Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S8 EP7: THE JANUARY BLUES

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond... with Rob and Josh. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

I'm going back to university for $0.00. Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber won for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just 499 a month. Savings may vary, eligibility and member terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with. Amelia, can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Whittakum? You're clever. Well done. There we go. That was faultless that. That was really, yeah. Apart from the disdain in

the child's voice to Walter Parent, I'd say that was really, really good. No, I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm sure he loves it. Can you hear the TV? Well, at the moment I'm watching you in your kitchen. You're a bit fuzzy because you're in East London. They haven't got good internet. And also I can hear the today. That that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the at the moment, I'm watching you in your kitchen. You're a bit fuzzy because you're in East London. They haven't got good internet. And also, I can hear what sounds like kids TV in the background. Yeah, it is kids. Ed and Duck, whatever it is? No, it's just some fucking thing that's a really worthy thing they started watching

about science. Exec produced by Barack and Michelle Obama. Fucking. Like, you've the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president, you, you've the president, you've the president, you've the president, you've the president, you've the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I, th. th. I I, th. th. th. th. I I I I, th. I I I I, th. I I, th. I I, th. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I, th. I, Michelle Obama. Fuckin' it. Like, you've been the president, mate. Just fuck off to the beach. What you're doing? Who's exec producing a kid's show? Fuck off. If I had five minutes with Barack, I'll go right,

talk me through what happens in that episode. Because you ain't got a clue, yeah, he's exec producing with a very light hand, isn't he? Also, we work in tell. Exec producing basic means your name's on the top, because you've done a few hard yards 10 years ago. You're doing fuck all on the show. Aren't exec producers essentially like the director of football? You're there overseeing, but you're not really nuts and bolts. I don't think Barack Obama's been sitting down late at night. I don't th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th the th, I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th th. I don't thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' their thin' to to to their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the top the top the top the top to be to be to be torying to find a pret open at midnight because the edit's got to be in for the

for the BBC Commissioner to see 9 a.m. Anyway, what, well, could you turn it? Yeah, and then we explain what's going to to the the o'clock? to their. Do you know what's great about this though, Michael is when? When Josh comes back, his headphones are wired, so we're going to be straight into the content. Josh? Still too high. Yeah, I can hear the tele.

Can you not shut the door? There's no door. There's no door. You've not seen it through. It's open plan. It's open plan. It's open plan. It's open.

No, it's always has been. downstairs open plan. I just to show them might have been a door. I've got a couple of questions. At the moment you've got a neon light, two lamps, a skylight, and some doors. You're getting a lot of light in that kitchen. We're not actually. No. We're redoing the kitchen because it's quite dark. It looks so bright. Anyway, to try Josh and Michael. Here's Amelia saying your name. So let's get this ticked off. It two two two two two two two two two two the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to the light. the light. to the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Rob Josh and Michael. Here's Amelia saying your name. So let's get this ticked off. Yeah, well, no, no, let's get it ticked one. That's not respectful. This isn't a to-do list, Josh. This is us expressing ourselves and having fun.

No, no. Sorry. Hi, Rob, Josh Michael. Hi Rob, Josh Michael. She's three this Tuesday. 30th of January. That's today. Happy birthday, Amelia. Amelia is a sister to Siena, who is 18 months and I spend many Tuesday and Friday laughing away your podcast in the playroom. Oh God, chance to be a fine thing. Although that's going to have to stop soon. Thank you for the weekly barrel of laughs, my favorite podcast by an absolute country mile. Big love to Charlotte, Jason Amelia, Sienna, to to thia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, thia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, th., Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, to to to th, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, to to to to th. A, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, to the the to the to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, Amelia, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the Barrel of Lafs, my favorite podcast by an absolute country mile. Big love to Charlotte, Jason, Amelia, at Siena in Manchester. There we go.

Lovely, well that was good. Now, can we get on to why you were in the kitchen and why we could hear the tell before? I can't hear the tell now. What's happening? What's what's going on? So Rose is away? So, sorry, I forgot you had a catchphrase. Roses left me. Roses are there. Obviously, roses are the way again. Yeah, Rosal, and Shell, who's doing the childcare today, she's late. There's a cat on the table.

There's a cat on the table. Is that allowed? I can't be the ta-fucking-fing of this stage on the table. There is a cat on the table. Is that allowed? I can't give the fucking this side. How is it? Finger and fuck at this stage in the game. That's the problem with open plan. Cats do the other one. What? What? What?

What? She? She? She? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't see his contend. Show some respect. Sorry, apologize. Apologize to, which one is it? To barrel. Barrel. Yeah, the one that's left. How has she been since she's been left on the road? She had a bit of a wobble where she just kept going off. Sorry. How does a cat have a wobble? Sorry, what? She just broke down in the supermarket because she found a new new from. So how does a cat have a wobble? She was like behaving weirdly, since she was always going up to really high places. All right, yeah, off a suit.

Where's Beryl? Where's Beryl? Where's Beryl? I said, where's Beryl twice then, because I couldn't remember anywhere high. Yeah. But Ben Nevis is good. It took a couple of seconds for me to get one. It's early, it's 10 past 9. Well, on that, actually. Yeah. My daughter's got to have a filling.

Oh. She's got to have a filling? Yeah. How come you're pretty good with the sugar? Yeah, but I had loads of fill the way your teeth are. Sometimes just the way your teeth are. I need to put the dentist as I've not been for ages. Should I tell you about what my brother did with his daughter's hair? Yeah go on. Right, so basically the hair was getting too long, right? And the fringe, so with your daughter, and also your son, if you want long hair on a child, what would you do when the fringe starts sweep it to the side I suppose. Yeah then how would you keep it to the side maybe a little clip or something? Yeah yeah yeah well it's long

enough you can do that weird little ponytail that just sticks up by the front isn't it? Yeah yeah yeah so because it is annoying it gets in their eyes they get uncomfortable and it they can't see what wouldn't you do? well just chop the fringe in a line. Yeah yeah you wouldn't you the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. the their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. all along so they had so his daughter's got hair from dumb and dumber. Oh my God. I think they did it in a sleep deprived moment of madness. And as soon as they did it, my brother said, unless she went, this isn't right, is it? I was like, no? You needed to sweep and clip. So now, she's got, I'd say about, like, her hair of like long fringe down to her eyes and now she's sort of got half

an inch right on the top of her forehead. Oh my word yeah that's not ideal. But I've done that I thought it would be quite a good thing to open up as well. How's a baby reacting to some beard trimmers as well? Well not very well because she sort of jolted back slightly because of the noise and now it is also he's not even straight so there's one bit that's higher than the rest. But I think I thought it's quite a good thing the topic when have you done something that's completely as soon as you did it you realized oh that's wrong. Yeah like when you fart in your daughter's face? Yeah, yeah, let's not get bringing that up. So me and throw. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I this this this this this this. I's this this. I's this. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I thoooooooooooooooo. I thee. I theeeeeeee. I thoo. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I this. When we was on the beach, we was of our first ball. So you're always a bit more manic for your first ball. And it was sunny, it was red hot, it was like 30 degrees on the beach. And it was, oh my God, and we put all like cream on her like that. And was like, oh, the head's gonna burn.

And she had sort of like little, she was only about four months old. We went, oh, we better cream that as well, and then we put sun cream on our head. And I was trying to rub it in, obviously it was just getting clumped in the hair. And I was going, well, what do we do? How do we do this? This is, but if we don't put it on, it's going to burn? And then after about 20 minutes of doing this, I found the baby's hat in a hat. Oh my God. Yeah, so they did that, but yeah, it's, but that's any more stories of when you've done something. Yeah, as soon as you've done it, you've gone, ah, no, that's not what you do, is it? Well, I've got a hair story, Rob. Do you remember we had worms last week? Yes, we as in your family.

Yes, we have to their address, sir. Oh no, it's not in your area as well. My daughter's got knits. Oh, she's having a nightmare, poor thing. Absolute shocker. Worms, nits and a fill in a fill in? Is that something from like a roll doll book? Well, she's got that. Yeah, the whe. the w. the w. the wit. the wit. the wit. the wit. the wit. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thor. thor. th.'s a tough week. January's hard, isn't it? I hate January. I'm struggling, Josh, it's a sunlight. Yeah, are you? Yeah, I think I've got that. I know everyone says it, that sad

thing, but I, when you don't, if I don't get enough sunlight, in the summer, also I'm a better football in the summer. I think I'm Mediterranean deep down. Summer isn't the time to be a good football. the the the the the the the thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapape. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah. Yeah, I's. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I't be good during the season. Oh yeah, I'd be one of those players at the World Cup got a big move and then cold night and Stoke just completely switch off. Yeah, yeah. African Nations Cup in January that'd be a bit of winter sun. Oh that'd be a bit of me? Yeah, okay. Oh, repair upstairs? All right then. Right. I'll be upstairs in two minutes. Alright, bye. Anyway, Rob, now I can hear you and I'm not looking after a child. How have you been this week? Not too bad. Good. My youngest is ill, so she's off school which sort of messes up a lot of the timings and stuff. So she's stayed in bed with Lou last night

because when she's really ill, she'll just keep coming in every time she sort of wakes because she's coughing or whatever. So we said, why don't we just stick her in our bed? And then Lou can sleep with her, and then she's not gonna keep waking us up and stuff like that, essentially. So I had to sleep in her bed, to to to to to s s s s s s s sa, to to to to be, the to their, to to their, th. I, th. I, th. I, tho, th. I, to to to to to be, to be, to be, to me, to to to to me, to me, to me, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me, to to me, to me, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th.................... the the the the the tho, the tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, too, too, too, too essentially. So I had to sleep in her bed. Do you want me to send you where I slept last night? This is where I slept last night.

Oh my God. The bottom bunk of a child's bunk bed. The bottom bunk of a child's bunk bed. And you know what? The mattress is well comfy, but it's just not long enough? Why were your legs? Why were you not on the top bunk? No, my older daughter's in her own room. So why were you not on the top?

Because it's so high. So high? Yeah, but I feel like, I'm not a cat having a wobble, mate. I like being tucked up on the floor. I like being cozy. I do you. I find that quite quite quite quite quite quite quite, didn't I, mate? I'm used to small spaces. Of course.

You're like, you're open the big open fields. Now, so I slept, it was nice at the bottom actually. The bed was comfy. I took my pillows, which is key. Probably so, but legs, I couldn't stretch my legs out. So it was all right at the beginning, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, to, I, to, to, to, I, to, to, I, to, to, to, th, to, to, to, to, tho, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, I, I'd, to, I'd, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, t, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to, to, tt t ttt ttt t to. to. ttoo. to. ttoo. too. too, too, too, ttoo, too, too, too, too, too, ttt t t trying to like make the best of a bad situation. There's little slats at the end of the bed. At one point I'd wedged my feet through the slats. So it felt like, you know like them like medieval torture? Yeah. In the stocks?

Yeah. Yeah. So I was just sitting in the stocks like that. So that a middle of the night, because we were talking about bad decisions made when you're tired? Now that was before bed. I didn't realize... So you made that, you like literally went to bed there. Yeah, so I went to the air. You didn't like trail through half a sleep at one a tm. I laid on that bed. I laid that's to to to to told. told. to to to be to be th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thick. thick. thick. thick. thick. thick. to be tho. to be tho tho tho tho thate. thathea. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the tho the tho. the tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. on my face. That's one of that's bedtime. My phone hits my head. Slinky time and I went to bed there.

But do we to talk you through that decision? Yeah. Have you not got a spare room? So we've got a, oh I don't, don't judge me like that, you're a rich bitch. No, no, it's not that. in the country and before I know it, your daughter goes in your bed and you're on the bottom of a bun. Surely to God. We have got a spare room, but the spare room has got a sofa bed in it, which I couldn't be bothered to get out. So when people stay we've got a sofa bed, but I didn't want to get the sofa bed out and it's not as comfy as a bed. The things are my daughter's got like a double bed. So I th my th my th my th my th is my th is my th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My daughter is my daughter is my daughter is my daughter. My daughter. My daughter. My daughter, my daughter, my daughter's thin. My daughter's thin's got th. My daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My daughter, my daughter's th. My th. My th. My th. My th. My daughter's got, my daughter's got, my daughter's th. My th. My daughter's th. My daughter's th. My daughter's th. My daughter's th. My daughter's th. My daughter's thin. My daughter's thin. My daughter's thin. My daughter's th. My daughter's thin. My daughter's got thin. My daughter's got thin. My daughter's got the thi. My daughter's got the thi. My daughter's got then she will just kick me and all that and she gets up and she sleeps with all the lights on. So I was like, I don't do that and I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I was going to stick

that girl, that girl, that girl, my eldest daughter in the bunk bed, but then I know for a fact she'll keep coming in to her old room and go, thi......... And, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I'm, I don't, that you can have a double bed. Exactly, so I took one for the team. Before I know, I've slipped my feet for him in stocks. Yeah, yeah, like Bobby Davre, I've seen that clip. You've not seen that clip? No, hang on one second. Who's calling in? No? I'm just doing something. I've took my glasses off so you can't see me googling, but now I can't read the letters on the keyboard. You know you always say you can tell when I'm googling. I took my glasses off, but then I realize I couldn't read or see. Right, it's Bobby Davro in Stocks. Okay.

Oh, they've pulled his trousers down. Yeah. And they're all... It's Lionel Blair I think. Liddle Blair there, the bloke off bullseye. Keefe check him. Bobby Davro's in the stocks. Yeah. And they leave him. Oh, oh my god. Oh, oh my god. Fucking hell! Oh my God! I told you. Oh my God. So I've nearly watched Bobby Davaro die. It's fine. So he's in the stocks and it's not set up properly by the people who've done the props. No, it's it's used a lot as a BBC safety video. And then it falls forward and nearly kills him. Oh my god. That was horrible that was be careful watching that. Yeah so that I had my feet in the stocks. Oh also me and we went out th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theeee. I the. I that was horrible that was. Be careful watching that. Yeah, so that I had my feet in the stocks. Oh also, me and Lou went out for dinner,

right, tell you what you think about this. Went out for dinner and nice waiter, quite young, sort of felt like, he could have been 17, could have been 23, but young. Gen, no pubs. I don't know what that generation is thiii. I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to, to, that, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to, to to, to, th, th, to, th, to, th, to, th. Yeah, to, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, that, that, that, that, thin, thin, thin, thin, to, to me, thin, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, went, went, went, to. We've been really nice and chat. And then we paid and Lou was like, oh, do you, we didn't have any cash for his cash tip. So he said, do you get paid the tip if it's on the thing or does it go straight to the company? Or how does it work? And she was like, no, no, we get it, donto go straight up to the main head office and then not come back. And then I was sort of joking, I went to be fair to Lou, that was about 33 years ago, like that.

So like a bit of fun, we can all have a laugh. And he just went, like, that's horrid. Ha ha ha ha. Not joining in with, oh, that was a bit, and it was a bit of an old dadd, that, that, that, that, that, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. And, a, a. And, a. And, a. And, a. to, a. to, a. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, a. that was a bit, and it was a bit of an old dad joke and a bit like basic and all that, but he just absolutely two-footed me. I felt like an absolute dinosaur, but I throw away, not in a, oh come on, that's a bit much, oh, oh, God, or like, oh, no, sure,

it was only a couple of years ago, or just like, oh, right, or, or, or, or, or, or, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, In that moment I was like, oh no, what have I become? And what did Lou say? Just a solitary tear? She absolutely loved it. She pissed herself laughing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha and loved it. Did you have a nice dinner out? Did you have a nice dinner out? Lovely dinner out? Yeah, it's very exciting. How long did it last?

Our dinners out are getting so fast now. It's basically we will be in and out in 45 mins. It's up to the waiting staff and the chef to how long our night out last. Also, we've been going dinner earlier as well. Just get in, get back. And we've been going dinner earlier as well. Have you? Just get in, get back. And we've done that as well. We went away, when we went away for a night the other week, we went for dinner at 645 back in the room by 8. Because I don't know if it's January. I am really struggling with the general public. Notndy restaurant, went to this restaurant and there were people, they're wearing like hipstery people wearing hats, like a tiny little

green beanie and it was just like rolled up jeans with bright colored socks and like hoodies and a jacket and I don't get how they don't get so hot. Four year olds dressed as 17 year olds with them little condomats on that just sit on the back of their the jacket jacket jacket jacket jacket jacket jacket jacket and they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. I I th. I th. I th. I don't tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I condom hats on that just sit on the back of their head. The tiny and I'm just like how can you eat? How can you eat a steak with that on your head? I'm beading up if I could I'd go tops off? I am warm and he's got a a uddy on a jacket thick pair of like Japanese denim jeans and a little baggy. Really thie th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thie th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thie th. A th. A thi th. A thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi th condom. Really thick hat as well and indoors. Yeah, and really baggy around the balls and arse. I saw it and then the other day went for a walk and there was a geyser with his two-year-old on his shoulders holding with one arm, but one leg with one hand and then in the other hand a big staff, you know them like a big

gandolf walking stick. What? And I was like, it's an absolute fieft fest. The problem is, it's like, then also I had a chat with a lovely couple the other day when I was out and about and they were lovely and all that, but I feel like it's the knobs keep, I'm like a dickhead attractor. Not a magnet for knobs somehow, but I don't know, but I think I'm just get, I get aggie in the winter because because I get I get I get I get I get aggy I get aggie I get I get I get aggie I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get aggi the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I get I'm th. th. I get I get I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I get tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. I the th the the. I th. I th. I th. I know, I think I get Aggie in the winter because I get miserable. And I'm trying to be a positive guy, Josh. But I get, I can feel myself getting Aggie. On a group message the other day I was moaning about something and you were going to go in a month ago, Rob, you were telling me that you don't have any opinions and you don't care about anything, you're pretty chilled out.

But I'm not Josh. I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life I'm life life life life life life life life life life. This is why they never call an election in January, Rob. People are angry. It's true, I'm up for a row. You're up for a civil war. I'm up for a row. January's killed me off here. Fuck! I'm basically an LBC corner in January. This is not good, Josh. I'm not at the place. Speak to Rob in September. He's telling you about meditation. Speak to him in January. I need to do more meditation. Yeah. Oh, God. And sorry, you're in a bad place.

No, I'm not in a, I'm just fine. I'll get a bit aggy this time you're in it. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. It feels like I get up. I do the school the school the school the school the school. I get the school. I get the school. I get the school. I get the school. I get the school. I get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a to get a th. I get a th. I get a to get a th. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get th. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get. I get a the. I get a to. I get a to. I get a to. I get a to. I get a to. I get a to. I get a to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. I'm. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I get a I do the school run in the dark, that's done in the dark, then I go to where I'm going and get a bit of work done. By the time I pick up the kids and get a moment it's dark again. I feel like I never see the sun. Do you know what I mean? And like this is everyone, there's other people, everyone's feels the same. I'm not, everyone's everyone's everyone's doing. th. th. th. to doing. to doing. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to to their. their. to to be. their. to pick. to pick. to their. to pick. their. I's their. their. to pick up. their. their. their. their their. their. I'm. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm the the their. I. I. I'm their. I. I'm the their. I'm their. I'm the their. I'm their. I'm the their. I'm their. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm ti. I'm the ti. I'm the the the t up so I'm in very lucky position but I struggle without seeing the sun it's mental yeah I need to get one them a vitamin D light or something Rob I think we both know what was that you need to just as soon as your kids move out you need to move to Benadorm that's what needs to you know what you know you judge these people that you know the expat in the community but I think they might have it right right right right right right right right right their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I'm to be to be their they. I'm to be their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I I's. I's. I I's. I's. I I's. I's. I I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's they. I's they. I's they. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. I's. I'm. I's. I's. the expat the community but I think they might have it right. Should get out there. Downsides get a caravan in Benadome,

bargain Brits Abroad. Love it. I love that show. Rob. Yeah. You know I said last week? Yeah. That if people phoned us between nine and ten they could promote something. Yeah. Flow said that was interesting and now Rosie who's one of her clients is calling but I've just ignored it is that bad? Well no but she might just be ringing about something else. She's never wronged me before. Oh well fuck it then! Rosie Jones has left us a voicemail that she says we can play double speed so she sounds able-bodied. Okay that sounds good to me what did she want to say?

How long's the voice note? 1 thirty-seven so now it'll be 45 seconds. Oh. Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay good to me. What did she want to say? How long's the voice note? 137, so now it'll be 45 seconds. Alright, stick it on three. Go ahead, stick it on double. She's giving us approval to double up the school. Hello, little Josh, it's your friend, Rosie Jones, people's a princess, national treasure, Future Leader of the Universe. I've heard that you're doing plugs for comedians who ring you during your pot and see

that you won't let me on your little podcast because I don't have children. Rude. I wanted to tell you all that I am on tall from February and Ithen doing writing on the 10th web and actually getting filmed so could you let all your lovely listeners now because I'd love to see them all but don't bring any other kids because I swear and they talk about my button a lot. All right see you later. Bye bye Josh. Bye-bye! There we go. That's a good new feature Rob. What's that? Speeded up disabled people.

She said to do it. I know, I'm not. She said it. She told us to do that. We've done nothing wrong. No, we've done nothing wrong. It sounded a bit like AI, isn't it? She gave us permission anyway guys filming it in Brian yeah what else is going on Josh anything you want to share with me how's parenting

what did the weekend just get rid of the Nits on Sunday how do you get clean it and just brush it um oh fuck I forgot to put the spraying Oh fuck I forgot to put the spray in. FI'm tidy to my daughter's room on Saturday. Fuck sake. Anyway, so that was sad Sunday. Tidied my daughter's room on Saturday. We tided the house, Rob. You've totally done the house. That feels good.

Spring clean? Spring clean. Um, it's been a, I tell you what, Rob. Go on. I've a string a string a string a string a string a string a string a string a string of a string of a string of a string of a string of a string been a... I tell you what, Rob. Go on. I've had a string of bad things happen to me, none of them I can talk about. Are you okay though? Yeah. Would you be able to talk to me about them off camera, off Mike? Or it's really... Yeah. Yeah. Because we want to be as honest as possible but in life you can't always be totally transparent. Yeah, because normally what will th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that thi thi that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin of bad thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th of thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thin thin thin to to to to to to to to to to to to tooing to to thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thi th. Because we want to be as honest as possible, but in life you can't always be totally transparent. Yeah, because normally what will happen to me, Rob, is a bad thing will happen to me. And then I'll go, oh, at least I can't talk about that on the podcast.

But now you can't. Four things thinks of. Four. Can't talk about one of them, not the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same thiii? thi? ths. Anyway, well let's move on. What positive things have you coming up? Got any holidays booked, something to look forward to? God, why are we both so depressed today, man? January hits hard. You sound like a desperate hairdresser, trying to have a conversation with me. I'll be honest with Rob, I haven't had a cup of tea yet this morning. It's been so mental. I need to him. I can't, can't deal with it. I think I'm addicted to tea. How many do you have a day? It's not even how many I have. It's, this is mad. It's how much I think about it when I haven't had one. And how are dick in it? I would if I could, I'd enjoy that. You gave me a cup of tea now and I had to put my dick in it

and then I could drink it, I wouldn't give a shit. So you have one in the morning? Three in the morning? Three, okay. Bye. I try not to have five to have five to have five tha to have five to have five to have five to have five to have five thafes to have five to have five to have five thafes tha of to have five tha of tha of tha of tha of tha of tha of tha of tha of tha of to have five before lunch. Right, and then you have more in the afternoon and evening. Two in the afternoon. So five cups of tea a day?

No, six probably? Six. It's definitely more than six. Seven. You tails off. Because I tell you why it tails off. Because I stop enjoying them because I've had too many teas. Well, so I've never seen you not refuse one when we've been at work or been away somewhere. Yeah, I love liquids, Rob. I drink water, I drink tea. After consuming about six mugs in a day,

you'll experience anxiety. Yeah. Between eight and ten a day you are at great risk of caffeine intoxication. So I think you're addicted to caffeine. Yeah, but I'll have, I'll decaff, I'll decaf some of them. I think it's a the the the the the the the their th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thau. thau. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. I'll t. t. t. t. I'll t. t. I'll t. I'll t. I'll t. I'll t. I'll t. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. Yeah. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll t. I'll t. I'll t. I'll drink. I'll decaff, I'll decaff some of them. Can I say something? I think it's pathetic when people get off their head on caffeine through tea. I'm like you're pathetic loser. Oh, I've got too much tea. Fucking tea. Have a rocket coffee and then come back to me. Oh, I've had too much tea. Right Josh, should we do some correspondence? Anything else you want to get off your chest

before we do that? I'm going to go full disclosure here Rob. Okay. We, due to the time, situation this morning, we've had a nightmare and you're wearing it on your face, Josh. Don't look like you're enjoying your day at work. It feels like a day at work. Yeah, we're normally... Yeah, we're normally... We're normally... We're normally just relaxed fun, but today it really feels like you're logging on to your door of the explorer shift.

I'm doing a lot more work here than I used to do that. So, full disclosure, we had a break because we had to record Laura Smith's interview for Friday, and now we're back. So, um, I texted shout. I said, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, to, to, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, just just just just tuce, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, tuced, tuced, tuced, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tuce, tucing tucing tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, t texted shout I said any chance of a cup of tea. Oh, I'm not sure about that. What? Well she's got her own, she's doing her own job looking after the kids. She's not here to make you tea. No I know but I was just, you know, I make her tea when I go downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. But she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she. But she's. But she's. But she's. But she's. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the they's the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. downstairs. Yeah yeah yeah true yeah but she's coming to your house isn't she? Anyway so I so I'm so I could I describe us as like close friends. Okay I don't know if your best mate was in there. Now how did you ask? Because I think you can ask but as a way to ask. Any chance of a couple but also had to write it quickly because we're interviewing Laura Smith and I thought I can't sit here and compose a text like that. So I just tapped it out. She said yes just on our way back now from the park. Right. And I've put don't come back just for that six exclamation marks. She's put I wouldn't. Who

the hell do you think you are? No I know I think that's unfair on you because you're just saying out politely is you know that but you've got you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you've got you've got you've got the but you've got the the the the th you've got to to to to to to to to th the tho tho to to to to to to to to to just th th tho. th. tho. tho. She's just th. She th. She th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th. But you've just just just just just just just just tho tho just tho thou to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just thou tho just tho just tho just tho that I think that's unfair on you because you're just saying that out of politeness you know that but you've got double check. I would have messaged going, hi Shell, I've been a bit rushed this morning with kids and work and stuff like that, haven't had a cup of tea yet. And then I would have said, if you're making a hot drink, if any chance you make to make a cup of tea, that would be amazing because I'm gasping. But Rob, I was doing an interview so I had to, you know when you're like tap out the message in as short a time as possible? Yeah, you've sent that though, like I imagine a CEO would to an assistant. Yeah. Butthe tea? You got a new man after that. You've been old

I genuinely. Get it down. I, this is bad Rob. I think my tea addictions. Get it in you. Just fucking out. Stop chatting get it in you. Drink it up. I've got a headache from not having tea. Oh get it down you. Oh get it. I've got a headache from not having to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the'm going to hear that when I close my eyes tonight. I think dreaming about tea. How's the caffeine? You've got a headache? Because that bit too much caffeine for you? To quote someone in this episode wrong, that is horrid. Horrid.

I'm not horrid. I'm a good guy trying bad voices are back at winter. I'm not horrid. I'm a good guy trying his best. I'd had two glasses of red wine and I was trying to be cheeky. But I was born in 1986 and my cheekiness now is not okay. My shit joke. I knew it was a shit joke. I knew it was a shit joke. It was horrid. Did I tell about my daughter the winter pottery thing and painted a dog? Yeah. And painted, do you want to see the diarrhea on its ass?

Oh, I'd love to see the diarrhea on its ass. She painted diarrhea all over its ass. Oh my god, it is. Yeah, it really is, Rob. He's got a real the front. I did have a story about my week Rob for you. Go on. One of the few stories of bad things that happened to me this week. But we can mention. That we can mention. Yeah. Okay so I had a gig that with you on Thursday. Oh yes on Tuesday. Choose a Wednesday. Doesn't matter. I found that gig. I that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. tho. thoeoeoomeoomeoomeoeoeoe. thoeoe. thoe. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. too. too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. ththat gig hard. I struggled that gig. I found it tough.

Well, I thought you could read out the text I sent you to show people what comedians go through when they're trying out new material. I don't know why it was a hard gig, but it was. It was, it was, they laughed, but it never felt like you had them. But also in their defense defense their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi. It was thi. It was thi. It was thi. It was thi. It was, te. It was, thi. tha. tha. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. tou. th. th. It was, th. It was, th. It was, th. It was, th. It was, th. It was, t. It was, t. t. t. t. t. t. It was, t. It was, t. It was, t. It was, tou. It was, te. It was, te. It was te. It was, tou. It's, te. tou. tea. It's, tou. t. tou. tou. t. tou. t. tou. t. tou. t. t. I t. Do you know what I mean? But also in their defense it's 430 in the afternoon on a point to stay at the end of January. And I'm reading material off a piece of paper and also everyone had bought tickets to that in December for the life and then it's got to the end of January. Yeah I've got to stop blaming January. I'm trying to fuck what did you message it?, so you message me, mate, I'm so sorry how shit and shambollic that was. Like, I was at a gig.

You walked on, you told a few jokes for about half an hour, it's a long time. You got, I'd say 80% of them they already laughed at, 10% that they really laughed at, and then 90% the last 10% is like, oh right, okay, maybe that's not really an idea or it needs more work, which is the whole point as a work in progress gig. I'm so sure how shit and champagne that was. I have totally lost the ability to do stand up. Fuck me, sorry, sorry, sorry. Then I get a message five minutes later.

Sorry ignore that actually believe it. It's hard to do it new material, isn't it, Rob? It's really hard. It is hard. And especially when our brains are wired and we do a lot of work to stop them being wired with, my brain, if I let it, if I let it loose, right? right we basically just go you are fucking shit in a waste of time you are fucking shit in a waste of time you are fucking shit and the whole day on loop or and then I wander around the world finding examples of where I'm shit in a waste of time and I have to do everything I can to stop doing that and that's the danger with comedy I think that's what the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi's thi's thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'm their their their their their their their their their their thi's thi's th. I'll th. I'll thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's a thi's a thi's all all all all all all all all to to to to to thi. to to thooooooooooooo-a toe. I'm toe. I'm their their thi. I'll thi their to to do everything I can to stop doing that. And that's the danger with comedy. I think that's what attracts people are us to comedy is because we're already

think we're shitting a waste of time. Might as all get it confirmed again. Anyway, but you weren't shit in Chamberlick. You were just doing new material and there's some really funny bits in it. I got home. It was like bedtime bath time I'd missed bath time which is the difficult bit yeah I can't tell you how much I needed a shit I've got I've got so you got one bathroom one toy and now I needed it I needed it at the gig

but okay okay if I went downstairs to the toilet during Stephen Merchant and it was locked and I was like I can't I don't know what to do here so I thought I tho the tho I the the th. th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I tho I tho I tho I tho I tho I tho tho tho tho tho that the that the the the. I to to to to thi I the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the thee theeeeeeeeat toe. to-I to-I to-I to-I toeat toe. toe. to to to to thi to the toilet during Stephen Merchant Set and it was locked and I was like I can't, I don't know what to do here. So I thought I'll just go and I go home. And you just can't as the returning parent, I think when you're returning to a stressful child situation for instance breakfast time or bath time if you come if yeah if you're returning in the middle of that you have no rights for the next 15 minutes yeah you are basically right in you get put your bag down many hands make light words let's get this done and then we can chill out there is no way

you can have a shit I well I actually think having a shit is the only way out or feeling sick or feeling sick feeling sick, but you can either be sick or have a shit. It's the only two ways that you can get out of it. Yeah. So was the toilet of free? Yeah, but I just, I thought, I've got to hold it here. I think Rose would have let you have a shit. I don't think she's, if you said to it, I'm I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, th. th. to to to to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. th. th. th. that, that, that, they. the they. they. the. the theat, too. too, to, to. to. to. to. to go to toilet. Oh, but bar times are tough at the moment, Rob. My son does not want to bar.

You know, you just go through these phases. What about shower? Have you tried showering? Have you tried to shower? He's got a bit of eczema. difficult to say yeah but you this is really healthy. Do you want to stink as shit or both at this rate? Come on mate I'm on your side. Why would I be doing this? Why would I be doing this? Just annoy you? Yeah this is the worst bit of my day and your day so why would I be doing it? We both hate this. There's a reason why we do it? I'm getting nothing out of this. Didn't we get worms anyway even though you did it th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th at th at th at th at th at th at th at that that that that that tho' that thi thi thi that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at that that that that that that thi to thi thi to thi to to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi there's a reason why we do it. I'm getting nothing out of this. Didn't we get worms anyway even though you did wash me a re-da?

That's not the point. The point is you must be clean. There's no way I can send you to bed in January when you've not sweated once and you've just been in loose-fitting jogging bottoms all day, and I've wiped your ass already with a wet wipe. There's no way you can go up into about a bath. Why? Because all the other parents are washing their kids, and I need to do it right. Because otherwise I'm shit and a waste of time. Now getting that fucking bath, boy.

Oh, God. Or I'm gonna shit on you, because I'm desperate. I tried to go when Stephen Merchant was doing some jokes, but the toilet doors locked. So I sat on a tube texting my friend saying I'm sorry for being shit, sorry, sorry, onwards and upwards. Look at me boy, this is my upwards, all right? Now get in that bath, I thought I could have a turnout. Oh God, what a life. And then I went downstairs and stepped on some glass. Again. Again? After you're doing it?

I've done it twice in a couple of months. It's always me, but that's for the best. That's for the best. If it's going to be anyone in the house, it's better, it's me, isn't it? Did you get it out or is it still in there? Oh, it didn't go in this time. It just made my foot bleed. How are the knickknacks going with the toddler, like two-year-old? Is he a boy doing it? He's all right, actually.

He's pretty, um, he likes to play with, well, obviously the wrong things, you know. So he walked into my office the other thaker thay tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toldld told to to to to to to to to to to to told to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to tho tho to to to to to tho told. told. told. toldo toldo todd. toddli. toddli. toddli. toddl. toddl. toddl. toddl. toddl. tooea. tooe. too day carrying this which is a China cup like it's a China knick-knack Rob I followed Pauline Bunton on it Instagram okay yeah she followed me back I'm pleased to see yeah she sent me a photo of you and her when you met her before the game she didn't tell you she was a much she was one of the mama's mamas from the song do you know how mental I'd have gone if I'd known she was Pauline Bunton? How mental? She doesn't realize like, how much he found to her children in the 19s. Oh, don't do that.

Not just in the 90s. Don't do that. Who do you think of the Spice Girls, who do you it's the most likely that I'm their type? Um, I mean, one's married to David Beckham, so she's out. One's married to another boy band member. Then it's Melbury and Christian Horner, who couldn't be more different from me and approach to life. No, but looks a bit like you. Sort of like, you know, blondie, gingery. I got on very well with Jerry, actually.

Yeah, so maybe Jerry. Mel C maybe, she's quite chilled out. Love's an Adi Dash trac suit like you, they could bond over that. Mel B. Mel B. Merri, you know, she was Eddie Murphy for a bit, and you're a bit, and you like the donkey from Shrek so maybe Mel B you know. Yeah anyway yeah I don't think it was ever going to work out with you in a spice girl personally. No. And right should we do small business and then we'll do some correspondence before Friday. Yeah yeah yeah sound like a plan. So it's like a huge plan. Here we go. Hi Rob and Josh. I have a shout out for my

small business. I am a mobile massage therapist offering manual lymphatic drainage massages. Interesting. I don't know what that is. And around Brentwood and the surrounding areas, you can check all my treatments available. Just to be clear, that's not a part of the body is it Brentwood, the lymphoge. Around your Brentwood she's not draining the lymph nodes around Brentwood and Gooch No

Brentwood Essex around your Brentwood in these surrounding areas I'm draining the lymphload Of all me Brentwood's been playing up do you mind draining it Oh, she was around my area area that no no no no What's your miracle the Joshwood? The Victoria Park? But I the Victoria Park? But... My Victoria Park is an absolute war zone at the moment. I'd enjoy having my lymph nodes.

I think I'd see lymphaticarious. It flushes out toxins, reduces blowing and boost your morsisys system, so you're a full body treatment. So I think, yeah, I think it's doing something. I don't really understand. Oh, I love a tho, I love a tho, I love a tho, I love, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tha,think, yeah, I think it's doing something. I don't really understand. Oh, I love a good, I love a good massage. Right, okay, yeah, so she's, let me finish this off. Sorry. She might travel to East London. Ed Brentwood's not too far. You can check out all my treatments available on lymphatic drainage by Victoria. And of one-year-old and a two-year-old. Oh, blammy. And I love the pod and listen every week. Thank you, Victoria. So she's mobile, so she might come to East London.

Parking is a bit of a nightmare, don't it, for you? No, we've got parking. All the time. Really weird, Rob. I don't want to go into it, but the local parking, it Normally that's to stop people parking there for the day. That must be yeah, yeah. In case there's a train station or the stuff nearby that's what they do that because sometimes there's one they mean where it's hot 1230 p.m. to 1 p.m. you're not allowed to park there. So basically that's right by a train station. So what happens is a traffic the traffic wawler traffic waw. A traffic waw. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the train the the the the the train the the the their their their their their there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's their their their their their their their their their their their their their train train station train station train station train station train station. train station. to train. to train. train. to train. train. train. train. train. at Alpinton Station where I go to sometimes, there's parking for the day and there's a little section in the middle which is like the car parking club and it's closer to the train station you can't park in those spaces before 930 a.m. However it's been written on the floor for so long now it's a little bit like gone so you see people

part there and I'm like you're not part the club the club the club the club the club the club the club the club the club the club the club the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I'm like, you're not part of the club I can tell already and you're in for a horrible afternoon. Hello, could I please get a small business shout out? I'm a crochet designer who sells patterns on Etsy with my Instagram at Happy Go Hookie. I have recently released the super swearing crochery crochet coloring book. I'm the one of two daughters amber 9, Millie, 5. Crochchets has has has has has has th th th th is th th th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th the th th th the super sweary crochet coloring book. I'm the the one of two daughters amber nine, millie, five. Crochers helped me over the years to get through lots of trauma as well as making baby blankets. My idea for the swearing crochet coloring book is to create something that no one knew they needed. Since it's launched two weeks ago it's been so popular and well

received I would appreciate a business boost to help sales. There you go. Love you both and keep on making us giggle many thanks. Jemma Daricott from Rain Hill in Merseyside. My first proper girlfriend was from Rain Hill in Merseyside. Oh, there you go. Lovely. How did it end with the girl from Merseyside? Oh, we'd split up. Did she? Which you run out of energy and leave you at the end of the season? No. She'srying to finish on a bit of satire. Oh, it's nice that. Club. Yeah, six years. You said to give a six years. To the day, split up on her anniversary. I love neatness. You love it? You broke up of her?

No. It was a mutually agreed decision. That she led. That she led. That she led. I'm delivered. th and th and th and th and th and th and th. to. thing. to. to. to. to. thi. thi. to. to. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to. thoen. to. tooen, the to. tooome. tooomeole. tooome. tooome. tooom. to. to. the to. to. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thia. t. together. together. together. to say it. She was right to. It was a good decision. It was a good decision that you two came to after an initiation. Yeah, fair enough.

Initiating it. Right, I'll see on Friday. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Who is the best Irish person? What's the best way to cook potatoes and how fast could Superman travel in a canoe?

This is Guestamators, the weekly quiz show with me, Andy Bush and our Quizmaster Statman Matt. We've surveyed the nation and now we're grilling our celebrity guests to see if they can tap into the collective brains of Britain. Past guests include Lloyd Griffith. If you're taking that into the shower, I know the NHS is stretched but go and see your doctor. Mel Gedreuch. I've never been asked to join a pub quiz team because I think people really detest the way I become. Rosie Holt. What a load of rubbish. Briany Gordon. Like we just spent 15 minutes talking about how long the destination spends on the loo you know, that's not normal. And Bobby Seagull. I find that quite upsetting that such a poignant use of the potato has been grievously harming someone's life.

To listen to the show and play along at home you know you want to, go to guestmatis.com. Do you ever feel like topical comedy only ever tends to come from one angle? Well, I'm Jeff Norcott, host of what most people think. And my show jokes about all sides, jokes about Tories, jokes about Labor, jokes about everyone. If there's any Lib Dems listening, there isn't. We're returning guests from across the political spectrum, including Romish Ranganathens, Simon Evans, Catherine Ryan, Constantine kissing, David Bediel, Andrew Doyle, Al Murray, and more.

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