Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S9 EP28: Kerry Godliman (The Return)

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the comedian and actress - Kerry Godliman. You can buy tickets for Kerry's brilliant new tour 'Bandwith' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision

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Perfect for all you forward thinkers and planning gurus. Reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. Uber Reserve. See Uber app for details. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Oscar, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdecombe. Josh Widdecombe. Well done. There we go, smashed it. Best woodicam I've heard in ages. It is, yeah. This is my second attempt at sending this.

Forgot to attach the first time. Can I blame Baby Brain? This is three-year-old Oscar attempting and nailing, with question mark, I'd say nailing, the podcast intro. Oscar was born 18th of May, 2021. So we find the content about Josh's son very relatable. It's a week after my son, Rob.

I don't think you can call it baby brain when your child's four. No. Thank you for providing entertainment and hilarious stories. Thank you. To get us through the long night to nap walks drives. We have recently found ourselves back in the trenches with another baby born at the beginning of September. Baby Brayden is back in. Baby Brayden's back in the mix. Looking forward to a nice enjoyable holiday

in the four plus years time, unless we decide on a third after a poorly judged decision to get into camping early this year. Fuck that. Thanks for the last Cheyenne, Tom, Oscar three, Otis 11 weeks from? She's from Oxford.

Do you want a clue? Yeah. Someone you know very well lives there and is by far the most famous person who lives there. Crawley. Correct. There you go. Josh, tell me about your week. What have I been up to? What have I been up to? Busy with the kids.

It's quite a full on time of year. There's lots of like school assemblies, choir, like Christmas shit going on, Christmas do's. And it's my kids' birthdays in December, two of them, so that's always full on. Oh, fucking hell. How's the decks? Decks are up. Yeah. Are you still enjoying them? Love them. Great. Why wouldn't you enjoy them? I just wondered whether you desensitized them yet or whether you still feel Christmassy when you see them.

Are you still excited to wait to see if Father Christmas comes six weeks after meeting him? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mazda's done it in summer. You went so busy. Um, so we was going to school the other day, right? My two children between them had eight bags to take in. Fucking Nora. Honestly, I could barely carry them. Swim me through the bags. Right. They're normal school bags. Yeah. Two bags. Yeah. One of them add a guitar for guitar lesson. Yeah. One of them add a swimming costume.

Could that go in the normal school bag? Not really, because it's got a towel and you have to have an extra bag because it gets wet. The towel is fucking big, isn't it? Yeah. Then she had uniform to change into because she was already dressed as a Tudor. uniform to change into because she was already dressed as a Tudor.. And then my other daughter had her school bag, which I've already counted. Her wellies for forest school. A Nativity costume in a bag. Can't believe the fucking wellies there. Come on.

And she also had swimming as well. Oh my god. I was thinking this Josh, we want to watch an assembly. Yeah, it was a Tudor assembly. It was brilliant. Loved it. Really liked it. But I've got two children and I love seeing them all do their plays. And then the second time, because there's the younger one, they normally do similar things. So that's still quite fun to see your daughter do it.

But you go, oh, yeah, this is the one I saw my older daughter do. Oh, that's cool. Right. I'm done now. Right. These people got four kids. How the fuck do you find any interest by the fourth kid? The at that point you'd have seen that Tudor assembly about ten years ago

You're still got to sit there. It can't be fair on the youngest kid. Can it you must be bored? You can't possibly be as excited or buzzed as you was first time around. No, I what do they do? I don't know Just stop. I bet attendance gets a bit more patchy. It's difficult, Rob. Even kid number two, stuff like, I realised by this time with my daughter, we were organising play dates, we were doing all that. We're like, oh, you'll see your friends at nursery, won't you? You'll be fine.

Bad. It's bad. Yeah, no, but I think it fine. But the kids don't care. What you've got to remember, Rob, is by the time you've got four kids, they're all kind of managing each other by that point. You're in that situation. Do you think you're the youngest of your four siblings felt? I can't really remember to be honest. You don't really notice, do you? I can't really remember to be honest. You don't really notice, do you? I know I shit myself in the school run the other day. I said to Rose, oh, fuck my anecdote off.

Like, I left the house, 20 minute drive, and I needed a shit immediately, and I'm in trouble here. At one point, I was gonna pull over on a country lane and shit in a bush, but I'd have to do that in front of my children. Yeah, you can't do that. In the end, I dropped off at school, and I thought- Would you be shouting, don't look at me?

Don't look at me? And I thought, I can't go in. In the end, I dropped off at school and I thought... Would you be shouting, don't look at me? Don't look at me? And I thought, I can't go in the school and have a shit because I'd have to leave the car light with acids on. And it's a bigger car now, so it would take up too much space. And then in the end, I went to McDonald's. And you know what? McDonald's gets a lot of grief. But the amount of times McDonald's has saved me from shit in my pants, I'd say I can count it on one hand. Yeah, but that's still enough. It's enough. I'd say if it's done it once, that's it. You owe that person for life. Could count it on one hand twice. Anyway, one other thing

I wanted to tell my kids who did impressions of people they know in the bath. Oh, yeah. So they were like, your kids are in the bath, they're doing impressions of these people being in the bath. No, no, no, just impressions in general. So they was doing me go, whoa, because I take the mic out. And then going to the, what's mommy sound like? She went, girls, hurry up. And just did shouting in the morning. And then we said, um, to other people to like, uh, what does your amps is lose dad? I got, what does your amp say? And he goes, I'll take it to the park in five minutes girls.

Cause obviously they always ask them to go to the park. It was in five minutes in five minutes. And then my little seven year old the youngest, she's got still got a little bit of a cute voice, you know, like, yeah, not baby, but like younger. So she's like, and she was like, what does I said, what does granddad say my dad, she went, you're fucking idiot. Lovely. And then I went, oh, and then what does Nanny say?

And she went, not in front of the children, Dave. Apparently, he shouted at another car that cut him up on the road. Amazing. Amazing. Oh, you fucking idiot. Oh, God. That cracked me up. This mob.

Yeah, it's Kerry Godleman. Oh, lovely. Kerry Godle up. This, Rob, yeah, is Kerry Godleman. Ah, lovely. Kerry Godleman, welcome to the show. Thank you. Your return. I'm very excited about your return. We were just chatting before we started about your really funny new tour video that you released. And now we've got into a deep dive on our touring policy

where you've never had a tour manager before. Never had that before. And Josh has dropped the information that he has a duvet in the back of the car. Oh, I thought it was extravagant to have a pillow and you've just taken it up a gear. Well, I've actually got a cushion. Oh, a cushion. Okay. I'm going to move on to pillow. I've got a pillow and a duvet.

What do you do? When do you stop talking, go night night then and tuck in? About one minute into the... So Rob taught me this, Kerry, is this bad? So Rob was like, you can just get in the back. They don't want to talk to you. So prior to that you were doing the whole chatting up the front. I was like, well I've got to keep him company the whole bloody way. Right. No, a tour manager's job is to manage the tour and get you as ready as possible for the gig. So having to sit next to the same person

you see every day for a year and just fill the void is gonna drain your energy. I sit in the back and then that way, the tour manager's got their own little world, they can put their stuff in there and then I'm in the back, I've got my space, I chat a bit, but then I will just put headphones on and go, I'm gonna have a kick now.

I watch stuff. Do rapport, you tick off rapport. I do rapport and if it's a late drive, about sometimes I will like, if if it's a late drive, about sometimes I will like, if I can feel the car sway in a bit, I'm like, oh bad, Jackson, before he nods off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

What an empathetic instinct you have. Yeah, I'm a good guy. So now I'm in the back. If it involves my survival. Pillow, headphones, duvet. Wow, I'm not there yet. I'm not there. You need to coach me through.

Because I thought it might look a bit of a twat if I even put one of those long-haul pillows around my neck. Oh, get a long-haul pillow. I used to drive to Cardiff, set a venue up for two hours, do the show and drive back, and then wonder why in the morning I wanted to kill myself. It's too much.

No one else does that. No one else drives for three hours, spends two hours talking to people, doing admin and sorting stuff out and then performs a show for two hours alone and then drives home. It's insane. Well, coming round to the realization that I don't have to entertain the driver on the way to entertain a room of people. Yeah, on the way back I'm more chatty and stuff, but I think it's a fair thing to do. Josh, one question about your duvet is though, where do you store your duvet?

Because the car is changing or is it Ali's own car? No, Ali's got his own car. So he has to have your duvet in it for the next two years? Well, no, because I had to take it out because I was using an Airbnb because I was sleeping on the sofa. Yeah, you see now it's less appealing because we're talking about duvet admin and you might find yourself holding a duvet by the side of the road and there's nothing more. He's got a duvet admin. You need your own car if you have the duvet. Because Ali's like,

I've got a fucking store just where there comes duvet at my house. And who's washing it mate? Who's washing it? I'm not washing the fucking duvet. The duvet is going to get dirty as well. I'm clean as a whistle. So the duvet will stay in the car. He's got a... But it's his car. He uses it for other things. No, but it's his car that he's bought this car. Yeah, I know that, Josh, but you're not his only client. So he's going to be doing other jobs than the fucking duvet in the boot. Do you know what?

Swade are more than welcome to use my duvet. If they want to use my duvet... No one wants to use your duvet, mate. Oh, no one wants to use your duvet. Richard Oxman's brother, who plays bass in Swade, might be under my duvet. No one wants to use your duvet, babe. No one wants to use your duvet. Richard Oaksman's brother, who plays bass in Swade, might be under my duvet as we speak. You need to be in charge of the duvet at the end of a run.

So you bring the duvet into the car on a Thursday, you're with him till Friday, Saturday, Sunday, then you take me... Stop fucking working on the two days off, you'll be fucking knackered. Why do I feel like me and Robbie are your mum and dad and you're leaving home for university? I don't think there's any problem

with my behavior here, parents. I don't think he can leave a duvet in someone else's car indefinitely. Think, Josh, think. Yeah. What do you think Ali's saying about you when he gets home and he's trying to do a big shop and his wife's going,

well, we're gonna have to put the fucking duvet somewhere because you're getting a bottle of water because Josh needs water and now the fucking boots fall. It's not in the boot, is it? He's got one of those cars that's got the three seats facing each other. You know, the six seats facing each other. The people carrier. The people carrier.

The people carrier, yeah, yeah, that's what it's called. It's a shorter, quicker way of saying it. Right, not now. You could have just let me go, but you've added time by saying people carrier. So you've got six seats for you and a duvet in the boot. The duvet can go in the six seats. You can see he's realizing.

And I think that is more unacceptable. I think that's more unacceptable than sitting in the back. I would feel compelled, if it isn't my car, to remove the duvet. My cushion stays because it's my car. I'm with Rob. Right, Kerry. Yeah, hi, Josh. Welcome to the show.

Thank you. It's tense, isn't it? I feel quite triggered up. Right, Kerry. Yeah, hi Josh. Welcome to the show. Thank you. It's tense, isn't it? I feel quite triggered up. Sorry, Kerry. I think me and you quite like a fun Barney and we bring it out on each other. We quite like a little round. We're revealing a lot about our upbringing. He's taken the fucking piss out of that, Ali.

Look at that doobie. Very comfortable with arguing slash bants. Where's the line? Where's the line? Where's the line? Are you an only child, Kerry, or have you got a sibling? No, I've got a younger brother. You've met my brother at Glastonbury.

Oh, you have? And do you get on? Yeah, we do get on, yeah. We have got a six year age gap, so when we were growing up, we weren't close, but we've got closer as we've got older. That's the thing. Do you think your children, question to

everyone, do you ever think about what your children's relationship will be like as adults? I get the feeling that your kids will be very close, Rob. What's their age gap? Only two years, two girls, two years, and they were like in lockdown a lot together. How old are your kids? Can we got a point ago? My daughter is 17. She's the oldest and then my son's 14.

Yeah, how are they getting on? They're getting on all right, they're quite different. Like the older girl can, because I was the older girl, so I see it and it's like you don't give a fuck about your younger brother, you really, you really, there's no kind of natural instinct towards kindness. So the amount of times I've had to say, just be kind, just be kind to your brother in that slightly aggressive way, which doesn't land brilliantly. She's a bit kind of dead-eyed.

She always been like that or is that? No, she was cute when they were little. When she was three and he was a tiny baby, we've got lovely little videos, which I show every day of like, look, you loved him, he was your cute baby brother. I know you wanted a kitten and you got a brother, but... But that kitten will be dead.

Exactly. He's outlived that kitten, mate. No, kittens go for fucking ages. Cats take the piss. Yeah, we've got a well old one that's right on the edge. I sometimes look at an old cat, like my auntie had a cat. It was like 28 or something. And I look at it, how the fuck are you still going, mate?

They can, they can live on and on. Is it bloat cats that live long or girl cats? The fuck knows, I can never tell the difference. One or the other, one or the other couldn't really live. I always just think cats are girls and dogs are boys. Yeah, I've got that feeling. Oh shit, no, that's not the case. And I say it works, is it?

No, they kind of, they can sometimes get on, my two. When they do get on, you're so happy. As a parent, whenever your kids are getting on, you feel like you want to video it and post it. You want to tell everyone in the WhatsApp group, my kids are talking, they're getting on. But the arguing is awful. It just breaks your heart when your kids argue.

What do they argue about as teenagers then? Well, they just don't really have, they have some interests in common, but their personalities are quite different. So my daughter will be quite teasy. She'll just be like, you're a bit of a nerd. She thinks she's super cool. Right. And he's a bit of a square.

So she can be a bit. And is she right? Is she right on either of those, Kerry? Well, as we were just saying, I love a nerd because nerds have got skills. Yeah. As you just said, cause you saw my tour promotion video online.

Yeah, it's brilliant. My son made it. Yeah, I mean, because I didn't want to offend you, Kerry, but it was definitely a shift in editing. And I'd say the rhythm of it, it felt like there was an influence there. You knew someone else had got involved. There was a teenager involved in that, actually,

in a great way. Because you were so funny, but the way they packaged it, it was so suitable for- Someone with skills did that. Yeah, exactly, his skills. Absolutely, and he's really good at things like that. So I don't think of it as nerdy, but he has got,

he's more interested in doing things like that than going out and sort of sitting in a park, getting pissed. He's 14. And that must be a relief. Yeah, I am relieved actually. I live in London, I'm like, please don't go to the park. Oh gosh, yeah. I don't know what I'm basing this, well, I am relieved actually. I live in London, I'm like, please don't go to the park.

Oh gosh, yeah. I don't know what I'm basing this, well, I am basing this on your per, I imagine you were quite a tear away. But I was, yeah. But it was, it was a different time. And what I mean is, are you relieved that you're not, cause like, I wasn't a tear away, but Rose was.

Well, yeah. Ah, right. Girls, yeah, maybe girls are a bit wilder, girls are a bit wilder. Let's go back to that confession, Josh, you wasn't a tear away, but Rose was, weren't you? Ah, right. Girls, yeah, maybe girls are a bit wilder. Girls are a bit wilder. Let's go back to that confession. Joshua wasn't a tear away. No. What the hell?

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With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Didn't you have a wild phase when you were older? Yeah, when I went to uni and then my 20s and most of my 30s, but up until that period. But my mum and dad weren't very strict when I was growing up. So the wildness and being a takeaway was only relative to the boundaries, isn't it?

So my parents were pretty kind of loose with it. I wasn't... Yeah, I suppose what I mean by Rose being, is she'd just be going out and going to raves and stuff. And that terrifies me to think of my daughter. Like, are you at that stage where your daughter's going to raves? But I am actually the one saying, why don't you get a bit of fake ID and go out?

Oh, really? She's at that year where some of her mates are 18, and they're all coming out. And she's still 17. I'm like, get a fake ID, mate. New Year's is coming up. But I think she's a bit nervous about the humiliation of getting turned away on a door by a bouncer.

It used to be so terrifying, didn't it? Yeah, so she's on that right on the cusp of becoming a raver. Yeah, and how are you feeling about that? Nervous. I am a bit nervous about it. But I think she's quite sensible. I think she is, but I mean, what do I know? But apparently we don't really know what goes on with them, do we?

Which is kind of all right by me. Did she ever go into the park phase? Well, funny enough, her going to the park phase was lockdown. So she was 13, 14 for that lockdown time. Right, yeah. So I think she did miss out quite a lot. And then, so when we first did this podcast, was in lockdown and you got the benefit of my daughter

being 13 in the back of my daughter being 13 in the back of her. So that was her at that time and she was a bit wild. She pierced her own septum in lockdown. Wow. Yeah. The bit between your nose. Yeah, she did it herself. The Westbrook.

What with? Fucking knows mate. I mean, I don't know what's going on in that bedroom. She made it. Just on her own in the bedroom. She did it on her own in the bedroom with a YouTube video. And I've seen stuff from other people and they're like, she could have gone through some nerves

that paralyzed her face. Really? Apparently, she's very blasé about it now. Is it still pissed? No, apparently it's closed up. But she was like, it was all fine. It was easy. That's how wild she was.

Wow, that is quite intense. Yeah, she was full on. But she was like going through that, all that shit that we're talking about in the lockdown. God, yeah. She was locked in. She would have been up to a lot worse. Exactly. She could have been sort of running a small business in a bush in a park doing a set of films.

But so she's calmer now at 17. She's way calmer. And I've spoken to other people that say, yeah, teenage girls can get real around sort of 13, 14, 15. And it's really, sorry lads, it can get choppy. And then it does calm down. I do feel like it calms down. My favorite thing is that tracking app.

Do you do that? Yeah, yeah. I know that some people don't approve, but it just means that I'm not nagging them or freaking out. I can just see where they are So where are they now now? They're at school, right? How often do you check? I do use it. Like if I'm out, I do use it quite a lot I did use it and I thought fucking hell Frank's in Manchester and then I realized his phone was in my bag

I can be a bit cloying with it. And someone said to me, you should get rid of it when they turn 18. And I'm like, I don't think that's gonna happen. Could you say you can have it on me? Because really, who cares? They don't give a fuck about me, John. Exactly. So it's a good deal. There's no investment for them. Sort of phase it up. I think maybe first you're a uni, keep it on and then phase it out once they're settled in. Yeah. Because you can't have it on forever. Exactly, because now she's getting to a point where she'll come in after I've gone to bed and I find that quite panicky because I struggle to get

to sleep. How can you sleep in that situation? I struggle to get to sleep but I have got to let it go because I'm very fortunate to have friends with older kids that have taught me through some of these anxieties and they're like you do have to find a way to unplug because of the, yeah, in the, my friend told me this awful story that her daughter's now in her mid twenties, but when she was at uni, she sent a message quite late at night saying, come now, I need you. Oh my God. Oh no, no, no, no.

I know it's horrific. So my friend was freaking out, went through the night, calling her dad, trying to get people that lived because her daughter was at uni at Durham, trying to get like people that she sort of half knew. Nice uni. Well, yes. So this is the thing she'd done very well in her A-levels. Don't fuck it up now. So she was like...

Charge your phone. Calling the police, everything, calling the police a lot. Anyway, long story short, someone did manage to knock on her door on the morning and the Ruby her name is. She came to the door with a bit of toast stuck to her head with a hangover and went, what? And they went, your mom said that you needed help. She went, I just sent it to a friend.

Like that was banned. So I was like, it was an accident. The whole thing was a misunderstanding. Oh God, fuck that. It was an example of how you do have to unplug from the phone. You just got to find an age where you go, I'm not getting involved and going to bed now, night, night, you're on your own.

So what time do you go to bed? Well, if I've not got a gig, I'd happily tuck in by half nine, 10, mate. Yeah, me too. I'm the same until now I'm a Cerberities, I'm fucking exhausted. When they do a little cheeky hour on 40 minute one, I'm like, fucking leave it out.

And then, come on, mate, I've got school running in the morning. This time of year, I'm hibernating. I'd live in a box of hay. My morale is so low when it's cold like this. I struggle. I make it nice by making it cozy and not worrying about going out.

I'm not interested. When people call it party season, I'm like, are you joking? Yeah. Fuck off. I'm having a fun season. God, we're a bunch of old pricks. That's all right, though, isn't it? It's great.

I like it. Gary, text me in three months when you've got a duvet in your car, mate. Yeah, exactly. Cause I've got that tour coming up in the spring. I'm like, I'll gear it up then. No, I'd say we're not boring and old. Our job is just we give out so much energy

and we're chatting and we're so engaged that when we're not doing that, we need to regenerate energy. If I wasn't on tour or doing my job I'd be in the pub every night that was my problem. You're so wise Rob, you're a wise soul. I know. You're very good at that sort of stuff like looking after yourself. Well yeah I tried but I find the weather hard work I need a bit of sun on me I need vitamin D. Well there is a bit of sun Storm Burt was awful wasn't it? That's so fucking windy you went to Swindon on a Sunday night in that fuck off and then four people then turned up in the sun on me, I'd have vitamin D. Well, there is a bit of sun, Storm Burt was awful, wasn't it? That's so fucking windy. He went to Swindon on a Sunday night in that.

Fuck off. And then four people then turned up in the front row. I went, why aren't they here? And their mates were like, oh, they live 20 minutes away. I went, I've come from fucking Brobly. So I hung them on the phone on stage and there's a woman called Trudy. I went, Trudy, where the fuck are you? She went, oh, it was too rainy.

I was like, well, we've made it, go fuck yourself. And hung up and it was quite fun. But then I was like, I've actually been really rude to that woman. Yeah, sure love that though. I find I say go fuck yourself quite a lot thinking I'm being funny and people are like, all right. Yeah, I know, go fuck yourself.

Go fuck yourself. Oh, I'm meant to be nice. Saying it to your kids isn't ideal, is it? No. No, fuck yourself. Oh, I'm meant to be nice. Saying it to your kids isn't ideal, is it? No. Do you argue with your kids in that way, Carrie? Mm, no, actually, no. I'm trying to be as honest as I can. Yeah, we'll try and let you answer that one again.

I don't think we do argue loads, but that's the sort of thing you need to ask them. I have a bit of a bit of argy-bargy now and then with my daughter, very rarely if ever, around with my son. He's pretty easy going. Quite chilled. Yeah. You're similar to your daughter then, do you think?

I think we are quite similar, yeah. And is she going to uni? Is that the plan or what? She's actually, this is how similar we are, she's actually gonna try to go to drama school. Yeah, she wants to be an actor, you said before, yeah. Does wanna be an actor, yeah. And how do you feel about that?

It's so weird, honestly. Like she went to look at my old drama school a couple of weeks ago. Did she? Yeah, and I thought want to be an actor, yeah. And how do you feel about that? It's so weird, honestly. Like she went to look at my old drama school a couple of weeks ago. Did she? Yeah, and I thought she wouldn't like it. Just it's down near you. It's down in Kent. And do they have a list of alumni with you on the wall,

Kerry? Very much not, Josh. And I'm really cross about it. I'm like, did you mention mommy? No. No. Only the biggest sitcom of all time on worldwide. Don't worry about it.

She doesn't use my name and she never mentions me ever, ever. She's like, I'm not a nepo baby. She's going alone. How do you feel about her acting? Mixed, mixed. Because it's a tough world to get into, isn't it? Yeah, it is. And if it wasn't for Stand Up, I don't think I'd...

Stand Up was the thing that made it all kind of click together. Because prior to that, it was like I was doing bits of acting, but it wasn't an easy life. It's fucking mad, isn't it? Like the percentage of people that aren't employed exactly. And then I discovered the world of stand up. And then it's like, oh, and that all went alright. But I don't know, she's like, she did do a film, she has been in a film, so she's had a little taste of it. But I'm like, wow, your first job was a lovely film with like Reese Ifans and stuff. And then my first job was one line on the knock.

So I'm like, you're getting the full sense of what this industry is. But now you're comparing. How's the jealousy going for you, Carrie? I can feel it. Oh, look at you with your film. You're comparing already. Yeah. What are you going to do with your sausage advert, babe?

What's your Bob Rolfe advert then? You want your kids to do better than you, don't you? We survive so they can thrive. I really want her to do well. I want her to have a good time. And Ben's really good about stuff like that, because I am a bit nervous about it. And he says, yeah, but isn't it lovely as well?

And isn't it good that she's into it? I mean, again, people with older kids say if they're into anything, it's a bonus. Yeah, yeah, but isn't it lovely as well? And isn't it good that she's into it? I mean, again, people with older kids say if they're into anything, it's a bonus. Yeah, yeah. You can't fake enthusiasm, can you? Yes, exactly. Do you give her tips? When she does a self-tape sometimes, she lets me.

You know, you've got to be invited. I don't want to give her uninvited tips. Are you filming her self-tapes? I'm helping her with her self-tapes. For people at home, what's a self tape? It's an audition, you make your own tapes now. I think it got bigger after COVID, didn't it? Because in pre-COVID, you'd go in.

It's quite soul destroyed, isn't it? Yeah. And so are you reading from the other side, Kerry? Sometimes I am, yeah. You read the other lines and you're thinking, maybe I'll get picked up for this line. I just surreptitiously at the end, I'm available. I'm available. I'm still available.

I am excited for her as well, because it's a lovely time of life, whatever she decides to do. She's at the beginning of that adult, you know. That's the best bit in a way. Do you want them to try as many things as possible? Because I you know, I know you did a stand up as well as the acting, but it's like, you need the different revenue streams, I think, which I don't want to sound too business wankery, but because I do lots of different things,

nothing becomes too important. Yes, I agree. I've always been like that. Yeah, me too. And that way you can float into an audition and go, if I get it, great, if I don't, I've still got my stand up or my podcast or radio or all these other things.

Absolutely. As soon as I left college, I was on all of that. Like there's a lot of other ways for actors to earn a living that isn't all just TV and theater. Being a waiter? No. There's lots of work for actors in different things. Training work and role play stuff, educational stuff. There's lots of things for actors to do.

So if you sit by the phone... Did you ever go around schools and do little plays? Were you one of those? Did you? Yeah, I did like anti-bullying programs. Kids, don't be abullying programs. Kids, don't be a wanker. Like lots of that kind of theatre. Oh yeah, so it's good stuff then, you wrote your own lines. I was paraphrasing for comedy effect Josh. Very carefully written educational programs, but I've done loads of that. Forum theatre in schools and I've done medical

role play where you have to be someone with deep vein thrombosis all day for doctors. Oh wow. There's loads of things you can do that mean you don't have to be a waiter. Well, as well as touring schools, you're also touring the country. Oh, oh, right. That was really good. Yeah.

Beautiful. I tell you what, the amount of tour shows you're doing, some of the audience are gonna get deep vein thrombosis. Oh, here we go. It's absolutely on fire, eh? Oh, mate, you're all over it. You're on a hat-trick here, Rob. You're smashing this. So you're doing March, April, May next year,

and you're going to be playing Paul Newcastle with the old Paul Newcastle double. Oh, fucking hell. But if you look at the dates, there's three days between them. Yeah, it's just a fucking drive. So Paul Newcastle, Brighton, Plymouth, Bristol, Glee, Cardiff, Nottingham Playhouse, Norwich, Chester, Salford, Northampton, Canterbury, Oxford, Watford, Glasgow, Coventry, Leeds

and Hackney Empire. Amazing. So Hackney Empire goes on a few of those, go on sale Friday the 29th of November. Be amazing. What's it called the tour? Bandwidth, because I've run out. Bandwidth. You've run out of bandwidth, Kerry. Yeah, I can't remember anything. Is the tour ready yet, or are you still previewing it? Yeah, I am still previewing it.

I've got a few more left in January. I did one last night. I think I'm there. I'm nearly there. I've got like a few more bits to work out, but I did my first one with no notes last night. Oh, well done. It's a funny transition, isn't it?

When you're like, I'm not going on stage with notes. And then I kept forgetting loads of bits and having to go back for it. I was like, oh, I've got to go back for that because otherwise this bit doesn't work. So there was lots of that. You could really smell the wood burning. But they, you know. This really helped me. Tell me if you know this or to be shut up.

This really helped me with when I was trying to write a show and try and learn anything new, basically, is the different stage of competence Well, if you try new things Yeah. Well, yeah So it's a good example if you learn it to drive when you first start trying to drive you have Unconscious incompetence where you're shit at something but you're oblivious. You're like, oh, I'm driving a car Yeah, and then after a few lessons you understand how it works You are consciously incompetent or you know your shit and you don't know what to do about it

And then you become conscious competence is where you are consciously incompetent or you know your shit and you don't know what to do about it. And then you become conscious competence is where you are aware of what you need to do but it's exhausting. A bit like your stager at the moment, Kerry. Where you know what comes in the show but you have to think about every second of it and it's exhausting.

But then the ideal thing is when the tour's up and running you're on unconscious competence where you can do the show without thinking the same way as when someone drives now, you've got the radio on, you're telling the kids to shut up, you can just do it. And then that's the exciting point because then you can improvise around the show without thinking the same way as when someone drives. Now you've got the radio on, you're telling the kids to shut up. You can just do it. Yeah, that's the exciting point, because then you can improvise around the show. But once I realized I was going through those stages, it took the pressure off

because rather than me getting annoyed that it wasn't perfect, you know. The only annoying thing about that, because that you're right, I am in that middle stage, but I had a very rowdy front row. And exactly that I couldn't like operate that kind of crowd work head. And get back in the show. Because I was like, oh mate, can you just shut the fuck up because I'm really trying to remember. The next bit. Rob now you've reached the level you actually and I think this is quite rude you have the radio on during your show don't you?

I'm doing it on Bluetooth driving the car. You take a duvet on don't you Josh? I do, yeah. You just tuck up and go, you know how this works. Let's enjoy ourselves, I'm having a lovely evening. Turn the lights down, it's a bit hot on me. I've got a duvet here. I hate the lights. The lights are so bright in my eyes and I know they're needed.

I fucking hate it. I know. I don't know they needed, I fucking hate it. I know. You just said earlier that having teenagers is good and not that stressful, but what's impacting your bandwidth? Is it kids or is it the rest of life? I think it's like, well, Perry Menopause,

all the usual stuff, it's kind of midlife stuff. So what's Perry Menopause? It's her husband. That's his name, he's really known for him now. Go on, Pell. It's the bit before the Menopause, he's really known for him. Go on, Pelt. It's the bit before the menopause. So people have heard of the menopause. Menopause has got better PR than perimenopause.

I don't know why it's called that, but it's the bit before. So it's just a bit fucked. It's just a bit, like the wheels start slowly falling off and you're not really sure why until you get a bit of hormone replacement therapy. And then you're like, oh, that's what it was. So how would the wheels fall off? How would perimenopause? Brain fog, I mean, I can run you through

the 40 plus sort of symptoms, but there are a lot of them. Is that okay? Tell me if this is being rude or too invasive. I literally don't know. No, it's fine. It can be anything from anxiety. I mean, this is now not a comedy podcast. This is an education.

Oh, that ship sailed months ago, Don't worry about you kids ago. A lot of women, you get gaslit by the whole medical profession because they're like, oh, you seem to be in olden times, you'd be dead. So they didn't really work out that women live to this age and have these symptoms of this thing. And what happens is your estrogen absolutely nosedives. And the outcome of that is that you can emotionally get quite... So all the jokes are, you know, like over the years about women of a certain age being battle axis. It's because they're very, very hormonal,

like all their hormones have depended. Oh, right, so we were right. You were right, but you weren't very... The mother-in-laws has actually significantly proven that they're a nightmare. I am here to say the mother-in-laws is actually significantly proven that they're a nightmare. I am here to say the mother-in-laws are justifiably fucking accurate. There's a reason for it. They don't just hate you. There's a reason for it.

Okay, so estrogen drops. Your estrogen drops and actually often it does coincide with when your kids are at their own hormonal spike. Wow. So for a lot of women it's like if you've got a daughter and they're pubescent, it genuinely is crazy. So they're all over the place and you're all over the place. And then, you know, if your mum's still around, they're going through some shit. You're like, this is a nightmare. So it's about a lot of that. So not having the bandwidth to manage all that stuff and just looking at that. But it is funny. I'm making it sound like it's just a diatribe.

Biologically, women, I have got it harder, haven't I? Yeah, I think so. I think some of that stuff. There's a lot going on in there. Men are great. I'm not here to, don't think that my tour show is an hour. At last, finally.

But you know. If you look at it as like cars, men are like the sort of fucking six-seater, big old lump people carrier that's quite simple and straightforward, yeah. Whereas women, it's more like a sports-cast Ferrari where it can, you've got to be really on top of the maintenance of it to get the best out of it.

Well, I don't know about cars, but I'm sure that metaphor is fantastic, but I don't. I've just ended my career. I think that's good, Rob. I think that's a positive towards women. I think it's a very high performance car but it needs more maintenance because there's more that can go wrong with it due to the complexity of the engine. Can't put a duvet in it.

Can't put a duvet in it. But the maintenance is important, it's like oh actually if I get all these things in place then everything's okay. The show's a bit about that, it's just about managing all that stuff and trying to be, you know, live well. Cause aging is a privilege really, but it's like, it does come with a lot of shit. How old are you, Kerry? Can I ask?

I'm 51. I just turned 51. Whoa. You look incredible Kerry for 51. All right mate, put it away. I'm just saying. I'm over the moon with that response. I thought you were 47. I was 45, 46 I thought. No. That's over the moon with that response. I thought you were 47.

I was 45, 46, I thought. No. That's when I was like, menopause. I was up and up. Is she making this up for an angle here? Because she's too young for that. Perimenopause does come in the 40s. So look out.

When your wives start getting... How long is the perimenopause? It can start in your early to mid 40s. But when can it end? That's a really good question. Well, I've just looked at the symptoms and I can reveal Lou's been in it for three years. Well, you know what? The reason I hold conversation about that,

that women are just putting up with like quite extreme emotional symptoms and no one's diagnosing them. No one's going to knock on the door and go, babe, I reckon you might be peri-venom portal. You have to go to the doctor, get your elbows out and fight for some HRT. Why don't we just, as a little test, Rob, why don't you text Lou and I'll text Rose and say,

just looked at the symptoms, I think you might be perimenopausal. See how it goes down. Absolutely not. I think I can cash in on that. Are they in their 40s? Lou's 38. Rose is 41.

But I was looking at some of the symptoms and I think a lot of that you could just blame on being tired and having kids. Yeah 100%. When it's like headaches, mood changes, like sleep, trouble with sleep. Well that's when it's challenging because you're right. You don't know what's what. You don't know, I mean this is, I've got a bit, it's hard isn't it when you talk about stuff that your show's about because you're like I'll go into a bit. But I'm hard, I should have written another bit by then. No, it's true. But there are like bits where you go,

these are justified fury or, you know, because the world is a bit challenging. So you're like, are my responses right and normal? Or are they bound up in a hormone depletion? So it's that kind of like trying to work it all out. Can you do a hormone test? They're not reliable because obviously your hormones are changing, you know, constantly.

So it's bound up with your cycle. That's what happens. Sometimes people go for a test and they're like, oh, the doctor said I don't need it. Cause I had it. But you'd have to be doing a test literally every day and get an average. Yeah, exactly.

It doesn't really work. When you text Lou say that you've diagnosed her and there's no test. I'm gonna text her and say, Josh records your perimenopausal. No, don't do that. When you text Lou, say that you've diagnosed her and there's no test. I'm going to text her and say Josh reckons you're perimenopausal. No, don't do that. You were the first person to say it. The evidence exists. I said it as a joke. I think Lou's just tired because he's got kids. Yeah, exactly. You are tired when you've got young kids.

And now I'm being dissuasive about it. Fuck. I'm just texting Rose, say Carrie Godleyman thinks you're perimenopausal. I've described you and she's... Please don't do that, Josh. Please don't do that. I'm not gonna. Carrie, let's put you in the situation of mother-in-law. Have your children had partners? And how are you with that?

There's an air where I think you'd be very fun, but also I think you'd be quite an intimidating first meet. Oh, don't say that. I like to think that I'm very inclusive and warm. Yeah, yeah, you are, but I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you. But you are. If we were in a restaurant and the service was really bad

and the food was cold and someone was rude, and I imagine you'd deal with that. I would, but not in a shitty way. No, I didn't suggest it would be a shitty way. No, I'd be very assertive. Do your kids hate it if you do say anything? Like, my can't bear it. If I do say, oh, I'm sorry, this is...

They call it embarrassing and complaining. anything, like, my camp bare. If I do say, oh, I'm sorry, this is, they call it embarrassing and complaining. I'm like, well, no. So where are you drawing the line on this complaining? Well, I would never be rude to waiting staff. I wouldn't dream of being rude to waiting staff, especially because my daughter is a waitress. She's very like, please, mom. Kids hate it if I push back at all when we're out.

I struggle with it. I struggle with it. I can't stand it. Lou won't do it. It has to be me, but I don't do it as much as I used to. That's cause you're on the telly. You don't want to. Yeah, it's not worth the grief. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't want to be judged. I don't do it. You're on the telly. Yeah, I don't really do it. I don't eat out, Rob. I can't be fucked. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere.

What do you do as a fact? Do you do stuff as a family with the kids? Well, we talked about holidays, didn't we? The other day when I saw you. Oh, yes. Yes, so we go on really lovely holidays. I'm not going anywhere. What do you do as a fact? Do you do stuff as a family with the kids? Well, we talked about holidays, didn't we? The other day when I saw you. Oh, yes. Yes. So we go on really lovely holidays.

Like we went to Ireland last half-term with some friends. I like doing stuff like that. I love going away because then they're not distracted by their social life. Do you think your daughter's going to get to the age where she's like, I don't want to go on a holiday with my parents. I'm going to Ireland now. Oh, yeah. She's there now.

Is she? Yeah. She's made it clear next summer she's out. And I'm like... Would you just take your son? That's a weird holiday for him, isn't it? Yeah, that would be a weird holiday for him. But are you thinking of holidays go well, why don't we book a holiday that might not be our favorite thing to do?

Yeah. As a parents, for example, and I don't know if he likes football, if he really likes football, maybe go to Barcelona where we can have a bit of beach and sun and then watch the football or something. Well, that's why, because I said to him, we went to Japan last summer, so it was a really special trip. Ah, that's amazing for them. And that was kind of for him, because he's been obsessed

with Japan for years. And again, back in the lockdown, I sort of, back when I thought we all were pretty much the end of the world, I said, oh, when this is over, I'll take you to Japan. Well, we survived, didn't we? So I had to take it. I honored that commitment.

And we all went to Japan last summer. So why is he obsessed with Japan? That's So I had to take it. I honoured that commitment. And we all went to Japan last summer. So why is he obsessed with Japan? That's an interesting thing to be in. He's always been. He's been really into all that manga stuff. And a lot of kids are into it. You know, our generation was obsessed with America

and knew from films. The young generations look at America as a bit of a sad, weird place at the moment. Well, it is at the moment, yeah. For us, it was like, oh my God, look at this amazing place. And then you make them watch old movies and they're like, it's got loads of sex pests in it. Why are we watching this? Yeah. Which is fair for a lot of those films. They haven't aged well. Like they've just gone over to other sort of cultural stuff. So what's your daughter like?

Would she want to go to Japan again? She loved it actually. She's a foodie. A lot of young people really into food. They follow all food influencers and stuff like that, don't they? So she was quite all over the food thing. Yeah, that trip was like kind of, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but it was for them. So it's what you're saying. You do things that they wanna do. It feels like you're saying you didn't enjoy it. I did enjoy it, but I would have happily

just gone and sat on the beach and there was no sitting around. Are they gonna come and see your show? They've seen bits of it. I used to really hate the kids coming to watch my stand up. But I've kind of changed. Do you let your kids watch? They're too small. So they're not. Oh, yeah, I've come. Yeah, they get bored. So they watch that first five 10 minutes. They kind of like coming out for the sound check

and seeing the stage and shouting in the mic. Yeah, they come to the Southend one just to see me at work. And they saw me go out. We did 10 minutes and then Lou took them home. But I just think they wanted to see it. And what I'm up to. It wasn't actually watching the show, it was more just like, oh, we're at work with dad. Are you nervous when they're there?

Look, I can't give a shit really. I just think it's nice that they get to see it. I mean, obviously some of the stuff as I'm doing it, I'm like, oh, it's a bit spicy for them. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, they're gonna hear it at some point. But I'm not like, oh, it's gotta go well because I don't want them to see.

Yeah. Also, they're not aware of what going well is as well. Do you know what I mean? It's part of, also they need to see that sometimes it doesn't go well and I'm not bothered about it, and then that's fine. See, you're so wise, you're such a wise man. Well, the thing that's really helped me with the kids

is when they say they're worried about something at school or whatever, I don't just go, oh, don't worry, that doesn't matter. I'll go, oh, when I'm at work, because I remember once I was saying, oh, sometimes at work, people say things to me that aren't very kind. And they're horrible enough, and I feel a bit sad at the end of the day. But then, and they're like, really, because they do as much as we like, we feel like we're two messes, just surviving parenting, kids do look up at parents, assume that you've got it sorted. Yeah. Right. So if you can show a bit of vulnerability, they're like, oh, it's okay to feel vulnerable.

And also resilience, just to teach resilience and overcoming sort of difficult situations. Yeah, exactly. And the other people going through it, because they think they're going through it on their own. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I just, my only worry now,

I talk about them quite a lot on stage. I've always, I have always kind of used parenting as quite a big part of my standup. Yeah. And I know some people feel strongly that that's, I don't know, what do you think? I'm always a little bit worried. No, I think it's fine. Have you spoken to them about it?

Well, occasionally, I had this one routine years ago when Frank put his finger up the teaching assistant's ass. And it was a great routine and I really enjoyed doing it. I did it on Live at the Apollo and I clipped it up and blah, blah, blah. And obviously he aged out of it. It was when he was in reception. So by the time he's in like year seven, he's like, I really don't like that bit you did about putting my finger, you know, and you go, oh yeah, mate, I suppose.

Because I suppose the thing is at some point their mates might look you up and then see you talking about them and you don't wanna create a situation that's difficult for them. But at the same time, I have always talked about- At the same time he put his finger up her ass. Do you wanna go to fucking Japan or not? Do you wanna go to Japan? Cause we're gonna do your finger ass one again, all right?

Pretty much I have said that. I'm like, do you like holidays? Because keep doing stupid shit cause I can get material out of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's a kind of, you know, arrangement that we've kind of subtly worked out. But I do worry that the worst thing ever

is that they get shit off other people at school for it. That would be my only worry. But then they're old enough now to be like, it's like, it's just a joke. It's like not really- I'm explaining to people that kind of line between truth and exaggeration and cartooning things up for standup.

I had this whole bit about walking the dog and da da da dada-da. And then this woman I know over the road, I bumped into her in the street, she went, oh, I saw that bit you did about dog walking. You don't ever walk your dog. I'm like, all right, babe. I don't need that amount of truth. Oh, sorry. Sorry it wasn't as accurate.

Why don't you ever walk your dog, Kerry? I do it once or twice a week. But no, I do it once or twice a month. Sorry, forgive me. Ben does it most days. Yeah, not your scene. No, I don't want fucking feedback off my neighbor. Sounds like you don't walk your dog enough if you ask me. I don't walk the dog enough. Was she walking the dog at the time when she saw you? Yeah. Oh, well, what's that on the end of the lead, you fucking moron? You know what, I'm only 38, but as I'm getting older, I'll just get into

a point of just like, why don't you fuck off? You were like that in your 20s, Rob. I don't know actually what you're gonna be like in your 50s. I got some, I'm like my tongue because I needed money and opportunities. You're mellow out. You're mellowing out by 50.

I don't know. You will, you will. You just unplug from a load of shit that you don't care about anymore. You're like, I'm not getting involved in that. What's been your favorite age and your worst age? Now, I'm really enjoying this age. I genuinely am. I'm enjoying just not caring about things that I used to think were so important. Like, that's the interesting thing about having

teenagers is they tie themselves in knots about things. You know, if they fancy someone, you're like, ask them out. They're like, are you mad? I'm like, oh, fuck it, ask them out. Because you just suddenly realize that that's what I mean about the privilege of aging is you just suddenly go, oh, loads of the things you think matter don't matter. They just don't matter. But they don't know that they've got to live their own lives. Is there someone you wish you'd asked out? I was quite bolshy with boys.

I did ask boys out. I'm like, look, I gave you a dead arm. The writing was on the wall. Is there someone you wish you'd asked out? I was quite bolshy with boys. I did ask boys out. I'm like, look, I gave you a dead arm. The writing was on the wall. That's flirting, isn't it? Yeah, I was quite pushy with boys. I wasn't shy. That's why I'm always encouraging the kids,

especially because she has chosen to go into quite a competitive job. I'm like, you're going to to get bolshy, mate. You can't passively wait for someone to knock on the door and go, would you like a career or whatever? Is she going to move out when she goes to drama school? I don't know. If she gets into somewhere in London, then probably not once you get a sniff of those rents. So is she in year 13 of sixth form? Yeah. So it's next September. So she's just done her mocks. She's right in the thick of it all.

Yeah. So if she gets in and she gets to go, then it will be September or a gap year. That's the other thing. And how will you feel about her moving out? I'll be really upset. I mean, I'm really dreading empty nest and all that. Because that's the thing that comes with, if you are perimenopausal,

it's a terrible combination of the huge life upheaval, hormones, it's like a massive combo. You can become very nostalgic, you just sort of, you know how your phone sends you those little messages, like a memorial? Yeah, like they're all dead, like everyone you know is dead. You're like, you're dead, you're like, everyone's dead. It's like I'm sitting around the table with them, but I'm now like crying. It's like the BAFTA thing, you know, the end of BAFTA is always the- The obituaries.

Yeah. You can get really caught up in that nostalgia of like when they were little, because it's so all consuming as you know, when they're little. And then suddenly they're kind of out a lot, and then suddenly they're leaving home, aren't they? And I suppose you've just got to get your own shit going on.

I always say to Ben, I'm going up Machu Picchu, that's the immediate plan. I'm going- It's all right, Kerry Godlam in five years time, you've done your tour, maybe another tour, right? Both your kids are at uni or living away. Left home, yeah. They've gone, right?

And they're happy. They've got jobs in London or another town, but they're in another flat. You are 56, okay? Yeah, yeah. So you look 51. Exactly, I'll look 49, let's say 49. Actually, do you know what?

You look 48 because now they've gone, you're getting a bit more sleep. If anything, you look 43. I'm not Benjamin Button, I's say 49. Actually, you know what? You look 48 because now they've gone, you get a bit more sleep. If anything, you look 43. I'm not Benjamin Button, I'm going backwards. The dog's dead as well, so you don't have to do a walk once every half an hour. We've had the dog chat, like, well, we get another one.

No way, mate, that's a dog. No, that's gone, so fuck that off. Yeah, fuck the dog off. What are you doing, Carrie? This is what it is. I'm gonna go traveling, because I used to go traveling before I had kids. You didn't even enjoy Japan.

Yeah, but it was too rushed. So I do trips like that, but not rush it. And Ben, is he working still? What could Ben take? Ben said, like, can I come whenever you talk about the traveling? Yeah. It seems to be very much a singular adventure. Oh, Carrie's going to be traveling around the hostels,

aggressively asking men out. Yeah, hanging out with like... Aggressively asking men out. Yeah. Want to go have a dinner? LAUGHTER Giving dead arms. Machu Picchu? Machu Picchu, we're going to do South America.

I don't know, I do fancy... With Ben or alone? I might let Ben come. No. He's fun to hang out with. Have you got plans, Rob? Yeah, what's your midlife plans? My midlife crisis.

Again... Who said crisis, mate? Yeah, not me. No, absolutely fine. I mean, if you did go traveling alone and aggressively ask men to dinner, I would say that's a crisis. If you just go match your picture with your husband.

I was exaggerating for comedic. Sorry, sorry. Right, two things I'm gonna do. I'm gonna travel the world and watch football in different places. So I'm gonna go to Argentina and watch Bocca Juniors River play. Oh, that sounds great.

And I'm happy to do that with Lou or a mate or whatever. But I also want to do a degree in psychology. Oh. And do that. So that's what I want to do. There you go. Then you'll be even more wise. I'll try to understand my own brain more.

But yeah, I want to do that when the kids are, that'll be when they're like adult adults, where I've got the time. That's a lovely plan. That is a lovely plan. Carrie, are you going to, I don't think we've actually asked this before, but are you going to keep their bedrooms as they are,

or have you got plans for their rooms? Or are you planning the old, let's downsize the old house? Oh, this is great. Love this chat. I love this. This is really fun. The next chapter, because we all sort of worry about it, but let's make it positive.

I don't know. Maybe I could invite like a poet and a juggler and a circus performer to come and live here and it will be like a... Oh, what? Like, yeah, open it up to like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bidophiles.

Will your kids want their rooms kept in the same kind of... I suppose when they're in that transition, so they're, what, if they're at uni or something like that, then they're coming that transition, so what if they're at uni or something like that, then they're coming back, aren't they? Yeah. I would say if it's been a family home, if you can keep it financially as a family home, especially because you're still like in London, Wayne,

it's a nice house and it's not a massive house. I don't like that. No, it's not mega big. Yeah, well, you could stay in it as a couple. But what about this? Get a little place down by the sea. Here we go. Yes. Yes. And But what about this? Get a little place down by the sea. Here we go. Yes, and keep what you've got

and a little place down the sea. Because I think when a family home is sold, the family loses a little bit of heart. Yeah, I agree. I don't want to do that. And every morning, Kerry, you can walk past your daughter's empty bedroom, still done the same, and a little bit of your heart.

Why are you making it sad? We're having a great time. Yeah, we're having a nice time. I'm just exploring the idea. Getting a your heart. Why are you making it sad? What about getting a lodger, why do you want a lodger? Why would you want a lodger? So that the room isn't empty No, we don't have a man. It's unbloak in it. Some bloke wanking away in your daughter's bedroom Lodgers wanked How is the lodger this wanking man? Lodgers wanked I'm sure lodgers wanked, I don't mind if he or she wanked. Lodger's wanked. I'm sure lodger's wanked.

I don't mind if he or she wanked. We could have come down and said what, Shelley, were you? In a room they paid for. But you're focusing on the wanking. No, I'm not focusing on the wanking. You're focusing on the wanking. Right, right. What about, like, we all kind of get on and what, oh, this is an idea.

Someone said to me recently that their kid might come to uni in London and would I rent a room out or they can have the room. Oh, that's quite nice. So that'd be like a friend's child that might do London study. An 18 year old in there wanking. Yeah. I mean, I'm getting really bogged down with the wanking. Why are you so focused on the wanking?

Well, you're fixated. I'd go as far as to say fixated. Yeah, I'd agree. On wanking. Yeah, I thought I'd grow out of it, but I just haven't. When my kid moves out, I don't want an old bloke in their bedroom to just make it less quiet. In the week.

Three quid a week. Look, if it's an empty room, you said he's sad. Now if he's occupied, they're wanking in there and it's sad. I take the sad room. I like a bit of sadness. You take the sad empty room. So how many bedrooms have you got? Four.

Four bedrooms. One of them is a box room,, I could have a wanker in there. Right, yeah, stick the wanker in there. Elbows rubbing on the wall. Don't go in there, that's the wanking room. I think we need to move on to the wanking. I apologize, I really brought up the wanking. No, I think you can keep the rooms as they are from when they come back and then you've got the spare box room if people come and stay or whatever.

So I think keep the rooms. Keep the rooms. But keep it like as a sort of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit

of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, a little bit of a, you know, from when they come back, and then you've got the spare box room if people come and stay or whatever. So I think keep the rooms. Keep the rooms. But keep it like as a sort of relic to them? Or do you like? Go through it every six months

and go, I'm doing a charity shop run, do you still want this? And slowly dwindle away some of the old ones. Make it a bit more neutral, get some of the posters down. I think that's their job though, because they'll come back, your daughter will go to uni. What was it like when you left home?

Did you have to do that for your own room? I seem to remember going back and suddenly your bedroom feels a bit like a child's bedroom. When you first go back, do you know what I mean? I shared a bedroom with my brother. So I left at 18, went to uni

and then went straight into renting a flat on my own after uni. So you never went back? I went back for about six months, between six months and a year to save money and try and be a comedian. And then I rented another room in a place in Lewisham. So I was basically out from 18.

I shared a room with my brother. So you don't wanna be sharing a room at 21. Okay, fair enough. I left home at sort of 19, and then I did leave home proper. And then I went traveling. And then when I came back, so I was in my sort of mid-twent did leave home proper and then I went traveling and then when I came back, so I was in my sort of mid 20s then, I did move back in home, I moved back home

and that was really weird. That was a really- You don't have to leave that room for another 10 years for your son. What is he 15? Yeah. If he goes to union and comes back, that one's gonna buy an house straight away

and if you're in London, they'll be able to get to work or whatever. Yeah, exactly. I don't wanna think about it. You fill rooms as they are, but spend the extra money on travel. What about I'm going traveling and then I rent out the rooms to people? If I specify they're not allowed to match. So someone's walking in your living room.

Oh, they're shaking in the kitchen now, Kerri. I'll have a masturbation prenup. I'll have an NDA, a masturbating NDA, where I'm like, you can't. Oh, no, you'll be up matching, Peter, Ben's on his hands and knees, cleaning up jizz from lodgers. I'll put cameras, I'll put cameras in the corners. I'll be like, you're wanking, I can see you.

I know what you're doing, get out. Disgust me. You wash that duvet. I'll put it back in my touring car, Ali's car, put it back in Ali's car. And he's taking his kids to Alton Towers for the weekend. Don't worry about that. Just put the bags on top of my fucking duvet. We're all worried about that duvet.

Take my teddy. No, Josh's duvet is in there. I think if I was a kid going to Alton Towers and I got in my dad's car and there was a duvet, I'd be delighted. Yeah, but you'd be like, what, whose duvet is this daddy? It's not an old, strange man's duvet. An old clown that goes up and down the country.

Old sad clown, like it's a smell of tears. He had a tough one in Carlisle. Yeah. I thought that was a leaking out of his eyes he was. I'm glad we sorted out this next chapter of my life because I was worried about it, but I feel all right about it now. Yeah, that would be great.

We've got loads of traveling, we'll do things. Also fun little weekend trips, come visit them at uni and all that. Exactly, exactly. That's the only thing is that they don't really want to hang out with you as they get older. I will warn you about that. I tell you what, when they're at uni

and they're tight for money and you take them to the nice restaurant, they'll be all over you like a rash. Yeah, that's true. And the holidays, that's the other thing as well. People say they don't want to go on holiday with you, but if you go, I've booked it, I've booked a lovely week in Greece, they're like, all right, see you there. And once they've done shitty little eighties into thirties in Cos with their mates they don't really like, but they don't realise they don't like them yet. Speaking from experience, Rob? Yep. I've got all this to look forward to. Youed. You still both live in London? Neither of you have left London? Rob doesn't live in London.

Well I'm Kent but I technically had to vote for the Mayor. Oh here we go. One's on 6. Right Kerry, we'll end with, I can see Kent from a front door, but I'm technically still in London. He's going to say the word dears in a second. Okay, dears and root masters. You've got both, haven't you? You've got red buses and deer. We have got red buses, yeah. I know the red buses go down there, babe.

I know, yeah. What do you think of this? Someone comes and shoots a deer because there's too many deer and there's like a deer hunting season. He gave me some meat and I ate it. Oh. Like Joe Rogan.

Like Joe Rogan. It was delicious. Oh, a gambler, James A. Custer. You took it to the broadcast. I'll save that for next menu. Wild fellow. Wild deer. I haven't changed, but wild deer from my garden. It sounds wild. You're eating roadkill. Well, it's got a big rifle, but I didn't know. I've seen him walk past a gun the other day.

I thought I moved out of South London because of this. I've got a piece got a big rifle, but I didn't know. I seen him walk past a gun the other day. I thought I'd moved out of South London because of this. I've got bees of a fucking rifle. It is a very cuspy area down there, isn't it? Yeah, it's very cuspy, but technically, it's in London. I had to vote for the mayor. And there's you, Les. Oh, yeah, that's technically London. That is London. But look, what do you want me to do?

The map's the map. Yeah, it sounds like there's a bit of baggage with you and Josh about this. No, no, no, no, I told you. Well, you're very urban, aren't you, Josh? The map's the map. Yeah. It sounds like there's a bit of baggage with you and Josh about this. No, no, no, no, no. You're very urban, aren't you, Josh? You're proper, like, urban. He's zombie knifed up to the eyes. We can't move for it. To give you an idea, if you wonder why I'm looking down, I'm currently putting my builder's number plate into the Hackney parking page.

Yeah, no, I would say I'm Kent countryside, but technically it's London. I'm happy to be in Kent, but if I say Kent, people say you're still in London. And if I say I'm in London, people say I'm in Kent. I don't care. Oh, it's cuspy. Cuspy. It's a sprawling borough. Kerry, well, he's finished on the same question.

You've answered this before, but I don't know if you did answer this one actually about Ben. Best thing about him as a parent, worst thing about him as a parent, if you listened, you'd go fair enough. Good point. Best thing about him as a parent, he is a much better parent than me. He's really patient. He's just much more available. Like when the kids were little. Emotionally? Or physically?

Just he's just here. He's just more about I was at work quite a lot. I'm often working elsewhere and he's much more present. And he's just far more. His acting job. Yeah, exactly. Like this year, I was just away doing a lot of acting. So he was just- What's his profession by trade? He's an actor as well, but he does other, all kinds of other things.

Some of what I talked about earlier. A double actor and an actor daughter. Yeah. Drama in the house must be high level. You get it out of your system at work, don't you? So when you're not doing it at work, you're a bit calm. I always do a type five before Christmas dinner. Yeah, they love it.

And worst thing about it, do you know what I really struggled to... When they were little, he used to take a book. He's quite bookish. And I'd be like, why are you bringing a book to soft play? That's such a bad thing to do, like taking a book to a park. I'm like, I'm crawling around in that piss smelling ballpark thing. And he's like, just sat reading. That is crazy making that that's and

also dad's don't can I just say this as well about that they never join in on the whatsapp groups it's always the mum yeah fuck that I once tweeted a comment a few years ago like oh dad's are a bit quiet on the whatsapp groups and they the shit I got it was like I rattled an incel cage. Oh really? And they all crawled out like, oh well we're not wanted on there. Well all right lads, pipe down. You can really antagonize the dads for not joining in on the WhatsApp. But it's like, don't leave it to the mums. Yep, look to be fair, I've tapped out of the WhatsApp groups. Lou does that.

Dads always tap out of the WhatsApp groups. I love a WhatsApp group. If Lou wanted to tap out of the WhatsApp groups, I'd happily take over getting the information, but I'd have to get the information in a different way. I couldn't be on the WhatsApp. Yeah, but you'd end up saying, go fuck yourself on the WhatsApp. Yes, probably. But I'd have to set up a new system because that is where most information is shared. Basically, you just need to befriend the most organized other parent and get them to text you directly. Good plan, mate.

That's what I try. I do. Good system. Yeah. By the way, I want to bring up that you said I'd struggle to think of something for Ben, but you didn't even finish saying, struggle before you hear what he said. Yeah, but the thing I came up with is... It's on WhatsApp, so I'm really going to struggle to think of what... The thing that I came up with was more about when they were younger. So I was trying to think of something current. Yeah, now he's...

Absolutely ledge. Yeah, he's a ledge. I think we'd get on with Ben. Kerry, thank you so much. Good luck with your tour. Bandwidth starts... Where can people buy tickets? Google it up, mate. I've got a website.

I go-go. That's a rip-off. All on my website and all the links are up there. There you go. What is your website? Kerrygodleyman.com? Dot... How does it work? You just put it in... Kerrygodleyman.com. That's a big picture. Really gets you. That's right in the face. As soon as you opened that, you just went back, didn't you? Whoa, that's a big picture. Really gets you that, though. That's right in the face.

As soon as you opened that, you just went back, didn't you? Whoa, that's a face. Oh, that's too much, Kerry. I'm on a Zoom with her. I don't need this. So 5th of March, it starts 2025. Yes, March, April, and May next year. Love it.

Good luck, Kel. Thank you. Thanks for coming on. Kerry Godleman. Lovely Kerry Godleman. She's great. I love Kerry. So funny. Great person, great comic, great actor, great mom.

Oh, a quadruple threat. So chilled as well. So many comedians in that case. She's so nice and giving and friendly and kind. Go and see her on tour. Go and see Bandwith. Josh, I'll see you on Tuesday. Yeah, bye.