Passion Struck with John R. Miles - 5 Ways You Can Break Free From Digital Addiction w/John R. Miles EP 205

Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up next on the Passion Struck Podcast, smartphones are helpful and when used correctly have their purpose. Right now, you're likely listening to this podcast in your smartphone, but they also have the potential to negatively impact our lives and our human connection. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John Armyles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality

Starting point is 00:00:32 so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guest ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello everyone and welcome back to my Mentum Friday and episode 205 of the PassionStruck podcast. First, certainly ranked as one of the top 50 most inspirational podcasts of 2022. And thank you to each and every one of you who come back weekly. To listen and learn, how to live better, be better, and impact the world. And if you're new to the show, thank you so much for being here.

Starting point is 00:01:17 And if you're not familiar with us, you can also watch these videos on our YouTube channel at John Armiles, where we have over 400 different videos, both long form content like today's episode, as well as exclusive content that you will only find there. Please go check it out and subscribe. In case you missed my episodes from earlier this week, they featured Dr. Dolly Chug, who's a professor at NYU, a New York Times best-selling author, and we discuss her new book, A More Just Feature, which just released this week.

Starting point is 00:01:46 I also had on Dr. Nate Zinzer, who's a performance expert at West Point, and we also discuss his best-selling book, The Confident Mind. Please go and check them both out. I also wanted to acknowledge our fan of the week, David Meade, who writes, Wow, must listen. John Miles is one of the most insightful, vulnerable, and humble speakers in this day and age. Listening to his podcast each week gives me the tools for creating behavioral change in self-growth. He and his guests provide amazing tools that

Starting point is 00:02:16 make me better as well as becoming a better partner and parent. He has the deepest and most empowering things to say, including the way he interviews and gets the best from all his guests on the show. David, thank you so much for that heartfelt review. They go such a long way in helping us grow this community and increase our popularity on Apple and Spotify, and thank you to all of you who come back and rate the show and give us reviews. It means so much. Now let's talk about today's episode. You're waiting for an elevator. The doors slide open, you enter, and they close. As the elevator begins its descent,

Starting point is 00:02:50 you notice that another person is in the elevator taking this ride with you. A silence soon grows uncomfortable. Pop quiz, what's your go-to move? A, stare blankly ahead, B, initiate a vocal greeting. C, get on your smartphone, D, briefly look over to the other person

Starting point is 00:03:06 and make eye contact. If your answer is C, you're like most of us. Our attention is always on our smartphones. Include to the digital world. We have become a society where we avoid real conversation or even eye contact with other people. And technology and the applications it powers makes it easier than ever to avoid human to human contact with anyone.

Starting point is 00:03:30 In fact, a 2019 study found that when we meet people in public places, our phones can thwart us from even exchanging brief smiles. Because technology is becoming ubiquitous and entwined in our modern existence, we are losing our ability to have profound, spontaneous conversations with others who are around us. This is changing the nature of our social interactions in alarming ways. The social effects of our smartphones are altering the role of conversation in our everyday lives, impacting our capacity for empathy, introspection, creativity, and intimacy. In today's episode, I will explore why smartphones in digital addiction are killing conversations

Starting point is 00:04:17 as well as human-to-human connections that we need to feel fulfilled. I'll start by talking about a personal experience that I had earlier today. I will then discuss why smartphones are negatively impacting our connections and five ways that you can break free from digital addiction. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey creating an intentional life. Now let that journey begin. Now, let that journey begin. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing workouts because I start the day full of new ideas and an intentional desire to do substantial work after I shower of course and a passion for helping people via my minor contributions. As I stood in line to get the coffee, I dreamt up an exciting new concept for a solo episode. After receiving my coffee, I sat at a nearby table to check my emails. As I did so, I noticed a young man sitting at a

Starting point is 00:05:23 table nearby. He was stressed as a typical entrepreneur. With a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, we live in Florida so it's still hot here, as well as what we all wear in Florida flip-flops. But instead of working on his computer or phone, he was reading a book by Robin Sharma, who just happens to be one of my favorite authors. I found it very intriguing, and so I said good morning. He looked up and was gracious enough to respond back the same. I told him I had just recently finished reading

Starting point is 00:05:51 the everyday hero manifesto that he was reading. I also told him I had the privilege of interviewing Robin Sharma about it a couple weeks ago for an upcoming episode of the podcast. His face lit up and we spoke. He told me how much he enjoyed reading Robin Sharma and how much Robin's advice impacted his life. He asked me about Robin's influence on my life and we ended up discussing what Robin and I

Starting point is 00:06:13 cover in our interview. He then spoke about his trials and tribulations growing up as a young man in this fast-paced digital world that surrounds us. I told him I also had a son, approximately his age, who was struggling with many of the same things that are impacting him. A young man then went on to speak about his family and shared some of his early entrepreneurial disappointments. As well as his resolve to succeed, I told him that I've been coaching entrepreneurs for over two decades, including the founders of now three unicorns and gave him my brief

Starting point is 00:06:44 history. We talked for another few minutes about the trials and tribulations that go hand in hand with starting any new business, the joys that come with success, and the need for grit and staying the course, through the valleys that come along with its peaks. Initially, I'm embarrassed to say I almost didn't speak with him. I sense that he was just another overly confident, arrogant, and conceited young man who thought he already knew more than me. But looking back at myself when I was his age, I also possess many of these same traits.

Starting point is 00:07:15 And in this case, my initial gut reaction proved absolutely be false. All I know is that I must not judge someone by their appearance. And I must put down my phone more often to have conversations with others who will help me to improve. So how does that story relate to you, the listener? I recently came across a term that I've never heard before called Fubbing, a portmantow of the words phone and snubbing. If you're out with a friend or your kids or your partner and they continuously reply to messages, phone calls, or emails, you are being phubbed. Although being on your phone may seem benign,

Starting point is 00:07:51 it can negatively impact your relationships with others because it's your quality time. And the real problem is you don't even realize it's happening. In some ways, our devices were made to foster and maintain relationships. They help you find friendships, let people connect with distant family and friends, and even allow you to find your match. Still, the usage and mere presence of a smartphone during in-person exchanges can reduce the quality of those moments. When someone is

Starting point is 00:08:22 thumping in your presence, a subconscious message that you are receiving is that their priorities on their smartphones are more important than you. So how do these smartphones affect our human connection? Geneva Brown, a psychologist who studies the risks of technology on relationships, said, Smartphones allow us to be connected to our loved ones easily through texts and phone calls. But sometimes when they intrude on our face-to-face conversations, it can be a problem. Brown's analysis published in the journal Emerging Adolterd in 2016 revealed when friends use their smartphones longer, it lessened the quality of their interactions.

Starting point is 00:09:04 Her study discovered that all quality of their interactions. Her study discovered that all parties had poorer interactions when they were on their smartphone, regardless of how close they were as friends. Another recent US study published in the Journal of Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies had a similar finding. The research discovered that people felt distant from their conversation partner when that people felt distant from their conversation partner when that other party was on their smartphone for an unimportant reason, such as messaging friends compared to a critical situation like a work emergency. In other words, when you are constantly engaging with your phone, you cease engaging with those that you were with,

Starting point is 00:09:42 which in turn harms the quality of your relationships. It tells the other person that your mail, a message, or call, is more important than they are, and takes precedence over them. And that, in turn, makes the other person feel insignificant. A 2015 study found that smartphone notifications alone impacted performance on attention demanding tasks. This event occurred even when the parties didn't directly interact with their device during the assignment. Good conversation and connection on what is occupying your time, beat interacting digitally every time. When we dialogue in person, we engage with the other person, building lasting relationships.

Starting point is 00:10:23 It also ensures that what you say to the other person isn't misinterpreted. Why? The reason is straightforward. When you interact with someone face-to-face, you can clearly articulate your ideas and lessen the risk of misinterpretation. On the other hand, smart phones impact human connection because they prevent the other person from seeing your non-verbal behavior. Using them means not giving your undivided attention and being fully present, which is the

Starting point is 00:10:51 most potent expression of affection, as well as respect in a relationship. Those who you care about should not have to compete with your devices or attention. When it comes to f oven, your smartphones are ruining your relationships. You are effectively concentrating on something virtual instead of real and destroying real-life bonds. We'll be right back to the PassionStark podcast. When it comes to your health and longevity, you hold nothing back. You understand what it means to push harder, reach farther, and go the extra mile. This relentless drive runs in your blood. That's why InsideTracker provides you

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Starting point is 00:11:49 And when you connect inside tracker with your Fitbit or Garmin, you'll also unlock real-time recovery pro tips after you complete your workout. It's like having your own personal trainer and nutritionist in your pocket. And for a limited time, you can get 20% off the entire inside tracker store. Just go to inside tracker.com forward slash passion struck. That's inside tracker.com forward slash passion struck. Please support those who support the show and make it free for listeners, advertiser deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at passionstruck.com back to the passion

Starting point is 00:12:20 struck podcast. So now that we've covered what fubbing is and how smartphones are impacting our human-human connection, I wanna introduce a smartphone addiction quiz to help you see if you are actually addicted to your smartphone. Did you realize that the average user of a smartphone touches their phone 2,617 times a day? You heard that right, 2,617 times.

Starting point is 00:12:47 Acquading to over three hours on their phone daily. So you may be wondering, are you a master of your smartphone, or is it mastering you? I'm going to go through 10 statements and I want you to answer them as honestly as possible. When you receive a new message alert, your natural inclination is to check your phone immediately. You keep your smartphone by your side at all times. You communicate with your friends or family members using your device, even if you are in the same place, such as a home, restaurant, bar, movie theater. You have an urge to check your device constantly. You bring your smartphone to meals with you and often place it on the table in front of you.

Starting point is 00:13:27 You take your smartphone with you into the bathroom or locker room. You have an impulse to respond to messages you receive while you're driving. On occasions like concerts, weddings, or other events, you constantly want to be on your phone instead of enjoying the moment. You check your phone while doing mundane tasks

Starting point is 00:13:43 or the second that you are alone. You feel anxious when you can't get to your phone or find it. So now, grade yourself. How many out of those 10 did you score? The higher the score, the more addicted you are to your phone. One of the telltale signs of any addiction is maintaining obsessive behavior, even when that behavior causes severe negative consequences. Research has revealed that people who overuse smartphones experience psychological and physiological health issues including depression, anxiety, sleep problems, conflicts and relationships, increased obesity, and subpar work or academic performance. So how do you break free from this addiction

Starting point is 00:14:25 and focus more on human to human connection? I believe the journey ahead is one where interaction is not done without technology, but is learning how to live and better harmony with it. Smartphones are helpful, and when used correctly, have their purpose. Right now, you're probably listening to this podcast on your smartphone.

Starting point is 00:14:44 But as I have discussed throughout this episode, they also have the potential to negatively impact your life and human connection. So how do you maintain smartphone usage in alignment with the life that you want to foster and the relationships that you would like to build? Here is a list of five different ways that I have used and have also learned from others. The first is no smartphone occasions. An initial step could include setting aside what I call no technology occasions. These are times of gatherings such as a meal, time spent in a car, family gatherings, or

Starting point is 00:15:17 having coffee with a friend, make these device free, and set aside for dialogue and connection. Second, set aside one day a week. This is by far the most common approach I have used and seen others employ who have taken intentional steps to constrain their smartphone usage habit. Select one day a week, usually a weekend, and leave your phone on the charger. That's it. Make a habit of it. Third, don't charge your phone where you sleep. One of the most common pieces of advice that I hear from sleep experts who've been on this show is that if you want better sleep, don't charge your phone in your room. Want to get your kids off their smartphones? Don't allow them to charge their phones in their

Starting point is 00:15:57 rooms, either. Many of the adverse effects of overuse, such as insufficient sleep, hindered connection, and intimacy, can be stopped by placing your phone outside of your bedroom. This is something that I do and it's made a huge difference. Fourth, employ a screen fast. Just like intermittent fasting, taking a screen fast is an effective way to alter your habits. How long you decide to ultimately screen fast depends entirely on your frequency of use.

Starting point is 00:16:26 I started mine with this 16 hour fast to mirror the typical fasting that I do as part of my health and wellness routine. This might not be practical if you have to work, but the idea here is to achieve as much of a witness as possible. Fifth, create rules around your daily use. If you're unable to do the screen fast, another trick that I have used that is less stringent is to distance yourself from your phone daily. What has worked for me is to try to not use my phone when I first start my day or after my workday is complete. This

Starting point is 00:16:57 means putting your phone in a place that is out of eyesight, like putting it in a box during mail time. The simple premise here is that if you permit your phone to be with you and all that you do, you will be drawn to it. However, if you can't physically get to it, you will not use it. Brian Solis, a best-selling author, and expert in digital anthropology said, breaking away from digital addiction requires recognizing what truly matters to you, your passions, your relationships, your creative self. When you engage with your family and friends, and all you do is constantly reach for your phone, you miss out on the kinds of conversations where empathy is created and real intimacy blossoms,

Starting point is 00:17:39 so allow for those human moments. Except that life is not a steady feed and learned to savor the pace of conversation for empathy, community, and creativity. I hope you enjoyed the show, and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week, and especially those who came today to listen to this episode. I hope it served you well.

Starting point is 00:17:58 A link to the transcript will be in the show notes on passionstruck.com. Please go check out our YouTube channel, like I mentioned at the beginning of the episode at John Armiles. And if you would like to introduce this to someone new, a friend or family member, we have episode stutter packs, both at passionstruck.com, slash stutter packs, as well as on Spotify. And these are collections of our fans favorite episodes that we organize into convenient topics to give any new listener a great way to get acquainted to everything we do here on the show. Avertise or deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at

Starting point is 00:18:29 passionstruck.com slash deals. Please consider supporting those who support the show and make it free for our listeners. I am at John Armiles, both on Instagram and Twitter, and you can also find me on LinkedIn. You're about to hear a preview of the PassionStark podcast interview I did with Professor Jeremy Utley, who is one of the world's leading experts on innovation and director of executive education at Stanford's renowned Haso Platner Institute of Design, otherwise known as the D-School. And we discuss his new book, which releases next week, Ideal Flow, the only business metric that matters. And then there's one to infinity people. People who can take the thing that they come up with and they can turn it into something great.

Starting point is 00:19:12 And I fundamentally disagree with that premise. And I've said so publicly actually, because there's really two reasons I disagree. The first reason is cognitive, and the second reason is empirical. Let's put it that way. So cognitively, the reason I disagreed with the zero to one premise is that premises, there's some people who start with nothing and then they get to something. And the truth is nobody starts with nothing. Remember, we rise by lifting others. with nothing.

Starting point is 00:19:47 Remember, we rise by lifting others, so share this show with those that you love and care about. And if you found today's episode useful and you know someone who is struggling with digital addiction, please share it with someone who can use that advice that I gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. And until next time, live life Ashinstruck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles - 5 Ways You Can Break Free From Digital Addiction w/John R. Miles EP 205

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