Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - We're all going on a summer holiday...

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

While we're on a short break for the summer holiday here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... See you next week for series 11!! TRACK LISTING: 1. Kerry Godliman (Series 1 Episode 5) 2. Jason Manford (Series 1 Episode 6) 3. Alison Hammond (Series 1 Episode 12) 4. Lorraine Kelly (Series 1 Episode 17) 5. Judi Love (Series 1 Episode 25) 6. Robbie + Ayda Williams (S1 EP 66) 7. Michael Sheen (Series 2 EP5) If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: ⁠[e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coming. coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to now that's why i call

parenting hell volume five so have you had any big bust ups in with your teenager yeah we've had loads of rails yeah and anything in particular that's a bit of a sticking point that it's not getting resolved to keeps cropping up? Me breathing, me waking her up in the morning. So what's your schedule? I get her up. Now we're back at school. In the Easter holidays, she was sleeping until gone 11, 12 most days. I've been getting her up now by 9, like with some attempt to have some structure. Yeah. And she'll get up and sort of get on with it. But yeah, she'll do the morning. Both of them do the morning. They do their work in the morning. And then to be honest, it's pretty much done by lunchtime, whether they're doing it's not or not. I don't really

know. This is the thing we're finding. There's a lot of parents who are homeschooling are saying they're just knocking it out in the morning. Yeah. Do you think schools are a bit long? I think a lot of what goes on in school is in the academic learning anyway. It's all the other stuff around it. And that's what I'm feeling sad that they're missing out on, really.

The academics, I just think that's just data, isn't it? I mean, they'll retain that often. Otherwise, if teaching was just about learning information, there wouldn't be schools. They'd all be doing open university, wouldn't they, from age four? Yeah. But like, they need to They need to see their mates.

They need to sort of have their little feuds even. It's all part of their development. But she said to me the other day, Mom, why are you so aggressive? I'm like, that's my brand. That's my brand. That's who I am. That's my USB.

Yeah, Elsie couldn't be less interested in, you know, my comedy and stuff like that. I did, we got us to do these little clips, like, for your lockdown. We made a little clip. taught or did some comedy sketches and stuff and she was involved she was a bit more interested in that but when i was like trying to sort of explain how to do it she was like well what do you know i'm like what i do you know i work in comedy i do know i've got quite a funny story about that about parenting it's a bit name droppy if you were uh suffer that's all right uh basically when me

and romish was doing the shenaya twain episode for our series about country music we went about Schneier Twain. And after her show, we were seeing the dressing room, like, drinks there with her and all her family and friends. And her son was there. He was like 17. And they live in Switzerland and he wants to go to L.A. to be a music producer, right? And Shania Twain, we're in this weird conversation with Shania Twain, one of the, you know, the greatest selling female artists of all time, one of the great selling artists of all time, is saying to him, look, go to London, move to London and learn your trade there. And then when you get a bit older, then go to L.A. You don't want to go to L.A. before you've become that formed as a person, right?

And he went, oh, shut up, Mom. What do you know about the music industry? You don't know anything about production. And I just stood there. A mere woman is cracked up. And we're in the O2 arena that she's just sold out after moving from a small town to Nashville to become this next star. It doesn't matter who you are.

Kids will never, never listen to their parents. Carrie, do you think your children are, like, proud of what you do? They don't think they like me much. No, I don't know Yeah, I think so I don't know about my daughter I don't think it's so hard To sort of navigate her 13 year old

Yeah Personality and hormones It's so complex in there to be honest I don't know really I think my son is I think my son's proud But as I say he's still little and sweet And sort of malleable

You know Yeah The teen thing has been massive And really sudden Like she was still Before she got a phone and started at secondary school and stuff like that I still felt relatively in control of her life

but as soon as that began I felt like there was this huge shift and it's normal and natural and talked about it with parents that have got kids older and they all say it's all not like even that you know Shania Twain it's like it's all normal but it's really hard as a parent to let them go and let them move on there's all these milestones

like when they start school you have to let go. I'd love to let go at this moment, Kerry. I know. I know. I think this must be a really tough age to be in the lockdown with your little...

Oh, no. Your little girl? I'll leave it. Josh, I've found out today. Your daughter goes down for a 90-minute nap and I think you're moaning too much about this lockdown. I'm throwing it out there.

Yeah, but I use that 90-minute nap to do this. Why? I like to work around the diaries of our guests and let them choose the time. Oh, shut up. If my kid was on a night, 90 minute app,

I would be starting this as soon as they woke up. That's how I'd roller it. And that is why I am a good

husband. Obviously, you've got like a house full Jason, but if for, like, in a bit of magic

that like your wife and all your children just got disappeared for 24 hours and it was still lockdown and you had the entire

house to yourself and the day to yourself, what would you do? What would that day look like? I think it would half the day

would be, I'd try and sort out my ultimate team on FIFA you know I've still got a right back at who's 76 so I'd probably sort that out I'd definitely do that and but I mean trying to

crack it I mean trying to sort this house out we've done nothing but clean spring clean the house but it's like you know it's like shoveling snow while it's snowing when you've got kids around you it's just relentless and so I think what would be nice would be just to get to a point where

everywhere was lovely and tidy and done, and then I could bring them all back and go, right, at least I know now that the basics are done, so I can just keep on top of it, because that's been the fresh start with the house. Oh, what a treat. The crumb situation, we'll hoover,

and there'll be just crumbs, to the point now, where the local birds are flying into the back door because I know there's going to be food on the floor. We've become like Jafaga Square in mid-90s. His feet So I'd probably, I'd do a bit of FIFA, sort the house out. And I started one of those, the career mode the other day.

And my wife was asleep next to us and I thought, I'll just get a start on this. And she woke up at one point. And obviously you started like a youth player. My wife woke up. She said, what are you doing? And I said, I'm just playing FIFA. She said, why aren't you playing? I said, I'm waiting to get on.

She said, me what? I said, just waiting to get on. I'm new, I'm new to the team. so I don't get that last 10 minutes for a few weeks or make a name for myself. She said you've got half an hour to play football and you're spending most of it sat on the bench watching the computer playing football.

It's a tough game, in it? Tough game out there. Let me ask you guys a question. In your house, is there like a chores league table with your wives? On a Sunday or I'm trying to get it moved to Saturday is cleaning day. So we do all the cleaning in one day. Oh, wow.

Yeah. So it's like one of us will take my daughter and then the other one will clean. And to be honest, last week, I was just desperate to do the cleaning because you're just in your own world. Yeah, you put the radio on. Yeah, that's great.

I know. Well, I discovered ironing the other week. Do you remember I in? Oh, yeah. Right. And I got a flashback to my dad doing it. So when my wife does it, She's in, we've got a little utility room out of the back

and she does that, she does what she needs to do. I got this pile of ironing, lads, let me tell you, it is, it's the secret. It is the, this is the dream. Ironing board in the living room, telly on. Oh, yeah. Nobody, bothered you because nobody wants to do the job. Yeah. Nobody checks on you.

Yeah. Nobody comes in to check. And also, oh, that's a seven-year-old going to moan about a crease in his pants. Like, there's no comeback. There's no comeback. And also, you feel, holding a red iron and something's happening, you go, oh, can you grab the kids? I've got got this. Yeah. It's like having a hot cup of tea with a baby in it. Oh, do you mind? I've just got

this. One second. I got a flashback of my dad. My dad used to do the ironing on a Saturday afternoon in front of grandstand. And I now suddenly went, oh my God, he was ahead of the curve. That man watching final score doing the ironing. Nobody bothered him. Well, it's that thing, isn't it? What used to be a job when you've got kids suddenly becomes your escape? Oh, oh my God. Recyclicer with a podcast bin. Oh my God. That's that pornographic. I put the bins out yesterday.

It was like two weeks in iron apple. Have you got any like, if you had one tip that you've kind of learned that's actually helped you parenting in lockdown, is there anything that you've kind of gone? Oh, that would really help other people parent in lockdown. It's hard, isn't it? I think because, you know, again, when you've, when we talk about pre-lockdown or early lockdown, down Jason, you know, I was thinking about learning Portuguese and sign language and maybe the ukulele. And now I'm just trying to get through it roughly within the same boxing weight category as I started. Yeah. God, I would hate to patronise anybody by giving them tips

on how to parent, crickie. What you end up doing is playing this weird, like, game of, I call it top tired or not tired with your wife, which is essentially, unless you are the most tired, you're not tired at all. That's how it works, like in relationships. And so you're constantly on this, like, you're just dropping things into conversation. You know, I did the washing the other day. And, you know, my wife said, oh, nice, are you doing that? I said, yeah, I thought I'd get it done.

And she meant to say it as a compliment. What she said was, oh, no, it's really good that you're doing that because it's knackering in. I've done it for the last five weeks. And then she left. And so what she left me with was, I've not been doing it. Even though I am doing the washing right now in the present, I've not been doing it for the last five weeks.

You know, so there's those little, those little, like, digs. I had a moment, let me tell you this, had a moment. At least you didn't take it with you, Jason, and then hold it with you until you asked about it on a podcast. Well, let me tell you this. When we first started the lockdown, I said to the kids, right, we've done it, I've done a schedule. I think that's my tip, actually, is schedule,

schedule and routine. That is the only thing that's going to get you through this whole process. So, you know, I've been getting the kids up as if we were going to school. We start at half nine, so it's not too bad. But, you know, still makes sure we're up and dressed and washed on a school day at the regular school time. And we have a break time at the same time. And we have the kids to make their own lunch. That's been a revelation.

And then in the afternoon, we do some chores around the house together. So I get the kids, right, I go you two are in charge of the dishwasher. You guys are going to do Hoover upstairs. and it's been, you know, it's been quite good in that respect. But what I did on the first day was, my wife was in the kitchen, I was just saying to the kids, right, this is the schedule. We go, oh, they do Joe Wicks, we do this, do this one.

I said in the afternoon, we're going to do some chores around the house. I'm going to teach you some domestic stuff. So we'll do that. We'll do the washing. And I just heard like a scoff. You know, that noise you, like only your wife can make, that just goes right into your heart from another room. She sort of went, ha!

And I said, what are you laughing at? She said, oh, you're going to teach them washing here. You're going to teach yourself first here? And I said, hang on. This is in front of the kids. I went, come on a minute. I said, I've been using that washing. I've been using a washing machine all my life, man and boy.

I know my way around a washing machine. I might not use it at the moment. But I know my way around a washing machine. I was livid. Secretly, I was livid. And she said, go on then. Show us the washing machine. I said, don't patronise me.

I know how to use a washing machine. And I marched into that utility room. I said, right, guys, you pull the drawer out. and you put your washing powder in and it was the draw for the dryer. I wasn't even looking at the right to. I just stood there with the wrong drawer. Alison Howard, welcome to this show.

We finally got you on with me and Josh. Hello. The tech situation got a bit hairy. Well, we should tell the listeners that basically we've had half an hour of tech troubles. and about 28 minutes into that, I'd given up hope that it was going ahead. So I've not got my game head on.

You was literally out there. I know, I was done. I was cooked, mate. I never, that last attempt, I thought this will never work. And then you plug something in, Alison, and you went, yeah, that works perfect. I was like, well, what's happening in the last 28 minutes?

I literally, I was like a technical genius. Well done. I went to import and output. I was all over it. Alison, could you give the listeners a quick rundown on your set up at a moment your kids and where you're living and what's happening?

So I'm living just outside of Birmingham. It's quite rural. I've only just moved in January and I've moved to a house which is nearer to my son's school just to make things a little bit easier for him because we lived about eight miles from the school before so we were doing the school run

and it was, I had to take him to school every single day and it was like, I can't take this anymore. How long was the drive? I did it for. for about four years, but it's only seven miles. But imagine that at rush hour. It takes about an hour.

No way. It takes about an hour through rush hour, honestly. Two hours of your day. Yeah, it's, well, I never used to pick him up. He used to always get the bus home. But I used to always take him to school every single morning. But I did it for four years, and I thought, that's enough now. And this is his final year, and I've actually moved.

I've got round to moving. He moved. And it's his final years. He's done that for four years. And he moved. I know what was the point? I know what was the actual point. But honestly, I can't tell you how much it was actually doing my head in that commute every morning. Just imagine I had to get out of bed. It's terrible. I had to get ready. Get dressed. You weren't allowed to drive this school anyway because of lockdown. So it was pointless. You've done it for about four weeks. You spent five years at this school for doing an hour of that. Yeah. Yeah, I've got into death. I've got a bigger mortgage. Yeah. Thanks for that, Rob.

Thanks for making me feel so much better. Thanks. And my workers, a lot of my workers gone, you've got no money. Great, thanks. You're working from home, Elliston. We've seen you. And actually, your son,

he's about how old's Aidan? 15, is he, 14, 15? He's 15 now, and he's homeschooling. 15? He's your cameraman. He's my cameraman, but I do have to pay him. I have to pay him, babes. It's not just like...

Do you? Yeah, yeah. We negotiate, I think, five pounds. I think for a 15 year old, you know, five pounds, a shot. For a child? Yeah, get up out of bed. He has to get dressed. He has to get dressed to come and film with me, obviously.

If we're filming in the garden, he has to get ready, he has to have shoes on, have a shower, because it's like work. But we negotiated £12.75, and that's what we're going to go with. Every time he films for me, it's £12,75. I'm actually filming tomorrow on the show, and they want me to do a picnic. And they were asking if Aidan wants to. join me, and I just said no. I just knew he would want to...

He's happy behind the camera, not in front. Yeah, but this morning, they've got a lot of money. Well, they're not giving it to me, babes. They're not giving it to me. Imagine if he was on a bigger fee than you. Does he get excited by the fact you on TV, Alison? He really doesn't, James.

Josh, he doesn't care. I think he's proud, because I've seen him... I did Rocky Horror Show last year and I was the narrator. And I saw him in the audience and you know you can just tell someone's really proud of you. I see like glints of, oh, that's my mum. I think he's really impressed with like how I do things. He says, I love your Instagram mum.

You really might make people interesting. It's really, you like make something out of nothing. He likes the fact that I can make something out of nothing. Yeah, but also from a teenage boy, you don't get much out of them. And never mind any sort of love or admiration at that age, do you? So anything's a plus or something. Yeah. And do you find that?

It's hard to get stuff out of them. To be honest with you He has his moments He's still like There's glints I still see him as like A little baby And I still seem like He does still want to be

My best friend You know what I mean Like I go cycling with him And he always says yes I go do you want to go for a bike ride And some people would find that I think some kids would find that Really like

Who wants to go around with their mom On a bike but he loves it He loves it They don't go very far Because I get really tired We normally just go around The block And then I'm like

I'm tired now, I'm going back, but you always come to me. He just enjoys, like, my company. I'm thinking of getting an electric bike now, because honestly, I'm just knackered the whole time, just going around the block. I want to go further. I want to go into the countryside. So I'm thinking of getting one of those electric bikes, the hybrid or something like that. You could just move to the country, buy a house nearer there. That's what you normally do when you've got a long journey to deal with.

Yeah, but he worry about his school bays. He's got a year left at the school. You say a year. He's not going back, mate. Read the news. How's homeschooling gone? Are you a good teacher? I'm a fantastic teacher. I'm amazing. He doesn't listen to me, but I am amazing.

I think I'm a brilliant. I think I'm a really good motivator. I can motivate. He just doesn't listen to me. So how does it work out? Take us through the school day. So in the morning, he does have a sleeping. I'm not going to lie. But I've just had an email to say he's got a lesson at 1125. So I would wake him up an hour before and I'd say go and get a shower. Yeah. Yeah, tell me, no, he's not having a shower today.

I go, okay. And then the computer goes on, and I just listen to the teacher teaching my son, and then afterwards she goes, go off and do this assignment, and I have to just make sure he does it. Once he's done it, he can go and do whatever he wants, which is normally a game console. What game? It's the one where he kills lots of people in the street and attacks people.

It's obviously a lot of people. escapeism. Do you miss him being little? I do actually, yeah. Of course I do. I loved when he didn't answer back and he just sat there looking at me, doughy-eyed. It was lovely. I miss everything about those times, feeding times. I used to love doing food and mixing different things, broccoli with a bit of meat, put a bit of seasoning in. I was like, I wonder if he likes it. I wonder for it. He used to love my food and then he'd go to house places and he was like, I'm not feeling that. It's not seasoned. I always seasoned my baby food.

My baby food was on point. I should have sold that baby food. It was amazing. I should have. I should have sold it. What's your tip? What would you season? Salt pepper.

No, I put a bit of all-purpose seasoning in. All-purpose seasoning. I used to have, like, mac potato, sweet potato, a bit of chicken, broccoli, a little bit of all-purpose seasoning. And he used to absolutely love it. All-purpose. But what other purpose is there than seasoning?

It's all-purpose. What else you do with it? A bald spot on someone's edge. All purpose. I've run out of toilet paper. Don't worry. Here you go. Use that.

Once this goes out, they rush on all-purpose seasoning at Tesco is going to go absolutely mad. Anything just becomes amazing. A steak, bit of all-purpose. Chicken, bit of all-purpose. Mince meat, bit of all-purpose. It comes out as if you're a chef.

Honestly, I'm not even joking. There's absolutely no reason why. anyone should be cooking any bland food around here now. Did you know I'm a bit of a chef now, guys? Well, I know you've got an ingredient. I'm aware of that, yeah. You've got one ingredient. Alison, can you help us?

As your boy's older now, we're struggling to get our daughter's potty trained. How did it go for you? Do you know what? I don't know how I did it, but I'll be honest with you, he just started going to the toilet. It was the weirdest thing ever. he used to wake up in the middle of the night and just go to the toilet

for one day he just literally went from wearing nappies I put him into the pull-ups so he could start feeling the wetness and stuff like that he was like I don't like this literally started going to the toilet

I was like oh my god I am super mom I am super mild I don't mean to make you feel bad or anything like that it just happened I was like oh my god but have you ever seen an adult

who doesn't go to the toilet so the thing is I don't think you should worry because eventually they will go to the toilet. I'm not worried, Allerton. I'm not worried because I know that I'll happen, but I want to know how long I've got to pick up human shit for. But don't you find it weird

that your child's human shit is okay? All you've got to do, Rob. It's very simple. Just add a bit of all-purpose seasoning. It's totally fine. So Lorraine, what's your setup, parenting-wise? Well, we've just got the one, and she is a grown woman and far more sensible than I will ever be. And she just celebrated her 26th birthday.

And she was over in Singapore, working in Singapore, been there for the last sort of three and a half years, and I've really missed her. And then she's back here, which is lovely. And, of course, we're driving her crazy, but that's kind of our job. Have you defaulted to, like, when she was a teenager again? Have you defaulted to those roles? Not really. It's quite different. I think she is kind of more.

like the parent. It's just like looking for us and telling us to tidy up. It's really quite weird. It's mum, you have to tidy up. You know, and she goes out and looks at us the shopping and we have to see what we want. It's really quite. Actually, it's really quite nice.

I'm quite enjoying it. But we do drive her nuts, but that's fine. But you know what? She was quite good. The teenage years weren't too bad. I mean, there was a lot of eye rolling and a few doors slammed. But it was actually okay. But the thing with us was, away for quite a lot because I worked down

in London and we were all together until she was about 12 and then went back to Scotland for her to go to secondary school in Scotland and my husband really wanted to go home as well so I did the commute not every morning surely not every morning every couple of days it was crazy it was crazy but it was

doable then because Dundee has got an airport tiny tiny little airport which is so easy you know to get there and it's just a doddle to check in and everything it was a joy it was like getting the bus and we went from London City. But Steve was the parent that would say, eat your broccoli, brush your teeth to your homework. And I would be the parent that was like, hey, look, I've got heat magazine and then free

lipstick. And it was like in a good cop, bad cop a little bit. So it was a wee bit, a wee bit kind of strange. But it was, it's all the time. I mean, I just feels if it's been two minutes ago that she was a wee tiny baby and it's just gone by so fast. I know everybody says that to you, but until you're living it, you just, I think it was literally two minutes ago that she was a wee toddler and interested in every I love the toddling stage when they're interested in everything and it takes you about half an hour just to walk down the street because puddles are really interesting and the questions and the why why why I just I loved all that the curiosity of kids I think is the best thing how was it how was it as a teenager when you know you being

so famous and on the telly every day and everyone knowing you know a household name knowing that you know her mum was her own Kelly how was that as a teenager was she proud of you was she bit embarrassed? I would say on the whole probably more embarrassed than anything else. I mean, of course she was really funny. I remember when she was tiny and she said to me, and it was before people would come up for selfies.

And she did say to me, she says, Mum, why do you scribble your name on bits of paper for people? It's weird. And she would have kind of quite bemused. So she's never really known anything else. And the thing is, when I'm at home, I'm just her mum. She was never really that impressed, which I think is quite

healthy, although when she was five and she rest life, she quite like that. Do you think, like, most people, obviously, the thing that they have is they're like, oh, my God, the early mornings, but you were getting up at 5 in anyway. So you were probably getting up first anyway. It wasn't a problem for you. I know it wasn't. That was one of the joys of working big that you add up.

And when she was teeny, teeny tiny, a couple of times I was able to take her into work. And that was because you can just pick them up and carry them. So that was okay. And obviously, I wouldn't leave her on her own. You know, one of the team would take a wee watchful eye. owner but I didn't do that very often but at least I had the you know I had the occasionally I could do that they were really good so you were sat there doing an interview knowing that there's some runner who's looking after your baby in the

kind of green room she'd be sleeping she was sleeping but like I say that probably over the years only happened a handful of times it was it was only if there was a you know an emergency or something and of course when when I needed them my mum would come down I mean my when she was born you know my mum was like right it was 11 o'clock at night and I phone my mum and, of course, she's in Glasgow and she's like, how do I get to you? Obviously, I'd say the country's got a kind of view of Lorraine Kelly, you're a very kind of clear character. Would you say as a mum, I can't imagine you disciplining a child. Can you tell someone off, Lorraine? Can you get angry? No, I can. Oh, yes, I can. I mean, it takes a lot.

I am like, you'll be like me when I'm angry. We saw the Esther McVeigh clip. I've seen that. I don't do it very often I really don't but like that's who let my pals know do you know what I mean that's who

that's when I'm sitting having a few a few down then that's and then they say tell me about this one what do you think I go

well wait till you hear this you know I have to keep her caged but yeah I find it I found it really difficult giving it into trouble

but thankfully she hasn't really given as much you know much trouble The thing I am though, the thing that I would always say is I'm not our best friend, I'm our mum. You know how you hear your parents sometimes saying, oh, we're really, really good pals and some people go out with their kids. Not that, I mean, we would go out for something to eat with her or something, but, and I would like to think that she tells me everything.

Of course she doesn't. Why would she? I'm her mom. You don't want to hear everything. And that's why you've got your pals to tell all these things. So I think, I think it's a a bit of a strange idea to think that you can be your children's gain. And I don't think it's a good thing. So if she says, Mum, I need to tell you. And you go, I don't want to know, actually. She just tell you, mates.

So do you try and talk to them about, like, did you find that you're totally comfortable talking to your 15-year-old daughter about, you know, boyfriends and what she's up to and all that kind of thing? Yes. My mum, I grew up at my mum, she would be like, nor boyfriends, them just gonna want dig you out.

Now, if I break that down in like, translate that in English, it means they're just going to want to have sex but her word was dig you out. That was her.

Dig you out. Your heart. That's a terrific image. Like a fucking highway maintenance worker. Jesus. Right. Treating it like it's tarmacin. Fucking hell.

From your mum. And depend on what, Depending on what kind of person you are, you might actually find that, like, quite intriguing. Yeah. I'm going to treat you like HS2, baby. I'm going to open the thing and dig you out. My dick's going to be like a shovel, yeah?

Oh, shovel dick's turned up. Yeah, oh, again, you know what I mean? You don't know what I'm saying that's a shovel dick. You might not have a job, but he's got a shovel dick, you know what I mean? Could I just ask Was it just your mum's phrase Or is everyone saying dig you out

I don't think I think there's a few people That might use the term And it's a very vulgar term But I think it's in the term Of like There's more context to it You know

There's more layers to it It's more about Not just the physical But it's the emotional And mental analogy behind it In the sense of having no respect For you

And just you Yeah because digging someone out the term I was like taking the Mickey out of them or being horrible. If someone's digging you out, they were digging me out for my outfit and stuff. Not that term. So I think maybe just the message was maybe, just disrespect. Was it just disrespect you? Yeah.

Yeah, just like disrespect, you know, have sex with you and leave you and haven't got no feelings for you. You've got to care for that. So I've kind of taken a different tone, you know. Yeah. Was that a conscious decision then that you thought, well, I didn't really get what I need. I had questions about dating or growing up and stuff like that.

But I didn't really get the chance to speak to our mum about it. Was it a conscious decision to realign your approach for your daughter? Yeah, I think so. Because I think, like, my mum was great. And, you know, my friends, we used to talk with my mum, we used to laugh. And she'd just say, because she was older, say the most hilarious things. But I still think, like, in this day and age, I think, I've got to come with a little bit of a different angle.

I find these kids have got so much other kind of, um, areas where they can hide information. So I feel like I have to kind of, you know what I mean? There's so much different apps. There's so much different people that there. Their reach of speaking to people is just so wide. So I thought, you know what? Let me just try

and I work to both of their different personalities. My daughter's more the one that will cringe and not want to hear it. And my son, he's open. He knows every, he's there. Oh, he wants to ask questions and he wants the answers. My son's a kind of kid where he knows the answers already, especially if it's quite a uncomfortable question, but he will still ask you just to see you embarrassed. Oh, really? What kind of things does he ask? He'll just be like, oh, you know, so

labour was really hard. I heard there was a thing called tearing. What is that, mum? My God, bloody out. I only heard that three years ago. Yeah. Well, this is what I'm saying. He would ask, I don't know if he's asked that specific question, but that in a kind of, he will ask that a real deep where you're like, what the hell? Are you? Do you have a double down and try and embarrass him back? No, this kid.

Have you ever tried that as an option? Nah, this kid's different, man. He's, I swear down, he's a different, this different breed. Hi, lads. Hi, darned. Hi, my love. I like the French headboard you've got right behind you.

Yeah. We're renting, I'm renting a house at the moment to do all the promo in. Don't worry, babe. I've got all the four kids covered over here. I got it. Oh, fuck off. We've been doing that for the last two weeks, three weeks. Because I went alone with the four kids for three weeks. No, I get it. I totally get it. I've just... I don't think you do. You've got a front board and you're getting up at 12.30. I don't think you do. I got up this morning to do breakfast shows on the radio. It's all right.

You can capture all of this domestic for your podcast. Yeah, I mean, this is great for the podcast. We should want to explain what's going on here. We should, do you want to explain the situation, Rob? Yeah, I say, we have got, well, it's our first married couple on the show together, and it feels like we've intercepted your own sort of Zoom catch-up. Yeah, we should say you're apart. Yeah, you're in separate locations.

The Ida's comedy trope, and the last. three weeks, well, I've actually been doing stuff, like work, is that you're who traits across being a pop star, and like, I'm looking after the four children, and that's been the, it's actually a bit of it's comedic, but a lot of it's not. And the result is, I just go, I'm putting food on the table. First of all, majority of it is comedic, there's a grain of it, like, yeah, I am looking after the kids. But let's be honest, Every time I've called you, you're playing in your golf simulator at the manor. You have rented a manor with a golf simulator.

You're putting in six hours of golf work a day. So I apologize if I haven't taken too seriously the hard, earnest work that you were doing right now. But there is no golf simulator where I am. I have my simulator is screaming children. That's my simulator. Has this been the most disjointed start to a podcast yet? No, but I think it's a, I think it's a fair representation of sort of what's going on because you're both in separate

places. I just got all the kids. So how can you run us? How many children have you got? 800. I don't even remember their names. I don't even. No, it's funny. In court, we have four kids, but in quarantine, I don't know if you've experienced this, but I feel like the amount of kids that we have like quadruple because I never, I never realized how many kids we had until we were at home with them all day long and schooling them. it was all of a sudden like what is that is it in the matrix when when what's his name multiplies over and over like the second one

got yeah yeah yeah they all became multiple beings because like each scream was four screams you know like trying to get a five year old and a six year old to zoom at the same time for other education was quite challenging plus like you're feeding the baby the other one's shitting somewhere I mean it was a lot

by the other one she meant me that was Rob but I do tell him for the most part to clean up his own mess and how old are you kids 8, 6, 2 and 9 10 months Wow that is full on and where are you at the moment then Robby you're in separate locations Ida's in Switzerland where are you I'm in Oxfordshire

I've come over to do a promo for my album Christmas present and if I didn't do that, none of these children would eat. Go on. Oh, I'm glad that we're helping you out with the food, Rob. Have we noted that Robin's doing this interview from bed, and he's just woken up, and it's like 1 p.m. I'd like to put some framework around this. Yes, I could confirm that he's still lying in bed, topless. I assumed he was in L.A. and you'd got up really early for this, but no, it is midday. It's Oxfordshire. So how...

I wouldn't be able to get away with this. So how are you managing to do this, Robbie, and not get in trouble with either? I got up really early this morning. I did lots of radio shows, breakfast shows, to launch my single. And then because that was so tiring, I just had a power nap.

And now I get up and I do this. And then I've got other things to do until 9 o'clock this evening. So sticking up, your American ass. I will shove that mild accomplishment up my ass, but I would like to take it to the crowd. What time, Robbie Williams, would you say, and be honest, truly, truly honest, because we are all a witness. What time would you say that you normally get up in the morning? I'd say I've been really good just recently, but since you've known me, which is 15 years, 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Midday.

There you go. Are you a student? Listen, I suffer with an undiagnosed disorder. called Robbism. Robism. And listen, I'm getting there. I'm getting there slowly but surely. But I've had... One minute at a time. So when you're saying really good recently, what's really good? Half past nine. Sorry. You're not agree with that either. No, I'm not. At what point have you gotten it but half past nine? I've got a fit golf in, babe.

You make your golf appointments for noon. You don't get up to the golf course at night. You do not get up at nine. Babe, for the last two and a half weeks, I've been getting up at nine o'clock to do some serious promo and then golf and the golf simulator. Yes.

I think people will feel, I mean, I'll take it to the group, but it does sound trying to be a pop star, doesn't it? It sounds difficult. It's difficult for me and Rob, obviously, because we've got fake jobs as well. Yeah. What time do you guys get up with your fake jobs and your fake jobs? I got up at 6.30 this morning.

Wow. Yeah. I get up about seven every day with the kids. You see them in the morning. You see them in the morning. Yes. I walk mine to school. That's kind of you.

Yeah. I pick mine up. I can't do the pickup, so I do the morning. That's what I do. I can't do the morning, so I do the pickup. There we go, Rob. We should have a child together. We'd be a perfect couple.

Yeah. But what time do your kids normally wake up then, either? They wake up at about 7.30. Oh, that's not too bad. It's not bad. They're good sleepers. They're good sleepers. They get that from the dad.

I still can't. I've got a question about this power nap you've had, Robbie, where I would, if I have a power nap, that's normally, you know, fully clothed on the sofa, you are basically naked at the moment. I've never stripped to nothing to have a power nap before. That's just going to bed, isn't it? I did all of the interviews this morning for the radio people. Some of them were actual Zoom in the studio.

I did all of them like this because I'm an eccentric pop star. You did not do the radio news like that. Did you really do a topless in bed? Yeah. Wow. Strong show. You married an eccentric pop star. You know about me.

Do you think that if you just keep repeating eccentric pop star, that will just bypass it? and I'll just go, well, it's just an eccentric pop star. Okay, let me ask you this, Ada Williams. Am I an eccentric pop star? You are an eccentric pop star. Okay, thank you. But how long could that last?

Will you be like an old people's home in your 90? You just shit yourself and they go, oh, he's shit himself. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I'm not old. I'm just an eccentric pop star. I found, I don't know, like you just, when you go away on tour, I'm a really hands-on dad. And when I'm at home, it's completely 50-50,

but then when you go away for a couple of weeks and then you come home you've sort of forgotten how to do it it's sort of like it can just go so quick and then you feel a bit like alien and then you've got to relearn all the little routines and stuff and then sometimes it's easier just to go oh I've got another bit of work and sort of escape off again and it's weird because you sort of aren't confident enough

to establish yourself as a dad but then and then you sort of take that way up it's very difficult to come back and forth after filming series well I've really noticed it now much more so in a way this time because when I have had to go to work, I mean, and even though we're like Anna and Lyra have come, you know, we've all come together to New York when I've filmed before Christmas. So we would all be living together in the apartment there, but I would go off to work, you know,

in the studio for the day and then come back and maybe, you know, come back after Lyra's gone to bed. So I wouldn't see her until the next morning maybe. And I'd notice a difference. Like she wouldn't, she wouldn't maybe acknowledge me first thing in the morning or so it would be different. And that's just from being away for a bit of the day, let alone, like, away for two weeks like I used to do with, you know, with Lily. I really notice it, yeah. I noticed that a lot, actually. When you go, you're like, come on, mate, I've just been to work.

Give me a break. They don't get a shit. That food you're eating is because of me going away and working. So let's have a little bit more. We? Huh? There's a lot of that going on. I know that.

Well, I'm not eating it anyway. She didn't eat to eat it after the afternoon. And she just lets it dribble down her mouth. That's what Lyra's doing at the moment. She's got the, I think we're getting the point where we're realizing we can't give her, like, the sort of mar-pourade food anymore. Oh, my height in that stage.

I found it so difficult with getting on to food. Because she's, yeah, she's eating, she's, you know, putting it in her mouth, and then she's just looking at us in the eye and just letting it dribble down her face. She knows what she's doing. Now, I don't know if you remember this period, but she's at that period where,

If you tell her off, she just thinks it's funny. Like she, and on the one hand, that's kind of a bit annoying because you know, you want to go, no, don't put your fingers in that socket. Don't pick that knife up. You know, you want to like instill another. But on the other hand, I'm sort of living in terror a little bit at that moment where she realizes she is being told off. You know that?

Because at the moment, she just doesn't have that. Even if we get, you know, scared about something and raise our voices or, you know, are a bit sharp with her. She just thinks it's funny. Yeah. That is horrible when they get out. If you do go, no, like that. And then they cry because you actually make them jump.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they get scared. And then it's a horrible feeling. Yeah. Oh. It's like the first time you see if they cut themselves. I remember that with Lily as well. First, she bumped her lip on something Lily when she was very little. And her lip was bleeding.

I just remember that feeling. I've seen your child's blood. Oh, it's like, oh, it chilled me. And the same with Lyra when she bumped her head one time as well. It's horrible feeling that, isn't it? It's grim. It's the, I think that one where you say like that situation where like they think they're being told off and it's funny.

Have you got into this situation where they'll do something and you'll laugh and then you've created a running joke that's, every time you laugh, it's reinforcing bad behaviour. So I've got in this running joke now where so she'll say it's cuddle time and then she'll cuddle her mum. Yeah. And then I'll go. I said, oh, is it my cuddle time?

And she said, no. And we both laughed. And now, I haven't had a cuddle in four days. Because she is just funny. She's just funny. She loves to go, it's not your cuddle time. I'm like, all right, mate. And jokes are joke's a joke in this situation.

Come on. That's it for this special best-off episode. We'll be back next week. If you are not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the song. He got in touch, you said, yeah, sorry, mate. You didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times.

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