Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S7 EP29: "Unlock your brain, man..."

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha th hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

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Can you say Rob, Rob Parenting Hell with. Amity, can you say, Rob Beckett? Rock, Patt. And Josh Widdickham. Uh. Josh. Josh. Widdickum. Oh, Josh the one.

That is a good one. That is a very strong one, isn't it? They're a bit shy sometimes we've said your name, the kids, but they absolutely smash that. Yeah, I haven't even got the info on this because the message wouldn't download at all, Rob. Oh, don't you worry, mate, I can do it, not a problem. Hi, Rob. I absolutely love Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett. Now this, so I actually love Rob Beckett's parenting. I'd love it if it was rebounded like that. Imagine if that's the kind of thing that normally rips apart a double act or two people that work together?

Do you remember when McCartney, who I have an incredible amount of time for as a human being? Yeah. Try to get some of the names reversed on the Beatles songs that he's primarily written to McCartney and Lennon over Lennon and McCarty. What after he died? Yeah, it was about 15 years ago. Come on, Paul. We all know you wrote yesterday. It doesn't matter what order is, is it?

I think some of them he wrote solely on his own, but they were still billed as Lennon and McCartney. Right, yeah, I can understand that be frustrating if you've written a song and you get that put on it, but yeah, that would be the ultimate, like, Vagno. Like, Josh, I've just been thinking, because the panel But yes, no, that was a joke. They didn't say that, they said. Hello, Rob Josh and Michael. This is my daughter, Amelie, who just turned two. We live in Tunbridge Wells.

Royal Tunbridge Wells, don't sell yourself short. Which I think he once claimed was one of the worst places to do a comedy gig. Yes, correct, it is. It's just teppappappappapp London everyone goes there to do new material so they've had Macintire down there, you know, Mickey Flanagan, all the Lee Evans, all the big dogs. Most of the people who live there go to London every day. Yeah and it's got royal in front of it so some of them think their shit don't stink. But some are lovely. You get on the train it's one of those ones where if you get the train to the gig from London Yeah, a lot of the commuters are coming to the gig Yeah, so it's I think that I agree I think they're all a bit rushed

Yeah and stressed very nice people it's like got a lovely ask or was it a pizza express? Pardon? Oh, I don't ask? I'll ask. I'll ask. I'll ask. Oh, I'm I. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a the the th. I'm a lot. I'm a lot. I'm a lot. I tons. I tons. I tha. I tha. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I agree. I agree. I agree. I think. I agree. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tell you what, Ronald Tumbridge Wells got a lovely ass on it. Some people would call Tonbridge the arse of Tunbridge Wells. Don't want to get into the beef because there's Thumbridge Wells and Tonbridge two very different places. So they live in Tunbridge Wells. Is it Ken? Is it Ken? Tucker? Yeah, Ken.

Yeah. That's where they, Rishy soon that's they. and he's gonna stop giving money to inner city poor areas and give it to Tunbridge Wells. Little rat. Anyway, so we live my husband Tucker, that's a great name. Amelie's four-year-old brother Arthur and our dog Alby. That's nice. Amelie just taught herself to climb out of her cot so he moved her to a bed. I fear we're never going to sleep again, as she now just gets out and screams at us all night long. I would describe myself as a mega fan and my husband after calls me out for referring to you both as my actual mates. Joe, thank you so much for lulls. I feel like,

thanks, I feel like that with the podcast. There's podcast I listen to where it just feels like you're so busy running from place to place. It feels to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the to the the the the the their. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the the thi. thi. thi. I'm the thi. I'm the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their thi. I. I thi. I's, thi. I'm thrown. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm tooooooooooooooooooo-m. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm t place. It feels like you're just in the car with some friends. So we love that. So I'm glad we can make you feel like that, Kaz. So thanks for listening. We appreciate all our listeners. I know we're always taking the piss and messing about it, but it's really nice to know that people really listen and when you come up to us and say how much you listen. So thank you very much. We appreciate it. We do like. Show gratitude. Show show show show show show show show show gratitude. Show show gratitude. Show show gratitude. Show the friends thing, my son, so when he's being reluctant to go into nursery, as a lot of children are, even though they always say, within seconds of us leaving, he likes it. But I don't know if that's true because I sometimes feel like... Don't say that, wrong for fuck's sake!

What no? Someone's just listening to this after the nursery drop cried into the car and I've said that. Well, I do, well I think that you know it's a bit like, sometimes when I, especially when I did a job I didn't like, right? So it's different. So when I did it, we used to work in an office or worked at Stainbury's or in the pub, I'd sometimes get to the door of work and be like, if I was honest here, I would cry and turn around and not want to go in. But you can't as an adult, you've got to get on with life. I think they're only expressing how we feel as adults the adults the adults the adults thado thado thado thado th th th th th 't know who's in the wrong. I saw the kids crying at the gate. This is the thing.

He goes, rather than saying I don't like nursery, yeah. He says, and it's brutal because he talks about, he's previously, he talks about all the kids there as my friends, right? That's how he refers to the kids at nursery. And now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now, th now, th now, th now, th. th. thinks, he's, thinks, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, thinks, he's, thinks, th. thinks, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thinks, th. thinks, he's, he's now he started saying, I don't like my friends. Oh, oh, there, that's a level up that is. He doesn't like his friends. And he says, I like... It's a new nurse, is it a new nurse?

No, no, he's been with them for a good long while. And all reports are he does like his friends. Well, they're not going to tell you, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, he doesn't, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, he. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, he.they? Yeah he absolutely hates all his friends. But he says that he likes, he says I like my sister's friends and you're like hmm you can't hang out with them mate you can't cramp her style like that. I feel like when he's 17 he'll feel the same as well. I think I like all my sister's 19 year on a reflection. So she he just want that I think that happens a lot with a younger sibling. Because he has to go through her playground to get to the nursery because it's the same building. Oh, they're in the, right, yeah, that's the problem.

So he wants to be with his sister and the bigger kids. Yeah, yeah. Because I do find when you've got the second one they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I thi. thi. thi. he. he. I he. I he just he. he. he. I he. I he. I he. I he. Because he. Because he. Because he. Because, he he. Because, he he. Because, he he. Because, he. Because, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. Because, he, he, he, th. Because, th. Because, th. Because, th. Because, th. Because, th. Because, th. Because, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he. th. th. he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he's he's he's he. he. Because, he's, he's he. Because, he's find when you've got the second one they're a little bit more grown up than your first one was. He's so much more. The things he'll do that my daughter wouldn't do because he's just got, he's being shown that. Second kid confidence. Yeah. Yes, am I a youngest and my two kids are in separate playgrounds at school so there's one for like the younger kids and then there's another other bit that's sort of slightly their....................... So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. th. their, th. th. So, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. th. thi. th. th. one for like the younger kids and then there's an other bit that's sort of slightly older, so not allowed in the exact same playground. Now they were last year, so she's a bit like, well I want to go over there and play over there. It's like that. Yeah.

Oh, it's difficult to explain it though to a two and a half year old. But they're in the same playground and I was like, they were, they were, they, they, they, they, they, when, they, when, when, when, they, when, like, like, when, like, like, like, when, when, like, like, when, like, like, like, when, like, like, they were, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they were, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're than my eldest and they're in the same playground and I was like oh do you play with her at school because she's like two years old she went no she said how about we are friends out of school but no to the other one thrown. I went oh okay so you don't play I went so to play I went yeah I agree I thought we'd be best as well I tho they was was was was was was was was was was was was like like I was like I was like I was like like I was like the the they they'd they'd they'd they'd the they'd they'd the they'd they'd they'd the th I'm th I'm the the th I was like I was like I was like I was like I was like I was I was like I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their they'd I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd th th th th th th th th th th thin I was like I'd the the the the the the the the to to to the to the to to to to to to the to the to to the the to the the to the We're sort of mate at houses, but when we're at school, you just play your friends are playing mine, it's too complicated otherwise. It's sort of like they've come to agreement. But I was like, oh, they'd been mean, but she was like, no, no, no, we both agreed actually. So I'm mutual. Do you know what my daughter did for at playtime yesterday? Well, she was driving in yesterday and she said, um, me and my best friend we just we counted really

high yesterday we counted but she said but she said it in a really matter of fact way she said we counted from one to 419 and we're going to carry on today so from 419 so from 419 as if they've, well we'll put a pin in that. We've got that, we'll take that up tomorrow playtime, but it's lessons again now. Because that's one of those games where up to about 250 you think, this is boring what's the point, but once you get over 250, like, how can we go? Yeah, I wonder. I haven't spoken to her about it in the last 24 hours. So I wonder whether they carried on. Well, they're going to get to 50 pretty quick. So 500, sorry, they're going to get to 500 pretty quick.

So I imagine then there's a discussion. Do we knock it on the Ed? Or do we go for the big grand? Well, it's like when a might get out very early doors the next morning because you've lost the mindset that was... Yeah. They'll get you, how was it, I got to 423, we just, we just, it went, Ed's went, Dad. We just had it the day before tunnel vision but today we just were, sometimes you're on form, sometimes you're not. It just went, completely went. I've got a couple of other little bits to tell you about. So my daughter had a play date, my youngest, and she drove home and Lou rung me and she went, I don't know what to do Rob, went what, she went, we're driving down from school and she, my daughter,

as stripped to her knickers. What? She just took her, like a school dress off. In the car? But with her mate. thixt her niggest. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She went, she th. She went, she th. She was, she th. She was, she their, she their, she their, she their, she was, she their, she their, she was, she'd their, she'd, she'd, she'd, she'd their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I their, I their, I their, I their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the car but with her mate who's come back for a play date and I was and then I was on the phone she went she stripped her nickers and I don't know why and then she was just dressed sort of looking a bit confused a bit confused a bit confused a bit confused like why she's doing that but it was a Friday afternoon and I think she's very loud and fun my youngest but then at school apparently she is super polite like a a mouse, very quiet, very like, yes miss, no miss, gets her in the work and stuff like that and said, oh yeah she's an angel, she's really well behaved, blah blah blah like that. So I think she lets loose. Right. So her mate that's never been back for a play date must be like, what the fuck

is going on here? Exactly. So I was on like loud speaker car went, oh, why have you done that? And then she started shouting, unblock your brain, man. I was like, what is she on? Unblock your brain, man. And I couldn't work out of saying, unblock your brain, or I'll block your brain. But I was quite like, I'm in my head is unblock your, as if like, take your clothes off. What you're doing, bloody you're just a number you're little but I think it's almost like a sort of metaphorical that's it school I can take that off and yeah yeah I remember when I was at secondary school

school used to take our ties off on the butt oh God and we'd be like fucking you know have that this is freedom the shoes off and you get in and off when you get in and you just feel feel you like your feet pulsating. Because those kickers were not comfortable. No, like I take that's what we spoke a lot about for shoes and footwear but like I feel like because I think lockdown done me. So we're all like walking running shoes the running trainers all the time. I can't wear proper shoes to work now. If I do a corporate gig and I've got to be smart, I hate it. I feel you feet hurt man. And women in stilettos, you must be off your rocker. That can't be good for you. I was listening to the secret millionaire, what is he called? Um. Oh, isn't that secret is he? No, it's a diary of a CEO. Yeah, it's not a secret. No, it's not a secret anyway, too. It's a secret. that's a secret. that's a secret. th. that's a secret, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I theeeea. I'm thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. it's not secret anyway, too fair, that's not the name of it. You can't slag someone off for a name of something they've not actually picked.

No, I wasn't slag him off for it. I was about to. I was like, it's not that secret, is it? It's like an Instagram. I'm simulate being in real life you know and how bad trainers and shoes are for your just balance and stuff but they look shit I do not like the guy I do not like the glove ones the glove ones are fucking creepy they are so weird mr. creepy claws not a fan of

that no I've heard oh my god that would be an instant deal breaker if I was going on a date with someone. Are they turned up in glove shoes? A dinner? A dinner. Climbed in feet first. They are so creepy. Horrible little things. Oh, they said, I should say about a meltdown that my youngest had, right? She was kicking off about brushing her teeth or something like that and not going to

bed and then she was being quite rude and you're being actually quite rude and naughty and then she screamed and I won't say teacher's name she went, Mrs. Blogs, no I'm not being rude and naughty. Mrs. Blogs says I'm an angel. She heard it says about her at school, what no? Amazing. And then Lou was like, but Mrs. Blogs doesn't have to bath you and brush your hair and your teeth does she every day. That's the thing. The reports, it is interesting, but then you go, I suppose I do that.

Do you know what I mean? What's that? What's that? I'm much more of a nightmare at home. Yeah, well yeah, you have to be on best behaviour at work, don't you? Like no one's fully themselves at work, really. I mean, you know, I dress like I'm... I dress like it, but I act, I do act professionally. Do you want to do some correspondence? Yes, I think that's ones as well because we've not done

it for a bit. Oh, this is good Josh. I don't know if you know about this. This is a hack someone sent in. Oh yeah. From Amanda and a lot of other people said it. Okay, you know you said about accidentally deleting or sending an email to the dreaded archive where you can't find it in the bin or whatever it is. Did you know that if you delete you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th you th you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete if you delete email by accident and you notice straight away you should shake your phone in your hand the email will appear back in your inbox. That's incredible. That's the best email I've ever had. I'm gonna try it. Delete. The transport for London telling me there's no trains again all weekend. Yeah. Right I've just I've just... Yeah that didn't that the train's train. the emn't that didn't that didn't that didn't that didn't that didn't thin thin thin thin thin thin's thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th- th-I th-I've th-I've th-I've thr-I'll th-I've th-I've th-I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. that's th. that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. that th. Okay. I can't get that to work. I mean I don't know if this is great podcasting a man silently shaking. So you go into the email. Go into your email. I've deleted it. Yeah, shake your phone. Under archive. It worked. It works. Let me try

again. Yeah, mine don't. How are you shaking it? No, I tell you when it works and when it doesn't. Are you waving it? I'm waving it. I to to to to to to to to to the w working. I to to to the w working. I'll w working. to to the to to the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. thea. tea. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell you. tell you are thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. in it? I'm waving. I tell you when it works and when it doesn't. Oh no, it worked. It does work. It just worked. Well, I've deleted two emails I need, so I'm in trouble for the afternoon. Well, it's got a tough afternoon for me, ringing people around. Did you email me? Hi, Rob and Josh. We've moved to Canada when I was four years old and used to go to lacrosse games as a family. My cousins came over to see us and during this period there was a game on. My dad went to buy the tickets and when he came back he told me that he'd accidentally bought one too many adult tickets so I wouldn't be able to get into the game unless I dressed up as an adult and pretended to be a man man man man man man man man man man man man. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the game. the game. their their there was. there was. there was. there was there was there was. there was there was there was. there was. there was. there was. there was. there was. there was. the game. the game. the game. the game. the game. the game. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the is. I was the is thee is. I was the is. I was the the their the their there was there was there was there was there were four? Yeah. Not wanting to miss the

game. I proceeded to grab any adult-looking clothes I could find, including a wide brimtaut out and big cloak. To top it off, he said that I didn't look quite old enough, so my cousins drew a fake beard on me with a permanent marker. Right, okay. So this is a four-year-old with a detective hat on massive coat and a sort of very thin black moustache of a sharpie. Once we got to the stadium, I remember being filled with nerves that I wasn't going to get in until the ticket offers I saw me and burst out laughing and commented on my nice costume. My dad then told me it was all a big lie and he had a child's ticket for me all along. All day people commented and laughed when they saw me as it made absolutely no sense why I was dressed like this at a lacrosse game. My family of course thought it was hilarious. It took four-year-old me a bit

longer to see the funny side. Thanks for the last Sam and Molly from Broadway Worcestershire. That's not okay is it? No it's not ideal is it? But you don't want an entire stadium laughing at you? No. Right I've got another one here. Let's have to do another one. Here we go. Hi Robin Josh, love the pod. It's cheered me up on some challenging days of two under two. I also came to the live show in Birmingham and loved it. Thank you very much Abbey Salmon. Sorry, I've actually just laughed at her name. My parents in hack is a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their one one one one one. their. their one. their one. their one one one one. their one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've t. I've. I've. I've. I've. Hack is to leave a spare's bag in the car. So pack the baby bag as usual but also pack an extra bag with nappies, wipes, change of clothes, socks, etc., and leave it in the car at all times. It's same a few times when I've left the baby bag by the door in a tide state or a water

bottle once leaked over the entire bag content and needed a change of clothes. You put it in there, hopefully you won't need it, but on that day it will be that. That's a good idea, isn't it? Just have one in the back. Like you have a spare tire. You have like, you know, a coat in case it gets cold and you break down, don't you? Exactly. What's in your boot, Josh? Because you're supposed to have of books that didn't sell. Oh God, she kicked you out.

Sorry. Sorry, slash great content for next week. Two bin bags of books, two bin bags of clothes and a pile of books that didn't sell at a jumble sale that I need to take to a charity shop. Yes, okay. I do like a charity shop drop, but everyone's, it's difficult. Some, some charity shops don't want stuff. It's quite hard to give them stuff. You're not allowed to leave it out the front because I don't like people to do that. But have you, have you got one that you go to all the and I'm just I might do it this afternoon. That's a lovely little job do that. Yeah, here's a parenting hack. Should we make, you know,

this is an unofficial parenting hacks special Rob. Is it? Okay. It is now. We've never done we've never done more than one and we've done three. Josh I don't think we've got any more so I can see two. I can't see two. I can't see I don't see I don't see I don't see two. I don't see two. I can't see two. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see th. I can't see thee thee thee thee. I can't see. I've th. I can't see. I've. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theanananan't see thean't see theananan't see theananan't see theanan't see theanananan't see theanananananan't see the my sheet. I'll knock them all out in a row. Oh, here we go. This is what we're in for. I'd say what, sit down, get ready to become a better parent. It's only taken us three years, but now it's time. Hit me, Josh. Morning Rob, Josh and sexy voice, Michael. Listening to your recent episode where a woman said about printing their child's shoes. Another tip we got told from a police officer is to take a photo of your child when they go out every morning so you know what they're wearing every day as that is the first thing you'll be asked if they go

missing or get lost and parents always forget due to the stress of it. Quite a bleak tip but a very... I don't think I was ready for that tip. I just I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't th th th think I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't th th thin thi too think I don't I don't I don't I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thin. I don't thin. I don't the. I don't the. I don't the. I don't know the. I don't know the. I don't know theek. I don't know the. I don't I don't I don't I don't think I was ready for that tip. I, you know what? Did you go into it too jovial? It was far too jovial. And I just think if I took a photo of my child every morning just in case they went missing, I just don't know if I'll be able to get through the rest of the day. I think you really started on a negative. Do you think the police officer would go to you? I'm

sorry it's obviously it's a really difficult time but I'm going to have to ask you. Do you know what your child was wearing and you go, well it's not all bad news? Because... Actually, little fact, every... on my phone I've got 8,334 photos and that's what they're wearing today. Yeah yeah it's a good tip it is a good tip I mean yeah it's it's a weird thing is it's the bat it's it's almost like you don't want to engage with that stuff but it's like it's good to engage with it yes yes yeah I don't I feel about that tip I think it's a good tip it's a th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm the. that's a to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I's the. I's the. I's theeeeee. I's theeeeeeeeeeee. I's the. I's know I feel about that tip. I think it's a good tip if it happens, but if it doesn't, it's a lot of, that's a lot of... Because basically what you're doing there is doing a promo early shot for a missing poster.

Ha ha ha! And I just don't want missing posters on my phone. Anyway, let's move on. I think it's a good tipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip, I's a good the thi, I's a good thi, I's a good thi, I's a good thi, I's a good thi, I's a good thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. th th toge. today, ttoday, today, today, th today, th thi. th thi. thi. thi. thi. think it's a good tip. I don't know if I'm going to do that. Hello, Rob and Josh. So we have learned the hallway last year. Turn off notification previews on your phone. As delivery notices, strike emails from certain to toyset to pop up, etc. pop up and children may see. Oh yes. Or if you are slagging someone off at work and they come over to your desks or ask you to to to to to to to to to their to to their their to their to their to their their their their to their to their to their their their to to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their. Turn off notification their. Turn off notification their. Turn their their their their their their their their their their their their. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. their. Turn. their. Turn. their. Turn. Turn. Turn. their. Turn. their. their. to to to to to to to to to tooomk. tooomk. toeufe. toeufe. tooomk. toeufe. toe. toe. toe going, oh God that fucking bitch has turned up again in terrible trousers. Having your having your main message come up and it's being read is, like, reading it is awful. So obviously I've got that off but occasionally you'll be like showing someone a video on your phone and then you'll be getting the pop-ups coming down. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what sometimes well like people say if my kids are

on the phone or if I'm showing the photos or something they'll be like oh do you like oh be careful scrolling through your photos or do you know the kids are scrolling through the photos and I'm sort of like well how so it's so sooo's your camera roll because I probably have to get a rude to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoe.e. Ie. I's thooooooooooooo. I's their their their their their their their their their their their their to, to get a rude photo, I'll probably have to scroll back nine years and five phones. To get anything saucy cropping up. So who are these sex people that's constantly got naked photos of their partners on their phones? Because I think that's what they're alluding to, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Because what tends to happen is my daughter will scroll through the photos on my phone and she'll go what's that and it will be a screen grabbed tweet by a comedian that I've sent to other comedians. Yeah but mine is we more there'll be something rude especially when what's that group used to go straight to the camera roll which is a deaf sentence that that's that's mental that is yeah well it's only going to end in trouble the the the the the tr tr th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. I th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's that's that's that's that's that's. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I's.......... I's............................................................................ that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. I. that's. I. I. that's. that's. I. that's that's mental that is yeah I start building your house on quicks and that yes it's only gonna end in trouble nothing's ever good come no you've never scrolled through your phone and gone oh good I'm glad that got saved from a what's that yes I'm glad that's there but you know what other tips you got Josh hello just listening to the episode where you're? their tho they tip they's the the the their their their th th th th thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoe thoes tho-I tho-I tho-I tho-I to tho-I their tho-I to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tips. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. thoe. tho your kids to like each other, especially once they grow up.

There is eight years between my sister and I, and we're really gross now as grown-ups, we talk daily. I think the key is that the common ground has to be how annoying your parents are. That is 70% of our bonding. So just make sure you're really irritating when they're older and they will always have something to talk about. Oh, so you can, they can bond through your, as a parent, annoying behavior. Yeah. It's going to be difficult for me because I'm such a great child out version that they

love. I can't imagine I do anything they would frustrate them, irritate them. It was a very good tip. Do you know, I'm such thia I I I I thia thia thia thage thia thage thi thage thi thi. I thi. I thi. thi. they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they're just they're just they'll just they're they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't. they can't they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're they're thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a very good tip and I like that. Do you know, I'm such a great dad, they may not get on, but you know, sue me. What can I say? Yeah, you'll just have a great relationship with them too individually. What I say though, but you'd want you sort of, is it negative though, to be bonded together through hate? Wow. Is it't know if that is that is that positive thing but I suppose if it brings you close to your siblings why not? Yeah oh I tell you I haven't I haven't told you something Rob talking about growing up. I don't know how you haven't because I've spent offered a honorary doctorate by Exeter University.

What for? My services to the performing arts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The services which you tell you stood still on a stage talking about tap and go cash. So I could have to wear a gown. All right. And do a speech at graduation. Oh, that's a high pressure gig. How do you play it?

When do you do it? You to have accepted it? It'll be next July. Yeah. Why did you say yes? Why? Because I've got a huge ego. Do you know what? Fair play. Self-awareness is key. Have you ever been asked to speak at the Oxford and Cambridge Union? Yeah, fuck that, rather die.

Ha ha ha ha! I think the problem is I think the worker class chipper my shoulder might engulf me. Oh God I'd be fuming I'd be fuming about it. What's your views on the council culture? Oh god. Oh god. It's been able to. Fn't off. No I haven't done that but yeah it is. But there may be I'm being you know prejudice before I've met these individuals at Cambridge. No no I'm not I though and so I'm gonna have to do a speech next year dressed in a mortarboard and gown which will be good oh I can't wait for this so what is people in the second year of

it be all the kids graduating. The current third years essentially that are graduating. Yeah, I suppose it would be the current third years, yeah. And where's it, exit a cathedral? No, exit a great hall. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a good room for it, that, you can rip that room. It is a good room, yeah. So, oh that's where they graduate. I thought they'd do it in the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral the cathedral that cate that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. that. th. that. thi thi. thi. Ex. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex th. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex. Ex it's th. Ex it's the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the the c. the c. the c. the c. the th. th. the. I thought they'd do it at the Cathedral. When I went to Canterbury Christ Church University College, I am... Did you do a Canterbury Cathedral? Yeah, it was nice, yeah. Anyway, I've got to do a speech about what life is about and growing up. What is it? What are you gonna, we're gonna talk about? Have you heard the song sunscreen by um... Yeah. You just gonna read that out? I'm just gonna read that out with a a the the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song the song song song song song song song song song song song song song sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun suns. the song sun. the song suns. the song sun sun sun suns. the song sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun sun. By the song sun. By the song sun. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the their s-s. their s-s. their song suns. the out? I'm just gonna read that out with a beat behind me. If you want to watch a really good one of these people doing their speeches. Yeah.

But I would warn you against it if you're about to do it in the Great Hall at Exeter. Right. Rick Mail gets an honorary doctor. Oh yes. It's exactly the same doctorate and room and he fucking smashes it and I watched that and I was like I wish I would watch that. Oh God you're never going to be better in that are you? No I'm well yeah there's um cry why don't you cry I can't just turn on the waterworks I think you

should cry yeah and then it'll be wow that was really powerful why because he cried what am I the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. thi thi the thi thi th. th. th. I's th. I's the the th. I's the th. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. thi thi thi thi. that the. that that toge. too. th. too. th. the. the. thi. I's thi. I's th. It's th. should cry. Yeah. And then it'll be wow that was really powerful why because he cried. What am I crying about? Doesn't matter. Well I tell what other good ones are. Denzer Washington does a good one and so does Matthew McConaughey. Oh really? They do great ones. Yeah of course they do. Yeah, of course they do. Yeah, yeah, of course they do. Yeah, so give that. What's sunscreen then? Is that a song. their. their. their. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. the sun. they they they their their their their they they they they th. th. their. th. th. they they they they they they their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. that, what's sunscreen then? Is that, I thought it's just a song or is that taken from a speech? It's taken from a speech, yeah, it's taken from one of these. Oh, who by? Just a woman that wasn't famous, I think, that did like a thing that went viral and then they say not a patriarchy. Yeah, exactly, bloody, right on, brother. Do we think we should credit this woman that wrote this and delivered it? Nah, I tell you what, send it here. I'll already

voice it and churn it out as to voice it and is what it's called, by columnist Mary Shim. So there we go. Right, Mary Shim. Big up Mary Shim. She wrote it in the Chicago Tribune in June 1997 and then Bazleroman recorded it with his own voice. I don't think it was Mary Shim. No. Because it says on Wikipedia. that her voice was considered too shrill and ugly. tooom. thiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiol. thi. thi. thi. thiol. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. Right, th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiii. thiiiiii. thi. thi. Right, thi. was considered too shrill and ugly. Really? No it doesn't know. Not publicly anyway that's what they did it. Yeah yeah

the horrible men. Right have you got any more tips or do you want to be? Yeah no more tips but it was a great special guys you know one of the... send your tips in and we'll do another special? We'll do another special. Do you want a work experience story? Yes, please. Hi, love hearing boomer stories and also enjoy hearing about questionable work experience activities. So here's mine. I was 15 and a bagged one of the most sought-after placements at Solspry Police Station. Oh, I'm not sure I fancy that one. I genuinely think it was one of the best weeks of my life. I spent two days shadowing a bobby on the beat.

One day at HQ. And one day was CSI, which involved lifting fingerprints of a 50,000 pound warehouse burglary. Fuck it now! Mostly epic stuff. Until the moment, I was invited to spend two hours in the coroner's office. Oh, my God. I met by an old school homicide cop who gave me a ringbinder. He left the room saying, I'll just leave this here, do what you want with it. It was a ringbinder of murder picks.

I obviously looked and can still picture some of what I saw. Oh my God. I thank the coroner for a great experience and only realized how absolutely bonkers the whole thing was a few years ago. As if that wasn't wild enough. The day I was shattering an officer on the beat I was for petty theft. Fucking out! He got in the car and said, all right, darling, and we exchanged pleasantries back to the station. Turns out... It's not okay, is it? No, it turns out my year was the last year they offered that placement for safeguarding reasons despite me never making any complaints. At the time I genuinely thought it was great. That is an incredible email. Right, so we are headed into kids wanting to sit in the front of the car. So my kids are old enough and big enough to sit in there.

But we just because there's two, we always stick them in the back. Big day though, we've undone the children's locks in the back of the car now. Oh, have you? Yeah. Yeah, big day. We'd get some somewhere and then they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. th. th. th. that that that that, tho, tho, tho. that that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. the. the. th, big day. Because we'd get someone, then they couldn't get out. Yeah. And then I thought, actually, this is actually quite dangerous because if there was ever a problem or a crash and they need to get out, they're locked in. And the only issue you do it is from when babies don't just grab it. They're old enough to know not to. Yeah. But yeah to turn them on so we just haven't had them. Well, that's what happened to me until our two-year-old opened the door on a motorway. Oh my God. I just felt it was loud and cold. Ha ha ha. And it took me a second, you know, like in a disaster film and they sort of look around and they can't see the like massive wave behind them or whatever it is. And then I've I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the massive wave behind him or whatever it is. And then I pulled in and that's when I learned how to do it. There's a little, in the side door, it's a little like switch to put down.

My son has got into climbing into the front seat and pretending he's us, which is very sweet. Yeah. What's he do? Just sat there, moan about his week and then. Struggles to get the Spotify to go through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through through th the sp the sp the spoom to go the spoom the spo get the Spotify to go through the speakers. You know it's terrifying, sometimes I go on Spotify and I'm in a different place. I was at, when was the TV studio? And there's like, connect Spotify with Bose system, because there was like some sort of

post-speaker, but they weren't one in my room when it's like 15 different options and Wi-Fi or speakers. Have I told you about um... I mean it's not why would I've told you this story it's so minor but um when I was playing Spotify. Josh the whole podcast is about minors. Yeah yes oh very nice yeah I had people around it wasn't a party but it was a gathering. Sure thanks to the invite. And uh. Yeah I went upstairs. I went. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I was th th. I that thi the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told to to told to told to told to told to to to to to to to the thanks to the invite. And this was about 10 years ago. And I went upstairs. I went upstairs. I left the, you know, there was about seven or eight people there. I'd put music on through the Bluetooth speaker.

I'd forgotten, went upstairs for a shit. And I, it's fine. It wasn't pornography, no. It was worse. I sat down on on on on on on on on on on on the the the the the the the, it was worse. I sat down on the toy, I was like, I'm just going to watch the snooker for a bit. I was like, potting a brown while you watch a brown bee potted. Oh, here we go, yeah. And I was like, why is the sound not working?

But of course. Everyone just see me disappear upstairs and then start the one stoke. I actually think that's more embarrassing, yeah. That's more embarrassing. Yeah. And so they were just listening to Snooker while you had a shit. Yeah and I was watching Snooker in Silence. Do you know what actually? Next gathering I'm all right.

I'll leave it. That's a nice bit of fun that could have been really awkward. Really bad. Sleepover fail? Yes, please. Hello, sexy and relatable trio. Not sure if you're still doing bad sleepover stories. Looks like we are, but I have one for you from my childhood. When I was about 12, I had a friend round to sleep over. Always going well until it... I'm so... Oh, always going well until the middle of the night.

That was bad, wasn't it? It was the word sleepover. If you had to do a yawn in acting for a film or they'd go, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's cut. Cut, like, that's too much. No one's ever been that tired. Come on, let's just settle down. Let you're nervous, just, more more more more more more natural, more natural, more more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, just, more natural, just, more natural, just, more natural, just, just, just, just, more natural, more natural, just, more natural, just, more natural, just, just, more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, more natural, it's just more natural, like someone would do it.

Yeah, it was... And you carried on the story like, no one would be like, oh yeah, that's just a bit... GURT. GURG. GON. On the subject of loud yawns. I do think my yawns are getting louder. Joe, it felt like you've been reborn.

I think it's a dad thing that... It's because we're not getting any fucking... No, no, no. No, no. But I don't know what I had to it? What's there? I think it's a dad thing that my yawns are getting louder and also my sneezes are more dramatic. Yeah, yeah. My dad sneezes were fucking insane. I tell you what I'm noticing, my pisses, my pisses never stop mate. I think I've stood up, went in the morning, I get up and have a piss. I reckon I'll get a

a bit of, I'll get another five minutes. Stood up, just pissing. I can nod off again. I'm there for hours and the noise. I remember my dad's pisses being like now I'm the dad pisser. It's so I just it's horrible I'm there for ages I'm like such a wasted time. Yeah well you're looking at your phone presumably. Yeah I do look at my phone rather than a piss and I think this is a problem. It's so bad. I always think I might drop this. Do what I do what I'm sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes when when when I'm the their their th. Well I'm th. th. th. th. their I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. the. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I than a piss and I think this is a problem. It's so bad. And I always think I might drop this. Do I do as well sometimes when I'm trying to get in the house, I'll put my phone in my mouth? Yeah. If I'm running out of the vans and I need the keys and I think all my teeth are going to fall out.

So terrified. I sometimes this is bad isn't it? Like I'll get up. I'll do it in the day. I'll go for a piss and I think I'll look at my phone. Yeah. And then I'll think after about 30 seconds, I haven't started pissing. I've just been stood here with my knob out looking at my phone. I've forgot to start pissing. I'm four years away. sitting down for every piss.

Are you? I just think, why am I stood up still? It's messier and as a chance for a little sit here. I... Yeah. But I think it's a bit toxic masculinity because it's a bit, you're seen a bit as a bit, isn't it, it's a bit, sort of weak, isn't it? Well, it is, yeah. If you you to tol set you're you're you're you're you're that, tha, thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi, th. It's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's, that's that know. I'm actually against it I'm like oh yeah I don't do that but I'm like why

don't I. Yeah it is true it is true. Can I ask you a personal question Rob? Yeah of course. How are you with pissing in front of other man in a urinal? Um I'm not I'm not bad actually it was weirdly worse before I did comedy and got in the tel and tel and tel and tel he tel he tel he tel he tel he tel he th th th th thel he thel he theling th theling thel he the the the the the. I the. I'm the. I'm thin. I thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not th. I'm thi. I don't that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't do that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm not thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th weirdly worse before I did comedy, got on the telling became famous because it was like, people will speak to me while I'm pissing. Basically, it's sort of like, shock, is it called shock therapy? Was it called where you have to do it so you sort of get through it? That's a therapy where you just face your fear, whatever it is. Because people have asked for photos whilst I've had my knob out pissing, or I've tried to shake my hand or said hello,

or should not even next to me, behind me over my shoulder to the face chatting. It's like all bets are off now, I can piss anywhere, I can sleep anywhere, piss anywhere, I'm like a dog. Yeah, okay. I've got no problems, no qualms now. I've tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu, I've thu. I've tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that, I've tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that, thu, or s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s' thu. I'm thu. I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm thathea, I'm that, I'm throo, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomom. I've to I've been a slave to stage fright throughout my life. And is that still a problem? I got through it, but then it's come back again recently. To the point where I'll just go to the cubicle because it's easier. Because what I don't want to have to do is,

I think David Bediel used to have a bit of material that really crystallized this, which is you'll be having a piss in the urinal, and then someone will walk in and it'll give you stage fright. And then you have to play out a kind of act out that implies your thought processes, well I came in for a piss, but now I fancy a shit. So I'm gonna... Do you know what? Things have moved on. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go for the cubicle. I've never given up. So you've given up and gone in the cubicle? No, I've never gone there. Do you know what I've done? I've given up and left. Unpissed. That's horrible. That's, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi. I'll that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I've th. I've, th. I've, th. I've, th. I've, th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'll. I'll, th. I'll, th. I'll, th. I'll that's, tha. I'll that's. I'll that's that's tha. I'll toooooooooooooo. I've toeea. I've toea. I've tha. I've tha. I've tha. I've gone there. Do you know what I've done? I've given up and left. Unpissed. Oh that's horrible. Yeah. That'll get that'll get you down after a while. Because you know what and this this is, this isn't part of the David Biddlea thing. Sometimes I'll stand there, I've got stage fright, I know it's not going to happen. And I think I've just got to stand it and we've both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both both to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend the the to pretend the to pretend the to pretend the to pretend the to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend their their their to pretend to pretend to pretend to pretend I've that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's got that's got that's got to to to to to to to to just got to stand it and we've both got to pretend I'm pissing. And then I'm going to leave under the guise that I've done the world's quietest piss.

Yeah, so everyone knows you haven't pissed, Josh. Yeah. No, there's never, there's quiet pisses. There's never been a silent one. No. Ever. Even if you get it right on the side of the pad. Both of us know. I'll even often give it a little shake. Oh, it's it. As if I've had a piss, not to try and get it out. This is, well, the only time I ever can't go is if I don't really need a piss, but I'm bored of the conversation in the pub. So I'll go, I'm going for a piss, but I think we need one, but I just want to get out of that conversation. Then I sort of stand there, and then I'm like, I'll force myself, I'll force myself down

a blind alley of no piss in it. And now it looks like I'll get the stage fright, but I haven't, I've just got no piss to give. Well, if you will women that you're sat on that little toilet in a cubicle but there's a tiny little window like you're on an airplane yeah and someone's looking at you how do you how do you feel about it also but then there's another lower one where they can if they want to they can bend their head and see your vagina. Because that's the problem you can just if you want to see a man's cock you can go in a toilet right now yeah if you're near a toilet you'll see a dick go in there now and you'll see one.

I think they should just all just be cubicles. Yeah all cubicles I don't want to piss in a trough. No I don't want to piss in a trough. No. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't care whatever, I don't care about the gender stuff. Personally, I don't want to piss in a trough next to anyone. No, or a urinal. Give me a door with a lock and I'll be an happy boy. That's all I want. Just from now on, new law, urinal's a band. Just have cubicles. No one likes a urinal.

I know we've got to finish up but can we start the next episode by discussing the fact that Adrian Charles has got a urinal in his own house. That is absolutely insane. We'll talk about that next week. Fuck me. Right, quick small business. Hi Robin Josh. My brother has just launched his business for scalp micro pigmentation. Scout micro pigmentation SMP is fundamentally a head tattoo without piercing the skin as deep as a traditional tattoo. He creates a visual effect of a hair follicle. This provides an instant solution to hair loss or thinning by simulating the appearance of a buzzcut. So if you got bald-ed you can make you look like you've got

a shade there like Jason Stapham. Who's that? The comedian Frankie Allen. Has he? Okay. I think so. You can find this guy's studio in battle East Sussex or at South Coast Scalps.coats on Instagram South Coast Scalps. Keep being sex-related, that's Rachel. We obviously don't know if that's good for your ed or not. That's your decision but they've set up a business so it seems seems legit to me but yeah at your own risk. Yeah, that's for all of these. Yes. I've been listening to your podcast since 2020 and still loving it with my 18 year old and my 3 and a half year old can you please give me a small business shout up for my wonderful sister-in-law Natalie Handyside Over lockdown. Like the name? Yeah I really, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I.W.G.G.B.B.D. to Club. It's a monthly subscription for girls, age 7 to 12, which is aimed at promoting confidence in themselves and their purpose in the world.

At Girl B. their purpose in the world. At Girl B has had a great feedback and that aims to have a boy and team version launched in the next few months. The current boxes will always have a Girlby magazine, an illustrated keepsake card of an icon, female role model, and a collectible pin badge. The boxes also include gifts which reflect the theme of that month such as stationary, jewelry, crafts, accessories, bags, pencils, and thanks. Thank you. G the g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gg. Gugs, gu. Gugs, gu. Gugs, gu accessories, bags, pencils, cases, etc. Thank you and kind of regards, Gugs. Gugs is a good. Gugs. Gugs? Gugs handyside. Well sister-in-law so maybe not Gug's handy so but maybe. That's W.W.W.G.B.E. that's W.E.C. thrown. We will be back on Friday. See you then, bye. Bye. Bye. Can I take a name, please? It's me, Michael McIntyre.

Hello. I'm back. Look at me now. With my brand new tour magnificent. This is the guy! Where am I going? Coming to a place near you. When he marks it gets set to go.

And many other places, nowhere near you. Come on darling, let's th th last time, my name is Akinkaka. Go to Michael McIntyre.co.co.uk for tickets.