Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S6 EP30: I accidentally weed in the bidet...

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha th hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue. York you.C.A. This episode is brought to you by Nisprasso. Elevate your morning coffee ritual. From the first sip of coffee in the morning to the on-the-go cop. Make every morning unforgettable with Nespresso. Discover a world of

possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nispresso.c.c. to learn more or an espresso boutique near you. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tasks like Miller time. Learn more at Miller.c.c.A. Must be Legal Draking Age. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with, Coco, can you say Rob Beckett?

Rob Beckett. And Josh Whitakin. Well done. Daisy, can you say Rob Beckett. And Daisy, can you say Josh Whitakim? No, let Daisy do it. Can you say Josh Widdicam? Josh Wittiken? No, let Daisy do it. Can you say Josh Widdickam?

Josh Whittakin? Daisy, can you say it? Whittakin? Now let's say that's Welling. thin. Okay. I'm going to say that's Wellington Auckland New Zealand. This is Coco. I think I'd moved to Australia or New Zealand. I love the people so much. Well, London's angry, isn't it? Yeah, it is very relaxed, isn't it?

Do you think it's the sun? The wide open spaces? The first two New Zealanders I met were Jared Christmas, who's an absolute legend. And Penny, the makeup person on I'm, I'm Sfabry, get she's really fun and she goes my name's peen hi I'm peen love it love it love she's Stacy Solomon's does my Stacy Solomon's makeup now what from from New Zealand long brush good oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he could enjoy that I think she just sort of lives north London and Stacy's Essex now so fun fun joke but it's quite far but I think it's doable. Yeah. So like 45 she drives and stuff. So did she? We should set the scene. We're in Cardiff. So we're doing a correspondent special on tour together. Yeah. We're in Michael's hotel room. Yeah in

Cardiff. Looking out over the vista of the bay I can see the sort of big shiny bronze thing that I think some sort of government building. Is that the the that that that that that that that that the millenn. Yeah. that that that that that the that the that that that the that the that that the that the the that the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's the th. that's th. th. th. th. that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. the. the. the. the. I the. the. th. the vista of the bar I can see the sort of big shiny bronze thing that I think some sort of government building. Is that the Millennium Centre? I think it is. I don't know what that means. No, I think maybe that's a parliament. I don't think it is. I'm Markie Drakeford. Is that, is that that's where he rocks around. Is it's that? It's weird to have a big wheel that's weird. And that's weird. And that's weird. That's weird. That's weird. That's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. the that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. that's weird. the the that's weird. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the m. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. the th. the th. the the th. the th. the the th. the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the m. Yeah, because I'd say the point of a big wheel. Oh yeah, it's not even as big as the Millennium Center. Yeah, I'd say if you want a big wheel, the point of a big will is you get the big wheel and you look over the city, not into the window of the ultimate floor of the millennium center. What a lovely view of the it's like that's how they'll find the kind of wrongdoing, like a kind of, they'll go up there and they'll see someone shredding some documents.

It's lovely to be in Cardiff. I love Cardiff. Do you? I love Wales. Top three cities in Britain, excluding London because you claim to live there. Oh, top three city, I love Manchester. I love York. Oh, love York. What a railway then, London, London, then, thlununnenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenene the railway, their their their their their their their their th th th top three cities, I love Manchester. Yeah. I love York. Oh, love York. What a railway museum. Newcastle's great. Yeah. I love South Wales in general.

Do you? All along the coast. Oh, I love to talk to me about Pembrokes. You get to the end, Pembrookshire. Is that South Wales? . Beautiful.. I I I I I I I I I the, the, the, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha.. tha.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.auauauauauauauauauaua.a.a.a.a.a.a. Oh, tha, you just keep going beautiful. I love that. Cornwall gets a bit narrow for me and the driving's hard work. I know you love it. No, that's where you live and that. The driving it, the drive, it's not where I live all where I'm from.

Same place, Devon and Cornwall. What else do I like? Kent I can take or leave even though I live there. thin there. to thin. the th th th th th th th th th th th th tho their tho their tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their driving their driving their their driving their driving their driving their driving their driving their driving their driving their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thri. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. tria' tria' tria' tria' tria' tria' tria' try. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. city, we're offending people now, we're not saying this. Yeah, yeah, we like everywhere. Oh, they're absolutely, everywhere. Anyway, Josh, how are you? You're good? I'm very good, actually, I'm feeling fresh. I've pumped some iron this morning. Yeah, I haven't pumped any iron yet. I'm going to go for you're dressed a bit like, you know, when you see a footballer milling around a hotel? Really? In a good way, just sort of like, you've got your baseball cap, your football, your Valencia Fc baseball cap, CF. Charity shops and Christopher's Hospice,

Tets would, thank you very much. There we go. Adidas training top? Yeah, well the shorts are being short when you're in that seat. You've got good thighs actually. Have I? Not bad. I bet you're good on the old Peloton, aren't you? Yeah, but mainly because I'm fat and heavy, you know one of them ones. You know the output's massive just because I'm better uphill because I can just put my weight on to it. Fair enough. Yeah, are you supposed to have the same brand? That's a thing. No, I don't know. I don't think... I've got Adidas, Elise, hocker trainers, New Balance. Also, how do you feel about this? I've got these like the shorts for like walking or running that have got like a little pouch lining. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't. No, I don't like that. Is it allowed. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. Al. I. Al. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.............. don't like that. Is it allowed? It feels like the pants are built in. Well how often you watch washing the shorts? After every time I wear them, what do you mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, one wear one wear and then. Well, I think I used to have material. On my life. On my life. The netting pant in shorts. To be honest, if I'm away on to' them two days in a day. There we're. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I's. Yeah, I'll. Yeah, I'll. Yeah, I'll. Yeah, I'll. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's. I's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I is. Yeah. I is. I is. I. I is. I is. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I is. I. I is. I is. I is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'll. I'll. I'll. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. tomorrow I'll be thinking about your dirty little dick. So no changes for normal. Lovely. So we're going to do

correspondence today. Yeah let's go for it right we haven't done correspondence for a bit because we've been blabbering on about. Oh my self-cursed stuff like that. Yeah yeah all that fucking bullshit. Let's man up and do some boring. Boring. No one wants to hear you happy. No, that's that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's. That's. That's. Oh. that's. Oh. that's. that's. that's. Oh. that's. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. that's. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. tho. the the the. the the the the the the the the the th. Let's man up and do some... Boring! Boring! No one wants to hear you happy. No, exactly. That's not what we're here for. Hi, Robin Josh, please make sure you keep this anonymous. Well, it says from a non, so it's difficult not to. As I can't be known as the one that let my friend's secret out.

Always a good start. I think anonymous gutless just go for it. Yeah, just you'll be liberated. Okay, so Steve Wright. I have a friend. Steve Wright. Steve Wright. I have a friend who has kept every single item of clothing including shoes from her son since the day he was born. Fine? Yeah. He's now a teenager. Every single item of clothing. Well, let's slowly go into this right. Are you happy with that? You're thinking that's borderline? I feel like keeping all it. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. I'm thi. S. S. S. I thi. S. S. I th. into this, right? Are you happy with that? You're thinking that's borderline. I feel like keeping all of it, I sort of feel like, when they're growing, because I get, we've got a few bits that we bought together

before the baby was bought, or friends bought that are quite, oh, that isn't that lovely. You might want to hand, to hand, to hand, to hand, to hand, to hand, to ha, thia, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thin.... thin. thin. thin. thin, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, loads of stuff that's just been covered in poo, like just basic t-shirts. Well, it's interesting you say that. Her house loft and sheds are completely full of it, but that is not the most strange thing. Not only is it clothing, shoes, the umbilical cord, etc. What, no, don't you chuck an umbilical cord, etc. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? Who is this sick witch. But she has also kept her child's very first sodden nappy. This is a cry for help. This you can't be anonymous for it. It's like when a criminal confesses

to a crime with a psychologist. They've got a duty of care to tell the police. That's right. A crusty poop-filled nappy that is about 16 years old is in her storage. I was so shocked when she told me this. I didn't know who to tell. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. the. the the th. th. to. th. to. to. th. to. when she told me this, I didn't know who to tell, other than you guys. Take care, I love the podcast from Anon. What is she keeping that she's too ashamed to tell about then? Yeah, I don't know. Like, well, there's nothing worse than a... I suppose after a number of years, it's probably not as bad. It's so bad. If you found it like... It's the worst thing imaginable.

No no no but I'd prefer to find a nappy that is 16 years old than a month old. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? I imagine it's just gone crispy like finding a kind of mummy. Do you know what I mean? Human shit's human shit to me. And at no point I'll be happy to see. I'm not so I'm not defending the the the th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.. I'm not so I'm not defending it. I'm just saying. But what I get the clothes every item of like what would just our pair of like the odd socks? It's just when are you going through? Imagine that poor husband in the loft. You've got to remember. Get the Christmas decorations out.

Yeah, just wading through human his clothes. It is interesting keeping stuff. I keep stuff like the parenting hell tour, I've got the access all areas pass. That's absolutely fine. You haven't got a pair of pants you shit yourself in on the way back to the hotel. No. Is that why you're not wearing pants? Well, last night I was so tired. I's a a a. I's a tha. I's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thatha'a'a'er. toed. I's thatha'er. toed. tooomkied. tooomathape. I's to keep to keep to keep to keep thoom. I's thia'er. I's thia'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er. thia'er. thia'er. thia'er. toed. toed-a'er. toea'er. toea'er. toea'er. toea'er. toea'er. toea'er's ta'er's ta'er. ta', last night I was so tired, I got it at 2 a.m. My hotel room's got a B-Day, I had a pissing that. Oh my word.

I thought, this is weird, why my legs wet? And then I looked to the right, there was an actual toilet. I've been a toilet, there was a toilet. I've been a the toilet just wearing my pants and I was so tired they forgot to get my dick out and just pissed myself. Oh yeah you have time out of course. It's a worrying sign isn't it? Yeah. All of that's worrying. That's mad isn't it? Yeah, I don't, yeah. Do you keep much? Not like that? I tell you what, moving out and having a skip and having a skip to skip, to skip, to skip, to skip, to skip, to skip, to skip, to skip, the skip, to skip, the skip, the skip, to skip, the skip, the skip, the skip, the skip, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the the the the the the the the the the to, I. I. I, of, of, I, of, of, of, I, of, I, of, of, of, of, of, I, I, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of loads of stuff to charity shops and stuff like that and donate a lot of buggies and things like that, but we've kept some clothes,

we're only like a box of clothes, and I've got a box of stuff from gigs and things like that, but not too much. Yeah, I've got like a box of stuff that's like career stuff. Yeah, a box of stuff that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's that's that's that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, like, like, like, like, like, thoes, thoes, like, thoes, like, like, through the pictures but she does she draws lots so you can't just go we're gonna keep this. Yeah I definitely keeping some clothes I've got loads of little football shirts I bought them that they never wore but I'll keep them because they're cute and stuff like but just like a pair of

dungarees. Yeah just you're never gonna look at it no. Do you think you're ever going to have a day where you sit down and go through your the box the box th. th. the box th. the box the box th. th. th. th. their their their th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the the th. Do their the th. Do their their their their their their their their their their their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I I's. I I I I's. I's. I I's. I. I. I's. I's. I. I. I. I's. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I go, I'm glad I kept that pass for the Channel 4 comedy gala at the O2 in 2013. I think yes. Do you? Because imagine, like, imagine if your granddad had a box and he did the London Paladie in 1927. And you'd be like, what happened there? And then I think that when people say I've done the London Paladin, what the fucks happened there? Yeah? th? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th? th. the the th. the th. th. the th. thi? the the the the the thi? thi? the the the the th. thi? the thi? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. tho? tho? tho? tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I tho. I tho. I th. I think you what happened there I think that when people say I've done the London lady what the fucks happened that yeah yeah that's easy to keep it still I've got about a hundred of like lanyards of different yeah yeah but I think it's fun to keep stuff but not sodded nappies no okay yeah this got me a line drawn yeah okay this human shit yeah yeah there th? Do you want to Noel's house party, boomer story? Uh, just a bit. Okay. Dear Robin Josh, this actually says, this is a great one for Josh. There are plenty of tales with my partner Alan's dad, Mike, winding him and his brothers up when they were kids. But my favorite has to be the time he told Alan they were going to be on the house party. Oh no no they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. they were going. unfair. Do you remember when the part of the show was when Noel would click his fingers and a family watch the TV would appear on the

tele. Yeah, yeah so they cut into, I remember they did Chris Evans once. Yeah. No, would do that and it would be shot from like they obviously like from where the video was maybe below the TV yeah and there was always a shocked and surprised. There was a rumor someone someone was don't know why this wouldn't have made, why, there was a rumor someone was once wanking. What do you mean? And it went on the tele, whanking. Well, why, that's such a bullshit rumor because it's such a bullshit. Why that's such a bullshit?

that's it. Oh, no, no, I thr. I think. Oh yeah, and I'm not on TV. No, no, you are. Why don't you ask me about it? You didn't know about it. It was clear. You asked me what you asked, Michael. Okay. Have you heard the rumor that there was someone wanking?

No, carry on. But I was across that, unbelievable. I'm joking. Right. was wanking. Yeah. But I just don't believe how that would work. Well, you just get your knob out and just rub it up and down a bit. What, watching Noll's house party? Wow, if you're into gung. Yeah, Mr. Blobby. Anyway, sorry about that, it's really good. Trigger Warden if you listen to a kid. Yeah. Too late. Too late. Anyway, like I say, the tell. Anyway, Mike went to the trouble of hiding loads of wires and a fake camera equipment in the living room. That's really unfair. Twisted him around a house plant by the TV, etc.

He pointed them out to Alan, his son and said, son, don't tell anyone, but on Saturday we're going to be a Nol's house party. Alan had just started his local comprehensive secondary school. Oh no, that's unfair. Oh, that's unfair. Oh, that's unfair. Diveulch the secret to his classmates and told them to make sure they were all tuned in his friends actually arranged to gather at one of their houses. Should I get this? Rose is ringing me. Oh, yeah, what do you want? Oh, theyreau.

Hello. . . Oh, okay. Well, no, no, what do you want, Rose? It's all right. We can, we can, it's content, isn't it? No, I don't, I don't think it's podcast appropriate. Oh, no, is it bad news? No, it's not bad news, but I think you, basically I've got your bank cards and I think you need to put the money in your account. Okay. I think it's definitely podcasted appropriate. Okay, I'll trade tran then then then than to thue to to to to to to to to to to to to thue to thue to to thue thue thue thue thathape podcast thathea thathea thatode the the thathea thi their thatode their their their their their podcast their podcast their podcast their podcast their podcast their podcast their podcast. I'm their podcast. I don't their podcast. I'm their podcast. I'm think think think think think think think think think think think thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their thi thi the podcast their their to put podcast their their to their their to podcast their their their their their their their their their tho. I tho. I tho's definitely popped up to quite a quick. Okay, I'll transfer some money across. Trying to pay for my leg wax. Your mum was fun last night, Rose. It's all content. Yeah, thanks.

She did, she, um, she messaged me and said, well I've just been roasted. Well, that, what was that after the show? What was that after the show? And she said that she could only think of she panics and she just said porridge yeah but it was good it was great it went down one what's the best thing about Josh of the son lawn she said he's good at making porridge he's good at making porridge he is really good at making there this is good this is good there this is yeah yeah absolutely furious that she didn't have any this morning so well good you know they've to to to to the to th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the. th. the th. the th. the the the the the the th. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to to the. I to to the. I the. I was the. the the. the. I was the. the. the. th have any this morning. So... Well, can you not make porridge?

Oh, we've run out of oats. Yeah, we've run out of Flaxseed because we've got an East London child. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I'll move some money into my account now. Can you move some money so I can both my leg work? Yeah, unbelievable. All right. Bye.

Do you think like Michael McIn't M M Evans have this on their arena tours? What do they must do? I said that I don't know. Anyway, sorry, right, Null's house pie. Yeah, I'm listening, I'm just transferring money. I'm just transferring money into the current account. Okay, I'm just, I'll get you. Come on, man, just in case anyone was...

No, just in case anyone was worried. You're alright, mate. Absolutely cleaned out. Anyway, so we like, start at his local school and his friends gathered actually another person's house to watch. Oh no, that's unfair. Now, picture of the scene, Alan and his family's the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. thaaaaughe. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. I was tha. I was thaughea. I was thaughed. I'll thatha. I was thoomea'er. I was th. I was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. Yeah. I was. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. t. Yeah. t. Yeah. t. t. t. t. t. together. together. together. together.a.a.a.a.a. Wea. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no, that's unfair. Now picture the scene, Alan and his family huddled on the sofa, the excitement building as they get closer to Alan's moment of glory.

Noel clicks his fingers and it's an entirely different family all to get him. That's awful. Mike is in hysterics, bastard. And Alan is heartbroken, he runs up to his room crying. Yeah, rightly so. Yeah, and everyone in school thinks he's a massive liar. I think the psychological scars from this incident run deep. Thanks to the many hours of listening. Oh my God, that's cruel. When breastfeeding was a full-time job podcast with my Savior, Becker of 442-year-old from Sheffield. That is horrible. That is horrible. That's horrible. What's her relationship to Alan and Mike? I think that might be his wife. Yeah, his part her partner Alan with two olds, poor old Alan, poor, poor old Alan. It's horrible. I mean there must, that might be a good one, biggest lies told at school if anyone's got

bigest lies. Oh yeah. There's a kid in my class that told me one McDonald's Monopoly. Did he? He did a kid in my McDonald's the money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money. their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their th. their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. their their their their their to. Oh. Oh. to. to. to. to. tol. tol. tole. t. tolo. to. to. to. to. to. Oh, the. Oh, their. Oh. Oh. Oh he was spending it. It's mad isn't that there was a real... and he didn't. Oh God, isn't it? But he did other Sims and I went around to play it and it was a blew my mind. There was a liar at my school and he said he had, um, he used to lie loads and then he stole my um copy of sensible world of soccer. He renamed it ruthlessless World of Soccer. Yeah, unbelievable. Um, anyway.

But do you reckon that's because they're not get enough attention at home? Don't know. Some people just like the buzzer lion. Yeah, it's like stealing, isn't it? Kids like, like, teenagers like stealing, don't they? For the rush. Yeah, I never really stole. I would be too scared.

Yeah, no, to to get, I would be too scared. I was a thief. No, no, neither was not really. I wanted to rebel against my dad. That was my anti-rebellion. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean, to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their to their to their to their to be to be their to be to be to be their, I would to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their, I would to be to be to bea. I would to bea. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I toe. I toe. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tole. tole. to. to. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. toe. toe.a.a. to. toe cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year.

If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

Terms and Conditions Apply, visit MX. toc.S.A.S.P. Love the podcast. Have been listening since the start and it kept me saying, During lockdown as a dad of two now teenage daughters, Eva, 16 and Izzy, 13. Your latest bit about kids saying old person things reminded me of something Eva said when she was four. She was in the toilet and shouted downstairs that there was no loo roll left. I dutifully grabbed one from downstairs and took it up to her with her great full response being, oh daddy thank you. than't. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their thi. their their thi. thi, thi, you, you're such a gentleman. Oh that's nice, isn't it? That's better than keeping a shitty nappy isn't it? And he's a he's reminiscing about that with a 16 year old and the first year old. Yeah she's not calling him a gentleman these days.

Well I keep thinking that as our kids grow up we'll be like, oh maybe there's not enough to talk about, everything I'm here in, it gets gets the their their their th. there's their their there's th. their their th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. thi thi's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not enough enough there's not enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough there's not enough enough enough enough enough there's not enough enough enough there's not there's not there's not enough enough enough enough enough enough there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's not enough that's not enough the. there's not enough worse and there's more things to worry about. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's going to be interesting, isn't it? I don't know what's going to happen. But then, you know, you live in little places, they're the place with the biggest heroin problems. So, no one's getting bored in Hackney. I had no idea what you're going to say then and I could never have guessed it was going down the heroin route. Yeah, that is true though, isn't it? Yeah.

Okay. All right, play date from hell. Hi, Roman, Josh, listening to come over on the Friday at the end of half-term. Her mother texted me the evening before the text went like this. Hi how's half-term going? Phil, that's our husband, not his real name. We'll drop off their kid tomorrow morning. to the the the the the kid tomorrow morning. We'll drop off the kid tomorrow. to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. their their their th. th. th. their their their tomorrow. th. th. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow tooomorrow tooomorrow tooomorrow. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. their their their their their their their their their their their tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow morning. Hope it's okay if it's before 9 a.m. That's early, isn't it? Yeah, it's early. That's too early for a playday. You say, when do you want them?

That's the rules of a playday. Yeah. We'll have them over. You ring up or text and go, what time do you want them? What time do you pick up up up up up up up up up. That's not all. Another message. Also, would you mind not bringing her back until after 530pm because that's when Phil finishes work? Oh my word. This isn't a playday, it's his child care.

At this point, I generally thought this must be a joke, but then another text comes through. I'm in the Cotswolds checking on my ill mother. Now this guilt. Oh my word, yeah. Now what am I to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do tho? tho? tho? tho? that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoomoomorrow. thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, that's thoomorrow, that's thoomorrow, that's thi. that I to do? I have two toddlers at home as well as my eight-year-old and now her friend all day. Wait, is it the eight-year-old's friend? Yeah. Is there a world in which the eight-year-old having a friend will make it easier? Well, and their kid is not easy either. Oh my word. A proper feral one. The kind that walks into your kitchen, opens your fridge without asking, then starts giving you shit for not having better snacks. But I'm pretty sure the dad can't work from home and the ill mother bit made me say, okay, I'll do it.

She's a good person. Anyway, the dad drops from 8.30 the next morning and bloody says, my boss said, if I need to work at home today, then I should I think I will enjoy a bit of peace and quiet see a 530. Unbelievable. I just stood there shocked as he disappeared into his car what should I have done or am I the one who's unreasonable please tell me I'm not needed to say the 10 hours of my kid and my three at the end of half term then damn nearly kill me right so what you do in this the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is the the th is the thi. thi. Please. Please. Please thi. Please thi. thi. I'm tho. I'm te. I thi. I'm tell. I'm tell. I'm tell. I'm tell. I'm tell me. I'm tell me. I'm told. I'm too. I too. I thi. I thi. I I I I I I I thi. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I thi. I I thi. I I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm just just just just just. te. te. te. te. teole. te. te. I'm just just kill me. Right, so what would you do in this situation? Tell me how you deal with that, and I'll tell you how I'll deal with it. Well, we both know I'd 100% accept it and grumble. Grumble.

I'd put it into my phone notes thinking, at least I've got something to talk about on the podcast. The three kids, the two todlars, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I..... And, I. And, I'd.. And, I'm. And, the.. And, the.. And, the... And, the.. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And,dlers. Yeah, well, I think she might have like a one, like a one year old, three year old or four year old. Oh my, I mean it's not going to be an easy day anyway, so you might as well, in my head, I'm like... It's more, it's more the disrespect. Yeah. It's not, what you want plan for the day? Because I need to go to the Cotswold to see my mom is unwell, Phil needs to work. So I can try and find some childcare in the morning afternoon. I just want to work out what we're doing. That's what they should have said, but they've tried. It depends how well you know, Phil and the wife and the way I deal with this, when when when when when when when when when they's when they's when they's when when they's when their their their. when their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te is is te is te is te.. te. te. tea. I try. try. try. try. to to to to to to to to to to to to to run and I can do my errands in the morning or afternoon.

What works best for you? Because drop her at 9 but I'll drop her back about 1ish or drop her at 1ish and I can drop her right back around 5ish. Yeah, that's good. And then you have to take control of the situation. Because people will, people will take the piss. And do you know why I know that? Because if I wanted to want to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to do to do to be to do their their their their their their their their their their their their their o'er. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their their their their their their their their. I'm th. I'm th. Ia. I'm thiiii.k.k.k.k.k.k. Ia. Ia. Ia.k. Ia. Ia. I'ma. I'm th. I'm th. I'm their. And you know why I know that? Because if I wanted to, I could. I'm that personality. I can bulldoze you with bullshit. And before you know it, you're looking after my kids for two days. And then I come up and go, I'll find this and leave and you're going, what happened there? So it takes one to know one. So you've got to try and do you know, you've got to put a put put put a put a put a put a put a put a producer a producer a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer or a producer producer producer producer producer producer producer producer producer that you use use use use use use use use use use use use use use Good that you've used your powers for good. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Because that could be awful. You could be, you could have been either Batman or you could have been, well he hasn't got any powers, bad example. Well just yeah, yeah. Superman or the person Superman fights against. Great analogy there. Don't, I don't like superhero movies. I don't after that in description.

Rubish. Awful. Next one? Boomah. Hi, you sexy and relatable bastards. When my sister and I were around 7 and 9, we'd been begging my mom and stepdad for a kitten for ages, one evening my stepdad who was meant to be at work, and this is interesting because obviously you're moving to the country, Rob. Yes. So there's a lot of animal, I was going to say animal lust. That's the wrong word. Have I've that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the th. the th. thooooooooooooomoomorrow. that's. that's the. that's. that's the wrong word that's that's that's animal if I got a fuck a sheep because I'm going to what no you haven't got a fuck you haven't got to but you could you could you could no but you've got the opportunity now to get animal more animals than your dog and your cat I've got I think you're

heading in pony direction really two small girls there's definitely I think I've got the space for chickens you don't the the the space I the the the the the the the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I to to to to to to have I to have I to have I to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have I to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. don't need space for ponies, you just need to rent a... Two goats, maybe. One or I could have chickens or two goats or one tiny pony. One time, so would you... What, they'd lay the eggs and you'd bring in the eggs and you'd have an omelette from your chicken's own eggs? Oh my word! That's what I'd not there enough to be a charge of chickens because you have to go in every morning. Yeah, what do you have to do there? The only time I've ever seen anyone in charge of chickens was in Big Brother 1. Do you know Marjorie the chicken?

Yeah, yeah. You have to go in, get the eggs, you have to check on them, to the wood, clean them out now and again and make sure it's all secure from the foxes. Oh that's the big one. That's the big one. And because I'm not properly countryside, I've got like, I'm like on the boulder because I'm still like inside the M25. I've got like there's ghetto foxes knocking about. Yeah, yeah. There's ones that have seen a high street. Right, yeah. Yeah. And they're a bit more, you know the limpy. This feels like this this feels like there's a channel 4 show and Rob Beckett moves to the country doesn't it? I'd prefer one that paid better. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! When I hear Robb is channel 5 or Netflix I don't think

Netflix I'll be honest. Do you know what Rob is going to come out of it a fucking great show? Oh no do you know what Rob it's channel 5? Channel 5? Channel 5. th 28 episodes. Yeah, absolutely Beckett in the countryside. It's got channel 5 rent. You just grabbed your phone as if you're about to text your agent. Yeah, I just ring someone now. No, I don't really want to do. I'm in the sort of, I'm basically in a village with a slightly bigger garden. I'm not, I haven't got a farm like Clarkson or Jays. No, no, no, no, Clarkson's farm. No, not at all. He's got about a thousand acres, isn't he? Yeah.

We digressed. So my bets on ponies. Oh yes, one evening... You started to my animal lust. Yeah, sorry, one evening my stepdad who was meant to be at work, We both lost our shit knowing it must be a kitten we'd been nagging for. Oh yes. So excitedly we ran outside to see a cardboard box placed by the window. Squealing like the seven and nine-year-old girls we basically were. We rushed forward and tore the top of the box open to see what can only be described

as absolute carnage in the box. Oh my God. No. Blood splattered everywhere and the poor baby cat lying, to to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe thoing thoing thoom thoom thoom thoombea the the box. Oh my God. No. Blood splattered everywhere and the poor baby cat lying completely still. We immediately burst into tears crying and howling. The kitten's dead. After several minutes but what felt like ours my stepdad jumped outside for his hiding place and screamed with laughter. He'd bought a fur hat from a charity shop and covered it in ketchup. They used it to trick us into think our new kitten had been massacred. Why is that's not funny? It's fair to say our stepdad was an

absolute prick and our mom eventually left him. It's fine to not keep me anonymous. Dona Constance from South Wales. Yes Donna. Amazing. Bastard. Unbelievable. Oh that is horrible. I got jumped out on by my cousins at a family event. I was like eight and I was walking back to my mom's chalet. And he was like six foot two jumps from all the bush and scream. I don't like pranks. I just, and then they go, you'd cry and they go, oh what's wrong with him. Tuffin up. You like, and I used to think th, th, th, th, th, to to th, to to th, to th, to to to th, to th, to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I'm, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, grow up, toughen up, you like, and I used to think, oh maybe I'm just a bit weak and pathetic and I'm not a real grown up. And then I got to grown up, I thought, no you're a prick. Totally agree.

I have to, it's why, even if I'd been good at rugby, I wouldn't have played it. Because I don't like to someone to fucking, you know, throw me in a bin or something for a laugh. You tip your knob in a pint and drink it. The rugby team at university, they had to, it's the first thing they had to do, they got dropped off four miles from Manchester. And this is quite funny, to be fair. Good lads.

So you dropped off four miles from Manchester and you had to run back and you could choose either your shoes or your pants as your only thing. Okay so that would get you on the sexual sex offenders register. Yeah which would you choose? Four miles? I think I'd go, I'd think I'd have pants on. Yes, so do I. I'd rather just walk barefoot than have a knob out. Yeah, I think I'd take up Ulmert Frisbee or something in stairs.

Do you know what I'd probably just get a cab home and just not being part of a team? But that's because I've got... I wonder if there's great English rugby players that have been lost because they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're not up for awful bands. Well I got into the... Have you done Robin Romish versus Rugby? No we haven't. We probably will end up doing that at some point. We've done, well I got into the football team at uni, I say can to be Christchurch University College Polytechnic where I was doing tourism management with a UCAS score of seven. How many points you got? Just a three I'll be all right., I got into the football team but I couldn't get on board with the banter and the laddiness and the group and we

all had to wear like suits to go. I'm not buying a suit. I didn't have a suit. On the Wednesday night there was the AU, the Athletics Union Disco thing that was like a big student night out and everyone would go and all the fucking the fucking the fucking the fuckingir suits. I hated it. Grow up. Yeah you're knowing teams stop wearing a suit you're not 40. On a Wednesday night why just to go all me the team you fucking losers. Learn to stand on your own neediness isn't it? Pathetic. Anyway come to our shows we're doing it. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their. their. their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'm. I'll. I'm. I'll. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the t. t. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the the te.e.e.e.e.e.e. the the the to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

Just to be clear, I'm there for savings. Not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students. to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Joined for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. We can watch a show up. All right. I've got this one about taking kids to the football. I imagine you're going to want to take your kids. When I'm really torn on what I'm going to take to do to do to do to do to do going to do going to do going to do going to do going to do going to do going to do to do going to do going to do to do going to do going to do going to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to doa'a'a'erabiletha'a'erabiling eligibility. their a toa'a'erabiabilly. their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a their a to bea'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er.a'er. theira'er. theirinin'er. to bea'er. ta'erablip. ta'erablip. ta'erbilly. ta'erburya'erablip. toa'er-a'erablipeablaineablaryaryablainthaeabl. to wait until that old enough to know what's going on. Where are you going to take them? I want to take them Crystal Palace so they support their local team. Because I wish I was taking Palace and I was a Palace. So you're going to take them to Palace? Yeah, because I'm, one together that's when Sky and Premier League and I feel like you should support your local team so I had a season ticket arsenal but are you gonna get your I mean

my daughter I know already isn't interested no but so I'm already 50% down on that and they're like are you would you take your son to watch Plymoth I'm like no the to to they some I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. they. I I I I I I to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toe. I I but but I'm toe. toe. I toe. I toe. I I don't want him to have to support a team that is a seven hour round trip from his house. But I take it, but our local team's West Ham, we're not going there. Why not? Because the stadium is the most lifeless place on earth. It's unbearable. It's awful. It's awful.

It's awful. Oh really? Okay, yeah. Well, late in Oregon? Yeah, but they're like the same level as play. I don't want to know whether I want to adopt and that. Because obviously my dad supported Liverpool, then we moved, when Millwall. Let's do it. He needs to look after himself. He's growing up in Hackney. Anyway, since this is taking kids to the football. Hello Josh and Rob. I wanted to tell you a story about the time I took my two there was a small kid and it was all their first game and the moment something big happened and everyone rha up they just burst into tears and had to leave so you the first time you've got to get it right right right so he took when they're five and seven a few years back my brother decided to a. A few years back to the brother I decided to to to to to to to to to to to the boys I was I was I was I was the boys I was the boys I was to the boys I was the boys I was the boys I was to the boys the boys the boys the boys to the boys. the boys. I was the boys. I was their their the boys I decided their their their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I was their their. I was their their their. I was their their their their their their their their th. I was too. I decided today. I decided I was today. I decided I was took. took. their so so. their their their their their their their the London Stadium. Yeah, the most soullest place on earth. We're West Ham fans, my brother managed to score two pairs of tickets in different parts of the ground.

We arrived at the ground. Should it be six miles from each other because the ground is so big. All right, you do live in East London, mate, you need to be careful about it. I just that's their home. West Ham tombam still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still. I still still. I still still. I still still. I still. I still still. I still still still. I still still still. I still. I still still still still still. I their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I ta. I tou. I ta. I ti. I ta. ti. ti. tou. te. te. ti. tou. te. thea. thea. the. the ground, very excited, took a boy each off and he went to find our seats. My brother had given me the heads up that my tickets came from his mate at work and were quite close to the away end. Finding our seats it turns out he wasn't lying. Oh no. Me and my five-year-old son were Oh my God. Who spent the entire match ignoring the game and just hurling abuse of the Man United

fans. Oh yeah, I know exactly the kind of people. Yeah. And who in turn reciprocated by throwing coins and the seaward. Oh my word, I'd say the coins is worse. My son at a time thought it stewed who directed us to a couple of unoccupied seats a bit further away where we were able to watch with relative safety. Fast forward to the next day and we were playing football in the back garden.

Louis scored a decent goal past me and as he wheeled away to celebrate, he looked me in the eyes, arms aloft and shouted, Your fucking shit, your fucking shit, your fucking shit...... And to. And to!!!! th! th! the the th! th! the th! th! the the the th. He! thi! in the eyes, arms aloft and shouted, Your fucking shit, your fucking shit, your fucking shit, you're fucking shit, you're fucking shit. He's gonna love football. That kid's gonna love going to the football. My first game was Arsenal Tottenham. Oh wow. And we were by the way ending, a chair got thrown at me. Oh my god. A bit taken aback. I asked him why he said that to me. He told me he heard it the football yesterday and that's what he thought you're meant to say when you scored. Oh man. I told him it's only what idiots say and that I love that. His dad would definitely be singing

that. It's only what idiot is say and more upset. Fast forward to present day Louis Louis has stopped swearing when he scented. to their. to to to say. to to to to their. to say. to to their. their. their. to their. to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to tho. Oh, tho. tho. tho. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, hea. Oh, hea. Oh, he. Oh, to he. Oh, he. Oh, to to to to to to to to to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. He's tho. He's tho. He's tho. He's tho. He's tho. He's tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, United are still crap, Happy Days. I think you sent this a few months ago, wouldn't it? Yeah. That was after the Brentford game because West Ham and nearly getting really well. Keep up the good work, Gens, my partner and I love the show and even our boys listen to it too. Only on the proviso they don't repeat the language. Oh, the best Richard. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it's interesting it's is is is interesting it's is interesting it's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thean. thean. tean tean. thean thean thean. thean. theeean. the. the. the. the. taking your kids to football. And it's interesting when there's parents that aren't into football that then have to... My mom wasn't into football, but she got into football by going to Argyll with me. Yeah. And it's a good thing to share with your kids to know that, like that's a thing you can do together that you're both passionate about. If it works out, it's great. Yes. My dad didn't like football, so he never went to football, really.

It was expensive for all five of us to go. But we went to a couple of games. Oh yeah, there's more of you, whereas we just go, family enclosure? Family enclosure? Kid goes free with two adults. I think I'm going to try and take them to crystal things. You mentioned a lollipop man in an episode the other day, which reminded me of something my little boy said, having started school and crossing with the lollipop man both at the start and the end of the day, after the end of the second day, my little boy boy asked, mummy, why doesn't the lollipop man give me a loll already a high-risk pido job exactly it's like not that you know it's sort of

like any job that involves dealing with kids all day yeah he's gonna tie with a pido brush and I think slipping lollipops out your pocket ain't gonna help you case no exactly and what are you doing favorite I love all the lollipops men and women they're they're they I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they I I I I I I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're are are are are are are are are are all all all all all all all all all all they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they shade. Well they they're tell you what is good about lollipop men and women bit like kind of say matri-deer or a receptionist it's all about they've got to be good with people. Exactly people. So they're people people. It's an interesting hours isn't it? How are you mapping your day out if your job is 830 to 9? Yep and then 3 to 3. And then 3 to 3. It's a difficult split shift. For an hour. It must be a lot of money per hour to do that. Yeah, only lollipop person I know in popular culture is Jack Duckworth was a lollipop man.

Really? Well I think it's weird the lollip man. Is it like a retirement job? I think so. I think it's like something to do to get you out of the house. Yeah. But I think what's weird is that, I do think like, we've like, there is like sometimes like if you're a bloke trying to work in child care, you're met with suspicion. Yeah. More than a woman. Yeah. If someone says, oh, we need to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get. to get. to get. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. tho. tho. to to that. I. I. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll a friend's storyline about that, isn't there, where Freddie Prince Jr. plays The male nanny, and everyone's all suspicious of them.

So if someone goes like, oh, we've got a new nanny star and I go, oh, what's her name? That's what people all say. And they're like, I know it's called Jonathan. This is fucking nonsense. But it's not fair is it? Not fair, it's not fair. Not fair, because bloke should be able to be nannies as well without judgment. But there's still that undercurrent. Yeah. If you go, well, you know. Well, a lollipop man though, would you say, I'd say it's a 50-50 split?

Yeah, I'd say that's more. That's more. That's more. That's a that's not a more. That's not a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a. That's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's not a that's not a that's a that's a that's a that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's not a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that. that. that. that. that. that's a that. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a that's not a. that's not a. that's not a. that No. No. What are you planning on doing to keep yourself busy? One of the things I hate is crossing the road. I find it... Actually, it's very high risk because while it's a laid-back job, you're basically in charge of the lives of a thousand children. Yes. Like if it goes wrong, it goes wrong badly. It's like a captain a ship. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's not like the Like, if it goes wrong, it goes wrong badly. Like, it's like a captain of a ship. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

It's like the Isla White Ferry every day. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I'd, yeah, I find Chris in the roadcotch. What would you do? What's your, Rob Beckett is 70? Sure, describe him. Right, okay, yeah. Yeah, I don't really gig any. Is he living in Kent? He's doing well-paid ad-hot corporate work. Right, okay, yeah.

Yeah, I don't really gig anymore, but if a big company comes calling, I'll give out a few awards. Yeah, yeah, nice little dickie bow. Do you know the other. But I'd say my materials dated, but well delivered. But what about when you're 70? It's actually comes back round again. But yeah, it's got the material is quite dated, well delivered, cheeky glint in his eye a bit of small because I'm not working as much anymore so I'm a bit more, you know, there's a bit more energy to give out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, blue and the kids aren't giving them enough attention at home. I'm bored of my chickens. It's nice to be Milton Keynes for to the night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.. Yeah. I've been doing it for 25 years. I'm actually not very good anymore, but I own the rights. Right, yeah, yeah. They can't get rid of me.

They can't get rid of me. Yeah, that's good. Because if I go, the show goes. Right, yeah. You know. I turn up late. Sometimes I don't even ask the final question just. But the power of the power power power power power power power power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. the power. they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's. They's. They. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I can. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't they're not good. I can't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they're not they're not they're everyone, but I'm old now, so I'm all, I'm disagreeing with myself now. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So because I believe now, I believe the sort of gammon faced opposite because as you get old, yeah, it gets you. Yeah. You'll start to hate everything and everyone. Have you done an interview where you say people haven't been funny for 20 years? Yeah, and I've got my own streaming channel that I sell fund. Because mainstream don't want they. And I'll be honest, I've signed up to it, but on Rose's card so that you don't see my name. Yeah, yeah, just so like you want to see what I'm up to. And what's a 70-year-old Joshua Who could do? He's dad. He's dead. The asthma got him in the end.

Josh is dead. Rose's got airy legs because she can't try to put the money in the bunker. Exactly. What am I doing? I think I'm still living in London. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm on the beach somewhere.

Yeah. I'm six months to the year in the Algarve. I come back for a bit work. I think th th th th th th th th th th th th th that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that's th. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's got got got that's got that's got that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that I'm that's. I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not thek. I'm not th. I'm not thek. I'm th. I'm thek. I'm th. I'm work. I think you are puse. It's so red like a bag. Yeah. Like if you pick me up in a market you'd go good leather on that. And I think I'm I think I'm baggy. I think I'm baggy and a bit sort of ex-mory around the cheeks. Yeah, yeah. Red where you go in the sun because you're off a lot but it's not good. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. it's really weird it's really weird yeah absolutely shredded to shit yeah you walk a bit funny yeah because you're in shape but you're old so a bit like rickety legs you know that sort of old man but but in shape well that's do you know when I went to see out and John last week yeah he walks like an old man now so when he stands up he he's an old man he is an old man he is an old man he is no out out would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would. that would. that would. that would would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that???? that. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. that would. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I. that's. that., he is an old man. Out on John would be the dream booking, wouldn't it?

Because he's got twins. Yeah, it'd be great, great to get more. And also you can just sort of say, do people come up to you a lot and say, yeah. You look like Josh Widdigum? It's the hair, I think, I'm going to wear it on the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be, the the the the thrown, thrown, would thrown, would thrown, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would their, would their, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would thin, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, their, their, their, their, their... their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, would be, their. Yeah, would be, would be, their. Yeah, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, pounds. Is that why you bought me a tracks? Yeah. I bought you a track. I'm gonna wear it on the next podcast so that we can talk about me looking like at the next birthday. I'm gonna buy you some funky glasses.

He wears such funky glasses. I know that's not a, not an observation. What's going on this guy in his funky look? Oh man he was great. Right, should we finish with some small business? Small business. We did Nottingham on the tour Rob so let's do one for Nottinghamshire. My sister and I love the pod and we are coming to see you in London. Please can you give us a small business shout out. My sister has a newborn photography business in Newark Nottinghamshir. A. My to capture memories of those precious moments when having a baby as we know how quickly time moves on. You can find her on Instagram at family underscore tree photography.co.uk. Thank you.Tania in Lincoln. Lincoln's lovely. I've got another one from Nottingham. Hi lads, I love the pod. Me and my sister came to watch you in Nottingham. We are

both childless but love the pod all the same. I would love to give said sister a small business shout out. She's a wedding and event singer across the Midlands but we'll go further for travel fees. She does everything from weddings, funn. to to restaurants and bars. Her music style catering to whatever you need. Less than less people are getting married these days, so we'd love to give her a shout. Her Instagram is at Chelsea Jade Singer.coe, Chelseyjade singer, Chaldee, singer, or you can look at her website, W.W.C.J.J.S.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.S.S.A.A. She. She. She. She. She. She. C.C.C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.S.A.S.A.A.A.A.S.S.A.A.A.S.A.A.S.A.A.S.A.A.S.S.A.A.S.A.S.A.S.A.S.A.S.A.A.A.A.A.S.A.A.A.A.A.A.A J Singer.coe.coe. UK. Thanks both. See you and hopefully some others, Inc. Nottingham, Alana. Thank you very much for listening.

We will be back. Next time, let's not, let's not pretend we know what day that is. We don't know what bloody day is. Yeah, bloody day. Pretty rock and ride a pissing a day last night. See you later.