Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S8 EP1: VIKING BOY!!

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

We're back! Happy new year and we hope you're ready for more misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

I'm going back to university for $0.00. I'm going back to university for university for $1.00. to be a student. to the tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha, tha, tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. tale. And, tale. And, tale. And, tale. And, tale. And, tale. And, ta. ta. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. ta. to. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. taback on rides. Not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber won for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may be three, eligibility and member terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hill with. Marnie can you see Rob Beckett.

Can you see Josh Whittakum? Josh Whittapikin. Good, nicely done. A lot of reverb on that, wasn't that? That was like, wasn't that? It was like, that's a lot, wasn't that? It's beautiful, that's beautiful, that, that's beautiful, that's all. I know we don't want to judge sound quality. We're all over the place. That was Latvia, where was she? This is Marnie Drew, who's 49 months old. Marnie Drew? Marnie Drew sounds like a children's book.

A kid that solves mysteries. Marnie Drew, she lives with her uncle because of sort of troubles when she was younger. They're unspecified. Spent sort of time in the woods. Yeah, yeah. Oh, mate. I heard a deer bark., it's horrific. Sounds like someone being murdered. Sure. How did you know it was a deer barking?

Well, because basically they bark, then they leave the trailer blocked. I've googled it, actually. Now there's all blue tape around it, because the police always do that after a quick, dear bark. This podcast is going to be played out to the court, okay, okay, okay, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the court, the the the the the the the the the the the the, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, thi, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. their. Okay. to. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi, okay. thi, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. thi. thi. th toea. th toooooooooo, tea, toea, too, toea, thea, thi, the horrific, blah, yeah, sound and then it was exactly the same sound for about 10 minutes and I thought no one's been killed for that long. No, no. They wouldn't do the same sound and they might say words like, stop! Yeah. I mean, it was a dear bud, sorry, Josh. It wasn't just someone having passionate sex in your words?

Oh, potentially, but I just, first, when I've ever had sex of anyone, they've Sorry, Josh. It wasn't just someone having passionate sex in your words. Ah, potentially, but I just, first, when I've ever had sex of anyone, they've never made the same noise non-stop for 10 minutes. More than the 10 minutes was the issue than the noise. Hey, a bit of fun. Come on. Bit of fun. Marnie and I have been listening since the early days. We're managing a baby solo with family thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to, thi. thi, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea. thea. tooo. toe. toe. toe. to to to to managing a baby solo with family 3,000 miles away. You were and still are, thank God, you

were and aren't really anymore, both reassuring hilarious and always real, reminding us that this is hard of being clueless is okay. We were living in Toronto at the time and these short- Ontario? Ontario? Yeah. Have you been to Canada? No, I feel like I have, but I have a... I want to go, but it's like one of them, where it's like, it's quite far. You didn't do Montreal Comedy Festival? No, not done that. No, it didn't me neither. I know some people that have moved to Canada. They're a certain type of person, aren't they? What do you mean? They shop at millets. Well, you've got to be really into the outside.

People I've known growing up who like outside have all moved to Canada. Yeah. I didn't realize until I sort of moved a bit further out and started having to like deal with mud and go on country walks. Like, how important waterproof shoes are. Yeah, can't wear a pair of sandbuzz, can you? Also, then all the shops, blacks, millits. That's. That's that's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. they's they' they' they' they' they' they've they've they've they've they've to be to be to be tho' to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho' tho' tho' thoo' thoo' thooooo' thooo' thoo' thoo' tho' tho' tho' thouss can you? Also then all the shops, blacks, millets. That's all of a minute, all the other ones. Just to be clear, you were just saying all the shops and then blacks and millets for an example of the shops. Because when you said, yeah, blacks is a shop, that's right. Just to be clear, yeah.

Before this is played in court for a different reason. I'm always going to get a new Gore-Tex pair of shoes from Asians, the shop. Talking to Canada, most people I know who moved to Canada a lot of Sri Lanka. Oh, yeah. Oh, that. She's family.

And then my daughter's friend at school. Her parents were born in Sri Lanka and a lot of her family, so they go to Canada quite a lot. So what's that all about? I think when there was the Civil War in Sri Lanka, the lot of refugees sort of moved, they went to the UK, Australia and Canada, or the three places that they sort of. Because they're in the Commonwealth. Yeah, so that's the sort of places where they would go to avoid the conflict for young families. When we did that, who do you think you are, whatever it is, DNA journey thing, me and... It's not the same show, is it, Robbie? It's the same thing. Me and Romney sat in a dark cinema watching a 20 minute video about how horrific all the stuff

that happened in that, in Sri Lanka was both like, they just left it out of the show because it was so blea......... It was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, they were, they were, their, their, their, their, th. It, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the same, thi, the same, the same, the same, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the same, the same, the same...... It, the same, the same... It, the same. It, the same. It, the same. It, the same. It, the same. It, the same. It's, the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, it's the same, it's the same. It's the same. It's the show because it was so bleak. Oh God, it'll be quite like sad and then they'll be funny. Just being just crying. Anyway, sorry Josh, let's go back to Marley Drew. It's weird when you do one of those shows, you know when you do a show? Yeah. There's obviously not able to say it's the other show but it's really like the other show. Yeah. The whole time when you're on the production, people are like, you can't use that word. There's a show, I'm not going to name the show, my friend was on, that is incredibly like Taskwaster. They were never allowed to use the word task. Oh really? They were like, no, these are challenges. They are not tasks that we're doing. It's a bit like DNA journey and I'm a tak. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. the the thea. the the thea. thea. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. T. T. T. T. T. T. their. It's. It's. It's. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. There's. There's. There's. There's. There. There. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. It's a. It's a. I did who do you think you are which is on BBC and you're on your own. So it's a bit like Coca-Cola or Pepsi.

Exactly. And the other one is never mentioned on set. Yes. I don't know what you're talking about. I've never heard a DNA journey. Let's move on. That's a classic thing isn't it, isn't it, where?? where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where?. the, where?. the, where?. the, where? the, where? the, where? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th.'s ever said that about Diet Coke. No, no. Exactly. Can I have a Pepsi Max?

And they go, oh, will Diet Coke be okay? Oh, I suppose so. Are you a Coke drinker? I haven't got the odd Coke zero. Lou, I don't know if I spoke to you about this before. It's an absolute fizzy drink. Because she won't allow it as a kid and now it's like she's an addict. I wouldn't buy it for the house but she buys it in the house. It's in the fridge.

You call you burpee. I love fizzy water. Love fizzy water. Right, what are we talking about? Mardi's trailers. Love, the comedy promoter, no, no, you know James Gill? The comedy promoter, comedian, TV water, right? Yes. A dentist said you're drinking too much fizzy water. It's fucking up your teeth. You know what? Dentists can fuck off. He actually had two

grounds worth of work. Oh, I tell he's been swindled about how much Fizzy Walt is he drink? Have you not kicked at his gig he? thin. He's, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, toy? I's together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together for two liters a night. I told him about this ten years ago when we started gigging. He goes to the shop and he buys a two liter bottle of fizzy water but like the cheap stuff from... Fucking treat yourself mate. You've got Romage playing a club every night. You must be earning. A two litreter of the cheapest fizzy water there is. And then about five bananas. A bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle bottle. A b b b boto the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too- to too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to t. He. He. the. the the the the the the the to. the the to to the the the the to the to the to to to And then about eight bananas, and he'll drink two liters of fizzy water before his gig, and then about five bananas. And he went, I just have to before every gig. I went, that has to stop. I told him that 10 years ago, it's why.

I mean, because it'll be one day. the thawn thinne will the toy you if you think you need it. And then his dent is stepped in. Now he's done too grand on dental work. What's it doing to the, what's just like corroding the fissy, oh, bad for teeth? We're living in Toronto at the time and the short... Marley Drew. Oh, I feel sorry for all of Marnie Drew's family that waited to hear this bit. We've done five minutes on tea. Fu-tedious bit of chat about a man they don't know, eating too many bananas. I do think though, Dennis, you know, like, it just feels like they love telling you you're doing it wrong. Oh, your teeth are dirt. Yeah, they need a good clean. Yeah, that's one booked. I'm thin for I I I I I I I I I I I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thi. I thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' they're thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't thin' the. thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thean't thin. thean't thean on the back of my teeth once about 20 years ago and now I get told off because there's shit around it. We're not shit, I'm not eating shit.

Sorry Josh, go and Martin, we were living in Toronto at the time and the short story is that the lockdown was too hard and we up to move to Dublin. In 2021 after 11 years in Canada. I'm Scottish my hubby is English. Marni's accent is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's accent is thi's accent is a thi's accent is a thi's accent is a thi's accent is a thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toa' toe. toe. toe. I's toe. I's toe. I's toe. I's toe. I's toe. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'm t. I'ma.a. t.a.a.a.a. toe. toe. toe.a. toe. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'm Scottish, my hubby is English. Marnie's accent is a mix of pepper pig and YouTube. Actually sounds like nobody we know. Stay sexy and Relatable and Happy New Year from Lynn. Oh I do think it's quite hardcore lockdown in Canada, wouldn't it? Trudeau loved it, didn't they? Did the lorry drivers stop driving or something? Uh, it was like, I don't know. Who's that in Canada? Who's the tho? Who th. Who th. Who th. Who th. Who th. Who's, th. Who's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th thi? thi? th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th thi? thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. th go. Marty Drew. Big up. What's the same called? And no, Marnie Drew's the kid. Oh fuck sake. Who's the mom? Oh my god, Rob, we got to the end of this. Now we're back in. Lynn. Lynn. Lynn. Lynn Drew. Lynn. Nick Drew. Nick. I recognize that now. God, what is wrong. I'm in the weird mood Josh. Yeah. Because I've not thr-I that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the th. th. th. the the th. th. th. thru-I thru, thru, the the the the to thru, thru, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the th. Oh. Oh, the thr- I the thr- the the tho. Oh. Oh, the the the the tho. Oh. Oh, the the that much over, I feel like all loose. I feel weird. You get stand-up withdrawal I think.

Yes, I do. I've got a weird Lou gets the up with me. Yeah. I just indoors too much. How much stand-up do you need to do to keep yourself ticking over? Well this helps doing this is sort of a purge. Gets it out of me. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's. thi. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's, I's, I's, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. t th. th. thee. the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the of me, then my dream job, this is my dream job, right Josh, okay? Oh thanks, mate. No, not this. My dream job would be. It's not far off it. I don't know what would have to happen for this to be ultimate dream.

Stand-up wise, but dream would be I'd do a gig Monday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 11 a.m. at the bottom of my road to 2,000 people that changed every day. Yeah. That's quite a hard ask. Just the planning permission for a 2,000 seat of venue. No, you could move. I maybe I could drive for 10 minutes. How far are you from the O2? About half an hour with no traffic. Yeah, what'd you take that? I don't think I want to do the O2 every day. No, no. It's quite big, isn't it? What's your dream theater? Do you know my favorite theater is Birmingham Hippodrome? Oh yeah, that is nice. Yeah, that is nice. So it's lovely because it's wide and spok.

What I hate is when taught like comics? That's it yeah but oh yeah I don't know. I love the Burnham Hippodrome anyway because it's it feels like one big mat and it's all low and all spread out and night they're below you and stuff like that which is good so that's why probably one of my favorite rooms London London. London Pall to the tour. that's London th London th London th London the London th London the London the London the London the London the London the London the London the London the London the London the the the the London the the the the the the the the th is the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the tho. London th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. London th. London th. London th. London th. London the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theto talk my tour I'm gonna announce a tour soon. You announce your tour? Yeah soon. Now? Not now, no. Because I've got any date shit. They've switting the dates out and when we've got the dates I've done the tour poster. Oh have you? But I'm gonna keep it surprised. beard and I've got a pink into Miami top on. At the moment not for the tour poster. No no not for the tour poster no that would be an insane decision. I've got their sponsor, all tonation on the

front of my tour poster. No that's what I wear now my mate bought it who's redheaded and redheads can't really wear pink. I can't wear pink. I can't wear the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. I t. I t. I t. t. t. t. tour tour tour tour tour po tour po' tour po tour poster tour poster tour po tour po tour poster. No. No. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No tour poster. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. No t. I t. I tour. I tour. I tour. I tour poster tour poster. I tour poster. I tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. tour poster. So tour poster what I wear now. My mate bought it who's red-headed and redheads can't really wear pink. I can't wear pink. I can't wear pink. So he's give it to me and he reckons it looks all right so. Yeah, I think it does. Hand me down. I've got, can I just say on stand-up and then we'll move on to parent. Yeah, because we've both got so much catch-up to do. People come up to me, Rob, and say they're not fussed about the guest episodes. Well, it depends on the guest, doesn't it? Do you know my view? My view, Rob? I'll show them to fuck off. They'll get what they're given. Oh, you've changed. you've changed. No, I don't. I think th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're they're they're they're they're their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. the. the. tho. thoooooooooooooooo. toe. toe. toe. their. their. they're their. they're they're they're the a guest episode, aren't you? I don't know. I'm employing my life

philosophy to this show. Keep doing it until no one turns up. That's how I've approached my stand-up. I like the guest episodes. People don't dislike the guest episodes, Rob. Yeah. But they love the ones with me and you just talk about the Birmingham Hi may be boring. I got a gas canister from home base, right? Yeah, yeah, for my barbecue and pizza oven. Let's get a guest on. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. Sharon Hogan. She hasn't got kids. She has? Has she? Get her on. Get her on. What we should do is, well, why I don't be, the people that we can't book, we should get someone like Matt Fould on to do an impersonation of them.

Sharon Hogan lives two streets away from me. Open the window and shout. So does she live near you? Yeah, I can see her house from my window. I wouldn't, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they tha. I th. I thu. I can't th. I can't th. I th. I th. I can't th. I th. I can't. I can't tho. I tho. th. thathea. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. that. the. I wouldn't, they're not in a weird way. I've got Gabrielle, Rio Ferdinand and Nigel Farage. Have you? They're all within half an hour. One of the delivery guys went, oh, hello, Rebecca?

Oh yeah. They went, don't worry. I won't tell anyone you live around here. You know, it's secret safe for me, Matt. Yeah, yeah, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, their, the, I'm, I's, I's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, the, I. the, I. the, I. the, I, I. the, I, I, I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're all. they're all, they're all, they're all, they're all, they're all, they're all, they. Yeah, because I also do Gabrielle Ferdinad. I was like, well, so you will tell people. Ha ha ha ha ha. Because you've just told me the Gabrielle Reh are on your patch. Incredible.

Anyway, got a gas canister from my own base, took it in because he wasn't working. They went, it's still half full. Well, it's not a story here Josh is this when the podcast ends anyway I went into screw fix let me tell about screw fix I went screw fix I need some tools to just do basics why have you told me about the gas canister I don't know because I went to go to get the tools from home base and sort the gas out but then they annoyed me about the gas the tools for the gas so the gas the tool tool tool tool the tool the tool tool the the tool tool the the the the tool the tool the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tools are the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tool is tool is the tool is tool is tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools are tools tools tools tools are tools are tools are tools are the the the the the the the the the the tools for the gas canister. So the gas weren't working and I went can buy a new one she went this is still half full if you buy a new one you're gonna lose half the gas I went yeah but it's not working and she went okay well if you tried it on another connector and I've tried on two connectors I got a barbecue and I'm try it's not working take this and then I take a bigger one? And she went, oh no not really, I went, well it's not working, she went, well I suggest

you maybe go and try on a neighbor's one. I went well I've tried it on the streets try it on people's barbecues. Hi I loved your single dreams or coal? I need to check my nozzle out. No, not actually coal. Farage, don't worry about it. No, I'm good. Anyway, so this blew my mind. I said, well, it's not working and there's still some stuff in it. Can you just swap it or whatever?

Because it's a faulty product. Well, it's not really our problem because because because these gas canisters from a third party then sell them to you. I went, yeah I know that's a shop. That's everything in here. You're not dulux, oh yeah. Everything in here you've bought from someone else and now you're selling to me. That's how a fucking shop works. Anyway then they spoke to the manager and they swapped it over. So don't they went screw-to the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' th. throw tho. tho. tho' tho' that's that's that's that, that, that, th. That's th. That's that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's th. th. th. th. th. I I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, the that. I the the that the the throooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. that. that. that that I needed some tools just to do little jobs in the house, tighten stuff up, whatever. What is screw fix? Screw fix is like Argos for geysers.

Right, because I just realized, obviously you mainly hear about screw fix in every advert break on talk sport, but I don't think I've ever been in. It is literally Argos, but for blokes and geysers and lads and trades people, which are sometimes women, but mostly men with big knee pad things on and scruffy to walk, he was. But judging by where they advertise, they've targeted their market. Yeah, I mean, look, Screefix would have diversified as much as they possibly can, but I think the majority of their people that come to listen to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk to to talk to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their theirsewaltz. to to to to to to to to to me me me to me to me to me to me to me to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their..... their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to talk small, right? Yeah. So not just men. Angry men.

You're more likely to bump into Farage than Gabrielle. Yeah, yeah. Actually, to be fair, in Screw Fiction, Gabrielle comes in it. Oh my life. He was you all get a- Because he went, do you want to sign up with an account? I don't want a trade account as screw the screw. And, the screw.. And, the screw, to screw, to screw, screw, to screw, to, to, to, the screw, to, to, the to, the the the want to start out with an account? I went, I don't want a trade account, screw things. And he went, yeah, Gabriel does that too, keeps it anonymous. I was like, well, she's not doing a very good show between you and the clever guy.

Anyway. If you see Gabriel, what I'd love Gabriel. I love Gabriel. Yeah, but I don't want to start talking shop when I'm trying to to check checking to check checking to check checking to check checking to check checking to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check to check the to check the to check the the the the the the the the the to start talking shop when I'm trying to check my gas canister on her. Do you think if you saw Gabrielle, it's that thing where do you acknowledge the person? If you're off the tele or famous, you sort of do a weird nod with other people that off the tell famous? It's a weird thing. It's like beetle drivers, isn't it? So and I thought right we're in here this is out meant the swash sealed but yesterday I was saying the coffee shop I won't name the person we've named everyone why not yeah why not right back for lashes the you can a name of no fucking

I did well exactly so she's a well regarded musician from from me being your street. Who the fun? Back for Lashes? There she is. Sing a songwriter. Yeah, yeah, Don. So, Batfalashes was walked in.

No, she sat on my table. Oh, and we had a conversation. Natasha can't. Why she sat on your table? Because there wasn't any tables. Can I sit here? Yeah. Oh, it's like Stella Street. It's like Stella Street. Such an underwhelming Steller Street, me Batfellashes and Tommy Walsh. He's got a kid. Get her on. Anyway, but there was none of that. I thought I know you're about for lashes, but you've got you exist in a world where you've not seen eight

half of ten cats. No, I think she probably in a world where she thinks he probably won't recognise me. Anyway, what I'm saying is Rob. And Gabrielle in ScrewFix, would you say hello, Gabrielle? Would you reference that you're Rob Beckett and she's Gabriel? The thing with Gabrielle is, you can definitely know it's Gabrielle. Yeah. Because of the eye patch, it's quite... Doesn't she just have the hair over her eye now? Well, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I th th th th th th th th th thi. th th thi thinks she thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thinks. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. Doesn't she just have the hair over her eye now? Well I don't know what she does when she's doing DIY. She probably ties it up at a top knot like they do robocons. Big Dungarees top knot listening to some sort of funky listen to talk sport. You walk in Gabriel's like out, what's going on at Arsenal?

Mikhail Arsetta, came out! Anyway, so I'm in there, Gabrielle's there. Yeah, yeah. Simon Juldon. What? Jim White, we're all in the queue. Adam Brazil's having a drink, he's clocked off earlier. Anyway, so a lovely inscruthy because he said Gabriel comes in and she buys it anonymously as well. I just went, look, I've moved out and the truth is I've never had a toolkit ever.

Yeah, nothing. I've got like one screwdriver and I said I need. I need stuff, not necessarily for me to do stuff, but if- for Lou's dad's round or my dad's round and they go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've, I've, I've, th, th, th, I've, th, th, th, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's the the the th, I's th's th's th's th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th's tho. th's tho. th. tho. tho. tho. th. the the the fix that. At least I can go, oh it might be an ear what you need. Like having a first aid box. Exactly. I went, look mate, I just need, he was really nice keys. I was called Rob, Big Up Rob, Elm's End Screw Fix. I went, I just need a tall set.

And he showed me this set was like 35 quid. spanners and then he started to tell me WD40 because I got a creaky door. Yeah it's good to try some WD40 always useful. But the little ones were like 10 quid I got a big fat trade one is only six quid but people don't want to buy stuff that's bigger. No exactly Rob. I've got a trade WD did you ask what Gabrielle's got? This WD 40 without live they'll use it on my coffin it is massive should I go get it does it go off I think it's crazy areas I've got me to tool bag as well my right tell you what's out of breath running then yeah

I didn't it's a bad side over Christmas where do you keep your tool kit at was out of breath running then. Yeah. It's a bad sign over Christmas. Where do you keep your talk here? At the moment on the kitchen table. Look at your little fucking spirit level sticking out. Spirit level, mate. Spirit's a high at the moment. You can use your phone for spirit level. Yeah, just like all the different like basic stuff you need. Wow look at that boy. There's the little red straw. Bigger than my head,

WD40 trade size. I mean the trainer, 600 milliliters. You're going to lose that red straw. You're going to be back in screw fix saying I just want a red straw and she'll be going, we don't just sell the red straws. Well according to this, it went out of date last August. No. I don't if that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that that was that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. to to to their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. tri. try. toda. try. today. today. today. the. the. thi. thi. thi. I th. if that was when it was made. That must be when it was made. It can't go off. There's proper blokes listening to it. Gabriel's probably laughing or Eddough listening to us. That's WD4. That's WD4. That's W, I got my W, I don't need anything proper. I got it. It can't go off, it's a try, I thi's must must must must must must must must must, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's probably, that, th, that's probably, th, th, th, th. It's probably, th. It's probably, th. It's probably, th, th, th, th. It's probably probably probably probably probably, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, was probably probably probably probably probably probably probably, was probably probably probably, was probably, was probably, was probably, was probably, was probably, was probably, thin, was probably, that, that, was probably, that, that, was probably, that, that, was that that that that's probably, was probably, was that that that. that. that. thooooo like because they've sets it up like two grand for like proper trace. I don't need if I just need something that can help we do this and all that and all that's a

way because I'm crap at DIY and then another bloke in there went your crap at TV presented as well. Oh no no. Oh no that's I went I'm not really bothered I'll tell you I'm not really really really really really really really really really the the to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to to the to to the to the to the to to to the to to to to to to to to the to to to to to that I'll to to that I'll that I'll that I'll that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I'll to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I that that that that that that that that that that And then from the back of her dreams can come through I'm on a na-da-no. I bet you wouldn't say a crap at singing to Gabrielle. But I feel quite intimidating those. I find like even I'm quite laddy but in those situations I'm on high alert because it's like alien territory. There'll be loads of sort of tough geysery bloke with big strong fingers. Yeah, big old fingers. They're just going to say. Yeah.they're like that level of banner, just like, you're all shit, and it's sort of like, oh okay. That was a punter, not a work, I mean, screw fixer. On the subject to big old fingers, Rob. Yeah. Can we talk about the mass singer? Yeah. Can we talk about the mass singer? Yes. So I got her message from Joel. Rob. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, thi. tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, tho' tho' tho' tho' to the toeeeeeat' tho' tho' tho'lou' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' talk about the master singer. My daughter's got into the master singer.

Who's her favourite? So I got her message from Joel Rob. Joel Dommet? She fucking went mental for it. Oh because it's a post of the master singer so she loved it. And she loves Survivor. Does she? No, not... No, not... She's quite young for that, is it, I didn't think that was a kids program? No, she likes like those kind of reality, she likes strictly, she likes a competition. My kids love the Mamma Mia program, Valancar. She watched that? No, but she would love that. So, listen to this. Joel Dommett here, host of the Master and Survivor. I hear you're a fan, and I just wanted to send a message to say th say th say th of them. It's incredible. I really appreciate it. I'm also a big fan of

your dad. Huge fan. He is. Honestly, from my perspective, one of the coolest people in the world. He's the coolest guy. And so sometimes, you know, if you're a daughter you don't know that about your dad. And I just wanted to let you to let you know to let you to you it it it it it it it it it it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it you appreciate it the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I to to to to to to to to to you. I you. I to you. I to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the planet. He's the coolest guy. And so sometimes, you know, if you're a daughter, you don't know that about your dad. And I just wanted to let you know that I think your dad, Mr. Josh Wiggum, is one of the coolest met their life. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. I hope to meet you soon. Bye-bye. He's such an accomplished liar. No wonder he couldn't present TV so well. About a minute later, we received a second video. My wife said that I should add, your mom is also the call as well.

You get your jost. Well done Hannah. Good save for Joel there. So the reason I was alerted to the masked singer so quickly this series is my friend texted me and said that he is certain the bigfoot, the character bigfoot, if you don't wear with the masked singer, it's people dressed up in funny outfits they sing and you have to guess who they are and they're famous people. Obviously masked and what I'd say is it's normally almost impossible to guess so everyone loads people have said it's been me before and stuff it's so

hard it's impossible. However I'd say this series there's a little gap of light through what was once an impenetable wall of mystery. Yeah we're talking bigfoot. We're talking big foot if you're at home and you're watching big. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I'm the their. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I's. I. I. I's. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoooooooo. It's th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I're talking Bigfoot here. We're talking Bigfoot. If you're at home and you're watching Bigfoot, it's Alex Brooker from my compadry from the last leg. Yeah, and Bigfoot is the one that's got a cast on his leg and the person in the costume singing sort of bounces on one leg to the other as if he has got his own prosthetic leg and then he talks through a song with the exact voice of Alex Bricker. But he won't admit it to me. So I have texted him as well. Complete denial. Complete denial.

Where he refuses to accept that it is him. It has to be him. If it's not him, I will go on the master singer with my dick out. I still wouldn't be able to guess it's you. But he's refusing to accept it. Yeah. And I need it said on record now. You've spotted him. I've spotted it. Not just me spotted him. Everyone spotted it. Well the thing is there's not many celebrities with his

kind of accent you know what I mean? No that sort of estuary not many people make it on to tell to tell you from like Chatham or where's he from rain around that way in it? Ashford. Yeah around that sort of mid Kent area with that estuary accent and because I love Alex I wouldn't call him a natural singer well according to the way the votes went th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to the to to the to the to the to to the to the to the the the the the the th. I th. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm to the the the. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I to to to to to to to th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm.e.e.e.e.e. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. natural singer. Well, according to the way the votes went, he's a better singer than Dion Warwick, who was eliminated in week one. Ha ha ha. Who are we to judge? Who are we to judge?

Who are we to judge? If it is him? If it is him, we think it is. So we'll find out. I message him. So now much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much to to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. I to be. I to be. I to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I'll to be. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. together. together. together. together. together. together. too. too. I. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'm. I out. I message him so now actually get paid to go on the masked singer and do not get your full fee until it's revealed in case you tell people because he is not tell, and he's a right old, he'd tell you anything Alex. He would tell you anything. He's keeping stum. I'm very impressed. Because if it wasn't him, I'd think he'd go in overdrive and go, that bloke has got my exact voice. Yeah. that b that b that b that b that b that b that b that bloke has got my exact voice. Yeah who the fuck can it be? Look the way he moves as well it's so Alex Brooke. Yeah there's also a clue when he's does his video and he says he's in a forest and he says I'm friends with the hills.

Oh yeah and I thought well that's not true yeah having fun. Sorry. We all enjoyed it. He's actually got a crunch. Yeah anyway Anyway. How's your week been, Rob? It's five minutes in. Right, I'll tell you a few things I've been up to, okay? Yeah. Before Christmas, I never told you about this. Before Christmas, yeah, I did a corporate gig for some sort of estate agents firm. Yeah. Guess who was in the front row sat down that table? Phil and Kirstie? No, someone who has no, no connection to estate agents whatsoever but as a connection to this podcast, very loose.

I'll give you a clue, massive microphone. Roger Black. Roger Black, he's an ambassador for this company. Well, last gig before Christmas. Who Lou fancies? Lou fancies. He come over, Roger Black, and said, hey, Rob, it's Roger Black. Do you know what? It's so attractive. So handsome. He came in.

He's about six at three. For some reason, I thought it was my eye. I thought it was a little fellow, I thought it was a little skinny fella, it's tall, wiry, looks like the kind of person to do really well on total wipeout or Ninja Warrior. One of those sort of wiryy, lightweight but strong guys. He's won a silver medal at the Olympics. Yeah, very sporty. Very sporty. I th, lovely guy, really,

hi, how's it going, oh, we'll send my love to Lu and Rosemannes, you're a little Dervard. And then he went, yeah, we just here, we work with the, we were ambassadors for this company corner, and went, we, he stands to the side, Steve Backley. to the side. Steve Bacley is there. What would you say, Steve Batley, good on Ninja Warrior? Do you know what? I think he'll do well, but I just think he's so big and strong. Yeah, sometimes that can hold your back when you need to do the agile with.

Big old hand. That, that chaffling. He'd be fine in screwfix. Yeah, so it was really, really weird, see Roger Block. Did you reference his exercise equipment to him? No, there were moments where the only people laughing in the room were Steve Backley and Roger Black. I'd say that happened a lot. Gentleman, a great guy. Great guy. Absolutely. I wanted to ask about Elf on the shelf. No, because you warned me against it. Yeah, then I felt like I was being a bit of a grinch, but I think most parents give up

halfway through. But yeah, you're supposed to do a little. Did you do it? No, no, I didn't do it. the time? Yeah, so basically every morning the elf is in a different position, doing something naughty. I'm bloody out, right? Barking in the field like a deer.

But you have to sort of say, but you're not allowed to touch the elf. If you touch the elf it ruins the magic kind of thing, so you, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the the the the the the the thi, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, their, so, their, so, so, so, so, so, so, they, they, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their of say, but you're not allowed to touch the elf. If you touch the elf it ruins the magic kind of thing. So you have to wait to there a bed to sort of move it every night and stuff like that. Wow, well, warning. Trigger warning. I've got to ask about that, but that feels like we're in January now. I watched that one on Netflix. I just I didn't know and fixed about the war. Yeah I don't I won't tell you the result of you got to the end. No, but so I knew that Germany invaded Poland. England were fighting them. Britain. And then, Britain, yeah. And then America joined in. I didn't know Japan was involved. They ain't. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was mental. It was mental. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. It was mental. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. It was. I. that. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. the. I won. I won. I won. I won. I, yeah, Japan gone to Pearl Harbor off. Yeah, um, and uh, it was mental, wouldn't it? It like, I really got, do you know what? Jesus, he got out of hand, didn't it?

Oh, mate, it was, I was watching, like, this can't have happened, can it? So what, which one are you watching? Oh, the one on Netflix, but I spoke to my mate who loves war, he always, and he was like, it's such a basic bitch entry. Oh, is it? It's sort of like, if you've never known anything about war, it's your basic six episodes, does all your major points. The world of war is the one that people talk about a lot. Right. But it's like 27 episodes. Oh no, I don't think about Copenhagen did we or going to Tivoli. When did you go to Copenhagen? Fucking weeks ago I just can't even sort

of remember what happened to be honest. It's before Christmas. It's before Christmas. Ladi how was it? It's good though really good. Did the kids like it? Kids absolutely loved it. I would I would record we didn't to the Tivoli Congress Hotel which sort of like 20 minutes to to to to to there, you sort of get a ticket into the park, which you get like ride, you get to unlimited ride. Is this Lago Land? No, it's the Tivoli, which is like a little theme park. Right. But what I'd say is the most magical and Christmasy place I've ever been. So if you could just fly in there. It's only about an hour from London, fly in there, go straight to this Tivoli conference hotel thing. I'm not being paid to say any of this by the way. It's not like an advert I just went and then just do two days at Tivoli and it's proper Christmasy and magical and there's enough stuff in Tivoli like gasoline, like you're just going to Thought Park and visit London. And then if you want to do an extra day you could

sort of do a day around Copenhagen but my kids don't really care. I mean everyone's going rides and eat of like hot chocolates and stuff but it was amazing but everyone thought I was Danish. Was it was Christmasy? So the most Christmasy place I've ever been I think and they all thought I was Danish when we checked in. Because the way you look. Because the way I look and I had quite a longer beard at this point as well. She's checking me in and she started looking at me weird and and then the woman behind checking went to Lou is he is he is he is he going to say oh is he like off the tele he said yeah is he dais' he was the he he was they. He went yeah. I thou. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was he was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi was thi was thi was the the th. the the th. He was like. He was like. He was like. the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He was th. He was th. He was's pretending to be English. I was like, she was like, what? She went, I thought he was just pretending to be a Londoner. She was like, no he is.

She was, oh, a lot of people thought that in your first TV appearances. Then, yeah, and then when I was in this restaurant, everyone come up to me speaking in Danish. And I was like, oh, English. And this boke, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's b. he's he was he was like, he was like, he was like, he was he he was like, he was like, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he was, he was, he, he, he was, he, he was, he, he, he, he he he was, he was he was he was th. He was th. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was I don't know I don't know they went English and then this boat took a chair as he wanted a chair and this bloke next to me big old he went Viking boy it's quite fun yeah I can see do look very Danish I mean you've got any Nordic any Viking genes you've been on DNA journey yeah I don't know I think I might have on a other side on my mom side but they never really the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeean tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. theeee. tho don't know. I think I might have on another side on my mom's side, but they never really covered my mom's side on that DNA journey. Oh, it was in the soft play the other day, Josh. We're trying to tie the kids out, took him soft play. Then my daughter was in there, she's very, very chilled and very caring and calm. And they went in there. I went in the the daughter th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I was like th. I was like th. I was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. I was like, thi. th. I was like, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, th. I've, th. I'm, th. I'm th. I'm t. I'm toge. I'm toda. I'm toda. I'm, toda. I'm the. I'm the. I've, the. I've, there and then she, I went into try and find her tell her food was ready.

And there was like, like an 11 year old kid in there that was like on the boulder of being, you know it says Max Hyatt for the softplay? Yeah. He was on the border of being too tall for this. Like, I couldn't go. And he went, oh, just so we know that she hit us and pushed us off this so she could have a go? Just thought you should be aware. Oh my God.

And I was just looking at him. And I was like, first of all, what kind of passive aggressive shit is that? Yeah. Just so you're aware. Secondly, you're twice to size and you've got three mates. If she's beating you all up and chuck them off, either she's the next UFC champion or you're all four pussies. How like, even forgetting gender, four on one, and with a five year age gap, from six to 11's a big age gap.

He's cubed up this kid and he's in there trying to get in the ball pit. And I was just like, oh yeah, whatever. And they're like, oh, actually, the the the the the the next, she, she, she, she, she, I, I, she, I, I, she, I, I, she, I, I, I, I, she, I, the the the the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the next, she's the the the next, she's the next and he's in there trying to get in the ball pit and I was just like oh yeah right whatever I don't know I was like all right as she yeah whatever and I didn't know what to say but I was like that must be bullshit she knows I didn't know what to say oh that is amazing you mobbits and then we'll do some correspondence right so I've got this new game the kids love doing which is quite fun it's quite a good good good good good good good good good good good to to practice to practice to practice to practice to practice to practice to practice to practice to to the the to so I've got this new game that the kids love doing which is quite fun it's quite a good to practice meditation Josh. Are you ticklish? Yeah right so I am. I'm ticklish on my feet. Yes and feet kill me so I sometimes rule that out but I'm still quite ticklish someone gets my sides on my neck yeah so I've got a situation where my daughter will wake me by tickling my foot. Right, that's horrible. That is awful.

I am ticklish. But my son, who's obviously two and a half, yeah, he will tickle me and he's shit at it. I have to pretend. I have to pretend he's just kind of saying tickle-tickle, I'm rubbing his fingers on my back and I'm like, this is doing this is this is this is this is this is thking.... This is thi. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thiolioli, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm ti. I'm ti. ti. ti. tiolioliolioli. tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick, I'm tick, I'm tickle-tickle, I'm rubbing his fingers on my back and I'm like, this is doing nothing. It's actually quite nice. Yeah, I'll relax it actually. I have to freak out like I'm being tickled. So I do the ticklish, I go a game,

I go to a game where I sit there and I sit like quite calmly and try and tickle me. And it's quite good because actually if you just deep breathing and just try and distract from the tickling, you can not react for quite a long time. And then they go skits because they're like, he's not ticklish anymore. And then they normally result to the feet. But actually, around the neck and all that, the thought of it's worse than the actual tickling. So I thought there's quite a fun game to play.

Yeah, I'm going to try that. With your own kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get that. Let's get that clear. Get, yeah. Ask me for, I won't have done it by Friday. Hopefully it'll go better than socks in the bath where your kid just lost it. This time, yeah, yeah, this time next week, I'll do, I'm not ticklish. Okay, let's say it goes.

A couple other things were, was a, so Lou sister's moved into this flat. She doesn't got kids, and everything's very like lovely calm palettes of like different colors but they all match and it's all very like beige and brown and light blues and past and you see her out you feel like that's such a calm lovely place and she was like was like what do you want for Christmas she went well what I'm trying to get artwork for the walls and stuff it's really expensive not so much I like but if there's could the girls paint me something from like if I get the canvas they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to they to they they they to to to they they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th I th I th I th I th I th the the the the the the the the the the thou the to to the to to to to to to the the to the the the the to's could the girls paint me something from like some give them if I get my canvas gonna just paint something for the walls and she was like yeah it was like yeah okay if you want like we can do that they love painting she went yeah cool so if they could just pick from this palette and it was

like and it was like that's quiet you know what yeah yeah yeah so I'm like really like light pink and blues. Yeah. So I wish I still had a picture of it. I have to find it. My daughters got this canvas, found the brightest pink and the brightest blue. Like it's sort of like from a... So if you're opening a candy shop on it. It was that right. Like this pink.

In the tour poster pink. Yeah. And they, one of them just wrote pink and blue on it. It's actually got these things out. But that's such a lovely non-kid way of like, if I give them like a, their kids will do whatever the fuck they want, then they're not sticking to a colour ballot. Do you reckon it's going up, Rob? I don't think so. I think it almost all I don't think so. I think my I don't know I don't know if he's gone up. We'll have to ask but I don't think it'll go up. They've done they've done some ones for me actually for my um. Got to see my one? My office. I'm gonna put I'm gonna take it down to put them up. They've done these but it's very much. Oh that's nice. They've got. They've got got got got got got got got got got got the guy. They've got got got they're got they're got they're got they're got they're got they're got the they're got they're got the the they're got the the the the the the the the the their. their their their their. they. they're got. they're got. It's they're got. It's they're got. It's they're got. It's they're they're. It's. It's. It's. It's they're. they're got. they're got. they're got. they're got. they're got. they're got. they're got. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've they're the. I've the. I've got. the. I've got. the. the. the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the th. I've the the the the the th. I've the the the they're the it, loves rainbow. Nice. And a son that's also a basketball, because I like basketball. Oh, that's good. And a football next to it. And then the other one is a heart in a rainbow.

Lego written on it again. Heartless, a son that's a football. So yeah. Kids fucking love rainbows, don't they? My daughter draws rainbow after rainbow after rainbow. They love.. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, they's. Oh, they's they's they' they're. Oh. Oh, they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they're. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're like like like like like like like like like. Oh, they're like like. Oh, they're they're like like. Oh, they're they're they're like. Oh, I they're right behind me at the office. Kids fucking love rainbows, don't they? My daughter, draws rainbow after rainbow after rainbow. They love them. Love the rainbow. They love it.

They love it. I don't, I think it's because they get to use lots of color. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm there's seven colors. You lose it. Christmas as well. No, I've got to go to the dump this weekend. I can't lie. Do you know what? It was so liberating Christmas week. There's a great vibe. Everyone had our Christmas act on it. You did tell me about this. I fucking loved it. Anyway, wait, I've told you about this. Let's do a quick bit of correspondence. Should I do it? Yeah, you do it? Yeah, you do it. they. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the they. they. they. th. th. the they. th. th. the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, t. Yeah. Yeah, t. te. tell. toda. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. the the the the the the the th. Uni drop-off stories. Here we go. My mom had a friend whose son went to uni. A couple of weeks in he started to run out of clothes.

So on Sunday he filled his washing basket and headed to the laundry. At some point around lunchtime, his mom called him to check in, see how he was doing. He's clearly bit distressed at his laundry situation. When questioned, he said he'd been there half a day, spent a small fortune and still had a long way to go. Slightly confused, my mom asked what he was doing, to which he replied, he was just following her instructions. After some discussion, it transpired that his mother's advice to which she thought was a semi-competent human being was simply follow the instructions on the labels. Well, most labels included the instruction, washed separately. It turns out he was using all six washing machines. Putting one item of clothing in each and then weighing to do the next round.

They do say that a lot. At the time of his mother's call, he was on his third rotation of all six machines, but had only washed 18 individual items of clothing. From Childs. Do not iron print. So, I see what the instructions are for this. Tumble dry and low. Tumble dry shrinks everything, did it?

I think they'll waste a time. I think the I've used to type, pants and salt, apart from pants and salts in kids clothes, I just don't think it's worth it. No, it's not. And especially those ones we had a washing dryer. I was like, it takes forever. You can't dry something in the summer. No, the heartbreak when you realize you've shrunk something and they try and convince yourself you haven't, and you know it's too small. Now, their. their. their. their. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's th. It's takes. It's takes. It's takes. It's. It's. It's takes. It's takes. It's takes. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's t. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's ta. It's. it's too small now. I want to have a correspondence? Let's do one more. Why not? Should we do it a January birthday in honor of your daughters, I'm not your daughters, in honor of your birthday, Rob, which is in January.

Oh yeah, yeah, my birthday is January the second, it's been and gone. Hello, you're sexy and relatable. Tooge. that any birthday is up to the 10th of January are pretty much a write-off. So I'm going to 40th tonight, this is January the 6th as we record this role. Oh God, who's doing that? And you just feel for the bloke every year? No one wants to go out tonight. If you did a poll of the country, do you want to go out? No one would go out? Why? Because I'm skinned from skinkinkinkinkinkin'm on a diet, I'm doing dry January, and I hate people. Also, I've spent too much time with people over at my. I need to watch Mars Singer and get to the bottom of who Bigfoot is.

Ha ha ha ha. But it is his 40, but yeah, it just sort of, no bother, I might drive. Yeah, if you're not drinking, definitely drive. Yeah if you're not drinking definitely drive you'll be able to get parking there. God we're boring. God fucking hell. Fucking Nora. I'm so I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry this is only going to get worse. I started it I said I might drive who cares no one at home gives a flying fuck if I'm going to drive to Campbellwell. It would be three days ago. The only way that is an interesting bit of the podcast is if I'm killed in a road accident tonight. Oh, John. And they hear me and you agree that is a good idea. That is the only way and we put this podcast out in tribute to me. Yeah. Oh, who would I get to a play show? Well, that one, let's see on Friday.

Yeah. It's a half hour drive. There's no traffic you'll be right. Blackball Channel. Okay. My birthday is the 10th January. So very much at the end of Rob's cutoff point. But I'd make the case that we that we that that that that story. For my eighth birthday, I was having friends and family around for a party when my parents realized

they've forgotten a birthday cake. My mom in her panic instead of nipping to the local shops and there was definitely enough time to do this badly re-iced the half-eathe and Christmas cake and presented it to me. That is awful. Oh my God. That is bad, isn't no. January's arrived also as well for, I do think for adults really, just your birthday, no one gives a fun night. Just who cares? Just spend any money and go on holiday. Alert if I've said this before about January's birthdays,

but on that Christmas cake reiced. I've got April birthday when I was a kid, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I do, I do th, the, the, the the the the the the tha the the the the thi the the the, I do Christmas cake re-iced, I've got April birthday when I was a kid, occasionally people get me Easter eggs. As a present? As a present? No, that is not acceptable. That is not acceptable. That is not, I agree, that is not acceptable. Because I think it's they look quite big but they can be quite cheap sometimes, can't there? No, here's your joint Easter and birthday. Because you're not getting me an Easter any way, mate. Also, I don't really think you should buy kids Easter eggs. It's just so much chocolate. Maybe get one, like one, but like.

Easter day is fucking mental. It's, it's just unacceptable. It's unacceptable. The amount of chocolate. Right, let's stop now. This is, I feel like with two old men, we are two and three-year-old, I won't just accept it. Will there be a guest? Has this been? I haven't done a small business, have we? Oh my worst, small business? Oh my worst, small business. There we go. Hi, Rob and Josh, mom of a two and three-year-old here, and an avid listener of your podcast. I would love a small business. of 2022 when I was off work with glandular fever. Sounds like a Simpsons episode. Now if you're looking to add a tougant's and soulful melodies

to your special event, look no further than Mrs. Sachs, UK. With a passion for music that knows no bounds, make sure you spell that right in Google. Hey! I'm sure they'll still have a passion for something that knows no bounds. Oh, Mrs. Sex UK. Mrs. Saxe UK brings the magic of the saxophone to life in the heart of the UK, whether it's a wedding, corporate event or any celebration.

Mrs. Sacks UK, smooth tunes will set the perfect ambience creating unforgettable memories and moments that will last a lifetime. Mrs. Sacks UK. Thank you you Charlotte. Big up Charlotte, Mrs. Sacks UK. Now Rob, I've seen your skin tone in that pink top. Yeah, yeah. Hello, Rob and Josh. I'd love you guys to your shout out for my small business. I'm a mobile spray tan expert based in Westmoreling, but especially from Orpington Stoke Petswood.

Find me on Instagram under Jennifer Stowers Tan. Feel free to book me if Lou or Rose want a winter glow. I spray town men too. I will happily offer 20% off any listeners that quote Parenting L20. Thanks so much and happy new year from West Mawling King's Hill. Do you know where West Mawling is? Yes, it's not too far. Well, there we go. If you look th you look th you look th you look th you look th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho there we go. If you look brown on Friday one then we know that you pop around there.

Yeah. I tell you what I might do is go and get a spray tan and hire Mrs. Sachs for an afternoon of smooth groom. Exactly. What a day. All right, we'll see on Friday. Right, see on Friday. Bye. If you like Josh Winnockum, you're in luck. That's because the co-host of Parents in Hell and the Last Leg-Mystro is the guest on the first episode of the Always Be Comedy podcast. Out now and with me, your host and MC Always Be Comedy, James Gill. Each week, the cream of comedy curates their fantasy comedy gig. Who'd open, who'd close, what gig nightmare do they never want to relive? All this and much,

much more. It's essentially comedy gossip and chat. You know, I remembered this the other day. My first ever gig was like a Friday night, the night, open mic night, and they said, we'll just announce you on when you're on, we haven't got a running order, it's a bit free for them. I got to the end of the night and then they wrapped it up and they'd forgotten to put me on. And I'd sat there the whole night. We've also got Stuart Lee, Harry Hill, Jen Brister, Ben Bailey, the Maze Adam, Al Marie, and Rachel Paris, many, many more coming up. That's the Always Be Comedy Podcast.

Out now with new episodes every Tuesday. Do you ever feel like topical comedy only ever tends to come from one angle? Well, I'm Jeff Norcott, host of What Most People Think, and my show jokes about all sides, jokes about Tories, jokes about Labor, jokes about everyone. If there's any Lib Dems listening, there isn't. We're returning guests from across the political spectrum, including Romish Ranganathans, Simon Evans, Catherine Ryan, Constantine kissing, David Bedile, Andrew Doyle, Al Murray, and more. Sometimes we'll make good points, sometimes we'll make cheap jokes.

But whatever we do, we'll be trying our best to get to the heart of what most people think.