Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S6 EP9: What's the worst smell you've ever smelt?

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. In this episode we reflect on the first Parenting Hell warm up show, we get through some of your delightful correspondence, and ponder what's the worst thing you've ever smelt? Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. Hello, I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

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They chose both, because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller Time. Learn more at Miller Light.C.A. Must be Legal Drinking Age. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with Matilda. Can you say Josh? Can you say Widdicum? Kick. Can you say Rob?

Kick. Kick! What do you reckon Rob? Look, that kid is obviously cute, but they have not introduced us on the podcast but no. Fundamentally, it's pointless. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Got the names of them all, as well. This is 18-month-old Matilda attempting to say both your names. Huge fan of the podcast, and it's gotten me through many sleepless nights and helped me laugh along with the craziness that is parenting. Gutted to be missing out and seeing you and seeing their and seeing their and seeing their and seeing their and seeing their and seeing their and seeing their and seeing baby. So I decided to pass the tickets onto my sister Daisy who is also a huge fan. That is Thanksgiving so sex-in relatable, Molly from Brighton. Molly, I would say Molly, you didn't attempt to do that she failed at it. Yes. Is that too harsh? Well you can attempt and fail. She tried and failed. Was that an attempt? Was that an attempt? That's all I'm saying, but you know, let's, I don't want to go in too hard.

No. We're tired. We are, we are, should we explain where we are, quickly? Yeah. Because we are doing a, uh, we've got loads of correspondence because we keep asking for an hour and have a breakdown or you talk for an hour and have a breakdown and we don't do any correspondence. So this is a correspondence episode, but I do think we need to set the scene of where we are.

We've just done a gig last night in Barnard Castle. Yeah, well, oh, any jokes about that? We did not mention Dominic Cummings for the whole show and we are the first people to do a comedy show there and not mention him and I think that is impressive. That deserves a kind of, you know, a round of applause at the level. We got a round of applause to be fair. Not for that. At least one. But we did do a little nod to it, didn't we? You said you were ill and you had a joke about it, to the joke about here with COVID. Wink wink. Which I don't

think is a joke about it fully is it? No but it'll do. It'll do. Because I ain't shit comedians literally to go oh Dominic Cummings and then just look at the audience. I would say if I lived in Barnard Castle and I went to a string of gigs I'd know what the first 10 minutes was going to to be and rightly so. Yeah so we are the the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first the first the first the first the first 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 the first 10 the first 10. the first the first the first the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. 10 minutes. th. th. th. 10 minutes. th. th. the the the up to Barnard Castle because we're doing a run. This is the maddest bit. This is the maddest bit. Well, well, the run, let's talk about the run, which I always, this is what I always, you know, people like Elvis want to go and do like a Vegas residency like Adele's doing now or maybe it's where it

all begins it's where it all begins and ends and ends you play it twice it's genuinely mad I've never heard of two of these three places until no no no no I looked at my diary I've still not been to them because we've only been to the one I've heard of. I've only heard of one of them in the last two years. Yeah well we had to go to Darlington to get food to take the Barnum Castle. Yeah. Because there's only one bubble called the horseshoot. Do you want Nandoz to go in, Josh, the tour manager, lovely Ali, went to Josh, do you want me to go in for you so you don't get hassled? And Josh was like, don't worry, Ali, I'm sure I'd be fine.

And he was not one person. Even knew who you were, Josh. Oh, I had to be discovered. You're ready for it. And then the theme of not being known or recognized carried on to Barnard Castle. Do you want to tell the listeners what happened? Yes, this is, this was a mind-blowing moment. Can't believe this happened. How many audience members? 250 people in the room for the Parenting Hell Podcast live working progress gig.

That's what it's called. Yeah, how many people had heard the podcast? So how many people had listened to the podcast? I'd say it would be lucky if it was 10%. Yeah, it was incredible. It was a room full of people that had never heard the podcast going to a live podcast and I tell you what Josh they just never heard our podcast they'd never heard what a podcast was some of them some didn't know what a podcast was some of the audience didn't know what a podcast was and we were trying to do a bit about stiff and loose

nacks that to be honest went to do a bit about stiff and loose-nacks that, to be honest, went to fuck all deservedly because of course they weren't interested. We did in jokes, we did podcast in jokes. We did a bit about Roger Black. They didn't care? I've never experienced an in-joke become an out-joke so quickly. No. Oh my god. Oh my god. It was very pleasant. Rob Rouse was an in-joke become an out-joke so quickly. No. No, no one knew what we were talking about.

Oh my God. It was very pleasant. Rob Rouse was incredibly good as the guest. They loved Rob Rouse. We were going to get him on the show. He was brilliant. No, it was a good gig and everyone laughed. But they all laughed.

What was quite encouraging was, at no one laughed at. No one laughed at all. But then the other stuff which I thought was you know maybe not in joky is because I was like you don't want the tour to be too in joky because he comes a bit of a nostalgia fest of what's happened but obviously we're doing new stuff for the show that they were already laughing at so I thought actually this is quite good because it sort of works. is quite good because it proves that it sort of works on its own because these people don't even know what a podcast is. The most humiliating part is if you do throw up Roger Black's Wikipedia photo because it looks like a tennis ball's being fired at his head but it's actually a microphone.

If you do that to people that don't know the back story, there's a lot of exposition. Yeah, there was one bit because I was tentatively tip-tipeded tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tiped tip-ainginging around tip-a' thaeering, thae of thae of theiring around theiring theiring thi, thi, theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring theiring their their their their th.. th. thi. I thi. I too-up. I'm tm-upe. I'm tm-upon. I's tm-upon. I's tm-uponating. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. Yeah, there was one bit when, because I was tentatively tip-turning around before showing the photo because I didn't have full confidence in it, when I tried to tentatively explain, we spent half an episode talking about Roger Black, and I think of anything that made the situation more confusing as to what was going on. Then we, for one part, we flashed up a picture of Rick Waller and I just talked to myself I can't even bother to explain. I'm just going to just let them think oh there's a picture of Rick Waller there for no reason. Oh man, I did lose my temper slightly though at one point when I went when I'd gone through the front row of about eight people and then the eighth person said no I've never listened to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the the the to the the the the to the their. their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm just just just just th. I've just th. I've just just th. I've just just the the the the the the thee. I've just just just. I've person said no I've never listened to it either and I did shout out and then well what the fuck are you doing here? Which that was the only time I sort of got because I was just a bit my I was a bit rattled Josh.

It was it was the first night we've got 10 ten warm updates before we play arenas yeah and the first one was to people who never heard the podcast I've lost faith that the people of Hexem the the the the the the the the people the people the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the people of the the the the people of the the the people of the the the the people of the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the people of the people of the people of the people of the the the the the people of the the the the the the the the the the the their their the the the the first one was to people who never heard the podcast. I've lost faith that the people of Hexham and North Allerton. Will we die hard fans if everyone is with you either? I feel like we should have stuck to the big cities where they have podcasts? Should we leave 10 minutes at the end of this podcast and tack on a bit we record tomorrow after North Allerton to report whether... I don't, I can't have that hanging over me on stage. It's just, but you, the thing is, if you are trying to put a show together about a podcast,

you assume the people coming have seen it. It's like, do I mean? It's like doing a Q&A with the Stars of Dead Paul, and they go, right, oh, the the th and the th and th and the th and th and the th and th and th and th and the th, th, A with the Stars of Deadpool, Brian Reynolds is there, and they go, right, oh, who's he then? Pardon? Who's that bloke? Is that there? And the guy that you're supposed to be... The Q&A as well, because when we've done it in London, you get it out hacking a year. The Q&A was a disaster. The Q&A was an absolute debacle. When we done it in London before, we've done it up the Creek Comedy Club, we've done it Hackney Empire, people had listened to the podcast and had questions. Gone really deep, really deep questions about the podcast. That's why we sort of, when we were writing it, we were like, okay, they're really diehard fans of people that come in, as you would expect, you know, the people people that buy a ticket to the podcast or you expect to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their to be to be to be to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their....... their their their their.... their. their. their their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their th the. the. tod today, today, the. the. the. their their their their their their their their their their like into it. We thought, okay, well, give them what they want. But these are these, but I just think these people.

One woman, I said, what are you doing here? She said, if I come here, I don't have to put the heating on at home. And she did not laugh for the rest of the night. She had a face like thunder. It was incredible. to a podcast show about a podcast I never listened to. Imagine if you turned up to a show, thinking it was going to be a stand-up show, right, from two people on TV. And they walked on stage and they said, this isn't a stand-up show, this is a show about,

and then they said a medium you'd never even heard of. This is a show about hieroglyphics. Yeah and you're like what? They're like you got a fan of that side of a career? And then I just scream at and look at the size of Roger Black's microphone. Isn't it big? And they go yes and I'm like we'll fucking laugh then. Should we read up the one question we got to the Q&A that was usable? This sums up. I don't think look for the Q&A to the Q&A to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. I I th. I th. I thin thin, I thu and a the thu and a the the th. I the th. the the th. th. the the the th. th. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. And, I. And, I. And, I'll. And, I'll. And, I'll. And, I'll. And, I'll, I'll, I'll. I'll. together. I'll. And, I'll. And, I'll. And, today, they. And, they. And, I'll. And, I'll, think, look, also for the Q&A we put up a WhatsApp number, I've had a look around Barnard Castle, I don't feel a lot of people are using WhatsApp. No, no, no, I'd say that's fair. I'd say that's very fair. When they were really old and they were really old. And they were really old and they were

really old. Yeah, they didn't like that. When. This is a question I don't listen to the podcast that's how it starts fucking unbelievable but I do watch your on 8 out of 10 cats does Rachel Riley really work out the math herself in the same time as you're allowed yes she does and that was the end of the Q&A. 15 minutes we had penned out for that. Jesus Christ do you know what it's a good test of the format because it did go well. I've never been more confident in the show in my life. Oh, it was great because you know when an athlete does high altitude training?

Yes. That's what we've done. We've got to be big, bear. Yeah, I've gone to train in Chile on the to the O2. Oh, we swan into the O2 of Manchester Arena. It's going to be fine. It's like, you know, like a middleweight spa and a heavyweight just to get used to bigger punches. Exactly. And then they're in the ring for the big one one.

But no, that was good test to the format because if it was a good night, everyone loved it. I, she did laugh at some stuff. You never know what's going on with people, but yeah, it's quite, there is, no matter how well it's going, you always do sort of lock eyes with the person that's not enjoying it the most. But, you know, I think for the first one back with a room full of people that never listened and they still laughed and enjoyed it, I think this. This is good. I think we'll be the first people in the history to go on tour of a podcast store and it actually increases podcast listeners through a weird bit of face-to-face marketing. Oh Jesus, anyway, right?

Well, anyway, we thoroughly enjoyed it despite the slighter... It was great and it went well but I was for the first 10 minutes I was so confused. Yeah, it was mad. It was so mad. Why are you here? I'm one person person person person person, I I I I I I I I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A, th. A. A. A. A. A. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. you here? I've come for an hour for this. I've come for five hours. Our train was cancelled. Our train was cancelled twice. We were on the hottest, busiest train ever. And I don't sweat, Josh, I stunk on their train.

You dropped a bag on someone's head. I dropped a bag. It was such a heavy bag. He had such a weak old neck. He took in good spirits. Oh fucking hell. Anyway, yeah, so onwards and upwards and upwards is always a bleakest thing to say. Right guys, onwards and upwards, let's not worry too much. Let's let's go let's keep going keep blowing on hexam let's get to hexam let's get to North Aleton I've never heard of these places North Allerton and we will have done them anyway by the time you listen to this but yeah no I've never felt so free to slag the audience of a gig-I at it on to to the to to the the to the the to the the the the the to the the to the the to the to the to the the to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the. I the. I the. I the the. the the. the the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. I's the. No one the. I's th so free to slag off the audience of a gig on a podcast knowing they won't be listening. I always double check. Oh, there's a picture of Trittendal Fallerton. Oh, yes please.

Hello. There isn't in a Darlington it's shut down. Rob, this isn't the time to check what we're going to have for dinner tomorrow. So, absolutely it's a fast. What are you going to have for dinner tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. What did you make of being away in a hotel, away from the kids? Do you know what? It's a massive old stately home hotel and it's quite spooky. But it's so quiet because we're in the countryside.

And it was best sleep I've had in ages, sorry Lou. It was so quiet. Yeah, I didn't about seven, eight hours of traveling just to do like a 90-minute show. And I was that good. To people who never heard of you. Well, they had heard of you. They just didn't know you worked in podcast. Yeah, they just, I think they would have preferred it if you spoke about Adam Hills and I spoke about Romesh really kids rather

than our kids. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government.

Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools.C.A. A message from the elementary teachers federation of Ontario. Right. Do you want to do some correspondence? Yeah, why not? Well, here we go. Funny things kids say. We've had a few of these coming in. Happy New Year Year. You call in. Okay, happy new year you call sexy guys, just to listen into the episode and the chat around kids saying words wrong. A personal favorite of mine, three-year-old is calling toothpaste, poo taste. Oh, that is good.

That's strong, isn't it? That's a bit of a strong, is the wrong word. But that is good, because for it to change both words, is a real achievement of the child. Who taste. Much love Natalie, husband, Tom, three-year-old Heather, and a 34-week bump. So we had a bit of a nightmare with the tooth brushing thing. Our kids were going, we'll brush our teeth ourselves. And I was like, aren't they grown up? Aren't they doing it well? But the youngest has got a less powerful toothe, because she's a the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, tho, tho, tho, and, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, tho, thin, thin, thi, and, and, and, and, and, tho, and, and, and, thi, they, and, and, and, and, they, and, they, and, and, they, and, they, they, they, they, the, the, they, tho, tho, and, and, and, tho, th, and, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, they, they, thi, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, they, thee, and, they, they, and, they, they, they, thee, th't feel like she's doing them properly. I was like, I don't think she's doing it properly, because they'll get a bit like, not bad, but it's like, didn't look like as clean as they could be.

So then I went, let me do them, I'll do them properly. So if like, let's start doing them properly, like, let's start never used it before, is she? She's been using her sisters. That's why they're not cleaning that teeth properly. She's like, ah, it's burning, his fire. I was like, you've never brushed. You've just been robbing your teeth in water, and you're hanging. Oh my god.

Right, more kids saying the funny things. Oh, here we go. This is a new one from Sophie. I thought we know about my son Louis, age 3. He calls trous, what he calls trousers and shorts. Shorts are now known in our house as open trousers. And pants slash trousers are called closed trousers. I think that's good. I think that's kind of logical, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Open trousers. And be th you th you're th you're th you're th. Be listening th you're th. Be listening thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thin th-I thing thous. Be listening thous. Be listening thousing thous and be listening. I thousand thousand thousand I thousand, I'm thousand, I'm thou-s, I'm thou-s, I thousa-tows, I'm thous-tow-tow-towels thous and what's thous thous thous that's th-s th-s th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thin thin thin thin thin that's that's that's thateateateateateateateateateateateateateateat, what thou-s. I that-s. I thateateat's that's that's that, I think that's, it's kind of logical, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Open trousers. Open trousers. Been listening since the beginning, I hope you never not make this podcast, Sophie. Okay. I'll go to Barnard Castle, only one exists.

Ha'a'lapha's story for you, Josh. But thanks for the to come in, guys. But that's that's the coming, I I I I I I I I I's the the thi. I's thi. Yeah, I's thi. Yeah, I's thi. Yeah, I's thi. Yeah, I's thi. Yeah, I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. th. th. thi. I'm thi. th. th. th. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thi, since. thi, since. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. Right, here we go, what we got here. I've got a Boomer story for you, Josh. Oh yeah, well that wouldn't have gone down well last night. Hi, Rob and Josh, big fan of the podcast. I wanted to share an incident that happened to me when I was younger. I was approximately seven or eight years old. This would have been in the 90s. My mom brought me to Marks and Sp a to to to to their th and Sp and Sp and Sp and Sp and to their th and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. tho th. that that that that that that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. I that tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. tho. Rob, that one that one tho. Rob, gone to the tilt to pay and I spotted the little card wallets that you would have placed a gift card in. As they were on display with no price, I assume they were free and helped myself to quite a handful. Oh yes, please. Fast forward to several weeks later, I received a letter from the store detective. Fast forward to several weeks later, I received a letter from the store detective. What? No! I've th th th th th th th th th th th th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu- I thu- I thu- I thu- I thu- I thu-I thu-I thu-I thus thus thus thus thu-a' thus tho-a' thus thus th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I thu. I that thu. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that throoooooooooooooooooo' to to to theeat theat throoooooooooooooooo' to my horror, I received a letter from the store detective. What? No.

Sam, I'd be caught on CCTV, stealing the gift card wallets, and then I had to attend the store for a meeting, otherwise I'd be banned from all Marks and Spencer's stores. I was devastated. To be fair, like seven I would have taken that. to me, I don't think I'm, yeah. the, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, no. to, no. to me. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm. No, I'm. No, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't even care to right. I don't really know how, if I was bound from all M&S stores now it would be annoying at stations, but apart from that, I think I could. No, no, I'd be upset now. Would you? It's so good for your basics and a little bit of a fool treat. Oh, mate, if you for a pair of socks, so you haven't got socks. Why are you buying socks at a station? Because I hadn't got to buy stocks at

the socks at the socks to come up here because. What? Because I didn't do any washings when Loureys their trainers and then their their their their their their their they they they they they they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't they haven't their their their their their they've they haven't tho tho their their their they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're not tho thocks. thocks. thocks. thocks. thocks. thocks. they're they're they're not thoats. they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're theyto buy new socks to come to Barnard Castle. Because I only had white socks, I couldn't go white socks with black trainers and black... No, exactly. To be fair, it would have got a five minutes, I should have done that. Anyway, so she was absolutely devastated this girl about this letter. However, what I didn't realize until many years later, taking, talking about approximately 15, was the letter was signed by Mrs. Diane Tective. Oh nice, nice. Otherwise known as Mrs. Detective. Yeah. And it was actually my mom who'd written me the letter to scare me into not stealing all those years. I never foot-setting Mark Suspensors again.

Oh my god, no. Imagine that. That's awful. Also, surely by the time you've hit about 13, they wouldn't recognize you anyway, because the last team you have seen you is when you were seven. Oh no, I get sad now. Add into the increased anxiety I'd built up over the past few weeks since the letter. That night, after I didn't go to the meeting, I cried myself to sleep in theirthe items of the living for free. Leaving this anonymous though, just in case they're searching for me, keep up the work. You're a formed gift card wallet thief. Oh my God.

If your kid has actually stolen something, right, on purpose and they've nicked it, I think that's a semi-acceptable thing to scare them, you know what I mean? I think you should maybe play it's tha play a prank on them to show them. Yeah, maybe just go, you shouldn't be doing this and tell them off. But you're certainly didn't do it to a seven-year-old that did it out of just being a bit, like just being seven. Just being seven.

Just being seven. Just being bloody, I've got a I saw you on the train I reckon you had five cups of tea? I had no I didn't I had three. Three you had one in the in the station before we left. Oh no no I had two on the train and one in the station come on. Okay and I had four bottles of water. It's a lot on a three hour journey. Yeah I like to be hydrated. I'm going to have some water now as well. You've influenced me. Here you go. Hello, you slags. As an avid listener from episode one, I couldn't resist writing in for you're injured by kids'

piece. Oh, I like it that it's a piece. It feels like I'm like a classical composer. Yeah. But it's actually me just reading out the time was lying at the bottom of the stairs having just walked in from work at bedtime. What? You know the classic situation you walk in and you lie at the bottom of the stairs? Oh no so I think what he's done is the kid the kids were upstairs so he walked in and laid on the floor of like at the bottom of the stairs of his arms out for a cuddle as if to go come down give me a cuddle on the floor kind th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th. Oh the the the to to the to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toddough toddough toddoughe.ooe.oe. I toddoughe. toda tooe. tooe. tooe. I toe. I the the the give me a cuddle on the floor kind of thing because I think normal What I'm getting now now the kids are a bit older if I I used to crouch like a sort of a squat for a toilet

Okay, and I'd stand on that but now they run into me with such force it's like an NFL player I go backwards Oh really so now I actually just sort of brace I position I just sit on my bumme? I just sit on my today? I'm the the the th th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. I'm the th. I'm the th. I'm the th. I'm just to the to the to to sit the the to sit to sit their to sit their their their the their. I'm just their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm the their. I'm the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just try. I'll try. I'll tttry. I try. I try. I try. I try. I to to. Right, yeah. Because otherwise we all go over and I'll twist my ankle, okay? So he's sort of laying on his back waiting for his kids. Anyway, so four-year-old me knew the drill, run down the stairs and bundle dad. That was the game. Toddler's sister, however, around the knees, basically a solid little unit landed squarely on Dad's chest. Oh my God that can kill him. Several broken ribs, some naughty words from dad and time off work as his job at the time was climbing the electricity pylons to think the lines and revict the Meg Sco film. That is incredible. Several broken ribs.

Oh my god imagine just seeing your child descend at you like that. I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, imagine just seeing your child descend at you like that. I fell down the stairs yesterday on Sunday for the first time in two decades. Talk me through it. A full like Frank Spencer tumble or a slip onto your bum. I, so forwards. You got, you was walking up the stairs? No, I was going down the stairs. You fell forwards. Last stair. So it was just it was just. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just just just just just just just just just just just just, it was just just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was just, I was just, it was just just, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I, I, I was just just just just, I was just, I was just, tha, thi, thiolea' thiole, thiole, I fell thiole, you were thiole, I fell thiole, I was just, I was just, got, you've got walking up the stairs? No, I was going down the stairs. You fell forwards. Last stair, so it was just the three stairs, but it didn't really matter because I was on the last step. And I put my foot on the final stair,

but I misjudged it somehow. I just got caught my heel on the star rather than my full foot. Right. Sliped off, smacked my foot on the floor. the floor. the floor. the floor. the floor. the floor. the floor. the the floor. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. th. th. to. tap. to. tape. toe. toe. tap. th. toe. toe. toe. toe. tape. tape. tape. t. tape. t. t. t. t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, the. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, tape. And, tape. And, tree. And, tree. And, tree. And, tops. And, tops. And, tooe. And, tooe. And, tooe. And, tooe. And, tooe. And, treee. And, treee. And, treeeacked my foot on the floor below, and I fell forwards, didn't have time to put my hands out, hit my chin on the floor, full splat. It was un... You know when you're like, I can't believe that just happened? It was like, I hit my chin on the fucking floor. It was, was you, are you alright? Yeah, I was, I, the biggest pain was my foot, because I'd waxed the front of my foot when it spung off the stairs. Which I'd tell you the worst time, the most embarrassing fall I've ever had, but like it was in private.

Yeah. I was in my old flat and it was like, all on the ground floor and we had like, laminate floor and all the way from the kitchen and then into a hallway and into like the front room area. Anyway, so I forgot I was, I think I was like, oh it was like, oh it was like, I was um, grilling some soarine, that is, that is absolute luxury. I think it's the crispiest and chewest thing we could ever have a once. I might have, I might have that soon. Yeah, so you can the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, um, um, um, um, um, um, I can th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I've th, I've th. I've th. I forgot, I've th. I forgot, um, um, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've, I've, I've, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. thrown, I've thrown, I've thrown, I've thrown, I've thin, I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I think it's the crispiest and chewest thing we could ever have at once. I might have that soon. Yeah, so you can get it nice and crispy, bit of butter and it melts on it. It's nice, a little treat, you know. Anyway, but if you're not careful with it, you're in Browntown, aren't you? It's burning quick. Yeah, of course, yeah. Because it's already dark. So it's hard to spot the burn. So it's the burn. So it's th. So it's th. So it's th. So it's the bu it's th. So it's the th. So it's th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's the the thi. It's thi. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. th yeah. Anyway, so I'm in the front room watching Premier League years or whatever. And I couldn't... I'm like, oh, he's burning. So I can smell it's burning. Right, so you're your time pressure. So, yeah. So I ran from there and then as I got to the kitchen I slipped. All right. I slipped. And as I slipped, I, I went, I, a full pelt went down and then, I went, I, I went, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I can, I the the the the, I can, I can, I can, I can, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the head on the grill door that was open. Oh my god.

It just like scraped down it like Harry Potter. Oh my gosh. Cut my head open like that open like that open like that like that. Like not like that. Like not not enough to go hospital but like do you like, do you think. their to throw there in silence? Oh my god. And did you, how, how, how, how, how, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. It's, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th th and you're going so bad but normally people are you alright I just want to lay there in silence. Oh my god and did you how quickly did you think I need to sort the soaring? Immediately I did that before I've cleared up the blood.

I'll get it out put on the side and then I'll go to tend to the blood but I had like slippy socks on and I just went down and it was so I was I was like I was like I a bit you know like two foot forward yeah I would have just smashed my head like on the whole of it through the oh it'd be awful oh god I didn't and I'm here to tell the sale Josh I'd love to I'd love to see the CCTV of that I know I think that some of the things I've done yeah yeah on Cic TV then I'm I'm I I I I I I they I they I they I they I they I they I they I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I the the the that's I that I that I that I that I that's I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I took I took I took I took I took I took I took I took I took I took I tha the I the I the I the I the I they quite a lot walking in the street. Right, do you want another one? Hi there, I was just into an old episode recently where you asked us to let you know what to do with all the terrible amazing pictures the kids bring home. Okay, you know like, because I've got a big collection of art in brackets, in inverted comments. Yeah. I have a friend who used to put the truly bad ones, those ones that are just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little scrib scrib scrib scrib scrib scrib scrib scrib scrib of the the scribes the scribes the scribes their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that just little scribbles of paper straight into the recycling bin however one day one of the children was helping daddy put out the recycling bin and the wind blew the top open loads of beloved pictures were blown all over the drop I'm a scribble one into the recycling but if it's half

decent and they've colored it in properly I'll keep that yeah that's what I'm doing it yeah yeah when the mummy was asked why so many beautiful pieces of artwork had been thrown away like a piece of rubbish, my friend had to think fast. Well, she said, the thing is, the people who collect the recycling don't have any children, so I like to give them some of yours to put on their walls. That is brilliant thinking. That is superb thinking off the cuff. I love that. What a genius my friend was. That went down so well. The kids started doing drawings especially for the recycling bin and the recycling there. Amazing. Oh wow, superb. That's great at it. My suggestion for the good drawings, the lovely ones who want to keep is to take a photo of them and turn them into a picture book. Great for Father's Day presents and gifts of grand at Christmas. That's a great idea. Yes.

Take a photo of it and then you can send it off to make it into a book. Really good. Good welcome. Do you know what? I'd say pound for pound. That's one of the best emails we've had. Yeah, great parenting. Yeah, but great parenting.

Funny parenting. Funny. the full package. The Holy Trinity. The Holy Trinity. Um, we've got a good one here, Josh. Hello, after listening to Tuesday's episode, I had to send you these pictures. I don't have a load of pesto in my fridge. This is when you had six pesto Josh. Oh yeah. This is Mel in Devon. Right, get ready for this, okay. Yeah. I don't have, we've got pictures, we'll put them on Instagram. I don't have a load of pesto in my fridge but I do have 10 pots of bisto. What? And get this, 14 bottles of fry light. What a fry light is like a little spray oil so rather than put like olive oil it's supposed to be like low like low calorie because

you're just spraying it rather than pour in it. This is coming out to be like low like low calorie because you're just spraying it rather I'm pouring it. This is coming out, but yeah, we used to use fry like. We've had fry like like for ages. That is incredible. Oh, she's bald it all. Ten bistos. But a lot of the time is stuff gets left in there from last time. Yeah, just gets shunted to the back. If I've got people coming around like oh I'm the stuff. If you. If you. If you. If you. If you. If to. If the stuff. If to to the stuff. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. to. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. th. I'll. I'll. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah just get shunted to the back. Just all get a load back. If I've got people coming around like oh I'm doing a roast I'll get some gravy but I never check if I've got the gravy. No of course. What really should happen right? is the best way to do it. This is my invention Rob. You shouldn't have a back on the fridge. So it should just go straight into the recycling. So whenever you put new stuff in, the stuff that's old just falls off the back into the recycling so you don't get the pesto situation. It's just a renewing fridge. So it falls off like those two-pane machines in the arcade.

Okay. So also, you know like in big supermarkets, sometimes they have a little aisle, an aisle behind the fridge where they put new stock at the back so that the old stock gets pushed to the front. Yeah. It's like an inverse one of those. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's like a lot of room in your kitchen? Yeah. Yeah, it's not ideal. No, it's not ideal. Okay. So it's like, do you know what I love? You know when you go away on holiday and you just go well that'll be a that'll be a good that'll be a good. that'll be a good. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the lot. It's the lot. It's the lot. It's a lot. It's like. It's like. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's a lot. the lot. the lot. the lot lot lot lot lot. the lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot. the lot lot lot lot. the lot lot. the lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot. It's like a lot a lot a lot a lot of a lot of a lot of a't know if I've raised this with Rose on the podcast before, but I'd say it might be my answer to the thing that are more noisy most about your partner. Okay. I've got two things. One is leaving a teaspoon on the side when it's been in a cup of tea. Also as well, you've got so many little knick-knit-a-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-so. You've th-you-you-so-you-so. You've th-so. You've th-so-so-so. You've thi-wea-so. thi-so-so. thi-so. thi-so. thi-so. thi-nit-nit-soa-soa-soa-you tho tho tho thi thi thi-nit thi-nit the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi-nit-nit-n't thi-n't thi-n't thi-n't thi-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit-nit thi-nit thi-nit thi-nit thi-nit thi-n way like you could definitely have a tea bag spoon yeah exactly exactly the second one is going to get something out the fridge and Rose going other hummus is off and you're like well if you know it's off why is it still in the fridge

oh yeah that's good yeah that cabbage at the bottom that's that's that's still there yeah because if I've looked at something is off, that's straight in the bit. It's not a hard procedure, is it? Just saying it? Just saying it? Do you know what it is? She's a wonderful woman? But just saying that her is,

it's bad to have weight. You need to manage your fridge properly and make sure that you're eating it and not over a to throw stuff away. Totally. If she's not the one thrown it away, then it's almost like a absorber. Rob. Rob. Rob, her mom, wonderful woman is a, is is the ultimate fridge hoarder. Like really? The things we find in Tupperware when she's gone home are fucking I took a photo of one the other day to send a rose luckily so I can use it on here. Yeah I was like what's taking up why is there no room in like this was when I doing the big clear out? Right. Look at that. That is such a big tub-ware for one sausage. It looks like human shit.

It does look like a shit in a tubway. It looks like something you've got to take to the doctors. I hope that's okay. I hope there's enough. Yeah. Okay, I hope there's enough. Oh my God, so yeah, for me I'm wrapping that in tin foil. Well, for me, I'm throwing it in the bin because I'm either throwing it in the bin now, I'm throwing it in the bin. Basically what happens is Rose's mum put stuff in the fridge so that we can throw it away in a week. That's what happens.

But if you have cooked sausages. to to to to to to to to to to to to tha away sausage. That would be, yeah, but that's fine. But the tubwere is too big. That was at the back of the fridge. It's always forgotten. It's like half an onion in a topware at the back of the fridge from four weeks ago. My mate found half an onion left in a cupboard at his place, yeah. Yeah. It had been there I think for months. We opened it and the smell, I've never smelled anything.

So bad. It was so bad that we had to leave the building. Oh my God. And then we went to the pub, and we came out of a still smell. And then the week later, when they got in inspection, they got charged for like a, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a the the smell out and all they we did was lift the lid on the onion. Oh my god. Do you want to know the worst smell I've ever smell? Is that a... Here we go. Is that an emailing? What's the worst smell you've ever smelled? I'm actually quite excited about the emails.

I am quite excited. Honestly, if I close my eyes, I can smell that onion. I think this is worse. Go ahead. So, because we grew up in Devon. I grew up in Devon, right? And we had, obviously we had normal house with indoor toilets, but there was still an outdoor toilet from back in the day that was in, like in a shed in the garden and occasionally during summer this would

get used because you'd be out playing in the garden you'd just go into the outdoor toil have a piss it had plastered walls that we had pens in so had loads of graffiti on the walls so I remember there was like Plymeth Argyl 1 million man United Nil that kind and it was and it that that that the the the th is the th is th is th is the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th th th th th th is th th at th. I th. th. th. th. th. th th is th is the. the. the. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th th. the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the, that kind of stuff are in the wars here. And it flushed and worked and worked. It was quite pleasant in the summer. Because it was like going, you know, like outdoor pub or something. Do you know what I mean? I think these people moan about outdoor toilets. Yeah, sure it's rough in the window but in the summer.

In the summer, having a barbecue, sinking the beers, you're pitting every 20 minutes, just pop over there and pissing that shed. Exactly. So, then for some reason, I think like, it was winter, it was the ice-cold middle of winter, and like, the bathroom was taken up. And so I thought, I'll just go to the outdoor toilet. And it was, I remember it was dark, it was the the the the the the evening, it was, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was, it was, it was, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was a the evening, it was a the evening, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it was freezing, it wastoilet. And it was, I remember it was dark, it must have been, it was the evening it was freezing and I went in and it was frozen, but it was also frozen. Someone at the end of the summer had done a piss and shit and not flushed it. So there was a floater in there that has now frozen frozen frozen frozen frozen frozen

frozen frozen frozen s in time. And so he's been there for six months in yellow ice. Yeah frozen pissing shit. Yeah and for some reason I thought yeah I'll just piss on this I'll still go. I was like eight or whatever. And then it's quite warm-pissed. It melted the ice. It melted the ice. It was all released and the smell was like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. Oh my God.

It was bad was it? It was awful. It was just the worst thing I've ever experienced. Me, Tim and Jack, we were travelling around Europe, we were going from Lake Bled in Slovenia back to Ljubljana before we went to Bratislava, okay? And when it was on this coach and we got really drunk the night before. I'm on this coach, and I remember going, I just said to Jack and Tim, we'll stop him, it was an hour before I'll stop, I just said, I've got to get off, I'm going to be sick.

So I ran off the bus tip, so I ran off the bus the bus stop and then like a shack. I went in a shack and I was sick, right? I was sick in this toilet, it was horrible, proper, like hungover, sick. I come out. And then my mate Tim went in and did a hungover shit, right? He's like literally one after the other, okay? And then my mate Tim Tim winning for a piss The smell was so bad he was violently sick Just from smelling what happened in that God

Oh God, we all just sat on a bench and waited for another bus Oh my god. Oh, so I can't believe I've got another story, but I don't know if I've told this on the podcast before, but it's a related story Michael if I've told it I'm the podcast before, but it's a related story. Michael, if I've told it, I'm sorry. My friends are coming back from a stag do. And they're on the motorway in a car, four of them. And the guy in the passenger's front seat was so hung over he thought I'm going to be sick. He's like, I can't be sick opens the window, sticks his head out to be sick, obviously the wind blows the sick back into the face of the guy behind him, he then starts being

sick as well. People are Barnard Castle and go, what is this first episode? Oh dear. I'm, before we did have another one. The people are Barnard Castle going, what is this first episode? This is what I make Jack as well. I was driving home from Canterbury. He was so hung over, like really hung over. Just like, and he fell asleep, the whole journey, right?

And I was, fair enough, he's asleep, he's hung over, right? So driving, driving back, I pulled up outside his mom and dad's house, right? Because he's still living at home, or at you do. And he woke up like that, and he was immediately sick on his own lap. He just stopped outside. He could have got out of the car because he was just immediately sick on his lap. And it just turned around to went, sorry, and then got out and walked to his house coming in sick. Oh God. Alcohol is just the fucking worst. It's fucking awful. Yeah, I'm not drinking that much now. I can't...

The states I used to get myself into. It's not good. It's not worth it, is it? I think you better off just working out what your problems are. Spend that money on a therapist and then once you work that out, you won't want to drink away the pain. Anyway, Veseect of the their their their their their thoseoseoseoseoseoseoseoseoseoseoseosesesesesesesesesesesesesexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxauosk. thoes. I I've thozymea. tooes. I've just. I've just to bea. I've to bea. I've to bea. I've to get. I've to get. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I I I. I I I's. I I I I I. I I I I Ia. I I I I Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. I's. th. thoen. the. the. thea. to th. to to to th. toea. toea. toea. toea. th. toeateateat. I'm just just just just. I'm th. I'm th. I'm want to drink away the pain. Anyway. A very a vasectomy, talking pain. Hi Robin Josh, I've just listened to your podcast about vasectomy questions and think this story will make you laugh. My hubby had his

done three years ago. I went with him to support like a good wife. He didn't want me to hold his hand though through the procedure so I waited outside. Quite a while later he emerged heared the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thea thea theared the. the. thea thea thea theat-uped the. the. to to to to to to the. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. I's is is is. I's is. I's is. t. I's t. I's t. I's t. I's t. I's t. I's tm. I's tmsee. I's tmsee. I'm te. I'm just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm juste. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just just. I'm tme. I'm tme and sweating, trying to limply run out of the surgery when I asked him how it went. Well, the nurse kindly cleans the area after the procedure, the minute she started cleaning his balls with a soapy warm... Sorry. Oh no, no, no, no, no. I can never give this to the gym. The nurse kindly cleans the area after the procedure. Kindly. Kindly. Kindly. The minute she started cleaning his balls with warm soapy water, he got a hard on. Oh no.

He was mortified the nurse and the doctor exchange glances. I've never laughed so much all the way now. Oh my God. Do you know what they respect that? You see you've heard to get hard on after and straight after the race. Do you know what? I respect the hustle on the guy. Imagine he's been under the knife and he's still getting a lob on? Oh my god.

Jesus. Oh wow. Hello guys. Love the show and have listened to every single episode, although I have fallen a tiny bit behind after having my first child in August. Congratulations. I've just listened to the return of Tom Parry and the story Rob told before the interview about the grandparents who took their child for his first haircut, thereby completely robbing the parents of the experience.

Made me realize that I have to tell you what happened to my niece's first first first my niece my niece my niece the first first first first first first first the first the first the first to my niece is my niece's first first the first first the first to the first to my niece's first the to my niece's first to my niece's first to my niece's first first first first first to my niece's first first first first first first first first first first first first first first to my niece's first first birthday's first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first first. My my my my my my to my niece's. My to my to my to my to my to my niece is. My to my to my niece is. My to myan babies onto solids around six months and you always start with, let's be honest, the boring bits, vegetables, fruit, etc. My brother and his wife had been looking forward to my niece's first birthday as I had decided that the first taste of sugar she would get would be her birthday cake. They had been talking about the moment for months. So the candle was lit, happy birthday was sung, and my niece's candles were blown out. My brother and his wife excitedly went to the kitchen to cut my niece her first ever slice of cake. However, they returned to find her face covered in chocolate. One of my sister-in-law's friends, who had literally only arrived at the party five of

thinks earlier, had seen my niece reaching for the buffet table, so she mindlessly retrieved her a marshmallow top hat and handed it over to her and let her devour it. One of my sister-in-law's friends who had literally only arrived at the party five minutes earlier had seen my niece reaching for the buffet table, so she mindlessly retrieved her a marshmallow covered in chocolate, which is probably the most sugary of them all, and handed it to her and let her devour it. all the while while the while th while th while th while th while the while th, th, th, th, the while th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to they, to to they, they, to th, to their, their, to to told, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the th, th, th, the thi, thi, their, thee, their, their, the the the the the the the.e.e, the the theoooooooooooooooo, too, theirour it. All the while this was completely missed by the parents. My brother and sister-in-law came back in excitedly only to find the moment had taken place about them.

In fact, the only person who saw it happen was this random friend who also left two minutes later. Keep up the good work, Kerry. But that's the thing, you should never rely on big moments to be big moments because they won't be. It's just... The big moments come when you least expect it. Exactly. If you're thinking this is it the first day they're playing snow and then they're just fucking

freezing or whatever. And they're just aware and cry. Exactly. Just get a photo of the thrown. extra snowman getting back inside. Exactly. But yeah, I think, I think, it's like New Year's Eve. There's too much pressure on the big ones. Yeah, exactly. Too much pressure on the big ones. God, I'm turning 40 this year.

Oh, excited, isn't it? No. Boy, do you know what? I'm not worried about it, actually. It's not big one's the big ones. Well you said New Year's Eve and there's too much pressure on the big ones. I thought you know what? You think it's a round number. Exactly on Friday I got caught in a conversation with two men in their 60s who were both showing me their oyster cards, their free oyster cards and telling me that when you hit 60, you start to really wonder whether you've used your life

for the right reasons. Right, okay, that seems quite heavy. I don't think you should hang around there. It was quite intense. No, I know. It's quite a weird evening actually. Well, I'd argue, Josh, you're in a much better place physically and mentally than you were at 25. So why worry about that? Yes. Hi guys. I'm messaging you to give that that that that that that a small business called Woofs and Weddings in Essex, which is a wedding chaperone service for your dog. Fucking hell. She will care for your dog throughout the wedding day, making dreams of having your best power by your side on a day a reality. She will even stay with a pet overnight in the comfort of their own home.

She's a full member of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers, only achieved through using kind, fair and effective training methods. She's fully insured for pet sitting, walking, taxi services and training. She also holds a human and pet first aid certificate. She came up with the idea during our own wedding last year. She wanted our dogs at the wedding, but we wanted our dogs at the wedding but had no one to look after them them their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, and their, their, and thea, and thea, and thea, and thea, and to, and to, and, and, and, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, during the day and to care for them overnight. I'd really appreciate a shout out. She's worked so hard and it's such a lovely little business. Find her on Instagram at Wolfs dot and dot weddings and the thofs and weddings. to co-do. Blo-dough.

That is, I reckon, definitely a market to that. I think that is something I thought I can't that something something something something something something something something something something something I can't that I can't that I can't that I can't that I can't that I can't that something something something something something something something I can't that I can't that I can't that I can't that I can't that I that I that I that's that I that's that's that's something something something something something. . I that I that I that I that I that I that something something I that I can't believe that that exists, followed by one of the things that will get the most take-up we've ever read out in terms of people. Yeah, I agree. Personally, straight in the fucking kennel. But, um, each to their own. But, I reckon there's a lot of dog lovers out to do you don't have to say oh thanks for being so sex and Rachel keep up the good work cheers cheers

Chears Greg Kata lives in Sybil Headingham Essex I've got one here we go hi Robb and Josh thanks for the amazing podcast it's got me through my first few years of parenting and I can't thank you enough I've a small business shout out request for you, Dad Sabbath. Dad Sabbath. Our all dad black Sabbath tribute band. Love it. Being young dad, me and my friends were looking for more reasons to hang out together once the lockdown was over and seeing as we all used to playing bands, we thought what better way than to get back together and rock out to some Sabbath.

We started it as an excuse to see one another and we have turned it into a business. So if anyone needs a Black Sabbath tribute band for whatever reason, we actually have a wedding book next year. You can find us on Instagram, Dad Sabbath band and Facebook at Facebook. tho'c'c'bo'c'bo'bid. Thank you for doing the podcast while being sex-related Mark Doe-ohrc-oh-tahe-oh, that's' Go on Mark, that's a good one, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, do you want to hear a fact about Dad Sabbath? About Black Sabbath, Rob. So you know your thing about, you don't know

if something's good or bad when it happens to you? Because you don't know how it'll play out. Yes. If you want to just give a 10- know if the news we were receiving is good or bad news. It's our own narrative food put on it if it's good or bad, but we don't know how things will play out. So for example, the whole world stopping. I couldn't do my tour, the theaters and me and you ended up starting this podcast, which has been brilliant and I love doing it. But on paper that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was bad that was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. That was bad. th. th. thoen thi. thi. thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to to thea. thea. toea. toea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. that's the way to look at the world and it's a lot easier I think that way. Tony Iomey, the guitarist in Black Sabbath, worked, they're from Birmingham, aren't they? He worked in like a steel works and they work, and he was like going there as a musician. And he, when he was at the factory or wherever it worked, and he lost two fingers on his hand in a machine,

and then when he started playing guitar again, he had a unique sound because of his hand, and that is what created the sound that made Black Sabbath one of the kind of innovators of heavy rock in the 70s and made him a superstar. There you go. Exactly. So you never know, so don't put too much pressure on what's happening. Because we don't know what's going to happen. Right. Well done Josh. I enjoyed that. Loads of sick and shit. Apologies if you're listening to that. Do email in with the title the worst thing I've ever smelt. Yes. Please do. Please do. And give us a bit of back too as well. Don't don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Do. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do us. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do it. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do it. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do do. And give us a bit of back to us as well, don't just like, right, a shit once. Right, I'll see you Friday, Josh. See on Friday. Bye. Bye.