let us know. Yeah, what, yeah, I just thought buried or scattered. But ashes definitely go ashes because you don't want like, very like a little stuffed. No. But yeah, genuinely, still not really over it. Well, you're not going to be straight away.

I know this sounds mad, but I'm struggling to connect with the other two cats. I feel a bit, I feel it brings up. A bit guilty. I feel. resentful of them. Jesus. Well, how, not fluff. How's Fluffball?

How's Fluffball? I've got to take it for a brain scan on Friday. Right. Her legs are back to normal, though. Are they? But I tell you what, I just, I will always go back to that Charlie Brooker article I read that said he could never have a dog

because he knows it would hurt him so much when it died. Do you think, how do I word this? you're obviously two have passed one's having a brain scan you're at the vets a lot do you do you either bad luck or a sign or the way you're dealing with them

I'm throwing the ball in the air no fair enough fair enough no I don't I refuse to oh well I'm very sorry about that that is hard it's very sad it's good to express that emotion

and be sad and open rather than getting drunk or trying to... Well, it's a really good thing to feel sad because it means that you can actually with your pet. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Of course. It'd be weird if you didn't feel sad.

You've got... You will feel sad and get upset. And it's a presence. It's an energy in the house that's been there for 11 years. It hasn't happened. I know. I know. Oh, fuck.

Did you have much death in your life growing up as a child? I was... No, the first death I was affected by was... So, like, my great-grandma died, but didn't really know her. Right. It was more like a, you didn't go to the funeral. It was more like a piece of news. I remember going up, I was too small.

So we went up and my dad went to the funeral and I kind of, someone stayed behind with the kids that were, I don't know how old. I had been 10 or something. My grand, who was very close to died when I was 22, 23, that was quite extreme. I've only had really two people in my life. life die that really extreme experiences. What about you? Right.

So I had quite a lot of funerals and grief young. So I don't know if I'm a little bit more used to it. Yeah. So I went. So. So by the time I was 22, I've probably been to about eight or nine funerals from the age of like 11 upwards. Yeah.

It's quite a lot, isn't it? That's quite mad. And there were some real tragic ones in there as well. That's really mad. Like not like really some real. tragic ones, not just old people as well. How do I put

this? Do you think it's you? I don't think it can help. Has your kind of kiss of death element slowed down over the last 20 years? I feel like Chelsea, I've had a steady presence.

There was the big years. I'm still in and around of silverware. Right, okay. I'm not running away with it. But no, I think I went to a lot of, I had a lot of funerals growing up as a teenager and as a young adult.

So, hey. It's part of life, isn't it? And it's difficult. And that's why pets are quite good for kids because I think it does help with that. Do you have pets as a kid? Yeah, but I wasn't really into them. And actually, they didn't die until,

we had a dog and a cat, and they basically saw me off to university, I think. Anyway, let's talk about. something uh something less sad the eclipse did you watch the eclipse we loved the eclipse what a load of shit knew that was coming couldn't couldn't get on board of it didn't even go that dark just it was a bit a easy look at a big cloud did you get the glasses no course not just looked at it for a bit that's your mistake rob i borrowed someone's glasses because where i was it was coming i was working i was filming on a golf course for a i was interviewing moses o'tama um i do yeah that is british boxer

He's going to probably end up be the youngest British World Heavyweight Champion of all time when he fights at the end of the month. Okay. It's Philip Hergovich. Okay. Anyway, I was interviewing him on a golf course during the eclipse.

Yes, and it just sort of like the moon normally. Yeah. But it was quite fun. I enjoyed it. Yeah, I went down to X-Must. I think Spain looked quite good. I thought it was better on the telly. Look, 1999, Rob.

It was a complete eclipse in the South. It was mega in the southwestern 99. It's because nothing else is happening. How dare you? Come on. We were the centre. Do you remember the 1990 one? You'd have been about 15.

I was 13. Not really, no. I think I was in a crematorium again. Getting your bloody loyalty guard stamped. One free burial for Rob Beckett. I was in an itchy Georgia-asda black suit that was sparking under the armpits because of the cheap material.

I remember buying a suit for a funeral. all jasda. And I got the cheapest one. I remember the friction was outrageous. It's like a match, yeah. There'll be an Andy Burnham emergency tweet about my armpits and crotch. It's not in a wildfire. But yeah, I didn't mind it, but I wasn't really set up for it.

If you're on a beach and exit with the kids in the glasses, I imagine there's all hippies around you and stuff. Well, there wasn't any of that. There wasn't any of that. But we all had a lovely time. Oh, that's nice. You know, whatever. I don't mind it.

I'm like, yeah, cool, have a look at it because we've got the glasses. It's like a different thing that's happening this afternoon. But like, there's a man on the news crying. I was like, grow up. Pathetic. I wouldn't be an eclipse chaser. Do you know what I mean?

No, God. And it's like once in a generation. I saw it when I was 13, I'm 40. There'll be a couple more. Yeah, yeah. No, it's 2090. 2090 is the next one? Yeah.

I should make that, should know? What is it now? you'd be under medicine I'll be front road for it and I'll tell you what I'll be sat there sucking on a work Not with your fucking family history of death from It would just be me again

Just watching them all go past Into his 1007th funeral Just sat there Another one's gone Some point They're gonna have to look at him, aren't they? Why does he want his sunglasses To a funeral?

No mate, it's the eclipse I'm doing a double up Anyway see how the eclipse goes might be a triple up if someone looks at it for too long. Did your kids enjoy it? No, watched it on the telly. Couldn't see shit. Better in Spain.

I can't see it? You were cloudy? Yeah, it weren't great. It weren't great. I don't think. Maybe it was too cloudy where we were. I think it's a bit of a southwesterly thing. I think it's a bit of...

You love all that, didn't you? Because you've got all that... You have the solstice, you've got stone, it's definitely a bit livelier down there when it comes to Sunday. There's something down there because Torquies are microclimate, isn't it? Well, Torquit, English Riviera. Yeah.

Yeah, they've got palm trees. They'll come on. It won't be long till everyone's got fucking palm trees, whether they like it or not, the way things are going. Yeah, I could do a bit of rain, you know. Rob, I am so fucking bored of wearing shorts. I've got a question, though, Josh. I remember interviewing, interviewing you, talking to you when your host...

It was an immediate commitment. No, no. No. It rained for 70 days nonstop, didn't it? Right, I get now we're in a dry, it hasn't rained for 70 days. Can't we mix it, right? Where the fuck were we put in all that water?

Why is there not more reservoirs? Can we fix some fucking pipes here? It's busting out everywhere, and we've got a hose pipe ban, sort the pipe work out, whoever's in charge of water, and maybe build a big reservoir. It ain't like it don't rain here.

Let's put it somewhere where it does. We're not used to this climate. Yeah, yeah, but look, we had it, though. Where's it gone? We ain't used that. We didn't collect it all. It's our fault. The world gave it to us.

We didn't collect it all. We collected it and it's leaked. The universe gave us water every day for what, three months when you was in Exeter? I remember it. You said, oh, it's not rain today. Then it started raining in the podcast. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. We need bigger roles and new pipes.

Yep. Let's get politics back to simplicity. we need bigger rolls and new pipes. Okay. It's that simple. So you're done with the weather breaks this week? The weather breaks this week. Yeah, I could do a bit of it.

I just want to fill grass on my feet as opposed to ginger spices pubs. I... Do you know what I mean? That sort of rusty, crispy... Yeah, it's so bleak. Our lawn is a mess. Oh, exactly. Well, not everyone's lawns a mess.

Have you seen them exposing? celebrities with green grass? No. Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan. Yeah. They've got a very green garden. It was a male. Have they indeed?

I think they may have had their little sprinklers on. It looks like their house has been picked up from like and dropped in Morocco. So how have they, how have the Daily Mail got photos of Mark Wright's lawn? Well, I think they've sent up a free drones at celebrities. Oh, right.

He's got green, green lawn. Oh, my word. It's got a very green lawn. That is. Do you know what? I do you get cancelled for using a nose pipe? I think the summer of days, we're talking about the... I'm loving up being off for the kids and they're old now,

but I do need a little bit... Like what you were saying, the kids are up when I'm up, and then I go to bed when they go to bed. Yeah. So there's no... There's no time where it's questions. And also, I went to the shops the other day to get some school shoes for the kids.

And where we got them? Yeah. They had this machine that you put the shoes in and it waterproofs them in three minutes. Oh. For three pound. You'd be an idiot not to, Rob. I've never even seen this machine before. You know what?

I wouldn't be just putting shoes in. Let's have some funny. Come on. Put just jumpers in. Football. Exactly. And so, and we have to do all the get back to school, stuff they need for the new year. Have you got the list of like the Seafrew pencil case?

I've just realized. I've just realised I haven't done any of it. Oh God, I've got to do it. We've got a couple of weeks. We went early. We're away at the end of it, so we've got to get it done in advance, haven't we? Where are you going away, or do you not want to say? I don't mind.

Going to the hours of silly, Rob. Is that Scotland or Italy? Cornwall. No. Stop it. A helicopter from the mainland. Is it Sicily? No, not Sicily.

Sissile. Silly. Scotland, ours are silly. Is that not a Scotland? No. You get a helicopter. You get a helicopter from the mainland. What the A-R-S- of Silly?

Is this a thing? Sorry, I think I was speaking to Kim Kardashian. Arles of S-C-I-L-L-Y. Right. You drive, so how far is it from your house? You've got drive somewhere to get to anything like that. Can you get a boat there as well? I don't know, probably.

You get a helicopter from Cornwall to Cornwall? That's what people do to get to the Isles of Silly. No. Yeah. I've never even heard of it. We've seen flights and day trips starting from 139 person return. Yeah, exactly. It's like a Ryanair.

Yeah. And that's quite a cool experience going on helicopters from Cornwall to Cornwall. So you get the helicopter across and then you go to the Isles of Silly, which apparently incredible. Wow. That's quite cool. He's back on. I am. Well, no, I just didn't think, and is it like, because Cornwall's a little bit, you know, is it like a good, is it a proper helicopter? What do you mean by that?

When I went to the other man, right, yeah, and I wanted to get back, we spoke about this, but you have to wait until like two in the afternoon. Yeah. They said, oh, you can also just get a flight, like, just book a, like, it's not a private jet. They're like little biplac, like a little two seat, or you could sit like a three, four-seater. Yeah. And you just sit in there with a bloke. You're basically co-pilot. Yeah, and a bloke's sort of just like a rich man for the other man

who likes going back and forward for like, and it's a few great, like, it's expensive. It's more expensive than that helicopter. But the planes did look a bit. Well, I don't think it's going to look like, you know, the one Donald Trump gets off. Yeah. Oh, that's cool.

So you're doing that. Oh, yeah. You're not going to, they're not going to have a T. J. Jones or a W.H. Smith on the aisle is silly, are they? No. Or a smiggle. Well, that's a, what a fun thing to do for the kids that's going to have to go in the helicopter like that. Yeah, so that's, but that means we are going to have to get onto our, after, back to school stuff.

Quick update on the garden. You know, we've got plants. Oh, yeah. I saw them in the Daily Mail, actually, bright green. Well, talk about bright green. My father-in-law, a chili plant that he grew from a seed, nerd. Yeah. Anyway, he's growing it.

He said, I've dropped two chili plants around. They've got massive chilies on them. Yeah, of course. I was like, is this a, I don't know when to pick them. I was like, is this a green chili plant or a red chili plant? I'll pick one, see if it's good. But what if it's not, yeah, but. Then wait for the second one.

Well, there's more, there's loads, but they look. Oh, right. Well, just have fun. I don't know. Are green chilies a thing, or are they just picked too? No, I think there are a different breed. A different, yeah. No, no, it's not like a green banana. Granana.

I think they're a different. Renana. It's not a green barana. No. So anyway, I'd have a weird text exchange of him asking what colour the chili should be. I have also, well, Josh, I've been off so much the last couple of weeks. Yeah. Actually, I worked three days, four days last week.

Oh, yeah. For me, that's being at home because I'm not in China for 10 days. Yeah, you know what I mean? Me and Lou have found it actually a bit weird because it's like I'm home so much. It's a bit like... A bit much. I feel like, have you ever seen Homeland? What, the Damien Lewis thing, I haven't seen it, no.

Yeah, when he comes back from war after being a hostage. Oh, right, yeah. I feel like I'm trying to integrate back into normal lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still running around, like, I've only got 10 minutes before after gunfly somewhere again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's my life. See what I'm loving about the drought. God, I can drive a bowling golf. It's just bouncing so far because it's so dry. Oh, I see. I'm like a 300-yard hitter in a drought. What the fuck's going on? I'm sorry.

What's that two litres of orange squash? About that? That is mad. Do you know what we call this? The Clara Ampho. Why do you call that the Clara Ampho? Because when I did Comet Relief or Children in Need, can't remember which, I presented with Clara Ampho.

It was Cromfee. And I got given this glass. As a thank you. I think it was made... By Clara? No, no, no. It was made by a charity that got money from comet relief

that I think trains people to make glassware. Yeah. And that was my thank you for doing the four-hour live show. So they call it the Clara Info? For no fee. Obviously, I'm a big charity guy,

aren't I? Of course. I called it the Clara Info because I got it when I did comment relief for Clara Info. So I called that the Clara Info. Oh. It's just stuck.

It's just stuck. Clara Ampho. What else has happened this week? I've got a conspiracy theory. Oh yeah. If you want me to do that while you... No, go on. Tell me your conspiracy.

The weather app. I don't even look at it anymore. I went on my phone, weather app, said, Monday, cloudy rain. Brilliant. That'd be great. Looked at it. Half an hour of rain at midnight.

Yeah. I do not think... The percentage chance, that should be the percentage amount of rain. Not the chance of rain. No, but it shouldn't be the icon all day. If it's happening for half an hour, it should just be cloudy. No rain.

Because I genuinely think phone people are doing that. So you stay in and stay on your phone? Oh, here we go. So you don't go out for the day? You stay in and stay on your phone? Here he is. Not a bad theory. Where's me, Tim Foil at?

Keep the rain off. Tell where I need to go to keep the rain off. Shoal shop, jumping that machine, free quid. Waterproof. So I just, we've, my daughter and son are at club today. Yeah. And you have to buy the week? Right, yeah.

You have to purchase the full week. Of course you do. Yeah. And neither of them are that sure about it. But we've gone in today. They've gone in today. We really need it to go well. Because it's a total, I'm not going to make them go to a club they don't want to go to.

Of course. Of course. so there's so much on today. Yeah, because otherwise you just know you've got four days. I tell you what it is, Rob. Otherwise, we paid $440 for one day of... Because it's $2.20 each, which is fine, reasonable for a week's. That's what, 50 quid a day.

But if they only go for a day, that's a big day rate, in it? Exactly. A day rate is terrible. But a week rate is very reasonable. But you know what, though? Because if they went in for today and they never went in again, you're like, I'm livid here. that's 440 pounds. But then if they go in tomorrow, the day rate's cutting off. Yeah, and you go to $100 a day.

That's not that bad. I think it used to be 80 quid if we added a day at nursery. But one day, you can't, you cannot spin that. No. But I'm not going to, I'm not going to say to them, like, because there's nothing worse than the, and we've all done it. But you know when a parent's like, do you know how much that, I know.

Pastor costs me that you weren't, you know. Yes, you must like it. Yeah. And even though if you hate it, you're going to go every day because it costs me money. Yeah. So there's a lot on this pickup between four and four 30 today. How are they supposed to know? Like, if I said to you, Josh, you're going to go there every day for a week.

And also, you can't guarantee you'd like it. No, and I get it because they've got to work out the week and they've got a book and all that. Do you know what I mean? I get it. But it's not when you go to, like, my kids went to a taekwondo. They sell them with a kid. sign me out for the term, did one session,

and I'm like, you fuckers. But it's my own fault for just seeing the fucking kids, also, do you really want you kids do in taekwondo every week? I'm like another taekwondo championship. So, you know, me and my daughter are doing Duolingo?

French one, yeah? She's doing Spanish because she's doing it next year at school. Well, surely just both do the same language. Well, we're not doing it together. Well, you're not doing it together, then are you? Well, you just said you were doing it together?

No, but you're like, friends and then you find out they've done their streak or whatever and it's like, have you done yours today? All that comes. But wouldn't it be better to do the same language and you can communicate and help each other? Maybe I should have done Spanish. That's a good point, actually. It's a bigger language in French.

I know. You don't even go France on holiday. I just went with you. Yeah, but that wasn't on holiday. So last night she fell asleep and then I thought, I looked at my phone and it said, you haven't done your streak. And I thought, fuck, because you've got to keep your day streak going. But you did it for her?

I did it for her. No, you can't. You've got to let her learn. I just couldn't. You can't do a bit of Spanish on the side to keep a streak going. I picked out quite easily. It's easier than French. Yeah, I was quite impressed with myself.

I might start Spanish. I think I'm quite good at Spanish. I've got nothing in anything else. Yeah, maybe I'll start Spanish. But yeah, I did a streak for it. Was that the right thing to do? Or is that? I think maybe if you say to her next morning, look,

you've got to remember to your streak because you didn't. I did it for you, but I'm not going to do it again. And you lose your streak. Oh my God. She's got to learn. I did it. Do you know what, do you know what street? I do want you to get five days in that club.

Let's see if you can do five days. Because also, you're better off going, if you do, look, if you do five days in a club, I'll give you 50 quid because then it's cost me and at least I've got five days of money. You know what I mean? You can, you've paid 440. What's the difference between paying 500? Yeah, yeah. And it's guaranteed a go.

Yeah. You'd take that deal. It's an extra tenor for them guaranteed each day. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You'd pay for that insurance if they offered it to you at the top. It's 4.40, but you roll the dice. Or it's 5.40, but they definitely go all day. Oh, my God.

Right, should we do small business shout-out? Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'd love to put our little mother-daughter project top bobbins forward for a small business shout-out. Together with my mum's suit, we make handmade curtains for children's playhouses. is the perfect finishing touch to a Wendy House. We also make under counter hideaway curtains. Under counter hideaway curtains for the home.

Under counter? What? Oh, so if you've got shelves under the counter, they're little curtains on the string? Is that what it is, Josh? Yeah. You weren't listening. I was reading my small business shout out to check that it was...

Under counter hideaway curtains for the home. Yeah. So if you've got, say, an island in the middle of your kitchen, and you've got shelves, and you want a kind of little curtain across, yeah. I think they need a better name. Those type of curtains, yeah. Undercount to hideaway curtains for the home. Yeah, that's too much.

Based in Litchfield, we started the business while mum was enjoying retirement and I was on maternity leave. Mum is the brilliant sewer behind the bobbin, and it's grown into a lovely little mother-daughter of projects. So, so the, the daughters are sort of the business side. So you're putting your retired mum to work, making curtains, and she's selling them. We're grateful for a shout out and the chance to spread the word about our small family business. You can find us on Etsy and Instagram searching top bobbins. Thanks so much, Amy 484 months and Sue, 872 months. Wow, fair play, Sue. Fucking L, Sue. You like this, Rob. You all like this. Go on. From last week's podcast, around male or female plumber mentions.

Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, a little while ago. He's a great business shout-out for a company that we came across that's female plumbers. Do you know what it's called, Rob? Go on. Stopcox. Absolutely love it.

Stopcox. Brilliant. Stopcox. Superb. That's great. Stopcox.org.coms.com is the website. We used two of their plumbers before, and they were great. I always recommend them to anyone who's looking for a plumber. We used to live around the corner from Josh on a local Pentehurst Road.

I know it well in East London. He used to park his car on the same street. I know it well. We moved to Portugal and for that segment about what's better, sunshine and everything's cheaper and more chilled. Keep it sexy and relatable. Rob, Josh and Michael. Best, Jessica. Lovely.

Stockcox. Stockcox. It's great. Superb. Right. See you later. Bye.