Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S6 EP55: Hook a suck

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

**TRIGGER WARNING** This episode contains some chat about Father Christmas!! (Not suitable for young ears) More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're

doing. Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success, you will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose built for you. Visit continue. York you to tell you too toe. Welcome to our home. It's maybe a bit long to spend his people we barely know.

I guarantee you won't want to leave. Speak no evil is filled with teeth clenching, seek clawing suspense. Something's not right with him. I've always wanted to find the leg yours. James McEvoy will scare you speechless. Oh! You're going to kill us. We're just sad to see you go.

Speak no evil. Only in theaters now. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.

the today, a message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with. Okay, Avery. Can you say Rob. Yes. Can you say Rob? Yeah. Go on then. Beckett. Good girl. And Josh.

Widdickum. Josh Widdickum. Josh see me. Josh Widdickum. Is that funny? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They always have a little bit of a beat where they go, oh, Whiddicken, that's quite hard actually. The little excitement I have, Rob, is obviously I can see the sound thing coming up so I know that there's a

lot more. I'm like, where's this going? Oh, is that what they mean? Those lines the line? Yeah, they're like the sound. Oh, I'm like. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Oh, thi. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Oh, thi. Oh, th sound. I'm into my music. Um, who was that, Josh? Avery. Avery? I've not heard the name Avery before. It's Avery Hill near where I grew up. But Avery is where you keep birds, correct? This is A-V-E-R-Y. I know. How's she spilling in A-A-R-I-E-E-R-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-R-R-R-R-R-R-E-E-R-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-S-S-A-E-E-A-A-A-I, I? the-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A, I? thttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttO-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-N-N-S-S-N-S-N-S-N-S-N-S-Y-S-Y-S-Y-E-E-S-E-E-E-E-E-A-E-A-E-A-E-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N-R-I-E. Avery. I had my daughter in October 2021 and have been listening to your podcast daily on my drives to and from work straight nursery drop-off, etc. in the last six months, currently at the end of season two.

And now listening, I have the first episode after Josh had his little boy, but I don't want to skip any and miss out on any comedy tips or great parenting tips. The tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip the a the a the a thea thea thae thops to to to too tooes, too tooom, tooom, tooom, tooom, too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too-a, their too-a, their tho-a, their their their their their their th their their their their their their th their too''n. too'n. Yeah, yeah. It's a survival now. We're getting to stage, drink your own piss. Some people do that for health benefits. Isn't that weird? People are disgusting. My daughter was a very late walker, only just confident. But her speech has been good from the beginning and here she's hilarious. We're very proud of her. Hannah. Hanna, when you get this in three years and you're thiiiiii. And the the th. And their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. to to to get to get to get to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the their the tip. tip. tip. tip. the the the te. the te. the te. their their te. their te. their te. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to the podcast. I wouldn't worry, Hannah, when you get this in three years and you're very pleased, don't give a shit about when your child does anything, because they'll get to do them eventually, it'll all be fine. Yeah, I remember really caring and also it's hard not to be proud if they walk early as if it means anything or you've

done anything. It's ultimately pointless and meaningless. Life is ultimately pointless and meaningless. However, at the time, life is ultimately pointless and meaningless. And the beauty of this is Avery's mom will listen to this in three years when she already agrees of us. Now if she listened might be a bit prickly about this because she's very excited about her child's excellent speech. Yeah. But ultimately they all wipe their ass at one point, they'll speak at one point and they'll walk at one point.. In in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main in the main, in the main, in the main, in the main, in their their their now, in their now, in their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their now. In their now, their now, their now, their now, their now, their their their their their their their their their thoome, in thoomoomoomoomorrow, thoomoomorrow, thooomorrow, thoomoomorrow, thoomorrow, their thoomoomoomorrow, their their se at one point, they all speak at one point and they'll walk at one point. In the main, obviously there are exceptions. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, Josh, do you want to know where the name Avery comes from? Yes. It's a gender neutral name of old English origins, meaning elf council. Oh, the old elf council. It's ideal for anyone looking for a whimsical baby name. There's a thiii, th th th. Isn't the elf council the NHS, Rob? Am I alright? I don't know what that means, is that satire? Sorry, you in a last leg frame in mind? Sorry, health, health. Oh, elf, health.

Yeah, yeah, right, actually, pretty good actually. Yeah, thanks, very much. Yeah, but what I'd say is what, is it's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, are, are, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, you, that, you, that, that, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are,. You need to... Yeah, yeah, I'd tell you. Isn't that what you call the NHS? Elf, yeah, yeah. Do you know what, actually, after the two of us explaining it to each other, it's really, it's really hits some form. Make that funny in the edit, Michael, thank you very much. I'm not a magician. I'm not a magician. The elf council, we're a judge. to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to to to to too, to too, to to to too, to too, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the. thooooo, actually, actually, th. It's, I've got loads to talk about. Well, we spent some time together this week, Rob. We have, haven't we? Should we talk about spending some time together? Well, should we lead into that?

Because I think if you're going chronological, before we spent time together, I went to a ballet show that my daughter was in. That was the Sunday and then we went to do the gig Sunday night. I've got to get this off on chess actually, Josh. Yeah. So my daughter does ballet. It goes to a ballet class, okay, a little ballet club, whatever you call it, and it's sort of just dressing up and they just hop about a bit. You know, I mean, you know, it's fine. Old or younger? She's the five-year-old, so she's the first year school, she's just sort of that does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does does it does does it does does does it does does does does it does does does does it does does it does does does does does does does does does does does it does does does does does does it does does it does does does, so they said like, oh, there's a big ballet show for all the children that go to the ballet club, there's a big ballet show, so we come watch the ballet show. And I just assumed it would be like... Bob, I've never heard the word ballet so many times in a minute. Well, you should have sat in there and watched it, mate. I'd rather hear it than seen it than seen it than see than th and see th and see th and see th and see th and see th and see th and see th and see the their their their th and see their their their their their their th and see their then then then then then thease the their their thease their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet the ballet their their their their their their their then, then, then, the come come come come come come come come come come., thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' the it was like Sunday morning. I thought, oh, maybe they're just going to get him in and you see them do 20

minutes or whatever they do. Normally, when they're young, you just go to the last club of, like the season of whatever it is, and you watched the 10 minutes at the end and then you pick up and take them home. Anyway, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the they. Anyway, I they. Anyway, I they. Anyway, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Anyway, I than. I didn't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they. they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the. the. the. the. today. the. theee. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're She wasn't on stage the whole time. Right, mate. So it was ages from like five up to like year four or six. But then they were like five like teenage girls. It's just fine, but I don't even watch a 15 year old do ballet for an hour and a half. You know what I mean? I'm not into ballet. I've gone've met Carlos Acosta, I don't even want to watch him do ballet and he's well good at it. No, I don't know, he is.

Well, he's the best, he's one of the best Carlos Acosta, actually really inspiring story. I've been honest with you, the only reason I know any of that is because I sat next to him on John and I've had to listen about it. Anyway, so, so Lou goes, we goes, we goes, we goes, we goes, we goes, we goes, we goes, we go, we go, we go, we go, we go, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He, he, he, he. He. He. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he's, he. He, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th. He's the the th. He's the the the th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the best. He's the best. He's, what's going on here, Lou? She went, oh, it's not just our daughter, it's lots of age groups, okay? Yeah, fine. Lou then tells me, on top of what we paid for her to go to this ballet club thing, it's $12.50 a ticket, $12 a ticket, $12 a ticket, $8.8 for my 7 year. And we had $40,000.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00. And we had to to pay to pay to pay to pay $40 for to pay $40 for it to pay $40 for it's $40 for it's $40 for it's $40 for it's $40 for it's $40.00.00.00. And we had to pay to pay $40.00.00. And we to pay to pay to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th.00.00.00.00. And th $4.00.00. And the $4.00.00.00. And the the the the $4.00.00. the $4.00.00.00. And the. And to to to to to, my first tour was 12 quid. This is more expensive and I had to drive for fucking Lincoln. And we're all in there because we want to see our kid. No one's... I'm not into ballet. My kid goes ballet because I need my kid to do more things

during the week. As a family, we do not have a love for ballet that we want to spend an hour and a half watching it on a Sunday. Right Right, right, right, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, tho, and we're all, and we're all, and we're all, and we're all, and we're all all, and we're tho, and we're tho, and we're tho, and we're tho, and we're th and we're th and we're th and we're th and we're th and we're th and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're th. And we're, and we're thi, and we're all, and we're all all all all all all all all all all all all that, that, that's that's that's all all all to that's all all all all all to that's all all all all all to to that's all all all all all, and we're all, and we sit down and like, okay, well, whatever. And I thought, do you know what? Maybe this might be great because they'll have like. Could I just say on the tickets, Rob? Yeah. So I went to my daughter's, the same morning I went to my daughter's show. Yeah. Show, thinne. the, theyrown about the tickets and when you finished your anecdote I'll tell you about how much I watched of it. But we bought our tickets.

They had the fucking QR codes. Yeah. Who the fuck is touting? Show Kids. their touk touk too' the way their their the kk is thea thea thea to thea thea-k. thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' to to to to to to to to to to thea' to thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' the. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the. Well. the. Well. the. Well. Well. thea'n't. Well. tthea'n't. ttthea'll-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-wl-w. tickets. toge. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. tickets. ticket and I didn't want to go. They were scanning our QR codes on the way in. Like I was going in to watch Blower at Wembley Stadium. To be fair, it's my fault because I didn't really realize what I was signing up to, but I've got to go because my daughter's saying it's our fucking Ponzi scheme. Because I'm like, you know I have to buy a ticket or my daughter will hate me, this is unfair. And there's like six grown-up, like teenage. There was at one point, a woman, a grown woman came out and danced a solo. An actual adult. Seems like you're getting your ticket money's worth.

No, but I don't want to watch ballet, Josh. I just want to see my daughter. You've got some good ballet, the balla. to the balle, tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. A, th. A, a the the th. A, a th. A, a th. A, a th. A, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a grown, a th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. t. t. t. ta. ta. tall. ta. tall. tall. tall. tall. th. th. th. A. th. A. A. A. A. A go to the royal ballet Rob, you're looking at more than 12 pounds 50. I know they were very good at ballet, Josh, but I don't want to watch an hour and a half of ballet. I'm there to watch my child. We can watch her own Rob. I sit down, Josh. Listen to this. I did not see my child. Guess how long? Guess how long I weighed? a 90-minute show. Do you know how long she was on for? How long? Two minutes, 48 seconds, and then gone. Ha ha ha ha. That is not okay. I get that a five-year-old can't fill an hour and a half of...

But I'd rather pay 20 quid for 2 minutes 48. Time is money. I'd rather it be more expensive and I want. Also, they've all got their hair scraped back, so I didn't know which one was mine. What do you mean? You recognize the faces, Rob? They're all in the same clothes. I recognize, basically it was a lottery between the three blonde girls that was on the stage at that point. On the WhatsApp groups, people were saying, I'm sorry, I filmed the wrong child. Does anyone their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've their. their. I've they've they've their. I've they've their their their. I've they're their f. You're they're their f. You're their. You're their. You're their. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've recognized. I've recognized. I've recognized. I've recognized. I've recognized. I've recognized, th. I've th. I've their like the adult people doing their solos and not one solo they had about four or five solos each get the five realts out to just sort of wave in the background or something do you mean like I've not got time for it was they not a break? No 90 minutes? In 19 minutes straight through. Josh I've watched Swan for Robin Rommish, I've watched Swan Lake be performed in front of

2,000 people by a royal ballet company, right? Yeah, and even I thought that was shit. I haven't got a chance, have I, at a school. Also I bet you got your tickets free then, didn't you? Yeah, I did actually. Yeah, so maybe it has worked its way around. told me. the thirty, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. th. that. that. th. th. to, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, tho. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooo. thoooooooooooooooo. to to to to thoo to tha. out for a two minutes on the nose, after you've been out, my seven-year-old had been like, I need a toilet, I need a toilet, took her to the toilet. Your seven-year-old was there to watch. Yeah, she had to watch it. She must have been bored out of it. Eighth to watch that. the production was great. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. I. I. I. to. I. I. I. I. tooe. tooe. I. tooe. I's. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. I need the tooe. tooe. to to to to to the to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooe. I. I. I. I. I need. I need. I need. I need. I need. I need. I need. I need. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooea. tooke. tooke. toooooe. tooilet. tooe. tooke., missed it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. All I'm saying is the production was great and if you've got older children that are

involved in it, but it's unacceptable, I think, to put the five-year-old, because also 80% of that room was there for the five-year-olds. There's hundreds of these little kids, and to have a shorter show, a 45 minute one for the young kids and then a 45 minute one, because I'd still, I know they've got to get the money in to keep it going, but if you were honest and said, look, it's 12 pound 50 a ticket to come and see a 45 minute show of the younger girls. However, that ticket you can stay with your daughter. No one's staying. Yeah, but they've got the money anyway. It was just too much, Josh. It was too much. My daughter enjoyed it, but I was just like, this is a fucking joke, this, surely. Well, amazing that I was at the other end of London.

A similar thing, but we crucially, Rob, had a running order. Right. So we knew exactly when she was on. Exactly no running order. Also, because they saw the running order, I was sat there and I can't believe I'm watching a 90 minute performance of Beauty and Abyss Ballet. She did more. I'd say it was a 40 minute show. Yeah. I'd say she was on for a quarter of it. It costs us about 100 quid. No, that's what I mean. Very positive. My response to that is very pleased with it. Exactly. that. that. that. th. that. the th. that. the the th. the th. th. the the th. the the th. th. the the th. th. the the the th. th. the very pleased with it. Exactly. How long was the show, did you say? About 40 minutes. Perfect, perfect. Sunday morning, 40 minutes.

Also, she was on second up, two scenes and a song, yeah. Or scene and two songs maybe. Yeah. And then, um, my son's two, Rob. He didn't want to be in there. Me and in both. But I could I could to to to to to to to th, I could th, I could, I could, th, th, to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Perfect. tho, to. Perfect, to. to. too, too. too. Perfect, perfect, too, too, perfect, to. Perfect, to. Perfect, perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. to. to watch him run around the rest of the venue. Oh yes, you can get out. Because I knew that she wasn't going to come back on me. Exactly. That's what we should have been told, but I think they want you to sit there and watch it. You can't force people into like, you can't force people into like ballet. I'm just there to see my daughter do a bit. I had a lovely. I really really really really. to to to to to to to to to thia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thi. thirty thirty thirty thi. thi. the the the the the the the. Exactly. Exactly the. Exactly that that she the. Exactly. Exactly. the. the. Exactly. the. the. Exactly. the. the. the. the. the. Exactly. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. that's thea. that's thea. thea. that's that's thea. thea. thea. thea. thetalk about like, oh why are there more people from you know the underprivileged backgrounds in ballet because you cost 100 quid to be in it. It's mad. Anyway, Lou's going to tell me off for moaning because he's got to pick up from dance next week. Moan it. Moning is an understatement. Moaning. It's so difficult to do this podcast now because because I forget people listen. Yeah. It's so th is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is so th is so thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thoes thoomky thi. It's thi. thi. thoom-I tho-I. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's to to to to to to to to to to tho-i. It's tho-i tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho to to to to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to you know I'm taking bullets here at the school gates because I am. I'm telling it as it is and it does make my life

more difficult but... Alright I didn't realize we're on LBC. We will be one day mate. Well Mick Lambigini. Yeah anyway so that's what was up to. A couple of other things. Lou plays rain sounds when she goes asleep, and it just keeps making me go for a piss, non-stop. I don't know if I mention that. What in the night? Yeah, I mean, I'm on four pisses a night. I make me watch keeps telling me.

Oh my god. It's not ideal. Can't Lou put the bedroom. Oh, come on now, we don't need that. What happened before the start of this record? My new headphones that I've bought from Amazon. How much for? Eight pounds. You tight bastard. You talked, what, Rob?

After the last 15 minutes, don't give me a tibassdard. What else you got to tell me to to to to to to to to to to the to to to their to to to their, to the, to the, to to the, to the, told, the, the, told, told, to, to, the, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th., th., th. th., th. th., th. What, th. I, th. I, th. I, the the the the the the the the the the the thin, the thin, thin, to too, tooomooomoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom?. than, than parenting? Oh, on the school, I drive it home from school the other day, there was, um, because you know, the bushes are getting quite big now. In the summer, bushes get really big, so like, country lanes or whenever there's a bush, it's sort of, when there's a rain and the sun, it just gets really big. The country's just embrodeed. pushed it got massive and there was a cyclist coming down and he could only obviously he's got a tiny little bit of road because the cars are bigger which I don't think cyclists are aware of. Do you know what I mean? Don't take it up so much road he had it's physically bigger I can't make it smaller like your little one anyway he was driving along and then he was annoyed of people who would be near him but I couldn't be any like that was it was just what a that was just that was just that was just that was just that was just that was just that was just the road that was just the road the road that was just the that was just the the the that was just the the that was just the the the road the that was just the the that was just the that was just that was just that was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just was just the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road was just was just was just was just was just the road the road the road the road the road was just just just was just just the the the the the the the the the the the that was just that was just what was just what was just what was just what was just what was it was just what what was just what was it was just what was just what was. the the that was just. was just. was just. was just. was just. the. the. was just. the. was like, but everyone was cycling leaves gets on slapping him in the face and

it was so funny. And he was shouting, I don't know if it was at me, because I was stationed at this point, it's hard to be angry of a car that's stationary. And he went, just fuck off off my face, you little wanker. Ha ha ha! I know, I cracked up. But I think he was talking to the bush. Yeah, yeah. You know, when they did the cycle lane, I don't think they took into account the first week of July after heavy rainfall, great sun, that it was gonna be a little bush-stapping cyclist. I absolutely lost his marble.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Bit of fun. Better fun. Better fun. can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller Time. Learn more at Miller Light.CA. Must be Legal Drinking Age. This episode is brought to you by Nisprasso. Elevate your morning coffee ritual. From the first sip of coffee in the morning to the on-the-go cop. Make every morning unforgettable with Nespresso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nispresso. Coutte to learn more or an espresso boutique near you. I've got um it's our school fate to tomorrow,

Rob. Yeah. We haven't got a school fate, really. That sort of feels like an old school thing to school. So I put my name down for a stall. You know me, Rob. You love getting involved. I love getting involved. Oh, basically, I'm no longer class rep. Oh! My tenure is over. Oh, well done.

Very happy with that. Well, I've that. I. I. I. I. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tho. th. th. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. the the th. the the the the. the the to. to. to. to. the toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. been an honor and a privilege to serve and it's just time that my time came to an end and then I said them's the breaks. Nice. Like Boris said when he resigned. Oh really good. I didn't know if that was the right thing to do because I didn't know if anyone just thought that I made us really into Boris. Or I don't thinkthink that's no worries about that. Yeah, I don't know what the parents think of me. That was strange. That was a strange in a monologue coming out, was it? How do you think your rain went? Do you think you'll go down as as a great or do you think you'll go down as a bad

or do you think you'll go down as another one? So you're going to go down as Churchill, Yeah, or John Major? Do you know what I I I't think I'll go down like truss. It wasn't that bad. I would say my forwarding of WhatsApp's from the PTA group to the class group was faultless. Right. That was on it. Boom. Barely a second.

However, any sort of thing that was proactive, yeah, didn't get involved. So you're kind of forgettable, but solid. So you're John Major. Yeah, even maybe a Golden Brown. Yeah. Had it all in his hands and it just sort of melted away. Do you know what? I'm so proactive I did the quiz as well.

Do you update on the quiz, which I was stressed about the quiz, was it? Man, it was because I had to write the quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz about about about about about about about about the quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz about about about about about about the quiz quiz about about the quiz about about the quiz about about about about about about about about about about the quiz quiz, the quiz, the quiz about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz about about quiz about quiz about quiz, the quiz, the quiz, the quiz, the quiz, the quiz, the quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz quiz because I had to write the quiz throughout the day, the whole day. So much, this is mental. I was writing quiz while I was having my health check up, my hair cut. Oh, how is your health? Well, they haven't got back to me, so I presume I'm fine. Yeah. Or they need a second opinion. We're going to have a couple of zooms.

I've still got a bruise from the blood. out what's he done? He went really fast. Do you ever tell about a time where I went for a medical for like some TV filming thing? It's like yeah if you could just and he sort of did my height, my weight and stuff like that and then he was like, yeah and if you could just put your trials and cough but I don't know if that's a real thing to me you know. He did him, he did them. He did. He did. He did the sort sort the the the the sort sort the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th he sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort he sort sort sort he sort he sort sort he sort sort he sort he sort he sort he sort he sort he he he he he. He did, he sort sort he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He did, he sort. He did, he sort, he sort, he sort, he sort, he did, he did, he did, he did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He did th. He sort th. He did th. He did th. He did, he sort th. He did, he sort th. He did, he sort th did, he sort th did, he sort th did, he sort the thi sort thi sort thi sort thi sort thi sort thi sort thi, he sort's not real. Isn't that just something from the army where they just hold your balls and make you calf? What do you mean? He held your balls? Yeah, he held your balls. Helmer balls. You just did it? No. And then, and then, uh, and your ball says, well, what you did was he said, well Yeah anyway. Did you put your top back on? Or did you? Does anyone now drop his? And I was like, then you went, say your pants and

a shorts down? I was like, oh, and I was like, it's completely nude now. Do you know? I mean, like, I don't mind a doctor's half on half. I am completely nude now. Did you step out or was it around your ankles? Around my ankles. And then he sort of did that thing. It was like, right, hands out, cough? I was like, no, no. I've never seen that in army from. That doesn't happen.

I know. And then he's sort of like, normally the doctor, I'm going to. And then he sort of like, normally, they're normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, normally, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.'t make you take the top icon, right we're going to do this. Normally they go right get yourself dressed or whatever. Yeah. And he sort of didn't he just I stood there. What? He started just like writing out? Start like writing up the report and I just stood there. Completely mood. No socks are on. No socks are on. They stayed on. But then I put in a complainant about because it did feel weird. And then I just said, what I went, mate, you've made me get undressed completely. This is ridiculous. Like at least let me put my top back on before it's like grabbing my balls. And then I put my shorts back on and top and then went and then I put complaining

against him. Yeah, I think that might that might that, doctors, yeah, did your doctor make you do that? No, I was writing quiz at the same time. Yeah, quiz went well, thank God. Oh dear. It was stressful. But it was fine. And then, um, I put my name down for stalls, yeah? What, is this the doctor still still th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Qui. Qui, thi, thi, this is for the fate. Alright, I think the medical stalls. No, no, no.

Sorry. Yeah, I can give you a couple of them. Can I put my name down to give you some stalls? No, no, it's fine, sir. We don't need to, don't need to do that. No, no, no. No, no, a little cup. So what stalls are you doing at the fate? Well, this is, I've been given hooker duck a duck.

Hooker duck. Right? Yeah, that's good. I think you're good at hooker duck. Yeah, so they published the stools. So they published the stalls. Yes. Parents networked. Pop that on the group, so I popped it on the group. I thought you should just be called the PTA, but that feels like they're called rebranding these schools. They're all slightly like-

Yeah, I think the PTA's got a bad name. Has it? Parents Teacher Association? Is that like, yeah? Yeah, it's just a bit uncool, isn't it? It's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a bit, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, it's a the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's a the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's, the, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a.... It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a. t-a all the fucking the people of the busy bodies yeah busy bodies like me yeah I someone's 24 hours out of it something you fucking throwing rocks at it I'm like the Dean Dory is just going at the Tories fucking nerds trying to improve the life of your kids at school are you fucking creeps anyway so any I got a hooker duck a t duck. So I put the list of who's doing

stools on my on the year group. Yeah. What's that? And then below it I wrote, um, so I'm doing hooker duck from one to two fifteen. Oh no, one thirty to two fifteen. Fair enough. Forty five minutes. I get the distinct impression Rose thinks I've signed up to a stool so that I don't have to look after our son. Yeah, you can't really take a two-year-old and hook a duck. Duck, so it's quite a nice little 45 minutes, can you know, extend it? Uh, yeah, well, maybe I could. Well, we'll see how it goes. Anyway, below it, I wrote the message, to's how your act changed. Hooker suck. Oh no. To all the parents.

To all the parents. Did you know what that looks like? When the comedian sends that, they're like, he's having a bit of fun, isn't he? He's a little bit fruity, this guy. But duck with six exclamation marks, and then the words are all no. Yeah, okay, that's a good save. Nothing. Completely ignored. Yeah, apart from Rose, but you've had a shocker. But that's Rose. And she's only saying that to try and help because no one replied. Yeah, no one replied, Rob. Maybe they'll hate you. I don't think they do all hate me, Rob. Don't get it. I'm joking. Rob. I don't thank. I'm a thin it. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. the. tho. tho. the. tho. that. that. I that. tho. I th. Yeah worry about it. Just completely got on your own. Honestly, Rob, hooker suck, I panicked so much. And I thought, what a game though, what a game. I'd have a go on that.

Just think of what the money you'd raise. Imagine going to a school fate. I tell you what, if there was hook and suck at the interval of my ballet. hook me up to suck them off. Big like a shepherd hooks run your neck. I'd watch that and play it. I don't know if I'd want to play it actually. I think I'd watch them on play. I tell you you'd play it, your doctor would absolutely love to play it, mate. He's not my doctor, but he's not my GP. He's not a dog show I'll tell you that's that's exciting let us tell how it goes Josh. Yeah I've got quite a weird

weekend actually not only in a Louis 3 way yeah I'm doing hook a suck on Saturday morning yeah and then I'm going to Wembley to watch Blur yes and then Sunday morning we're gonna go and watch Nick Cope do his songs for children. Who's he? He does a C. Bibi's show, Nick Cope's popcast, where he sings songs. Okay, he's really good. He love music. I'm when my daughter's really into his um, and then I'm going to watch Blah again on Sunday night. That is ridiculous. That's a mad weekend. That's a thick. Hook a suck is a truck. Hook a suck is a hook. the hook. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. th. to. to th. the to to th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. th. thi. thi. th. to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's really. He's really. He's really. He's really really really. He's really. He's really. to. to. tot. th. to. th. th. th. th. the the th. thething you're second of least to Nick Pope. It seems quite, it's a kid's sick. Should we talk about our little trip Josh? Our world tour? Our world tour? We started and completed our world tour on Monday. Our world tour that lasted 17 hours. I've got to say, BA were exceptional. I knew you was going to do this. So for th. Our th. Our th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. thi. thi. thi. their th. tho. their their their tho. tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their. S. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toda. today. today. today. today. today. We're. today. today. We're. We're. We're. We're. S. We're just just just. We're. to say B.A. were exceptional Rob. I knew you was going to do this.

So for those who don't know what we're talking about. I don't know all these people complaining about B.A. Fuckin' hell. I had a lovely time. Thank you to all the cabin crew. It treated us beautifully. We took off on time. The food was exquisite. it? Yeah, it was. People that don't know, we went to Dubai Sunday night, we flew out at 9.30pm, landed at 7 a.m. in Dubai, in Dubai, in Dubai, to the venue, in Dubai, at 7pm.

Went to a hotel, slept for a couple of hours, had lunch, then at 3pm, then at 3pm, then at 3pm, then at 3pm, then we did the show 8 p.m. to the venue, the venue, the venue, the venue, the venue, too, the venue, too, the venue, too, the venue, the venue, too, too, the show 8 p.m. till 10 p.m. and then we left and immediately went to the airport to get the 1 a.m. flight home. It felt like being in a band. That's what it felt like. That's the only way we could fit in doing the gig. What the fuck? My chair went down again. Sorry. This chair's going to be your headphones in it. Sorry. I'm getting a new chair Sunday. Michael, Michael, Supercut for Tick Tock. No down the time code, add that to the Supercut for Tick Tock. A thread. Yeah, so we were actually in Dubai for 17 hours. Someone said to me, why have you given yourself such a stressful thing to do?

I'd say it was the most relaxed day of my life, Rob. I had two naps. It's mental how hard work is with kids when flying. And to be fair, we did go business. Yeah, fully admit that. Fully admit that. There's no way we could do that in economy in 17 hours and still do the show. We'd be asleep on stage.

Also, Rob, crucially, they paid for our flights they pay for our flights big up to Shaw Walsh who came out premium economy I'm gonna felt bad felt awful the venue are only willing to give John premium economy and when he said he was on the same flight as us back I'll be honest my heart sank but um yeah so we ran it out for 17 hours and it was quite annoying but I hands up like I say, in the past British Airways and I have not been best friends, but I literally was one of the best flights ever been on both times, couldn't afford it, new plane, great staff, good food, all on top. There was literally not one negative and you, and you was loving it,

Rob, I will admit, because I don't do much traveling compared to you.. Yeah, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the the the the the the the the the th. And, they. And, the the they. And, the they. And, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the don't do much traveling compared to you. I felt a bit like, you know when Crocodile Dundee goes to New York and he feels like, yeah, just a bit of a hick. So I don't want to sound like a loser Rob. Yeah, come on. There was so many things about my business class seat that I didn't know how to do, but but I didn't want to ask. So I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. told. told. told. told. told. told. tooomb. tooomb. I'm tooke. I'm took. I'm told. I'm told. I'm told. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. too. too. tooe. Robe. Rob. Rob, tooombe a light, a spotlight next to me for when they went dark at night. So you could read your book.

If I wanted to read. So I was reading with the torch of my phone for an hour. And I had to get someone to come over. I said, have you got an iPhone charger because I was running down my to my torch because I died. So what did they say? They came me a charger, but they didn't mention it. And then in the morning I found the fucking light. I was like, why did they think I was reading with my phone torch on my book?

Because I've travelled so much doing Robert Romer. I forget how much I've travelled. I didn't know what was going on. I the the the the the the tho. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I was going on. I to to to to to to check. I was going on. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I checked. I'm to check. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I was going. I checked. I checked. I checked. I checked my. I checked my to. I checked my to check. I checked my to check. I checked my to check. I checked my to check. I checked my to check. I checked my to. I checked to. I checked to. I checked my baggage in even though I didn't need to. Yeah, that was been you checked in a hand luggage bag. I just presumed you had to because it was going long haul. And then I nearly got detained. Oh that was scary. This was scary. When we arrived he went to immigration and the promoters had got this guy to like meet us from the plane and take us through immigration sometimes a cue can be really long so he was like a the..... to get to the venue because you know we was there for a short amount of time and this guy met us in suit and booted took us to that the immigration thing where you get your passport stamp anyway to get your passport thanks to the front Josh gets his stamp to go straight through to the blood to my one I'll get my passport and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the passport and I I I I'll I'll I'll I'll I I'll I'll I'll I'll I I'll I'll I I'll I I I I I I'll I I I I I I I I I and I I and I and I and I and I and I and I I and I and I I and I I and I I and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the passport and the passport and I and I and I I and I I I I I I I I the passport and I the passport and I'll I'll the passport and I'll get I'll get the passport and the passport and the pass I'm the the the the the the the the pass passa' the passa' the passa' the passa' the passa' the passport and I'm I'm I No, I want to go into the country. That's what I want to go. I don't want to go to the office. I was like, okay, I looked at the guy who was chaperoned

us like, oh, we've got to go to the office and he just sort of went, me, eh, I just sort of shake the second, that had no idea what was going on. And then I went, and then I went, and I went, and I went, and I went, and I went, and I went, and I went, and I went, to to to to to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go to go, go, go, go, go, go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go, go, go to go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to was like, yeah, October, came out, October like 17th. When did you leave? I went, 27th of October here for 10 nights. And he went, you didn't get your passport stamped. I was like, pardon, you didn't get stamped when you left. I was like, oh, but you don't want to be rude because they're in charge of your status in a country. But I was like, it's not really really my my my my my my my my my my my my my their my their their their their their th. I'm not really in charge of the stamp. I give you the password when you stamp it.

I have left because I'm coming back in. Yeah, I can't have stayed because I'm literally not on your border. I'm on the boulder now. Unless I've stayed here for four months. I haven't snuck out. Why would I sneak out? Don't get me wrong. The British Airways lounge is exceptional, but I've not spent eight months here and just to do the gig. Yeah, I'm not Tom Hanks. But that was very stressful Josh, wasn't it? Yeah. Very stressful. And then I had a stressful moment in my hotel

room Rob. Oh, what happened? Well, another one of my crocodile Dundee moments. Go on. What did I text you? How do I turn on the lights on? the lights? Yeah, you're not a great traveler, are you? I was out of my the depth the depth the depth the depth the the depth the the the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the depth the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te te te te te teo teo to to. to. to. to. to to. to. to to. room room room room room room room room. t know if anyone's read it. How could you not turn the lights on in the room? Well, because, so I walked in, I was reading a book called, I'll be gone in the dark, which is a true crime book about a serial killer who breaks into people's houses, right? Nice and nice relaxing.

Yeah, your medication must be good. You're reading that before th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I. thin. thin. thin. thin. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin'. thin'. thathea. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was the the the the the the the the th. th. t t t t t t t t toda. t toda. today. t today. t today. today. today. today. th. edgy. Yeah, I bet. Particularly as I was reading it with a fucking torch on a plane as well. Anyway, so it's quite edgy about it. I go into my hotel room at 7 a.m. when we arrive. And I can't find the thing to put in the key card, which you normally do in the UK hotels. Yes. So I think, oh, there must the lights are on when I walk in, and I walk in, and then five seconds in, the lights cut out and it goes to pitch dark. I fucking shout to myself. And I panicked and I literally ran for the door and opened the door to get some light in there. I was so scared. I'd been reading this book about the murderer.

I'd normally be fine with the dark. But you had to text me where to put the key card? Because it was in a different, it looked like a touch screen screen that you had to put the key card. Yeah. But it's quite futuristic the hotels in Dubai aren't they were too futuristic. I didn't know where to put the card. the card. It the the the the the the the the the to to the the the to the to the to be the the the to be. the the the the to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. toe. toe. toea. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. toe. toe. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm.a.a.a. So. So. So, t.a.a.a. So. So. So, tote. So. So. So. So, tote. So. So. So slept without the... I had to open the curtains for the first few hours and I didn't text you straight away. What? So I just had the curtains open for light. There's no electricity on. With no electricity for the first three or four hours. It was mad.

I forget you're a bit of a country bumpkin, I just was out of my depth Rob. You were out who does. And I tell what we weren't out of the hotel or venue, we actually never stepped foot outside of Dubai apart from getting in and out of taxis because it was so off. It was bizarre. I felt like we were in Wham? Like, do you know what I mean? I felt like, you know when you see footage of like a band just doing like big tour. Apart from there's no screaming there was there was their there was no their their their their there was no their their th. I th. I th. I th. I was no th. I was no th. I was no th. I was no th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A the. A big thi. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A t. A tip. A tip. A tod tod today. A today. A today today is today is today today today is today today today today today today going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber 1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers. Up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for.

Get Uber one for students. A membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Your mom hates it when you leave six half-full glasses on your nightstand. It's a good thing mom lives on the other side of the country. And it's an even better thing that you can get six IKEA 365 plus glasses for just 999. So go ahead. You can afford to hoard because IKEA is priced for student life. Shop everything you need for back to school at

IKEA today. PST. It's me, Alan. There's no place like London's Hackney Empire this September or so I'm told. With shows three of the UK's top comedians. Join team captain of 8 out of 10 Catsters Countdown John Richardson, recent I'm a celebrity get me out of here, star Sean Walsh, and me, Alan Carr. We're all visiting Hackney Empire this September with our critically acclaimed tour shows. Ooh la da da, tickets available from Hackney empire.co, that thi their tod. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th- thi, thi, th.ukk. See them, my loves. Right, anything else to share, Josh, do we do some correspondence or... I don't think I have got anything else to show? Oh yeah, I have. Yeah.

Oh yeah, I'm going. Trigger warning. Okay. I have to talk about Father Christmas. Right. My daughter said to me that her friend had told her that Father Christmas wasn't real. Oh, this is the problem of East London. Why is this the problem of East London? Everyone's a little bit too wacky, aren't they? Can't just be on board of commercialisation, capitalism. Well, I'm confident these, I don't, these friends do listen to, these friends do listen to, um...

Don't panic. I've just ripped a the their. So I'm going to say, I texted my friend, I said to your daughter's, I said this, and he said, let me just find it. She, by the way, I said, well, what do you think? That was the response I gave. And she said that she thinks her friend's an idiot for thinking this. Yeah. Because who leaves the presents in the stocking? The adults leave the presents downstairs and also, and also, of course you can't the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thinks, I thinks, I thinks, I th to say to say to say, I to say, I say, I say, I say, well, well, well, well, I said, I said, I said, well, I said, I said, I said, I said, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I tho, I tho, I th th th th th th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I said, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that th're asleep. So your ears are asleep. So I said to my friend, he said, oh fucking how sorry. We were trying to tell her to shut up. He's talking about his daughter. And yeah, your daughter was like, what you're talking about, you weirdo. So his daughter does know.

I don't know. I'm interested to to talk to him to him to him to him see him about it. Find out whether they've just told her or if... But what I'm interesting is he's a big outspoken atheist. I was wondering whether Father Christmas fell under his Richard Dawkins-based doctrine. Yeah, I wouldn't put Father Christmas under the Christianity banner. Like I don't know whether whether he wants to be honest about Father Christmas, he believed Father Christmas is a lie perpetrate. I don't know. We'll find out when he listens to this episode. Yeah, but because obviously Christmas is Christian, isn't it?

But the Father Christmas feels like he operates outside of that. He's almost a bit like, he's Christmas and Chiola's and Christmas is like Christianity the same way as like Wimbledon, right? Wimbledon is Christmas Christian. No, don't hear me out. I can say, Wimbledon is the same as Christmas. It's a big event, right? Yeah. Okay, and Christmas is sorted out by like Christianity, yeah. However, synonymous with Wimbledon is strawberries. Right, yeah, yeah.

So is Father Christmas the strawberry to Christmas as the strawberry to Wimbiden is? Right, yeah, yeah. They're not intertwined. Right, yeah, yeah. Strawberries aren't tennis. So if you hate tennis, you could still enjoy strawberries? That's what I'm saying. If you despise religion, can you still enjoy Father Christmas? That's what I'm saying. I feel like he operates outside the law. My view is, hear me out. Go on, it's about time you've been storing this up for years. I don't know if I'm right about a lot of things, you know, that are quite close to home.

Like, yeah. I don't know whether I'm right about who should play for England. Yes. How the fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck th fuck thu fuck thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thus. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. It that. It that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It. It's that. It. It. It. It's that. It. It's that. It's that. It's that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's the th. the the the th. the the the the. the the the. the that's about. that's about that's about that's about that's about that's about. that's about. that's about. not? Which is the god? Yeah. Sometimes Josh, I don't even know if I actually need to have a shit and I realize that as I'm having one. Yeah. So if I can't work out when my body needs to do a poo? Yeah. How am I supposed to know who is the god? Exactly, Rob? Or they're all good. They're all good. I like them all. But I'm up for all the thrue. I'm up th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu that that thu thu- I'm thu- I'm thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I the thu thu thu thu thu. thu. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the thu. the thu. I'm a big universe guy, Rob. I'm a big universe guy. When it comes to religion, I'm Tappas. Exactly. I'll take a little bit from each. Oh, this is something else to tell before we do a quick bit of correspondence and small business. I was in a petsword, I wasers, walking along, going to get a coffee before I go and the guy goes to me, you in disguise this morning then are you? Pardon? I see, in disguise,

don't want anyone to know? I don't know what you mean. You're not Mr. Tumble normally. I'm literally wearing a shorts and t-shirts in July walking along the street. I don't know. So what does he expect you to be wearing? I don't. I. I to to to to to to to to the to be in the to be in their their to be in their their their their their to be in their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I tie. I te. I'm in tea. tea. true. true. te. true. te. te. true. te. te. te. te. te. I te literally wearing a shorts and t-shirts in July walking on the street. There's nothing, there is no dis- So what does he expect you to be wearing? I don't know, but I don't know, because I've got like glasses on a beard and maybe you've seen me without glasses and a beard, but I'm like, yeah. It's not just like, it's just I I look all like all the time. Yeah. I think I've actually worn this outfit on tele as well. It would be a terrible disguise if your disguise was the same clothes you wear in public. Yeah. But it's just a bit of weird. I don't here. A bit of correspond-eye, knock out a correspondence or two.

One each, one each. Right, I've got one here. Hello, just a quick story of funny things kids do. My dad died of cancer, in brackets, don't laugh, Rob. That's a terrible calling card for me, isn't it? This goes back to when you told me how your grandfather sadly passed away, but your delivery was a..... Anyway, my dad died of cancer in 2020. He was cremated. My son was only 18 months when he died, so obviously has no living memory of him.

We are always trying to keep his memory alive by talking about Grandad Donald. While my mom was deciding what to do with his ashes, the urn was put on his bedside locker, with a picture, I think they're American, with a picture of him in front of it. As time and on, my son became more and more curious about the urn. He would always go over and say, hello, Grandad Donald, it was very cute. About a month after he had a sleepover in my mom's house, we were driving home and out of nowhere, my mom said, I had told a bit of a fright at first. I got a bit of a fright at first. I got a bit, I, I, I, I, I, I got a bit, I, I, I, I got a bit, I, I, I, I got a bit, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I got a th, I got a thrigh, I got a tho, I got a to to to to told thrigh, I told told a to to to to to to to to to told told told told told to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, told, told, told, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, told, their, told, told told told to their to to their to told to to to to to to to told to told to to told to told told, to said that not not not the mother I've got a bit of a fright at first and I thought he was some sort of clairvoyant be quickly followed with he was very dusty. I could not contain my laughter I rang my mom immediately and told her she said she recalled that he had dust over his hand

that day but didn't know where it had come from it to turns out it to the own. he the old feel around in granddad Donald's ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes ashes. She as as as as as as as as as as as a the the he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he. he. he. I he. I th. he. I he. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, th. the, the, the, th. the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. he. he. he. he. he.. It turns out he'd opened the ear himself and had a good old feel around in Grandad Donald's ashes. My dad had a brilliant sense of humor and he would love this story. Great. Love the podcast Danielle. Oh that's lovely and now your son has got this story that he can listen to when he's older. Look at that. How the world works hey yeah. Okay parenting fail. It's 1986 Rob. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to thee. to to to. to to toda. toda. the. the. the. the. the. the, Rob. Hi guys, in 1986. Shall I set the scene? Yeah, go on, mate. Liverpool, V Everton in the FAA Cup Final. England, ready to go to play Argentina in Mexico. Mexico? Yes, Mexico. The Smiths are a year away from splitting up. Okay. It's getting quite more depressing. You keep mentioning games England lost and the Smiththe Smith split up. Margaret Thatcher is a year away from a third election victory.

Okay, I'm struggling. Each of their own. The Morrissey didn't have all of his views at this point. No, but Margaret Thatcher did. Hi guys, it's 1986. I was 21 years old when I have my first daughter and had two more children after that. They're now 35, 33 and 30. Absolutely shaggger. Listening to the boomer stories prompted me to tell you about the strange instant of the hairy toothbrush. Oh, from 1994. You remember 994 Robb don't you? Oh yeah, I mean USA World's taking a penalty. Take that to topping the charts. I was eight years old, love in life. Labour leader leader. the USA. th. th. th. Here th. Here th. Here th. th. Here th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooom. I tooom. I tooom. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the th. the the thi. toda. today, the the the the today, the the today, the the the the today, the tooome. tooombuoombuoombu. t topping the charts. I was eight years old, loving life. Labour leader John Smith has a heart attack and dies. Is this all off your head? Yeah. All right.

Well, well done. Weird, isn't it? Well, take that's around that time, isn't it? Were you always like nine when this was happening, you'll remember that man dying of a heart attack? It's 1994, it began the strange incident of the hairy toothbrush. It began when I started finding hairs stuck in my toothbrush in the bathroom drawer on a daily basis. I remember being very concerned that my hair was falling out at such a young age. What was falling out of his mouth? A few weeks and was using it to brush the pet hamster. Oh my god. Oh sorry to find little hairs in it like it's falling out of his beard or whatever. At first I just smiled and watched her

carefully brushing his neck and back and then his belly and then around his ass. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Suddenly it dawned on me that she was doing it for weeks and putting it back in my drawer and then I went on to unknowingly use my teeth after. Oh that is horrible. Needless to say, I let her keep that one and fitted a lock on my bathroom drawer where I keep my new toothbrush. Thanks Carl in Hartfordshire. I don't understand why we've got 1986 and 94 and 1994 1986 he had his first child. I'm trying to make the 94, he's got an 8-year-old

that's brushing the hamster rather than watching the news trying to find out about fatal, terrible news. Do leave the years in and I'll paint a picture when you said yes. A beautiful, a beautiful, a beautiful picture of that time. These incidents happen. I really enjoy your painted a picture. It's a deep dive into your soul. It's normally football politics and sadness. Football politics, is that music occasionally. That's less precise. Oh dear, right.

Okay. Here we go. I've got a small business. Hi Rob and Josh and Michael. I wondered if I could get a shout out for my small family business. Snap Shots and that's SNAP, SHOT Z. Instagram underscore SnapShots of a Z. Snapshots is a modern take on traditional photo booth. It's a fun pop up station using photo booth software which includes photos, boomerangs, gifts and videos. Throw in the props and is a perfect recipe for a great selfie. Once the magic has been captured, guests have the option for the photos, etc. to be sent to themselves via a text message, email or downloaded via a QR code. So everyone gets to capture. Your snapshots attendant will assist with all of this.

The party hosts have the option to get a link to an online gallery sent to them the next day to see all of the moments captured. We have a small set-up design not to take up a huge amount of precious event space. We cater for all events. Get in touch Instagram underscore snapshots email snap shots at outlook. Good luck snapshots. Okay dear Rob and Josh thank you for your podcast which I've been listening to for a long time now. I don't have kids but I love the podcast which makes me regularly laugh out loud and continue puts me off the idea of reproducing. I wonder if you might be able to give my small business shout out.

It's pronounced compassion co but it's spelled CMPSSSN co. Like compassion with compassion without the vowels. Compassion, CMP, S, S, S, S, N, and Co. It's my new Etsy shop with ADHD and neurodivergent positive products. From badges and stickers to hoodies and toats, these beautiful products are a great way to raise awareness of neurodiverse minds. The project was born following my own experience of ADHD as an adult woman and difficulties of diagnosis.

A portion of every order is donated to charities supporting neurodiverse people to get the support they need. Find us on Etsy at W.W. Dotzzi. to shop, forward slash CMPS-N-C-O. Compassion. Co. Thanks again for keeping me laughing. Now, spell N-L. See on Friday, Rob? See on Friday. See them. Bye.

Bye.